MYSTERY SCEINCE THEATER 3333 1/3 BY TUXEDO ALEX TODAY'S EXPERIMENT: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (PT. 2) BY JUPITER KNIGHT But before we go on, here are some: Disclaimers: Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC. "Evil Guy From Another Dimension" belongs to Jupiter Knight and he's welcome to it. I take no responsibility for his work. However, I would like to say that this MST of his work is no discredit to the author himself; just the fanfic. So please Jupiter Knight, if you're out there, don't take this as an insult. This was all done with fun in mind. I don't want my mailbox to be assaulted by flames! @@@@@ (6)(5)(4)(3)(2)(1) BACK IN THE THEATER Tom: Shall we recap? Crow: Okay. Hortense came to kill Serena out of nowhere, Alex and Michele didn't know what they were going to do, Hortense jumped around dodging things, blood leaked out of his hole, Molly somehow got powers, Malachite came back from the dead and died again three seconds later. Joel: If anybody found a trace of plot in that, I'll give them fifty bucks! > Crow: I sent twenty flames during the break! Tom: I sent thirty-five! Joel: I'm waiting until this 'fic is done. THEN I'll blow up his mailbox! >It's been over 10 months since I wrote the previous part of this fanfic, Tom: Why couldn't you just let it rest? >so you may not remember it. Joel: Unfortunately, we do. >However, you can read it, since I just posted it before this. Crow: Not that we have a choice… >I distinctly remember Steve and his Angry Dolphin wanting to see the sequel. Tom: Oh Lord, please don't give Steve his wish… >Well, here it is! All: AARRRRRRGGHHHH! Tom: DAMN YOU STEVE AND YOUR FRIGIN' DOLPHIN! Crow: Why do I suddenly have a craving for tuna? Joel: That's going a little too far, Crow. >------------------------------------------------------------------------ Joel: Hey, it's a message in Morse code! Tom: I'll translate. (ahem) This fanfic sucks, don't read it, you can leave the theater. Crow: All right! (All three get up) (Dr. F.'s voice comes over the P.A. system) Dr. F.: SIT DOWN! All: (grumble and go back to their seats.) >Sailor Moon: The Evil Guy From Another Dimension Tom and Crow: HANSON! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Joel: But Hanson isn't one guy. It's a three person band. Tom and Crow: Three?…..YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! >By Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight) Tom (Dee Jay): Stop screwing up my name, or you'll be MAXED OUT! Hahaha…heh…heh…you're not laughing. Joel: That was pretty lame, anyway. >Part 2 - The Past Returns Crow: (groans) That's the most overused fanfic title to date! >(aka most overused fanfic title) Crow: ….Okay, that was scary. Tom: This entire 'fic is scary! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ Joel: Okay, whoever spilled the dashes, clean them up now! >Last time on Tom: Hey, we already recapped! >SM: EG(G)FAD: Joel: Super Monkey's Energy Grenade Gone For A Day? Tom: Sappy Musical Eats Good Guys Far Above Dallas? Crow: Snoopy's Magic Enamel Goes Goofy For All Dofus's? Joel and Tom:……. Crow: Hey, that one was hard to riff! >The evil guy from another dimension, Hortense Crow: Oh yes, the guy with the bloody ass… Joel: Crow… >challenged the Sailor Scouts, but was defeated by Sailor Earth's dirt attack. Tom: Who didn't exist to begin with, so he's still alive. >Then, an old enemy, Malachite, showed up and was easily moondusted by Sailor Pluto! Joel: Dang, all Malachite did was "move right." Even the all mighty "Hortense" got to at least attack somebody. Crow: No offense Joel, but let's not relive the fanfic. >>And now, the continuation: Tom: Let's not and say we didn't. Joel and Crow: Amen. >It was a dark and scary place, filled with strange smells and weird lights. Crow (stoned): Woah, dude! That fart was even cooler than the last one! Joel: Crow… >It was Hortense's dimension, the Old Moon Dimension! Tom: Old Moon? Did the Earth get tired of it's current moon to get a new one? Crow: Knowing Jupiter Knight, probably. >His hatred for the Sailor Scouts goes back over 1000 years. Joel: Before the Sailor Scouts