[Joel and the Bots enter the theater.] >============================================================================ > > -Chapter XIV- TOM: None of the these chapters have headings, have you noticed? JOEL: Maybe we should provide some of our own? CROW: How about, "City-wide Celebration held over the death of Leviathan"? > > "Why...why did he leave him behind?" Gadget asked herself. She had spent >nearly ten hours searching for Chip, with still no clue as to his whereabouts. TOM: She idly wondered if she should stop circling the same spot. >She was thinking about going home, since the sun was starting to set. Then, on >a rooftop, she saw a familiar shadow. JOEL: No, it's just another one of those diamond anniversary advertisements. > She piloted the Wing over to the >building, then landed it. JOEL: [Steve] There. I wrote that line, and I'm proud. > Gadget jumped out and walked over to the figure. >"Chip?" CROW: On his shoulder? TOM: Off the old block? > > "Leave me alone, Gadget," Chip said bluntly. Gadget had no intention of >doing so. JOEL: Gadget enjoyed picking fights. > > 'Not this time,' she thought. "Talk to me, Chip." > > "I don't want to talk about it." CROW: [Chip] I'd rather express it through pantomime. > > "Chip, please talk to me. I'm your friend. It hurts me to see you like >this," she said. Chip merely turned his head away from Gadget. TOM: He was facing her? > > "Gadget, leave me alone." > > "No, Chip, I want to..." CROW: Man! I want, I want, I want -- Gadget's being so selfish! > > "Gadget, I told you to just leave me alone!!" Chip screamed as he turned >to face Gadget. He was angry at her and showing it. Gadget was now frightened >for Chip, as well as for herself. TOM: You can squeeze all you want, reader, but you're not going to be able to get *any* pathos from this. > > "But...Chip, I...I'll leave you alone." She started to walk to the Ranger >Wing, saddened. JOEL: [Gadget] Boo hoo. Sob. Cry cry cry. > Chip turned to face the horizon. He realized what he had done >and started to talk. CROW: [Chip] I didn't want to hurt you, baby, but you're pretty when you cry.... > > "It's beautiful, isn't it?" Gadget turned to see Chip sitting down near >the edge of the roof. She stood there for a second. "It's just so >beautiful..." > > "What, Chip?" She sat down beside him. "What's beautiful?" TOM: [Chip] That new parking garage where the tree farm used to be. God, I hate nature! > > "The sunset," he replied. "I used to come up here as a kid and watch the >sunset every day. JOEL: [Chip] I had no life. > I thought it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. CROW: [Chip] Then I discovered the wonders of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. > Now >it's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen..." TOM: [Chip] Princess Sally is one red-hot babe! > > "What do you mean by, 'second most?'" Chip now realized that he had no >choice but to confess his feelings to Gadget. ALL: D'oh! > He remembered what Leviathan had >told him that night. Chip decided right then to do it. TOM: He jumped. > > "The most beautiful thing I've ever seen... CROW: [Chip] Is a tree. > is you..." Gadget was shocked >at his answer. TOM: Can't you just feel the emotion coming out and clubbing you in the face? Well?! Can't you!?! > He moved his paw over hers. "I love you, Gadget." * * * > > "I...I..." Gadget was utterly speechless, almost devoid of emotion. CROW: Now she's Scully? > The >chipmunk who had left her first love for dead was now admitting what she had >admitted to Leviathan. JOEL: It's pretty funny when you think about it! > "Chip..." > > "Gadget, I love you more than anything or anyone I've ever laid eyes on. JOEL: You really shouldn't be leaving your eyeballs lying around like that, Chipper. BOTS: Ewwww.... >Not a night goes by when I don't dream about you and me together." TOM: [Chip] I'm wearing a black mask, and you're on the mechanical bull-- > Chip stood >up slowly. "Gadget, I love you with all of my heart and soul." CROW: Even on his best day, Shakespeare could only dream about writing like this. TOM: They're called "nightmares", Crow. CROW: Oh. > > "Chip...I..." Gadget was going to answer, but Chip had embraced her. TOM: Whoa. Hold it. Gadget's still sitting. This would look really awkward. CROW: Maybe Steve means Chip turned her into a vampire. > They >were drawing together, TOM: How?! He had just embraced her, remember?! JOEL: [shakes his head] Can't even remember the last line he wrote. > but Gadget prevented it. "No, Chip." JOEL: [Gadget] I'm not that kind of girl. > > "What do you mean, Gadget?" Chip looked confused. TOM: [Gadget] I mean "no" means "no". Got it? > > "Chip, if I say...what you hope I'll say, CROW: [Gadget] It'll be the alcohol talking, not me. > then what do you think will >happen with the Rangers when we tell them?" JOEL: [Chip] Nothing. Julie Bihn isn't writing this, so they won't lynch me or anything. > Gadget's logic wasn't faulted CROW: Her emotions were. > --and >Chip knew it, too. > > "You're right, Gadget," Chip reluctantly agreed. "But I just want you to >listen to me, Gadget Hackwrench. TOM: [Chip] Listen to none other but myself. My voice alone you shall hear. > I think you're the most incredible person >I've ever met. TOM: [Chip] Next to Chuckles the Clown. > I love you, and I know that somewhere, deep inside of yourself, >you feel the same. TOM: [Chip] Or you'll be kissing concrete in about three seconds. CROW: She thinks she's the most incredible person she's ever met? > If you don't want to admit it right now, fine. JOEL: [Chip] Be that way! See if I care! [sniffle] > If you want >to wait until next week, or even next year, I'm okay with that. But I want you >to understand that I've always loved you, and I always will. Gadget, I love >you with every bit of my soul." Gadget simply took in everything he said, then >embraced him. TOM: There must be some weird mathematical formula Steve is using to enable them to embrace each other three times without ever pulling back once. > > "Chip...I love you, too." And the two shared a singular, emotional, >passionate kiss that sealed their feelings there on the