Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ That's right, it's Episode Nine! It's time for another wonder from the pen of Star Ruby, the Steven Ratliff of Transfiction! I'm sure that you've all been looking forward to this! Not. "From The Ashes" is copyright 1998 by Star Ruby. Transformers is copyright Hasbro/Kenner/Tankara or something like that. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ In the middle distant future, About 300 years from now. Three Preadacons went for a ride, Into outer space.. But Galvy has a special plan, To trap them up there, man, And now they are stuck up there, With no way down. [Blackarachnia: Get me outta here!] [Galvatron singing now] I'll send them crappy transfics, The worst that I can find, [La La La] I'll force them to watch them all, And they'll go out of their minds! [La la la] [Return to original singers] Keep in mind they can't control, Where the fanfic begins or ends. [La La La] And the only way to keep sanity, Is to riff how bad fanfics can be... PREDACON ROLL CALL Cyberbee (Can't see me!) Blackarachnia (Get me outa here!) Quickstrike (Anything for you, Sugarbot!) IINNFFEERRNNOO (BUUUUUURRRRRRRNNNN!) If you are wondering how they survive, Eat, transform and other stuff. (La La La) Just repeat to yourself "It's Just a MSTing Isn't that good enough?". For Mystery Preadacon Theater 3000 [Guitar Twang] [Scene: A bedroom. There are several posters for John Wayne films on the walls, several large pictures of Blackarachnia and well as a dartboard with a picture of Silverbolt on it. There are several darts stuck into the wall near it. On the floor there is a cowboy hat and some other assorted rubbish] Quickstrike [VO]: Is this thing on? Allrighty! [Spin round - close-up on Quickstrike] Quickstrike: Howdy folks! The name's Quickstrike, a Preadacon Warrior. I'm making a little documentry on our lives here on the Sattelite of Preadacons. My plan is to beam it into space in the hope that somone will find it, and rescue us! [Swing around. The camera walks out the door, and down a hall.] Quickstrike [VO]: About two months ago, three of us - Blackarachnia, Inferno and myself were marooned onboard this Sattelite of Preadacons by the Mads- a pair of guys called Galvatron and Megastorm. They've been sending us bad Transfics to try and drive us mad. So far, it's been no luck. [SoP Bridge. Inferno is wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron and holding a frying pan while whistling. Blackarachnia is under the console. There is wiring everywhere.] Quickstrike [VO]: Here we are on the bridge. This is where the Mads send us the fics. [Walks over to Inferno] This is my buddy, Inferno. Some people say he's mad, and a pyromaniac. But I rekon he's an OK guy. What you up to, buddy? Inferno: I'm making us some breakfast - Eggs, bacon and toast. [Pan down. There are raw eggs, raw bacon and two slices of white bread in the pan] Quickstrike: Er... Don't you need some heat for that? Inferno: Just a second... [He throws the pan into the air, pulls out his flamethrower, and torches the food. It comes down neatly arrayed into two egg-and-bacon on toasts.] It's ready! Quickstrike: I may pass for the moment. [Pan over to Blackarachnia] Over there's my little Sugarbot, Blackarachnia. She's working on our console right now, so let's see what she's doing. [Walks over there] Blackarachnia: [gets up and closes a couple of panels] Finished. Quickstrike: What have ya done to it, Sugarbot? Blackarachnia: I installed these three lights where the old Mads light was. They tell us who's calling. This one is for the Mads. This one is for those two [shudders] Gobots. And this one's for Waspinator or any other calls we might get. [A fourth light flashes] Quickstrike: So what does that one do. Blackarachnia: Commercial sign. [Ads - Festival of the Boot] [SOL Bridge. Quickstrike is till behind the CyberBee. The Mads light flashes] Blackarachnia: Looks like Injector and Terrorgator are calling. Quickstrike: Now comes the bit we dread. We've gotta provide an invention for the mads, and they throw one back at us. Then, the force us to watch a bad fanfic. Blackarachnia: Will you put that thing down and help Inferno with that thing? Quickstrike: Sorry [The CyberBee buzzes around to it's normal spot] [Blackarachnia switches on the console. Galvatron and Megastorm appear, grinning as usual] Galvatron: Greetings, pests. How are things up there in orbit? Miss us while those two dolts were in charge? Inferno: No. Galvatron: Well tough! I'm going to hunt down and destroy those two! They'll never bother my experiment again. Megastorm: That's right. When we're through with them, you'll wish they'd never heard of us. Cool huh? Blackarachnia: Um... Yeah. Whatever, Megastorm. Galvatron: So what do you three have for me today? [Inferno and Quickstrike haul in a vending machine] Blackarachnia: We got the idea from the last all-night AD&D session we had. We call it the Adventurer Vendor. Inferno: Yeah. It's a great help for your Joe adventurer who never buys anything except for weapons and armour. Galvatron: I see. What does it do? Quickstrike: It's like a regular vending machine, but instead of snacks or soft drinks, it gives you useful equipment. Galvatron: Like what? Inferno: There's grappling hooks, coiled ropes, rations, drink, compass, pickaxe, sacks... Megastorm: Sacks? Quickstrike: For the loot! Also, it's even got spell components and a retractable ten-foot pole! Blackarachnia: The idea being that these things are installed throughout stock dungeons. And all adventurers have plenty of spare change. Inferno: Say, what does this button on the end do? Blackarachnia: I don't remember... [She puts in a coin and presses a button. A folding steel chair comes out the other end] Well there you go. [Darkside 13] Galvatron: How truly useless. I am impressed. However, it's nothing before my invention. Bring it on in, Megastorm! [Megastom wheels in the Kooperator, with a bar fridge and a couple of funnels added to it] Galvatron: This latest refinement of the Sequel-O-Matic is probably the most insidious to date. I call it the Hollywoodiser. Megastorm: It's really cool. What you do is you feed something in one end, and it gives you a completed hollywood movie script out the other. Galvatron: Allow me to demonstrate. Here is Michael Chriton's "Jurassic Park". A pretty good novel. I feed it in the Hollywoodiser... [He puts the book in the hopper. The machine buzzes and smokes, the blender spins and the Jacob's ladder crackles. A scriptbook pops out the other end and Galvatron takes it]. Let's see... Jurassic Park, the movie. A shallow, commercial peice of fluff in which all the story has been removed for the sake of some rather lame dinosaur attacks. Oh, and the villain of the peice has ben re-written into a kindly, but confused, old man. Megastorm: Pretty evil, huh? Blackarachnia: I hate to burst your bubble, but there was a Jurassic Park movie in 1992. And it was just like your script. Galvatron: No problem. Here's "The Lost World", the bland, unimaginative sequel we created with the Sequel-O-Matic. I feed it in... And get a peice of mindlessness that ends with a highghly improbable Dinosaur chase across San Diego. Inferno: Been done. Galvatron: Right. "Patriot Games". One of Tom Clancy's worst. I put it in... And get a massivly trimmed-down version with a pathetic punch up at the end on a burning motorboat! Take that. Quickstrike: Seen it. Galvatron: That does it. [He picks up a video] Toho's 1954 monster-movie classic, "Godzilla." A masterpeice if I do say so myself. I put- Blackarachnia: Been done. Galvatron: No plot? Hack acting? CGI rubber monster? [The preadacons nod] [SoP] Blackarachnia: Face it. Hollywood's allready got people to do that. Galvatron: Allright then. I thought that I'd be nice to you because It's my first day back. But nooo... You had to get me riled. So I've got something special for you. It's a feature length epic by your old friend, Star Ruby. [Manical laughter] Blackarachnia: You're insane! Galvatron: Why thankyou. Now get in that theatre! Push the button, Megastorm! Megastorm: Boy. You guys ave really got it coming to you now! [Pushes the button] Inferno: We got Transfic Sign! [They run around panicking] Quickstrike [To camera]: See you later then! [Door sequence!] [Door 5 - It's a Catflap. You crawl through it] [Door 4 - A garage door. You blip it with the remote, then open it manually when that fails] [Door 3 - An elevator door. You push the button and it opens] [Door 2 - A revolving door. You go round a few times then proceed] [Door 1 - A vault door. It's unlockled] [Inferno walks in, rips the back off a seat and sits down. Blackarachnia sits down next to him, and Quickstrike next to her] > RISING FROM THE ASHES > By Star Ruby Blackarachnia: Must... control... fist of death. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Author's Note: I wrote this story back in 1994. Quickstrike: And 1994 can keep it! > This is a tale that > involves the cartoon story line. The past and Future are both in this > story. Inferno: Oh no. Not the Deus Ex Machine again! > This tale involves a female Decepticon I invented back then. Blackarachnia: I'm hoping it's Star Ruby. More of them could be fatal. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > It is the year 1994 Quickstrike: The name of the place is Babylon 5. > - Megatron has managed to take control of Cybertron. Inferno: They finaly gave in to his share buyout. > A brave band of female Autobots Blackarachnia: Great. Extremely stroppy AutoFemmes. > managed to escape Megatron when he destroyed the remaining Autobot cities. Blackarachnia: Urban renuwal - Decepticon style. > They flee Cybertron using a Decepticon > shuttle they stole. Quickstrike: Kids these days. > Alita One is the leader of the remaining female > Autobots. This is a list of the survivors: Alita One, Ariel, Cromia, > Firestar, Molly, All [Laugh] Inferno: Molly? What kind of name is that for an Autobot? Quickstrike: Does she have a terrible Brooklyn accent? > Moonracer, and Prowlene. Some of these females have boy friends. Blackarachnia: You can tell we're in the Star Rubyverse now... > Alita One has Optimus Prime; Firestar has Inferno; Moonracer has Power > Glide; Cromia has Iron Hide and Prowlene has Prowl. The other girls are > single. They have no boyfriends yet. Quickstrike: And please let it stay that way. > Optimus Prime wonders what ever happened to the female Autobots. Inferno: They went on to do lots of bad fanfics. > He knows that they became missing during the war. Blackarachnia: Became missing... It's good to see that Star Ruby's respect for the English Language hasn't changed a bit. > He wonders if his beloved Alita > One is still alive. He is worried sick about all the ladies. He prays > that Primus will protect them wherever they are. Blackarachnia: Hey Primus! How's about a bit of protection for us while you're at it? > The female Autobots are not the only female transformers in existence. Quickstrike: Thanks to the miracles of Self-Insertion! > There is one female Decepticon in existence, her name is Megatronia. Inferno: If only it could have stayed that way... > She is Megatron’s daughter. All: Naw! > Like her father Megatronia is nasty. Inferno [Announcer]: Megatronia was a very very naughty Decepticon. > She is feared by some of Megatron’s army. Blackarachnia: Especially Soundwave who she spends all day chasing. > Megatronia never hesitates to > punish the Decepticons that fail in their assignments. Quickstrike: Ooh! Punish me! Blackarachnia [Hits him]: Watch it with the recycled Mike Surbrook jokes. > Megatronia > serves Megatron well. She is Megatron’s second in command. Inferno: Nepotisim's OK as long as you keep it in the family. > The > Autobot’s find Megatronia very irritating because she is gorgeous. They > have a hard time trying to shoot her. Blackarachnia: What kind of an idiot would do that? [Inferno & Quickstrike cough loudly] > Megatronia has no problem shooting those Autobots. Inferno: And boy, do they deserve it. > Megatron finds his daughter merciless. That is one of > the qualities of a Decepticon leader. Blackarachnia: In which case, the Mads are very well qualified. Quickstrike: An evil laugh is another one. > Megatron does not realize that his own daughter plans to overthrow him > sometime. All: Take a number and get in line. > She is just waiting for the right moment to usurp his throne. > Megatron is aware that his own daughter is a menace to his very well > being. Blackarachnia: Ah... didn't you just say that Megatron didn't realise that she was out to get him? > It is just a matter of time before Megatronia defeats him. He > knows not to trust her. In fact he does not trust any of his Decepticons. > All Decepticons are power hungry. Blackarachnia: Except for Hook, Scrapper, Scavenger, Bonecrusher, Mixmaster, Long Haul, Skywarp, Thundercracker, Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Buzzsaw, Laserbeak, Onslaught, Brawl, Vortex, Swindle, Blast-Off... Quickstrike: We get the picture. Blackarachnia: Even then, he still trusted Soundwave and Shockwave, despite the fact that they were secretly out to get him. > StarScream is one example of a treasonous Decepticon. Inferno: Exhibit A - Starscream. > He is always trying to defeat Megatron. Megatron > just hopes that his daughter doesn’t start behaving like StarScream one > traitor is more than enough. Blackarachnia: Even though you just said that he knew that she was out to get him, and that he doesn't trust any of the other Decepticons. My head hurts. > Megatron decides to send StarScream, Astro > Train and Megatronia on a mission. Inferno [Megatron]: Go round to the store and get some milk! Blackarachnia: You do that well. Inferno: Thankyou. > He wants them to find new planets tha the can conquer. Inferno: To seek out new life and new civilisations - and blow them away. Quickstrike: Look! It's the planet of the headband people! > Cybertron is not enough for this power hungry Decepticon. Blackarachnia: Some people just want everything. > Megatron watches Astro Train leave, he sighs with relief > because his daughter is off the planet. Quickstrike [Megatron]: At last! The phone is mine again! > For the time being his safety is assured. Blackarachnia: Even though he trust no-one else. Inferno: Cool it. > Astro Train hears StarScream and Megatronia arguing over who should > overthrow Megatron first. Quickstrike [Astrotrain]: Hey! Get a room you two! Blackarachnia: Better get moving Astro! Bloodstone's after you! > StarScream tells her that leading the Decepticons is a boy's job. > Megatronia shoots StarScream and orders him to shut up. Inferno [King Arthur]: Shut up, will you shut up! > She hates robotic > chauvinist pigs. StarScream has to admit that Megatronia has a nasty > temper like her father. Blackarachnia [Megatronia]: Oooh, Dady's having a manical rampage again. > Alita One spots Astro Train in space Quickstrike: That's darn good eyesight. > she groans because he is heading > towards the female Autobots planet. This is bad news for the female Autobots. > There is no telling how many Decepticons are inside of Astro Train. Inferno: You could ask. > She hopes Astro will ignore the planet and leave. > StarScream tells Megatronia that the planet looks like it contains fuel. Blackarachnia: These plot developments come with the subtlety of a sledge -hammer between the eyes. > Megatronia orders AstroTrain to orbit the planet. Quickstrike [Picard]: Put us in a standard orbit, Mr Astrotrain. > Astro does what she > says. He does not want to displease Megatronia because he knows her > reputation very well. Blackarachnia: Is this Megatronia or Marissa Picard? Inferno: There's a difference? Blackarachnia: Point. > StarScream leaves Astro Train to explore the planet. > He spots Arial rolling on the planet. All [Signing]: Rollin' rollin' rollin', keep those Autobots rollin'... > He laughs because he found the > Autobot’s that eluded Megatron during the recent battle on Cybertron. > StarScream beeps Megatronia and tells her that he just located the > Autobot’s secret base. Inferno: Right under the sign saying "Secret hideout, go away" in huge pink neon letters. > This pleases