Msting Eric Schepers schepps@hotmail.com ______________________________________________________________________ Mike: Want any cards Crow? Crow: Uh, give me 52. Mike: Ok....hey! Tom: Why are we playing poker Mike? I could be cleaning the cargo bay right now. Crow: Yeah, and I could be plotting to take over the world. Mike: Guys, poker can teach you a lot about the human experience. Bots: Ok..... Mike: Dealer takes 2....Whatcha got Crow? Crow: Uh.....a royal sampler! Mike: Uh huh. Servo? Tom: Man, you guys are lucky we weren’t playing for money! I got the “How to play stud poker” card! Mike: That’s not supposed to be in there! Sorry Tom, you lose. Full house. Tom: Hmmm....maybe we should learn how to play sometime, eh Crow? Crow: Nah. Mike: Merrill Linch is on the horn! Dr. F: Hello crew. Being productive members of society are we? Mike: Just trying to teach the robots about humanity through poker. I saw it on Star Trek once. Dr. F: Yes, yes. Saw it, taped it, even sent it in a fanfic. Well, as promised here’s some more of that lovable fanfic by our good buddy Crystal Knight. Enjoy! Mike: We got SAILOR MOON SIGN!! *..2..3..4..5..6 > > Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon:Crystal Sailors. > Episode: 03 [PG-13] > "Power Up! Crystal Sailor Moon!" Mike: You don’t wanna know what she turns into in the lemon. > > > Last Time on Sailor Moon:Crystal Sailors: Crow: At least he has continuity. > "I was attacked by the Ice Titan's >Henchmen. I transformed and lost my powers. I was not giving up yet. Crow: I should have. But I didn’t. Here’s some. Choppy writing. Mike: ‘Return’ by Shatner was lightyears better. > I >attacked the Robo Monster, But I was killed due to me making a body attack. Tom: Huh? Crow: Don’t worry it’s just a plot device. Mike: Not a good device either. >Now can I return with my life back and new powers? Stay there and find out!" Mike: Don’t mock us! Crow: Yeah, if we’d run if we could! > > Usagi now appeared in a blueish void and was wondering if she died or not. Crow: An easy way to tell is if there’s people with wings and harps standing around. Tom: Or in Usagi’s case it would be guys with pitchforks. >Queen Serenity appeared and said.... Tom: A body attack? I thought we raised you better than that! >Queen Serenity: "My Dearest daughter, Princess Serenity, you made a big >sacrifice. You saved you're friends, but you could not save your self. Behold >Mamoru weeps over his lost love. Crow: What a loser. > I will geant you your life back so they may >have you once again. Also look into your heart, because you did an unselfish >deed, the Silver Crystal was re-created. Mike: Handy. Crow: Well, if meditating heals and body attacks kill, then I guess this makes the most sense of all. > You have your prescious possesion >back! The Imperium Silver Crystal lives inside you! Call on it saying, Moon >Crystal Enchantment Power! Make Up!" Tom: Don’t worry, you’ll still have time to do your attacks. >Princess Serenity: "Yes, Queen Serenity...Mother! I will always make you >proud! Tom: It’s to late for that. > Moon Crystal Enchantment Power! Make Up!" Cries out Princess Serenity. >Princess Serenity Transforms. The Transformation ends. Crow: The shortest transformation in Sailor Moon history, folks! Mike: I knew they could do it! Tom: She probably got tired of those five minute transformation sequences anyway. > Crystal Sailor Moon is >transported back to the world of the living! Mike: After taking a short detour through Dayton, Ohio.... > > Mamoru was still crying. He was at the Temple at Cherry Hill. He heard a >girl say... Tom: Eek! A pervert! Mike: Sweeto! Crow: Sorry that’s another episode. >Crystal Sailor Moon: "Mamoru, don't weep! Your love has come back to life!" Mike: They brought back Charles in Charge? >Proclaimed Crystal Sailor Moon. Crow: Hey, you already said she said it! > Mamoru did not believe her. So the girl said, >Crystal Sailor Moon: "Revert!" And Crystal Sailor Moon detransforms back into >the girl with the... Tom: Second weirdest cartoon hair, next to Marge Simpson? Crow: Smallest head this side of the Galactic Ring? Mike: Lamest dub that ever spawned fanfics? >Mamoru: "Odango Atama!" All: Heh...... > Mamoru said with great excitement. Tsukino Usagi was >back. Mamoru saw Usagi and went to her and weeped for joy. Mike: While you were gone me and Rei reevaluated our relationship.... >Mamoru: "I thought I had lost you forever!" Mamoru Cried out. Usagi said that >Queen Serenity had given her new powers and her life back. Mike: Queen Serenity’s god apparently. Crow: What other little surprises hide in this story? > mamoru and the >others saw that their leader had been given back. They were forever greatful. Crow: _Very_ grateful. Tom: No Usagi equals no show, and that means no jobs! >Everyone was glad that usagi had been returned to them. Usagi just stood >there wondering if a miracle had taken place. Usagi thought to herself, >Usagi: *Yeah.