Time Change Chapters 2 & 3 WRITTEN BY: General Peterson MSTIED BY: Seth C. Triggs a.k.a. Lefty CO-MSTIED BY: Jamie Jeans a.k.a. JOLT!!! Jamie Jeans: Again I step into the fold as I delve into the piece of ego that is General Peterson. Oh man! I can't comment on it. It's too awful. I'm just glad that the last part of this series will be done soon. The only good thing I can say about Peterson is that his epilogues and prologues are mercifully short. Seth C. Triggs: That General Peterson...what a gas!! Fortunately, his ego- basking comes to a close here...hopefully we can make it!! On with the show! LEGAL STUFF: All the characters and concepts of Mystery Science Theater 3000 belongs to Best Brains Inc. Please don't sue us for we are merely borrowing your characters and not making any claim on them. The fanfic getting MSTied belongs to General Peterson and he can have it! Now, on to the story! ________________________________________________________________________ "Ah-hah!" cried Dr. Forrester as he looked upon his newest invention. "This is my greatest creation yet! It'll blow *anything* those fools in the SOL can come up with!" Cradling the invention in his hands like a newborn baby, Dr. Forrester called o0ut to his assistant. "Frank! Get out here and call up those goody two-shows. I want them to marvel at the sheer genius of my invention." TV's Frank walked up to the control board and opened up the link to the SOL. As soon as it was opened, the evil scientist spoke into it. "Good day, Nelson. Are you ready to be blown away by the sheer intellect behind my latest invention?" SATELLITE OF LOVE Mike and the bots looked a bit perplex at the doctors good mood, especially considering how rudely they had been talking to him the last time. "I guess Clayton got exposed too much to General Peterson's fanfics," Tom commented. "Guess so," Crow added. "Actually sir, we're all ready to go ahead wit our invention, if you want us to," Mike said. DEEP 13 Dr. Forrester sneered into the camera. "Well then, you nincompoops, go right ahead. The brilliance behind my invention will clearly outshine anything you may have." SATELLITE OF LOVE Holding a simple key in his hand, Mike stood beside the desk alongside with various doors and bike locks. The key, itself, was about the size of a house key, painted black, held a small red button on the end, but had none of the ridges or patterns. In other words, it looked like a blank key before it was took to the grinder. "Have you ever rummaged through your pocket full of keys and wondered just were the heck the one you needed was?" Tom started. "Sure, it gets confusing what with your house keys, and your car keys, and your mailbox keys, that you wish you only had one kind of key." "Our invention is the solution to this problem," Crow continued. "Simply take the key, push the red button, and insert it into the lock..." As Crow was taking, Mike and demonstrating the key. He picked up a bike lock and pressed the red button. Immediately, the key seemed to sift and waver, like looking at a desert marriage, and Mike inserted it into the keyhole of the bike lock. He released the red button and waited a few seconds before twisting the key and opening the lock. "The key works on an miniature particle accelerator that places the part of the key that goes into the lock into a quantum shift," Mike said, taking the key out and trying it on one of the doors. "From there, the key can easily be easily be placed into any lock, its molecules contouring to the design of the lock. Once the red button is released, the particle accelerator stops and shifts the key back into a solid form, allowing whoever is using it to open a lock with ease!" "What do you think sir?" Crow asked. DEEP 13 Dr. Forrester was seething with anger, his face looking like that of a lobsters. He tried to fight the rage down, but lost his cool almost immediately. Mike and the bots had outshined his invention like an atomic explosion outshines a candle. Were the key to be released at any place on Earth, not only would key manufacturing companies be placed out of business because of the lack of keys of any kind, but the criminal element would be able to thrive like it had never before. No place on Earth that used keys would be safe from anyone that decided to rob it. Glancing down at his own invention, he casually tossed it over his shoulder, accidentally hitting Frank in the head, and tried to keep his cool... but couldn't. "All right you show offs! No more Mr. Niceguy! Your experiment today is the conclusion to General Peterson's stinky story: Time Change. Prepare for some deep hurting! Frank, push the button." "Placing the lemon in the wound," Frank said as he pressed the button. SATELLITE OF LOVE "I wonder what got *him* so upset about?" Crow wondered. Before Mike could give an answer, the lights and sirens started up. "I don't know, but we've got fanfic sign!" he shouted. The pandemonium followed as Mike and the bots rushed about for a few seconds before going into the theater. (DOOR SEQUENCE 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...) Hello! I'm General Peterson TOM: [Peterson] And... MIKE: Enough, Tom. Usual Disclaimers - This story itself is mine! mine! mine! MIKE: A selfish kind of guy, ain't he? Any other characters you do not know is mine also (unless I say so). Sailormoon is owned by its lucky owners Naoko Takeuchi/Kodasha and TOEI Animations. Indroduced to the U.S by D.I.C. CROW: Of course. Indroduction TOM: And roll gratuitous self-insertion!! This story starts in the future and evolves in the past when a time change occured. MIKE: Don't say it, guys... I don't want to lose my lunch. You can send flames,comments,ideas and others to g_peterson@geocities.com or visit my web page at www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/2790 CROW: Here's an idea... jump up my butt! TOM: Crow, settle down. Time Change 2 ------------- MIKE: Audience 0. Let's start the story ! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CROW: And... they're off!! I settled down in this time for already about 1 month. I could not let down the Crystal Tokyo council. I had followed up to the latest news of the Negaverse. TOM: [announcer] Xena reincarnated as Sailor Pluto. Film at 11. MIKE: You'll never forget that, eh? TOM: No, I'm scarred for life. I found out that the shop which I was working at were controlled by the Negaverse minions. CROW: Tense change in the middle of a sentence? MIKE: [friendly announcer] Remember, grammar is your friend! They were selling jewellery which took your energy slowly so you would never know and they would get a life long supply of it. The sailor scouts almost bought them until I warned them about the fake jewellery. TOM: Of course. CROW: Because I am the best at everything and a hundred times more smarter then Ami and Amy combined! MIKE: Smarter? Shouldn't that be intelligent? CROW: Well, I *was* imitating Peterson. MIKE: Oh. After a few weeks, the sailor senshi/scouts had TOM: Became extremely sick of the General and fried his a- mphff!!! MIKE: Settle down! We're only two pages into it! mastered the arts of fighting, mental powers and an enchancement of their original powers. I realised that they were ready for the final battle. I then called them to come to my house to be briefed. CROW: No, not going to say it... I am NOT going to say it... MIKE: Good, Crow. They reached my house looking quite sad. MIKE: [Scouts] Why do we *always* have to be in self-insertion fics with weirdos, huh? "Hello, you know that the Negaverse has progressed from normal to extremely powerful. I hope after briefing all of you, you will fight till your deaths. Don't be scared. TOM: [Amy] But if we have to fight to our *deaths*, shouldn't we be at least a *bit* scared? CROW: Naw, they can't be as brave and heroic as General Peterson Star! MIKE: Oh man, I hope you were joking... You will survive this battle since I have moderate time visions that say you do,"I explained. MIKE: So... WHY ARE THEY GOING TO FIGHT TO THEIR *DEATHS*?! What was the point of that entire speech?! TOM: Story filler. CROW: Cut down on the coffee, Mike. "Yeah, that's what you think. But why don't you destroy the Negaverse yourself ? "Darien shouted. CROW: Here's the windup... "Please do not get angry. You surely know the concept of a time paradox. According to the time line, you all have to destroy the Negaverse not anyone else, "I