[Joel and the bots enter the theater, taking their seats.] >Chapter Seven : In The Hands of the Gray Mouse JOEL: Well, I guess it's better than being in "Manos, the Hands of Fate". [Everyone convulses.] TOM: I thought I told you *never* to say that title around me again! > >Gadget was working on Chip's unconscious body, CROW: Trying to change the oil. > not allowing any of the >crewmen on the deck of the mysterious submarine anywhere near them. In >Monterey's view, this wasn't necessary - the crew of the submarine had, >after all, fished Chip out of the water first, and they had gotten him >breathing before rescuing the other Rangers. The Rangers were on the bow >of the submarine. Several crewmice were between them and the bridge. TOM: Water was surrounding them. The sky was overhead. Gravity was still present. > The >only way into the sub was through them, and from the bazookalike weapons CROW: Weapons made from bubblegum? JOEL: Oooooo... and the wrappers have a comic! >they had, Monty wasn't about to try that route. > >"You know," Dale said, staring at the famous statue, "I never knew she >was walking forward before." JOEL: How'd the statue get on the sub? > >"You've never visited the island?" Monty asked, surprised. TOM: [DALE] Nah, Dr. Moreau always creeped me out. > >Dale shrugged. "Typical native, I guess." CROW: "Typically naive" is a better term. > >"Who do you think they are, Monty?" Gadget asked, looking darkly at the >crew on deck. TOM: Taking a break from her work, seeing as how Chip stopped breathing again. > >"There's only one mouse I know who could ram a flying airplane with a >submarine," Monty said in low tones. "Kapitenleutenant Jürgen." JOEL: [MONTY] But since this sub rammed our bleach bottle aircraft, I 'aven't the foggiest as to who it is. > >Right on time, a figure strode around the bridge. CROW: Why? He's too good to walk on it? > He wore a white hat JOEL: She wore a yellow ribbon. [Joel and the Bots look at each other, then start swaying.] ALL: [singing] We all work on a yellow submarine... >and walked past the men on deck. TOM: Humans are part of the crew? Must be a tight fit inside the two- foot long sub. > Monty turned to face him, eyes >flashing. CROW: [MONTY] "If you can read this, yer too bloomin' close!" > "At least Zipper's still free," he said in a low voice to >Dale. JOEL: [DALE] Who? Oh, you mean that stupid fly that always hangs around HQ. > >There was a thump behind Jürgen; a bat had swooped in and landed on the >deck. He carried a small cage with an angry, buzzing fly. CROW: It wasn't Zipper, but who cares? > "Thank you, >Mr. Fenton," Jürgen nodded. TOM: [JÜRGEN] But I ordered a Happy Meal, you twit. > >"Scratch that," Dale couldn't resist saying. "So you know this guy, >Monty?" > >"Only by CROW: [MONTY] Our time in Outdated Military Mice chat room. > reputation," growled Monty. "There's many a brave mariner >sleeping in the arms of Neptune because of him and his kind." JOEL: Oh, so he runs a dating service? > >"They can keep company," Jürgen growled back, now close enough to hear, >"with the brave and dutiful sub-mariners TOM: I thought he was still alive. Isn't his comic run still going? > sent there by Naval aviation." CROW: They were sent there by flying bellybuttons? > >Monty and Jürgen were almost face to face now. Monty was by far the >larger of the two; but Dale was acutely aware of the armed mice further >down the ship (he didn't know enough to call it a 'boat') TOM: Silly me! And here I thought they were on a *sub* all this time. CROW: Aren't all boats submersible, though? JOEL: Yeah, it's just the resurfacing part that most have a problem with. > - and besides, >they had Zipper hostage. TOM: Who cares? Flies come a dime a dozen. > Suddenly, and incomprehensibly, CROW: Something worthwhile happened. > Jürgen and >Monty broke into smiles and fell into one another's arms. JOEL: Weeping like children. > It is a >strange psychological quirk of old soldiers, but perhaps without it the TOM: Story would be over really, really fast. >world would be even less pleasant than it is. TOM: Wait. So Mr. Doom-and-Gloom Nowak himself is attempting to tell us that the world can be even *more* cold and dark? > >"I can't tell you 'ow glad I am you survived the war," Monty smiled. CROW: [MONTY] So I can kill you myself! > "I >read your book, you magnificent bas - " TOM: Bastion of evil? CROW: Basted turkey? JOEL: Bass player? > >"It's good to meet you at last," Jürgen said, JOEL: [JÜRGEN] Whoever you are. > clapping the larger mouse >on the back, interrupting in the nick of time. "You planes JOEL: Shouldn't that be "U-Planes"? CROW: Argh! > were the only >thing that really gave me nightmares." TOM: [JÜRGEN] Not counting