existed? Tom: Two words Joel…Silver Millenium. Crow: Fanboy! Tom: Bite me! Joel: Guys… >Hortense puts a Mickey Mouse Crow: Oh, please, don't bring Disney into this! They're not hurting for help either. >bandaid on his puncture wound given to him by Tuxedo Mask. Tom: How's he gonna go to the bathroom now? Joel: Tom… >He hacks up a chunk of dirt and curses, "Curse that Sailor Earth!" Joel (Hortense): Who inexplicably came out of nowhere and decided to kill me! >* * * * * Crow: Five stars? Is Leonard Malton on drugs? >The evil professor Tomoe, illegitimate father of Victoria Hotaru Contessa Zabrivadich Tom: Franchesca, Contessa, Bananafanana the Third? >Tomoe, takes off his evil aura and relaxes in a tub of oatmeal. Crow: Thank you, JK, I did NOT need that image! Joel: Funny, I just can't picture…(shudders)…oh, wait, there it is. >* * * * * Tom: What? Another useless section? Crow: Is Jupiter Knight just torturing us beyond recognition? >"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Joel: I agree. I agree. Tom: Thanks for taking the time to express our emotions for us! >What are we gonna do!!!" screamed Serena. Crow: Here's an idea! Kill Jupiter Knight and get the hell out of this fanfic! Joel: It's pretty dark up here on the SOL. >"That dumb bad guy Hortense is going to kill us!!!" Tom (Dagget): Spooty Hortense! This is nuts! >Darien patted her head and said, "There there. There there." Joel (Bart Simpson): Reverent Lovejoy. You've come to comfort me? Crow (Rev. Lovejoy): (flatly) Yes, Bart. There there. There there. >A bright flash in the sky appears, then disappears. Tom: Pretty odd way to describe lightning. Crow: Or a plot hole. Joel: What's to describe? There's to many of them as is. >The flamingo yells, "Hi!" >"Reeny!!!" Crow: Rini? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Tom: First Molly, now this? DAMN JUPITER KNIGHT TO HELL! Joel: Wait a minute. Rini's a flamingo now? Tom: This is Jupiter Knight's little drug-headed world. Anything's possible. >"I'm Sailor Reeny Moon!" All: (groan) Crow: Not only has the author picked an even WORSE American name for Chibimoon, but it blabs her secret identity! Tom: Must…keep...head…from…exploding! >Everyone jumps for joy, Joel: Except for Serena, who thinks that Reeny's gonna marry Darien. Crow: Why do I have the sudden urge to relive "Chibiusa's 7th Birthday"? Joel: CROW! NO! >except Serena. Now Darien is going to dump her and run off with Reeny and marry her. The Bot's: …..Joel? Joel: Well, um…uh,…this is scary. >* * * * * Crow: Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Fanfic's dead! (Get's up from his seat. Joel: (grabs Crow's shoulder): No, Crow. Crow (grumbling): Rassin' frassin' grassin'… >Hortense scratches his foot, anticipating his next move. Of course!! Tom: Of course! It all makes sense now! Hortense scratches his foot, anticipating his OWN MOVE! Everything is clear! (Tom's head starts to smoke) Joel: Tom, your overloading! Stop thinking about the fanfic! Tom: Everything's explained now! All the connections are made!…DAMN YOU STEVE AND YOUR ANGRY DOLPHIN!!!!!!!!!!! (Tom's head blows up, showering gumballs everywhere.) Crow: I don't know why Tom's head exploded again. He certainly had the "balls" for this 'fic! Joel: (Backhands Crow): Just grab another one of Tom's heads from the basement. Crow: Yay! I'm free! Joel: And COME BACK! Crow: Man… (Leaves the Theater) >* * * * * >* * * * * Joel: Dear Lord, Jupiter Knight forgot to fill that space with anything plot-worthy! Wait a minute, he forgot to fill in ANY space with anything plot-worthy. Crow: (Back in the theater) Here's the head, Joel. Did I miss anything? Joel: Actually, no. Crow: Dammit! >Alex and Michelle walked down the street, holding hands. Tom: (Slowly coming back online) As…opposed to…holding buttocks? Joel: Tom… Tom: Hey, I just got my new head! It's the first thing I could think of. >"Oh, Alex," said Michelle. >"Oh, Michelle," said Alex. Tom: Jane! Crow: Marsha! Tom: Jane! Crow: Marsha! >"What are we going to do today?" asked Michelle. >"I don't know," answered Alex. Tom: It's a flashback to Part One! Joel: Oh, the humanity! Crow: Should I give them a few suggestions? Joel: No, Crow! >* * * * * All (singing): Oh, starry night…….. >Out in Nerima somewhere, the Tendou family and Saotome family sit down for supper. Tom: Oh, no! He's subjecting Ranma to this torture! Crow: Is this supposed to be a crossover, or another useless scene? Joel: Both, probably. >"You are so uncute," said Ranma. >Akane picked up the table and dropped it on Ranma's head. "Uncute, huh?! Well, take that, Ranma!" Crow: Hey, give me back François the Fish Sausage! Joel: The what? Crow: (Picks up Tom over his head and starts to bash Joel with him.) François! François! François! Tom: Joel, make him stop! Joel: (Picks up Crow and flings him to his left. Tom unfortunately goes with him.) What's gotten into you, Crow! Crow: (Returns to his seat.) Sorry Joel…seeing that last part triggered a Ranma episode inside of me. And the thought that Akane could be a really good pro wrestler. Tom: Oh, yeah, no question about that. >* * * * * Joel: And in the magma section of the planet, a cruddy fanfiction is seen. >Hortense had a thought in his head. All: (Laugh their heads off) Tom: …….This is WAY too easy! >A little Lemures Crow: "A" Lemures? Who's he been taking writing tips from? Oscar? Tom: Or Ratcliff? Joel: Or Gonterman? >walked out and looked at him. >"HENTAI!!!!!" screamed the Lemures. Tom: So now Hortense is a hentai. Crow (Hortense): Hehehe…that litle Lemures is starting to look good to me! Joel: Crow… >* * * * * Joel: Mars Celestial Fire Surround! (Waits a moment) Dang! Nothing happened! >The Sailor Scouts all gathered at Raye's temple. They had Scout business. Tom: Tom Servo and Crow gathered outside the theater. They had revenge 'fic business. (Tom falls out of his seat while Crow gets up.) Joel: If I have to stay, so do you! Crow: Bite me! (Crow sits down and Tom's put back in his seat.) >"We have a powerful new enemy," said Sharon. Tom: Wha… Joel: It's morphed into a self-insertion fanfic! All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! >"I'll throw dirt at him!" yelled Terra. Crow: Who the hell?… Joel: Sailor Earth I imagine. Tom: How *bleep*ing original JK! >"Yeah! That beat him last time!" yelled Molly. Joel: Heck, even five seconds of Molly's bad accent'll kill Hortense! Tom: I wouldn't be surprised. >Alex walked up and said, "The enemy is weak. I will not allow anyone to hurt my lesbian lover Michelle >and I. We will leave it to you." Crow (Alex): I could destroy that weakling with one flick of my finger, but I won't, because I want to protect my lesbo lover, who can also destroy that weakling with one flick of her finger. Joel: Poor Tuxedo Alex…. Tom: FOURTH WALL ALERT! FOURTH WALL ALERT! (Sirens go off in the Theater.) Crow: Not again! Joel: I thought you disconnected those dang things, Crow! Crow: I did…I think. Tom: Joel apologizes, fourth wall alarms! (Alarms go dead) Joel: Thanks, Tom. >A young Victoria Hotaru Contessa Zabrivadich Tom: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz….oh, man, I've heard of run-on sentences before, but run-on names? >Tomoe ran up to the other outers and said, "Setsuna mama, Haruka papa, Michiru mama, Joel: Crow-poppa! Crow: Servo-momma! Tom: Joel-po…HEY! Joel: Guys… Tom: You started it, Robinson! >I learned what general relativity is today. Butterfly!" Crow: And a failed attempt to integrate Sailor Stars shows up. >"We must beat Hortense!" Crow: Damn right! Then we can leave! >"And so you shall have that chance!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Joel: Zoisite? Emerald? Are you here? >laughed the scary and ugly looking Hortense. Tom: Man, you should have seen his baby pictures! >He was even more scary and ugly looking than the day before. Joel: I'm inclined to agree. Crow: This fanfic's second part more scary and ugly looking then Part 1! >"Minna, henshin yo!" screamed Serena in a language she didn't speak. Tom: Um, she speaks Japanese, so, uh, I think she speaks that language. Crow: But he's using the DIC names. Tom: Oh, yeah…Remind me to kill Steve and his Angry Dolphin when we get off this Dog Bone. >"Mercury Power!" >"Mars Power!" >"Jupiter Power!" >"Venus Power!" Joel: Robinson Riffing