[Bridge of the SOL. Joel, Tom and Crow enter from the left.] Joel: Er, you wanted to see us, sir? [Deep 13. Dr. Forrester, is standing in the foreground, smiling much too sweetly. Screams can be heard coming from offscreen.] Dr. F: Hello, Joel. Frank seems to have had a sudden attack of pity, and actually sent you a *good* movie for once-- Frank: [from off-screen] AIIIEE!!! Dr. F: --which he is being punished for even as we speak. [shakes head] I certainly didn't plan on all of this, but I suppose there's no use crying over spilt milk... anyway, boobies, since your spirits obviously aren't broken anymore, let's begin this week's invention exchange, hmm? [SOL. Crow exits to the left.] Joel: Well sir, we haven't been in any condition to invent anything lately, but we do have an invention for just such an emergency somewhere around here... [Crow re-enters Cambot's view, carrying what appears to be a modified snowblower.] Joel: Ah, here we go. You see, one of the latest crazes where video games are concerned is 'pre-rendered graphics.' From the Final Fantasy series to Resident Evil to Parasite Eve, lately everyone seems to love the rendered look. We're not exactly sure why, but our invention is designed to take advantage of this. [Joel takes the invention from Crow and turns it on. Semi-transparent goop begins to shoot out of the nozzle, which he proceeds to spray over everyone and everything in his path.] Joel: [shouting to be heard over the machine] Our 'Laminator 9000' gives any household object that high-gloss, pre-rendered, plasticky look, thus lessening the pain of actually having to stop playing video games and experience the real world! We realize it's not much, but we're working day and night in this field of study, and it's only a matter of time before we can make the line between fantasy and reality completely indistinguishable! What do you think, sir? [Deep 13] Dr. F: An interesting toy, Joel... but nothing compared to my latest creation. Watch closely, Joel, you're about to see history in the making! Frank, if you'd be so kind as to bring in the invention... Frank? Frank? Frank: [o.s.] YEEAAARRGH!!! Dr. F: Oh, fine, I'll get it. [Dr. Forrester walks off screen, and after a few minutes comes back with a huge sattelite dish hooked up to a computer system of some sort. The entire contraption is on a cart, which Dr. F is dragging behind him.] Dr. F: Honestly, it's so hard to find good help these days... anyway, this little device right here is going to make me the undisputed ruler of Earth! I give you... the De-literator Mark IV! [SOL] Joel: De-literator? Tom: Sure, Clay. Whatever. [Deep 13] Dr. F: [grins] I see you need some... convincing. Joel, you have a few books with you up there, right? [SOL] Joel: A few, yeah... [Deep 13] Dr. F: Would you mind reading one out loud? [Reaches back and flips a switch on the machine, which suddenly begins to whirr] [SOL] Joel: Well, I don't see why not... [reaches under the counter and brings out a book] How about this: The Collected Works of Sherlock Holmes. [clears throat] "Part 1: Being a reprint from the reminiscences of John H. Watson, M.D., late of the Army Medical Department..." [pauses] Hey, the words got all blurry! Wait, never mind... I must have imagined it. [Deep 13] Dr. F: [grinning] Of course. By all means, continue. [SOL] Joel: Oh, right. Anyway... "'Evasive maneuvers, fire phasers, LT. Yarr,' Lueitenant Richard Casteel said as three Romulan warbirds sircled the enterprise-C casually--" AAAAGH!! Wait a minute... th-this is 'Enterprized'! Tom: What? Let me see that... my God, it IS Enterprized! Right down to the spelling mistakes! Crow: [rummaging around under the counter] Gack! All the books are like this! Artemis' Lover! the Eye of Argon! Even SMAK! Every book on the SOL's been replaced with a bad fanfic! [Deep 13] Dr. F: Correction, boobies-- every book on the PLANET's been replaced with a bad fanfic! How long do you think the world's population can last before their pitiful minds snap, hmm? [SOL] Joel: [horrified] Dr. Forrester, you... you can't do this! This is awful, even for you! Tom: Oh, relax, Joel, what's the worst that could happen? Crow: Yeah, nobody really reads anymore! [Deep 13] Dr. F: Heh. Poor fools... you still don't understand the magnitude of this creation. THIS INVENTION WORKS ON TV GUIDE, TOO! [SOL] Crow: You evil monster! [Tom's head blows up] [Deep 13] Dr. F: Anyway, back into the theater! You've still got one final experiment to finish while I'm off conquering the world! [SOL] Crow: Joel, I'm scared... Joel: Me too, Crow, me too, 'cause WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN! [alarms, klaxons, etc. Crow and Joel(carrying Tom) run offscreen.] 