- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [Fae MSTings] | [MSTing of EvaLeSs 0:1]-(by Kaoru Nagisa) | [Production Number 001] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Disclaimer: This MSTing has no intention to be politically correct in any sense of the term. Any parties offended by the sections of this document not marked with ">>" are directed to stop reading it, thus avoiding further offense. The more particular offenses to the Author should, as in all MSTings, be taken as of jest and good humor. Based on Mystery Science Theatre 3000, one of the best TV series ever produced. Special thanks to the pioneering fanfic MSTers for giving us the idea in the first place. ^_^ - Mystery Science Theatre 3000 is copyright Best Brains. - Shinseiki Evangelion is copyright Gainax, and maybe Sadamoto. - EvaLeSs is copyright Kaoru Nagisa - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - "So, what did you say your name was again?" asked a well-dressed woman behind the desk. "Ryuusuke Tenryuu," said the young man, supporting himself against the desk, "call me Ryuu, everyone does." "Very well..." the woman looked down to some papers on her desk. "I'm Alexandra, we spoke over the phone. Hmmm..." she read over those same papers, "It seems like you have a lot of experience in this." He blinked. "I do?" But then correcting himself, "I mean, yes, of course, I do. I do." "That's a Japanese name," Alexandra asked, "Are you from those parts?" "Oh yeah, Tokyo. Err, Juuban Ward," he replied. "Hmm. So you've had a lot of contact with anime?" "Pretty much... ever since I was a little kid." "Interesting," she said, then leaning over, eyeing the other, a sly grin over her face. And, after a short pause, "What's Shinji's birthday?" "June 6th, 2001." "Name the three main operators of NERV Tactical Center." "Maya Ibuki, Makoto Hyuuga, and Shigeru Aoba. That's pretty easy." She ponders his complaint. "Okay, then," an evil grin at that, "How many monks were present when Van and company visited Prince Sid's court?" "Escaflowne, eh?" Ryuusuke smirks, and answers. * * * "We have a reviewer!" Alexandra, -- or better, Aelizzandra, when not in human form, -- announced over the dinner table. The fairy -- yes, a fairy, by definition, an insect-sized woman with dragonfly wings. -- was in her original form, but expanded to human size. "Oh?" her husband, Noth, looked up from his dish. In human from, he passed as John Cole, a man in his early twenties. His mythical form, in which he was now, to his own relief, was that of a gnome. "Tell me about him." "His name is Ryuusuke Tenryuu," she replied. "He certainly knew his stuff." "Oh, really?" the other asked. "Experience?" "He reviewed with Alicia Ashby, Shinji, Megane 6.7, Crowbar and Elmer Studios." Aelizzandra shot back, not knowing Ryuusuke had lied in his resume. "A-ah," Noth nodded in approval, chewing on his potatoes, "What about the other?" "The other?" Aelizzandra paused, blinking. "Yes. You hired two reviewers, didn't you?" "..." "We need _two_ reviewers, Lizza!" Noth whined. "Fine, fine. I'll find someone else." "Good." "Oh," Aelizzandra said with a cautious tone, "There's something you should know about this... person." "Yes?" "He is... like us," she implied, assuming the tone would indicate what she meant. Noth could do nothing but stare blankly at her. "He's an angel disguised as a human." "Ahh, wonderful. Your old sixth sense still working, I take it?" "Of course," she grinned, slyly, gracefully scooping up some peas with a spoon. "Hey," he pointed out, pausing to finish off that steak he ate too much of with water, "Get us a demon next time." * * * The door to Pandora Anime made no sound as Alexandra passed through, encountering Jason Quinn arguing with the clerk. "I'm telling thee! Asuka was brought to the world in the 4th of December!" "Dude..." the teenage clerk retorted, "I'm telling you. You're, like, so wrong, man! It's December 3rd!" "I have no time to argue," he flicked a hand in refusal. "Just give me the latest edition of Anime Ex." "Just get off my case, man," he crouched for a moment and then slapped the magazine onto the counter. "You wanna bag with that?" Alexandra observed them for a moment. "Hmm," she thought to herself. "That speech, I wonder if..." She focused. He wasn't human, that she found out... _demon_! It was a demon! She approached the man, "Umm... hello." A fairy! Solann, as was his true name, soon realizes the woman's true identity. The expression on his face reflects his feelings toward such creatures - none. "A good day to thee, tiny one," he greets her, not emphasizing that implication in his tone of voice. "What can I do for thee?" "You seem to have a good understanding of anime culture," Alexandra crosses her arms, and, seeing that the clerk had gone to the back room for a moment, "Dark one," she added, with a crooked smile. "Anyway," not waiting for his reaction, "Do you have an occupation in the human world?" "Not yet, not yet," he responded, shaking his head. "Ah..." Alexandra nods, "Well, one must find a job to maintain appearances, don't you think?" The demon ponders that for a moment, "Hmm," he responds, equating her grin, "I assume thou hast one, dost thee not?" "Ye-es," she confirms, "And... I may have something for you. We of the supernatural have an obligation to look out for each other, don't