Parents Alert WRITTEN BY: Liberty Journal Online. MSTIED BY: Jamie Jeans a.k.a. JOLT!!! MSTIED BY: Seth Triggs a.k.a. Lefty Mystery Power Theater MSTIED BY: Dr. Thinker META-MSTING BY: Jamie Jeans a.k.a. JOLT!!! META-MSTING BY: Seth Triggs a.k.a. Lefty JOLT: Man, is it ever good to be back working with Seth. There's something about our riffing styles that, when combined, always comes out great. That and the fact that whenever we team up, I find myself writing really cool host segments. It must be because I'm working with a great veteran or some other flattering fact like that. ^_^ LEFTY: Falwell... what a card! As for Dr. Thinker, well he is getting better. And, as usual, it is wonderful working with Jamie. LEGAL STUFF: All the characters and concepts of Mystery Science Theater 3000 belongs to the talented people who created them. Please don't sue us for we are merely borrowing your characters and not making any claim on them. The following fanfics MSTied belong to the people who made them. And that Falwell guy can certainly keep his... Now, on to the show!!! ________________________________________________________________________ The bridge of the Satellite of Love was strangely decorated this day to resemble the set of an old fifties family sitcom. The main panel was covered with a white table cloth and had plates and other assorted eating utensils placed upon it. On the right side of the bridge was a house door and at the other end, two more doors which led to no where. Pictures of Mike, Tom, and Crow all hung on the walls and a simple chandelier hung down from the ceiling, giving the bridge a feel like a modest family home. But the crookedness of the set easily threw off that feeling, making it seem as though everything had been hastily set up. At the right end of the bridge, the door opened up and Mike Nelson walked in, dressed in a shabby business suit. "Oh honey... I'm home," he said with fake enthusiasm as he closed the door and nearly brought the set tumbling down. >From the opposite side, Tom floated in, dressed in a homemaker's dress and carrying a towel in his hands, although it looked as if they had been taped on. "Oh, hi honey! It's so good to se you at home!" Tom said with a bit more enthusiasm. "Why, you must be tired after such a long day at work. Allow me to place myself beneath you and make you life better at my expense." "Why, thank you, little woman," Mike said, now feeling really at ease as he took his coat off and draped it over Tom. "Ahh! I can't see! mike, you big dope! You're supposed to hand it gently to me! not toss it over me!" Tom said as he floated about, bumping into the walls and knocking a few of the pictures to the floor. "I don't even know *why* we have to do this, Tom," Mike said. "It's so clichéd." "*sigh* Fine, Mike, allow me to explain it," Tom replied, finally shaking off the coat. "Considering that you, me, Crow, Gypsy, and Cambot all alone in this metal tub in space orbiting the Earth, we have to learn how to act like a family in order to get along better." "But we get along just fine," Mike replied. "And how would you know how a family acts anyhow, Tom?" "By referring to the greatest and truest source of information there is, Mike!" Tom paused for dramatic effect. "Television!" Mike sighed. "Through endless hours of watching fifties family sitcoms like 'Leave it to Beaver', 'The Addams Family', 'The Munsters', Star Trek, Kojak, I was able to gleam enough information to set up this quaint little setup for us to follow through! That way, we can all live like one big happy family!" Mike didn't bother to correct Tom about how some of the shows he had mentioned weren't from the fifties, but instead asked where Crow was and what role he had. "Crow? Why, our impish little son should be home from school now!" Tom replied cheerfully, looking at the door that Mike had came in through earlier. Instead, Crow, dressed up all in leather and toting a huge rung through his nose, came in through one of the doors at the other side, slamming it back and causing it to fall to the floor. "Yo mom! Yo dad! Gimme some money! I got a hot date tonight!" Crow said in a horrid imitation of the stereotypical punk. "But what about your homework tonight, dear?" Tom asked, reverting back into his mother role. "Screw you, mom! I'm a rebel!" Crow shot back. Tom begin to cry pathetically and leans on Mike. "Oh honey... he's turning into a juvenile delinquent before our very eyes... where did we go wrong?! Where?!!?" "There, there, honey... everything will be alright," Mike said, trying his best to comfort her. "You don't appreciate me! I want a divorce!" Tom suddenly shouted, floating away from Mike and sobbing horribly. "Hey dad! Gimmie some money!" Crow shouted, coming up to Mike. "Crow! Quit that!" "Screw you! You suck!" Crow replied. "Hey, I could get used to this... Screw you! You suck! Screw you! You suck!" The golden robot continued this as he went about the makeshift set, head banging to music only he could hear. Mike sighed and saw the red light flashing, indicating that the Mads were calling. "Uncle and Aunt Evil are calling," he said, tapping the button. DEEP 13 "Hello Mike... ready to give up in despair yet?" Dr Forrester said. Behind the doctor, the ever loveable TV's Frank was pounding away on a large metal box. He stopped when the hammer he was using missed the box and slammed into his hand instead. The next few minutes of his life consisted of him jumping about, holding his injured thumb. SOL "No, I'm afraid not, sir," Mike replied. Tom, blubbering incoherently, passed in front of him. "We were just getting ready for our invention exchange too," the temp quickly added. DEEP 13 Dr. Forrester looked over at Frank, who was bandaging his hand, and sighed. "Well, you had better do yours first. It looks like we're not going to be ready for a while." SOL Frantically, Mike looked about for the invention, but couldn't find it as Crow had head banged the set one too many times, bringing it down. The juvenile robot was now swinging from the simple chandelier, going back and forth and screaming, "You suck! Screw you!" over and over again. In desperation, Mike grabbed the blubbering Tom and shoved him into Cambot's lens. "Here! My invention, a braking down, psychotic homemaker from the fifties! Guaranteed to bring the family hours and hours of entertainment." "You don't appreciate me... I've wasted my life... you never loved me... our son's a delinquent... I hate you... I want a divorce!!!" Tom cried pathetically. DEEP 13 Dr. Forrester arched the Scientist's eyebrow and turned to check on Frank. "Most.. interesting, Mike... but no where *near* the evil ingenious of *my* invention!!!" A sudden explosion rocked the lab and Frank stumbled out of a cloud of dust, covered in soot with his uniform torn in a few places. "The... uh... invention hit a few snags, sir." Dr. Forrester sighed. "Fine then! Mike, your fanfic today is a nice little rant by some zealot or something. I never bother to read it. Send them the hurt, Frank." Frank quickly complied then passed out on the floor. SOL The lights started to flash and everyone ran about, destroying what was left of the set. The chandelier that Crow was swinging from fell from the ceiling and he crashed painfully onto the floor. "AHHH!!! WE'RE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Mike shouted as they all ran into the theater. [ DOOR SEQUENCE... 7... 6... 5.. 4... 3... 2... 1...] [Mike, carrying Tom in his hands, sets him down on the third seat and sits down in the second. A few seconds later, Crow wobbles in and sits down in the third seat.] TOM: [sobbing] No one loves me... no one loves me... MIKE: Tom, you can stop now. CROW: Screw you! You suck! MIKE: Crow... > PARENTS ALERT . . . PARENTS ALERT MIKE: [imitating bullhorn] Parents have been found in your area... this is NOT a drill! Do not panic! > Tinky Winky Comes Out of the Closet CROW: [Tinky Winky] Finally! Damn rusty door latches! > The sexual preference of Tinky Winky, TOM: Tinky Winky? What's next? Ooey Goey? Flarry Barry? >the largest of the four > Teletubbies characters on the > series that airs in America on PBS stations, MIKE: PBS! Bringing you *non*-entertainment for over twenty years! TOM: PBS! What men think women get once a month! >has been the > subject of debate since the series > premiered in England in 1997. TOM: *Is* Teletubbies nothing more than a mediocre kids' show... or a cheap marketing gimmick? Next Point: Counter Point! > The character, whose voice is obviously that of a boy, has > been found carrying a red purse MIKE: ... in the bottom of a swamp in Lyndhurst. Police suspect foul play. > in many episodes and has become a favorite character among gay groups worldwide. CROW: [Tinky Winky] Well, ya bloody git! I like to make people *happy*!! > Now, further evidence that the creators of the series intend for Tinky > Winky to be a gay role model have surfaced. TOM: [author] He tried to lick my bum, he did! MIKE: Ick... > He is purple CROW: So he's really Barney! >-- the gay-pride > color; and his antenna is shaped like a triangle -- the gay-pride symbol. TOM: [like a madman] And his shoes... they're purple too! HE HAS GAY FEET! AND THE SUN IS YELLOW! IT REPRESENTS IMMIGRANTS! AND FIRE ENGINES REPRESENT THE DEVIL! HAHAHH... HAHA... HAHAHAHHAHA!!