replied. CROW: And there's the smarm! Darien, giving up on the subject said, "All right, I hope you have the relevant information of the base." MIKE: [Peterson] Ehhh... oooh... I seem to have left it in my other pants. I replied by saying, "Yes, I have already studied and analised the base structure, TOM: *Analised*? So that's why he's such an --MMMMPPH!! MIKE: NO, Tom! defence, offence, sector and others. It is positioned in the middle of a very isolated place. CROW: Yellowknife? TOM: Mackenzie? The base sector itself is an important defence of the base since it can hide many monsters or defences such as traps. ALL: Ami will be constantly using her computer to scan the sector of the area and the perimeters. MIKE: Meanwhile, *Amy* is wondering why her manga counterpart is getting more time in this fic. You will be avoiding most of the traps and monsters so you all can conserve energy. TOM: Well, *duh*! I have invented a few magic bombs which eliminate anything evil in a kilometers radius. CROW: Hopefully, they will detect *him* and blow the creep to smithereens. MIKE: Wishful thinking... Queen Beryl and Metallia are not totally affected by this bombs. The bombs will only weaken them but it is still useful. TOM: ...and yet *another* tense change. MIKE: Even the *text* is confused! Each of you will be supplied 5 of these bombs. MIKE: Be sure to use them on the Sandworm since no other weapon will work on it. CROW: Ohhh, nice *and* vague. Since you will be in a group. I hope you will conserve the bombs." I then gave them notes about the base. CROW: [Peterson] And over here... is the brand-new kitchen! It was recently remodeled, and features oak cabinetry! "And, I will have to travel to the astral plane dimension to do something. I want you all to wait for me till I return,"I said. TOM: Gotta go to the little boy's room! [snicker] CROW: Emphasis on "little". MIKE: Guys... *************** CROW: The stars... the stars... the horrible stars!! MIKE: Now how much are the critics getting paid for rating this? I was feeling quite guilty because of lying to the sailor scouts but I just had to do something. I had to stop the Negaverse to running anywhere. MIKE: Uhhhh? TOM: I guess this was co-authored by Dr. Thinker. This is to make sure that time paradox's don't happen. TOM: But since I was already causing one, I decided "What the heck" and RIPPED ALL OF SPACE AND TIME WITH MY BARE HANDS!!! ARGH!!! MIKE: Calm down!!! The real time line was that the sailor's defeat the Negaverse and the base was never transported anywhere else. CROW: *Which* sailor? TOM: This guy must have gotten a D in his third grade English class. MIKE: He got to the third grade? The Negaverse capabillities are now far more advanced than the original time line. MIKE: Time paradox time... TOM: I guess they started eating their wheaties. *************** CROW: Oh, forget it. TOM: Peterson is endangering the asterix population. The senshi were resting on the couches in the General's house. "Peter has good taste you know. At least to fit anyone who visits his house,"Mina said. MIKE: [Mina] There, I said it! Can you point the rifle elsewhere now, General Peterson? The senshi thought the same. Not too expensive and not too cheap, his furniture. TOM: Translation: He robbed a Goodwill and a college dorm. Then a sudden flash of light was seen by the scouts. "A monster, quick attack it,"Serena as Sailormoon. CROW: That Serena. What a blazing ball of energy. It was quite easy to destroy but the monster's main objectives was to injure the sailor scouts. Every one of the scouts was hurt after the fight. MAJOR damage. TOM: Of course. MIKE: Is anyone buying any of this? CROW: This has more action then a Ratliff or a Koopa battle scene. That was also when General Peterson returned to the house. "What the hell happened ?"I shouted. TOM: We got pissed and thrashed your house! "Oh, never mind. I'll have to send you all to the hospital first,"I continued after looking at their condition. CROW: [Peterson] They're injured!! I should stand here and watch them bleed! "No need to do that. Its not that bad, is it ?"Raye said. "You'll have to go. Battle or no battle. I'll have to postpone it. You all are just damn to injured to do anything. Just a few days will be enough,"I replied. TOM: Interesting... he can determine their medical condition without even examining them. MIKE: [Peterson] Because I am the self-inserted character! I am GOD!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I then teleported them to the lobby of the hospital. No one saw since everyone was occupied. CROW: Fortunately, General Peterson teleported to rural Uxbridge Cottage Hospital. The doctors then took over. I the middle of the procedure, MIKE: It wasn't the first time Peterson thought he was the middle of a procedure... CROW: And it probably won't be the last. Raye asked again, "Why do you think they did this ?" TOM: [Peterson] Because I wrote it!! What are you, stupid? MIKE: So, they just let this guy into the operating room? CROW: [Peterson] I'm board certified, don't you know! TOM: Well he certainly *is* certifiable. "My first hunch is that they just want to give themselves a few days extra to add defences and power up their monsters,"I said. "The bombs I was suppose to give you will have to be upgraded,"I continued. CROW: To Windows 95. TOM: He said *upgrade*, not *downgrade*. "I will have to see the Negaversal Power Levels now and also weaken it if it is needed. MIKE: By replacing their regular coffee with decaf? According to my last use, you all will feel large amounts of evil energy flowing from the Negaverse base to me. I will explain the process later,"I explained. MIKE: Actually, that evil energy comes *from* him. I then started the process. Concentrating energy molecules at the enemy base, I summoned my extreme powers of energy levels at that base. CROW: [Peterson] EXTREME CHEESY SELF-INSERTION... *ATTACK*!!! *What is happening ? God damn it. They are transporting part of the main life patterns to another dimension.* MIKE: Petey is double-scripting with Saban. mindspoke a voice from the base. It was definitely evil. TOM: Awww, you don't even know him! The voice was set at a public level. Anyone could here it, CROW: This story co-written by Stephen Ratliff. including the sailor scouts. MIKE: [Sailor Scouts] Aw, geez! Can't Peterson lay off already? the mindvoice said. TOM: I am also calling collect. It was evident that this voice was transmitted from a very powerful mindspeaker. CROW: By BOSE. I mindspoke back to the voice that I reconized as Queen Beryl's voice, This battle was getting more complex evry minute. MIKE: [Peterson] So complex, in fact, that it caused my spellchecker to explode. The Negaverse was not the only threat to the reign of the princess before she becomes Queen. TOM: [Peterson, bombastically] My self-insertion was also tearing the very fabric of time and space apart, like so much old pantyhose!! I terminated the link to the Negaversal Base. I turned around and was confronted with confused and frightened looks. CROW: [Mina] Who are you? LEAVE US ALONE!!! WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS?! *sob* ************ MIKE: Snow in May? "Hello, Mergreth. Fate has brought us two evils together. With this alliance we forged, we will defeat all good. TOM: Typical bad-guy speak. CROW: I think Snidley Whiplash is holding up the cue cards... The dimension which you control is very powerful and has reached high level advancement. It will be ideal for power takings," boomed the voice of Queen Beryl. MIKE: [Beryl] Then, we can leak to the media and exercise our stock options at the uptick!!! "Yes, that is true. But as you know, I am much more powerful than you or you sect your dimension calls Negaverse even though I am defeated in this realm by much more powerful good leaders. TOM: Defeated by good? Must be Peterson Star. The dimension which you dominate now as the evil queen is not strong enough to fight you yet. This dimension which you landed upon and the same which I exsisted to forge an alliance with you is much more advanced. CROW: [Mergreth] It uses margarine instead of butter. MIKE: Parkay. The records I got from my Time Knights about the time line of your dimension has clarified my suspisions. You are supposed to be defeated," the being in the dark said. MIKE: Elton John's new hit single... "Being in the Dark". TOM: In stores now. "Hah, I