Gold Digger Theater 3000 - Episode 1 "Gold Digger" is the copyrighted property of Fred Perry and Antarctic Press MST3K is the copyrighted property of Best Brains "Dexter's Laboratory" is the copyrighted property of Hanna Barbara and Cartoon Network "A Dimension of Fighters" is the property of Omoto Takashi MiSTing by Chris Rand: ctrand@yahoo.com * * * [A bridge that looks an awful lot like the bridge on the Satellite of Love, only empty. The lights are all off, except for some dim red lights that just barely provide illumination. Everything is quiet.] [Suddenly, everything turns on at once. The overhead lights come on, the panels activate, and the generators can be heard building up to full power in the background. A few moments after this happens, a brilliant flash fills the room; when it fades, three attractive young ladies are standing in the middle of the bridge, looking slightly dazed.] [The one in the middle is about 5'8", with a slim build - except for her chest (this is a distinctive feature on all three women). She had blond hair that falls to just past her shoulders, and is wearing a pair of tight-fitting jeans, a snug T-shirt with a dusty jacket over it, and an "Indiana Jones" style hat. She also has a rather full looking bag slung on her back.] [The one on her right is much taller - about 7'0", but with similar proportions. She has much longer legs, and also happens to be covered with fur. Her coat is similar to a cheetah's, only it is orange instead of yellow. She has a pair of black stripes running vertically down her face, over her eyes. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail, and she is dressed in a form-fitting spandex top and a pair of jeans similar to the human's.] [The last member of the trio is about 6'9", and looks like a cross between the other two. She has skin, like the human; but she has a single face stripe and a physique like the cat-woman. She is decked out in an advanced suit of armor and is carrying a very large gun under one arm.] WOMAN: Wha...ugh... CAT-WOMAN: Where the hell are we?! GUN WOMAN [looking around]: Well, we're not in the Triangle anymore. CAT-WOMAN [sarcastically]: Oh, thank you for that, Miss Exposition. Could you be little more vague, please? GUN WOMAN: Jeez, Brit, you don't have to jump all over me like that. I mean, I'm just as lost as you are. WOMAN: Jinkies! I wonder how we got here. This place seems familiar... VOICE: I should think so, miss. [The three ladies turn their attention to the hexfield, which irises open. Visible on the monitor is a young boy, seated in a hovering chair. He is quite skinny, and has a rather over-sized head. He is wearing a large pair of glasses and has black hair. In the background is a massive laboratory filled with ultra high-tech devices; the human and the gun- toting woman start drooling.] CAT-WOMAN: Hmph. Well, since I'm the only one not addicted to tech, I guess it's my turn to do this. Who are you, where are we, and what do you want? BOY: I am Mandark! The greatest scientific mind in the universe! And you are to be subjects in my latest set of experiments. WOMAN: Experiments? What are you talk- [eyes widen as realization dawns] Oh...oooooooh boy... I know where we are. GUN WOMAN: You do? Great! Where- [realization dawning] Oh, shoot. CAT-WOMAN: What? What?! Where the heck are we? WOMAN: Brit, remember that cable TV show I told you about? With the guy and the two robots on the satellite? CAT-WOMAN: Yeah, so? [realization dawning] You don't mean... MANDARK: Yes my dear. You are on my own version of the "Satellite of Love!" Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha! WOMAN: Does this mean we're going to have to sit and watch bad movies? I really hope not. MANDARK: Not at all. LADIES: Whew. MANDARK: No, I'm going to have you watch bad fanfics, in order to find the one perfect story that will break the will of my nemesis, Dexter! LADIES: (*&^&^%/!! CAT-WOMAN: Wait a minute! How the heck can you watch a story? MANDARK: Ah, that is just one product of my greatness. Now, if you don't mind, may I have your names? WOMAN: I suppose. I'm Gina Diggers, the world's greatest archaeologist/super scientist. MANDARK: A woman of learning I see. Although your feeble mind cannot hope to compare to my mental brilliance. GINA [bored]: Sure, sure. Like I haven't heard that line before. CAT-WOMAN: My name's Brittany Diggers, but all my friends call me Cheetah. I'm Gina's adopted sister. MANDARK: Hmmm... And why do they call you that? CHEETAH: ?!? 'Cause I'm a frigging were-cheetah, you moron! Geesh, "greatest mind in the universe" my ass. GUN WOMAN [to Cheetah]: I don't think it's a good idea to insult him, Cheets. [to Mandark]: I'm Brianna Diggers, and I'm...well, I'm their sister...sort of. MANDARK: "Sort of?" BRIANNA: I'm a genetic cross between Gina and Brittany, all right? I have all their memories, plus a mix of their strengths and weaknesses. MANDARK: Hmmm, interesting. I can see this is going to be a most intriguing series of experiments. Well, I suppose we had better get right down do it. GINA: Wait, can't we at least get settled in first? MANDARK: You'll have plenty of time to do that later. [ladies grumble] Now, your first experiment is a little Sailor Moon/Dragonball Z crossover entitled "A Dimension of Fighters." Into the theater with you! [Klaxons blare, lights flash - the usual chaos ensues] BRIANNA: WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN! GINA: Actually, I think its fanfic sign... CHEETAH: I'd like to give that little brat a sign or two... * * * [6]-[5]-[4]-[3]-[2]-[1] [The