Koopa Double Feature MSTed by Seth C. Triggs (trigsc41@buffalostate.edu) Well, folks...here I am again, with two small, strange fics which are mildly incoherent. This MSTing is a harmless satire and should be treated as such. No offense is intended. :) Well, on with the show!! [SoL] MIKE: Hello! I'm Mike Nelson, and this is the Satell... [CROW barges in and spears MIKE in the gut.] MIKE: Aaarrghhh!! [falls down] CROW: Hmmm...he saw me coming...why didn't his eyes bulge out? MIKE: [getting up from floor] Croowww... TOM: Gypsy! Now!! [GYPSY, grasping a balsa wood plank, snaps it over MIKE's head. *CRACK*] MIKE: Ugghh... [just before he falls down again, sees that Commercial Sign is lit] MIKE: We'll be right back... [thump] GYPSY: Ooohh...where are the birdies? [commercials] [MIKE has a bandage on his head, with an angry expression] MIKE: What did I tell you about watching cartoons and imitating them!! So what were you doing now? CROW: Um, we were watching cartoons...and...imitating them... [red MADs light flashes] MIKE: I'll deal with you two later. Baba Yaga's calling. [hits light] [Winged Microbus of Doom] PEARL: Aaah, Mike...so nice to see you...NOT! Anyway, after thrashing Bobo for losing the movie last week, I was inspired by his ultra-lame cover-up... a double-dosage of pain and fun!! So I guess *I'll* give it a try!!! [SoL] CROW: No!! Not more anti-fics!! [WMoD] PEARL: [faux-sweetly] Aww, sweetie...I'm not going to give you an anti-fic...I'm going to give you...Koopa. [SoL] ALL: KOOPA?! TOM: So...you're giving us a Mario Brothers fic? [shudder] [WMoD] PEARL: No, dipstick. Koopa, as in Domo. The next coming of Dr. Thinker. And you're going to see two little nuggets of joy...think of it as an omen of things to come...BWAH,HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!...Here it comes! [SoL] CROW: I've got a bad feeling about this...Dr. Thinker? [Lights and klaxon go off] ALL: We've got KOOPA SIGN!!! [Dog Bone,6,5,4,3,2,*] Teenage Mutant Samuri Cats MIKE: *Teenage Mutant Samuri Cats* TOM: It's a...crossover...between Samurai Pizza Cats and Ninja Turtles? CROW: This is going to hurt, isn't it? By Koopa ALL: [singing] DA DA DAT DA DAT DAT! Note: Due to the fact I don't want to bother with all the Turtle's long names, I'm shortening them to their nick names. This story was inspired by some one's suggestion in the SPC Message Board. TOM: So, I guess that suggestion was, "Could you make a horribly wrong crossover?" Narrator: This is another story of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Wait... No, I mean the Samuri Pizza Cats.... Wait.... I was right the first time? OK? MIKE: [Koopa] I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. BOTS: Good one, Mike. This is a story of both the Samuri Pizza Cats and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Hey, didn't those turtles get old and retire? CROW: [Raphael, old] When I was your age, we didn't have all these fancy lasers and gismos and things! We had to use hand-to-hand combat...! Speedy: Hey, guys, look at this! Narrator: Any way, at the parlor, Speedy calls the other's attention to the TV. TOM: The *other's*? MIKE: I guess the other Pizza Cats were eaten by grues. Guido: What? Is the Odd Couple on? Polly: Oh... I hope it's I Love Lucy! CROW: [Speedy] Or Newhart!! Man, I love that show!! Speedy: Neither, it's the news. Polly: What?! TOM: [Polly] I thought you were watching Nick at Nite! Guido: Why did you call us out here if it was the news? MIKE: [Speedy] Because the rest of the story depends on it! Work with me here, people! Speedy: Cuz, crazy robots were attacking Spritz's store while he as away on vacation, and some one else, besides us, stopped them. CROW: That wouldn't be the Ninja Turtles, would it? TOM: All of a sudden, Speedy talks like