From Nightbreak: Once again, I find myself editing the Duke's work. And a four part Sailor Moon self-insertion to boot! ITAAAIIIIII!! A MSTing from the (fortunately) Stable mind of the Duke of Dispersion Episode 102 The following is a MSTing of another author's work. The use of the copyrighted/trademarked material is for entertainment uses only and is completely non-profit. No infringement on the original copyrights/trademarks owned by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Anything mentioned in the following related to anime, characters, songs, quotes, movies, etc. are all the property of their original creators/distributors/etc. Just doing this so I don't have any problems folks. Everyone has to do this when MSTing stuff (Or writing Fanfics for that matter). I don't intend to be mean toward the original author. Just think of this as extravagant C&C. :) Now on to the MSTing! ;) Begin Mystery Anime Fanfic Theatre 3000 openingggggg...... now. In the not too distant future, Late 20th century AD There was this guy named Joel Not very different from you or me He worked at Gizmonic Institute Just another guy in a red jumpsuit He did a good job cleanin' up the place But his boss didn't like him So he shot him into spaaaaace! (Aiiiiii-eeeeeeeee!) We'll send him cheesy anime fanfics! The worst we can find! (La la la!) He'll have to sit and watch them all, and we'll monitor his mind (La la la!) Now keep in mind Joel can't control Where the fanfic begins or ends Cause' he used those special parts To create his robot friends (Zooooooooom!) ROBOT ROLL CALL: CAMBOT: "Roll em'." GYPSY: "Oh stars!" TOM SERVO: "Check me out!" CROOOOOW!: "Bite me!" If you're wondering how Joel eats and breathes And other science facts (La la la!) Then repeat to yourself it's just a fanfic MSTing You should really just relax On Mystery Anime Fanfic Theatre 3000! (Switch to the Satellite of Love) (Joel, Crow, and Tom are standing next to each other) Joel: Hey guys, welcome back to the Satellite of Love. Here's Crow. . . Crow: Hiya. Joel: . . .And of course Tom Servo. Tom: Konnichiwa. Joel: Just to bring you all up to date, Dr. F has made a machine that can send up any anime character to the Satellite. So far he's sent us Gin-Rei, who's taking this well. Gin-Rei (Pops in): Right here! Joel: Recently Dr. F has sent another anime character to be with us, Nuku-Nuku. She is still a little perplexed about the whole riffing bad fanfics gig. (Suddenly a bunch of chaotic ruckus starts to emit from elsewhere on the SOL.) Joel: And she's also trying to adjust to her new environment a bit. Crow: Say Tom, the noise seems to be coming from your room. Gin-Rei: I did see her hanging around your electric underwear folder. Tom: Heh heh, that Nuku.... WHAT!? Oh my god! I was about to dump a load in there! I hope I can save my Dragon Ba..... uhhhhh, ordinary... white... boxers. Crow/Gin-Rei/Joel: Fanboy. Tom: Hey! I'm supposed to say that to Crow! (Tom zooms off towards the chaos.) Joel: And we'll be right back... (Hits the button) (That Mercury Cougar ad that was stupid at first and is still stupid is shown about a bajillion times, along with some cheesy insurance ads.) Back to the SOL (Crow/Joel/Gin-Rei are standing around Tom, who is sobbing over a pile of shredded undergarments.) Tom: Wah hah hah hah! *Sniff*. My special Nordstrom edition of the Dukes of Hazzard, *sniff* The Nadesico Jockey briefs. *sniff* The golden embossed Belldandy boxers. *sniff* My... Joel: There, there. There's nothing we could do Tom. Those Fruit of the Looms are in a better place now. Crow: Yeah, anywhere besides your rump. Joel: Crow... Gin-Rei: Anime boxer shorts? Geez. I'd jump off a cliff if anyone put me on a pair of Hanes. (Nuku-Nuku comes in, looking sorry for wasting almost half of Servo's underwear collection.) Nuku-Nuku: I'm, I'm sorry Servo-san. Here. I brought you a salmon. (Displays her trademarked smile.) Tom (Suddenly cheerful): Oh really? Thanks Nuku! Nuku-Nuku: Thank you Servo-san! (Kisses him on the face.) *BOOM!* (Servo's head explodes.) Nuku-Nuku: Aieeee! Sorry again Servo-san! Tom: *cough* Ehhhh it's nothin' Nuku. And just call me Tom. Kay'? (Passes out) Joel: I knew I shoulda' checked Servo's kawaii-ness tolerance meter when Nuku came. (Mads light starts blinking) Gin-Rei: Hey guys, the Dirty Duo is calling. (Hits the light.) (DEEP 13) (Dr. F is standing there with Frank right behind him. He has numerous bruises, cuts, ands scabs on his skin and his clothes are torn and mangled.) Dr. F: Hello Joelmeister! As you can see, I've brought Frank back from Nerima. And from the looks of things, he's enjoyed it quite a bit. Right Frank? Frank: Frank? Who's Frank? Dr. F: It was getting a little lonely around here, so I decided to reel Frank back in to aid me with your imminent torture feast. Frank: Feast? Dr. F: While Frank recovers, I'll let you go ahead with your invention. (SOL) Joel: Allrighty then! Hey Nuku! Are you almost done changing? Nuku-Nuku: I'm ready Joel-san! Joel: Just call me Joel, Nuku. Nuku-Nuku: Sure thing Joel-san! Joel: *Shrugs shoulders and sighs* (Nuku Nuku comes in and stands between Tom and Crow. She's wearing a bodysuit similar to the plugsuit worn by Asuka in Neon Genesis Evangelion, except it is a dark orange in color.) Joel: Have you ever in real-life actually encountered one of the authors of the infamous fanfics subjected to the masses of unsuspecting people on the Net? Do you ever run into characters like Oscar while walking toward a 7-11 near your house, or fiends like David Kintobor at study sessions in the school library? Well we've created this special suit as the ultimate repellant for these menaces. As you can see, Crow contributed to its design. Crow (Staring at Nuku's rear-end): Perfecto! Gin-Rei: Ecchi. Joel: I've dubbed this suit the BABABFA: Boot to A Bad Author of Bad Fanfics. I'll have Nuku here demonstrate its features. (Cardboard cutouts of Oscar, Dr. Thinker, and Nav holding a M-16 are set up in front of Nuku-Nuku. She walks up to the Nav cutout.) Joel: In case you come across anyone's favorite Sailor Senshi hater, the lovable Nav, the suit is completely bullet-proof. (The Nav cutout fires at Nuku-Nuku, but all the bullets get absorbed into the suit's fabric and they then fall onto the floor, leaving Nuku-Nuku unharmed.) Nuku-Nuku: That tickled! Joel: The suit can give the user better maneuverability and agility, giving Nuku here enough time to jump in and sedate the hostile target. (Nuku-Nuku jumps at the Nav cutout and kicks it in the head, knocking it down.) Joel: The suit also has a mask which can prevent Nuku here from the horrible grammar and spelling of the authors, in case they should display it in front of her for defense. (Nuku Nuku stretches the mask from the neck of the suit over her mouth and nose. Then she puts on some goggles which shield her from the awful use of English in the fanfics the authors are holding.) Joel: And now, for the finishing touch. (Joel and everybody else puts on gas masks) (Nuku-Nuku presses a button on the left wrist of her suit which causes a red gas to emit from a small tank imbedded in the back of the suit and spray from