whenever my boss smiles. > >"Nightmares? I hope they were worse than the ones U-238 gave us! We >called you CROW: [MONTY] Things that can't be repeated in the presence of children. TOM: [JÜRGEN] Gadget isn't *that* young. CROW: [MONTY] I was speakin' of Dale's maturity level. > 'The Swimming Cat.'" JOEL: Don't most housecats hate to go in the water? TOM: They probably came up with the name after their shore leave to the bars. > >"No; really?" Jürgen smiled, boyishly pleased. CROW: And thus, we see that this is just a regular Jürgen working for an evil and hateful boss. TOM: Funny, I'm still not endeared to him. Odd. > >"The mouse performing CPR over there is Geegaw's daughter, Gadget." TOM: Heir to the Throne of Essex- JOEL: [MONTY] The chipmunk killing off your men discreetly is Dale, but don't mind him. He gets hyper easily. And the fly in the cage is some pest that we can't seem to kill off. Care to do the honors? > >Gadget looked up briefly. "Hi," she said before returning to her work. > >"So tell me, Captain -" JOEL: Kangaroo? CROW: Caveman? TOM: Commando? > >"Jürgen, please." ALL: Oh. > >"Jürgen," and a crafty smile crossed Monty's features. "'Ave you ever TOM: [singing] Really loved a woman? >wondered who would win? Just you and me? Without submarines and >airplanes?" CROW: Or "Chutes and Ladders", even. > >"Certainly not," said Jürgen, quickly moving to keep his armed men >between himself and Monty. It had been worth a shot, Dale figured. JOEL: Which is the same thing the crew felt, quickly shooting Monty. > >"What's the plan, Jürgen?" Monty asked, a little more coldly. "Piracy? I >figure you're going to strip CROW: Whoa! Even I'd rather see Kathy Lee doing that than Jürgen! > the Minuscule before salvage can get to >her." > >"Well, no," Jürgen admitted. "You see, I'm a hired hand." TOM: [JÜRGEN] The rest of me is available for freelance work, though. > >Again, with impeccable timing, the Gray Mouse stepped out of the bridge >and walked towards them. She had been waiting for Albacore ALL: Baltimore! > to reach a >speed which would make her cape flutter dramatically. TOM: Unfortunately, such a speed, for mice, was too fast, and they were all swept overboard and drowned. The End. > >"I know you all by CROW: Scent. > reputation," said the Gray Mouse. "But I've only met >you, Mr. Chedderhead." > >Monterey winced. "Monterey Jack, please." JOEL: Yeah, it's embarrassing to be mistaken for your father. > >"I don't blame you." An albino mouse girl... TOM: [MONTY] Albino? Oh, you must be the "Gray" Mouse. CROW: Not a hard leap of logic. > >"Nancy from Darwin?" CROW: Or Nancy from the Hardy Boys? JOEL: No, I think he means Darwin's daughter. > Monty asked slowly. "No. You've an American accent, TOM: Well, then she can't be from New York.... JOEL: [MONTY] Or maybe Canadian. Could you say "about"? CROW: [MONTY] Or "shibboleth?" JOEL: Very good. I'm impressed. >and she would've killed me by now. TOM: It's nice to know Monty maintains a healthy relationship with his old girlfriends. > Besides, you're too young. If she had >a daughter you'd be too old..." > >"Monty," Gadget said disapprovingly. He shrugged. > >Slowly, realization crept in. "But you've got two arms." TOM: *That* was the slow realization? CROW: Boy, it's easy to see how his perceptiveness just shot him up the ladder of command in the Navy. > The Gray Mouse >froze, tilted her head back slightly. JOEL: [Old man] Well what do you want me to do; freeze or tilt my head back? If I tilt my head back, I can't freeze, 'cause I'd be in motion, now wouldn't I? > >With Jürgen, Monty's face had settled into grim determination; here, >Dale was horrified to see genuine terror and a rending sorrow appear. TOM: But not terribly surprised, considering the overall level of despair shown thus far. > >"Widget," Monty was able to gasp out. "It is you, isn't it? But your arm >--" CROW: Is in Jürgen's backpack. > >"And over there, that must be Little Gadget?" the Gray Mouse >interrupted. JOEL: [GADGET, sarcastically] No, I'm Minnie. This is my new make-over. > >"Widget, I'm sorry!" Monty burst out. > >Gadget looked up from Chip, her face a blank mask. JOEL: Well, it's an improvement from her "usual" pensive and sorrowful expression. > >"Widget," Monty continued, "She doesn't even know who you are." TOM: Neither do we. What happened to the Gray Mouse? > >"Next time you drown an unwanted kitten," Widget's voice cracked >slightly, CROW: Oh, she must be hitting puberty. > "you would be well advised to put some rocks in the blanket." > >"Widget, it wasn't like that--" Monty tried to say. TOM: [MONTY] We thought foam core would work just as well.... > >She snapped around. "Take them below," she barked to a suddenly >impassive and distant Jürgen. CROW: [JÜRGEN] Hmm? Oh sorry, I was watching the hull rust. Did you say something? > >=== > >Mr. Calvert was supervising the Hustling of the Prisoners. He did it >fairly well, but long experience told Dale he was new at it. JOEL: Dale's had long experience of being a hustled prisoner? TOM: So *that's* what he's always doing on Tuesday nights! > >"You seem a nice young man. CROW: [DALE] But I also thought that dressing up in swim fins and a diaper would make me invisible, so what do I know? > So why did you join up with the forces of >evil?" Dale asked. > >Mr. Calvert shrugged. "I wanted to serve on subs, and with the Cold War >over, just about the only mice building them any more are criminal >masterminds." TOM: That's assuming mice were ever building them at all. JOEL: Hey, if the Ranger Tree can house a secret runway with a hundred rodent- sized fighter jets, I'm sure that a few dozen scaled subs are out there. CROW: I doubt even Nowak would like to be compared to that particular fanfic.... > >"That bites," Dale commiserated. TOM: Losing most of the readers with that last word. >"Oh, this one isn't bad," Mr. Calvert assured him. JOEL: [CALVERT] She's horrible! > "At least she's smart >enough to hire a first rate sub driver and let him drive his sub." CROW: Sub driver? Does he have to wear a funny hat, stop at railroad tracks, and drop the kids off by three each school day? JOEL: Hmmm..."sub" is "bus" backwards, after all... > >"Did he really write a book?" Dale asked. TOM: Is it really *that* important to your situation? > >"It's not my fault we lost," Monty said sadly. > >"Nobody's blaming you, Monty," Gadget said, patting his arm. JOEL: [GADGET] Even if you are as guilty as sin. > >"No," Mr. Calvert corrected. "That was the title of Captain Jürgen's >second book. JOEL: His second book was called "No"? TOM: His first was "Can I Be Part of the Hip-Hop Nation By Wearing My Cap Backwards, Even Though I'm Old?" > The first one was before the war. A Theoretical Discussion >on How We Could Use Subs if the Last Treaty Let Us Have Any." He opened >a heavy watertight hatch to the brig. > >"Here CROW: [CALVERT] Is our modified veggie crisper. You guys like lettuce? > - I have to show this to >you. It's a safety catch so you can open this door if it's locked." > >"Uh... thanks," Dale said, wondering why they were showing this to >prisoners. > >"Unfortunately, you'll be locked in those cells over there," Mr. Calvert >pointed. "so it really won't help you much." CROW: Does Calvert always show safety features that people won't be using? TOM: Nah, he just probably has to do that if he wants to keep his steward job. > >=== > >"How's Chip doing?" Monty asked. JOEL: Since he's unconscious, he's probably the happiest one here. > Gadget was resting an ear against >Chip's chest, listening to his heartbeat. CROW: [DALE] Can I have my ear back now? > >Chip was lying on the bench in the cell. It was an actual brig, not TOM: From concentrate. > a >locked storeroom. There was no guard. "I thought he should be up by >now," she said in a worried voice. She continued in a lowered voice. "I >can open the door to our cage, but with Chip unconscious, I don't think >it would be a good idea." Then, in a louder voice, she asked the >question Monty was dreading. JOEL: [GADGET] Do you know why my Angora sweaters are all stretched out? > >"She's lying, isn't she Monty?" TOM: I'd hardly say that Widget was taking this lying down. > >Monty paused. It was the pause more than anything else that made her >realize the truth. "Gadget, luv, have you ever heard of a mouse having >one baby in a litter?" CROW: No, but I have heard about a mouse having one baby in the recyclables. Does that count? > >"What happened?" her voice was very soft. > >=== JOEL: [MONTY] We were surrounded by equal signs. > >"Thank you, doctor," CROW: [whoever's speaking] But I like my liver right where it is. > said a handsome young flier mouse who vaguely >resembled Clark Gable. TOM: Similar to how the Rangers in this fanfic vaguely resemble the Rangers in the series. > He signed a paper while his friend stood by >silently. He looked up and smiled. "Monty and I will take them home >ourselves." JOEL: Yeah. Easier to set up the tragedy that way. > >"Certainly, Mr. Hackwrench," the doctor said gently, "But are you sure >you wouldn't like us to call you a cab?" CROW: [DOCTOR] You're a cab! You're a cab! > >"I think you've done quite enough already," Geegaw Hackwrench snarled. JOEL: Oh, so *this* is where Gadget gets her loving and cheerful demeanor. >He forced himself to grin. "Besides, it's a beautiful night." TOM: For a tragedy. > >Monty caught the doctor's eyes and a silent communication