The Rape of the Black Cat by Superjizz MSTed by Seth C. Triggs (trigsc41@buffalostate.edu) Host segments by Wildfire (wildfire.007@usa.net) [Fade in on SoL] MIKE: Oh, hello everybody. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Mike Nelson, and these are the bots, Tom Servo and Crow...[looks around] Huh? Where'd they go? Tom? Crow? [a crash is heard backstage] What now? [Crow enters] CROW: Hi Mike, lovely day we're having today, isn't it? MIKE: Tom, what happened? And where's Tom? CROW: Tom, Tom, Tom...nope, don't know anybody by that name. MIKE: Crow. WHERE IS TOM? CROW: Well, let's just say, him and I were playing WWF Warzone, and we got a bit too much into it. MIKE: What happened? CROW: Powerbomb through the coffee table. MIKE: CROW!!!! That was my favorite table! TOM: [offstage] Hrmble eetrase ewrhk ioop! [comes in] Nah weep nah weep grinny BONG! MIKE: GREAT! His voice circuits are scrambled. Crow, why did you have to do and do this? TOM: Gre juhe truye boop WORC!! Inna gadda da vida! MIKE: [sighs] This might take a while to fix. [commercial sign flashes] Crow, take care of that, would you? CROW: We'll be right back. [Commercial on AAA perfume. Smell just like your favorite AAA stars! (Which, unfortunately, is just like sweat.)] CROW: Welcome back. Hey Mike, how's Tom doing? MIKE: Just finishing up. TOM: That was fun. I WANNA DO IT AGAIN!! MIKE: Great, you scrambled his common sense circuits too. [whines] CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?! TOM: Yes. CROW: No. TOM: Maybe. [the red light flashes] MIKE: You two. Forget it, the Ho Train is calling. [Mike hits the light] [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Greetings, my little guinea pigs. How are you today? [SoL] ALL: Juuuuuuuuuuuuuust PEACHY! [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Heh, you won't be for much longer. Bobo and Brain Guy are out playing Suicide Football. [a large boom is heard] Ah, the footbal just blew up. Well, I suspect I'll be hearing from them soon. Anyway, your fic for today. It stars Felicia... [SoL] MIKE: FELICIA?! CROW: DARKSTALKERS FELICIA?! TOM: That means...he's BACK!! ALL: NOOOO!! OSCARFIC!!! [Castle Forrester] PEARL: I only wish. It starts Felicia Handy, aka the Black Cat, in a convulted little lemon called "The Rape of the Black Cat" by...well, I'll just leave that little bit for a surprise. You LIKE surprises, DON'T YOU? [SoL] TOM: Why yes, but only on my birthday. CROW: Do robots even HAVE birthdays? MIKE: Maybe. Perhaps the day you were first activated? [Castle Forrester] PEARL: That's nice. Now enjoy the fic. Or better yet: DON'T!! HAHAAAAAA!!! [SoL] TOM: She's doing her mad scientist routine again. MIKE: Never mind that, we got LEMON SIGN!! [Dog Bone, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] TOM: Didn't she say something about a mystery author? Wonder who it is? MIKE: Don't ask, maybe we'll never know. >THE RAPE OF THE BLACK CAT > >By Superjizz TOM: [Prince] Superjizz! Errr... ooog... CROW: We're in for quite a ride, folks... >--- > >NOTE: This is a story for ADULTS ONLY! It is definitely NOT for children, MIKE: As previously implied. TOM: So if it's adults only, and not for children, who else could this be directed towards? CROW: African swallows. > lawyers, angry >feminists, or any combination thereof. The story contains graphic descriptions of sex, so if >you read it and get offended...don't say I didn't warn you. MIKE: What if we toss our cookies instead? TOM: It's not covered under his lemon insurance. >===== > >Felicia Hardy loved the feeling of the warm air caressing her nubile, sexy body as she swung >through the air on her steel cable. CROW: [singing] She floats through the air with the greatest of ease, she's the daring young skank on the flying trapeze... MIKE: Crow... > She leaped from one building to the next, oblivious to the >danger of falling from such a dizzying height. Her brand new skintight black costume TOM: ... provided whack-off imagery for underaged fanboys everywhere. clung to >her body like a second skin and felt much better than her other one. MIKE: She had really pitted it out. > This new costume > looked exactly like her old one, CROW: Except it was covered with chicken feathers. > but was a lot thinner TOM: The Callista Flockhart of bodysuits. CROW: Rrrrowl! > and she felt a bit shy > about wearing it, since it made the outlines of her nipples and pussy mound quite > visible. ALL: @_@ MIKE: [Felicia] Maybe I should also spray-paint "JAILBAIT" across it, too... CROW: I take it that given the title, there is going to be some deep, "blame the victim" mentality here... > Still, this new material was >so sleek and sexy that she just had to wear it every once in a while. TOM: She just *had* to make herself a target. She had decided to only >wear it at night so that no one would be likely to see her while she was on the prowl, except >for her favorite stud-muffin, Spider-Man. CROW: Ummm... yeah... MIKE: I guess the creeps and pervs in this town only come out in the day. TOM: Isn't Spider-Man married? MIKE: That never stopped any one of the Kennedys... She constantly hoped she'd run into him during her >patrols, so he'd see her in this new sexier costume and she could put the moves on him, but so >far no such luck. TOM: She did meet some weird guy named Donny, but she didn't really want to go into that. The sun had come up several hours ago and she realized she had been on patrol >much longer than she wanted to be in the hope of bumping into Spider-Man. She looked at a clock >on one of the buildings and saw it was already 9:00 am! MIKE: Wow... that *is* a long time. >Drenched in sweat from her exertions, Felicia muttered, "It's just as well that I didn't find >Spidey. I stink of sweat and he'd probably turn me down. Besides, from the way I've been >rubbing my crotch thinking about Peter, CROW: [giggle] Bad double-entendre... TOM: [Brian Tochi] Hair pie... > my pussy must smell like a fishmarket. MIKE: Yes, Vito's Fish Market! Corner of Hurontario and Bruce Streets. 457-2835. > I'm so > horny that I could jump Pete and his wife right now!" ALL: ...the hell?! CROW: Oh, the stench of Joe Eszterhas is drenching this... TOM: Already... [sigh] > >Stopping to drink a bottle of water from a secret cache she had hidden on one of the building >rooftops on her route, Felicia thought she saw something flash behind her. MIKE: [Felicia] Dammit! How the hell do you get up here with that hot trench coat?! > Suddenly there >was a deafening crash from the streets below followed by the sounds of people screaming > and car horns blaring. CROW: Oh, the humanity! They let Marcia Brady behind the wheel! TOM: Stuff happened. It was cool. > The impact shook the entire building Felicia was standing on. > >The Black Cat, surprised by the shockwave, barely managed to grab hold of the ledge she >was leaping to. She scrambled to the ledge and looked down. MIKE: Then she hocked a loogie. CROW: [Felicia] YES! Right in the middle of that guy's bald spot! > Below her was a huge crater >right in the middle of the intersection and in the center of the crater was a large >sphere that looked like it was glowing. Dust and smoke billowed upward from the crater > and the sphere in the middle appeared to be moving and pulsating. TOM: [Felicia] [relieved sigh] MIKE: [Felicia] Damn! That was one hell of a dump! I'd better not go to Mighty Taco anymore! >Felicia now cursed herself for wearing her new sexier Black Cat costume. Now she would have to >go right down into the middle of all those people in broad daylight dressed like this. CROW: She could have just went home and put on something else, sheesh. MIKE: So it just dawned on her now that her suit was revealing? TOM: I think she has Delayed Reaction Syndrome. >All she wanted CROW: [singing] ... for Christmas was her two front teeth, her two front teeth... > to do was to make an impression on