Fortuna Samizdat Productions presents, in cooperation with Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings.... FORTUNA FANFIC THEATRE 5000 Episode 17, part C By DadyTengu and Emiko-kun [The scene: SOR bridge. Kumiko, now sitting on the floor, is still drawing. Yarunseto is seated at one of the stations, attempting to split his attention between something onscreen and Xel, again sitting on his lap. Whenever his attention wanders too far, Xel begins to change back to his/her more usual form, then snaps back before being caught being a "he."] Kumiko: [muttering and erasing]Hrm...no, not like that...this looks more like her... Xel: [swinging her legs absently, looking around the room and occasionally giving Yarun a little poke] Yaaaaruuuun.... Aren't I more interesting than that stupid screen? Yarun: Oh, yes, of course, Faye...er, Xel-chan. Xel: [blink blink] Faye? [suspiciously] Faye who? Yarun: [sweatdrop]Nothing at all...subject of this fansite... Xel: [glares at him] Are you sure? [sniffles dramatically and gives him a pitiful, sulky look] You aren't cheating on me, are you?! Yarun: Hardly...At this moment, you entirely occupy my mind and heart... Arche: [from somewhere not quite here and not quite there] Heh, still pathetic with the ladies after all these months, Yarun-chaaaan? [pokes her head through the portal, doing her best impersonation of Keroberos] Konyanichiwaaaa! Yarun: Pathetic? It was quite a clever...er... Xel: [blinks rapidly, then looks over at Arche] ... [throttles Yarun] YOU LIED TO ME!! Is she so much better than me, huh?! Huh?! Arche: [grins and chuckles to herself, stepping out of the rift] So, how've things been, Kumi-chan? I see you put the spell to good use. Kumiko: Fine other than the obvious.[voice suddenly rises]ARCHE! *^-^*-<3[she springs to her feet and runs to Arche, glomping on and picking her up as they kiss.] Xel: [pauses in mid-throttle to gawk at Kumiko] O_o... Arche: [chuckles and ruffles Kumiko's hair a little, looking at Xel] What? You expected me to go after -him-? Xel: [looking baffled] Well, no, I mean.. I just... She SQUEALED! And GLOMPED! Kumiko: Hey, I've had a rough day, partially thanks to you. She's the best news there's been in a while. Arche: Glad to hear it. Of course, with hi...her...IT around, I can see how things could be a little annoying. Maybe Tessa'd like having it around. Kumiko: Probably would, unless he's too independent...Anything new over there? They still treating you OK, or did they get competent? Xel: [sulks and clings to Yarun] At least SOMEone here appreciates me... Kumiko: We do. Just at a good distance. At least a kilometer. Xel: [snorts] Arche: A few things are changing, sure. Something real funky's been going on at Dakal's place since I was there...the voice has been dealing us the pain, er, fics since then. Oh, and the idiot bird got voted off the island, so to speak. Kumiko: That's great! I bet you've got a lot more privacy now. Arche: [mumbling] Still have an avatar roaming the halls, remember. Kumiko: Oh yeah...he still hung up on me? Arche: Nah, he's got a new obsession. Kumiko: Heh...he been taking Ataru lessons from Princey or something? Yarun: [shaking the swirlies from his eyes]Pff...I'll have you know I can't stop loving anyone...it's my curse...yet another source of pain... Kumiko: Make that Mendou lessons. Arche: [chuckles and looks at Xel, who is slowly reverting to his usual form] Soooo... having trouble keeping things in place? Xel: [blinks, then erks and pays more attention, switching back to female again] Grr. Yarun: I must admit, that is...rather unsettling. Arche: Must be hell on your sexlife to have a mazoku flirting with you, eh Princey? Yarun: It _is_ my bloody sexlife at the moment. :p Arche: [opens her mouth to say something, closes it again, and shakes her head] Xel: [clings to Yarun happily, giggling] Arche: Geez. And I thought you were disturbing normally. Kumiko: This is my life...[blows out a little mushroom-shaped sigh] Now we just need some school spirits... Arche: I dunno. Does Princey count as a walking shouta complex? Kumiko: More like he thinks he's Red Mantle. Xel: [ignores the conversation as she attempts to get Yarun's clothing off in record time] Kumiko: [tired]Um...public place, you two... Arche: [glancing at Kumiko] Maybe I should go before this turns into a badly written lemon. You wanna come along, Kumi-chan? Kumiko: [thinly smiling]Love to...[a faint electric hum fills the air. Yarun's always messy hair gets a bit worse.]But I think that means Sira has other ideas. Arche: [sighing] Shame. I should get going, though. I value my sanity, and I know by the time I get back we'll have another fic shoved at us... Yarun: [yet again looking like a Touga parody]You could join us for the final part...you are, after all, always welcome here... Arche: [deadpan] Wow. I'm honored. Sorry, but I don't need you hitting on me, much less hi..he...damn it, much less Xellos. Xel: [wiggles her fingers at her and blows a kiss] Kumiko: Whatever Dakal's throwing at you can't be as stupid as this, anyway. I'll come see you as soon as it's over, OK? Arche: Maybe I'll trick Bryann into dealing with you, fruitcake. That'd be amusing. [nods to Kumiko as she lets go of her, stepping into the portal] Ja ne! [Kumiko thinks about it, and laughs.] Yarun and Xel: Exactly _what_ is so funny about that? [lights and sirens] Kumiko: Fanfic sign _again_, boy-girl-things...let's go. [Yarun slides out from under Xel and rebuttons his uniform jacket] Xel: [sighs melodramatically as she stands] Ah well. I suppose I'll simply have to haul you into one of the other rows of seats to seduce you, Yarun dear. [Nori-6 floats out or one of the corridors. Everyone files back into the theatre. Kumiko has a sweatdrop on her head.] [The theatre. The four return to the same three seats as before.] > Wil ignored the thrumming in his head. Damn the gods, Nori-6: In most belief systems, that is an impossibility. >but that woman >was a challenge! Yarun: He was rather hoping she were more...easy. >First she managed to get