[Bridge of the SOL. Joel is standing behind the counter flipping through a phone book, with a telephone next to him. Tom and Crow are nowhere to be found.] Joel: It's a good thing Dr. F's new invention doesn't work on phone numbers... ah, here we go. [punches in a number] Hello? Yes, is this the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning? Yes, I'll hold... [pause] Joel: Hello? Yes, Mr... Logan, isn't it? You don't know me, sir, but I just e-mailed you a fanfic you might be interested in looking at... [pause] Joel: Yes, that's you in it. [pause] Joel: Yes, that's you about to kill Sailor Mars. [Growling can be heard coming from the phone.] [pause] Joel: Yes, that's you falling in love with the lesbian in the sailor suit. [More growling, along with a barely audible 'snikt'.] Joel: I thought you might react that way. Anyway, sir, I believe I included the correct address in my e-mail, so if you and your associates might see fit to wreak a glorious and terrible vengeance upon those responsible for sending us this fanfic... hello? Hello? [pause] Joel: Well, I guess I'll take that as a good sign. [hangs up] I hope this works... jeez, I'm normally not this devious. Maybe all the time I've spent around the mads is having an effect on me-- [Lights and alarms start flashing] Joel: AAAAAGGH!!! I'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!!! AGAIN!!! [exits to the right] 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... [Joel enters the theater and takes his usual seat. Tom and Crow are already waiting for him.] Tom: Hi, Joel. Crow: What kept you? Joel: Oh, I just had to take care of something. By the way, do either of you know the phone number for the Tsukino residence? Crow: Er, not off the top of my head... Joel: Oh, well. It's probably listed somewhere. > The Era of Apocalypse > X-Men and Sailor Moon Crossover > Chapter 4 > Hope Tom: Hope! That's what this fanfic has completely drained us of! >Seeing her friends down, Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Venus rushed to their >aid, while the X-men tried to distract Apocalypse, Tom: [Cyclops] OH MY GOD, LOOK BEHIND YOU! Joel: [Apocalypse] Huh? What? Hey, I don't see anything! Tom: [Cyclops] Darn, you just missed it. OH MY GOD, THERE IT IS AGAIN! >at the same time Sailor >Mercury decided to look for the power source of the ship, she knew that if >she could damage the ship’s power systems they could escape, Joel: And damaging the ship's power system would help because... Crow: Well, maybe it would disable a security system or something. Tom: What security system? From what I've seen, this place hasn't even got an alarm! >what she >didn’t noticed was that someone was following her, until she was about to >reach her goal, a voice made her turn around. > >-Where do you think you’re going Sailor Mercury ? Crow: [Mercury] Beats me. You weren't paying attention to the story either, huh? >The supprised girl couldn’t believe her eyes, in front of her there was a >mirror image of herself, Tom: [falsetto] Wow, you look just like me! Jeez, my hair's a mess... >meanwhile in Apocalypse’s throne room the battle >was fierce, the X-men and the Sailor Scouts combined their power to attack >Apocalypse with no apparent result, Joel: [X-men] BANG! You're dead! Tom: [Apocalypse] No I'm not! You missed! Joel: [X-men] Did not! Tom: [Apocalypse] Did too! >suddenly Sailor Moon regained >conciseness All: [burst out laughing] Crow: Conciseness? In *this* story? You gotta be kidding me! >seeing that Renee was back into Sailor Chibi Moon she runned >towards her and took her little body on her arms. > >-Sailor Chibi Moon ! ? > >The little girl slowly opened her eyes > >-Don’t...tell...daddy...that I was bad... > >-Don’t worry everything is OK, now I need your help more than ever. > >Sailor Moon stood up and Sailor Chibi Moon positioned herself in front of >her, All: [cough, clear throats loudly] >then