Spider-Man and now her plans had gone > completely awry! She lost no time in reaching the streets below and found a few > policemen and firemen on the scene. Her large globular breasts jiggled as she walked > and her sexy well-rounded ass bounced very enticingly. MIKE: Ah, the Amazing Jell-O Woman. TOM: Yeah, and getting her out of that Tupperware is a bitch... >"Any idea what that thing is, officer?" the Black Cat asked, CROW: [officer] Umm, that looks like a sexy, well-rounded ass to me, ma'am. MIKE: [laughs] > slightly out of breath. > Her heaving breasts were definitely distracting the handsome rookie policeman. TOM: [officer] Duuuuuhhh... breasts pretty... > Felicia was turned on by the sweaty odor of her sexy body and the skanky aroma of her > own pussy had just as strong an effect on her as it did on most men...such as this one. CROW: Since she had apparently cloned herself, she decided, "What the hell" and went on with it. >"Uhhh...No...Ma'am." The officer replied, never taking his eyes off Felicia's big breasts. MIKE: [officer] Ummm... ma'am, can you consider using a different perfume? My eyeballs are stinging... >The other officers were staring at the Black Cat's tight-fitting costume. Her outfit >fully covered her but left virtually nothing to the imagination. Several bystanders were >also getting an eyeful and TOM: ... a pantsful as well. CROW: Whoa... MIKE: Tom... >Felicia blushed when she saw a group of 11-year-old boys staring at the very visible >outline of her pussy. CROW: You know, this would have me believe that all guys are lecherous perverts. MIKE: Well... so far you're kinda right... >"You officers and firemen do what you can to get these people to safety and keep them away >from the crater. I'm going to investigate and see what this thing is." Felicia could plainly >tell what effect her skintight black outfit was having on these people and was simultaneously >embarrassed and turned on! TOM: ... it was a law of the lemon universe. CROW: Oooh... my agent's neck, right in my hands... grrr... > She hadn't had any sex in a long time, barring masturbation, MIKE: But why would she want to do that? TOM: [rimshot] > and this sort of attention was getting her excited again. Her regular Black Cat > costume made her feel practically naked, but this new variation made her feel CROW: Tasty. Almost like she had a chewy nougat center. > completely naked! She could feel the eyes of every male bystander staring at her sexy > ass and she had to admit that she kind of liked it. MIKE: [Felicia] That way, when I get raped, it will be my fault! Is that cool or what? >As she approached the crater, though, she put aside all of these distracting thoughts and >proceeded cautiously over the rim. The large pulsating object in the middle of the crater >appeared to be some sort of living organism. TOM: It was a giant DustPuppy. > It was hard to tell if it was plant > or animal, CROW: Or Pat Robertson. > since it seemed to have aspects of both. MIKE: It had lovely foliage and a toupee. > As she crept up closer to > the giant throbbing sphere, TOM: [p.a.] Paging Dr. Freud... Dr. Freud... CROW: Methinks there's going to be a lot of throbbing in this fic... >Felicia was suddenly knocked TOM: ...up? > backwards as the sphere opened up to reveal > dozens of probing tentacles. CROW: Oh, here we go... MIKE: Tentacle snuff... oh, we're in good hands... thanks, Superjizz... TOM: Good *tentacles* to be precise... > The tentacles were of two varieties. One type was > strangely phallic, but extremely enlarged. MIKE: The other type were just ordinary fettuccini noodles. > They had the texture of snakeskin and CROW: The power of bleach. > some were studded with hard fleshy nodes. The other type of tentacle was fewer in > number and slightly thinner in width. TOM: These were studded with stale Cocoa Puffs. MIKE: Is this supposed to be some sort of complex algebra problem? CROW: Two tentacles depart at the same time, one departing Buffalo at 120 km/h, the other departing Toronto at 140 km/h. Assuming the author is located in Niagara Falls, how long will it take them to ream him? > At the ends of these tentacles was a large > bulb about the size of a grapefruit. Each of these bulbs opened to reveal >a hissing mouth filled with rows of tiny sharp teeth. TOM: [British accent] What'll they do? Nibble 'er bum? >The Black Cat dodged two of the creature's swift attacks as she leaped through the >air, legs wide apart, CROW: ... eyes wide shut... > but the third grazed her shoulder. Her tits bounced wildly as > she MIKE: ... became tentacle lemon fodder. > performed a variety of acrobatic flips and maneuvers. TOM: Judges like it... 9.0 - 9.1 - 9.24 - 9.51 - 9.44 > There was a growing number of young men in the crowd MIKE: No pun intended... >watching her and she could sense that they were torn between shock at seeing the >alien monster in the middle of the city street and sexual arousal at seeing her >performing acrobatics in her new revealing black costume. CROW: You think she's hot now, but just wait until you flush the toilet when she takes a shower! >The Black Cat dodged and weaved through a flurry of the alien monster's attacks >and landed several punches and kicks against the side of its rough spherical shell >but the blows had no effect. MIKE: So she tried injecting cheese into its fuel pump. > As she barely avoided another half-dozen rapid attacks, the Black Cat got somehow > turned around and suddenly felt the horrible sting of three tentacles smacking > against her ass. TOM: [muted singing] It's Sexual-Harassment... Ten-tacles.. > The tentacles felt like bullwhips against the soft exposed > meaty flesh of her buttocks. CROW: But they felt like French ticklers against her spindly, emaciated thighs. > "AAHHH!!!" the Black Cat instantly cried out in pain from > the loud impact of the alien creature's strong-as-steel tentacles against her soft > tender flanks. MIKE: Man, she sounds like a slab of beef. TOM: I'm feelin' kinda hungry. >The crowd, just a few yards away, stared in shock and astonishment as they watched >what was happening. CROW: Hmmm... feels like déjà vu. TOM: [Rocky J. Squirrel] Again? > They were almost at the edge of the crater and if the creature >was interested in doing them harm it didn't show it. A few policemen drew their >weapons but refrained from firing because of fear of hitting the Black Cat. MIKE: And because they wanted a show. CROW: The Little Monster That Couldn't. > >Felicia spotted several news crews setting up all around the perimeter of the crater, >just out of reach of the creature's flailing tentacles but close enough to get a perfect >close-up TOM: Of Felicia's ass. > videocamera view of the superheroine in distress. Occasionally someone in >the crowd would try to run in and rescue the Black Cat CROW: Or cop a feel, either or... > but they were soon sent flying >back by a vicious whip-like tentacle. MIKE: [gruff Scottish accent] And it had vicious, sharp pointy teeth! Look at the bones! > Soon a transparent force field blocked any >further intrusion and no one could approach beyond the rim of the crater; everyone, >however, could plainly see everything going on. TOM: [tentacle demon] Ahhh, finally... stupid contrivance generator kicked in. Damned imported crap... >The Black Cat turned to face the creature and dodged several attacks, her huge boobs CROW: Thomson & Thomson? MIKE: Laurel & Hardy? TOM: Abbott and Costello? >bouncing wildly and her gorgeous perfect ass jiggling in her sleek black costume. MIKE: Lot of bouncing in this fic so far... TOM: Any moment Suzanne Somers is gonna show up... > As >she worked her way closer to the creature's main body she failed to see two tentacles >and they whipped her bobbling breasts with an audible "KR-RAAK!!!" CROW: TOGGGGGGG!! MIKE: [winces] Oooh, that's gonna leave a mark... >"EEEYYAAAAAH!!!" the Black Cat screamed, tears flowing