Be vewwy vewwy quiet! I'm huntin… MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3333 1/3 BY TUXEDO ALEX CO AUTHORED BY SAILOR SILVER KNIGHT TODAY'S EXPERIMENT: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (PT. 4) BY JUPITER KNIGHT Disclaimers: Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC. "Evil Guy From Another Dimension" belongs to Jupiter Knight and yada, yada, yada, lets just skip this boring routine and join our friends on the SOL, okay? :-) If you want to see the full disclaimers, please visit my previous "Evil Guy" MSTings. @@@@@ SATELITE OF LOVE (Joel enters, along with the Bots. Tuxedo Alex and Sailor Silver Knight are in the backround. They are fiddling with the control panel for the TOTS machine.) Joel: Hi, all, welcome back to the Sattelite of Love. Just in case you missed out the last few weeks, let me bring you up too speed… Tom: We had to watch THREE PARTS OF THAT EVIL JUPITER KNIGHT FIC! Joel: Well, yeah, but…. Crow: Plus we got off the Satellite, but THAT IDIOT FORRESTER BROUGHT US BACK HERE! Joel: Can it, guys! Let me explain! Tom (severely shaken up): I'm…I'm sorry Joel…it's just that we were…so close! Crow: And yet…so far! (The Bot's start bawling) Joel: (Sighs) Anyways, we went to save Tuxedo Alex from Jupiter Knight's clutches. Unfourtunately, Dr. F. teleported us up back here. Anyway, we picked up a couple more people along the way… (Tuxedo and S.Knight can be heard in the backround.) Tuxedo: Have you recalibrated the isometric control, yet? S.Knight: The entire thing is burnt! I told you fifteen minutes ago….uh oh! Tuxedo: What? S.Knight: Duck your head! (S.Knight pulls Tuxedo down as the control panel bursts into flame.) Joel: Uh…..they're Sailor Silver Knight and Tuxedo Alex. They're "trying" to fix the TOTS machine so we can get off this thing again….what's taking so long? Tuxedo: (Holding a fire extinguisher) Sorry, Joel. The entire thing was fried to hell when you used it last. S.Knight: Yeah, I think if you put in some fans to cool it down after use, it could have been avoided. Crow (bitter): Nice goin', Robinson! Joel: (Sighs again) Anyway, to prepare these two for the road ahead, as much as I hated to do it, we ran them through the first three parts of the fanfic to bring them up to speed… Tuxedo: You better have the 50 bucks like you promised us! Joel: …they had to sit through all three of them at once. S.Knight: And don't forget the tip! Crow: Heh, like Joel has any money! Joel: Maybe that's because a certain "some-bot" maxed out my credit cards! Crow: Bite me! Joel: (Sighs for a third time) We'll be right back… @@@@@ MOMENTS LATER ON THE SATELLITE OF LOVE (Joel is looking over the control panel with Tuxedo and S.Knight.) Joel: How long do you think it'll take to get repared? S.Knight: Concidering there is plenty of burns and cut wires here… Tuxedo: …we're looking at a few months, if you don't want to rebuild this thing from scratch. Joel: WHAT!!! Tuxedo: I'm sorry, but you should reall "just relax". S.Knight: Yeah, ignore the "science facts", and think of it as a huge plot device! (The message lights flash around the Satellite) Crow: Hey, Ako and Bko are calling! Tom: And just as annoying as Cko! Joel: Wait a sec…we still have two days before we get another dose of that crap! (The viewscreen then shows Dr. F. and TV's Frank. They appear to be standing next to an odd device.) Dr. F.: Greetings, goody-goodies! I hope you don't mind me calling a little earlier than usual! Joel + The Bots (blandly): No problem, Dr. F. Dr. F.: And how about my new little captuors? How are you, this fine day? Tuxedo: Two words, Forrester! (He does the DX Chop) SUCK IT! S.Knight: (She does the LWO butt-spanking motion) You can kiss this right here! Crow: Heh, that's out-of-character for Sailor Silver Knight! S.Knight: I'm in a rotten mood. Trapped on a satellite, no way out, do the math. Frank: We're gonna do the invention exchange, now. You go first! Dr. F.: And, don't try a reprieve of that "TOTS" incident. I've taken the necessary precautions that it WON'T happen again! Joel: All right, Dr. F. Tuxy, hand me that box over there. Tuxedo: Okay, Joel…and don't call me Tuxy! (See's a box on the left hand side of him, picks it up, tosses it over to Joel, and resumes fiddling with the control panel.) Joel: Did you ever look ino someone's eyes, and have exactly no idea what they are thinking? Well, we came up with