ladies file in. The order, from left to right, is: Brianna, Gina, Cheetah.] > A Sailor Tale. A Dimension of Fighters BRIANNA: A World of Hurt. GINA: Hey, now, give it a chance. > (fanfic/plot for my next game) BRIANNA: Fighting game? GINA: Role-playing game? CHEETAH: Poker game? [The other two look at her funny.] What? >It's my very first fanfic CHEETAH: Oh, yeah, this is gonna hurt. GINA: Will you two stop that? >... It actually wasn't supposed to be even one GINA: So it was supposed to be zero then? BRIANNA: Maybe it was supposed to be negative. CHEETAH: That's the feeling I'm getting. >but when I was writing the plot it looked so nice that I did a story >based on it. BRIANNA [Minnesotan]: Oh, and don't 'cha look just darlin' in that sun dress? GINA [ditto]: 'Taint nothing prettier than a plot all decked up. CHEETAH: You two scare me. >Sailor Censor is my creation... CHEETAH: And you're welcome to her. GINA [British]: And so, wielding her mighty Sword of Bleep, Sailor Censor did vanquish the duel foes of smut and foul language. >All the characters from the respective animes/mangas are copyrighted by >their respective creators and companies. BRIANNA: Could they still sue him over this? GINA: Probably. BRIANNA: Just checking. > I - Epilogue(by Sailor Censor) CHEETAH: Hey, it's the end of the fic already! [gets up] GINA [yanks her back down]: 'Fraid not, Brit. BRIANNA: William Kennard -is- Sailor Censor. VOICE: Nobody is going to know who that is. CHEETAH: ...the hell?! GINA: Jinkies! We have our own Magic Voice! >Its now of the public knowledge that different dimensions exist... GINA: Heck, I've known that for years! >Portals can be opened to them, those portals leading to different places >in time and space. People and objects can travel in them and find >themselves in strange, new, exotic places. BRIANNA: Places like...Hoboken, NJ. CHEETAH [narrator]: But our story does not happen in any of these places. >This is a tale about a new dimension, a new world unknown to the normal >people, and even to the Sailor's... BRIANNA: To the Sailor's what? Don't leave us hanging like that! GINA: And here we have further proof that the Senshi are not normal. CHEETAH [Hank Hill]: Those girls just ain't right. >I was able to watch them as they stepped in that unknown dimension... BRIANNA: And died horrible, agonizing deaths. GINA: Are you feeling all right? CHEETAH [Sailor Censor]: Of course I didn't go with them. I mean, what kind of fool just goes around hopping into strange dimensions? VOICE: You three come to mind. ALL: Hey! >But before, lets get back GINA [James Brown]: Get back! Huh! BRIANNA: Back Simba, back! [whipping noises] CHEETAH: How did you do that? >a little so that you can understand the reasons of the sailors to go >there. CHEETAH: What the heck was the point of that chapter? > II - The Lost egg BRIANNA: Awww, the poor Tamagotchi. CHEETAH: Shameless product plug #1. >Professor Tomoe wasn't satisfied with his latest creations. GINA: Alas, the poor chef had used too much sugar, wasting all of his precious eggs. BRIANNA: Hey, it's the freak-boy from "Fushigi Yuugi." ALL [chanting]: Kill him! Kill him! >They were quite useless since the Sailor's easily wiped them out... BRIANNA: The Sailor's what?! What did they use? GINA: I think you better stop with those, Bri. You'll hurt yourself. CHEETAH: So the monsters basically made par for the course, eh? >"There must be a way to enhance a demon so that it will stand up against >them", he thought, GINA: Have you considered steroids? BRIANNA: Nah, he wants his demons to be able to "play" with the Scouts first. CHEETAH: BRIANNA!!!! >"maybe a different attitude could be generated, the attitude >of a real fighter". CHEETAH: What, were the demons always running off to pick flowers or something? >He has already tried subtle changes in his formulas, GINA: A dash of oregano here, a pinch of paprika there... >most of them being quite useless. Yet, he decided to try again and >produce a new demon. CHEETAH: You get the feeling the Prof here has a failure fetish? > "Changing some of the components I might do a stronger demon, BRIANNA: Saaaaaayyy... CHEETAH: Don't you dare. >but it will be much more difficult to control... Its a danger ill have to >take". GINA: Who wants to bet that the demon turns on him and he has to destroy it? CHEETAH: You're on. BRIANNA: Well, it's a good thing old "ill" is taking the danger then, isn't it? > Kaolinite watched the professor as he worked around his test tubes. BRIANNA: Waiting for the chance to finish him and get out of this story. GINA: Are you sure you're feeling okay? >She has fallen in love by Tomoe at quite a while... CHEETAH: Oh, okay...huh? >and she wants it bad. BRIANNA: WOO! GINA: A girl after my own heart. CHEETAH: I could say something, but why bother... >She decides BRIANNA: ...to strip naked and take him right there! GINA: Down girl! >to take a step closer to the professor worktable and try to "get >intimate" with the creator of daimons. GINA: Gee, it kind of loses something when you put it like that... BRIANNA&CHEETAH [nod] >Tomoe doesn't even hears Kaolinite step closer to the table... BRIANNA: Because he was too busy with his hands. CHEETAH: Brianna! GINA: Actually, she could be dead on. I mean, he could be working with his hands. CHEETAH: Don't encourage her, Gina. >He is totally obsessed with his work. BRIANNA: And with his too-[muffled] CHEETAH [reaching over Gina to clamp a hand on her sister's mouth]: That's quite enough of that, thank you. GINA: Jinkies, Brit, you used to be as bad as she