Gold Digger Theater 3000 - Episode 2

"Gold Digger" is the copyrighted property of Fred Perry and Antarctic
Press
MST3K is the copyrighted property of Best Brains
"Dexter's Laboratory" is the copyrighted property of Hanna Barbara
and Cartoon Network
"A Dimension of Fighters" is the property of Omoto Takashi

MiSTing by Chris Rand: ctrand@yahoo.com

        *       *       *

[The bridge of MSoL (Mandark's Satellite of Love).  Cheetah comes
wandering in, dressed in a pair of shorts and a frayed T-shirt with
"Yes, they're real" emblazoned across the chest.  She is munching
from a bag of corn chips, and in general just looking rather bored.]

CHEETAH: Man, I wish [munch] I could help [crunch] Gina and Bri.
Until they get that Holo-thingie working, I've got [smack] nothing to
do.  I can't even work out, there's nothing heavy enough.  [She
sighs]  I wish Stripe were here.

[She grumbles for a bit more, then shoves a huge wad of chips in her
mouth, just as the communication light flashes.  She looks at it with
a wary expression, then taps it once.  The hexfield activates,
revealing Mandark sitting in his usual hover-chair.]

MANDARK: Good afternoon, Miss Cheetah.  I trust you're enjoying
yourself?

CHEETAH: Mrphsers shgiube as;ldh;e!

MANDARK [confused]: Ummm...what?

CHEETAH [finishes chewing and swallows the chips]: No, I'm not
enjoying myself, you little twit!  I'm bored out of my mind up here!

MANDARK [grinning wickedly]: Well, I believe we can rectify that.
How about the next story?

CHEETAH: Ummm, how about not?

GINA [in the distance]: Wait, wait, we're ready!

[Gina and Brianna come running onto the bridge, carrying something
covered with a cloth.  The object is easily 6 feet long, and there
are several small projections making tents of the sheet.  The two
ladies are breathing heavily, but they both wear a satisfied
expression.]

MANDARK: What in the world is that?

BRIANNA: It's our invention, for the exchange.  Gina?

GINA: Thanks, sis.  Now, as I'm sure you know-

MANDARK: Just a moment.  What is this "invention exchange?"

[Gina and Brianna stare at the boy with shocked looks.  Cheetah just
grins slightly and keeps munching.]

GINA: You mean...there's no exchange?

BRIANNA: They always did this early on in the original series.  Each
side would make an invention for the week, and they'd share them with
each other.  It was my favorite part of the show!

MANDARK: A pointless and juvenille expenditure of mental energies.  I
don't have the time to waste on such exercises.

[Brianna looks crestfallen; Gina is starting to get a bit riled.]

GINA: Now hold on there, Mannie! [Mandark looks shocked.]  If you're
going to do this, you should do it right!  And that means you have an
invention exchange.  [She gets a crafty look in her eyes.]  Or are
you just afraid you'll be outdone by a couple of -girls-?

MANDARK [looking indigent]: I am the greatest scientific mind in the
universe, and I will not back down from any challenge!  Very well,
from now on we will do this, "invention exchange" of yours.  And
don't call me Mannie.

CHEETAH: Aw, don't be so uptight, -Mannie-.

MANDARK [fuming]: Just for that, I'm going to send you the sequel to
your last experiment.  Prepare for the next part of "Dimension of
Fighters."

[The field shuts off.  Gina and Brianna both turn and glare at
Cheetah, who can only look ashamed.]

CHEETAH: Uh...oops?

[Klaxons sound.]

ALL: WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!

        *       *       *

[6]-[5]-[4]-[3]-[2]-[1]

[The ladies take their seats in the usual order.]

BRIANNA: Way to go, Brit.
CHEETAH: I'm sorry, all right?  I forgot there was more than one part
to this.

>       A Sailor Tale. A Dimension of Fighters

BRIANNA: A World of - oh, wait, I did that one last time.
GINA [Rod Serling]: You are entering a world of bad grammar and
spelling...a world where coherent plots are scarce and god-like self-
insertion characters abound.  You are entering...the Bad Fanfic Zone.

>       (fanfic/plot for my next game)

GINA: Y'know, this reminds me of that live-action "Street Fighter"
movie.
BRIANNA: Um...stories based on games that turned out really bad?
GINA: Exactly.

>It's my very first fanfic...

CHEETAH: And believe me, it shows.

>It actually wasn't supposed to be even one but when I was writing
>the plot it looked so nice that I did a story based on it.

BRIANNA: Tonight on Fox - When Bad Ideas get Even Worse.

>       VII - The missing link

GINA: Isn't that an upcoming Nintendo game?
BRIANNA: We can only hope.

> The light started to annoy.

CHEETAH: Much like this story.

>A breeze woke up Mina. She opened her eyes and saw a figure of an
>white cat.

GINA: Ah!  It's "Artemis' Lover!!"
BRIANNA: Huh?
GINA: Sorry...I've been doing some reading on the net.  Y'know, there
are an awful lot of -really- bad stories out there.  Believe me when
I say we're getting off rather easy with this one.

>"Artemis... what a strange dream I just had... We were in another
>dimension and there was a daimon free, and a lot of ugly looking
>guys... and we were defeated"

CHEETAH [Artemis]: That's what you get for eating week-old pizza
before bedtime.

> "Rest, my daughter"

BRIANNA [Artemis]: Yes, you just rest...don't worry, the men in white
suits will be here soon.

>"Hum?

ALL [hum "The Sound of Music"]
CHEETAH: I never get tired of that joke.

>Daughter? Since when does Artemis calls me daughter? And what is
>that wierd taste in my mouth ?"

[Gina shudders]
CHEETAH: "AL" again?
GINA [weakly]: Yeah...
BRIANNA: Maybe I should check that story out.
GINA: Trust me, you don't want to.

>Mina was starting to get confuse...

BRIANNA: I see she's been taking lessons from Usagi.

>this was too strange. She took a second look at the cat... that
>wasn't Artemis! This one was standing, and holding a stick. She
>immediately got up and looked around. The other girls started to get
>up also. They were on a strange round, red tilled floor. Around
>them, again there was nothing but air.

CHEETAH: So, they were inside Usagi's head.
GINA: Will you two stop dissing Sailor Moon?
BRIANNA: But it's so -easy-!

>"Ohoh... it wasn't a dream" thought disappointed Mina. Yet she
>didn't felt hurt. She felt even better than before!

BRIANNA: I take it some of that "outstanding pain" from the previous
day was still lingering.
CHEETAH: Here we go again...

>"I thought you were never going to wake up!" Goku was there, as
>well as another men dressed in red clothes.

GINA: Okay, now who is this?  Kuririn?  Yajirobe?
BRIANNA: A little more description would be good here, Takashi.
CHEETAH [MAD TV]: Could you be a little more vague, please?

>"What happened?" Usagi had also got up and was as confused as
>Minako.
> "You were badly injured during your fight with Genesiza.

CHEETAH: Bless you.

> Goku brought you here, where you were cured with senzu beans."

GINA: Ah, the senzu bean - fruit of the Deus Ex Machina plant.

>Usagi looked at the talking cat. "Senzu beans ?... what is that ?"
>"You eat one of those beans and you'll get completely cured and
>feeded for 10 days" replied Goku.

BRIANNA: "Feeded?"  Sounds like the Senshi are a bunch of livestock
now.
CHEETAH: Well, that would explain Usagi's int-
GINA: Okay, -what- is your problem with Sailor Moon?  You've done
nothing but slam her since she showed up!
CHEETAH: Um, nothing, actually.
BRIANNA: Yeah, we actually kind of like the show.  Usagi's just the
easiest target.
GINA: Oh...well, then I guess that's okay.

> "Eat... is that the strange taste I got in my mouth ?"

BRIANNA: No, that's from the-
CHEETAH: Don't go there, Brianna.
GINA [turning green]: I did -not- need that image.

>"You'll get used to it .If you're going after that thing, you're
>going to need some" replied the large men.

GINA: Ooooo, mountains of man-meat!  Come to mama!
BRIANNA: Where'd they come from?  Who the heck are we talking about?
CHEETAH: Um, Kami-sama and Popo?
GINA [paling]: Forget I said that.

> All the girls were now standing.

ALL [bored]: Yay.

> "Its amazing!"