Power! Tom: Servo Head Exploding Power! Crow: T. Robot Bite Me Power! >"Earth Power!" >"Reeny Prism Power!" Crow (whimpering): This guy is still using her real name as her secret identity! Hold me, Joel! Joel: (Puts arm around Crow as Crow cries.) There there…there there… >"Pluto Planet Power!" >"Your anus Planet Power!" Crow: Joel! The fanfic is insulting us! Tom: Oh, yeah? Well, up yours, dickweed! Joel: Tom! Crow: Bite me and kiss my big golden @$$! Joel: Crow! >"Neptune Planet Power!" >"Saturn Planet Power!" >"Tuxedo Formal Wear Power!" >"Luna Cat Power!" >"Artemis Cat Power!" Joel: And the goofy meter has been blown into little tiny bits! >"Molly Power!" All: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! >"Moonlight Knight Power!" Tom: (Head starts to smoke): Tuxedo Mask and Moonlight Knight can't exist in the same realm.. Crow: Fanboy! Joel: Stay frosty, Tom! >"Hortense Old Moon Cheese Power!" Tom: Stay frosty? With this sh*t? Joel: Watch the language! Crow (Hortense): In the name of Old Moon Cheese, I'll defeat myself with this cheezy fanfic! >"We are the Sailor Scouts, sworn to defend the Earth from all threats from the evil, ugly guys! In the >name of the Moon, we will punish you!" Joel: Sailor Moon didn't transform yet. Crow: Details, details! Why worry about them. Jupiter Knight doesn't! >Sailor Uranus and Neptune hold their chains and leather, preparing to punish. Tom: …….uh, Crow? Care to take this one? Joel: You do, Crow, and you'll be short one beak! Crow: (stays silent) >"I'll go first!" yelled Sailor Earth. "Earth Dirt Hurt!" Joel: Fanfic Crap Hurt! Crow: Jupiter Knight Hurt! Tom: My Head Hurt! >The dirt flied to the ugly guy Tom (Dirt): Preparing final docking procedures into the ugly guy… >and missed him. >Do you think I'd fall for that twice? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Crow: Hell yeah! Joel: If he just talked to Molly for five seconds, he would never show his face around here again! Tom: The accent alone would damage his brain. >"Molly Bad Accent Deafen!" yelled Sailor Red. "Argh!!!!!!!" screamed Hortense. >Thud. All: ……………………………… Crow: Did we just….. Tom: And did Jupiter Knight…… Joel: I gotta lie down for while……………. >"You haven't heard the last of me!!!!! You wretched Sailor Twits!" >"We beat him!" Tom: And there was much rejoicing. All (flat): Yay. >Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune looked unhappy. They didn't get to punish him. Crow: I'll be happy to fill the void that Hortense created… Joel: CROW! >To be continued!!!!!!! Tom: Steve and the Angry Dolphin will pay… Joel: Will you stop it with the Angry Dolphin! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Wasn't that the best fanfic you've ever read?! Joel: Do you really want us to answer this? >Well, send flames, etc to me at jarcher@direct.ca. Tom: Done and done. >-- >==================================================================== === > Anime Manga Internet Directory > http://www.dragonfire.net/~JupiterKnight/anime/index.htm > Anime guide and reviews! Episode synopses, song lyrics, midis, > character information! Submit your URL in the Directory! > Nominate your page for an award! >----------------------------------------------------------------------- > Main: http://www.dragonfire.net/~JupiterKnight/ > Over 500 Sailormoon fanfics for you to read! >==================================================================== === Crow: It's over! Tom: Let's get out of here! Joel: Yeah, we need to develop a plan to free Tuxedo Alex! @@@@@ (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) @@@@@ BACK TO THE SATTELITE OF LOVE (Joel enters with a bottle of aspirin, furiously downing pills. Crow is laying down with an icepack on his head. Tom is just staring out the window, wondering where his life has gone. Gypsy enters, and Joel calls everyone to a meeting.) Joel: All right, everybody. No matter how bad the fanfic was, we have to remember the stakes at hand. Crow: Right. That hail from Tuxedo Alex was real disturbing. Tom: But what can we do? We're stuck up here on this stinkin' Satellite. Gypsy: Care to show Tom and Crow what's going to be next week's invention