was. CHEETAH: Only with Stripe. >She sits on the table and crosses her legs. BRIANNA [wrestling Cheetah's hand off]: Actually, you'll want to -uncross- your legs, dear. CHEETAH: Oh, why do I even bother. >"Professor... We have been working for quite a while", says Kaoli in a >delicate voice. >"Hummm...", mumbles the professor, obviously not paying any attention. GINA: Obviously the professor is blind. > He has almost completed the work... And a new egg is being created. CHEETAH: Ewwww... He's doing it right out where everyone can see him! BRIANNA: [grunting and groaning, then makes popping noise] There we go! GINA: That was disgusting, you two. >"This formula should work... I am sure that it should create a stronger >being" says Tomoe to himself. GINA [Tomoe]: It could not possibly fail like the previous 30,000 eggs. > "Couldn't we take a rest and get to know each other better?" CHEETAH: Geez...Kaoli has all the subtlety of a brick! BRIANNA: But she's soooo much softer. CHEETAH [to Gina]: I walked right into that one, didn't I? GINA: Yup. >"Humm..." ALL [hum "Amazing Grace"] > Tomoe move his rolling chair a little bit and bends to the table. GINA [energetically]: And bend...and lift...and bend...and stretch! Now, ab crunches! CHEETAH: You're really reaching on that one, sis. >The egg has just been generated and he looks at it carefully. CHEETAH: What, does he expect it to dance or something? GINA: Well, it is a demon egg... >"Maybe we could get some din...". Kaoli just noticed the egg GINA: Kaoli was not the most observant member of Tomoe's staff, I see. >and gets out of the table... ALL: Huh? CHEETAH: The table is hollow? GINA: Maybe it's art deco or something... >not noticing that one of the chair wheels was under her. She puts >her foot on the chair and makes it roll over. BRIANNA: Roll over, boy! Roll over! Good boy! >The professor losses his balance and falls... hitting the egg that flies >over the room. GINA [announcer]: Aaaaaand it's a long fly ball to deep left field...Griffey is going back, back, back, he's at the wall aaaaaaand... >"Kaolinite! Get it!" screamed Professor Tomoe. But Kaoli hardly had any >time of response BRIANNA: So she has zero reflexes, then. CHEETAH: Feh! I could have caught that, no problem. >since the egg rolled over and entered into one of the permanent portals >for Dark Kingdom communications. GINA [announcer]: He can't make the catch! It's a home run! The Giants win the penant! BRIANNA [Tomoe]: I'm taking that out of your salary. CHEETAH: Whoever's on the other end of that line is going to be getting a nasty surprise... >"Professor..." Kaoli was just as embraced as ashamed. BRIANNA: Look! He forgave her, and he's giving her a hug. ALL: Awwwwww... >"No... forget it...", says Tomoe, lifting up of the floor, "its useless >to go after it." > "I'm so ashamed..." >"Don't worry, it was just a test." CHEETAH: Of the Emergency Broadcast System. BRIANNA [Tomoe]: Don't worry, you didn't just destroy my one chance to finally beat the Sailor Scouts, who have frustrated and thwarted me at every turn. GINA [ditto]: Angry? No, I'm not angry. Come here, let me show you something...[makes hacking sounds] > Kaoli looked at the portal... she has come from there. >"Will the egg reach the Dark Kingdom?" GINA: Not if they used the Post Office. > "Not provably... It will errate CHEETAH: Um, Gina, what's "errate" mean? GINA: I'm not sure, Brit. >across the portal for some time. Eventually it will fall into another >dimension and stay there. Then, it will cause panic and destruction... BRIANNA: People will die, things will blow up...the usual. >but it is just one demon and someone will end up by destroying it... GINA: Boy, Tomoe doesn't have much faith in his own work, does he? >Besides I can always create another one.". Tomoe was a bit disappointed, >since from what he had watched this daimon wasn't very different of the >others he had made before. CHEETAH: Then shouldn't he be happy that he wouldn't have to see it fail just like all the others he had made? > "Kaoli..." > "Yes ?" > "Did you say anything about dinner ?" BRIANNA [Kaoli]: Oh, you heard that? Heh, I didn't mean to actually say that out loud. CHEETAH [ditto]: No, I said we should go find some "din." GINA: It's the Terrible Dyne! Aaaaaahhhh! > Kaolite suddenly remembered her last words, "Yes... why?" >"I do feel hungry..." CHEETAH [Tomoe]: I've just lost the one chance to defeat the Scouts, and will now most likely go down to a horrible, agonizing defeat...Ah, screw it. Who wants pie? >Soon the accident was forgotten... and nobody remembered the egg lost in >time and space. The Sailors ended Tomoe's attacks and destroyed the evil >that attempted to rise. GINA: And there was much rejoicing. ALL [bored]: Yayyy. > III - The incomplete work CHEETAH: This fanfic is a work in progress? VOICE: Actually, I believe it is. ALL: D'oh! > It was a lovely sunset. Both Haruka and Michiru were at a coffee. CHEETAH: Who? GINA: Two of the Outer Senshi...Neptune and Uranus, I think. > Haruka was worried. Ever since they left the others Sailors that Michiru BRIANNA: As opposed to all the other Michiru's out there. >had the feeling that there was still a daimon free, even after the >knowledge of the destruction of the machine and the supposed last daimon. >She could feel something too, but she was not sure. GINA [narrator]: It may have just been gas. >"I feel a small amount of force, but could it be a daimon ?", asked >Haruka, CHEETAH [Haruka]: Oh, wait, it's probably that triple enchilada I had for lunch. GINA [ditto]: And me without my