Megatronia because she has a score > to settle with the female Autobots. They made her look like a weakling > during the recent battle. Blackarachnia [Megatronia]: They laughed at me and called me names! > Alita did not hesitate to shoot her. Megatronia had to spend weeks > recovering from her injury. Quickstrike: What a woose! > Arial is no fool because she recognizes StarScream and retreats. She is > no match for this particular Decepticon warrior. She rolls full speed to > the Autobot stronghold > Megatronia and Astro Train land on the planet. Blackarachnia: I see Astrotrain parked himself in a disabled parking zone again. > Megatronia grins because > this planet is flowing with energy. This is just the power source she > needs to defeat StarScream and Megatron. Inferno: By utilising the power of lint! > With those two out of the way > she will be able to rule the Decepticon Empire. Blackarachnia: I wonder if she's ever considred getting a Second Banana. > Megatronia is very busy day dreaming. She fails to notice AlitaOne and > Prowlene sneaking up on her. All [Kuni from UHF]: Stupid! > Prowlene fires her shoulder cannon at > Megatronia. Megatronia attacks Alita One and Prowlene. Alita One fires > her rifle at Megatronia. Quickstrike: Shootout at the Koopa corall. > Megatron’s daughter is not used to being shot > at. The blast damages Megatronia severely. She collapses onto the ground > out cold. Inferno: And what was Astrotrain doing all this time, pray tell? > Astro Train and StarScream retreat leaving Megatronia behind > with the enemy. Quickstrike [Starscream]: Ha ha! See ya Megatronia! > They must tell Megatron about this planet. They do not > care that Megatronia is caught. They found her to nasty for their > liking. The Autobots can keep her prisoner. Blackarachnia: She later turned up on Megatron's doorstep with a "Return to sender" stamp. > Alita One orders Arial and Prowlene to head to Earth. She needs the help > of the male Autobots to deal with a possible Decepticon invasion. She > stresses the word hurry to them. She also wishes her friends good luck. All: And may the force be with you! > Prowl detects an Autobot shuttle heading to Earth. Blackarachnia: Where'd they get that from? I thought they stole a Decepticon shuttle. Inferno: Trade-in. > He runs to tell > Optimus Prime about this shocking discovery. Prowl is so excited that he > does not make any sense. Blackarachnia: Yeah, I can really see that out of Mr Logical here. > He has a hard time settling down. He manages to > scramble his circuits so bad that he shuts down. Kup and Prime leave the > Ark to meet the shuttle coming in. Arial opens the hatch. All [Hum "close Encounters" theme] > She tells > Prowlene that Optimus Prime is outside the shuttle. Prowlene wonders > where Prowl is. Inferno: In hiding from you. > Arial has to shake her head. She tell Prowlene that > their mission is more important than reunions with boyfriends. Quickstrike: Besides, theyre'll be plenty of time for that later. > Prowlene > sighs because Arial’s logic is sound. Arial spots Tracks. She is happy > to see her long lost boyfriend. Prowlene leaves the shuttle. She > notices Arial hugging Tracks. Prowlene teases her "Arial we came here > to get help. This is no time for reunions with boyfriends". All: Ha ha ha. > Arial runs to Optimus Prime and tells him that the females live on a > planet called New Cybertron. All: How imaginative. > Prowlene updates him on the current war. > She mentions that Megatronia has been captured by Alita One. > Optimus Prime is stunned because his girlfriend is still alive. Inferno [Prime]: And after I'd sold off all her stuff too! > He > tells Prowlene and Arial that he is willing to help the female Autobots. > He is grateful that they are still alive. Prowl wakes up and notices > Optimus Prime talking with Prowlene. Quickstrike: And promptly shuts down again. > Prowl runs and hugs his long lost girlfriend. Blackarachnia: Cut it with the mushy stuff, OK? [Inferno & Quickstrike cough loudly] > Prowlene is overjoyed to see Prowl again. At least he is > still functional. Astro Train and StarScream return to Cybertron. They > give Megatron a report of their findings. Quickstrike [Starscream]: We found this spoon! > Megatron notices Megatronia missing. Inferno: And how long did that take you? > Astro Train tells him that Alita One captured Megatronia when > the fool was busy daydreaming. Blackarachnia: Megatronia has a really good atttention span there. Inferno: She could get a job with Carbonite's guards. > Megatron thanks Star Scream and Astro Train for the update. He is > grateful that his daughter is caught. Inferno [Megatron]: I can have the TV back on Monday nights! > This means that Megatronia is no threat to his very well being. Blackrrachnia: Ours is another matter. > Alita One has a meeting with her army. > She tells them that they must fight for what they believe in. Megatron > must not be allowed to steal the fuel on their new home world. Blackarachnia [Alita]: They may take our fuel, but they can never take our Freedom! > Megatronia is functional. She overhears Alita One’s speech. Quickstrike: That's right. Build the main meeting room right near the cells. Blackarachnia: I bet they'd put the brig on the bridge of a ship too. Inferno: The Ratliff comparisons are piling up here. > She is grossed out Blackarachnia [Megatronia]: Ikky prison food! Ewww! > because the speech is in vain. Megatronia knows that her father can defeat > the female Autobots. It dawns on Megatronia that Megatron will not > hesitate to destroy her too; Quickstrike: Wouldn't you? > she knows that Megatron fears her because she is nearly his equal. Blackarachnia: And because of the loud music she playes all night. > Optimus Prime and his Autobot army head to New Cybertron. They let > Prowlene pilot the shuttle to the planet. Blackarachnia: And probably had to put up with Bumblejumper nagging from the back seat. > Optimus Prime finds New Cybertron Inferno [Prime]: Oh there it is. > beautiful. The place is coursing with energy. This is Megatron’s > type of paradise. All [Singing]: Steal energy once or twice, living in this Decepticon Paradise. > The evil Decepticon Leader would not hesitate to > destroy its beauty and steal its fuel. > Optimus Prime is overjoyed to see Alita One. He runs and hugs his fiancee. All: CLANG! > He has not seen her in years. Alita One updates Prime over what is going > on. The situation is graver than Prime first thought. He had no idea that > Megatron got superpower hungry. Blackarachnia: He was allways like that! > He realizes that Megatron must be stopped at all costs. Inferno: Talk about your statements of the blatantly obvious. > Megatronia over hears Prime and laughs Quickstrike: It's Naga! Aaak! Blackarachnia: I really shouldn't have let you watch those videos... > because Megatron cannot be defeated > easily. Optimus Prime notices Megatronia in the holding cell. Inferno: With the "Do not feed the animals" sign over her head. > He has to > feel sorry for her because Megatron will kill her after her usefulness is > over. > Meanwhile, in the year 2050, All: Huh? Blackarachnia: So... This is all a flashback? Quickstrike: It's like Cave Dwellers! > Galvatron is working on a vile scheme. Inferno: He's planning to maroon three Preadacons on a sa- Blackarachnia: Wrong one. Although with the way Star Ruby writes, I excpet that to happen soon. > He wants to conquer the Galaxy. Inferno: Or, at least, make it big in Hollywood. > Rodimus Prime and the Autobots have > defeated him once to often. Blackarachnia: Except that after 2006, Optimus prime was the leader again. > He wonders how he can beat the Autobots once > and for all. Shockwave is one of Galvatron’s advisors. Blackarachnia: Even though he probably died in the movie, as he was never seen in season three. > He gives Galvatron a wicked idea. Quickstrike [Shockwave]: We make a show about nothing! > The history books on Cybertron may have a key that can > bring the Decepticons victory. Quickstrike: He's going to seduce Arcee and the other female Autobots with a History Lesson! Blackarachnia: Aaak! Never mention that fic! > Galvatron snorts at the very idea. > Shockwave leaves the area fast. He has no intention to become Galvatron’s > target. Inferno: Good move. > Shockwave is stubborn. He feels that his logic is very sound and that > Galvatron is being illogical. He will consult the history books. He is > sure to find something useful. Quickstrike: The recipies of the ancients? > Shockwave spend hours reading the thick > volumes. He finally comes across a major blow to the Decepticon history. Blackarachnia: The third season. > The story mentions that Megatron failed to destroy the Autobots on New > Cybertron. This event eventually led to Megatron’s downfall. Blackarachnia: I'd love to know how that particular event caused Megatron's downfall... > Shockwave runs to tell Galvatron about this discovery. Quickstrike [Shockwave]: It's a diet cola with no yucky afteraste! > If the Decepticons had won > that battle, the Autobots would be no more. Galvatron orders Shockwave > to tell him everything about that battle. Inferno [Shockwave]: There weas a bad fanfic authour by the name of Star Ruby, and she decided to write a sotry about... > Galvatron grins, he has just come up with a plan to defeat Rodimus Prime > once and for all. Quickstrike [Baldric]: I have a cunning plan. > He will alter the past so the future will change. Blackarachnia: Oh no... Not again. > Galvatron tells Shockwave about his plan. Shockwave finds it logical. > He tells Galvatron how to execute this plan. It involves using time > travel. Inferno: You don't say. > Galvatron laughs because his plan is so wicked. Quickstrike [Galvatron]: I'm a naughty boy! Naughty naughty naughty! > Galvatron sneaks on to Cybertron. Shockwave is with him. Shockwave leads > Galvatron to the time machine that Megatron built in the past. Blackarachnia: That thing again... Quickstrike: Careful with it. You might end up with Cambry or the Brek sisters wandering around. > Galvatron and Shockwave repair the time machine. Inferno: Is this a 14B? Does this even look like a 14B? > They smile Blackarachnia: Shockwave? Smile? > when the machine > omes back to life. Galvatron programs the machine to send him back to > the year 1994 during that great war. Quicksstrike: Why do I feel that there was meant to be some punctuation there? Blackarachnia: This is getting very Ratliffian. > Shockwave wishes his leader the best > of luck. Galvatron arrives on New Cybertron. Inferno: And gets held up in customs. > He spots Alita One locking > Megatronia in the holding chamber. Galvatron laughs because he is in the > past. Blackarachnia: Care to be any less quiet? > Alita One leaves the detention centre. Galvatron grins because he knows > how to defeat the Autobots. Inferno: He'll leave them with Megatronia forever! > He will reprogram Megatronia to self-destruct. Quickstrike: Talk about your teenage temper tantrums... > He knows that the bomb Megatron planted in her got disconnected by Alita > One. This is why Megatron lost. Megatronia never self-destructed. Blackarachnia: You don't say. That generally happens when the bomb is disconnected. > Galvatron quickly reconnects the wires. The timer starts ticking. Inferno: Ten minutes to death! > Galvatron laughs because Megatron will win this battle after all. > Galvatron returns to the future; Blackarachnia: In a modified DeLorian, no doubt. > he is unaware that he became Megatron > again. He tells Shockwave that he succeeded in his mission. Shockwave > is surprise to see Megatron instead of Galvatron. "Commander Megatron, > what a pleasure to see you again." Quickstrike [Shockawave]: No more boots to the head! Hooray! > Shockwave salutes Megatron. Megatron > grins because he is no longer Galvatron the loser. Blackarachnia: Come on! Galvatron wouldn't have seen himself like that! He was superior to megatron to begin with, plus was so deluded that he would have no doubts as to his absolute superiortiy. > Megatronia wakes up. She realizes that she has been captured. She > grumbles because she is a prisoner. Inferno: Wasn't she allready awake? I mean, she overheard Alita's speech and everything... > She is unaware that Megatron built her. > He designed her to destroy the Autobots. Blackarachnia: You don't say... > Megatronia has no idea that she > is a nuclear warhead Megatron has altered in appearance. Quickstrike: Woah. Bummer of a secret power. > Megatron presses > a red button on his computer. He activates Megatronia’s timer. He smiles > because his daughter will be the death of all the Autobots. Blackarachnia: She'll be the death of us if this goes on too much longer. > The bomb > will go off at noon. Megatron tells his army that victory will occur > very shortly. Astro Train is flying a few miles away from NewCybertron. > He is wearing a video camera. Quickstrike: And here we see Astrotrian modelling the latest in Gucchi video camers. > He is to video tape this special event for Megatron. Blackarachnia: A once in a lifetime opportunity. Quickstrike: Of course, somone will forget it's there and tape over it later. > Megatron views his monitor. He counts the minutes that > go by. He smiles because it is 11:59:59. Blackarachnia: People smile a lot in this fic. > Megatron laughs when he spots New Cybertron blow up. All: Kaboom! > Optimus Prime is no more. He knew that his foe was on New Cybertron. > Without Optimus Prime, Megatron and his Decepticons destroy the remaining > Autobots on Earth. Megatron views this story in the history book. His > tampering altered the time line. Rodimus and the other Autobots in the > future are doomed. Blackarachnia: I gotta go. [She gets up and leaves] Quickstrike: Sounds like a good plan. [He and Inferno also leave] [They all get up and leave] [Door 1 - A vault door. It's unlockled] [Door 2 - A revolving door. You go round a few times then proceed] [Door 3 - An elevator door. You push the button and it opens] [Door 4 - A garage door. You blip it with the remote, then open it manually when that fails] [Door 5 - It's a Catflap. You crawl through it] [SoP Bridge. Quickstrike and Inferno enter] Quickstrike: Sugarbot? You there? Inferno: No sign of her. [Organ music. One of the side doors to the brige opens and smoke wafts out. Blackarachnia steps out, with a stange look on her face. She is waring a cape which is held around her neck with a string of gems (One of which looks like a Predacon insignia), shoulder pads with spikes and knee-high, high-healed leather boots] Inferno: Blackarachnia? Quickstrike: You OK, Sugarbot? Blackarachnia: Just fine, worms! [Laughs manically] Inferno: Er... Quickstrike: This is not good... Blackarachnia: That's right! [Laughs manically] For, from now on, this Sattelite will be the royal palace of our new Empire of Evil! First, we will show those two grovelling morons, the so called "Lords Of Destruction", who the real power around here is! Then... [Cutsey] I'll beam Silverbolt on board and make him a nice dinner... [Manical] And put the planet below us to the torch to make an example out of them for the whole universe to see! [Laughs maniacally] Inferno: We gotta do something! Quickstrike: Any ideas? [They stare at each other blankly while Blackarachnia continues to rant] [Ads. More AAA] [SoP Bridge. Inferno and Quickstrike are seated. Blackarachnia is still ranting] Blackarachnia: And then I have those two moronic Gobots tortured to death! lowly... painfully... and while being foced to listen to Celene Dion! Then I'll [cutsey] get some flowers for Silverbolt and some chocolates and then [Manical] once they're sdead have them re-animated so I can kill them again- [The Mads light flashes] Inferno: Great. Now the Mads are calling. [He switches on the console. Galvatron and Megastorm appear] Galvatron: What are you doing out of the theatre? Or have you gone mad allready? Quickstrike: Well, sugarbot there has. Inferno: Yeah. Really gone. Galvatron: Excellent. Megastorm: Cool! One down, two to go. Quickstrike: You may not like the results though... [Blackarachnia walks over to the screen, and shoves the other two out of the way] Blackaracnia: Well, if it isn't