-- MIKE: Whoa, whoa, take it easy! CROW: I'll get the clown hammer... > Furthering Tinky's "outing" was a recent Washington Post editorial that > cast the character's photo opposite that of Ellen DeGeneres in an "In/Out" CROW: [Homer Simpson] Belly goes in... belly goes out... belly goes in... belly goes out... > column. This implies that Ellen is "out" TOM: Of the closet, we know that already. >as the chief national gay representative, > while Tinky Winky is the trendy "in" celebrity. MIKE: Bringing up the sides, we have the late Oscar Wilde and Martina Navratilova. > These subtle depictions are no doubt intentional and parents are warned to > be alert to these elements of the series. TOM: Uh huh. CROW: [zealot] Oh, by the way, don't you all think about watching the Weather Channel, with those phallic tornadoes, and the mention of sucking... brrr... > However, many families are allowing > the series to entertain their children. MIKE: [zealot] They should be torturing and isolating them... like I do! TOM: Kids! Be like Jerry! CROW: Not like Jerry *Springer*, mind you. > In the January 10 Blockbuster "Hit List" > of the top-ten selling videos, two Teletubbies titles appeared on the list. The > itsy bitsy CROW: ... teeny-weeny yellow polka dot bikini? > Entertainment Company will release interactive Teletubbies dolls > in March. TOM: They teach your kids how to market really cute and annoying toys! MIKE: Little do they know of the hypnotic suggestions the toys emit, hypnotizing the kids so that when a secret signal is released, they shall rise up and overthrow the governments of the world!!! BWAHAHAH!!! > South Park Invasion MIKE: [British] And now for something completely different... CROW: [British] Naughty parts... > The creators of South Park, TOM: Have been tarred and feathered in the town square. >the juvenile animated series that airs on Comedy > Central, have released a set of trading cards depicting episodes from the series > that are now being sold in toy, hobby and sports card stores across the nation. CROW: Let me try... THEY ARE DESTROYING OUR WAY OF LIFE!! THEY'RE EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, CORRUPTING OUR CHILDREN!!! > Parents should be aware that the cards feature the same impudent and vile > language as the TOM: ... impeachment trials? MIKE: ... Spice Girls movie? CROW: ... Power Rangers movie? > series. God's name is frequently taken in vain, other four-letter > words are continually uttered, MIKE: Like "duck", "hand", that sort of thing? TOM: I think he means cursing. MIKE: Well, you never know with these guys. > female characters are routinely referred to in vile > terms CROW: Just like the males, actually... TOM: So it all works out in the end and everyone's happy. The End. > and human waste named Mr. Hankey becomes a live, speaking character. ALL: Huh? MIKE: I think he said something about boo-boo talking... TOM: Mr. Falwell needs to avoid his beef-mushroom soup. > In addition, the character of Kenny is brutally massacred in every broadcast while the > remaining characters respond, "Oh my God, they've killed Kenny." CROW: What? You actually expected them to just stand there and say nothing? MIKE: [Stan] You bastard! You dumb zealot! You butthead! > Many of those killings > are also depicted in the card series. TOM: [holding up several cards in his bubble top] All right... I got the one where he's killed by the demonic fish and by a gunshot. What have you got? MIKE: I just got the Christmas special one where he doesn't get killed at all. >The trading cards are the exact size > of traditional sports cards, making it easy for kids to sneak them into the home. CROW: [madman] THAT'S RIGHT! INVADING YOUR VERY HOMES! THAT'S WHY I IMPLORE YOU TO FORM YOUR OWN TRADING CARD GESTAPO! YEAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! TOM: Ow! > Acclaim Entertainment recently began selling the South Park video game CROW: I got a higher score then Tom! I got a higher score then Tom! TOM: [sadly] That's because you got hands that work! >-- which also > features extreme violence and obscene language -- for TOM: ... the purpose of setting off whiny religious zealots. MIKE: [zealot] That really steams my beans! CROW: I'm taking a wild guess but this guy doesn't get laid a lot, does he? > Nintendo 64 with the support of a > multi-million dollar marketing campaign. MIKE: Which brings us to... TOM: Fruit loops... I don't know why. > Disney's Hollow 'Promise' to Parents CROW: Good call, Mike. > On January 8, the Walt Disney Company announced a recall of 3.4 million TOM: ... dollars it had gouged from its theme park visitors. > video copies of > its animated film, The Rescuers, after two frames of the film were discovered to exhibit > the figure of a nude woman. MIKE: Naughty, naughty! [waves finger] CROW: Well, nobody's perfect... certainly not Disney. > Disney had earlier refused to recall videos of the films > The Little Mermaid TOM: [zealot] Because an innocent redheaded mermaid swimming in the ocean is *evil*! EVIL!!! >and The Lion King after parents complained that other subliminal > messages were hidden in scenes from those movies. TOM: Uh huh. Yeah, Mrs. McGillicuddy, I understand that Pride Rock is a phallic symbol which suggests that people look at kiddy porn. Yes, I understand. I'll put you on hold. CROW: [imitates the sound of a phone being hung up] MIKE: [imitates dial tone] > Disney said it is recalling the videos to CROW: Resell them and gain more money. >"keep its promise to families that they > can trust and rely on the Disney name to provide the finest in family entertainment." CROW: In other words, "We should have asked the question on the applications, 'Do you constantly think about sex?'" TOM: How many times a day do you think about sex? How many positions do you think sex can be done in? > If that promise is true, families across the nation wonder why obviously planned > offensives persistently show up in the company's videos. TOM: Ummm... I'm just guessing, but maybe they have some wiseasses on the staff? Just guessing... CROW: Actually, I'm guessing that everyone is just too damn sensitive. MIKE: [zealot] Beware your peanut butter! It must ALWAYS be chunky!! Smooth peanut butter implies a carefree lifestyle! > "Certainly the image in The Little Mermaid of the clergyman who obtains CROW: A 3.56% raise? > [sexual > stimulation] TOM: So I take it the original quote was "his getting his rocks off"? CROW: Raising the flag pole, hoisting ths sail... > while performing the wedding ceremony qualifies as an image that does > not belong in a children's video," MIKE: [zealot] It belongs in the Starr Report instead! CROW: So, when did this happen? MIKE: Maybe instead of kissing the bride, he tongued her. > said Cathy Brown, director of Why Life? CROW: [zealot] Why life? Why have enjoyment? None of you can have fun! Everything you do is evil! End it all now! Stick your revolver in and pull the trigger! GO TO HELL, WORLD! TOM: [Jerry Falwell] But before you go... buy my new book! > (the > youth division of American Life League). MIKE: Hey, is there an American Death League too? CROW: Maybe these zealots should sign up. > "And having the letters S-E-X TOM: [zealot] ... are evil!! Even more evil than having *sex*! CROW: How about beating off? Is that okay? > float across > the screen in The Lion King is objectionable as well. Why hasn't Disney recalled > these videos?" she asked. MIKE: [C. Brown] Why haven't people recalled *all* icky things? Why can't Disney recall the gulf war? Why is Barney purple, the official gay color? Why is the ground brown like feces? GOSH DARNIT, NOTHING IN THIS WORLD IS THE WAY I WANT IT! CROW: Welcome to reality, Cathy. Please step onto the moving platform to join the flow of traffic. MIKE: This makes me nostalgic for Blake. [gets up to leave] TOM: [as MIKE lifts him up] Hey, I want to be a religious zealot too! MIKE: OK... [Mike picks up Tom and is followed by Crow as they leave.] [DOOR SEQUENCE... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7...] Thick smoke obscured the bridge of the SOL, making Mike cough violently until the ship's automatic filter system kicked in and cleared the smoke. When it cleared, Mike's eyes went wide as he saw Tom and Crow, both dressed up in monk robes that resembled something the KKK would wear, holding lit candles in their hands and dancing about the panel. "We must cleanse... we must cleanse... we must cleanse..." they were chatting as Tom poked a candle at his crucified Power Ranger dolls and Crow danced about a batch of burning sailor Moon pictures. "Guys! Guys! What the heck are you doing?!" Mike demanded, waving his hand through the air as more smoke drifted up. "We realize that all which we hold dear is full of evil brought on by the devil!" Crow shouted, tossing a few more of his Sailor Moon posters into the burning pile. "We must cleanse everything with fire and show to the world all that is evil!" Tom added in, floating about his crucified dolls. "Falwell was right all along! We *must* follow his lead!" "Calm down! Stop those fires! You shouldn't listen to him!" Mike said in a desperate attempt to calm his friends down. "He does not believe in our beliefs!" Tom cried, turning to his fellow Zealot robot. "He must be cleansed through fire!" Crow shouted. The two robots turned to Mike and charged him, poking him with their lit candles. However, a few seconds later, the candles had been stubbed out, leaving the two robots smearing Mike's suit with cooling wax. "All right you two, cut that out," Mike said, taking their candles away. "Ahh! The heathen fights back! His power is unbelievable!" Tom cried. "Now look, you two. Don't believe what Falwell says! Believe in that which is pure, like how Sailor Moon is a great and reliable friend yet always willing to fight for love and justice! And how the Power Rangers constantly fight to keep Angel Grove safe from the forces of evil!" "But they're evil! EVIL!!!" Crow lamented. "And besides," Mike started. "Didn't those posters and dolls cost you two a lot of money?" Tom and Crow stopped and looked at each other, then cried out and rushed to save the remains of their possessions. "Ahh! Her fuku is almost gone! NOO!!" Crow cried out. "Oh! My limited edition Tommy/Green Ranger figure has lost his kung-fu grip forever!!!" Tom sobbed. "See what happens when you follow the lead of religious zealots?" Mike said, getting a fire extinguisher and putting out Crow's burning posters. "Now have you two learned your lesson?" "We have," the two bots replied, albeit sadly. "Mads are calling again. Hello, Dr. Forrester. Is your invention ready now?" Down in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester scowled at TV's Frank as he rushed about trying to place the last few pieces of the invention together. "Insert wire A into plug B," he muttered, holing up one of a string of inventions. "Unfortunately, Mike, since dummy here lost the instructions for the construction, I'm going to have to cancel the invention exchange today." "Are you going to cancel the fanfic today as well?" Crow asked hopefully, brushing out the blackened remains of his Senshi in Bikini's poster. "No, and just for asking such a question, I'm going to send you the latest from my friend and yours, Dr. Thinker. It's a quaint, not so little fanfic called Mystery Power Theater. read it and suffer. BWAHAHAHA!!!" Dr. Forrester continued to laugh maniacally even as a shower of sparks bathe him, Frank having found out that Wire B was indeed one of the live wires. Back up on the satellite, Tom turned to his fellow robot. "Oh great going, Crow. You just *had* to ask him that." "Well I didn't see *you* asking," Crow shot back. "Whoa, save it for the fanfic guys," Mike interrupted, stepping in between them. "CAUSE WE'RE GOT DR. THINKER SIGN!!!" The alarms started to sound and the lights began flashing as Mike and the bots began their headlong dash into the theater. [ DOOR SEQUENCE... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2.. 