flashed >between them. JOEL: He's nuts; get his legs. I'll grab his arms. > Don't push it. CROW: [singing] Push it real good! > Monty and Geegaw both knew that the >survival of even two of Sarah's babies was owing to the hospital. >Knowing Geegaw, he would apologize later somehow, but for now the wound >was too fresh. The doctor tried to turn invisible. JOEL: He put on swim fins and a diaper? > >"Monty," Geegaw said, lifting one of the two pink bundles from the >hospital cradles, "This is TOM: [GEEGAW] My lunch. Touch it and you're Kitty Kibble. > Gadget." Geegaw smiled down fondly. "Isn't >she beautiful?" CROW: [MONTY] I dunno, mate. You still 'ave 'er all wrapped up. >From previous experience with newborn babies, Monty gritted his teeth, >looked down, and prepared to lie. To his astonishment, it wasn't >necessary. TOM: Geegaw *liked* hearing how ugly his kids looked. Made him feel better. CROW: In this fanfic, "better" is just another spelling of "bitter". > Her hair was unusually thick, a color even Monty thought of >as "golden" instead of "yellow" or "blonde." JOEL: Because Gadget's hair color defies all attempts to place it in the visible light spectrum. > Her eyes were still closed >and her hands clenched, waving feebly. "Jus' like a little jewel," Monty >said honestly. "She's got her mother's fur." CROW: Kind of a grotesque material to make a baby blanket out of. > Like her mother, Gadget was >a single color all over instead of the two toned "pale belly" wild >animal pattern of her father. TOM: Huh. I never knew animals came in designer patterns. > >Monty jerked his head up to see Geegaw's reaction, CROW: As Geegaw beat the living stuffing out of the doctor. > afraid of reminding >his friend of the death a few days before. To his relief, Geegaw smiled, >maybe sadly, maybe tenderly. TOM: Maybe drugged. JOEL: People just aren't used to smiles in this fanfic, is all. Monty can't tell them apart. > >Monty turned to pick up the second bundle. "This is Widget," Geegaw >said, quite unnecessarily. CROW: Why? The bundle had a name tag? TOM: "Hello! My name is Future Nemesis." > There was a catch in his voice. "She's ... JOEL: A lizard. >going to need a bit of luck." TOM: In this fanfic? Prozac would be a better gift. JOEL: Or therapy. > >Widget wiggled weakly in Monty's arms. Her hair was gray, her fur white CROW: So, they naturally nicknamed her the "Gray Baby". >as a lab mouse's; and Monty knew her eyes were pink. Her arm was curled >and motionless; Monty had known she was missing a limb, but seeing it >gone was vaguely unsettling. TOM: Seeing it lying in the wastebasket, though, was *really* disturbing. > Still, he felt his heart go out to the >little creature in his arms. CROW: Whatever this freak of nature was. > Don't you go dyin' on yer father, luv, he >thought sternly. 'E's 'ad too much to bear already. He smiled and >touched her face; Widget turned to suck at his finger. > >"Hey, she's got you for an old man," Monty joshed his friend gently. JOEL: [MONTY] How much 'appiness can she really expect? >"There ain't a disreputable dockside bar nor an oil stained landing >strip twixt 'ere and Afghanistan where she ain't royalty." TOM: Oh yeah, those are the first places I'd want to bring my newborns. > >Geegaw laughed. JOEL: Able to see the humor in his wife and other children dying, and one of his surviving daughters missing an arm. CROW: [GEEGAW] Ain't life wacky? H'yuk! > As they passed through the front door, into the >darkness, TOM: Of the Nowakverse. > he looked at Widget a little longingly, as though he felt he JOEL: Could see her co-starring with Harrison Ford in a movie about a fugitive. >should carry them both. No, more than that; as though he knew he would >have less time with Widget, and he wanted all the time with her he could >have. > >"Wanna swap?" Monty asked lightly, holding Widget out. TOM: [MONTY] I figure she's worth at least a slice of Swiss. Maybe Cheddar. > >Geegaw recovered and shook his head firmly. "It's not like you'll drop >her, Monty." JOEL: [sniffs] I smell it again, guys.... TOM: Well, it's been beaten to death by now.... > He turned away from him. "I know you can't hang around long >- but will you stay for Sarah's funeral?" CROW: That's a bit depressing.... > >"I'm 'ere as long as you need me, cobber," Monty said casually. "'Ave >you decided 'bout ..." TOM: [MONTY] Lettin' me 'ave Sarah's old button collection? > >"Their two brothers," Geegaw finished for him. He shook his head. "I >don't know, Monty. They were never really alive..." CROW: And that's *really* depressing. JOEL: I don't know guys. I just think this fanfic is missing that *little* trace of light-heartedness that the series had. > >A Human car passed by