Notes from Tuxy: Hoo, boy. Never read Oscar and eat Cheetos at the same time. The result isn't pretty. However, if it splatters right, you can have a nice flower pattern on the carpet. And no, I don't approve of stealing cable. I only approve of MP3 piracy and piracy of Microsoft proggies, since they're poorly made and crash so often. You shouldn't pay to use crap. You should get it free. (Pirate) Avast! It be the RIAA! Fire the starboard guns! Take no prisoners! Yarrgh! Notes from Seth: It's been a while since I've been in the fray... it's nice to dust off my riffing after over a year! Well, special thanks to Polar Pup, who is becoming a really cool friend! Without her this wouldn't be possible! Well, on with the show! * * * * * * * * * * * * (Standard theme song here) (Satellite of Love. Tom and Crow are playing around with an odd-shaped device hooked up to the Hexfield. Mike enters) TOM: Aw, come on, Crow, it's my turn! MIKE: Hey, everyone, welcome to the Satellite of Love. Our equipment's kind of on the blink, and so we're having power outages all over the place - CROW: Yeah, Mike, that's kind of my fault. You see, when I spliced this nice little doohickey here into the Hexfield, I kind of had to cut a wire or two and I don't know exactly what they did. MIKE: *Silent for a few seconds* Crow, just what _is_ that thing? CROW: Oh, this? It's that invention you made for Pearl's birthday. You know, that thingamabob. MIKE: That's the Universal Cable Descrabler! CROW: Whatever, Mike. We're getting a few channels really well. Animal Planet, the Discovery Channel, you know, Brain Guy and Bobo's stuff. MIKE: Yeah, and I programmed the Home Shopping Network in there for Pearl too. TOM: Talk about butt-kissing. MIKE: Servo... *The yellow button flashes* We'll be right back. * * * * * Sick of reality TV? Then turn on the Plot Contrivance Channel! * * * * * (Satellite of Love) MIKE: Crow, do you know how hard it's going to be to take this thing out? Pearl should be calling any minute now! *Pulls a hard hat and toolbox out from under the counter on the bridge* And I've got to get that thing disconnected! CROW: Geez, I said I was sorry, Mike! TOM: What, am I stuck with a bit part in this segment? MIKE AND CROW: Yes! TOM: Fine, then, I'm not helping! CROW: Your arms don't work to help anyway. TOM: Bah! MIKE: *Begins disconnecting the cable descrambler* Jeez, Crow, you clipped the RF cable. TOM: Tell me if I'm wrong, but isn't that a _good_ thing? MIKE: Tom, if we can't see Pearl, we can't... wait, maybe you're right. *The red button flashes* Speak of the devil. Looks like Mary Sue and her two Washu-dolls are calling. *Hits the button* (Castle Forrester) PEARL: Smellson, for once, you're not going to get to me. (SoL) CROW: Aw, we can see her! MIKE: But you cut the RF cable... *Examines cable closely* Oh, wait, this isn't the RF cable. This is just the cable the powers that collection of hentai you call a PC. CROW: ... NO! (Castle Forrester) PEARL: (Unfazed) I've got a nice little surprise for you today. Brain Guy! Get out here! *Observer, dressed in a lab coat, walks out* OBSERVER: Yes, Pearl? I see you've got the test subjects onscreen. This means you want me to tell them about... the _PROJECT_. *Lightning flashes, thunder crashes, a rabbit screams, and a dead white cat falls from a high rafter* PEARL: Bobo, do you _have_ to do that every time he mentions it? BOBO: But Lawgiver, it's fun! And besides, you remember what happened to me the last time this guy was nearby. PEARL: That was a random incident! It's not going to happen again. (Quietly to Observer) Make sure there's plenty of lube in the lab. OBSERVER: Got it. PEARL: Anyway, Smellson, what have you got for me? (SoL) MIKE: Well, Crow kinda hooked it into our Hexfield, but it's a Universal Cable Descrambler. Basically, you get all the channels Time Warner and DirecTV offer for free, with no static, and you don't have to worry about that nasty little Digital Millenium Copyright Act, since this device isn't on Earth at the moment. (Castle Forrester) PEARL: That's... (distasteful) nice. (Normal) What makes you think I don't steal cable already? OBSERVER: Pearl, you want me to tell them? PEARL: Go for it. OBSERVER: You three are about to witness the epitome in human cloning - the resurrection of a human being! (SoL) TOM: Feh, it's been done. (Castle Forrester) PEARL: Bah! You'll see. In any case, your fic this week is a double feature by by someone named Polar Puppy. Brain Guy! Send them the fanfics! OBSERVER: As you wish. *Wiggles lobes* (SoL) MIKE: *Lights flash, klaxons blare, you know the drill* Aw, we've got FANFIC SIIIIIGN! (Standard door sequence, and into the theater! Seating order is Tom, Mike, and then Crow as per the norm.) > Sailor of Love > by: polar_puppy:) CROW: Mike, can I have a polar puppy? I promise I'll clean up after it! TOM: I hope it doesn't stain like those demon dogs. > I do not own sailor moon or any of the names used in this story... > I might even make MIKE: [Clint Eastwood] ... my day. > up some of the bad guys...;) TOM: :-O > I do not own any of the trade mark sayings either. > I will promise to never self insert myself to any of the fan fics I do! CRoW: I like her... err... him... errr... hir already. > I like Invader Zim!!!!!!!!Gaz is cool! Gir is a fat lady in the bushes....lol. MIKE: It's Mimi! TOM: [gruff] Just shakin' the bushes, boss! > "I'm friends with the squirrel!" (that was for you rebecca!!!! I luv you! > hahahaahahahaha!) CROW: Fer shure! MIKE: It's more of a "haha." kinda funny. > ____________________________ > > * ************************** > > * Sailor of Love * > > *************************** TOM: Whooo! Lemon! MIKE: [laughs] Settle down there, Servo. > (Scene: Ashie's house) CROW: Some Vaseline oughta clean that right up. > It was a warm day in Tokyo. Just perfect for Ashie and Mina to go the the mall TOM: Time to hit the panty vending machines! > shopping. They already had enough clothes and such, but thats not what > shopping's about! MIKE: It's about the kicks, baby! > Ashie was just putting the finishing touches on her hair and make-up. She wanted > so much to look like Mina. Mina had all the guys around her and never seemed to > have an imperfection. CROW: Except the hare lip... ummm... and the dewlap... and oh, I forgot about the delicately rounded legs. > Though Ashie had nothing wrong with her beuty she just > never knew how to attrat guys. TOM: Try the jerk bait, that might work better. > "Mabey they're just afraid of me..." she said aloud. MIKE: [Ashie] There's nothing wrong with talking to my invisible friend! > Ever since it had gotten out that she won the pistol shoot off and the blade > champion chip guys were afraid that she was going to kill them if they made her > mad. CROW: Didn't hurt Tawny