Attack of the 100 Foot Elmyra by ??? MSTed by Seth C. Triggs (trigsc41@buffalostate.edu) Hello, folks...it's Lefty again. This time, I'm working on my first ever Tiny Toons/Power Rangers crossover. Whee. No offense is intended towards the author. It's a harmless satire, okay? Sheesh! Well, on with the show!! [Roll Season 8 theme] [Winged Microbus of Doom] PEARL: You know what, Bobo? You've inspired me...more encouragement to *really* get Mike and his little friends!! BOBO: Ah, yes...Lawgiver...so what do you want me to do? PEARL: Get out of here and start searching for fanfics, the worst of which you can find will be sent to Mike! I especially want horrible crossovers!! BOBO: Hoo hoo!! Right away! [prepares to open door] OBSERVER & PEARL: NO, BOBO!!! [yanks BOBO back] PEARL: [smacks BOBO] After we land, dimwit!! [The WMoD cruises to an unnamed planet, which contains a fanfiction shoppe.] PEARL: Now, go in and get some, Bobo!! [snickers] [commercials] [Satellite of Love] [MIKE is on the bridge behind the desk, tinkering with a strange box.] MIKE: Hello, everyone...I'm Mike Nelson, stranded on the Satellite of Love... we're building our own holodeck from this handy kit we had sent to us! CROW: I can hardly wait for it to get working!! [red MADS light flashes] TOM: Oh, great. Party poopers. [WMoD] PEARL: Ah, so nice to see you, Tommy boy...you do know that your demise is near, don't you? [SoL] TOM: [sarcastic] No, I guess I didn't. [WMoD] PEARL: Well, anyway, I'm presenting you with a little something you might like... Power Rangers and Tiny Toons, all wrapped up into one!! [SoL] TOM: Power Rangers? Cool!...er...I mean....AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! CROW: Fanboy. TOM: Shut up, Crow! [WMoD] PEARL: Bicker if you want, the fic's on the way. It's called "Attack of the 100 foot Elmyra", and I hope it goes down like a sack of gravel. Enjoy! [SoL] ALL: A 100-FOOT ELMYRA?!!! [lights and klaxon go off] ALL: WE'VE GOT PATHETIC FIC SIGN!!! [Dog Bone, 6,5,4,3,2,*] [ALL take seats] "ATTACK OF THE 100 FOOT ELMYRA: an mmpr/tiny toons crossover" MIKE: You see that? All the goodness in the world...just disappeared like that! [snaps fingers] ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((!)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) CROW: [booming] IN PARENTHISES SOUND!!! TOM: Ow!! DISCLAIMER: "Tiny Toon Adventures" is owned by the great and holy Stephen Spielberg and MMPR is owned by the omniponet Saban, CROW: *Omnipotent*? TOM: Yeah. Saban can turn gold into coal. but this is a comedy (i hope) MIKE: Well, he/she meant well, I guess. and is being done not for profit. Of course, if this story isn't funny, I will disavow all knowledge of it and blame it on my guinea pig! CROW: [young kid's voice] It's *your* fault, Herbie!! Of course, this takes place right after "White Light" so Jason, Zach, and Trini are still on the team. Now, on to the show!!!!!: ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((!)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) TOM: What do you think that is? [Angel Grove, Early Morning] Tommy Oliver rubbed his eyes and groaned as he shambled into the autumn sunlight. CROW: [Tommy] Man! This is the worst hangover I've had since 10th grade! He gripped his battered backpack. It was done in olive green camoflauge and was definately on its last legs. MIKE: It would have to be destroyed. TOM: That's kinda dark, Mike...you're stealing my schtick. MIKE: Sorry. He knew he'd need a new one before the school year progressed any farther. "TOMMY!" Kim squealed CROW: So Kim is a pig. MIKE: [Tommy] You squealed on me, you dirty rat! when she