GINA [Pinky]: It's fantastically amazing! [blowtorches a car]
BRIANNA [Brain]: What does -that- have to do with anything?
GINA [Pinky]: Well, they always do that on these shows.
BRIANNA: The "Pinky and the Brain" sketch, ladies and gentlemen.
CHEETAH: How the -hell- did you do that?

>They thought they would never get up again. The daimon really
>knocked them out hard,

GINA: And the winner by knockout is...the daimon!
ALL [cheer]

>and they all felt several bones broken, but now they didn't got any
>injuries.

BRIANNA [Texan]: I reckon they done be all healed up by now.
CHEETAH: Bad Western accents are Gina's department, Bri.
GINA: Yeah...hey!

> "Now, what happened to you?

CHEETAH: Well, we got pulled onto this satellite - oh, you mean the
Scouts?
GINA: Actually it's Senshi.
BRIANNA: There's a difference?
GINA: The Sailor -Senshi- are the original Japanese characters, which
Takashi is using here; the Sailor -Scouts- are the watered-down
American versions.
BRIANNA&CHEETAH: Ooooo...
CHEETAH: Fangirl.
GINA: The correct term is -otaku-.  And I'm not, I'm just a stickler
for details.

>I thought you were stronger, and that you have killed several demons
>like that one"

GINA [Usagi]: Well, yeah, but we didn't have Tuxedo Kamen here to
distract it at the last moment and shout repetitive encouraging
phrases.
CHEETAH: -Now- who's being critical?

>Goku didn't know what to think about them.  They had a great, if
>strange, 'ki', but they didn't used it.
> "He HAVE...

BRIANNA: Here they go, changing sexes again.
GINA: Takashi, buddy - we love 'ya, but you really have to watch
those gender-specific pronouns.

>But this one is very different of the others." replied Rei "This one
>was VERY fast... And very strong too!"

GINA [sultry Rei]: He's so fast...and sooo strong.
CHEETAH: You do that far too well.
BRIANNA: Actually, wouldn't it be better if he were slow?  With lots
of stamina?
GINA: Works for me!
CHEETAH [hanging her head]: This is going to be a loooooooong stay...

> "He wasn't strong.

CHEETAH: Not compared to most of the characters who inhabit the DBZ
universe, no.
GINA: Remember, Cheets, we're actually in the "Dragonball" timeline
here - we haven't reached "Z" yet.

>Indeed it should be one of the weaker daimons who have fighted with
>you. His power is only 10% of the original daimon"

BRIANNA: It's the new, reduced-power daimon!  Now with only 10% of
the strength of the original!
CHEETAH: And it can be yours for only $99.95!
GINA: You two have been watching the Home Shopping Network again,
haven't you?

> "No! It can't be true!"

GINA [Luke]: That's not true!  That's impossible!
CHEETAH [Vader]: Search your feelings, you -know- it to be true.
GINA [Luke]: NOOOOOOOO!!
BRIANNA [holding her ears]: Ouch!  Watch the volume, sis.

>Mako didn't believed that such a small powered thing could defeat
>the sailors.

GINA: They got beaten by a vibrator?
BRIANNA: Hey, good one sis!
CHEETAH: Great, now there's -two- of them.

>Also, the idea that something out there was indeed 10 times stronger
>that that thing they fight against scared the hell out of her.
>"Ok... If that demon is soo weak and we cannot beat it, what should
>we do ?"

CHEETAH: I would advise you to run like hell.

>Minako was starting to feel useless against the treat.

GINA: I wasn't aware that being pummeled senseless was considered a
treat.
BRIANNA: Well, if they're masochists...

> "You will train with Goku,

CHEETAH [Minako]: We're doomed.
VOICE: You did that one last time.
CHEETAH: Ah, bite me.
GINA: Um, who's talking here?

>and learn how to defeat the daimons"
> "WHAT? I'll train them ? But i never trained someone before !"

BRIANNA: The six words you never want to hear your teacher say.
GINA: I thought those were "I have to call your parents."

>"I'm not suited to the task of training , and they don't have
>enough time to learn all of the Kami-sama arts."
>"Wait a moment here. Are you saying that we are going to train with
>a little boy ?" interrupted Mako.

CHEETAH: I'm going to have to agree with Makoto here.  Regardless of
his skill and power level, I'd be suspicious about training under a
14-year old kid, too.

> "He is one of our strongest fighters" replied the cat.
>"Yeah yeah... we know..." Mina didn't believed the faith that they
>putted

GINA [announcer, hushed]: And here's the birdie putt...oh, and it
just lips out.

>on such a small sample of guy.

GINA [Yoda]: Size matters not.  Judge me by my size, do you?
BRIANNA: Well, actually...
CHEETAH: Could we discuss this another time, Bri?

> "All right, I'll train them"
> "But not here... you should find a better place"

CHEETAH: No argument here.
BRIANNA: Yeah, training with Goku could cause more damage than the
daimon.

> "Sure..."
>"W'll need to get out of here again" Rei was now near the floor
>edges and looked down to to clouds. "What a strange arquitecture
>they have" she thought "defies gravity !"

GINA: So her thoughts have an anti-grav field?
BRIANNA: Somehow I thought Usagi would be more likely to have those.
CHEETAH: Okay, I've got to agree with Gina, those are starting to get
old.
BRIANNA: Awwww...

>"I have an idea ! Wait here. KINTO-CLOUD!" The flying cloud came
>near Goku, who jumped right in and flew away into the horizon,

ALL: Ouch!
GINA: That's going to bring a hefty repair bill.  Horizons aren't
cheap.

>leaving 5 girls, a guy and a cat wordless.

CHEETAH: Sounds like a new sitcom...
GINA [Don LaFontaine]: Coming this fall to the WB - "5 Girls, a Guy,
and a Cat."
BRIANNA: That guy is probably the envy of every male Sailor Moon fan
on the planet right now.
GINA: Wait a minute...shouldn't there be -6- girls?
[All pause; then]: They killed Chibi-Usa!  Yay!
VOICE: You three are sick...and she's not dead.
ALL: Damn!

>"Well... We just have to wait to see what was on his mind" said the
>cat "By the way, I didn't introduced myself, I'm Sempyou and he is
>Yajirobe" pointing to the fat men dressed in red clothes.

BRIANNA: Hey, hey now!  I know Yajirobe isn't exactly thin, but he's
not so big he counts as multiple people!

> "Hello..." replied Yajirope.
> The girls introduced himselfs to Sempyou and Yajirove.

GINA: Intense...introduction...action!
BRIANNA: So not only are the Scouts male, but they all count as one
person.
CHEETAH: Haven't you finished running that joke into the ground yet?
BRIANNA: Not even close.
GINA: Wait a minute...Magic Voice, replay the last five lines please.
VOICE: Compliance!

>"Well... We just have to wait to see what was on his mind" said the
>cat "By the way, I didn't introduced myself, I'm Sempyou and he is
>Yajirobe" pointing to the fat men dressed in red clothes.
> "Hello..." replied Yajirope.
> The girls introduced himselfs to Sempyou and Yajirove.

GINA: Uh-huh, that's what I thought.  Man, they've got a regular
party going on there!
CHEETAH: What?
GINA: Well, look!  You've got Sempyou, Yajirobe, Yajirope, and
Yajirove.
CHEETAH: Who the heck are Yajirope and Yajirove?
BRIANNA: They must be Yajirobe's brothers.

> "You should rest. You have a long day ahead of you"

>       VIII - Magic capsules

CHEETAH: So -that's- what they're calling Ny-Quil Liquicaps these
days.

> Soon Goku was back.

BRIANNA: In black.
[Cheetah starts humming "Back in Black."]

> "Hello again"

GINA [singing]: Hello again, hello.  Just called to say hello.
CHEETAH: You -listen- to that?!

> "Well... what was your idea of leaving so quick?"

CHEETAH [Goku]: I was trying to escape this story.
BRIANNA [confused]: Who's talking?

>"I went to Bulma to get this" showing a small box "Its for you",
>giving it to Usagi.
>"Lets see..." She opened the box, and inside there were 8 small
>numbered capsule-like things "What's this ?"

BRIANNA: They're pills.  For when you and Mamoru-
CHEETAH: Stop right there.
GINA: Only 8?  That won't last them long.
BRIANNA: How do you figure?
GINA: Well, her name -does- mean rabbit...
[Cheetah sighs wearily]

> "Its a capsule box.

