A-ko: Promise (Chapter 5) by Henry J. Cobb MSTed by Seth C. Triggs (trigsc41@buffalostate.edu) Hi, everyone!! After a long break, I am back in action, with a pretty weird lemon. Oh, well. No offense is intended towards Mr. Cobb, so hopefully all is well!! On with the show! [Roll Season 8 Theme] [Pearl's Planet] PEARL: [impatiently] Where is it...where is it?! BOBO: Haahhh...Lawgiver, I am sure it's on the way!! PEARL: Well, Bobo, I'm almost out of expiriments!! OBSERVER: I think that we should call the Interspace Fanfic Delivery Service and see what's holding them up. [goes to a telephone and calls them] BOBO: [worried] Hooo... OBSERVER: What? They said they never *got* an order!! BOBO: Hoohh...oh, please forgive me, Lawgiver...I dropped it in the toilet!! Please don't hurt and do naughty things to me!! Waaaaahhh!! PEARL: Oh, Bobo...I won't do naughty things to you...even though you lost a purchase order that would allow us to continue to torment Mike and the bots... [PEARL makes to thrash BOBO, when she spots a couple pieces of paper stapled together.] PEARL: What's this? A lemon? And a bad one, too!! While I give this to the little twerps upstairs, Brain Guy, you order some more fanfics! OBSERVER: Right, Pearl. [commercials] [Satellite of Love] [MIKE is questioning the BOTS about why they "projected" his valued belongings somewhere else.] MIKE: Okay, guys...I know that stuff I gave to you is gone...now why did you do that? CROW: Relax, Mike...we just have to...uh...look around. TOM: [still sobbing from Ep. 901] He zapped my photo!! *sob* MIKE: So where's Tom's photo at? CROW: Ummm...somewhere...else. MIKE: You think we ought to project your comic books? TOM: [angry] YEAH! CROW: Oh, that won't be necessary...[red MADs light flashes]...Oh, Pearl is calling. [PP] PEARL: well, boys...while I restock, enjoy this piece of fluff called A-ko: Promise!! Unfortunately, it's only Chapter 5, but you'll suffer all the same!! Ta-ta!! [pushes "send movie" button] [SoL] [lights and klaxon go off] ALL: WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!! TOM: I'LL GET YOU, CROW!!! [Dog Bone,6,5,4,3,2,*] Disclaimer: This parody is a work of fan-fiction, and is distributed purely for it's subtle political effect. MIKE: Well, since it's a lemon, that can only mean... ALL: Bill Clinton!! A-ko and all related characters are copyrighted by Soeishinsha/Final-Nishijima and Central Park Media and are not used with permission. CROW: Oooooohhh!! We're going to tell on you!! TOM: Crow...ix-nay... All original material is copyright 1996 by Henry J. Cobb. Permission is granted to browse and redistribute this material, but not to modify it. MIKE: [Cobb] Or to make it better in any way, so there. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- CROW: The loneliest road in the world... Project A-ko: "Promise" Chapter V: "Friday, Confession" TOM: [Jack Webb] My name is Friday. I have a confession to make. By Henry J. Cobb B-ko was seized at her room in the castle and brought before her father in chains. CROW: [B-ko] Look, Dad...I promise I won't keep stealing your Eggos. "You've been a very naughty daughter, B-ko" The head of clan Daitokuji thundered "I won't let you interfere with this alliance!" MIKE: [father] Into the spanking machine with ya! CROW: Hey, that's *my* bit! The Daimyo then turned to his men and ordered "Now take her to the Shogun!" She was lifted into her kaga and her chains locked to it. TOM: Is this a lemon or a women in prison fic? Dozens of her father's men rode in formation around her through the forest, as she left a trail of tears. MIKE: I know B-ko's usually the cold-hearted one...but this is just wrong. B-ko was interrupted from her private misery when the party suddenly stopped, there was a lone rider blocking the path. CROW: [B-ko] Masked Rider? Oh, no! Now he's going to kick the crap out of me, too!! What a day! "I cannot let this injustice continue" The Samurai in Red rode on a yellow horse with luminous green eyes. The Samurai drew a magic sword and charged the group, scattering the lot. TOM: [Samurai] Man!! That was easy! The sword was brought down on B-ko's chains, shattering them, then she was lifted up onto the horse. MIKE: I guess B-ko's going to "reward" him later. As they departed, her father's men regrouped and galloped after them. The Rider turned the horse and they stood their ground. "What are you doing?" B-ko cried, "They'll catch us!" CROW: [B-ko] Are you like, stupid or something? "No." her rescuer calmly answered, "watch." As the warriors approached, the eyes of the yellow horse blazed forth in twin green beacons that no man could withstand. TOM: It's the attack of Madonna's nosecones! Run!! The threat dealt with, they continued on a more leisurely pace through the forest. MIKE: Therefore, they had *plenty* of time to make out. "Who are you?" B-ko asked her saviour "How did you come to rescue me?" "I am as I do, miss" began the Red Samurai, "I fight injustice and seek to right wrongs. I ask