the two mice walking on the sidewalk. Monty sighed >to himself. TOM: [MONTY] This might be a bad time to tell him that these are really *my* kids.... > So much to do, and he hadn't the experience to help his >friend. He was running through a list of his own relations, wondering if >there were any JOEL: That didn't want him dead. > he'd entrust with Geegaw's children, and felt oddly >disturbed that so many of the dinkum cobbers of his life were also men >he wouldn't trust to change one of Widget's diapers. TOM: Gadget's diapers would be fine, of course. CROW: What about Aunt Blue? She wears diapers, herself. > Monty watched as >the car went behind them. The headlights of the car washed over an alley >and Monty froze when he saw two eyes flash in the darkness. JOEL: What is this with all the eyes flashing? Do people have signal lamps for retinas? > >"I suppose we should -" TOM: [GEEGAW] Start the first musical number. We hit the depression quota. (To the tune of "I'll Make a Man Out Of You" from _Mulan_) CROW: [GEEGAW] Filling up the graveyards, with my kith, and kin. Why continue living? there's no way - to win! TOM: [MONTY] It's a bad week, mate I won't deny You lost your wife, two sons, and all. Still I'll say, life can be quite a ball. CROW: [GEEGAW] Life's a time for mourning, sitting 'tween long sleeps. If I think about it, Then I get - the creeps! TOM: [MONTY] That Gadget's cute. You watch her close, or she'll have kids, while she's in school. Despite that, life can be rather cool. CROW: [WIDGET, translated from Baby in subtitles] I'm hungering for some ones death; Some one who never knew me. TOM: [GADGET, translated from Baby in subtitles] This is so dull I wish I had some tools. CROW: [WIDGET, translated from Baby in subtitles] Let me see my invoice now, I think something wasn't shipped here. TOM: [GADGET, translated from Baby in subtitles] This guy likes me so I'll play it cool. [A CHORUS of dancing skeletons from the Mexico pavilion in EPCOT Center descends from the ceiling without any explanation] CHORUS: (End it all...) CROW [GEEGAW]: Perhaps I'll jump into raging waters, CHORUS: (End it all...) CROW [GEEGAW]: Or fly a fast plane into the ground, CHORUS: (End it all...) CROW [GEEGAW]: As this story unfolds, I don't wanna be around! [The CHORUS is retracted to the ceiling. JOEL bursts into applause.] JOEL: Bravo! Much better than that lame "Das Boot" host segment we started with. TOM: Thanks, Joel. CROW: We wanted to use it there, but this fits better. > >"Not now," Monty said in soft, dead, tones. > >Geegaw looked over. "Cat?" he asked, in a low voice. > >"At six o'clock, CROW: Oh, then they have nothing to worry about it! It's already past ten. > thirty feet, in an alley." > >They started to move a little faster. TOM: Just a little. No rush. JOEL: Yeah, it's a beautiful night. > There was every chance it was a >lazy, full house cat, or that they were already too far to make a >tempting target. Cats tended to hunt in a small area. What was the word? CROW: Near-sighted. >Pelagic. Like submarines. JOEL: Oh, hey! Now *that's* a metaphor! TOM: I bet you this whole fanfic was written strictly so Nowak could use it. CROW: Wait, let me look it up ... hey, guys, it means "Of the ocean waters." Nowak thinks cats are amphibious! TOM: That would explain the crack about swimming cats earlier. > >Widget whimpered, perhaps sensing Monty's fear. CROW: But actually smelling it. > Monty took another look >behind them. > >And saw it gliding softly towards them, like a hole cut into the night. CROW: I've heard of portable holes, but come on.... > >"RUN!" TOM: [MONTY] Not *towards* the cat, you dolt! > >They hunkered down, arms wrapped around their precious passengers, JOEL: I have to admit, though, the cat knows where the best territory is; right by the hospital. CROW: Yeah, really easy to weed out the elderly and infirm from the mice herds. >sprinting. Monty's eyes scanned desperately, looking for a hole or storm >grate - but he realized his friend knew the area better. And Geegaw made >a terrible mistake. TOM: [GEEGAW] Oh hey, a churros cart! I haven't had those in ages! You want one, Monty? JOEL: Ah, so Geegaw really *is* responsible for Widget's present state! > Perhaps he was thinking only of getting to home CROW: On time to watch the Knick's game. > and >safety, but he went out over the bridge connecting this island with his >airport. CROW: Which island? JOEL: This one. CROW: Which airport? TOM: His. > >The cat was soon on the bridge, padding towards them, a little louder >now that it knew it had been spotted. Geegaw came to a sudden stop, >staring at his friend and panting. Monty looked up at the cables >stretching into the night, and looked at