saw her boyfriend in the park. The perky Pink Ranger ran to Tommy and threw herself into his arms. TOM: Neat!! Hollow arms!! However, Tommy was too tired to hold her slight weight and Kim fell from his arms. "Tommy, are you OK?" Kim picked herself up and looked at him. CROW: [motherly voice] You're not using drugs are you? "Yeah, I'm just tired. I had to babysit my cousins last night. The little babies aren't too bad. Infact, they're adorable, but their older sister, is a nightmare. A real spoiled brat." Tommy growled. MIKE: [Tommy] Kinda like Marrissa. TOM: [Marrissa, harshly] What was that, infidel? "I'm sorry." Kim hugged Tommy's waist. CROW: Man!! She must be two feet tall! "It wouldn't have been so bad, but Lovette, the older girl, she's four, had a copy of "How I Spent My Summer Vacation," on tape and that's all she wanted to watch until her bedtime. An entire evening spent watching "Tiny Toons"!" Tommy wailed. TOM: I suddenly havea great sense of foreboding. "I thought you liked watching "Tiny Toons," Tommy." Kim said with a sly grin. "Yeah, once in a while cuz Buster and Babs are cool, but not six hours of it! That Elmyra drove me nuts!" MIKE: Hint hint. CROW: Looks like Tommy-boy's talking like Oscar now. Tommy cried. "I'm gonna hug you and love you and SQUEEZE you all to widdie bittie pieces!!" Tommy mimicked. "Scary!" Kim shivered. "You poor thing!" She cooed. "Do you want me to make you feel better..." She leered softly. TOM: Uh-oh... Tommy grinned as Kim lead him into the bushes. ALL: AAAARARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!! MIKE: Must...control...Fist of Death!! [On The Moon, Same Time] Zedd glowered as he watched the teens in the park. CROW: [Zedd] Man!!! This is better than Hustler!! MIKE: CROW!! "FINISTER!" He roared. "Yes, my Lord?" Finister asked timidly. CROW: [Finister, ala preppy] Oh, Dad...I passed the bar this afternoon!!! "What is this Elmyra?" He demanded. "A cartoon character that is so sickly sweet and abusive that the Rangers can not stand her. TOM: Kinda like the Olsen twins. Also, she has tremdous strength to squeeze the life out of her animals." Finister answered. "Hmm..." Zedd grumbled. He pointed his staff toward the Earth. CROW: Oooh...kinky. MIKE: Crow... "Let's see how those Rangers handle a one hundred foot Elmyra! Ha- ha-ha-ha-ha!" ALL: [Zedd] YOU'RE STUCK HERE!! [Acme Acres, Same Time] "Run, Babs!" Buster Bunny yelled to his companion, Babs Bunny (*"No Relation!"*) "Elmyra is right behind us!" "I know, Buster." Babs panted. "Come back, bunny-wonnies!" Elmyra cried. "I have soo much love to give!" ALL: [shudder] CROW: Maybe it's just what we've seen in the past, but this story seems *so* much like a lemon!! "I'd rather get a rash!" Buster snapped. ALL: EEWWWWW! Just then, a colorful portal appeared before the toons. The pull of the portal sucked in Buster, Babs, and Elmyra. TOM: So...they've done a crossover with Ninja Turtles? "WHOA!" Buster and Babs cried out as they tumbled through the tunnel between demensions. "Ewooo! Look at all the pretty colors!" Elmyra cooed. MIKE: [Elmyra] Ooooh...I am SO baked!! [Angel Grove Park] Tommy and Kim strolled through the park, Tommy's face contorted into a silly grin. CROW: [Tommy] DUDE!! I scored!!! TOM: Crow, you're not helping with the imagery. Suddenly, the portal appeared and spit out the toons. Elmyra was sucked up to the moon while Buster and Babs rolled along the ground. MIKE: [singing] Rollin' rollin' rollin... ALL: RAWHIDE!! CROW: [whip-crack] The two toon rabbits slammed into the Pink and White Rangers. "STRIKE!" Buster yelled. TOM: [Leslie Neilsen] It was a BALL! Babs stood up, then