DOOR SEQUENCE: 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... (Nuku-Nuku and Gin-Rei are sitting at a table drinking some coffee. Joel and the bots are elsewhere doing who-knows-what.) Gin-Rei: So, what can you summarize about the fanfic itself so far, Nuku? Nuku-Nuku: Oh gosh, there's so much wrong with it. The self-insertion bit with the author is way beyond silly. And it is a rather feeble attempt at comic relief for the fairly slow, flat story. Gin-Rei: Yeah, it reminds me of those old Warner Bros. cartoons with the paint brush and Daffy Duck, except they were better, and shorter. Oh and don't forget the spelling and grammar. Nuku-Nuku: Ugh, I know. So this Doctor. Forrestor just keeps pumping these bad fanfics up to Joel, Tom, and Crow? Gin-Rei: Oh yeah. Geez, the agency and Disaku must be wetting their pants about me suddenly vanishing into thin air. Nuku-Nuku: And Ryounsuke probably got into trouble for being late to class. *sigh* (Suddenly a spotlight shines onto the table where Gin-Rei and Nuku-Nuku are socializing. And music with English choir boys singing 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' over and over again through a tape player.) Gin-Rei: What on Earth!?. . . (Joel is seated on a cardboard cutout cloud, dressed in white jeans and a grey tanktop. He's also wearing a long-haired wig, making him look like a girl. Gypsy is above controlling the rope suspending the cloud and Joel.) Joel: Greetings, feeble anime slaves! I am the all-mighty author who can force famous anime characters from famous series to act in fanfics that they wouldn't want to act in. But I still force em' to! Bwah hah hah hah! Nuku-Nuku: Oh really cute, Joel. Joel: Joel? I'm not Joel! I'm the author of this fanfic! And I am the supreme ruler of all that is Sailor Moon fanfic writing! Watch as I force my ideas for plots onto my victims! (Tom dressed as Jedite comes onto the stage while Crow is dressed like Chibi-Usa (Ick)) Crow: Ahhhh, foolish little Ex-Negatwerp! How I mock your humbleness! I as part of the all-ruling, absolute monarchy that is the Moon Kingdom will make thy life crappy! Tom: Oh please Miss Rini! Spare me! Will you ever understand that I never wanted to be a part of the evil plans of the Negavers. . . Crow: SILENCE! I don't care! I just want to kick the snot out of boys! That's why! If those other schleps can beat you up, I sure as hell can! I'm gonna' blame the bad parenting from my parents on you as a superficial way to make me feel better. But only temporarily since it will never really solve any problems for me but instead cause more! So take this! (Whacks Tom/Jedite in the stomach) Tom: Oof! Why you smelly pink fungus infested whore! I'm gonna. . . (The two start brawling on the floor quite violently. Fake hair and clothes are constantly being thrown up into the air.) Joel: As you can see, I can make any anime character turn for the worst in terms of character, giving me supreme power over them all! BWA HA HA HAAA! Hee hee! Nuku-Nuku: Ummm excuse me Joel, or should I say, Miss Author. Chibi Usa is in the real series badly behaved. If she and Jedite came into contact with each other, of course they would have this sort of relationship. Joel: Uhhhh. . . Gin-Rei: Nice try Joel. But try to think over better stuff in the fanfic to imitate and spoof. I mean the redneck incident would be something good. (Crow and Tom stop fighting.) Crow: The girls are right Joel, this really wasn't the right thing to pick out of the fanfic and make fun of. In fact, hold on a minute. (Crow runs off.) Joel: Ohhhh, I'm sorry, girls. I should have let you carry on with your conversation with each other. Nuku-Nuku: Oh no problem Joel. You try your best. Besides, you look really cute in that outfit. (Giggles) Gin-Rei: Hee hee. You're right, Nuku. Joel: Aw shucks, girls. Heh heh. (Crow comes back into the room wearing jean trousers and a red flannel shirt. He's holding a double-barreled shotgun and has fake buck teeth taped to the front of the roof of his mouth (Try to think about the 'Uncle Dad' segment from Killer Shrews).) Crow: Well, h'yuck! Looks like I gots meself one o' dem Negaverse kiddies all bys mahself! Canni keep 'im mammy? Tom: Oh jeez Crow. (Klaxons blare) Joel: Well enough of this guys, we've got movie sign! Crow: H'yuck! Movie sign! Lets find sum' toilet seats ta' shewt in da' theatr.... Gin-Rei: (Pushes Crow) Move it yokel-loco! Joel: Yaaaaaah! (Joel falls down from his cloud while trying to get down from it. Gypsy in the backgroud yells, 'Sorry'.) (They all rush into the theatre.) DOOR SEQUENCE: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... (Gin-Rei walks in carrying Tom and places him in his respective seat and then seats herself next to him. Nuku-Nuku, with her suit still on, walks past Gin-Rei and sits next to her while Crow comes in and sits in the first seat. Joel walks in while rubbing his back and sits down.) Gin-Rei: Looks like you took a nasty fall, Joel. You okay? Joel: Oof. Yeah, I'm fine. > CHAPTER 7: THROUGH THE CHILD'S EYES Crow: No matter which way you look at it, it still looks like crap. Tom: A rather accurate summary of the fanfic so far. >That night, he had a dream that Darien, Nephlite, Zoycite and Malachite were looking for >him in that part of the woods, Joel: Actually they were just checking the honey trees on their farm because Pooh had been raiding them earlier. Gin-Rei: Oh Pooh Bear, how the mighty have fallen. >but, they were attacked by something, he couldn't exactly make out what it was, but it >looked like Nuku-Nuku: Absolutely nothing! Sorry for getting your hopes up, audience. >a bear. Tom: Dang! Now Pooh's going postal! Crow: Christopher Robin wasn't so nice when he became a teenager. That really influenced Pooh badly. Nuku-Nuku: Hey, quit knocking on him so much! >It came at the group and knocked Zoycite and Malachite out. It then turned to Nephlite >and nearly ripped him apart. Gin-Rei (Bear): Oops, sorry! I mistook you for a badger! >Darien atacked the bear from behind and it droped Nephlite and turned on Darien. Joel (Bear): You're next, Rose Boy! >Darien fought the bear bravely, and only got scratched onece. Crow: Ahhh, Zangeif coulda' kicked his ass even better. >The bear finally backed off. "Are you guys alright?" Darien asked. Tom (Random person): Oh sure I'm fine. Just right after I get my kidneys back in place. *Pop* Ahhh, there we go! >"We are, but, Nephlite, we can't be too sure," Zoycite said. Nuku-Nuku (Zoycite): I wasn't really paying attention while fighting. It kinda happens a lot with me. >"Gesse, he's malled bad. Gin-Rei: He malled? Then we must get him to a mom n' pop store as quickly as we can! >We'll have to get him to the castle as quick as possible, if we can't get him back for >Amy to tend to, then he's as good as dead," Darien said, Crow (Darien): Well, considering that Amy's two-thousand miles away. Hope you enjoyed life, kiddo! >picking up the ex-general who laid unconcious. Tom (Darien): Oof! Just how much cement did you have for breakfast, buddy? Nuku-Nuku: Darien has really gotten out of shape after the series ended. >"What about Jedite?" Malachite asked. Joel (Darien): Ohhh! So that's what we're looking for! I thought it was a good Sears that we were trying to find! >"This is the only place we haven't looked. If he's even in Crystal Tokyo, he'll be here. Gin-Rei (Darien): Oh wait, I forgot. He got blasted into Crystal Wisconsin. Crow: Heh! I'd like to see how the Packers look now. >We'll come back later. Nephlite depends on us, right now," Darien said. Tom (Nephlite): Oh that's okay! I've found some Red Cross people nearby. Don't tire yourselves out. >"No!" Jedite sprung up. "Oh, it was just a dream, thank goodness. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): And you were there Auntie! And Scarecrow! And Nixon! And Monica! And. . . Hey! Quit doing that, you two! >It seemed so real," he thought. Crow (Jedite): My new computer can run Quake II so well! >Jedite sighed and laid back in the straw bed he had. Joel (Jedite): Well, might as well ferment some cheese right now. >"I wish I knew that he was alright. I miss my bed in the castle. Gin-Rei (Jedite): Booby-trapped by the chibis and all. >I want to leave this place, but I'm not about to tell these peole anything." Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): They'll never find out the secret sauce recipe in a million years! Well, that is, unless they accidentally put some mayo out into the sun. >With that, he fell back to sleep as a tear slowly rolled down his cheek. Tom (Jedite): *sniff* Had too much tabasco sauce before going to bed. >The next morining, he awoke to find Abbey opening the jail cell. Crow (Abbey): Well, it's been five years. Time for your parole. Tom (Abbey): Now get outta this fanfic. >"Get up. Yu're going home, I think," she said. Gin-Rei: Oh no! Bruce Willis syndrome has infested her too! Joel: It's very contagious among Crystal Tokyo rednecks. >Jedite looked a little confused. "King Darien's here looking for someone that fits >yur discription. Nuku-Nuku (Abbey): 45, 39, 42. You would happen to. . . Oh wait, you're a boy. Never mind. Crow: Hey, could you tell me yours, Nuku? Gin-Rei (Pointing gun at Crow): Bad question to ask, Crow. >I was sent to get ya to see if yu're the one he's after." Joel (Darien): Yep, he's the one who stole my glass Smurf collection. Tom (Jedite): I'm tellin' ya'! I've been framed! >Jedite smiled and followed Abbey up the stairs. Crow (Jedite): Huh huh. Girl pretty! >"Is this the one ya'll are lookin' fer?" Gin-Rei (Abbey): I can throw himback in his habitat if ya' think he's too small. >"Jedite," Nuku-Nuku (Darien): Marsha! Oop, I mean Jedite. >Darien said. Jedite smiled and rushed to the side of Darien, Malachite, and Zoycite. Tom (Jedite): *Thump!* *Thump!* *Thump!* I've been practicing football! Notice a change in my strength? >"Hey, Squicker, it's good to have you back," Zoycite said. Crow: Aw gross! She's calling him by the sound he makes when she squeezes him! >"We were worried about you," Malachite said. Joel (Malachite): Well, tepidly, at least. >"Where's Nephlite?" Jedite asked, even though he was scared to hear the answer. Gin-Rei (Darien): Oh, uh, we kinda' ran out of food while looking for you and he got the small straw. >"Uh, I'll explaine on our way back to the castle, Jedite," Darien said picking Jedite up >and walking out the door. Nuku-Nuku (Darien): You know that place I told you about where your hamster went? Well, Nephlite's his friend now. Joel (Jedite): You flushed Nephlite down the toilet? >"Come on, you guys, where is he?" Jedite asked again. Crow (Darien): I told ya'! The big Negaverse in the sky! Let's go eat! >"If you must know, he's back in the castle, in bed. Tom (Darien): In the morgue part of the castle. Joel: All right, guys. That's enough morbidity for now. >We were looking for you last night and we were atacked by a bear and... Joel (Darien): It was a commie bear, we had to put him on the Hollywood blacklist. >Nephlite got the worst of it," Darien answered. Gin-Rei (Darien): Man, I didn't know he could hold so much blood! >"WHAT!!??" Jedite said in shock. "He's alright though, right?" Crow (Darien): Uhhhhh, yeahhh. >"We don't know, he was out all night," Malachite said. Nuku-Nuku (Malachite): We gave him a really big grocery list. Took him a while. >"All night!? So you don't know if he'll be alright?" Gin-Rei (Malachite): Sure he'll be all right. Though I still don't know what that flat line on his life support unit meant. >Darien could hear the fear in Jedite's voice and knew that he was about to cry. Tom (Darien): Heh. Whatta' baby! >"Well, he might make it. Nuku-Nuku (Offscreen Nephlite): I'm getting better! > We got him to Amy last night and she started tending to him right away. Crow: And boy, did he like it! Joel: Crow . . . >She said that he just needs to rest for a couple of weeks and he should be able to get up >and move about. Joel (Darien): In the shiny new wheelchair we got him! Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): Waaaaaah! Joel (Darien): Uh oh. I'm not scoring, am I? >But, I think he'll be alright," he told Jedite, hopping to comfort the child. Nuku-Nuku: Hopping? That's a strange way to comfort him. Gin-Rei (Darien): *Puff, puff* Come on, kid. Get happy! I can't do this forever! >Half way to the castle, Darien carried Jedite, the other half, he let the child walk. Tom (Darien): Get offa' me kid! My back's killing me! >When they got to the castle, the first thing Jedite did was run to his room. >There, he found Amy dabbing water on Nephlite's forehead. Crow (Amy): There, this should cure your zit problem. >"Oh, well, look who's here," she said. She jestered Jedite over and whispered in his ear, Joel (Amy): Run. Run far away from this fanfic as you possibly can. >"He just came around two hours ago. The first thing he did was ask about you. Gin-Rei: Right after he asked for the Pro-Line scores. >I'll leave you two alone, for a while." Nuku-Nuku (Amy): Yesss! Free from the fanfic! Woo hoo! >"Neph? How are you?" Jedite asked when Amy left the room. Joel (HAL): I AM FINE. >"Jedite, you're alright, thank goodness, I was worried. I'll be alright, Bit," Nephlite said. Crow: Oooo! He was a about to say 'Bitch', but the censors cut him off. >"I was told to take it easy and stay in bed for a few weeks and I'd be fit as a fiddle." Tom (Nephlite): You'll be able to play most of Handel's works on me! Gin-Rei: We've sure mentioned Handel a heck of a lot so far. >Jedite heaved a sigh of relife and smiled. Gin-Rei (Jedite): Ahhh, I feel ten pounds lighter. Joel: Gin-Rei. . . >His worst fear was pushed away. Nuku-Nuku: Would that be the one where he's afraid of being chased around by rabid wolves while wearing socks on a waxed floor? >It was then that Nephlite noticed the mark on Jedite's face. "What's that on your face?" Joel (Jedite): Oh you mean these three sixes in a row? Tom (Jedite): The Chibis were playing tic-tac-toe on me with steak knives again. >"Oh, nothing, just a... whiplash," Jedite said. Crow (Jedite): I hope your chaffeur has a good lawyer. >"Where'd that come from?" Jedite explained what had happened and even showed > Nephlite where he had been hit with the brick. Tom (Nephlite): Heh heh, those rednecks are a fun bunch. >"And you didn't say anything about this to Darien?" Gin-Rei (Jedite): Yeah, but he threatened to hurt me. >"He never brought it up. He never asked how they treated me or anything, I don't even >think he noticed the mark. Nuku-Nuku (Sarcastic): Wow, the Senshi and Darien really care about their well being. Yeah. >Unless, Abbey told him about it, that could be why he didn't ask," Jedite said. Tom (Jedite): Naaah, he's just a shy boy, tee hee! >He was triing his best to keep from upsetting Nephlite, Crow (Nephlite, British): Now look here! Your bloody pusillanimous behaviour makes me vomit! >in the condition he was in, it wouldn't be a pretty sight. Joel: He's probably one of those people who gets queasy while watching surgery on the Discovery