him, questioningly. JOEL: [GEEGAW] Yes, the cables are still there -- I *told* you they weren't migratory! > >"We can't out climb a cat," Geegaw said firmly. "We can out swim it." > >"You're right," Monty muttered. "May the Virgin Minnie TOM: Okay -- *that's* a mental image I really don't need cluttering up my databanks. > be with us now." > >"If I don't make it, CROW: [GEEGAW] It's your fault. > take care of Widget." > >"Like she was mine, buddy." JOEL: Considering Monterey's lifestyle, she might be better off with the cat. > >The cat was close enough for the last sprint that would take them both >down. They jumped. JOEL: Taut action scene, huh guys? CROW: [yawn] Yeah, whatever. TOM: Zzzzzz--snerk! Hmm? What? Are they dead yet? > >It was a long drop, the water horribly cold. Even though it was early >summer, water takes the heat out of a mouse much faster than it will out >of a human. CROW: Just can't go a scene without bringing in the scientific details, can you, Nowak? TOM: "Dropping at a constant acceleration of 9.8 meters per second squared, until the drag from air resistance..." > Geegaw had his hand over Gadget's nose and mouth, and kicked >desperately back to the surface. He breached, holding his screaming >daughter far above his head. JOEL: Welcome to Nowak's cold and numbing world, Gadget. CROW: Where the dead mourn the living. TOM: Here it's better to die young or not live at all. > Then he rolled over onto his back like an >otter, holding the crying Gadget on his chest while he kicked for shore. > >She's all right, he thought hysterically, stumbling up the beach. She's >going to be all right. JOEL: Oh yeah, he sounds packed full of intensity there, all right. TOM: This might have been a good place for an exclamation mark. > Both he and Gadget were shaking uncontrollably >with the cold. "Monty!" CROW: Python! > he yelled. "MONTY!" CROW: PYTHON! > >He saw Monty in the distance. Monty was walking towards him like a >zombie, staggering on the slick rocks. CROW: [GEEGAW] Nuts, he lived. JOEL: Is Monty returning from another bar? > His hands were by his side, >seaweed clenched in his fingers. CROW: [GEEGAW] How will I tell her mother - hey, I don't have to! D'oh! > He was shaking, worse than Geegaw, but >he didn't feel the cold. ALL: Butterfingers! > >=== > >"Then my father didn't abandon her?" Gadget was visibly elated. > >"Of course not!" Monty was genuinely shocked. TOM: [MONTY] I did! You think he'd be glad that I was thinkin' about cuttin' back on schoolin' costs for him, but noooooo. I tell ya, after losin' his wife, an' his sons, an' then his daughter, it's like he wasn't fun t' be with. > "He'd just lost his wife, >and two sons -- Geegaw loved Widget." > >Gadget gave him a wordless, one armed hug. CROW: I thought *Widget* was the daughter who only had one arm. > >"Would you believe he never blamed me?" He started crying. JOEL: [GADGET] Okay, okay! I believe you! Sheesh, you big baby. > >"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Gadget asked. JOEL: Because then the plot wouldn't be nearly as poignant. > >"I just kept tellin' myself TOM: [MONTY] What she don't know can't hurt her. Boy, was that a crock of Limburger. > I'd tell you some day, that I was holdin' >off to spare your feelin's. 'Bad enough she lost 'er father, why tell >'er she almost 'ad a sister?'" He shook his head. "Bottom line; CROW: [MONTY] I should've sold Widget off to Gypsies instead. > Widget >was a mate's little girl and I shouldn't 'ave swum to shore without >'er." > >Gadget shook her head. "Monty, we know you did your -" JOEL: [GADGET] Homework tonight, but you still can't watch this movie. It's too intense for simple minds. > >The door swung open and Widget entered, applauding slowly and >sarcastically. > >"Very nice," she said. "Almost plausible." TOM: Seeing as how it's the main theme in this fanfic, let's hope so. > >Gadget and Dale shot a glance at one another No guards, CROW: And no periods, either. > but listening >devices. Had she also overheard them plotting to escape? JOEL: Did she need to overhear to guess? TOM: What heroes *don't* plot to escape? > >"Except no evidence was found you had been chased by cats," Widget >finished. JOEL: Unless...it was destroyed in a government cover-up! BOTS: [gasp] > >Monterey sighed. "What sort of evidence would it leave? A signed card, TOM: [card] Sorry I missed you at the bridge. Hope you drown in a watery grave, vermin. >'Hi, I'm a cat, and I just chased two mice carrying babies off this >bridge?' Just because they couldn't prove there were cats doesn't mean >there weren't any. That's why they didn't take Gadget away from --" > >"I know what your story was," Widget snorted. "But the truth is that >since he