an opening in the right wrist of the suit, covering the cutouts.) Joel: The gas will instantly reprogram the minds of the authors, giving them excellent reading skills, plot creating and layout, and other skills necessary for them to write GOOD fanfics. Crow: Pretty neat huh? (DEEP 13) (Dr. F was infuriated by the experiment displayed by Joel. He knew that if people used the suit in a crusade against bad fanfic writers, he wouldn't be able to send Joel and the bots anymore awful fanfics, OR movies to torture him with and use to conquer the world and the Ani-verse.) Dr. F: Well, that certainly was well done Joel. But marvel at the fruit of MY labor! (Frank came into the room (With his wounds from Nerima surprisingly gone) wearing a Radiation suit and holding a small pill.) Dr. F: Since your invention is of course intended for keeping yourself and others from the plague of bad fanfic writers, I've got the perfect poison for it. This pill, when dropped near the vicinity of some writers fairly competent of producing a good story, will totally DESTROY any of their superior writing skills, making a world of Ratliffs, Thinkers, etc. What do you think of THAT? (SOL) (The whole crew is just staring at the screen, with their mouths wide open.) (DEEP 13) Dr. F: Ah. Just the reaction I was expecting. Frank, come over here and do the evil maniacal laugh with me. And remember, ON KEY! Frank: Sure thing sir... Whoops! (Frank trips while walking over to Dr. F and drops the pill in the process. Instantly a cloud of greenish-yellow gas erupts from it, filling the whole room. Ten seconds later, the room clears up with Dr. Forrester laying on the floor laughing oafishly.) Dr. F: Duh huh huh huh huh huh. (SOL) Crow: Cool! They turned Dr. F into Butthead! (DEEP 13) Frank: (Unaffected by the gas due to the radiation suit he is wearing) Woah, sorry Dr. F. I guess the gas also gives the victim the intelligence of a bad fanfic writer. Dr. F: I like sporks! Sporks are good! Duh huh huh huh.. Frank: Since I'm still in action, I might as well send you guys the hurt. It's a blatant self-insertion called "A Destined Return". Enjoy! (SOL) Gin-Rei: Well, I guess it would be too much to ask for no bad fanfic. Still, at least Dr. F's trap will be shut for a while. Tom and Crow: Amen. (Lights and Sirens start to sound and blink.) All: OHHHHHH! WE'VE GOT SELF-INSERTION SIGN! Nuku-Nuku: Yay! The riffing. DOOR SEQUENCE: 5.... 4.... 3.... 2.... 1.... (Joel, the bots, Gin-Rei, and Nuku-Nuku start taking their seats in the theatre. Crow sits in the first one, Joel in the second, Tom with his fixed head in the third, Gin-Rei in the forth, and Nuku-Nuku in the fifth. Nuku-Nuku was still wearing the special suit in order to make her ordeal through the fic more bearable.) Nuku-Nuku: I can't wait to do this riffing thing. Gin-Rei: You sure are excited about this. Tom: Hey, the more energy, the better. >WARRNING: IF YOU DON'T LIKE FANFICS WHERE THE AUTHOR > SELF PROMOTES THEMSELVES, Gin-Rei (Author): And we know you don't. >THEN MY FANFICS ARE NOT!!!! Tom: They do not think, therefore, they do not exist! Joel: We wish. > FOR YOU ESPECIALLY!!!! Crow: Oh us? Why thanks! See you later! (Crow gets up to leave.) Gin-Rei (Points gun at Crow): Sit your golden butt back in the chair! Crow: Darn. >THIS SERIES. Crow: Blows. Joel: Reeks. Tom: Is crap. Gin-Rei: Bites. Nuku-Nuku: Is not something to spend your free time with. >NOTE: IF YOU SEE A PARAGRAPH WITH THE SIGHNS ' ' AROUND IT, IT'S THE > AUTHOR TALKING TO THE CHARICTERS Tom (author): With a gun to their head, demanding that they act out my plot. >IF IT'S GOT SIGNS LIKE THIS '" '" IT'S THE AUTHOR'S FRIEND(A SECOND > AUTHOR TO THE SERRIES). Joel: Well. An imaginary one. >P.S. NOT KNOWING THE ENGLISH NAMES FOR THREE OF THE OUTER > SENSHI (URANUS, NEPTUNE, AND SATURN), I TOOK THE LIBERTY Nuku-Nuku: Ohhhh, you didn't! > OF GIVING THEM MADE UP NAMES. Crow: And thus butchering them horribly in the process. Gin-Rei: I see the author was a former translator for DIC. Nuku-Nuku (sadly): They did. >I WOULD APPRICIATE IT IF ANYONE THAT KNOWS THIER ENGLISH NAMES >WOULD SEND ME THEM. I WOULD IMEADIATLY CHANGE THEM. Nuku-Nuku: Actually, we'd just send the Japanese names instead. Tom: Geez, did the author chug a keg of Mountain Dew before writing the intro? Joel: Maybe it got spilled on the keyboard and the caps lock key got stuck. >THE TOP TEN MOST WOUNDERED THINGS ABOUT JEDITE Nuku-Nuku: Feet, knees, hips, stomach, ribs, elbows, hands, neck, head. . . ummm. . . Crow: Well, there's always his. . . Tom: . . . brain! >10. Why did the Negaverse fall down hill after he was put in Eternal Sleep? Gin-Rei: He didn't get his card punched before he left. Tom (reciting): The Negaverse went up a hill to fetch some human energy. Jedite fell down, Queen Beryl lost her crown and no one delivered the eulogy. All: (Applaud) >9. Why were the Negaverse demons so upset when Beryl dicided that his fate >was Eternal Sleep? Joel: He had their paychecks. Nuku-Nuku: He was also sponsoring the Negaverse trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain. >8. Why was he ONLY put in Eternal Sleep instead of killed like Zoycite? Gin-Rei: I guess Beryl was anti-gay. Tom: No wonder she didn't let him throw that Pride Week Parade in the Negaverse. >7. Why was he the only ont of Beryl's generals who actually fought Sailor Moon >in his first few days instead of letting the demons do it all the time? Crow: Two words: Labour unrest. >6. Did he have some sort of relationship, other than being friends, going on with Nephlite? Tom: Geez, what is this? A poll for Sailor Moon for president? WE DON'T REALLY CARE! Joel: Tom, calm down. You're thinking about the fanfic again. >5. Why did Titas want to help him in 'Cruise Blues', did she like him? Nuku-Nuku: Nope, he could drive, she couldn't. Gin-Rei: Too lazy to get his permit. Tom: Like the Duke of Dispersion. Duke of Dispersion: HEY! Nuku-Nuku: Who was that? Joel: Careful Tom. We want to keep the fourth wall in one piece here. >4. (He never collected energy, So...) What was HE doing with Beryl's crystal ball in >'Slim City'? Crow: Beryl's crystal ball had internet access? Tom: It probably has AOL on it. Gin-Rei: Well, the Negaverse IS evil. >3. Did he get his start as the Little Prince? Nuku-Nuku: More like just prince. Joel: Jedite, aka The Artist formally known as Prince. Gin-Rei: We used that riff in the last fanfic. Joel: So? It worked right here. Tom: Not really Joel: Shush Tom. >2. Is he related to Andrew? Nuku-Nuku: Ewww! I hope not! There's a nice Canadian foreign exchange student in my school named Andrew! Crow: Does he stare constantly at the girls in Sailor fukus at your school? Nuku-Nuku: No. Gin-Rei: Are there any girls who have blonde hair with meatballs and long pigtails? Nuku-Nuku: No. Tom: He's clean, kid. Nuku-Nuku: Whew. >1. Is he related to Luke Skywalker? Crow: I guess she ran out of meaningful questions. Joel: If he was, he would have the power of (Mel Brooks) THE SCHWARTZ! Everyone else: THE SCHWARTZ? Joel: (Mel Brooks as Yogurt) And MERCHANDISING! Everyone else: MERCHANDISING? > A DESTINED RETURN Tom: To hell. Gin-Rei: And back. Crow: And around. Nuku-Nuku: And off the turnpike onto Highway 805! >BY: LAURA B. GRANTHAM Crow: Let's replace Grantham with Croft. That'll help us get through. Joel: No it won't. Gin-Rei: Crow no hentai. > CHAPTER 1: THE AWAKINING Nuku-Nuku: Of us sleeping! (Every takes a quick cat-nap (No pun intended) then wakes up.) >A youth of six, clad in clothes like Beryl's hencmen, Tom: Get thee hence, idle author! > awakes in the remains of a castle, only to find that he Crow: Wet em'. Nuku-Nuku: Icky! Gin-Rei: Crow. Don't influence Nuku here. (Clicks automatic.) Crow: Eep. >is alone. "Where am I?" he thougth, "and where is everyone else?" Joel: I thought that they'd start the kegger with me! >He steped of the platform that he was on and suddenly fell to his knees. Tom: (Homer Simpson)Oh Lord, protect this rocket house, and all who dwell within the rocket house. Gin-Rei: Dear Lord. Let us pray for MSTers everywhere, subjected to the inhumanity of riffing terrible fanfics for the betterment of humankind. All: Amen. >Almost as quickly, visions began to flood his head. Tom: (Makes sound of floodgate breaking and flooding) >Most were about the days Nuku-Nuku: ...of Our Lives. >of the Moon Kingdom, others were of what happened to the castle. Crow: I should have known the clean button on the oven didn't actually clean the turkey! Curses! >First, he saw his older brother in battle with the Scouts. >Then, he saw is cousin and his cousin's girlfriend battling the Scouts. Joel: Geez, earning those merit badges is getting harder all the time. Gin-Rei: And Self-Insertion character status confirmed. >Soon, he saw the death of all three of them. Joel (Boy): I told them that the hot sauce was spicy. >The boy threw his hands to his head and screamed in pain. Nuku-Nuku: Well it does hurt when you hit yourself. Tom (Jim Carrey): Quit hittin' yerself! Quit hittin' yerself. Quit... Gin-Rei (Points gun at Tom): Ugh! Quit it! I hated that sequel! >"No, it's not true!!" he shouted. Joel: I can't be in a self-insertion fanfic! Crow (Dr. Smith): OH THE PAIN! >The boy shot up Tom: Sproinggggg! Gin-Rei: Okay, who released the bedsprings? >as the visions faded, his eyes full of tears. Nuku-Nuku (boy): Running with scissors, what was I thinking? >Suddenly, he heared someone calling his name. Gin-Rei: The spelling/grammer checker repair man had finally arrived! Crow: I wish. >It sounded as if it were coming from the throne room. Joel: It sounded like, HUZZAH! Everyone else: HUZZAH! >He rushed to the room, full of a new holpe... blah... hope. Nuku-Nuku: (Author/Narrator) Sorry. My mouth got icky there. Tom: Did the author speak the story while an amateur assistant wrote it down? Crow (Kelly Bundy): Then Daddy laughed and said, "Don't write this down, pumpkin." >"Yes, my queen, why do you summon m...?" Joel: (Beryl) I didn't. PSYCHE! BWAAAHAHAHAHAHH! >he started, but when he looked up, there was noone there. Gin-Rei: It was noon? Geez, he must have been really hung over. >He steped into the middle of the room. Once more, the visions came to him. Crow: A Vision of Escaflowne? Tom: What'd we'd rather be watching instead of this fic. >This time, he saw the death of his queen .Joel: D'oh! Stupid four-way chessboard! > Once more, he denied the truth of what he saw. Crow (Jack Nicholson): YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Tom: Hey, one more denial like that and a guy from Nazareth is going to want to talk to you. Gin-Rei: Ooh, nice and obscure there, Tom. >He jumped up as soon as possible and ran for a staircase Nuku-Nuku: Smart boy. He found the exit out of the story as quickly as he could. Joel: Is the suit working, Nuku? Nuku-Nuku: Sure is! Crow: Especially for me. (*BLAM!* Gin-Rei grazes Crow on the arm.) Gin-Rei: Strike one. Crow: Ow. >that noone but him had ever noticed before, Nuku-Nuku: So, he's the only one who could see a *staircase*? Joel: Self-insertion stench is rising. . . > or at least never dared to go down. Tom: (Boy) Heh heh, sissies. >He stopped at the bottom of the staircase and looked at the rugged door in frount > of him. Joel: Shouldn't that read 'rigged'? Gin-Rei: Nope. That's the fanfic. >To barge in would mean to risk his life. Crow: He's probably at the door of Roshi's Lemon Bin. >The boy looked back at the stairwell, it was verry unsturdy and only luck had > helped him down it. Tom: Actually it was that chair thingie the grandma used in "Gremlins". >The boy chose to risk going in the room. Gin-Rei: Oh wow, the suspense. Will he turn the doorknob? Will it be unlocked? Will it be a brass or stainless steel one? Will... Joel: Okay Gin-Rei, that's enough. >He didn't think it was worth chancing a sucessful climb back up Tom: I suddenly have a strange urge to play some "Zork" games. Joel: Yeah, me too. > just to wait for his queen to come out. He stormed into the room and looked > about. Noone was there, either, and all the pods had been busted. Tom: Pods? Uh oh. Here come the facesuckers! *Slap!* (muffled voice) Ahhhh! Get it off of me! >Again, he began to have visions that he denied. Nuku-Nuku: Face it! She's dead! Deaaaaad! Joel: Nuku's getting in on it! Gin-Rei: I'll say. Nuku-Nuku: It's just the beginning. /\ /\ ;;; . ;;; \_/ ;;; Crow: Whoah! >He rushed back up the stairs and into the hallway, the only >part of the castle that seemed not to have been touched. Tom: By taggers? Joel: That's what happens when you put your Negaverse castles in South Central. >He looked for something or someone that he would reconize. Nuku-Nuku: He wanted to turn them into an ice-cream cone? Gin-Rei: Maybe someone with a dictionary and decent spelling. Tom: The amazing RANDO! >He found a mirror in the hall. Crow: Mirror, mirror, on the wall. How crappy is this fanfic? You make the call! Tom (deep voice): Very. >The design was familiar, but, it was bigger than he remembered it. Joel: With big prices and super savings! Crow (echo): SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! ONE DAY ONLY! >He thought it strange that the mirror was dusty Nuku-Nuku: Well, if you leave it alone, it gets dusty. Gin-Rei (Valley Girl): Like, d'uh! >and didn't look as if it had been cleaned in a couple of months. Tom: It's Crow's bathroom mirror. Crow: Hey! >The women of the castle were so vain Gin-Rei: How vain were they? Joel: They were *so* vain, that even the flies in the ointment were cleaned! > that they always cleaned every mirror every week, if not every day. Nuku-Nuku: Every hour, every minute, every second, every nanosecond. >The boy wiped away some of the dust on it to find... "WHAT!? Joel: A huge juicy zit ready to pop. Everyone else: Ewwwwwwww. >I've shrunk!! No wonder everything's bigger than I remember it!" Nuku-Nuku: That's what happens when you don't eat your vegtables. Crow: Or been swimming in cold water. Gin-Rei: Keep at it. I'm reloading. >Just then, he heard it. That errie voice calling his name again. Joel: Bud. Tom: Wise. Nuku-Nuku: Er. >This time, it seemed to be coming from the barrics. Crow (Drill Sergeant): DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY SCUM! >He ran down the hall towards the voice. Gin-Rei: Of Celine Dion. Joel: Ugh, you actually liked