Kitaen's chances... > Mina knew Ashie would never hurt any living thing. Thats why her and Ashie's > friendship was so deep. TOM: [Mina] You just stepped on an ant. I think there are some issues in our relationship... > "Ready yet?" Mina yelled from the bottom of the stairs. > This snapped Ashie back to reality quickly. > "Coming." Ashie yelled down to her. MIKE: [Ashie] Just have to introspect some more! > ___________________________________________ > (Scene: evil dome) CROW: Don't the Saints play there? > Karako was glaring at the spot on the floor were his last servent was standing > at. All that remaind of him were a few ashes. TOM: [Karako] I told you to pick this up hours ago! What am I paying you for? MIKE: [laughs] > "Oh well, he was starting to annoy me more than those sailor scouts." he told > his 5 remaining servants."You!" he pointed to one of the taller more massive > servents. CROW: Running out of henchmen? Use Squiggy's Henchmen Agency! Four locations. > "Yes?" the servant said meekly. MIKE: [Karako] Hug me! > "Right now I am so pissed at you for not getting the information on the sailor > scouts I could kill you too, Rohan!" He Threatened. TOM: Could be worse, he could kill Gondor too. > "nooooooo." Rohan pleaded. CROW: please don't kill me. i will do anything you say. > " I won't, not for now." Karako continued. "If you can devise a plan that can > get rid of one of the sailor scouts I will let you live." MIKE: [Rohan] Oh, that's simple! Just hire a fanboy to write a contrivance! > " Yes, sir" rohan bowed and vanished in thin air. TOM: [Rohan] Damn watch... > ___________________________________________ > (Scene: Mall) > "Look at this! Its soo cute!" Squealed Ashie. [ALL recoil] CROW: GYAH! Get her a muffler! > "Yeah it is, but its not your color. Fire red is more Rei's color." Mina > replied. " Here's one in orange! Try it on!" MIKE: [Ashie] Great! Now I can go to work dressed as a parking cone! > With that Ashie went into the dressing rooms. SHe came out wearing the tight > orange dress and shook her booty for all the men in the store to see. TOM: Hopefully their anacondas *don't* want none. > "Ooooh, sexy." Mina purred. CROW: [Mina] That's a nice dress. It'd look great crumpled next to my bed! > The two girls broke out laughing. MIKE: It's fun! > "We chould pick up that red dress for Rei!" Ashie declared. > "ok" Mina said. > ____________________________________________ TOM: THE RIVETING DRESS SHOPPING SCENE! CROW: I need a breather... whew! > (Scene: unknown) > The plan was simple. Trash some place Get the scouts to come and kill one. MIKE: Oh, and don't forget to pick the kids up at 3. > Rohan picked the Cherry Hill temple for his battle with the scouts. So he > headed there. > ___________________________________________ CROW: And you're coming with, audience! Let's go! > (Scene: Cherry Hill temple) > Rei was too busy sweeping the steps of the temple to notice thetwo girls > running at her with a in hand. TOM: A... a... MIKE: Is it madlibs all of a sudden? > "Rei!" They both panted as they nearly ran her over." We got you a present! > You're going to love it! Mina said it was your favorite color!" TOM: [Ashie] Just don't pit it out, m'kay? > Rei pulled out the dress and stammered a thatnk you. She ran in to the temple > put it on and walked cat walk stlye to her friends. CROW: The sexual tension is so thick you could cut it with a blunt object. > "Wow!!!!" Mina and Ashie gasped. MIKE: [Mina] You can't see the line! > Rei looked stunningin her new dress. As the clouds parted and the sun shown on > it the sequence shimmered. TOM: It's the God of Fanboy Woodies. MIKE: Tom... > Little did they know a dark figure fell out of the sky and at that moment was > realizing his surrondings. CROW: BOOMSHAKALAKA! MIKE & TOM: GYAH! > "mmm sexy" Rohan said as he mentaly undressed Rei. He had taken cover in the > woods and had starting walking up to the group in his human form. As he passed > Rei he slapped her ass. TOM: [hums the Sexual Harrassment Panda theme] MIKE: I hope he doesn't forget his red shirt! He left it back up in the sky! CROW: You think they get those cool black moustaches to twirl? > "Pig!" Rei shouted as she quickly drop kicked the bastard. "Don't ever touch a > woman like that again!" CROW: [Rei] Touch her like- MIKE: On second thought, don't. > After that he high tailed his ass back to the woods. There he changed in to a > horrible creature with the powers of the elements. TOM: Unfortunately it was hydrogen and he floated into space. The end. > Rohan then leaped out of the > woodsand smashed 1/4th of the cherry hill temple. MIKE: It's OK, they have a 30K deductible! > "Holy Shit!" Rei exclaimed. > "Mars power!" > "Venus power!" CROW: PUPPPY... PP-PP--OWWW MIKE & TOM: NO! > With that Mars and Venus fought the monster with their powers. > "Mars fire ignight!" TOM: Good night to you too! MIKE: Boy, this Internet shorthand is getting confusing. > no effect. He reached out and grabbed Mars around the waist and started to cut > off her air supply. CROW: See, you put your lungs in your waist, you're gonna get this. MIKE: [nods] > "Venus cresent beam smash!!" > no effect, but it got his attention. TOM: I thought their asses got his attention. MIKE: Tom... ummm... TOM: Well, they did! > He grabbed Venus and started to crush her > ribs. CROW: "Sailor of Love" guestwritten by Victor Von Doom. > Ashie had seen Rei and MIna transform and was in a state of shock. MIKE: [Ashie] You transform with a thong on?! > It > took Venus' high pitch scream to get her out of it. She imidiatly knew what to > do. TOM: Roll a doobie. > Mean while, Rei had gotten her communicater to sailor moon telling her to get > her ass over there and help them. CROW: I guess you can never have too much fanservice when getting your butt kicked. > Ashie was back and brought her pistol and sword with her. She jumped with great > agility and chopped off the monsters hand. MIKE: Gotta hand it to Ashie. TOM: Ugh. > Rei fell sown to the ground but the TOM: So you have sown, so shall you reap! > monsters hand broke her fall knocking her out. The monster threw Venus against > the wall very hard and gave her a fatal injury to her head. CROW: Guest starring Joe Jackson as the monster. > He then tried to > grab Ashie, but that only resulted in him getting another hand cut off. TOM: Ashie *IS* Sailor Sharia! > He then > transformed in to a human healing himself instantly. Ashie pulled out her > pistol and shot him in the head, killing him instantly. MIKE: Brought to you by the NRA. CROW: A Smith and Wesson beats magic any day. > Then Sailor moon showed up. Mars had awoken and seeing that Ashie had things > under control went to Mina (she didn't have enough energy to hold her sailor > Venus form). > " Mina!!" Rei cried. MIKE: [Rocky] Adrian! TOM: [Bullwinkle] Rocky! CROW: [Rocky] Again? > Ashie then ran over to Mina and held her in her arms. TOM: And in her pocket, and on her back, and a little bit on her shoe... CROW: Tom, it's OK. You don't have to be so dark, ya know... > " No you just can't be dead!!!!" She pleaded. " You just do die like that!" MIKE: Death should be cloying, and heartfelt with a big cheesy music score! CROW: [Ashie] We haven't had our big lesbian orgy yet! MIKE: Crow... > "I'm... not.... dead..yet." Mina fought to say. TOM: [Mina] I'm getting better... > " I'll get Sailor moon to help you." Ashie quickly said to Mina. > Sailor moon only saw one way to help Mina. The scouts formed a circle around > Mina and Ashie. CROW: Unfortunately that way was the Cracker Game. TOM: YARGH. > "Mercury Power!" > "Mars Power!!" > "Jupiter Power!!!" > " Moon Energy Revival!" MIKE: Plothole Power! > A huge flash of light came from all of them and filled the air around Mina. The > it all went out. CROW: Oh no, she used a 10 watt bulb! > The scouts all looked and sathat Mina had not been restored > and not healed she just had a little more energy now. Ashie was holding her > closer crying. TOM: See, if you had left it on the charger all night she would've been saved. > "If I am going to die... I have one thing I have to do." Mina said as she > transformed in to sailor Venus. "I transfer the gift of Venus to you." MIKE: [Ashie] A box of your navel lint! What a thoughtful gift! > And orange light covered Sailor Venus and she grabbed Ashie's hand and the > light passed to her. CROW: This effect costs at least two boxtops. > "This is the new Sailor Venus." Mina told the scouts. "I love you scouts and > know that you wil be in my heart expecially you Sailor Venus. Good-Bye." TOM: [Mina] Thank you Memphis! Be sure to tip the waitress! > Her body went limp and the energy was no longer with her. MIKE: That's why we have Viagra. > She had gone. CROW: I mean, she's there, but she's gone. > "Noooooooo!" Ashie cried. TOM: [Ashie] The object of my creepy worship has died! Oh noooooo! > the end MIKE: Huh. CROW: And we learned too late... Ashie was a feeling creature. TOM: Can we go already? *Exit all* (Reverse door sequence, and back to the bridge.) MIKE: Is that all Pearl's got? CROW: We'll take the next one easily! TOM: (Badly dubbed) You cannot beat my riff-fu! My riff-fu is the best! MIKE: Hey, Pearl's calling. She never does that in the middle of a fic. *Hits button* (Castle Forrester) PEARL: So you made it through the first part! How was it? (SoL) MIKE: Ah, you know, the usual. CROW: Ah, how's that experiment going? (Castle Forrester) PEARL: Show them, Brain Guy! ORBSERVER: *Turns the camera to a cloning tank* Ladies, gentlemen, and robots... BOBO: Don't forget monkeys! OBSERVER: ... Shut up, Bobo. Anyways, I give you the cloning mechanism of the future - able to recreate the soul of a humas as well as the body! And as our first subject, we chose someone who nauseates almost the entire fanfiction community! (SoL) *Mike and the bots start stuttering in horror) (Castle Forrester) OBSERVER: No, not Tsunai. No, not Von Doom! PEARL: That's right, Smellson, it's everyone's favorite hermaphrodite! *The cloning tank opens amidst a rush of steam, and...* OBSERVER: I give you OSCAR! *Oscar emerges from the tank naked* OBSERVER: Live, my creation! LIIIIIIVE! PEARL: Brain Guy, can you get some clothes on him? OBSERVER: (Madly) LIIIIIIIIVE! PEARL: ... While he's busy, here's the second piece of fiction by that Polar Puppy person. I hope it goes down hard! OSCAR: Goes down hard... reminds me of Artemis... *Everyone on both the SoL and in Castle Forrester grimace* (SoL) MIKE: Aw, geez, just send us to the theater already. *Lights blare, klaxons flash... oh, wait got that backwards* CROW: We've got DOUBLE FANFIC SIIIIIIGN! TOM: And why do I have so few lines? (Door sequence... same one. Seating order: Tom, Mike Crow. > Opening thingy BOTS: *gasp* CROW: [Beavis] Heh heh... she said "thingy." MIKE: Crow, not that again... > welcome to the future, the time is now!!! Chicken have feelings too! Guns are > wrong but I will so blow off your head if you piss me off! TOM: Guest-written by Ted Nugent. > (rebecca you will be in all my openings cuz you crazy cool!) MIKE: Not to mention fluid... > hahaha! Please > love me! or I will kill you! haha.. CROW: Is it love or only extortion? > ( Zim:GIR!!! I want you to pay very very very very very very very very very > close attention! GIR: huh?) TOM: So is it OK if we pay very very close attention? Or only very very very close? > haha... ok ok now that I got out the crazy! Lets > start with the thingy that says I won't get sued!! yeah! MIKE: Oh, if you don't want to get sued, just fix electricity prices in California. > I do not own myself! I sold my self to Abby if you like call her at 555-9862 > I'm probly only worth $5. CROW: "Cheap Trick?" TOM: Crow... CROW: Sorry. > (ok now that was just stupid [but still crazy cool]) > haha TOM: It's craaaaazy Guggenheim! > ok ok calm down puppy! yip yip! MIKE: Bad puppy! Look what you did! Look! > lol ok (by the way I curse so any one I don't > like this is all sirected at you but if I like you let it slide kool?) CROW: no s nt kool, k? > I don't own sailor moon or her mom and dad. (I don't even know if she has a mom > and dad) TOM: [Polarpup] She was created by asexual reproduction! > I don't own any of this, but I promise you with all of my self (that I don't > own) I will never self insert myself! (I can't I don't own my own self to > insert!) lol that was fun MIKE: Well, she could self-insert herself if she were a hermaphrodite. CROW: You're not helping, Mike. > If I missed anything PLEASE DON'T SUE! CROW: Not a chance with Siegel, Kelleher and Kahn's rates... > ****************** > * sailor moon's * > * parent teacher * > * night * > ***************** TOM: I think the sign's crooked! Hit it with a hammer! CROW: You sure get a nice spray of gore if you shoot ASCII art. > by: lil goth puppy (also known as polar puppy)[by the way I am female] MIKE: Thanks, Magic Voice! > It was a rainy day as sailor moon looked to the sky. TOM: Suddenly, a shot rang out! The butler screamed! > "I hope one day I can learn to be as great as my mom...(boo hoo)" > (ring ring!) CROW: [singing] Let me hear a boo hoo... ring ring... it's the freaky weekend tonight... > "Hello?...oh its you(Amy) so smart ass got any good news?" > Amy got pissed and hung up. MIKE: How to win friends and influence people. By Paul Celluci. > (now from amy's point of veiw) > "Damn she needs to take a break from saving the world...." > Amy thought for a while...