spot. TOM: And here we see the industrious small mammals sealing up emotions for use during their long winter hibernation. JOEL: They don't hibernate, remember? > It was Gadget's >first kiss, CROW: And thus the evil spell was broken! We're free! JOEL: Not even close -- we haven't even hit the halfway point of this part yet. CROW: Blast! TOM: Uh, didn't she already kiss Leviathan? CROW: And was kissed by him before that, albeit unwillingly? > and she could never remember when she had felt such a feeling of >affection for anyone since her father. TOM: Okay. We'll give Steve the benefit of the doubt and assume that he's not implying that Gadget and her father had that *exact* type of affection that she now has with Chip. > For the new couple, they knew there was >no denying their feelings for each other anymore. CROW: Until the seven year itch, at least. > When they parted, TOM: Finally! CROW: Well, they still have two more partings to go, according to my calculations. > the couple >looked out to the horizon. "You're right, Chip; it is beautiful." JOEL: [Gadget] But not as beautiful as I. > The couple >completely forgot about time, as they spent over an hour talking to each other >by the light of the full moon. CROW: Which was impressive, considering the fact that the *sun* had just *set*. > They talked about each other's lives, and they >remembered and laughed at some of their past cases. JOEL: [Gadget] Remember when your practical joke nearly killed Dale? Hah! CROW: [Chip] Remember when you woke up screaming every night from emotional trauma? Ha-ha! > By the time they were >ready to go home, Gadget was sitting in Chip's lap, ALL: Sayyyyy.... > with his arm around her >waist. > TOM: Where's his other arm? CROW: Between two pillows. JOEL: ...those aren't pillows! ALL: AAAAAA! > "Gadget...what do we tell the others when we get home? What do we say to >them?" Chip asked as he released Gadget and stood up. JOEL: [Gadget] What do you mean, "we"? > > "We tell them what happened. But separately. You'll handle Monty, and >I'll handle Dale. That way, it'll be easier on all of us." TOM: What about Zipper? JOEL: The fly? He probably couldn't care less. CROW: Wow. For once, I can actually empathize with him. > She and Chip walked >to the Ranger Wing hand in hand. They stopped in front of it and looked deep >into each other's eyes. TOM: SLEEEEP! > > "I love you, Gadget." > > "And I love you too, Chip." They drew close and kissed again against the >background of a starry, moonlit night sky. * * * TOM: While the sun's rays from behind the horizon were officially ticked that they were forced off stage a good hour early. > > "Hey, Foxglove!" Dale called to the bat who was just getting ready to >leave Ranger HQ for the night. "Where ya goin'?" JOEL: [Foxglove] Anywhere as long as it's away from you! > > "I'm gonna go out for dinner tonight, if you guys don't mind," she >replied. Monty seemed a little insulted, but got over it quickly. > > "Alright, lass, but be back in the mornin', okay?" CROW: Now Foxglove's getting curfews? > > "Okay, Monty," she laughed. "See you in the morning!" She opened the door >and looked straight ahead of her to see Gadget and Chip walking towards Ranger >HQ holding hands. "Hi, Chip! Hi, Gadget!" > > "Hi, Foxglove!" Gadget said. She released Chip's hand and waved to their >guest. JOEL: Couldn't she use her free hand? > Chip walked beside Foxglove and entered Ranger HQ. > > "Monty, can I talk to you for a minute alone?" Chip asked nervously. JOEL: [Chip] I'm pregnant. >Monty smiled and nodded to Zipper, who proceeded to fly to his little room in >Ranger HQ and retire for the night. TOM: Geez! I don't think even Nowak dismissed Zipper *that* quickly! JOEL: He went to his little room to cry his little heart out over getting so little respect. > > "Sure, Chipper. What's up?" CROW: [Chip] A direction. Opposite of down. Duh. > > "Not here. Let's go to your room," Chip suggested. Monty shrugged and led >Chip to his room. Shortly afterwards, Gadget waved goodbye to Foxglove and >turned to face Dale. JOEL: And so it was decreed that only one event could happen at a time. All must wait until the next paragraph before moving from their current positions. > > "So, is Chip alright? It took you long enough to find him," Dale cracked. CROW: The stress of holding that question in until Foxglove left had taken its toll. >Gadget laughed a little, then took on a serious look as she started to tell >Dale what had happened an hour ago. Dale's expression changed from happy to >forlorn as she told Dale that she loved Chip. He thought now that Gadget >didn't like him anymore, so he shouted when Gadget finished, "Leave me alone, >Gadget!" and ran to his room. TOM: Yes, why bother with intricate conversation revealing the intense emotions of the characters? New Synopsis-Brand Exposition takes only ten percent of the time and energy to write! > > 'No, not him too,' Gadget thought. CROW: Hey, relax. If it's a precursor of things to come, then Dale will leave Chip to his doom, then confess his love to you, and you'll realize that he's the one you love! > 'I shouldn't have told him.' Chip and >Monty came from the direction Dale had run in, looking over their shoulders. >"Chip, would you talk to Dale?" CROW: [Chip] Yes, I would like to talk to Dale. But why do I need your permission first? > > "No problem, Gadget." With that, he kissed Gadget on the cheek and walked >to his room. Monty turned to Gadget with a sly look on his face. TOM: Oh no! Monty and Gadget don't love each other *that* way! > > "Gadget, Geegaw would be proud of ya. Ya don't find a better person in >life ta love than someone like Chip. Ya made the right choice," Monterey Jack >said. TOM: [settling down] Oh. Well, that's okay, then. > Gadget smiled, hugged Monty, then ran to her room, ecstatic because >someone other than her father loved her for the first time in her life, JOEL: So now Leviathan doesn't count? Man, she's fickle! TOM: He only likes girls when they're tied up and screaming. > and >because she loved that someone back. > > -END Chapter XIV- > > >============================================================================ > > -Chapter XV- CROW: "After the drugs wore off...." > > "Good morning, Gadget," Foxglove yawned as she entered Ranger HQ after a >hard night. CROW: Doing what, you may ask? Silly reader, subplots are for good fanfics! > She was ready to get some rest, but was now realizing that Gadget >was never up this early. "Hey, what are you doing up?" > > "I just couldn't sleep last night, Foxglove," the inventor replied. JOEL: [Gadget] What with Dale's constant crying and wailing and all. > "I >just couldn't get to sleep, so I stayed up all night. TOM: And here you can see another prime example of her mind-bashingly high I.Q. > Y'know, Foxglove, isn't >love a great feeling?" JOEL: [Foxglove] When I'm dancing on the ceiling. > > "I'll say," Foxglove replied. She thought about how much she loved Dale. CROW: And his callous rejection of her.... >"Well, I'll see you later tonight." JOEL: [Foxglove] I have to attempt suicide in my sudden awakening to the cold, hard master that is life. > > "Oh, Foxglove, before I forget, Dale told me to tell you to meet him at >the bottom of the tree tonight." > > "What for?" CROW: He wants to get to the root of their relationship! [Tom gives a rimshot.] CROW: Thank you! > > "I don't know," she said. "He told me that it was a surprise for you." > > "Oh...well, I'll guess we'll find out tonight...see ya, Gadget..." >Foxglove called as she walked into Gadget's room. Gadget waved to Foxglove as >she closed the door. A few minutes later, Chip walked out of his room to see >Gadget sitting on the couch. He sat down beside her. CROW: You know, the blocking in this scene is almost perfect, except it's not blocking out *anything*. > > "What are you doing up early?" he asked. "Unless you've got something to >do in your workshop, you're never up this early." JOEL: [Chip] Unless you've got something to do in your workshop. > > "I just couldn't go to sleep last night, Chip. All I could think about >was you." TOM: [Gadget] And like the song goes, when I think about you, I-- > She smiled at Chip and leaned over to kiss him. Chip placed two >fingers on her lips. CROW: [Chip] Ugh. Morning breath. > > "Later, Gadget. Dale's just getting up, and I don't think the first thing >he'd like to see is us kissing," he told her. CROW: [Chip] He'd much rather wait until he was sitting alone in a corner. > Sure enough, Dale walked into >the room just a few seconds later, followed by Monty and Zipper. JOEL: Oh, Monty let Zipper come out of his room? That's nice. > > "Morning, guys," Dale groggily said as he walked into the kitchen to have >breakfast. Monty looked at the couple on the couch, holding hands and smiling. JOEL: Who was Monty holding hands with, and why was he smiling? TOM: Ooo. I don't wanna know. > > "I swear, Zipper, I've never seen either of them so happy," he told his >little friend. TOM: [singing] We're so happy that you're so happy. Just as long as you stay happy.... JOEL: Anytime now the wife of the Giant comes crashing through looking for revenge.... > Zipper nodded in agreement, then followed Monty into the >kitched to join Dale in the hunt for breakfast. CROW: They track the wild oatmeal with extreme caution. > > "Gadget?" Chip started. "I've got something I want to ask you." > > "What is it, Chip?" Gadget was surprised to see Chip get down on one knee >and pull a small box out of his inside jacket pocket. TOM: [Chip] I have here an assortment of shower curtain rings-- > > "So, Dale, what happened last night?" Monty asked his breakfast >companion. "I mean, after you and Gadget talked?" JOEL: [Dale] I damned her to Hell and back. Why? > > "Well, Chip came in the room and we talked about Gadget and how we each >loved her, and we agreed that Chip loved her more, so I just let it go. That's >all." Dale then began to eat his small bowl of cereal. TOM: [Dale] Just the usual heart-wrenching pain and strife of a lifetime dream shattering before your very eyes and scarring your very soul until the second coming of Christ. Pass the milk. > Ten minutes later, >Gadget burst into the kitchen. She was crying and smiling like crazy. JOEL: Great, she's stumbled back into her LSD habit. > > "Guys...you won't believe it...me and Chip...we're engaged!" Both of the >feasting Rangers looked up almost immediately and stared at the ring on >Gadget's finger. JOEL: You're right -- I don't believe it. CROW: [Dale] So *that's* what happened to my Cracker Jack mood ring! > "We're gonna get married!" * * * TOM: [singing] We're going to the oak tree, and we're gonna get married! CROW: So, they've been a couple for about twelve hours and are already engaged. Methinks they might have had more than just their first *kiss* on that rooftop.... TOM: [snickering] Say no more, say no more! JOEL: [sighing] Please. > > "C'mon, Foxy, where are you?" Dale impatiently wondered as he looked >around for Foxglove. It was already 9:00, CROW: Do you know where your chiropterids are? > and he was wondering if Gadget had >given her his message. JOEL: Or was she toying with him again? > His mind quickly banished those thoughts as Foxglove >flew down in front of Dale. > > "Hey, Dale!" Foxglove called from a few inches above Dale. When she >landed, she put a flirtatious look on her face. CROW: Masking the disgust and loathing she felt inside-- > For once, Dale didn't look one >bit nervous because of it. TOM: He shrieked and scrambled back in terror. > > "Um, Foxglove, I've got somethin' to tell ya," Dale said to her. "You >might wanna sit down for this..." JOEL: [Dale] I'm Michael Eisner. > > "Dale, what is it?" Foxy remained standing. "What's wrong?" > > "Nothing, it's just that, well..." TOM: [Dale] Something's wrong. > > "What?" > > "Foxglove, I love you." Foxglove was as surprised as Gadget when Chip had >told her he loved her. "I love you more than anyone I've ever known. CROW: [Dale] Not counting Gadget, but she's taken, so you'll have to do. > I want >you to know that I'll always love you." TOM: [Dale] Until something better comes along. > > "Dale...oh, Dale!" She ran up to her chipmunk and kissed him. Dale felt >something, TOM: A disgusting, slobbering feeling-- > and actually didn't try to stop her; in fact, after Foxglove >finished kissing him, he returned the favor. Foxglove CROW: Gagged. > blushed, then flew back >up to Ranger HQ. JOEL: [Foxglove] Gotta get to the bathroom before I heave! > > 'Thanks a lot, Chip,' Dale thought silently. 