1...] [Mike sat down in the first seat and placed Tom in the third, while Crow quickly followed and sat down in the first.] TOM: I'm going to get you for this, Crow. CROW: Jeez Tom, lighten up! Maybe Dr. Thinker has gotten better since last time. TOM: And which satellite are you living in? > MYSTERY POWER THEATER TOM: Starring the Green and Pink Ranger in a role that you won't believe. > Eposide 1 MIKE: With a side of beef... > - "Power Ranger: Lost Galaxy Spolier!" > by Dr. Thinker CROW: [Dr. Thinker] Can you help me find my Spolier? I'll pay ya 50 bucks! MIKE: [deep] It's three A.M. Do you know where your Spoiler are? > Ok. Guys! We need some more Power Ranger misting. So I decide on > give it you...whether or not you like it. Here's my cast........ TOM: [Thinker] I had an accident with the stapler... hope it heals in a few days... > ZORDAN - TOM: Zordan! Zordan! He's our man! If he can't do it, no one can! > The mentor of the Rangers. Likes Saban. CROW: [Zordan] They paid me well... what can I say? MIKE: [Zordan] Plus this tube they put me in isn't exactly *all* white smoke... whoa... the colors... > LOKAR TOM: Very bad on bumpy roads. MIKE: Yeah, one bad pot hole and there goes your transmission. >- A friend of Zordan. > MUTCUS - A traveling monster, likes to do evil any day of the > week. MIKE: Except Sunday. Union rules, you know. > NOTE 1: Power Rangers and their characters are (C)opyright by > Saban. Mystery Science Theater 300 TOM: Hey, they got shortchanged by 2700! MIKE: Now, none of that. Remember what happened last time? > and their characters are > (C)opyright by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reversed. > NOTE 2: Please, Sir Stack, CROW: [Thinker] And your squire Pile... MIKE: [laughs] TOM: Robert Stack? > have a good laugh with this. This is > just a funny C&C of your post. > Note 3: If you like this. Give me a e-mail at > winkstwo@sssnet.com. TOM: [Thinker] If you don't, I'll break your freakin' kneecaps! > ----------------------------------------------------------------- CROW: Uh... you know what, line? Screw you! I'm not making any jokes! > > [A place where universe merges. A green dragon is talking to a > red spider-like creature.] MIKE: Green dragons! Red Spider-like- oh, forget it. CROW: Take it easy, Mike... we're just beginning. > Lokar (He's the green dragon): So you been busy haven't you, > Mutcus? TOM: Mutcus? Sounds like Kid Icarus' mobbed-up brother. > Mutcus: (She's the red-spider-like creature)(groans) Yeah. Those > Rangers are really hot stuff, there. CROW: [Mutcus] ...wish I had the right attachment. MIKE: Ick... > I'm can't belive that Blue > Ranger, hit me so hard, MIKE: When I woke up, my clothes were out of style. CROW: [rimshot] >that I missed catching Rita's wand. TOM: [Mutcus] I have to do something about this damn floppy foam-rubber! CROW: Rita's Wand! Proud Phallic symbol for the bad guys for five years and growing! > (A white tiger enters, looking he has rough day. His name is > Zordan) MIKE: Who 'da man? BOTS: Zordan! MIKE: Who da' man? BOTS: Zordan! TOM: Zordan's one tough mother... CROW & MIKE: Shut yo mouth! TOM: I'm just talking about Zordan. Can ya dig it? > Lokar and Mutcus: ZORDAN? CROW: [Lokar and Mutcus] We thought you were Dale! TOM: [Zordan] No, I'm Queen Beryl. Of course it's me, Zordan! > Zordan: You look like you see a ghost! > Lokar: You were imprison by that Dark Sceptor. TOM: [Zordan] Ehhh, I made parole in no time. > Zordan: (groans) Don't remind me. Lucky, Andros MIKE: [Rocky] Adrian! CROW: That's Andros, not Adrian. >send me out of > that universe. I'm now free to the roam the dimisonals again, but > I can't return that dimisonal. MIKE: ... trouble? TOM: You see? If you hadn't torn the tag off the dimension, you would have been able to return it. > Lokar: While you think of keep of a eye of dimisonal. CROW: [Mutcus] Eewwww!! It's got blood all over it and stuff! > Let's have > some fun. TOM: [Zordan] Huh, huh... let's go steal cinder blocks from mobile homes! CROW: [Zordan] And then lets go teepee someone's house. > Zordan: It's me being evil. TOM: [Zordan] Actually, it's me being OOC, but same difference. >No thanks. Everytime, my tails gets > more laser blasts then all the B+ alien moves combined. MIKE: What about the C- alien moves? CROW: They got curved. > Mutcus: (Evil laugh) CROW: Evil laugh? MIKE: Yeah, it's like how some people smile evilly. TOM: Knievely. > Lokar: Nope. I'm need to riff posts from spams..to fan-fiction. > Mutcus: Sounds like fun? What's the catch? TOM: [Lokar] That little lever which pops the hood open, but that's not important right now. > Lokar: We do only, POWER RANGERS stuff. Like this. (takes out a MIKE: A... a... what? CROW: [Thinker] Hey!! Gimme my nouns back! I'm telling mom! > Zordan: What's that? TOM: [Lokar] It's my trouser boa. > Lokar: This is a post about the beging of the Power Ranger season > by some called Sir Stack. MIKE: ... of Blueberry Pancakes? CROW: ... of typing paper? TOM: ... of firewood? > Zordan: I'm in. > Lokar: It's RIFFING TIME! > Mutcus: (groans) TOM: [Mutcus] Any of you got any Preparation H? Damn burritos are making a comeback. > >From - Sat Feb 06 03:52:56 1999 CROW: 146 Roundhouse Rd, Leicester, NH 04036... at IP 145.65.23.634 MIKE: Okaaaaaay... > Zordan: Where? > Lokar: The Limbo of Twight Zone? > Mutcus: Work me. [CROW starts to say something, but then stops in time.] CROW: Ick... almost scared myself. >Path: > >Zordan: The path of trumiph is though a good deeds and lots of > luck. MIKE: [Zordan] And plenty of kickbacks. Always remember the kickbacks. TOM: [Zordan] And paying off the right people always helps too. > Lokar: Works for me. TOM: [Lokar] I'm a yes man! > >rQ!rQdQ!remarQ73!supernews.com! CROW: They must have let Victor Von Doom type the headers. > Mutcus: SUPER NEWS.COM has just learn that Super-Man and Wonder- > Women have a baby together. MIKE: The happy couple's 17 kg child then bodily ejected a doctor through the roof of the hospital. TOM: He is listed in stable condition. > LOKAR: MUTCUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: [Mutcus] What do ya want-i-cus? > Mutcus: Then explain A-Ko, Lokar? > Lokar: Oh. I'm didn't know. TOM: [Lokar] OK? Jeez, bite me! MIKE: Poor Lokar, I feel for the guy. > >remarQ.com!howland.erols.net!portc02.blue.aol.com!audrey01.news. > >aol.com!not-for-mail MIKE: Yes, I agree. AOL is not for mail. TOM: [AOL voice] You have... crappy ISP! > Zordan: Then why was it mail. > Lokar: I said a post, not a e-mail, Zordan. CROW: [Lokar] Why don't you just get back on the short bus? MIKE: Crow... CROW: Sorry. > Zordan: As in the newsgroups? > Lokar: Yes, Zordan. TOM: [Lokar] No, as a fence! What do *you* think? CROW: [Zordan, dumb] Duuuh, screen is pretty. > >From: sirstack@aol.comGalaxy (Sir STACK) MIKE: Silly, Tactless, Asinine, Clumsy Kid? CROW: Nah... TOM: Sick, Tricky, Athletic, Cursing, Kaleidoscope? CROW: Nope. > Mutcus: Got the e-mail for virus send. > Lokar: Please don't turn into a Mean Screen copycat. MIKE: [Lokar] Be the super-nice Olsen Twin/Teletubbie goody-goody Screen copycat! CROW: [Mutcus as Ash] Oh, you're the goody two shoes riffer! I'm the bad riffer! Goody, goody, two-shoes! > Mutcus: I'm not. I'm not so where is guy part Galaxy in his e- > mail. So I'm wanting. TOM: [Mutcus] My MTV? MIKE: [Mutcus] A raise? CROW: [Mutcus] Some good lovin'? > > >Newsgroups: alt.fan.power-rangers CROW: All one of them. TOM: Heyyyy... > ALL: (singing) GO GO MIKE: [Don Adams] GADGET COPTER! > GO GO GO GO POWER RANGERS!!!!! CROW: Someone must have been listening to the old Speed Racer theme when writing this. > > >Subject: MIKE: Are the Power Rangers really a kids show or a cash cow for Saban? You decide... TOM: On the next, Hardcore... CROW: [hums the theme music] >PRLG#01: "Quasar Quest, Pt.1" SPOILER WARNING !!! TOM: [p.a.] I repeat, do not leave your dairy products out! > Mutcus: Who leave that milk out overnight! > Lokar & Zordan: Nice one. CROW: You looked ahead! TOM: No way! > >Lines: 273 MIKE: Yankees: 4 CROW: So in other words, just an average game for them. > Lokar: (faints) > Mutcus: WAKE UP! BOSS! TOM: [Zordan] Shhh! Shut up, you idiot! Let's get his wallet... > Lokar: Just another era, mother. Please. TOM: Huh? CROW: What does Mother Angelica have to do with this? > (Mutcus slaps Lokar with her spider legs. CROW: Lokar then inserts-- MIKE & TOM: NO! > Lokar jerks TOM: ...off? > awake and > grabs on of them CROW: [Lokar, softly] Mmm... nice yabos... > and swings her around making her land right > behind Zordan) > Zordan: (laughs) > Lokar: (groans) CROW: [Lokar] Come on, Metamucil... work your magic! MIKE: Now if he had more fibre in his diet, he wouldn't be having this problem right now. > >NNTP-Posting-Host: ladder01.news.aol.com > > ALL: EVIL! EVIL! EVIL!!! TOM: Yeah, I'll say. > >X-Admin: news@aol.com > > ALL: EVIL! EVIL! EVIL!!! CROW: [Jessica] Evil post! MIKE: [Zealot] And AOL is evil! Just like sex! And... and... and other stuff! Evil! All evil! > >Date: 6 Feb 1999 11:41:27 GMT > >Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com > > ALL: EVIL! EVIL! EVIL!!! > Mutcus: It's not worth it. MIKE: [Mutcus] I should get my Glock and blow my brains out right now! CROW: Out for blood, Mike? MIKE: Yeah... TOM: Sure... *steal* the little red robot's schtick. > Zordan: You will not get any argument there. TOM: [Zordan] I am a master of the fine art of civil debate! MIKE: That Zordan. What a card. > >Message-ID: <19990206064127.14268.00000440@ng-fd1.aol.com> CROW: What is this, Header World? TOM: [elderly British] Well, GET ON WITH IT! > Lokar: EVIL! EVIL!! EVIL! EVIL! EVIL! MIKE: Lokar is really reminding me of that shirt we read earlier. > Mutcus and Zordan: Lokar? > Lokar: Yes? > Mutcus and Zordan: Shut up! MIKE: Yes, please do. And bite me. > >Xref: rQ alt.fan.power-rangers:80727 > > ALL: YAHOOOO!!!! > Mutcus: At http://www.yahoo.com. > Zordan and Lokar: (groans) CROW: Oh, I'd like to flip Yahoo too. TOM: And the first Shameless Website plug is shown! ALL: Huzzah! > >Lost Galaxy? TOM: If anyone has seen a Galaxy anywhere, please call 235-0658. No questions asked. > Zordan: No galaxy is lost, unless no good guys are there, until a > hieght of evil witch. > Lokar: Like you were? > Zordan: (blushes) SHUT UP, LOKAR! MIKE: [Zordan] I was on medication! CROW: [motherly] Oh Zordan, if you had just kept your room clean, then you wouldn't have lost your galaxy in the first place. > >I lost my keys once, but this is ridiculous! CROW: [mystery voice] I lost my virginity... that was alright with me! MIKE: Ummm... > ALL: (weakly) HA HA HA HA HA HA! TOM: Who's MSTing this? The Joker or Dr. Thinker? CROW: Just be thankful it's not Naga or Kodachi. > >SPOILERS BELOW! MIKE: About time. Where were they, on vacation? > > Lokar: Who cut the cheese? > Mutcus: (Bart Simpson) Me. CROW: [Jeff Foxworthy] You might be a redneck... > >/\/\/\ > >\/\/\/ > >/\/\/\ > >\/\/\/L > >/\ > >\/ O > >/\/\/\ > >\/\/\/S > >/\/\/\ > >\/\/\/T > >/\/\/\ MIKE: [chain letter] Keep scrolling, don't cheat! TOM: Be sure to send this letter to at least 15 people to receive good luck for the rest of the week! > Mutcus: We are in Typo Land.. > Lokar: Home of Dr. Thinker. CROW: Don't forget Oscar, CATS, and Von Doom! > > >\/\/\/ > >/\/\/\S > >\/\/\/ > >/\ P > >\/ > >/\/\/\O > >\/\/\/ > >/\/\/\I > >\/\/\/ > >/\/\/\L > >\/\/\/ TOM: How quaint. Their newsgroup posts have little quaisley patterns. MIKE: [laughs] CROW: Maybe this is one of those pictures with hidden pics in them. > >/\/\/\E > >\/\/\/ > >/\ R > >\/ > >/\/\/\S > >\/\/\/ > >/\/\/\ > >/\\/\/ > >/\/\/\ > >\/\/\/ > > Zordan: I'm drowing in the water. > Lokar & Mutcus: (groans) MIKE: [Lokar & Mutcus] Stay together, cheeks... stay together! > >/\/\/\ > >\/\/\/ > >/\ SPOILERS FOR THE FIRST POWER RANGERS LOST GALAXY EPISODE > >\/ BELOW! CROW: So you said. TOM: Do you think there are spoilers in this thing? MIKE: I dunno, we'll have to look at about 70 more warnings to be sure. > Zordan: (A bored Dr. Thinker) Oh! Wow! This is make a nice > MiSTing. TOM: [Thinker] For my birdcage. > >/\/\/\ > >\/\/\/ > >/\/\/\ > >\/\/\/ > > > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > > _POWER RANGERS: LOST GALAXY_ CROW: [librarian] There'll be a $5.00 fee on that, young man! MIKE: If second editions have scenes that the original didn't have, what do lost episodes contain? TOM: All the filler from past shows. They're kinda like the stuff they use to make hot dogs. > Zordan: They will meet Star Trek, The Sailor Scouts and other > teams of honorable ranks. MIKE: Since when was technobabble and bulimia honorable? TOM: Mike... isn't that going a bit far? MIKE: Guess so. I guess I'm just impatient. > Lokar: Not on your life, Zordan. > Zordan: Andross killed me, remember? TOM: [Lokar] You got killed? CROW: [Zordan, British] I got better... > Lokar: Just shoot me, please CROW: Okay. *BANG* > Zordan: No thanks. > Mutcus: I'm like you too much to do that. MIKE: What, annoying and mildly incoherent? > >\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ TOM: Looks like a row of carrots. > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > _SHOW NUMBERS:_ CROW: [Apple II] SYNTAX ERROR > Mutcus: Zero. > Lokar: Nice one! MIKE: [Lokar] Nice zero... so firm... and round... and full... > >*Season 6 (although, it's better rounded to 7) TOM: So, Season 6.99999999 then? > Zordan: Which do you like. > Mutcus: Even is better in my books. CROW: [Mutcus] From Yoda I learn, English I did. > Lokar: I'm going with this guy and using 7 for his season. > Zordan: Who about 6 1/2? > Lokar & Mutcus: Works for us. CROW: 6 1/2 is our new secretary! MIKE: Megane 6 1/2? TOM: Yup, Megane 6.7's estranged cousin that drops in every now and then and eats everything. > *Official Fox Kids Show Number PR-801(Tentative) > > Lokar: Huh? > Mutcus: He's not sure about the number. > Lokar: Ok. TOM: He's sure about the number... it's the number of angry letters fans sent about the dub. > >*1st episode of PRLG MIKE: Pretty Rough Lady Gremlin? CROW: Pete Rose League of Gambling? TOM: Pasta Ron's Linguini Greenhouse? > Lokar: The Return of the Day of Dumpster. > Zordan: (groans) CROW: [Zordan] Ohhh, shouldn't have had that Oat Bran this morning... TOM: Constipated for far too long, Zordan's head exploded and he died. The end. MIKE: Huh? TOM: Think about it, Mike. MIKE: Eww... > >*294th total Power Rangers episode > > Mutcus: Only 6 more episodes until Power Rangers get to there > 300th epoisde. TOM: NO! GOD, THAT'S AMAZING! MIKE: Take it easy, Tom! > Zordan: (Sgt. Friday) Thanks for the facts, madam. > Mutcus: Oh, brother CROW: [Mutcus] Would you care to get your foot off of my groin? > >\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ TOM: The Parks Department is proud to present... Punch and Judy! > Lokar: What is this? S.S. TITANIC? > Mutcus: Movie or Real Deal? > Lokar: MUTCUS? MIKE: [Lokar] Must you always *butt kiss*? CROW: [laughs] Heh, heh... good one! > Mutcus: Yes? > Lokar: Shut up! TOM: [Lokar] You are the most incompetent person ever! MIKE: [Andy Kaufman] You are so stupid! > >_FIRST AIRED:_ 2/ 6/ 99_ > > Lokar: Weird. I'm download some pictures of the new Rangers. CROW: *Nude* pictures! TOM: Kimberly was well known for blowing her paycheck at the horse races and posing in Playboy to make up for it. > Good > luck. TOM: They're on AOL. You'll need it. > >\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > >_TITLE:_ "QUASAR QUEST, PART 1" CROW: Cartoon Network's newest version of Jonny Quest! MIKE: We'll just borrow Marvel's character for awhile. They won't notice. > Lokar: Look some been ripping off Star Wars. > Zordan & Mutcus: (groans) MIKE: [Zordan] Uhhhh... almost out... *BANG* *whew* Wow! Fibre *does* do a body good. > >\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > >_WRITTEN BY:_ Judd Lynn TOM: Any relation to Wynona? CROW: [hick] Hey Judd! We got MSTier's ta deal wit! > Lokar: (Signing) Lynn into the my heart. > Zordan & Mutcus: (laughing) MIKE: [Z & M] Man, you really suck! CROW: It's funny! > >\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > >_DIRECTED BY:_ Jonathan Tzachor TOM: [singing] J. John Jonathan Tzachor... his name is my name too! > Zordan: If this is the "Home Improvent" kid, get me out of here! MIKE: [Zordan] I want Webster! CROW: [shudders] > /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ > /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > >_STARRING CAST:_ TOM: All they do it sit around, looking at stuff. Get it? Cause it said, *starring* cast... he heh... aw forget it. > > Mutcus: Star Odin, North, and Big Bear. > Lokar & Zordan: Huh? TOM: [L & Z] What does Oliver North have to do with this? > Mutcus: "STAR"-ing Cast. > Lokar: I'm was hoping for Keith Star joke. > Mutcus & Zordan: (groans) MIKE: Can we do any jokes that don't involve constipation? TOM: Not if you don't want any sick ones. CROW: [M & Z] Damn! We just heard N-Sync in concert! > > >Archie Kao _AS_ Kai TOM: Supporting cast: Betty and Veronica Kao. > Mutcus: WOW! Spike hair version of Adam. MIKE: Goku? > >Danny Slavin _AS_ Leo CROW: Hey! The guy from Overdrawn... got a cameo! > Zordan: Looks tough. But does he have kindness? > Lokar: I don't care, but if this guy full name is like that > 'TITANIC' movie kid star, I'm going to kick Saban into the next > galaxy. TOM: Why wait for an excuse? Go ahead and do it! MIKE: Or better yet... send them to... ANOTHER DIMENSION! > >Cerina Vincent MIKE: ... Price? > Zordan: The daughter of the ex-Turk from FFV. > Lokar: Good one, Zord-Giver! CROW: ... of STDs. TOM: Ewwww... MIKE: [Zordan] Come on down to Crazy Zordan's yard of Zords! We've got every kind you can think of for dirt cheap prices! > Zordan: Thanks, Lokar. MIKE: [Zordan] You know I love brown-nosers... expect to be highly "rewarded" later, yaknowwhatImean? BOTS: Eugh! Mike! MIKE: Sorry. > > _AS_ Maya TOM: Not just "as", it's AS. CROW: Maya's very special. > Zordan: (Alpha 5) YIIII-III-III-III-IIII-III!!!!! Do we have > another girl? CROW: [Alpha 5] And how about some more Jimmy Lube over here? MIKE: That's Jiffy lube... CROW: Ooops... Freudian slip there... > Mutcus: You know something, Maya reminds me of Trini. TOM: Uh huh. CROW: Reminds him in that padded bra sort of way. > >Valerie Vernon _AS_ Kendrix MIKE: Nobody will be admitted during the riveting "Credits scene!" CROW: *Thrill* as name after name rolls up the screen! TOM: Intense edge of your seat *NAME* action!!! > Zordan: A pink Ranger with glasses. TOM: That's nice. Can we smite these guys? MIKE: 'fraid not, Tom. > >Paul Schrier _AS_ Farkas "Bulk" Bulkmeier CROW: Bulk Flatslab! TOM: Thump McThickbone! MIKE: Danny Wuerffel... er, I mean Dirk Chesthair! > >Jack Banning _AS_ Professor Phenomenus TOM: [Snagglepuss] It's phenomenus, even! > Zordan: Again. Where's Skull. > Lokar: Wait a while. CROW: [Lokar] You've got to sit through this too, buddy. MIKE: If your Skull is not delivered within thirty minutes, you get him free of charge. > >\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > >_ADDITIONAL CAST:_ > >Tom Whyte _AS_ Commander Stanton MIKE: With guest stars, Adam Ant! Michael Bolton! And Barry Manilow! > Mutcus: (signing) Stanton me, love. ALL: EWWWWWWW!! CROW: Is that anything like a Prince Albert? > >Russell Lawrence _AS_ Mike Corbett TOM: *whew* I tell yah, if that was *Bill* Corbett, I'd be freaking out right about now. [There is a muffled explosion and a puff of smoke enters the theater.] MIKE: Tom? How many times have I told you about hitting the fourth wall? > > Zordan: Lawrence of what? > Mutcus: (groans) Dumb show? MIKE: Olivier? TOM: No, dumb show. He means _Blossom_. > Zordan & Lokar: Mutcus, That's below the belt. CROW: [Mutcus] I always wondered what that was. Thank you! MIKE: Crow... > Mutcus: Sorry. I'm forget I'm a Power Ranger monster. > Zordan: That's ok. No body is prefect... TOM: [Zordan] Except maybe Jennifer Anniston's... > Mutcus: And that's no body is you. MIKE: Zordan does a body good! > Zordan: That's another below the belt for you, Mutcus. CROW: [Mutcus] Hey! Quit picking on my area! TOM: First they're constipated and now they're grabbing each other crotches... it might be just me but I think that there's something seriously wrong with these people. > >Audrey Gelfand _AS_ Elderly Woman > >Sebastien Goy Priddle _AS_ Guard #2 MIKE: And with a name like Guard # 2, he's *bound* to go far in this film. > >Kelly Ann Kelso _AS_ Little Girl CROW: How little was she? So little I accidentally stepped on her. Ohhh! Thank you! TOM: [rimshot] > >Scott Manuel Johnson _AS_ Guard #4 > >Luke LaFontaine _AS_ Thug #1 CROW: David Hartman _AS_ John Hiller. > >Darius Hastings _AS_ Solider MIKE: More solider than a soldier! > >Richard Grant _AS_ Jera (voice) > >Tom Wyner _AS_ PA Announcer/ Furio (voice) TOM: Yeah, what a *whiner*. MIKE: OK, buddy, you're on warning. > >\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ > >\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > >_UNCREDITED GUESTS:_ > >Jason A Narvy _AS_ Eugene "Skull" Skullovich (Bye Skull!) CROW: He's the Naaaarviest! TOM: Schnaaaaaaaaaaarrrfff!! MIKE: Is that anything like "yiffy"? TOM: Bad mental image, Mike... > > > Lokar: Happy, now. > Zordan: No, I'm not. He's been around so long. I'm thought as he > like a dumb Power Ranger. CROW: Is that redundant? MIKE: @_@ No, it's confusing. > Mutcus: (Give Zordan, a weird look) MIKE: [Mutcus] Whaddya say me and you, um? Nudge, nudge... wink, wink? > Zordan: Joke! CROW: Okay... a Rabbi, a Priest, and a Nun walk into a bar... > Mutcus: Oh. > Lokar: (laughing) > Mutcus: Zipped it! TOM: [Mutcus] OW! Caught my johnson in the zipper! MIKE: [laughs] > > > >Ed Neil _AS_ Baggage Checker Man #2 CROW: The end of Ed