(shes pretty good at doing that) TOM: Wow, what does it take to get on Amy's bad side? CROW: Calling her a script kiddie? > --------------------------------------- > (scene: ummmm...school) CROW: Located in the town of Ummmm Qasr. > " I hate parent teacher night!!!! why me!?" > (huge Whining persisting in the back round) MIKE: Ahhh, it's Puma Man! > Secrectly serena thought about what she would do... they didn't know about that > night... that horrible night... > (flash back) TOM: [Serena] I remember it well... it was time for N*Sync and Britney Spears to do a tag-team concert. > (scene: serena's house) >"serena clean your room this instant!!!" > "No, mom! I hate your lies you are always telling me!!! You never trust me so > how can I trust you! I'll never need to listen to you again! I hate you!!" MIKE: Total non-sequitur. CROW: [Serena] I hate you! You suck! I hate you! You suck! > Mother coming up stairs aparently drunk off her ass.... > "damn you I wanted better but I got you!!!" TOM: Sounds like any given White Sox fan. > mothers hand is raised and smacks serena across the face repeatedly CROW: [Mother] My sister! My mother! My sister! TOM: Is your needle stuck, Crow? > "why couldn't you get better grades? why couldn't you be more gracefull?!?!" > bruised serena screams in pain MIKE: The Gary Crosby Story. Now on Lifetime! > "Stop this mother... theres something you don't know" TOM: [Serena] Differential equations. > "the only thing I don't know know serena is why I didn't abort you!" CROW: Well, you put the hanger in the wrong— MIKE: Okay, that's a little *too* dark, Crow... > a flash of light and serena pulls out a gun MIKE: Cool, Serena has hammerspace too! CROW: [Serena] In the name of Bruce Willis, I will punish you! > "what are you gonna do serena blow my head off????" > "For once, mom, your right..." TOM: [mother] What about my right? > BOOM! CROW: ... shackalacka? > (flash back ends) > "why did I kill sammy???" MIKE: Wow, that's pretty bad aim. > (flash back) > (scene: serena's room) > "you killed mom, seresna, why did you kill her????" CROW: [Sammy] and what did you do with my shift key? > "oh shit a witness.....oh well.... don't worry sammy you'll be with her soon." TOM: [Rod Roddy] In sunny CANCUN! > BOOM! > (flash back ends) CROW: I think Serena should lose the elephant gun and go for a lighter pistol. MIKE: You OK, Crow? TOM: I think he got into some G. Gordon Liddy books. > "So, in conclusion the parent you bring must be living, no corpes like last > year...." MIKE: So... Weekend at Bernie's in Japan? > (school ends) > ---------------------- > (scene: a sidewalk) > "hey rei! wait up!!! I kow why serena been so pissy this week!" CROW: She's been drinking lots of coffee! TOM: [laughs] > "oh really you can tell a difference, Amy?" > "don't give me that bitch!!" MIKE: [Amy] Give me that *other* bitch! CROW: Guest starring Courtney Love as Amy. > "poor rei" (amy thought) " shes in love with her and doesn't even know it!" > Amy took rei's waist and held it. rei kissed amy on the cheek. TOM: Ahhh, tender romance. MIKE: [Amy] Hey Rei, you don't mind if I pick you up bodily, do you? > "sorry I've been pissy too, Amy..... just PMSing" > "well I know one way you can make it up!" > AMy had an evil smile on her face..(big suspenceful music here...) CROW: They decided to make it up with... goldfish. > ------------------------ > (scene: Serena's room) > "HI serena!!!" > "ummmm... hi rei what..what are you doing here?" MIKE: [Rei] Just dropping off the equipment for the lemon later. > "oh just stoping in with this unuaslly heavy box that doesn't have amy in it!" TOM: Amy's a vent figure? MIKE: [Rei] Say hi to Serena, Amy! [croupy] Hi, Serena! > sicking look on serena's face CROW: Yeah, I'd be sick too if I had to watch a ventriloquist act. > " you mean you killed that bitch? wow I couldn't thank you enough she was > getting on my nerves with her smart cra---..." > "Hi serena!!! Its me Amy!" > "but your not in the box, amy!" > "Of course not!!! I said she wasn't!!! Damn you, serena!! TOM: Did we cross over with "Jackass" somewhere? > "yeah we just came by to help!" > "help with what, Amy?" > "Duh your parents!!! Were gonna make you new ones!" > ohhhh" <-----Audeince MIKE: Actually, we're more like "WTF?!" > tears in serena's eyes > "thank you!!!! I love you guys sooo much thank you!" > (break to ease the pain!) > Huge GIR head on the screen! > " I love-ed you piggy, I love-ed you!!! > (break over!) CROW: Uhhh... TOM: Odd little scene. > -------------------- > scene: A place of evils: school MIKE: [Serena] lernin sux! > A teacher is standing on the podium! TOM: Suddenly, a shot rings out! Secret Service Agents swarm around the sniper! > "Welcome class of 2005... ummm let the talking thing begin!!! Muhahahaha!" > (evil music!) CROW: Not Backstreet Boys! NOOO! > "ooooook, Amy, are they ready?" > "No." > What do you mean no???!!!" > "well by book definition no means the negative reponse to a question...blah > blah..." MIKE: Polarpup tried to get Jerry Zucker to save the fic, but he was busy. > "damn Amy is on one of her rants..... Rei could you please tell me?? > pleeze??(little puppy whine!) TOM: Puppy wanna go walkie? Yes you do... ohhh, you're so cute! > "ok all you have to do is tell the parents what to do!" > "Thats it?! COOL!!" > "be careful!!! they are improperly built but teen agers they may take on our > characteristics!" CROW: I guess cloning might cause bulimia? MIKE: Ow. > "really?!" > "Naw just playing!" > But right then the robot heard rei say to take on her > characteristics...(suspenceful music) eyes turn red. TOM: For the foreshadowing, special director Captain Obvious. > "oh god serena watch out!" > the robot grabbed serena and hit her over the head! (shit now thats wacked up > if rei likes her!) MIKE: I'm thinking this story is 'wacked up.' CROW: [Serena] Wow! I love it when you give me head trauma! > rei then fights the robot in regular form! > BOOM! > serena had grabbed her gun and killed the robot! Yeah! TOM: Yay, guns. MIKE & CROW: Hooray. > but as we all know robots don't die!!!!! Muhahahaha! TOM: Never seen a narrator chew the scenery before. > the robot then took serena in to closet and screaming could be heard > "oh damn"Rei thought. > rei was right the robot had now gotton a soul!!!! and turned in to a copy of > rei..