we?" "Perhaps," Jason, or Solann, or whatever nodded, "But thou also knowest that certain groups amongst us do not relate too well." "Look..." she pulls out a piece of paper from her purse. "Come to this address." "That I will!" Solann responds, "As long as this is not another bloody reviewing job..." * * * The Cole living room is well-furnished and rather roomy. The two sofas are displayed in a V-formation, facing the 36-inch TV set and video-recorder. Phaeriel and Solann, both already in their natural forms, sit at one of the couches, making an effort to maintain a comfortable distance from each other, to no avail. [Noth walks in, tape in hand. Aelizzandra follows.] - Noth: *cheerfully* All right! Let's see if I got your names right. You are... Farry-el? - Phaeriel: Phaeriel. - Noth: Aah. And you... Solann, right? - Solann: Precisely. - Noth: And you two already knew each other? - Phaeriel: Unfortunately. - Solann: A long, long time ago. And an equally long story. - Aelizzandra: I'll tell you about it later. [Aelizzandra takes a seat on the other couch.] - Noth: An angel and a demon! What a coincidence! [Noth casts a knowing glare at Aelizzandra, who grins back, and then sticks the tape into the VCR. He shuts off the lights and takes a seat next to her.] [The TV set flickers on. A test-pattern appears, and then the author appears in a brief message.] >> Ohayo out there in Fan Fic land. I'm kinda new to this. - Noth: No prob, kid... we'll try to be nice... - Phaeriel: Not very hard, but we'll try anyway. - Solann: Speak for thyselves, for I will not... >> I have written fics before but I never posted them. - Aelizzandra: Is that a warning? >> This is gonna be about two seasons. This might prove to be a tad long. - Noth: Aww... >> Bare with it, as the story progresses it might prove to be half >> as good as its prodocessor. Alright you have heard enough about >> my plans. On with the fic... - Phaeriel: *sighs* Here comes the pain. - Solann: Pain is only the beginning, my friends... - Noth: I'd rather be watching its 'prodocessor', whatever it is. >> Tabris Enterprises presents to you... >> >> ********************************************************************** - Phaeriel: An endless stream of asterisks. - Solann: "Space: The final frontier. These are the voyages of Tabris Enterprises..." >> Theme Song: "SuperModel" by Jill Sobule (Clueless Sdtk.) - Noth: Is that supposed to make the song look better? - Phaeriel: I had the displeasure to watch that movie... and some of the series. - Solann: There was a _series_? >> E V A L E S S >> Sex, Tunes, Popularity, Whatev! >> >> "The Antithesis of a New Generation" - Noth: Catchy! - Phaeriel: Also known as The Antithesis of Good Writing. - Aelizzandra: Come on, give the guy a chance. He hasn't even started yet. It might not even be that bad. - Solann: I would not bet on that... >> Shinji awoke from a fairly enigmatic dream. The first >> thing his groggy eyes saw hovering over him - Phaeriel: ...a cloud of killer insects, that promptly descended upon him and sucked all the life from his body. The End. - Solann: I liked that... good, it is over, let us get going now... - Aellizandra: Don't think you're going to get away from this so easily... - Solann: Ah, hell... >> was Asuka saying >> "It's about time you got up you idiot". >> "Oh, it's you Asuka" Shinji said groggily still. - Noth: No, it's that _other_ redhead that lives with him... >> "What the HELL does that mean, can't you appreciate that I went >> through the trouble of coming to wake you up personally. - Noth: No comment. - Aelizzandra: If you know what's good for you. >> "I don't hear any words of appreciation for your oldest >> childhood friend". - Phaeriel: I would probably say something like 'What the...' right now, but I'm guessing the author is trying to continue the perfect world of the 26th episode. - Solann: I hate perfect worlds... *whisper* Here, Asuka, take this axe, it will serve thee well... >> "Ugh....thanks....let me sleep a little more". >> >> "Hey get up you. It's time to get up you dork" Asuka bellows as she >> tears the sheets off of her friend. Asuka's face grows crimson as she >> slaps Shinji due to the view she just got of his "lower abdominal >> friend". - Noth: Asuka's got some microscopic vision... - Aelizzandra: So do I, for that matter. - Noth: *glares at Aelizzandra* >> "You stupid pervert I didn't mean t get that up!!" yells >> Asuka. - Phaeriel: I don't think you wanting or not wanting to can change the way his hormones act... *pauses* ...well at least not like that. - Aelizzandra: Apparently the author's town is in comma shortage. >> "I..I can't help it, it's morning. I need to take a whiz or something". >> Downstairs Yui was trying to have a polite conversation with her >> husband but instead Gendo kept making sexual innuendoes >> towards her. - Noth: Woo-hoo! Bad boy! Bad boy! - Phaeriel: Yes, we all know how much of a pervert Gendou is. >> "I'm always ready for IT, dear" said Gendo. Yui then commented how >> much like Shinji her husband was. - Noth: Oh, _that's_ a turn-on. - Phaeriel: Yes, and we all know how much of a pervert Shinji is too. >> Finally Asuka and Shinji got out of the house. - Noth: The door was stuck. >> "Hey isn't a new student supposed to come today?" >> Shinji asked. "Yeah!" Asuka yelled, - Aelizzandra: He isn't deaf, you