the Idiot Brothers. [Laughs manically] Think you're so clever just because you're down there and we're up here, right? Well think again! I'm coming for you, and I'll make you pay for what you've done to me! [Laughs manically] Quickstrike: Excuse me [He walks out the door Blackarachnia entred through] Blackarachnia: First, I'll make you watch every single fic we've had to. Then, I think I'll stick electrodes into your fingers and let you fry for a bit. Then, I think I'll find something even more umnpleasnt for you... [Laughs manically] Like loop tapes of the Spice Girls! Ha! But that's just the beginning. What I've got planned for you two will make all that I've just said pale in comparison! [Laughs manically] Megastorm [Hiding behind Galvatron]: Help me bro! She's scaring me! [Quickstrike enters carrying a box labelled "Hamdingers: Do not open until episode nine"] Quickstrike: Excuse me. [He smashes Blackarachnia over the head with it. She falls down, unconcious] Galvatron: Right. Now I want you to get back into that theatre and go mad in the proper way. And let's not ever mention this again, allright? Push the button, Megastorm! Inferno: We got Transfic sign! [Door sequence!] [Door 5 - It's a Catflap. You crawl through it] [Door 4 - A garage door. You blip it with the remote, then open it manually when that fails] [Door 3 - An elevator door. You push the button and it opens] [Door 2 - A revolving door. You go round a few times then proceed] [Door 1 - A vault door. It's unlockled] [Inferno enters carrying Blackarachnia over his shoulder. He sits in the first seat and puts her down in the second. Quickstrike sits in the third.] Blackarachnia: Owww.... My head. What happened? Quickstrike & Inferno: Nothing. > Rodimus Prime is drinking an energon cube. He notices Arcee vanish into > thin air. Rodimus Prime thinks that he has had one to many. Quickstrike: Damn. Star Ruby beat me to it! > Daniel runs into Metroplex. Blackarachnia: Who left that there? > He wants to tell Rodimus that Wheelie just vanished into thin air. All [Cheer wildly] > This has Daniel spooked. Rodimus is in a middle of a meeting. > The Autobots are busy discussing current issues. Kup notices Rodimus Prime > fading. Quickstrike: Damn animators are running out of paint. > Daniel arrives just in time to see Rodimus become Hot Rod. Inferno: Um.. but Wasn't Daniel allready there? > This alarms the Autobots. Kup knows that something strange is going on. All: A Star Ruby fic! > Hot Rod > is scared. He tells Kup that he saw Arcee vanish earlier in the day. Blackarachnia: Like earlier on in this scene. > Kup has to calm Hot Rod because the youth is really upset. > Kup spots Blades returning to base alone. The bewildered Protectobot > tells Kup that Hotspot, Groove, Streetwise and FirstAid vanished mysteriously. Quickstrike: Try behind the couch. If yer loose something it's probably there. > This alarms Hot Rod even more. Kup has to sigh because Hot Rod is hysterical > again. This is not good because the youth cannot think straight when he is > upset. Blackarachnia: Some authours cannot think stright period. > Kup sends Hot Rod to see Perceptor because he is sure that the > Autobot scientist knows what is going on. Inferno: Real bummer if Perceptor's allready gone. > Perceptor tells Hot Rod and Kup that the time line has been altered. > He noticed records in the history book changing earlier in the day. Blackarachnia: And he didn't think to tell anyone? > Perceptor warns Hot Rod that the Autobots > have only 24 hours to correct the past or else all Autobots will cease to > exist. Inferno [Kup]: 24 Hours? That's not enough time! Quickstrike [Preceptor]: Ok. How about one day? Inferno [Kup]: Better. > Perceptor explains to Hot Rod how the time line got altered. Perceptor tells > Hot Rod the only way to save the present future is to go into the past and > stop Galvatron from succeeding in his plan. Perceptor tells Hot Rod about > Megatron’s time machine. Inferno: Well, there's the plot. Blackarachnia: As you can see, Star Ruby went to the Koopa school of Dialouge Direction. > This interests the youth. He is desperate to save > his friends and all Autobots. Blackarachnia: But not save Wheelie? Please? > Hot Rod and Kup head to the reported location of Megatron’s time machine. > They spot Shockwave guarding the time machine. Kup whispers to Hot Rod that > he will distract Shockwave so the youth can use the time machine. Inferno: Gee. What an original plan. > He wishes Hot Rod the best of luck. Kup attacks Shockwave. Quickstrike [Announcer]: And Kup leaps into the ring with a surprise attack on Shockwave! > The Decepticon defeats Kup > very easily. Shockwave laughs hard because he stopped the old Autobot from > interfering with Megatron’s plan. Inferno: Yeah. Shockwave laughing. I can really see that. > Shockwave failed to see Hot Rod program > the machine to take him back to the past. Shockwave continues to guard the > machine. He is unaware that Kup was only a distraction for Hot Rod to go to > the past. Blackarachnia: Oh come on! Shockwave's smart enough to spot such an obvious distraction. Not to mention that he'd notice the time machine going off. > Hot Rod spots Megatronia in the holding chamber. He knows that she is > responsible for the death of millions of Autobots. Quickstrike: Though she is a deadly warrior, Megatronia's lunch special were even more terrifying. > He is tempted to destroy > her but he knows that she is a bomb. That scratches his original idea. Blackarachnia: Smart move. > It dawns on Hot Rod that Megatronia is the only one of her kind. Quickstrike: One avatar is still one too many. > Hot Rod takes pity on her. Blackarachnia [Megatronia]: Sucker. > He takes her back to the future. Inferno: In a silver Delorian. > Perhaps Perceptor can help her. Hot Rod keeps his fingers crossed. > Hot Rod returns to the year 2050 with his captive. Hot Rod notices right > away that he is Rodimus Prime again. Inferno [Hot Rod]: I'm huge! > He altered that past bringing Megatronia > to the future. Rodimus smiles because he has foiled Megatron’s most wicked > scheme. Blackarachnia: Again with the smiles! What's with these people? > Perceptor spots Megatronia in Rodimus Primes arms. The Autobot scientist > removes the warhead from Megatronia. Quickstrike [Perceptor]: Just as I thought. Sports socks. > The female Decepticon is harmless now. Inferno: Mostly harmless. > Rodimus Prime realizes that he has a crush on Megatronia what irony. Blackarachnia: What punctuation. Inferno: Where? Blackarachnia: My point. > He brought her to the future to save her and he just happens to fall in love > with her doing so. Blackarachnia: Gee. What an original plot twist. > Perceptor notices that Megatronia is no longer evil. The warhead was a > crucial part of her programming. Inferno: Sounds like a Microsoft product. Quickstrike: So, in summary, Without Microsoft Internet Thermonuclear Warhead 4.0, Windows 98 will be unable to work at all. Thus we must include it in the basic software. > Without the warhead Megatronia is good. > She is a typical female Autobot. Rodimus Prime welcomes Megatronia to the > Autobot side. Blackarachnia: Yuch. You wouldn't see that out of me. [Inferno & Quickstrike cough loudly] > Megatronia agrees to become an Autobot. She is no longer > made of Decepticon material. Inferno: Now she's made out of crappy GoBot plastic. > Kup limps back to the Autobot base. Quickstrike [Kup]: Didn't think to bring me back with your girlfriend, did you? > He is very happy to see Rodimus Prime back. Kup spots Arcee, Wheelie, All: Boo! > Prowl, Blackarachnia: Uh... Prowl? He died in Transformers: The Movie, which was set in 2005. So there shouldn't be any reason for him to be here. Quickstrike: Maybe he got better. > Prowlene and all of the other > Autobots. This pleases Kup. Rodimus Prime succeeded to save the Autobot race. Blackarachnia: So what does he want to do with the rest of the afternoon. > Kup notices Megatronia he knows who she is. He wonders what she is doing in > the future. Kup doesn’t trust her because she is Megatron’s heir. Inferno: How'd he