(SOL. There are ropes set up, making a makeshift wrestling ring. Joel and Crow are both wearing sparkly red masks with fringes and are standing in the ring. Tom is wearing a tuxedo, and is standing in front of the desk.) Tom: It's a beautiful day here on the Satellite of Love, where we're about to witness the wrestling event of the century! In this corner, weighing in at 162 pounds, Joel "Rockin'" Robinson! (Joel poses as Cambot makes generic crowd noises.) And in the other corner, weighing in at 59 pounds, Crow "Star Wolf" Robot! (Crow poses, as Cambot makes more crowd noise.) LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!! (Crow and Joel lunge at each other and start wrassling, as Tom gives color commentary.) Tom: Joel is opening up with a 180-degree Gunslinger! Ouch! But Crow has wriggled out and is retaliating with the Hands of Fate! Joel must be hurting from that one.. but he manages to grab Crow in a Super Dragon! What a comeback! What a- what's this? Crow is going for the Forklift Kill! Wow! We've got commercial sign! (Joel manages to escape the Forklift just enough to hit the commercial light.) (SOL. Crow is chewing on Joel's arm, while Joel noogies him.) Tom: Okay, Crow, what the heck am I supposed to call THAT? Crow: (pauses in his chewing) I dunno. (He resumes chewing.) (The Mads light begins to flash.) Tom: Uh.. guys? (waits for a response) Guys?.. I hate having to do this. (Tom whacks the light with his dome.) OW! (Deep 13. Dr. F is standing alone.) Dr.F: Hello, kiddies. Frank is still a little.. under the weather.. from being hit with a comet last week, so I'll be presenting alone. My invention this week is too large for me to wheel out alone, so I'll just have to give the spiel sans props. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live through a typical romantic comedy? Well, soon the entire Earth will know! My invention is: The Ranmanator! It broadcasts subliminal messages to the entire Earth, transforming it into a living episode of Ranma 1/2.. and only I know where the off switch is! (SOL. The masks and ropes are mysteriously gone.) Joel: Well, that's kinda neat. You could be Ranma and have lots of chicks after you. Tom: Or you could be Ryouga and bench-press Volkswagons! Crow: Yeah! Or you could be Tsubasa and.. (notices funny looks from the others) ah.. never mind. (Deep 13.) Dr.F: You misunderstand me. _I_ get to be Ranma. Every female on Earth will be my fiancee, and I get to beat up all the guys! MWAHAHAHAHA!! (SOL.) Joel: Whatever you say, Davey. Anyhow, my invention is something that might prove handy in foiling your evil scheme. I call it "The Object Detector." It's to help people find lost stuff. (He brings something that looks suspiciously like a TI-81 out from under the desk.) You just turn it on, and.. (the gadget makes boops and twiddles as he turns about) there! (He points to the desk.) (Deep 13.) Dr.F: But.. that's not where I hid the switch. (SOL.) Tom: Well, no.. but it's an object! (Deep 13.) Dr.F: Very funny. Your experiment this week is the followup to last week's 'Sailor Moon Hentai, Part One'. It's called, predictably enough, 'Sailor Moon Hentai, Part Two'. Read 'em and weep, Joelie-kins! (SOL.) All: We've got fanfic sign!! (G,6,5,4,3,2,1) > >Carlos here! Joel: o/~ Here a Carlos, there a Carlos, everywhere a Carlos Carlos.. > I'd like to thank Anonymous who gave me this idea Crow: Smooth move, Anonymous. >with the story "Death Of The Sailor Senshi". And another part >of SMHentai is coming at ya! Tom: Duck! > Do you like it? Joel: Say nothing, guys. It wouldn't be fair. > I named a character >after my friend Kelly, Tom: Which one? > she's Sailor Pleasure. Crow: Doesn't this say something about how Carl thinks of his friends? > E-mail her at her >new address: >oneechan@hotmail.com Tom: Should we? Joel: Probably not. It's not her fault. >And you can send e-mail me at this address: >carlosvincent@hotmail.com Crow: Don't tempt us, Carl. >And now, all hentai rules apply. Joel: (Ref) None a' this *wham*, none a' that *pow*, and _especially_ none a' this! *bam whap K-POW* Tom: (announcer) The fic goes straight to your brain. > The Hentai Senshi belong to me Crow: They're mine, all mine! Wahahahaa! >and Sailor Moon belongs to Takeuchi Naoko and Toei. >------------------------------------------------------------------ Joel: Cut here. >Sailor Moon Hentai, Part 2 >"Darkside Fantasies" Tom: (Darkseid) Desaad, you'll be the stableboy; Kalibak will be the horse.. >By: Carlos Vincent > Crow: Let the goofiness begin! > "Chi-chan, I was wondering.. Tom: (Vira) o/~ Do you love me? Joel: (Chi) Do I what? > why did you fail?" Mistress Vira >asked her cohoart. Tom: (Chi) Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. > "So I could have another chance at it with an even >more brilliant idea." Chi answered. Joel: More brilliant than popping out of thin air and sprouting naughty