into a heavily-guarded building, >grabbed his personal data terminal, then proceeded to outfox the majority of >the building's security detachment. Kumiko: Like that's hard. "Look! There's 'gullible' written on the ceiling!" >When finally cornered, instead of >capitulating, she used some sort of arcane magic and summoned a sword out of >nowhere. She easily defeated him, a master swordsman, as though he was >nothing, and completely vexed the security. Xel: What's with this recap? Yarun: Seems Rob thought we'd nod off in the middle. >But most important of all, she >acted as though she somehow knew about all of this--not just the building, >obviously, but more so who the Guerre du Monde was, and what they portended. Kumiko: More stupid Hollywood action? Xel: I was thinking they made candy bars. > Could she be a rogue member, perhaps? A person, disillusioned with the >cause, turning against us? Yarun: Us? I, for one, am no part of the Guerre or anything in this story. >She doesn't seem as though she would ever be a >part of our struggle, and yet there is too much symmetry in what I've seen Kumiko: Evil Chichiri's got the Colin Laney skillz. Yay. >to discount that thought so easily. > The smoke from her distraction was still present in the air, Xel: Mingling with the smoke coming out his ears. >masking >which way she'd gone. She could theoretically still be here, amongst them, >and simply walk off while their backs were turned. Yarun: In fact, she was behind him at the moment, giving him rabbit ears. > The roar of a shotgun went off in the distance, Xel: A maid screamed. Yarun: A pirate ship appeared on the horizon. Kumiko: The plot congealed. >and without hesitation, >Wil ordered his men into the fray. Yarun: [Wil]Fire at will! [sound of many shots]Let me rephrase that... >If he could catch that woman, maybe he >could find out a little more about her. Kumiko: Great, now he sounds like Tessiri. -_- >There was a burning question about >her that needs be answered, Xel: Like, how exactly does one GET so much hair into such teensy little curls? >and the only way to feasibly do so would be to >get her. Hopefully, she hadn't been killed in that shotgun blast and-- > Reaching the window, he noticed a sight. Kumiko: Laser, to be specific, dead center on his chest. >The guard who wielded the >shotgun was still holding it, but was getting off the floor in a dazed >state; likely she hadn't expected the kick of the weapon--from the petite >size of the guard, who gave her such a gun, anyway?-- Xel: [guard]Er...you did, sir. Yarun: And why precisely did Anthy _return_ the gun? >and it likely knocked >her flat on her rear. Kumiko: This is why you don't buy discount mooks. > But the rest of the story was told by the window, or rather, the lack of >one. On what was left of the glass, there was a bit of blood, red, speaking >a sonnet of death. Yarun: And Wil is suddenly possessed by Demitri Maximov. >It was so apparent that the woman had died, failing to >achieve her goal. Kumiko: It looked just like it did in every cheesy movie. > It was so transparent Nori-6: That is usually a property of windows. >that this was possibly a fake. All but Nori-6: [mock disbelieving]No...really? >Wil didn't have to >look down to guess that; likely he wouldn't be able to see the impact of the >body from this high up, anyway. Xel: And so to get a better look, he leapt out, and he himself was spattered. The end. > Turning to his men, he said, "Let us get to the ground level. I won't >believe what I see until I see a body and the smashed bits of our stolen >goods. Yarun: [Wil]Until then, I'm going on the assumption that the lot of you are actually talking grapefruit. >Only then can I be confident that our little footpad did not meet >with success in her goals." As he and his men piled into the nearest active >elevator, Wil thought oddly, that Nori-6: ...He had misplaced a comma. >it was a shame that she might have died in >her attempt. Yarun: [Wil]Now I'll never know what she is like in bed. Oh me... Kumiko: I'd say something, but that's probably what he's really thinking. > She was, after all, quite fetching, and surely the most exotic thief >he'd ever come across. Xel: Much more interesting than that "Saint Tail" character. > Pity, that she might have met such an ignoble end. Kumiko: She's gone to a better fic... >@}>---`---,---- > > ((This has got to be,)) Anthy decided, Yarun: Even sillier than a Nanami episode. >((the most exhilarating thing >I've done in a while. Xel: [Anthy, breathily] Goodness... to think I never even considered using a sword like this befo- [whap] Owie! Kumiko: That's...>_<..Not funny. >Not that I intend to do it again, but it does come in >handy.)) Xel: And _what_ other interpretation would make sense out of that sentence? ^-^ Kumiko: ... >Clinging onto the blade, she slid down the side of the building at >breakneck speed, the blade buried to the hilt into the granite and concrete >of the Remedios building and cutting through it like a hot blade through >soft butter. Kumiko: Heh..the "Black Pirate" knife slide. At least it's stealing from the best... Nori-6: If there is sufficiently little friction for her to slide smoothly, the torque created by the concentration of her weight on the hilt should quickly tip the blade out of the wall... Kumiko: ...and splat. Right. Xel: I think the logic train long since passed the station of this fic. > She'd gotten the idea from an American comic that Miri loved reading. >Anthy smiled to herself, thinking that under normal circumstances, the idea >would be completely off-base. But then again, if it was good enough for Luke >Skywalker, then it was good enough for Anthy Himemiya. Kumiko: Luke Skywalker? Comic?! Tim Zahn stole that from "The Black Pirate" with Douglas Fairbanks, for the original _novel_ of The Last Command! Yarun: Not ranting or anything, are you? Xel: [hands Kumiko a cookie] Think calm, un-ranting thoughts. Kumiko: [looking suspiciously at the cookie]I'm trying... Xel: Right-o. [pops it in her mouth] >Stifling a laugh, >she wondered if George Lucas