(she is sexy) MIKE: Apparently bats for both teams too. > uhoh > 1 hour later serena fell in love with the robot and not he real rei. > then they broke up. (just like my school) CROW: A twisted version of DeGrassi High? > Rei in the mean time had figured out how to kill a robots soul (cuz like I said > they never die!!!) TOM: Oh yeah? Well, watch Robot Rumpus sometime! CROW: *sobs* > "Icky tick toob! and BOOMSHACKALAKA! be gone and stuff!" Rei shouted! MIKE: Tragically, the spell backfired and she summoned Oscar the Hermaphrodite, who crashed through the roof onto her. TOM: TOGGGGG! > serena had to kill every one at the parent teacher confrence they were all > witnesses to her rape... CROW: Uhhh... MIKE: If you hold your breath, it starts to make sense. > except rei she likes rei > Amy died trying to tell serena what no ment. (oh well she sucks) TOM: Yep, just fell right over. Suffered a stroke or something. > THE END!! (yeah!) (fan fare music!) (soundtrack of aplause!) CROW: I haven't seen literature that great since reading the bathroom walls at the Louvre. > author's notes.... ummm I have no clue what I was thinking! I just never am in > a right mind and I still like my first story better!!! its called sailor of > love.....I hate MIna though.. It was fun when she died! MIKE: I think we just found Nav a girlfriend. > "quote!: I wouldn't kill you first!! were in love,,,,,,plus I don't know were > you live!" ;) > well much love to all! I'm sure that you think this story is great! and if you > flame me I will kill you! TOM: She must work for Donald Rumsfeld. > Opening: > Look, right here and now I am going to say it. This is a spoof. Also a hentia. > Some one told me to follow the rules of hentia...but I don't know them! CROW: Anything's fine without ChibiUsa in it. > To answer your e-mails... I am not "that way" Its ok for a girl (me) to think > rei is sexy with out being "that way" MIKE: [Pup] And the XXX CD of Rei is a GIFT! A GIFT! > ok. are we clear now? good... now on with the opening. TOM: Watch, it'll be Rei's opening... MIKE: [laughs] OK, Tom. > I don't own sailor moon or any of the oz characters...ok? > I don't know the songs by heart so If I mess up....deal with it.. CROW: Sashay! > You may or may not know it but.... I wrote 3 other stories about sailor moon! > "Sailor of Love" (it's not hentia!!) "Sailor moons wacked up story" (thats a > little lemon) and "The cute and heroic seth" aka "A sailor moon interveiw" (I > couldn't choose a title please tell me what you like... MIKE: How 'bout a "Mary Sue Trilogy?" > Becca like always you're in my openings ok? CROW: ... MIKE: Just let it pass, guys. > sorry but, there will be cursing in this story, > (remember take everything with a grain of salt!) TOM: Is Mrs. Dash OK? > *********** > * Wizard of * > * the moon* > *********** MIKE: See, if you keep firing that rifle, you're gonna keep damaging the titles. > _*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_ CROW: And now presenting... Punch and Judy! > (scene: A stage...the senery is that of Wizard of Oz. [Inside joke: EAT MEAT!]) TOM: Brought to you by the Pork Council. > "WAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I never get the lead roles!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! How > can darein love me if I am not Dorthy??!! how?!" serena wined into the > microphone. MIKE: Careful, the wine'll short out the mike! > "You would think that with that much noise the bitch could learn to project a > stunningly beutiful portrail of her role, but noooooo she is stupid and just > mutters!" Rei cooly commented. (she is soo cruel) CROW: Thanks for the aside, Magic Voice! > "oh, Rei, don't be such a jelous Bitch!!!" Amy commented. > The way Amy saw it, Rei was a cold hearted bitch and deserved the part of tin > woman. TOM: Why not even Toto? Heh... > "ohhhh I would stand up to her but shes so stupid and stupid angry people hurt > my head!" Mina thought to herself. MIKE: Whoa! Mina, back from the dead! > Amy knew what Mina had just thought. She saw Mina cringe. > "She could play the lion..." Amy thought "and I could play the beutiful > scarecrow, I haven't the brains to see that these people are below my > preference." CROW: See, this is what happens when you cast stoners as the Sailor Scouts. > "WAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! I don't wanna live here any more!!! Your people are too > mean!!! WAAAAAHHH!(she whines for about 10 minutes but I don't feel like typing > that enjoy :) ) Serena then fell to the ground. (boom!) TOM: Wow, she needs to lighten up on the Krispy Kremes. > black screen.... > _*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_* MIKE: Thank goodness, intermission. I can go to the bathroom. > (scene: black for now... then goes fuzzy... the lights of blue and red flash on > and off.... You then realize this is serena's eyes you are seeing though and > her ears) MIKE: Rats! > "she was on stage whining snd then she fainted but I revided her...." Rei was > telling the police. > "what....thing....flashing....blue...reeeeedddd..."serena passed out again. > (she does that alot) CROW: Check her alternator, might be shot! > _*_*_*_*_*_*_*_* > > (scene: parametic car) > "she's going...god damn it!!! Get me some oxygen back here!!!" a docter > screamed. TOM: The Richard Pryor Ambulance Company. > "whaa?" serena muttered. > "there she goes again muttering!!! DAMN YOU SPEAK CORRECTLY!!!" Rei slammed the > oxygen tank into serena's head. MIKE: Yeah, that'll help someone regain consciousness. CROW: [Serena] Could you jerk my spine around too while you're at it? > (now from serena's point of veiw.) > _*_*_*_*_*_*_*_* > (scene: hospital no one there...) TOM: Ooops, this isn't the hospital, it's the rendering plant! > "REI YOU GOD DAMN DAUGHTER OF A BITCH YOU BEST NOT HIT ME AGAIN OR I'LL BE IN > YOUR BUISSNESS SO FAST YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT YOUR NASTY ASS!!!!" CROW: [Serena] Why you gots to be up in all my bizness, yo? MIKE: [Serena] Back off, biyottttch! > Serena > screamed when she woke."huh? were am I?" > She turned to the side and read the bottle on her right...It says "MIKE AND > IKE!" MIKE: Mike and Ike in a bottle? TOM: I can't wait till they make liquid Sour Patch Kids. > Then she remember she was in a hospital. it hit her. > "IS ANY ONE HERE??? HELLO?" she screamed in to the empty hall ways. > then she came to a hall and there was rei. (Bum BUm Bummmmm!!!) CROW: Next we'll find out Colonel Mustard did it. > Rei yelled "OH SO I AM A DAUGHTER OF A BITCH??? YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING > ABOUT MY FAMILY!!! TAKE THIS FOR YOUR STUPID INSULT!" > "moon crystal power!" > "mars fire power!!!" MIKE: Wonder Twin Powers, ACTIVATE! > "mooooooon gorgeus meditation!" > "mars fire ignight!" > Mars' flame was disabled by Sailor moon's heart attack.... TOM: Oh, but Rei rolled a 16 and did double damage on Sailor Moon. > Woman of Audeance amazed by sailor mars' and sailor moons' beutiful well > thought out plans and their dedication to kill each other! OHH! The men of the > Audeance are jacking off to the sexy bitches on the screen about to get in to a > cat fight! HAHAHAHA!!! (geuss which one I am!) CROW: We now join Manos, the Hands of Fate... already in progress. > I love you rei but if you continue to have a cold heart then I will have to > kill you! MIKE: Wow, with lovers like that