Oscar? Polly:Must be Big Cheese. MIKE: [Polly] Because we have no other villains on this show. CROW: What about Jerry Atrick? and Bad Bird? MIKE: Well, I don't know... Guido: Then why didn't Al call us? Speedy: Well... Lets call him and ask. Narrator: And so they did. TOM: No, really? Al: I know Big Cheese didn't do it this time. Speedy: How do you know that? Al: Because, I was questioning Big Cheese, about stealing Vi's lunch, at the time when Spritz's store was attacked. CROW: An airtight, stupid alibi. MIKE: The Cheese has been taking stupid pills again... Guido: Couldn't that old guy, Jerry Atric send robots out? Al: Yea, but when I saw the remains of the robots, at the attacked site, the robots were labeled. They were made in Japan. TOM: Nowadays, they would be made in Mexico. Speedy: Huh? Polly: Every thing here is made in Japan! CROW: [Polly] Thanks to the wonder of Zinc Oxide. Al: Oh... Well, maybe you 3 should look at the attacked site your self. Speedy: On our way! Narrator: To save money on webspace, we skip ahead to when the cats are suited up and at the shop. Just as they get there, Spritz gets home from his Vacation. MIKE: Um, Koopa...gags like that don't work with text. Spritz: Hey guys... What happen to my shop?! TOM: Uh-oh...Spritz is now being guest dubbed by Carl Macek... The windows are shattered! You guys wern't playing baseball near here again, were you? Speedy: No, we got a mystery on our hands. CROW: Any minute now, Scooby Doo's going to show up. Polly: Two robots were attacking your shop. Guido: Then some body else, besides us stopped them. MIKE: [Guido] It's *OUR* turf!! We're the superheroes in this part of town! Spritz: Maybe it was one of the other B-Team? Speedy: Ummmm... We'll check into that, for now we must look at the remains of the robots that were destroyed. TOM: Because we have to provide a little more exposition for those who are too slow to figure out that it's the Ninja Turtles. Narrator: The 4 looked at the trash heep. One was completely trashed, the other had holes in it. The holes looked like they were made by Sai weapons. CROW: Funny, I don't remember the Narrator ever getting this in depth. TOM: [Narrator] Hey! Bite me! Polly: Doesn't look like any thing Big Cheese has ever made? Guido: Look! There are whips hidden inside them. Spritz: Plus they look like trash cans with wheels on them. MIKE: Uhhhhh...wha? Speedy: Well... There isn't any calling card or any thing. Guess we better go home and rest on it. Guido: No way! I bet you any thing that more robots will attack again and will be stopped by the same people. We just have to go patrolling the city tonight to wait for them. CROW: Uhhh, why? Couldn't they just be happy that maybe someone's giving them a hand? TOM: Well, that would sort of contradict the plot. CROW: There's a plot? Speedy: I bet you 50 bucks! TOM: Wrong!! They don't have bucks in Japan! You BOTH lose!! MIKE: Tom, take it easy, please... Guido: Your on! CROW: [Speedy] What about my on? Polly: *Sigh* There goes my beauty sleep. Guido: Don't worry Polly, not like any one will notice a difference. TOM: Cue gratuitous retaliatory violence... Narrator: After a trip to the infirmary, the cats go out patrolling that night. They stay close together. Polly: Can we move a little bit apart? I can't breath! Guido: OK, lets move apart a few inches. MIKE: [Polly] No, you don't GET it, do you? Smeg off! Speedy: See any thing yet? Guido: Not a thing. Polly: Good thing I got some sleep at the hospital. Guido: Look! Robots! CROW: Just a minute now...I know they're on a collision course with wackiness! Speedy: Their attacking Luccile's tea shop......! Heres your 50 bucks Guido.... TOM: And they're in Japan!! That's like giving him 200,000 pesos! Guido: Thank you. Polly: Fine, then we can go home. CROW: Sounds good to me [gets up] MIKE: No, Crow. Guido: Why? Polly: Cuz, Luccile will get mad and blow them away. MIKE: Good point. Speedy: No! We go in there and face the enemy, fight for truth, justice, and the American way! CROW: You're in Japan, ya doorknob! Guido: We're in Japan. CROW: Thanks, Guido... TOM: You know, I think that they try *too* hard to break the fourth wall. They're actually *blowing up* the fourth wall. Polly: Speedy, you only want to go in there to look good in front of Luccile! Speedy: Yea right! I'm doing it for that and Because each time I save her, she gives me a 10% coupon for tea. Now lets go! MIKE: That...has to be the absolute DUMBEST reason to save anybody while risking their life that I have ever heard!!! CROW: Looks like Big Cheese isn't the only one taking stupid pills. Narrator: Yet, when the cats get there, Luccile is already in the robot's hands. Luccile: Speedy, help me! Speedy: Just blow your top! MIKE: She's Mr. Bucket! CROW: [lightly hums the "Mr. Bucket" theme song] Luccile: But there holding down my top! Polly: There going under ground, lets follow! TOM: *What*'s there going under ground? Narrator: The cats go down the hole in the ground after the robots. When the hole ends, it leads to a huge robotic, ball like, tank thingy, that is underground. What the heck is that?! MIKE: ['dumb' voice] Daaaahhh..it's the Technodrome! Speedy: Their taking her in. Lets follow! Narrator: Suddenly 4 people drop down the hole and confront the cats. Speedy: You! Leo: You! CROW: Yoo hoo!!! Speedy and Leo: You copy right invaders! Guido: Who are these guys? Speedy: Ageing ninja turtles, that agreed to never step onto our show ever! TOM: What? Okay, this is just *too* silly for words!!! MIKE: Looks like MWS has been breaking the fourth wall too... Leo: Well, our old enemy is back, some how, and has started to rob the city and attack it. CROW: [Leonardo] And do lots of other stuff too. Polly: So why not call us? TOM: [Polly] After all, it's our show...even though we're being used in a bad crossover... Don: Cuz... We miss the super hero biz. Narrator: For those readers who are slow, I'll bring you up to date. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, went into retirement and moved to little Tokyo when they got too old. Their main enemy is Shredder, and Krang. Don't ask me why their back or how, they just are. MIKE: [Narrator] Because all it seems to be to me is a cheesy plot contrivance! Speedy: That big tank, it's from your show, right? Leo: Yes. Why? Speedy: Well, Luccile has been kidnaped, for a reason only known to the writer, CROW: And a complete idiot. MIKE: Watch it, Crow...remember Nightman. TOM: "Your brain is turned to EVIL!" [snicker] and you guys must know your way around it? Mike: We sure do, dude! CROW: Hey, Mike...you seem to have turned to a stoner. MIKE: Crow...that's not me, that's Michaelangelo!! Speedy: Come again? Mike: Dude? Don't you know what that means? Speedy: Is that from a rap song? Any way, can you help us? TOM: Ehhhh? Leo: OK, we will help you. CROW: I guess Koopa got this little haiku from Dr. Thinker. MIKE: Well, he's got the Thinker-esque plotline down, but I can't see any incoherence yet! Maybe Pearl was just trying to scare us. Narrator: So the 7 broke into the tank thingy. Guido: Strange technologically? TOM: Umm, Guido, could you speak in complete sentences? Don: It's from Dimention X. Made by Krang. We thought it was stuck in another world. Polly: Maybe the writer just couldn't come up with the right plot to bring it back Guido: Or he can't remember much from the days when he liked TMNT. CROW: I think that the fourth wall has been completely obliterated. And what's worse is that he keeps reminding us! MIKE: My head is hurting. Don: This way. Ralph: Watch your