'I owe you a big one for >this, buddy.' ALL: What?! JOEL: [Dale] Thanks Chip, for stealing my one true love so I have to lie to this poor girl just so I won't be alone. You're a true pal! CROW: [Dale] Thanks Chip, for telling me to just accept second best and shut up. No wonder you're my best buddy! TOM: [Dale] Burn in Hell, Chip. > > "Hey, Dale!" Chip called down to his friend. Dale looked up to see Chip >give him two big thumbs up. * * * CROW: Dale's return gesture wasn't nearly as polite. > > "Gadget-love, your mother would have been flattered to see ya in her own >weddin' dress," Monterey said as he looked over Gadget. JOEL: [Monty] But wasn't she buried in it? > She was wearing an >exquisite white gown with a long pearl necklace. "Ya never looked so >beautiful, Gadget." > > "Thanks, Monty." She walked up to her friend and hugged him hard. TOM: Snapping his back like a matchstick. > "Do you >mind if I have a moment alone?" TOM: [Gadget] I have to worship my beauty. > > "Sure, I don't see why not," he replied, and he and Zipper left Gadget's >room. JOEL: Zipper was there? CROW: Who cares? > Gadget sat down and looked up through a window. > > "Mom, Dad, I know you're up there watching me. JOEL: Heaven gets Toon Disney? > I want you to know that I >never forgot you, and I never will. I wish you could've been here to see this >day, but I know you're watching from Heaven. TOM: [Gadget] Did you enjoy the torture scene as much as me? > Thanks for giving me the courage >to go on with my life. CROW: [Gadget] For the tears and angst and pain and-- hey, wait a minute.... > I love you, Mom and Dad. I always will." She stood up, >and proceeded to exit the room. TOM: CUT TO: SoL -- THEATER -- INT. JOEL: [Joel and the Bots pray for the end.] > She was approached by Silvia, whom Gadget had >chosen as her maid of honor. > > "Gadget, good luck with this!" Silvia said. > > "Nonsense, Silvia! CROW: [Gadget] Marriage is supposed to be cold and unfeeling. > There's no such thing as luck, and I'll prove it!" she >joked. JOEL: She's setting out to deliberately sabotage her married life? > The two women joyously laughed and hugged each other. Then Monterey >Jack approached Gadget and Silvia. TOM: [Monty] 'ow about some lovin' for the Cheese Wiz 'ere? > > "Okay, Gadget, it's time." JOEL: This a wedding, not an execution. CROW: [pondering] Well.... > Gadget took Monterey's hand and Silvia left >the hallway and headed into the main room of Ranger HQ. When Gadget heard Here >Comes the Bride on a piano, JOEL: She broke down and wept, realizing she was about to make the biggest mistake of her life. > she and Monterey looked at each other, smiled, and >walked into the main room. > > "Oh...look at her...she's beautiful...gorgeous..." TOM: Isn't it in bad taste to be looking at a Playboy during a wedding? CROW: But what if it's the one featuring the bride? > Gadget heard various >complements as she walked to the front of the room. Most of the attendees were >old friends of the Rangers JOEL: Those who were still alive. > and mice and chipmunks from around the city who had >heard of the ceremony and wanted to come, including Don, Leviathan's ex- >partner, and the mouse who had helped Gadget get home that fateful night-- TOM: How'd they find him?!? JOEL: It's just one mouse in a major city, remember? >Gadget had found him a place to stay and indeed thanked him for his kindness. >Gadget arrived at the front of the room, released Monterey Jack's hand, and >kissed him on the cheek. She then took Chip's hand and her place beside him. TOM: [Preacher] 'ave oo the wing? > > "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join these two in the holy state >of JOEL: Utah. > matrimony," the minister said. "If there is anyone here who has any reason >why these two should not be wed, let them speak now, or forever hold their >peace." > > "I have a reason." Everyone looked in the direction of the voice. TOM: How'd Julie Bihn get in here? > It came >from a hooded figure in the back of the room. He removed the hood and showed >his face. CROW: [figure] You will bring Han Solo and the wookie to me.... > > "Oh my gosh...it's...Leviathan!" Gadget exclaimed. > > -END Chapter XV- > > >============================================================================ > > -Chapter XVI- JOEL: "It just doesn't let up" > > "Surprised?" ALL: No. > Leviathan slowly walked towards Gadget and Chip. "I'm not; I >escaped that explosion long before it really happened." > > "But how?" Chip asked. TOM: [Chip] We had this place blessed before we started, which should ban all incarnates of evil! > "You were still standing on that computer when it >exploded! You couldn't have survived that blast!" > > "I didn't get hit by it. It only occured on the bottom half of the >computer. I had plenty of time to find another hole and escape." CROW: Uh... don't explosions usually lift *up* whatever was directly above them? Like, really forcefully? > > "Then why did you make us believe that you were dead for eight months?" JOEL: [Leviathan] Heheheh, it's fun! >Gadget inquired. Leviathan took the couple aside and whispered to them. TOM: [Leviathan] Now unless those negatives are turned over, bad things are going to start happening. > > "Gadget, Chip told me of his feelings for you the night I heard you in >the kitchen. JOEL: [Leviathan] You figure it out. > I suppose that by now you know he listened in on us. JOEL: Distrust and eavesdropping. The cornerstones of any successful relationship. > I felt that >you two were perfectly made for each other, and I wanted you two to realize >that. Chip, you're about to marry a great woman. CROW: [Chip] Yeah, thanks for breaking Gadget in for me -- I'll take it from here. > I wish you both lots of luck >in your married life." TOM: [Leviathan] You'll need it. > He shook Chip's hand and kissed Gadget on the cheek. JOEL: [Chip] Heyheyhey -- when I said you could