who needs enemies. > "Fuck you Moon bitch!!!!" mars shouted > The heart then killed Mars.. all that was left was her pretty fire red shoes.... CROW: Somewhere, Richard Simmons is crying. > right then sailor moon detransformed... > Serena grabbed rei's shoes and discarded her own boots. TOM: Don't forget the bloody glove! > "ohhhh now I have the sexyness of rei!!! Muhahaha!" Serena yelled! > Just then a bunch of little melvins surronded her. ( I bet they were looking up > her skirt...) chanting her name and then they said litas name louder than > serenas. MIKE: Talking wedgies? CROW: No, it's a synchronized spazz attack! > "LITA LITA LITA LITA!!!!" the lil' melvins shouted. > just then a little green bubble came (ooohhhhh!) and lita appered .... she was > in the air... then fell. > "Oof!" Lita said. "gotta learn to fly!" CROW: [Lita] Gotta cover my arms with feathers too! TOM: If this crosses over with DBZ, I'm out of here. > "umm hi Lita!" serena hugged lita but litas arms fell off. "holy shit!!! I am > sooo sorry my bad!" MIKE: [Lita, cockney] SORRY? My arm's off, ya git! > serena gripped her gun... she didn't know what the little melvins would do when > she did that. TOM: Spooge? MIKE & CROW: Eyuck. > "I am going to kill you!!!" shouted lita. > she high kicked serena and all the lil' melvins became happy all of a sudden... > (hee hee) CROW: It's fun! > one lil' melvin shouted "Stop Good witch lita!!! She has evil Rei's shoes on!! > She is the chosen one!!!" > "oh really? My bad sorry serena... we cool?" lita apologized. MIKE: Oh, I get it! It's a crossover with Wizard of Oz! TOM: Sherlock. > serena got up from the kick and put lita's arms back on... thus signafiing it > waz cool. TOM: Fortunately Serena majored in Frankensteining at Furikan Vo-Tech. > "ok but were are all the people?" serena asked. > "Oh they got me mad.... just joking!" lita answered."look I have no Idea but if > you want the plot to go ahead I'll lay down the shimmy here.... You have super > kool shoes that are enveid by every woman or man. CROW: [singing] ... lay down the shimmy and head for the stars... MIKE: [singing] ... shimmy shimmy cocoa puff shimmy shimmy puff... > You must go see the Wiz of > moon cuz I said so... oh and wish to get the lead role of dorthy.. just trust > me...then I want you to learn that rei is a bitch so when you wake u--- I mean > get out of here.. please kill her. She waz being such a bitch when you > fainte--- I mean when you arrived here." TOM: Who knew the Scouts were smart enough to be Machiavellian? > lita then fainted and travelled in a > little green bubble makeing a lil' green road MIKE: That happens every time I eat at Taco Bell. > were she went but she went so > fast Serena took her first step on the road and lita was gone. > All the lil' melvin started singing: ALL: NOOOOOOOOO!!! TOM: This is sick. Really, really sick. > You're off to the rest of the plooot CROW: [Melvins] Ooops! Beans for lunch! > you have to continue the story!!! > You have to walk down the road > or we'll kill you sooon ohhhh! > You're off to the end of the story! > Gooood bye bye bye bye! MIKE: Goodbye. > she ran like a lil' rabbit when they started singing (if you don't know it > melvin is a horrible singer.) > then she was in a feil a corn feild...I don't know how she got there she just > did. TOM: [Serena, singing] ... there's a bright golden haze on the meadow... > "Which way should I go now?" serena said aloud.. > "that way has a nice climate but, then what do I know? for I have never been > there nor am I here.though the way you came had many lil' melvins.... mmm they > taste good if you cook them... My fav. part of them is the arm. whats yours?" > The scarcrow rambled. CROW: Heat 'em up, eat 'em up, and summon the Earl up... with your very own Melvins! Yay! MIKE: Did we just transport into a Koopa fic? > "did you just talk?" serena dumbly said. > "Oh god and I thought I needed a brain badly. Look kid I am here to protect you > from lil' melvin's ghoast. k? so get me down or I won't ask oz to get you a > brain. TOM: Ahh, Amy's character is rated +9 for Spoilers. > by the way my name Amy thanks for asking" Amy babbled more after this > but thats not important. by the way Serena got Amy down and asked her why she > even needed a brain... CROW: Well, generally we wouldn't want to just writhe around uncontrolled. > _*_*_*_*_*_* > (scene: Umm forest I think.) TOM: Wow, even Polar Pup is tanking it. CROW: Puppy need to go walkie! > "I think we're hungry.." serena stated > "Oh god are you hope less.... look those things over there are called trees you > pick fruit from them. Now get some fruit and eat it." Amy sat down her head was > hurting from explaing every lil' thing to serena... MIKE: [Amy] Do you have ANY IDEA how much I HATE YOU?!! > "Oh my gosh this taste's horrible!!" > "serena thats the Bark." > "OOOOOOO" CROW: Heh. Funny, that. > just then a lil melvin came on screen and realized he was early for his cue and > left. not before killing a bird with a gun. TOM: Just like Melvin to kill a bird before the chickens have come to roost. MIKE: Oh, that makes... huh? > Amy picked it up and cooked it. Then baby fed serena. > "mmm good pigs in a blanket... when did you get a hot dog? it sure does taste > good." TOM: Is this story being written with madlibs? CROW: I think she's throwing darts at a magnetic poetry set. > Amy got a mortified look on her face and shot herself.... serena cried and > screamed... Amy slapped her. She's a scarcrow she can't die! (just like robots) > Lets just get the next scene over with... MIKE: Hey, I have an idea... why not just get the rest of the story over with? > _*_*_*_* > (scene: THe woods.) TOM: Yogi. Booboo. Jellystone 2. Final Picinic. > "heeeeeellllllllllpppp!" A tin woman screamed. > "oh no we got to help her!!!" serena screamed! > "well if we want a plot we do but if you want this fic to end please don't save > her..." Amy just sat there. CROW: [Amy] Wow... tough choice here... > "oooohhhh was can I do???" Serena asked the tin woman > "Well stop talking to me like I am an it and talk to me like a woman or I'll > kick you ass!!" Amy pecked up and wanted to see serena get killed but The tin > woman couldn't move so it wasn't gonna happen. MIKE: [Serena] Oh yeah? Well, we'll take away all your WD-40! > "whats your name?" > "rei." > "DIE!!! YOU DANM BITCH !!!!