step, there are traps all around this area. Guido: Wonder why we haven't been attacked yet? TOM: Because it's a movie cliché. Bad guys only attack in equal numbers, unless the good guy is all powerful and can whip them all on at once. Or, they all wait in one place and ambush. CROW: You know, Tom, you don't have to analyze the story. It's just a fanfic, so relax. Leo: Here's the door to the main room. Let get in. Speedy, if you may? Narrator: Speedy and Leo used their swords to chop down the door and get in. Once the doors were open they saw a bunch of robotic foot soldiers waiting for them. TOM: I am right again. Ralph: Oh-no! Evil warlords! MIKE: Who's Ralph? CROW: Must be Raphael's brother. Mike: No. Don't you remember, their the Foot Soilders. Ralph: Yea. I knew that. TOM: [Raphael] Note to myself...always take my Gin-sana tablets. Speedy: I can take care of this. Polly and Guido: We can too! Narrator: So, here, the 3 cats use all their slashes to destroy all the robots in the room in one bang. After the dust clears. TOM: [Narrator] You buy that? Leo: Impressive power! Narrator: Then a man in a metal mask with a cape came down. MIKE: [singing] The Phaaaaaaaantom of the Opera is here... Leo: The Shredder! Speedy: The who? Shredder: Welcome turtles. (Pulls Luccile from behind himself.) ALL: EWWWWWWWW!!! I got your little freind. CROW: [Shredder] And Lucille too. MIKE: Crow... Come and get her. Don: How and why did you come back?! Shredder: Mainly Because the writers needed an enemy, the pay was good. Plus, I wanted one last shot to make you 4 into turtle soup! TOM: [Shredder] It's my catch phrase! Work with me, people!! Ralph: Well this time we won't even give you a chanse! Speedy: I can stop this. (Yelling) Hey Luccile, blow your top, no one is holding down your top any more! Luccile: Hey, thats right. It makes me so mad not to know things! CROW: You know, this fic really isn't that bad. It's actually written just like the show!! MIKE: Maybe Koopa actually writes for the show. Narrator: With that burst of anger, Luccile had her trade mark missiles fire out from her body and fly every were. The cats and the turtles were forced to run but Mike stayed to save Luccile. TOM: Awful nice of you, Mike. MIKE: Tom, for the last time, that is *NOT* me!!! They all got out. As they did Luccile's missiles blew the tank thingy sky high..... I mean cave high. CROW: Blasting out the walls, causing a sinkhole, and inadvertently killing 750 people and causing ¥2,000,000 of damage. MIKE: A little dark today, Crow? Speedy: Hey, Mike, thanks for saving Luccile. Mike: No problem dude. Polly: Is that metal tin can guy gone for good? TOM: Not until the show gets canceled again. Leo: I don't know, and it's your problem if he dose. SPC: Huh? MIKE: [SPC] Why should it be a problem when he takes his medicine? Don: We shouldn't have tried to be super heros again. Ralph: Yea, my back is aching. Don: Lets go back to the rest home. CROW: But wouldn't they still be teenagers? TOM: I just don't know, Crow. Speedy: OK, bye dudes! (To the others) Shall we go home? Narrator: Yes you should! The stories over! MIKE: You mean there was more than one? CROW: They must have used the patented "Riding With Death" editing process!! TOM: Seldom imitated, never duplicated. Speedy: OK. TOM: Okay! Let's blow this joint!! [long pause] MIKE: The door's locked!! Not again!! PEARL: [over loudspeaker] Sit your patootie down, Nelson. Your second dose is coming right up like a Jack-In-The-Box hamburger!! CROW: Ugh. Changing Polly TOM: Like Chasing Kate? Written by Koopa ALL: [singing] DA DA DAT DA DAT DAT! Guru Lou is making a device that can change what you are. MIKE: Uhhh? Like last time with the youth drink Guru Lou doesn't want to test it on himself. He sends the device to the Pizza Cat