spun around, reappearing in a Freddy Kruger outfit. "What a rush." MIKE: BOO! A stolen cliché! She rasped in a Freddy Kruger like voice. Then, she spun back into her "normal" self. TOM: Or an incredible simulation. "Oh man..." Tommy groaned, rubbing his head. "What......" His voice trailed off when he saw the rabbits. "Oh, man..." CROW: [Tommy] Must have had some of that bad LSD!! "I'm Buster Bunny!" Buster stuck out his hand. "And, I'm Babs Bunny!" Babs added. "No relation!" They said together. "I'm dreamin'." Tommy whispered, then pinched himself. "Ow! Guess I'm not!" MIKE: [Tommy] I've gotta stop eating mushrooms! "Um," Kimberly bit her lower lip. "What are you two, uh, guys doin' here?" "Dunno." Buster answered for the pair. "One minute we are running from Elmyra in Acme Acres and the next, BOOM! We were here. Where is here?" TOM: Obviously a place where proper tense does not exist. Babs spun around again, this time appearing as Dorothy with a stuffed Toto. "We're not in Acme Acres anymore." CROW: [Babs] Looks like...Toledo. "No duh, Babsy." Buster muttered. Tommy ignored the rabbits. "Um, Zordon, we're comin' to the Command Center with some, uh, friends. CROW: [Tommy] Nudge, nudge...wink, wink. It's important." -ALPHA AND I HAVE BEEN MONITORING THE DEVELOPMENTS. Zordon answered. WE ARE READY FOR YOU AND YOUR....GUESTS. MIKE: [Zordon] But I haven't a thing to wear...wait a minute... "Buster, Babs," Tommy spoke up. "Stand close to me." Tommy ordered. The toons gathered around the White Ranger. "I'll call the others, then meet you there." Kim said. She stood on tip toes and kissed Tommy's chin. ALL: ARRRRGGHHHH!! TOM: The writer is using this Tommy/Kim romance like a 50-ton hammer! CROW: At this rate, they'll be doing heavy-duty snogging by part 5. Buster gagged, MIKE: We feel your pain, Buster. CROW: This story is like a *sub*lemon. but Babs smacked him on the back of the head. The blue bunny scowled at his friend. TOM: [Buster] You LIKE cheap making-out scenes? As soon as the trio had vanished in a flash of White Light, Kim pressed on her communicator. "Um, Jason, this is Kimberly. Get Trini and the guys and go to the Command Center." MIKE: [Fred] Let's split up, gang! "*What's wrong, Kim?*" Jason's voiced boomed over the tiny watch. "You wouldn't believe me if I told ya." Kim answered, then signed off. CROW: [Kim] I had an alien's baby! [The Moon] The moon was in turmoil. A high pitched squeal was heard over the enraged roar of Lord Zedd. TOM: [Zedd] Hey!! Leave my piggies alone! "Eww!! An icky red buggy wuggy metal face man head!" Elmyra cooed and poked at Lord Zedd's face. MIKE: Elmyra...pot, kettle, black. "Get off me you cretin!" Zedd ordered. "GOLDAR!" The gold space monkey stormed into the room. Elmyra turned and jumped up and down on Zedd's lap, CROW: [Zedd] Actually, you can hang around a little longer... MIKE: CROW!!! CROW: What? slamming her small feet into his metal shod groin. The Lord of Evil groaned with the pain. TOM: It was only a matter of time... "Eww!! Cute, gold monkey face head!" She ran to Goldar and grabbed his tail. "PU! Monkey baby face head needs a bath!" MIKE: She's got a point. CROW: Detecting BO is a universal science! She skipped off, dragging Goldar behind her. The space monkey bounced with each of Elmyra's gravity aided leaps. MIKE: Okaaayyy... Zedd shook his head in disgust, then he bellowed: "FINISTER!" TOM: [preppy] Yes, father? "Yes, Lord Zedd?" Finister shuffled into the throne room. "Is that special growth potion ready yet?" CROW: [Zedd] The ladies don't think I'm adequate. "It is, my Lord." Finister held up a vial of bubbling, yellow