========================================================================= Hello, everyone! This will be my third MiSTing (after "Need CASH Fast?!" and "Generations 2" by Anne Lise Pasch (in Ratliff continuity). This MiSTing is "Dear Isabella IV/Exposing the Darkness at Point Loma Nazarene College". Yes, the second article is bad enough to need RATLIFF to warm up to it. This is a special abbreviated MiSTing only of "Dear Isabella IV" for Mike "Boogaloo" Barklage's Ratliff archive. For the whole MiSTing, visit the page listed below. Again, I am not the Dave Hines who did the MiSTings of "Enterprized" and "A Gul's Revenge", but I will be the Dave Hines who does the MiSTing of "Dear Isabella IV" here and "Dear Isabella II/The Only Constant" (coming soon!) Visit MiSTing Heaven at http://199.106.87.9/~boffo/msting.html ========================================================================= (This episode takes place sometime after our gang sees "Leech Woman" in the 8th season.) In the not-too-distant future.... (1...2...3...4...5...6...SOL Control Room) [Tom and Crow are having an animated discussion about what's happened to each of them in the last 500+ years.] TOM: ...and, of course, the king of the Nebulars simply couldn't stop himself from RICHLY rewarding me after that. What about you, Crow? I know you redecorated the satellite... CROW: I got a little bored after you guys left, so I signed up for those Sally Struthers courses. TOM: Yeah, I'd say that's a little bored. Which one? CROW: All of them! I know now everything about TV/VCR Repair, Gun Cleaning, the Priesthood, Carpetbagging, Taking Over Small Defenseless Countries, Business Management and Accounting! TOM: Wow! CROW: Yeah, the only bad part is it put me on the mailing list for those "Feed the Children" things, but the best part is... [Mike walks in]... I'll tell you later... MIKE: Hi Tom! Hi Crow! TOM: Hey Mike! CROW: (hmmph!) MIKE: Crow, I don't know why this sudden amnesia about me keeps coming and going! It makes no sense! CROW: Oh, *I* have sudden amnesia. Uh-huh. MIKE: (sulking) I bet he still remembers the other guy. TOM: Now, Mike, don't pout. [Ape Light (I guess we can call it that) starts flashing. Mike hits it.] [Ape Laboratory, henceforth abbreviated as "AL"] BOBO: Ah. There you are, Bright Eyes. The Lawgiver has found some ancient databases that you once referred to as the Internet. Fairly primitive, but the Lawgiver says we can start giving you these text files in addition to the movies. PEANUT: The Lawgiver is most wise. [Background apes jump and holler in agreement.] [SOL] TOM: Text files? CROW: But what about the Invention Exchange? (shakes head) Whoa! Where did THAT come from? MIKE: SEE! Tom, I told you! TOM: Mike, TEXT FILES! MIKE: Text files? What sort of text files? [AL] BOBO: Well, I know not of this Invention Exchange. Perhaps it is some primitive human custom, but your first file is from one (checks a clipboard) Stephen Ratliff... [SOL] ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: I DO remember Ratliff! (starts sobbing) TOM: NOOOO!!!!! There must be some way to get away from that guy! [AL] PEANUT: From what we've found so far, this Ratliff person wrote five thousand, four hundred and thirty-seven stories. BOBO: Like Dr. Peanut said, that's what we've found so far... [SOL] MIKE: Killmenowkillmenowkillmenow.... [AL] BOBO: There, there, Bright Eyes, it's not so bad! And when you're done with the short piece we have for you today, we have a nice little rant from somebody exposing some sort of darkness... Enjoy!!! [SOL] MIKE: We have Internet sign!!!!!!! [Standard general chaos. 6...5...4...3...2...1...SOL Theatre] TOM: Not even 500 years at the edge of the galaxy is enough to recover from Ratliff. >[Set after Dear Isabella I] MIKE: No, I upchucked after Dear Isabella I. > >Dear Isabella, CROW: (as Clara) I skipped the cheesy ASCII art letters. Aren't you proud of me? TOM: Join us now as one of Ratliff's characters talks to the voices in her head again! > I'm back from the picnic. MIKE: (as Clara) It was good. I couldn't even taste the anti-depressants in the food this time. > I wore my pale yellwo CROW: (yelling) Woe! Woe is me! > blouse under a blue jean jumper. TOM: Whether doing implausible repairs for Marrissa or ordering adults around, Clara looks good! > My father took me to the holodeck. (I protested, but >I'm glad he made me go) MIKE: Odd moment for Ratliff. An ADULT making a CHILD do something. TOM: Not to mention a Ratliff character with living parents. > Counselor Troi introduced me to an older blond girl named Marrissa. CROW: (as Clara) I've since taken out a contract on the Betazoid buttinsky. > We were both a little shy until she metioned that she'd once >been trapped in the turbolift with the Captain. I told her about my >encounter with him. We spent most of the picnic talking. TOM: (as Clara) ...plotting our takeover of Starfleet and the Federation. > She introduced me to "her friend the letter" a boy named Jay >Gordon. Jay was with a strange alien named MIKE: E.T.! TOM: Gordon Schumway! CROW: Diana from V! (rrrrooowwll!!!) > Alex. I think he was >Klingon. They later attacked us with water balloons. CROW: They should have attacked them with sulphuric acid balloons. > We got them back though. Squirt guns have better range that >those two boys's arms. TOM: All of a sudden, it's a SuperSoaker commercial. > >Your Friend, > >Clara MIKE: Three words that seldom go together... > MIKE: Hey, I think it's over! Let's get out of here! TOM: That was fairly easy for Ratliff! [1...2...3...4...5...6...SOL Control Room. Crow is present and seems to be writing something.] CROW: (speaking as he writes) Dear TV's Frank. Weird day today. I was talking with Servo about these last 500 years when that strange human came by and nosed in to our business again. I wonder where he gets off being around here. I... [Mike comes in and sees what Crow is writing.] MIKE: Hey, you're writing a letter to TV's Frank. How sweet! CROW: For your information, Murray... MIKE: It's Mike. CROW: Whatever. Imaginary friends are nothing to be looked down upon. They indicate high creativity and imagination! MIKE: But Crow, TV's Frank wasn't imaginary! He was Dr. Forrester's sidekick until he left with Torgo! CROW: Uh-huh... and just who is Torgo? MIKE: Crow, if you don't remember that, I won't do you the disservice of telling you. [Lights and sirens go off.] MIKE: We have Internet sign again!!!! [General chaos that Tom rushes in to participate in. 6...5...4...3...2...1... SOL Theatre] DISCLAIMER: Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1997 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. No personal attack is intended on Stephen Ratliff, who is universally known as being a great sport about these MiSTings. For the "Exposing the Darkness at Point Loma Nazarene College" MiSTing, which this was the opening to, visit MiSTing Heaven at: http://199.106.87.9 > My father took me to the holodeck. (I protested, but I'm glad he made me go) > Counselor Troi introduced me to an older blond girl named Marrissa.