CHEETAH: No [bleep], Sherlock...the hell?!
VOICE: Sorry, no swearing allowed.
CHEETAH: Aw, [bleep]...dammit!
BRIANNA: You seem rather stressed today, Cheetah.
GINA: Goku -is- Master of the Obvious.

>Never saw one?"
> "What are they for ?"

BRIANNA: Like I said, they're for-
CHEETAH: No!
BRIANNA: You never let me have any fun.

>"Simple" Goku grabbed a capsule numbered 1, pressed the small
>button on the top, and trow it to the ground. Suddenly a strange
>sounding explosion happened

ALL: BOM!

>and appeared an oval shaped vehicle.

CHEETAH [turns to her sisters]: Why can't you two make something like
that?
GINA [smiles smugly]: Who says we haven't?
BRIANNA: But what kind of vehicle was it, Takashi?  Was it a plane?
CHEETAH: A train?
GINA: An automobile?
VOICE: Okay, that was really lame.
ALL: Bite us.

> "What a lovely model, a sports flyer" said Yaji.
> "Hey! Where the hell did THAT came from ?"

GINA [Max]: That's none of your damn business.

>"From the capsule, of course. You really aren't from here" replied
>Yajirobe.
> "But how..." Ami didn't understood nothing of what was happening.

BRIANNA: We sympathize, Ami.

>It has gone against all the laws of physics and good-sense .

GINA: Well, actually that's not true.  You see, if you-
CHEETAH: I really don't want to hear this right now, Gina.

>"Well, it can't get any weirder !"

CHEETAH: Warning!  Warning!  Danger Ami Mizuno, danger!
BRIANNA: Take it from us, Ami - never, -ever- say those words.

> "Well, its your way out of here!"

GINA [Ami]: A way out of this story?  Huzzah!

>The girls got inside the strange vehicle. Although small, there was
>space for 6 people.

BRIANNA: I smell orgy.
CHEETAH [slyly]: Why -Brianna-...I didn't know you were into that.
BRIANNA [goes beet-red]: No, nonononono!  I just...it seemed...
GINA: Don't stress, Bri.  Brittany was just teasing you.

>"But... who will drive? I don't have a flyer's license" asked
>Usagi.

CHEETAH: Details, details.

> "A flyer's what ?"

GINA [Mexican]: License?  We don't need no stinking license!

>"Don't need to worry, I think they don't have cops in this place"
>mumbled Ami. She went to the pilot chair, sat down and looked at the
>console. "Funny, looks just like that game on the Center" she
>thought ,

BRIANNA [shocked]: Ami's a Pretender?!
CHEETAH: It would explain a few things.
GINA [dreamy]: I wonder if she knows Jared?

>"Let's see" pressing on the button named "START".

GINA: Usually a good place to begin.
CHEETAH [Usagi]: Hey, what does this big, shiny red button labeled
"Destruct" do?
BRIANNA: Ooo, cheap shot.

> The hole machine lit up and ignited.

BRIANNA: Hey, they're stealing Courtney Love's bus!
CHEETAH: Stealing, nothing.  They just blew it up!

> "Hey! You got it!"

GINA [singing]: Raise your hand!
BRIANNA&CHEETAH [singing]: You know it!
GINA [s]: Raise your hand!
B&C [s]: You got it!
ALL [s]: You feel confident - secure!  So raise your haaaaaand...if
you're Sure!
VOICE: There will be no more product plugs for the rest of this fic.
ALL: Awwwww...

> "This is easy... no problem!"
> "Well, you go in the machine, I like my cloud more. Follow me!"
> "Ok"
>Ami pulled the console stick down and the flyer started lifting
>off.
> Goku and his cloud were now just on the side of the vehicle.

GINA: Hey!  No freeloaders!

> "And off we go !" said Ami, pressing on the "TRUST" trottle.

BRIANNA: The Capsule Corp. flyer - powered by TRUST and LOVE.
CHEETAH [quickly]: SomeassemblyrequiredTRUSTnotincluded.

> The machine roared and take off, followed by Goku's cloud.
>"Are you sure that was a good idea to let Goku train them ?" asked
>Yaji.

CHEETAH [Sempyou]: It seemed like the quickest way to get rid of them
and end this story.
GINA: Boy, you are stressed...you're getting dark.

>"Kami-sama ordered me to do that. He has his reasons" replied
>Sempyou.

>       IX - Power beyond understood

>Ami was really starting to enjoy flying the machine. "So easy to
>manover...

BRIANNA: Not at all like those boys back home, eh Ami?
CHEETAH: Brianna!
GINA: Inanimate objects -do- tend to have a certain...something to
them.
CHEETAH: GINA!! [Gina realizes what she just said, and goes crimson.]
BRIANNA: Whoa!  I think we're going to have to have a talk later,
sis.
CHEETAH: Thank you, Brianna.
BRIANNA: After all, I need something to spice up my evenings with
Genn.
CHEETAH: Why me?

>like nothing else on our dimension" She looked outside, Goku was
>pointing down. Beneath them, there was a strange place. Fairy-
>castels, small rocks formation, and deserted plains formed an
>strange place, similar to those american rock deserts in a small
>scale.

GINA: I'm not sure, but I think this may be a desert.
BRIANNA: Really?  I couldn't tell.

>"Here? But this is an desert!" thought Ami. Yet she waved at Goku
>and landed on the spot "Everybody out!"
>"Here? But why here?" asked Mako "There isn't a sign of
>civilization for miles !"

CHEETAH: Believe me, Makoto, if you're going to train with Goku this
is a -good- thing.

> "Well, are you coming out?"

BRIANNA: Of the closet?
CHEETAH: Brianna...
GINA: In many writers' minds, the undertones are there, Cheets.  A
lot of lemon story writers act on that concept.
CHEETAH: Ummm, what's a lemon story?
GINA: I'll explain it later.

>Goku was curious about what they knew of fighting, and wanted to
>test them.
> "All right, we are going!"

GINA: To Disneyland!

>The sun started to set, making the rock formation shadows shrink.
>They have been travelling for quite a while.

BRIANNA: So, wait, did they fly out to the middle of the desert, just
so they could -walk- for several hours?  What's the point in that?!
CHEETAH: To build character?
GINA: As Mike or Joel would say...just smile and nod.

>"And now, 'sensei' ?" Mina thought that Goku was a joke. He could
>never be the strongest guy in the world.

ALL: We beg to differ.
BRIANNA: They're going to learn the hard way, aren't they?
GINA: Yup.

> "Well, lets fight !" replied Goku.

CHEETAH [Mills Lane]: Let's get it on!

>"Fight ? Against you ? But you're a little boy!" Usago didn't
>believed what Goku was saying "You must be joking!" .

GINA [Goku]: No, see, if I were joking I would say, "Two Jews walk
into a bar, and one falls down."
BRIANNA: Was that obscure?
CHEETAH: It shouldn't be.

> "Why ? Are you afraid ?

ALL [make chicken noises]

>I'll not harm you too much"
> "Harming us ? What the hell are you speaking?"

BRIANNA: My guess would be Japanese.

>"Well, I have to see what you know... and the best way is you
>showing me"

CHEETAH: True, very true.
BRIANNA: How would you know?
CHEETAH: It's the technique mom uses to train people.

>"I think there should not be any harm in a little fight. After all
>he IS their 'strongest fighter'" Mako didn't liked to be humiliated,
>and this was a good chance of showing that they weren't weak and
>useless,

GINA: Five bucks says all this does is show they're weak and useless.
BRIANNA: I'll pass.
CHEETAH: Same.

> "This is what we are here for, right?"
> "MOON PRISM POWER!"
> "MERCURY STAR POWER!"
> "VENUS STAR POWER!"
> "MARS STAR POWER!"
> "JUPITER STAR POWER!"
> "MOON PRISM POWER!"

GINA: BLONDE BOMBSHELL SUPERGENIUS POWER!
BRIANNA: HORNY GUN-TOTING SUPERGENIUS POWER!
CHEETAH: Uh...STYLIN' WERECHEETAH POWER!
BRIANNA: That kind of bit, Brittany.
CHEETAH [grumpily]: I panicked, all right?

> "Do you want to fight all at the same time?"
> "Yes... We work best as a team.

BRIANNA [Sailor Moon]: Especially when we all get in a big circle
and-
CHEETAH: Stop right there.
GINA: I see you've decided those comments are fair game.
BRIANNA [grinning]: Damn skippy!

