A-Ko: The College Years by Michael Coughlan and Greg Thompson Part 2.3 MSTed by Seth C. Triggs (trigsc41@buffalostate.edu) Hi, everyone...well, this one is pretty bad...that's all I can say. Basically, I'm doing some clean-up riffs for the very brave Jamie Jeans, who originally started this part!! No offense should be assumed by the creators of this fic, even when they insert themselves into the story... On with the show!! [Roll Season 8 Theme] [Satellite of Love] [We open to see the bridge empty. Then, MIKE walks onscreen, wearing pajamas.] MIKE: Ah, what a beautiful morning...er..night...ehh...Oh, hi, guys! [CROW and Tom walk onscreen] CROW: Hey there, Mike!! Man, today just feels so good today!! MIKE: Yeah, I know...I've never slept so well in my life! [Commercial light flashes] MIKE: We'll be right back. [Commercials] [SoL] TOM: [Goliath] Gosh, Davey...what are we going to do today? MIKE: Oh, I don't know...maybe just relax... [red MADs light flashes] CROW: Oh, great. Here we go. [Unnamed Planet] OBSERVER: Oh, hello, Nelson...robots...Pearl had to follow the "call of nature", as those humans say, so she told me to tell you that your experiment for this day is a delightful...wait...a demented piece of rubbish called A-Ko: The College Years. It is a lemon, and rather painful, too. Enjoy!! [nods head] [SoL-Bridge] [lights and klaxon go off] ALL: WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!! [Dog Bone, 6,5,4,3,2,*] TOM: What demented thing could they throw at us this time? "This is HQ to any available units, we have mechs down at Nav ALL: NAV?! CROW: Does this mean that someone's going to get mowed down with an M-16 rifle? Gamma," Craig said, muffling his voice. He sat in the cockpit of his mech and smiled he brought his weapon systems online. MIKE: [Craig] Eat my dust, Space Invaders!! "Bravo Cadet reports four bogies on sight. Bandits are hostile. Repeat. Bandits are hostile." TOM: [Craig] The're also not very nice! A-ko snapped out of her trance and looked to see what everyone had turned to face. The large mech was heading toward the battle and rather fast. CROW: This is a lemon? MIKE: It's more like _Space Mutiny_ in realtime. Myles came to, he put on his spare glasses that he carryed with him since the gym class incident and then looked at the mech as well. TOM: There seems to be something missing. Somebody must have gotten to this fic before us. CROW: We'd better put that person on our Christmas wish list. _Here comes the cavalry,_ he thought. "HQ, this is Alpha Assault, I'm on my way," Craig said as he began his targeting sequence. "Bearing 0-2-5." His computer flashed a warning; MIKE: [computer] Downloading Windows 95...system in danger... "ETA: 34 seconds." Craig looked at his targeting computer and saw that A-ko was in definite danger. TOM: So A-ko's a space cadet, then? MIKE: This doesn't look like A-Ko: The *College* Years to me!! "Alpha Assault, this is Bravo Cadet! I've got bandits all over me! G-get down here!" CROW: That's kinda sick if you think about it. MIKE: Croww... he said, muffled. He removed his hand from his mouth TOM: And reattached it to his arm. and contiued. "Sit tight, Bravo three, I've got visual." ALL: Olly-olly-oxen free!! "Ah! My hip actuator's out. Targeting systems damaged. I'm in bad shape!" he said, muffled again. Craig's computer flashed on another warning; "Enemy detected." "There's two of 'em. He's on the rise!" MIKE: Ooh!! It's Guesstimation!! CROW: What is a thing a woman won't say about Bob Barker? MIKE: CROW! he contiued. The green mecha stood up and leaped towards Craig's mecha. "Roger! I've got 'em," he said. Craig took aim at the mecha, the computer came up with another message: "Targeting completed." Powering up his PPC's, TOM: Man! Those power PC's spread like wildfire!!! he let loose two blue-white blasts that totaled the green mecha. The blue mecha dropped A-ko and turned to fire on Craig. CROW: The chartreuse mecha, however, did a turnaround and scurried home. "It's got a lock on me! It's got a lock on me!" he yelled as a missile collided with his cockpit. Craig took aim at the mecha that fired on him and opened fire again with what power remained in his PPC's. MIKE: Does anyone know what's going on here? TOM: No. This is *really* starting to look like Space Mutiny. The blue mecha exploded into a firey heap. Craig then turned his mech toward the black mecha and opened fire with his mech's gattling machine gun. Bullets sprayed across the black mecha's armor, knocking