only that I might serve righteous causes." CROW: Like public television. TOM: Um, no...remember "Overdrawn at The Memory Bank"? CROW: Oh, yeah. Sounds hokey to me, B-ko thought, but it will do for now, leaning back against her protector. CROW: BOOOIIIINNGGGG!! MIKE: Crow, please... The horse startled as they were suddenly surrounded by demons. "What deviltry is this?" The Samurai brainished the magic sword at the monsters, but they did not fall back. TOM: Well, maybe if you *cut* with the sword instead of "brianishing" it, maybe that would DO something!! MIKE: Tom, calm down. "We don't think you should be seen with this girl" one of the demons began. "She's foolish" a second continued. "Lazy" others chimed in "spiteful", "cruel", "scheming", "repulsive", "ill-bred", "treacherous", "vindictive", "idiot", "ugly", "fat". CROW: Man!! Either B-ko is Pat Buchanan, or she is really out of character! TOM: Well, with the ugly and fat, anyway... All of the voices were very familiar to B-ko, she had heard them all, a thousand times before, echoing inside her mind. MIKE: EXOTIC LOCATIONS! "Is this true?" The red garbed one asked B-ko. "Yes" B-ko admitted. "All of it, but please don't leave me to these demons!" TOM: [B-ko] As for the fat, I have been hitting the donuts pretty hard lately. "I'm sorry miss" The rider replied, "but I have things to do, quests to fulfil, dragons to slay and beautiful, innocent maidens to rescue". CROW: Maiden, eh? We'll see about *that*! MIKE: Crow... As B-ko was bumped from the horse, the demons began to claw at her and she screamed herself awake. TOM: It was only a cop-out. Regaining her composure, B-ko chided herself for attempting to grab a full night's sleep. At least the special insulation she had installed in her rooms three years ago insured that nobody else at the estate was bothered. So she had some time alone to reflect on the dream. CROW: IfyaknowwhatImean!! MIKE: Crow, come on. The rider and the horse are new, she pondered and quickly deduced their identities. TOM: Exqueeze me? Is that the answer? Do I dare? If I speak and am laughed at, how could I bear to live? And how long will I survive if I do nothing? These questions and a thousand more ran through her mind. CROW: Like if you have 24 odds and ends on a table, and 23 fall off, what do you have left- an odd or an end? MIKE: If olive oil comes from olives, and sunflower oil comes from sunflowers, where does baby oil come from? TOM: If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? It was still very early that Friday morning and so B-ko had time to check details and plan her rescue, even though she doubted she had the guts to attempt it. MIKE: What is this? *Misery*? In class on Friday, B-ko was frightened. She wasn't afraid of her father, she knew she could handle him. She was afraid of herself, she feared for her very survival. CROW: [B-ko] He took my industrial-strength dryer...and I can't live without it!! None of the other students had ever seen fear from B-ko. Given her vast powers and knowledge they knew that some sort of global cataclysm must be in the works. Even C-ko respected the gloom that hung over the classroom. TOM: They were gloomy because C-ko was going to bring some of her potato nut salad to class. At lunch A-ko and C-ko joined B-ko and her henchgirls again, but B-ko seemed to have no interest in defusing C-ko's lunch or consuming her own. CROW: [Dan Aykroyd] Do you mean to tell us that she will not consume mass quantities? Mari had seen this food problem of B-ko's before and spotted the danger. MIKE: [Mari] She's bulimic!! Run away before she hurls!! TOM: Mike, that's sick. MIKE: Sorry. Mari reached out her hand for A-ko's and gestured at the troubled teen. CROW: Saaaaayy... MIKE: Crow, no. A-ko took the hint and gently teased B-ko with various pieces, hand feeding her choice selections. TOM: Uhhhhh...wha? CROW: Hey!! This is getting kinky! During the afternoon classes, B-ko remained distracted and fumbled at a direct question from Miss Ayumi. A-ko jumped in with a partial answer and the gang switched back to tag-teaming their teacher, but B-ko's heart was clearly not in it. MIKE: It being in her chest, and all. As the students poured out after school that afternoon, B-ko was torn. She knew she had to act then or forever regret it. Hesitantly she reached out to place her hand on A-ko's arm. "A-ko, we have to talk." TOM: Bow chicka wow-wow! "Yes" A-ko acknowledged, "something's been bothering you all day, what is it?" "Alone." B-ko continued, gesturing towards C-ko. CROW: [C-ko] No, I'm C-ko. Alone is over there. "I see." A-ko replied and then to her immature friend "C-ko, I think we really can work this out, this time. Please go on home now and I'll call you later." MIKE: [A-ko] I have to go score with B-ko now. TOM: Well, you've given us a spoiler there, Nelson. MIKE: No, I just know where this is going. The look C-ko gave A-ko was heartbreaking. Does she suspect? B-ko wondered. But C-ko said nothing before