>Any problem with that ?" replied Sailor Moon.
> "No" Goku now looked at them

GINA: So, was he just talking to air before?
BRIANNA: Hey, stop dissing Sailor Moon!
GINA: But I...hey!
CHEETAH [giggles]

>and stood in a defensive position "You can start first"
>"SUPREME THUNDER DRAGON"

CHEETAH: KAMEHAMEHA!
BRIANNA: HADOKEN!
GINA: MOUKOU TAKABISHI!

>Jupiter invoked her attack at the surprised look of Goku. "This is
>one of the most impressive attack I ever saw!"

BRIANNA: In fact, he was so impressed that he didn't see Jupiter run
up and smack him...right?
GINA: No, because that would be a -smart- move.

>he thought. Immediately he crossed his arms and waited for impact.
>The thunder surrounded him... but he came out with no harm.

CHEETAH: Natch.

> "Hum... it's so weak for such an impressive display!"

GINA [sighs]: I've known lots of guys like that.

>Goku felt only a slight impact.

BRIANNA: Which means to a normal person it would have been the
equivalent of having a Mac truck run into them.

> "But... i hit him right in the middle!"
>"Yes you did... and now its my turn" with a smile Goku hold back
>his hand and at an impressive speed punched the air. The air
>desolation provoked hit Sailor Jupiter making her loose her balance
>and fall.

CHEETAH: "Air deso..." What the hell kind of crap-ass name is that
for an attack?!
BRIANNA: Easy, Cheetah!

> "You're down, who's next"

GINA [bored monotone]: Number 6...number 6...now serving number 6...

>"MERCURY BUBBLE BLAST!" Mercury launched her old cover attack,
>thinking it would give a chance to the others to attack.

BRIANNA: Wow, a workable plan!
GINA: Too bad it's going to fail.
CHEETAH: You think?

> "Good one, Ami!" Venus and Mars got ready for the attack.

GINA [Helmet]: Why are you preparing?  You're always preparing!  Just
go!

> "BURNING..."

BRIANNA: ...LOINS!
CHEETAH: No, that would be you.

> "VENUS LOVE..."

BRIANNA: ...Usagi.
CHEETAH: Brianna...
GINA: Now, that's never been proven, Bri.

> "MANDALA!

CHEETAH: Hey, leave South Africa out of this!
GINA: That's "Mandala," not "Mandela."
CHEETAH: Oh.

> "ME CHAIN!"

BRIANNA: Oooo, Minako's into bondage!
GINA: And primitive bondage at that!
CHEETAH: You two...

> Goku couldn't see them, but he could still "fell" them.

GINA [Goku]: I've always wanted to be...a lumberjack!

>The golden chain of love

GINA: That sounds suspiciously like the title of a bad porno movie.
CHEETAH: You would know.
GINA: Hey!
BRIANNA [sniggers]
CHEETAH: And -you- probably own a copy.
BRIANNA: Hey!

>passed right under him, as he skipped the disks of the Mars attack.
>"You missed! And now for the bubbles" Goku stood still for a
>second, and Rei could fell something "What is he doing ?"

BRIANNA: Passing gas.
VOICE: You have now used up your quota of flatulence jokes for this
series.
ALL: Awwww...

> "Ki-Ai!"

ALL: Hikeeba!

>Suddenly a strong wind rose,

BRIANNA: Hah!  I was right!
VOICE: I'm going to let that one slide.

>and started to spin around Goku's location. In notime the bubbles
>were dissolved and Goku could see them again.
> "What the heck?

GINA: Hey, she's stealing Star Wolf's lines!

>How did he did that? Does he has some control over the wind or
>something"

CHEETAH: Oh, he's got control over at least -one- form of wind.
[Suddenly a bolt of electricity zaps Cheetah.]
CHEETAH [smoking slightly]: Owwwww...
VOICE: That was your only warning.  You will not exceed the quota
again.
BRIANNA&GINA [meekly]: Yes sir.

>Venus didn't understood what happened.
>"Nothing like that... His power arose while he did that. Its so
>strange."

GINA [German]: Veeeeery interesting...but schtoopid!
BRIANNA: No argument here.

>Mars was now aware that they were fighting with a very strong
>opponent.

CHEETAH [sarcastically]: Gee, you think?

> "My turn to attack. Fell the Sun Technique!"

BRIANNA: Isn't that supposed to be "Solar Flare?"
GINA: In the US, yes.  And I must say, I think that would be a much
better description here.

>Goku rose his hands to the face... And he started to glow intensely,

GINA: Looks like someone's been into the uranium again.

>blinding the senshi.
> "HEY! I'M BLIND!

CHEETAH [Blinken]: I can see!  It's a miracle! [runs into a tree]
Oh...wait, never mind.
BRIANNA: Is that anything like what happens when you seen your
parents naked?

>WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED ?" IT didn't last long an in no time they
>could see again. Goku was right in front of them, smiling.

BRIANNA: Bad sign.
GINA: Oh yeah.

>"Well, what's the matter? Why did you not attack while we couldn't
>see?"
> "There was no need to do that."
> "Let me try Burning Mandala again" whispered Mars.

CHEETAH: Y'know, if I was this Mandala guy, I'd be real pissed that
the Senshi were always trying to burn me.

> "Its all yours" answered back Venus.
> "BUR... Hey what the... Ahh!"

BRIANNA: I see Goku's decided to take a less painful approach to
subduing them.
CHEETAH: Brianna, ewww!
GINA: I gotta agree with Brit here...he's only 14!
BRIANNA: Yeah, and so are they!  What's your point?

>Both Mars and Venus felt.

BRIANNA: ...each other up.
CHEETAH: I am -this- close to fixing your computer with a
sledgehammer.

>They looked behind them... and their suits were tied together by the
>laces.

GINA: Old gag, new twist.

> "That's not fair!"

BRIANNA: Neither is life.  Next question.
CHEETAH [DPR]: Life -is- pain, highness.  Anyone who says otherwise
is selling something.

> "And now I'm curious. How well can you fight?" asked Goku.

GINA: Um, wasn't this entire exercise to establish this point?
CHEETAH: Just smile and nod, Gina.

>"You'll have to see for yourself" Sailor Moon grabbed the Heart
>Scepter.

CHEETAH: Where does she -keep- that thing?
GINA: The same place Duncan keeps his sword and Akane keeps her
mallet?
BRIANNA: I can think of -one- place...
CHEETAH: Don't...

>"MOON SPIRAL HEART ATTACK!"
>"What an immense power!" Goku was now really amazed "I can't take
>that."
>"KAME..." All the sailors looked at Goku. He had now a bright blue
>lightball on his hand "...HAME-HA!". The Sailor Moon attack was
>going straight into Goku, and he had no time to escape.

GINA: Well, yes, if the attack is already -into- him, then it's a
little late to dodge.

>Then, the lightball fired out of Goku's hand, and hit the moon
>spiral. The power face-off begun... the sacred power of the moon
>against the internal power of a small boy.

VOICE: Bets?
CHEETAH: My money's on Goku.
BRIANNA: Same here.
GINA: I'm not so sure...I'll say Sailor Moon.
VOICE: Duly noted.

>       X - Learning the way

BRIANNA: The highway to hell?
CHEETAH: The way to a man's heart?
GINA: The Way of the Leaf?

> It didn't last long. Goku's kamehame

GINA: Hey, what happened to the "ha?"

>and Sailor Moon's spiral heart attack deflected each other and split
>in different positions. A close mountain didn't resist the Goku's
>attack and turned into a mount of dust

CHEETAH: Ho-hum.
GINA: You'd think someone would notice all the mountains that go
missing in this series.

>and Sailor Moon attack passed right trough everything without
>destroying. Both Goku and Moon spent most of their energy, and both
>fell down on the ground.

BRIANNA [Goku]: Was it good for you, too?
CHEETAH: Ugh...

> "Wow... that's one of the hardest things I ever tried to defend."
> "Very few people could."

BRIANNA: Um, who just said that?  And it what order?
CHEETAH: Does it really matter?

>The sun started to set. The red colors immersed the place into the
>darkness, making the way for a new rising moon.
> "Well, I think I saw enough... Let call it even..."
> "If you say so" Venus and Mars already got out of the lace

BRIANNA: Hey, they're doing a striptease!
GINA: So -that's- what they wear under those fukus!
CHEETAH [groans]

>and reverted to normal self's, as well as the rest of the senshi
>"But you still have a lot to explain."
> "I will explain after dinner. I'm starving!"