Titanic? Gin-Rei: Eh, it was so-so. Besides, that Leo kid reminds me of the Clearasil ad teens. Ick. >When he stoped, he found that he was standing in front of the room where he, his >brother, and his cousin slept. Crow: Hopefully in separate beds. Nuku-Nuku: Uh-oh. . . Joel: Maybe the author did watch the Japanese episodes. >The boy slowly opened the door. Tom (door hinge): Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeee. . . (deep breath) Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. . . Joel: Tom. . . Tom: Hey, they've got big doors in the Negaverse. > Noone was there and none of the beds, except his were standing. Crow: Wow, they sure are rough when they m.... Gin-Rei (Pointing gun): Finish the sentence and DIE! Crow: ...uuuust sleep. Come on, babe. I wasn't going to say anything. My thoughts are pure. Nuku-Nuku: (rolls her eyes) >He thought that maybe, they wanted to keep it up in rememberance of him. Tom (they): Now YOU get to clean up the urine stains buddy! >He shrugged. "Maybe theyr'e in the next room," he thought. Joel (TV Announcer): Or door number two! >He opened the room where his cousin's girlfriend and one other girl slept. Crow: Whoah! These Negaverse dudes really get it on! >Still, he found noone and none of the beds remained standing. Gin-Rei: Maybe the author is spelling noon in the old English fashion. Nuku-Nuku: You mean with f's sometimes replacing the s's and e's added in? Crow: Congreeeff? Pah. >He remembered when the bed of one of them had been torn down. Tom (boy): Lousy termites. > He had helped. Tom: Methinks tbe Negaverse got too drunk and rowdy while watching Animal House. >The girl had died while 'TRYING' to help him distroy the Scouts. Nuku-Nuku: Trying? Joel: Yeah, trying. She coulda' done so much more but she's just so darn lazy sometimes. >He had went off by himself and started crying that day. Crow: Dissapointed that Hanson had cancelled their tour of the Negaverse. Gin-Rei: That's not all he's crying about. >He claimed that it was only from frustration of the loss against the Scouts. Nuku-Nuku: He was really crying over not getting Sailor Jupiter's phone number when he had the chance. >But his brother had known that it was more than that, Tom (brother): Hey, at least there's still Sailor Mars. Gin-Rei (boy): But she's mean towards Sailor Moon! Tom (brother): Exactly. So hook up with her. >and said it could be told by the way the girl and the boy had always argued that Joel: I Can't Believe It's Not Butter was really not butter. >they liked each other. Crow: I think you're neat! Joel: I like how keen you are! Tom: I have a crazy feeling that I've said that before. >The boy shut the door and turned to the next room. Gin-Rei: (announcer) And behind Door #3 is. . . .! >This room had an errie, evil rememberance to it. Nuku-Nuku: It was his bathroom. >It was the room where the demons slept. He hated that room and hated >getting any where near the demons by himself. Joel: Yah, they get really testy when you wake them up. Tom: Unfortunately that was his job in the Negaverse for a while: Youma alarm. Gin-Rei: Itai. >The one thing that lingered with him all his life Crow: (makes raspberry noises) Nuku-Nuku: Ewww! Gin-Rei: Come on, Crow. Get your mind out of the gutter. Joel: Like that'll ever happen. >was when the evil queen of this castle had captuered him and his family. Nuku-Nuku: And forced him to watch failed Fox sitcoms everyday, all day long. Tom: Brutal. >They had been locked in that room with the demons while the queen brain > washed them one by one. Crow: *Makes scrubbing sounds* Tom (queen): Where's that steel wool? >It had been torture. Gin-Rei: Being forced to eat Arch Deluxes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Tom: The Arch Deluxe, with 10% less fat than a bowl of fat! >The demons had dicided that he was the best of the four to pick on and then, Tom: They dumped him in favor of Kenneth Starr. Crow: HOOT! HOOT! HOOT! >they made him thier favorite when the queen had finaly gotten to him. >She knew how much the boy hated going in that room, Joel: What with the large collection of Barney and Teletubbies tapes within it. >so when they first started out, every time he made a mistake that was punishable, > that's where he was sent. Nuku-Nuku (British): To Chokey with you! >The boy's brother objected to it, but learned to keep his mouth shut Crow: Ziiiiip! Tom: After all, he was in training to learn how to become a mime. >after the queen had threatened the life of both of them the next time either of >them questioned her orders, Joel (boy): She wants us to take her skis through a revolving door? Oh no. . . > something they both thought would never happen. >In spite of his hatred for the room, Gin-Rei (boy): I hate you room! Screw you room! >the boy had to go in. He had to know what was going on, didn't he? Nuku-Nuku: Why this fanfic was being written in the first place? He has the right to know. Tom: As well as everyone else. >Slowly and cautiously, he opened the door. Still, noone was to be found. Joel: Well, he found noone. That's a start. Nuku-Nuku: I just thought of something. Where are all the anime characters? Tom: The author's keeping the actors' budget down, I guess. >He slamed the door and looked around. Crow (boy): Where IS that spellchecker repairman!? He specifically said around four o'clock! >"Alright you guys, if this is a joke, I don't see the hummor. Gin-Rei: So they stole his Humvee? Nuku-Nuku: She meant to spell 'humor', not 'Hummer'. >Where are you?!" he shouted, but his only answer was the echo of his voice. Crow: Echo. Echo. Echo. Joel: Must be broken. >The butter... blah, sorry messed up the story, Gin-Rei: Big time. Tom: Hey, Ms. Author? Have you ever heard of your delete key? Crow: Yeah, just highlight the story and press delete. That should take care of spelling mistakes! >boy shuttered. "I don't like this. They have to be here. Nuku-Nuku (Nasal, nerdy voice): I need my inhal-l-ler. >But what if the visions are true? Crow: Again, the Visions of Escaflowne? Joel: (Martin Luther King) I have a dream. That one day, this crappy fanfic would be written. >I know!" He ran back to the throne room. Gin-Rei: Flashy name for the lavoratory. >There sat the evil queen's crystal ball. The orical. Crow: Shouldn't that be orifi....MMPH! (Joel puts his hand over Crow's mouth) Joel: I'll handle him for a while, Gin-Rei. Gin-Rei: Thanks. >It could tell him what was going on..., couldn't it? Nuku-Nuku: Probably not with all the Black Helicopters hovering over it. >He reached over for the ball and almost immediatly, Tom: It initiated the self-destruct sequence. >it began to float in front or him. It showed him a lot of stuff around in other >parts of the earth, Gin-Rei (Jedite): Hopefully I can catch the Pearl Jam tour with this thing. >then it showed him what he wanted to see. Crow: Gummy Bears! (Everyone stares at Crow) Crow: So you all WANT me to make dirty riffs? Joel: Just teasin' you Crow. >The Scouts were fighting. Nuku-Nuku: Against the Senshi, and were losing. Joel: There can be only one! >"Ha!! I was right, theyr'e not dead, Tom: (Jedite) They're viability challenged. A much different