am powerful and can be said equal to you. CROW: Hah. You must be dreaming. Ho. You can never defeat me. Beryl has been given 'high scale powers' so do NOT underestimate me or my servant even you have the records of my loss in battle. TOM: Stupid Microsoft programs lose everything! I have information that you would like to know that will change the way you think of me," Queen Metallia's voice suddenly said arrogantly. CROW: [Metallia] I happen to be none other than the actor in Barney's suit! By that words, CROW: And these words and those words... Queen Beryl who knew about the situation mind linked with Mergreth and told her story by her mind. TOM: Went to take over world, got beaten by girl in short skirt... Mergreth himself was frightened by the situations the future Queen Metallia had. Living in isolation with only a few percent of your soul was extremely tormenting. TOM: Then, when he got stuck to the inflatable goat, all hell broke loose! MIKE: TOM!! CROW: Yecch! "Yes, I suppose you are right. You HAVE lived far longer that I since my father was the one who always waged most of the MAJOR battles. MIKE: CROW: Geez, Beryl, don't talk so much in on breath. I have had only a few with the Guardians of the Sky Lords. Recieve my appologies for such harsh remarks about your loss," Mergreth said quite simply. TOM: [Mergreth] Excuse me while I go emasculate myself in private. "I also realise that your nemesis the Sailor Scouts will be here. TOM: And that they are planning on stealing even *more* of your commas... I could not help but overhear your mindspeak conversation. Perhaps you would like to tell me about them,"Mergreth said, quite excited knowing that the Sailor Scouts were no match in the Skyron dimension. MIKE: Now what are they doing in Niagara Falls? CROW: That's "Skyron", not "Skylon". MIKE: Oh. But he was not sure after the recent called time change due to the time travel done by Queen Metallia and a man named General Peterson. Mergreth continued, "Also about a man named General Peterson. He seems to be a powerful nemesis." CROW: Yes, you established that General Peterson is a man. Go on. TOM: The plot has slowed to a crawl. MIKE: Stupid batteries! Always giving out sooner then you expected. "True, the general is also a powerful royalty. The information about the scouts will not be easy to tell but I sense that you already know about General Peterson since he and your nemesis, the Guardians of the Sky Lords DEFEATED your father or shall I say kill," Queen Metallia said emphasizing on the 'defeated' word. MIKE: Good, since when we talk about this fanfic, we emphasize words like *root canal*, *colostomy*, and *riding a bicycle without a seat*. "Yes, this general is powerful or you can say the most powerful in the ultraverse, millions of universes. My father's death will be revenged but you are quite wrong. The general never INTENDED to kill my father. He was too GOOD. TOM: It's his story! OF COURSE he's too good!!! That's the whole point of self-insertion!!! MIKE: Calm down, we're not even halfway through. Of course,no one intended to KILL anyway. It just had to come, " Mergreth continued with hate to the general burning up in his eyes. MIKE: [Mergreth] Owww!! Eye drops please!!! Mergreth's look could be terrifiying to anyone else except Beryl or Metallia. Beryl told her part about the scouts. CROW: [Beryl] Well, they have defeated us in practically every episode... I've lost count. *********** "Is it true that the Negaverse has been transfered ? We heard that mindvoice, if that was what it is called,"Serena asked choking back tears. TOM: She drowns and dies. The end. MIKE: Sheesh! "Yes, my dear. It is true. The battle will continue in another dimension. Because of that, I hope you all will cooperate. I will try to heal you then we will take a inter-dimensional portal to that dimension,"I explained then continues, CROW: This guy's grammar... just brings a tear to my eye!! "There I will extend your training since Mergreth has joined the battle as one evil being. I have no time to teach you all here. Is this understood ?" MIKE: [Scouts] Uhhh... no? "Why not ?" Lita said. The healing proccess was easy. TOM: I never knew that I could use Duct tape and staples so well... Many of the wounds disappeared. They could be considered good as new. They were fit for dimensional travel. ALL: [weakly] Of course. I continued, "The dimension which we are going to travel to are new to you. CROW: You will be sent there by Vegita. MIKE: Prepare to be sent... TO ANOTHER DIMENSION!!! I have gone there before and they only know me. CROW: Petey is quite the infamous villain around there... A quite few years ago, I killed Rateld, the king of evil. His son now is the prime source of evil and is the main target Beryl and Metallia will go to. TOM: What about the Target in Bloomington? After crossing the dimensional border, each of us will be in separate places. MIKE: You're here and she has the Travelers checks there. Please do not move anywhere unless you find your way. I will find you." CROW: [Peterson] I know what you did last summer... MIKE: [Scouts] Eeeek! I then gave each of them a letter and continued, "Give this letter to anyone you see. This will introduce you and will bring you to the palace. TOM: [Serena] What does "immolate her upon entry" mean? Remember, you have twins there but not indentical to you all. TOM & CROW: Huh? MIKE: Good thing I installed new cooling fans for your grammar chips. They are just your Dimensional Twins. They are also royalty and Guardians." CROW: The Wonder Twins!! Then I conjured a Twin Class Dimensional Gate. Each and one of them entered it and disappeared. I entered it and was taken to the Skyron dimension. MIKE: [Peterson] Where I was immediately picked off by the guardians. The end. TOM: Nice one, Mike! CROW: He has joined the Dark side. ************ MIKE: Unfortunately, all of the assassin's throwing stars missed General Peterson. TOM: You're getting good! Upon reaching there, I saw Reeth, CROW: Alongside Nappa... one of Skykin and Guardians. They live a quite long life, approximately 1000 years but since the arcane powers of Crystal Tokyo and its mirror dimensions, they lived forever. CROW: Duuuuuhhh... MIKE: These sentences are making my head hurt. Reeth actually saw me first and said in atonishment, " Peter, good to see you, why are you here ?" I replied, TOM: [Peterson] Same old, same old... inserting myself into a story, and giving myself obscene power... and you? " To defeat a new nemesis, this time with a few friends from the past. MIKE: *Friends* in the sense that they don't use him as a bullet shield as often as the other people. I'll explain later. What are the new summoning pattern codes for the Skykin ?" CROW: MnkySpnk. MIKE: Crow... "The Pattern is 00119920-ALPHA. This will ring their communicators," TOM: After that, the program crashes and won't open again. MIKE: Guys, enough with the Netscape jokes! Reeth answered. After a few mental calls, the summoning was done. MIKE: Yeah, this Peterson guy needs a "mental call" all right... CROW: Preferably by the guys in the white suits. I immediately was escorted by Reeth to the MIKE: Dungeon? TOM: Gas chamber? CROW: Electric chair? palace. ALL: Damn! Before entering the Royal Guards stopped me and said, "Who are you ? You are forbidden to enter without permission." TOM: [Peterson] You dare? I am a self-insertion author! I could kill you with one of my sentences! I continued laughingly, "I guess you guards are new. I am General Peterson, Commander to the Royal Army of Crystal Tokyo." They said with surprised looks on their faces, "General, we are sorry. You may enter now." MIKE: [guards] Oh, sir... we filled our pants, too... is that okay? I walked through the main corridors of the palace and reached the main meeting chamber, equal to the ones in Crystal Tokyo. TOM: [Peterson] However, their brunch was unsurpassed. Three diamonds. The Skykin rushed to the meeting chamber upon reaching the palace after hearing the summoning call. The call was reconized as from the general which they grew to like. CROW: [random guard] I like this General Peterson guy!! He makes my target practice easy!! "At last, this council is complete. The situation now is that one of the evil beings from the Silver Millenium dimension one thousand years ago has transferred its source her. TOM: So... where is she? ... eh... 