GINA: Goku kind of reminds me of Ryan.
CHEETAH: Always hungry?
GINA: Yeah.
BRIANNA: In more ways than one, eh?
GINA: Yeah...hey!

>"By the way, where do we sleep ? I don't see an hotel near, and i
>bet there isn't a house in one of that capsules."

BRIANNA: O, ye of little faith.

> The sound of a exploding capsule

ALL: BOM!

>interrupted Rei. She looked to her side and a big igloo kind of
>thing came out of nowhere. "I... don't believe this"

CHEETAH [Rei]: I can't believe it's not butter! -ZAP- Owwwwww...
VOICE: What did I tell you about product promotions?
GINA [Yoda]: That...is why you fail.

> "And there's more... an submarine,

ALL [singing]: We all live in a yellow submarine...

>an hovercraft, two bikes, another flyer, and a robot!" said an
>enthusiastic Usagi.

BRIANNA: Robot?  I don't remember them ever putting a robot in there.
GINA: Hmmmm... [produces a pad of paper and a pencil and starts
writing something]
CHEETAH: Uh-oh.

> "How do you know ?"
> "Its written here, look"
> Inside the top of the capsule box there was a paper:

+-----------------------------+
| 1 - Sport Flyer (6 Persons) |
| 2 - Fly/Sub (4 Persons)     |
| 3 - Speed Hover (2 Persons) |
| 4 - Light Bike (1 Person)   |
| 5 - Light Bike (1 Person)   |
| 6 - Small Flyer (2 Persons) |
| 7 - Robo Aid                |
| 8 - Lg House (8 Persons)    |
+-----------------------------+
>       CAPSULE CORP

BRIANNA: When not in use, the hoi-poi capsules should be returned to
their special container and kept refrigerated.  Failure to do so will
release Capsule Corp, and it's parent company, Global Chemical
Unlimited, from any and all liability.
CHEETAH: Do not taunt the hoi-poi capsules.
[Gina is still writing]

>"This is cool! You have to see the huge kitchen!" screamed Makoto
>inside the house.

BRIANNA: Y'know, I never would have figured her for a screamer.
CHEETAH: Brianna...

>"By the way, its best for you to get in the house. Its not very
>safe here at night."
> "Why ? This is an rock desert, what could live here?"

BRIANNA: Other than poisonous snakes and gila monsters and wolves
and...
[Gina finishes writing and puts the papers away.]

>Ami's answer was an huge blue dinosaur

CHEETAH: AAAAHHHHH!  IT'S THE SPAWN OF BARNEY!!
ALL: NOOOOOOOO!!

>that passed just behind her, leaving all the girls petrified.
>"AHHHHH!!!" they runned to the house and locked it with all they
>could find.

GINA: Yeah, I'm sure that wooden end table is going to be sooo
effective against a 37-ton lizard.

>"Calm down, they do not attack unless they are annoyed." said a
>relaxed Goku.
> "This is even weirder than I thought it would be.

BRIANNA: Didn't we warn you about not saying those words?

>Stronger daimons, things that come out of nowhere and living
>dinosaurs." Mina really needed to get her ideas right.
> "Well, I'm having a shower.

GINA: Boy, Goku must -really- be hungry.

>Be right back" said Goku.
> "A shower? But how do you get the water ?" wondered Ami
> "I turn the handle, of course"

ALL: Of course.
GINA: And here I thought she was the smart one.

>"Silly answer for a silly question" replied Rei "Just think that it
>is possible."
> "Yes... You're provably right."
> "<yawn>. Sorry" said Chibi-Usa

CHEETAH: Okay, now what the hell has she been doing?  First she
disappeared from the lookout, then she didn't take part in the
training, other than to transform.  Where has she been for the last
couple hours?!

> "Chibi, its time to go to bed" replied Usagi.
>"Yes, mom" Usagi really hated she calling her like that. Even if in
>the future this would, in some way, turn up to be true, she simply
>couldn't figure a way to face that right now.

CHEETAH: Um...what?  I think I missed something here.
GINA: I'll explain it to you later.

> "Now, were are the rooms..."
> "Dinner everyone!" said Mako.
>"I'm not hungry. Those beans that they gave will feed us for 10
>days, remember ?" remembered Mina.

BRIANNA: Heh...I bet that's not all they'll-
GINA: Brianna, no! [points towards the ceiling]
BRIANNA: But it's right there, Gina!
CHEETAH: Hey, if you want to get fried, be my guest.

> "Well I am, and I bet that guy is too."

GINA: What guy?
BRIANNA&CHEETAH: That guy.
ALL [singing]: My guy...talking 'bout...my guy...

> "Anybody said anything about food ?" Goku appeared, starving.

BRIANNA: Maybe he's related to Garfield.
CHEETAH: I'm guessing Gourry.
GINA: I'll say any male Saotome.

> "Here it is, enjoy!" Mako put a lovely dish on the table... witch

CHEETAH: Hey, don't be calling Makoto a witch!

>lasted for about 30 seconds, as Goku swallowed it in notime.
> "Hey... I made that for all of us!"
> "Sorry... Where's the main course?"
> "What? THAT WAS THE MAIN COURSE!"

BRIANNA: Hey, that was actually pretty funny!
GINA: Takashi's getting better.

>"Really... well, im still starving, going out to get something to
>eat"  said Goku, exiting the house.
> "I HATE LITLLE BOYS!"

CHEETAH [Makoto]: They're icky!

> "Calm down Mako!"
> "Well at least he left the cake..."
> "CAKE? WHERE?" Usagi got back from lying Chibi just in time.

ALL [stare at screen]
GINA: Ewwwww...
CHEETAH: I think I'm going to be sick.
BRIANNA: That's below even my level.

> "So much for the cake, Mako..." smiled Ami.

>       XI - More 2 to the party

CHEETAH: Sounds like a rap group or something.

>"Hey, take your hands off that."

BRIANNA: At least wait until we're alone.
CHEETAH: I need to get some duct tape...

>Makoto took the cake and brought it to the main room.
> "Now, lets put our ideas right.

BRIANNA: And yet more proof that the Senshi aren't right in the head.
GINA: I don't know...they're awfully sane compared to some of the
people we've met.

>We need to get some kind of a plan to organize our stay here." now
>Mina was serious.

CHEETAH: Minako -is- Yahoo Serious.
GINA [shudders]: Don't -ever- do that again.

>"Well, we must defeat the daimons and rescue Haruka and Michiru."
>said an organized Ami.

GINA: And there's the plot, for those of you just joining us.

>"Yes, but how ? The daimon is mutch stronger than us." pointed out
>Usagi.

BRIANNA: I would just like to take this opportunity to point out that
Usagi has apparently already forgotten why they came to the desert
with Goku.  Thank you.

>"I has thinking about what that cat said to us this afternoon." Rei
>noticed

BRIANNA: Noticed what?
GINA: Don't start again, you'll just give yourself a headache.

>"He was right, the daimon was, in fact weaker that the others, he
>just found out some other way to use his own energy."
> "What?"

ALL: SHE SAID-

> "Well, look at Goku. He is a normal boy,

GINA: That's debatable.
CHEETAH: Very.

>but he is stronger than us" she explained "This is because he can
>focus his power to do what he want. That was how he was able to
>clear Ami's attack, and defend Mako's one. He focused his own energy
>just enough to create a small kind of force field. It was
>noticeable."

BRIANNA: Okay, now how come Rei is suddenly able to just figure this
out?
GINA: Plot contrivance?
BRIANNA: Oh...okay.

> "But then... how does he do it?"

CHEETAH: She just explained it to you!  Jeez, how did she ever wind
up the team leader?

>"Looks like some king of strength power. Even if he doesn't look
>very strong, when making his final attack his muscles popped out
>like balloons."

GINA: Really?  I never noticed that before.  The first time the
hermit does it, yes, but not Goku.
BRIANNA [Goku]: Hey you muscle!  Get back here!

>"So, you mean we need to train. Well, we couldn't rely on magic
>forever." said Makoto.

BRIANNA: I think dad would disagree.
GINA: No, he's the one who got me started on science.  He knows the
limits of magic.

> "Yes, that's basically it."
>"We have an advantage... Being in a lower gravity environment gave
>us extra strength. Look..." Ami got up and picked up Usagi like if
>she was a feather.