kiss her on the cheek I meant the ones on her face! > > "Thank you, Leviathan," the lovebirds said simultaneously. CROW: For what? > Then Leviathan >turned around. > > "Good sir," he said to the minister. "I have had my words with these two. CROW: What is he, a mafia boss? TOM: No, that's Don. Hah! CROW: Argh! >That was all I wanted. Please continue with the ceremony." Leviathan returned >to his position in the back of the room. JOEL: [Leviathan] Time to secure the back area. > The minister smiled, nodded, and >continued the ceremony. * * * TOM: Did the ceremony continue? JOEL: And the ceremony continued. CROW: Am I right in assuming the ceremony continued? > > "...and now, the vows. Chip, your vows first." The minister turned to >Chip. TOM: Who *else* would he have turned to?! > Chip nodded, took Gadget's hands, and began to recite his wedding vows, >which he had written himself. CROW: Seeing as how the author had no clue what the actual ones were. > > "Gadget, you are about to become my wife, and that in itself is a >miracle. I want this miracle to last forever, JOEL: [Chip] So I'm going to threaten God to keep it going. > so I promise to be faithful, >loving, caring, and kind towards you at all times. I love you with all of my >heart and soul, and I intend on keeping it that way. I will love you forever." >Chip looked at the minister. JOEL: [Minister] Why Chip... I didn't know you felt this way, I'm touched. > > "Thank you, Chip. And now, Gadget will...ahem...perform her special >wedding vows." [ALL give risque laughs.] > With that prompt, Gadget walked over to a nearby microphone. To >her surprise, the mouse who had been hired to play the piano was replaced >shortly by Leviathan. TOM: Under mysterious circumstances.... > > "I overheard that you were doing this, CROW: [Leviathan] Don't ask me how. > and I wanted to have a part in >your wedding," Leviathan whispered. Gadget thanked him by smiling at him, JOEL: [Gadget] Just smile at the stupid men.... > then >turned back into the microphone and began to speak. CROW: [Gadget] Alls right -- we's gonna blow this mutha out! > > "Chip, I love you as much as you love me, maybe even more. I heard the >song I'm about to sing about two weeks before this day, JOEL: Making it totally inappropriate to use as a "special" wedding vow. > and I felt that its >lyrics represent my love for you perfectly. TOM: [Gadget] It's called "Brick"-- > I will never stop loving you. And >now, my wedding vows." With that, Leviathan started to play the piano, TOM: Ack! It really *is* "Brick"! CROW: Well, still a good song. > and >shortly thereafter, Gadget began to sing Lost in Your Eyes. Chip marveled at >how beautiful Gadget's singing voice was. Indeed, even Monty was astonished-- >he had never heard Gadget sing. TOM: And now he knew why. > When the song had finished and Leviathan stood >up, TOM: [half-crying] Why? > everyone started applauding the two as Gadget blushed and returned to her >place beside Chip. JOEL: Just married and already knows her place. What a wonderful message to convey. > > "Gadget, that was beautiful," Chip whispered to his bride. "I've never >heard anyone sing like that before." TOM: [Chip] And I hope I never do again. > > "Thanks, Chip," Gadget said. The minister turned to Gadget. JOEL: [Minister] Can you help me off this pivot mount? > > "Do you, Gadget Hackwrench, do you take this man to be lawfully wedded >husband, CROW: Oh, so the minister is really Tarzan! > in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or for >worse, TOM: [Minister/Tarzan] In fight of jungle lions, in attack of tribes, in storms by gods.... > as long as you both shall live?" > > "I do." The minister then turned to Chip. TOM: Whirrrrr-click! > > "And do you, Chip Maplewood, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded >wife, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or for >worse, as long as you both shall live?" CROW: [minister] Or until you get bored with her? > > "I do." Chip turned to his bride. TOM: Whirrrrr-click! > > "By the power vested in me by the Lord, I now pronounce you husband and >wife. You may kiss the bride." Chip kissed Gadget, and then the two strode >down the aisle into the kitchen, where the reception was to be held. * * * [pause] JOEL: Nobody cheered? CROW: Either it's one of those really strict Catholic weddings where you aren't allowed to speak, or everyone's still stunned by Gadget's "singing" voice. > > "A toast!" Leviathan raised his wine glass. [Joel and the Bots throw pieces of toast at the screen.] > "To Chip and Gadget; may >their days of marriage be as joyous as the occasion which brought them here!" JOEL: [Leviathan] I don't mind losing the woman I love -- it's funny, actually! >Everyone cheered, toasted the new married couple, TOM: The flamethrowers should have been checked at the door. > and drank their wine. The >Rangers mingled and talked with everyone who had come, while Dale pulled Chip >aside and whispered in his ear. TOM: So Chip and Dale don't count as Rangers anymore? CROW: I'm getting flash-forwards of Jonathan Brisby Junior.... > > "Chip, I wanna tell you something." > > "What is it, Dale?" CROW: [Dale] Your fly's been open this whole time. JOEL: [Chip] Zipper's dead?! > > "Well, first, I'm happy for you and Gadget, and second, how did you >propose to Gadget?" TOM: [Chip] Drunk. > > "I got on one knee, took the ring out of my pocket, and asked her to >marry me. CROW: [Chip] The knife I held to her throat didn't influence her decision in the least! > Why do you wanna know?" Chip wondered. > > "Well, in a minute, I'm gonna propose to Foxglove." JOEL: [Dale] I need more tax breaks. > > "Dale, that's great!" > > "No it's not! I'm too nervous to do it!" Chip looked his buddy over; he >was shaking from head to toe. TOM: Or was it just the twelve cups of espresso he had drunk? > > "C'mon, Dale," Chip said. "If you love her, CROW: Set her free. > the words'll just come out >naturally; you don't have to worry about it." CROW: [Chip] Slam a few beers first, too. Helps numb the mind. > > "Really? Thanks, Chip." Dale hugged his friend and patted him on the >back. TOM: Then he rubbed