Bean-o. BRIANNA: That ain't no small force. >"Even so, were is it?" GINA: I don't care if it's absolutely nothing! We must drop everything and leave right now! BRIANNA: Where is it, so we may run in the opposite direction? >"He is out of this dimension... But very close to this one. He might try >to enter." CHEETAH: So he's like that irritating next door neighbor, eh? GINA: Bet that would explain a lot to Mr. Wilson. >"We can go there... but is it worth it ?", said Haruka, leaning back >her chair. BRIANNA:...till it tipped over and she cracked her head open and died. The end. GINA: You're going to get a time out if you pull one more of those, young lady. >"HARUKA! You know only the Sailors can destroy the evil spirits !" said >Michiru, obviously bored by her friend unpleasant response. CHEETAH: Funny, she seemed kind of worked up about it to me. > "Yes, I know. Sometimes I hate to do all the job..." said Haruka, GINA [Haruka]: It gets so repetitive, saving the universe every other day. >getting up of the chair and grabbing her jacket. "Come on, we must >prepare for the journey". The girls moved to the car and Haruka started >driving back home. BRIANNA: INTENSE...MOTION...ACTION! > "Say... Do you know anything about the dimension we are heading for ?" GINA [Michiru]: I'm not quite sure. Do the words "Klatu Verata Nicto" mean anything to you? > "I can't say nothing, CHEETAH [tough guy]: I ain't telling you nuttin'. > except that there is someone there from the Silver Millenium..." BRIANNA [Chris Rock]: Naw. Ah, HELL naw! CHEETAH: You don't think he would make one of the Z warriors a descendent of the Silver Millenium, do you? GINA: I dread to think about it. > "What ?", now Haruka was amazed, "How do you know it ?" >"Someone is sending messages to me. They must be of an Milenium >inhabitant" >"Well, we shall know that in no time" said Haruka, stepping on the gas >pedal. CHEETAH: But...they were already...moving... GINA: Just let it go, Cheets. > IV - The trouble arose BRIANNA: V - Our tolerance dwindled. > Time has passed... GINA: Stuff has happened. >and some time after there was a studygroup metting at Rei's temple. > "Usagi... Usagi... USAGI!" screamed Rei, shaking the sleeping girl body. >"Eh... what happened ?" said Usagi, lifting up her head. BRIANNA: Well, he's got that down pat. GINA&CHEETAH [nod] > "You fell asleep, what else" said Minako. >"No I didn't! I was quite awake", said Usagi, pretending to feel >upset about that statement. > "Girls... I'm sorry but are we going to keep discussing...", BRIANNA: I don't know, are we? GINA: All those in favor of stopping discussion and leaving, raise your hands. [all three raise hands] Good! Motion is carried, let's go. VOICE: 'Fraid not. ALL: Damn! > interrupted Ami, "we have a test in 2 days, remember ?" >Usagi quieted down and started back to study... and in no time it was >starting to fall asleep again. CHEETAH: She'd be the perfect wife for Prince Valium. GINA: You must...SLEEP! >"Come on, wake up... with the last events we got delayed on the study" >said Makoto. > "Yes... It's right". BRIANNA: No, it's left! CHEETAH: Right! BRIANNA: Left! CHEETAH: Tastes great! BRIANNA: Less filling! >All the girls still have on their minds the memory of the dark times of >the pure hart GINA: Bret Hart? >hunters GINA: Oh. >and the final battle against Mistress 9. BRIANNA: Any relation to Chanel 9? CHEETAH: I wonder what happened to Mistresses 1 through 8... GINA: They probably didn't make the casting cut. >It had passed more than a month after it. CHEETAH: Boy, that must have been one heck of a gallstone. GINA: Ewwww... >The planet was safe and the only thing that worried them was the test. BRIANNA: The test...and the hordes of obsessed otakus who chased them everywhere they went. > "Did anybody saw Haruka or Michiru lately ?", CHEETAH: God, I hope not - that would leave a really nasty stain! BRIANNA: Oh, thank you so much for that image. CHEETAH: I try. >asked Rei without even lifting up the eyes from the study books. >"No, not since the last fight..." said Minako, remembering the time when >Uranus and Neptune attacked Sailor Moon, due to have endangered the world GINA: So, they attacked her for something she was scheduled to do in the future? >"I wonder what happened to them..." BRIANNA: They got stuck in a whole bunch of bad fanfics. >At this moment Ami tried to explain something to Usagi, who has the >blankest expression on his face GINA: Whoa! When did Usagi have one of -those- operations? BRIANNA: Apparently it didn't help her intelligence any. > "No, not like that, like this...". BRIANNA [opens her mouth, sees Cheetah glaring at her, and closes it again] >As she drawed in his GINA: Either Usagi is still a guy, or Ami just had the fastest operation in history. BRIANNA: Maybe she's cursed like Ranma. CHEETAH [looking around]: I don't see that little lady with the pail anywhere. >book the answer, a bright light appeared . Out of the light, came Sailor >Pluto. >Everybody stopped writing. None of them was expecting her visit, now >that there was no danger... or was ? BRIANNA: "Was ?" What the heck does that mean? GINA: Maybe the Riddler's come to town. CHEETAH [Jim Carrey's Riddler]: Riddle me this, riddle me that - who wants to stomp that Mandark brat? ALL: We do! >"Sailor Pluto! What are you doing here ?" asked Rei, getting up, follwed >by the others. >"I have come to ask for help for Uranus and Neptune", said Pluto,"they >got trapped on another dimension and only you can take them out" GINA: Is that the "other dimension" from the US Dragonball