GINA: Boy, Ami must be pretty buff.  I know the gravity is only 70%
of Earth's, but still...Usagi can't be -that- light.
BRIANNA: Not with all the food she eats, no.

> "Stop! That tickles!"

CHEETAH [to Brianna]: No.
BRIANNA: What?

>"This is multiplied by 10 when we transform, what makes us many
>times more strong that when we were on our planet"

BRIANNA: I wasn't aware of that aspect of their transformation.  When
did they learn about this?

> "Great!"
>"On the downside, we must practice, or our muscles would not stand
>the return to our dimension again."

CHEETAH: Come again?
GINA: It's like the astronauts, Brit.  They have to keep up some
physical activity while they're in space, or their muscles will
atrophy from lack of exertion due to the absence of gravity.

> "Oh..."
> "I wish Mamoru was here... I miss him" Usagi was felling homesick.
> "Come on, you can live a day without your boyfriend." replied Mako

ALL: Doubtful.

>Suddenly, a dimensional portal opened up. Out of it, came 2 cats
>and a flying balloon.
> "Luna! Artemis! Lunaball! How did you get here?" Usagi didn't
>expected this.
> "An old Millenium inhabitant came to your house."

BRIANNA: Uh-oh.
CHEETAH: I think we're about to meet our title character.
GINA: I'm getting a bad feeling about this.

>started Luna "He was called Takashi

GINA: And we have self-insertion!
BRIANNA: Not too shy about it, is he?
CHEETAH: "Was called?"  Does that mean he's dead now?

>and was the old PR of the palace.

GINA: Public Relations?
CHEETAH: Pretty Raunchy?
BRIANNA: Personal Ramrod?
CHEETAH: Brianna...

>He later became Sailor Censor..."

ALL: WHAT?!
BRIANNA: Oww, my head...
GINA: Not -another- male Senshi.
CHEETAH: You mean there's -more- of them?!

> "Wait, a MALE Sailor ?"
>"Well, he was part of our secret services, and later on, was given
>powers by Queen Selenity, similar to the ones of Pluto.

GINA: Of course.
BRIANNA: Convenient, that.
CHEETAH [confused]: Huh?
GINA: Pluto is the guardian of time, Cheetah.  As such, she has the
ability to move through time and space - which is how the cats were
able to get to the DBZ dimension.
CHEETAH: Ah.

>He was brought to Earth with the rest of us, and somehow recovered
>his old identity and got back his powers." explained Artemis.

CHEETAH: Boy, the contrivances are just coming one after another,
aren't they.
BRIANNA: I think we just skipped over a very large, very -important-
segment of the plot here.

> "Anyway, he said he had been watching you,

GINA [singing]: Every breath you take...every smile you fake...I'll
be watching you.
BRIANNA: So, Sailor Censor is a stalker.

>and decided that we shouldn't leave you girls alone. He opened the
>gate... and here we are."
> "A very wise decision, I should say."

CHEETAH [British]: Jolly good move there.

> "Well we didn't did anything wrong until now" claimed Usagi.

BRIANNA: Rule number two, Usagi: never deny something before you're
asked about it.  That's a sure sign you've done some thing wrong.
GINA: What's rule number one?
BRIANNA: Never say anything can't get any worse.

> "Now, I would like you to explain us what happened here."
>While the girls explained the facts to Luna and Artemis, Goku got
>back to the home "Hum ? Where did the cats came from ?"

CHEETAH [Goku]: Oh well...guess I have my midnight snack now!
GINA: Ewwww...

> "And this boy should be Goku, right?" asked Luna.
> "Yes..."
> "He is quite small..."

GINA: Marvel as disembodied voices speak to one another!  Try and
figure out who's talking; go ahead, we dare you!
BRIANNA: Whoever this is, I'd like to know how they know the size of
Goku's-
CHEETAH: Brianna, you're my sister, and I love you very much.  But if
you complete that thought, I am going to have to hurt you.  Badly.
[Brianna swallows audibly.]

> "But very powerful." replied Rei.
> "This is interesting... Can such small cats talk ?"

BRIANNA: So, he doesn't have a problem with -large- cats talking?
GINA: Think "Sempyou."
BRIANNA: Ah.  Good point.

> "Yes we can! Have a problem with that ?" replied Artemis.
> "All right, sorry I asked..."

CHEETAH: I think someone missed his Prozac.

>Mako looked at the time. "Well it's late. Almost 4AM ?". Suddenly
>she remembered that they were not on Earth "Forgot to adjust my
>clock, silly me".

ALL: Ha ha.

> "Its time to go to bed anyway."
> "I shall start training you tomorrow... early in the morning."
> "Morning... Great..." Even when they have no school Usagi would
>still have to wake up early.

BRIANNA: Bitch, bitch, bitch.

> "Come on, at least you don't have to study."

CHEETAH: No, you only have to get knocked around from dawn until
dusk.  I'm sure this is a -vast- improvement over having to read
books for a few hours.

> "We forgot to bring clothes..."

CHEETAH: Wait, they're wandering around naked?
BRIANNA: I think she means -extra- clothes.
CHEETAH [frustrated]: Well then why didn't she just say that?!

>Ami was right. They entered in such an hurry that they forgot to
>brought anything to wear. In fact they didn't tought that this would
>last more than a day.

GINA: Man, they're wearing some pretty flimsy clothes if they'll only
last one day.

>Right after she said that, 5 dimensional gates opened and their
>closets fall out of them,

CHEETAH: -THUD-
BRIANNA [any random Sailor]: Ow!

>to the surprising look of the people in the house.

BRIANNA: Looks like Censor is exercising his contrivance powers
again.

>(Note: This WAS HARD (Mina has an HUGE closet). Hope their mom's
>don't notice that they are gone)

ALL [look confused]
CHEETAH: What the hell was that?
GINA: Um...the author?
BRIANNA: Maybe Sailor Censor?
GINA: Of course, they're the same person, so it doesn't really
matter.

> "But how ?"
>"Looks like a gift from Takashi. We're in another dimension and
>someone is still taking care of us!" said Mina "Its our faith."

GINA [3PO]: We must be made to suffer.  It's our lot in life.
CHEETAH: So they have faith that strange people will automatically
take care of all their needs, no matter how far from Earth they get
flung?
BRIANNA: Looks that way.
CHEETAH: Just checking.

>       XII - Getting to the business

CHEETAH [referee]: That's 15 yards for unnecessary roughness!  He was
giving 'em the business!

>The room was quiet, the gentle silence that was common in the early
>morning. The rising sun lightened the room as time went by,
>illuminating the two sleeping. The girl was almost completely hidden
>by the covers, and the black cat slept at the very foot of the bed,
>quietly. The silence started to dim and the cat opened on eye as far
>away a scream started to form

ALL [stare at screen, gaping openly]
BRIANNA: My God...
GINA: That...was beautiful...
CHEETAH: Did Takashi go out and study or something?
VOICE: Please refrain from insulting the author as much as possible.

>"kkkkaammme....hammmeee-HA". Usagi's room turned blue as and a huge
>ball passed right at the side of the window, taking with it
>everything in her way.

ALL [groan]
GINA: Thus completely ruining the mood.
BRIANNA: I wasn't aware energy balls had a gender.

>The now awaked cat exclaimed "What the..." and turned over to Usagi,
>who was still sleeping.

BRIANNA: Oh great, I guess -she's- related to Garfield, too.

>"She never wakes up...". She jumped to her face and,

GINA: GAAHH!  Bad mental image!  Bad!  BAD!!
BRIANNA: Huh?
CHEETAH: Another "AL" flashback?
GINA: No, the sequel.

>once again, forced her to get over it.
>"I don't want to wake up. It's too soon for school!" Usagi fought
>again to gain possession of the sheets.
>"Who's talking about school here ?I just saw an amazing thing pass
>right trough the window"

BRIANNA [British]: Two swallows, carrying a coconut!
GINA [ditto]: African or English?
CHEETAH: It went -through- the window?  I think Goku's getting a
little bit out of control here if he's firing Kamehameha's into the
house.

>"Were on the first floor, what could pass... " She opened her eyes
>and looked at the alarm clock near. It was 7:00 AM, but that was not
>her clock. This one had an red double C at the left.

CHEETAH: Double C?
BRIANNA: Mai Shiranui's bra size?
CHEETAH: You...
GINA: Actually I think it means "Capsule Corp."