some of its armaments off. CROW: [mecha] Hey!! I just had those polished!! After a few more minutes of firing, the computer came up with yet another warning; MIKE: [computer] Cheesy plot device ahead!! "Warning! Ammuntion level: Critical!" A few moments later, the gattling gun stopped firing, there was no more ammo. The computer flashed another warning; "Weapons depleted." Craig put his hand over his mouth again. TOM: [Craig] Oh, not more dog breath!!! "Alpha Assault, this is HQ! What is your situation?" The black mecha turned all of its weapons onto Craig's mech and then opened fire. Craig pulled the escape rod CROW: [snicker] to eject him safely from his mecha. The black mecha opened fire as Craig flew free of his mecha. The mech that he had worked so hard on exploded into fire, sending Craig into the ground hard. MIKE: This is *so* much like a 10-year old's space cadet fantasy. "Alpha Assault, this is HQ! What is your situation! Please comply!" Craig said looking up at his burning mech. "I'M DEAD, DAMMIT!" he yelled. He watched his mech for a moment longer until he realized that he had forgotten to eject what was left of his fuel core, the mech was sure to blow in...BOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!! TOM: This is the first lemon that I've ever seen with a SFX budget. The mech's explosion was fierce, sending everyone into walls and Craig into the air and flying across campus. CROW: This is on the ground, at a *college*? What the hell? MIKE: Well, it *is* an A-ko fic. * * * TOM: Cool! Orion's belt! Miss Ayumi sat back down in her chair and sighed. She was bored. She was lonely. She was bored and lonely. She needed a man... and she wanted him now. CROW: And we have...lemon!!! MIKE: Crow... TOM: ...the hell? Who's talking here? She then hiked up her skirt CROW & TOM: [singing] Hike up your skirt like us!! MIKE: Ehhh? TOM: We'll tell you later. and stuck her hand down into her panties. She spread her pubic lips and then stuck her index finger into herself. She threw her head back and moaned through her closed lips. CROW: Well, I'd think *both* of 'em would be open. MIKE: CROW!!! _Oooo!_ she thought. She then closed her eyes and continued to work herself into a sexual lather. TOM: So she can take a shower with it? A loud explosion quickly brought her back to her senses. "Probably B-ko and A-ko fighting...again..." she sighed. "Just like high school." She leaned back and continued to pleasure herself. MIKE: Ummm...shouldn't she be *working*, or *teaching*, or something? The large bay window in her office caved, and then smashed inward as a body came flying in and landed on the desk in front of her. CROW: A typical day at SuperDave Osborne High School. Miss Ayumi quickly pulled her skirt back over herself and then buttoned her blouse. She then looked at the still body lying on the desk before her and smiled. TOM: I dunno, shouldn't that body be *stiff*? MIKE: TOM!!! TOM: Mike, this fic is *asking* for that type of riff! "Craig?" she asked, standed up. She checked his pulse and looked at him. When Craig came to, he thought he was in heaven. The vision before him was certainly of an angel. Realizing who it was, his eyes went wide as he jumped back and fell off the desk. MIKE: [sarcastic] Nope. No telling where *this* is going. Nope. Miss Ayumi walked over and knelt next to him. Her violet eyes seemed to look right through him. Miss Ayumi, still caught up in the intimate moment that she had gotten herself into, grabbed Craig and seductively kissed him. CROW: [Craig] Whoa!! I'm pitchin' a tent!! "MISS AYUMI!" he shrieked, breaking her grip and stumbling back. _I'm dreaming this...that's it! That explosion knocked me unconscious and I'm dreaming... heehee..._ TOM: All of a sudden he sounds like Snarfer. Miss Ayumi walked over and grabbed Craig by his coat and pulled him up off the floor. She then shoved him to the wall and began to removed his coat, all the while kissing him. CROW: This definitely seems like a self-insertion fic. Because self- insertion makes girls fawn all over you. * * * _That other mecha did me the biggest favor! Too bad it had to be destroyed before it was taken out by the black one,_ A-ko thought, dodging another attack from the black mecha. MIKE: Did we just join another program in progress? I feel like we just took a news break. A-ko charged forward toward the mecha's ankle actuator and then leaped back as the mecha's blade sliced into the ground. As she ran from the blade, it followed