Channel. Nuku-Nuku: Hey, who wouldn't? >"It barely even hurts. It stung at first but, I had almost forgotten about it. Gin-Rei (Jedite): But I sure am bummed about losing all my knowledge on my Algebra classes. And right when the second semester was looking good for me. >I was told it'd go away in a couple of days, it's not that bad." Nuku-Nuku: Sure it looks like a rottweiler took a big bite out of it, but the chicks dig guys with scars. >"I think I understand what you're saying, and why," Nephlite said. Tom (Nephlite): This event is going to traumatize me for the rest of my life and I'll waste my life-savings on psychologists? Okay. >"So, did those people at least feed you?" Crow (Jedite): Sometimes I got lucky and the bread wasn't moldy! >"Abbey brought me food. Turns out she's the only one that could cook, Joel (Jedite): I never thought she could make roadkill taste so exotic. >sort of the way Lita is here," Jedite laughed. Gin-Rei (Mina, distant): I heard that! >"You know, Nephlite, I did it again." Nuku-Nuku (Nephlite): I'll open the window. . . >"Again? Not the dreams," Nephlite said. Crow (Jedite): And I still don't understand why there's a wet spot on my bed after I wake up. Gin-Rei: Keep doing that, Crowmeister. *CLICK!* >"Yes. It was me who was in charge of the bear last night. I hate when this happens. Tom (Jedite): I hate it when Betty gets so testy when I feed her late. >No matter what, when I have a dream like that, it happens or has happened. Joel (Jedite): John Elway, with a bowl of Thousand Island Dressing. I want it to stop! >Just like Mom and Dad's death. Someone always gets hurt," Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): Heeey, that dream I had of Princess Diana did mean something! >Jedite said sitting on the bed at Nephlite's side. Gin-Rei (Nephlite): Accck! Kid, you're sitting on my oxygen hose! Gaaaasp! >"Jedite, it's not your fault. I don't know why these dreams of yours always >turn into reality, but, it's not your fault. Crow: The AUTHOR, on the other hand. . . >You can't help that the Negaverse Moon started out in your head. Don't blame yourself >for any of it," Nephlite said. Joel (Nephlite): Blame it on O.J. and Clinton! Everyone likes to pick on them! >"It's no wounder they're still after me. That's probably why Beryl kept me in Eternal >Sleep. Nuku-Nuku: Well, actually she was trying to cure your insomnia problem. >The Negaverse Moon was the only way the Negaverse and the Nega Moon could keep > everything going. Tom: And going, and going, and going, and. . . Crow (Pee Wee Herman): . . .knitting, and knitting, and knitting! >What I don't get is, why was I sent back to my youth and why was I melted out?" Gin-Rei: The secret word is. . . Boodles. >"That's simple. The Scouts killed Beryl, distroyed Matalia, and left the Negaverse in ruins. Joel (Nephlite): Ya' buy that? >The explosion didn't effect the crystal you were in, because the evil was still there. Nuku-Nuku (Nephlite): We tried to get it out with some Lysol. Still didn't work. >But, without Beryl's evilness to rom through the halls, the crystal melted, >and while you were in the crystal, your aging process was stoped and sent back in > it's tracks. Crow (Nephlite): So that's why I'm wearing diapers! >I should know about that part, I had to pass that room at least once a day. Tom (Jedite): It's where I had my Civics classes. >But, if you had stayed in there, you'd have been sent back to a baby and the Negaverse Moon >would have gotten you the moment they broke out," Nephlite said. Joel (Nephlite): And trust me, I ain't changing any babies, bud! >"They did any way. They're in my mind as it is. Tom (Thing in his mind): Hey! Can you keep it down out there? >Where do you think that bear came from? Joel: Well, the San Diego Zoo's security has gotten quite lax lately. >Remember, they can turn into anything but the plants. Gin-Rei: Or the dogs, and the bees. Or the dog that have bees in their mouths. >Every now and then, they awake and I have to fight them off to keep them from getting > me again. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): I never thought that people were so wrapped up into those blasted Beanie Babies. I am *not* a plushie! >It's no wounder they're after me. Like they thought, if they get me, Tom (Jedite): I'll become an easily exploited child actor! >they can start a new power. I can't get rid of these powers, it'll hurt me menatlly, Crow (Jedite): And they'll also leave behind a sticky residue. >but if I keep them, my mind won't be the only thing that gose, Joel (British): Your mind's gone! >they're in a better position to get me. All: Ewwww. >They'll only try to hurt people who try to protect me. I don't know what I should do," >Jedite said. Gin-Rei (Nephlite): I don't know either, kid. Looks like you're on your own. >"I wish I knew what to tell you, Little Bit, I really do. But, I don't. Tom (Nephlite): Wait, here it is. . . A long, long time ago. In a galaxy far, far. . . D'oh, wait! Wrong one! >Just promise me, you won't blame yourself for what's happened," Nuku-Nuku (Nephlite): Remember! Whine, cry, and lie! The political code of honor! >Nephlite said gently placing his hands on his brother's shoulders. Joel (Jedite): Owwww! Tom (Nephlite): Oops! Forgot about your sunburn! >Jedite slightly smiled and leaned over to hug Nephlite. Crow (Nephlite): Aggggh! Too tight! *Gin-Rei does crunching noises.* >"Ok, I promise," he said. "But, I wish I could do something for you. Joel (Nephlite): Well, I do have some papers for you to burn. >I hate seeing you like this." Gin-Rei (Jedite): That gold/white ensemble looks disgusting on you. >"Just as much as I hate to see you cry. That's another thing, Nuku-Nuku (Nephlite): Just as long as it isn't Serena crying. >if you're going to cry about this, don't be near me when you do, ok?" Jedite nodded. Tom (Nephlite): Your tears really stain my tweeds. >"Alright, I just wanted to make sure of that. Joel (Nephlite): Fries, soda, double cheeseburger with bacon. Got it. >I don't want you to cry for me Gin-Rei (singing): . . .Argentinaaaa. The truth is that I never left you. >and I don't want you to suffer by feeling sorry for me, or that you couldn't >do anything for me. I know how it feels. Crow (Nephlite): Don't ya' just love actin' sappy and mushy? >That's the way I was whenever Beryl punished you. Tom: Full of deep personal shame and sorrow? >Especially when she dicided to sentence you to eternal sleep. It was hard triing to hide >it, especially with Zoycite pokking about the place Nuku-Nuku: I'm I seeing double here? There just seems to be a lot of double lettering in weird places. Joel: Don't worry, It's just the bad spelling, Nuku. >and getting into my business," Nephlite said. He seemed to raise his voice when he >mentioned Zoycite. Gin-Rei (Zoycite): Ow! I need to turn the volume down on the mike! >"What did I do!?" Zoycite asked materializing in frount of the boys. Crow (Zoycite): Can't someone sell secrets to the KGB without someone getting mad? >"Don't give me that, you were outside that door listening in, like usual," Nephlite said. Tom (Nephlite): Spill your guts! Cancer Man sent ya'! >"Well, I don't mean to impose or anything, but I just couldn't pass by such a tender > moment, such a sweat reunion. Nuku-Nuku: Oh! So it's a Jazzercise family reunion! >I'm a centimental fool, so sue m... Joel: Whoah! Slapped a lawsuit on her in .21 seconds! A new record! >Hey! Wait a minnute, how'd you know I was listening in!?" Zoycite said. Crow (Zoycite): D'oh! I knew I shouldn't have double agented myself! >"I'll tell it to you like I did years ago. Buzz off, Zoycite," Nephlite said. Tom: *Makes bee buzzing noises.