had Little Miss Pick of the Litter here, Daddy Dearest didn't >want to be bothered with some one armed distorted freak." JOEL: Sounds like she's got a chip on her shoulder. TOM: I guess it would have to be her *right* shoulder! Hah! CROW: And Gadget has a Chip on the floor, so they're even. > >"Our father wouldn't do that," Gadget flared up. CROW: I didn't know Gadget had hemorrhoids. > She rattled the bars of >the cage. "You never knew him, so I --" JOEL: [GADGET] Envy you! The mouse did not understand the concept of soap! > >"Your Electra complex is showing, dear," Widget interrupted sweetly. JOEL: Uh, Widget, you really aren't in the position to throw stones, dear. > >"Widget," Monty snapped. "'Ow did you find out who your father was? TOM: [MONTY] I thought I destroyed all those records. > You >found missing mouse reports, the posters Geegaw put up. Right? 'E kicked >up an awful fuss for a kid who, 'ccordin' to you, 'e didn't want. >Otherwise you'd never know who you are. Right?" CROW: [MONTY] Right? Right!? Well, c'me on! Admit it! > >"He had to present a good story. I never said he was dumb." TOM: [WIDGET] Just unprofessional. When I drown babies, they never return as arch-villains. > >"You can really imagine someone doing that?" Dale asked, visibly shaken. JOEL: Not really, but Nowak could, so why belabor the point? > >Widget looked at him, and spoke patiently. "That's how people treat >cripples. You couldn't understand." TOM: [DALE] Are you kidding? With my mental handicap? > >"Where did you grow up?" Monterey asked slowly, a horrible image of JOEL: Kenny G doing a cover of "We Will Rock You". >Widget's childhood forming in his mind. Somewhere she'd grow CROW: Actually, she'd grow anywhere. Growth is really a genetic thing, more than an environment deal. > to expect >that sort of treatment. > >"I grew up in this city," Widget snorted. "I suppose my adoptive mother >pulled me out of the river. TOM: But why go into the useless details of that? We have to get back to the description of the sub's controls soon. > She used me as a prop while panhandling. She >finally overdosed JOEL: From panhandling? TOM: From panhandling too successfully, maybe... > when I was fourteen or so, but by then I was spending >most of my time in the landfill, building things, CROW: Lots of things. Tons of things. You don't need to know. > so I didn't need her." > >"Granted, you've met a lot of people who would, but Geegaw couldn't have >abandoned you," Dale said flatly. TOM: [DALE] Otherwise this fanfic is *really* in need of psychiatric treatment. > >Widget lifted an eyebrow. "You never met him." JOEL: [DALE] I've seen his grave. How different can it be? > >"I know the daughter he raised," Dale pointed out. "If Geegaw Hackwrench >were capable of drowning his daughter, Gadget would either hate him or TOM: [DALE] Become so involved in her inventions as to ignore any attempts by others at a relationship....uh, that really didn't help as much as I thought it would. >be a monster herself. As it is, there's nothing wrong with her a few >months of therapy couldn't clear up-" > >"Thanks, Dale," Gadget whispered. > >"-And even that's because she loves him so much she can't say goodbye to >him. He deserved that from her. Therefore, he loved you." JOEL: Okay, let's see: Monty has had Navy training and been in a war, Dale is ready to rival Freud in terms of psychoanalysis, and Gadget is the epitome of isolation and inner turmoil. CROW: All right, who are you people and what did you do with the real Rangers?! TOM: Boy, will Widget be embarrassed to find she actually captured the Rangers' "Angst" doubles. > >"Love's a word people use when they want something," Widget snorted. >"I've learned that, at least." JOEL: Every girl that went to prom learned that. > >"Say," Gadget interrupted, suddenly fascinated. TOM: [GADGET] You'd probably know; what *is* the sound of one hand clapping? > "Did you build that >arm?" > >Widget moved her left arm slightly. "Nobody gave it to me." > >"How do you get enough torque to move the fingers so smoothly and >quickly?" Monterey sighed and closed his eyes. CROW: Why would Monty care? JOEL: Just making conversation, I guess. TOM: Oh, yeah, call attention to the thing that makes Widget consider herself a freak. Great topic. > >"Oh." Widget moved her left hand closer to her sister, TOM: So it'd be easier to throttle Little Miss Pick of the Litter. > who looked at it >with absorbed interest. CROW: [WIDGET] It's a system of pulleys and windmills. I can't do anything with it unless I'm standing in a Gale. > "The motor cocks springs in my forearm. Then I >release the springs to move the fingers." TOM: How? If you have to use your other hand, it defeats the whole point! > >"You only articulated two fingers and the thumb, didn't you?" Gadget >asked. "Your third finger just echoes the motion of the second." > >"Exactly. You might also notice that I have three different gear ratios >on the elbow. There's a cam to keep the motion from being too regular." JOEL: [WIDGET] I also prefer 5W25 oil, Intel processors, and guys that look like Buck Rogers. > >"Golly! That is absolutely first class work," Gadget said, impressed. TOM: Aw, guys, they're bonding! > >"Widget," Monterey interrupted, making his second major mistake of the >day. JOEL: With Monty, is it really necessary to even keep track? > "Gadget didn't even know you existed until today. She didn't have >anything to do with it, even if --" > >Widget looked up sharply, as Monterey reminded her. CROW: [WIDGET] Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be generating an aura of evil and death, aren't I? Is my face red.... > "She benefited from >it," she said. "Oh, and don't bother trying to offer yourself as a >sacrifice. I hate it when people do that. CROW: So how many people have offered themselves as sacrifices to Widget? JOEL: It's probably equal to the number of times Dale has been hustled along as a prisoner. > Well, sis, this has been fun, JOEL: For who? Nobody laughs wholesomely in this fanfic. >but I've got work to do." > >"Widget, luv," Monty said slowly. "This won't make you feel better." TOM: That's what Dramamine is for. > >Widget froze for a moment, uncertainly, and then stalked out with a >determined stride. > >=== > >"I was listening at the microphones," Jürgen said tentatively. TOM: [JÜRGEN] But I think if I was listening at the speakers I would have heard more. > >The Gray Mouse hesitated. "And?" CROW: [JÜRGEN] You can't guess? > >"I think they're right." > >She stopped and gave him a hostile look. JOEL: Seeing as how that was the only kind she ever gave him, though, he failed to grasp the importance of it. > Now that he knew she was a >cripple, she had to make certain he didn't decide she was a weakling as >well. TOM: And thus began to tear his head off. > >"That arm is first rate work," Jürgen went on to explain. "All this time CROW: [JÜRGEN] I thought Tinker Toys weren't good for anything. >I thought you just had a touch of bursitis." > >"Oh." She lifted her hand, turned it at the wrist. "Thank you. I'm right >handed, so I guess it isn't as obtrusive." JOEL: Since she only had her right arm growing up, wouldn't it be hard to be left-handed? TOM: Nowak would do that. JOEL: You're right. He would. > >"Seriously, you should contact a hospital. TOM: They could use a good laugh. > I think you could teach them >a lot." CROW: About what? Carrying grudges? Sinking innocent ships? Planning the death of family members? > >"I think I will," she said, liking the idea. "I mean, I'll need a new >vocation once I wreak my vengeance." TOM: Instantly goes from vengeful, hating entity to caring helper of the needy. Makes perfect sense. > >"Do you mind if I call you 'Widget?'" CROW: Or do you prefer "Clapper-impaired"? > >Widget looked at him solemnly. "It's just a name. My foster mother used >another one, and she's really the one who taught me about people." JOEL: [WIDGET] But she always skimmed over that bit concerning the birds and the bees. > >"What did she call you?" > >"'Li'l Freako.'" JOEL: Er...cute. TOM: Yeah, makes me want to have it embroidered on my gym bag, I tell you. > >"Ah." Jürgen hesitated. "I think ... I'd prefer to use 'Widget'." CROW: And I think I'd prefer to use the exit. TOM: You're in luck. It's time. [Joel and the Bots exit. Door sequence is run in reverse.] [SoL] [We see GYPSY. She wears a gray wig with mouse ears, has a pink lens over her flashlight "eye," and a black outfit with a cape on her hose neck. She moves from left to right and stops. Doorbell sound effect.] [CROW pops up from behind the counter. He wears a leather helmet, mustache, and mouse ears.] CROW: G'day, Sheila! An' what can the Rangers do for ya, by too-ra-loo? GYPSY: Well, you don't know me, but I'm a foundling, and I think I might be - CROW: Widget?! GYPSY: I think so. CROW: Gadget! Come up here! [TOM appears, wearing a purple jumpsuit, goggles, a blonde wig, and mouse ears.] This is the sister you never knew you had, separated by cruel misfortune. 'Er name's Widget. TOM: I... I have a sister? [TOM throws himself into GYPSY's arms (uhm, or whatever).] TOM: Oh, Widget, I'm so glad you're alive! Now we can be a family! CROW: Saaaaay - you're not plotting any evil revenge are you? GYPSY: For what? It was probably an accident. [JOEL stands up.] JOEL: This public service message brought to you by the Foundation for Showing How Disney Characters Really Act.