Msting by Eric Schepers schepps@hotmail.com ______________________________________________________________________ Mike: Hi guys, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. We’ve been getting a lot of Sailor Moon fanfics, so we decided to see if we could do better. Crow: A blind, three-legged dog with worms could do better than some of these guys. Tom: I think we should start with the words to the theme music! Crow: No, we should start with Mina and Lita exploring their relationship in new and exciting ways! Mike: I was thinking along the lines of doing a story from the nega-verse point of view. Tom: It’s been done. Crow: How about Rei and Lita exploring their relationship in new and exciting ways? Tom: Let’s start with a panoramic view of MegaTokyo with Mad Machine playing softly in the background! Mike: Wrong series. Mike: Oh, well. Time to pay the piper. Dr. F: Forget the piper, the whole orchestra wants a piece of your hide! Frank: And you’re long past due! Mike: I’m ready for the exchange sirs, mind if I go first? Dr. F: Not at all Nelson. Blow us away! Mike: My invention is based on the anime series “Urusei Yatsura”. I call it the Megane Device! Crow: Have you ever felt strongly about something, but didn’t know how to articulate your view in rational words? Well, this won’t help. Tom: Basically, it makes you turn from simple high school student to fervent fanatic! Crow: Allow me to demonstrate! Mike: Feel any different? Crow: Not really....BAKA!!! WE MUST DEVOTE OUR LIVES TO LUM!!!! WHAHAAHAHA!!!!! Tom: He’s got ya there Mike. Mike: What do you think sirs? Crow: NOW IS THE TIME TO GO FORTH INTO THE NIGHT!!! Dr. F: Very impressive, but, once again, the genius that is me has done it again! Frank, if you please? Frank: Have you ever wanted to write a incredibly horrendous fanfic, but haven’t had any ideas? Well this machine takes bits of real Sailor Moon trivia and mixes it with everything from Barney and Friends to Zorro. We call it the Tripe Generator. Dr. F: But as you well know, some people don’t require our device and come up with nasty stories on their own. Which brings me to today’s fanfic. It’s another ‘treasure’ from your friend Crystal Knight! Enjoy...if you can! Mike: I hope that machine doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. Tom: It would basically mean the end of civilization itself. Crow: WE GOT FANFIC SIGN WORMS!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA! *..2..3..4..5..6 > > PRETTY SOLDIER SAILOR MOON:CRYSTAL SAILORS > Episode:05 [PG-13] > "Warning of Doom to Usagi!” Mike: Oooh, lovely title. Writing that down guys? Bots: Hell no. > Part 1 of 5. All: Oh, for the love of ham.... > > Today on Sailor Moon:Crystal Sailors: "I begin to have a strange dream of >doom warning me of my terrible fate if I go into battle. What will happen? >Stay there and find out!” Tom: So she’s going to die again? Crow: I’m ok with it. > >~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ > Usagi was having a nightmare in the middle of the night. Crow: As opposed to the middle of the day. > In the dream... > Usagi was told by a man not to engage the next battle. Mike: Also, leave this fanfic immediately! >Usagi: "Why?" Usagi asks. >The image in the dream says that Usagi will die. Tom: Must be a quiet image. >Usagi: "Why can't I fight? I always won the battles against the >Ice Titan!" Usagi spoke up angrily. Crow: That’s because he’s a dick. >Man: "You always risked your life for the others! You shall NOT engage the >NEXT FIGHT! If you do, YOU will die!" Mike: Those self-help tapes must have payed off. He’s not quiet anymore! > says the man. Usagi wakes up in horror >of the dream. At the same time, Mamoru wakes up from the same dream in horror >wondering if this is a prediction of the near future of what will happen to >Usagi if she engages the next fight. Tom: What’s the prob? She’ll just come back again! Crow: Maybe as Wooden Sailor Moon! Mike: The whole story is wooden. > Mamoru was worried about his Princess. >Luna watches the Horrified usagi Crow: Horrified being more important than Usagi. > as she sits up in her bed wondering and only >thinking of the dream. Then Usagi goes outside to get some fresh air. > >The Ice Titan was already planning his next attack! Mike: First, we’ll take out the convenience stores, thereby robbing them of precious Twinkies! Tom: You are the wind beneath my wings, sir. >Ice Titan: "Zoicite and Belogore! Come here! I want you to take Robodart >downand capture Usagi's friends. Tom: Why even have different names? They’re all the same! Crow: Explaining how they keep coming back would be a problem. Mike: Not for this guy. > They will depend on Usagi to bail them out >of danger. Then Use Robodart and have him throw these spears at Crystal >Sailor Moon to kill her! Crow: See Tom? This one throws spears! Tom: Don’t care. > Do you understand our mission?" Asked the Ice Titan. >Zoicite: "Yes." Answered Zoicite. Zoicite and belogore left for >Toyko Immeadiatly. Mike: And when in Tokyo Immeadiatly enjoy our fabulous pastries. > > Rei and the others heard from Luna and Mamoru about her bad dream so they >started for Usagi's house to cheer her up. Tom: Remember the plan girls? Crow: No, I’m not in this story. > Usagi wasn't at home. Usagi was at Rei's temple >meditating and getting advice from Rei's grandfather. Mike: On how to be a pervert. Crow: Mamoru’s in for a surprise! > Grandpa tried to cheer up Usagi, but it did not do >any good. Crow: Apparently she doesn’t find perversion funny. > Rei and the others found out from Shingo that Usagi went to Rei's >temple. So and the others headed for Rei's temple. > > Suddenly they were attacked by Zoicte, Belogore and Robodart. Mike: Usagi and grandpa or Rei and the ‘others’? Tom: And where is Malachite? > The Sailor >Soldiers transformed! They tried to fight, but the enemies over powered them. >They were incased in hard plastic. Tom: In a Barbie world.... > Then Tuxedo Kamen appeared and he tried to >fight, but he too was captured in hard plastic too. it seemed hopelessfor >them all. Mike: Man, they suck! Crow: Nah, they’re just waiting for Usagi to get a move on. > > Usagi was still meditating when she had the strangest feeling, that her >friends was in danger. So she began to call for her powers... Crow: But she dialed 0 and her powers refused the charges.... >Usagi: "Moon Crystal Enchant..." The man from the dream told her... >Man: "You must NOT engage the next fight!" Usagi didn't care at this point if >she dies, as long as she can save her friends. Even if it means her own >downfall! Usagi begins to cry out... Crow: Get outta my widdle head! >Usagi: "Moon Crystal Enchantment Power! Make Up!" usagi transformed into >Crystal Sailor Moon! > > She arrives where her friends are imprisioned. Crystal Sailor Moon is very >angry. Tom: That’s one angry Usagi. Mike: Should get more fiber in her diet. >Crystal Sailor Moon: "I will free my friends, even if I must lay down my own >life down for them. I will save them! I will punish you in the name of the >Moon!" Robodart throws a bunch of spears at Crystal Sailor Moon. Mike: Hence the name Robodart. Crow: Hey Tom, remember the Amazing Colossal Man? Tom: How can I forget? > She tries to >evade all the spears, but it's too late! One of the spears hit her going >right through her chest and through her heart. The spear went right through her >body and landed right behind her body. Tom: Today on Bass Fishin’ we spotlight the long ignored art of spear fishing. > Crystal Sailor Moon falls to the >ground in pain. Her last effort with all her strength she calls her staff. Crow: This time Usagi learned her lesson and dialed 1-800-COLLECT. Tom: Suck up. >Crystal Sailor Moon: "Moon Crystal Staff Eliminatiom!" Robodart is blasted >and defeated. After that Crystal Sailor Moon dies instantly. The others are >freed from the monsters magic. Mike: Leaving the scouts to the mercy of the remaining villains. > > The Sailor Soldiers went to Crystal Sailor Moon's side. She had sacrificed >her own life to save her friends even though the man in her dream told her >not to. Crow: Who is this mystery man? The world may never know. > With Usagi gone what were the Sailor Soldiers going to do now? Tom: Learn how to fight? > With their leader >dead? Only time will tell. Mike: She’s coming back, we all know it. > >TO BE CONTINUED.... Crow: Wait can we talk about this? Please? > >NEXT EPISODE: "USAGI'S LAST STAND?” Tom: Where Sitting Bull takes on a whole other meaning. Crow: Hey, you’ve used up your quota of Usagi’s! Mike: Let’s blow this popsicle stand. Mike: Whew, that was short and rancid. Crow: I wonder how many times the author’s going to kill her and bring her back? Tom: He’s already did to many times for my taste. Dr. F: Hearing comments like that tell me my choices are right on target! Frank: Your villainy is an example for us all sir. Dr. F: Why thank you Frank. Now hit the button. Frank: Aye, aye sir. _