had ever intended people in real life to act >like his Jedi Knights. Yarun: No, and you can't list it as your religion either. >((But then,)) she thought, ((he probably never met a >Duelist, either.)) Yarun: I don't know...ILM probably helped build the projector. > It was madness. Yarun: [singing]Our house...In the middle of our street... > It was suicidal. > It was something that no sane person would do whatsoever. Kumiko: Sounds like the criteria for reading this fanfic. > Needless to say, it worked like a charm. Yarun: Otherwise we wouldn't have much of a story, would we? Xel: Fanfics - Deus ex Machinae taken to an all new level. > Though the windshear buffeted her, it was actually assisting as it was >keeping her towards the face of the building somewhat, preventing gravity >and other forces of physics from making this into a one-way trip... Nori-6: Is it not one-way under any circumstances? I fail to see how one could use such a method to ascend. >not that >such a possibility still wasn't there. Yarun: The contrivance might give out at any time. >A huge groove would be seen in the >side of the building tomorrow, but considering the damage also included >several blown out windows and a small fire on the 74th floor, things could >be worse. Kumiko: Only in a Dirty Pair episode. Yarun: ...what fire? >She was actually rather surprised that no police or fire >department had responded to her little show. Admittedly, they were >supposedly ready to storm the building, but true professionals would cover >all the bases. Yarun: Er...how? Do yourself a favour...don't point up your own plotholes. > Right around the fifth floor, she let go of the sword, aiming for the >field of flags that were just below. She wasn't afraid of losing her >soulsword, as it would come back to her--it always did. Xel: The problem was when it came point first. >Still moving at the >speed of a cannonball, Yarun: [singing]Slowly walking down the hall/Faster than a cannonball/Where were you when we were getting high... >she flipped herself so she would be diving, and as >she reached the flagpoles, grabbed one and Kumiko: Kept falling as it snapped off. Xel: Physics? We don' need no stinkin' physics! >vaulted between the various ones >that ringed the building, trying to slow down her speed and maneuver to the >other side of the building. Kumiko: How nice that it was designed by a crazed gymnast. Xel: A gymnast named D. Eusex Machinae, perhaps? Yarun: You're quite fond of that term, aren't you...I presume it's something to do with acting rather a diabolus ex machina yourself? >They were sure to be looking for a body, and so >it wasn't safe to stick around here. Xel: Well, a flagpole is a rather stupid place to be anyway. > Once she reached the other side of the building, she built up speed by >circling several times, Kumiko: ...to make sure she made a really good splat. >then flung herself across the street, taking time >only to grasp a traffic light and slide down it. Yarun: ...I know Spider-man, and you, madam, are no Spider-man. >Hitting the ground, she >bolted into the darkness, hoping that she hadn't been seen. Grateful to be >alone in the alleyway, she stripped off her clothing, Xel: And now, we learn of Anthy's second job. Yarun: [staring]And not a moment too soon...*_* Xel: [gasps and slaps him] Pig! [Yarun stands and sits on the far side of Kumiko.] Yarun: [muttering]It's not as if you didn't know what to expect... Xel: [huffs] Two-timer. Kumiko: Two? Pretty low estimate. >then reached into her >backpack and pulled out a clingy, micro-mini dress, with matching shoes, >purse, and a straight-hair pink wig, smiling at that last touch. Xel: [Blinks] A.... cross-cross-dressing Utena costume? >Within a >few seconds she changed, sliding laptop and portable drive into her purse. Kumiko: For "purse", read "suitcase", I guess. Yarun: [sarcastic]Oh, _lovely_. That fits _so_ well with the upscale-clubgirl style. >They'd be looking for a thief, not some party girl coming home from a >nightclub. Kumiko: In an outfit that'll _still_ draw every eye in miles. Way to hide, genius. Xel: This is what we call a Special Plan. Special Plans are made by Special People. Special people are the types who should go to Special Schools, with Special Rooms and Special Medication. >As a last touch, tapped a couple of buttons on her WatchPC. Nori-6: ...in an attempt to summon her distantly-parked pronoun. >Within ten >minutes, the incendiaries she'd left with her stuff on the building Xel: Well, it's more dramatic than a yard sale... >and the >one she tossed in with the clothes she just disposed of, would ignite and >destroy all evidence. Kumiko: Oh. _That_ fire. Nice to mention it before saying why there'd be one... >She wouldn't be around to deal with it, though. Xel: She had just fallen down an open manhole. The end. > Walking in the direction of the nightlife district, about five blocks >away, Anthy mentally filed Yarun: ...her fingernails. >all the information of what she'd seen tonight. >Something from her past seemed to rise up from nowhere, Yarun: [singing]Many miles away, something crawls from the slime/At the bottom of a dark/Scottish lake... >and she'd want to >know if said past was seeking her out. Kumiko: Paging Doctor Obvious... Xel: I think it's time for.. OBVIOUS MAN! [randomly in a weird-and-rather-revealing superhero suit with a big 'DUH' plastered on the chest] HA! [poses] [the others blink in synchrony. Kumiko and Yarunseto sweatdrop. Xel then reverts all the way back to his usual self.] >@}>---`---,---- > > Running out of the building, Wil and several of the guards saw no trace >of a body at all. They'd been expecting pavement pasta, but instead had the >sidewalk no dirtier than it was usually. Kumiko: Of course, it usually looked like a couple people went splot on it, so there was no telling. >The corpse had apparently gotten >the best of them, and gotten away clean in the process. Kumiko: That's pretty sad when you get outwitted by Lord Raptor. > Who was she? Wil thought, very intrigued by the woman. She mind burned >with