2000-X *Original by Adam McPartlin MiSTing by the Starbase Omega Crew* ...insert la-la-la's at various points, end with guitar twang and door sequence, and go into the bridge of the Satellite of Love, with: Crow: Yeah, and so then it turned out that Moira MacTaggert had experimented on Magneto back when Alpha, The Ultimate Mutant had turned him into an infant, and... Mike: Oh, hi, everybody, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. We've gotten word that today's fanfiction is about comic books-- Tom: They're _graphic_ _novels_, Mike. Mike: Whatever. And so Tom and Crow are explaining X-Men history to me, since I have a life. Crow: Hey! Anyways, so the X-Men got brainwashed into fighting for Magneto's cause, but the reserve team flew up to Asteroid M and-- Mike: Now, wait...how did they brainwash Superman? Tom: They didn't brainwash Superman, Mike. He's in a totally different continuity, like Batman and Robin, or Green Lantern, or any of the other superheroes you've mentioned! Mike: Well, then what about the Wonder Twins? Tom: AARGH! [Tom's head explodes. A yellow light begins to flash on the console.] Magic Voice: Commercial sign in five seconds. Is Tom alright? Crow: Oh, way to go, you've just detonated Servo, and now we've got commercial sign! Mike: Oh, that's OK, we can [leans over and whispers in Crow's, um, ear-thingy.] Crow: Ooooh... Magic Voice: Commercial sign now. [ Man needs to cross busy street in heavy traffic. He pops a Mentos, darts out into the street, and is crushed by a semi. The Mentos rolls into a gutter, and a narrator goes, "Mentos. The flesh-taker." ] [Back in SOL, Tom and Mike are missing, Crow is looking at something off-screen to his right.] Crow: Almost done? Mike (off-screen): I think so. Now explain again the differences between Professor X and Lex Luthor? [A red light flashes on the console.] Crow: No time, Starsky and Hutch are calling. [Hits button.] Dr. Forrester: Greetings, flatscans, and welcome to this week's Invention Exchange! We'll let your pathetic effort go first, Michael J. Fox. [Back on SOL. Mike is supporting Tom, who now has a fishbowl where his old head was.] Mike: Well, sirs, what with Tom's head exploding all the time, I thought that he could use an upgrade. So we replaced his old tiny head with this new SuperHead! Tom: Fascinating, Mike, all the para-cosmological mysteries of the enigmatic universe are mine to comprehend. I understand everything: The Unified Field Theory, the Single Bullet Theory, the Theory of Evolution, how to get the cap off of child-proof bottles, how to get cable without paying for it... Crow: Do you understand why Costner's still popular after "Waterworld" and "Wyatt Earp"? Tom: Well, geez, Crow, I'm only omniscient. Mike: Well, what do you think, sirs? [He lets go of Tom, who keels over backwards and falls off of the bridge due to the weight of his new head. A loud crash of shattered glass can be heard.] Dr. F: Sounds like it's back to the drawing board, Tom Swift. Now put away your Amazing Broken Robot and watch my brilliance! My invention this week is inspired by the ranks of no-name losers who die on a weekly basis in the "Star Trek" TV series. It's called the Redshirt. All you need is someone eminently expendable...oh, Frank! [Frank enters.] Yeah, Steve? Dr. F: Here. [Holds up a large red shirt, like the top half of a pair of pajamas.] Put this on. Frank: Sure thing, Cap'n. [Puts shirt on over normal outfit.] Hey-- [wanders off-screen, but voice can still be heard] I think I found something over here! [Suddenly, a horrendous scream comes from his last location. Frank races across the screen, pursued madly by a wild-eyed, fanged monstrosity of some sort.] Dr. F: As you can see, the Redshirt induces instant bad karma! [Frank runs across the screen in the other direction, this time with lightning bolts cracking down behind him as he goes.] So, now that that's taken care of-- [a huge explosion sound is heard from Frank's last location] it's time to send you today's fanfiction, a little piece of self-published vapidity called "2000-X". Enjoy...if you dare. Push the button, Frank. [Frank runs on screen, smouldering slightly. He just manages to push the button before a tentacle lashes out and drags him off screen again.] Mike: Oh, no, we've got _FANFIC SIGN!