they took each others hands and called for the power of the >silver crystal, a bright light engulfed both of them, and a huge energy >blast was fired and Apocalypse falled on his back supprised, Tom: So, while Rini and Sailor Moon were talking to each other and charging up their attack, Apocalypse was doing what, twiddling his thumbs? Joel: You'd think the 10-minute song and lights routine would have tipped him off... >the X-men were >supprised to see how powerful the two girls were, suddenly Apocalypse >disappeared, the light disappeared and both girls falled to their knees >exhausted, meanwhile.. > >-Who are you impostor ! ! > >-haha...are you sure that I’m the impostor, I could be Sailor Mercury and >you the impostor. Tom: Wonderful... a clone. Crow: Well, this *is* a Marvel story. Joel: All right, guys, I call no 'Scarlet Sailor' jokes. Tom: Aw... >-NO ! ! I’M SAILOR MERCURY ! ! Crow: [opens mouth] Joel: And no Madelyne Pryor riffs either! Crow: Damn. >Sailor Mercury pressed one of her earrings and a blue visor appeared on her >eyes, the blue haired girl was shocked, her visor was showing her that the >one in front of her had the same physical characteristics she had, suddenly >a pair of huge hands captured her from behind. > >-ahh ! ! Let me go ! ! > >A bright light appeared and Apocalypse was in front of her, along with the >other Sailor Mercury. > >-Well done Mystique, now I’ll posses her body and destroy her friends and >Xavier. Joel: [Apocalypse] No, seriously. I realize it's kind of a dumb idea, and every other time I tried to kill Xavier and company I got my head handed to me, but... you're not buying any of this, are you? >-NOO ! ! Joel: [Apocalypse] Yeah, I didn't think so. Look, to be honest, I'm just making things up as I go along at this point... >Sailor Mercury struggled but there was nothing she could do, Juggernaut was >too strong for her, in seconds Apocalypse turned himself into an energy >cloud that entered the girl’s body, Crow: [Apocalypse] I'm potporri! Tom: Wait a minute-- why is the Juggernaut even working for Apocalypse? Joel: Try not to worry about it too much... we left logic behind a *long* time ago. >Sailor Mercury screamed when she saw the light coming at her, then there >was blackness and peace... > >-Put me down I’m inside of her now. Crow: [Juggernaut] *Way* too much information, sir. >-Yes my Lord. > >The huge man released the girl, now with Apocalypse in possession of her >body.- In the throne room the Sailor Scouts were happy to have Sailor Chibi >Moon back, seeing that their enemy was gone they decided to leave the ship, >Sailor Jupiter took her communicator to call Sailor Mercury. > >-Sailor Mercury, this is Sailor Jupiter where are you ? > >-I’m in the control room...what is it ? Tom: [Jupiter] Well, I'd assume that it's a room where the controls to the ship are kept... look, do we really have time for this? >-We have to go back, Sailor Chibi Moon is OK but she and Sailor Moon need >some rest. > >-What do you want me to do ? > >-Join us of course, we need you to teleport back to the hotel Tom: [Mercury] Er, didn't we take the Blackbird here? Joel: [Jupiter] Well, yeah, but we kind of can't remember where we parked the darn thing, so... >-OK, I’m on my way. > >-mmm...there is something strange with her... -Thought Sailor Jupiter Minutes later the girls combined their powers and returned to the hotel, none the less Sailor Mars sensed something strange when they combined their powers back in the ship, she decided to talk with Mina about it. -Mina...I felt something strange one Amy when we returned from the ship... >-What ? > >-I...I’m not sure about what it was...but it was just like if there was >something else besides her.. > >-You think she may be in danger ? > >-I hope not but I’ll watch her closely... Tom: [Rei] Lucky for me I had that peephole into her bathroom installed... heh heh heh... >Later that day Rei was