her along the ground. TOM: Wow. [yawn] A-ko leaped to the right, only to be tackled by a beam from the mecha's plasma cannon. MIKE: *Tackled*? CROW: I think he meant *annihilated*. A-ko lay on the ground, dazed. The black mecha raised its blade high and came crashing down. A-ko rolled over onto her back only to see the blade barrelling down on her at full force. TOM: I have the feeling that A-Ko's going to be on her back a *lot* later on, heh, heh. MIKE: Tom... Barely a foot above her face, A-ko clasped her hands together, catching the blade before it reached her. She gritted her teeth trying to push the blade back while the thrity foot mecha used all of its strength to push the blade through her. CROW: Unfortunately, the mecha didn't eat his PowerBar this morning. A loud crack echoed through the entire campus. Stress lines began to form around the mecha's forearm. More cracking. The black mecha's forearm shattered, sending pieces of dure steel everywhere. B-ko's eyes bulged from her head. TOM: Then they fell out, bouncng to the floor. She could not beleive what had happened. A-ko threw the mecha's arm, with the blade still attached, into the air. MIKE: Heh, that thing would probably wind up crushing D! She then jumped up and caught the arm/blade in mid-air and aimed it at the black mecha as it stumbled, trying to figure out what had just happened. CROW: [mecha, whining] The fight was fixed!!! TOM: Ummm, aren't these mechas *robots*? Shouldn't it be irrelevant to the dumb robot what happened? CROW: Tom, don't you realize what you just said? TOM: D'oh!! A-ko plunged the blade into the mecha and then guided it to slice all of the way through the mecha, cutting it in half. The black mecha blew up in a furious explosion, knocking A-ko five feet into the ground and shattering windows everywhere within a four kilometer radius. MIKE: Well, at least they have the place down...Detroit. When the dust cleared, A-ko leaped out of the crater that she was in, and landed on her feet. Breathing hard and still furious, she was now ready to kill B-ko. She looked to see her, but could not. TOM: I dunno...this part's not that bad. It's like a typical A-Ko episode! "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" she screamed. "WHEN I FIND YOU, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!" CROW: Man!! A-Ko must be related to John McClaine. A-ko yelled into the air, clutching her fists at either side of herself. Then there was only silence. The wind whipped through the open area in the campus where A-ko stood among B-ko's demolished mechas, the remains of Craig's mech that had saved her tail and the unconscious bodies of spectators everywhere. MIKE: [imitates western "showdown" noise] A-ko felt a chill and looked down. "SHIT!" she yelled, covering herself. "That sword must've come closer than I thought." CROW: Looks like the authors have been watching too many Tex Avery cartoons. A-ko looked around to see that everyone around her was, in fact, unconscious. Unfortunately, B-ko and her minions were no where to be found. TOM: Shouldn't that be *fortunate*? A-ko, still covering herself, ran into the girls' dorm and made her way up the her room. Mari had left, but C-ko was standing before her with her hands on her hips, looking very ired. MIKE: Why do I have a feeling that something very wrong is about to happen? "C-ko...I..." A-ko started. "S'okay, A-ko," she interrupted, quietly. "I realize now that with B-ko around, you would never have been able to keep your promise. CROW: *Promise*? Am I missing something? TOM: Hopefully... I'm just glad you tried." A-ko dropped to her knees in front of her friend. She was shocked. _Is C-ko getting more mature?_ she thought. MIKE: Well, that would make her out-of-character, and possibly contradict the plot!! "Besides, life is like a box of chocolates..." ALL: ARRRGGGHHHHH!! CROW; Now they're doing stolen catch phrases!! _Nope._ A-ko smiled and tears began to run down her cheeks. TOM: Aww, what a touching scene! MIKE: I have a feeling that could have a different meaning in a second. "Oh, C-ko! I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, embracing her friend. C-ko grinned and then buried her friend's face into her breasts. CROW: Man!! Mike, you're a swami!! TOM: This lemon isn't very subtle, is it? A-ko then let go, rather quickly and stood up as a knock sounded from the door. _Oh, poo..._ C-ko thought, frowning. A-ko opened the door. A pert, young pink-haired girl handed A-ko a sheet of