'cause, you see, it was a source her, heh, heh... oooh. Needing us to defeat it here. This evil is from my time equivilent here but it came back to the past to attack the young Queen Serenity and her Guardians. They have already forged an alliance with Mergreth that could mean that we will also need to destroy him. MIKE: [Peterson] We will also need to find the person who stole all my commas. Now the only thing we neeed to do is to find the girls that I sent here. TOM: [Peterson] And they'd better have my money, too! After teaching them somemore, then only I will send them back to destroy the remnants of the Negaversal Pattern in my own dimension. CROW: [yawn] Why is it that all the fics we read are in realtime? MIKE: Because. You all already know the rules of time lines, please do not tell anything that could damage the time lines," I ended. TOM: [Peterson] Like making a time-traveling self-insertion fic... ooops. "Okay, we will do it but this is a GRAVE situation," Relene, the most powerful healer in Skyron said. I used the mindscan to locate the senshi with Darien and told the coordinates to the Skykin. CROW: [Peterson] B-7. MIKE: [Skykin] You sunk my Battleship!! "I would also like Ilmiri to stay here, she is still quite young for the Skykin. Her teleportation and Speed-Flying is not matured enough to carry another person," I explained. Ilmiri did not complain though. TOM: [Ilmiri] Thank my lucky stars I don't have to ride with the self-insertion author!! CROW: You have to walk the Kal. ************ MIKE: Darn it! Can't that sniper hit anything? "Where are we ?" Serena asked Darien, looking out to see anyone coming. "I don't really know. I have mixed memories of this place. If I could recall, this place is the Royal Training Ground," he replied. CROW: [Darien] I had my "initiation" here! MIKE: No, Crow. "That's funny. I also seem I have seen this place before but never mind. I'll ask him later," Serena continued. Then they heard a loud voice, "Hello, I am Relene, one of the Guardians of the Sky Lords. Peter sent me here to get you back to the palace." TOM: Of course. "At LAST," they said and continued speaking,"How are we suppose to go there ?" Skykin looked very like humans but more like angels. They had wings on their back and were a few the size of normal six-feet humans. MIKE: Even though most humans are under 6 feet tall. Relene was already considered an adult after living for more than a millenium. The Skykin also wore quite formal clothes, with an opening at the back for their wings. CROW: Okay, go on... TOM: This story is like a Mobius strip... and it keeps returning to the gratuitous self-worship. MIKE: Well, just sit back and bask in the excruciating details! "Oh, just come here and hold my hands. I have teleportation skills," Relene answered. They obeyed and reached the palace in a matter of seconds. TOM: Man, the PATH trains are cooking today! "Hey, where are we ?" Mina said. Her cat Artemis was beside her. MIKE: At least he's not *in* her. CROW: And, she's not "looking Artemis". Artemis knew this place real well. He had come here a few times before during the Silver Millenium. It was for diplomatic missions or to visit the Skykin. TOM: [old coot] So *that*'s what you kids call it nowadays! "This is the Palace Vegetable Farm," Artemis answered. "Hey, how do YOU know ?" she asked. MIKE: [Artemis] Because you and Serena are descendants of the broccoli. "I HAVE come here before during the Silver Millenium. Since that was a millinia before, I am not sure," Artemis replied and suddenly found himself transforming into a man again. CROW: [Artemis] Aw, man! What a time for me to morph... my acne isn't cleared up yet! This was surprising to him until he remembered that when transporting to another dimension such as this one, he could change to a Lunarian easily. TOM: Yes... okay... CROW: I'll take Plot Devices for a hundred, Alex. Mina turned her head and said, "Arte... Artemis. What are you doing in human form ?" He answered and changed back to a cat, "It was automatical." MIKE: And our new vocabulary word... "automatical". CROW: Peterson must read his thesaurus with the packing wrap still on it. TOM: Glimpse yonder there... Then Reeth appeared looking quite like Lita's brother if she had one. TOM: So... WHAT'S THE POINT OF THE SIMILE?!! MIKE: Settle down, Tom. The proccess was simillar with them as with Serena and Darien, they were teleported to the palace. CROW: Of course. MIKE: But got horribly mutated together in the transport and died... The rest of the senshi were transported to the palace by Ryan, Lilian, Telphis, Elane and Delphi. They were brought to the main Meeting Chamber. TOM: So... anyone know what's going on? MIKE: Not a clue. CROW: Come on, fanfic... we can wait as long as you can! ************ MIKE: That should be enough grenades to take out Peterson. In the Meeting Chamber, there were sounds of laughter. I reentered it and said, "Okay, please be seated where your titles are listed." Everyone complied with the order. MIKE: [raises fist] Heil Mein Führer!! CROW: Never, ever, do that again. I continued, "Introductions has already been done, is it ?" Checking by the looks of their faces, I was right. They knew each other, but not close enough. It must be time to relink their memories. TOM: Ehhh, relink *this*, Peterson. "Before continuing, I guess that you all remember each other quite distinctly. This is because you have visited each other before during the Silver Millenium time or the equal in this dimension, the Old Sky Millenium. These memories will be restored in a few minutes," I said. MIKE: [Peterson] Please put your tray tables in the upright position... and thank you for flying Self-insertion Airways! Luna and Artemis already had some memories about this dimension. CROW: [Luna & Artemis] This is the dimension where the self-insertion authors have control over us!! RUN AWAY!! I did a mindlink with them that was seen easily. Lines of power joined between me and the cats. Any difficult questions that were asked about the memory relink would be easier answered by the cats. TOM: [Artemis] If you come any closer, I'll claw your eyes out! After virtually 10 minutes, I spoke up, "Let's continue. MIKE: What were they doing? CROW: I'm too bored to care. I hope you have good memories about the time when the late Queen Serenity were hosts to the Skykin when they landed on the moon. The single wing of the Skykin that landed were incoporated into the Royal Guard. TOM: [Peterson] Then, there is *my* squad, which was formed from the Hertfordshire Cropdusters. MIKE: These Skykin were one of the most powerful wing of Skykin Warriors. When the Dark Kingdom attacked and obilerated the Silver Millenium, the late Queen Serenity transported the Skykin back to their original dimensions where now they are the ones you see as Guardians of the Sky Lords." CROW: [Peterson] The Skykin also took our grammar with them, so we really need you to help us get it back!! The memories they had just accepted were vivid at first but soon faded in. But no one had the chance of embracing their old friends yet since the palace suddenly rocked. TOM: [Luna] Darien! Serena! Why don't you rent a motel room? Geez! "Black Dead Knights ! Quick, attack positions," Lianne, a girl who had just entered. They reconized her as the Sky Princess. The scouts had already transformed. MIKE: It seems that Peterson has an affinity for putting detail in the wrong places. CROW: Like this story. I knew the Dead Knights, they were extremely powerful. Very rare in existence, since they had long growing times. I had to give the sailor scouts their enhanced Sky Dimensional Powers. I shouted to them, "Scouts, remember your enhanced Sky powers which were assigned to you during the past." TOM: [Peterson] Yours are legit, unlike mine... what am I saying? A sudden shriek from a Class 4 Dead Knight by a long green scythe told me that they had understood. Sailor Jupiter had used her Oak Scythe attack to destroy the Dead Knight but she did not have enough experience. CROW: Well, she destroyed it, so shouldn't *that* matter? Suddenly, a squadron of Dark Elves appeared. They started using magical spells against the senshi and Guardians. TOM: [Peterson] You know... stuff. MIKE: But the Elves had forgotten to fill up earlier and crashed onto Peterson. He died, the end. CROW: Getting bitter, are we? Seeing that the scouts and the Guardians were outnumbered by the double squadrons of the Dead Knights and Dark Elves, I summoned a forbidden magical technique, the summoning of the Fire Oracle Bird. MIKE: This is almost like a bad DragonLance story. My ancient magical team mate and war-riding bird appeared and burned down the Black Knights. The Dark Elves retreated. All was left was dust. MIKE: Ashes to ashes... dust to dust. "Wow, I have only seen you use that twice," Delphi exclaimed. The bird was seen by the scouts in awe. It was gigantic, filling half of the room. TOM: [Peterson] It was the manifestation of my ego. *Hah, wouldn't they be surprised. Not even the Guardians know that she can talk.