this little remedy… (Joel points the device at Crow, looking through a small viewscreen. He quickly pulls it away, seeing what exactly he's thinking about. Resuming, he points it a Tom's head. Cambot zooms in on the viewscreen. You see a good episode of Japanese Sailor Moon, complete with subtitles, playing out in his head.) S.Knight: (Leaving the control panel for a few seconds.) You can look into someone else's thoughts wih this thing! Plus, you can even look into their dreams. Tuxedo: (Poking his head up.) We call it the TM, or "Telepathic Machine." (S.Knight and Tuxedo resume their work.) Tom: Whaddaya think, sirs? Dr. F.: Thats…actually a good idea. I'll remember that… Frank: Point it at me! Point it at me! Crow: Wanna give Frank what he wants, Joel? Joel: (shrugs) Worth a shot. (Joel points the TM at the viewscreen, and at Franks head. All that can be seen is a small mouce running around.) Dr. F.: Heh, just as I thought! Anyway, now it's time fo MY stroke of genius! (The camera pans out to show a large white box with several levers.) Crow: (Stares at it for a while, and is totally confused.) That's nice….uh…Doc. What's it do? Dr. F.: It….um, it does….well, I was never told what it does. Jupiter Knight gave it to me as a gift or catching his prisoner. S.Knight: (Starts to snicker) Well, I guess…hehe…that this isn't really YOUR stroke of genius, is it? Dr. F.: Aw, BITE ME! (Out of spite, Dr. F. pushes the right-most level and….) (BZZZT) (BUZZZZ) (BLAM!!!!!!) (Joel and the others feel somewhat different than before.) JOEL: Everyone alright? CROW: A feel kinda strange… TUXEDO: Yeah, me too. S.KNIGHT: It's like were……taller, or something. TOM: Yeah, I'm feeling all CAPITAL! Hahahahahaha….hehehe….no one's laughing…. DR. F.: Um….well, until I get this fixed, go take your medicine and read Part 4 of, "Evil Guy From Another Dimension!" I hope it goes down HARDER THAN USUAL! FRANK: I feel like my presence is more dominant, and I actually have a valid opinion, now! DR. F.: Oh, Shut up! FRANK: Understood! (The viewscreen goes blank.) TUXEDO: I gotta hand it to Forrester, though, that machine really makes things…bigger if… uh, anything. S.KNIGHT: (Puts her hand on Tuxedo's shoulder) Don't force it, Alex. Our names are upper case! They're so many ways to go until you hit the forth wall. TUXEDO: Got a point…. (The klaxons then go off) TOM: ….and we got JUPITER KNIGHT SIGN! S.KNIGHT: Do we have to go? Really? JOEL: YES! (Grabs Tuxedo and S.Knight by the arm, leading them into the hallway.) (6) (5) (4) (3) (2) (1) @@@@@ (The Humans and Bots take their seats. From the right to left: Crow, S.Knight, Tuxedo, Joel, Tom.) TUXEDO (whining): Are you suuuuure we have to do this? TOM: It's either that, or go without oxygen for an hour or so. CROW: Wait a sec, we're robots! We don't need oxygen! TOM: We can leave right now! (Dr. F's voice comes on over the P.A. system.) DR. F.: If you leave the theater, toy boys, your electrical supply will cut off! BOTS: Sh*t! HUMANS: Watch the language! > JOEL: (Points at screen) See, guys, that's where you send the flames! TUXEDO: Gotcha, chief. (Writes address down.) S.KNIGHT: We won't let you down on that department. >Too long since the last one. ALL: Not long enough! >It's 2 am, so I guess it's okay to write this now. CROW (Jupiter Knight): …since I've finished one of my many binges, and my hangover's gonna be hell later… TOM (Jupiter Knight): Hic! I hope yu injoy dis traash! Hic! >And does anyone know how to stop Word 95 from replacing a colon and closing bracket with a smiley >face? TUXEDO: Easy. You type :, space, ), then delete the space. JOEL: Great, Tuxy! You helped the author! Now he'll continue righting in peace! TUXEDO: (Thinks for a moment) DAMMIT! >It's really annoying. S.KNIGHT: So's this stupid fanfic! TOM: I see you already developed a grudge… S.KNIGHT: Believe me, three parts in a row is not something you'd want to live with! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ CROW: Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,….aw, my six shooter's busted again! >Sailor Moon: The Evil Guy From Another Dimension JOEL: Newt Gingrich? TUXEDO: He retired. JOEL: Well, how am I supposed to know when I'm stuck on this satellite? >By Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight) TOM: It's Dee Jay V.S. Ryu, in the battle of the century! CROW: Knock off the SSF2T references! >Part 4 - Saddam's brilliant plan, or not (condensed version). S.KNIGHT: Jupiter Knight's aligned himself with Reader's Digest? My God! TOM: That's a good riff! S.KNIGHT: I've had some practice with the last three parts. CROW (muttering): I wonder what else she's had practice with… S.KNIGHT: What was that? CROW: ….nothing…. JOEL (Happy): I'm glad you're here! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ TUXEDO: Great, the fanfic's line dancing now! >You know, a recap thing: TOM: Hey, newbies, if you're so smart, lets see you recap this thing! TUXEDO: All right…(ahem) This guy named Hortense appears out of nowhere, S.KNIGHT: Alex and Michelle don't know what they're doing, TUXEDO: Malachite moves right and dies, S.KNIGHT: Hortense comes back and gets blasted with a bad accent, TUXEDO: Michelle thinks Kintaro kissing a toilet is cute, S.KNIGHT: Hortense comes back a third time, TUXEDO: Everyone sheds they're…uh….DiCs, S.KNIGHT: And Hortense dies! (Joel and the Bots applaud as Tuxedo and S.Knight take bows.) TOM: Impressive! >Hortense was killed! JOEL: One down… >Saddam Hussein takes his place. TUXEDO (Saddam): Relax, Evil Guy! Put your feet up! >More importantly, the Sailor Scouts have become Sailor Senshi! CROW: So they've become…themselves…again… TOM: It's Jupiter Knight's own redundant little world, out there. >Isn't that great?! TOM: No, it's redundant. S.KNIGHT: Tom, please take your Diploma of Redundancy Diploma which needs your taking, please! >And I guess we'll continue. . . TUXEDO: And I'll guess I'll leave. (Gets up from his seat) JOEL: You don't get any special treatment, cape boy! TUXEDO: (Grumbles and sits back down.) >As he sat there watching the paint on the wall peel, Mamoru S.KNIGHT: (Somehow manages to find her happy place) Ah…..Mamo-chan…. JOEL: Huh? Silver Knight? TUXEDO: She has this morbid obsession with Darien/Mamoru and Tuxedo Mask/Kamen. S.KNIGHT: (Snaps out of it for a brief moment) Oh, like Ami-chan means nothing to you! (Returns to her happy place) TUXEDO: (Finds his happy spot) Ami-chan…. TOM: Great, we picked up a couple of basket cases…. >couldn't help but feel a little relieved he had shed his DICness. CROW: So Mamoru's a woman, now? S.KNIGHT: (Backhands Crow) Don't you dare hinder my fantasies! >All of them felt that way. TOM: The Sailor Scouts were hermaphrodites in DiC? CROW: Oscar fathered the Sailor Scouts? ALL: YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH >Rei alse felt CROW: Alse? JOEL: Hey, we already have Dowm, Derian, and Ben! We don't need you, Alse! >relieved that her name could now be pronounced properly by the Japanese. Raye was a bit difficult, since >there is no "ye" sound in Japanese. TUXEDO: Hey, read a crappy fanfic, get a crappy language lesson! OTHERS: (Blandly) Yay. >At least they were rid of Naru's former annoying accent. TOM: Halleluya! CROW: Preach on, Reverent Knight! S.KNIGHT: Are you listening to yourselves, guys? BOTS: (Think for a moment) Crap! >The doorbell rang, CROW: …the neck of Jupiter Knight, killing him. The end, JOEL: So, what's on Saturday Anime? >or was that on tv? No, it was the real doorbell. Mamoru stood up and walked over to the door to see >who was there. TOM: Land Shark! CHOMP! S.KNIGHT: Mamo-chan! NO! TOM: (Makes koo-koo noises) >No one. It must have been the tv, then. TUXEDO: Okay, Mamoru was watching the WALL PEEL, not the TV! JOEL: Have we told you the #1 Rule about riffing yet? TUXEDO: What? Don't think about the story? JOEL: Bingo. >* * * * * CROW: It's a star-studded evening at the wake of Jupiter Knight… S.KNIGHT: He's not dead, yet. CROW: Just wait….hehehe… >"Saddam," beckoned Evil Guy. "Have you done your deed yet?" TOM: I made tinkie when I got here! JOEL: Tom…. >Saddam appeared in a gust of chemicals S.KNIGHT: (Holds her nose) Oh, Lord! When was the last time you showered? CROW (Saddam): Hey, relax man! I shower in this stuff all the time! (Shifts back to Crow mode.) Wanna watch me? S.KNIGHT: (Backhands Crow) Hentai baka! >and said, "No, Evil Guy. I am sorry, but I want my chemical and biological weapons." CROW (Saddam): Then I make tinkie! JOEL: Crow… >Saddam pouted in a very sad, but cute way. ALL: (Shudder) TUXEDO: Thank you, we did NOT need that image! >"No. Not that kind of pout! ALL: (Shudder again) JOEL: Is it just me, or is JK trying to DRAMATIZE US FOR LIFE? S.KNIGHT (Photographer): Give it to me, Saddam! Give me a little pout! Yeah, baby! >Stop that or