paper and then smiled. MIKE: A bad cameo!! Dyna-pink!! "See you there," "Pink" said, walking away. A-ko closed the door as she read the sheet of paper. A-ko smiled and ran into the bathroom. CROW: Must have had some of C-Ko's potato salad. The paper landed on C-ko as her wide eyes followed it. She then grabbed the paper off her head and read it. TOM: Meanwhile, smoke began to pour from her ears, and sparks went off inside her head. MIKE: Let's take a break, guys...my head is hurting too. [picks up TOM] [All leave] [commercials] [SoL Bridge] [MIKE and the BOTS are gathered around the desk.] MIKE: Okay, guys...let's try to figure out what's going on in there... so let's review the facts... CROW: Allright..we have a mecha battle, then Craig has a little fun with Ayumi, and then more mecha battle. TOM: Donb't forget C-Ko coming on to A-Ko. [shudder] MIKE: Okay...put it all together and we have...ehh...nothing. What the hell is this story about? GYPSY: Maybe we ought to call Pearl! MIKE: Well, it's worth a try. [hits red MADs light] [Unnamed Planet] PEARL: Yes, Mike...what do you want? [SoL] MIKE: Well, we're confused by today's experiment, and we were wondering if you could tell us what it's about! [Unnamed Planet] PEARL: Why? It's more fun to keep you guys guessing!! [SoL] MIKE: [thinks for a second] Ummm...but wouldn't we be able to suffer more if we knew what the authors were trying to do? [Unnamed Planet] PEARL: You've got a point!! Brain Guy...spill the beans on this fic called A-Ko: The College Years. OBSERVER: Ah, yes. "A-Ko: The College Years" is a collaboration between Michael Coughlan and Greg Thompson. The character Craig is actually created by Greg, so it is sort of self-insertion, and Myles Buchanan is styled after the character Mousse from Ranma 1/2. Myles is created by Michael Coughlan. Myles is also Irish. Well, in you go! [wiggles head] PEARL: That's *my* bit, Brain Guy!!! [smacks him] In you go!! [SoL] MIKE: Oh, I see...AAAAAHHHHHHHH!! BOTS: ARRRRGGHGHGHHHH!!! [lights and klaxon go off] MIKE: Oooohhh...back to the trenches, guys!!! [CROW and TOM crash into each other, pan over them] Ooof!! [Dog Bone, 6,5,4,3,2,*] [ALL take seats] * * * Myles walked out of the bathroom wearing his bath robe and a towel, drying his hair. TOM: Oh, here's that self-inserted character Observer told us about. Kei was leaning against the window sill looking out over the rubble of what was once five thirty foot humanoid mechas CROW: Man!! A 530-foot tall mecha? That's one HELL of a mecha!! and a bi-ped mech. He ran his fingers through his still-damp haid and sighed. He kickstarted the television TOM: Hey...[snicker]...sound familiar, Mike? MIKE: Uhhhh...no. and then plunked himself CROW: Sayyyy... MIKE: NO! on his bed. _If my bike's gonna be a satellite dish, I may as well get used to it,_ he thought. TOM: Uhhh...wha? Kei and Myles both jumped back as the door to the room was kicked in. Craig stood before them wearing only his leather trench coat, a shredded pair of blue jeans, a collar to what was his tee-shirt and a wide grin. MIKE: He's a crossover between Inspector Clouseau and Yahoo Serious!! He was breathing rather hard, but seemed to be alright. _He wasnae in that bad o' condition when I saw 'im before 'e was launched into the air,_ Myles thought. CROW: *Wasnae*?! TOM: Cue stereotypical Irish accent... "What happened to ye, lad?" he asked, putting a supporting hand on his friend's shoulder. Craig turned to his friend so suddenly that it scared Myles. MIKE: [Myles] Faith and Begora!! Craig then put his hands on his friend's shoulders and then shook him good. He smiled gratuitously and then looked his friend in the eyes. CROW: Uh-oh...slash time. MIKE: Thanks for putting that image in my head, Crow. CROW: No problem. "What is it, lad? What happened? Are ye alright?" "Oh, you have no idea how alright I am!" "Nani?" Myles and Kei asked in unison, looking at him perplexed. TOM: I think I know where this is going... "I BONED MISS AYUMI!!!" Craig boomed, excitedly. Myles and Kei looked at him for a moment and then looked at each other. Kei then looked suspiciously at Craig. MIKE: What's with all the looks!! Say something!! Myles began to laugh. "Sure, lad. And I'm the Irish Ambassador to the Earth Defense Force," he laughed. "Well, then, Mr. Ambassador, may I suggest that you shut up," Craig said, flatly. He thought his friend would be more open about such a thing. CROW: If it were up to us, there would be *nothing* in this story. TOM: What