exchange, joel? Joel: Absolutely. (there is a huge object underneath a drape to the left of Joel. Joel pulls off the drape to reveal what seems to be a long tube with a door.) This is the TOTS Machine, or the "Teleport Off The Satellite" Machine. Tom: A tele.teleporter? Crow: We can leave the Satellite? (The Bots start dancing for joy.) Joel: Hold on a sec. When I saw Tuxedo Alex' hail, I decided we'll use this to teleport us down and rescue him. Tom: Then we leave the Satellite? Joel: Not until he gets home safely. Crow: Rats. Gypsy: I know this is hard for us, but this is an actually DECENT writer, here. If we can rescue him, there will be at least one more good author out there, writing good fanfics! Tom: (sighs) I suppose you're right. Gypsy: Wait a minute…we're getting another hail from the Tux! Joel: On screen! (The view screen has less static then before, and the face of Tuxedo Alex can be seen.) Tuxedo Alex: This is Tuxedo Alex, calling anybody who can here me! I'm trapped here, and… Joel: This is Joel Robinson of the Satellite of Love. I'm receiving this transmission! Go ahead. Tuxedo Alex: ….Finally! Someone's answered my message! Joel: What do you mean? Tuxedo Alex: I've been trapped down here for months now! I've been sending messages for God knows how long. I'd just about given up hope. Tom: Don't worry, Tuxy. Your suffering's about to end! Tuxedo Alex: Who are you? Joel: Oh, they're my robot pals. Meet Tom Servo, Crow, and Gypsy. Tuxedo Alex: Hey, y'all. The Bots: Hi. Tuxedo Alex: But it's true? Can you get me outta here? Joel: Just leave it to us, and you'll be out of Jupiter Knight's control! Tuxedo Alex: Oh, thank you! Thank you! I'm so….(The picture goes static) Gypsy: The transmission's breaking up! Joel: (Noticing the flashing lights) Oh, great! Professor Bobo and Dr. Peanut are calling. Crow: Who? Joel: ….Never mind. (The viewscreen shifts to Dr. F's face) Dr. F.: Greetings, Satomae family! Who were you calling? Joel: Uh, nobody sir. Say, your back to your own subnormal self! Dr. F.: Yes, I reversed the machine's calibrations and I'm back in my own body. So is Frank. Crow: We'll, Dr. F., we've survived half of your stupid fanfic! We can last another half! Tom: Yeah, do your worst! Dr. F.: Oh, I did! (Frank walks onto the screen, glowing green) Joel: Uh, Frank? Frank: Radioactive isotopes. Joel: Oh. Dr. F.: I told you not to get up from the operating table! (Frank leaves) Anyway, the author of your latest experiment, Jupiter Knight, called me earlier today. He said to me that because of his "slave's" horrible actions, he sent my Part 5 of this fanfic! You have three more parts to go! (Joel groans, Crow passes out, and Tom's head explodes, sending gumballs everywhere.) Dr. F.: I hope it goes down hard! (The viewscreen goes blank.) Joel: Hey, Gypsy, please hand me another head for Tom (Gypsy attaches the head on Tom while Crow is revived.) Crow: Another part? ANOTHER PART?!? Tom: (With new head) I can't believe it! Joel: What, more fanfic, or Frank still being operated on? Tom: Yes. Joel: I guess we'll have to wait to rescue Tuxedo Alex… (The klaxons then go off.) Joel: because we got JUPITER KNIGHT SIGN! All: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Screen goes black) @@@@@ TO BE CONTINUED Some Afternotes: Hi, this is Tuxedo Alex talking now. I just found out today that there's a fifth part to this story. While reading over it, I saw that good ol' JK acknowledged the fact that I'm MSTing his work. I'm going to take it as a complement. Hopefully, that's how it was meant. Jupiter Knight, if you're reading this MSTing, once again I'm apologizing for that nasty flame I sent a while ago. The riffs made do not mean to insult you. This is being done in fun, and I hope you take it this way. Anyway, please stay tuned for Part 3! More Disclaimers: Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC. Any other brand names or song titles or anything of the like that I forgot to mention are the properties of whoever created them in the first place. I take NO CREDIT from them! (There, that oughta keep me from getting sued!) Stinger: >"Argh!!!!!!!" screamed Hortense. Thud.