MYSTERY SCEINCE THEATER 3333 1/3 BY TUXEDO ALEX TODAY'S EXPERIMENT: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (PT. 1) BY JUPITER KNIGHT But before we go on, here are some: Disclaimers: Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC. "Evil Guy From Another Dimension" belongs to Jupiter Knight and he's welcome to it. I take no responsibility for his work. However, I would like to say that this MST of his work is no discredit to the author himself; just the fanfic. So please Jupiter Knight, if you're out there, don't take this as an insult. This was all done with fun in mind. I don't want my mailbox to be assaulted by flames! Plus, I would like to apologize for the flame I sent to Jupiter Knight a while ago. I admit I wasn't think that you were writing this on purpose, and I just want to say that I'm sorry. : ) @@@@@ SATELLITE OF LOVE (Joel Roninson appears on the screen.) Joel: Hi, welcome back to the SOL. I'm Joel Robinson, and if you'll excuse me, I have something I need to take care of. (Joel leaves the screen. A moment passes.) Magic Voice: And now, the continuing adventures of Dowm, Derian, and Ben! (Joel, Tom, and Crow enter, each wearing blue, grey, and white tuxedos respectively.) Tom (Dowm): I am Dowm! Crow (Derian): I am Derian! Joel (Ben): I am Ben! All: We fight for good fanfics and destroy bad writers! Tom (Dowm): What's this, friends? I see a shadowy figure in the distance! (Looks to his left.) Crow (Derian): Let us investigate, friend Dowm! (Gypsy appears on screen with a hat on her head, and an attached limb with a script in it.) Gypsy (Laurie): I am Laurie Carpio! Writer of "Another Senshi!" Joel (Ben): Oh no, friends! She is the one who writes in all capital letters! Crow (Derian): She is feared by all! Gypsy (Laurie): Hahahahahaha! If you fear my work, allow me to read a few excepts! (Starts reading from script.) "I AMMMMMMMMMMM PERTICO!" Tom (Dowm): YAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! (Falls to the ground.) Joel and Crow: Friend Dowm! Gypsy (Laurie): "THIS TIME WE WON'T LOSE YOU, THIS TIME."! Crow (Derian): I can't go on, friend Ben! (Falls to the ground.) Joel (Ben): Friend Derian! That's it, evil writer! Eat lead! (Pulls out a rather large laser pistol.) Gypsy (Laurie): (Gulps) Mommy! (Screen goes black as laser is being fired.) @@@@@ A FEW MINUTES LATER ON THE SOL (Joel and the Bots are out of their costumes. Gypsy's body is charred all over.) Joel: Honestly, Gypsy, I didn't know the pistol was loaded! Gypsy: It's okay Joel. At least it was set to minimum. Tom: Nice going, Robinson! Crow: Yeah. It's probably a plot to wipe her out and kill us all! Joel: Shut up! (The yellow light starts flashing) Joel: Great. Quick Draw McGraw and Ba Ba Booey are calling. (Presses the button.) (Dr. F. and TV's Frank appear on the screen.) Frank: Hello, my little lab rats. Let's get the invention exchange over with. Joel: Frank? How did you get so evil all of the sudden. Dr. F.: I'm Frank! Frank: (Sighs) It was my invention. A brain transfer device. Unfourtunately , it broke and I'm stuck in this half-wit's body! (Flinches and holds his hands to his head.) Damn, I got a headache!. Dr. F.: Oh, that's normal, boss. They're from your head rays you shot into me three years ago. I get'em all the time. Frank: Ugg! I'm going to lie down. You listen to the invention exchange! (Frank leaves the screen) Dr. F.: So, uh, guys. What'cha got? Crow: Show'em, Joel. (Joel takes out a music keyboard.) Joel: Well you see Dr…., uh, Frank, we made a lot of comments about fanfics and movies during the years. So we loaded a lot of phrases to play on this keyboard. I'll demonstrate. (Joel fiddles with the dials and starts to play it. Comments start spewing out in Tom's voice with every key pressed.) Keyboard: Now…what…part…of…John Agar…haven't…I…seen? Ahh…his…buttcheeks! (The keyboard shifts to Crow's voice) Keyboard: Oscar…can…kiss…my…big…golden…butt! (The keyboard shifts into Joel's voice) Keyboard: Crow! Tom: We call it the ACK, or the Automatic Critisism Keyboard. Joel: Whatta ya think, Frank? Dr. F.: Good idea, Joel. Anyway, I think your fanfic this week is "Evil Guy From Another Dimension." Dr. F. says it's really bad, but I hope it's not too dumb. Frank: (From off camera): Ahhh! My hand's on fire! Dr. F.: Oh, it's normal boss! They're from the sonic waves from last week! (The viewscreen goes blank) Crow: You know, maybe this will teach Dr. F. not to be so mean to Frank all of the