do you mean? There *is* nothing in this story! CROW: Ouch! There was a knock behind them and Craig swung around. A young man stood there, handed Craig a sheet of paper and an envelope, and left. Myles and Kei looked over Craig's shoulder as he read the paper and then opened the envelope. MIKE: [letter] Congratulations!! You've won 10 million dollars!! In it was a couple thousand yen and a small note. He read the note and then turned to face his roommates. They all grinned at each other and in unison began to yell like a battle cry... CROW: [Xena] Keiyaiyaiyaiyaiyai!!! Chapter 6d: Excuse me? What's that sound? It sounds like a cherry popping to me... MIKE: Excuse me? It sounds like an utterly wrong scene coming up!! "PAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!" the crowd yelled in unison. ALL: TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! CROW: PANTS! PANTS! PANTS! The fraternity house in which the party was being held, was crowded and booming. TOM: I didn't know they had frat houses in Japan! Wow!! Only the people from that sorority and people who had made a name for themselves on the campus were invited to these parties and they usually ended up with everyone laying the one that they most desired... MIKE: Hint hint... CROW: Looks like someone's going to score with A-Ko. *usually*. Everyone at the party knew that...with the exception of the only freshman invited to the party. However, it does not always work out as nicely as some would have planned it, especially with who was doing the bartending. TOM: Oh, they're at the Regal Beagle! Craig stood behind the counter that housed the frat house's booze stash and the main stereo unit. The speakers for the system were wired all over the house. Beside him was Myles. MIKE: And the Man with the Yellow Hat, and Totoro, and Tatoo. They were chosen to do the bartending and the disc jockeying because they were the only ones who could still do the job right even after they had more than a few drinks themselves. CROW: Plus...free samples! A-ko walked into the frat house and looked around. She was the only freshman there. That was because she was the only freshman to have made a name for herself on campus...that day even. TOM: Only a matter of time now! That and some of the sorority members wanted her...badly. MIKE: Okay, now this is getting kinky. CROW: That's *my* bit!! Unfortunately for them, they did not know that they were not to go within ten feet of her with Myles around. TOM: What? Did we miss something? MIKE: Yeah. Over half of the story. TOM: Thank goodness. All eyes were on A-ko as she stepped into the house. CROW: [singing] She's your quueeeeeennn too beeeeeee... A-ko was wearing her new tight black, low/high-cut dress that she had just bought that day. Myles' jaw dropped through the counter. MIKE: Shattering into bits on the cold subfloor. Craig lowered his sunglasses and gawked at the sight of the red-head. Myles slugged his friend in the stomach. TOM: [Myles] Only *I* get to leer at A-Ko!! Craig glared at Myles and then bowed before him. "Gomen. Now I understand why you're so obsessed over her," Craig said, bringing himself back up. Craig reached into his duffle bag full of compact discs and produced the first album of the night. CROW: The Ha-So Stratosphere Boogie, from "Sky Divers". It was a twentieth century hevy metal group call AC/DC. The song was "For Those About to Rock...(We Salute You!)". With that, the party was well under way and just about everyone in the house came over to the bar, ordering drinks and beer. Myles and Craig set them up properly. MIKE: Yeah, usually they would wind up pouring the drinks in people's ears. A-ko sat down on a couch. A-ko was happy to be there, but she still felt bad that C-ko did not want to come. CROW: Isn't *that* ironic!! MIKE: CROW!! _Oh well,_ she thought. _At least now, I'll be able to meet boys without her scaring them off._ She smiled and looked up to see Kei chatting with some young blond girl. TOM: [Kei] I'm an organ donor. You need anything? MIKE: Tom... _My, he's certainly become more talkative since high school. No! I'm over him! There are plenty of boys here that I would like to get to know better._ MIKE: She's as good as in bed with him. TOM: And you say we're bad. A-ko stood up and decided to get something to drink. She walked up the counter. Myles turned to her and then fell backwards onto the floor. CROW: Suffering irreparable brain damage, and becoming a vegetable for the rest of his life. TOM: [Darth Vader] I see you have joined the Dark Side. Craig looked down at him, quickly changed CD's and pressed play. He then stood up and leaned his friend up against a wall. He then turned to A-ko, who was only standing there blinking. MIKE: Oh, no!! she's got Pocket Monster Illness! "HEY!" he boomed. "You rrook MA-velous!" A-ko blushed. "What can I get for you?" TOM: [A-Ko] I may be sick... "Um, well," she said, nervously. "First time drinking, huh?" A-ko blushed again. "Tell ya what. Go ahead and sit down, I'll make you a specialty," CROW: [Craig] It's called a tossed salad, and... MIKE & TOM: CROW!!! Craig said, winking at her. A-ko smiled and nodded and then turned to sit back down. Craig turned to Myles and smacked him across the face. TOM: [Craig] What now, b*tch!! MIKE: Uhh, Tom? Nothing. He smacked him again and again. "[KNOCK IT OFF!]" Myles yelled. "Shut up. You want me to set her straight, or no?" "HAI!" "Okay then, gimme some fruit punch and a *drop* of Bacardi rum. This is her first time drinking, so I want it to be a good experience for her." CROW: [Craig] IfyaknowwhatImean!! Myles turned around and then turned around again, this time holding a glass filled with red liquid. Craig took it from him and set it on the counter. He leaped over the counter, grabbed the drink and walked over to A-ko. MIKE: [Craig] Hey, baby...I love every bone in your body, especially mine-- Damn!! CROW: [giggle] "Here you go," he said, handing the drink to A-ko. She accepted the drink with a smile and then sniffed it. "Smells good, what is it?" she asked. TOM: [Craig] Oh, but a mild sedative to get you in bed with u--Damn! "I call it a 'beginner's specialty'. It's more or less a light drink," he replied, he then gestured toward the couch. "Mind if I have a seat?" MIKE: [A-ko] No, as long as it's over there. "Sure," she said. A-ko then took a sip of the drink. "Hm, fruity." Craig smiled. "That's what they all say about me..." A-ko laughed. CROW: [A-ko] I knew it all the time! "Um, listen, there's something I need to tell you. It's about..." A-ko looked at Craig and then blushed. TOM: [A-ko] You want to sleep with me, don't you!! "Oh, Craig. I...uh...I didn't know you felt that way about me...I..." she started. Craig shook his head violently and began to laugh. A-ko jumped back at his sudden boom of laughter. MIKE: [A-ko] I know I'm good-looking, but I certainly can't cause loss of bodily functions, can I? "Hee hee...No, you don't understand...Although, I wouldn't mind going out with you if it weren't for someone else." "Who?" "Well, that's...uh...I mean...I...that is...to say..." "OY! HOW 'BOUT SOME MUSIC!" a couple young men shouted. CROW: Why'd they have to interrrupt!! It was getting good!! TOM: This interruption is done for the purpose of the story, isn't it? It's so shallow!!! "Shit! I forgot to change the CD's again. I'll be right back." Craig leapt over the counter and switched CD's again. This time it was Priss and the Replicants singing "Rock Me". MIKE: Man!! This fic is so dated!! The future is like the 80's! Myles gave Craig a quick glance. "She thought I liked her..." Myles was about ready to kill him. CROW: [Myles] What's with you, man?! This is a *self-insertion* lemon! "But, I set her straight on that...I'm still working on the other...hand on...when this song plays out, put this one in." Craig handed Myles the disc and then swung himself back over the counter again. TOM: I wish I could kill these guys right now. In fact, I wish everyone in this story would die! MIKE: Tom, calm down, you're scaring me! CROW: This is the longest setup to a lemon scene I've ever seen!! "Okay," he said, plunking himself next to A-ko. CROW: [A-ko] Ewwww!!! You'll get goo all over me!! MIKE: CROW!! STOP THAT! Craig stared for a moment at her as the sudden movement he had made on the couch made A-ko's breast bounce. TOM: Boinge...boinge...boinge... MIKE: I detect a bit of fetishism on the part of the authors... "I...uh...I wanted to talk to you about something you had said earlier. About..." A-ko smiled sweetly at Craig. _Shit, this is going to be hard... CROW: Isn't *that* ironic!! MIKE: Crow... Fuck it! I can't do it!