liquid. "Now we have to get that idiot of a girl to drink it." Zedd eyed the potion. The foul smell was burning even his tough nose. MIKE: [Zedd] Damn!! I'm from New Jersey and this thing still smells bad! "Hm... What would a girl like that Elmyra like...Ah- ha! Finister, put that potion in a cat shaped cake, loaded with chocolate and sugar." Zedd ordered. TOM: So Elmyra is like Oscar. MIKE: Tom, don't make me hurt you. "Then what, My Lord?" Finister asked as he whipped up the cat. "Then give it to me, you onion domed nit whit!" Zedd roared. He snatched the cake as soon as it was done. Then, he followed Elmyra's shrill laughter towards Goldar's room. CROW: [goofy voice] They're on a collision course with wackiness!!! Inside, Goldar was being bathed with sudsy water in a small tub. His dark fur was tied up in pink bows and Elmyra had a frilly dress laid out for him to wear. ALL: [gag, retch, etc.] MIKE: We'd better make another pair of Imagery Protection Units. "This is the way we wash our pets cuz they are dirty, filthy and disgusting!" Elmyra sang off key. Goldar howled in dismay as Elmyra pulled him out of the tub and forced the dress onto his large frame. "There, don't we look all cutesy wootise in our bestest party dress?" TOM: I liken this scene to part of the autobiography of J. Edgar Hoover. "Hello, Elmyra." Zedd spoke in his quietest, calmest voice. He held out the cake. "Hello Mr. Red Buggy Face Metal Head!" Elmyra skipped over to the monster. "Ooo, what a pretty kitty witty cake! Is that for me?" CROW: No...it's for a special herm--[MIKE grabs his beak] MIKE: NO!! "Yes, it's for your tea party with Goldar, er, Baby Monkey Face Head." Zedd answered, then gave the toon girl the cake. With a satisfied smirk on his face, Zedd spun around and left the room. TOM: [Zedd] I'm Lord of the Dance!! Goldar's wails for pity were ignored. ALL: AWWWWW!! [The Command Center] "I don't get, Mr. Zordon." Buster Bunny scratched his head. MIKE: [Buster] I wonder what it is that I don't get. "What would Lord Zedd want with Elmyra?" FROM THE, ER, CARTOONS I WAS ABLE TO VIEW, IT BECAME APPARENT THAT ELMYRA HAS AN EXTERORDINARY AMOUNT OF STRENGTH FOR A SMALL GIRL. I FEEL THAT LORD ZEDD MAY GROW ELMYRA TO GIANT PROPORTIONS AND USE HER TO DESTORY THE POWER RANGERS. CROW: [Zordon] 'Course, I just read the script ahead of time... "Use Elmyra? A giant Elmyra?" Buster gasped. "That's a scary thought." TOM: Just like a Power Rangers lemon. CROW: Or Ross Perot doing a table dance. TOM: Or... MIKE: [with arms around waist] Enough, guys...I may be sick. Before Babs could make a retort, the alarms blared out a warning. "What is that?" Babs and Buster huddled together. "Ai yi yi yi yi yi!" ALL: ARRRRGGHHHHH!! CROW: We'll never be able to hear that without pain, will we? TOM: 'Fraid not, buddy. Alpha threw up his hands. MIKE: Then they fell down on the Power Rangers, knocking them out, the end. "Look!" He pointed to the Viewing Globe. "*Eww! A cute building!*" The one hundred foot Elmyra hugged Angel Grove First National. The building shattered into millions of pieces. TOM: Okay...this was *cute*, but now Elmyra's out of character!! She's into *animals*, for goodness sakes!! MIKE: TOM!! TOM: Actually, I could have phrased that a little better. "How gross!" Babs gagged. "Lord Zedd has gone too far this time !" Jason Scott, the Red Ranger, snapped. The other Rangers voiced simular thoughts. MIKE: [Rangers] The *author* has gone too far!! "Chill, guys." Tommy said. "Zordon, I'm going to try to take that thing down with Tiger Zord. I need Buster and Babs with me. They know Elmyra well." "Radical!" Buster yelled and jumped