I'll have to turn you over to the United States!" exclaimed Evil Guy. >"Awwwwww!!! I want my weapons!" Saddam threw a tantrum. TOM: He's throwing it! Duck! CROW: *Smack* TUXEDO: Ow, my head! >"Ooooohh, fine. But only one!" JOEL (Evil Guy): Grrr, I spoil the kids rotten… >Saddam grinned happily, but evilly. TOM: He was checking out Sailor Silver… S.KNIGHT: (Holds her bow to Tom's head.) What was that? TOM: Uh, well, you gotta admit, you are a hottie… TUXEDO: I wouldn't do that…. S.KNIGHT (Irate): Silver Star FLOOD! (A wave of energy stars strike Tom, sending him to the floor) JOEL: Remind me not to cross you on a bad day, Silver! S.KNIGHT: (Sits back down) I feel better. TOM: (Back in his seat) Ow, ow, ow, ow… >"Sailor Senshi, you will soon be dying a horrible death! A death so horrible that the censors will have to >track down someone in a basement suite in Victoria, British Columbia and beat him to a pulp!!!" CROW: Please be JK, please be JK…. >The author looks at Saddam. *Watch it, or I'll make this very unpleasant for you* >"Sorry, Mr. Author." CROW: ….Joel, it's happening again! TUXEDO: What? JOEL: Somehow, we can predict what JK is thinking of writing… TUXEDO: …That is scary! >* * * * * S.KNIGHT: (Konks herself on the head) Oh, look at all the stars… >The girls gathered at Hikawa jinja and enjoyed a spectacular light show put on by Hotaru and her >universe simulation abilities. TOM: She slices, she dices, she even makes Julian fries! S.KNIGHT: It's the amazing Hotaru! TUXEDO: No batteries required! CROW: I'll buy one! JOEL: Don't encourage the author, Crow! >"And see those little people on that little planet?" asked Hotaru. CROW (Hotaru): And that little building, with the little apartment, and that little couple with their litle… TUXEDO: That ends now! (Holds up a yellow rose) CROW: (Silence) >Everyone looked closely, noticing tiny little people on a small planet, with the aid of an electron >microscope Ami managed to borrow. S.KNIGHT: Sure she "borrowed" it! JOEL (Policeman): Ami Mizuno, please return the microscope, and come out with your hands up! >"Aren't they cute?" asked Hotaru. TOM: Hotaru has way to much time on her hands, playing God and all. >A small version of her appeared on that planet and in a very high pitched, but still very cute voice, TUXEDO: It's Melvin, the renegade chipmunk! OTHERS: ……… TUXEDO: Um, think about Alvin? OTHERS: Oh. >she exclaimed, "Death Reborn Revolution!" In a flash, everyone was killed on that little planet. CROW: Oh, my God! She killed Kenny! And Kenny! And Kenny! And Kenny! And…. S.KNIGHT: We can stop right there. >"Awww, that was cute," said Michiru. JOEL (Michiru): Just like when that hairy Mortal Kombat beast kissed our toilet! That was sooo cute! TUXEDO (Michiru): Oh, look, a man lying in his own blood in our living room! Isn't that cute? >Chibi-usa looked on in awe and said, CROW (Chibi-usa): So, you want me to touch you? JOEL: No hentai flashbacks! >"Wow, Hotaru-chan, can you simulate anything?" >"I don't know," answered Hotaru. TUXEDO (Hotaru): Lets go to the Holocabana and see! S.KNIGHT: Uh, do you think Megane 6.7 will sue us after that remark? MAGIC VOICE: FOURTH WALL ALERT! FOURTH WALL ALERT! (The alarms go off once again.) TOM: Not again! TUXEDO: (Yelling) What's going on? CROW: It's the Fourth Wall Alarms! JOEL: Which you should have disconnected, Crow! CROW: I told Tuxy to do it! TUXEDO: No you didn't! And don't call me Tuxy! TOM: Apologize, Silver Knight! S.KNIGHT: Okay….um…sorry Magic Voice! (The alarms cut of.) JOEL: Let's try to avoid fourth wall comments from now on, okay? OTHERS: Okay. >"Butterfly!" She chased a butterfly to a small bush. TUXEDO: Where she laid down and… JOEL: CROW! CROW: I didn't say anything! JOEL: Oops, force of habit. I mean, ALEX! TUXEDO: Sorry, I'll fix it…made a daisy chain? TOM (stoned): Flower power…groovy man… >"Well, Hortense is dead, but have we seen the last of the enemy?" asked Haruka. CROW (Haruka): And his sexy swaggar? ALL: (shudder) S.KNIGHT: Don't you EVER bring that up again! CROW: Bite me and like it…OUCH! (A yellow rose is protruding from his beak.) TUXEDO: Wanna try that again, punk? S.KNIGHT: (Smiles) Arigato, Tuxedo Alex! TUXEDO: Doi tashimashte, Sailor Silver Knight. JOEL: (Smiles) I'm gonna like having you two here. >"I doubt it. In fact, I'm having one of my nifty little premonitions at this moment," answered Michiru. >"Ooh! Ooh! Me too!" exclaimed Rei. CROW: Me too! JOEL: How so? CROW: I predict that another sex joke will be made soon! TUXEDO: Knowing you Crow, probably in the next five seconds. >Michiru looked into her mirror and noticed an image. It was straight and erect. CROW: ….uh, yeah! I was…uh…right! S.KNIGHT: This is getting down right scary! TOM: It's like this stupid 'fic is in tune with our brain waves, or something. JOEL: Well, it depends if you have a brain to begin with. TOM: (Grumbles) >*Get your minds out of the gutter!* CROW: Come on, Joel! I didn't even say anything! JOEL: It wasn't me! TUXEDO: It was the fanfic… CROW: ….head…approaching….CrItIcAl…. TOM: Hey, head exploding is my job! S.KNIGHT: Head exploding? JOEL: Give it some time, and you'll see… >She immediately recognized what it was. CROW: ….heY…My….viBRaTOR! JOEL: Crow! CROW: ….Hey, I feel better! I needed that out of my system. >"I sense a storm from the desert. It's really bad for my skin. I need a facial now," she said. S.KNIGHT: (Growls softly) His treatment of women in this thing is very wrong… >"Spud? Scum? Spum? TUXEDO: Lets see….a potato, Dr. Foresster, and Alse's sister, who failed to make the cut. TOM: Nice one, Tux! >It's something like that," said Rei. >"Scud," said Michiru. JOEL: The Disposable Assassin? TUXEDO: Great, now it's crossing over into comic books and a Sega Saturn game! TOM: NO MORE CROSSOVERS! PLEASE! >"Iraq is invading?" asked Ami. S.KNIGHT: Anything's better than this fanfic. >"Must be. We have to alert the proper authorities!" exclaimed Minako. "All men, hand your >battleships!" CROW: No men here. Mamoru shed his DiC, remember? S.KNIGHT: (Raises her bow) Say that again…I dare you… CROW (meek voice): I'll be good… >"Hand them to who?" asked Usagi. >"Hand them to me! I want to play Battleship!" she answered. ALL: (Fake laughter.) >All the sweatdrops that resulted could have filled the Persian Gulf. CROW: And all the flames we're gonna send will fill the Albert Hall. >* * * * * ALL (singing): Oh, starry night… S.KNIGHT (singing): You are the one I'm dreaming of… TOM: Thank you! S.KINGHT: (Growls fiercely) TOM: Oops…hehe… >Saddam combed his mustache then walked over to the scud missile. CROW (Saddam): How am I gonna fit this up my ass? JOEL: CROW! CROW: What? >He caressed it like no other military dictator could ever caress their missile. It was his pride and joy, his >most prized possession, and it has provided him many nights of sheer pleasure. Uh, yeah. TUXEDO: Aw, for cryin' out loud, Crow, you're giving the author ideas! CROW: Shut up! >"Go ahead, send all your UN weapons inspectors. You'll never find this baby," he said, mooning the >group of inspectors pictured on a view screen. "Time to put this plan into action." ALL: (Start to gag and ralph on the floor) TUXEDO: What did we ever do to you, Dr. F.? S.KNIGHT: I'm gonna kick Dr. F.'s big fat butt when I get off this thing! CROW: Not even I could stomach that baby! >* * * * * >To be continued. . . sometime. JOEL: Good, we need a break. (All get up from their seats.) >Alrighty then. >Okay, continuing (after a 21 hour break). ALL: What? TOM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (His head explodes, showering gum drops everywhere. TUXEDO: What the hell? JOEL: You're gonna have to get used to this. Hand me another head, Crow. >* * * * * >"Sailor Senshi, meet your doom," said Saddam to his Sailor Mercury doll. TUXEDO: Ahhh….Mercury… JOEL: Uh oh, we're losing Tuxy! CROW: Leave it to me! (Goes over to Tuxedo Alex and bites him on the arm, snapping him out of the fantasy.) TUXEDO: (Holding his arm in pain) Thanks Crow, but when I said "Bite Me", I didn't mean for real! (Everyone else laughs, except for Crow.) CROW: Aw, bite…wait a minute…screw you…or…crap! (Everyone laughs again.) >He didn't notice the pair of women walk in. TOM: (With new head) Sunny and Sable! Yeah! TUXEDO: Man, with all these WWF references, Lynxara would be proud MAGIC VOICE: FOURTH WALL AL… TUXEDO: Sorry! Forgot! (Magic Voice quiets down.) >"Saddam, baby, we would like to help," said the one on the left. >"Ah, the S&M sisters." TOM: ….Please mean "Sailor" and "Moon"! Please mean "Sailor" and "Moon"! S.KNIGHT: Great, this is turning into a lemon scene quick! JOEL: More like a sour orange the way things are going. >"Yes," said the one on the left. "I'd love to help you dish out the pain." >"I'm kind of jealous of them," said the one on the