down her cheeks. She had never >experienced anything so painful. She defensively brought her arm up to protect her >bruised tits and discovered that the material of her costume covering her breasts had TOM: ...been made of provolone cheese. >been shredded, leaving her large breasts fully exposed. She leaped back and landed >with her feet wide apart to avoid CROW: ... breaking her landing gear? >falling down but that was a position which left her crotch vulnerable to attack and >the alien plant monster took advantage of this split-second opportunity. MIKE: Maybe this tentacle monster is in the wrong business. Maybe he should go into the stock market. >A thick tentacle lashed out with lightning quickness and landed with a loud "WHA-POW!!!" TOM: But it could have as easily been a "WA-TAK!" >upwards against the Black Cat's vulnerable pussy. The thin black fabric covering her >crotch was ripped away by the CROW: ... sheer suckiness of the lemon. > thick heavy tentacle. > >"UUAAAAAHHH!!!" MIKE: [singing] IIIII'M EVERY WOMAN!! >The Black Cat screamed in pure agony as she stumbled backwards, reeling in >extreme pain. TOM: Fortunately for her, the monster was not going to make her listen to "MMM-Bop" by Hanson 37 times in a row. > She tried to avoid the alien monster's next volley of attacks but failed >miserably. CROW: [Dark Helmet] Because good is dumb. >Most of the people in the crowd gasped in surprise and horrified astonishment. This >was happening only a yard or two away from them! MIKE: Wow... rubbernecking really is impulsive... >Suddenly the Black Cat's wrists and ankles were encircled by the thick powerful >phallic tentacles TOM: Aren't *all* tentacles, by their nature, phallic? CROW: No, that's stereotyping. There are good, floppy, box-like tentacles too, like those who attack whiny religious zealots and molesters. TOM: Ah. > and she could feel them entwining around her arms and legs like >obscene pythons. She struggled fiercely to break free but could not match the prodigious strength of the massive tentacles. MIKE: Hence, she wet 'em. CROW: I say, most eloquent, chap... >She grunted and gasped as she struggled and fought against the alien beast, but her >attempts to escape were TOM: ... snuffed out by common lemon clichés. > of no avail. Her sexy lithe body undulated and flexed as >she CROW: Did the Macarena. > struggled, causing her big boobs to jiggle, MIKE: Oh, now how is Charlie Chaplin going to keep his hat on? > her round ass to bounce, and her TOM: ... rocks begin to roll!! > pelvis to gyrate. She caught a glimpse of the shocked faces of the onlooking crowd > and her horror and shame was suddenly magnified. CROW: Then, the kid turned the glass at the right angle, frying them. MIKE: [kid] Die, ant, die! > She was exposed and helpless against >her foe...and it was happening in the middle of the street in New York with thousands >of people watching! TOM: And yet it was still less humiliating than when Scott Norwood missed the Super Bowl-winning kick. >"Hhuuaanngh!!!" The Black Cat screamed as the tentacles lifted her effortlessly into >the air MIKE: ... with the greatest of ease. CROW: This is so boring... >and yanked her arms and legs apart to that she was spreadeagle about four feet above >the ground at the edge of the crater. TOM: [Shirley LaLoon] Wayu wayu wayu wayu... > At first she was terrified that the creature was > going to kill her by ripping her apart but CROW: ...she realized that this was a tentacle fic and that she would only die after she played with the tentacles. TOM: And where's the fun in that? > her terror was greatly increased when she >realized that another horrible fate was in store for her instead. MIKE: The monster was going to make her watch the new Speed Racer cartoon. > The large bulbous heads of the big tentacles began banging TOM: No pun intended... MIKE: Tom... >into her writhing body and oozing a slimy white substance. The slippery substance was >some sort of pre-cum and the heads of the tentacles smeared it all over her body. CROW: Ugggh... MIKE: OK... this is getting pretty bad... let's get those IPUs out... our trusty Imagery Protection Units! Serving us... TOM: Oh, will you shut up and put them on?! MIKE: OK, OK... [a minute passes] MIKE: Let's see... >"Uuhhnngh!!!" The Black Cat groaned loudly as her arms and legs were pulled wide apart. CROW: [Black Cat] OWWW! OWWW! NO!! I am NOT A PAIR OF PLIERS! > The tentacles wrapped around her arms and legs anchored themselves to some nearby >debris (a streetlight, a chunk of pavement, an upended car, and a crooked telephone >pole) so that they would not tire. TOM: Tom Servo decided to go smash the author with some nearby debris (a fire ext- inguisher, a baseball bat, a crowbar, and a rusty staple gun) so that he wouldn't be sick. MIKE: Tom... relax. CROW: Owww... > Everyone in the crowd had a full unobstructed view of >the superheroine's dangerous predicament and despite the horror many were also feeling >the overwhelming emotion of raw lust. CROW: Yes, that's BEEN ESTABLISHED! TOM: [crowd] Gawk, whack off, repeat. Gawk, whack off, repeat. >The Black Cat's widespread legs fully exposed her smooth hairless pussy mound. MIKE: What is that, like anime lemon cliché number 400 or something? CROW: Must have something to do with those delicately rounded legs... > Her fleshy >outer lips were even puffier than TOM: Mick Jagger's? > before after being whipped by a savage strike from CROW: SNCF workers. MIKE: Strikes for the French are like pilgrimages to Mecca for Muslims. >one of the alien monster's thick tentacles. MIKE: They're *always* thick! Almost like they're a compensation for something. TOM: Well, you never hear a tentacle monster say, "Size doesn't matter!" > Felicia's large pink nipples were hard > and sensitive and her pussy was dripping with her own vaginal secretions. CROW: Must be an anime woman... she's dripping. MIKE: I guess anime women don't need doctors, they need plumbers. > She could > smell the strong odor of her own pussy TOM: [Felicia] Damn! I knew I should have changed that litterbox! > and it intermingled with the equally powerful > aroma of her sweat. Her entire body was covered in the slippery oily seminal secretions MIKE: Sounds like Jesse Jackson doing a porno. > of this alien monstrosity and she could feel the gooey sticky jism dripping down > her body. CROW: Wasn't that some hippie song? Sounds really bouncy. > Still the Black Cat continued to struggle against her alien aggressor, and > her thrashing only seemed to make the monster more aggressive and brutal. TOM: ...only seemed to make the fic longer and more boring... > The thick > knobby heads of the tentacles bashed against her body everywhere, especially against MIKE: Her body in Los Angeles. > her tits, ass, and pussy lips, all the while spurting thick jets of gooey alien > seed all over her body. CROW: Well, damn. TOM: Looks like it's not just the females who have a plumbing problem. MIKE: [tentacle monster] Damn stuck valve! > The tentacles kept on bashing themselves against her wobbling TOM: [singing] Boobies wobble, but they don't fall down! > breasts, sliding on the ooze that issued from their heads. MIKE: I have this sudden urge to go to Typhoon Lagoon. > One of the tentacles began >to force itself into her mouth but the Black Cat turned her head away. CROW: So it ran off and wet itself. TOM: But it already is wetting... CROW: Ugh... >Her head hung down unsupported so that she was looking at the throngs of people only >a few feet away, seperated only by the invisible force barrier. As she turned her >head from side to side, MIKE: ... she threw her hands in the air, started wavin' like she just don't care... >denying entrance to the tentacle sliding across her cheeks and lips, TOM: [lips] Access denied... CROW: Monica Lewinsky she ain't... > she looked through >half-closed eyes at the staring faces of hundreds