Robert Geiger's "Clothes Make The Woman" An MSTing by the Psimaster (Now with *tolerance*!) darkmotive@home.com Copyrights: Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related properties belong to Best Brains. Or the highest bidder... ;_; Urusei Yatsura belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and... uh... whoever she works for. I honestly have no clue. But whoever it is, it belongs to them too, so hands off. "Clothes Make The Woman" belongs to Robert Geiger, who is nice enough to send his fics to a jackass like me to be mutilated. Ah well, I'll send him "Blossom, O Feeble Seed" whenever I finish it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Intro Notes: Goshers, boys and girls, it's been a while, hasn't it? Well, now that summer's upon us, I'm ready to bring you another Geigerfic (a term which nobody uses except me, incidentally. -_-) It's hentai, so you know the drill. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (I'll assume you know the theme song. It saves time for the both of us. ^_^) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Satellite of Love. Around the hour of Thermidor. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I'm telling you, Crow, it's a masterpiece! It'll get us off the satellite for sure!" Tom Servo hastily made the final double check of the triple check of his calculations as he stood upon the imposing monolith that was his Super Secret Secret Stealth Rocket of Stealthiness (Patent pending, illegal in Utah). Crow looked on with cynicism as Tom floated off the top of the rocket. "Come on, Tom! You can't even program a VCR, let alone construct a radar- deflecting, 0.1c max, hamdinger-propelled, robot-operation rocketship!" "Oh ye of little faith." With that, Tom pulled the string on the ignition, and the rocket chugged to life. After a bit of sputtering, though, it died down. "Hmm? Crow, would you bring your mobile arms over here and give the engine a good slap?" "No way! I'm not touching that piece of junk! It's probably running on its own rust!" "Come on, Crow. Or are you... chicken?" Tom said, with a hint of a sneer. "BAWK-b-bawk-bawk-bawk..." "Hey, stop it..." "...bawk-BAWK-B-KAW..." "Stop it, Tom! Shut up!" "...bawk-bawk..." "All right, all right! I'll do it already!" Crow wailed. As Crow was about to slap the engine, Mike Nelson, the ship's de facto commander, wandered into the room. "Hey, guys! What's the-" He was suddenly interrupted as Crow hit the rocket's engine. Within seconds, the rocket flared to full burn. The room filled with smoke as it jerked towards the hull of the ship, and there was a small puff of flame as it impacted with the storage bay door. Mike coughed and attempted to wave the smoke from his eyes as the room became visible again. The engine of the rocket was wedged into the hole in the door where the rocket had broken though, and it had fired its last flame jet. Crow was the first to recover from the scene. "What the *hell* was that?!" he yelled as he knocked a piece of wooden box off of Tom's Slinky arm. Mike ran to the deck of the ship. "Let's see what happened to the rocket. I hope we weren't damaged too badly." He and the bots raced to the monitor as Mike flicked it on. Most of the rocket had broken off, and was hurtling through the Earth's atmosphere. "Oh, good job, Tom," Crow said. "Now there's going to be global carnage and everyone will blame it on the U.S. and they're gonna have World War Three and they're gonna bring CHiPs back on prime time with Freddie Prinze Jr. and it's all because of *you*!" "Sorry," Tom moped. "But it worked, right?" Crow was about to hit Tom when the Mad sign flashed. "Leave it be, you guys," Mike said. "Amos 'n' Andy are calling." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deep 17 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr. Forrester stood in front of the monitor cackling, oblivious to an irritating buzzing noise that was filling the chamber. "Hello, boob-" He was cut off by the sound of explosions and grinding metal. Smoke filled the room as the sounds degenerated to a hissing and the occasional clank of metal. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Satellite of Love -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The silence was deafening. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deep 17 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As the smoke cleared, Forrester frantically waved it from his face, partially convulsed in coughing fits. Frank wandered into the room obscured by smoke; his head seemed unnaturally large until the smoke cleared. There was a large cone embedded in his head. It had entered his left temple and continued straight through to his right jaw. Oddly enough (although not for Frank), he didn't seem affected. "Hey, Dr. F..." he monotoned. "My tummy hurts..." The doctor, however, seemed unnerved, and merely facefaulted at Frank's non sequitur. "Anyway," he said, "What invention have you created for my derision this week? I *was* going to show off TV boy's new fully integrated positronic heightened-reflexes high-definition 200-channel brain... but there's hardly any point in that now, is there? SO PRESENT ALREADY, YOU IGNORANT PEONS!!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Satellite of Love -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mike and the bots simply blinked and presented their invention, a clear plastic box about the size of a telephone booth. There was a showerhead embedded in the middle of the roof, and a single normal-sized door on one side. Gypsy, on cue, came in and (rather mechanically) read a speech taped to the front of her eye. "Gee-Mike-I-hear- that-you-have-to-do-another-annie-may-fic-today." Crow chuckled. "Why, Gypsy, you mean anime, of course! But seriously, I wish I could know everything there is to know about this particular series/OVA/manga/hentai still collection. I wonder if my mechanically adept buddy, Mike, could somehow design a machine which could instantaneously beam the relevant info to a previously unused segment of my mind?" Mike smiled a million-dollar smile and looked directly into the monitor. "Well, now you can, with my new Otak-O-Matic!" Gypsy (despite the script on her eye) and Crow turned and gazed at the big plastic box. Crow gasped in awe. "Why, Mike! It's like you can read my mind!" "I can, Crow!" The robots coughed nervously. "And so can this box! It contains a directory of every fansite of every anime ever made!" Tom now also turned to the box. "Wow - even Panzer Dragoon?" "No, that sucked. Anyway, simply select the anime to be viewed-" He programmed in 'Maze' "-step into the box, and with the magic of CHEAP LIGHTING EFFECTS (patent pending), you will be infused with the groundwork character and relationship knowledge for the entire OVA and series structure!" Tom cautiously hovered into the box. Mike shut the door behind him and activated the Otak-O-Matic. As promised, a cheap lighting effect beamed down from the shower head and into Tom's dome. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "It's like I can actually see into Crow's head!" Suddenly, the beam intensified in size (and, proportionally, cheapness), and caused Tom's head to melt amidst his screams. Mike grinned nervously. "Heh heh... of course, there's still a few bugs to work out..." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deep 13 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Frank stared blankly at the screen. "Mommy... why is Dr. Weasel's head on fire?" Dr. Forrester chuckled. "Well, at least I can take solace in the fact that Servo's head got fried as well... anyway, that Otak-O-Matic won't help you in today's experiment. It's another lemon from Geigerland - this time based on that universally-known series 'Urusei Yatsura'." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Satellite of Love -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "LUM!!" Crow yelled. "Lum, my love!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deep 13 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Not quite..." Dr. Forrester said, a smile on his face. "You see, this particular story has nobody you've ever heard of. Also, there's dairy involved... it's called "Clothes Make The Woman", and there's more fetish in it than you can shake a riding crop at. Enjoy, while you still have your sanity... HAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHA!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Satellite of Love -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hey, how bad could it be with dairy products being rubbed over a woman's body?" Crow suggested, with a giggle. "Don't be so sure, Crow..." Mike said. "It's Forrester's work, so there's no telling what's involved here..." He quickly turned back to his original task of attaching a new head to Tom. "Well, at least this time it was ruined before the fic..." Tom sighed. As soon as he had said it, the movie sign flashed and the familiar klaxons sounded. This time, however, the commercial sign flashed as well. "The hell?" Mike said, incredulous. "It's not supposed to do that..." Crow noticed as well, and looked at Mike. "So hit them both!" "But..." "Don't worry about it! We can either choke to death, or miss the door sequence! No offense, but I think I know what I'd rather do!" Exasperated, Mike gave up and hit the buttons. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *COMMERCIAL* -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A small, blonde woman with wings faces the camera. She's wearing a skintight leather bikini that covers only a small part of her body. Pfil: Hi, I'm Pfil! You may recognize me from the popular manga series "Bondage Fairies"! (Gee, what an unfortunate name...) Anyway, I'm proud to present my new book, "Pfil's Guide to the Insect and Fairy Kingdom"! (She holds up an encyclopedia-sized book, bound in leather, with the title embossed in gold.) Pfil: With this book, you can be as knowledgeable about the insect world as me! Neat, huh? (A man with a giant condom on his head bounds up to the camera.) Kondom: Or me! (Another man, this one with a giant grasshopper's head on his head, walks up to Kondom.) Kondom #2: Hey, you! Stop impersonating me! Kondom #1: Make me, young-breath! (The two Kondoms start fighting, and go off-camera. Another woman flies to the camera and smiles. She's wearing even less than Pfil, and turns to face her.) Pamila: Come *on*, Pfil! I haven't gotten it on with you in *hours*! How much longer are you going to take to sell your book? Pfil: Pamila, lighten up, would you? I haven't even told the audience about the best parts yet! Pamila: Aw, come on, Pfil. The best parts of the Fairy kingdom are hiding in that bikini of yours. (winks) Pfil: Ooooohh... when you put it that way... (They fly off together, giggling.) Pfil's Guide to the Insect and Fairy Kingdom. Strictly for educational purposes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *END COMMERCIAL* -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Door 1, Theatre. Everyone settles in.) Tom: Gosh, wasn't it amazing to see the address you can write to get free security videos of Drew Barrymore in a changing room just plastered on Door 5? Crow: I'll say! And it was exciting to find out who the chairman of the Illuminati was, seeing as how it was written on Door 2! Mike: Ah, yes... but enough bantering. Time for pain. >Urusei Yatsura - Tales of the Daishi'cha: Tom: Gesundheit! >"Clothes Make The Woman" >by Robert Geiger Crow: Mike, how many Geiger counter jokes are there in the English language? Mike: Just one, as far as I know... and we already used it before. >robertgeiger@prodigy.net (All chuckle in disbelief) >**** **** **** >Edited by Fred Herriot >fherriot@hotmail.com >**** **** **** Crow: (singing) Swing low, sweet fherriot... Tom: (Geiger) Hey! How come he gets to be on the marquee and not me? >A story based on the series "Urusei Yatsura - The Senior Year," in turn based >on "Urusei Yatsura," created by Rumiko Takahashi Mike: Here's a tip, kiddies... never write a fic based on a fic, otherwise it may end up here. Tom: You don't want that. More importantly, we don't want that. >**** **** **** >WRITER'S NOTES: Mike: #1: Stop to pick up drycleaning. Tom: #2: Reorganize dirty manga collection into alphabetical order. Crow: #3: Pick up book, "Over 3 Different Names For Sexual Organs - For Erotica". > >1) This is my first lemon for the UY-TSY series. For those who have read my >previous lemons, this will have a lower "squish" level, Crow: Ick... don't step on the wet spot... > but will still have adult >situations. So if you don't like lemons, you'll probably want to skip this. Tom: Well... aw, who am I kidding? > >2) The time of the story is a year after "Penpals," a short time before the >discoveries in "Reunions, Remembrances and Returnings." Crow: And approximately 4 weeks before the revelations of "Hey, Is That MY Lingerie You're Wearing?" > >3) The Sagussan names for various body parts can be found in Fred's "A Remarkable >Destiny." I'll be using the translations or standard Earth terms. Mike: (RG) So what I'd normally refer to as a "dereeranlfndd" will now simply be "breast". > >**** **** **** Tom: (official-sounding) And as you can see, these groups of four-man squadrons can distribute a considerable amount of lemon over a great distance in a matter of seconds... > > A taxi flies over the roads of Kyonggh-Tere'na district, Mike: Only 2 blocks from the Wal-Mart. > heading towards Saku's >with its charge. In the back seat, Makoto Crow: Oooooh... > Seikou Crow: Ohhhhh... > sits, absently gazing out the >windows. The taxi stops soon reaches its destination and the shipmistress disembarks. >After paying the fair, she enters... > > ...to find a rather deserted establishment. Mike: Well, what did she expect? With a district name like Kyonggh-Tere'na, only the greatest of tongues could give directions to the place. > > Mrs. Saku is behind the bar and only one customer is in a booth. Nodding to >the matron, Makoto approaches the bar and orders some ran-jugh. Crow: And promptly receives a large, slug-like creature. Tom: Wha? Crow: Well, that's what it sounds like... > Looking for a place >to sit, Makoto notices that Noriko Smith is staring into her glass in the back of the bar. > > "Hey, Noriko!" > > Noriko looks up to see Makoto standing next to the table with a few bottles in >her arms. Tom: (Noriko) Hey, great! You brought friends! > "You look kinda lonesome. Need a drinking buddy?" > > Noriko grins. "Sure! Booze tastes better when shared." Mike: That's a tip, kids. Write it down. Crow: I get the impression that Geiger's telling us something about himself... > >* * * Tom: (official-sounding) Of course, we can't overlook the possibility that single-man squadrons may be able to sneak bits of lemon in and out undetected... > > Several shared bottles later, both Noriko and Makoto are in the melancholy stage >of intoxication... Mike: *Several* bottles? What is this, hard liquor or light beer? Tom: Now, now... it could be that Daishi'cha can't hold liquor worth a damn... > > "So...Toren and Kasua are off with the kids, huh?" Makoto addresses the Noriko >on the left. Crow: At least, up until the lavender elephants crush her... Mike: Lavender? What's wrong with pink? Crow: Oh, come on, Mike. Women don't *just* see pink. > > "Uhmm," Noriko attempts to empty a bottle for the third time. "Toren's parent's >wanted to see Jarec and Irad. I couldn't go since wargames are being held tomorrow, Tom: (Noriko) And Matthew Broderick's showing up on opening night, so I can't miss that. >but I managed to get Kasua some time off so she's going in my place." > > "How are Toren's parents taking him having two wives?" Mike: (Mako) Actually, I believe they've already sent the CARE packages. Crow: Two wives... I couldn't work with that. Two *lovers*, on the other hand... > > Noriko sniffed. "His mom is wringing her hands over it and his dad keeps telling >his friends how manly his son is. Goofballs!" Tom: (Mako) What? Oh, sure, but I'll have mine on the rocks. > > "Gotta be nice though..." Makoto has slumped down in her seat. "Taking your >kids to see their grandparents. I can't do that." Crow: Not since the great tigerstripe clothing warehouse fire of '79... > > "Well, you can take yours to see Mie's parents." > > "Uhmm...yeah...but I dunno. I really like them, but I can't relate to them that >much. They're Terran after all. Even Mievayae confuses me sometimes. Mike: Mieva-what? Is that an anagram or something? Tom: No, I'm pretty sure it's Russian. Crow: Yeah, definitely an Eastern European word. Maybe Serbian, actually. > I mean... >Kum-chan wanted to go to this thing on Earth called Komik. I took one look at the >ads and said 'No way'...but Mievayae said it was okay, so Kum-chan dressed up like >Sailor Moon and headed into idiot land." Crow: Gee, I guess the conventions really are as bad as they say. > > Noriko giggled. "They do weird things on Earth, huh? Like that game...uh...golf! >Hitting a ball...and then walking after it." Mike: And then hitting it into a sandtrap, then screaming, then wrapping your club around a tee, then going to the 19th hole and drinking yourself sick. Tom: And a note to you kiddies out there, because we're so civic-minded: Just say NO to golf. Thank you. > > Makoto arched an eyebrow. "You're taking pokes at them? You should talk, your >doing all that perverted stuff like wearing underwear." Tom: (Mako) Which isn't so bad in itself, except you always insist on wearing nothing but underwear... > > Noriko shuddered. EVERYONE had been on her case about that ever since the >wedding! "H-hey! That's was only one time!" > > "Uh-huh...weird stuff. Like those bras! I'm not scrunching my boobs into some >torture device." Crow: (about to say something, but decides not to) > > "Keeps them from hanging down to yer knees when yer old and grey," Noriko giggled. >"And panties help keep yer butt warm!" Tom: What's with the hicksy drawl all of a sudden? Mike: Noriko must come from the "Deliverance" quarter of Kyonggh-Tere'na. > > "Warm enough on Sagussa...no need at all," Makoto smirked. "Unless your sloppy >enough to leave skid marks." Tom: You know... there are some things man was not meant to hear. And THAT was most certainly one of them. > > Noriko's booze-addled mind took this the wrong way. Mike: You mean there's a right way to handle a comment like that, besides a slap to the face? > "WHAT?!?!" she shot up. > > Makoto licked her lips and started to rise... > > *THWACK!!!!* Crow: Hitting her head on a 2-by-4. Mike: (Mako) Damn... I guess those "walked into a bar" jokes were real after all... > > Both Noriko and Makoto sobered up real quick as the double-bladed axe sunk itself >into the wall between them. "You're not planning to do anything disruptive are you?" >Mrs. Saku asked from her position behind the bar. > > "No, ma'am!" Noriko and Makoto answered in unison. Tom: Ladies and gentlemen, Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Crow: More like Tweedledrunk and Tweedledrunker. > > "Good to hear it," Mrs. Saku casually cleaned a glass. Mike: (Saku) Now, how about some more of my watered-down sludge to take our minds off this unpleasant incident? > > Both Noriko and Makoto hurriedly paid their bill and left for the mag-lev to >Kyre'sha... Tom: (Julia Child) ...And to make an alien word, just add two parts consonant to one part vowel. Liberally sprinkle in apostrophes to taste... > >* * * > > As the mag-lev sped off into the night, Noriko looked sideways at Makoto who >was staring at the lights of Tere'na City disappearing behind them. "Guess I over- >reacted." Crow: (Noriko) Destroying the power grid of Tere'na and all. Booze gets me like that sometimes. Mike: (Mako) Those lights did disappear rather quickly, didn't they? > > "No problem," Makoto replied absently. > > "Senseless, huh?" > > "No reason at all for them." Tom: Evidently, she's referring to meaningful statements. Mike: Now, now, Tom... they're drunk, so they're not exactly coherent right now... Crow: Or funny... Tom: Or engaging... Mike: Or dynamic. Yeah, I know. > > A pause. "Perhaps I could show you that underwear can have...other uses." Tom: (Pitchman's voice) What if I told *you* that *all that excess underwear* just *sitting around your house* could be used as dustcloths and mop protectors?! > > Makoto's head came around and she saw Noriko was blushing slightly. She >tilted her head and thought about it for a moment. A slight grin formed. "Okay. >But you better not try anything overly perverted." Mike: (Mako) I learned that lesson well after that incident with you and the silk rope... > > "Only as naughty as you want it," Noriko giggled as her hand slid into >Makoto's... > >* * * Crow: What?! Slid into her what? Come on, Geiger, don't leave me hangin' here! > > The door to the house Noriko shared with her family opened and both she and >Makoto walked in. "Do you want anything to drink?" Noriko asked. Tom: (Mako, drunk) Uh... surrre... y' got any of that Barbicide shtuff? > > Makoto shook her head. "Ugh...I think an anti-intox pill would be better." > > "Make yourself at home then," Noriko gestured at the couch and vanished into >the bathroom, emerging a little while later with some pills. She swallowed one >and then handed one to Makoto. Crow: (Noriko) Yeah, I know the bottle's labeled 'Spanish Fly'... but that's just Belgian for 'anti-liver-damage'. Mike: No, Crow. This is an alien world, so everything has more apostrophes. So it would be "Belgi'an". Crow: Oh, right... > > Noriko then went over to the entertainment suite and pushed a few buttons. >The lights dimmed and soft music played over the speakers. "Don't go anywhere now," >Noriko threw Makoto a sultry glance and slinked into the bedroom. > > Makoto licked her lips as she shook out her pony tail and loosened her >clothing. Tom: Interestingly enough, she did it all in the same gesture. > It had been quite a while since she had made love to anyone except Mie. >While Mie HOPEFULLY wouldn't mind, Makoto had never spent the night in another's >bed since her handfasting. *Must be getting old...* Mike: Well, for a lemon, yeah... Crow: You know, I bet she had a lot of accidental affairs on her wedding night... Mike: What makes you say that? Crow: Well, can you imagine the number of times people told her "Make love to Mie"? (Mike and Tom groan) Crow: What? > > A shadow fell over her and she saw Noriko standing in the doorway. As Makoto's >eyes adjusted, she saw that Noriko was wearing a pink bra which accentuated her >breasts and a microskirt that barely covered the panties she wore. "So what do you >think?" Noriko purred as she turned around so Makoto could take her all in. Crow: I think she's overdressed. Tom: (Mako) Oh, please, Noriko. Pink lace with black leather? You might as well change your name to 'Miss Fashion-inappropriate 1999'. > > Makoto was torn between drooling in desire and bursting out laughing at the >sight. Noriko was a very desirable woman, whose body was still firm despite having >two children, carried both to term without the gestation matrix. Mike: Hm? What's a gestation matrix? Tom: (Laurence Fishburne) Unfortunately, no one can tell you what the gestation matrix is. You must see it for yourself. Mike: Uh, no thanks. > But to have it >covered in two little bits of cloth seemed very silly to Makoto. > > "Does this look nice?" Noriko leaned forward and cupped a breast. Crow: Man, if this is what passes for foreplay on this planet, I want my one-way ticket for Apostropheville! > > Makoto's eyes were riveted to the expanse of tanned flesh that was partially >hidden by cloth. "Do you want to see more?" Noriko fingered the latch to the bra >and pushed herself slightly at Makoto. > > Makoto nodded and reached out to undo the latch, but Noriko suddenly skipped >back. Tom: Falling out the window and injuring herself in the process. > "Uh-uh," she wagged a finger. > > Makoto growled in frustration. The minxy sandpanther was going to tease her! >"Nori-..." > > Noriko's finger came to her lips. "Shhh..." She then licked her finger for >a second-hand kiss. Mike: You know, second-hand kisses have just as much effect on the lungs as regular kisses... > "You're all frustrated, aren't you? You can't get to these, >hmm?" > > Noriko brought Makoto's hands to her breasts. "Oh, you can touch them, but >something's in the way. Doesn't that drive you wild?" Tom: (Mako, stupid voice) Well, gee, thanks for leading me through this, Noriko. I never would have guessed your seductive intentions any other way. > > Steam puffed out of Makoto's ears. Mike: (singing) Pardon me boy... is this the Chattanooga Choo-Choo? > Noriko skipped back again and lifted the hem of her skirt. "And there's >something under here you definitely want. Something you want to rub, nibble and >lick. Crow: (Mako) Oh, wow! You got chicken wings in there?! > But you can't because some nasty piece of cloth is in the way." > > Twin jets of blood shot out of Makoto's nose. She NEVER believed she would >be effected like this! Mike: (porn narrator voice) ...and Makoto of Tere'na writes, "Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to somebody like me..." > > Noriko suddenly dropped into Makoto's lap and wrapped her legs around her. >"Would you like to try this?" she indicated her bra. Tom: (Noriko) Come on, try before you buy! > > "I..." Makoto's eyes bugged out. > > "Pleeassse..." Noriko whispered into Makoto's ear, and took a little nibble. Tom: Then biting completely through, in a fit of righteous hunger. Mike: Now, now, Tom... enough with the dark stuff... Crow: Aw, we never get to have any fun! > > Makoto's face went beet red. "O-...Okay..." > > Noriko grinned and pulled Makoto's top up and off. Noriko cooed as Makoto's >breasts came into view. (All make pigeon noises) > "So sweet..." she then leaned down and licked the tops of >Makoto's breasts. Makoto gasped and tried to hug Noriko to her. Noriko, however, >slipped out of her grasp and pulled Makoto up. > > Noriko took hold of the edges of Makoto's pants. Mike: Oh, now he's just ruining the erotic mood. Tom: Why's that? What would you write? Mike: Well, I'd replace the word 'pants' with 'leather miniskirt and lace garter'. Tom: Ah. > Looking right into her eyes, >Noriko slid them down to the floor. Makoto sighed as the cool air played over her >heated skin. She then felt Noriko's hands slide up her legs. "Has anyone besides >Mie-chan ever tasted you?" Crow: (Mako) Well, just the cannibals of Prima-7, but that was a while ago... > > Noriko's hands stopped short of Makoto's south gate. (All laugh out loud) Mike: *snicker* South gate?! Crow: I think *somebody's* scraping the barnacles off the bottom of the euphemism barrel... > "A-Ami..." Makoto >stammered. "When...Mievayae was gone..." > > "Such a lucky girl," Noriko tickled the inside of Makoto's leg, causing the >shipmistress to gasp. Mike: (Mako) Hey, careful! I just had those waxed! > Noriko then stood and reached for the latch to her bra. With >agonizing slowness, Noriko peeled back the cloth and exposed her sweat-covered >breasts to Makoto. > > "It seems I'm not the only girl with talent," Makoto grinned as she took in >Noriko's bounty. Tom: Insert your own 'Quicker Picker-Upper' joke here. Crow: (Noriko) Talent, my foot! I got these through years of hard work and honest living! Talent ain't got nothin' to do with it! > > Noriko then cupped a breast. "Care for a taste?" Crow: Ah, finally. A quip that's in very good taste. Mike: Crow... > > Makoto's lips eagerly descended on Noriko's breasts. She ran her lips and >tongue over them like a babe hungry for her meal. Noriko moaned as Makoto sucked on >a nipple, Makoto delighted as warm milk flowed over her tongue. (All facefault) Crow: Uh... is this supposed to be an alien sex ritual, or something? Tom: Hey, count your blessings. It could be worse. Crow: Yeah? How? Tom: Well, uh... um... you know, I can't think of anything that doesn't involve exploding body parts. > > "Don't drink it all, Makovayae." Noriko murmured as she stroked Makoto's hair. >"Jarec's going to want some when he comes back." Mike: Jarec? Sounds like a generic sci-fi bounty hunter. > > Makoto pouted but stood up. "I'm jealous. I wish I could have as much >access to your breasts." Crow: (Noriko) Well, I guess I could give you a pass or something... > > Noriko grinned and swiftly transferred her bra to Makoto. The latter frowned >a bit as the former closed the latch, making her breasts squeeze together. "Feels >strange..." Mike: (Mako) ...I mean, what's with the gag faucets and all? Tom: Somehow, given the tenor of the lemon so far, I don't think they'd be gags... Mike & Crow: EW!! TOM! > > "It's not so bad," Noriko quickly divested herself of the microskirt and >slipped off her panties. Makoto sighed as Noriko slipped them up her legs. > > Noriko turned Makoto around so she faced a mirror on the wall. "Makovayae... >you're beautiful," she wrapped her arms around Makoto. Crow: (Noriko, stupid voice) I will hug you, and kiss you, and hold you, and call you George. > > Makoto looked at herself in the mirror and turned away blushing. "I feel >cheap..." Mike: (Mako) Cheap like a Quake II camper. > > In a different reality, someone sneezed! Tom: And in yet another reality, some guy and his robots yawned! > > "Oh, no! NEVER cheap!" Noriko ran her lips down Makoto's neck. "You're >like the finest wine, to be savoured slowly mouthful by mouthful." Noriko pressed >her body against Makoto's and licked where the shipmistress' neck met her shoulder. >Makoto sighed and leaned back into Noriko. Crow: Yep... like a Formula One driver, you gotta know how to lean into the curves... > > Noriko's hands came up and massaged Makoto's breasts. "This seems a little >tight. Let me adjust it." Mike: And now, the *Underwear Adjustment Scene*! Tom and Crow: Dun-dun-duuuuunnn! > > Noriko took the edges of the bra and moved it back and forth. Makoto gasped >as the cloth rubbed against her nipples. The former's hand then slid down Makoto's >belly and rested over her mound. "This seems a little loose..." Mike: Crow, I know what you're going to say. And you are not going to say it. Crow: What? > > Noriko suddenly pulled the front of the panties up and it bunched up and >rubbed along Makoto's south gate. (All laugh, a bit harder this time) Tom: Oh, man, that just keeps getting funnier every time I hear it! Mike: Okay, guys, calm down. If the Mads hear us laughing like this, we'll be in deep doody. So, um, just stay frosty, OK? Tom: Uh, sure. Crow: Yeah... yeah, you're right. > She cried out as the fabric rubbed up and down, >the cloth brushing her tower (All remain silent for a second, then break down in laughter) Crow: Man, what is this, a lemon or an air traffic control manual! Tom: (pilot's voice) Dulles, this is Noriko-1! I've brushed by the tower and I'm headed straight for the south gate! I am going down! Repeat, I AM GOING DOWN!! (All laugh again, but are quickly interrupted) Voice of Dr. F: Hey, what's going on in there?! Mike: (whispering) Damn, it's the doc! Quick, act pained! Crow: (whispering) Right. (exaggerated pain) Oh, woe! Why must it be lactation? Tom: I believe if this keeps up, I may go insane! Voice of Dr. F: Oh... well, good. Bye bye, boobies. Mike: Okay... sounds like the coast is clear. (All chuckle quietly) > as sparks erupted behind her eyes as she shuddered >and came. Crow: Huh? Oh yeah, the fic. Tom: (singing) You've got the eyyyyeeees... of a sparkler... > > Makoto gasped for air and leaned back into Noriko. "Naughty Makovayae, look >what you've done!" the pilot chided. Mike: Huh?! Crow: Man, that's creepy. Tom: (Noriko) Goin' down... (All struggle not to laugh out loud) > > Makoto looked down and saw her fluids had stained the front of the panties. >"I can't help it!" the shipmistress sighed. "That felt so wonderful." > > Noriko's hand slipped down the front of the panties and lightly stroked >Makoto's mound. "Don't tell me you're done yet. I haven't treated you properly >yet." Crow: (Noriko) Yes, I cannot allow you to finish before I give you... *The Treatment*. Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaa! Mike: (Mako) NO!! Not *The Treatment*! You're mad, Noriko! Mad, I say! > > Something in Makoto's lust-hazed mind demanded attention. "Umm...Norivayae..." >she gasped for air, "...is there gonna be any trouble with your...talent?" Crow: (Noriko) Ah, don't worry. They're not gonna swing up and gouge your eyes out or anything. > > Noriko grinned and kissed the back of Makoto's neck. "Don't worry," Noriko's >finger slipped past Makoto's south gate and rested before her entrance. "I've >learned control so you won't pass out. I've even learned some tricks." Tom: Wow... 