_ [Flashing lights, sirens, buzzers, door sequence, etc.] [Mike walks into the theatre, tightening another one of Tom's spare heads into place as he does so.] Mike: How's that? Tom: A little to the left...perfect! Crow: Shh, guys, the fanfic's starting! ***All characters and places except 2000-X students and Atlanis Base* Tom: Atlanis Morrisette Base? Agent action figure with money-grubbing action and kung-fu grip sold seperately! Some assembly required, enthusiasm not included. *belaong to Marvel Comics. Everything that doesn't belong to Marvel Comics belongs to Adam McPartlin.* Mike: Oh my God, that means everything in existence except for the Marvel comics characters belong to this guy! Tom: Does that mean he owns us? Crow: Can he cancel our show? Tom: I am not going to stand for this! I will not be pushed, stamped, filed, debriefed or numbered! *All characters and stories belonging to Adam McPartlin may be distributed/used* Tom: As kindling. *freely. If archived on the 'net, please inform me of the URL* Crow: And the location of the mental asylum you're in *at mavr@awod.com* *2000-X Introduction* *On December 18, 1999, the mutant children collectively known as Generation X graduated. In the time since Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters was transferred from Greymalkin Lane to Snow Valley.* Crow: Yeah? What happened in that time? Tom: I dunno... Crow: No, I was asking the author. *Dr.'s Henry McCoy and Moira Cassidy* Tom: Are Banshee and Moira married? Crow: I don't think so...hey, maybe she married Siryn! Tom: Shut up, Crow. *had found a cure for the mutant plague called the Legacy Virus. All the members of the United Nations signed the Mutant Liberation Act. Giving mutants the same rights as all humans, legally.* Tom: Does what? Is what? Mike: I think this author uses the period as an extended comma, Tom. *With the revelation that Professor Charles Xavier was a mutant, Operation: Zero Tolerance attacked Xavier's School for Higher Learning and forced the X- Men to transfer to Magneto's hidden Atlantis Base.* Crow: Wait, I thought mutants had rights now! Mike: Sure, the right to be beaten savagely and assaulted by military organizations...the same rights as everyone else. *Sean Cassidy had been replaced by Dr. Robert Drake* Mike: In a hostile takeover. Tom: Hey, wait a second...what did Iceman get a doctorate in? Crow: Belching? Tom: Drinking? Mike: I know! Staying cool...because, you know, the whole "ice" thing, kinda...heh, heh......... Tom: Shut up, Mike. *as headmaster of the Massachusetts Academy. On January 10, 2000, the new generation began classes at Xavier's. Here is 2000- X* Crow: Is that a toilet bowl cleaner? Mike: No, it's the new Mazda 2000-X! It looks like a fish, moves like a fish, steers like a cow. *Anubis* *Real Name- Alec Mac Lennon* Crow: What kind of a middle name is "Mac"? Tom: You know, it's a sort of Scottish, Russian, Egyptian thing. Crow: Oh, so he'd be played by Sean Connery in the movie version. Mike: Don't give him any ideas, Crow. *Age- 15 Height- Variable Weight- Variable I.Q.- 200+(as a telepath unmeasurable)* Tom: Negative 200+? So does this mean he sucks the intelligence out of people around him? Crow: Well, he certainly seems to have sucked the intelligence out of this story. Mike: Didn't take long, though. *Place of Birth- Lennon Isle (Dimensionally displaced)* Mike: Boy, I knew John and Yoko were smoking stuff, but... *Powers- Alec has a wide variety of mutant powers as a fourth generation mutant. His powers include the ability to drain any life form of it's life force. He has the ability to resurrect the recently dead under his control. He also uses the life force energy to sustain biological functions.* Tom: Boy, imagine him in a belching contest! Crow: Boy, imagine him on a date! With those powers, he could-- Mike: That's enough, Crow. *He has near absolute control of organic matter as long as it doesn't contain life energy. He is a class 7 (Professor X was a class 7) telepath. A teleporter with a maximum known range of 100 miles.* Mike: Is available for only sixteen easy payments of $19.99! Call now, supplies are limited! *Because he feeds off external life energy he cannot die as long as one life form remains on Earth. He can control his own matter despite his life force.* Mike: Don't even think about it, Crow. *History- Alec's great- grandfather had the mutant ability to create dimensions and control them.* Tom: Yeah, like height, length, width... Crow: Is that why he's variable? *He teleported over a hundred people to a dimension he called Lennon Isle.* Crow: With Gilligan, and Ringo too...the millionaire...and his wife... *A hundred and fifty years later Alec was born to a mutant who had the same powers he did except he couldn't drain life forces.