MSTing Triple Feature Beavis & Butthead do Sailor Moon and Godzilla Vs. Sailor Moon by Bane Bloodbath by Nav MSTed by Seth C. Triggs (trigsc41@buffalostate.edu) Well, folks, it's time for MSTing number 11!! How far I have come, eh? Well, anyway, I'm tackling *three* painful anti-fics at once! Wheee!! This should be fun! On with the show! [Roll Season 8 theme] [*,2,3,4,5,6,Dog Bone] [Satellite of Love-Bridge] MIKE: Hi, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. Well, it's a tense time here...we're just waiting for the next expriment. CROW: Yeah, because Mr. Big Mouth here [motions at TOM] had to open his little cakehole and piss off Pearl again! TOM: Yeah, well...both of you guys did it too, and where was the outrage? CROW: Yeah, but she wants to find the last part of Manos: Warr...er..um..Minako: Warrior, Princess, Sidekick!! TOM: Well, you were the one responsible for making her get that Totoro lemon. MIKE: Hey, guys, could we settle down here? CROW: Well, Mike...if I remember correctly, *you* were the one that caused us to lose the rest of our holiday break!! TOM: That's right! MIKE: Hey! What gives here? [the BOTS advance, Commercial sign flashes] MIKE: Oh, let me get that. [hits light] [A *CLUNK* is heard over bumper] [commercials] [SoL-Bridge] [MIKE has a bandage on his head.] TOM: [ornery voice] There! That'll learn ya!! *wheeze* *wheeze* MIKE: You know, it is absolutely amazing that you guys can somehow involve me in *all* of your conflicts! I'm just stunned!! [red MADS light flashes] CROW: Whoo hoo! Hanson's calling! {Winged Microbus of Doom] [PEARL and OBSERVER are asleep. BOBO is still awake, and in the back.] BOBO: [noticing comlink is on] Oh! Hoo hoo! Well, I see you are up...Since Lawgiver and Brain Guy are asleep, *I'm *in charge. [to OBSERVER] Yeah! I'm in charge [back to MIKE & the BOTS] ...Okay, let's see...where's the note? Hmmmm...hoo...I lost it!! I was supposed to show a movie, but I lost it!!! Ooohh... [SoL] MIKE: Well, thank goodness for small miracles. TOM: Let's break out the snacks!! [WMoD] BOBO: Hooo...I lost it...Lawgiver's gonna hurt me...hoo...maybe I can find something else!! [rummages through PEARL's purse] Hmmm...ooh..three anti-fics! Yes1 That will do! [BOBO drops them in the movie slot and pushes a button.] Ha! Ha!! [SoL] CROW: Whhhoooo! Thank God for stupid people!!! [lights and klaxon go off, everybody freezes.] TOM: Oh, no...please say that's a fire alarm! MIKE: It's not, 'cause we've got FANFIC SIGN!!! [Dog Bone,6,5,4,3,2,*] CROW: You know, MIKE...I think PEARL has it in for us. MIKE: No, ya think? Beavis and Butthead do Sailor Moon CROW: [Beavis] Heh heh! Bring on the chicks! TOM: I will quote Butthead and say that this is gonna suck. Beavis and buthead are not real. If you do what they do you you will be arrested and then depported MIKE: How do you get *depported*? TOM: Maybe it's another word for *doppling*. CROW: Yeah, that oughta be really familiar for you, Tom. TOM: Don't remind me. or just shot. Don't do this at home. MIKE: Otherwise, you'll wind up on the Jerry Springer show. In the Highland high detention room Beavis and Butthead are serving detention with Mr.Buzzcut. Beavis and Butthead are asleep CROW: [soft voice] With visions of copping feels...dancing in their heads. The Sailor Scouts appear.Hi we are the Sailor Scouts said Sailor Moon. "We want to reform these other kids to be bright and cheery like us" said sailor Mercurey. TOM: Oh, good. I'm glad that Sailor *Mercury*'s not in this story. "Ha do you to maggots want to be reformed"asked Buzzcut. "Well um no he he Ya no. Mumbled Beavis. "How about you Butthead do you wan't to be feformed" asked Buzzcut. MIKE: {Butthead] Does *feformed* have something to do with chicks? "Uhhh no"replied Butthead" "Well tough your going with them yelled Buzzcut". Beavis and Butthead displayed shocked looks as the Sailor Scouts start jumping around like the idiots they are. CROW: [Sailor Scouts] Does this bug you? We're not touching you!! "Boy this is great to be out and going to the mall weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" said Sailor Moon Damit where where with the Sailor Scouts Beavis this really sucks" TOM: Man, that's a long name! MIKE: It