O'Neil's career? MIKE: You figure it would have ended after Dutch. > >\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > > Lokar: Look alive! ACTION! > Mutcus and Zordan: HHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELPPPPP! US!!!! > Lokar: Cut and print! MIKE: Lokar's about as good a director as Paul Verhoeven. TOM: Nah, because if they were Paul Verhoeven, those three would have a nude scene by now. ALL: Ewwwwwww!! > > > > >_SUMMARY:_ CROW: This fic sucks. The end. [Gets up to leave] MIKE: Oh no you don't. We suffer, you suffer. CROW: Darn... [sits back down] > Lokar: Of how Pokemon series in Japanese, by eposides. > Zordan: That's going to take an era or four. TOM: [Zordan] That's the last time I watch "Titanic". > > > > In The Not-Too-Distant future, next Sunday A.D. MIKE: PARADOX!!! CROW: This is gonna hurt, isn't it? > Lokar : (singing) A guy named Joel work for the Gimazonic Office, > cleaning up the place.... TOM: [singing] But he didn't do a good job! MIKE: And this is how you treat your creator? CROW: Well, he did give us free will and all... > Mutcus: (singing) But his boss didn't like him....and sent him > into space. > Zordan: (Jeol) GET ME DOWN! MIKE: ["Jeol"] I didn't get a chance to *jeol* with the staff! CROW: That was bad, Mike. > Mutcus: (Dr. Forrester, singing) I'm send them cheesy movies, the > worst that I can and they will have to sit and watch while I > monitor his mind. TOM: [Dr. F, singing] I'll also use bad subject-verb agreeeeement! MIKE: La, la, la? > Lokar: (singing) Now, keep in mind,Jeol can't control where the > movie begin or end, because he use those parts to make his robot > friends. CROW: Inky, Blinky, and Pinky? > Mutcus: CAMBOT! (You're On!) > Zordan: Gypsp! (Mmm...Ram Chip!) > Lokar: TOM SERVO (I'm HUGE!) TOM: Oh, dear... a Meta-meta-MSTing... twice the dopples to deal with. MIKE: This could be very annoying... CROW: And pain inducing... > Mutcus: CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!! (That's one O!) TOM: Ever since the budget cuts, we've had to take what letters we could afford and stretch them out. > Zordan: (singing) If you wonder who he eats CROW: Sarah Michelle Gellar? MIKE: I wish... > and breath, TOM: Oxygen? MIKE: Oh good. For a minute there, I forgot to do that. > just > relax for.... > Mutcus: Mystery Science Theater 3000 joke! Let's move on! > Lokar: Sure! CROW: Wow, that really sucked the big one. MIKE: Monica? [CROW tries his best to say nothing.] > > >Earth begins it's search for a new world, TOM: Unfortunately, the giant magnifying glass it used evaporated the oceans, killing everything on the planet. The end. MIKE: Whoa, you alright there, Tom? TOM: Just fine, Mike. > Lokar: Sounds like a plot from Lost in Space: The Movie! > Zordan: Cream your mouth with liguid CROW: Bil-- MIKE: NO! > laser flames, Lokar. > Mutcus: Nice threat, Zordan. > Lokar: (groans) Shut up, Mutcus! TOM: [Lokar] I'm in pain here, and all you do is talk! > > and we get sucked into a vortex to a place called CROW: Laguna Beach? MIKE: Costa la Rica? TOM: The Caribbean? > >Mirinoi. > > Mutcus: The start town in FF7? > Lokar: That's Migor. MIKE: [Mutcus] I could use a Midol right about now. TOM: Meet Migor, the twisted brother of Igor! CROW: And his darling sister, Shigor. > > >It's a pretty much simple place, the natives live in huts and > >dress in rags and other jungle like apparel. TOM: Beverly Hills? > Mutcus: Where's Tarzan, at? CROW: [Lokar] Who are you calling "at"? > Lokar: This is a alien planet, not Earth! > Mutcus: Sorry. MIKE: [Lokar] I mean, how dumb *are* you? CROW: [Mutcus] Duhhh... two plus two is five... > >The elderly tribal leader, TOM: Boba Fett. > Zordan: That guy looks likes either the magic elves king from > Mystic Knights or Alpha 6's building king. > Lokar & Mutcus: We take the latter on, Zordan. We both hate the > Mystic Knight. Too campy. > Zordan: I'm tough our show was campy. CROW: Well, it is. MIKE: More like *crappy*. > ALL: (groans) TOM: That would have been great timing for another poopie joke! MIKE: [laughs] > > who's name I have no idea at the moment, > > ALL: (weaky) ha ha ha ha ha ha. CROW: [All] You're stuck here! > > tells the story of 3000 years ago, TOM: In a galaxy far, far, away... CROW: Wrong story, Tom. TOM: One can hope, can't he? > >when the five Quasar Sabers MIKE: The Knight Sabers competition, right? CROW: No, Mike. You haven't been following Marvel Comic have you. You see, Quasar found out that Thanos made a clone of him a few years back when he first made a clone of him. Then he used his infinity gems and five more were made and they made the Quasar Sabers. MIKE: Crow, that doesn't make any sense at all. CROW: Exactly. > >that are lodged into the rock in the center of their village > >were placed there. For countless generations, people of their > >world have attempted to remove the Sabers, ala Excalibur, MIKE: ala Puke-o-tron, ala Space Sword, ala Cutlass O' Doom... TOM: Wasn't that the Pinto? MIKE: Different car company. TOM: Oh. > ALL: PLEASE DO NOT GIVE US ANY MAGIC KNIGHT FLASHBACKS! > Mutcus: I thought you like that show? > Zordan: I'm was trying to make a riffing funny. CROW: [Mutcus] Well, try harder, sir. > > and if they are worthy, shall possess the great powers > >within, becoming mighty champions of good. MIKE: [Dark Helmet] But evil will always win, because good is dumb. > Zordan: A.k.a the Powers Rangers > Lokar & Mutcus: YIPPPPPPEEEEE-HA-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEY! CROW: Nyuk, nyuk! > >The newest batch TOM: ... is seen at any WWF match. CROW: Although what the batch is, I can't say for fear of making people mad at me. > Lokar: They are cookies now? > Zordan: Did your brain come unscrewed, Lokar. > Lokar: Just taking this post as funny as possible. > Mutcus: Over your dead tail, Lokar. > Lokar: (groans) MIKE: [Lokar] Great, not only am I constipated, he killed my tail too. CROW: [Lokar, sad] It was such a good tail too... I'll never forgot those cold lonely nights together... > > >steps up to the task, and all the strapping buck men CROW: [Antoine Meriwether] ...look just scrumptious in their little thong panties... > and > >confident women fail to even budge the Sabers from their > >permanent residence. TOM: Damn squatters! MIKE: Oh great... were the women groaning as well? CROW: A lot of groaning in this fanfic so far. > As this occurs, several sneaky creatures > >called MIKE: Republicans? TOM: No, Separatists. CROW: How many people are going to get that? TOM: Only those that live in Canada. > Stingwingers, begin to invade the village! Being a race > >of wimps and crybabies, CROW: French Canadians? MIKE: Hey... > Zordan: Looks like we get the usually buggers, pun not intended. > Lokar: Huh? > Zordan: The usual non-growing monsters enemies, puddies, Tangas, > Cogs, Printiastrons, TOM: Perots, Kennedies, Thurmonds... > and Quantersrons. MIKE: Yeah, the quanter-thingies. > >the people can do nothing but scream and run while the > >Stingwingers set fire to their huts and harass their peoples. CROW: They must be the PR version of Ro-Bear Berbils. > Mutcus: What I lovely batch of guys. TOM: I had no doubt. MIKE: [laughs] > Lokar: You are weird one, Mutcus > Zordan: I have a ULTAZORD headache. CROW: [Zordan] Damn, I forgot my Tylenol! > Lokar: (Rita) Don't steal lines, from my favorite villain! > Zordan: I didn't > Lokar: Did too. > Zordan: Did not. MIKE: Who's writing this? Joe Eszterhas or Dr. Thinker? TOM: This scene makes me nostalgic for "Showgirls". > Mutcus: Chill out, dudes. CROW: [Michaelangelo] And dudettes! > > One such person, a buxom TOM: Intern? MIKE: NO! No more Clinton jokes! > Mutcus: Huh? > Lokar: Huh? > Zordan: Don't know human fad word? Buxom means sexy. > Lokar & Muctus: hummmm.... CROW: [L & M] Oh, my... we just made trouser cream. MIKE: CROW! > >female named Maya, MIKE: Who somehow managed to get work here after the Third Impact. CROW: Ohh... nice and obscure. > >is focused upon simply because we all know > >she's going to be a ranger later anyway TOM: That's right! She will man the lonely outpost near Hebgen Lake! > Mutcus: (Maya) I'm show CROW: And I'm Crow, nice to meet you, Show. > just kick they back next to every send > them! But Saban wouldn't give me the Power of the Sword, until a > chicken out. CROW: It's hard to make a chicken come out of the closet. > Zordan: Nice one. It's a bit below the belt, but high that the > private parts won't show. MIKE: [Mutcus] Stop talking about my area! TOM: Freud would have a field day with Zordan. > Lokar: When you leave any one to a post, you can't help to add > hentai remarks. > Zordan: LOKAR!! > Lokar: (groans) CROW: [Lokar] Hang on... I'm passing a cue ball through my intestines... > >She runs around, and soon the first nonStingwinger > >monster of the season appears, and from what is said his name is > >either Furio or Scorpius. MIKE: [Kid Icarus] We don't care-icus! > > Zordan: Hench-goof or Big Cheese? > Lokar & Mutcus: Hench-goof. TOM: TV's Frank? CROW: Ahhh... memories... what's on TV? > Zordan: You know something, he reminds of Big Cheese from > Gingaman. CROW: Gingivitis Man? > Lokar: He's right, you know. He is missing his other claw-hand. MIKE: No he isn't, it's in his pants. TOM: Married with Children: The Movie. > >We'll go with Furio for now, just to be safe. He > >chuckles and walks amid the blazes of the village, finally > >reaching the Quasar stone. He tried his hand at removing one of > >the Sabers, but just gets hernia. CROW: So he "passed the stone" off to someone else? MIKE: Eyuck. > Lokar & Mutcus: (laughing, stops, laughing, stop) Who's hernia? > Zordan: It's when gets his or her back broken. > Lokar & Mutucs: Oh. TOM: You guys want to learn a new term? It's called, "DIE YOU STUPID IDIOTIC TWITS!! GYAH, HAHAHAHAHA!! MIKE: Tom, relax... TOM: Tee hee... brain go bye bye... brain go bye bye... CROW: I think we're losing him... MIKE: You think? > >footage. It has to be the longest opening sequence in years too. CROW: Boogie Nights? > >Bulk & The Prof get their own credits, as well as the Rangers, > >even Damon who doesn't appear yet> TOM: [head smoking slightly] He paid his agent well... > Zordan: What! I thought all Power Ranger will appear in the first > eposide, expect when changes happen. MIKE: Well... yeah... huh? > > High above Earth, orbiting at any given made up speed, is > >Terra Venture. CROW: The MIR? > Zordan: The sane sister of Ace Venture. > Lokar & Mutcus: Another good riff, Zordan. TOM: [L & M] That adds up to... two. MIKE: At this rate, they'll be funnier then Ben Stein. > >Built rather conveniently while we were in reruns, it's one huge > >momma. MIKE: From Showgirls? CROW: *burp* TOM: Oh gee, just when I had finally got her flapping breasts out of my