* Crow: He was born to a guy?!?!? Tom: Well, you know, with modern technology... *When Alec's power's manifested he unwittingly completely drained his mother into true death.* Crow: Unlike the normal six-issue X-Men death. *As punishment his father banished Alec to Earth until he could completely control his powers.* Mike: Bad boy! Bad! Next time you kill your mother, I'm taking away your dessert! Now go to earth, and think about what you've done. Crow: Oh, great, he's got a power that causes him to slaughter innocent beings by the hundreds, so what do they do? Send him to a major population center! *Alec started classes on September 19, 1999.* Mike: But I thought classes started on January 10, 2000. Tom: Maybe he pre-registered. *------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------- Falcon* *Real Name- Andrea Manson Age- 14 Height- 5'4" Weight- 112 I.Q.- 222 Place of Birth: Salem, Massachusetts* *Powers- Creates balls of pure force* Mike: Not another word, Crow. *that glows a blinding white light called "star bolts."* Tom: Wait, the light is called "star bolts"? Mike: No, the force is called "star bolts". Crow: No, the balls are--[Mike grabs Crow's beak.] Mmph! Mike: I warned you, Crow. *Psionic hypnosis. Specific metamorphosis into a falcon.* Crow: I never metamorphosis I didn't like. *Can regenerate the life force of any life form as well as heal it's body. * *History- The Manson Twins* Tom: You know, Helter and Skelter. *were born into one of the richest "old money" families in New England. When the twins were ten their parents were murdered in a mugging while on a business trip to Boston.* Mike: Is this where he becomes Batman? Tom: I won't dignify that with a response, Mike. *They were placed under the guardianship of an old friend of the family named Professor Charles Xavier.* Crow: His first name was Professor? Mike: Yeah, you know, like the Professor on Gilligan's Island. *They lived in the Atlantis base until their powers manifested on their fourteenth birthday. * *------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------- Megamorph* *Real Name- James Stanton Age- 16 Height- Variable Weight- Variable* Crow: Wait, is he related to Sean Connery's character? *I.Q.- 160 Place of Birth- Sydney, Australia * *Powers- Perpetual/genetic metamorphosis.* Crow: I still haven't metamorphosis I didn't like. Tom: That's about to change, Crow. Mike: Wait a second, does perpetual metamorphosis mean he's _always_ changing? *Can morph into anyone/thing.* Crow: He can change into Thing? From The Addams Family? *Takes on the powers of the people he morphs into. * *History- James' parents were killed in a plane wreck when he was two. He grew up in foster homes all over southeastern Australia.* Tom: Note how no-one ever said he survived. Mike: Yes, bits of him were spread over half of the continent. *When he was twelve he started living on the streets.* Tom: After a few days of dodging traffic, he decided to live on the sidewalks. *His powers soon surfaced in a fight with some older boys when he transformed into a ball of spikes and killed his attackers. Soon he began stealing to survive. He only gave up this life style when he was contacted by the X- Men* Mike: How'd they get ahold of him? Tom: Cell phone. Mike: But I thought he was only stealing to survive. Tom: Well, he really _needed_ that cell phone... *------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------- Pendragon* *Real Name- Arthur de Pendragon?* Crow: Geez, what's with the weird middle names? *(this was King Arthur's name)* All: It was? Tom: Oh, now he's just making stuff up. Mike: It could be worse; this could all be true. *Age- 17? Height- 6'0" Weight- 190 I.Q.- 200+ Place of Birth- Aberdeen, Scotland?* Crow: Boy, this guy seems remarkably ill-informed about his own life. *Powers- Full range elemental (weather, volcanism, earth, water, etc.). Telepathy class 5. telekinesis.* Tom: Are you sure those are his powers? Are you really sure? *History- Pendragon appeared on Muir Isle one night.* Tom: Then he went to do Vegas. Crow: Ladies and gentlement, appearing on Muir Island, for one night only... *He apparently has completely repressed his persona* Tom: After reading this story, I'd be repressed too. Mike: No, that's depressed, Tom. *and replaced it with King Arthur's. Began classes at the Massachusetts October 11, 1998.* Crow: Boy, he must have _really_ pre-registered. *------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------- Psyber* *Real Name- Charles Ramesy Age- 13 Height- 5'3" Weight- 126 I.Q.