_ he thought. Craig swallowed hard. TOM: I didn't know he went *that* way!! MIKE: TOM!!! TOM: Lighten up, Mike! Are you going to yell at us or riff the fic? "You...uh...had...it..." Craig could not got through with it. He was more nervouse than he had reason to be. He knew why though. If she did not feel the same way as Myles did, he would not want to be the one to tell him. CROW: Uhhh...wha? "Um...well...Why were you so bent over the tee-shirt I wore earlier today?" A-ko dropped her drink. Before it hit the ground, Craig grabbed the glass and handed it back to A-ko, very little liquid was spilled. MIKE: Ummm...did the ozone layer just give out? What's happening here? "Wha...huh?...Nani?...ah... um..." Craig hung his head. _Oh, good fucking come-back, you dick,_ he thought. TOM: Man!! This guy is manic-depressive-self-abusive!! "Why do you want to know?" she asked. "Well, uh, you seemed pretty irate about it at the time, I thought that I might have offended you somehow." CROW: Well, champ, you're offfending us with your personality and foul mouth, so maybe you get the point. MIKE: You're sure one to talk. "It was nothing. I...uh...had a bad...um...experience in my childhood that I associate with Superman," she lied. TOM: [A-ko] Lois Lane kept scooping my dad on his stories, so bitterness kinda runs in the family. "Sher," Craig said, suspiciously. "Well, listen, enjoy the party. If there's anyone here you want to talk to or something you'd like to do, let me know. I'll keep you set on the drinks, CROW: *Set* being the operative word... TOM: What does that mean? CROW: Guess. there's really no alcohol in that. I want your first frat party experience to be a good one." MIKE: [Craig] For *me*, that is. "Arigato," A-ko said, smiling sweetly at Craig as he stood up and walked away. He felt like a cad to have lied to her and to have had her drudge up some memory that she probably would have rather have forgotten. To top it off, he was supposed to be helping Myles and her get together, but could not bring himself to do it. TOM: [Craig] I think I cant...I think I can't... What was worse, is that he was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, he was starting to fall for her as well... CROW: [Craig] Hey, I'm a self-inserted character, right? Myles was standing behind the counter, keeping an eye on Craig and A-ko. He finished talking and then walked back toward the counter. "Well?" Myles asked, frantically. "We were interrupted." TOM: [Craig] Or b) I chickened out and wet 'em. "What're you talking about? I changed the CD like you asked." With that, the song ended and Craig leapt back over the counter. He began to rummage through the CD's in his duffel bag. MIKE: [Craig] Let's see...Rumpshaker...that ought to do it... "Ye *are* gonna tell her tonight, aren't ye?" "No," Craig said, flatly. "There's too much of a crowd here. Way too many distractions." CROW: [Craig] Too many other people trying to score here! "What's the matter?" Myles asked, knowing that something was up. "Nothing, now hand me that Survivor CD over there." Myles complied. "If you're really that hot to trot for her, why don't you just tell her yourself?" TOM: [Myles] Yeah, but what's the point? That would make sense!! "..." Myles leaned back and thought. MIKE: Smoke began to pour from his ears. * * * CROW: Twinkle, twinkle, little stars... It was about two thirty in the morning. A-ko had already spoken to quite a few young men. All of which were drunk and trying to get into her pants...that is, if she were wearing any. TOM: Oh, gee...he turned a good phrase, and then wrecked it!! Towards the last few she spoke to however, she found that she did not mind their forward advances much, she was a little more than tipsy by that point. MIKE: Hence the title of this chapter shall come to pass... A-ko crossed her legs as a shadow fell over her. She turned to see who it was. Kei stood there looking at her, drunker than an Irishman on Saint Patrick's Day. ALL: HEY!! CROW: Man...this fic is offensive on so many levels now! _Shhhheee... kkooooo..._ he thought, as the view of A-ko was replaced by an image of C-ko wearing the identical outfit that A-ko wore, filling it out the same way that A-ko did. ALL: C-KO?!!! ARRRRGGHHHHGHGHH!!! TOM: Have they no shame? Behind the counter, Myles was too busy to notice and could no longer keep an eye on his love. "At earthly or happy is the rose distilled, then that which withering on the virgin thorn, grows, lives and dies in single blessedness," he said, poetically. ALL: Huh-ZAH!! A-ko looked at him, wide eyed. MIKE: She can't help it. She's an anime character. "These weaklings, such a borish lot, truely. They fought for the privelege of you company. If they could manage, that is. What fools these mortals be." CROW: [Kei] What baseball through yonder window breaks...