the question. This was clearly no mere woman, no simple footpad. >There was far more to her than met the vision of loveliness that she >extruded. Yarun: What does her doing garage kits have to do with it? > Laughing much to the confusion of his subordinates, Wil went back into >the building. Xel: [thug]If he starts talking about burning things, I am so out of here. >He had to report this to the upper echelons of the Guerre du >Monde, and perhaps they would have an answer to the enigma of this femme >roué. Kumiko: Can you pick a language and stick with it? >He gave himself a secret smile and went into the elevator. He needed >a drink, and perhaps one of the pliant female assistants that usually sat >around the office, bringing new meaning to the term personal assistants. Yarun: [sarcastic]That must look _wonderful_ on one's resume...secretary...receptionist... villain's harem girl... > Oh, what a day this had been! But as he licked his lips in anticipation >of the hunt he would surely have against this woman, a new truth arose: Xel: Was that _all_ that "arose"? >((Oh, what a hunt this shall be!)) Nori-6: EvilChichiri is now known as SafariEvilChichiri >@}>---`---,---- > >Brussels, Belgium >March 16, 200X Kumiko: Well, it _feels_ like we've seen this two hundred times... > "Here's the information you asked for, Oriel," Anthy replied as she >handed the older woman a laptop. Though it was a different computer, the >hard drive from the original was contained in it. Yarun: A second computer company had bought a product placement. >Additionally, a few >DVD-RAMs Kumiko: [sarcastic]Whee, futuristic. >were also handed over, which had the copied information that had >been on the portable drive. Xel:...which was off the computer in the first place. >Lastly, was a videotape of the original >computer shell, the portable drive, the PC used as the transfer interface, >and the DVD-RAM writer all being set ablaze and melted into smoky steaming >puddles of metal and plastic. Yarun: [Anthy]This footage was made, of course, at the only time when the stars were right to permit copying... Kumiko: [Anthy]I hope this brings me up to this chapter's property damage quota. >It was needed, both women knew, to satisfy >Oriel's superiors. Yarun: Odd fetish, that. Xel: Such things seem to be common in this fic... >Oriel knew that Rose would neither need nor want copies, >and Rose repeated that Chevalier would never doublecross a client unless he >was doublecrossed first. > In return, Oriel handed Rose a Minidisc. Yarun: [Anthy]Wai, Masami Okui! *^-^* >"On this are the access codes >to the deposited account. As per your request, it was deposited in the >Cayman account instead of the Swiss one. As always, the French government >disavows your existence-- " a pointless statement, since the French really >had no idea who Oriel worked with, anyway, Kumiko: Anywhere but France, I'd have trouble believing that. >"--and denies any cooperation >with any internationally wanted criminals." > The two women were seated in a little bistro in downtown Brussels, only >a short distance away from SHAPE, the main headquarters for NATO. This had >been designated as their meeting point long ago, as many operations that >Chevalier had done for France had ended up here at the little Yarun: ...Shop of Horrors? Xel: ...Bo Peep? Yarun: I've got it...The Best Little Whorehouse in Belgium! Xel: ...I like Little Bo Peep better. Kumiko: Looks like Rob got his creative license pulled all of a sudden. > Anthy nodded. "So, what's next for you, Oriel?" Yarun: [Oriel, huskily] There's a motel down the street... why don't you surprise me? > The woman smiled. "Well, I have a nice little chateau in Bordeaux that >I've always cherished. I think I will be settling down there to raise my >granddaughter and write my memoirs. That should be good for a few chuckles >amongst the well-learned in intelligence circles." Yarun: [old spy]Oh, yes, isn't it a hoot seeing all these secrets blown open? Har har har! Kumiko: So, when's Oriel going to buy it? >Taking a quick drag from >her cigarette, she added, "And what of you, Rose? What do you plan to do >with the money?" Xel: [Anthy]Buy a better plot. > Rose shrugged. "I'll take my commission as always, and place the rest >in Chevalier's accounts." > Oriel took one more drag from her cigarette and tamped it out, then >stared at Anthy for a few minutes. Yarun: [Oriel, dazed]Ooooh, pretty... Xel: [Oriel] You've got a boogie. [points to Anthy's nose] >Finally, she took a sip of her espresso >and looking over the brim of her cup, said, "We're done, you know, Rose. Xel: [Oriel]I've met someone else. >You don't have to play this game of hiding anymore. I don't intend to tell >anyone that you're really Chevalier as well as Rose." > Anthy blinked. *That* wasn't expected. "You know?" she asked. Yarun: [Anthy]You mean I can stop faking two tax returns? > "Young lady, do you know how many years of service I have had with my >country? More than you can imagine, I'm sure." Yarun: ...And Anthy burst out laughing. >Oriel reached inside purse >to reach for another cigarette, then thought better of it. "I have been >with French Intelligence for fifty years now. I may look like I'm only in my >fifties, but I'm what one would call a 'well-preserved' lady--my real age is >77. Xel: [Oriel]You see, I met this interesting fellow named Shido... >I've lived a long life. Long enough to have a daughter, and watch my >daughter have children. I've been very lucky. Yarun: [Oriel]Especially in meeting you, Anthy dear. > "Why am I telling you this? Kumiko: [sarcastic]Because this story isn't already long enough? Xel: Maybe she's about to kill her. We can hope, right? >Well, Rose, the sort of job that you do? I >did it in the French Resistance in the Second World War. I was the one who >scaled the walls and entered Vichy and Nazi buildings to get the information >that our troops needed. Yarun: Lovely, she was Mlle. Marie. Kumiko: Trying for obscurity points, Princey? >They called me 'L' Revenant'--The Ghost--because >they could never, ever catch