walking in the hallway when she heard voices in >Amy’s room. Crow: Of course, until the medication kicks in, Rei hears voices *everywhere*... >-LEAVE ME ALONE ! ! > >-Forget it child...you belong to me until I decide to let you go. > >The black haired girl runned towards the room and opened the door. -AMY ! ! The blue haired girl turned around slowly. >-Wha...what ? > >-You OK ? I heard screams... > >-uh...it...it was...the TV... > >Rei noticed that the power cable wasn’t plugged in. > >-Amy...if you have any trouble you know you can count on us...especially >me...Amy...you... Crow: That's a nasty stutter she's developing... Tom: The fanfic's finally getting to her. The poor girl's falling apart. >you’re like a sister to me...I care for you more that anything in the >world... > >D...Don’t worry Rei...e...everything is...is...OK.. Tom: Say, what color is Rei's hair again? Joel: Well, uh... Crow: Er... >The black haired girl walked out and closed the door, All: OH! Tom: Jeez, I'd completely forgotten! Crow: Thank you, fanfic! >she stood against it >for a few seconds, enough time to hear Amy cry, she decided to leave her >alone, then she walked back to her room where she started a fire and used >her knowledge to find out what was bothering Amy, what she saw shocked her. > >-No...NO ! ! Why she...why ? Crow: [Rei] Duh... gah? >Meanwhile Jean also sensed something and was sharing it with Professor >Xavier. Crow: [snickers] Tom: You know, if Cyclops ever hears about this he's gonna throw a fit... >-Professor, I have sensed very unusual vibes on Sailor Mercury since we >returned from Apocalypse’s ship. > >Closing his eyes Professor Xavier made mental contact with Sailor >Mercury...what he saw shocked him... > >-No...imposible... > >-What is it Professor ? > >-Apocalypse...he possessed her...every minute that passes he becomes more >and more bonded with her... > >-What do you suggest ? > >-We must call their leader immediately. Joel: [Xavier] We haven't got a moment to lose! We've got to save her! >Minutes later Serena was with them Joel: [Xavier] Alright, we've got several minutes to lose, but that's it! >and she couldn’t believe the words of >Professor Xavier. > >-But...there has to be a way to help her... > >Suddenly an explosion was heard, everyone runned out and saw Rei in the >floor and Ami hovering above her, her eyes were red and she was glowing >with energy. Joel: [Xavier] I *told* you we didn't have a moment to lose, but noooo, *somebody* just had to stop for ice cream on the way here... >-Insolent fool...don’t you understand that this body belongs to me now ? > >Rei tried to stand up but an energy blast knocked her back to the floor, Tom: *GASP* No! She has the awesome power to shove people over! Joel: If she isn't stopped, schoolyard bullies everywhere will be out of a job! >seeing this Serena stood up in front of her. > >-STOP IT ! ! ! AMY ! ! ! YOU’RE INSIDE SOMEWHERE YOU HAVE TO FIGHT THIS >EVIL ! ! YOU HAVE T...AHH ! !. > >Another energy blast knocked Serena against a wall, Crow: [snickers] Some villains have death-rays... this guy's lucky to have a slight-inconvenience-ray, at best... >simultaneously Sailor >Jupiter and Sailor Venus combined their powers to attack Amy from behind, >the supprise attack allowed Amy to regain temporary control of herself, in >second she was Sailor Mercury, but Apocalypse was able to gain control of >her again, meanwhile the X-Men arrived, the first one to attack was >Cyclops, he used his laser blast but Sailor Mercury repelled the attack >with his aqua illusion, but from behind Wolverine kicked her down, Tom: BOOT TO THE HEAD! Joel: Now, Tom, that joke's been used more than enough as it is... Tom: Yeah, but how often does it fit this well? >once in >the floor beast holded her and Professor Xavier used a psycho blast that >knocked the girl out, Tom & Crow: [mimic screeching violins] Joel: [Xavier] Oh god, mother, the