story... Hey, wait. Damn you, American congress! >theyv'e just relocated and couldn't transport everything at once. >But then again, why would the orical have been left behind... Gin-Rei: They got one of those newer models. Oracles become obsolete very quickly. Tom: Intel must make them. >I need a better look at what's going on. Crow: (Jedite) A bigger hole ought to give me a view of the showers. Nuku-Nuku & Gin-Rei: Ecchi! >The Scouts have added on two new ones, Nuku-Nuku: Siegfried, and Roy! Tom: (Roy) Allo Siegfried! Gin-Rei: Allo Roy! >oh yes, Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Venus. Crow: Ah yes, the cooler senshi. Tom: Fanboy. >Huh...?! What's this!? I don't remember any minitor as one of our demons Joel: Does she mean Minotaur? As in the beast with the body of a man and the head of a bull? Tom: Nah, a minitor is a little Torgo action figure. It does the silly gait and everything. Crow: Plus he has nunchucks hidden in his thighs. >and who are these long haired freaks controling it!? Nuku-Nuku: Ahhh! Hanson did take over the Negaverse! Gin-Rei: They'll be able to take over the world more easily. Joel: Let's just blank that thought out of our minds. >If she's got some new generals and some new demons, what happened to the >others?" the boy said in anger. Tom: Well, you supported Affirmative Action, now look what it does. >"Orical, show me where these people come from, what theyr'e doing, Nuku-Nuku: (Jedite) And are they delicious? >and what freaking kind of demon that is!" Gin-Rei: A Matt Damon and Leonard DiCaprio hybrid. That's what it is! Joel: Now THAT'S a demon. >The crystal ball did as it was bid Crow: Four blue chips on seven. >and the little boy got even angrier when he saw a metior crash Gin-Rei: I didn't care for either Armageddon or Deep Impact myself. >and disaper to show two long haired ailens who controled monsters >that came from... CARDS?! Crow: The Dirty Pair? Bloody Cards? >"I can't belive this!" he shouted. Nuku-Nuku: (Jedite) I ate the whole thing! >That night, he fell asleep curled up on the big throne. Gin-Rei: And twisted around it in a horrible manner. >CHAPTER 2: THE ESCAPE TO REALITY Joel: But from this fanfic, that's another story. >A thousand years passed and the boy did not age or grow. Tom: Damn, Cologne must be totally jealous at him. >He began to wonder if the visions Crow: ...of Escaflowne. Joel: Don't run that into the ground, Crow. >he had had so many years ago were true, since he was still the only one there. >The only company he had was the crystal ball and Crow: The large amount of porn stored on it. Nuku-Nuku: (Beryl) All right Jedite! You're gonna' have to buy me a new hard drive now! >the voice that kept calling him. Gin-Rei: Rosebud... Tom: Spoon! Crow: Hi-keeba! Nuku-Nuku: Yatta! Joel: Mr. Driesdale! >He never stayed in one part of the castle too long for fear that he might soon run > into the voice's owner. Gin-Rei: Come and own your own custom voices at Voice World. For all your voice needs. >He also began to think that he saw his cousin's girlfriend in the castle, Joel (Jedite): Gyaah! I didn't see you nude in the shower, miss! Nuku-Nuku (cousin's girlfriend): Eeee! Hentai! *Slap!* >as if she was watching over him. A lot of times, he thought that was her voice, Crow: But most of the time, he did not give a crap about it. >but it never sounded like her, Tom: But it did walk like her. Nuku-Nuku: Felt like her. Joel: Tasted like her. Gin-Rei: But low in fat! >so he forgot about that idea Gin-Rei: And brought the story to an abrupt halt. All: We wish. >and said that seeing her was a figment of his imagination, >even if she did show up when ever he heared the voice. Nuku-Nuku: (Girl) I am the ghost of bad grammar and spelling present! >But the voice had stoped whenever she was around. Tom: But didn't you just say the voice was heard while she WAS around? Joel: Please Tom, don't get worked up into the menial story of the fanfic. >It seemed so real, but the child never could convince himself that it was her. Crow: That's how I felt when hearing the new voice for Lina in the Slayers Movie dub. >He quickly grew tired of watching the Sailor Scouts fight Gin-Rei: Unlike the many fanboys in the world who ENJOY shows featuring young nubile females in teeny-tiny skirts. (Glances at Crow) Crow: Well 'Tbbbbt' to you too. >and wished that he could be there to see the action with them. Crow: And under them. Gin-Rei: See what a fanboy is like now, Nuku? Nuku-Nuku: More than ever. >To top it off, there wasn't much food around Nuku-Nuku: And he was really glad to not have girls notice that he stunk of Beef-A-Roni. >and he felt lucky to have servived through the years. Joel: That it took to read this fanfic. >He had grown tired of his usual activities. Tom: Picking his toes. Making tea out of the lint stuck in between them. Nuku-Nuku: Icky. Joel: You need to lay off the Nickelodeon, Tom. >Solataire had no meaning to it any more. Gin-Rei: Never did. >Cleaning the mirror was a bore, especially since he never used it. Nuku-Nuku: And guessing just what the heck got on it also got boring. >He had even gotten to where he couldn't sleep at night. "Enough is enough! Joel (Jedite): I'm gettin' meself some Grapenuts today! >I'm breaking out today!" he said. Crow: Ah yes finally, the big plot point. After two hours into the fic. Tom: And now for my number one hit song, "I'm Getting out of Prison Today!" (Tom imitates the sound of a file rasping on iron bars.) >He ran to the barrics and tore down his bed. Gin-Rei (Jedite): Die bed! BWAHHAHAHAHAH!! Tom: When Insomniacs Attack! Next on Fox! >He then walked over to a pipe in the wall and began to turn a valve that >released a poisonis gas. Joel: Oh no! Ratliff gas! Cover up! (Joel, the bots, and Gin-Rei put on gas masks. Nuku-Nuku pulls hers over her face.) >He covered his mouth and ran into the next room, doing the same thing. >Once he was through with the barrics, he rushed into the throne room and >did the same thing. Nuku-Nuku: Wow. Jedite sure has a bad flatuence problem. >Once he had torn down the throne and released the gas, Joel: All together now. One... Two... Three... All: GORDITAAAAAS! >he picked up the crystal ball, stuffed it in his pocket, and rushed down the stairs. Gin-Rei: Wow. That must be one huge pocket in his pants. Crow: His crotch must feel awful right now. >He released the gases in this room and then took the orical out of his pocket. >"Orical, show me where I can find the Scouts," he comanded, Tom: They won't be around you with all the sulfur bombs you're blastin' out! Peeyeew! >knowing that inhailing the gas was risky to his life. All: TELL US SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW STINKY! Nuku-Nuku: Okay, okay. I think we've hit the quota of 'stinky' jokes for today. >The crystal ball showed what it was asked and then was smashed into a thousand > peices. Crow (crystal ball): Too many. . . Spice Girls. . . Ugh. >The boy used his powers and set the castle remains on fire Tom: And himself in the process. Nuku-Nuku: Dark. >then left through a porthole. Joel: That should read, "plothole". He found himself in a familiar looking cave. Crow: CAPTAIIIIN... CAAAAAAVE... MAAAAAAAAAN! >It was the one that his cousin suposedly had died in. Suddenly, he felt as if >he were being watched. Gin-Rei: It's Ten O'clock. Do you know where your Jedite is? >He whirled around to see the shadow of a monster fighting with someone. He > heared the monster scream and saw it back off. Joel (Monster): No, not... (British) The comfy chair! >The boy rushed to the other figure who had fallen with his last blow. >Was he seeing things? It was his cousin's image. Crow (singing): I am the very model of a modern major general... >The boy knealed at his cousin's side. "Mal?" he asked. Tom: Hi Mal, are you low-cal? Be my pal Mal. >"Hi, little one. Are you ok?" his cousin groaned. Gin-Rei (Mr. Mackee): You haven't been taking maraj-u-wana again I hope. M'kay? >"I've been stuck in that castle alone for a thousand years, what do you think?" >the boy asked. Joel (Malachite as a surfer): That must be totally bogus, dude. >His cousin laughed. "Just like you, always have to be sarcastic. Nuku-Nuku (Malachite): Just like the five people sitting in front of a screen showing this fanfic. >I came to warn you." Crow (Jedite): We're being syndicated. >"Warn me? About what?" Crow: They're making another Beverly Hillbillies movie. >"You have to find the Scouts and make peice with them. Nuku-Nuku (Malachite): I've been trying to make them into little pieces already! >You're lucky I showed up. They've sent thier monsters after you and >will stop at nothing to get you back." Tom: Since when did the Senshi have youmas? Crow: This guy sounds Pro-Negaverse to me. >"They? They who? Joel: Exactly. Who. Nuku-Nuku: Who? Joel: Yes, Who. All: Who? Joel: Ahhhh, forget it. >Mal, what's going on?" Gin-Rei (Jedite): Be my pal Mal. Joel: We did that one already. Gin-Rei: So? >"No time to explaine. Look, all I can tell you is that you must >only travel by night Tom (Malachite): And spaz out by day. >and you must not use your powers. That will only weaken you and strengthen > them. Joel: But it will give you the power of bleach. >Other than that, you must try to avoid contact with anyone >until you reach the Scouts, Nuku-Nuku: The code of honor for Sailor Moon fanboys everywhere. Crow: Hey! Gin-Rei: Good one Nuku. ;) >other wise, things may proove disasterous." Tom: This is slowly but surely becoming Thinker type spelling. >"Who's 'they'? Mal, why are 'they' after me?" Nuku-Nuku: Poison One? Gin-Rei: Big Fire? >"Until you reach the Scouts, we can only be with you through your heart. Crow (Malachite): By reaching it through your ribcage. >You are our only hope to start over. Joel: Do not pass Go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. >If you must know, it's the Negaverse Moon and they'll stop at nothing to >delay you from reaching the Scouts." Nuku-Nuku (Malachite): They're run by Southwest pilots. >"The Negaverse Moon... Not 'THE' Negaverse Moon? Tom: No, no. The Negaverse Moon. Get it through your head. >The one that gives the Negaverse and the Nega Moon all thier power and > demons?" Gin-Rei: No. They get all their power and monsters from Menards! Crow: Now, this part of the show is known as cabbage-head time, where one of the characters gets to play stupid, so that the readers can listen in on the explanation for everything. Clear? Good. Now back to the fanfic. >the boy asked nervously, taking his cousin's hand in his. Tom: And ripping it off. Joel: Lay off the darkness Tom. >"The same. They figure that if they can catch you, Crow (Irish accent): They'll catch ye' pot o' gold, they will, they will. Nuku-Nuku: Or Lucky Charms. >they can start all over again, with a new power. Joel: A new wax job! A new leather upholstered interior. >You must get to the Scouts before it's too late. >They grow stronger every minute and have already >recruted people that noone in Crystal Tokyo would ever expect. Gin-Rei: A person that can use the space bar correctly? >The Sailor Scouts have to be warned of the danger and you have to get to them > soon." Gin-Rei: Overused Plot Device # 88: Bad-guys that start helping the good-guys for no reason. >"Why me?" All: Why us? >"You're the only one who still lives. You're our only hope to start over a second > time. Crow: If not, then hit (D)elete, (A)bort, (R)etry, or (E)xit. Nuku-Nuku: I'd choose (D)elete. >You're also the only one that the Negaverse Moon could easily take >control of out of the four of us." Joel (Malachite): You dumb puss. >"Once again, they dicide I'm the best to pick on," Tom (Jedite): And they have the right to do so. >the boy said looking down at his cousin who was begining to fade from sight. >"Mal..." Gin-Rei: My pal... Joel: It has already been... Gin-Rei: Oh bite me... Oops! Crow's getting to me! Damn! Crow: Heh heh. >"It's alright, little one. Just go." Tom: You're free! Free as a bird! Freeeeee! Hello trees, hello sky! Frrreeeee! >"No, Mal, don't leave me... I hate being alone," the boy sobbed. Nuku-Nuku: There are monsters under my bed, in my closet, on the stairs, in my dresser, in my filing cabinet, in my toilet, in my shoes, and... Joel: Jeez. That kid must go through therapists like heck. >"You wont be alone, we'll be with you, in your heart." Nuku-Nuku: In your soul, in your brain, in your spinal chord, in your pancreas, in your ear, in your... Gin-Rei: Whoah, settle down, sister. >That was all, the boy's cousin had disapered. Gin-Rei: You know. Just like *snap* that. >Just then, he felt the presence of something wicked. Crow: The entire Republican party advancing towards him. >He spun around to find the monster coming towards him. Tom (Uncle Jimbo): It's comin' right for us! Joel (Tom (The South Park one)): Ohhhhhh, deaaaaar. >The boy lept to his feet and tryed to make a run for it. Crow: *BUMP* (Jedite) Stupid support beam. >Suddenly, the monster screamed in pain. Nuku-Nuku (Monster): Aieeee! Turn off that Spiceworld CD! >"Run, little one, I'll hold him off as long as I can." Tom: Which will be approximately .34 seconds before giving in. >The boy rushed out of the cave. Once he was a good distance away from the >cave, he stoped and took a deep breath. Nuku-Nuku: *Takes long deep breath* Joel: Not THAT deep! >He looked back. "Don't worry, we'll be together again if it's the last >thing I do," he whispered to himself. "That, I promise." Crow (George Zimmerman): I guarantee it. >He whiped a tear away from his cheek and continued on his way. Gin-Rei: Whipped a tear away? Is he a sadomasochist? >For the first six weeks, he traveled none stop, Tom: In search of better grammer. Nuku-Nuku: And plot. Crow: And some anime characters for his fanfic. >until he felt it was safe. From there out, he followed his cousin's advice. Joel (Malachite): Don't eat yellow snow. Nuku-Nuku (ditto): Red, right, ready. Gin-Rei (ditto again): Don't pee in public swimming pools. Crow (ditto): Always use Trojan brand condoms. Tom (ditto): Beware of Sailor Moon fanboys. >But one thing puzzeled the boy. Tom: How many boards could the Mongol hordes hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored? >Had he really seen it or was it all a dream? Crow: And why was there a sticky substance all over his. . . (*Blam!