time. Joel: Knowing Dr. F., probably not. (Light start to flash around the SOL.) All: AHHHHHHHHHH! WE GOT FANFIC SIGN! (6)(5)(4)(3)(2)(1) @@@@@ THEATER > Tom: Now we know where to send the flames. Joel: Come on, Tom. We don't know if it's as bad as Dr. F. said. >Okay, this is something I wrote 10 months ago. Have fun! Crow (British accent): Not bloody likely! >Hi there! All (dryly): Hi. >This is a fanfic I've wanted to write since....Sunday. Tom: This is a fanfic I didn't want to read since…Ever. Joel: Come on, Tom, give it a chance. >Well, here it is! I hope you really enjoy it! I know I will enjoy writing it as much as you enjoy reading >it! Crow: Must have thought about suicide midway into this. >It's called Sailor Moon: The Evil Guy From Another Dimension. Tom: As opposed to a Good Guy from another dimension. Joel: It's KAIN! (The Bots start to hum Kane's theme song.) >Well, enjoy!! Oh yeah, I'm using the DIC dub names and stuff. Joel: Dic? DIC? DAMN YOU TO HELL! Tom: Need I say more, Joel? >------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: Dashing through the snow…. >Sailor Moon: The Evil Guy From Another Dimension Crow: No one in particular, just an evil guy. Joel (Kain): Hey! Don't associate me in any way with this garbage! >By Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight) Tom (Dee Jay): Don't spell my name backwards! Joel: Street Fighter, for those not into Capcom. >------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crow: Did you know that there's more plot in these lines then there is in any of the stories we read? Joel: Come to think of it… >Serena and Darien were walking down the street. They were on a date. Tom: Hey, there's seven days a week. How hard is it to pick one to stand on? >"Oh, Darien, isn't this a great day?" asked Serena. Joel (Darien): Yeah, 'cept for the youmas roaming the streets. >"Yeah, especially when I'm with you, Muffin," answered Darien. Tom: Hey! Darien is "Muffin". How dare you mix them up? Crow: Fanboy! Tom: Look who's talkin! Joel: Guys… >"I hope no Negatrash comes and destroys our fun day!" Joel: (Places hand on forehead) Oy, this is gonna be a long fanfic. (Dr. F.'s voice can be heard on the theater's P.A. system.) Dr. F.: Oh, didn't I tell you that it's in four parts and counting? Tom and Crow: (look at eachother) Sh*t! Joel: Watch the language! >"Me neither. That would be way bad." Tom: Cue Negatrash! >Suddenly, a bright flash of light flashed in front of them. It was bright and it flashed. Out of the bright >light came a scary and ugly looking guy. Joel (stoned): Woah, Tom. You can, like, predict the future! Crow: The hell with that! Please tell me the last few sentences DIDN'T happen! >"I am Hortense from a parallel universe! You will feel my wrath!" the guy said. Joel (Kahn): Kirk, old friend, you shall be buried alive! Crow (Kirk): HORTENSE!!!!! @@@@@ The scene suddenly shifts to outside the SOL. Crow: HORTENSE!!!!!!!!! @@@@@ (Back in the theater) Tom: Not bad, Crow! Crow: I do my best. >Serena sobbed, "But why? What did we do to hurt you?" Tom (Hortense): You skinned my knee in Second Grade! Crow: Hortense is a big fat wussy man! >"You exist, that's all I need to know. Joel: THAT'S all he could come up with? They exist? Crow: Now I know he's a wuss! Tom: He's BIG! He's BAD! He's from ANOTHER DIMENSION! HE'S…Hortense. >Now die earthlings! I will destroy you all! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Tom: Must've taken the Zoisite course of annoying laughing! >"Serena, transform into Sailor Moon!" screamed Luna. Crow: Where'd she come from? Joel: Remember Fanfic Reading Rule #1, Crow? Crow: (sighs) Never think about the story. Joel: Good. >"Moon crystal power!" a flash of light and color and Serena changed into Sailor Moon. Tom: Oh, like she can save us from this fanfic. Crow: Yeah, I mean if she's the Champion of Justice, how come she doesn't fight for Poetic Justice? Joel: Pretty good insight, Crow. >"I am Sailor Moon! Tom: And the "I Care" meter has dipped below zero. >I don't like bad guys who come to hurt us! In the name of the moon I will punish you!" Crow (Hortense): YEAH, PUNISH ME! DO IT! DO IT! Joel: And to think that we almost made it through an entire section without a hentai comment. >Tuxedo Mask threw a rose at the guy, but it bounced off. The guy jumped around dodging things. Tom: Cans, bottles, flames to the author… Crow: Stuff happened, junk was thrown, it was cool. >All of a sudden, a bright flash