blood! >Serena turned into Sailor Moon and prepared her >scepter, simultaneously Professor Xavier used his powers to attack >Apocalypse, when the Professor gave her a signal Sailor Moon used her Lunar >healing, inside of Amy’s mind the battle was fierce, she and professor >Xavier were fighting Apocalypse. Tom: Okay, that was... [counts to himself] ...thirteen lines in a row without a period. Joel: Doom's really pulling out all the stops for part four. Crow: Me, I just wish part four would stop... >-FOOLS ! ! ! YOU’LL NEVER STOP ME ! ! ! > >-! !SHINE AQUA ILLUSION ! ! ! > >The supprise attack diminished Apocalypse’s energy Crow: And also cured his hiccups! Joel: Oh, well, I--huh? >allowing Professor >Xavier to contain him, that combined with Sailor Moon’s Lunar healing, >allowed them to stop the monster, in the end Xavier gave another signal and >Sailor Moon stopped her attack, Amy falled to the floor unconscious Sailor >Mars runned towards her. > >-Amy ! ! Answer me please ! ! > >-I’m...OK...thanks... Tom: [Sailor Moon] Oh, I'm so happy! Wait a minute--aren't you supposed to be unconscious? Crow: [Mercury] Well, I *was*... >Later that day the X-Men went to the airport where the Black Bird was ready >to continue the travel. Joel: [Cyclops] Well, troops, Apocalypse is still trapising around somewhere in Sailor Mercury's mind, A half dozen of the most dangerous mutants on the planet are loose in Japan, and the leftover Sentinels are probably tearing Tokyo apart even as we speak... I'd call this our most successful mission yet! >-Professor, we want to thank you for your help. > >-No Sailor Moon, you were the one who helped us, I hope we can see each >other again. > >Then he entered the Black Bird and the ship flew in the sky, from a place >away from there a green haired girl watched them leave with tears on her >eyes. > >-You love him, right Michiru ? Joel: [disgusted] Of course she loves him. Everybody loves him. After all, he's the great Wolverine! Not that I'm jealous or anything-- why should I be? Just because I couldn't even get a girl to *look* at me until my senior year of high school... >-Pluto...it was just...I don’t know...I better go and think about this... > >Then she entered her car and drove away to an uncertain future.- > > The End. [pause] Tom: So. That's the end, huh? Crow: Yep. Joel: Guess so. Tom: Sorta gets you right here, doesn't it? Crow: Nope. Joel: Not me. Tom: Me neither. Let's go. [Joel and the bots exit the theater.] 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... [Bridge of the SOL. Tom is trying to facefault again, while Crow looks on. Joel enters from the left.] Joel: Well, guys, I made the last phone call... Tom: Last phone call to who? Joel: You'll see. [The Mads' light starts flashing.] Joel: Great, the mads are calling. [hits the button.] Crow: This is a good thing? [Deep 13. Dr. F is standing in front of his latest semi-evil invention, smirking. TV's Frank--complete with crutches, a neck brace, and an arm in a sling--is in the background off to one side, trying his best to look evil.] Dr. F: Well, Joel? How was the fanfic today? [SOL. Joel shrugs.] Joel: Oh, not so bad. No self-insertion, no blatant destruction of the fourth wall... the author even tried to get in some character subplots and drama. It didn't work very well, but at least his heart was in the right place. Tom: Yeah... all in all, we've definitely had worse. [Deep 13] Dr. F: Oh, really? Well, I'm glad *your* day wasn't so bad... because everyone else on the planet is suffering through hell on Earth! Frank: Well, sir, Joel isn't actually *on* the planet, so saying 'everyone else on the planet' isn't entirely accurate'-- Dr. F: Frank! I'm trying to make a point here! Frank: Sorry, sir. Dr. F: Rrrgh... anyway, boobies, the De-Literator is up and running! It won't be long before entire civilizations crumble! And from the ashes of this global disaster, I shall rise