* CROW: [Peterson] They're being written dumber than usual in this fic! "Hello, I am the Fire Bird. The team mate to General Peterson, one of the only arch-mages who hold this arcane magical spell to summond my kind," she said. Everyone had the shock of their lives. A giant bird which talked ! MIKE: [Scouts] It's shocking us more than a self-insertion author with power "trillions" of times greater than ours!! "What, why didn't you talk last time ?" Telphis asked. TOM: I didn't want to, so there! NYAH! "I just did not want to. Is that a problem ?" she answered. No one replied that question to the Fire Bird. Oracle shrinked and transformed into human form. TOM: [Oracle] Excuse me... I just wet 'em! "Something's wrong. Saturn cannot heal Darien. He got hit by that funny black crystal by the Dead Knights," Serena said. Relene walked toward him and tried healing him. It was an inter-dimensional wound. MIKE: Okay, time-out... when did *this* happen? I thought Peterson oh-so smugly blasted the monster to kingdom come!! When did Darien get hurt? CROW: Try not to think. You'll feel better. Only inflicted if the wounded is from another dimension and the inflicter was a time or dimensional gate expert. The healing was quite instant after Telphis concentrated his Portal-Gate powers too. After the healing procedure, the prince started waking up. TOM: [Darien] Oh... I dreamed that I was in a self-insertion fic with YOU?! AAARGGGHHHHHH!!! "Good," I said. The scouts started detransforming but it was futile. "Oh, I forgot. In this dimension, you cannot detransform." I continued. "Would anyone mind telling me what happened to Darien ?" Uranus said. MIKE: Oh, he just got hacked by the author, that's all. CROW: [Duckman] Get back in your office with Fluffy, Uranus! Telphis started talking, "It was an inter-dimensional wound. The would could only be inflicted if you were from another dimension and the attacker is of Portal-Gate abilities, able to shoot a Dimensional Fracture Crystal which Serena saw. Only a person of simillar abilities can heal the wounded." They nodded in understanding. ALL: Duuuuuuuuhhh... TOM: Is Peterson writing a story or an instruction manual? "You all can rest now. It is a TIRING day," I said. Almost all of them fell asleep instantly. Oracle mindspoke, CROW: [Oracle] I want my agent NOW! TOM: These and other questions hopefully to never be answered in the next chapter of Time Chasers... er... Change! MIKE: It *is* like *Time Chasers* ...goes nowhere and does nothing! I mindspoke back to Oracles powerful mindvoice, CROW: Bite me! I'm the god here! CROW: Yeah, whatever. ------------------------------------------------------ End of the second part. Wait for the next one. MIKE: Don't hold your breath. Send comments, flames, praises and others to general_p@hotmail.com or visit my webpage at www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/2790. <20/12/97> TOM: Do not read after this date. MIKE: Let's go, Tom. ALL: VOICE OF DR. FORRESTER: Sorry my expierementies, but you have to stay in for the entire thing. CROW: It isn't done yet? VOICE OF DR. FORRESTER: No, it isn't. So sit back down. It's gonna be allot of pain! ALL: Hello ! I'm back. Here's General Peterson again ! MIKE: And right next to him is his ego. This is the continuation for the first part of Time Change. CROW: Guaranteed to suck just like the first part. Usual Disclaimers - This story is hundred percently mine ! Sailormoon is owned by its respective owners wiithout permission. Any other characters are mine! (Unless I say so) TOM: So... then how is the story "hundred percently" mine? Usagi - Serena Rei - Raye Ami - Amy Minako - Mina Makoto - Lita Setsuna - Setsuna Haruka - Haruka Michiru - Michiru Chibi-Usa - Reeny Mamoru - Darien MIKE: So that doesn't explain why Amy and Ami were in the same scene not too long ago! TOM: Don't worry about it! Time Change Part 3 ------------------ MIKE: Audience *still* 0. Any comments, praise or flames can be sent to g_peterson@geocities.com or visit my webpage at www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/2790 TOM: So you said. CROW: Blah, blah, blah... Let's start the story now ! MIKE: Let's burn it and say we did! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The others awakened after two and a half hours. I actually lied to Oracle. I couldn't sleep. I was just too worried. CROW: [Peterson] The news that _Full House_ would be canceled was too much for me! During their sleep, I had devised the battle plans. I would have to transfer my memories about Skykin powers to the scouts and Darien as their training and send them back to their dimension to attack the remains of the Negaverse there. CROW: [brief pause] That's thirty-two words in that sentence. MIKE: Are we bored, Crow? Then, Amy called out, "Peter, when do we start our training ? I am afraid Mergreth will try attacking again." I answered, TOM: [Peterson] Shut your yap, trollop... I'M THE GOD!!! "Yes, this time your training will be quite unusual. CROW: [Peterson] You'll have to put on a bunny suit, juggle three kumquats and yelp "ni!" every five seconds while hopping up and down. I will transfer the memories about the Skykin powers you have just attained. This will enable you advanced flight, high energy weapons and powers. Your sailor teleportation will be enhanced. Can we start now ?" MIKE: [Ami] Huh? Can you run all that by me again? TOM: Are we crossing over with DragonBall Z now? "Yes," Serena suddenly said. After hearing her approval, I carefully started the link and locked on to the specific information and transfered it. It took approximately ten seconds. CROW: Oh, must be Serena's *mental* scan. I then remembered that the Skykin did not know anything about the Negaverse so I called out to them, "Skykin, as the Negaverse and the Dead Armies have joined forces. I will have to brief you about the Negaverse and also give you Crystal Tokyo dimensional powers. Please stand by for mindlink with me." TOM: [Skykin] What's with this fantasy with Serena, hamsters and duct-- CROW: [Peterson] Shut up, you fool!! After the Guardians have agreed, the mindlink occured. This time it took far longer, ten minutes. The Skykin nodded in approvement with these new information. It was also quite terrifiying since Ilmiri started crying. The Negaverse had killed many people. MIKE: [Peterson] They also did a lot of other mean stuff, but you should only be concerned with *me*. She was comforted by Hotaru, her Dimensional Twin in age and powers. Ilmiri's main powers were designed for mass destruction which were used against Mergreth's father a few years ago. CROW: Uh huh. Ilmiri was sent to the Royal Palace for Guardianship after her parents died during the mirror war to the Dark Kingdom, the Death War. TOM: Wow. What an ironic name. She was taught and trained to be a Guardian since her birth. Her mother was a Guardian and her father was the Royal Lord General to the Royal Guards. She was fully trained but haven't the appropriate experience. MIKE: [Peterson] That's where *I* come in, heh, heh... CROW: Mike, don't steal my lines! After evaluating the situation, I said,"Sailor Scouts, I would like to return you to your dimension now and start battling the remainder of the Negaverse there. I have constructed a Inter-Dimensional Gate already which is cloaked. TOM: Mike, why do these authors insist on crossing over with Star Trek? MIKE: I haven't the foggiest. Beryl and Metallia will not know. This will give us the advantage of a surprise attack." A sudden vision came to me and I projected it for all to see. *VISION* CROW: [Peterson] Clear Pepsi!! The four Earth generals were gathering and were ready to teleport away from the Negaverse. A few nights ago, their memory block was released MIKE: Because the evidence