me. I suppose I was lucky; in those days, they >didn't have the automated equipment that they have now. Yarun: [Old Oriel]When I was your age, they didn't have any of your newfangled "alarms"... > "Rose, I know that you have, by a rough estimate, some 75 million in US >dollars saved up. You're young, what--in your early, maybe mid-twenties? >We are not at war, there is no reason to risk your life, especially when you >have a daughter." Xel: ...If she had a daughter by Akio, I am going to kill myself here and now. Kumiko: They probably mean the little chibi-munchkin from earlier. And since when do you care about things like that? Xel: [looks ill] It's AKIO! Can you imagine what his child would be like, especially by his sister?! Yarun: You, perhaps? Xel: Well, yes, I suppose that's- [pauses] ...YAIIEE!! [lunges on him, only to be stopped by Kumiko's hand in his face] > Anthy gasped. How much did Oriel know about her? Was she being traced? >She fought down a trace of panic. Yarun: [singing]I always feel like/Somebody's watching me... > Oriel saw the flicker of fear in Anthy's eyes and in a calm voice, tried >to soothe the young woman's fears. "Rose...Anthy...I know just about all >there is to know about you because I wanted to make sure you were safe. Not >because of our working relationship, but because Yarun: [Oriel]You're just so cuuuuute! >I see a lot of me in you. Xel: Right up to the wr-*WHAP* >You like to take risks, as though you're searching for something, and you're >willing to do whatever it takes to get it. Yarun: [singing]That's your horoscope for today... >I was lucky because in my day, >there were less obstacles to get to the goal. Nowadays, though, there's far >more to it than what appears. Xel: [Anthy]That's very profound...huh? Kumiko: [Anthy]Do you have any clue what you're talking about? > "You have a wonderful daughter, Mireille. Yarun: [Anthy]But...I'm Rose... >She doesn't deserve to lose >her mother because of an accident. I had no such responsibilities like that >when I was your age. Who will care for her if you were to die, Anthy? Nori-6: Certainly, we cannot trust the proof-reader to do so. >I >know that you already leave her at home during your assignments. What will >she do if you never come home?" > Anthy didn't have an answer for that, but instead hung her head in >shame. All but Nori-6: I am filled with shame. >She'd focused on her jobs to pay for her search for Utena, so much >so that she'd gotten herself in a mobius that left Miri out of the equation. Kumiko: ...and now she needed to lay her cards on the table and get her ducks in a row. >She treated Miri very much like a little sister, but was that right? Xel: She was already showing signs of insane jealousy... >Miri's >plea to her from two weeks ago was the plea of needing someone in her >life--the very selfsame cry that Anthy had made once, even though it had >been a different set of words. Kumiko: [Anthy]Help me, Obi-Wan Tenjou, you're my only hope. Yarun: ...This is quite subtly heading somewhere very wrong. > ((What am I doing? My God, I'm becoming like...like....)) She wasn't >sure how to equate it. Not really even aware of it, her eyes were welling. >((I took Miri off the streets because I wanted to give her better than what >the harsh world was giving her, and instead all I've done is put her in a >gilded cage! I'm no better than....)) Kumiko: This paragraph brought to you by the Angst Council. Xel: ...Says KUMIKO. Oh, wait, you don't angst... you just do the 'everybody dies' comments. Kumiko: Heh...Kopii Quatre over there is our resident angst boy. Xel: [blinks] Really? I thought he was our local flaming drunkard... Yarun: [sweatrdop, mumbling]Kopii...Quatre?[normal]I'm a bloke of many talents. >A sob escaped her lips, and she sunk >her face into her hands. > ((I want Miri to have a better life than the streets. That's why I took >her into my life. But what is the cost?)) Anthy shivered, and the tears >began to flow freely. ((I know the cost. I either end my search for Utena, >or I doom Miri to half-care, and the chance that I could die, leaving her >with nothing. Kumiko: ...or you quit thieving and just look for Utena. Yarun: There's always the Bruce Wayne option...Have her tag along so you die at the same time. > ((But am I willing to give up on Utena? I've searched for her for ten >years now! But does that give me the right to make Miri suffer for my >mistakes? Yarun: One way or another, she will, have no doubt. They'll simply be different mistakes. Xel: [blinks at him] Wow, she was right... Kopii Quatre-chan. <3 > ((No. Utena would never forgive me--*I* would never forgive myself--if >Miri were to suffer because I'm too busy tilting at windmills to take care >of a young child. I'd be treating Miri little better than Nanami treated >Mitsuru way back when. That's not fair to her, and she doesn't deserve >that.)) > Crying a river of tears, Anthy choked on her own words: "Oh, Miri, I'm >so sorry...." Yarun: [Oriel]Could someone get a mop? > "There there, child, don't you worry. No harm has been done to your >young child yet." Xel: [Oriel]If she continues being so twee, though, I can't guarantee anything. >Oriel reached into her purse and produced a small travel >box of tissues. "Here you are. I know how you feel; I feel that way for >losing my own child. Don't let it happen to yours." Yarun: This has been a public service announcement. > Anthy took the tissues gladly, putting them to use immediately. Between >sobs, she said, as though asking for confirmation, "It's time I retired. Kumiko: Hopefully in the Blade Runner sense. >It's time I took care of Miri." Silently, she added, ((and time I gave up >on searching for Utena. I'm sorry, Utena, but it's something I have to do. >I only hope that you'll understand.)) Yarun: [Anthy]Now could someone untie me from the Plot Wagon? > "Yes it is, Anthy. Yes it is." The older woman gave a smile that >seemed beatific and enlightening; a female Amida Buddha dispensing wisdom. Kumiko: ...Did Rob roll on the Random Religious Figures table? >"Go. Go from