* Tom: I think we’re missing something here. Crow: Plot, good writing, what? Mike: Coming back to life must not count as a miracle anymore. > >Meanwhile at the Ice Palace, Ice Titan saw they place where Sailor Moon died. Tom: Alright, get rid of that dead body, and we can start building Ice Titan’s Fun House. >Ice Titan: "Good job Morgoth and Belogore!" Crow: What about Roboweed? Mike: He got snuffed. > The Ice Titan praised his >henchmen. Suddenly the Ice Titan felt something pure and good. Mike: It was his love for Morgoth. >Ice Titan: "It's the Princess! She lives again! How?" Ice Titan was very >angry. Tom: He just found out that Mamoru has a girlfriend. Mike: Alright, let’s get out of that vein, ok? >Belogore: "You mean Princess Crystallina of the Crystal Moon of CrystalWald?" >Questioned Belogore. Crow: That’s usually what a question mark indicates. Tom: What story are we in now? >Ice Titan: "Yes, Crystallina now lives inside Tsukino Usagi. Which makes her >very strong!" Ice Titan replies angrily. Mike: Come again? >I will send down RoboMobo to bring her out into the open!" Answered Morgoth. Mike: Damn, not even close! Tom: And yet another disposable robot rears it’s ugly head. Crow: It’s Scud the disposable assassin! > >Meanwhile... Crow: At Furinkan High..... >Mamoru and Usagi was in a cafe. Tom: But they aren’t now. > Usagi felt very weak and had a vision. In the >vision she saw a monster terroriseing her Mamo-Chan. Crow: Let me guess, he needs to rescued huh? > Mamoru tried to fight, >butmonster was too strong for him. Mike: I think that falls under my ‘Stuff I Didn’t Wanna Know About Tux Boy List’. > Mamoru was wondering if Usagi. was still >in a trance. Tom: Looks like they’ve been experimenting with homemade drugs again. > She saw herself defeat the monster with herself in one piece! Crow: Is that good? Mike: Yeah, did she defeat it one piece or is she in one piece? > Then Usagi came >out of the vision and told Mamoru that he would be in a fight. Mike: If they keep this up there won’t be much story left. Crow: _That’s_ a good thing. > Mamoru walked Usagi home. Once >he dropped her off at her house, he went to his apartment. > > Later Usagi was at home resting. Mamoru went for a walf Crow: A walf from Wald. > when he was attacked >by RoboMobo. He tried to block but it was no good. Mike: Well, thanks for telling us. Otherwise we wouldn’t know due to lack of exposition. > Usagi suddenly woke up and >sensed something was wrong and rushed uot of the house like a mad bull! Tom: I guess that was a joke. Mike: I guess so. > Shingo was >wondering what she was in a hurry for. On the way to Mamoru, Usagi said... >Usagi: "Hold on Mamoru! I am coming! Moon Crystal Enchantment Power! Make >Up!" Usagi transformed into Crystal Sailor Moon! All: Yea..... > > Mamoru was still trying to hold on when >Crystal Sailor Moon showed up. >Crystal Sailor Moon: "How low you go attacking the man I love! Crow: How low can you go? > You will not be forgiven that! I am Crystal Sailor Moon and I say on behelf >of the moon, i will right all wrongs and triumph over evil! And that means YOU!" >Crystal Sailor Moon said like she was angry. Tom: Attacking her boyfriend was a bad way to get on her good side. >RoboMobo: "I will defeat you Tsukino Usagi.” Crow: Who? I’m Crystal Sailor Moon! >Crystal Sailor Moon: "I don't think so!" Crystal Sailor Moon answered. >RoboMobo started attacking Crystal Sailor Moon, but Crystal Sailor Moon >dodged the attack. Morgoth appeared and blasted Crystal Sailor Moon. Mike: Hiya! Crow: Those teleportation powers are pretty handy. Tom: Mike, can I have teleportation powers? Mike: No Tom. > Crystal >Sailor Moon was slightly wounded. Usagi wasn't hurt bad. Crow: Whew! They’re both ok! My heart was in my throat! > Then an image of >Queen Serenity appeared and said... Tom: Nyah, nyah, nyah nyah! >Queen Serenity: "Princess Serenity!" Queen Serenity throughs down a wand >that is long and narrow that has four Crescent Moons all around the staff. >Queen Serenity sent down this new wand to her daughter. Crow: It’s a good thing she didn’t send it to the robot. >Crystal Sailor Moon: "What's this?" Asked Crystal Sailor Moon. Mike: In a story with a character named Roboweed, I don’t think I wanna know. >Queen Serenity: "This Moon Crystal Staff will help you save your friends and >help you win." Queen Serenity answered her daughter's question. Tom: Unless it’s the Black Hole Crystal Staff. That one really sucks. Crow: Dude, it’s the Moon Crystal Bong! All: Dude..... >Crystal Sailor Moon: "Thanks! Moon Crystal Staff Elimination!" Crystal Sailor >Moon cheerfully answered her mother and then blasted the RoboMonster. All: Sigh..... Mike: At least she’s IC. > Crystal >Sailor Moon defeated RoboMobo and lives to tell about it! Crow: She didn’t use the ‘body attack’ this time. Mike: What happened to Morgoth? Tom: Ice Titan needed help picking curtains. > Mamoru is very happy. Usagi hugs her prince with a big hug. Mike: Arghhh!!! My ribs! > > Later Luna and the others were glad that Usagi was once with them again! >Their mission was far from over... Crow: Oh look, Luna made it after all! Tom: Poor kitty! > >NEXT EPISODE: "THE RETURN OF KUNZITE AND ZOICITE!” Tom: The author must be running out of crappy robot names. Crow: I can’t see why. All you do is get Robo and make up a crappy word after it. Failing that, use an everyday object such as carrot or hamdinger. Mike: We’re out of here. Mike: Hey doc, you actually read all of these? Tom: You make Frank do it don’t ya? Crow: That would explain so much. Dr. F: Of course I do it! I personally cull the good from the bad and pass the savings on to you. Mike: Well, aren’t you worried about goin insane with us? Crow: He’s already nutty. Dr. F: Hmm....I’ll look into that. I don’t think that will be a problem for someone with my obviously superior intellect. Have a goodin’. ______________________________________________________________________ Mst3k stuff belongs to Best Brains. --Morgoth appeared and blasted Crystal Sailor Moon. Crystal Sailor Moon was slightly wounded. Usagi wasn't hurt bad.--