was circumstantial. when Beryl and Metallia used up a lot of their energy in making a few thousand youma's. This would be an indestructible force. TOM: That of duct tape. The Earth generals had decided to get out of the Negaverse and join the Sailor Scouts and the Guardians to get rid of the Negaverse and Mergreth. They had positively charged energy now and not negative powers. CROW: [head starts to smoke] Grammar chip... overheating... MIKE: *END OF VISION* MIKE: Not to be mean, but General P here has all the vision talent of Joe Ezterhas. "Good, now as you seen us. Maybe you all will not doubt us," a voice boomed, noticed as Nephrite's. The four general's bowed to me and Prince Darien. I remembered that in the future where I lived, these generals had already turn good. TOM: This fic is lapping itself now. "How do we know you are trustable ?" Raye asked doubtfully. "You have already seen Peter's vision. Do you not trust him ?" Jadeite said. MIKE: I trust them as far as I can throw them. I continued, "Yes, they have been released from Metallia's clutches. You can trust them." CROW: [Eddie Murphy] Truuust me... "Great, at least we have them on our side now," Mina said, remembering the past where she and one of the generals were VERY good friends. TOM: [Peterson] Nudge, nudge... wink, wink... MIKE: I'm not even going to say anything... because this is potentially very sick. "I also hope that you four can at least tell us what Mergreth and Metallia intends to do," she continued. CROW: [generals] Of course, let me just break the space-time continuum for you... there we go. TOM: Hey! That's my job! At that statement, they answered, "We are sorry that when the memory block removed our hipnosis, it also took away our memories as Negaverse Generals." MIKE: *INTENSE* *PLOT* *TWISTS*!!! That caused the others in the meeting chamber sit down and mourn. MIKE: The death of writing that is this fanfic. I spoke up, "I don't think you would need their information anyway. I forced a mindlink on one of the trusted people in Mergreth's sect. I gained valuable information because of that." TOM: What? He's a super secret agent? CROW: Not Goldfinger, but "Pull my Finger". Continuing I said, "I think this will surprise some people in this chamber but not all. Mergreth intends to use the De...Death Crystal to drain out the life force of this dimension." MIKE: [Peterson] It even caused me to get a stuttering problem. The shock I intended to give was as expected. MIKE: Because I'm always right. Delphi almost fainted when he heard about the Death Crystal. Michiru asked, "What is the Death Crystal ?" I answered, CROW: [Peterson] It's one of my frozen air biscuits. MIKE: Crow... TOM: Gives new meaning to the term "silent but deadly". "The Death Crystal is a very powerful Crystal that has unmatched powers except to mine, the Star Crystal which I sealed in a dimension of power. It works as the opposite to mine which gives and supplies power to the universe and its many dimensions or alternate realities. CROW: It's Molly again!! It virtually drains all power from any source but NOT only that, it also takes it very slowly and tortures you. Mergreth intends to control the power he takes and form his own universe." TOM: So... he's seceding? I don't understand. That brought the same reaction as the Guardians did. Serena actually fainted. She awakened when Raye, very angry, dropped water on her. MIKE: Well, Raye is certainly in character here. I continued, "I am not sure about this information. Metallia might have forced Mergreth to change his plans using her right of alliance." CROW: [Peterson] Not to mention her right of way!! "But....There is a way to stop that,"I said quite uncertain. "What's that ?" Reeny asked. ALL: KILL THE AUTHOR!!! MIKE: Oh boy, this fanfic sure is getting to us. I answered,"Using my own Star Crystal to deflect it when it is used but the Death Crystal must be used first or we will have to destroy it." TOM: Aggida... Agggida... MIKE: Oh, man... my head is hurting now. "The Death Crystal would have to use a LOT of energy, right ?" Sailor Pluto asked. Delphi replied, "That is correct but it does not use normal ones. It needs nuclear energy which is only generated by nuclear plants so its not quite portable. Any one has an idea how Mergreth is going to get tons of nuclear energy ?" CROW: Chernobyl? MIKE: Three Mile Island? TOM: Peach Bottom? No one answered that question. It was quite unanswerable. "Never mind about that one. The only thing you need to worry about is how to defeat the Negaverse and Mergreth. I want the sailor scouts now to get ready for transportation back to your own dimension." MIKE: [Scouts] Of course... we've been preparing for the PAST CHAPTER!! CROW: Mike, cut down on the caffeine. They entered the Twin Gate that was constructed an hour ago. They appeared back in their dimension. TOM: Man... that dialogue... just stunning work. MIKE: This fic was written by Tom Robbin's brother's gardener's friend's cousin's masseuse's stepfather! ************ CROW: Oh what can be said about many a snowflake? "At last, home ! Oh,no. How long did we stay there ?" Serena asked with a scared expression on her face, not wanting to get in trouble with her father. Darien answered, "Just two minutes." "What, you're joking, right ?" Lita asked and continued, "We were there for at least 15 hours." TOM: [Lita] Oh, wait... forgot to set my Daylight Savings Time for time travel... uh oh... Amy answered that one after consulting her own watch, "No, different dimensions have different time scales. It is just two minutes in ours." At first, they tried to go home but they decided it would be better if they attacked the Negaverse base now. MIKE: Oh, that makes sense... wha? From the general's information, the base was situated at an isolated place. TOM: Like most enemy bases. Sailor Moon concentrated on the coordinates given and teleported. Upon reching there, they were attacked. MIKE: [Peterson] Too bad you girls don't have power like mine! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!! "What is this ?" they shouted after seeing the gigantic creature, half youma, half Death Knight. MIKE: From Warcraft 2? The sailor scouts realised that the bombs that the general promised were already in their dimensional pockets. CROW: [Raye] Bitchin'!!! Raye dropped one of the bombs on the ground. The monster in front of them disappeared in contact with the bombs magnetic fields. TOM: Unfortunately, the bombs also blasted out the ground underneath the Scouts, opening up a sinkhole and killing them all. The end. MIKE: Tom, relax. CROW: Yeah! You're not the only one that's bitter! They continued walking till reaching somewhat a main gate. MIKE: It was kind of a gate, just like this fanfic is kind of a story. There, no one was in sight. "This must be a trap," Mina said and continued, "There is nobody guarding the place." Amy answered, "There is no evil readings on my computer. This may be a trap, but we still have to go on." TOM: That Amy, what an emotional leader. CROW: Is there an *off* switch on this fic? They finally decided to continue. They reached a dead end when a giant front door was seen. Mina created her Titanic Sword, enlarged it by two times and slashed the main door open. MIKE: This is crossing over with something... but I can't put my finger on it. TOM: DragonLance? CROW: Samurai showdown? Serena instantly continued walking and suddenly a few arrows shot out from no where and locked on her. Reeny shouted, "Run, mama." TOM: Come on, Reeny! With feeling! Luckily Serena's senses were good and jumped out of the way. CROW: When in actuality, Reeny threw a hamburger where she wanted Serena to run. Amy said, "Let's go to Beryl's throne room. My computer senses high energy readings there." MIKE: [Amy] That, and it's where the bad guys usually lie in wait for us. ********* TOM: Mr. Freeze never had *this* many snowflakes hanging around him. After transforming into their Skykin forms, CROW: Which were nothing more then *very* short skirts... MIKE: Peterson in a skirt... I think I scarred myself for life. the Skykin, the traitors from the Negaverse and General Peterson also teleported into enemy ground. Upon touching the ground, two Black Knights appeared and attacked them. TOM: And beat the crap out of them. The end. MIKE: Nope. TOM: Natch! Delphi summoned his Lighting Bolts and shot both of them down. Dust was only seen