- i WILL SO KIL---" TOM: Nice case of Tourette's here. CROW: [Serena] Die, you... Arf Arf Slut Bitch! MIKE: Uhhh, Crow? > "WAIT STOP!!!! I am the good side of rei that never shows so finally she > banished me to this spot never letting me move just grab some oil and rub it on > me I should be able to move." rei said. > "ok. like this?" Serena asked. CROW: [Rei] Get that finger out before you lose it. > "mmmmm ooohhh yeah.... I mean stop thats not a place for you to put your > hand!!!" rei said (she is soo sexy when shes angry) CROW: NICE SAVE! > "Oh really? but darien said that thats the place all friends should touch each > other. i thought you were my friend... He touches me there alot I geuss were > good friends...." serena said like an idiot. MIKE: I think you were supposed to use more tongue. > "oohhhh k. I am geussing this is the dumb bitch that I am supposed to wish for > a heart for.... oh god you look terrible how long have you been with her?" Rei > asked Amy > "oh about 30 mins" Amy then shot herself again no use. TOM: Oh, she'll run out of caps at some point. > "I wasn't here for my health I just got told by lita to advance the plot!" > serena interupted. > Well then the lil' melvin showed up...he was sick.(not health wise mind wise) CROW: Thanks for the aside! MIKE: Maybe the story will end when the fourth wall falls over on the cast. > "hi serena let me borrow you for a min." he then grabbed serena around the > waist and he vanished. > Amy and Rei didn't care they just talked. TOM: [Amy] Hey! One of those desperate losers just grabbed Serena! CROW: [Rei] Huh. Well, anyway how 'bout those Canucks? > _*_*_*_*_* > (scene: Dark area its really cold there's a talbe and serena is stapped down to > it naked.) MIKE: Uh oh, it's Countess Chronicles! > "brrrr" her teeth were chattering and her body shook...(it waz cold) > "hello" a voice said (it was lil' melvins) CROW: At least they're not the Dreaded Rear Admirals. > "hi! I was worried for a min like you were going to rape me but now that you > said hi I feel safe." Serena smiled. (oh god is she stupid) TOM: Yeah, really... what was she thinking with her agent. > " ohhh k... are you stupid? never mind... you have those sexy shoes so any male > is attracted to you no matter what you brain says." lil M said. "now to start." > Lil' M put a blind fold over serena's eyes. > "Hey! It went dark! haha do it again!" Serena giggled. > "geez if she were ugly she would be in deep shit!" lil' M thought. MIKE: It's OK to be in that, as long as you keep your mouth shut. > but it didn't matter what lil' M thought he had a one track mind...and it was > screaming Pussy!!!! (sorry but this is realllllly funny) CROW: In an Adam Sandler/Yahoo Serious kind of vein, sure. TOM: Say what you will, it's more titillating than Showgirls... > Serena wasn't cold on her breast any more a nice warmth had gone over it. Then > massaged her breast. "ohhh" serena moaned as she felt another hand rub her > mound... MIKE: [Al Michaels] Oh, and the pitcher throws to first and he's outta there! > her legs were tied apart so lil m went down on her. He began to lick her good > and then he started to suck on it... "ohhh" serena moaned again. CROW: [Serena] By the way, my name is Dyl... TOM: [Melvin] AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!! > then he kissed her on the lips (of her mouth) forcing his tounge in her mouth. > "mmmm" lil m thought "she tastes sweet." > candy... MIKE: Meanwhile, Serena had a sudden urge to go to Red Lobster. > then lil' m took his dick and rubbed it on her thighs...he rubbed it on her > lips (of her pussy) and then slowly put the tip in.. sooo slowly that serena > couldn't stand it when he finally did. CROW: Yeah, it was like a pencil in a Dixie cup. > He shoved it in harder and > harder...making her shake.. TOM: [Serena] Is it in yet? > screams could be heard and also alot of moans as her made her climax. He as > well climaxed and seeded her....(hee hee) MIKE: It's gonna be hard to walk around with that bag of Miracle-Gro between her legs. > Just then after an hour of rest on the table and letting lil m suck on her. He > let her go. Though her forgot her clothes ( well no he didn't but, thats his > story) > He sent her back naked. CROW: Ahh, he's not going to get his warranty service. > _*_*_*_*_ > (scene: the woods) > Amy and rei had talked for about 2 hours when serena came back. > they were going to yell at her but when she appeared she was naked so all they > could do was stare.. TOM: SCHWING! > "umm Serena... are you ok?" rei asked... > "uhhh yeah like why who what happened?" amy asked.. MIKE: There's slow, and then there's SLOW. > "Oh that lil melvin took me to this nice bed and made me real good friends and > then he turned out the lights and made me warm all over. He really cares..." > serena said with a dumb look on her face. > oooook... CROW: Y'know, I don't think Polar Pup really likes Sailor Moon that much. TOM: What, pray tell, gave you that idea? > Then both girls said at once"did you feel really happy when it happened?" (they > had to put it in laymens terms for her) > "oh yeah then he put this heating rod right here! It was warm sooo warm but he > should have made it softer..." Serena sighed. MIKE: That's the funniest use I've ever heard for a cattle prod. > "hey lil m!!! Take me away from her!!! please!!!! Anything is better than > this!!! please she so ignorant!!" Rei and Amy said at once. CROW: Guest writer, Cheetaya. > then lil m showed up with no clothes and took the girls. winked at the camra > and left. he was pretty sexy with out glasses. TOM: In a Davan kind of way... > I think serena sat for two hours waiting but after that she went in search for > her clothes... she found them. MIKE: Goodwill only offered $2 for them. > Then she went down the road... twards a dark alley.... > _*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_ > (scene: dark alley) CROW: [greasy guy] Hey kid, want to fly? First one's free! > "Were am I?" serena sniffed... "REI? AMY? are you here?" > just then a twig snapped.. TOM: The mountains caved in. A pirate ship sailed on the horizon. > "AHHHHHHHHH!!!" Serena screamed. MIKE: Real Monsters! > "mabey its a lion or a bear or a chipmunk???? What if its a CHIPMUNK??" TOM: Nothing to worry about, they'll just make that chattering noise. CROW: Or an African Swallow? > "god she is stupid.... No its just me a lion... no there are no chipmunks and > why do you fear them? I eat them for snacks and you show fear...god ok were is > scarecrow and The tinwoman?" The lion asked. MIKE: They need to synchronize their plot contrivances. > "whats your name?" > "Mina" > "ooooooooooooohh" serena replied. " so do you need courage?" > "no I'm cool..." Mina replied. "I think you need some though... by the way were > are they?" CROW: Very self-aware characters here. TOM: Gene Hackman is simply trembling in fear from the acting. > "oh them! lil'm took them..." serena said with a goofy smile. "Hes so nice." > " think he could take me too?" Mina asked. MIKE: Mina's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, is she? > "oh thats all you have to say and he shows up." serena said right as lil m > popped up. TOM: ... so to