know that? Quickstrike: She talks in her sleep. Blackarachnia [Hits Quickstrike]: One more like that... > Megatronia surprises Kup by hugging Rodimus Prime. Blackarachnia [Megatronia]: He's mine! All mine! > Perceptor notices Kup bewildered, Inferno: Poor Kup. Getting all confused in his old age. > so he gives the old Autobot an update. Quickstrike: Details at six. > Kup asks Preceptor if this is bad. Blackarachnia: It's a Star Ruby fic. Of course it's bad. > Perceptor tells Kup that Megatronia > belongs in the past. Rodimus should send her back. Quickstrike: Unfortuneatley, there's no return address. > Perceptor asks Kup to talk some sense into Rodimus Prime. > Kup has a meeting with Rodimus Prime. Inferno [Kup]: Let's do lunch. > He tells Rodimus that Megatronia has to go back to the past. Quickstrike: Or else the library fines will begin to pile up. > Rodimus Prime is not ready to give up his fiancee. > Kup spends over an hour telling Rodimus why she must go back to the past. Blackarachnia: Where's Mr Spock when you need him? > Rodimus is stubborn he does not want to send Megatronia back, he loves her. > Kup leaves Rodimus Prime angry. Inferno [Kup]: Kids these days. They never listen to a word you say. > He hates it when Rodimus Prime starts to act > like Hot Rod. This makes Rodimus so immature. Kup told Rodimus Prime off > before leaving. Kup spots Prowl walking with Prowlene. Kup remembers that > Prowl is highly intelligent. Quickstrike: Pretty smart for a dead guy. > He figures that Prowl can talk some sense into > hot headed Rodimus. He knows that Prowl used to be Optimus’s advisor. Blackarachnia: Actually, Prime should be alive again by now. In fact, we should be dealing with Optimus Prime and hot Rod, not Rodimus. > This makes Prowl a great choice. > Prowl stops by Rodimus’s office. Rodimus lets him in. Prowl brings up Kup’s > issue. Rodimus Prime does not want to hear this lecture again. Prowl is > older than Rodimus Prime by a long shot. Inferno: You're sunk there. Kids never listen to their elders. > Prowl growls at Rodimus Prime to > sit down. Rodimus Prime is startled by Prowl’s abrupt manner. "Rodimus > Prime, Kup has brought a serious issue up. Is it true that you brought > Megatronia to the future?" "Yes Prowl it is true." "Rodimus she has to go > back." "Why Prowl?" Blackarachnia: Amazing. Actual dialouge. Now if only Star Ruby could use paragraphs... > "Rodimus she doesn’t belong here. This is interfering > with the time line." Quickstrike: Where's that Doctor guy when you need him? Inferno: Who? Quickstrike: Exactly. > "Rubbish! She stays.""Rodimus you are being stubborn. > Optimus Prime and Grimlock would agree with my logic. All [Snigger] > Why do you have to be so difficult?" Blackarachnia [Rodimus]: Because I'm the leader and I say so. > Prowl leaves Rodimus Prime’s office exasperated. He hates it when people > disagree with his logic. Prowlene hates to see Prowl upset. She will talk > to Rodimus Prime. Rodimus Prime had better listen to her if he wants to > remain healthy. She takes no bologna from youngsters. Inferno: Guess she don't like the pasta. Quickstrike: Try the fish instead, it's good. > She will not hesitate to discipline Rodimus Prime. > Rodimus Prime spots Prowlene coming. He groans because he has a good idea > why she is coming to his office. It has to relate with Megatronia. Rodimus > Prime wonders why everyone dislikes his fiancee. Blackarachnia: Well, it could be because she's Megatron's daughter, and in the wrong place in the space-time continum. > Megatronia is really > sweet. She is very Autobot like. She is kinder than his ex-girlfriend > Arcee. Blackarachnia: In other words: An Incredibly Stroppy CyberFemme. > Prowlene gives Rodimus Prime a fierce lecture. Inferno: She's a qualified Physics Professor. > She goes straight > to the point. She tells Rodimus Prime that Megatronia must return to the > past. The sake of the future could depend on it. Quickstrike: Or they could all be saying this becuase they don't like her. > Megatronia walks by Rodimus Prime’s office. She overhears Prowlene > telling Rodimus Prime that Megatronia does not belong in the future. Blackarachnia: Listen very carefully, for this is the plot. > Megatronia hears Prowlene mention that she is a threat to the future. > Megatronia is stunned by that news. She had no idea thatshe was a threat to > the future. Inferno: Or to our sanity. > Megatronia realizes what she must do. She must return to the > year 1994. Megatronia writes Rodimus Prime a letter. She is afraid to tell > Rodimus Prime that she is leaving him to return to the past. Quickstrike: Oh that's right. Take the easy way out. > Telling him > in person would make it hard for her to leave. Megatronia slips the > letter under Rodimus Prime’s door. She leaves the area fast. > The time machine is left unguarded. Blackarachnia: You'd think that after that little mess, the Autobots would guard it, or move it somewhere more secure, or dismantle it or something sensible like that. > This pleases Megatronia because she can go home unnoticed. Inferno: And not buy a ticket to use the machine. Quickstrike: Leaving before the phone bill arrives. > Megatronia programs the machine to return her home. > The machine drops her into the Autobot base. Blackarachnia: Face first? Please? > Optimus Prime is in the same > room. Optimus Prime saw Megatronia drop out of the air. This startles > Optimus Prime. Inferno [Prime]: Got to cut down on those late-night snaks. > Megatronia realizes that Optimus Prime is looking at her. Quickstrike: I'm staring at you. Is this bothering you? > She puts her arms up and tells the Autobot leader that she is no longer > a Decepticon. Prime notices the Autobot insignias on Megatronia’s body. Quickstrike: Pray that's not an animation error, buddy. > He even notices that Megatronia’s eyes are blue. Optimus Primeis a very > understanding soul. He decides to forgive Megatronia for her past > crimes and welcome her into the Autobot cause. Blackarachnia: And that's it? Just I surrender, welcome on board? > Alita One, Prowlene, Arial and all of the other female autobots are not > pleased that Megatronia is in the ranks because their boyfriends are > taking an interest to this new female autobot. Blackarachnia: Men. > Alita One and Prowlene > warn their boyfriends to look but not touch Megatronia. Blackarachnia: Oh come on. I'm sure that Prime doesn't need to be told that. Quickstrike: How about Silverbolt? They having trouble with him? Blackarachnia: ... > Megatronia is > not interested in stealing any ones boyfriend. She is interested in > protecting the Autobots from her father. Blackarachnia: Don't hesitate to jump in front of any fusion cannon blasts. Quickstrike: Getting dark there, Sugarbot. > Megatronia knows how dangerous her dad is. Inferno: Especially on Sunday morning if woken early. > Ratchet gives Megatronia a checkup. He tells her that she > is very healthy. This pleases Megatronia because she has not had a > checkup for a very long time. Megatronia watches Alita One and Optimus > Prime’s wedding. Blackarachnia: Of course, Transformers, being asexual, would have no need of such a ceremony, but... > She sighs because she loved Optimus Prime. Blackarachnia: But... I thought you said earlier that she wasn't interested in getting a boyfriend... Oh, never mind. > It seems that every female autobot has a boyfriend but her. Inferno: Man, if Grimlock's gotten lucky then she is in trouble. > Megatronia decides to talk to Ratchet. Quickstrike: Careful. He's a doctor, so he'll probably charge by the minute. > He is an easy Autobot to talk too. She tells Ratchet that > she is unhappy because no one wants to go out with her. Blackarachnia I seem to recall that all the male Autobots were interested in her before. But never mind internal continuity. Quickstrike: Careful there, Sugarbot. We don't want to loose you again. Blackarachnia: Again? Quickstrike: Er.. Never mind. Ask Inferno. Inferno: Ask Quickstrike. > Ratchet feels sorry for Megatronia because she is a Decepticon. Blackarachnia: I... thought you said... she was... an