after the blasts. "Let's go on." he said after regaining his energy. CROW: These guys have the acting range of a piece of rebar! MIKE: Alex Rebar? They also reached a dead end. MIKE: Just like this fanfic. CROW: Not going to happen. This time just a giant wall with no opening seen. I knew this kind of tricks, the wall was just holographic. I walked through the wall easily. A tingling sensation was felt when I passed the wall. TOM: [Peterson] Man! Who needs girls... teehee! MIKE: Ugh! Tom!! CROW: Ick. The Guardians and the other Earth Generals followed me. What we saw was a big room with no lights. TOM: Then how could they see it? MIKE: Smile and nod. CROW: Nuff said. Relene activated a light from somewhere which we couldn't see. Suddenly, ten more Death Knights came out from another side of the room. MIKE: And then ten more... and another ten! TOM: And, fortunately, they never had no Paladin's to exorcise them... Their first shot was excellent. The Death Knights firepower hit Ilmiri, Delphi and the Skykin princess. CROW: [Peterson] It *was* excellent... two less characters to steal my spotlight! They retaliated with their own firepower which eliminated a few. I summoned a whirlwind from the astral plane that destroyed the rest to dust. TOM: Man... if only *we* could summon a good author! JAMIE: Here I am! MIKE: Gah! Don't do that! JAMIE: Sorry. At last, we reached the trone room. There, only Beryl was there with the soul form of Metallia. "You reached here at last. With your PUNY friends, CROW: Hey! Don't call my friend puny! Oh... Oops! You meant the scouts. MIKE: CROW! General Peterson, even without the sailor scouts. You all are mincemeat," the evil queen said and aimed her hand at us. Black fire emerged from her hand and flew toward us. MIKE: It incinerates them all. The end. CROW: Dare to dream... The Guardians managed to dodge it but not so good luck for the ex-generals of the Negaverse. They shot back their magic though. It was white in colour which was surprising even though released from Metallia's clutches. TOM: If I had pants, I'd be peeing them now. I summoned my Fire Bird, the Oracle. After it came, I jumped on its back and ordered it to fire at will. Its fire was real HOT. MIKE: Well, DUH! CROW: He burned his member. MIKE: Crow! It burned Beryl till she screamed in pain. TOM: I will kill you until you're dead! Then, I shouted, "I summon the power of the Eternal Gods, destroy the evil that is situated here." CROW: [Peterson] Not ME!! The other guys!! The thunder and lightning from the sky incinerated Queen Beryl to ashes. Its power was so strong till it shot through the top of the main throne room. Queen Metallia retaliated that shot by releasing Nega-power from her mouth. It seemed like fire but was ash black. I extended my shield to also protect the others from the deadly attack. TOM: Of course. ALL: Go Metallia!! Kill the self-inserted author!! The fire disappeared after hitting on my extreme powered shield. The Skykin fired their powers at Metallia. I suddenly realised that Mergreth was not here. I mindspoke to the rest, CROW: [Serena] Oh, good... hopefully he'll die doing so. TOM: And here I thought old Peterson couldn't fight sue to a time paradox. How silly of me to think so logically. Each of them nodded at me. I ran out of the room and ran towards a place which I detected a high-powered source of evil. TOM: The Olsen Twins? MIKE: Jerry Falwell? CROW: The Crystal Queen? In that chamber, I met two legions of Black Knights. I had no chance against them so I dropped one of the bombs which I supplied to the sailor's. MIKE: A self-insertion author who isn't powerful enough? Who'd have thunk? "Good, good ! I knew it you would be able to reach me. I will now get my revenge against you for killing my father," Mergreth shouted. CROW: Typical bad guy-about-to-be-waxed speech. Then, Mergreth took out the Death Crystal and shouted, "It's too late. The Death Crystal is operational." I thought, *I have to keep him talking.* MIKE: [Peterson] This story *must* climb over 100 KB! I said, "So how did you get the nuclear energy for the Death Crystal ?" He answered arrogantly, "Easy, I made it by making my own nuclear plant here. You did not know, eh ?" TOM: Peterson's done a contact with Ontario Hydro, I just know it. At that statement, I shot out millions of gigawatts of positively energized energy CROW: That had been in therapy for many months... from my hand which I generated when he was talking. Mergreth seeing the energy approaching, MIKE: Squealed like a little girl and wet his pants. tried to withdraw his hand that held the Death Crystal but it was too late. The positively charged energy destroyed the crystal and also his whole arm. He screamed in pain. CROW: I sense a big bringdown here. TOM: And, of course, we are reminded that this is self-insertion by the immediate manner in which the villains are dispatched. MIKE: If the villain changes his name to Kintobar, *I'm* leaving! "No ! You destroyed my plans again. I will destroy you !" Mergreth shouted. MIKE: [Mergreth] I would have gotten away with it... if it weren't for you meddling kids! He targeted the last points of his energy at me and fired. It was big, real BIG but I deflected it and it destroyed its master. ALL: Yeah. Sure. ********* MIKE: When you wish upon a star... TOM: The self-inserted character dies a horrible screaming death... MIKE: Calm down, Tom, we're almost done. The sailor scouts reached the meeting chamber seeing one thousand youma inside it. Serena instantly MIKE: Joined forces with them to destroy Peterson. CROW: Been there, wished that... dropped a bomb but it destroyed all but ten of them. These youma were double the size of the normal youmas. TOM: This seems like an Atari video game now. They shouted, "We are invunerable. You will die !" They fired out a projectile which was quite like a snake. It was dodged by the scouts. Mina summoned, "I call my powers of the Skykin, my sword of Titanic, CROW: [Mina] DiCaprio ATTACK... SUBMERGE!! destroy the evil." The sword appeared from her hands and grew to an enormous size and sliced down the youmas one by one. MIKE: Freud would have a field day with this scene. There were five left after the initial attack. Serena created her Angel Bow and her arrows eliminated the rest of the youma. The youmas shouted, "No !" and they disappeared out of sight. TOM: Well, at least Peterson *Big Man* Star didn't hog all the glory. "Yes ! We won," they shouted and hugged each other. Their cheering was short lived, Queen Beryl suddenly reappeared, it seemed like she knew that attack was to come, "I knew you were going to destroy me and my youma that way." CROW: And... Peterson drags out the story even more. MIKE: Come on, General!! We know what's going to happen!! TOM: This reads like Minako: WPS?!?! Even her life was short lived, a fireball appeared from no where and eliminated her, a voice said, "I also anticipated it, Queen Beryl." ALL: Wha? TOM: Self-insertion author 6, Good Story 0! General Peterson appeared to open a Twin Gate. After that, they teleported back to the park. Then, they reentered the Twin Gate and appeared in the Skykin Meeting Chamber. CROW: First order of business... dump the general. *********** MIKE: Hey guys, try to catch a snowflake on your tongue! The Guardians and the Generals were not that lucky. Metallia was very difficult to beat but at last, she fell. When the Guardians were getting ready for the killing blow, she shouted, "Please, have mercy." MIKE: [Metallia] Remove me from this fanfic!!! The Guardians felt sorry. No one chose to turn evil. It was fate, the gods will. She had no choice. Unluckily, Queen Metallia was just bluffing. She jumped out of the Guardians way and fired evil energy. CROW: [Metallia] I darn you to heck! That particular shot killed the Skykin Princess, Lianne. "No!" the other Skykin shouted. Their hearts were filled with sadness and HATE towards Queen Metallia. They had regrets also, thinking that they failed to protect their princee. TOM: [Skykins] Must... do a task... Before Lianne's total death, Lianne summoned her Royal Tiara to destroy Metallia. It did at it was told, the destruction of Metallia was accompanied with her screams. ALL: Okaaaay. TOM: This is the longest battle scene I've ever read! The Guardians ran towards the fallen princess and took her up. Relene tried to heal her but the wounds that Metallia gave her was