know. >> "With this becoming the new capital it's no >> wonder so many people are moving here." - Noth: ...and new students are announced before they arrive. >> "Gee, I hope she has a nice ass" >> said a panting Shinji as they ran down the street. >> >> Asuka only glared at him. >> Coming on the other side of the block was a panting girl >> with short blue hair and a piece of toast in her mouth. - Noth: She's bringing it back to her master. >> "Oh crap, I'm late." >> >> "Ugh I can't be late for the first day." said the muffled girl... - Noth: She's being kidnapped? >> ...as she panted running down the street until... WHAM!!! - Aelizzandra: Is 'wham' a verb? - Phaeriel: Actually, it is. - Aelizzandra: *surprised* Really? - Phaeriel: *grinning* Nope. >> She and Shinji ran directly into each other, knocking them both to the >> floor. - Noth: Convenient plot device number one! I was wondering when those were going to show up! - Phaeriel: *scratches head* Hmm, that actually happened in episode 26. - Noth: *blinks* Oh, yeah. >> The girl cluelessly rubbed her head with her legs - Solann: What is she, a contortionist? >> gapped open giving the fallen Shinji a pretty good view of her female >> undergarments. - Aelizzandra: With _this_ Shinji, that's something to worry about. >> When the young lady noticed this she promptly covered herself and got >> up and said - Phaeriel: (Rei) *winks* Like what you see? >> "I'm sorry I'm really in a hurry kid. I'm really sorry. Bie. >> Bieeeeeeee!" said the girl as she ran away. - Aelizzandra: What's a 'bie'? - Solann: Maybe she was hesitating between 'bye' and 'die'... >> "Who's she calling a kid she looks about my age." - Noth: _You_ don't. >> thought Shinji to himself. Asuka again groaned. >> "WOW, so did you see her panties then?" asked Touji. - Phaeriel: *blinks* Where did _you_ come from? - Solann: (Touji) *touching a weird pin on his chest* Energize! >> The two had finally made it to school - Phaeriel: Oh, my bad. >> and Shinji was just overly excited to tell his friends about his >> morning rush. - Noth: Let me introduce you to a wondrous invention called 'adult magazines'. - Phaeriel: And again... we all know how much of a pervert Shinji is. >> "It wasn't a good look really just a lil' flash." said Shinji slyly. - Noth: Flash?! Does that mean she has a camera up her-- - Aelizzandra: *bites the tip of Noth's nose* - Noth: *sarcastically* Oh, _that_ hurt. I should probably get to a hospital. - Aelizandra: *grows to human size* Hmph! We'll see from now on. >> "Aww, I can't believe that you're the one that has all the luck." >> "Odd isn't it?" said Ngumo. - Aelizzandra: And that is pronounced exactly how? - Phaeriel: Ngumo? Sounds chinese... - Solann: I don't think so. He just sorted out letters at random... >> He was a tall dark haired boy who had transferred to the class three >> weeks ago along with his 'friend' Aoki. - Noth: There's a name for that. >> The only thing that anybody ever really notice about the two boys was >> the way they wore their uniforms. They both tied there shirts around >> their abdomen so that there was a knot and there inner shirts showed. - Noth: (gay voice) Oooh, that's so _cuuuuuute_! - Phaeriel: If you flutter your eyelashes, you die. I have aversion to 'extra-cute' things... *pauses* even though I'm supposed to be an angel. >> Actually Ngumo usually wore his shirt open, much like Kensuke,but Aoki >> who tied his religiously always would come by and tie Ngumo's for him. >> >> Professor Misato Katsuragi came speeding in her car. - Noth: Perverted, hormone-crazed, 14-year-old male students, MARCH! >> Shinji, Touji, and Kensuke ran over to the window giving their teacher >> the v-sign. - Noth: I never really understood that thing, what was it? - Phaeriel: This. *pokes Noth's eyes with the v-sign* - Solann: Hey! I should be doing these things around here! I am the demon, after all... - Phaeriel: *takes Solann's hand and pokes Noth's eyes with it* - Noth: *to Aelizzandra* Explain to me why you hired _these_ two again? >> Asuka and Hikari began to grumble and muttered something about >> those damn three stooges and their lack of shame. - Noth: Of all things, she's going to worry about 1950s' American television. - Solann: Especially in 2015. How could that... _thing_ survive for so long? >> After Hikari gave her class orders (rather roughly too) >> the teacher bellowed - Aelizzandra: The students aren't deaf either. - Noth: (Misato) Who wrote 'Professor Katsuragi rides Ikari's father's big one' on the blackboard?! - Solann: (Shinji) *surprised* So you don't? >> "Listen up dudes we got a new blue-hair babe today here to introduce >> herself." - Phaeriel: Blue-hair babe? I never knew hair could look sexy. - Solann: I never thought they could talk either... - Noth: Surf's up, dude! - Phaeriel: *singing* Surf's up tonight! >> The girl then spoke - Phaeriel: (Rei) ... - Noth: (Rei) Nani? >> "My name's Rei Ayanami, how's it hanging?" - Noth: (Cody) Reyaburger!!! - Aelizzandra: *singing* Step by step, day by day... - Solann: AAAAAAAAAARRRGH!!! Stop it! Art thee trying to banish me back to Hell? - Noth: Keep yourself at it, Lizza. >> Shinji stunned stood up and pointed. Rei then saw him and said - Noth: How could she see him if he stunned her? - Phaeriel: No no no, he didn't stun her. *points to the screen* He 'stunned stood'... whatever that means. >> "You're the jerk who was staring at muh panties." Asuka then stood >> defending Shinji by saying "Hey, What do you mean by that. You're the >> one who was flashing em ya know." - Noth: *singing* FLASH!! -boom-... A-AH... saviour of the universe... - Phaeriel: *holds head in hands* Not that... 