speak... > "hey mina nice to see you again." lil m smiled and licked his lips and his > peice was stiff in the air. He grabbed Mina and took her but , not before > feeling up Serena's skirt. CROW: Wow, you were right Tom. TOM: I feel sick. > "nice panties... I like silk slides off easier..." lil m then disappered with > mina. > "BYe Mina!!! COme back soooooooon!" serena said. MIKE: Now it's Melvin's turn to channel Happosai. > "hey theres OZ! hi OZ!" > "Serena I am just a sign with a painting of him can't you read arrows. the real > oz is about 5 steps that way." > ohhhhok TOM: Very aggressive stupidity. CROW: Kinda like someone hits you with two boards labeled STUPIDITY. > (audience gets up and moves 5 chairs down. Don't know why just duz) MIKE: All two of them by now. > "Hi oz! how are you?" serena giggles > Oz speaks "oh my gosh!! HI! Like whats up?" > "nothing here!!" TOM: [Oz] Now stop looking at Melvin's undies and get over here! CROW: [Oz] 4 real, Dudette? > "oh cool cuz lil m is axually a perv that raped you!! and your friends hate > you! and your hairs messed up from the rape! Isn't that just great!!!" Oz told > serena. > "My hairs messed up??!?! AAAAHHHHH!!!" serena cried. then Oz hit her over the > head > "shut up." MIKE: [Oz] Homey don't play 'dat. > "ok, I heard that you could send me home is that true?" > "yup, but you have to be hit upside the head 5 times!!!" > "would that hurt?" > "not a bit!" TOM: ... cause you'll be dead! >"k!" > Serena then felt 5 swift hits on the head and everythng goes dark. (if your > geussing she fainted your right!) CROW: ... your left! Your left! Your left your wife and 48 kids! > _*_*_*_* > (scene: hospital) > "Look amy we've tried reason... now just let me do it ok? she been in a coma > for 30 mins now!! Thats long enough! I am gonna bash her till she wakes up!! MIKE: Say what you will, Rei has a strategy for keeping Medicaid costs down. > Thats enough logic for me!" Rei shouted at Amy. > "Look, rei, I think you should get over your stupid fire logic and let the > docters haldel it! TOM: Haldel? Isnt't that the stuff that scrambles your kids' brains? > By the way it was your stupid oxygen tank hit that got her > here! So, shut ya trap ya dirty lil' mo fo and let the brother doc get with his > thang! CROW: Ain't nuttin but a g thang, homey. > God, rei, I don't know why you can't be civilized like me and think > logicly... REI I SAID NO!" Amy jumped but it was to late. Reai had jumped on to > serena's hospital bed and started hitting her with an IV pole. MIKE: [Rei] Peep my mad LAPD whoopass skills, yo! > After about 5 > times Amy finally wrested the pole out of rei's hands. TOM: And she ditched the IV pole too. CROW: Thanks for that mental image. > "NOOOO OZ THAT DOES HURT!" Serena jumped back in bed and screamed. "NO NOT YOU > TOO!!! AAAAHHHHH!!! MIKE: Real Monsters! > HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME WITH HIM HE HURTS ME HEAD!" Then she > fainted but was out of the coma. TOM: Remind me never to go to this hospital. > "See! I told ya wapping her would do the trick!" Rei stuck out her tounge and > Amy grabbed it and put it in sulfuric acid. MIKE: We now join Itchy and Scratchy, already in progress. > "Well, with your logic that unsightly bump should be off in no time at all with > this acid!" Amy cooly said with a smile. > "AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" CROW: Real Monsters! > Rei screamed. > "OH well I geus shes not made intierly of tin...hee hee..." Amy laughed > (you would think this was the end but its not....) TOM: No, considering we're dealing with a sadistic author... MIKE: Take it easy, Tom... > just then lil' m came and took lita the only one he didn't get and took her > away. > THE END...for now...I will write moooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrreeeee.....(boom) CROW: Oh, she blew the repeating letters buffer. What a shame. > millions of peices of me go flying everywere! Yeah! but I can still talk!!! > HAHAHAHAHA! MIKE: It's fun! > Authors notes: > Wow that was my first hentia! I still feel uncomforatable with it... its so > sickening...(throws up).. ok now I feel better! Whoa what did I eat!? TOM: Looks like some pot brownies from here. > shooot ok. > Well I hope that all you pervs out there like it I wrote it cuz I have always > thought serena was an idiot but, in this story, I exaggerate my point! CROW: Stretched further than Jan Crouch's jowls. > Thats > what good writing is alllllll about! MIKE: Then there's this story. > (Back round music is that of sailor moon > and then a milloin alrams go off! YEAH!) Oh I have to go now....dinner is ready > and the scouts are coming to kill me! please do tell me what you think! [I am > not british! thanks, luv!] TOM: Now go watch the telly and have a quick shag later. *Exeunt* (Reverse door sequence, and back to the bridge!) MIKE: So they pulled off cloning Oscar. TOM: I wonder if he went after Bobo again? CROW: Ah, it wouldn't surprise me. TOM: Matter of fact, I hope that ape gets it. MIKE: Now Tom, this is _Oscar_ you're talking about. TOM: *Pause* Yeah, I guess I'd have a little pity for the guy. MIKE: Well, we might find out. Pearl's calling. *Hits the button* (Castle Forrester) PEARL: Well, Smellson, I see you made it through this one. Not to worry, I'll send you something worse next time. Brain Guy, get Bobo to push the button. OBSERVER: I haven't seen that boob... I mean Bobo... since Oscar came back. Besides, I can do it. *Bobo comes running up* Bobo? What in the name of the Samarian Hells happened to you? BOBO: Lawgiver, you've gotta hide me! There was an accident... OBSERVER: You didn't hurt my precious Oscar, did you? BOBO: Not exactly, Brain Guy. I tripped and hit the repeat button on the clone machine... and it got stuck. *Observer and Pearl's eyes grow wide. Bobo runs like hell* PEARL: ... Oh, hell. OBSERVER: It's... not going to be pretty in here. *A veritable _sea_ of Oscars flood into the room. All are naked and are muttering various phrases from his... erm, her... erm, their stories. They immediately home in on Bobo and Observer* PEARL: Push the button already! OBSERVER: *Is drowned in a sea of Oscars* I can't! HELP ME! BOBO: Lawgiver! HELP! They've got LUBE! PEARL: *Sigh* Later, Smellson. I've got bigger problems than you now. *Hits the _BUTTON_. Lightning flashes, thunder crashes, a rabbit screams, and a dead white cat falls to the ground* Wrong damn button! *Pearl hits the _real_ button* (FWOOSH) \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ ---<0>-- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ mst3k created by JOEL HODGSON original fics by POLAR PUP riffs SETH C. TRIGGS TUXEDO JACK hosts TUXEDO JACK editing TUXEDO JACK Keep circulating the fics! Seth C. Triggs (sethtriggs@yahoo.com) 1 July 2004