Z series? CHEETAH: Damn you DiC! Do you hear me?! Damn you to hell!! > "But, why did they go there?" asked Usagi. GINA: For the pudding, silly. CHEETAH: What the heck is it with you and pudding? > "They were looking for an lost daimon egg." >"Is there still one ?". All the girls were amazed. They thought all that >had ended. > "What happened ?" said Ami, obviously confused. BRIANNA: Uh-oh. If she's confused, we're really in trouble. > "I'm not sure, I only know that they need help" >"But, another dimension... Isn't that dangerous", asked Usagi,"couldn't >we get lost of killed or...". BRIANNA [Pluto]: No, silly. You'll probably just be tormented and beaten and maimed and crushed and- GINA: All right, that's it. As soon as we get home I'm burning all your issues of "Popular Nuclear Fusionist." BRIANNA [cringing]: I'll be good. >She really wasn't liking all this. > "Danger is inherent. GINA: Resistance is futile. >But only the ones of pure hart can defeat the evil" BRIANNA: Boy, Bret Hart's sure got quite a reputation. > "Yes... We must go and save them" said Makoto. BRIANNA [monotone]: Yes...we must hurry to their aid. Nothing shall stop us. >"A portal will be opened and from there you will be able to reach the >other dimension. But do not forget..." CHEETAH: Your passports. >"Pu!" GINA: When the heck did Mokona get here? CHEETAH [growling]: Damn little evil Furby thing... > The girls looked behind them. Chibi-usa ALL: GAAAAHHH!!! CHEETAH: Cuteness...resistance...being overloaded... > entered the temple and faced Pluto >"Why are you here ?" BRIANNA [Pluto]: Well, you see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much... > "Small Lady... [The ladies start running around in a circle in front of the screen.] ALL [really annoying voices]: Oh lady! Oh lady! Oh lady! Oh lady! GINA [really really annoying voice, right into the camera]: Nice lady! ALL [same voices]: Oh lady! Oh lady! Oh lady! [They sit down again.] CHEETAH [to the camera]: Ladies and gentleman, the "Animaniacs" sketch. >now all the sailors are together", said Pluto. She looked at an wall and >a portal started being generated. > "But... We can't go!" said Usagi BRIANNA [Usagi]: We haven't had our cake yet! >"And how about the test ?" >"When you get back, the portal will take you to here a few minutes after >you have entered." said Pluto. GINA [church lady]: How conveeeeenient. >" I must go now " says vanishing from the eyes of the 6 girls. > "What happened? Why was Pu here ?", asked Chibi-usa. BRIANNA: I'm not even going to touch that one. CHEETAH [Ami]: Well, you see, the bathroom is out of order at the moment, and- GINA: Ugh! That's disgusting! BRIANNA [turning slightly green]: And that's why I wasn't going to touch that one. >"Hotaru and Michiru and trapped in another dimension. We are going there >to save them." said Ami, closing her workbook. > "I'll go too" said Chibi. CHEETAH: Are you crazy? BRIANNA: It's going to be ridiculously dangerous! GINA: Yeah, she could...be...killed...... ALL: Go for it! >"No! That is too much dangerous for a little girl. There could be huge >monsters, multiple dangers and assassins over there." GINA: Foreshadowing, anyone? >said Usagi. After realizing what she said, she started crying "I DON'T >WANNA GO!!! I'll get killed or lost or something !!!" CHEETAH: Aw, grow up. "Come on, grew up!" said Rei. GINA: Wow, good call Cheets! CHEETAH: When you got it, you got it. > "All the Sailors should go, as Pluto said" >"And Mamoru too, I'm going to call him ", said Usagi, heading for the >exit. > "There's no time" said Ami "the portal will close in a few seconds" BRIANNA: Wow, Tux-boy's not going. GINA: I don't know if I should be happy or sad. >Reluctantly Usagi and the others entered the portal that will take them >to the unknown. > V - The near dimension >The portal opened near a big, beautiful palace. Around it there was >nothing... just air. CHEETAH: Unfortunately, this is where the girls appeared, and they fell. GINA: Don't you start too... >The girls came out, and got amazed at the beauty of the building. > "So beautiful...", said Usagi, "looks like a princess palace". BRIANNA [stoned]: Whoa, look at all the colors, man. >The girls came closer to the palace, and besides them shown up an >strange green being, holding a stick. GINA: Yoda! BRIANNA: Frogfucius! CHEETAH: Who? > "Are you the Sailor Senshi ?" asked the creature. >"A demon !" screamed Usagi, leaping backwards. All of the girls grabbed >their pens, CHEETAH: For, as we all know, the pen is mightier...aw, forget it. >but the being interrupted them. GINA: It was rude that way. >"Have no fear, I'm not here to attack you" said "my name is Kami-Sama, >and I have reasons to believe that I need your help" GINA [Kami-Sama]: I can't tell you what those reasons are, because then I would have to kill you; but I have reasons. >Near him, a small, little, black men came, CHEETAH: Not one word, Brianna. BRIANNA: What? >and kneeled near Usagi "Princess Selenity, what an honor to see you" he >said. > "What ?" Usagi was now really confused. ALL: Join the club! CHEETAH: Confusion pretty much describes her state of mind at any given moment, doesn't it? >"Who are you ?" BRIANNA [darkly]: I'm Batman. [cheerfully] I've always wanted to say that! >"My name in the Silver Millenium was Jiro, and I was an music teacher, >but now I'm known by Popo. BRIANNA: Aw, he did it. GINA: At least it's not one of the Z warriors, though. CHEETAH: Okay, so Popo knows him...but -what's his name?- >I'm the one who sent Neptune and Uranus here, but I didn't know that they >would come alone." CHEETAH [Popo]: I didn't think they were that stupid. >"But... what happened ?" asked Rei, curious to know more about the >menace. ALL [hum "Dennis the Menace" theme] >"There is at least a daimon, he is strangely more strong and powerful >that any other" said Ami, looking at his computer. BRIANNA: She should really see someone about getting that operation reversed. GINA [Simian]: Strangely...soothing... >"I'dont understand" CHEETAH [Usagi]: Hey, that's my line! GINA: Oh, that was low. >"That is because he has fused himself with Uranus and Neptune" said >Popo. CHEETAH: Oh...huh? GINA: So, we're in the Cell saga? >"What...but...what do you mean by fusing ?" asked the girls at the same >time. GINA: Fusing: v.t. 1. To join together by melting; melt. 2. To blend... > "The creature has absolved BRIANNA: He pardoned them of sin? GINA [Lucy]: I am absolving you of all blame. VOICE: Oh, that's obscure. >the power of the two Sailors." replied "so he is even stronger" >"How is it possible ? The daimons had the power to extract harts, not to >fuse with people", asked Makoto. CHEETAH: I think it's called a plot contrivance, Makoto dear. >"We don't know. There is something different about it...". At this >moment appeared a small boy, dressed in red clothes. ALL: Kuririn! >"Are they the reason why you have restored the moon?" asked the boy at >Kami-Sama. > "Yes, Goku, they were" ALL [facefault] CHEETAH: ...the hell?! GINA: Oh, I get it...we're in Dragonball, not Dragonball Z. BRIANNA: Well, that just sucks. CHEETAH: Hey, isn't that false advertising? >"They don't look very strong... and they are all girls, and there is >even a little girl" [Ladies all glare at Goku; Cheetah growls.] > "They are the guardians of their universe" said Popo "His power is huge" BRIANNA [Servo]: I'm HUGE! > "Who is he ?" asked Chibi, happy to finally see an human face. > "He is Gokku, our strongest fighter" CHEETAH [Chibi]: We're doomed. > "Really? Hello", replied Minako. > "Hello. GINA: Hello. BRIANNA: Hello. CHEETAH: Hello. > What are your names ?" asked Goku. > The girls introduced themselves to the little boy. > "Are you going to fight the demons ?" he asked. GINA: No, we just came for the- CHEETAH: If you say pudding I'll have to smack you. GINA: -beer. > "The demons ? I thought there was only one" asked Rei, confused. >"At the beginning, yes. But he has created small clones of himself,5 of >them to be exact", said Kami-Sama. CHEETAH: Wha...it IS the damn Cell saga. > "Were are they ?" asked Usagi. >"They have gone to the 5 capitals of this planet, trying to find pure >harts" BRIANNA: I think the Hit Man needs a better agent. > "Why ? Didn't they found one yet ?" >"Pure harts are hard to find here" said Kami-Sama "there are very few >chosen ones" CHEETAH [Kami]: Most of the people here are a bunch of lying, backstabbing bastards. >"I can sense the negative energy of one of them... he must be close", >interrupted Rei. > "Lets see..." ALL: I spy with my little eye, something that is... >Kami-Sama moved to near the place edges "Yes, its attacking a near >village !" ALL: ...Death incarnate! > "Well, looks like work for us." said Makoto. GINA: Bummer, man. CHEETAH: Ho-hum, another day, another monster to smash into itty-bitty pieces. >The girls runed to the palace edges and stopped. They were way up in the >sky. BRIANNA: Boy, I just love that riveting description, don't you? >"WHOOO!" ALL: SUUUUUUUUURGE!!!! >said Usagi "Stop! How are we going to get out of here ?" > "I could use my cloud, but you are too many." aswnered Goku CHEETAH [Goku]: You're too fat, too. >"I can take one of you... maybe the little one" GINA: No, we want her to jump! What, no parachute? Oh, don't worry about that I'm sure she'll be fine. > "We could use Sailor Teleport" remebered Ami. > "Yes... why not ?" BRIANNA: We don't know, you tell us. > "MOON PRISM POWER!" > "MERCURY STAR POWER!" > "VENUS STAR POWER!" > "MARS STAR POWER!" > "JUPITER STAR POWER!" > "MOON PRISM POWER!" >Both Kami-sama and Goku were amazed. The girls power have rised in a >matter of seconds and both could feel it. GINA: It still wasn't jack next to their own, but they could still feel it. CHEETAH: Looks like someone else has been hitting those burritos... >Kami-sama finnaly understood why Popo insisted in calling them. BRIANNA: They would make excellent cannon fodder. >"Even so," he tought "I wonder if they are strong enough to finish the >menace." ALL: Not likely! >The transformations were completed. The girls were now the Sailor >Senshi. GINA: That was...underwhelming. > "Its hard to distinguish who is who" BRIANNA: Oh, come ON! Their outfits are all different, they just transformed right in front of him, and he CAN'T TELL WHO'S WHO?! I know Goku's not exactly the sharpest knife in the bunch, but give me just a little break! GINA: Not bad. I give it a 7. >Gokku couldn't explain what he felt. BRIANNA: Ah...no. >"Its a magical disguise power, so that no one can never know who they >really are when they're fighting" wispered Popo. CHEETAH [Popo]: The people on their home world aren't too bright, y'see. It doesn't take much to throw them off. >"Well... It's hard, but i CAN recognize them" Goku focused on the power >of the girls. > "No, its impossible..." started Sailor Moon. GINA: Not to anyone with a brain. "You're... BRIANNA: A loser. >Usagi" pointed Goku. CHEETAH: Close enough. > "But..." now they were confused, as Goku pointed them all right. > "How can you ?" >"You will explain latter. GINA [Kami]: There is going to be a test later. >The demon is destroying the