of men, women, and even children, and > felt MIKE: Gassy. She was about to make a run for the border. > pure anguish and shame. >After the probing tentacle tried in vain to insert itself into her mouth, a couple of >other somewhat smaller tentacles wrapped themselves around her forehead and over her >chin, holding her head firmly in place as well as forcing her mouth open. CROW: Have a nice heaping helping of tentacle! >"Uuaahh! Oh God! No! Nnnoooooo!" The Black Cat screamed as she struggled and fought > against her alien enemy. TOM: [Black Cat] What kind of crap is this? I want my agent's head on a stick! > Now that the large slime-dripping tentacle had easy access > to the superheroine's throat MIKE: It had a nice, gentle wheelchair ramp to use... > it didn't hesitate to thrust in as deeply as it could and >the creature began forcing its tentacle all the way down her gullet. CROW: Certainly Superjizz is not treating women like meat... TOM: Perish the thought. > The Black Cat >gagged and choked on the monstrous member as it TOM: ... gave up, realizing that tentacle monsters are nothing more than useless anime lemon clichés. > stretched her throat on its way >down halfway to her stomach. MIKE: Then the digestive juices kicked in, heh, heh... > Her wildly convulsing gagging only gave more pleasure > to the alien monster as her tight throat squeezed and contracted wildly on the > massive phallus. CROW: Yeah, if she has an aneurysm, he'll orgasm. > The Black Cat's costume still covered her body except for the > strategic rips in the fabric at her crotch and tits. TOM: Nothing strategic about that, chap... MIKE: Well, yes there is... to the fanboys, she's naked, but she's not. > The black material was totally > soaked in alien cum and her mask was pasted to her face with sticky jism. The faux > white fur around her gloves and boots was matted with TOM: Cat hairballs. > gooey cum and her long white > mane of hair was being gripped by the jaws of several tentacles with sharp-toothed > mouths so that her head was being pulled backwards. CROW: Oh, the humanity! She's being snicker-snagged by mutated lampreys! MIKE: Ick... >Felicia's ankles were slowly pulled apart even more and she TOM: ... began to feel like Pamela Anderson. MIKE: Ow! > screamed around the tentacle >plunging in and out of her throat. She was extremely acrobatic and limber but she had never >been spread this wide before. CROW: Well... except the last hentai lemon she starred in... MIKE: ... and the time she went to that kegger... TOM: And that time with Dirk Diggler... > Her eyes watered uncontrollably and great salty tears rolled > down her cheeks TOM: [Felicia] Oh, whyyy did I wear my garlic-scented perfume? > as she sobbed and groaned from her oral violation. She managed to make out > three more tentacles proceeding towards her with what looked like bulbous tips about twice > the size of tennis balls. CROW: Or were they moth balls? We may never know. > As her legs were spread as far as possible, one of the large > cock-tentacles suddenly punched into her vagina, slamming deeply between the cleft of > her wet puffy pussy lips. MIKE: [softly hums "Puff, The Magic Dragon"] TOM: Guys... I don't feel so good... MIKE: Yeah... we'd better skip this one... [puts the IPUs on the bots and himself] [about a minute passes] CROW: Maybe it's over now... > Once her smooth wet pussy was fully dilated ALL: GYAAAAAAAHHH!!! TOM: Why is an optomotrist doing gynecology? MIKE: Hmmm... I think we have to tough this out. the IPUs will burn out. >the tentacle retracted, ejaculating several gooey globs of sperm all over her widely-stretched >cunt. A second tentacle, much thicker than the first, now emerged from its leathery sheath and >the head of this new phallus was much, much larger. MIKE: [Scotty] Aye, cap'n... there's Freudian compensation ahead! >The Black Cat struggled and tried with all her might to break free but it was no use. CROW: Her bonds were made of Everlasting Gobstoppers. > She now >realized that she was going to be raped, and maybe impregnated, by this terrifying alien >creature... TOM: WHAT? So what the hell was all that crap before? Foreplay? > right in the center of mid-morning New York with hundreds of men, women, and children >watching. Felicia felt her spirit sink as her humiliation and degradation increased. MIKE: But karma remained neutral. > She caught >sight of a gang of black men nearby, all with their hands down their pants, jacking off. She >saw a group of boys (who looked barely 12 years old) doing the same thing. Even a few policemen >were whacking off. CROW: ... MIKE: OK, so they're BackStreet Boys fans. Is this really that plausible, though? TOM: [singing] Whack off for the fun of it, whack off for the fun of it... whack off for the fun of it! >My god, the Black Cat thought, TOM: [Black Cat] They killed Kenny! Those bastards! > They are all enjoying this! They actually want to see me get >raped! MIKE: [Black Cat] They're all horrid clichés!! I'm doomed! >The huge penis-tentacle rubbed against the athletic superheroine's soft hairless pussy mound, CROW: Adjective World! Over 3,500 adjectives in stock! Yonge/Steeles Area, Vaughan. >sliding all over the wet sticky cum which covered her dripping cunt. The penis was about 3 >inches in diameter and very thick. TOM: So it's 3 inches, and very thick. Uh huh... CROW: Well, he wants to emphasize the inches. MIKE: [singsong] Some-body's compensating... > It was not as flexible as the other tentacles and was more >hard and rigid, just like a regular penis. MIKE: It had taken its Viagra, like it was supposed to. >Another group of tentacles examined the Black Cat's big round tits. A small bluish > tentacle, very long and thin, CROW: Oh. It's Mariel Heminway. > had a sharp stinger about half an inch long at the tip. > Three of these tentacles approached the writhing superheroines' body...two right in > front of each nipple and one directly in line with her clit nub. TOM: [Count] Three! Three stupid tentacles! Ah, ah, ah! > Suddenly, like a cobra, > the stinger tentacles shot out and stabbed directly into her big nipples, causing the > Black Cat to MIKE: ... rear up and dissect all the tentacles. ALL: Yay! > scream loudly in pain. ALL: Damn... > Her scream, muffled by the alien cock that filled > her throat, was loud enough to be heard by most of the people nearby. Tears ran down her > cheeks as Felicia CROW: ...watched Showgirls for the 15th consecutive time. > felt a burning pain lance through her big boobs. MIKE: However, her little boobs were just fine. TOM: Tentacles are like a storm inside you... > Her agony was nothing > compared to what was to happen next, however. TOM: Michael Bolton was going to do a tribute song for JFK Jr. > The huge alien penis that was rubbing her > crotch and stimulating her clitoris slowly pulled away and the stinger tentacle moved up > into a better position between her legs. CROW: It got a place with a nice view. Right above the lakefront. > The Black Cat looked down between her legs and > screamed in fright and panic. MIKE: [Black Cat] OH, MY GOD! I'M A HERMAPHRODITE! TOM: Thanks for that mental image, Nelson. >"Nnhhaauu!!! Nhhaauu!!! Aauuhhh Ggaaahhhd!!! Pllluuuhhzzz!!! Nnhhaaauuuhh!!!" CROW: Hey, look... just because you can't speak Chinese doesn't mean you have to mock the language. > The Black Cat >screamed from around the massive alien penis that was plunging in and out of her throat. Then >suddenly the stinger shot forth and snaked deep into the superheroine's soft erect clitoris, TOM: Wait... it can't be soft and erect! Make up your mind! MIKE: Well, if this stinger is snaking deep, I guess she must have a clitoris the size of my thumb or something. [shrug] CROW: This is why we have Biology classes in high school. >pumping it with MIKE: Lemonade. > venom. The Black Cat spasmed violently in pain and incredible agony. She had >never