- 200+ Place of Birth- Long Island, New York* *Powers- Telepathy, magnetic manipulation, cyberpathy(controls all forms of electronics with a form of psionics) History- Charles is the younger brother of Douglas Ramesy from the New Mutants that went through an age accelerator to become twelve years older.* Tom: Now, wait, Douglas went through the age accelerator? Crow: No, I think Charles went through the age accelerator. Mike: Xavier? Crow: No, Ramsey. Mike: So he became 12 years older, right? Crow: Yep. Mike: But I thought he was 13 now...so that means he must have been a year old when they put him in. Tom: Great, he's the only member of the team that's not potty-trained. Crow: Well.......... *------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------- Raven* *Real Name- Andrew Manson Age- 14 Height- 5'6" Weight- 155 I.Q.- 222 Place of Birth: Salem, Massachusetts* *Powers- Generates balls of pure force* Crow: Mmmmmph! Mike: I keep telling you, Crow... *that absorb light called "dark bolts."* Tom: The light's called "dark bolts"? Mike: No, the force is called "dark bolts". Crow: No, the--mmmmmph! Mike: *sighs exasperatedly* *Psionic hypnosis. Specific transformation into a raven. Able to regenerate the life force of any living being as well as heal their wounds. * *History- (see Falcon)* Tom: I'd rather not. *------------------------------------------------------------ -------------------* Tom: Boy, am I glad the author picked this way to introduce everyone. I feel like I'm really getting to know these characters! Crow: Really? Tom : No. *Venus* Crow: Yeah, you know, no arms, nice rack... Mike and Tom: Crow! *Real Name- Monique de Arke* Crow: Gee, I didn't think 'de' was that common of a middle name. Tom: In this story, 'duh' is a common name. *Age- 18 Height- 5'6" Weight- 117 I.Q.- 1000+* Tom: OK, now this is just getting silly. *(Forge level intelligence (unless he's written by whoever writes X- Factor))* Mike: Or by Adam McPartlin. *Place of Birth- Monte Carlo, Monaco. * *Powers- Class 7 telepathy.* Crow: Gee, I thought Professor X was supposed to be the best telepath in the world. Tom: Or at least above average. *Low range telekintic field(always on, results are invurnability* Tom (in German accent): Ach, ja, she iss invurnable, and her cigar is not just a cigar, nein? *, super strength and flight). Planetary teleportation.* Mike: Does this mean she can teleport to planets? Crow: No, she can teleport on planets. Tom: No, she can teleport planets. Crow: But-- Tom: Well, she _is_ Venus... *Enhanced pheremones.* Crow: NIIIIIIIICE pheremones.... *History- Born to a Moroccan nobleman* Crow: She was born to a man, too? Tom: Well, what with modern technology... *, Monique has lived in the greatest luxury money can buy. However she has never had any friends.* Tom: Wait, I thought she had enhanced pheremones! Crow: Yeah, she'd have boys crawling all over her! Mike: Crow... *As an only child, Monique lived her life in solitude. As a result , Monique is very withdrawn. She rarely participates with anyone else.* Tom: Well, that's a new word for it... Mike: Now don't you start! *Monique entered Xavier's school January 6, 1997.* Crow: OK, this pre-registration thing is just getting way out of hand. Tom: Yeah, what did they do, sit around in a vacant lot until they built the school? *------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------- Warrior* Tom and Crow: GUY GARDNER? Mike: Green Lantern, right? *Real Name- Michael Kaern Age- 15 Height- 6'11" Weight- 302 I.Q.- 144* Tom: Oh, he's just a regular genius. *Place of Birth- Los Angeles, California* *Powers- can redirect or stop any application of kinetic energy. He uses this to make himself invunable* Crow (in Indian accent): Oh he is invunable oh my good golly gosh yes. I am standing here beside myself. *and super strong in normal cases.* Mike: Yeah, but take him out of the case, and he breaks in about five mintues. Crow: I bet he doesn't even have kung-fu grip. *History- As a black teenager in South Central, Los Angeles, Michael joined a gang at the young age of seven for protection. He was arrested several times. Once his mutant powers manifested he quickly began a war against different gangs throughout the LA area. Once the X- Men showed up to recruit him he jumped at the chance* All: Boingy, boingy, boingy! *to escape the crime ridden streets of LA* Tom (in husky voice): Call me Snake. *------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------- Waverider* Tom: You know, this guy's skirting copyright problems with DC in a big way. Mike: How can he have copyright problems when he owns everything? *Real Name- Tihna Nagoya Age- 15 Height- 5'0" Weight- 95 I.Q.