looks like Dr. Thinker penned this fic. Yelled Butthead Lets have good attitudes today. Said Sailor Mercurey. "Maybe this isn't so bad Butthead. You could see their, CROW: Their *what*? TOM: Y'know, Crow, we would have figured you'd fill that one in. CROW: Nah! Nobody gets me! I'm the wind, baby! However before Beavis could finish Sailor Mars smacked Beavis to the ground. AAAAAAAAAAAAAgh yelled Beavis. "Whao Beavis you just got the crap beat out of you by that red Sailor Chick" Said Butthead MIKE: Why do I have the feeling this isn't going to end tastefully? Look Sailor Scouts we just got cancelled " said Luna. We need the publicity to get our show back on the air. Said Luna. TOM: Luna, we know you said it! It's okay! Finish your sentences! By helping these idiots we will be able to get ourselves some positive press".said Luna. ALL: Okay! Okay! We know Luna said it!! At the mall they all got chocolate Sundays. CROW: Hmmm, usually I have my chocolate on Wednesdays. Beavis ate his quickly and then took Sailor Moons sunday. "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah He is eating my sunday cried Sailor Moon". MIKE: Sailor Moon must be related to Deanna Troi. Then Beavis ate took every bodie elses Sundays and started to spaz out. "wacko rfslslflflfflfldldsdfkskfkfkgf'ldkfkgfkfsffkdfkldgkfglkfklgfk'kfgsklfklfsklfklfk" TOM: Equals 42. Yelled Beavis "Iam am cornholio from lake titicaca."yelled Beavis. Then the Sailor Scouts looked at each other and ran off."settle down Beavis" said Butthead. CROW: [Butthead] Y'know, *we* got canceled too! "I will destroy all who oppose me" The streets will flow with the blood of the non bealievers". shouted Beavis. MIKE: [Beavis] You WILL love Bea Arthur! Beavis starts to walk away. Dammit Beavis whait for me before I kick your ass" yelled Butthead. TOM: Walking, talking proof of why you should stay in school. Later the Sailor Scouts got a beep from Sailor Moons moon wand. CROW: A *beep* from the *wand*? MIKE: Somebody's been watching too much _Get Smart_. "We have negaverse trouble" said Luna "We need to go" Ordered Luna. So the Sailor Scouts are on the move. TOM: Yeah, it's about time something happened in this fic. They then get to the monster. It was some human formed monster with crab arms. CROW: [monster] Does *anyone* love seafood as much as *I* do? "In the name of every planet known to man we punish you" shouted the Sailor Scouts at once. However it just hit them that Tuxedo Mask was in Japan. They then broke down and started running. News reporters took pictures of the Scouts running away. MIKE: [newsboy] Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Scouts bugger off!! Yankees win the World Series!! TOM: Why would the news reporters take pictures of that, when they could take pictures of the destruction that this monster would predictably cause? MIKE: Because this is a Japanese media, not an American one. TOM: Oh, right. Then Beavis still affected by the high sugar intake decided that he could take on the monster. CROW: [sarcastic] Okay...yeah. "In the name of Lake Titicaca Nicaragua I cornholio will destroy you The streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelieverse TOM: The *nonbelieverse*? CROW: Yeah! Sister dimension to the Negaverse. Leader is Queen Peril! TOM: Okay, that was just bad, Crow. "yelled Beavis. "Who are you you weak pathetic ughghhhhh" said the monster. Beavis delivered a quick kick to the monsters private areas. The negaverse monster was defeated by Beavis. MIKE: This *screams* a scene from the Power Rangers movie. Later that day the national papers said"Negaverse monster defeated by weak illitarate boy as Sailor Scouts ran. So ends anouther round of humiliation for the Sailor Scouts as Beavis proves that he could make a better super hero than all of the Sailor Scouts put together. CROW: You have GOT to be kidding me!! TOM: Well, it's an invalid comparison anyway, since the Sailor Scouts are magical girls, *not* superheroes. MIKE: [author] Heh, oh, I'll just ignore that major logical point, heh, heh... TOM: C'mon! Let's blow this joint!! [ALL make to get up and leave.] MIKE: Hey! The door's locked!! What gives? [Suddenly, BOBO's voice comes over a speaker.] BOBO: Oh, I forgot to tell you! I have to give you another story! So, I guess you're gonna have to sit back down, hoo... [ALL sit back down] TOM: This really sucks... CROW: Well, at least they're giving it to us in little bits! MIKE: Like the Chinese water torture. ---- TOM: Traffic is light on the outbound Kensington Expressway, till you reach the junction with the Thruway... Godzila V.S. Sailor Moon CROW: What does *V.S.