Parlor. When it gets there Polly opens the box. She looks at it. There is a note attached to it. CROW: [Oscar] You don't know anything about me, but I know everything about you. Nobody deserves you but me. Someday we'll meet... MIKE & TOM: CROW, NO!!! It says " Point the button at some one and press the button to take there picture. Polly wants to take a picture of herself so she points it at her self and presses the button. The device turns Polly into a yak. TOM: ...fitting... Polly is scared. She's not a cat any more. CROW: Well, she could turn into a sardine. That would *really* suck. Then Speedy and Guido enter the room. They pass Polly and say " Speedy: Hi Polly. Guido: You look good. " Polly gets mad and she rams Speedy and Guido. MIKE: [Polly] I'm having a bad day and it's *your* fault!! After Speedy and Guido get healed up they really look at Polly and see that she is a yak. Polly asks them what she's going to do. TOM: [Speedy] What the hell are you asking *us* for? *You* know what you're going to do!!! Guido goes and gets the device and points it at Polly. He says maybe it will change her back. CROW: Or maybe not. TOM: [snicker] Hey, Mike...seem familiar yet? MIKE: Uhhh, no... CROW & TOM: We only take orders from Willie Tyler and Lester!! MIKE: [shrugs and sighs] He presses the button and Polly turns into a hippo. Speedy says this isn't working. He suggests they go to Guru Lou for help. They all go to Guru Lou's house and ask him if he can change Polly back to normal. TOM: Or an incredible simulation thereof... Speedy says if he can't do it then he's sure Polly can live with it. After a lot of pointless test Guru Lou turns Polly back to normal. Speedy tosses the device out the window so it won't hurt any one again. After the cats leave Guru Lou decides to never send those cats a test experiment again. He almost got caught. CROW: Huh? MIKE: I guess Lou could have been caught with tax evasion? [door unlocks] TOM: That was abrupt. Well, let's go!! [*,2,3,4,5,6,Dog Bone] [SoL-Bridge] CROW: Well, Dr. Thinker it ain't. MIKE: Yeah, you know, it's really not that bad. I don't know why Pearl was trying to scare us like that. TOM: Well, speaking of Pearl, she's calling now. MIKE: [hits MADs light] [WMoD] PEARL: What?! You guys are supposed to be drooling maggots? What gives? [SoL] MIKE: Well, maybe it just wasn't bad enough. CROW: [whispering] Mi-ike...ix-nay... [WMoD] PEARL: Oh, *really*? [SoL] [While MIKE talks, the BOTS do various "Ssshh" noises] MIKE: Yeah, I mean, the plot was kinda funny, no one was really out of character, and even though the premise of the Ninja Turtles crossover was bad, it was rather decent. It wasn't even half as incoherent as Dr. Thinker's work!! [WMoD] PEARL: Oh. Then I'll just have to find worse for you. Ta-ta!! [SoL] TOM: Oh, GOOD one, MIKE! You STUPID, STUPID MAN!!! What were you thinking?! MIKE: What? Nothing! I didn't do anything!! CROW: [gangster voice] You're goin' down, baby!! I'm gonna give you an appointment with da' fishes! [fade to credits] [Over end music, MIKE can be heard pleading for mercy] MIKE: Wait! Wait! It was an accident! [clunk!] CROW: Suuure!! MIKE: No, really! I won't do it--[clunk] again!!! Honest!! TOM: Yeah, right! [clunk] MIKE: Tom, Tom!! CROW: Get your behind to bed! and don't wake up 'till I TELL you to! --- MST3K created by JOEL HODGSON MST3K produced by BEST BRAINS, INC. riffs written by SETH C. TRIGGS original fanfics written by KOOPA MST3K is the property of Best Brains, Inc. Copyright 1997. No infringement is intended or should be inferred. No offense is intended towards Koopa. SPC are a property of Saban, I think. Have fun. This MSTing is a work of fiction based on another work of fiction. Keep circulating the fics 31 January 1998 >Polly is scared. She's not a cat any more.