mind. *Thanks*, *Mike*... > Mutcus: That's scary the living evil out of me. > Zordan: I'm thought your were evil. > Lokar: She's won't be getting in any more evil thoughts for a > while at least. TOM: [Lokar] I pushed her down the stairs and caused her head trauma! CROW: Mike, why is Tom so dark today? MIKE: I have no idea. > Mutcus: You get that right, Lokar. MIKE: [Mutcus] If you don't, I'll bash your crazy head in! > >The main captain of this baby is Commander Stanton, and he gives TOM: Like a skyscraper in a California earthquake. CROW: Those captains are real fragile these days. > >orders left and right for final preparations for TV CROW: Ratings? MIKE: Dinner? TOM: Show? > Lokar: It's a televison set now? > Zordan: Intialize, Lokar, is a while for fans to make sure things > are ok. Like MMPR, PRZ, PRT, PRiS, MIKE: DDX, DDFA, RUYTH, FDHIUE, BHGA, OJGY, JIGGY, LETHAL. TOM: Nice. > and PRLG. Get the picture. > Lokar: I'm in tude with that one. > Mutcus: (groans) CROW: [Mutcus, ala Shaft] I hate your 'tude, sucka! > >to leave Earth. The search to boldly go where no man has gone > >before TOM: Sudbury? > Lokar: Some better get the lawyers from Parmount on Saban's case. MIKE: Too late, the lawyers from Akira Toriyama and Bird Studio are going after them first. > Zordan: Why? > Lokar: They stolen the opening to... (Mutcus makes a drummroll > sound) STAR TREK! ALL: [hum the Star Trek Theme] > Zordan: Or Star Wars. > Mutcus: Too cute for words. MIKE: Pikachu? ALL: Awwwww! > Lokar: Or more then four. CROW: [British] Right then... Five. TOM: [British] Three, sir. > (Mutcus pick up Lokar and spins him around and tossing him in the > air. Lokar landing right on top of Mutcus.) MIKE: HI-KEEBA! > Lokar: (weakly) Give me the name of the zord that slap me around. > Zordan: (groans) CROW: [Lokar] Is that a Zord in your pocket, or are you happy to see me? MIKE: Ick... > > has to get it's start somewhere. > > Zordan: Right. Every journey, begings with one step.... > Lokar: Or one costume change. > Zordan: (laughing) Great one, Lokar. TOM: [Zordan] Now you'll get Tonya Harding mad at us. > >We meet Kendrix Morgan right off the bat, she's developing some > >kind of hybrid plants. CROW: Beware the mutant broccoli! TOM: Now this tomato is highly deformed, but cut off the eyes and it's good eating! > Mutcus: Huh? > Lokar: Smile and nod. TOM: [Lokar] Ignore the long drill that will soon protrude from your left ventricle. > >Once on the bridge, Stanton's right hand CROW: Goes up and down, up and down... MIKE: Crow... > lackey, Ummm Mike I > >believe, gazes down on Earth's majestic surface. TOM: He then hocks a huge loogie. > Mutcus: Sicking to my stomach. > Zordan: I'm guessing evil can't stand muchy momments. > Mutcus: Expect Rangers's afairs to remember. MIKE: Please let it be with the Pink Ranger... > Zordan: Even Scorpina/Adam? > Mutcus: That's the wierd human/monster crossover since > Elipctor/Anstroma. TOM: So they're talking about bestiality now? Come on! Get on with it! MIKE: Calm down, Tom. TOM: Calm down, yeah sure... > Zordan: Don't you mean, humaniod? > Muctus: Talk about foot in mouth disease. CROW: This is related to Bill Clinton, Mike... and it's not dirty! > > >Odds are he'll never see it again, because there are > >just too many plot holes from previous PR series' back there. TOM: You're bound to fall in one or two from time to time, so be careful. > Mutcus: How many? TOM: Too many pages left to go if you ask me. MIKE: He wasn't even asking that, Tom. TOM: [sobbing] I know... it's just so *long*.... CROW: At least we aren't reviewing the Eye of Argon. That makes this look like a cakewalk. > Zordan: Saban doesn't even how many plots holes that he left in > the path of history of the Power Rangers. CROW: It's roughly equivalent to the number of women Wilt Chamberlain bedded. > >Speak of the devil, MIKE: Saban? CROW: Sandy Frank? TOM: Lucien Bouchard? > Lokar & Muctus: Your call, sir? > Zordan: (groans) TOM: [Zordan] Why is it people always call me when I'm on the can?! > > >back on Earth, the shuttleports are jammed with people TOM: From the people who brought you Smuckers jam, now they bring you Shuttle port Jammed people! Only the freshest and best of the lot are picked to make this enjoyable spreadable food! > >trying to get on Terra Venture. Only a certain select amount of > >any given numberof people are > >screened and deemed fit to go. MIKE: They're known as dupes. > It seems, Professor Phenomenus CROW: Is not very phenomenus! > >pulled some strings, so he and Bulk will be going. Bulk thinks > >he may have forgot something, TOM: [Bulk] My rubber underwear!! CROW: [Skull] Hey Bulk, you're not wearing no pants! MIKE: [Bulk] I was wondering why it was so drafty... > but it totally escapes him at the > >moment. Meanwhile, back in Power Rangers continuity, Skull > >oversleeps in a peaceful slumber. MIKE: ... with visions of double hamburgers... dancing in his head. > All: (laughing) CROW: Its funny! > >Security at the spaceport toss out our new hero, Leo. Seems the > >punk doesn't have a pass to get on Terra Venture, so he's outta > >here! MIKE: Why it's kooky fun keeping people off planet Earth! CROW: This is beginning to sound like a documentary. TOM: Watch as Leo's insides are sucked out and his eyeballs explode from the vacuum of space. > >He wanders out to the back alley and kicks some garbage > >around. Then Andros walks up and kicks him in the... TOM: Nuts? MIKE: [British] All right then, I'll ro sham bo you for it. > Mutcus: In the eye socket. > Lokar: Out for blood, Mutcus? > Mutcus: Yes. TOM: Good. Then, let's drill through his Achilles heel, and then remove his fingers with pliers. MIKE: Out for blood, Tom? TOM: Yes. > > >ohh, sorry. That doesn't happen. Where was I? Ahh yes. > < CROW: Looks like the Narrator has been hitting the sauce. > Zordan: The worst monster ever made, expect for our toys > commerical. TOM: Oh, second shameless product plug. > Lokar: In your dreams, Zordan. MIKE: [Lokar] I mean, come on! Have you ever heard of Gorgo? > (Zordan fires his eye beams at Lokar. When the eletric beam is > done) > Lokar: (weakly) I'm going to kick Andross into next Tuesday! CROW: [Lokar] That way, he'll miss his Glee Club meeting! MIKE: He kicked him so hard his grandfather felt it. Ohhh! TOM: [rimshot] > > The old lady whom we saw a minute ago in the terminal > >is walking through the alleyway, thinking "Hey! Alleys are > >always safe!" MIKE: [lady] It's good to play in traffic! Rabid dogs make great pets! CROW: [lady] And don't forget to eat the yellow snow. It's tasty. > Zordan: You know when a post is bad, when it tries to be funny. > Lokar: You get that right. TOM: You know when a -- MIKE: Don't, Tom. > >when she's confronted by three unarmed thugs. They want her > >passport to Terra Venture, CROW: But she had American Express. > and will take it by force even if > >unnecessary (but there are three of them! One passport, three > >guys, Hello?! Dumb brutes...) Luckily, Leo is sulking nearby, TOM: Oh, another "get the disk" plot. > Lokar: (Leo) I should have been on VR Trooper. > Zordan & Mutcus: (laughs) MIKE: [Z & M] Oh, the résumé stain show!! > >and jumps into the ruckus. He defends the old woman, CROW: Purveyor of good, Defender of the old, he is LEO! TOM: Eh, doesn't have a good ring to it. > >takes her > >passport, shows it to the thugs and quickly slips it out of it's > >holder and into his own pocket. CROW: Unfortunately, it is covered with melted candy bar. > The thugs are all nearsighted > >and don't even notice this obvious move, and what do you know, > >they all get in a fight. MIKE: This brings back memories of "Invasion of the Neptune Men". > Leo bounces around on a couch, > >throws a chair, and tosses a thug into a shopping cart. CROW: [Leo] Good thing I had my Wheaties! > The old > >lady does a flying drop kick and ends the fight, it turns out > >she's Kat. Just kidding, MIKE: [MC] Thank you! That was the Narrator! Support live comedy, and be sure to tip your waitress! > Zordan: Rangers did not kid each other! > Lokar: Light-up. Blue Boy. This post was posted by a fan. > Zordan: I'm was trying to be funny. > Mutcus: (groans) TOM: [Mutcus] It's almost out now!! > > > Scratch that last line. MIKE: Why? CROW: It has crabs. MIKE: Yuck... > Anyway, the thugs overtake Leo, and > >snatch the passport holder and run off. CROW: Then they give him a huge wedgie. > The old broad believes > >she lost her pass, but Leo surprises her with the actual thing > >which he saved by sleight of hand. MIKE: They then have lots of sex. [realizes who he's talking about.] Urp... > She's pleased as a punching > >bag, TOM: How about a funbag? MIKE: [laughs] > but wonders why he isn't going, since the new world > >needs young men like him. CROW: Stripping guarantees citizenship! > Elderly Woman wanders off, TOM: Followed by Senior Man, they go off to fight evil! > >ready to go > >die out in space away from her loved ones, as the last shuttle > >is preparing to leave for Terra Venture. MIKE: The narrator must have been denied the Geritol endorsement. > Zordan: Where did Saban get the NASA shuttle? > Lokar: Does the phrase, "smile and nod" ring a bell? > Zordan: Oh. TOM: Yes, and while you smile and nod, the government will dump another $3 trillion into boondoggle programs. > > >Leo checks out some flyers pasted to the alleyway's wall, "Terra > >Venture: Adventure... for a Lifetime!" The old lady haunts him MIKE: Hey, looks like she kicked off early. > >with her words, and we find ourselves back on Terra V. Mike, CROW: Wow!! That Terra V. Mike is one big dude! MIKE: Honey: I Shrunk the Audience 2. > >Kendrix and our new buddy Kai are suiting up for the final TOM: Exams... the math final would be a killer. > >training mission on the moon, before the space station takes > >off for outer space. Back down on Earth, the final Space Shuttle CROW: ... is delayed due to inclement weather. MIKE: [singing] It's the final space shuttle... > >prepares for departure, and some guys are checking all baggage > >to make sure everything is secure. Leo sneaks around, hoping to MIKE: ... cop a feel. > >hitch a ride, but brings attention to himself by knocking > >something over. CROW: [imitates a shattering noise] TOM: Idiot! You knocked over the precious Ming vase! > Lokar: A televison airing "Mystic Knight of Tired of Nog". > Zordan: Great once, mighty Dragon. > Lokar: I thought one was bad, Zordan. MIKE: They're all bad. TOM: They're all horrid! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!! CROW: Whoa! MIKE: Time out, Tom. You need a rest. TOM: [sobbing] I'm sorry... it's just so stupid and inane... > >The baggage men give chase, but Leo hops inside a pickup cart CROW: Action scenes written by the author of X-Raider. > >and is loaded onto the shuttle without anyone finding. I could > >be wrong, but that main baggage guy looks like Ed Neil, whom we > >all know as Lord Zedd. Is Zeddie working menial jobs now? CROW: [Zedd] Yeah, I had one of those intern scandals... little did I know that they really *don't* enhance your career. > Zordan: I'm having a MEGAZORD headache. > Lokar: Just smile and nod. > Zordan: I'm trying too. TOM: *THRILL* as they smile and nod! CROW: Edge of your seat *NODDING* action!! MIKE: This is the best part of the fic. > >The shuttle lifts off from the third rock from the sun, CROW: And immediately lands on Ally McBeal. MIKE: Yes! > as we > >end up in Mirinoi once more. Furio is furious and quite cheesed TOM: And creamed, too. > >he can't get the Sabers out of the rock. MIKE: [Hans] He's a little girlie man, yes? TOM: [Frans] Yeah, he doesn't have manly muscles like we do! CROW: [Hans] He's a little bag of flab compared to us. > Zordan: Simple. He's evil! > Lokar: I'm thought you erased all evil with your beam. > Zordan: Not quite, just in the dimisonal that I was captured by > that ol' brother of Maligore, Dark Sceptor. CROW: He's Dark Starr's cousin. MIKE: Once removed. > >He pitches a fit and we watch Maya sprint through the jungles, > being chased by Stingwingers. MIKE: Bounce... bounce... bounce... TOM: Charlie's Angels 2000! > Mutcus: Nike! Just do it! > Lokar: Shamefull shoe plug number #1. > Zordan: Shamefull? I'm thought it was Shameless. > Lokar: Oh, well. Nobody is perfect. CROW: [Lokar] Lay off! I know I suck! MIKE: You can't help but feel sorry for the guy. He tries so hard. > > Ever see "2001: A Space Odyssey"? You should, it's > >a great film. MIKE: I calculate that this fic is 50% credits, 25% asinine asides, 15% exposition, and %10 story. > Lokar: Not as great as the Green Ranger saga. > Mutcus: I prefer the White Light saga. > Zordan: I like the whole Power Ranger saga, itself. > Lokar & Mutcus give Zordan the "Your are the Weirdo, here." look. CROW: Your new "are the Weirdo" comes with AM/FM radio, power steering, bucket seats, and a 10-year warranty! > >If you have, this scene is either a great rip-off or a great > >homage. TOM: Titanic? > Zordan: (DAVE from "2001: A Space Odyssey) STOP THIS THING! > Lokar: (HAL from "2001: A Space Odyssey) Sorry, David. I'm can't > not do this. > Mutcus: That's was too wierd for my taste. MIKE: [George Jetson] Jaaaaaane, stop this crazy thing! CROW: Please? TOM: Sorry, we left hopeful wishing at the first door. CROW: I snuck mine in. Heh heh... > >The shuttle is slowly gliding out of the atmosphere, TOM: Astro-glide! > to the > >same classical tune used in 2001 when the shuttle was docking CROW: ... with a St. Bernard. MIKE: Crow... > >with the space station. It's much shorter a scene here, as Leo > >creeps out of the luggage compartments and into the main cabin. MIKE: Watch as our intrepid hero *SNEAKS* into the main cabin! > >Can't get enough TOM: [Barry Manilow] Of your love, babe... > Mutcus: (Saban) fans to watch my new series! > Zordan: (groans) CROW: Well, it's true. TOM: Hey! Power Rangers is a very good show! CROW: Oh yeah?! Then explain all the reused footage in the second and third season. TOM: ... > >of this 2001 thing, though, even the flight attendants are > >dressed alike! (no antigravity walking, though) MIKE: Their budget ran out. TOM: Must be flying Northwest again. CROW: No, if they were flying Northwest, they would have been insulted by the stewardess a few times by now. > Lokar: In Sailor Fukus! > Zordan: Shameless DIC plug number #1. TOM: If you ask me, *everything* about DiC is shameless. > >Leo sits near a little girl, and soon scopes out the view CROW: Down her shirt? MIKE: CROW!!! CROW: What? It's a perfectly legitimate question! This guy could be a pervert for all we know. MIKE: Well, you got a point there. > from > >her window, as the shuttle successfully docks with the massive > >Terra Venture space colony. TOM: Next they go to the Terra Uranus space colony. MIKE: Terra Venture! Building your future alongside 3M! > Zordan: (kid) Do I have a take a bath here? > Lokar: (adult) Yes, you do. CROW: [adult] Flies are NOT cool. > >Soon, Bulk & Professor Phenom are among those passing through > >the final terminals into Terra Venture. Bulk is racking his MIKE: ... balls? > and > >the Prof's brain as to what they forgot. Prof checks his bag, > >and once they get to the anti-alien gel, it hits TOM: Him in the head, killing him. The end. CROW: My my, aren't we dark today? > Mutucs: (evil Goldar) like me tosses a bus? > Lokar: (off-screen) Mutcus! Don't do that! CROW: I'm bus-intolerant! > >them like a ton of bricks on the skull. Back on Earth, Skull > >awakens, chest exposed, MIKE: [Blaine Edwards] Nipples erect... CROW: Chest forward... TOM: Butt pushed out... > dumbfounded to the alarm that's been > >going off. He just as quickly goes back to sleep, new world? CROW: I dunno, you tell us! > >He's got the bed to himself for a change, yippee! MIKE: So he can *get in touch* with himself. CROW: [singing] When I think about you, I touch myself... Ohhhh... > Anyway, on > >Terra Venture, TOM: Not just any adventure, but a *Terra*venture. CROW: [rimshot] > >Leo is traveling the same area Bulk & Prof just > >came out of, whom he passes. ALL: [snicker] MIKE: Don't you mean try to? TOM: Whoo boy, Bulk and two other people in the same hallway. Someone's *bound* to get squashed. > >Bulk & Phenom are crying their eyes > >out, having forgotten their longtime pal. TOM: Then their eyes roll into a ventilation duct, never to be seen again. > Leo is at awe over the MIKE: Seine River? CROW: The Nile? TOM: The Mississippi? > >rich and expanse surroundings of the incredibly expansive city > >of Terra V. CROW: Hey, I heard it was expansive! TOM: Me too! MIKE: His Copy/Paste function is being burned out... > As he rides the escalator, security spots CROW: ... appear in very personal places... TOM: Be sure to check with your gynecologist about them today. > him and he > >makes a quick about face, running for his freedom and future! CROW: [Professor Totora Maximus] Run! Run like hell! > >Bonk, he accidentally slams into Kendrix, TOM: And Kendrix befriends Bonk. MIKE: The Return of Bonk's Adventure! > and as he helps her > >up, everyone can easily tell this is going to be the first > >Pink/Red Ranger romance since Tommy & Kat. CROW: How about Tommy and Cheech? > Zordan: What about Andross and Cassie? > Lokar: Looks like Andross did a number on your brain. > Zordan: Oh, brother! MIKE: [Zordan] ... I defile your memory... > >Security is on his stowingaway tail, so he makes a break for it. TOM: [Announcer] Security is slowly creeping up on the outer lane, but Leo is keeping the lead on the inner lane! > >The guards ask Kendrix & Kai if they saw Leo come this way, but > >she shuts Kai up and gives them no help in finding him. CROW: Instead. she helps them find out why they call her "Frenchie". MIKE: [shivers] > More > >chasing, and finally Leo slips TOM: ...one up his tailpipe? MIKE: Tom... > on a helmet he finds, hoping to > >disguise himself. It works, he loses the guards, but the suit > >he chose just happens to be that of the defense soldiers, and CROW: The bad guys rip his heart out and nail it to a wall. The end. MIKE: So just wearing a helmet, he's suddenly disguised and invisible to the guards. TOM: It's one of those all body encompassing helmets, Mike. > Zordan: He gets smile by a evil dead bug. > Lokar: Your getting better all the time, Zordan. TOM: [commercial announcer] Your getting better includes a... aw, forget it. > > >he's quickly whisked into lineup with the rest of the men and > >women going to the moon for defense exercises. Reluctant to do > >anything but go with the flow, he MIKE: ... starts bogarting the joints. > ends up inside a craft along > >with Kai & Kendrix. He attempts to keep himself unseen by CROW: ... doing naked jumping jacks. > >them, and soon the craft arrives on the moon (which recently > >gained air, man the not-too-distant future is great, eh?) TOM: Looks like the writers for "ThunderCats" have a timeshare with Power Rangers. > and > >the troops all pile out for their final defensive drill. Within > >moments the soldiers are spreading out and flanking all over the > >lunar surface, which is littered with live explosives. MIKE: That's right... stomp about on the moon littered with live explosives... TOM: Now, you with the cigarette, drop it onto the small patch of gasoline. > Leo & > >Kendrix end up together, CROW: K-I-S-S-I-N-G! > and sparks fly as Leo gets her moving TOM: Heh, it went hentai on us. > >upon seeing an explosive right near them. There's a huge > >fireball and they barely make it out without getting their > >uniforms smudged. MIKE: On the outside, that is. CROW: [Leo] Damn!! Trouser chili! > Kai rushes over to see if she's all right, as > >Leo takes off his helmet. CROW: Along with his toupee. > Kendrix is giddy to see him, and > >Kai is ready to smash his stowaway face in. TOM: So she does. With an iron boot. > Remember Mike from > >earlier? ALL: NO! > He runs over to check up on the group, and TA CROW: Charlie's Angels? > -DA, > >reveals Leo is his little brother. Big Bro is not happy to see > >his young Bro here, MIKE: Young bro! TOM: Big bro! MIKE: Young bro! TOM: Big bro! CROW: Quit it! [Mike and Tom chuckle.] > >as Terra Venture is never coming back to > >Earth, but they both share the same need for adventure so Leo > >doesn't care. MIKE: Why doesn't Leo care? Film at 11. > Back on Mirinoi, Maya is still being chased by > >Stingwingers, whom have begun firing at her with their CROW: Johnsons? MIKE: Heeey... > >eyeblasts! She's desperate for help, which she gets suddenly as > >she rushes into a vortex portal! BOTS: Do do doo do... do do doo do... do do doo do... MIKE: You are entering a dimension not of sight or sound, but of CRAP. You are entering the Ranger Zone. TOM: Don't you just hate when you're running around, minding your own business, and jump into a dimensional vortex? Really ruins my day... > It spits her out, conveniently, TOM: Of course. MIKE: [Church lady] How convieeeeeent. > >right in the same place on the moon our gang of new friends are > >standing. She rolls down the hill, CROW: [singing] And through the woods to grandmother's house we go! > >and ends up between the > >brooding brothers. MIKE: [Leo & Mike] Huh huh... we're gonna make a LMM sandwich! CROW: [Maya] Somehow I doubt it stands for Lettuce, Mayo & Mustard... > She attempts to get away, but they block her TOM: So now it's 3rd and 6. MIKE: You know, I really can't get interested in this football game. > >in, hoping to get some answers. Stingwingers following in > >formation, and the fighting begins. The brothers get > >tossed