Msting by Eric Schepers schepps@hotmail.com ____________________________________________________________________________ Mike: Howdy, I'm Mike and these are the lovable Bots. Crow: Hi! Tom: Greetings human. Mike: We're having trouble thinking of an opening skit, so we decided to ask our friends off the Net for some topics. Tom: Oh look, this one wants a Star Trek skit. Crow: Scrap it. Mike: Wow, look at all the Titanic requests. Tom: You know, the ending really surprised me. Crow: Yeah, who'd think the Titanic would end up sinking? Mike: Well, even though I could be a competent Leo Dicaprio I'll pass. Crow: Hey! A Msting skit? Tom: Oh, that's original. Mike: We're getting nowhere here guys, let's pack it in. Crow: The Information-Superhighway my . Tom: Nice bleep. Mike: Uh, oh. It's Miller Time. Dr. F: It's nice to know you've kept abreast of your beer commercials Nelson. Frank: Heh, heh. You said abreast. Crow: I liked the frogs better. Tom: Pah, you have no taste. Dr. F: Uh, huh...Well, anyway, here's the next fanfic I'll use to rip your minds to bits. Frank: You see, it's a rather unoriginal attempt to tell the Sailor Moon story from the point of view of Jupiter and her princely beau. Dr. F: Now, now. Don't spoil it for them. Just send it. Frank: Yes, sir! Mike: Ah, MOVIE SIGN! *..2..3..4..5..6 > > THE ETHEREAL SAILOR SCOUT'S STORY > PART 1 > TRAGEDY ON THE MOONKINGDOM Crow: MISERY ON THE SATELITE OF LOVE. > > Author: Kane Dresdow > E-Mail: serpentriders@usa.net > > > It was a typical night on the Moon Kingdom, fireworks, parties, balls. Tom: Super-powered middle-schoolers..... Mike: Long transformation sequences.... Crow: Horny college guys named Darien..... >During the Sliver Millennium that's about all anyone would do. Princess >Lita of Jupiter, was taking a night off from her usual business, protecting >Princess Serenity and Queen Serenity. Mike: And she's doing bang-up job! > It was a night off she needed. Crow: What with all the parties and all. > She, herself, didn't care to go to balls >like Princess Serena. She had only taken this night off because Prince >Kane, of Earth, ruler of the moons of Jupiter and conqueror of her heart >was coming for his usual visit to the moon. Tom: What a change of pace! Leaving some moons to visit another one. > She had stayed busy before so >her feelings would not truly overcome her, but just for tonight she soaked >in their deep, caressing feelings. Crow: That's too obvious. > She quietly waited in her nicest dress >and watched as the people below bustled on to the balls and parties. "Will >you need me for anything else tonight, mistress?" said Lita's servant >bringing a chair from her room. Lita smiled and took the chair, "No, you >may go Winter." Winter smiled, "Don't worry, I'm sure he'll come, why, >you mean the most in the world to him." Mike: Kind of like Crow and South Park. Crow: You bastard, you killed Kenny! > Winter turned and walked out. Lita >sighed and sat as if the universe was going one without her. The time >slowly crept along as the crowds below began to filter out as the balls and >parties started. Just then, Prince Darien walked by her balcony. Tom: Then suddenly, Darien whipped out his rose and..... Crow: Rose! Ha, I could've thought of a better weapon! Mike: Well, when he isn't fighting evil he can give Serena something pretty to look at. > She >quickly stood up and called to him, "Darien! Darien! Have you seen Kane?" Crow: My cane? Yeah, got it right here! Tom: Kinda weird how this guy has the same name as the author, huh? >He looked up at her, "He is talking to Queen Serenity, Princess. He should >be along soon." She headed back into her room and went down and stood >waiting patiently for her prince to come. Mike: Someday, my prince will come... Crow: I'll have to ask you not to sing that again. > Then, from around the corner he >walked. Tom: Or ran, I don't care. > As he saw her standing there every thought disappeared from his >mind. Crow: I bet he was wondering what Chris Farley's last words were. Tom: Uh, here's a thought, “Yes I would like fries with that". > He ran toward her and swept her up in his arms. Mike: After flying over the balcony. > "Oh, Lita. I wish >this could last forever but I know it can't. Earth is being attacked by the >evil Queen Beryl and she plans to come here next." She looked up at him >with wide eyes, Tom: And vacant expression.... > "Well, then you must return there at once!" He grimly >shook his head, "No. By the time I would get there it would be too late. Crow: I hate it when that happens. >Anyway Queen Serenity wants me to lead the attack with Prince Darien. Tom: I hope he doesn't have an _accident_. >Suddenly, Lita reached into a hidden pocket in her dress. Mike: Who's talking now? > "Here, Kane. Take >my pendant. No matter what happens this pendant will keep us together in >our hearts." Suddenly, a large thunder clap arose and a dark billowing >cloud plumed from Earth. "Oh no. I must go, Lita. Tom: It's time for me to die. > Forever you shall be in >my heart!" Queen Beryl's minions had already arrived when he reached the >rest of the army. He drew his sword and shouted, "Let's show this witch >what we're made of!" Mike: I'd rather show her what you're made of! > The army surged forward to repulse the invaders. The >battle raged on and the losses became heavy. Prince Darien was nowhere to >be found. Crow: The line for the john was ridiculous. What'd I miss? > Then, from the corner of his eye he spotted Lita and the Sailor >Scouts attacking the Nega Force. Mike: They all did their transformation and super-power sequences. It was so long the enemy died of old age giving the Moon Kingdom a stunning victory. > Their combined forces can't destroy that >thing, he thought to himself and leapt from the battle field to help them. >A blast struck him like a ton of bricks and he was knocked backwards. >"Where do you think you're going, Princy?" said the person before him. Tom: I'm gonna go look for someone that can come up with a better taunt. > Kane >mumbled beneath his breath, "Malachite." Malachite grinned evilly, "Let's >say I crush you for good times sake." Tom: That sounds like fun! > He raised his hands to attack but >Kane grabbed his staff. He pointed the blunt crystal point and Malachite. >"Begone Malachite! Begone!" Crow: Want me to throw some roses at him? Tom: No, I'm going to lecture him on etiquette. Mike: Begone! Why won’t you Begone?! > Kane shouted. The staff suddenly glowed with a >divine energy. Malachite yelled as his face seemed to begin to melt away, >he then leapt away. Mike: Melted his face? Now he's copying the Wizard of Oz! > Kane ran forward just as the Nega Force attacked. All >of the Sailor Scouts were helpless against it. Crow: Go figure. > He screamed, "No!" as he >watched their lifeless bodies hang in the air. The Nega Force struck again >and he too joined them in their eternal slumber. > Tom: Meanwhile, in Tomobiki-cho.... > "But, Queen Serenity! If you use the Imperium Silver crystal you'll >have no strength left!" stated Artemis with a twinge of fear in his voice. >"But, I must. I must, to save my kingdom. I shall send them to Earth to >begin a new life." Mike: Hey, how come Luna escaped? > She raised the crystal above her head and beams of light >flew everywhere as the bodies of her people floated away with the Silver >Crystal in tow. The Moon Kingdom was no more. Crow: Yay! > > The people of the Moon Kingdom would have new lives. They floated away >from the battered kingdom towards Earth. But, a stray meteoroid flew >through the cluster of bodies. It struck Prince Kane and he was separated >from his true love as their new lives begun. Tom: So, that's why she runs around saying, “He looks just like my old boyfriend"! Mike: That or she's delusional. Crow: Guess which one I'm betting on? > > THE ETHEREAL SAILOR SCOUT'S STORY > PART 2 > I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP! All: Crow: What happened to all the drama? > > Author: Kane Dresdow > E-Mail: ldresdow@holli.com >--------------------------------------------------------------------------- >----------------------------------------------------- > > It's been a month since that day on the Moon Kingdom. Of course I >didn't remember it. Mike: Now who's talking? > When Queen Serenity sent us to Earth I became separated >from the rest of the group. I started school and quickly became popular >despite the fact that I couldn't remember anything before that day a month >ago. Tom: Weird how that works out, huh? Crow: And we have Self-insertion. > I usually had some friends to go around with after school but today >was different. Today and tomorrow were going to change my life forever. Crow: Ah, subtle foreshadowing. > > The sun was starting to get lower. School would be over in three >weeks, yet I wasn't happy. These days I hardly was, how could you be with >every gang member on your case, just to get me to join in. Mike: My case? Tom: Yeah buddy, you got it rough. > It's very hard >to be so popular. Tom: Yes, all this and more through the power of Self-Insertion! > Luckily, today I'd have some time alone to relax on my >way home. That was my blind side. I wasn't going get much relaxing done on >this trip home. Tom: He's going to go home stoned next time. > > I let out a sigh. "I wonder if Prince Kane really is here." I said and >let out another sigh. "I've been waiting all week and still haven't found >someone even remotely like him," I mumbled then suddenly remembered I was a >cat and I shouldn't talk near people, who knows what would happen. Crow: Wha? Tom: Now this student guy is a cat? Mike: And he just realized he's a cat? I see how you could get confused in this story, but geez. > I then >looked out from my hiding place in the bush and saw someone walking down >the street. I became overcome by a feeling of power. That must be him. I >happily thought to myself. Mike: Serena must stalking Darien again. > I've never felt such an aura from a person this >week. I crawled up on the stone wall and waited for him to come closer. Tom: Suddenly he looked up into the face of his killer.... >When he was close enough I leapt and landed on his shoulder. He let out a >yelp of surprise and then I saw it the sign of the Ethereal glowing on his >forehead. Crow: It looks like a bulls-eye. > It's him! I finally found him! I thought to myself. Mike: Thought? Where? > I only hope >he'll be willing to take his powers back. > > "Where did you come from kitty?" I asked the cat, Tom: Alright, we're at the student again. > "Hey what am I doing >she's not going understand what I say." The cat meowed as if to reply and >swung its tail to show a pendant. Tom: Hey, where've you been hiding that? > It motioned to take it so I did. When I >put it on I was suddenly engulfed by a huge wall of flames yet I wasn't >hot, Crow: He's not hot he says! Tom: I knew that already. > but the flames died down soon afterward. When they did the cat had a >proud look on her face like it was important for her to give me the >pendant. Mike: Little did he know, the cat was working for the Weapons RD department of Microsoft. Crow: He's about to have an Illegal Operation! > > I ran through the door, Tom: OW! > "Hey look I found this cat!" I yelled, "Can we >keep her?" My sister came in to see what I was excited about, "Oh mom it's >so cute!" she told my mom, Crow: After she came in. > "Please can we keep her?" My mom came into the >room, "You can keep it as long as I don't have to take care of it." My >sister replied by letting out a giggle and kissing my mom on the cheek. I >went to bed that night not knowing of the danger waiting for me. Tom: So, someone other than us wants to kill him? > > I awoke the next morning and got dressed. Then, my mom knocked on the >door, "Your sister is sick today. I'm afraid you'll have to help take care >of her." That made me mad. After I had so much planned my sister gets sick >and I get stuck with manual labor. Mike: I think you mean menial, Sparky. Crow: What plans? Tom: Well first he was gonna whine about how being popular is a pain, then beat up some fierce street dogs. Mike: Hey, he’s not Oscar........yet. > > He was unfortunatly right on that. All hours of the day he ran errands >for my parents, made breakfast lunch and dinner while they talked to the >doctor about my sister. But, luckily, night came and his work was soon to >end. Although, in a most unfortunate way. Crow: He changes perspective faster than he changes scenes. > > I stood there with my mouth wide open, "You want me to what?!" Tom: Just drink the anti-freeze and save us some agony. > His >father came down the stairs, "Your sister is ill and she wants to watch TV. >You will bring the TV up here or be grounded " I moaned and went over to >the TV. The cat stood there and watched me in some weird 'what in gods name >are you doing?' look. Crow: Oh, I guess the kitty wasn't paying attention to that little domestic drama. Tom: Can't blame it. > I unhooked the cables from behind the TV and lifted >it up when I tripped on a loose cord. I went tumbling backwards and the TV >flew upwards and came to a crashing halt.. on me. Tom: Well, that explains the title. Mike: But what explains the fanfic? > I let out a yelp of pain >as the world around me went black and I slipped into a state of non-being >some would think of as a near death experience, Tom: I wasn't scared or anything. > when as soon as it went >black I was alive again clinging by threads of life not to die on a >hospital bed. The most ungodly of contraptions held me up and I was >clueless as to what was wrong with me. Crow: Hey, stupid! You got hit by a tv! Tom: Should have lifted with my legs. > As my eyes probed the extent of what >I could look at I noticed some people talking. There was a man. Mike: What kind of man? > Probably >the doctor Mike: Oh. > talking to a small group of other people. I heard two sobs >coming from two girls who he could not identify but probably knew who they >were. Tom: I'm sure they know who they are, but who are you? Crow: And what do they have to do with anything? > "I am sorry to say," stated the doctor, "that his spinal cord is >severly damaged. His nervous system is hardly active and he may go into a >coma soon. But, there is worse news. Tom: You don't say? > He will never be able to walk again. >With such severe damaged it'll be a hope if he can even use a wheelchair. >I'm sorry." Tom: Hey Crow, remember the Amazing Colossal Man? Crow: Apparently, this guy needs to learn more about sensitivity than us. > My eyes went wide as the doctor left the room. "Hey! Someone >let me out of this hunk of junk!" The entire group of people let out a >gasp. I knew they would not help me. Mike: Hey, I got Kevorkian on the line! Hello? > Crow: Well, thank god it was short. Mike: That was terrible! Tom: Sorry, I’m a cat and can’t talk. Crow: Well, I/you are a high school student! Mike: Yeah, yeah! I don't need to hear more of that out of you guys! Dr. F: How was it? Mike: Utterly evil. If it wasn't so short I would have lost it. Tom: But long before that, we'd probably have passed out. Crow: Well, I would have went feral and attacked Tom and Mike. Dr. F: Well, thanks! Your opinion is as important to me as....well, actually it isn't. Hit it Frank. Frank: Hitting it, sir. ____________________________________________________________________________ Yet another Sailor Moon fanfic to waste brain cells on. Hope you enjoyed it! Mst3k is property of Best Brains. --"I've been waiting all week and still haven't found someone even remotely like him," I mumbled then suddenly remembered I was a cat and I shouldn't talk near people, who knows what would happen.--