* stand for? MIKE: Very Stupid. I't is 11am in Tokyo. Everything seemed calm and peaceful in the city. However this was the calm before the storm. TOM: [author] Dammit, I used a clichéd line, and I'm proud of it! Suddenly out of the ocean came the feared Godzila. Godzila came in the city and started to destroy the hair salon and shoping district. CROW: A *hair salon* district? MIKE: [author] Yeah, whatever little inconsistencies will give this anti-fic more basis! This brought the anger of the Sailor Scouts. "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" cried Sailor Moon. TOM: Again! I'm tired of "Waaaaaaaaah!" Jeez! Give her a different line! Sailor Mars said defiently "We sailor scouts can't survive without shopping." "If Godzila destroys the hair salons how are we going to go to get pretty" shouted Sailor Venus MIKE: Get on the _Jenny Jones_ show and get a makeover! So Sailor Moon Sailor Mars and Sailor Venus went to save the hair salons and shopping malls. Sailor Mercury didn't care since the library wasn't threatened. CROW: Proving again that intelligent people are considered unattractive. Sailor Jupitor didn't care because she spent her free times beating up people, cooking,and hitting on boys. TOM: [Mr. Rogers] Can you say *out-of-character*, boys and girls? Sure, I knew you could! The Three Sailor Scouts found Godzila."In the name of the moon and the Gap I will punish you" shouted Sailor Moon MIKE: Nice try. They don't have the Gap in Japan! "In the name of looking pretty and acting like a ditzy valley girl"I punish you shouted Sailor Venus. However before Sailor Mars could do her attack speech Godzila stepped on the Sailor Scouts The end. CROW: Oh. I almost thought Godzilla stepped on the *Sailor Scouts*. But I see he's stepped on the *Sailor Scouts The end*. TOM: That was probably the most abrupt ending I have ever seen. MIKE: What about the fight scene in "Black Day"? TOM: You've got a point there. CROW: Let's try to get out of here now! [The door is still locked. BOBO once again comes over the loudspeaker.] BOBO: Okay...ummm...here's another one!! MIKE: Rats. CROW: You know how people say that bad things happen in threes? They're right. ---- TOM: Construction delays expected on the Don Valley Parkway, use Bayview to detour. Heres a short story putting me against the senshi! bloodbath: what i wish i could do MIKE: *Bloodbath*? CROW: Why do I have the feeling that utter wrongness lies ahead? The sailor senshi had just arived at the old alley the mysterious letter had instructed them to go to. An unused one, on the edges of Tokyo. TOM: They were searching for the one-armed man. The letter had told them that something very bad would happen if they didnt come, so they came. MIKE: Umm, judging from recent history, something bad is *going* to happen. Sailors Saturn and pluto CROW: Cool! This guy's doing a crossover with _Mickey Mouse_! looked around. "nothings here," they said,"must be some jok..." Before they had finished their sentence, two shots rang out from the darkness of one part of the alley, quickly killing the two scouts. MIKE: Wow, Crow...you're a swami! TOM: Did the NRA endorse this fic? After a few more shots, sailors neptune, uranus, and mercury were also slain. CROW: Amazing...it only took a few sentences to jump into the realm of the deeply wrong! The remaining senshi looked in the direction the shots had come from, only to see a tall teen-age boy carrying an M-16 stepped out of the shadows. He had short brown hair and wore a large green t-shirt with a pair of baggy dark blue jeans. TOM: Tim McVeigh's younger brother makes an appearance... MIKE: [Friendly Announcer] Remember, kids...Sailor Senshi are icky! He took aim with his M-16 rifle and fired another shot at sailor venus, killing her instantly. It was me, and i had come to kill