CROW: ... salads? MIKE: One more nasty comment, Crow... TOM: Ugh. > aside by the buggy baddies CROW: Bippies? > soon enough. TOM: Is when this fanfic is going to end, right? Right? > > > > Zordan: (Dark Scepters) Do you Anstormaso? The complete evil > breakfast? MIKE: Hey, it's Zordan! Four hours later! TOM: We've missed you, man... > Lokar: I'M CALLING A END TO SABAN HUMOR LINES, PLEASE! CROW: Thank you! > > > Maya is targeted by the Stingwingers, and defends > >herself as best she can, TOM: Quickly, she calls in Eva-01 to deal with the situation. > >before the others start to help out. MIKE: Then they are all captured and destroyed. > >Finally, after punching and kicking does no good, CROW: She tries bitch-slapping. > >Kai fires a > >laserblast across their path and the three Stingwingers show off > >how they got their names, TOM: The Statler Brothers? > spouting wings and taking off > >back into the vortex. CROW: [Leo] I'd like to spout something too... MIKE: [hits Crow] CROW: Owww! Jeez Mike, settle down. > Mutcus: Looks like a new great puddies for us! Saban out did > himself! MIKE: He bored himself? That's pretty bad. > Lokar: No argument there, Mutcus. > Zordan: That's goes double for me! TOM: [Zordan] Now if I could learn the proper use of "'s". > >Maya introduces herself, and mentions her > >planet Mirinoi which nobody has ever heard of. Leo wants to go CROW: ... pottie? TOM: Knowing Leo, he probably already did. > >into the portal with her, but Mike sends him with Kai back to > >Terra Venture, which is leaving in a few hours. MIKE: Crews are repairing the track ahead. > >Mike & Kendrix will go with Maya by themselves, but Leo proves > >to be slippery as ever, CROW: [giggles] MIKE: [sighs] > escaping from Kai's clutches and making > >a leap into the vortex. If you missed this ep, it's gonna be > >reaired next Friday. TOM: Where? Where? What Friday? MIKE: King Friday? > Mutcus: Double the pain, Frank! CROW: .. with Doublemint gum! > > > > Zordan: I'm really hate these lines! > Lokar: Get use to them! MIKE: [Lokar] We're used to you! > >\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > >_NEXT TIME:_ CROW: Barnaby Jones gets caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse. > Mutcus: The Rangers Get Killed. The End! TOM: Awwwww... CROW: Fanboy! MIKE: Come on guys, we're almost done. > Zordan: Not on your life, Mutcus! MIKE: [Zordan] It will be on *my* life. CROW: That Zordan, what a card! > >The Astro Megaship takes off from it's resting place in the > >convention center! (is Damon involved?) TOM: With the Astro-megathingy... yeah, sure. > Lokar: You bet your Morpin Coin on it! > Zordan: (groans) MIKE: [Zordan] Don't mention the Morpin Coin, it makes me colicy! TOM: How much fibre was Zordan eating before this anyway? > >Somehow all six of main cast members end up at the Quasar Rock, > >and five pull out the sabers. TOM: The sixth pulls out-- MIKE: No. > The battle with Scorpius' forces CROW: ... only serves to pad the show. TOM: Hey now, Scorpius's appearance did a lot for the show! CROW: Yeah right. And how long was she *in* the show for? A few episodes? TOM: ... > >continues, and Mike ends up falling into a huge crack TOM: Leo! Pull your pants up! MIKE: Heh, heh, good one! > in the > >ground. He gives Leo his Saber before falling to his doom CROW: [Mike] Help! I've plummeted to my death and I can't get up! > of > >being saved for later usage in the series, and soon the Rangers > >Morph and the series finally gets moving. We hope. TOM: So... can anybody tell me what this was about again? MIKE: I dunno... but have you ever noticed that huge spider web in the ceiling? CROW: No, really? [Mike and the Bots look up at the ceiling.] > > Zordan: Ok! That's so morph's body looks like something some > Charlie Brown. CROW: [looking at the screen now] So now he just gets his kite stuck up in trees instead of fighting evil, right? > Lokar: Hey! The more look like a good armor. Let's give it a > change. CROW: A sex change! > Zordan: JOKE!. > Lokar: Oh. TOM: You know's things aren't going good when you have to tell someone you just told a joke. > > >\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ > >/\/\/\ > >\/\/\/ MIKE: [singing] Down to Fraggle Rock! > Mutcus: What is this newgroups into waves for? > Zordan: The \ and / are almost endanger of dying out. CROW: Yeah, tell me about it. Slash is a dying art. > >/\/\/\ > >\/\/\/ > >/\ > >\/ > >/\ > >\/ > >/\/\/\ > >/\/\/ > >/\/\/\ > >\/\/\/ TOM: Never a good idea to use an incomplete trellis, it's tacky. > >Spoilers above for the FIRST POWER RANGERS LOST GALAXY! MIKE: What's the point? Text files never load from the bottom! CROW: Maybe Sir Stack uses one of those rebellious Slovakian computers. > Mutcus: Be glad that you have all ready read it. > Zordan: Ok. MIKE: [Zordan, singing] Don't worry... be happy! > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > >Jesse Lee TOM: Helms? > > Mutcus: What you get when cross a Ryhorn with a female human and > of course, the first Red Ranger. > Zordan: That was a bad one. MIKE: I'll say. Any Power Rangers show is bad. TOM: Hey now... > > > >Sir STACK @ aol.com CROW: I sure wouldn't want to slam him... oh, wait... we did. > Lokar: Get e-mail save is my Address. TOM: Spam Filtered, and here we go! MIKE: Let's get out of here. [Mike and the bots walk up to the door but it doesn't open.] CROW: Hey! [pounds on the door] What gives? It's over! DR.FORESTER: [PA] No it's not. You've still got the end of the MST to suffer through. BWAHAHAHAHAA!!! [Mike and the bots grumble a bit but sit back down.] > > > (Lose The "Galaxy" To Reply) CROW: Oh great going...we give you some responsibility and what happens? You *lose* the galaxy! > > Mutcus: Spammer Trick MIKE: I never knew he could make castles with spam. > Zordan: Huh? > Mutcus: A spammer trick is a trick to trick Spammers > Zordan: Oh. TOM: Makes perfect sense... [heads smokes slightly] MIKE: You okay? TOM: Uh... just fried a few wires. > > >\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ CROW: Now *those* are some killer pothole. > > Zordan: You can go back into the water now! MIKE: You don't need to do that. We already know you're all wet. TOM: Someone must have played the "Caddyshack" gag on them. > > ------------------------------------------------------------ > (DIMISONAL REST STOP. Zordan, and this friends are in three > chairs. ALL: [hum the _Friends_ theme] > > Zordan: So that was good. > Lokar: Agreed. I'm like the new Pink Ranger. MIKE: All looks and no brains? TOM: Hey... CROW: Fanboy. > Her body may not be > hot, but she's looks like the brains of the new team. > Mutcus: You know, I'm going to wanding about Maya, CROW: [Mutcus] Maya is such a nice place this time of year. Nice and sunny weather all summer long. > and the > knowegle of the history of that planet, Mirinoi to help them. > Zordan: One of these day, may be I saw them. Anywhere, where are > you going? TOM: Insane. You wanna come? > Mutcus: Beat me. I'm going explore. > Lokar: If you do get called by evil. Make sure you do your worst! > Mutcus: You got it! MIKE: Unfortunately, Mutcus's idea of evil is tearing the tags off beds and returning pop bottles with the cap missing. CROW: What a cad. > Zordan: See you, Lokar! I'm other exploring myself. > Lokar: Ok! Try to make a new Rangers force if possible. > Zordan: Ok. > >==============================================================>=== > THE END ALL: Hooray! TOM: The two best words in this entire fanfic! > ----------------------------------------------------------------- > So how did you like my first non-normal MiSTing. ALL: No comment. > E-mail at > winkstwo@sssnet.com > ----------------------------------------------------------------- > CROW: Yes! It's over! Lets get out of here. MIKE: You'll get no argument from me. TOM: And we can test out something new! MIKE: [picking up Tom and heading for the door] Like what? TOM: Oh, wait and see. [Mike and the bots exit the theater.] [DOOR SEQUENCE... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7...] Once again, the set of the classic family sitcom was fixed up on the bridge of the SOL, but had some minor changes to it. Instead of pictures of the family, there was now pictures of religious symbols from all types of religions. Mike, now dressed up as a priest, looked down at Tom, who was currently dressed as a nun. "Now Tom, what have I told you about this? Remember the last time you tried this? You ended up breaking down and crying," Mike reminded him. "Oh, come now, Mike. Where's your sense of curiosity? And besides, that was based upon family sitcoms from the fifties. This is different," the red robot proclaimed. "And how is this different? Besides all the religious stuff," Mike asked. "Well Mike, by basing our family structure on that of a bunch of religious zealots, I'm sure that we can all get along just fine drifting in space," Tom replied. He hovered around, looking about. "Now where is our nutty priest in training?" That was when Crow walked in, dressed all in black leather with the symbol of Satan on his leather jacket. "Screw you! You suck!" he started to say. "Oh my precious son! How have you been corrupted?" Tom asked while Mike stared on, surprised and not quite surprised. "I was watching Lion King and I saw a dirty word in the clouds!" Crow said in an over-exaggerated child's voice. "So... so... I was influenced and I rebelled! So screw you! You suck! And teletubbies! They're cool! Even the pink purse wearing one!" "Oh our poor child has been influenced by the evil of society! What do we do? He's ruined for life," Tom said, beginning to sob uncontrollably and leaning on Mike. "There there, sister Tom. Everything will be okay," Mike said in a monotone voice. The red light started to blink and he taped it. "On second thought, scratch that. The Mads are calling..." "Screw you! You suck!" Crow said, passing in front of Cambot. "Oh where did we go wrong?" Tom cried. Down in the depths of Deep 13, Dr. Forrester cursed over the blackened remains of his invention, and then proceeded to scowl at his more blackened assistant. "Well Mike, I see you and your little tin cans aren't drooling idiots yet. So I suppose I shall have to postpone taking over the world. Until later... push the button, Frank," Dr. Forrester said. Wobbling rather dangerously, the assistant toppled forward and hit his head on the button. *BLIP!!!* \ / \ / \ / 0 / \ / \ / \ *FWOOOOOSSSSSSSSSHHHH!!!* "Next time, *I'm* putting the invention together," Dr. Forrester could be heard muttering... ________________________________________________________________________ Please send any C & C to Jamie Jeans at: xwing@uniserve.com Please send any C & C to Seth C.Triggs at: trigsc41@buffalostate.edu 6 March 1999