turning to leave. CROW: Thank goodness for small miracles... A-ko walked silently alongside B-ko to a secluded, shady spot at the park near the school, they sat on the roots of an old tree and A-ko let B-ko stare out at threatening skies over the bay for several minutes TOM: Oh. "Rain-Girl". MIKE & CROW: [groan] before beginning "If this is about that kiss Monday, B-ko, I'm sorry, but that was an accident." CROW: [A-ko] I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk, while you were walking towards me...that's it! "It has nothing to do with that." B-ko half lied "It's my father, he plans to marry me off to a barbarian." MIKE: Joe Don Baker, no!! "What?" A-ko shouted "You can't be serious. He can't do that to you." TOM: [A-ko] well, actually he can. He's a Daitokiju. Oh, well. "How can I stop him?" B-ko sobbed, "He's got such power and influence. I can't possibly stand against him alone." "B-ko, you are not alone" A-ko answered, placing her arm around her troubled companion "Your friends will stand beside you." CROW: What friends? MIKE: And cue suggested lesbian undertones... So far, so good, thought B-ko, gently leaning against A-ko, but I must handle this carefully. TOM: Who's talking here? "But A-ko, what can I do?, he holds the reigns of industry and society and I'm still the weak, foolish, ugly little girl in the bowl haircut." CROW: B-ko ugly? Is the author blind? The self-hateful words came very easily, B-ko had only to tap into the constant internal litany. "No B-ko", A-ko put her other arm around B-ko, holding her almost face to face "You're strong, smart and beautiful, you just need to believe in yourself." MIKE: [singing] Con-sider yourself...amazing... "Do you really think so?" B-ko sniffed. "Yes, you are the most beautiful girl in the entire school." A-ko's simple answer meant more to B-ko than she could ever know. TOM: Now I have an excuse to kiss you!! B-ko's reply was to put her arm around B-ko's neck and draw herself up for a kiss. Too soon, B-ko cursed herself, I've blown it, but A-ko only stiffened for a moment. CROW: Nudge, nudge, wink, wink... MIKE: Crow... Is this what I truly want?, B-ko wondered for the thousandth time that day, is A-ko the hero for my emotional rescue? TOM: I'd say she's your new bedfellow! Minutes later B-ko listened for the internal chorus of self-deprecation and for once did not find it. Yes, she answered herself, this will do. CROW: [B-ko] Yes!! And once I have it, I will RULE THE WORLD!! As A-ko finally broke off the kiss, B-ko felt drops on her face and reopened her eyes in alarm. Is A-ko crying, have I hurt her?, B-ko wondered. MIKE: [B-ko] Should I have worn my garlic-scented perfume? "It's raining", A-ko observed. "Oh" was B-ko's eloquent reply. TOM: [B-ko] What with the threatening sky, I couldn't have figured *that* would happen!! "We can go by my house, my parents are away this weekend, so we can, uh" A-ko seemed at a loss for further words. CROW: Whoo hoo!! ORGY!!! MIKE: CROW!! "Lead on" B-ko said as the two friends helped each other to their feet and headed down the hill to the residence in question. TOM: [Alex Trebek] The answer: This author made a pretty stupid lemon fic with everyone out of character. MIKE: Who is Henry J. Cobb? TOM: Correct. You may select... MIKE: I'll take Fics that Suck for $500, Alex. B-ko knew that A-ko's parents were in New York and would not return until Sunday, in fact she had planed on it. CROW: The hard part was getting them in the vise. That night B-ko's inner demons were kept very far away. MIKE: Yes, they went down, down, down... BOTS: Mike...stop. $Id: promise_chp5.txt,v 1.5 1996/06/30 16:51:35 hcobb Exp $ CROW: Well, that ending was unneccesarily cryptic. TOM: Come on, let's get out of here! [*,2,3,4,5,6,Dog Bone] [SoL-Bridge] [MIKE is behind the desk, grinning. CROW walks in.] CROW: Hi, Mike...hey, by any chance have you seen my limited edition The Incredible Hulk comic book? MIKE: Uhh, no, Crow. CROW: Well, hopefully you'll see it soon...it's priceless...they don't make it anymore. MIKE: Okay, I'll keep an eye out for it. [CROW walks offscreen, MIKE looks around for a second before producing the minature "projection" device that CROW and TOM built.] MIKE: All I can say is what goes around, comes around...[laugh] [fade to credits] mst3k created by JOEL HODGSON mst3k produced by BEST BRAINS, INC. riffs written by SETH C. TRIGGS original fanfic written by HENRY J. COBB Mystery Science Theater 3000 is ©1998 Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. This MSTing is a work of fiction based on another work of fiction. No infringement is implied or intended, and certainly no offense, for this is a harmless satire. Even to Henry J. Cobb, despite the fact that his lemon doesn't make much sense. Project A-ko belongs to Soeishinsha/Final-Nishijima Co., and Central Park Media of the US. All rights reserved. Keep circulating the fics 20 March 1998 > "It's raining", A-ko observed. > "Oh" was B-ko's eloquent reply.