>All the memories of the last day came to her.

BRIANNA: Heel!  Good memories!

> "Oh, I remember now. We are on other dimension!" Just the thought
>of it awoke her completely.
> "I just saw an blue thing pass right near the window... what was
>it?"
> "What blue thing? You must have been dreaming."

ALL [singing]: What's that blue thing...doing here?

>Someone knocked on the door. "Usagi, time to train!" said Mako's on
>the other side.
>"I might as well, now that I'm awake" she got up and opened his
>closet,

CHEETAH: Be astounded as the characters change genders right before
your very eyes!
BRIANNA: I'll be damned...Censor -did- actually bring their closets
through.  I thought that meant he just dropped all their clothes
through the portals.

>brought here by the amazing strength of Goku, pushing away her
>normal school uniform "This won't be used for a couple of days. Now,
>what will I use to train ?". She picked up some casual clothes "we
>will train as senshi, silly me" and went out to join the others.

BRIANNA: Without putting her clothes on, apparently.

>They were all ready to train, but Goku wasn't there. He appeared
>out of the dust of the desert,

GINA: Eastman - he came out of the east to do battle with the amazing
RANDO!
CHEETAH [whistles Western showdown music]

>and looked at the girls "Well, looks like its time to train them" he
>considered "How should I start ?".

CHEETAH: Mom this guy isn't.
BRIANNA: Cut him a little slack, this is the first time he's trained
anyone.

>"Good morning. Sorry, I've been training a bit. Hope I didn't wake
>you" said Goku.
> "No, not at all."

BRIANNA: That obviously being Usagi.

> "Well, before all.

CHEETAH: In the beginning, there was nothing...except God and more
god-boy avatars than you can shake a stick at.
GINA: Bitter, Cheetah?

>I would like to know who were your masters before"
> "Masters ?

GINA: Of the Universe?
CHEETAH: Please don't mention that.

>We didn't had any."
> "Well, then how do you learned how to fight ?"
> "I think I can explain that" said Luna.

BRIANNA: Luna -is- Dr. Ines.

> "Can you?"

CHEETAH [Luna]: No, not really.  I was just wasting your time.
GINA [Goku]: I see...well then, I'm afraid I'm going to have to shoot
you.
CHEETAH [Luna]: Right-o.
[Gunshot sound; a thump is heard]
GINA [Goku]: What a -senseless- waste of cat life.
BRIANNA: The "Cheese shop" sketch, ladies and gentlemen.

>"Their abilities were born with them, because they carry the souls
>of the inhabitants of the Silver Millenium"

BRIANNA: -All- of the inhabitants of the Silver Millennium?
GINA: I'd think that would be rather crowded.

>"They got those powers in order to protect Earth against the
>attacks of the Dark Kingdom" carried on Artemis."
> "So, you never REALLY learned how to fight?"
>"Well, not much." Although they were in good shape, they had never
>been very interested in martial arts.

GINA: Yeah, the ability to use magic to instantly eliminate most
threats would tend to have that sort of an effect.

>"This is going to be more difficult than I thought. I have to start
>from the beginning" Goku would have to check their strength first.

CHEETAH: But...that's what...the day before...
BRIANNA: Just let it go, Brittany.

> "Try to jump the higher you can" he asked to them.
> "Hum?..."

ALL [hum the intro to "Jump"]

>The girls gathered energies and jumped. The low gravity of the
>planet launching them a few hundred feet into the air, at their
>amazed look.

GINA: Yeah, I'd be amazed too, if gravity just all of a sudden
decided to -toss- me straight up.

> "I'm flying!" Chibi-usa couldn't belive what was happening.

BRIANNA: Think -happy- thoughts!
CHEETAH: Okay...I'm thinking that Chibi-usa doesn't have a parachute.
GINA: You're being dark again.

>"I guess this planet has less gravity than we expected" replied
>Ami.
> "Hello there" Goku appeared just near them

ALL: AH!
CHEETAH: Don't -do- that!

>"You are stronger than I thought"

BRIANNA [Vader]: Impressive.  Most impressive.

> "We are as amazed as you... How do we get out from here ?"
> "You fall, what else..."
> In fact they had already started to fall.

CHEETAH: Much like our interest in this story did a long time ago.
GINA: I don't know...I'm actually starting to get into this a little.
CHEETAH: ...please tell me you're joking.

> "AHHH!!! We're going to die!" Usagi didn't liked this.

BRIANNA: Most people wouldn't.
CHEETAH: "We"...that's plural, which implies all of them, which
means...[pause]
ALL: Chibi's going to die!  Yay!
VOICE: I'm going to assign you all a daily dose of Prozac...and she
doesn't die.
ALL: Dammit!

>"Calm down... Try to use the wind to soften the fall. Look at
>Goku!" Mina opened her arms and imitated Goku's moves, as she fell
>down.

GINA: I'm afraid flapping your arms madly has been shown to be an
ineffective method of flight, Minako.

> Soon they were on the ground again.

ALL [bored]: Yay.

>"After all, you do have strength. I now know that i can teach you
>how to fight!"
> "Great!"
>"We will start by the basics. You will learn simple defenses and
>attacks, but you will need to learn to focus your 'ki' first"
> "Focus our what?"
>"'Ki' is the strength that is used on the attack against the
>adversary. Although it can be used to defend, and to detect pepole."

BRIANNA: So...it can be used to attack and defend.
CHEETAH: Why doesn't he just say that right out?

>"Wait a minute... You mean that yesterday you knew who we were by
>feeling our

BRIANNA: Breasts.
CHEETAH: Brianna...
GINA: Somehow I have trouble picturing Goku pulling a Happosai.

>ehhh... 'ki'?" asked Rei.
> "Yes. In fact, you have very original 'ki' levels, and its easy to
>identify"

CHEETAH: Original ki!  Accept no imitations!

> "Well... and how do we focus that thing?"

GINA: Not...the THING!

> "Lets start the simple way. Sit down."
> Goku and the girls sat on the ground in an circle.

BRIANNA: Then stripped naked and-
CHEETAH: You are getting way too into this.
GINA: No one will be admitted during the intense sitting sequence.

>"Now, try to make your strength to concentrate in the middle of
>your hands, like this" Goku put his hands closer to each other, and
>focused. A small glow appeared of the center, and formed a small
>ball of bright light.

GINA [singing]: Light Brite...Light Brite...turning on the magic of
colored lights...
BRIANNA: Do you realize how much you just dated yourself with that?
CHEETAH [to Voice]: Hey!  How come she didn't get zapped?
VOICE: I didn't feel like it.
CHEETAH [mumbles something] -ZAP-: Owwwww...

>He relaxed and the ball disappeared in thin air

BRIANNA: It's maaaaagic.

>"Now its your turn"
>"We can't do that! That's magic!" said Usagi "We can only do magic
>if we are as senshi"
>"Don't think so" replied Rei. She closed her eyes and quieted down,
>passing as much strength as she can to the center of her hands. A
>small feeling of warm in her hands indicated that she had succeeded.
>Opening her eyes, she saw a small point of light in the center of
>the hand "I did it!"
> "What's that on your head ?" asked Goku.

CHEETAH: Her hair?

> "Hum ?"

GINA: Nah, we've done that enough already.

>"Rei... your planet symbol... it appeared!" said Mako. In fact Rei
>had the bright Mars symbol shining in the middle of her forehead.
> "What ?" her concentration broke

BRIANNA: -CRASH- [Rei] Dammit, now I've got to fix it.  Where's the
Crazy Glue?

>and the point disappeared, as well as the symbol.
> "And now its gone. It's strange"

CHEETAH: Goku seems awfully underwhelmed by all this.
GINA: Think of who we're talking about here, Cheets.

>"Don't forget that your fighting energy its from your senshi form.
>It can revel himself without you actually being it." remembered
>Luna.

CHEETAH: Eh?
BRIANNA: Okay, I -think- I followed that.

>"You mean that we can control our sailor energy without actually
>being it..." Ami resumed.

BRIANNA: Resumed what?
GINA: Maybe she's working on her resume.
CHEETAH: Wait, wait, wait...does this mean that they managed to jump
several hundred feet into the air in their -normal- forms?  What the
hell is up with that?!

>"Well, not all of it. This is very draining" Rei only now was able
>to talk. She was in fact a little dizzy. The meditation techniques
>that she learned at the temple were similar to this kind of stuff,
>but this could require a bit more effort.