- 159 Place of Birth- Tokyo, Japan * *Powers- Has the ability to transform into H(2)0 and in that form she can control it. * *History- Tihna was a mediocre student in Japan's public schools* Mike: Wait, she has an IQ of 159 and she's still only a mediocre student? *so her parents jumped at the chance* All: Boingy, boingy, boingy! *for her to attend a internationally acclaimed school. Even if it was in America.* [long pause] Mike: C'mon, guys, looks like it'll be a little bit before the next segment. Tom: Yeah, and this gave me an idea! [Mike picks up Tom, and they leave the theater. Door sequence plays in reverse, and...] [SOL bridge. Mike is standing out front, in a mugshot position.] Tom (off-screen): Mike T. Nelson. Real Name- Gee, figure it out, doofus. Age-I dunno, he's in his thirties, isn't he? Height- Um, about 6', I think. Weight-Way too much, after all those twinkies he's been scarfing down. [There is much snickering off-screen. Mike looks fairly irritated.] I.Q.- 45. [much, much more snickering.] Place of Birth- Somewhere in Wisconsin or something. Powers- Can bore the heck out of anyone with his long-winded high-school stories. [Mike turns and glares off-screen, and there's much more snickering.] History- After his parents kicked him out of his house at age thirteen after the shameful incident in the ladies' locker room, Mike-- Mike: That's it! [reaches off-screen, grabs Tom and hauls him out.] It's my turn to do this. [steps off-screen] Tom Servo. Real Name-The Human Torso. Tom: Hey! Mike(off-screen): Oh, you can dish it out, but you can't take it. Age-5. Height-2'4". Weight-Enough that he needs a hoverskirt to move from place to place. [Crow is heard snickering off-screen.] I.Q.- Let's just say you could double it, and it'd still be a single digit number. Tom: That's just not fair! Mike(off-screen): Deal with it, torso-boy. Place of Birth- The Satellite of Love. Powers-Able to...well, he can...gee, um... Crow(off-screen): He looks great in a candy striper's outfit! [snickers] Mike(off-screen): Well, that's a lot more than I ever wanted to know, thanks. Where was I? Gypsy(off-screen): History. Mike(off-screen): Thanks, Gypsy. History-Wait, he hasn't done anything worth talking about! Tom: Oh, sure, have your little laugh...mock me openly in front of everyone...spew your bile all over me-- [Crow steps on screen.] Thanks, we will, Tom. [Shoves Tom off-screen, despite having non-functional arms.] Now, it's my turn. OK... Crow. Real Name- Crow T. Robot. Mike(off-screen): Hey! You can't do your own! Crow: Who says! Anyways... Age-5. Height- 4'8", 9'3" with legs at full extension. Tom(off-screen): Yeah, whatever, doofus. Crow: Oh, bite me. Weight- A lean, mean, 200 pounds of pure muscle. Mike(off-screen): You're a robot, Crow; you don't have muscles. Crow: Well, hydraulics, then. I.Q.-947. [much snickering from off-screen] Shut up! Place of Birth-The Satellite of Love. Powers-Able to decide who lives and who dies. History-After saving the universe from the evil threat of the Zondarg invasion fleets, I-- [Mike comes on-screen.] You're starting to sound like Marissa, Crow. Now shoo, it's time to do Gypsy. [Gypsy goes on-screen.] Crow: OK, Gypsy! Real Name: The--[Mike grabs Crow's beak, shutting him up.] Mike: I'll do this one, Crow. Gypsy. Real Name-Gypsy Rose. Age- 5. Height- About fifty-odd miles, once the Umbilicus is in place. Tom(off-screen): The what? Mike: Nothing, just being metatextual. Weight-Um...[looks at Gypsy] We'll just skip that one. I.Q.-10500, but all but 87 of it is taken up with running the higher functions of the Satellite of Love. Place of Birth- The Satellite of Love. Powers- Runs all the higher functions of the Satellite of Love. History- Was created by Joel to run the higher--guys, this is getting repetitive. Crow: And redundant. Tom(moving on-screen): And it just says the same thing over and over. Mike: Uh, yeah...let's just move on to Magic Voice, OK? Well...Powers--tells when there's commercial sign, and also [lights and buzzers begin to go off] FANFIC SIGN! [much hullabaloo] [Mike and the bots enter the theatre] ***All characters and places except 2000-X students and Atlanis Base belong to Marvel Comics.* Crow: Does that mean that Marvel Comics bought out Massachusetts? *Everything that doesn't belong to Marvel Comics belongs to Adam McPartlin.