fatal. Even the most powerful healers would be unable to heal her. MIKE: Except General Peterson... I know where this is going. CROW: By saving her, Lianne allows Petey into her heart, allowing him to bed her nightly. MIKE: Crow... Then, General Peterson appeared next to her. They knew that Mergreth had been destroyed since the general had returned. "General, the princess is de... dead. Can you do anything ?" Ilmiri asked sobbing. TOM: [Peterson] Hah! One step ahead of you! I will save her! I thought about it and answered, "Yes, there is a way to relive her. I will have to travel to the underworld to save her. You all will have to wait." I opened a portal to the underworld and walked throught it. MIKE: [slumps in seat] Oh, *this* should be good. ********** During the journey to the underworld, I thought about Lianne. She was good natured, beautiful, tall, well-educated and powerful in terms with magic. Her rule had been strong and Skyron had grew from a small kingdom to a big empire. CROW: [Peterson] And it always ate it's veggies, like a good empire! Five hundred years ago, there were only Skyron, the main capital. Then, she expanded the kingdom. The other nations had volunteered to enter her rule. Skyron was rich in information and minerals. TOM: And cheese. Skyron was also feared by many. MIKE: Especially since Peterson was a part of it. They were practitioners of magic and also science. Both mixed to become something illogical and logical. The empire was constructed with science and maintained by magic. It was always equal. None more and none less. CROW: And they were certainly immune to good writing. The people loved her. She now had dozens of planets under her rule. These planets blossomed into powerful and rich planets. TOM: Then it got really dirty afterwards, so they had to quit. I stopped thinking once I reached the Underworld Gate. There, I told the GateKeeper that I wanted to retake a soul. The people at the Underworld knew me by title and power. I had come here before and destroyed many devils trying to hurt others. MIKE: [Peterson] I was their biggest agent for evil. TOM: The devil wanted to sign him up, but Peterson kept on asking for too much money. They permitted the exchange. I had to give them a few thousand points of energy for her. She was just a sould here. In the middle of the Proccessing Stage, to find out if she was to go to heaven or hell. CROW: [Lianne] I'd rather go to hell than be in this fic! I took her soul with me and passed through the Portal which I conjured up. I found myself at the Skykin Meeting Chamber. Lianne's soul had already reentered her body. She awakened to be embraced by her husband, Telphis. TOM: Saw it coming from a mile away. The sailor scouts were already there. I said, "We have defeated the evil in both dimensions. It is best I and the sailor scouts return home." But this was not to be heard. The princess of Skykin arranged a party in honour for our victory. MIKE: [Lianne] Hooray to the dorky self-inserted general! ************ MIKE: I'm too worn out to think of anything. "What shall I wear ?" Serena asked. The others facefaulted. Why did she have to choose clothes ? Just change into her princess form. "Just turn into a princess," I said, reading the others mind. TOM: Hope she turns into Princess Di, so the fic will end! CROW: Man, that's scary, Tom! MIKE: No Di jokes, guys! We'll get flamed! "Good suggestion," she said. She changed into her princess form as the others did. They were escorted to the gigantic hall. MIKE: Where the roof collapsed on them, killing them all. The end. ************* CROW: Hmmm... I guess Peterson only imploded 13 stars today. The party was big. Many people came including other nations royalty. They had come to thank us for destroying the evil that had haunted this dimension. The sailor's found their mates for the party. MIKE: [Peterson] And lo, did the Sailors multiply that night. TOM: Now vatch the mating habits of the Anime Sailors in this rare environment... It was a happy day. After the party was over, the sailor scouts returned to their own dimension. CROW: A dimension not of sight or sound... but of CRAP! ************** Serena returned home. There, she found that the other scouts were there too with their parents. "Hello, at last you are home. What did you do for these few minutes ?" Serena's father asked. "Hah, what are you talking about ?" Serena asked. TOM: [Serena] I *always* carry a packet of Astro-glide with me! MIKE: TOM! "Never mind. We know you are sailor scouts. We saw you running out of the house transformed. We also saw you transform," Serena's parent's continued. She looked at the others, they had the same reaction. CROW: Okay, Petey... destroy the continuity and basis of the show. Yeah... uh huh. TOM: Looks like General Peterson's going to be confronted with a bunch of angry Otaku Freedmen. MIKE: Hang on and I'll give them Petey's address. The scouts started explaining what happened, "It started when a guy came to see us .............." MIKE: [scouts] And he wanted to introduce us to his little friend! CROW: Stop stealing my lines! I entered Serena's house to see everyone talking. "There he is," Raye said, pointing towards me. ALL: Get him! Looking at the faces of the scouts parents, I could have guessed that it would happen someday. CROW: I have one question... WHY?! TOM: The same reason why Minako: WPS?!?! was written and the same for the AK series and the same for... MIKE: We get the point. I had to explain my mission. CROW: Again... WHY?!! TOM: Didn't I just explain it? ************** After saying the goodbyes, I took hold of Reeny and clutched the Time Key. I did what the future Setsuna asked me to do. I reappeared in the future. Unchanged. MIKE: [Peterson] Let me tell you, never had I had worse body odor! "Your mission was a success. Thank you," Queen Serenity said. "It was my pleasure," I replied, quite sure they knew what I meant. TOM: Oh puke!! He had sex with the Sailor Scouts! CROW: Welcome to the world of self-insertion, Petey. Another party was arranged for the success of my mission. The party ended nicely. MIKE: [Peterson] ...except for the M-80 in the cake. ----------------------------------------------------------------- TOM: Traffic is light on the A40... At last, the end to the Time Change series. This is my first fic. The next one will be better. CROW: That's what Oscar said... and we got "Black Day". MIKE: Urgh... don't remind me. Send all TOM: Death threats... MIKE: Easy now. e-mail to general_p@hotmail.com or visit my webpage at www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/2790. TOM: Got a week? MIKE: Forget that! Let's get out of here! ALL: (DOOR SEQUENCE 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7...) "Whew! That was a close one," Mike said. "How many times must it be practiced before fanfic writers finally realize that time-traveling is not a good thing to put into *any* story?" Tom asked. "I'm not sure buddy, but I'm pretty sure the answer will always be *never*," Crow said. "Look at the Star Trek shows! The main stars of each show go back in time at least two or three times a season!" "I know," Tom said. "But it hurts to see someone else try and do that and fail miserably." "Speaking of misery," Mike said. "I wonder how the Mads are?" He tapped the red button and spoke. "Hello? You calmed down now, Dr. Forrester?" DEEP 13 The laboratory of Deep 13 was in a shambles as a geeky looking young man in an ill-fitting General's uniform spoke loudly to Dr. Forrester and Frank. "See? I knew that you two couldn't take me in a fight. After all, I'm *TRILLIONS* of times more powerful then both of you combined," the young man said. "Not now Nelson. We've got problems here," Dr. Forrester said. "Frank, push the button!" TV's Frank went to do so, but was pushed aside by the teenager. "No! Since *I* am so powerful and smart, only *I* get to push the button," he said, walking up and pushing the button. But even as he did so, he didn't notice Frank and Dr. Forrester sneaking up behind them with large implements of pain. \ / \ / \ / 0 / \ / \ / \ BLIP!!! FFFFFWWWWWWOOOOOOOSSSSSSHHHHH!!! The sounds of heavy metal objects heading a swelled head could be heard faintly for a few seconds before coming to a stop. ________________________________________________________________________ Send any C & C to Jamie Jeans to: xwing@uniserve.com Send any C & C to Seth C. Triggs to: