Msting Eric Schepers schepps@hotmail.com ______________________________________________________________________ Mike: Oh, hello and welcome to the Satellite of Love. Tom: A.k.a Tom’s Fortress of Solitude! Mike: Anyway, we’ve been subjected to a barrage of particularly terrible Sailor Moon fanfics and quite frankly we’re sick of it. Crow: Therefore, the SOL Players present....Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon:Crystal Sailors, Episode 1, scene 1. Mike: Oh, Usagi with the Odango’s! Tom: Why do you call me that? Mike: I like Odango’s! Crow: I’m the recurring villain! I must defeat Sailor Moon! Tom: We must do something about this! Mike: ODANGO’S! Tom: Why I oughta..... Crow: Hello, villain here again! When are you open to fight? Tom: 3 PM ok? Crow: No, Ice Titan’s appearing on Ricki Lake. It’s the “I was a Super-villain on Sailor Moon” show. Mike: ODANGO’S! Mike: Uh, oh guys. Time to end it! Dr. F: Oh, I see you’re enjoying yourselves Nelson....I hate that! Frank: Yeah! What are you guys doing anyway? And why is that robot wearing a wig? Tom: Heh..... Dr. F: Lucky for you I lost interest, or else I’d send you some horrendous lemons! Dr. F: That’s right, tremble in terror! Whahahahaha!! Send them death by wire Frank! Frank: Aye, aye Captain Stubins! All: Argh! We got Movie Sign! *..2..3..4..5..6 > >Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon:Crystal Sailors >Episode:02 Mike: Uh, oh. I hope Dr. F doesn’t have the whole series.... >"Imperium Silver Crystal Destroyed!" Crow: Mayor Urges Population to Panic! >Part 2 of 3. >By Who09@aol.com Tom: Who Killed Virginia Wolf? >******************************************************************** > Sailor Moon was now at Rei's temple. Mamoru started meditating over Sailor >Moon. Crow: Hmmm...I should be doing something but I don’t know what.... Tom: Meditation? Is that covered by Blue Shield? > Sailor Moon was unconscious and still bleeding. Sailor Moon had lost a >lot of blood. Mike: Obviously from the bleeding. Crow: Obviously. > Mamoru had everyone concentrate on meditating >on Sailor Moon. All: Ohhhmmmmm, ooohhhmmmm....... >Mamoru: "We need to put any bad feelings that you may have about each other >and concentrate on our dear friend. Okay?" Tom: Well, she’s dead. Anybody wanna catch a quick flick? > Everyone nodded in reply. Everyone began to >concentrate on Sailor Moon. It was working. Sailor Moon woke up and saw her friends >all around her and she said... Crow: Why are you all standing around smiling like that? And where are my clothes? >Sailor Moon: "What happened?" >Mamoru: "You were hurt bad by Robpsnoid and Morgoth." Tom: I guess it’s Robpsnoid now. Crow: It actually made sense when it was Robosnoid. Then again..... >Sailor Moon started crying. She was still in pain, but not as bad. Crow: Obviously not that silent pain we heard so much about in the last episode. >Sailor Moon: "Thanks for saving and helping me." Saving their leader, Sailor >Moon, meant a lot to Sailor Moon for what they did for her. Mike: Well, they didn’t do anything so it doesn’t matter. >Sailor Moon: "One day my friends, I shall repay the favor!" promised Sailor >Moon. Everyone was glad that Sailor Moon was going to be okay. All: Not us! > > Meanwhile at the Ice Titan's palace... Tom: Where they have the cheapest rates in town.... >The Ice Titan said... >Ice Titan: "Why did you let Sailor Moon win? You were to kill >her. Why?" Crow: I’m very hurt! No, I can’t talk now, go away! I hate you! >Morgoth: "I thought I had defeated her, but she was very strong and wasn't >screaming in pain. Crow: Is that important? Mike: No. > No one could have survived that attack. She must have some >power source that protects her from dying." >Ice Titan: "Sailor Moon's broach must be destroyed! Tom: Wow, he’s fast! Crow: He must have read the script. > It's the source of her >power and strength and maybe we can defeat her. Also send down Roboweed!" All: Dude! >Morgoth: "Yes Master!" >Morgoth and Belogore left right away. Mike: Gonna toke up! Bots: Whoohooo!!! > > At the Arcade Center, Usagi was still recovering. Mamoru was with her. Crow: Many people don’t know this but Arcades are as good as Hospitals when it comes to Senshi. >Mamoru: "I am glad that you are okay Usagi!" >Usagi: "Am I Mamoru? I sense that I will only get worse Mamoru. Crow: Well, fine! Last time I try to cheer you up! Tom: Usagi seems to have gained Mamoru’s esp. > What ever >happens you must be strong! I may not survive the next fight." Usagi predicted >her near future to Mamoru. Mamoru was in disbelief, but Mamoru had a vision of >his own. All: Of course... >Mamoru: "You will win the next fight, but without using your powers of your >broach." Crow: Well, I’m dead. >Mamoru and Usagi left the Arcade Center. Usagi decided to go to home, for she >needed some rest. On the way home, she saw Naru and Umino and joined then. >Naru: "You don't look good Usagi!" Tom: Well, hello to you too! >Umino: "You should have a doctor look at your wounds." Mike: Instead of going to Arcades and what not. >But Usagi didn't say anything to Naru and Umino nor was she listening to them. >She was thinking about the last fight. Crow: How rude! Mike: Well I started to ignore them after a while too. > > Roboweed, Belogore and Morgoth suddenly appeared and started to destroy >everything. Tom: Go figure. Crow: How do they move so fast? Mike: They move at the speed of plot. > Usagi knew that she was surrounded by all three monsters. Mike: She didn’t know how she knew, she just did. > She knew >that they would need her help. Crow: The bad guys need her help? Tom: How accommodating of her. > So Usagi told Naru and Umino, >Usagi: "Leave this fight to me! I will protect you!" Tom: Ok! Bye! >Naru and Umino: "How?" >Usagi: "I am Sailor Moon! I fight for my friends, for love and justice." Crow: But I can’t stand Peace and Tranquillity. >Naru and Umino: "You are?" >Usagi: "Yes." Usagi takes her broach off from her school uniform. Mike: So she’s not even going to try to use it? Tom: If she did, the whole pseudo-plot would blow up in the author’s face. Crow: And that would be a shame...... >Usagi: "Moon Crystal Power!" Usagi transformed into Sailor Moon. Tom: As opposed to Sailor Jupiter. Mike and Crow: Darn.... > > Naru and Umino were in shock, but let Sailor Moon through. >All three monsters started attacking Sailor Moon. They all combined their >powers and blasted Sailor Moon. Crow: Because they were attacking her, you see. > They blasted Sailor Moon again and again until >Sailor Moon's broach breaks. Mike: Instead of instantly killing her. > The Imperium Silver Crystal hits the ground and >explodes! Tom: Oh, way to go clutz! > Sailor Moon is transformed back into Usagi. >The three monsters concentrate their powers for one big blast. They send it >towards Usagi. Usagi falls to the ground >in pain, but not making any sound. Crow: Not again! The fanfic is repeating Mike! Make it stop! Mike: I wish I could little buddy. > Morgoth, Belogore and Roboweed continue to >blast Usagi. Naru and Umino just stood there and stare at the battle and see >in horror that their friend is being hurt. Tom: Think she might need some help? Crow: Nah! > The Monsters continue their attack. >Usagi still doesn't cry out in pain. All three monsters combined their power >to you the Ice Kingdom blast! All: Leave us out of it! > No one has ever survived the Ice Kingdom blast >before. Mike: That must mean it’s powerful. Tom: Or maybe they never tried it on anybody before now. Crow: That’s gotta be it. > > The three monsters sends the Ice Kingdom Blast. Tom: Did they send it First Class? Mike: OverNight? Crow: Probably Fifth Class. > Usagi is hurt even more. The >pain intensifies as the attack increases. All: Well, duh! > Usagi's wounds begins to bleed all >over again. Usagi is bleeding very badly, but she soon gets on her feet and >plans a body attack on Roboweed. Crow: First I’ll hang onto his knees and wait for him to get tired..... Mike: A body attack huh? What was the author smoking? Tom: Roboweed! Mike: Oh, of course. > Usagi knows the danger that she may die from >the body attack. Mike: It’s ok, Mamoru gets the Odango’s. It’s in the will. Bots: Whew. > Usagi knows that this body attack may kill her! Her friends >beg her not to do it, but she has no choice and starts the body attack. Tom: By now, the robots had figured out what she was up to and quickly separated her head from her neck.... Crow: Her friends don’t beg very loud do they? Mike: Lack of enthusiasm. > Usagi >uses every ounce of strength that she has leeft and defeats Roboweed, Crow: It was so fast we didn’t even see it! Tom: Must be powerful, it’s a good thing she used it on the disposable character. > but >victory comes with a big price. Usagi falls to the ground in pain and unconscious. Naru >and Umino begins weeping over their dear friend Usagi as sh begins to die. Mike: I know it’s sad, but I don’t feel sad.... Crow: That’s normal, go with it. > > Finally Tuxedo Kamen and the Sailor Soldiers has arrived at the scene. Tom: Finally being the key word. Crow: Sorry all the weed went up smoke! Mike: I predict that the next henchman will be RoboSchnapps! > Tuxedo >Kamen weeps over usagi. Crow: It was a silent cry. >Tuxedo Kamen: "We must save her! We must save her! I had no idea that she was >going to die." Mike: You’d probably be able to save her if you stop repeating yourself. > Usagi's lifeforce grows weaker. He rallies the others together >to start meditating , they concentrate on saving her, but it's not working. Tom: Stop the yoga lesson and call a doctor you morons! Crow: Hey! Don’t go giving them ideas! > It was too late. >Usagi was already dead. Tuxedo Kamen begins to start weeping over the body of the >only one he had truely cared and loved for. Then Usagi's dead body disappears. Tuxedo >Kamen is now weeping even more bitterly. The others try to comfort Tuxedo Kamen, >but he refuses to be comforted. Crow: He’s lost it. Yes! > With Usagi dead, the others know that they can't win the fight without >usagi. Mike: So they’re going to die? Great! > >NEXT EPISODE: "Power Up! Crystal Sailor Moon!" Tom: Power Down! Dead Sailor Moon! Mike: Alright, that’s enough morbid thoughts. Crow: Yeah, let’s get out of here. Mike: And thus, a tragic tail of woe comes to an end. How’d you guys like it? Tom: On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest and 5 being the creamy center, I give it a -2. Crow: That high?! Mike: What did you think Crow? Crow: Mike: Ok, I get the idea! Mike: Here comes the clean up crew. Dr. F: Are you ready to accept defeat yet Nelson? Uh, before you answer, let me just remind you that I have at least 24 more stories from this series. All: Grrrrrrr............ Dr. F: I take that as a no. Hit the button Frank. Frank: Live to serve ya. ______________________________________________________________________ Mst3k stuff belongs to Best Brains. Make ready for #3! --All three monsters combined their power to you the Ice Kingdom blast!--