* Tom: You know, I think that's a really broad reading of the copyright laws. *All characters and stories belonging to Adam McPartlin may be distributed/used* Mike: As birdcage liners. *freely. If archived on the 'net, please inform me of the URL at mavr@awod.com* *2000-X Chapter 1* *With a light blanket of freshly fallen snow, the children calling themselves 2000-X* Mike: You mean they all called themselves 2000-X? Didn't that get confusing? Crow: No, it's all in the way you say it. You know, there's 2000-X, and 2000-x, and-- Tom: We get the idea. *were enjoying the time they had before classes began.* Crow: Well, they sure had plenty of time...they registered two years early! *"Alec," said Charles Ramesy to the leader of 2000-X, "Let's see if the king of all England can dodge a snowball."* Crow: Wait, how'd he become team leader? Mike: How'd he become King of England for that matter? Tom: Well, you see, there was this sword, and, you know, the rock, and--never mind. *As Charles released the snowball,* Mike: It fell on his foot. Tom: You know, he really should know enough to _throw_ it. Crow: Well, he is only one year old. *it suddenly stopped in midair and returned to it's sender. * *"I dunna think tha the snow was meant ta be used as a weapon."* Mike: OK, guys, let's play GUESS THAT ACCENT! Tom: I say Scottish! Crow: I say Irish! Mike: I say Southern. Crow: Can I change my guess to Jamaican? *replied Pendragon, the mysterious young man that believes himself to be King Arthur.* Tom: And changes tenses randomly, it appears. "*Pendragon, ye canna be so serious all the time, lad. Loosen up some. Ye're not the king anymore," said Alec.* Crow: Yeah, Elvis is the King now! *As a two birds fell from the sky* Crow: And splattered to the ground with a wet thud and a sickening crack. Mike: Crow! *they transformed into Andrea Manson and James Stanton. "Would you stop following me?" said Andrea. "I can't stop following a girl as luvely as you, mate," was the reply of the obviously overconfidentyoung* Crow: Overconfidentyoung? Is that anything like Youngsexycool? *Australian. "Fine then," as Andrea activated her mutant power to place hypnotic suggestions, "leave me alone!" As if a miracle had happened* Tom: the story ended. *James left Andrea for no apparent reason.* Crow: Wait, I thought he left because she placed a hypnotic suggestion to make him leave. Mike: I thought he left because she said, "Leave me alone!" Tom: I thought he left because the story was lousy. Mike: No, that's why _we_ want to leave. *After a few more minutes of fun,* Mike: They call this fun? *the headmaster Robert Drake, also called the indomitable Iceman, makes his appearance signaling that it was time for classes to start. For most of the students this first class was Calculus with Dr. Drake. Tihna, James and Michael had biology with Ms. Frost.* Crow: Oh, yeah.... Mike: Crow! *The students in Calculus were having their first test. "I dunna understand these mathematics.* Tom: Yeah, he's only got an IQ of 200. *Merlin only taught the arithmetics. I believe that I will transfer to another class." * * As it turned out Pendragon was the only student not to pass the test. In fact he was the only one not to make an A on it.* Crow: Not only did he not pass it, he didn't make an A on it! Mike: If he didn't make an A on it, how did he spell his name? Rthur? *"Arthur, could I speak to you after class?" said Dr. Drake. * *"I think we should move you to the normal level classes with Tihna, James and Michael."* Crow(as Arthur): You mean I get to be in Biology with Ms. Frost? Mike: What exactly are normal classes for these kids? Quantum physics? *"I agree with yuir. I canna handle these mathematics." * *As the day progressed it came time for training in the biosphere.* Tom: They were taking target practice at Pauly Shore. *Today it was Venus' first king of the mountain tournament.* Mike: Crow! Crow: I didn't say anything! Mike: I know, I was making a pre-emptive strike. *She knew that she probably couldn't win. Between the energy wielders and the telepaths there was no way she could beat them. That didn't mean she wasn't going to let them win without a fight. As soon as Ms. Frost blew the whistle 2000-X went into action. * *It started with Falcon, Raven, and Psyber hitting Venus with their energy blasts. This was completely ineffective against her shields. Soon she noticed that the air around her was changing temperatures. Quickly she moved to avoid getting caught in the tornado Pendragon was forming. Then she felt Anubis draining the life force of the trees.