of light hit him and he yelped in pain. (All yip like dogs) >"Ouch! Who blasted me with infernal light?" he said in anger. Joel (announcer voice): Who did hit Hortense with the infernal light? Find out next time on "Dragonball Z!" Tom: Please, Joel. DBZ isn't hurting for help nowadays. Joel: Good point. >* * * * * Crow: And the fanfic was caked in a layer of snow, burying it. The End. Tom: If only it were that easy. >"So, what are we going to do today, Alex?" asked Michelle. Joel: Since when did Tuxedo Alex get trapped in this fanfic? Crow: FOURTH WALL ALERT! FOURTH WALL ALERT! (Alarms start buzzing in the SOL) Tom: Why'd ya do it, Robinson? Joel: Okay, okay, my bad. Geez. (The Alarms shut off) >"I don't know," said Alex. Crow (Alex): How about making monkey love? Joel: (Smashes Crow with a backhand): NOT needed, Crow! >* * * * * All: Nani??? Crow: That's it? Tom (whimpering): This fanfic is NOT happening! It's not! NOT! NOT! NOT! (Tom's head start's smoking.) Joel: Don't do it, Tom! Megane 6.7 will have our heads if "your head explodes in a flash of pyrotechnics"! Tom: I got it covered…NOT! NOT! (Tom's head blows up, showering gumballs everywhere.) Crow: It's Tom Servo! The human snack dispenser! Joel: Crow, shut up and pull Tom's spare head from under his seat. Crow: Bite me. >"Argh!!!!" Tom: (New head on his shoulders.) Our thoughts exactly. Joel: Glad to have you back, Tom. Crow: Hey, where did the gumballs come from, anyway? Tom: I had 'em stored away for a special occasion. >BOOM! FLASH!! KABLAM!! Crow: THE THEATER'S BEING NUKED! (Everyone ducks under their seats, but nothing happens.) Joel: Wishful thinking. Anything's better than this! >"I am Sailor Venus!" >"I am Sailor Mars!" >"I am Sailor Jupiter!" >"I am Sailor Mercury!" >"I am Sailor Moon!" Crow: I am Leaving! (Gets up from his seat.) Tom: If we have to suffer, Crow, so do you! Crow: Rats. >"I am Tuxedo Mask!" >"I am Luna!" >"I am Artemis!" Joel: Okay, I think the point is officially driven across. >"I am Sailor Earth!" Tom: Earth? Okay, this is HORRIBLY WRONG! Crow: Don't think about it! Two heads in one day is enough, Tom! >"I am Molly!" All: MOLLY?!? YAAAAAAHHHHHH! Joel: Annoying Accent! Tom: Evil Best Friend! Crow: Run in Terror!! Joel: (Composes himself) Wait a minute, guys. We can get through this. It's all a matter of time. Tom and Crow: (Sit down) Okay. >All together, they said, "We will crush your mangly body into Moon dust!" Joel: Just the thing to do to Jupiter Knight! Tom: My thoughts exactly. >"HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!!!! Crow (Hortense): That sounds kinky! Joel: Crow… >Unlikely, Sailor Twits! I am the mightiest evil guy in the universe and all other dimensions!!!!" Tom: As well as several car dealerships, airports, and a McDonalds restaurant! Joel (singing): I am immortal! I have inside me blood of kings! Crow (singing): I have no rival! No man can be my equal! >"We'll see about that!!! Tuxedo Rose Impale!" >A rose floated through the air and hit Hortense in the chest. Blood leaked out from the hole Tom: I'm afraid to ask, but…which hole? Crow: Dude! That's the coolest fart I ever saw! Joel: Guys… >and dripped on the ground. >"Your measly flora will not hurt me! Tom (Tuxedo Mask): Hey, whadda you mean? Look down at the hole I made! >I am the mightiest evil guy in the universe and all other dimensions!!!!" Joel (Hortense): Just in case you tuned in late, I decided to reinterate this fact! >"Molly power!!" screamed Molly. The Bots: AAAAAAAHHHHHH! >She changed into Sailor Red and did a pose like the others. Joel: And the goofy meter explodes on that one. Crow: I think it exploded a long time ago. >"Artemis! Run!" Tom: It's Oscar, Artemis! Crow: You heard the random Sailor Senshi, Robinson! RUN!!!!! (Joel and the Bots get up from their seats and run around the theater) >Sailor Earth picked up some sod and threw it at Hortense. (Joel and the Bots return to their seats, seeing the Oscar threat is over.) Joel: (Pant, pant) When a weapon isn't enough. >The dirt from the sod got in this eyes. >"ARRGGGHHHH!!!!" Crow: We hear ya, buddy. Tom: Now Sailor Mercury can use her bubbles and turn it to mud! And, and, and, Sailor Mars can use her fireball to turn it hard, blinding him! And, and, and, Sailor Moon could… Joel: Somehow, I seriously doubt it, the way things are going. >Suddenly, Malachite appeared. Crow: Suddenly, Crow left. (Gets out of his seat) Joel: (Holding Crows shoulder) You're not going