'song'. - Solann: These two are conspiring against us, I told thee... - Aelizzandra: *to Solann* You think _you've_ had enough of that song?! He sings that all the time, just to annoy me. >> Rei then shot back - Phaeriel: -BANG- The bullet hit Asuka right between the eyes, killing her instantly. Shinji, depressed because his childhood friend was dead, jumped from the school roof a week later, dying on impact. The End. - Solann: YES, that's it!!! Over! Can I go now? - Aellizandra: Not so fast... - Noth: That settles it. Tokyo-3 is Harlem in this universe. >> "Who are you and why are you defending him? Are you riding >> his BOLOGNA-PONY?" she said giggling. Asuka then pulled back and said - Noth: *terrified* IMAGES IN MY HEAD! - Phaeriel: Yes, Noth... that's a concept people call 'imagination', pretty cool, huh? *chuckles* - Noth: Yeah, but I don't want one as perverted as the author's. - Aelizzandra: *coughing* Bull--! >> "We're just really good child-hood friends. You SHUT-UP!" - Noth: *mock surprise* She called her a SHUT-UP!!! - Phaeriel: Lame... - Noth: I can't be funny _all_ the time... - Aelizzandra: Or most of the time. - Noth: Save your wit for the fanfic... >> Kensuke then blurted out "Hey Shinji I didn't know you were getting it >> with Asuka." - Phaeriel: (Shinji) Neither did I. >> "Umm may I please introduce myself?" said a pigtailed red-head girl. - Noth: It's Ann from Harvest Moon! - Phaeriel: It's Ranma in his cursed form! - Solann: It's Misty! Someone kill her, quick! - Aelizzandra: Even worse, it's Chibi-Chibi Moon! - All: AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!! >> "My name is - Phaeriel: (Red-head) *laughs maniacally* Washuu, the greatest scientific mind in the whole universe. - Aelizzandra: (Red-head) Queen Elizabeth, but my friends call me Lizzy! - Solann: (Red-head) Bond. Jamie Bond. - Noth: (Sean Connery) I shtill don't shee any evidensh. >> Megumi, Megumi Ikeda. How's it going guys?" Suddenly a boy with >> blondish brown hair and a ponytail stood up and said My name is Aoki >> Furisawa and I would like to personally welcome you to class 2-A. >> I'm sure you will really begin to like us once you had some time to - Phaeriel: (Aoki) ...strip. Slowly. - Aelizzandra: That sounded like Noth. - Phaeriel: *shudders* Gee, he must be getting to me. Sorry. - Solann: Did I see it right? The boy just said that the narrator is called Aoki Furisawa... >> adjust. - Noth: ...after she underwent whatever genetic transformation that enabled her to talk. >> "Excuse me, but aren't you a new kid." yelled Asuka. >> "Shut up!" >> Asuka said to a girl with long purple hair and two yellow cat-like >> obstructions in her hair. - Noth: Talking to yourself again, Asuka? - Phaeriel: She said purple... not red. - Solann: But why did she tell her to shut up after all? - Aelizzandra: *pointing* No, look. She told herself to shut up. >> "Oh please, Akemi just because you and over half the girls in this >> class and the whole rest of the school like the homo-boy does not >> mean I have to be polite to him. - Phaeriel: (Shampoo) Shampoo think you not polite to Aoki-homo-boy. >> "Asuka I wish you would not say things that you have no physical >> evidence on." said Aoki. - Noth: But that would turn Asuka into Rei. Original version. - Phaeriel: Quite an improvement... go for it, Asuka. >> "He doesn't want any of the girls in here anyways. He's to busy >> scoping out his LOVER Ngumo." - Aelizzandra: Who said that? - Phaeriel: Ah, Asuka... as mature as ever. >> "Asuka, Class That Is ENOUGH!" bellowed Misato. >> Aoki then took the bubbly out of his hair and ran out of the class >> room. - Phaeriel: (Kids) *chanting* Wu-uss, wu-uss, wu-uss. - Solann: Hey! How wouldst _thou_ feel if all found out thou art a homosexual? Oh, wait, they already know that... - Phaeriel: *hits Solann* Sorry... my hand slipped. >> "Someone go get him," said Misato. "I will, Ms. Misato," - Noth: (Ngumo) ...and his little dog too! >> said the tall dark haired boy. "Of course he would want to go >> comfort his lover. - Aelizzandra: I just _love_ the way the author constructs the paragraphs. - Phaeriel: *blinks* Paragraphs? >> "ASUKA!" said the teacher. >> "Is it always this active in this class?" asked Megumi. >> "No this is pretty quiet." said Shinji. - Noth: (Shinji) You haven't seen the teacher strip-- - Aelizzandra: NOTH! >> In the boy's bathroom we see a different scene. - Phaeriel: Of course we see a different scene. I don't think Misato and the whole classroom would be able to squeeze into the bathroom. - Solann: Oh, but that is a very large bathroom in fact... >> A boy is crumpled in the arms of another boy. - Solann: *ironic* How cruel of that other lad. >> "I hate being different Ngumo." The boy is hushed by the >> gentle caresses of his friend. - Noth: I suppose they never saw the 'men's room' sign. - Phaeriel: (Ngumo) *sobbing* Why did I have to be born with four nipples? - Solann: *blinks* He's an elf? - Noth and Aelizzandra: WHAT?! - Phaeriel: We'll explain later. >> "Ngumo I..I