up. CROW: [Babs] Squareroot of 3! Babs spun around into a pink spandex suit. "I'm ready to go!" She announced. "IT'S MORPHIN TIME! TIGER ZORD!" ALL: THUNDERCATS...HOOOOO!!! [Downtown Angel Grove] MIKE: ...which sorta looks like Los Angeles, but hey, who's checking? Tommy and the toons raced to the park, where Elmyra was tormenting Bulk and Skull. TOM: Well...it's not *all* bad, I guess. "Help!" Bulk wailed. "I don't wanna be a baby doll!" Skull cried. The bullies of Angel Grove were dressed in pink dresses and had large, floppy ribbons tied into their hair. CROW: Ohhh...BAD mental image there... Elmyra was forcing them into a demented tea party with Goldar. "Bad baby doll head!" Elmyra scolded when Skull spilled his "tea." "Elmyra spankie!" She lifted Skull up and lightly patted his bottom. MIKE: AARRRGGGHHH!! [slumps in seat] TOM: You know, this fic can be used to induce vomiting. Then, she laughed and said: "Mommy Elmyra has to change your diaper now!" ALL: *DIAPER*?!! NOOOOOOO!!!! "Put him down, Elmyra!" Tommy ordered from the Tiger Zord. CROW: [Elmyra] Okay!! He's big, dumb and smells like dukee!! [ba-doom crash] Thank you!! "Eww!! A cute kitty witty for me to play with and love and do experients on!" Elmyra put Skull, freshly diapered, into his seat, TOM: Noooo!!! Please, kill me now!!! I can't take any more!! The PAIN!!! then went after the Tiger Zord. She caught it up in a crushing bear hug. The toon girl swung the Zord around. Sparks and smoke bellowed from the hapless Tiger Zord. MIKE: [Rangers] Tommy, Kim...what did we tell you about making out in the Zord?...urp...[slumps in seat again] CROW: Mike, you're just not cut out for those jokes. Leave it to the expert. "She canna take much more of this, Tommy!" Babs yelled out in a Scottish accent. "Abandon Zord!" Tommy yelled. He grabbed the toon rabbits and jumped out of the Zord moments before it vanished to its hiding place. TOM: We don't want to know what *that* could mean. CROW: ... MIKE: Don't even THINK about it, Crow. "WAAAAH!" Elmyra cried. "Widdle Kitty Witty go bye bye!" Large tear drops fell to the ground with the force of bombs. TOM: This literally *screams* a scene from _Honey, I Shrunk the Kids_. "Yikes!" Babs jumped into Tommy's arms. She blushed, then looked behind him. "Do you know you have cute buns?" She asked. Tommy's shocked experession was visible despite his helmet. CROW: [Kim] Hmmm...maybe you should have gotten shocked when we were in the bushes! MIKE & TOM: CROW, NO!!! "Rope it in, Babs." Buster told his friend. "We have to stop Elmyra from crying or she'll flood your city!" "But how?" Tommy frowned. Just then his communicator chimed, scarying Babs. TOM: Therefore, Babs was transported to the wonderful land of Busytown, and lived with Lowly Worm. "WHOA!" Babs climbed down Tommy's suit. ALL: ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!! CROW: Oh, the HUMANITY!! "I'm here, Zordon." Tommy said. *WE ARE SENDING YOU A SPECIAL WEAPON TO SHRINK ELMYRA BACK DOWN TO SIZE.* CROW: [Tommy] Thanks, but I've already got one, heh, heh. MIKE: Why do I have a feeling that I should yell at you about that? "Great." Tommy signed off, then pulled Babs out of his costume. TOM: This is just too close to being a lemon. It's like borderline fluff. He gently placed her next to Buster. It was at that time that a large, blue capsule appeared in the park. Tommy strained to pick it up, but he couldn't. MIKE: [Tommy] Damn hernia!! "Jase, I'm gonna need your help on this one!" CROW: [Space Ghost] Find Jan and Blip and get over here now!! "*On my way!