village" interrupted Kami-Sama. GINA: Since they seem to have forgotten why they were called in the first place. >"Sure. KINTO-CLOUD, COME TO ME" screamed Goku. And in notime a >small yellow cloud appeared, at the starred look of the Sailors. > "What is THAT ?" asked Chibi-Moon. CHEETAH [Goku]: My flying bong. Wanna go for a ride? > "My cloud, it will take me anywere. Climb in" awnsered the litlle boy. > Chibi joined Goku in the small cloud "Ohh, so confortable" BRIANNA: ...must...resist urge... >"Its our turn..." The Sailors joined gathered around in a circle and >grab each others hand. ALL [signing]: I wanna hold your haaaaaand! >They close their eyes and focused on the ground. Suddently, they became >shining beams of colored light, that jumped to outside of the palace. > Goku was impressed, but came back quickly "Lets go!". The cloud take >off in a impressive speed, taking with it a very scared sailor. > "AHHH!!! STOOP!!" screamed Chibi-Moon "You're going too fast!!" ALL: Go faster! Maybe she'll fall off! >"Too fast ? But we are already on the ground !" said an confused Goku. >He really would never understand girls. >"Oh!" She noticed that she came all the journey with the eyes closed, >grabbed to Goku, and blushes. ALL: GAAAHHH!! GINA: I did not just see that... BRIANNA: That just sounds so -wrong-. >"Come on, get out of there" said Sailor Moon. She juped out of the cloud >and join the other sailors, along with the strange little boy. >"Strange... does the Sailor Teleport makes you loose weight ? I could >swear that im light as a feather ?" Usagi feeled very strong indeed. > "No, Sailor Moon. BRIANNA: ...you nitwit... >The gravity on this planet is a bit lower that ours, maybe just 70% of >Earth." awnsered Sailor Mercury. GINA: Sailor Mercury is Miss Information. > "Sailor Moon? I tought you name was Usagi" asked Goku. ALL [weakly]: Ha ha...kill him. > VI - The first match >Soon they were near the village. The daimon left a path of destrucion >visible miles away. BRIANNA: Looks like they're putting in a strip mall. >"Are you SURE there is only one daimon here ?" asked Makoto "This looks >like the work of an army !" CHEETAH: An army...of darkness! GINA [Ash]: Hail to the king, baby. >"Yes... and its near!" replied a nervous Mars. Now that she was close >she could feel the imense power that emanated from that strange beast. > In notime they were near the daimon. The Sailors jumped ahead Goku, GINA: A move henceforth known as mistake number 1. >surpring the evil source, and Goku himself. > "STOP!" ALL: Hammer Time! > "The evil that lurked in our dimension is now dead!" > "You have escaped and brought terror into this planet!" > "We are here to stop you from harming anyone..." >"For love and justice, I am Sailor Moon! In the name of the moon, I will >punish you!" BRIANNA: Wow, that was pretty short for them. >The daimon turned back, and all the sailors were amazed. This time it >looked just like a reptile, a standing BLUE reptile. That WAS strange, >the daimons always looked like personification of objects. CHEETAH: Um, Gina...? GINA: I don't know, Cheets, I'm not that familiar with the series. > "Hum ? ALL [hum "Grapes of Wrath"] >What the hell do you want ?" said the daimon in a sibling revolved voice, BRIANNA: A what? GINA: He...has two voices? I don't know. >annoyed by the attack. > "We are here to fight and destroy you!" CHEETAH [Scouts]: We're going to give you such a pinch! > "Good, I could use a decent fight!" answered the reptile. >The Sailors looked at each other. That was the first time a demon >actually wanted to fight them. GINA: Note to Scouts - it's usually not a good sign if the villain -wants- to fight you. > "It that's what you want, that's what you'll get!" replied Sailor Venus. >"VENUS LOVE-ME CHAIN!" The harted chain flew right to the beast. She >gives an massive jump and easly escapes the attack. ALL: D'oh! CHEETAH: So, wait, did Venus just jump her own attack, or did the daimon? > "SUPREME THUNDER DRAGON!" ALL: WONDER TWIN POWERS! ACTIVATE! >The power of the attack aimed right at the daimon... and passes right >trough it! It suddently appears in front of Jupiter and gives a kick that >makes Mako to fly and hit an near cliff, unconsious. BRIANNA: Ooo, that's going to leave a mark. >"Jupiter!" Venus hardly had any time to speak, as the daimon punched it CHEETAH: I see the Sailors have been reduced to inanimate objects, now. BRIANNA: Well, that would explain Usagi's fighting skill. GINA: That was a cheap shot, Bri. BRIANNA: Bite me. >on the face... making the sailor to slide on the ground to near Gokkus >feet. GINA [Goku]: Excuse me, do you want some help? No? Okay, I'll just be over here, smashing boulders with my head. BRIANNA: Ooooo, a Slip-and-Slide! I wanna go next! >"BURNING MAND..." The beast looked at her, and flew right in , kicking >her out of the ground. CHEETAH: Um, who just got smacked? GINA: I think it was Mars. BRIANNA: What was she doing in the ground? Did she dig a fox hole or something? >"I thought you were here to fight me" replied an satisfied daimon "By >the way, I didn't introduced myself... Genezisa." CHEETAH: Bless you. GINA: At least he's a polite daimon. BRIANNA: Hey, somebody better tell Cell this guy is stealing his tricks. >"SHINING AQUA ILLUSION" Mercury tried to attack while the demon was >distracted, but all that was hit was a image of Genezisa. The real one >appeared right in her back, and nailed Ami into the ground. ALL: BOOT TO THE HEAD! GINA: Oooooo...a DeWalt cordless nail driver! I want one! CHEETAH: What, your fusion-powered "driver of death" isn't enough for you? GINA [defensively]: It's not cordless... BRIANNA: Wait a minute..."appeared right in her back?" That must have -really- hurt. > "MOON SPIRAL..." > "PINK SUGAR..." >The daimon looked at the last two sailors, Moon was trying to use the >attack and Chibi was right behind, BRIANNA: Playing with-[Cheetah growls]-her hair. What? What did you think I was going to say? GINA [Chibi]: Don't worry Usagi, I'll be right behind you...