uh really think you're - Noth: Gay. - Aelizzandra: I guess _someone's_ able to pronounce his name. >> great" The door opened but neither boy noticed. - Solann: They're too busy with their own dark matters... >> "That's nice but we should be getting back to class." >> "Say I got sick and that's why I left the classroom so abruptly." >> "Lie to Miss Misato? Alright, I'll do it for you." His thanks was only >> the soft kiss his friend gave him on his cheek. "Ngumo, where is >> Aoki?" said the worried professor. - Aelizzandra: You know... the author could take a few of those asterisks at the beggining of the fanfic, and use them when the scene changes. - Solann: *sarcastic* But that would spoil all the fun... >> "His stomach started to to hurt so he went home." Ngumo said >> defensively. - Noth: Of course his stomach hurts, from all the ingestion of sp-- - Aelizzandra: *hits Noth, hard* EWWW!!! You pig! - Phaeriel: I'm not saying anything. >> "Oh, so you to went to the bathroom so he could get something sticky >> in his mouth, huh?" said a very obnoxious Asuka. - Noth: My thoughts exactly. >> "ASUKA THAT IS THE LAST STRAW, you will be getting a very >> unfriendly letter to your parents and you have clean-up duty for a >> MONTH! - Noth: (Asuka) Jawohl, mein Fuehrer! Heil Hitler! >> Is that understood Asuka!" - Aelizzandra: (Asuka) Not really... was that a question or a statement? >> "Hai, Gomen nasai Sensai" - Aelizzandra: Whatever a 'sensai' is. >> Don't apologize to me you should be apologizing >> to the class for - Solann: (Asuka) The Crazy-glue on their chairs? They don't know yet. >> your disrespect and disruptfulness, you should especially apologize >> to Aoki." He's new here and is only trying to make some friends." - Noth: He already has. - Solann: Apparently he did a very good job... Maybe _too_ good... >> said a now very respectable Misato. "I'll go to his house today." >> said Asuka. - Noth: (Misato) No C4 this time, Asuka! - Solann: (Asuka) Aww... what about a rocket laun-- - Noth: (Misato) Asuka! - Solann: (Asuka) Ok ok, no rocket launcher. >> "See that you do and deliver these bulletins while you are over >> there." >> "Hai sensai!"said Asuka. Alright, class, now that we are done with >> today's parodies turn your computer terminal's on said the teacher. - Aelizzandra: *puzzled by construction* Misato's a ventriloquist and Asuka's her puppet? - Phaeriel: *puzzled by her joke* What? - Solann: *ironic* I just love the way this story is written... >> < You're kinda cute. Do you have a girlfriend, or in your case, >> boyfriend ? > - Noth: Where have _you_ been in the last fifteen minutes? - Solann: Please tell me! I want to hide myself there until this textual feces is over! >> A message appeared on the screen of Ngumo. He looked around to see if >> the sender would identify him or herself like he saw so many of his >> classmates do. Gee, I hope it's a girl or Aoki might get jealous, he >> thought to himself. JEALOUS!, what am I thinking about I'm not like >> Aoki. - Phaeriel: Riiiiight, of course not. - Noth: That's way _past_ denial. >> < Look I said you were cute are you gonna respond or are you a jerk >> like the rest of the boys in this class. > - All: JERK! >> Ngumo was now dumbfound he was not only new but he didn't consider >> himself very 'cute' like the message said. - Aelizzandra: _Up_ goes his self-esteem! - Phaeriel: And ego. >> He looked over at the new girl Megumi. She seemed to be awfully >> attentive to Misato's lecture, too attentive to be the one sending >> the messages. >> Then he saw the 'blue-haired babe' near the window and thought how >> great she would look in spandex, no a bathing suit, no a bikini, no a >> string bikini, forget the bikini part a string, no her birthday suit. - Aelizzandra: No, a negligee! - Noth: No, a duck costume! - Solann: No, a Darth Vader armor! - Phaeriel: No, a plug suit! *All stare at him* What!? >> Blood started to drip >> from his nose onto his computer. - Noth: Come _on_, it's Rei, not Belldandy. - Phaeriel: And it's Ngumo, not Keiichi. Or Ryouga. Or Takeo. Or-- - Aelizzandra: What is it with anime teens and bleeding noses? - Solann: *innocently, cracking his knuckles* Don't look at me. >> A new message appeared on his screen. - Phaeriel: (Computer Screen) I know what you did last summer! >> < The bell is about to ring for lunch. I would love to talk to you. >> I'm sorry about earlier I was only playing my name is Rei Ayanami and >> you seem to be the kinda boy I would love to call mine. > - Noth: Otherwise known as 'sex slave'. - Aelizzandra: *sweetly sarcastic* I just _love it_ when you talk dirty... >> Ngumo was ecstatic and didn't know what to do. - Phaeriel: Hop up and down and hope the caffeine'll go away? >> He thought to tell his best friend. Then he figured if he told his best >> friend he might be minus a best friend. Shinji was looking at his best >> friend and then at Ngumo. He thought how mean she was to his boyfriend. - Phaeriel: Shinji is gay too? And from the looks of things he is sharing Ngumo with Aoki. Charming. >> Aaaghh he meant Ngumo's friend who is also a boy. - Aelizzandra: *blankly* Huh? - Phaeriel: (Shinji) His man... err no, his 'special' friend, ahn-- - Noth: Homosexual partner for life. >> Suddenly a message appeared on his screen. - Solann: (Computer Screen) This computer will self-destruct