his belly and patted his head, showing off some more. > > "Now, let's get back to the reception, shall we?" They returned just in >time to see Gadget throw the bouquet. Ironically, it landed in the hands of >Foxglove. TOM: Ironic, as Foxglove doesn't have hands. > "Hey, Dale, guess she doesn't have long have to wait, huh?" Dale >slightly laughed. CROW: Ha. Ha ha. > He was still a little nervous, but not as much as he was a >few minutes ago, thanks to Chip's advice. JOEL: He was hammered after one trip to the bar. > > "Well, Chip, shall we proceed?" Leviathan brought out a chair and led >Gadget over to it. TOM: [Leviathan] By "we" I meant Gadget and myself, of course. > She sat down and lifted up her dress to show off her >incredible legs. JOEL: [Leviathan] Nothing I haven't seen before. I mean, uh.... > Chip knelt down, pulled the garter off of her right leg, and >threw it over his shoulder. To Foxglove and Dale's surprise, CROW: But not the readership's. > it landed >directly in Dale's hands. > > "Hey, Dale, maybe we'll get married soon!" Foxglove exclaimed. Upon >hearing that, Dale turned to Foxy, knelt down, and pulled out a small box. >"What..." TOM: [singing] What do you do with a bat like Foxglove? > > "Foxglove, I'd be honored if you'd be my wife." JOEL: [Dale] Not that you could tell from my flat, bored tone of voice. > He opened the box to >reveal a ring similar to Gadget's engagement ring. JOEL: Mainly because it was. TOM: Dale's not a big spender, is he? > All Foxglove could do was >cry and smile in delight. > > "Oh...oh... ALL: Popeye! > yes! Yes, I will!" Dale stood up, placed the ring around >Foxy's neck (thanks to a string), JOEL: The term is "leash". CROW: At least marriage is being accurately portrayed. > and kissed her. The entire audience >proceeded to cheer for the new couple, and during this, Gadget turned to Chip. TOM: Whirrrr-click! > > "You helped him, didn't you?" she whispered to him. JOEL: [Gadget] How dare you! > > "I only gave him confidence, Gadget. He did the rest." Chip took Gadget's >hand and proceeded to the runway. After saying goodbye to everyone, the >married couple took off in the Ranger Wing, heading to the airport to go on >their honeymoon. * * * > > "Gadget, aren't they beautiful?" Chip said as he looked down at his wife >of one year. TOM: Uhm.... JOEL: Uh.... CROW: Yeah! > She looked tired and as if she was going to faint, but was >smiling as hard as she could. She had just delivered her two twins into the >world. JOEL: Oh, whew! CROW: Rats. TOM: No, mice. > > "They're precious. So tiny..." Gadget looked at the newborn baby girl. >"Yet so beautiful..." She turned to the boy TOM: [Gadget] Well, my daughter is, at least. > the doctor who had helped Gadget CROW: In more ways than one, if you know what I mean. >was holding. She raised her hand toward them. "I know you can't understand me, JOEL: [Gadget] And never will. >but I love you both very much. And I will always love you, my children." She >slowly fainted due to the exhaustion. TOM: Wimp. > The doctor led Chip into his office, >while two nurses took his newborn children for routine examinations. TOM: Sure. Mice and chipmunks have mice children all the time. > > "Now, Chip, CROW: [doctor] Who really was their father? > have you two decided on the names for your children?" The >doctor took out a pen and prepared to write. JOEL: Oedipus. TOM: Cain. CROW: Damien. > > "Yes, we decided two weeks ago. The boy's name is Geegaw--after Gadget's >father." The doctor wrote the name on the first certificate, then switched to >the one under it. > > "And the girl?" CROW: Jezebel. JOEL: Imelda. TOM: Onyx, because she was onyxpected! > > "Her name is Jennifer." JOEL: [Chip] She doesn't deserve a special story behind her name. > The doctor wrote the name down quickly, then >handed the two certificates to Chip. CROW: [doctor] Each is good for ten dollars downstairs in our gift shop. Offer void in Tennessee. > > "All I need you to do now is sign at the bottom, CROW: [doctor] In blood. > and--when your wife is >up to it--after she signs, your children may go home with you." Chip eagerly >signed the birth certificates, then handed them back to the doctor. > > "Doctor, TOM: [Chip] What was that fine print about our eternal souls all about? > may I see Gadget before I go?" Chip asked. JOEL: [doctor] Why would you want to? > > "Sure, if she's awake." The doctor followed Chip into Gadget's room, >noticing that Gadget had awakened. TOM: [doctor] She's awake. JOEL: [Chip] Yes, I too noticed that she's awake. CROW: [Gadget] Did I miss something before I awoke? > "I'll just leave you two alone." The doctor >left the room. CROW: [doctor] I've said my piece. > > "Gadget," Chip whispered. For a minute, all they did was look at each >other in awe. JOEL: Unable to comprehend how they could be written so blandly. > They had just brought two new lives into the world, and were >ready to take care of them--no matter what happened. > > "Chip? I was still thinking--what about the Rangers? JOEL: [Gadget] The division playoffs are next week. > I mean, how will >this affect us as Rescue Rangers?" TOM: Well, in ten years or so you can start a Kids Crew. > Chip was prepared for this. They had both >talked about it during Gadget's pregnancy, and were still discussing it. Chip >quickly put Gadget's mind to rest. CROW: He knocked her out? > > "Don't worry about that right now, my love," Chip said as he kissed >Gadget on the forehead. "Just go back to sleep. You need your rest. We'll >worry about that problem later." TOM: [Gadget] After I awake? CROW: [Chip] After you awake. > With that, Gadget smiled and slowly returned >to sleep. Chip left the room, happy that he and his wife were now parents. > TOM: Let me get this straight. Gadget loves Leviathan. JOEL: Right. TOM: Leviathan rejects Gadget because she's no longer his helpless prisoner. JOEL: That would be a valid interpretation, I guess. TOM: So Gadget goes with Chip. Next, Dale goes with Foxglove, because Gadget's taken. JOEL: With you so far. TOM: So there's two couples, and two people settling for second best. What kind of view of love and marriage is that? JOEL: A