here, child. No one knows who you really are, and I will take >your secret to my grave. If you truly love that child of yours, this must >be the final mission of Chevalier, Anthy, the final task of Rose." Rising >from her seat, Oriel made ready to leave. But before she did, she gave Anthy >a card. "If you ever need help, give me a call." Yarun: [singing]Oo, appelle-moi mon cherie, appelle-moi... > "I will, thanks." Anthy then added, "I'd offer the same, but I don't >believe I'll be living in the same place. I think it's time I settled down >somewhere." With a knowing grin, she added nonchalantly, "Besides, I'm sure >you'll be able to find me anyway," punctuating her words with a mischievous >wink. Yarun: [Oriel]I've got one more appearance in my contract. > Oriel went to the sidewalk as a nondescript Seat pulled up; Kumiko: This being Paris, the rest of the car couldn't find a parking place. Nori-6: I believe that is a brand name... >Hervé was >behind the wheel and waved to Anthy, which she merrily returned. Reaching >for the rear passenger door, she said, "Well, no offense meant by this, >Rose, but I hope we never meet again. Xel: [Anthy]No offense meant, Oriel, but I hope you get hit by a bus. >But I would hope to see Anthy again >soon." Xel: [Anthy]...Oh...sorry about that. >Opening it, she said, "Now, if you'll excuse me, Anthy, I have my >granddaughter to take care of...just as you have young Miri." > > Moving like a rocket, Miri raced up towards and into Anthy's arms. Kumiko: ...and exploded. >"Oh >Anthy!" the girl chirped for joy. "Mr. Hervé said that you're going to be >coming home for good, and never leaving! Is it true? Is it?" Anthy's >response was to hug the child closer, watching as Orielle and Hervé drive >off into the distance, towards the new day. Xel: Cue ending credits. Please? > As Anthy watched the car head down the street, she felt oddly at peace. >While it was true that she'd just given up on her lifelong dream, she was >embracing her future. Yarun: Can't have anything to do with the original plot, can we? >That future belonged to the child that Anthy held, >and though the chances were that she would never see Tenjou Utena again, she >felt that the crimson-maned woman would approve. Xel: ...what does this have to do with Lina? > Holding Miri close to her, she whispered, "It's true, Miri. I'm done >with my work now, and I'll never be leaving home again. I also have a >surprise for you." As the girl backed up a bit to look at Anthy, she asked, >"How would you like to be my daughter?" > The girl's face lit up. "Really, Anthy?" Kumiko: [Anthy]Really...now can you stop making your face glow? It's creepy. > Anthy couldn't help but smile. "Don't you mean, 'Mother?'" The >response to that was a strong hug from the girl, as she joyfully giggled. >Holding her soon-to-be daughter in her arms, Anthy Himemiya said, "I love >you, Miri. And I'll always be here for you. I promise." Yarun: [Miri]Just like you'll always be there for Utena? Xel: [Anthy]Er... >@}>---`---,---- > >Somewhere in Europe >March 16, 200X > > The ancient castle was dark and foreboding. There were few lights in >this ancient palace, somewhere in the continent, and from the looks of >outside, there wasn't much around it, either. Though the castle was in good >repair, it was maintained in its original mediaeval condition, dank and >musty, windowless and chilly. Yarun: [Dracula]I bid you...velcome. > From somewhere in the castle, though it wasn't clear, as the acoustics >of the place were incredibly sharp, Gregorian chants haunted the whole of >the manor. Nori-6: Should sharp acoustics not improve the clarity instead of detracting from it? >A dozen voices, in unison, chanted something that, while >certainly was not written by neither the Church of Rome or those of Luther's >split, was just as ancient, and perhaps even more so: Xel: [chanting]Nyah na na nyah nyah! Yarun: [chanting]Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn... >"If the egg's shell does not break, the chick will die without being born. >"We are the chick; the egg is the world. >"If the world's shell does not break, we will die without being born. >"Break the world's shell! >"For the sake of revolutionizing the world!" Yarun and Xel: For the Revolution of the Pants! Kumiko: ...Do I know them? --; > In another part of the castle, there was a particular room that had far >more of an importance than any other. The room was usually bare, save for a >small round table and a score of candelabras that were the sole illumination >of the room. Kumiko: It's the low-tech version of the SEELE virtual meeting room. Nori-6: "Candelabra" is already plural. >The table was made of a polished pure marble, with unmovable >round stools made of the same material, all engraved with the Rose Sigil on >their tops. Xel: The Lunch Counter of Dios! >The candelabras, each a meter and a half in length, each held a >single tallow candle that was about a meter tall; the black metal holders >were designed to look like the sprawling, twisted shape of rose vines >climbing towards the sky. Yarun: [GM]There is a treasure chest in the corner guarded by three orcs. > Currently, the room was occupied. A half dozen people sat at one end of >the table, their faces and forms hidden by black, shapeless robes. Kumiko: Oh, great, it's the Illuminati. So which one looks like Commander Riker? >At the >other end of the table, stood Wil, dressed in similar robes, though not >wearing the cowl. Looking at them each in turn, he said, my lords, that is >my report. I have no idea who this Chevalier woman is, but it is clear that >she knows of us. She could be a threat to what we mean to accomplish." Yarun: [Wil]She was even able to steal my quotation mark. > The one in the center smiled; it was one of the few things that you >could see about him. Kumiko: He was the Cheshire Conspirator. >"There are only four people in this world that have >escaped our grasp. Possibly by no coincidence, they are all female." Kumiko: Oh, great. We either get Evil Miki or Dead Miki. -_- >He >inclined his head