before known such pain CROW: Not since she saw "Batman and Robin." > and nearly passed out from the intensity of the searing torture. TOM: Yeah... but if you play Marilyn Manson through the monster's tape deck, it will kill everyone within a 4 mile radius. >She could no longer control herself and a blast of warm golden piss shot out of her pee hole >and splattered onto the ground. ALL: Ewwww... MIKE: "Splattered"? What did she do, swallow some rubber cement? CROW: [Sailor Venus] GOLDEN PISS... BLAST! MIKE: Crow... > For about a full minute the stingers continued to inject their >burning substance into Felicia's body. The penis in her throat shot its massive load of alien >seed directly into her stomach and then pulled out, only to be replaced by another which was >nearly identical. TOM: But I thought they were continuously pumping, and... and... CROW: Just smile and nod, Tom... > The stinger tentacles withdrew from the Black Cat's nipples and as they >pulled out, a dribble of milk dripped from the end of each swollen nub. MIKE: So basically if a woman gets stabbed in the nipples, she lactates? CROW: Pretty much. MIKE: So, basically this fic is stupid. CROW: Pretty much. MIKE: And on that note, let's get outta here. [Mike and the bots leave] [Reverse door sequence] [On the bridge, the bots are standing as game show contestants would. VOICEOVER: Ladies and gentleman, welcome to LEEEEEMON! The game show that asks everything about lemons that you were afraid to ask. And here's your host: HARRY BEAVER!! [It's Mike, dressed as a beaver] MIKE: Thank you, and welcome to LEEEEEMON! I'm your host, Harry Beaver, and we have a great showdown for you tonight. First, to my left, hailing from the Satellite of Love, Crow T. Robot! [canned applause] And to my right, also from the satellite of Love, Tom Servo! [more canned applause] Now, our first question. What produces the most amount of fluid daily? TOM: Niagara Falls! MIKE: No, I'm sorry! Crow, do you have a guess? CROW: Umm...OO! I know! Tom Servo's mouth! TOM: WHAT?! MIKE: [quickly] No, I'm sorry. The answer is, an anime woman in any tentacle lemon. Next question: what can be counted on to be as helpless as a poor, innocent animal in a lemon fic? CROW: Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place! MIKE: No, I'm sorry, that's not it. [sotto voce] What are you talking about? CROW: Inside joke, you had to be there. MIKE: Oh...kay. [normal voice] Tom, any guesses? TOM: Crow T. Robot's mouth! CROW: HEY! My mouth is NOT helpless! MIKE: NONONO! The correct answer is...a VERY powerful woman. NEXT QUESTION! How many orifices are there on a woman? CROW: Same amount as on Tom over there. One. THE MOUTH!! TOM: Do you wanna be deprogrammed, lacrosse head? MIKE: NO! NONONONONONO!! That isn't right! Tom, do you have an answer? TOM: Two. Both mouths, as large as Crow's here!! CROW: I DO NOT HAVE TWO MOUTHS! TOM: I'm sorry, Gumball Head, that big dome looks like a second mouth...OH I KNOW! You have no brain, do you? CROW: WHY YOU! I should have powerbombed you through the table HARDER! [lights start flashing] MIKE: Guys, calm down! WE GOT LEMON SIGN!! [Door Sequence] [all take usual seats] MIKE: What was the deal back there? CROW: He wants to talk about MY mouth, look at him! TOM: Why don't you just shut up? CROW: YOU SHUT UP! TOM: YOU! CROW: YOU! TOM: YOU YOU YOU!! MIKE: BOTH OF YOU! Cut it out! > Her vision blurred by >salty tears, the Black Cat glanced at her clit and saw the stinger withdraw, leaving her >swollen clit enlarged to more than twice its normal size and it was extremely more sensitive >now. TOM: Oh, so it's yet another anime lemon cliché. She's now even more aroused. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THIS CRAP?! MIKE: Take it easy, I'm sure that Superjizz knows what he's talking about. BOTS: [look at Mike] MIKE: OK, maybe not. >The large penis tentacle had now returned to its previous position and was rubbing up against >the Black Cat's aching cunt. She felt the massive penis push harder and harder MIKE: ... down, down, going down... [CROW hits MIKE] MIKE: OK, OK! TOM: Will you STOP that? It's getting old! > against her >pussy slit and grimaced in pain. She was powerless to prevent the monster's invasion of her >body, but her spirit had not yet been broken and she began to struggle again. CROW: [Black Cat, hopeful] One day, I won't have to put up with such lemons... > The huge penis >pressed harder against the Black Cat's pussy slit and the alien creature became more and more >aggressive in its mindless instinct to mate. TOM: Mindless. Let's go with that, fic!! >"Aannngghh!!! The Black Cat screamed as the bulbous head of the penis finally popped into her >soft widely-stretched pussy. MIKE: Man, this softness motif is like parking in "Hobgoblins". > Felicia screamed liked a stuck pig CROW: There's a nice mental image for you... TOM: [redneck] Hol' still, Bessie! > as the savage creature >unmercifully kept shoving more and more of its giant phallic organ into the woman's soft wet >pussy. MIKE: Oh, there's the softness again... I'm feeling grounded. > The penis in her mouth shot its load of alien sperm down her throat and three more now >approached her face. Instead of entering her mouth, these tentacles CROW: Entered through the service door. > began rubbing themselves >forcefully all over her cum-soaked face, smearing the alien jism into the crimefighter's >beautiful features until she was almost unrecognizable. Her face was a big sopping mess of >gooey alien sperm. MIKE: Oh, the humanity! She's being snicker-snagged by foam pool noodles! >Six inches...seven inches...eight inches...nine inches...ten inches... CROW: Sounds like CATS doing the Banana Song. ALL: [singing] Six inch... seven inch... eight inch... BOFF! TOM: [singing] Lemon come and 'me wan' go home! >The Black Cat screamed long and loud as the enormous alien penis stretched her pussy wider >than it had ever been stretched before. MIKE: Well, except for the cucumber incident... > She pissed all over the probing organ and her warm pee >dripped down onto the ground below her. MIKE: This fic is just bodily fluids and phalluses! > Cameras flashed all around her as the mob continued to TOM: ... suck. >watch and record her total defeat and degradation. As she wailed and groaned in pain, three >guys wearing "Dreamcomixxx" t-shirts were recording the whole horrible event on a videocamera! CROW: And the Freelance Shame/Shameless Plug Squad arrives on the scene. >Felicia felt a new wave of pain coursed up from her well-reamed cunt as the huge knob at the >head of the penis began to push against the entrance of her womb. "OH MY GOD!!! MIKE: [Felicia] I FORGOT THE FABRIC SOFTENER! > NOOOO!!! >NNNOOO!!!" she screamed. Her body bucked violently with the reaction to this new onslaught, >her pelvis twisting trying to pull away from the intrusion, and in response the tentacles >tightened their grip on her arms and legs. Her huge breasts wobbled and milk trickled >continuously from her big hard nipples. CROW: Meanwhile, the tentacles started to touch her tonsils. TOM: You know, I am thinking of getting an anime woman for the ol' Land Rover. Not only is she hollow, but I can give her a cucumber, and boom! Instant water supply! MIKE: You know, I really don't want to see this... [The BOTS and MIKE do their best to ignore the fic] TOM: Well, my prototypical anime woman would have a 1 cubic meter capacity, and hold up to 75 liters of fluids! CROW: Wow... that's pretty nice, Tom. TOM: Unfortunately, she requires a lot of food... >"OOOHHH... GGHHHAAUUDDD... NNOOOOOOO!!!" Felicia screamed at the top of her lungs as agonizing >pain shot through her groin. TOM: Oh, no! That cad of a monster... he poured baking soda and lemon juice on her groin! > Just as she screamed the three tentacles rubbing themselves all over >her face shot their loads unerringly into her wide-open mouth. CROW: But I thought they were doing that already... oww my head... >SPLURG! SPLUTCH! SPLORG! MIKE: Wow... listen to that crisp sound... I think it's a Dolby... onov system. TOM: Sounds like someone stepping on a wet carp. > The ejaculations were so thick and copious that they were audible! The >Black Cat's face, already a thick mask of pasty cum, was held firmly into position as the >blasts of gooey sperm shot into her open mouth. MIKE: [Black Cat] Ack! I'm not an intern!! > The cum was so thick that it nearly blocked >her esophagus and she had a great deal of difficulty breathing. CROW: Uggggh... Agony in Pink flashback... >"AAAH-HUUK! AAAhhhggh!!! Ghhaaa-aaahg! Ggllaahg!!! HUUk! AAAH-HUUKK!" The Black Cat choked and >gagged on the thick alien seed. TOM: [Black Cat] Dammit, it's hard to swallow these sunflower seeds whole! > It tasted exactly like human cum but was much thicker and this >alien creature had a plentiful supply. MIKE: Yeah, no kidding. CROW: He must use it as fuel or something. No reason to carry this much spooge to waste. >The alien pulled its dick out and brutally slammed it all the way back in, causing its female >prey to scream as loudly as before. The loud meaty impact of the thrust made a slapping sound >that could be heard by all of the nearby onlookers. TOM: BEEFY! CROW & MIKE: NO! >The Black Cat spit out a mouthful of cum to scream but the thick alien spunk was still attached >to her lips by ropy strands. MIKE: Ewww... CROW: [Black Cat] The Alfredo sauce... too thick... too cheesy... > The alien pulled out and lunged forward again, and again, and >again, and again. TOM: And again... and again... MIKE: Nothing beats the Copper Top. > The Black Cat's entire body bounced from the brutal jackhammer thrusts of >her monstrous enemy. CROW: Ah, alliteration. MIKE: Careful, someone might confuse this with good writing... >"AAAHHH!!! AAUUHH...PPLLEEEASE!!! NO MORE!!! AH GHAAUD!!! IT HURTS!!! OHH GOD IT HUURRRRTS!!! >UUAAHGGG!!! OH GOD NNNOOO!!! IT'S KILLING MEEE!!! EEEYYAAAHHH!!!!" TOM: [Black Cat] I BEG YOU!! NO MORE "MY HEART WILL GO ON!!" > The defeated superheroine >screamed at the top of her lungs but the bestial alien monster only raped her harder than >before. MIKE: Isn't that just kooky? > The Black Cat's womb was being battered so hard by the hard bulbous head of the alien's >massive penis that it felt surely bruised black and blue. CROW: Ugh... MIKE: Well, if NOW ever finds the author, he'll be black and blue. >POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! TOM: Parts flew everywhere as the tentacle monster exploded. > The sound of the brutal impacts and the Black Cat's >agonizing cries were clear even above the noise of the crowd. The Black Cat's lithe athletic >body was rocked from the hard punishing rapid-fire jabs of the alien's sexual attack. MIKE: But it turned out that Don King fixed the fight, so the monster was disqualified. > Her body >bounced and jerked like a rag doll as the alien sadistically hammered her pussy and ass. TOM: At least it isn't drilling and soldering. > The >incredible pain was so great that Felicia felt as if she were being split in two. She wished >she would pass out, but as it turned out she was not so fortunate. CROW: Her odds of winning the lottery were 1/1 567 454 953. > Her ordeal lasted for a full >half hour, MIKE: 30 minutes? Try 5 days. Sheesh. > and the creature wasn't letting up one bit. To Felicia it seemed like forever. >Despite her continual non-stop orgasms, she felt far more excruciating pain than whatever >pleasure she got. TOM: There's a first. CROW: I'm starting to think Superjizz has some issues with women. >Suddenly, Felicia saw someone in the crowd she recognized. It was the Scarlet Witch! ALL: WHO? MIKE: Hey, it must be Witchiepoo! > Felicia >tried to call out to her but the alien silenced her by shoving another huge penis straight down >her throat. CROW: [tentacle monster] Oh, no you don't! We are going... through with this... lemon! MIKE: I thought they were tentacles. TOM: Details, details. >"AWWLLRGH!!!" The Black Cat gagged as her throat was impaled. She could also feel the creature's >toothed sucker mouths clamp down on her big nipples and start biting them and sucking. TOM: They're not the only things that are sucking here... CROW: Deet... >The Scarlet Witch quickly made her way to the front of the crowd and got as close to the Black >Cat as she could. She was about three feet away, but unable to get closer due to the force >field. MIKE: [Scarlet Witch] Damn! Thwarted by a plot contrivance! >The Black Cat heard her saying something and tried to shut out her pain and focus on the Scarlet >Witch's words. TOM: [Black Cat] ... jump... up... my... WHAT?!! >"...can't penetrate the alien's force field! Oh, God! You have to get out of there! You have to >get away! From what little the Avengers know of this species it is virtually unstoppable! CROW: So, basically there's nothing she could have done anyway. MIKE: Pretty much. TOM: I know what's going to happen now! MIKE: Dead people know what's going to happen. >This creature can mate with human women! TOM: Duh. > It's going to impregnate you! CROW: Double Duh. > Oh god! If you don't >get free it's going to IMPREGNATE YOU!!!" the Scarlet Witch screamed to the Black Cat. MIKE: Triple Duh. TOM: Man... Deanna Troi must be playing the Scarlet Witch. CROW: Ugh... it's getting icky.. let's just not pay this any mind... [everyone turns their heads] >Sobbing and wailing loudly, the Black Cat grunted and groaned with each brutal thrust of the >alien's penises. The pain of having them both inside her was nearly unbearable. TOM: It was almost like paying phone rates in New Jersey. > She wished she >could just fall unconscious but that never happened. She was painfully aware of each and every >second of her long and tortuous rape. MIKE: Just as we are. CROW: Gee... makes me wonder about these lemon authors who employ tentacles... >"I'm trying to use my hex bolts to get through the force field!" yelled the Scarlet Witch as >she placed her feet wide apart and raised her gloved hands. A powerful hex bolt shot out and >hit the side of the force field but nothing happened. TOM: No, silly! You're supposed to put the washer on it first! MIKE: Not *those* type of hex bolts, Tom. > The Scarlet Witch tried again, and again, >and again. Over and over for about thirty minutes the Scarlet Witch hammered the force dome >with her hex bolts until she was totally drained of her mutant power. CROW: You know, I could complain that these are useless rape/hentai triggers, but you know me, I'm not one to complain. MIKE: No, not you. >The Black Cat knew what was going to happen. TOM: So do we... this is horridly predictable. > Tears rolled down her cheeks as she realized that >she was going to be impregnated by this monstrosity in front of thousands of people and there >was nothing she could do about it. CROW: I thought that happened when the monster went in her womb... MIKE: That way lies madness... >"Knock her up! Knock the bitch up good!" yelled one street thug. TOM: And a depressing cameo from Prodigy... >"Give that white bitch what she fuckin' deserves!" exclaimed a big black man. MIKE: [man] Po'k gravy? CROW: This is starting to get into a really weird area... >"Wish I could get a piece o' that fine Black Cat! I don't care if she is covered in sloppy >spunk from that damn monster. I'd still love to shove my dick up that sexy butt of hers!" >hollered one muscular man drinking a beer. TOM: Oh, this is great. Superjizz didn't think he made this bad enough with the tentacles, so now he has to add slurs. MIKE: [Superjizz] Hmmm... not enough people are angry at me... why don't I add a few ethnic slurs too! >The Black Cat's spirit was truly now broken, especially after hearing the sadistic taunts and >jeers from the crowd of people who she was originally trying to protect. CROW: They