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... [Joel and the bots enter the theater and take their seats. Joel pulls a spare head from under the seats and attaches it to Tom.] > The Era of Apocalypse > X-Men and Sailor Moon Crossover > Chapter 3 > The Battle of the Princesses >Sailor Moon felt the pain of the cuts on her chest, but in her heart other >pain, much greater than this was making her cry, Joel: All those high-cholesterol snacks are finally taking their toll. Tom: Sad, really. >her future daughter, the >only person in the world besides Darien for which she will gave her life, >attacked her, she couldn’t believe it, if fact she didn’t wanted to believe >it. Tom: [Serena] I don't care what you say! Santa Claus *is* real! He is! >- She tried to stand up but the pain was too hard and she felt dizzy, >she falled to her knees Crow: [Serena] Oh man, how much did I have to drink last night? >and Professor Xavier ordered Rogue to take her back >to the Black Bird, then he ordered the X-Men and the other scouts to go >back as well.- Joel: [Xavier] Run away! Run away! >But when they were heading for the ship, a huge man came out >of nowhere and captured Sailor Mars, he puted his big hand over her mouth >before she could call for help, Crow: [falsetto] Say, is it just me or did a huge man come out of nowhere and kidnap Sailor Mars? Joel: [ditto] Don't worry--I'm sure she'd cry for help if it was anything serious. >then she saw a woman in a white and blue >dress approach and when it passed beside, her amazement didn’t knew any >limits when the woman just transformed...into her, suddenly she felt a >needle in one of her arms and seconds later blackness. Tom: [Rei, stoned] Whoa... that's some good shit, man... >Back on the hotel, Sailor Moon was placed on a bed and Jean along with >Rogue started to work on the injuries she suffered, Joel: [Jean] Hey, do you feel like we've forgotten someone? Tom: [Rogue] Nah, it's just your imagination. >after a few minutes of >treatment, they gave her a sedative that made fall asleep, Crow: [documentary narrator] ...then they tagged her, put a tracking device on her, and returned her to her forest home. >then they lefted >her alone.- Minutes later Sailor Mars entered the room. > >-haha...my master will be pleased... [Tom starts humming the Torgo theme.] Crow: tHE MasTEr wILl bE PLeAseD... >the leader of the Sailor Scouts killed >by one of her own friends...MARS FIRE ! ! > >-STOP RIGHT THERE SAILOR MARS ! ! ! JUPITER THUNDER ! ! CRASH ! ! Crow: Hey, I thought everyone else left the room! Tom: Well, technically they didn't *leave* the room-- they just *lefted* it. Crow: Ah. >But before the lighting bolt could reach it’s target she disappeared. > >-DOUBLE CROSSER ! ! I SWEAR I’LL KILL YOU SAILOR MARS ! ! Joel: [Jupiter] That's wierd, Rei could never just disappear like that before... well, I'm sure it doesn't mean anything. >Meanwhile in Apocalypse’s ship Sailor Mars was held in a cell, suddenly she >heard a door opening, and saw Cerise walking towards her. > >-Renee ! ! ! > >For any answer she created an energy dagger that she throwed at Sailor Mars >hitting her on her left leg. Tom: You know, it's a good thing he said that. Joel: Yeah, for a second there I thought it had hit her right leg. >-Next time you call me Renee I will aim for your heart you understand >that ? Crow: Gotta admit, it *is* a pretty stupid name. >-Enough my child. > >-Father Apocalypse...I was only teaching her a lesson. Joel: Mutant, psychopath, megalomaniac, and now man of the cloth... Apocalypse is indeed a man of many talents. Crow: Bless me, father, for I have starred in crossover fanfics... >-It looks like you have meeted my daughter, Sailor Mars > >-SHE IS NOT YOUR DAUGHTER YOU FILTHY MONSTER ! ! ! Joel: Doom's writing tips, number 1-- when in doubt, type in all caps for that "five inches away from a loudspeaker" feel! >He didn’t answered her, he just pointed his finger to the dagger that was >sticked on the girl’s leg directing a bolt of energy to it.- He stood there >along with his daughter watching the girl scream in pain until she passed >out, then both lefted.- Tom: [Apocalypse] Heh... we're gonna beat the *hell* out of that leg. >Meanwhile on the hotel, Sailor Mercury entered the >room where Sailor Moon was and found her leader standing in the window >looking at the stars, but when she walked towards her she saw the tears on >her eyes. Crow: Wow, Serena crying, there's something you don't see every day... >-Are you OK Serena ? > >-Ami, everything around me is falling apart.....first my future daughter >attacks me...then one of my friends double crosses me....what am I doing >wrong ? Tom: [Ami] What, all of it? Jeez, we could be here for a while... >-Nothing of this is your fault Serena, Renee is under the power of that >evil creature, remember when she was Black Lady ? She... > >-This time is different Ami...when she