[mimes running off into the distance] >doing the same. Goku was worried, he never tought that the demon would >beat them so easly. CHEETAH: Although it could have something to do with the obscenely long attack power-ups. >It took a long time before the main daimon could actually made Goku give >up, and this one was just a clone. BRIANNA: ...I'm not quite certain I followed that. GINI: Oh, it's easy, 'ya see, he...well, and then...aw never mind. > "ATTACK! Ahh" > "ATTACK! Oww" BRIANNA: Are those cries of pleasure or pain? -THWAP- Owwww... CHEETAH: I swear, you've got an even bigger libido than Gina does, which is an impressive feat. GINA: Yeah...hey! >In a fast move, Genezisa hit the remaining two sailors making them to >eat dirt. GINA [drill sergeant]: You'll eat your dirt and like it, soldier! BRIANNA [little kid voice]: Please sir, may I have some more? > "Come on... there must exist fighters harder than you" CHEETAH: Sorry, I'm afraid this is the best we could manage on such short notice. >All the sailors were either unconsious or too hurt to get up. "I knew we >shouldn't have come here." thought Sailor Moon. ALL: We couldn't agree more. > "I'm still here !" replied Gokku. >"Sooo, do you want to fight ?" Geniza stood in an defense positon "Lets >st...". The daimon stopped and looked up. "Not now... CHEETAH [Geniza]: I'm missing Matlock! >We will fight again. Thats a promesss". GINA: Sounds like 'ya sprung a leak there, buck-o. >It lift off and quickly disapear into the horizon. > "No... he got away!" > "We lost... we lost the battle." BRIANNA: And the award for most blatant statement of the obvious goes to [sound of envelope opening] Usagi! ALL [cheering noises] >All of Usagi friends were in outstanding pain, CHEETAH: Well good, you'd hate for them to be in any -bad- sort of pain. BRIANNA: They had really had to work their fingers to the bone to get pain this outstanding. -THWAP- Owwww, stop that! CHEETAH: You first. GINA: You're right, Cheets, she is worse than either of us... >and she could feel their wounds as well as her's. "Mamoru... why wre you >not here ? GINA: Um, cause Rei wouldn't let you get him? > Oh!" mumbled Usagi, just before she lose her senses. > Next - VII - The missing link. CHEETAH: Featuring special guest star - Harry Henderson! >(Well, thats it... the first part of "Dimension of Fighters". What will >happen to the Sailors? What is the part of Goku in all this? Why is >Genezisa so powerfull? GINA: Do we really care? ALL: Hell naw! >It will all be awnsered... In the given time) BRIANNA: Was that a threat? CHEETAH: Come on, let's get out of here. * * * [1]-[2]-[3]-[4]-[5]-[6] [The bridge of Mandark's SoL. Gina is the only one visible; she is typing away at one of the computer terminals, trying to learn something more about the satellite. Brianna enters from the right.] BRIANNA: Find anything, sis? GINA: Not yet, I'm afraid. That little twerp's got a real good security system in place, it's going to take us awhile to hack through it. BRIANNA: Okay. While you're doing that, I'll see about building us some weapons and armor. [Gina looks at her sister.] GINA: Bri, I really don't think we're going to need weapons. Besides, even if we had them, if we used them we'd just put a hole in the ship and kill ourselves! BRIANNA: Oh, nonononono, you've got it all wrong, Gina. They're not for here. [She grins wickedly.] They're for when we get out of here and pay that little genius a visit. [Gina slowly smiles in return, then goes back to work on the computer. Brianna is about to leave when Cheetah walks in, her arms loaded with something.] CHEETAH: Lookie! We've got tuna fish! Lots and lots of tuna fish! [Brianna's attention is immediately distracted, and she swipes half of Cheetah's supply and goes tearing off down one of the halls. Cheetah calls out for her to stop, then takes off in pursuit. Gina just keeps working. The signal light flashes, and Gina reaches over to hit it.] MANDARK: So, my little subjects, how did you like...[notices Gina's the only one there] Where are you sisters? GINA [without looking up]: Getting a meal. What do you want, Mandark? MANDARK: You would do well to hold your flippant tongue. I just wanted to see if the story had broken your spirit. GINA: 'Fraid not. You'll have to do worse than that. MANDARK: Fear not, for I intend to do just that. Ha ha! Ha! Ha ha ha ha! [the monitor shuts off] -FWISH- GINA: This is juuuuuust perfect. * * * Mr. MiSTer's Notes: Well, that's it, my first MiSTING. I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had writing it. Believe me, it's not easy writing a "bearably clean" MiSTing when, at heart, all three riffers have out-of-control libidos (read the comic, you'll see what I mean). If you don't know that much about the "Gold Digger" series, I'd recommend the "Cheetaholics" web page. And, of course, reading the series. No offense was meant to Mr. Takashi or his work, especially since he's been such a good sport about it. This is just another form of C&C on his work. >At this moment Ami tried to explain something to Usagi, who has the >blankest expression on his face