* Ginrei shoots Crow's inanimate hand off.) Crow: Gyahhh! Gin-Rei: Strike Two. Nuku-Nuku: Owchie. >He knew that the monster was real and that the Negaverse Moon may very >well have been after him, Joel: But in actuality, they didn't really care. >but... how did his cousin know about it? Gin-Rei: He was on their mailing list. NMML, for all your Negaverse news! >Was he really there, or had the gasses effected him like they should have? Crow: Yup, it was Ratliff gas. >He didn't take the time to figure it out. Nuku-Nuku: The red or the blue wire? Tom (Jedite): Let's seeeee. *Snip* *BOOM!* Nope, not that one. *KABLAM!* Not that one, either. >He was too scared to worry with it. Except for an ocasional rabbit or squirl, Joel (Yosemite Sam): Ooooo! I hates that rabbit! >he never passed anything living, and when he stoped, he made sure the only living >thing around was the trees and flowers, Gin-Rei: By killing himself over and over again? >he didn't even trust the animals that much. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): I know your plan Mr. Snugglebunny! It's all a conspiracy! Tom: The truth is out there. Joel: Waaaaay out there. >The Negaverse Moon was, after all, very powerful and it's minnions >could turn into anything but Gin-Rei: Jim Carrey. Crow: The Geneva Convention forced them to follow that rule. >the plants. Five months after leaving the cave, he reached Crystal Tokyo. Tom: It was just to the west of Albequrque. >He was very exsousted and hungry by the time he made it to the park. Joel: Exsouseted? Was he drunk while he was exhausted? >He found a willow tree and settled down under it he soon feel asleep. Nuku-Nuku: Then suddenly, Mr. Toad came crashing through the bushes in his Rolls Royce. >Hours passed before he awoke. There was a group of boys ranging from ages >nine to twelve standing in frount of him. Tom (Jedite): Great, they picked the Children of the Corn as my welcome wagon. >"Hey, boys, look what we've got here," Gin-Rei (Boy): It's one of them new-fangled self-insertion characters! >the oldest said. "It seems he's a little out of place. Joel: His left arm is where his right one is supposed to be. >He's eighter Tom (CB): Breaker-one-eighter, breaker one-eighter, please get a plot. > a ragamuffin, or a runaway," Crow: Or a delinquent ex-child actor. Nuku-Nuku: The horrible truth of Johnathon Taylor Thomas. >a second boy said. "What do you think, Armando?" Gin-Rei (Armando): Well, as long as he knows how to lose at tag, I don't really care. Joel: Ahhh, the memories of that layer of hell known as Elementary school. >"Well, Walter, I DON'T think he's a ragamuffin, Nuku-Nuku: Or a snuffaluffagus. Crow: Or a woozle. Joel: Hold on here: "Walter"? "ARMANDO?" Where's this Crystal Tokyo, Europe? >they don't have clothes that fancy," the first boy said. Gin-Rei (British schoolboy): Ee's from Repton. >"But who knows, he could be a runaway from an orphanage, there's one two >blocks away from my house Joel (boy): And across the street from a Kathie-Lee sweatshop. >that makes the boys wear clothes just like that and they've always got kids >running away from it," a third boy said. Tom: Yeah, kids just hate those whirling bowties and helicopter beanies. >"Like Walter said, Damian, he's out of place. Nuku-Nuku: So unglue him and glue him in over there. Tom: Really obscure Captain Carrot reference there. >What do you boys say we put him back in his place?" Armando said. Gin-Rei (Armando): That Kathie-Lee chick will pay us a lot for it. >"Exsuse me, I don't know who you boys are and I don't care, but >I'm NOT a runaway from an orphanage, nor am I going to one. Crow (Jedite): Know of any good Motel 8's around here? >Now, if you don't mind, I'll be on my way. I've got some important buisness to > tend to," Tom (Jedite): I'm gonna' start Microsoft soon. Everyone else (boys): KILL HIM! >the young boy said. The four okder... opps, messed it up again... Tom: Geez! you don't have to tell us! Gin-Rei: I guess this is in realtime. >older boys looked at each other and laughed. Joel (Random boy): You're right! This fanfic we're in is awful! Ha ha ha! >"He really dosen't know who he's talking to," the fourth boy from the group said. Tom (Gangster): He's goin' ta' pay a visit to Mr. Hoffa. >"Damian, Josef, hold this little brat down, I'm about to teach him a lesson," > Armando said. Crow: Josef? As in Josef Stalin? Gin-Rei: He liked to pick on Negaverse kids in his childhood a lot. >The boys grabed the younger boy's arms and pulled them behind his back. Nuku-Nuku (Random Boy): You like Usagi the most out of all the Senshi! Admit it! Tom (Jedite): Never! >"Now, you're going to learn that NOONE, NOT EAVEN Princess Rini tells ME > what to do. Nuku-Nuku: Wow. No wonder they're so hostile. They have to hang out with Rini. Gin-Rei: That'd make anyone violent. >Nor what they're going to do. I own this park, so long as my brother's >girlfriend Princess Jupiter Crow: Oh, you mean your brother is of 'My old boyfriend' fame? Tom: I'll say it. Dead man. Joel: That guy is just one step from anime immortality. >and her friend Princess Venus aren't patroling the park, but that's a different > story. Gin-Rei: He must mean that You're Under Arrest and Sailor Moon crossover. >Prepare to die." Armando balled up his fist Nuku-Nuku (Armando): *Crack* Ow! >and within a matter of minnets, the entire group was on top of the young boy. Joel: Dogpile on the Jedite! Dogpile on the Jedite! >The boy fought for what time he could, but then he had no choice but to let out >an ear peircing scream of pain, (All cover their ears) Gin-Rei: Ow. Tom: Is Jedite related to C-ko? >he always was the sensitive one in his family. Nuku-Nuku: Aka. The Wimp. >"Hey, what's going on?" a voice boomed. Joel: Hey look, it's He-Man. Crow: Hopefully She-Ra is with him. Gin-Rei: Fanboy. >The older boys reconized the voice from anywhere Tom: Good morning, voice! > and quickly threw the boy behind the willow tree. Nuku-Nuku: He's imitating a Koala now! >It was Princess Jupiter and Princess Venus. "Let Armando do the talking, >he knows how to handel Princess Jupiter," Damian said. Crow: IfyouknowhatImean! Gin-Rei and Joel: Crow... >"Nothing's going on," Armando said sheepishly. Tom: Baaaaaaa. >"Yeah, right. Then why did we hear screaming?" Venus asked. Joel (Armando): Rini was running around nude. Crow (Venus): GAK! >"Uh... we were playing and got a little carried away," Armando said hopfully. Nuku-Nuku: That can happen when mauling a kid mercilessly. >"Eehh... Strike one!" Jupiter said. She had just broken up with her boyfriend >and her anger could be told. Gin-Rei: Geez, she's punting boyfriends left and right even a thousand years in the future. They never mature. Tom: Like George Stephanopholis. >Her hair stood on end, Tom: She's got Buckwheat's hair style! Crow: No wonder she's pissed. >her ora shone brightly, lightning flashed through her eyes, Nuku-Nuku: Someone's been having too much caffiene today. >and the static electricity was so great that everything stuck to her dress. Joel: Birds, telephone booths, cars, buildings, a 777... >The last thing she needed was to break up another one of Armando's fights >"She's gonna kill us," Josef said, "I just know it." Tom (Jupiter as the General from Mars Attacks): KILL! KILL! ANNIHILATE! KILL! Crow: Hey, I'd pay to see that. >"Shh... she's not going to kill us, Gin-Rei: She's just going to severely maim us. >what she dosen't know won't hurt us," Walter said. Nuku-Nuku: Still, you're all dead meat since she already knows. >"No, she'll find out, and this time, she'll kill us," Josef said. Crow: Oh, great superheroine. Going around killing young kids. Nice. >"You mean IF she finds out," Damian said. "Armando will try to cover for us for > a while." Joel: (Armando) So uh, I heard you broke up with your boyfriend toda... *BOOM!