*hic*! "Kei-kun, don't do this to me. I-I've finally gotten over you," she said as she got up to leave. Kei blocked her before she could walk away. TOM: Okay...this is starting to get wrong now... "Oh! Tho she be but little, she is fierce!" he said. A-ko felt a stirring between her legs. MIKE: [A-ko] Hmmm...looks like my Kool-aid is ready!! CROW: Mike, that was *really* bad. MIKE: Well, in your words, bite me. "Whilt thou care to dance, my goddess?" "Kei, please..." she started. CROW: Man!! This is the longest lemon in *history*!!! This thing is in *realtime*!! "I love you like no other. I would date with you!" With that, as if on cue, the music changed to a slow song. It was the Righteous Brothers singing "Unchained Melody". Kei stuck his hand out and A-ko accepted. He led her to the area deemed the dance floor. TOM: 10 RAM chips says Kei does the deed. CROW: You're on!! _Uh oh!_ Craig thought as he caught a glimpse of A-ko and Kei embracing and swaying gently to the sound of the music. He quickly turned to Myles who was chatting with another red-haired girl, who Craig could have sworn he heard him call Kei. MIKE: the hell? What was that last sentence about? TOM: I guess the redhead's a *he*. _Hope he isn't thinking what I think he's thinking._ CROW: Which would be nothing. Back on the dance floor, Kei and A-ko, both a little too drunk to dance, stumbled and fell, A-ko on top. Their eyes met and A-ko leaned down and kissed Kei on the lips. They embraced, holding each other there for a good moment. A-ko and Kei helped each other up. Kei took A-ko's hand and kissed it. TOM: Ah, another bet in the bag!! CROW: Why do I always pick the losing side? "For it so falls out, that what we have, we prize not the worth whilst we enjoy it. But being lacked and lost, why then we rack the value, then we find the virtue that possession would not show us whilst it was ours," he said to her. MIKE: Man!! Kei turned into Raul Julia just like that!! A brown-haired girl around the corner overheard the conversation and swung around. "Kuno?" Nabiki said, out loud. TOM: I guess that's supposed to be another cameo from Ranma 1/2. "I love you, I would date with you." A-ko felt weak in the knees. Kei pulled on A-ko's arm, gently. She followed him up the stairs of the frat house to the bedrooms that were reserved for such occasions. CROW: We're not gonna want to see this, are we, Mike? MIKE: Uhhh...no. [Everyone closes their eyes] [A few minutes pass] MIKE: Hey, guys...I think it's over. CROW: Boy...hey, I peeked. It was kinda fun. MIKE: Crow... He slumped down and gathered A-ko into his arms, TOM: The hollow arms make a glorious return!!! kissing her again. She looked at him drowsily. He laid her back on the bed and she quickly fell asleep. Kei laid down next to her and slid his arms around her. "My love...my daisy-haired goddess...C...ko..." ALL: C-KO???!!! MIKE: [horrified] He thought he bedded C-Ko?!! TOM: ARRRGGGHHH!! Let me outta here!!! he muttered and then drifted off to sleep. CROW: [gasp] That's it!! We can go now!! MIKE: Let's get the hell outta here!! [rushes out of theater] [MIKE and CROW leave, forgetting to take TOM] TOM: Hey, guys...where are you? Guys?!!! [MIKE comes back in] MIKE: Oh, sorry, Tom. [picks him up] [*,2,3,4,5,6,Dog Bone] [SoL-Bridge] MIKE: Well, after that horrible lemon, why don't we take a break then, what do ya say? CROW: Yeah. But I have to pay Tom again. I *hate* making bets with you!! This stinks!! TOM: Ah, ya just gotta know how things work, that's all!! MIKE: Okay, well, you guys take care. I'm gonna hit the hay. CROW: Well, I guess we can all just go now. Bye! TOM: Bye! [long pause] CROW: Ummm...who are we saying bye to? TOM: It's a fanfic. You should relax. [fade to credits] mst3k created by JOEL HODGSON mst3k produced by BEST BRAINS, INC. riffs written by SETH C. TRIGGS original fanfic written by MICHAEL COUGHLAN and GREG THOMPSON Mystery Science Theater 3000 is ©1997, 1998 Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. This MSTing is a work of fiction based on another work of fiction. No infringement is implied or intended, and certainly no offense, for this is a harmless satire. So, Mssrs. Coughlan and Thompson, please don't take it seriously!! (like Nightman). Have a nice day. Project A-ko is a property of some people here in the US and some in Japan. I'm not sure which, but I don't want them to sue me. :) Keep circulating the fics 15 February 1998 > "My love...my daisy-haired goddess...C...ko..."