right. CROW: They don't have multiple scars on their bodies. We used ours up! TUXEDO: Crow… >"Can we help? I'll let you do anything to me if you let us." TOM: Pick me! Pick me! S.KNIGHT: Tom… >"Hmm, it's tempting, but this is very delicate. I don't know what you would do," said Saddam. >"Oh, we've got something very nice in mind," grinned S. >"Okay, you can rough them up for me, I guess." >The sisters smiled, one sadistically, the other masochistically. BOTS (singing): Doing the masochism tango… HUMANS: Guys! >* * * * * TOM: Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might….KILL JUPITER KNIGHT! KILL! KILL! KILL! JOEL: Simmer down, Tom! >"They really do look like yams," said Chibiusa to no one in particular. CROW: Hey, let me look and I'll decide for ya! JOEL: Crow! >Haruka and Michiru were off doing something, er, something I'd rather not explain. (In the next room, >Haruka can be heard yelling, "Ride on cowboy!" while Michiru is saying, "I'm enjoying just watching >this.") ALL: @_@ CROW: I declare this fanfic suddenly great! (Stares at the screen intently) TUXEDO: Crap! We're losing Crow! S.KNIGHT: The lemon ideals are sucking him in! JOEL: Someone do something! S.KNIGHT: Silver Star FLOOD! (Another wave of silver stars is sent, this time smashing into Crow.) CROW: (Waking up) Thank you guys…I nearly lost my mind there… >"Haruka-papa is riding the mechanical bull again," said Hotaru. TOM: Well, at least JK comes up with an explanation…CURSE YOU STEVE AND THE ANGRY DOLPHIN! MANY YOU DIE 1000 DEATHS! TUXEDO: Calm down, Tom! Please! >"Oh well, I think something evil this way comes," said Rei. >"Hi-ho Silver, away!" came a shout from the other room. CROW: Silver Knight? Where?….Ouch! (A flash of light ensues, and Crow mysteriously has a silver arrow sticking out of his head. Tuxedo is holding S.Knight back.) S.KNIGHT: Come on! Let me get another shot in! Silver Star FLO… TUXEDO: No, Michelle! We can't let Forrester turn us against ourselves! TOM: Michelle? Were you in the fanfic, too?…OWWW! (A silver arrow is sticking out of his head as well.) S.KNIGHT: (Lowering her bow) I feel much better, now! JOEL: You guys deserved what you got! BOTS: Grumble (Everyone takes their seats again.) >Before anyone could make any kind of reply, the microwave beeped. Shortly before that, Diana was >found trying to get into the microwave. S.KNIGHT: Diana's purposely trying to commit suicide to get out of this 'fic! JOEL: No, Diana! You have too much of a life to live!…How'd she get here, anyway? >Luckily, she was on Chibiusa's head, but no one could find Luna. TOM: Uh, please don't tell me what I think your trying to tell me, JK! TUXEDO (Diana): You bastards! You burnt my mother! Now I can't exist anymore! JOEL: At least it wasn't my pet hamster. >"Dinner's ready!" exclaimed Makoto. ALL: (Begin to moan and groan again.) CROW: Sh*t! Now these people are cannibals! IS THERE ANY SHREAD OF DECENCY IN YOU, JK? JOEL: Number one, no, and number two, watch the language! >They all ate dinner and complemented Makoto on what a good cook she was. Of course, she denied it, >saying she found this meat in the microwave, not knowing what kind it was. S.KNIGHT (Luna): Minako! Are you deaf? Don't start the micro….AAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHH! TUXEDO: Poor kitty! What did she ever do to you, Jupiter Knight? (Starts bawling) S.KNIGHT: (Puts her arm around Tuxedo Alex to comfort him.) There, there, Tuxedo Alex. >* * * * * JOEL: The five Sailor Scouts pay homage to their dear departed friend. TOM: In their digestive tracks? JOEL: Unfortunately. >Later, Luna showed up at the front door of the Tsukino residence. CROW (Usagi): A ghost! JOEL (Luna): You shall be visited by three spirits! TOM (Luna): The first goes by the name of Andy, who will turn you into crappy American dub! TUXEDO (Luna): The second is Moltar, who shall air you on the Cartoon Network! S.KNIGHT (Luna): And the third will be Makoto, who will die later! I am severely pissed off! >She found what appeared to be two women who had some strange fetishes. Everyone went downtown >and found two women who had some strange fetishes. JOEL: (Blandly) The action sequences put Ratcliff to shame! >Of course, before they went, they transformed into undubbed Senshi. CROW: …with strange fetishes? TUXEDO: (Holds his head.) I knew you were gonna say that! >"I am Sailor Moon, you desecrate the city of Tokyo