* Gin-Rei: Wrong cover Armando. >"If? If is good," Josef said. Crow: Josef *is* Pain and Panic from Disney's Hercules! Nuku-Nuku: (Josef) If is our bestest friend! >"Armando, I'm not going to put up with it today, what's going on!?" Jupiter > demanded, her voice sounded like the thunder itself Tom: Hey Jupiter! Want some Ricola? >and frightened the boys a lot, but Armando remained calm. Joel (Armando): Hey man. Armando's cool. Armando is the big man who can handle the big girl here. Armando's gonna lay the smackdown. . . >"I'm telling you, we weren't doing anything this time," he said. Crow (Armando): This isn't cocaine! Why it's, uh, flour! Yeah! Flour for my ma'! >Just then, Venus heared a slight moan from the other side of the tree. Nuku-Nuku: Wow. Even the tree is suffering through this fanfic. Tom: Must be a weeping willow. >She walked around to find the eight year old boy liing on his side. His mouth was > bleeding, Gin-Rei: Yep, Charlie Sheen is quite a dad! >his short hair was matted and dirty and you almost couldn't tell that it was blond, Tom (Johnny Cochrane): And did you cream rinse your hair today, sir? Crow (witness): Uh, no. No, I didn't. Tom (Johnny Cochrane): Aaah-haa! >he was black and blue all over, and he found it hard to breath. Joel: Or spell. >"Oh, you poor thing, did those boys do this to you?" she asked. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): Naw, Barney was thumping by a minute ago. . . *Cough* >The boy just nodded. Tom: (makes rusty squeaking sounds.) >Venus gently scooped the boy up in her arms and sat him on her hip. Crow: He shoots! He scores! >"I don't belive you for one instant," Jupiter said. >"I promise, we didn't do anything," Armando said. Gin-Rei (Jupiter): Quit talking like Clinton, bub! >"That's a load of bull sh..." she started to say. Nuku-Nuku: Whoah! She almost broke the PG rating of the fanfic there! >"UH, Lita, maybe this little boy could tell you what's been going on," Venus > interupted. Joel: But when he does, you'll never want to go to McDonalds again. >"Damian, Josef, Walter, I thought I told you to get rid of the evidence," >Armando whispered backing off a bit. Crow: Still talking like Clinton, I see. Gin-Rei/Tom/Joel: (Damien, Josef, Walter) Happy trails, Armando. >Lita spun around and fell speechless at the sight of the poor boy. >"Mina, where did you find him?" Lita asked. Tom (Mina): Oh, he just popped out of the Sailor V Game. >"Behind the tree," Mina answered. Crow: No, no. Inside the tree. >Did they do this to you?" she asked. Gin-Rei (Mina): No, they did it to *him*. >"That's how I understand it," Mina said. Tom (Mina): Then again, I think 2 +2 is five. Crow: Ooh. 1984/Sailor Moon crossover. Nice >"Minako, Makoto? Y... yes, they did this to me," the boy said. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): I hope you have a good lawyer, Jupiter. Joel: Uh-oh. Looks like the author's double-booking the Senshi again. That's going to cost her. >The girls were shocked to hear these names. They had never heared them before, >but they sounded very familiar. Gin-Rei: Yup, they're the Scouts. Not the Senshi. >"I thought you weren't doing anything, Armando," Lita said. >"If this is doing nothing, I'd hate to see what doing something is, >you could of killed this poor boy! If your brother and I hadn't broken up today, Tom (Jupiter): Hell would be freezing over right now. >I'd tell him what you did, but he probably wouldn't belive me. Nuku-Nuku (Jupiter): Probably because he's not in this fanfic. >How would you like it if I treated you that way?" Crow (Armando): I'd love it! Gin-Rei (pointing gun): Strike three is coming up soon for you. >Lita paused for a moment, when Armando didn't answer, she continued. >"I thought so. You wouldn't like it one bit. Well, the next time I have >to break up one of your fights, YOU FOUR will find out what it feels like >to be beat up by someone older than you. GOT IT!?" All (Group of boys): Uhhhhhh, whatever. >"That's telling them, Mako-chan," the boy thought. Crow (boy): Now tell it to me! Gin-Rei: STEEEERIKE THREE! (She walks over to Crow, uppercutting him and sending him flying upward.) Gin-Rei: You're out. (Crow hits the ground, knocked out.) Nuku-Nuku: Waaaay out. >"He's crazy. We've never seen him before, and we definatly haven't touched him. Joel: Ewwww! Don't do that! You don't know where he's been! >I bet he did that to himself, or his parents did it to him. With this, the boy > jumped down from Mina's arms and stormed up to Armando. Tom: (Jedite) That's it. You've opened yourself up a Negaverse sized can of whoop-ass, buddy. Crow: Uhhhhhhhh. (Falls back down, out like a light.) >The boy stared Armando down. "Look, you don't know me and I don't know >you, so don't talk about my parents like that! You know you did this to me. >They know you're lying, so you might as well confess!!" Nuku-Nuku: Repent! Repent sinner! >he said. Armando balled up his fist as if he were going to hit the child, Tom: *Crack* Ow! I gotta' stop doing that! >but found it imposable to move his arms. It was as if the child >were sucking away his energy Gin-Rei: Slurrrrrrrp! >(a big mistake on the boy's part). Joel (Jedite): You're goin' down man! >Armando looked down at the youngster, and got rather startled to see that his > seablue eyes were fixed on him in a slant. Nuku-Nuku (Armando): Hey! They're contacts! >(It was almost the evil eye.) Tom: The eeeeeeeeevil eyeeeeeee. >Armando backed off and turned to his friends. They didn't waste much >time on leaving the park. Gin-Rei (Random boy): Run! Run! Robotech's on in five minutes. Joel: The deformed twin of Macross. >The boy let up his evil glare. As soon as he did, his eyes shot open >for a breif instant of pain. Tom: That's what happens when you try to read any of Dr. Thinker's stories. >His cousin had warned him about using his powers. Nuku-Nuku (Ghost of Malachite): But did he pay attention? Nooooo! >The child threw his hands on his head, screamed and went unconcious. Joel (Jedite): I can't take the fanfic anymore! Gin-Rei: I think we should take a break. Don't you agree, Nuku? Nuku-Nuku: Yes. Nuku-Nuku needs to freshen up. Tom: Your suit seems to work great so far. Gin-Rei: Oh and can you also carry our friend Crow out, Nuku? ;) Nuku-Nuku: Hai! (Nuku-Nuku picks up Crow's unconcious body while Gin-Rei picks up Tom and Joel leads them out of the theatre) *** Well, that's the end of part one. Part two's next. Keep up the good work, fellas! Man, this one's a doozy!