Auto.. Oh never mind. > Prowl walks by Ratchet’s office he hears Megatronia sobbing. Prowl enters > Ratchet’s office. He is curious to know why Megatronia is so upset. Inferno: If you'd just tried to figure out this fic, you would be too. > Ratchet tells Prowl about Megatronia’s dilemma. Prowl is very wise so he > gives Ratchet some advice to give Megatronia. Quickstrike: Just shuffling the blame along... > The advice is to change her > image. This should help her to get a boyfriend Ratchet gives Megatronia > Prowl’s advice. Blackarachnia: I'm going to assuume there was meant to be a period there. Inferno: This is sort of like one of those old computer text RPGs. Only not as good. > This cheers the young ladybot up. Ratchet and Prime decide > that they want to help her change. Ratchet offers to alter Megatronia’s body. Quickstrike [Ratchet]: Let's see... We'll narrow her waist, increase the size of her chest, give her a long ponytail and put her in tight shorts and a tank-top. What do you say? Blackarachnia: I wish whoever sends us that stuff hadn't sent up that game... > Megatronia agrees to do this for two reasons. Reason number one is to keep > her safe from her father. Reason number two is to have a boyfriend. Blackarachnia: Typical Stroppy CuberFemme behaviour. All they want to do is have boyfriends... [Mutters] > Ratchet turns Megatronia into a sports car. She is red in colour with flames > on her hood and sides. Inferno: Nice paint job. Quickstrike: Sounds familliar. > The operation is a success. Megatronia is no longer > a Decepticon. Megatronia likes her new body. She likes her altered > appearance. All: Bidn't you just say that? Blackarachnia: Redundancy, thy name is Star Ruby. > She decides to change her name to Phoenix because the name > suits her appearance. She is also very fast. Blackarachnia: It also makes for a good reference to her reborn state, but never mind. > It doesn’t take Megatronia very long to find a boyfriend. SideSwipe likes > Phoenix’s style. She is fast tough and beautiful. SunStreaker is conceited > as ever. He calls Phoenix only average. The best looking Autobot around is > himself. Quickstrike: Some things never change. > Prowlene, Molly and Phoenix become great buddies. They have long > discussions on male Transformers. They talk about their boyfriends. Inferno: And have sluber parties, and do each others hair... > Prowlene tells her friends that Prowl just proposed to her the other day. > She asks Phoenix if she would like to be her bridesmaid. Phoenix says yes. > Alita One will be the best woman. Optimus Prime will be the best man. Blackarachnia: Even if I could be convinced that Transformers would have the need for a wdding ceremony, I doubt that it would run so closely to a traditional western wedding. > Phoenix helps Prowlene prepare for the big day. Every Autobot will be > present at the wedding. Quickstrike: Great. The Dinobots will get drunk and make a mess again. > Prowlene is really excited because she loves Prowl. > She is grateful that he wanted to marry her. Blackarachnia: only because she beat running off to become a Bhuddist Monk by a slim margin. > Megatron wonders what ever happened to Megatronia. Quickstrike: She's hiding out in a bunker with Elvis and JFK. > She disappeared from New Cybertron mysteriously. Inferno: The aliens got her. > This does not settle well with Megatron. He had hoped to destroy the > Autobots using her. Blackarachnia: Don't waorry. She's doing that right now. She's also doing it to three Preadacons. > Megatron will have to destroy his enemies using some other vile scheme. Quickstrike: He's gonna unleash Rakshasa on them! > Megatron sends Laser Beak to spy on the Autobots. Inferno: and to get some donuts! > He needs some ideas on how he can cause the Autobots some grief. Blackarachnia: Try fanfiction. > Laser Beak learns about the scheduled wedding. Blackarachnia: Gee. What a *stunning* plot development. > He fly’s back to tell Megatron about this pleasant news. > Megatron listens with interest. He grins because he loves to destroy parties. Quickstrike: The Decepticon army - the ultimate Gatecrashers. > He will destroy Prowl’s wedding and steal the energon cubes. Inferno: And tell embarrasing stries about the Bride and Groom. > Phoenix, Side Swipe, Sun Streaker, Jazz, Mirage and WheelJack have a race. > Prowlene is busy keeping track of this race. She grins when Phoenix beats > the boys by a long shot. Phoenix is one of the fastest Autobots around. Blackarachnia: Ah. The miracles of self-insertion. > Prowlene and Molly chuckle because Phoenix is Prowl’s worst nightmare Inferno [Prowl]: No, waking up and finding that Bumblejumper has taken my wheels and had me towed is my worst nightmare. You don't even rate a mention. > She constantly breaks the speed limit. Phoenix just loves to race, even > if four police vehicles are after her; it is in her nature. > Side Swipe loves Phoenix. He proposes to her after a major race. Qucikstrike: No! Don't! You'll regret it for Megacycles to come! > She says > yes to Side Swipe. Sun Streaker is quiet for once. He cannot believe that > Side Swipe would give up bachelorhood for marriage. Blackarachnia: He later had a midlife crisis, split up with her, and repainted himself black > Phoenix visits Prowlene. The women decide to go on a major shopping spree. Qucikstrike: With their boyfriend's credit cards! Blackarachnia: Once again, I am impressed by the depiction of female behaviour in these fics. > They buy supplies for the weddings. Prowlene is happy that Phoenix is > getting married. Marriage should keep Phoenix out of trouble. Inferno: Married to Sideswipe? Yeah, right. > Prowl’s big day arrives. He is in great spirits because he always wanted > to get married. Prowlene is one of the kindest females around. He is happy > to be marrying her. Blackarachnia: Maybe he's planning to throw her in the way of Scavanger... Qucikstrike: Real dark there, Sugarbot. > The Autobot’s gather in the big chapel for the wedding ceremony. Quickstrike: You can allmost see Rhinox up the end. > Every > Autobot is present. Prowl is a little nervous because his bachelor life is > almost over. Inferno: And he swears he can see a lime green excavator stalking him... > The wedding finally takes place. Prowl and Prowlene give a fuel sample. > Prime mixes the two fuels. He gives this fuel back to Prowl and Prowlene in > vials. Blackarachnia: I'll give that one credit. Qucikstrike: What? You? let Star Ruby off? Blackarachnia: It's based on one of the few good ideas Bob Budansky ever had. Ratchet and Megatron symbolised their brief alliance by sharing fuels. Of course, Bobbo then mucked it all up... > He pronounces them husband and wife. Every Autobot cheers for the > newlyweds. > Phoenix, Arial, Molly and the other girls weep at the wedding. Blackarachnia: You wouldn't catch me doing that... [Mutters darkly] > The > wedding is beautiful. Phoenix hopes her wedding will be as special. Megatron > and his Decepticons watched the wedding too. Inferno: It was broadcast live by the BBC. > They are disgusted by the > women Autobots behaviour. They feel that the ladies are wimps. Blackarachnia: And I think we all agree? [Inferno and Qucikstrike nod] > The > Decepticons are glad that their are no ladies on their side. They would > die of embarrassment. Quickstrike: A point proven by Star Ruby and Acid Rain. > The Decepticons head to the party hall. They are eager to trash the wedding > party. Megatron orders his army to hide because the Autobots are coming. Inferno [Devistator]: Pay no attention to me. I'm just a potplant. > Prowlene has a built in sixth sense. She has these awful feelings. She > whispers to Prowl that something is not right in the party room. Inferno: Beware! Near is evil close! > Prowl > knows his wife very well. He has the ladies stay outside. The male > Autobots enter the room. Blackarachnia: Must... control... Fist of death... > The ladies hear guns firing. The Decepticons fly out of the building. Inferno: Those are some bouncers! > Megatron is retreating the area fast. All [British]: Run away! Run away! > He had no