in _one_ second. >> < Hey Shinji, I'm bored and Hikari said she'll cover for me. Let's go >> to the movies when the lunch bell rings. - Phaeriel: So, they're watching a twenty-minutes-long movie? >> And DON'T go telling Aida and that perv Suzuharra. So are you coming >> or what? > - Noth: Oh yeah, oh yeah, I'm coming, I'm-- - Aelizzandra: *glares at Noth* - Phaeriel: *sighs* - Noth: All right, all right. >> < What. > >> < Shinji please I need someone to come with me. > - Noth: Uh-- - Aelizzandra: Don't you dare. - Noth: Yes ma'am. - Aelizzandra: *grinning* Good boy. >> < So why don't you ask Hikari or one of your many admirers to go with >> you. > - Phaeriel: (Asuka) Good idea! I'll tell Misato I want to ask Pen-Pen out. >> < Shinji I want a real friend to go with me. > - Noth: Know any? >> "Class there has been a change in the schedule. We will be having gym >> today before lunch. So go to the locker rooms and get changed. >> >> Girls you go first." - Noth: Wahoo! >> said Misato. Later in the boy's changing room: >> "So Ngumo whatis it with you and Furisawa." said a boy. - Noth: (Ngumo) I'm not gay! >> "Yeah, like theirs like this rumor like going on that like you were >> like kissing in the bathroom." said another boy. - Phaeriel: (Another Boy) Are you like, those like, gay like, people that I like, saw on, like, television? - Aelizzandra: And the impressive part is that you actually used the same ammount of 'likes' the boy used. >> "WHO started this RUMOR!" Ngumo fumed. - Noth: (Ngumo) I engage in sexual intercourse with Aoki in the bathroom stall every day, but I'm not gay! >> "I did." said a boy with glasses and short black hair. - Aelizzandra: (Ngumo) Err... ah sorry, my bad. >> "I even walked in and saw you caressing his face." He knew he had >> caressed Aoki's face and did not know how to defend himself from >> the truth. He quietly walked over to his locker and continued >> changing his clothes. >> >> "It's true?" said Suzuharra. >> >> "I...uh...no...I... you see I...um" - Noth: (Ngumo) I-- I-- -uhhrrhh'm not-- uh-- gay... >> "You did!" Touji retorted. - Aelizzandra: You get a cookie. >> "Me and Furisawa are just friends, sometime he acts like he likes me >> that way you should like a girl but its only a way to make us closer >> friends. That's all" Ngumo calmly explained. - Noth: *applauding* Great save... - Solann: Yes, of course... That's perfectly normal... Very common in fact... - Phaeriel: (Ngumo) In other words, yes, I am gay. >> Over in the girl's changing room: - Phaeriel: I suggest you don't say anything, Noth. Your health depends on it... *motions to a fuming Aelizzandra* - Aelizzandra: Hmph. - Noth: *sighs* As if antennae-brain here wasn't enough, now I have to put up with you, Phaeriel. - Phaeriel: The feeling is mutual. >> "So, like did you guys here the story that Ngumo and Aoki was kissing >> in the bathroom and someone caught them and that's why Furisawa went >> home." said Akemi. - Noth: High school students' regard for privacy. Brings back some fond memories... - Aelizzandra: You've never been in high school. - Phaeriel: Getting old, Noth? >> "Ngumo is just friends with Aoki, right?" said >> Megumi lifelessly. - Phaeriel: A very _special_ friend, but a friend nonetheless. >> "I heard that Ngumo was Aoki's lover." said Asuka. >> "Didn't you just get in trouble for spreading false accusations Asuka? >> Wouldn't it be in your best interest to stay out of gossip." said Rei >> slyly. - Noth: I do _not_ like this new Rei. - Aelizzandra: Good. >> "Listen up new girl, I understand that you're new here but do you >> really >> think that always challenging me is going to make you popular?" Asuka >> retorted. - Phaeriel: (Rei) No, but it'll make you miserable. >> "Can we just talk about something instead of gay dramas, like >> this is some shonen ai manga!" Hikari pleaded. - Noth: Or like this is Fate of the Children... - Phaeriel: (Hikari) Or some crappy fan-fiction. - Solann: Is that not the same thing? >> "Whatever! I suppose so." Asuka said. - Noth: Asuka cooperating! >> "Yeah, Whatev." Rei responded. - Noth: Rei abbreviating! - Aelizzandra: Rei actually speaking! >> "Thank you" said Hikari. - Solann: Hikari with more than three lines per episode! - Phaeriel: *ominously* Stare in awe as everyone goes OOC! >> "Say did you hear the Evangelions are having a concert in Osaka?" >> Akemi said breaking the dead silence. - All: *stand up, mouthes agape* - Noth: THE _WHAT_?! - Aelizzandra: *staring in shock at the screen* ... - Phaeriel: Evangelions... having a concert. What the--! - Solann: They play thrash metal, Unit 01 does the vocals... >> ********************************************************************** >> >> Author Note: Alright don't get upset this isn't really a pun. In this >> world, the Evangelions are a Japanese Pop group. They are pretty much >> Doco's singers with mecha costumes on. - Phaeriel: Not a pretty sight. - Noth: That depends on your perversions. >> I have provided a list for >> future reference as follows: >> >> Eva Unit (Costume color reference) >> (Ranma)- Megumi Hayshibara 01 >> (Akane)- Noriko Hidaka 03 >> (Shampoo)- Rei Sakuma 05 >> (Kasumi)- Kikuko Inoue 00 >> (Nabiki)- Minami Takayana 02 >> >> ********************************************************************** - Noth: Mother of God. - Phaeriel: I'm not sure which is