with your perverted ways, and I will not stand for it." BOTS: We will! S.KNIGHT: Guys… CROW: Yeah! Keep going! TUXEDO: Guys! TOM: This makes the fanfic interesting! JOEL: GUYS! CROW: Sorry, got caught up in the moment. >"Hmm, I think I have a costume like that in the closet," said Sailor Neptune. >"And you look great in it," smiled Sailor Uranus. TUXEDO: The hell with the SM Sisters. KILL THE LESBOS! They annoy me greatly! JOEL: Man, it must have been hell for you to play Haruka's part. TUXEDO: Well, out of one hell, into another… >"Ahem!" exclaimed Sailor Moon. "Tsuki ni kawatte oshioki yo!" ALL: (Start doing the hand motions with Sailor Moon, except for Tom, for his arms don't work.) >"Yes, punish me!" exclaimed one of the women. >"Okay," answered all the Sailor Senshi. JOEL (Random Senshi): Your grounded! TOM (Random Senshi): Off to bed with no supper! S.KNIGHT (Random Senshi): No talking on the phone for a week! TUXEDO: (Random Senshi): We're taking away your car! CROW: (Random Senshi): You're gonna get a spankin', eventhough you'll probably think it's erotic! JOEL: The "Punishing" sketch, ladies and gentleman. >"Mercury Aqua Venus Love and Mars Flame Jupiter Oak Silence Glaive Space Sword Submarine Dead" >rose at ready "Twinkle Moon Gorgeous Rhapsody Beauty Shock Sniper Evolution Surprise Blaster >Reflection Scream" rose thrown "Yell Meditation!" and it all happened, including a Pegasus who >appeared and disappeared. TUXEDO: Unfortunately, the entire thing took too long to execute, the SM Sisters got away, Saddam launched his nuke, and the entire world was destroyed. The end. TOM: So, what's on Saturday Anime? >The S&M Sisters were thoroughly punished, not to mention completely destroyed. >"I'm sure one of them was in sheer pleasure when we attacked," said Ami. CROW: How would she know? JOEL: Crow! CROW: Bite me! >* * * * * S.KNIGHT: The remains of the S sister. >"I saw that coming," said Saddam. "It's all in my plan. However, Sailor Senshi, you will not survive the >scud, the most lethal thing I have!" CROW: After all, it is straight and erect! S.KNIGHT: (Holds her bow at the ready) Wanna go for two, gold boy? CROW: (Doesn't open his mouth again.) >* * * * * TUXEDO: The remains of the M sister. >Next time on the Evil Guy From Another Dimension: TOM: About fifty-thousand more cameos, even more useless sections, no plot, no nothing…F*CK YOU JK!!!!!! F*CK YOU! OTHERS: Simmer down, and watch the language! >Usagi: We didn't get to see that So Damn Insane guy. CROW: And That's a bad thing? >Minako: Do you think he buried his head in quicksand like an emu? JOEL: Considering that's where Minako's head is, she probably saw him. >Rei: Wait, three more of those leather clad women have arrived! Are there more sexually perverse evil >women that we have to fight?! TOM: I wouldn't mind it! TUXEDO: Tom… >Usagi: But when are we going to see Sodom Hussy guy? TUXEDO: When hell freezes over…no, wait a sec, that's when this fanfic ends. >Author's Notes: Isn't this wonderful? S.KNIGHT: Should we answer this truthfully? >It's going almost nowhere. TUXEDO: "Almost" isn't the word I'd use. >Okay, it's not as goofy as the first 3 parts, but I just moved and I'm getting adjusted to having to deal >with no tv and vcr (that means no anime for a while). CROW: That's what you get for writing this piece of garbage! >Otherwise, you can send flames, praises and fan worship to me at jarcher@direct.ca. ALL: Fan Worship? JOEL: JK thinks he's a God, now? >-- >==================================================================== === > Anime Manga Internet Directory > http://www.dragonfire.net/~JupiterKnight/anime/index.htm > Anime guide and reviews! Episode synopses, song lyrics, midis, > character information! Submit your URL in the Directory! > Nominate your page for an award! >----------------------------------------------------------------------- > Main: http://www.dragonfire.net/~JupiterKnight/ > Over 500 Sailormoon fanfics for you to read! >==================================================================== === CROW: It's over! TUXEDO: We survived? TOM: My God! S.KNIGHT: Let's go! (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) @@@@@ BACK ON THE SATELLITE OF LOVE (Joel, the Bots, and the Heroes all enter, with Gypsy giving them a box of Advil to soothe the pain.) TOM: I don't wanna go back in there, Joel! CROW: It's too painful! JOEL: I know, guys, but it'll all