was Black Lady and attacked me I >could see in her eyes that she didn’t wanted to hurt me...this time I only >saw hate and evil on them... Joel: [Serena] Though I suppose that could have just been mascara. >-We will save her Serena, believe me, and we will find out why Sailor Mars >betrayed us, I know her Serena, I know that she likes you and that if she >did what she did it was for a very powerful reason. Crow: [Ami] Unless, of course, she's innocent, in which case she *didn't* do what she did. Or maybe she just did something powerful for an ordinary reason. Wait, maybe she did something ordinary in a powerful way... >-Ami, I don’t know what I could you without you, I wish I could be as wise >and smart like you. > >-You have something greater than wisdom and intelligence, you have love and >a heart that can forgive anything to anyone. > >In Tokyo’s cemetery Logan was in front of Haruka’s tomb, in his mind the >images of the young woman healing his injuries, the kiss she gave him, >appeared again and again, until he heard someone crying, he turned around >and saw Michiru with her violin, she was on her knees, he walked towards >her. >-You were really close friends weren’t you ? > >-You...you...don’t know....we were more than friends... Crow: [falsetto] At least, we were until *you* showed up! Joel: [ditto] Homewrecker! Tom: [ditto] Slut! >we were...like >sisters... Crow: Well, sisters from the deep south, maybe. [pause] Tom: Just a reminder, send those flames to Spider256@hotmail.com-- Crow: Hey! >we did everything together...why...why did this happened ? > >-Sometimes life is unfair girl...sometimes you wish you have the power to >change the past... Joel: [Clark Oppenheimer] Maybe I could fly around the Earth at unheard of speeds and reverse time. >but then you realize that you can’t... Joel: [Clark Oppenheimer] No, I did that last week. Damn! Tom: Joel, maybe a tenth of the readers are going to know where that joke is from... Joel: I don't mind. >-I wanted to play our favorite song....but...but...knowing that she can’t >hear it anymore...it’s too painful... Crow: [Michiru] You think maybe it was a bad idea to use barbed wire for the violin strings? >-She can hear you...no matter where she is now...she can. Tom: [Wolverine] After all, unknown to anyone but me, she isn't dead, just buried alive, and the oxygen probably won't give out for a couple more minutes... >With this words, she stood up and started to play a song so beautiful that >Logan couldn’t believe it was coming from her hands. Joel: Which was understandable, seeing as how it was coming from her violin. >The next day Professor Xavier ordered his team and the Sailor scouts to >prepare to a new trip to Apocalypse’s ship, Joel: [Xavier] Alright men, we got our spandex-wearing asses whupped the first time around, but we're coming back for more! >minutes later they were inside >of the ship again, the started to walk on the hallways when suddenly the >started to hear screams coming from one of the rooms nearby. Crow: So, Apocalypse's ship is a giant floating office building? Tom: Pretty much. >-Oh God, it’s Rei ! ! We have to save her ! ! > >Sailor Jupiter holded her arm Joel: [falsetto] Must... control... fist... of death... >-LET ME GO ! ! > >-NO ! ! It could be a trap ! ! > >In the end Sailor Jupiter released Sailor Moon’s arm Crow: [Sailor Moon] C'mon, please let me go? Tom: [Jupiter] Well, okay. >and everyone runned >towards the place where the screams were originating.- When they entered >the room, the saw Sailor Mars brutally beaten in some sort of energy cell >which was firing lighting blasts to her. Tom: And as luck would have it, still just hitting that one leg of hers. >-REI ! ! ! > >-Sailor Moon...escape while you can...please... > >-NO ! ! You are coming with us ! ! > >-What for ?...to be punished for things I haven’t done ?...or for being >threatened to death ?... Crow: [Serena] Er, a combination of both, actually. Plus Apocalypse and Cerise will be coming over on alternate Tuesdays to blast your leg some more. >-No...I can see in your eyes that you are innocent... Tom: Oh, so she's wearing her special "I'm innocent" contact lenses. Joel: You'd be surprised what modern optometry can do. >While they talked Beast found the controls of the cell turning them off and >setting Sailor Mars free, but in the precise moment when they were about to >leave, two members of the Disciples of Apocalypse, Sabretooth and Omega Red >appeared, the battle ensued, The X-Men teamed up to battle Omega Red while >the Sailor Scouts fought Sabretooth, in the end both were quickly defeated, >they continued their search until they entered a big room, it was all dark, >suddenly the lights went on and they saw Apocalypse and Renee sitted on >their thrones. Tom: Their *porcelain* thrones, to be exact. Crow: [makes flushing noises] Joel: Now, guys... >-Welcome.