* >"Oh, alright, just this once, you two diserve some time alone anyway," Gin-Rei (Zoycite): It's fun butting into people's personal lives! >Zoycite said and disapered in a cloud of rose petals. Joel: Uh oh, they're black. Kodachi is hiding in the bushes somewhere. >"I wish I had a fly swat and that Malachite wasn't around, I'd get ride of that pest >for good," Nephlite said, teasingly. Nuku-Nuku: Actually Raid works better when you want to get rid of your Malachite infestation problems. >"Hey! I heared that," Zoycite said as the cloud of rose petals disappered. Crow (Zoycite) Malachite's gonna' be mad when I tell him what you said! Tom: Weren't they talking about HER? >"I was right, nothing much has changed in two thousand years. Gin-Rei (Nephlite): Congress still sucks, the media is still corrupt. McDonald's hamburgers continue to go downhill in quality. >If so, you two wouldn't be fighting any more," Jedite laughed. Tom (Jedite): And the plot wouldn't be dragging on as well! >"But, how did you know that she was out side the door, any way?" Nuku-Nuku (Nephlite): Well, I did pick up some friends from the CIA while you were gone. >"Good ears?" Nephlite said. >"I'm not buying it," Jedite said. Joel: Good ears can run into the thousand dollar range. >"Alright then, it's just one of my little secrets. Come on, you don't really expect me >to tell you everything I know and how I know it, do you?" Gin-Rei: Well you'd better make an exception with me. Hee hee! *CLICK!* >"Well, you know, you have always been the one I looked up to Tom (Jedite): I never knew what a Hurts Donut was until I met you. Now I'm the life of every party! >and in the days of the Silver Melenium, I always wanted to grow up to be just like you." Crow (Nephlite): Well kid. It takes a lot of work and a degree in college to get to where I am now. Plus volunteer work. >"Well, that didn't take much," Nephlite said. "How could you not have turned out like me? >I mean, I couldn't go anywhere without you following me." Nuku-Nuku (Nephlite): You went shopping with me, took baths with me, went to the bathroom with me. Heck you even got a root canal with me! >"Well, if you're gonna be that way about it..., sorry." Joel (Jedite): It like to see you handle being a sycophant! >"I didn't mean anything bad!" Tom (Nephlite): Just in ill-manner! That's a big difference! >"Ok, you two, break it up. Nephlite needs to get some sleep. Gin-Rei (Amy): And I'm going on my coffee break, so hurry it up! >Jedite, we've got you a bath set up and Lita's in the kitchen fixing you something to eat," >Amy said coming back into the room. Crow (Amy, disgruntled): Anything else? Your highnessss? Tom (Jedite): How about Mina giving me that sponge bath? >"Ok, thanks, Amy," Jedite said. >"Jed, tonight, I want you to tell me what you saw, ok?" Nephlite said. Joel (Jedite): Well, I saw these aliens drag off this fat kid and give him an anal probe. Then he started to expell flame out of his buttocks. Nuku-Nuku (Nephlite): No more of that show for you, young man! >"Ok, Nephlite," and with that, Jedite left to get freshened up. Gin-Rei (Jedite): I'll be in the bathroom for a while! Tom: *Makes gastric sounds and snorting.* >He slept easily that night and was glad to know that there was a chance that Nephlite >could live. Crow: But the audience reading the story on the other hand, ehhhhhhh. . . > CHAPTER 8: Nuku-Nuku: And feeling great! >The next few weeks went by alright. Joel: The story dragged on even more. The audience became suicidal and depressed. . . >Jedite still hung out with the chibis now and then and stayed with Malachite and Zoycite >the rest of the time, Tom (Jedite): Okay guys, here's the plan. I sneak up behind Diana while you grab the other two. Then we unsheath our machetes and. . . >so as to keep from disterbing Nephlite. They were all glad when Nephlite was able to get >out of bed and walk around, Gin-Rei: And there was *much* rejoicing All (Monotone): Yaaaay. >Jedite stayed with him and helped him out for most of the time, and didn't get in the way >as much as usual. Crow (Nephlite): Hey kid, wanna' go picket DIC with me for a while? Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): Again? >While he helped Nephlite, Jedite talked about everything that had happened while he >was in the bed. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): Let's see. . . You mostly drank, ate, slept, and had your bedpan drained once in a while. Joel (Nephlite): I meant what YOU did. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): Oh. >One day, they brought up the subject of the evil of the powers Jedite possesed. Joel (Jedite): Yeah, they're evil. But they really impress the kids at birthday parties. >Nephlite triied to convince Jedite to let the Scouts purifie him. Jedite said it was too >risky Tom (Jedite): Come on Neph. It'll take at least forty years for them to say their kinky opening speeches. >and that he'd rather fight it until it weekened. Gin-Rei (Announcer): Tonight, on the Wild World of Fighting. . . Jedite fights Nephlite's idea of letting the scouts purify him to the death in an all out melee brawl! >Nephlite agreed to give Jedite a month to fight it, Gin-Rei (Announcer): Nine o'clock PM. Pacific Time! Be therrrre! >but if there were any problems, he was going to ask them to get rid of the evil of them, Joel (Random scout): Of the chibis? Sorry, no can do. It's part of our contracts. >even if they left the powers. Jedite agreed to the deal. Crow (Jedite): I'll be sure to clean up da' blood. *Imitates gun clicking sound.* Joel: This fanfic is bringing out the dark in us. >Now and then, the chibis drug Jedite Nuku-Nuku (Jedite, stoned): Whooooah. Thanks for the Dope Rini! >off to play and when he came back, he was always complaining that he was better > treated with Beryl or the back wood hicks. Tom (Jedite): At least the hicks and Beryl had air conditioning in their torture rooms! >This got Nephlite upset, wich was a big mistake. Everytime Nephlite got upset, >he fell to his knees in pain and gasping for air. Crow (Nephlite): Huuuugh! Damn allergies! >Four weeks passed and Jedite got his fill of Rini, Tammie, and Diana. Gin-Rei (Jedite) *Burp* Oh I can't possibly have any more chibi. I've already had four servings. >They went off to play house and made him mad with what they were saying he had to do. Tom (Jedite): I just can't do my Al Bundy voice anymore! >The evil inside Jedite stirred at this and dicided that this was the best time to try >and take over him. Joel (Darth Vader): Jedite. *Khuuugh* Welcome the dark side. >He tried to fight it off, but it subconciously knocked him out. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): Mommy! Mommy! Evil forces keep bullying on my subconsious! Please get them in trouble! >Serena and Darien were in the gardens when they heared Rini scream. Tom (Serena): Ahhh, the hit squad has finally arrived. >They rushed into the room in time to find Tammie and Diana unconcious and Jedite > holding Rini over the balcony with a knife to her throught. Gin-Rei (Jedite): Say, "I'm a pink sugary fungus and everyone wants to skewer me on a blunt pole" Rini! Joel (Rini): Gaack! Never! Gaack! Crow: Hey Joel, you want popcorn? Joel: Huh? Oh thanks, Crow. >Nephlite rushed in and jercked the knife from Jedite. Crow (Nephlite): No, no, no! You're doing it all wrong! You have to stab her, then start choking her, like this! >He then pulled Rini off the balcony. Tom: The right way? Crow: That would be the direction that had the biggest drop, right? >Once Rini was safe, Joel: Um excuse me, Miss Laura? Safe and Rini are not supposed to be in the same sentence. >he snatched Jedite up. "I'll talk to him, I'm sure there was a reason for this," >Nephlite said as he left the room. Nuku-Nuku: He's mad at him for not letting him go at Chibi first. >When he got to thier room, he threw Jedite in, slamed the door and locked it. >He then turned to his little brother who had just relized what had happened. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): I left the toilet seat down again. Didn't I? >"Now, do you want to tell me why you did that?" he asked. Gin-Rei (Nephlite): I was the one supposed to go psycho first! >"I would if I could," Jedite said hanging his head. Tom (Jedite): Look, Nephie pal. Would you decide to cut up a little pink piece of fluff that tormented you ever since you met her? Joel (Nephlite): Hmmm, got a point there. >"What's that supose to mean?" Nephlite raised his voice. Crow (Jedite): It means, I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! AND THEN YOUR CATS, AND THEN YOUR GOLDFISH, AND THEN YOUR STUFFED SNUFFALUFFAGUS, AND. . . Gin-Rei: Crow, Crow, please, don't get too excited over this. >"I don't know why I did it. I can barely remember what I did, it all seems so faint. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. It just escapes my logic. >I couldn't help it! I tried to fight it, really, I did. I don't know what came over me." Joel: Don't worry, Jed. The pink terror has gotten to us all. >"For some reason, I don't belive you." Tom (Nephlite): Face it kid. You did it out of pure malice. And I like that! >"You don't think I did that on purpose! I tried my best to keep it from happening. >I was not in control of what just happened back there! Gin-Rei (Jedite): It was just a random plot device that sprung out of nowhere! Really! >Nephlite, I promise, I didn't do it on purpose," Jedite said, his voice was beginig to >crack Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): Hack! Hack! Excuse me. I have to lay off the smoking. >and he would soon be in tears, Nephlite had never yealled at him before. Joel: Well except for the time when Jedite had borrowed his Gak and he let it dry. >"What am I going to do with you? Come here," Crow (Nephlite): I'm sure you're already familiar with the term punishment, carried out with extreme prejudice. >Nephlite got down on his knees and clasped his hands around his little brother. Tom (Nephlite): Um kid? Your hands are right on my. . . Oh nevermind. >"Look, all I wanted to know was why you did it, Jedite. I was going to see if >I could talk them into letting you off the hook. Gin-Rei (Nephlite): I sure as heck didn't know that Chibis were protected by law. >But, I think, we need to see what we can do about these powers of yours right away. Joel (Nephlite): I'm just gonna' nail em' down and fix em' up real good. 'kay? >If you didn't do it on purpose, then those powers are why." Nuku-Nuku: Trust me, it wasn't the powers. >"No, Nephlite, I think I've got them licked. Just give me a little while longer and >I'm sure I can Tom (Jedite): . . .choke Rini just a wee bit more. Hoep that's fine with you. >get control over them," Jedite sobbed. Nephlite sighed and hugged his littel brother. Crow: Ahhh, masking tape for the soul. >"Alright, Little Bit, I'll see what I can do to get you off the hook. Gin-Rei (Nephlite): Nothing that a little good old fashioned bribery and butt-kissing can't fix! >But, I'd sugest staying in the room for the rest of the day and staying away from the girls >for a while, Joel (Nephlite): Remember kid, cooties have destroyed better men than I. >and I guess I can give you one more chance, but, one more time and I'm going to ask >them to get rid of the evil. Nuku-Nuku (Nephlite): And do you know how much they're gonna' bill us for that? >Now, you might as well try to go to sleep early. I'll handel everything, I hope." Crow: Yeah, Moon Kindom lawyers can be a real bitch sometimes. >"Alright, thanks, Nephlite," Jedite said, hugging his older brother back. "I'll see you >in the morning." Tom (Nephlite): And if I don't, avenge my death. Good night, sweetie. >Everything went pretty well when Nephlite talked to Darien and Serena about what caused >Jedite to do it. Gin-Rei: And since the carpet was red, hardly any blood was visible. >"Look, Nephlite, it's alright, he's just a kid and I'm sure that it is hard for him to >fight off the evil within him, and I know you want to help him. Joel (Nephlite): It's just a phase he's going through. I myself almost killed a guy once when I had some evil inside of me. Best fun I ever had! >Now, we can't purify him, but we can do something to help him keep them under control," >Serena said. Nuku-Nuku (Serena): I just hope I have enough sedatives to last for a month. >"Do what you like, but I'm keeping an eye on him until he gets back on my good side," >Darien said. Joel (Darien): Darn boys trying to kill my spoiled daughter and her spoiled friends. I swear, there just isn't anymore justice in this world! >"Nephlite, let me know when Jedite's a sleep and I'll go in there to help him. >I could do it while he was awake, but it would hurt him, big time," Serena said. Crow: Well won't you wake him up while assaulting him anyways, Serena? >"Ok, thanks, Serena," Nephlite said leaving the room. About two hours later, Tom: The revolutionary movement stormed the castle and executed the members of the royal Moon family and order, the end. Crow: Saaaaay. . . Nuku-Nuku: Don't worry, guys. The pain is almost over. >he peeked into his bedroom and saw that Jedite had fallen a sleep. Gin-Rei (Serena): Hee hee! Perfect time to put his hand in warm water! >Serena went in and pulled out the Silver Melinium Crystal, with in a couple of minnutes, >there was a bright light and Jedite jumped. Tom (Jedite): Ahhgh! I'm awake! I'm awake! I'll go to school! >Serena and Nephlite quickly jumped out of the room and quickly closed the door, Nuku-Nuku (Serena): Oh dear. He's going to kill us now. Isn't he? >until there was just a crack that they could see through. Gin-Rei: Ewwww! Pull up your pants Jedite! >Jedite looked around and layed back down. Joel (Jedite): Darn bed mites. Getting bigger every day. >Serena sighed. "He'll be alright, it happens all the time. The evil within him is traped," >she said. Crow: The evil's taped? That won't hold it down for very long. >"Thank goodness," Nephlite said. Tom (Nephlite): Heh heh. We got the shaving cream on his hand. >A couple of weeks later, Jedite stumbled into a room whith a bunch of papers on a table. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): Whoah, cool! The Clinton/Lewinsky report! >Six year old curiosity got the best of him. Jedite stood on his tiptoes to see the table top, Crow (Jedite): Whoah! I didn't know Clinton had that much whipped cream to use in the White House! Gin-Rei: Stop, Crow. >picked up the papers and began to read them. They were plans for a new security system. Tom: By David Kintobor: How to successfully repell Afro-Centrist History teachers. Joel: Tom, he's dead. Tom: Oh. >At this moment, Nephlite stumbled into the room where the servailence cameras were run >and began to play around with the controls and turned on the camera for the room Jedite >was in. Joel (British villian): You're mine, Bond! >Right then, Jedite lost his balance and knocked the table. The papers flew into the >light fier place. Gin-Rei (Jedite): Ohhh! I knew I should have written my report on the computer! It's hopeless, I'm gonna' get an F! >Jedite tried to catch them. Just then, Darien walked in, just as Jedite had cought >his balance, so it looked like Jedite had thrown them in on purpose. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): thepapersweretryingtocommitsuicidesoItriedtostopthem butIwastoolate! Uh, oh. Gin-Rei: I could never even dream of saying it like that. >Nephlite turned to the moniter for that room just in time to see the mad look come over >Darien's face as he roughly seized up the six year old boy and drug him out of the room >and off to the dungon. Crow (Darien): My porn! My beautiful collection of wholesome porn! All destroyed! You will be destroyed! >"What's he done now?" Nephlite said as he shut off the cameras and then snatched up the >tape from that moniter, stuffed it into his shirt and quickly left the room. Gin-Rei (Nephlite): Hee hee! Now I'm gonna' sell this to the Fox Network. >That night, Nephlite went to talk to Jedite. "Hey, Little Bit," he said as the gaurd >left the room. Tom (Nephlite): I can't believe you didn't bring back any of Darien's porn for me! >Jedite looked up saddly. "Jedite, are you crying?" Joel (Jedite): They're gonna' punish me by giving the Royal Tiddy-Twist of Fate! >"Yes, I'm sorry, Nephlite, I know I said I wouldn't cry in frount of you. >But, I'm so scared," Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): I've never been so anxious about an ITBS test before. >Jedite said whiping a tear away from his cheek. Crow: Jeez, there's the whipping again! We might as well have dominatrixes in this fanfic! Nuku-Nuku: Like Gin-Rei would say, only you, Crow. >Nephlite walked over to the bed that Jedite was sitting on. "Scared of what?" Joel (Jedite): Darien's gonna' give me a melvin and dangle me on the basketball hoop by my underwear for burning his autobiography! >"I heared they were going to... never mind, I don't want to talk about it. >I... I... I... Gin-Rei: Great, now he's Porky. Tom (Porky): Th... Th.. Th... Th... Thi... This fanfic bites folks! >I was charged with treason and... and... and sentenced to death," Jedite sobbed. Crow: Moon Kingdom monarchs take their porn with great pride and consider them sacred. You should have thought of that, Jedite. >"Death!? Why were you charged for treason!?" Nephlite asked. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): I called Darien a rose heaving, tuxedo wearing, penguin wannabe dork. Tom (Nephlite): No wonder. Around here, you have to call him the Weenie O' Doom! >"Because, I... acidently knocked (sniff) some important papers in the fire and Darien >thought (sob, cough) Tom: Man, he's got some really messed up lungs. Gin-Rei: Crystal Tokyo smog can get pretty bad. Especially during the summer. >that I threw them in on... purpose. Neph... I... I didn't do it!" Jedite managed to say. Joel (Jedite): Oh and, ATTICA! ATTICA! ACTTICA also. >"Ok, time out, this was what I wanted to keep him away from, Laura, you like picking on him, >don't you?" Nephlite said. Tom (Laura): Yup! And enjoyin' every minute of it! >'Hey, I'm just giving him something he's wanted for a long time and noone, >or at least I think noone's, given it to him before. An actual fan-fic centered >around him with the rest of you charicters as a back up group. Gin-Rei: A kinder, gentler fanfic, with soft coating and smooth interior. >IF you had let him get through with the script, the shock wouldn't have been so great. Nuku-Nuku: Too late, you've tramatized him for life. Hope you're proud, Laura. >Maybe next time, you guys will at least go to rehersal, if you don't read the script. Crow (Nephlite): Look. We don't know you anymore, okay? >Now, we need to get back to the story please. You don't relize how long I've worked on >this thing.' Tom: Yeah, the best three hours of your life that you ever wasted. Joel: Try to tone down on her a bit, Tom. Tom: Well she's self-inserted herself! She's asking for it! >"It's not her fault, Nephlite," Jedite said. "Let's just get back to the story." Joel (Jedite): Wait, on second thought, let's blow this taco stand. >"Oh, alright..." Nephlite said. "So, when's your sentence to be caried out?" Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): Right now, is that inconvenient for you? >"Two weeks from now, Darien wants to be there. Why is it that the kings and queens always >have to be at the beheading of the traitors to the crown? Gin-Rei: Because they're power-hungry, blood-thirsty bastards with no care for human life. Duh! >I don't want it to happen, I didn't do it on purpose, I lost my balance and knocked them in," >Jedite sobbed. Joel (Jedite): It was Judge Doom that framed me! I swear! >"What were you doing in there in the first place?" Nephlite asked pulling his little brother >close to him for what was sure to be the last time. Crow (Jedite): Uhh, well. I've always wondered what the stuff adults call Penthouse was. Heh heh. >"Six year old curiosity," Jedite sniffeled. Tom (Jedite): I was just goin' too do some safe panty peeking, but. . . >"Don't worry, I'll find a way to get you out of this," Nephlite said. Nuku-Nuku (Nephlite): Happen to know any places nearby that sell napalm? >"How can you be so confadent?" Jedite asked. Joel (Jedite): I dunno. I just am. >"I think I've got some proof that you're inocent. I'll see to it that you get out of this." Crow (Nephlite): Now where's that Lionel Hutz guy I met earlier? >"Alright, time's up," the gaurd said opening the door to the cell. Gin-Rei: Pencils down. >"Just one more minnute, ok?" Nephlite asked. >"Alright, one more minnute," the gaurd said. Nuku-Nuku (Guard): Dang, just how large is that kid's bladder? >"Do you think you'll be able to sleep tonight?" Nephlite asked. "Or are you going >to let this keep you up all night?" Tom (Jedite): Uh, choice C. Run around the cell screaming like a madman. >"I think I could get to sleep. I'm at least going to try," Jedite said sleepily liing >back on the bed. Crow (Jedite): Dang! I just don't see how those Indian dudes can sleep on these spikes! >Nephlite smiled and tucked Jedite in. He leaned over and kissed Jedite on the cheek. >"Good night, Little Bit, you'll be alright," he said and turned to leave the cell. Joel (Nephlite): Man, I'm sure glad I'm not him. Heh heh. Oop! Didn't know you were still awake, Lil' Bit! >"Nephlite," Jedite called. >"Yeah?" >"I love you," Jedite said. Gin-Rei: Huh, I thought they cut out the gay overtones in the American Sailor Moon. >Nephlite smiled. Jedite hadn't said anything like that since they're parents died. >"I love you too, Little Bit," he said. Joel: I love you, Chucky. Tom: I love you, Bullwinkle. Nuku-Nuku: I love you, Papa-san. Gin-Rei: I love you, Disaku. Joel: I love you, Chief. Crow: I love you, McCloud! >The next morning, Jedite awoke to find something that he hadn't done in a long time. Tom: Pick his nose and eat his boogers! Nuku-Nuku: Ewwww. He must be desperate. >He had felt so insicure that night, that he had began to suck on his finger. Gin-Rei (Jedite): Mmmm, chickeny. >It soon got to where Zoycite, Malachite, and Nephlite couldn't even get together without >supervision. Joel: Geez, all that for a bathroom pass. The Moon Kingdom must be a fascist monarchy. >The three young ex-generals tried to talk Darien into giving Jedite a second chance, >but nothing they said could change his mind about it. Crow (Darean): Yup! I'm an asshole! >Nephlite soon got to where unless it was to Malachite and Zoycite he was talking to, >he would speak in riddles and when he and Darien were in the same room, Nuku-Nuku (Darien): How much wood could a woodchuck chuck? Well, geez, I don't know. >he just looked the other way, needless to say, he got his point across. Tom (Darien): I'm gonna' kill an innocent child and dammit I'm gonna' like it! >Two weeks passed and everyone in the castle gathered for Jedite's sentence to be carried >out, everyone, Gin-Rei (Person): Geez, I can't believe they're killing this kid over some security crap. We can't tolerate this ruthless type of government. Tom (Person): Yeah. Wanna' riot and bash heads? Gin-Rei (Person): Sure. >except Nephlite who was looking for Jedite's last chance to get out of this mess. Joel (Nephlite): Dammit, the Constitution has tons of loopholes for gun laws. But why not this? >The child struggled as he was drug up to the block where he was to be beheaded. Crow (Jedite): Yeah, I'm gonna' die. But my blood is acid! And it'll get all over Darien and Serena, and I'll have the last laugh! Bah hah hah hah! >The tears flowed once more and he began to wish that he could see Nephlite one last time. Nuku-Nuku (Jedite): *Sniff* I wish I could have watched the season premiere of The Simpsons with him! >Zoycite and Malachite stood outside the room too scared to even look at the situation at >hand. Tom (Zoycite): Well, this fanfic's goin' to hell. Crow (Malachite: Yep. >"In a way, it's a good thing Nephlite's not here, he couldn't take this," Malachite said. Gin-Rei (Malachite): You wouldn't believe how scared he got while watching The Little Mermaid. >"I've had enough of this. Laura, get your tail down here NOW!" Zoycite yealled. Joel (Zoycite): This fanfic's gonna' stop or else I'll have Naeoko Takeuchi sue your ass! >'What now!?' a girl asked from the shadows. She wore a kiwi green shirt, a white skirt, >and some green platform jellys. Nuku-Nuku: Oh geez, I wouldn't be caught dead in that. Gin-Rei: Me neither. Tom: Or me. (Nuku-Nuku and Gin-Rei stare at Tom.) Tom: What? >Her redish brown hair was pulled up in a pony tail. She looked like a Lita make over >with blue eyes. Joel: Sailor Moon fangirl status confirmed. >At her side was a blond headed girl who's short hair was pulled up in a red ribbon, >she was a Mina make over with green eyes. She wore an outfit much like the one that >the brown head wore only the shirt and shoes were orange. Joel: Sailor Moon fangirl number 2 confirmed. >'"This is a little too self-permoting for you,"' the blond said. Gin-Rei (blond): Face it, we can't compete with the five people watching and riffing this on the screen. Nuku-Nuku: There goes the fourth wall. Again. >'Well, I had hoped to keep them guessing on which one was which. Tom: Which was crappier? The story? Or the self-insertion? Hmmm, hard choice. >After all, we are both authers for this series. Besides, I warned them that I was >self-permoting in this story. Nuku-Nuku (Laura): Of course, why I still decided to write the whole thing escapes me. >I probably lost all my readers on page one! Crow: More likely when they came upon the link for your fanfic. >If not, there ARE some serious Moonies around. Joel: Aka: The minimal intelligence ones who read any Sailor Moon fanfic, no matter how bad it is. >Now, what's up Zoyce?' >"What's up!? I want to know why you've gone this far with this fan-fic!" Zoycite said. Gin-Rei (Laura): I dunno. You ask me! >"The poor kid's scared to death!" Malachite said. Nuku-Nuku (Laura): So what? I like causing emotional pain! >'Look, I only wanted to get him in trouble with Darien for some sort of mistaken act >that everyone thought of as treason, Tom: Oh yeah, accidentially burning some Bell Security papers. He could have just picked up some copies to replace them! Joel: Tom, let the self-insertion author be herself. >how he got in trouble was her idea!' the brown head said pointing at the blond. Crow (Blond): Oh, real nice! Blaming your friend for everything! I'm leaving! >'Look out, guys, she's got an entire fan-fic that she gets to write by herself.' Gin-Rei (Blond): And boy is she pissed! >"You're the one who gave her the idea for this part?" Zoycite asked. Nuku-Nuku (Zoycite): You're dead now, blondie! Tom (Zoycite): You shall be forced to read Mark Page's Sailor Moon fanfics! All: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Tom: Visit http:\\www.geocities.com/Area51/Rampart/3552/ddfa.html Crow: Extreme blatant plug. >'"She asked me for help on this part said that she wanted to try and get him in trouble >for something with Darien that Nephlite would have to get him out of. Joel: Well how about something more extreme such as killing Serena or something? Or when did Darien become so grim? Tom: Hey, you're the one not supposed to be caring about the story, Joel! Joel: Oops. Almost forgot. >She said that it was sort of like he accidently did something and got in trouble and it was >concidered treason. I gave her the idea for what he did and how Nephlite got him out of it,'" >the blond said. Gin-Rei (blond): Well, come to think of it. It was pretty lame in the first place. >'But, this entire chapter was suposed to be centered around that idea, BUT someone had to >call me down and enterupt the story that I've spent months of work on,' the brown head said. Crow: Pbbt! Yeah. Like this epic bit of storytelling took that long to work out. >"Besides, do you think I'd actually let them kill him? All: No. >There's no series without him.' Nuku-Nuku: Yeah. One of the MANY villains the Sailor Senshi have to face off is that important to the series. >"I'm just tired of you getting him into trouble that's going to probalby scare him for all >eternity. What do you think this says about you two?" Zoycite asked. Tom (Authors): Uhhh, we're fangirls who don't know how to do a good Sailor Moon fanfic? Joel (Zoycite): Exactly! >'You know, it's really too bad, Zoycite. I was just begining to like you. Yet, you're fixing >to die in the show, Gin-Rei (Zoycite): Uh uh! Sorry! NO more plot devices from you young lady! >so I don't know why I bothered giving you as many speaking parts as I did before we got >into the show. Crow: Well, you didn't give her the most pay out of all of the actors. >I never did like you before and you're really pushing your chances at staying in this stuff >with the aditude you've got. Joel (Zoycite): Excuuuuse me for trying to save my friend's butt! >Now, let's see, Nephlite should be tearing through here right about... now.' Nuku-Nuku: And the sounds of heavy weapons firing could be heard at the door. >Sure enough, Nephlite screached to a holt at the door this was his last chance to save >Jedite. 