the senshi. ALL: ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! CROW: IT'S A SELF-INSERTION ANTI-FIC! RUUUUNNN!!! "AAAAHH!! ITS NAV!!!" the remaining scouts yelled. "RUN FOR IT!" TOM: [Scouts] And he's not playing fair!!! At that point, a Tuxedoed figure in a large black cape wearing a strange white mask dropped in between me and the remaining senshi. He threw a rose at me, which landed at my feet. Laughing, i crushed the rose under my feet and fired again killing this fairy in a penguin suit. MIKE: ... CROW: Do I need to remind the audience how wrong this is? TOM: I think they can figure that out for themselves! Shocked by my quick slaughtering of tuxedo mask, the senshi's only way to any victory, the remaining targets of my merciless slaughter finally started doing something that was completely futile. They attacked. MIKE: Oh, no... CROW: Well, at least Nav's not waiting around this time. 'Cause I think everyone knows what's going to happen. "PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK!" yelled chibi usa. the attack did nothing to me as i pumped the tiny brat full of bullets with my M-16. TOM: OKAY!! NAV, this is TOO WRONG!!! YOU CAN'T SHOOT A *KID* WITH A GUN! WHY DON'T YOU... [MIKE grabs TOM and holds him still.] MIKE: Tom, calm down. It'll be over soon! There are only a couple Sailor Scouts left. "MARS FIRE SOOOOUL!" yelled sailor mars. she shot forth a burst of fire which i merely dodged as i fired a few bullets at her to finish her off. CROW: If Lee Harvey Oswald were a writer... "THUNDER DRAGON!!!" yelled Sailor jupiter. a huge dragon of energy formed and dove at me, nearly striking. Fortunately, I was prepared for such an attack. i drew from my pocket a wire connected to a small lightbulb. the wire had one bare end, which I held in front of the attacking dragon. TOM: All of a sudden, he's MacGuyver! the dragon, being electricity, was sucked into the wire and went into the lightbulb. acting quickly, i then threw the lightbulb at Sailor jupiter before it exploded. I then shot her. MIKE: Well, that was unnecessary. He might as well have killed her with the lightbulb. Turning to sailor moon, i grabbed her neck and gave a tight squeeze. her neck snapped quickly, and i had completed my mission. CROW: I'll give Nav this: he's got variety! He won't use the *same* methods of brutally slaughtering people over and over again! Cause it gets boring when all you use is an M-16... MIKE: Crow... The senshi was dead. their patheticness would plague earth no more. TOM: I believe that this is a prime example of the pot calling the kettle black. THE END TOM: Okay! Please say it's over! Please! [the door unlocks] ALL: HOORAY!!! MIKE: Let's get outta here! [*,2,3,4,5,6,Dog Bone] [SoL-Bridge] [MIKE is dressed in a green shirt and blue jeans, with a fake rifle in his hands. CROW and TOM are dressed as the Sailor Senshi, Sailors Moon and Jupiter respectively.] MIKE: [Nav] Okay! I'm going to kill you now! [makes rifle "shoot" a *BANG* flag] TOM: [falls down] Ugh! MIKE: [Nav] Okay...now I'm going to choke you, Sailor Moon! [reaches over and grabs CROW by the neck.] CROW: [collapses to floor after simulating *snap* noise] Ugh! MIKE: Hmmmm...no, I still don't get it. What the hell is going on with those guys? TOM: [gets up] Yeah, I don't get it either. What was that about? I mean, couldn't he just *deport* them, like Bane? CROW: Oh, well. Well, since the Hair Bear Bunch isn't going to call, I suggest we catch some Z's! TOM: [faux-British] A most fine suggestion, chap! Cheerio! [fade to credits] mst3k created by JOEL HODGSON mst3k produced by BEST BRAINS, INC. riffs written by SETH C. TRIGGS original fanfics written by BANE and NAV Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyright 1997 Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Sailor Moon is the propoerty of Naoko T. and DIC. Godzilla is the property of Toei Ltd. Depressingly violent slaughter of the Sailor Senshi is property of Nav. This MSTing is a work of fiction based upon another work of fiction. I'm not in this for money, I'm in it for the kicks. > However before Sailor Mars could do her attack speech Godzila stepped on > the Sailor Scouts The end. Keep circulating the fics 20 January 1998