*" The Red Dragon ThunderZord landed in the park, already in Warrior Mode. The massive machine was able to heft the pill up. TOM: [Announcer] From the gelatin encasing this pill...to the steel in the Zord...yes...the future belongs to 3M! "Jase, I'm comin' up!" Tommy spoke into his communicator. He tucked a bunny under each arm and jumped up into the cock pit. MIKE: [watches CROW] "Welcome aboard, bro." Jason smiled. "Now, Billy said that we have to get that big girl to take this pill. It'll shrink her back to normal and then teleport all the toons to their demension." Jason said. CROW: So it's an improbable contrivance pill? TOM: Either that or the author was running out of space on his/her webpage. "Elmyra, open up!" Tommy called over the intercom. The Red Dragon Zord held out the pill. "No. Mommy always gives me chocolate ice cream when I have to take icky wicky medicine!" Elmyra pouted. MIKE: [Elmyra] Besides, kiddies...dwugs are bad for you!! "Where are we gonna get enough ice cream to cover that pill?" Tommy gasped. "Gimme that!" Buster took the mike off Tommy. "You don't know how Elmyra mind, what little there is, works." Buster smirked. CROW: [Tommy] I admire your ability to outsmart people dumber than yourself, Buster. "Elmyra, this isn't icky wicky medicine." The blue bunny said into the mike. "It isn't?" "No, silly, it's a yummy, new chocolate with candy coating!" Buster lied. TOM: [author] You buy that? "It is? Ooo! I love yummy chocolates!" Elmyra grabbed the pill and gobbled it down. "Ooo, I don't feel so good." She groaned, then vanished. MIKE: [author] Still with me? Tommy and Jason watched as the toons grew faint. "Well, I guess this is good bye!" Buster said. "Good bye, adios, chow..." Babs said, then faded out sight. "Rope in it, Babs." Buster sighed. "Just say, Good night, Babs." "Good night, Babssss...." CROW: [Buster] Hopefully we won't have to see Tommy and Kim making out again. TOM: Let's get outta here! THE END [*,2,3,4,5,6, Dog Bone] [SoL Bridge] MIKE: Okay, guys...that was painful. But we made it. CROW: I dunno, Mike...I feel as if I'm scarred for life...suggested lemon scenes [shudder] TOM: Oh, I don't know what this author was thinking!!! [red MADs light flashes] MIKE: Oh...Pearl's calling. [hits button] [Unnamed Planet Bookstore] PEARL: Ah, Bobo...you've returned. What do you have for me? [BOBO walks over to WMoD, with a large stack of papers.] I've got it, Lawgiver...ooff!! [BOBO stumbles over bottom of door frame, spilling the fanfics all over the inside of the WMoD, and giving OBSERVER's brain a paper cut.] OBSERVER: OWWW!! Why, you stupid moronic monkey!! [hits BOBO] PEARL: Well, let's see what we have here... [PEARL pages through the pile of fanfics] PEARL: Hmmm...the NineTiger Thundercats series, the Morphing Grid series... Usagi's Usual Morning...you DOLT!!! These are all GOOD fanfics!!! You MORON!!! BOBO: Oh, forgive me, please, Lawgiver...don't hurt me!!! PEARL: Well, I'll hurt you after dinner. Till next time, Nelson! [fade to credits] mst3k created by JOEL HODGSON mst3k produced by BEST BRAINS, INC. riffs written by SETH C. TRIGGS original fanfic written by ???? Mystery Science Theater 3000 is ©1997, 1998 Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. This MSTing is a work of fiction based on another work of fiction. No infringement is implied or intended, and certainly no offense, for this is a harmless satire. Tiny Toons is a property of Warner Brothers. Power Rangers belong to Saban [shudder] All rights reserved. Keep circulating the fics 9 February 1998 > "Scary!" Kim shivered. "You poor thing!" She cooed. "Do you want me to make you feel better..." She leered softly. Tommy grinned as Kim lead him into the bushes.