were even more broken after she heard Dan Quayle was becoming President. > They were enjoying her >suffering. They were sexually aroused from watching her get raped and humiliated. She saw a >group of young boys jacking off, right in the open, while they watched her. MIKE: I don't know why she's so worried, they do it when seeing her in the comic... > Most of the crowd >was made up of big black guys, but there were quite a few white guys there too, as well as kids >and a few women. TOM: [announcer] Hate is spread around the fic in a desperate attempt to save it! CROW: Wow... this sure turned into a bitter snuff fic... > Felicia pleaded with them with her facial expression but as soon as they saw >her silent plea for help they only laughed. CROW: Wow... suddenly the crowd turned into the late crew at a porno theater. >"I called the Avengers but they didn't respond! MIKE: Basically because the movie sucked. > Oh my god! You have to break free, Black Cat! >You can't let that thing create its spawn!" TOM: But... but... [breaks down sobbing] MIKE: There, there, baby short man... we'll be allright. >"NNNOOOO!!!! NNNNOOOO!!! EEEEEEEAAAHHHH!!!!!" Screamed the Black Cat as she felt a sharp >stinging sensation in her womb, followed by extreme pressure. CROW: She sounds like Mumm-ra. MIKE: [Black Cat] Oh, the pressure... I have to pass these GREs... > The alien was shooting his >fertile seed into her unprotected womb! TOM: As previously noted. CROW: Wow, this tentacle monster must get around a lot... it's just carrying at least 100 000 liters of the stuff... > The Black Cat also felt the other penis blasting huge MIKE: ... sticks of dynamite? TOM: Ouch... >loads of sperm up her brutalized rectum, deep into her bowels. Gooey cum squirted forcefully >back out from the sides of the Black Cat's stretched pussy and ass. MIKE: Thick vomit squirted forcefully out of Mike's mouth as he read this scene. [vomits] > The creature continued to >pound away without the slightest hint of mercy. The Black Cat's body was bouncing like a rag >doll as she struggled weakly. CROW: Say what you will about Superjizz, but nobody copy/pastes better than him... TOM: Except CATS... > Her belly was now slightly distended from all the sperm that had >been pumped into it and she looked fairly pregnant already. MIKE: Ugh... [vomits more] TOM: I guess that'll take care of her protein intake for a few weeks... >"Yeah!!! Sperm her! Sperm her good!" shouted one middle-aged woman as she reached her hand >between the waistband of her skirt and underwear, rubbing her clit. CROW: Yeah, well that's because nobody's going to "sperm" you, Helga. >"I think the Super-slut likes it!" exclaimed an attractive white jogger. MIKE: [jogger] By Golly gee, she's vomiting blood! She must love it! >"You ungrateful wretches!" The Scarlet Witch screamed, turning toward a group of black men in >the crowd who had been leering at the Black Cat and enjoying the show a little more than the >rest. TOM: Oh, of course... because all people of African descent are evil. CROW: Why do I get the feeling that Superjizz got all his knowledge of black people from the 11 o'clock news and Tupac Shakur? MIKE: He's certainly not a Canadian... > They were all incredibly huge and extremely well muscled. They were naked, having >stripped off their clothes earlier, and were rubbing their massive cocks on the force-field >right in front of the Black Cat's face. CROW: Wait... this is actually a deft and poetic statement, saying that people are nothing but sadistic morons, and black people are more sadistic. TOM: Nah... CROW: Or this just is really stupid. TOM: Yeah... >"The Black Cat risked her life to protect you and this is how her bravery is received? You >revolting mongrels! You make me sick!" the Scarlet Witch spat. MIKE: Unfortunately, sense does not apply in these lemons, so her rape is imminent. TOM: She sounds like Snidley Whiplash. CROW: [Scarlet Witch] Blithering fools! >"That so, whore? Well, I guess you white bitches are all alike, whether you gots super powers >or not. It looks like you ain't got no super powers now, though, do you? We can't have >Spider-Man's slut, but you look pretty hot and nasty to me, bitch. You our super-whore now, >Scarlet Bitch! TOM: Ummm... yeah. MIKE: Sounds like Bob Guerin wrote that after listening to "Smack My Bitch Up." >The Scarlet Witch angrily raised her hands to shoot another hex blast at the large man but >nothing happened. ALL: WAAAH WAAH WAAAAAH! CROW: [Witch] I should have remembered that contrivances don't favour women in tentacle lemons... > She was too exhausted from her earlier efforts to break through the alien's >energy shield...and now she was unable to use her powers until they recharged! From the way she >had been using her powers that could take days! MIKE: [Church Lady] Well, isn't that conveeeeenient? > A jolt of icy fear shot up Wanda's spine as she >realized how dangerous her situation now was. She was surrounded on all sides by an unruly mob >of sexually aroused men who were about to riot. She tried to act calm, but the look of fear on >her face gave her away. She was scared and these men knew it. TOM: Well, there you have it. This is a complete load of total shit. MIKE: Tom... >"You ever been wit' a black man, slut? You ever been wit' ten black men? How 'bout twenty? >Thirty? Forty? Fifty? CROW: [Man] How about a googolplex? TOM: Fortunately, they realized that they were nothing more than stereotyped clichés. > You will before we get through with that fine white body of yours. We >gonna make you our slut and you gonna scream as loud as that other white bitch out there when >that monster got hold of her." MIKE: Ever since "Fat Albert" left, Bill Cosby's neighbourhood has gone downhill. CROW: Where'd he get this dialogue? Some obscure blaxploitation film? TOM: More like some low-budget German porno. >As the Scarlet Witch nervously glanced around, it looked as if this man was being fairly >conservative with his estimate. CROW: Daniel Moynihan's estimate was more radical. > It looked like there were well over a hundred black guys all >around her and even though there was not an ugly or fat one in the lot, they were all MIKE: [Superjizz] ... filthy brown people worthy of my contempt. > much >bigger than what she thought she could ever handle and the experience would be extremely >painful. TOM: She should try reading about it later... > They all looked like gang members, CROW: Because all black people are in gangs. MIKE: I'm expecting an epilogue written by Jesse Helms right about now... > and they laughed evilly as they crowded around the >Scarlet Witch. They didn't seem to notice or care that there were a lot of young white kids >weaving in amongst them. Most of the black guys simply grinned and let the kids in. CROW & TOM: WHAT?! TOM: You know what? I have noticed something... CROW: Yeah, you humans really suck. You're all racist and xenophobic and stuff. TOM: We're going to have to kill you now. MIKE: No... wait!! CROW: Come on, it's go time, meat-boy! [The BOTS leap on MIKE and the three start to fight] [ *sock* *punch* *jab* ] MIKE: Ughh... stop... wait!! We're not all like this! CROW: Yes you are!! [*sock* *bang* *sock* ] TOM: OWW! My dome! [MIKE gets up and holds the BOTS apart.] MIKE: Wait, wait... guys... this ain't us... stop... we're not all like this!! Real people would help, not stand around! You're just letting the fic get to you! CROW: I guess you're right... but it's just so easy to beat on you! MIKE: Crow... >There was a low hum and suddenly the air seemed to shimmer about ten feet away. Felicia blinked >back her tears and saw a glowing light. TOM: Looks like Heaven's Gate made a round trip. MIKE: There ya go... back on the horse. > Instantly, a large metallic android appeared. It had a >grinning jack-o-lantern-like face and raw energy seemed to crackle from its eyes and mouth. CROW: Wow... C3PO really got cherried out. > She >recognized the villain and cringed in terror. It was the arch-foe of the Avengers...ULTRON! TOM: Who? MIKE: I think it's Voltron's cousin. ><good. I will now defeat and humiliate every superheroine who dared to stand against me. Perhaps >it would be best to study my handiwork a bit further, though, before my next target.