- I can see that you managed to get here, even to save your >friend, but can you survive another encounter with my daughter ? > >Suddenly Cerise appeared in front of them, Sailor Moon couldn’t hold her >anger. Tom: I thought Cerise was already in front of them. Joel: Well, she's closer now, I guess. Crow: You know, just once I'd like to see a major Sailor Moon villain who *can't* teleport... >-SHE IS NOT YOUR DAUGHTER ! ! ! SHE WILL NEVER BE ! ! ! > >Cerise started to walk towards them, she created a pair of light swords, Tom: Behold... the most annoying Jedi Knight in the universe! Joel & Crow: [ooh and ah] >Rei stood between her and Sailor Moon. > >-Renee stop it ! ! ! We are your friends, and Sailor Moon is your future >mother ! ! > >For any answer she jumped and inflicted two cuts on Sailor Mars’s arms on >the way down, but the black haired girl didn’t moved. Tom: [Serena] Psst! Rei! You're on! Joel: [Rei] Oops, sorry! Uh... OW, MY ARMS HURT SO BADLY... look, can we start over? >-Get off the way Sailor Mars, otherwise I’ll kill you. > >-If you want to hurt Sailor Moon you will have to kill me, you understand >that ? Joel: [Cerise] Well, yeah-- after all, that's almost exactly *what I just said*... >-As you wish. > >Cerise started a brutal and unmerciful attack over Sailor Mars, Tom: [Cerise] Ho! Haha! Parry! Dodge! Thrust! Surrender now, or I will be forced to inflict even more insignificant cuts upon your arms... hey, are you even paying attention? >but the >even with her body bleeding from the several cuts she had, she stood there, Tom: [Cerise] Aw, c'mon, at least say ouch or something! This is getting embarrassing! Joel: [Rei] Is it my imagination, or is someone trying to tickle me? >Cerise couldn’t believe why was that girl risking her life like that for >the one she considered enemy. > >-Why are you doing this ? > >-Be...because she is my friend...I care about her...and about you... > >-About me ? Why would you care about me ? > >Before answering, Sailor Mars falled to her knees. Crow: [Rei] Rini, I know we haven't known each other for very long, but there's something I have to ask you... >-Be...be...because...you...you are also my friend...if you want...to >kill...somebody...let it...be me.. > >Cerise stood there motionless, Joel: [Cerise] Uh, next cue card, please? >in front of her there was a black haired >girl bleeding, telling her that she wanted to trade her life in exchange >for Sailor Moon’s one...something was telling her that she was doing >something wrong...blurred images...a place in the future...a crystal >temple... > >But then she remembered when Sailor Mars gave her to Apocalypse, she bonded >her swords into one and runned towards her, but before she could harm her, >Sailor Moon flew above Sailor Mars and kicked her in the chest. Joel: [shakes head] Y'know, Rini doesn't make for a particularly effective villian. Tom: Yeah, I'm really starting to wonder if turning Sailor Scouts into mutants is the most productive use of Apocalypse's spare time... >-ENOUGH ! ! ! I’m not going to let you harm her ! ! > >-OK then, I’ll fight you instead. Crow: [random X-man] Sheesh, ten minutes of dialogue and we're right back where we started... was I this boring as a teenager? Joel: [ditto] Look, Apocalypse, are we going to fight or not? Tom: [ditto] The hell with it, I'm taking a nap. Wake me up when it's over. >Like she did before, she runned towards Sailor Moon with her sword, but the >blond girl just stood there motionless, Joel: [Serena] Alright, don't panic... just pretend she isn't there, and maybe she'll go away... >but when the sword touched the >silver crystal, a wave of energy engulfed both girls, when it dissipated, >Sailor Chibi Moon and Sailor Moon were on the ground unconscious... All: [burst out laughing] Tom: I... I don't believe it! Sailor Moon just *stands* there and... she misses her completely! She only manages to hit that stupid wand! And what's worse, she actually knocks herself out doing it! >To be continued... Crow: [still laughing] Hoo boy... Joel, is it wrong to feel sorry for the bad guys? Joel: Normally... but in this case, I'll make an exception. >In the next chapter, the final battle between the Sailor Scouts, the X-Men >and Apocalypse, but there will be a supprise a character too, don’t miss >it, same Sailor Moon Fanfics page...same Sailor Moon time. Crow: Sailor Moon time? Tom: Well, it's like normal time, only you have to factor in being about two hours late. Crow: Ah. >Next chapter : The Final Battle Crow: The light at the end of the tunnel! Joel: It'll be over soon! Tom: You know, guys, we've still got to stop Dr. Forrester from taking over the world... Joel: Don't worry, I think I've got an idea. [Joel and the bots exit the theater.]