towards the person at the farthest left of Wil. "The >pictures, if you would, please." > The person moved a slender, ladylike hand towards will. Under it slid a >simple brown envelope adorned with a silver Rose Sigil, which Wil took and >opened. Removing four photographs from it, he placed the photos and the >envelope on the table. Instantly, he pointed at the third one. "Her, my >Lords. It is her." Yarun: [random Illuminatus]Wil? Wipe your nose. It's bleeding. > The person in the center chuckled, his voice a deep, throaty laugh. >"Now this is a surprise. I would have thought it to be the other." > "The other?" Wil asked. > "Yes. The Prince. Instead, it seems that you have encountered The Rose >Bride." > "The Rose Bride?" Wil repeated, looking at the others as though they >were mistaken. "But that cannot be the Rose Bride. Xel: [Yakko]Could someone stop these people yelling "Rose Bride?" Klong! Thank you. >I assure you of that." > "Wil, she whom you know is she who is the current Rose Bride. The woman >that you went up against in Munchen is the original Rose Bride, before she >betrayed us and went to the side of the Prince." Yarun: [Akio]There never was such a thing as a prince. [Dr. Evil-style]Zip it! >The speaker paused for a >second, and added, "The Bride--what did you say she is calling herself now?" > "She introduced herself to me as Chevalier, Lord," the Dutchman >answered. "Though I knew she might once have been part of our organization, >and possibly a Duelist, Kumiko: What gave you that clue? The sword coming out of her chest? >I never would have thought her to be one of the >upper echelon." > "Well, 'Chevalier'--" he said that name as though he was clearly amused >by it, Kumiko: Who wouldn't be? >"--is no longer part of our concern. Not at all. We have chosen a >new Rose Bride, though it was nigh difficult, Xel: It would have really been difficult, but a convenient contrivance dropped her in our lap. >and she will be the one who >lead us to Revolution. Our flaw last time is that we chose a Bride that >would not stay in the Dream of Dios, would not remain to be happy with the >power of the Bride. Kumiko: Chose? Didn't she kind of...happen? >She betrayed us for the Prince, and we nearly lost >everything. Kumiko: [author]And for my next trick, I'll produce a Manichean interpretation out of my ass! > "This time, we have succeeded. We have chosen a Bride that has had the >world outside of the Dream, and shuns it, willing to take the power of the >Bride. She is more suitable, for she has chosen the path of the Bride. Kumiko: So she's the movie version? >Now, that is all she knows, all she wishes to know. She is truly the one >that will lead us to Revolution." > "And as the one engaged to the Bride," Wil commented smugly, "I will be >the one that will lead our troops to the Revolution!" Kumiko: ...troops? What happened to the Phenomenal Magic Powers they were supposed to get if they won? Xel: Apparently, that was only for the blue light special. > "Perhaps." The woman who had passed him the pictures spoke. "You have >not faced all the Duelists yet." > "True, Lady," Wil admitted, "but I have yet to lose a Duel against those >I have fought before, and I daresay my record will remain unbeaten." He >bowed to them all and said, "Now then, if you'll excuse me, I must needs see >to my other business." With a slight bow, he departed the room. Yarun: ...apparently, Saionji's brother was adopted in Europe and dyed his hair. > As the six watched him leave, a third voice spoke up: "Arrogant prig. >Simply because he is the one engaged to the Rose Bride, he thinks that he >has been anointed as God." Kumiko: ...you're right. > The first spoke up. "What matters is that one should lead us to >Revolution, and once that has been accomplished, we of the Cabal will begin >the Reconstruction, to make the world in the Image of the Dream. It matters >not who it is. Yarun: >_<...it's a mutant cross between SEELE and a bad Changeling game. Xel: Quick! Throw chops to see if you win a duel! >And," he said, his lips parting in a faint smile, "as I >recall, when you were a mere Duelist yourself, you were quite the same way, >were you not?" > Third sounded admonished. "Yes, I admit that I was, long ago, but that >was before I learned the true meaning of the Revolution. If I had but known >it sooner, I would not have wasted my time in such a foolish display of >pomp." Kumiko: ...what's the point of this? Just to make it longer? Xel: Wasn't realizing what the Revolution was just having happy-happy fun-fun in the Akio Car? > Second changed the subject, her tone sounding somewhere between curious >and demanding. "What of this...Chevalier? What do we do with her? The >data on the stolen property was--" > First's voice was definite: "Anthy Himemiya is not a concern. Yarun: [First as Dr. Evil]Zip it good! >All she >is now, apparently, is a common criminal; such a shame for a princess to >fall from the heights from which she was born." First kneaded his hands in >thought, then added, "Nevertheless, it would be best if we were to keep a >watch for her. It may be nothing, but it may also be a sign that the Prince >may be rising to counter the Revolution once more. Kumiko: [tired]...even though...Utena kind of _accomplished_...the revolution... >We cannot afford that." > "Lord," Second and Third spoke, their voices swearing in unison. Xel: [Second]@#!