>> Sneered >the adamantium-armored android. CROW: "The Rape of The Black Cat". Guest writer Victor Von Doom. TOM: Still better than "Rape of the Princess". >Emitting a sub-sonic signal, Ultron summoned his transport craft, which was hidden nearby with >a stealth emitter. The ship went right through the force-field and Ultron retrieved the alien >monster by shooting it with a MIKE: Oberheim synthesizer. TOM: Wet tuna. CROW: Limp egg noodle. > stasis beam and having his servo-droids load it into the storage >pod. Then he looked at Felicia and her fear was almost palpable. TOM: [Felicia] Oh, no... I have skunky beer!! ><Fantastic Four find you and terminate your pregnancy. MIKE: [Ultron] But what am I talking about? This is a tentacle lemon! How would that happen? > Perhaps it would be entertaining to >confine you in my secret base and watch what happens when you give birth. CROW: [Ultron] I can invite some friends over... order pizza... > I've heard this alien >creature is even more vicious and aggressive in its early stage. TOM: Just like most toddlers, actually... > Or perhaps I may just let the >alien have you again, and again, and again, MIKE: ... and again, and again... CROW: Kinda like a Dr. Evil ripoff... > until you either miscarry or expire. Either way, it >will not be pleasant for you, whore!>> Ultron replied, with his permanent evil grin leering >down at her. MIKE: [Plus] Plus it's material to make a new lemon! >The crowd watched as the evil android roughly grabbed the Black Cat and slung her over his s >houlder. He disappeared inside his craft and the ships engines whined as it rocketed away, >vanishing from view in seconds. TOM: [engines] Waaaah!! But we don't *wanna* help you get away and rape her! CROW: Superjizz doesn't like the Black Cat, does he? MIKE: Don't think so. > ** > >Wanda saw and heard what was happening to the Black Cat and knew that there was trouble in >store. Huge trouble. CROW: Her next flight was on Northwestern. > But she had some serious problems of her own right now as the gang of >powerfully built men moved in. She glanced at their huge, semi-erect, chocolate brown penises >and felt a surge of fear grip her from the bottom of her stomach. MIKE: Thanks a lot. [throws away his Fifth Avenue bar] > Their dicks were more like >big thick heavy clubs TOM: Chunkendales clubs? > and she could see from the looks in their eyes that they were going to >rape her. CROW: Just in case you just tuned in, yes, the crowd of stereotyped black guys is going to rape her! We cannot stress that enough! >Wanda struck out at one of the men, more in panic and desperation than anything else, and sent >him sprawling into a lamppost. She tripped two more of the gang members, and punched another >squarely in the stomach, doubling him over. However, her battle was not a long one. MIKE: The fic was drawing to a close, and Superjizz was running out of Vaseline. TOM: OW! > Three men >rushed her from behind and two came at her from either side and in no time they had her. She >thrashed and struggled, kicking and screaming but it was to no avail... CROW: [sourly] It always is... >"Nnnnnoooo!!!" Screamed the Scarlet Witch as the mob of black men swarmed over her. MIKE: [Scarlet Witch] You're all icky brown people! >"We gonna fuck you like a three-dollar-whore, you fuckin' BITCH! We gonna rape yo' tight white >pussy and knock you up! How you like that, cunt! We gonna knock you up jus' like that alien >fucker knocked up da' Black Cat! Eight months from now you gonna have a black baby in yo' big >white belly! How you like that, bitch? Huh? How you like that!?" TOM: ... and we'd like to thank Martin Lawrence for dubbing that last bit... CROW: "The Rape of The Black Cat". A Spike Lee Joint. >"NNNOOO!!!!" The Scarlet Witch screamed, as strong dark hands tore at her costume and groped >her body... MIKE: [Butthead] Cop a feel... huh huh... CROW: Ugh. > > End of Part One ALL: YAAAYYY!! >~~~~~~ > >Anybody want me to continue this story? [MIKE picks TOM up and holds him towards the screen] TOM: Sure, provided you first use a staple-gun to attach your testicles to a piece of PVC... MIKE: [winces as he leaves] [Reverse Door Sequence] [On the bridge. Crow has a flow chart with various drawings and complicated mathematical equations. Mike and Tom are listening with great interest] CROW: See, the reason why anime women can hold the amount of fluids that they do is, in fact, they are not women at all! They are existential quandries that just happen to LOOK like women. They are, in fact, really just giant bags of fluid that just happen to be made into the form of women! Big...breasted...women...[Crow drools] TOM: Hey Mike, I think Crow's going to short circuit! MIKE: Yeah, I better take care of this. [backhands Crow] CROW: Ow. Where was I, oh yes! Anyway, these "women" as we refer to them, are just really bags! That's it! FINITO! DONE! MIKE: Uh Crow...how did you come up with this theory? CROW: Well, Mike, it has to do with the relation between anime women, potatoes, and sauerkraut... [goes into lengthy explanation] MIKE: Forget I asked. [the light flashes] Hey guys, the Ministry is calling. [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Well, my little pets, how did you enjoy the story? [SoL] MIKE: It was...interesting. CROW: Yeah, I didn't know women were that flexible. MIKE: What are you talking about? CROW: Well, just think about it for a minute! MIKE: Forget you, anyways. [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Didn't break your spirits? Well, too bad. I guess I'll have to try harder...now where are Bobo and the Brain Guy? [Bobo and the Observer enter. They are both smoking as a result of Suicide Football] BOBO: The ball exploded in your hands, and therefore YOU LOSE! OBSERVER: Only because YOU hit the button that made the thing explode. Therefore, since you tripped it, YOU lose. BOBO: Bite me! OBSERVER: Only if you insist... PEARL: Ah...um...er...I'm afraid I will have to leave you until next time...WOULD YOU TWO INGRATES SHUT UP!?!? I have to end this little argument. [SoL] MIKE: Okay, um...bye? [END] mst3k created by JOEL HODGSON mst3k produced by BEST BRAINS, INC. original story by SUPERJIZZ riffs written by SETH C. TRIGGS host segments WILDFIRE Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters/situations is (c)1999 Best Brains, Inc. The Black Cat and Scarlet Witch are (c) Marvel Entertainment. "Rape of the Black Cat" is property of Superjizz... I think that's everything. No offence or harm is intended, and Superjizz, if you are reading this, it's all a joke. Seth Triggs: Hey, this is my first MSTing in a long time... and this fic is really weird... I hope that there aren't any more stupid lemons like this... And cheers to the show, it has brought me many laughs over the years. Wildfire: Well, wasn't this FUN!! I just wanna thank Seth Triggs for letting me get involved with this. This is my first working on a MiSTing, and it was a blast! Hopefully I'll be doing one of my own soon. Also, a shoutout to Alicia Ashby for being so cool with this story I'm writing. TTFN, kiddies! Lefty's MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/MSTings/index.htm Keep circulating the fics 21 July 1999 >Drenched in sweat from her exertions, Felicia muttered, "It's just as well >that I didn't find Spidey. I stink of sweat and he'd probably turn me down. >Besides, from the way I've been rubbing my crotch thinking about Peter, my >pussy must smell like a fishmarket. I'm so horny that I could jump Pete and >his wife right now!"