worse... the Evangelions a J-Pop group, or Megumi Hayashibara dressing as EVA Unit 01. >> "I just bought their CD they are too hot." one girl screamed. - Noth: Backstreet Boys of the alternate future. - Phaeriel: *shudders at the mention of Backstreet Boys* Don't say that. Ever. - Noth: All right. N'Sync of the alternate future, then. >> "Hey, Hikari maybe you can get that good for nothing boyfriend of >> yours to take you to see it." said another girl. - Noth: (Hikari) Actually, he's good for someth-- - Aelizzandra: *glares at Noth* - Noth: Ah, aheh-heh. >> "Do you mean Touji?" Hikari >> said dreamily. - Phaeriel: (Girl) No, I meant Lord Dornkirk... OF COURSE I MEANT TOUJI! >> "Do you have some other boyfriend we don't know about?" - Phaeriel: (Hikari) *counting on fingers* Well there's Shinji, Kensuke, Aoki, Ngumo, Kaji, Gendou, Fuyutsuki... oh yeah, Maya, Ritsuko... - Noth: Not to mention Pen-Pen. >> Asuka retorted sarcastically. - Noth: Asuka being sarcas--! No, wait, that's normal. >> "No, I just don't think Touji likes the Evangelions." Hikari politely >> said. - Noth: At least _she's_ in character. >> "Well, if he was my boyfriend he would not get a choice but to take >> me!" Asuka said sternly. - Phaeriel: If he was your boyfriend, I bet Hikari's being Dornkirk wouldn't be OOC and out of place at all. >> "Put your money where your mouth is Soryu! I bet you a lunch that you >> can't get Shinji to take you." Hikari said. - Noth: _She's_ got some balls... - Aelizzandra: You were saying something about 'being in-character'? >> "He's not my boyfriend ya know, but I'll do it anyway. - Noth: Now _this_ is something that can be easily misinterpreted. - Solann: (Asuka with an AK-74) Shinji... Could you please take me to see the Evangelions..? >> "This'll be easy." Asuka shot back. On the gym grounds: >> "Shinji!" a voice yelled. A female voice. It was almost screechy but >> demanding. Though the voice was very feminine it was almost deep. - Aelizzandra: And that, children, is the voice of doom. >> It brought back many horrifying memories to his mind. - Noth: Like when he walked in on Gendo taking a bath-- - Phaeriel: With Fuyuutsuki. - Aelizzandra: You're _really_ starting to sound like Noth. - Phaeriel: *frowns, disgusted* Damn. >> The voice was revealed, - Phaeriel: (Shinji) I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away! >> his fate was fordained. - Phaeriel: So, we're crossing over X/1999, now? - Aelizzandra: Isn't that 'foreordained'? - Noth: And Lo! For thy fate shall be foreordained. Even the slightest zephyr is more capricious than thee, but thou best not believe the rumours of the wind! - Aelizzandra: Channeling Kuno again, Noth? - Phaeriel: That sounded like Solann. - Solann: Thou shalt not imitate my manner of speaking. >> Asuka wanted SOMETHING from him. - Noth: And what would _that_ be? - Aelizzandra: Something I'm not getting. - Phaeriel: Guys, this is getting old... will you stop arguing? Sheesh. >> The two thoughts brought tears to his eyes as he dragged himself to >> where Asuka was standing. - Noth: That's gotta hurt. >> "Shinji I need something from you." the girl said humbly. - Noth: Asuka. Humble. Not right. *brings hands to head* Not right! AAAAAAAH...! - Aelizzandra: *soothing* Wake up, dear. It's just a bad dream... err, fanfic. - Noth: *opens eyes wide-open, out of sync* Swing low... sweet chariot... - Aelizzandra: *screeching* Snap out of it, you pipe-smoking, fat, good-for-nothing excuse for a husband! - Noth: *startled* Uh... ma'am. Yes ma'am. - Phaeriel: *staring at the ceiling, yelling* Why me? Why me!? >> "What is it? Shinji groaned. >> "Quit acting like a baby and grow a spine!" Asuka shot back. >> "But anyway I want to see the Evangelions live in Osaka, and I want >> you to take me to see it!" - Noth: I can picture the musical quality of this band. - Phaeriel: I can't picture the band dressed as Evangelion units though. >> "You no I can't afford that Asuka." - Aelizzandra: You 'no' I can't afford that? Kid, there's quite a difference between 'no' and 'know'. Hasn't that worldly school of yours ever taught you about homophones? - Solann: Maybe they stopped using that term because of the puns involved. >> "The tickets are only 20 bucks each and if you buy it I'll pay you >> back with interest." - Phaeriel: 20 yen? Well, that's really cheap. >> "You will?" Shinji asked. >> >> "Well I'll pay you back for my ticket." Asuka said. >> >> "Why do you need me to go why don't you just go by >> yourself?" - Solann: (Asuka) I'm afraid of all the big robots... >> "Are you questioning me again? Do I have to pummel you?" Asuka >> screamed. >> "No, I'm sorry." Shinji apologized. - Noth: *dog whimpering* - Aelizzandra: Well, that sounds more like the Shinji we all grew to know and-- - Phaeriel: Pity? - Aelizzandra: Something like that. >> "That's better!" Asuka said while dragging him over to her friends, >> "You're going to take her?" Hikari asked. >> >> "Yeah, why not?" Shinji said. - Phaeriel: Does he have a choice? >> "Oh yeah Soryu well I can get Touji to take me too ya know." Hikari >> pleaded. - Noth: I think he's going to want _something_ in return. - Aelizzandra: *sighs* You never change, do you? - Noth: *smirks* It's an art. - Phaeriel: The art of being a nuisance? - Noth: Might I remind you of who signs your checks? - Phaeriel: *pointing to