be over soon. TUXEDO: Sailor Silver Knight and I are going to our rooms to lie down. JOEL: Go ahead. S.KNIGHT: See you in a few. (Tuxedo and S.Knight leave.) JOEL: (sighs) Anyway, let's check with Hewy and Dewy and see what their up to. (Dr. F. and Frank appear on the viewscreen. Both of them are fiddling with the levers of their device.) DR. F.: Oh, hello guinea pigs! We're trying to fix this machine so we'll feel normal again. FRANK: Howzit comin' Boss? DR. F.: Fine. Pull that last lever in the middle. (Frank goes to the middle one, but accidentally bumps the lever to the right of him.) DR. F.: NOT THAT ONE! (BZZZT) (BUZZZZ) (BLAM!!!!!!) (Joel, the Bots, and the Mads change in their outward appearance. Dr. F. changes into Lola Bunny from Space Jam. Frank somehow becomes Felicia from Darkstalkers. On the SOL, Tom transforms into a white cat. Crow has a blonde wig on him, complete with Sailor Venus fuku. Joel is suddenly 13 years old.) DR. F: Uh oh. I thin we have a lil problem! FRANK: My tennis are caught on the levers! (The Bots realize what is going on.) CROW: uh oh! TOM: Frank frogned the wong switch! JOEL: (Looks inside his pants, much to his dismay.) Oh no! CROW: We've moved to…. ALL: OSCAR MODE!!!!!!!!!!!! DR. F.: Damn you, Frank! You frogned the wrong switch! FRANK: Come again? DR. F.: I said you frogned….frogned? What the hell does frogned mean? TOM: This is gonna f*ckin' suk! JOEL: uh, Tom…I hate to say it…but u look good to me! (Joel starts to advance towards Tom.) TOM: Joel…uh…don't look at me like that! DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! (Tom starts to run around the room, with Joel running after him. CROW: JOEL, STOP! HE'S MINE!….what'd I just say? TOM: Stop hcasing me, Joel! Stop hcasing me! (Tuxedo Alex and Sailor Silver Knight return to see what is going on.) TUXEDO: (Dumbfounded) What the slag? CROW: Dr F. messed up! Now he's in Oscar Mode! S.KNIGHT: Then why weren't we affected? TOM: (Still running) I guess….you weren't around…(gasp)…when he pulled the lever! JOEL: Tom, whatever happens to you, know that I love…I mean, I'm sory! TUXEDO: Uh, lets check back on the Mads… @@@@@ DEEP 13 1/3 (Dr. F. is still trying to undo the damage that Frank had caused.) FRANK: Uh, Doc? DR. F.: What is it, Frank? FRANK: U beter hury, I think I'm starting to get attrackted to you… DR. F. Shit!….Not only do the censors not work, but ANYTHING can happen in an Oscarfic! DAMMIT! (Dr. F. punches the box hard. He creates a large hole with sparks flying out…) (BZZZT) (BUZZZZ) (BLAM!!!!!!) @@@@@ TO BE CONTINUED… Author's Notes So, how'd ya like this installment? I was really in a bad mood when I wrote the ending, so I stuck Joel and everyone else in OSCARLAND! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway, you'll just have to see what the result of this entire matter is in Part 5. Until then, Toodles! Previous Experiments: 01: ANOTHER SAILOR By Laurie Carpio 02: REI'S SISTER by Ann 03: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (Pt.1) by Jupiter Knight 04: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (Pt.2) by Jupiter Knight 05: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (Pt.3) by Jupiter Knight 06: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (Pt.4) by Jupiter Knight Future Experiments: (Coming Soon) 07: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (Pt.5) by Jupiter Knight 08: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (Pt.6) by Jupiter Knight 09: SERENA KILL THE KENNIDIES (Pts. 1-3) by Paulo F.M. Freire 10: SERENA KILL THE KENNIDIES (Pts. 4-6) by Paulo F.M. Freire More Disclaimers Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC. Any other brand names or song titles or anything of the like that I forgot to mention are the properties of whoever created them in the first place. I take NO CREDIT from them! (There, that oughta keep me from getting sued!) Stinger: "Mercury Aqua Venus Love and Mars Flame Jupiter Oak Silence Glaive Space Sword Submarine Dead" rose at ready "Twinkle Moon Gorgeous Rhapsody Beauty Shock Sniper Evolution Surprise Blaster Reflection Scream" rose thrown "Yell Meditation!" and it all happened, including a Pegasus who appeared and disappeared. Shameless Self Plug: Go see my other works, the Sailor Moon Chronicles, and the TUXEDO ALEX SPECIAL EDITIONS of my MSTings at: http://www.lavender.fortunecity.com/rothside/482/index.html Please? Pretty please?