disturbingly accurate one. CROW: And let's not forget that they all live together at the end, setting the stage for multiple betrayals of the sacrament of marriage. TOM: Which is proven, by the way, by the fact Gadget has Leviathan's babies. JOEL: How do you figure -- oh, the cross species thing. CROW: It's kind of like an O'Neil play -- I'm starting to like it. > -END Chapter XVI- TOM: Oh, that must be our cue. [They start to get up.] > > >============================================================================ [They glance at the screen, sigh, and sit back down.] TOM: I hate it when that happens. > > -Epilogue- CROW: Finally! TOM: Careful, sometimes epilogues have no rhyme or reason as to their length. JOEL: Didn't you already use that? TOM: Yeah, but it works here, too. > > "And that's how we fell in love and had you two." Chip smiled at his >beautiful wife. CROW: [Geegaw] You mean that bit with the stork bringing us was a lie?! > It had been at least three hours since they first started >their tale, JOEL: But it felt like three days. > and Geegaw and Jennifer had been entranced the whole time. JOEL: Completely mind-numbed. TOM: [Geegaw, dazed] Ca--n I tou--ch the pret--ty ponies? CROW: [Jennifer, dazed] Rainbow taxi... coming to... take me away! > > "Well, mates, anything else ya wanna know?" Monty asked. > > "Just one more thing," Geegaw said. JOEL: [Geegaw] Are all of their stories this dull? > "Dad, did you and Mom ever go on a >date?" > > "Well...er...I, um..." TOM: [Chip] There was that time in the parking lot of Home Depot-- > > "Geegaw, we never went on what you might call a date, but it was similar >to one--trust me." [Everyone gives a series of risque laughs.] > > "Sure," Geegaw said, unsure of what his mom meant. TOM: [singing] My mother... my mother... my mother is a space cadet! > > "Thanks, guys," Jennifer said as she hugged her parents. Just then, Dale, >Foxglove, and Maggie walked in the door. TOM: [Dale] Hello... CROW: [Foxglove] Hello... JOEL: [Maggie] Hello... ALL: Hello! > > "Hi guys!" Gadget called to them. "How did your shopping go?" > > "Great!" Foxglove replied. "We got presents for everyone!" TOM: [Foxglove] They were all out of pasts and futures. > > "We got the perfect gift for you, Gadget!" CROW: A personality! > Maggie exclaimed. She was a >bat, and was about a year younger than Geegaw and Jennifer. CROW: They hung out together because the other kids labeled them as freaks. > "It's a...mmph!" > > "Maggie, don't tell Gadget what we got her for Christmas!" Dale said as >he released his hand from Maggie's mouth. > > "Sorry, Dad!" Maggie apologized. > > "Well, we'll go put this stuff away; we'll be back in a few minutes!" >Foxglove said as she and her family headed for the guest room. JOEL: [Foxglove] We must do everything as one, you know. > Chip turned >back to his children. > > "Now I've got a question for you--why did you ask us that question in the >first place?" Chip glared at the two young mice. TOM: Like a true father, Chip punishes his children for showing independent thought. > > "Well, we've both got dates for tonight," Jennifer answered. > > "Ah, the first date," Leviathan said as he limped into the room. After >Chip and Gadget had returned from their honeymoon, they had asked him if he >wanted to become a Rescue Ranger; [Everyone sighs.] JOEL: Just once, I'd like to see the Rangers *decline* someone a position in the team. > he wholeheartedly accepted. Now he was again >walking with the help of crutches. JOEL: It's Crutches, the helpful Termite! > "One of the most memorable moments of >anyone's life..." CROW: [Leviathan] And that is... uh... oh, I forget now.... > > "Oh, Leviathan, you know you shouldn't be up!" Gadget and Jennifer walked >over to him and helped him to the couch. "The doctor told you to stay off even >your crutches-- JOEL: [Gadget] He wants you in as much pain as possible! > you're supposed to use your wheelchair! Do you want those >broken legs to heal right?" TOM: Or left? > > "Mom, he doesn't like wheelchairs, remember? And he doesn't like >crutches, either!" JOEL: And he first met Gadget in Room 101 -- I bet the kids are so happy to have that knowledge forever burned into their skulls. TOM: [Jennifer] Uncle Leviathan, is it really true you electrocuted mommy and kissed her against her will? CROW: [Leviathan] You betcha! Wanna see the scrapbook? > > "I see Gadget told you that old story, huh?" Jennifer nodded as she >fluffed up a pillow for Leviathan to lay his head down on. TOM: I'm sorry, but the idea of *anyone* pampering Leviathan just does not parse. > > "Leviathan, there was one thing Mom and Dad didn't mention. CROW: [Jennifer] How *do* Pop Tarts work? > Whatever >happened to Don?" Jennifer questioned. CROW: He testified against Mr. Gotti and is in the Witness Protection Program. > > "Well, after your parents asked me to become a Rescue Ranger, Don and I >talked it over, and we decided to dissolve our partnership, JOEL: [Leviathan] His morality cramped my style. > but remain >friends. In fact, I go to visit him once a week." JOEL: [Leviathan] He's currently "relaxing" in a Mental Health Hospital. > > "Just wanted to get that cleared up, Leviathan." Jennifer laid the pillow >back on the couch. Leviathan laid his head down. > > "No problem. When your dates arrive, just wake me up." TOM: [Leviathan] I'll slap 'em around for ya. > > "Sure thing, Leviathan," Geegaw called. He headed to his room. After >Geegaw and Jennifer came into the world, four new rooms had been added to >Ranger HQ: JOEL: The Ranger Headquarters gave birth, too?! > a bedroom for Geegaw, a bedroom for Jennifer, a new bathroom, and a >smaller workshop for the two; Leviathan gained use of Chip and Dale's old >bedroom once Dale and Foxglove had gotten married, moved out and joined the >Daring Detectives in Los Angeles. CROW: This postscript was brought to you by the Extraneous Foundation. > Now the two children of Gadget and Chip were >eagerly awaiting the ones whom they might call their true loves. > > -END Epilogue- > > -The End- TOM: Oh, sweet release -- the most blessed phrase in the human language has set us free! > >Return to my