^%%$, is this my whole role?! >"Break the world's shell! >"For the sake of revolutionizing the world!" Yarun: For the revolution of the stock footage! > The candles in the room guttered out all at once, drenching the room in >darkness. Kumiko: Followed by the sound of six pretentious twits tripping over their robes. >To be continued... Xel: ...If we do the next little part in this story, I'm going to shoot myself. Or the author. >@}>---`---,---- Kumiko: The last damned rose. >Mata ne, Yarun: _Please_ let there not be a next time... >Rob >primary: rob@yogipigs.org secondary: mara@megami.net >AIM: Mitsukai com ICQ: 45925353 >Mitsukai! http://www.mitsukai.com >Sailor Moon AX: http://www.yogipigs.org/sailormoon-ax/ >Studio YOGIPIGS: http://www.yogipigs.org Yarun: Avoid these sites at all costs. >A Long Strange Webpage: http://www.yogipigs.org/ALSW/ Xel: A Long, Strange Fic--see above. [The screen goes black] Kumiko: OK, let's get out of here. [All rise and file out] [SOR Bridge. The dogbone door opens, and everyone stumbles out. Xel fades out.] Kumiko: [looking at the now-empty space]That can't be good... Yarun: No, it most certainly can't... [The screen comes on, displaying Tessiri again.] Tessiri: Well, hello again...that was rather different, was it not? Kumiko: Not really. It was long and stupid, just like NSEW. Tessiri: Please, do give me your full impressions...wait, where is our fourth? Xel: [fades in next to Kumiko, leaning on her shoulder] Who, me~? Kumiko: Yes, you. She wants to know what you thought of it. Me, I just wondered what it had to do with Utena, except for a couple random concepts. I'd say something about the characterization, but there wasn't really any, except for some contrived angst with Anthy. Xel: [nods] I pretty much agree with that... the 'angst,' however, was sudden enough that it came off as a total deus ex machinae, just popping up for the author's convinience. They totally missed all the points of the series, and generally showed no semblence of writing skill. Yarun: I must agree, although the lack of characterisation is quite appropriate to the sort of bogstandard Hollywood action piece from which this draws most of its style. And the degree of unintentional innuendo was almost redeeming. It was also quite unbearably long. Nori-6: The writing quality was better than the majority of what we have dealt with, but that is saying little. Tessiri: At any rate, you still provided quite a bit more amusement than the usual...thank you, Xellos. Xel: [bows deeply] My pleasure, though not really. You can make up for the pain I suffered by telling me where you get your clothes. Kumiko: [muttering]Thanks for getting off me... Tessiri: They are made here, but the designs are from a certain person in a world other than this or your own...I know that she is acquainted with at least one version of you. Perhaps, were you to make a return appearance, I would inform her of your interest. Xel: [eyes her] ... [clings to Yarun, beginning to glow blue-green] I'll think about it~ Tessiri: [As Xel vanishes, a bit more quickly than the usual guest]The question, dear Xellos, is rather whether you have the ingenuity to avoid it. Kumiko: [sarcastic]I'll be counting the minutes. Yarun: [heading back out the side door.]Ta, Sira; I've a game to get back to. Kumiko: [to screen]Any reason you're still watching, Tessa? Tessiri: [amused]I've a suspicion... [There is a high-pitched shriek from the direction of the living quarters. Tessiri begins to laugh] Kumiko: Wha? [Yarunseto runs out of the appropriate door, shaken and carrying several objects. He skids to a stop, and they fall onto the floor between him and Kumiko. We can see that they are the separated heads and bodies of his Shion Nys and Opera Vectra plushies, and three Cardcaptor Sakura hentai doujinshi.] Yarun: [incoherent]He...I found...my bed... [Tessiri becomes hysterical with Naga-esque laughter.] Kumiko: [wincing]Well, he said he'd put something nasty in your bed... Yarun: [still pale]...and he did. Very funny. I think I'll go and see if I can avoid remembering this. [begins to head off again] Kumiko: [turning towards the portal]No point sticking around here...I'm coming, Arche...^_^ Yarun: [O.S., Kumiko voice]Itadakimasu! Kumiko: [yelling]I'M STILL HERE, NITWIT![she steps through] [The only sound is Tessiri still laughing] Alielle: ...Guess I should press the button now... BLIPFSSSSHHHHH.... \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ Well, back to one set of notes, by my co-MSTer's choice...First off, I have to thank her for her patience with this fic and with my alternate absences, insistence on working on it, and general flakiness. Thanks secondly to Bryann, for writing the cutest little witchgirl ever (sorry, Sae)into this, and reading my early versions. Thanks thirdly to whoever's reading this, for sticking with us through the excessively long time it toopk to kick this particular dead whale down the beach--it's been a pretty difficult time in all three lives involved, so there were plenty of stoppages and creative dry spells. Even so, a lot of the problem was still the sheer Eyrie-esque length of the fic. It gets a lot wackier, but I'm still not sure if I want to challenge the later parts. I do know, though, that if Xmiko and her Xel come back, it will probably be for something else. I wouldn't want to subject them to this again. Unless they are in disagreement on how much trouble it was... Anyway, up next is probably "Slayers Fushigi", in cooperation with Alex Magusaka. However, you'll probably see Kumiko in another Bryann host segment before that. Ja! --DadyTengu The Mystery Science Theater 3000 concept and running jokes are property of Best Brains International and Joel Hodgson. Xellos[s] belongs to Hajime Kanzaka and SOFTX, and has been lovingly borrowed by Emiko-kun. Alielle belongs to Pioneer and AIC. Arche is originally the creation of Namco, but this particular warped, cynical, Kumiko-loving version is the unique property of Swordian Master Bryann. The other characters used in this MSTing are my own, created for a (planned)manga-style comic, and belong to Fortuna Samizdat Productions. Shoujo Kakumei Utena is property of Be-Papas and Shogakukan. "L'Chevalier de la Malchance" belongs to Rob Barba and no offense is meant, just humourous C&C. DadyTengu can be reached at.... JChance4d4@prodigy.net My page: http://www.angelfire/com/anime3/dtengu Emiko-kun can be reached at.... cruentus@shadow.zzn.com Her page: http://www.stormpages.com/cruentus ________________________________________________________________________________________________ > It was madness. > It was suicidal. > It was something that no sane person would do whatsoever. > Needless to say, it worked like a charm.