to power! [SOL] Crow: Uh-oh. That could be bad... Tom: Joel? Joel: Yes, Tom? Tom: We're screwed, aren't we? Joel: Don't worry, guys. I know things look bad, but I've made a few... arrangements. [Deep 13] Dr. F: Ha! You're bluffing, Robinson! I've finally won, and you know it! Nothing can stop me now! Absolutely noth-- [Dr. Forrester is cut off, as the back wall of Deep 13 is blasted apart by something that looks suspiciously like a crescent beam. Tuxedo Mask and the Sailor Senshi/Scouts enter through through the gaping hole it leaves.] Dr. F: Oh, poopie. Sailor Moon: Dr. Clayton Forrester! You aid the spread of bad fanfiction across the internet, tarnishing the Senshi's good name! You trap people in space and torture them for your own evil ends! You seek to dominate the entire Earth! Sailor Uranus: That, and you showed people a fanfic where I fall in love with some hairball old enough to be my great-grandfather! Sailor Moon: Right, that too! In the name of the moon, we will punish you! Dr. F: Oh, that's nice... Frank? Frank: Yes, your evilness? Dr. F: RUN! Sailor Jupiter: GET 'EM! [TV's Frank and Dr. F run like hell off to the right. The Senshi give chase.] [SOL] Crow: Whoa. Where did that come from? Joel: Well, I just said to myself, "Joel, how would I feel if someone wrote a fanfic this bad about me?" And, well, I'd feel like blasting something to bits! So, I called the stars of the fic and told them where to find Dr. F, and... Tom: Joel, I'm impressed! You're not as dumb as you look! Joel: Thanks, Tom... HEY! Take that back! Tom: Alright, you are as dumb as you look. Joel: That's more like it... HEY! [Deep 13. Another hole is blasted in the far wall, next to the one the Senshi/Scouts made, and the X-men walk through. Cyclops: Alright, Forrester, it's time for you to... hey, where is everyone? Tuxedo Mask: Sorry, you just missed 'em. Iceman: You mean they started without us? Tuxedo Mask: 'Fraid so. Iceman: Damn. Wait a minute--why are you still here? Tuxedo Mask: Well, I don't actually *fight*, per se--I throw roses at people and give speeches. Besides, somebody had to get rid of the invention. [Gestures to the still-activated De-Literator.] Cyclops: Oh, right. [Blasts the machine apart with an optic blast.] Well, that's that, I guess... Frank: [O.S.] AIIIEEEE!!! [TV's Frank and Dr. F run across the screen, dodging lightning bolts, crescent beams, lightning bolts, fire, soap bubbles, and the occassional glowing yellow frisbee.] Dr. F: Faster, Frank! They're gaining! Frank: But don't you want me to push the bu-- Dr. F: FORGET ABOUT THE STUPID BUTTON! [SOL. Crow checks under the counter.] Crow: Woohoo! Our TV Guides are back! Tom: Alright! Quick, to the TV! Joel: You know, guys, as long as the De-Literator's been destroyed, there's a lot of really great, classic books here you might wanna read... Crow: [not paying attention] Hurry, Tom! 'Obliterator XII' is playing on UPN! And after that they're showing 'When Animals Attack, Part 5'! Joel: [sighs] Why do I even bother... [Deep 13. Sailor Moon and company charge across the screen after Dr. F.] Sailor Moon: Hey! How are we supposed to punish you if you won't hold still long enough for us to do our attack routines! Angel: Well, time to give the kiddies a hand... Phoenix: Right, we're off! By the way, Joel, thanks again for warning us about that fanfic. Who writes these things, anyway? [SOL] Joel: [shrugs] Sometimes I think we're better off not knowing. [Deep 13] Cyclops: Alright, X-men, let's move! [the X-men get ready to run off-screen] [SOL] Joel: Hey, aren't you forgetting something? [Deep 13] Cyclops: Hmm? Oh, right. Push the button, Hank. [The Beast hops over and hits the button.] FWOOOSH! Iceman: [O.S.] Hey, tux, the blonde with the scepter's your girlfriend, right? Tuxedo Mask: [O.S.] Yeah... Iceman: [O.S.] Doesn't it bother you that she goes out in public in a skirt that short? *SMACK* Iceman: [O.S.] Ow!