Gadget/CDRR Site. > ALL: No. > Build Your Free Home PageVisit other great pages >on:Family>FamilyEntertainment>EntertainmentTV>TVCartoonsCartoons CROW: And Steve leaves us with a prime example of his writing style.... [They exit the theater.] [ 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6 ... G ] [SoL] [Joel and the Bots move onscreen. Joel's carrying a box of letters, which he sets down.] JOEL: Well guys, yet another stab at literary genius has resulted in an amputee. TOM: Spiffy. And the truly amazing thing is that Steve is a devote fan of the Rangers, loves them dearly, and decides to show this love by putting them through vast amounts of physical and emotional pain. Am I missing something, here? CROW: Yeah, it is strange. I mean, think about it -- fans putting their favorite characters through mentally harrowing experiences. You might as well say that *we* have fans! [Pause. All glance at Cambot as the implications sink in.] JOEL: [shaking it off] Well anyway, ignoring that, I thought a nice batch of letters would be just the thing to cheer us up. TOM: Yay, letters! CROW: Yeah! JOEL: [digging through the pile] Okay, this is.... [he trails off, glancing at a few more] Wait a minute. [He shuffles through them, frowning, then drops his hands in them with a sigh and looks at the Bots] These are all addressed for Gizmonics, not us. CROW: Huh? JOEL: Must've been a mix-up in the mail room. TOM: Great. We let's let them know so we can get this cleared up before our mail is routed to Dr. F. and Frank. CROW: Uh-oh... TOM: What? CROW: I sure hope Frank doesn't stumble across one of my, uh, "adult" magazines.... [Joel and Tom glance at him quizzically.] [Cut to the Gizmonics Mail Room. Following the Law of Conservation of Sets, the background looks suspiciously like Gizmonics itself, save for a few large cardboard mail sorters set up. Huge stacks of paper and envelopes obscure most of the foreground. Someone's lurking behind the piles, grumbling.] MAN'S VOICE: Who *are* these people? Don't they know how to follow the correct postal codes when corresponding through Terra Del Fuego's Postal System? [SoL] JOEL: [dubiously] That voice sounds familiar.... TOM: Hey! Mail boy! You, lurking behind the stacks of weekend sales coupons! We got some of your mail up here. You got any of ours down there for a quick swap? [Mail Room] MAN'S VOICE: What? Huh? Misplaced mail? [The man pokes his head around a stack of papers. It's John Nowak, of course.] JOHN: You'll have to fill out the proper forms, first. [He pauses] Do I know you? [SoL] JOEL: John! You're alive! CROW: Not that we're entirely pleased by it-- [Joel elbows him roughly.] TOM: What're you doing in the mail room? Last we saw, you were part of the expanding crew with Frank and Dr. F. [Mail Room] JOHN: [shaking his head in confusion] I... I don't know. I have vague recollections of something like that, but last I remember I was biting into this... pizza or something, and... and, everything's just a blur from there. [He shakes his head again to clear it] Whatever the case, I woke up here and was appalled at the disorganized state of affairs, so set about clearing things up. I figure as long as I'm still getting paid, who cares, right? [SoL] [Joel and the Bots exchange glances for a moment.] ALL: [way too cheerfully] Right! TOM: So, how's it going in the paper mill, then? [SoL] JOHN: Not bad, really. I'm just getting ready to mail this out to every home in America. [John holds up a large brown envelope labeled "Gizmonics' Clearing Theater Sweepstakes". Small pictures of Dr. F. and Frank are to the side with the phrase: "You may have already won a million free movie viewings!"] [SoL] JOEL: [sadly] And to think, we almost felt sorry for him. [Mail Room] JOHN: What? Oh, never mind, I'm too busy. My coworker here is in the back aisle cross-checking his datasheet to my own-- [He's cut off as he glances at his Palm Pilot.] JOHN: Uhp. Gotta go. Just got an e-mail from him -- he's found some vintage copies of PC Magazine. [He heads offscreen.] JOHN: [O.S.] Hey! Hoffa! You back here? [SoL] TOM: Well, Mr. Nowak seems to be doing fairly well these days, at least. I guess we should be glad, compared to the alternative. JOEL: That he'd be dead? TOM: No, that'd he'd be free to terrorize the technically challenged once more. JOEL: Hmmm... you may have something there. [turns to camera] What do *you* think, sirs? [GIZMONICS] [Frank is looking at a comic book entitled "Freddy Ferret: Master of Friend Power". He's horrified. Dr. F. shakes his head with a frown.] [SoL] CROW: Dang it! TOM: *That's* your oh-so-adult magazine?! CROW: [worried] Uhhh.... [GIZMONICS] DR. F: Well, poor Frank's brain is on the fritz again -- I hope you're happy! It hasn't locked up this bad since he accidentally watched "Barney and Friends" without protective gear. Maybe I should just replace it with a newer model. Might be better in the long run.... [He looks thoughtful on the subject as he reaches out and presses the button.] ---FWOOSH!--- Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and [c] copyright 199X by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Chip, Dale, Monterey Jack, Gadget, Zipper, Fat Cat, Professor Nimnul, and Freddy Ferret are owned by Disney. "The Dark Savior Saga", Jennifer and Geegaw Maplewood, Bridget Hackwrench, Leviathan and Don are [c] copyrighted by Steven "Strider" Stone. Magnolia (Maggie) Oakmont is [c] copyrighted by "B&M" Glenn S. Byrnes, Silvia by "Robo|\|erd" Robert Noel Hollingshead, and The Daring Detectives by William Shane Wheeler. [Whew -- got 'em all!] John Nowak is [c] copyrighted by himself, as if you couldn't guess. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. or anyone else is intended or should be inferred. This post is not, in any way, shape, or form, a personal attack on Steven Stone, who's a rather nice guy, and offered this up to us in the first place. This MiSTing is [c] copyright 1998-1999 by John Nowak and Matt Plotecher. >Leviathan placed his hands on her shoulders. "I want you to >understand something. I've met many women during my adult life, and most of >them have fallen in love with me.