anywhere! >"Malachite!!!" Joel: And the goofy meter is sent into a coma! Tom: John! Crow: Marsha! Tom: John! Crow: Marsha! >Malachite moved right. Joel: As apposed to moving left? Tom: Or out of this 'fic? Crow (Malachite): Wait a minute. What am I doing here? I knew I shouldn't have taken that left turn at the Dark Crystal! >"Well, well, well. If it isn't the Sailor Brats at it again" he said. Tom (Malachite): Your redundant destruction of our youmas is inexcusable! I won't forgive you! In the name of the Negaverse, I will punish you! Joel (ill): Tom, that was as bad as this 'fic! Tom: Well, they can't all be winners. >"We killed you!" she said. >"Yeah, we killed you!" she said. Crow: Okay, who is saying this? Tom: Princess Di and Mother Teresa? How the heck should I know? Joel: Taking a page from Megane 6.7 again, Tom? >Hortense disappeared. He was hurt by dirt. Tom: Tom Servo disappeared. He was hurt by fan fiction. (Tom tries to leave, but falls on the floor.) Joel: Forgetting something, Tom? (Picks up Tom and puts him back on his seat) Tom: Dad Gom air grates not working! >"I am back to destroy you!" All (singing): Get back to where you once belong. Get Back, Malachite! Joel (Malachite): So I just said, what the hell, I'll reincarnate myself and kill you all. >"Go ahead and try!" Crow: I triple dog dare you with mustard on top! >Sailor Pluto yelled "Ded Screem" and moondusted Malachite into dust. Tom: And the "Laurie Carpio Award for Redundancy" goes too… Joel: Laurie isn't dead yet! Tom: Just wait 'till I get a hold of her! Crow: If Sailor Mac is reading this, tell him to please not sue us! >"Yay!" Crow: The fanfic's almost over? >THE END All: Yay! >Author's notes: Did you like that? All: NOOOOOOOOOO! >Well, comments and flames are welcome. Send them to me at jarcher@direct.ca. Tom: Taking notes, Joel? Joel: Way ahead of ya, Tom. >-- >======================================================================= Crow: Jupiter Knight + Drugs = Bad Fanfic. > Anime Manga Internet Directory > http://www.dragonfire.net/~JupiterKnight/anime/index.htm > Anime guide and reviews! Episode synopses, song lyrics, midis, > character information! Submit your URL in the Directory! > Nominate your page for an award! >----------------------------------------------------------------------- > Main: http://www.dragonfire.net/~JupiterKnight/ > Over 500 Sailormoon fanfics for you to read! Joel: So That's where Dr. F. gets his material! Tom: (sighs) Let's get outta here. I gotta lie down. Crow: You and me both. (All three exit the theater.) @@@@@ (1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6) BACK ON THE SOL (Joel and the Bots are all sitting down, wiped out by the fanfic.) Tom: Is it just me, or is Dr. F. really in a bad mood today? Crow: I know. Nothing we got before was THIS bad! Joel: Try Oscar. Tom: Or Gonterman. Joel: Or Ratcliff. Tom: Or Ann. Joel: Or Laurie Carpio. Crow: Okay, I stand corrected. Geez! Joel: Anyway, we got three more parts to go through, so we gotta hang tight! Tom: Yeah. Nothing killed us before. Crow: We can last through this…I think. (Gypsy comes in the room) Gypsy: Joel! I'm getting a hail from Earth! Joel: Is it Dr. F. or Frank? Gypsy: No, I think it's somewhere else! Joel: Put it on screen! (The view screen is full of static. A figure is in the backround, and can hardly been seen. Joel and the bots barely make him out.) Voice: This is Tuxedo Alex, calling anybody who can intercept this communication. I'm being trapped here by Jupiter Knight, forced to act in "Evil Guy From Another Dimension!" It's maddening! I've done three parts so far, but I can't do a fourth! Someone help! (The transmission is suddenly broken off.) Joel: Oh, my Goddess! Tuxedo Alex is in trouble! Crow: I've dislocated the Fourth Wall alarms, so it doesn't matter what we say or do. Tom: We have to call forth Dowm, Derian, and Ben for this one! (Lights start flashing around the SOL again.) Crow: Crap! It's gonna have to wait! Tom: FANFIC SIGN AGAIN! All: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Screen goes black) @@@@@ TO BE CONTINUED… More Disclaimers: Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC. Any other brand names or song titles or anything of the like that I forgot to mention are the properties of whoever created them in the first place. I take NO CREDIT from them! (There, that oughta keep me from getting sued!) Stinger: "So, what are we going to do today, Alex?" asked Michelle. "I don't know," said Alex.