idea that the Autobots would outnumber him and his army. Quickstrike: Wat Autobots? Those were just the POed caterers. > Optimus Prime tells the ladies that the party can start. Blaster plays > the party music. Inferno: Everyone threw things at him until he stopped. > Prowl and Prowlene do a lot of slow dancing. The ladies > admire the newlyweds. Side Swipe decides to dance with his fiancee. > Molly and Groove dance. Alita and Prime dance too. The party lasts for > many hours. Quickstrike: Careful observers could spot Grimlock leaving wearing a traffic cone on his head. > Side Swipe and Phoenix have their wedding a month after the Prowl’s. Their > wedding is spectacular. Inferno: It gets huge photo scoops in all the gossip mags. > Prowlene tells Alita One, Molly, Arial and Phoenix that she is pregnant. Blackarachnia: PREAGNANT?! OK STAR RUBY, THAT DOES IT! [Jumps up on the back of her seat and empties her machine guns into the screen] I feel much better now [Sits back down]. > This thrills the other women. They decide to follow Prowlene’s example. > In less than a year six new Autobots are born. Quickstrike: Poor Ratchet must have his work cut out for him... > Prowl and Prowlene have Street Wise. Blackarachnia: Um... Not to spoil your day any more Star Ruby, but the Protectobots had been around since at least 1985. So Streetwise here is a little late... > Alita One and Prime have Prima. Blackarachnia: I could riff the fact that Prima was the first of the Primes, but I'm beyond caring. > Molly and Groove have Groove > Jr. Arial and Ratchet have Fixit and First Aid. Phoenix and Side Swipe > have Hot Rod. Quickstrike: And there's the point of the whole fic. Treasure it. > There is one widow in the group, Ultra Magnus has a > daughter named Arcee. Inferno: I wonder who the guilty party is? > Optimus Prime names these new Transformers "Generation Two". All: Nyk nyk. > He is happy to see the new Autobots. He finds the > children very special. They are the future. > THE END > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > If you liked "Rising From the Ashes" by Star Ruby, Blackarachnia: You brobably thought Independance Day was a good film. > e-mail her. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Back [They all get up and leave] [Door 1 - A vault door. It's unlockled] [Door 2 - A revolving door. You go round a few times then proceed] [Door 3 - An elevator door. You push the button and it opens] [Door 4 - A garage door. You blip it with the remote, then open it manually when that fails] [Door 5 - It's a Catflap. You crawl through it] [SoP Bridge. The Preadacons enter, looking very frazzled. There are a pair of letters on the console.] Blackarachnia: Well. Inferno: From the Ashes. Quickstrike: A Star Ruby epic. Blackarachnia: My brain hurts. Inferno: Mine too. Quickstrike: Let's not think about it. Blackarachnia: So what do you suggest we think about? Inferno: We got fanmail. Blackarachnia: Let me at it! [She grabs the letters] Qucikstrike: Who's it from? Blackarachnia: This one's from Rob C. Bungie on "Cambry". > Oh, my god. This was bad as well...at least the Preds aren't watching > their mecha brethren get bitched like in 'Hellstorm Evangelion 2'. > It's weird, though...I don't know if you've ever read the Self Insertion > fanfics by TurtleNinja, but they have a startling resemblance to this > one. Track down the MSTings by Amanda Flowers, and you'll see what I > mean. Hm...perhaps Star Ruby is just a pseudonym for TN's > Transfics...*shudder* Blackarachnia: It's a possibility. But please, please don't give the Mads any ideas. > But hey, there are new Mads, too! And they're rock stupid! All: And we love them for it. > That ought to > have quite a few host segment situations in it. This series takes me back > to those idyllic days of my youth before I ended up losing my Optimus > Prime truck toy(with real missle firin' action!) Inferno: Good to see that we can provide a few laughs in our misery. Blackarachnia: Oh! And here's another one from Mitch! > To the Predacons, > It's Mitch. All: Hi Mitch! > I enjoyed your MSTing of "Cambry". As usual, I liked > how you pointed out little oddities in the story like how Inferno doesn't > need to ride on Waspinator and how Cambry and anyone from her time should > recognize the Maximals and Predacons as Transformers (Shouldn't she have > recognized Megatron's name?). Inferno: Good point! You get a cookie! > I think it's a good idea to have the Renegade Go-Bots as the new > Mads. Quickstrike: You and you alone. > I wonder if we'll ever find out what happened to the other missing > Predacons (Megatron, Rampage, and Tarantulas)? > Well, keep it up. By the way, when Coptor said there were no Go-Bot > fics I got an idea (hmmm, I wonder why I hear Inferno screaming?)... > Mitch Blackarachnia: I hope that was a joke. [The Mads light flashes] Inferno: Great. And now Ator and Dong are calling. Quickstrike: Fong. Inferno: That's what I said. [Blackarachnia turns on the console. Galvatron and Megastorm appear, grining as usual. Behind them is the Hollywoodiser with a fire axe imbedded in its side] Galvatron: Well, the fic's over. And judging by my calculations, you should all be driven mad by... now. Am I right or am I right? Megastorm: I dunno... You've said that before, and they've been sane. Galvatron: Shut up Megastorm [Hits him] Megastorm: Shutting up. Glavatron: So, how are you feeling? All nice and mad? Blackarachnia: Frazzled, but fine. Inferno: Yeah. This one was pretty bad, but It'll take more than that to drive us over the edge. Quickstrike: Sure it's a sloppy incoherent mess that had about a million intenral continuity contradictions, but then, so's everything else you give us. Blackarachnia: It was annoying to me, but it was nothing I hadn't seen before. True, the larger than normal size was a bit of a threat to us, but it was no real problem. We've survived bigger things. [Darkside 13] Galvatron: Right then. It seems that I'll have to start pulling out my heavy artillery. Megastorm: Uh, you sure you want to do that, boss? Galvatron: Shut up, Megastorm. Megastorm: Shutting up, sir. Galvatron: You thought you had it bad before... Well you ain't seen nothing yet. I chave fics here that will take you to the very hights of terror, and drop you down into the bowels of fanfic hell. I have Star Ruby fics here that defy description. I have things that should have never seen the light of the Internet. And I will use them. I will use every fanfic in my arsenel if needs be to rip your sanity apart and have you begging for mercy. And now... Now I have the incentives to use them. [Laughs manically] Megastorm: You're in troube now. [SoP Bridge] Blackarachnia: Bring them on. Inferno & Quickstrike: What?! Blackararachnia: Do you think that your pitiful little fanfics scare me even for an instant? I can dream of much worse things than that! [Laughs manically] Inferno: She's starting again! Galvatron: Er.. yes. Well anyway... Um... The Reign of Terror will begin next time... Preadacons. Push the button Megastorm. [Megastorm is nowhere to be seen. Megastorm? Megastorm [From behind the Hollywoodiser] Could you do it? She's scaring me again? Galvatron: Allright. [Pushes the button] [The screen goes blank] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Editor's notes. Sorry this took so long, but I had personal matters to attend to. Don't worry, the next experiment will be up as soon as I can. And what a treat I have for you! A Beast Wars SI... But I won't say anything else... I can promise that the Two Guys from Gobotron will be back soon. I was amazed by the response to them - I didn't think they'd be that popular! There may even be more guest stars in the future... Oh, and for people who notice small things, take a look at the SoP inventory in Negative Zero: Immigration part two... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Blackarachnia, Inferno and Quickstrike are copyright 1995-1998 Hasbro/Kenner. Galvatron and Megastorm are copyright 1996-1998 Tankara. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > StarScream is one example of a treasonous Decepticon.