'Go get 'em, Nephlite.' Gin-Rei (Nephlite): You? The authors? All right! Tom: *sounds of mass destruction ensue* >Nephlite took a deep breath and went into the room. "Hold it!" he said. Joel (Nephlite): I know who the person is that really shot Mr. Burns! >Everyone stoped and looked in his direction. All (Everyone): Uhhhh. And you are? >"I have proof that he's inocent and I intend to use it. Tom (Nephlite): See this thing I'm holding? *Makes Neuralizer blinking sound* >Darien, come with me." Crow (Nephlite): Don't worry. I'll get you out of this fanfic too. >Nephlite explained when, how, and where he got the tape and then he showed it > to Darien who watched with intrest. Nuku-Nuku (Darien): Heh heh. Uncensored football bloopers are funny! >When the tape finished, Darien face faulted. Joel: And the floorboard repairmen quickly ran to the scene. >"There seems to have been a big mistake. Let the child go, with my most humble apologies. Gin-Rei (Darien): Heh heh, sorry about trying to decapitate you for no good reason there. >Next time something like this happens, I'll hear him out before jumping to conclusions," >Darien said as he reentered the room. Tom: And the crown started booing him and pelting him with sharp foreign objects. Gin-Rei: Because, let's face it, Darien's copped out. >Jedite's arms were untied and the first thing he did was rush into the open arms of his >older brother. Crow (Jedite): Nephlite! Take me away! >"Thanks, Nephlite," Jedite said as a tear ran down his cheek. "I knew better than to >doubt you. I knew that you would get me out of this." Nuku-Nuku (Nephlite): Actually, I was doing it all for the money. >Darien walked down to the two boys. "Jedite, I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me?" > he asked. Joel (Jedite): Go rot Tux-Boy. >"Yes, Mamo-cha... uh... Darien, I can forgive you," Jedite said. Crow: But first you must pull down your own pants, wedgie yourself, and wiggle your buttocks at people saying 'I'm a boobie head!'. Everyone else: UGH! CROW! (They all jump onto Crow and tie him up) Tom: Wow, I didn't know you could tie knots so quickly, Nuku. Nuku-Nuku: It's a hobby of mine. Crow: Mmmph! >"It seems I miss judged you, Laura. You really do have feelings for the little ones. >I'm sorry," Zoycite said. Gin-Rei: I shall now kiss your butt oh all-mighty self-insertion author god Laura. Joel: Come on, Gin-Rei. We'll get flames for saying stuff like that. >'You're forgiven,' the brown head said as she and her freind turned to the shadows where >a bright light shown through a small hole. Nuku-Nuku (Random character): Hey guys! Coast's clear! Let's get drunk! >"Hold on, am I really about to die off in the show?" Zoycite asked, her voice squeaking. Joel: Well, all the Negaverse characters died on the REAL Sailor Moon show. Sorry Zoy. >'"Yeah, acording to her, Melvin pulled the 'Tuxedo Melvin' thing yesterday, and U.S.A. >dosen't show the show on Fridays, but it still won't be too long until you die and...'" Tom: So Tuxedo Melvin is responsible for the broadcasting problems for the US Sailor Moon? Crow: MMMPH! >the blond started. ''"THEY BRING IN VENUS!!!''" the girls chimed. >"Boy they sure sound excited," Malachite laughed. Gin-Rei: Of course. The prop is about to make her appearance. >"Shut up Mal!!" Zoycite said. Crow (Malachite): No! >'"Well, this story's got it's happy ending,'" the blond said. Joel: And it's quite stupid too. Along with the rest of the story. >'Yeah, so we'd better book it.' the aubun headed one said. All: YAYYYY! Crow: YFFFF! >'But, remember, we're the only things keeping the four of you alive, now.' Nuku-Nuku: Um, no you aren't. >"Rightoh, Cheif!" Zoycite said throughing the girls a girl scout solute. Gin-Rei: With of course, the finger next to the middle one down. >'Mal, I might give you more speaking parts with out you getting yealled at in the next one. Tom (Malachite): Nahhh. Zoycite just has really bad PMS right now. >Tell Nephlite and Jedite we said hi and bye.' Joel (Malachite): Don't worry! I won't! >the auburn headed girl said as she and the blond turned to the light and dissapered. Gin-Rei: And into complete obscurity. >Zoycite and Malachite ran into the room and joined the younger two generals and Darein, >they were once more problem free and could concider themselves friends forever. Tom (Jedite): Oh uh, Darien? I accidentially ran over your dog in the parking lot. Joel (Darien): WHAT!? EXECUTION TIME!!!!! > THE END!!!!!!!!!!!! All: YAYYY! Crow: YFFFF!" > (OR IS IT?)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All: AHHHH! Crow: MMMMF! > (IT PROBABLY IS) All: Whew! Crow: Wuuf! Nuku-Nuku: Well! Mission accomplished guys! Let's go! Joel: Finally! Tom: Well, let's see how Frank is doing so far. (They exit the theatre with Nuku-Nuku carrying the bound and gagged Crow) DOOR SEQUENCE 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... (Gin-Rei is untying Crow while the others stand hear the two.) Gin-Rei: I hope you learned your lesson, Crow, about making gross jokes. Crow: Aw man! Nuku-Nuku can sure pack a punch. Joel: Hey, that's what you get from a girl who fights heavy war artillery all the time. (The Mads light starts blinking.) Tom: Whoop! Lets see how cabbage and lettuce are doing. (Joel pushes the button.) (DEEP 13) (Dr. Forrester is still in his oafish state while Frank is staring at the screen.) Frank: HA HA HA! HA HA HA! HAAAAAA HA! Wait, that needs to sound a little more professional, doesn't it? (SOL) Crow: Lemmie' guess, you're practicing your evil laugh now that the other evil one is no more? (DEEP 13) Frank: That's right, guys. And I see that you've managed to get through your fanfic in fairly good shape. Well listen up! I'm gonna' do a better job at finding disgusting fanfics that Dr. F wouldn't even dream of! Dr. F: Waffles make good frisbee! Frank: And of course now, I'LL be the head honcho who's gonna' take over the world with bad fanfics that nobody can stand!. . . . . . And now. My evil laugh. Courtesy of me. MWA HA HA! HA HA HA! HA HAAA HA! (SOL) Gin-Rei: Aw geez, I can't stand him. Crow: Wait, I have a plan! Hey Nuku! You still have some of that gas that in the tanks of your suit? Nuku-Nuku: Yeah, a bit. Why? Crow: Follow me. To the Umbilicus opening! Joel: Oooo! Crow, you nasty lil' hunk of metal! (They all giggle naughty-naughty style.) (DEEP 13) Frank: AH HA HA! AHHH HAAA! Well, looks like I got that out of my syste. . . (Suddenly the red gas sent by Crow and Nuku-Nuku comes from the umbilicus port opening in the lab and it fills up the whole room. When it clears, Dr. Forrester who is now back to his old self and standing behind Frank, looking furious. Uh oh.) Frank: *Cough* *Cough* Geez, I need to get some of the pipes around here fixed. Well, until next time guys. Pain comes your way. Hee, hee. Dr. F: Frank, push the button. Frank: Sure thing sir. (Just right when Frank pushes the button, he stumbles over when he sees Dr. F, ready to whoop him.) FWOOSH! \ | / \ | / \ | / \ | / - - - - - - - - O - - - - - - - - / | \ / | \ / | \ / | \ Frank: YAAAAHHHHH!! Just give me practice with the ASCII art guys. :) What will the next challenge for Joel, Gin-Rei, Nuku-Nuku, Crow, and Tom be? Will the next fanfic be as nauseating and bad as this one? Will Frank still be in one piece or at least half-alive? And of course, will Crow piss off Gin-Rei even more with his trademarked Hentai comments? Find out in my next MSTing! Well, there goes MSTing number two. I must give much thanks toward Nightbreak for his help in riffing and editing my MSTings. Man, this shows you how bad self-insertion can stoop these days. Right Nightbreak? Thanks, Duke. It's an extreme pleasure working with him and passing on some of the stuff I've learned over the span of 20 MSTings of my own. And, quite frankly, this was only blatant author-promotion. Just wait until he discovers *TRUE* self- insertion. Ohh, the drama, the plotholes, the all-powerful godlike character that knows everything! Brrrrrrr. . . . Well, that's it for today. Sincerely, The Duke of Dispersion cmdr2jimm@aol.com Nightbreak (cadz0001@algonquinc.on.ca) Like they say, keep the fanfics rolling. . . *Twangggg* Ze Stinger: >'"This is a little too self-permoting for you,"' the blond said. >'Well, I had hoped to keep them guessing on which one was which.