GINA: If it takes that much effort to form one pinprick of light,
then I fear for the future of this dimension.

>"In fact, to make a small Kamehame ball its needed less than this
>focus. But if you can't do this exercise, you can't really control
>the effects" Goku learned such exercises a few months ago, with
>Popo.
>"Let try again" The girls all repeated the exercise. Rei, easily
>created it again, followed by Ami.

BRIANNA: Is anyone surprised by this?
GINA&CHEETAH [shake their heads]
BRIANNA: Didn't think so.

>The rest still hadn't succeed "Don't think about nothing else but
>the center of your hands" explained Rei.
>"Nothing else? How can I think of nothing else? It's so hot out
>here"

GINA: I see Usagi's been thinking about Mamoru again.
BRIANNA: That would explain why her hands aren't in the cupped
position...
CHEETAH [sighs wearily]

>thought Usagi. In fact, it should be almost noon, and the sun was
>over them "I could use some... ICECREAM"

CHEETAH: I said it before, and I'll say it again: how in the name of
God did this girl become the leader of the Sailors?!

>"Great!" Mako exclaimed. She had just created the ki point.
>"There..." and so had Mako. "It's funny..." and Chibi also done it
>before Usagi.

BRIANNA: So Mamoru isn't just her father...[pales] Oh, ick!  Ick ick!
Bad image!
CHEETAH [slightly green]: Serves you right.
GINA: And yet another image I didn't need...remind me to bill you for
my therapy sessions, Brianna.

>Usagi's started to feel her hand hot. She opened the eyes, and
>something shined in his hand. It didn't looked like a ball tought.

GINA [lackey]: I'm picking up the outline of...a Winnebego.

>"What's that?" Chibi-Usa came closer to her mom. The ki formed had
>an strange format. It looked like a cup... an ice-cream cup!
> "So much for clearing your mind" said Mako,

CHEETAH: Funny, you wouldn't think it would be that hard.
BRIANNA: Ouch, good one.
GINA [sighs]: And you two were doing so well.

>amused at the look of Usago looking at her own creation.
> "Well I did it, didn't I?" smiled back Usagi.
> "Yes... you proved that you can concentrate...

GINA: ...on food...

>and also proved that you can't take your mind out of food!" Rei
>replied.

CHEETAH: Good call, Gina!

> "Come on... let's get back with the lessons" said Makoto.
> Time flew by

BRIANNA: Hey, come back here!

>and after a week Goku teached them the basics of fighting, and the
>tricks that grandpa Gohan showed him a long time ago. They all
>mastered easily the techniques, especially Minako, helped by her
>volleyball trains, and a surprising Chibi-Usa.

CHEETAH: Aw, crap.
GINA: I sense pain.
BRIANNA: If she turns out to be the best warrior, I'm going to have
to blow something up.

>She used her small size and fast speed to attack, and soon was an
>very hard adversary to confront.

CHEETAH: Aw, CRAP!
GINA: I sense considerable pain.
BRIANNA: DAMN YOU, MANDARK!

>The rest was little behind, but even so they were in a high level.
>Goku couldn't believe the advances that they had made in sutch
>litlle time "They will be as strong as any of our best fighters"

BRIANNA: No!  I refuse to believe that CHIBI-USA is as strong as Goku
or Kuririn or...
GINA: Just do what I do, Bri - take solace in the fact that any of
the future Z warriors could probably stomp all 6 Sailors with one
hand tied behind his or her back.

>       Next - XIII - Another match
>       (Finnally a decent fight in this fanfic !)

CHEETAH: I'll believe that when I see it.

>(Ok, the second part is done... I personally think that this one is
>much nicer than the first chapter,

GINA: Actually, I'm inclined to agree with him.
BRIANNA: Ditto.
CHEETAH: As much as it pains me to admit it, so do I.

>but it's also heavier... The first few lines of chapter XII is from
>the "Sailor Moon: Guardians of the Star" prologue By Eric den
>Biesen. Sorry for copying you, I ran out of ideas.)

CHEETAH: Eh?
GINA: Oh, I see.  That's why those lines where Usagi was waking up
were so different from the rest of the story - he borrowed them from
someone else.
BRIANNA: Let's get out of here.

[1]-[2]-[3]-[4]-[5]-[6]

        *       *       *

[The ladies are all gathered on the bridge of the MSOL, discussing
the story.]

GINA: You know, for a self-insertion fanfic, the author's avatar
hasn't done much up till now.

BRIANNA: Shhhh!  Don't say anything, Gina, you'll jinx us!

GINA: Whoops!  Um, disregard what I just said, gods of fanfiction!

CHEETAH: Oh yeah, good cover Gina.  [Gina looks ashamed.]
Anyway...how's that Holo-thingie coming?

BRIANNA: It's called the "Holocabana," Cheetah.  And it's done, we
finished it this morning before the twerp called.

CHEETAH: Really?  Does that mean I can finally get some exercise in?

GINA [looking very pleased with herself]: Not only that, Brittany.
You can also visit exotic lands...re-enact famous movie
scenes...immerse yourself in your favorite video games...

BRIANNA [slyly]: Make up for all the time you've been missing with
Stripe.

CHEETAH [gets a hungry look in her eyes]: Really?!  OUTTA MY WAY!!

[She rockets past her sisters towards the HC, leaving a trail of
smoke in her wake.  Gina and Brianna look at each other, then look at
the dust cloud, then look in the direction Cheetah just ran.  Then
they look at each other again.]

GINA: Do you think...maybe Cheetah's been holding out on us?

BRIANNA: I'm not sure. [She grins wickedly.]  All I know is that I've
got next dibs.

GINA: Oh, no you don't!  If you get in there you won't come out for
hours!  You should let me go next, I've only got one program I want
to run.

BRIANNA: Oh, all right. [Silence for a moment] Out of curiosity, what
program is it?

GINA [slyly]: "The Kama Sutra" workout program.

[Brianna's eyes go wide, but before she can say anything Gina dashes
off towards her room to get ready.  Brianna is about to follow, when
the message light flashes.  She glares at her sister's retreating
back for a few moments, then taps the light.]

MANDARK: Greetings!  How was today's experiment?

BRIANNA [shrugs]: S'alright.  Better in some ways, worse in others.

MANDARK: You seem rather unaffected so far.

BRIANNA: Yeah, well...other than bad grammar, an author avatar who's
done practically nothing so far, and plot contrivances up the yin-
yang, the story's not all that bad.

MANDARK: Hmmm, I see.  So if I can find a fanfic with bad grammar, an
avatar who does -everything-, bigger plot contrivances, and a bad
story to boot, then it might crack you, correct?

BRIANNA [thoughtfully]: Well, if you put it that way, I
suppose...[suddenly realizes what she just said] No, wait!  Um, I
mean...what you want is...uh...the -opposite- of everything I said!

MANDARK [obviously not listening]: Hmmm...I'll have to talk to some
of my colleagues about this...

[He reaches off-screen and presses something.  The field shuts off.]

-FWISH-

BRIANNA: Oh, man, they are gonna -kill- me...

        *       *       *

Mr. MiSTer's notes:

I wonder if anyone gets the joke there; but I digress.  Well, this
one took me quite a bit longer than the first part, and it looks like
number three will take even more.  On the plus side, I think the fact
that I didn't do the whole thing in one night like last time allowed
me to do a better job.  I'm still trying to get the hang of the host
segments - I think I may have to switch to prose style, since I'm
more comfortable with that.

For anyone out there who follows "Gold Digger," here's a little note
on where this fits into the series.  I'm basing this on the issues
I've read consecutively; that means up to issue 28.  I've read most
of the ones beyond 40, but I'm still trying to get caught up on that
middle set of stories.  So basically, this takes place -after- Stripe
has proposed to Brittany and -after- the Antarctic expedition, but -
before- the Time Warp and Dynasty story arcs.

I'd like to thank all my friends who looked at this before I posted
it, and so served as semi-editors.  And of course, I'd like to thank
Mr. Takashi for allowing me to MiSTie this.  No offense is meant to
him or his work; in fact, I found myself starting to get a little
caught up in the story in the next chapter.  I appreciate him being
such a good sport about the whole thing.

>Daughter? Since when does Artemis calls me daughter? And what is
>that wierd taste in my mouth ?"