'tricks', eh? Crow: (Noriko) So, Mako, ever made it while in mid-air? > > Noriko's thumb stroked Makoto's tower, the latter feeling a rush of energy >strike at her psi-shields at the same time. The duel effect caused Makoto's knees >to buckle and a wetness pour over Noriko's hand. "Makovayae!" Noriko admonished. Tom: (Noriko) Come on! Do you know how much I had to pay for these wall-to-wall carpets? One more time like that, and I'll void my warranty! >"There you go again!" He sighed. Mike: Ew... that better be a typo... Tom: Even God is getting frustrated with Mako now... > "If this keeps up, I won't be able to wear these >again. And so..." > > Noriko quickly divested Makoto of the panties. "Nasty thing!" Noriko said as >she tossed them aside. Crow: (Noriko) A pox on you and your house of Victoria's Secret! > "Keeping me from making Makovayae happy." Noriko unlatched >the bra and tossed it aside. "Much better, don't you think?" Noriko whispered into >Makoto's ear as she lightly stroked Makoto's breasts. > > "Uhh..." Makoto sighed as Noriko's hands roamed over her body. Tom: (Mako, stupid voice) Uhhh... duhhhhh... happy. > Noriko gently >laid Makoto onto the carpet and gave her a lusty kiss. Makoto made a soft noise of >protest as Noriko broke the kiss and started kissing down the length of her body. >Soft gasps and sighs responded as Noriko nibbled and licked down her neck and paused >to kiss her breasts and nipples. > > Makoto's excitement grew as Noriko's lips slid down her belly towards her south >gate. Mike: (singing) I have been down this road so many times before... Tom: (Noriko) Now, then... let's see if I can make this last for more than 10 seconds. > Makoto spread her legs and bit her finger as she felt someone's hot breath on >her. She whined in frustration as Noriko moved lower, then gasped as Noriko's tongue >lapped up her inner legs towards her gate. Crow: You know, there's a cult devoted to this kind of worship... Mike: What's that? Crow: Heaven's Gate! Mike: Zing! Got me there! Tom: (sighs) > > Noriko however, continued to tease Makoto and passed over what she most wanted >to taste to start on the other leg. Makoto almost snarled as she was brought to the >edge and then yanked back. Crow: (nature show host) And when taunted, the wild Makoto will snarl and bare its teeth in order to make itself appear larger to its natural predators. > > "Norivayae! I need you!! Don't tease anymore!" > > "I want to come with you..." Noriko gasped. Mike: (falsetto) Come with me to a magical place! Tom: (sing... er, rapping) Uh-huh... yeah... come with me... yeah... uh-huh... Crow: (backhands Tom) Don't EVER do that again! Tom: Ouch... but I guess I deserved that... > > She moved up to Makoto's head and straddled her. Makoto obliged and ran her >lips and tongue along Noriko's gate and tower, causing her to squeal. Noriko buried >her face between Makoto's legs and returned the favour. Crow: (Noriko) So we're even now... right? Tom: Yep... straight along the middle, you are. Mike: Tom! > > Both tightened their limbs around each other and were soon lost in a world of >probing lips, tongues and fingers. Both duelled with each other with their psychic >rams, Makoto sending expertly applied blows to key spots, while Noriko sent searing >bolts of passion all along Makoto's body. Tom: Geez, are they making love or beating the crap out of each other? > The kissing and licking increased in pace... >then both screamed as they came together on both the physical and mental planes. Mike: Again with the plane references? > > They held each other tightly for a few moments longer before disentangling >themselves. Noriko brought her face down to Makoto's and lightly kissed her before >they feel asleep in each other's arms on the floor... Crow: Hey, that's it! Robert Geiger is one of the guards from Metal Gear. Tom: Uh-oh! The truck have started to move! Mike: Check the way! Over. > >* * * > > Some days later... Mike: Some days aren't... > > Mie looked up as Makoto started to head out of their house in To-Tere'na. All: (singing) Heey, To-Tere'na! >"Going out?" > > "Just going to do some shopping. I won't be long." > > "Just a moment!" Mie started writing on a piece of paper and handed a list >to Makoto. "Get these please." Mike: (Mako) Cooking oil? But we already have three... ohhhhhh... Tom: (Mako) I swear, Mie, I don't know why you eat so much bratwurst... > > Makoto groaned. "Mieeeevaaaayaeeee!" Crow: Gentlemen, I believe fingernails down a chalkboard have met their match. > > "No complaining!" Mie wagged her finger at her life-mate. "If I'm cooking >tonight, the least you can do is buy the groceries!" Mike: (Mako) Dammit, how many times do I have to tell you? Throwing 5-minute hot wings in the microwave is NOT cooking! > > "Alright, alright, be back soon!" Makoto gave Mie a quick kiss and left for >the market. > > Sometime later, Makoto was heading towards the post office while toting two >large bags. *Got here just in time!