Aelizzandra* She does. - Noth: What have you been telling them, Lizza? >> "Whatever!" Asuka said. >> >> "Oh Touji!" Hikari screamed. Touji saw her come running towards him so >> he prepared himself for the impact. WHAM!!! Just as he had >> anticipated. - Aelizzandra: How convenient... >> "You'll take me to see the Evangelions live in Osaka with Shinji and >> Asuka, won't you?" Hikari said while straddling Touji to the ground >> with her legs. - Noth: Uhhh... _what_ did she do? - Phaeriel: Something there's a time and place for. - Aelizzandra: And mood. >> "But that's for chicks!" Touji shot back. >> >> "Shinji is taking Asuka ya know and they don't even go out. How would >> it look if my BOYFRIEND won't take me?" Hikari pleaded. - Noth: Like he's got brains? >> "Oh please I already owe Asuka a lunch, please take me so I can at >> least see the show with her. >> >> "Alright we can go. At least Ikari'll be there." - Phaeriel: At the very least. >> "So it's all set then. The four of us are >> going to see the Evangelion's live in Osaka!" - Aelizzandra: Is this some kind of excuse for a cliffhanger? - Phaeriel: No, it's our cue to stop riffing this thing. - Solann: ...and our ticket out of here! >> Ending Song: "To the Moon and Back" by Savage Garden (Pun on Fly me >> to the Moon) - Phaeriel: A ridiculous pun, but a pun nonetheless. >> ********************************************************************** - Solann: Cut on the dotted line. - Phaeriel: Use upper section for origami. - Noth: Use lower for incinerator testing. >> Ending Comments: This took me about three months to write. - Aelizzandra: Yes... eleven weeks to learn how to use a word processor, six days to think of an idea, one hour to get a pen and a notepad, two hours to figure out he didn't need them-- - Phaeriel: I think you've made your point. >> I've already started on the next one. For those who don't know the >> story starts off with Shinji's alternate world in episode 26. - Solann: ... - Noth: Duh. - Phaeriel: *bored* Gee, really? I didn't notice. >> Hence the title "Evaless" not only a play on Clueless but also the story >> meaning Life with no Eva's. E-mail me at www.KaoruNagisa @yahoo.com. - Phaeriel: WWW in an e-mail address? - Noth: Nerv's latest genetic experiment. - Aelizzandra: _Genetic_? >> I really do appreciate fan opinions and flames - Phaeriel: *sneezes* - Noth: Yipee!!! Flame flame flame! - Aelizzandra: Boys... behave. >> are just as much wanted. I want to know where people think I am taking >> the plot and suggestions or praise. (I LOVE praise!) - Noth: You ain't gettin' any! - Phaeriel: At least not from me. >> Next Ep: "Oh, Cursed Tunnel of Lost Love! Let My Love be Forever" >> The trip their can really be interesting. More people join the concert >> bandwagon and a really disturbing deed is done in the male locker >> room. >> (It's not what you think, pervert) - Phaeriel: *rubs his nose, pointing towards Noth with his index finger* - Noth: *glares at Phaeriel* - Aelizzandra: *giggles* >> Get ready for more teenage angst's >> in "Evaless: Sex, Tunes, Popularity, Whatev!" by Kaoru Nagisa. - Noth: "Evaless: Schoolgirl romance, pre-fab bands, rumours, whatev!" by Nagisa Kaoru. >> Copyright stuff: The Characters of Neon Genesis Evangelion belong to - Solann: (Cliche Villain) ME!!! It's mine, all mine, bwahahahahahaha! >> Gainax, Movic, ADV and some other people becomihng really rich. - Solann: And I am 'becomihng' really happy now that this is finally over... - Phaeriel: They're not 'becomihng' really rich. They already are. - Aelizzandra: Jealous? - Phaeriel: Not at all. [The screen fades to black and then displays nothing but static.] - Solann: Oh my... the fanfic is over and I did not do anything evil... Let us see... Right! Aelizzandra, stay right where thee art! *points his index finger to her* - Aelizzandra: Hey, wait! What are you thinking? - Solann: *ironic* Send my best regards to the good people of Arcadia! *there's a sudden flash and Aelizzandra is surrounded by dark flames* - Aelizzandra: What the... NOOOOO--! *disappears consumed by the flames* - Noth: Teach me how to do that? Please? - Solann: Alright, now it is really over. I hope I do not have to see the next chapter. I am gone, may the flames of the Inner World burn every crappy fanfic in our way... *disappears in flames, burning the ground beneath him* - Noth: I'm taking that out of his commission. - Phaeriel: *muttering* Showoff. Anyway, we'll talk about our payment later, Noth. Farewell. *walks out* - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -==| RIFF-O-METER |==- Noth: 114 (34%) Phaeriel: 100 (30%) Aelizzandra: 70 (20%) Solann: 53 (16%) Grand Total: 337 * * * And this MSTing's 'Blabbermouth Award' goes to: Noth Lathiri, with 114 useless lines. * * * - Noth: *deadpan* Yay! - Aelizzandra: Figures... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Fae MSTings! * QUESTIONS? * COMMENTS? * COMPLAINTS? * FLAMES? * DEATH-THREATS? - fae_mst@yahoo.com - http://www.angelfire.com/zine/fae/ The Riffers: [Mythical Character - Human Character - OOC Alias] Noth - John Cole - Gammabaldi Solann - Jason Quinn - Rune Daemion Phaeriel - Ryuusuke Tenryuu - Tabris Seventeenth Aellizandra - Alexandra Cole - The Twenty-Eighth Child! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - >> "He's not my boyfriend ya know, but I'll do it anyway.