* Tom: How did she do that? Crow: I think she's a powerful telepath. Tom: In this story, who isn't? *She tried to maneuver but the animated tree limbs were too fast and she was captured.* Crow: She was stopped by a cartoon? *Anubis, Pendragon, and Psyber hit her psionically, while Warrior negated her force field* Mike: He can do that because he's Green Lantern, right? Tom and Crow (dully): Yes, Mike. *and Raven and Falcon hit her with their bolts. Miraculously, Venus was still conscious.* Tom: Unfortunately, the audience had passed out hours ago. Mike: What's so unfortunate about that? *She hit Warrior with a psibolt to regain her shields. Then she activated her pheremones to take all the men out of the game.* Crow: Wouldn't that put them _into_ the game? Tom: Um, maybe they're all off in the corner-- Mike: Crow, look what you did to him! *However, since Anubis doesn't breathe* All: HUH? *and the women aren't affected by female pheremones* Tom: Except for the new team members, kd lang and Martina Navratilova. *she still had to content with them.* Mike: Spelling flame, guys? Tom: Nah, we'll let this one pass. *Waverider turned into water and stretched up to Venus to try and knock her out with pure force.* Mike: Wouldn't she be trying to knock her out with a few hundred gallons of water? Tom: No, she's trying to knock her out with those light star dark bolt things. Crow: No, they're ba--Mmmmmmph! Mike: Maybe I should just weld your mouth shut, Crow. Crow: Mmph! *Falcon timed her star bolt to hit Venus at the same time Waverider did. Right before Waverider hit Venus, Anubis drained off enough of Venus' life force to control her mind to some extent. Venus was so intent at closing her mind her concentration slipped and she was knocked unconscious by the girls. * *"Very good children," said Ms. Frost, "I believe that soon you will be ready for team tourements." "I think Ms. Frost is pushing the team topurnamen a little bit, but you were all magnificent," said Dr. Drake,* Tom: But your spelling is horrendous. Crow: Yeah, he's almost as bad as-- Tom & Mike: Don't say it!!!!!!! Crow: What, why shouldn't I say Ratliff? Tom: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Mike: That's why. Even our screams get spelled wrong at the mention of--the Evil One. *"I think dinner should be about ready. Let's eat."* Crow: Great, Iceman's cooking again. What do you think it'll be, frozen waffles? Tom: If they weren't before, they will be now. *That night the team was watching a French film (it was Monique's turn to choose the movie). "If you do not enjoy French films than I suggest that you leave. I will not be pressured into altering my decision." * *"Monique, these words, I don't know." said Tihna.* Crow: Will you still respect me in the morning? *"That is because it is French and I have turned off the subtitles. If you do not understand that* Tom: Oh, come on, how hard can it be? It...is...in...French! Got it? Mike: No, I think she was referring to the fact that she'd turned off the subtitles. *I suggest you have Charles or Alec psilink with you. They both are fluent in French." replied Monique. * *"Howabout I just turn on the subtitles."said Michael. * *"Turn them on and I will put you in more pain than you could possibly imagine."* Crow: I thought she was supposed to be withdrawn. Mike: Yeah, she's withdrawn to the point of psychosis, Crow. * It was at that moment that Dr. Drake entered the room. "Now, Monique, that is no way to speak to your fellow students, is it?" asked Dr. Drake. "No, sir." said Monique. * *"Now children, it's time that you all got to bed." said Dr. Drake.* Crow: Woo-hoo!!!!!!!! *The next morning everyone woke up early.* Tom: Iceman snores! *When they got to breakfast they noticed that James wasn't there.* Tom: This morning, we've secretly replaced your mutant with Folger's Crystals! *"I'll go check on him." said Andew.* Mike: Andew? Tom: I think he has a cold. Mike: Colds don't usually affect your typing. Crow: Maybe it's an after effect of that Ratliff-- Mike and Tom: NUUUUUUUUUUUU! *When Andrew got to James' room he knew immediatly that something was wrong.* Tom (as Andrew): You know, I remembered James as being in fewer pieces than that... *James always kept a very clean room. But when Andrew got there ther room had been torn up and James was gone. "Computer: notify Ms. Frost and Dr. Drake that Megamorph is missing." * *