* Makoto thought as she noticed that it was almost >closing time. Tom: Only to notice that the line extends for half a block outside. Crow: Geez... a futuristic planet like this, and they still haven't invented the post office with the full stock of tellers. > > A few minutes later, Makoto emerged with a package stuffed in one of the grocery >bags. Looking down, she felt a small thrill run through her as she thought of what >lay inside. It had cost a pretty penny to order it from Earth. Mike: The earthlings, however, called it a 'pretty shiny'. Tom: Makoto was willing to go as high as a nickel... > > But she was sure it would be well worth it. > > *I'm glad you're cooking dinner tonight, Mievayae,* Makoto licked her lips. >*I'll be making dessert. Something soft and sweet and individually wrapped for >your dining pleasure...* Crow: Ho-Ho's? > >*** The End *** All: YES! > >Small notes on in-jokes: All: NO! > >1. "Golf...hitting a ball...and walking after it," is George Carlin's personal opinion >of the "sport." Tom: What a coincidence... this lemon wants to make me use the 7 Words You Can't Say On Television. > >2. "I see I'm not the only girl with talent." Joke from the American version of >"Sailor Moon." In the original, the characters were competing for the role of Snow >White. Makoto said she should have the part due to having the biggest breasts. In the >American version, it was changed to her saying she had the most talent. Crow: So a talent show would really be a wet T-shirt contest! Tom: Hey, you're right! Mike, take us to a talent show, pleeeeease! Mike: Well, guys, I would, but... Tom & Crow: Oh... right. > >3. "In a different reality, someone sneezed!' This of course is Honey from "A >Remarkable Destiny." She has the same opinion of underwear as Makoto does. ^_^ Mike: Oh, of course! I was *such* a moron for not realizing that! Tom: Hey, it's over! Crow: Yeah! Let's blow this fudgsicle stand! (Everyone exits the theatre) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Door 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Threshhold of Pain) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Well..." Mike said, letting out a huge sigh. "Looks like another successful bid for survival." "Yep," Crow replied. "'Twas a true struggle for our sanity." Tom hovered up to the desktop. "Well, shall we see what 'they who are barred from the south gate' are up to?" The Mad sign flashed. "Sure," Mike said. "Looks like they're calling anyway." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deep 17 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As his subjects looked on from the Satellite, Dr. Forrester was busy replastering Frank's collapsed cranium. "Oh, hi there," he said, trying to cover up a particularly sparky sector. "I trust the lemon was enough to make you cringe in terror and odium?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Satellite of Love -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Everyone nodded in unison. "Yes, sir. Very much so." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deep 17 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Well, good," Dr. Forrester yelled in between flying sparks. "I worked hard to make sure you'd hurt from that, and it does my heart good to see you suffer after what you did to my neural matrix!" Frank's head twitched a little and coughed up some smoke. Slowly his mouth started to move, and his voice came out in a rasp. "Hey, doc! While I was out, I came up with a great idea for a romantic comedy starring Rob Schneider and Denny Dillon! Y'see, they're both cashiers for a department store, and-" Before he could say another word, he coughed black smoke from the back of his head, and quickly lost consciousness. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Satellite of Love -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Uh, Dr. F?" Mike said with concern. "Is he gonna be OK?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deep 17 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Oh, of course, you nitwit!" the doctor growled. "But it'll take me years to bring his intelligence to the level it was supposed to be! For now, I'll only be able to restore him to his former brain capacity... that means nothing significant has happened since the last time we had an experiment! Nothing!" Forrester sighed, and put Frank's plaster-dripping head upright. "Ah, to heck with it. I'll work on this tomorrow. Frank, push the button." Frank's head tilted slightly. "But-" "No buts! If you can't reach it, just toss something at it! I'm going to apply for more federal research grants now... that'll make me feel better for sure." He left the room, leaving Frank's head on the table. Frank eyeballed the room nervously. "Uh... Doc? Doctor F?" He took a small screwdriver into his mouth, and attempted to spit it at the button. It missed, but his tongue flew out and hit the button instead. *FSSSSH* "Huhway." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Roll Credits) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MSTer's notes: Well, it's been a while, but I finally got this story done. Next project now is my team up with RJ Bachler for the infamous Kefka The Dark One epic, "Endless Night". Hopefully that won't take nearly as long as this... should be fun, though. ^_^ Other than that, I'm glad to finally get this project done. I've been away from MSTing for way too long, and I intend to change that. Don't forget to send your comments to me at the e-mail address at the top (civility, please), OK? -The Psimaster