tentacles? How could that be? > "Oh come on, Aku and I know you >did it because the Hentai Senshi beat the living shit out of you." Crow: Out, out, demons of living shit! >Doku said, smiling visciously. Tom: She's got a high-viscosity smile. > "Either way.." Chi began, spitting >venom. Joel: Hwock-Ptooie! > "I have devised a way that will not fail." Crow: (Chi) I'm going to taunt them mercilessly and make them cry like schoolgirls. Tom: (Vira) But they _are_ schoolgirls. Crow: (Chi) Damn. > Chi finished. "May >we hear it?" Vira inquired. Tom: (Chi) No. I don't like you, Bumblebee Woman. > "Certainly, I plan to strip them of Joel: ..their dignity. Crow: It's too late for that, Joel. >their energy..sexual energy." Chi said. "Sounds good enough Tom: ..smart enough, and gosh-darn it, people like it! > . I will >leave you to it." Vira said and he vanished. Umi smiled. "This is >the PERFECT opportunity." She squeled and vanished. Tom: (Vira) Wait.. there's something I wanted to tell you! Crow: (Umi) Go suck eggs, Bumblebee Woman! > * * * * Joel: Weren't there only three Sailor Stars? > > "WAIT!!!!" All: AAH! Joel: Don't DO that! > Sailor Jupiter screamed and grabbed Sailor Pleasure. Crow: Well, _this_ is a little sudden. Tom: She hasn't been the same since that evening at Lita's.. >"What do you want, Jupiter-chan?" She asked. The Sailor Senshi gasped. >"You know who I am?" Tom: Well, how many other five-foot-ten knockouts in skintight dresses are running around Tokyo? > She inquired. "Hai, but.." She began and then >a huge crash of thunder struck. All: o/~ Lightning's striking again.. > All the girls screamed. Joel: Now everybody scream! > Pleasure and the >others began to fade. Crow: (Marty McFly) What's happening to me? > When they did and the thunder cleared, the others >looked around. "Where'd they go?" Venus asked. Tom: (Doc) Into.. the future! > * * * * Crow: o/~ Connect the dots, la-la-la-la.. > > When all confusion cleared, the girls felt nothing but cold. Joel: (Tick) So cold.. so dark.. >And they could feel their skin, and it was bare. Crow: So.. that would be something other than cold. > But their tiara and >earrings, chocker too, remained in place. Tom: That'll be good if they have to chock something.. I guess.. Joel: C'mon; we have to be able to come up with something better than that. Crow: Uh.. Tom: Um.. Joel: Er.. Crow: o/~Chock Full O' Nuts is the heavenly coffee.. All: o/~Better coffee a millionaire's money can't buy! Tom: Whew! > They were naked. Joel: We heard you the first time, okay? > Breast was lying on a bed, her hands and wrists were tied >to the bedposts. Tom: Y'know, usually just hands _or_ wrists will suffice. Crow: Chi may not have much of a head for B&D, but at least he's thorough! > The feeling of her body against this soft and fluffy >fabric was really exciting her. Joel: If you say so.. > Nipple was lying in the same position, except she was in a >tub. Joel: Wait.. how does that work? Tom: Maybe it was a _really_ big tub. > As she was being tied down, she felt a hand putting a scuba mask >on her, the cramping in the tub was turning her on. Tom: Or maybe not. > Mouth was the coldest of them all. She was tied to a pole, Crow: *tsk* You should never put your Mouth on a pole when it's cold out. You could get stuck. > her >ass was tied against it and the wind began to blow a little faster. Joel: Non Sequiturs of America: We may not make much sense, but we sure like pizza. >The feeling of the cold wind against her nipples was overwhelming. Tom: (Mouth) The pain! THE PAIN!! > She >was being turned on immensly. Crow: Ahh.. sure. > Tongue was tied down to a nicely done up wooden table. Joel: Is someone going to eat her? (pause) Crow: Nice one, Joel! Didn't think you had the guts for it, though. Joel: Huh? What're you.. Ack! I didn't mean _that_! Tom: Sure you didn't, Joel. > It was >soft and smooth to the touch and was turining her Tom: It was imprinting the face of Jesus on her. > on enourmasly as she >felt a hand rubbing her body with a slippery liquid. Joel: o/~Grease is the way we are feeling.. > Pleasure was being tied in a chair, while infront of her, two >girls, both naked, were beginning to eat each other out. Tom: Looks like Carl's decided to switch to the painfully direct from the merely painful. > The site was >making her clint ooze. Crow: Looks like someone went ahead and made her day. > She smelt her Joel: ..copper ore into a usable form. > musky scent emminating through >the room. > Then they heard a voice, echoing from all corners of the >room. Tom: Wait.. this was all one room? An Emperor-sized bed, a bathtub, the North Pole, a coffee table, and two- Joel: Seven. Tom: -seven naked girls all in one room? Crow: Uh.. yup. That seems to about cover it. Tom: Oh. Okay. > "Welcome girls, to the Darkside. Joel: (Voice) My name is Rob, and I'll be your waiter tonight. > Here's the deal. I will >pleasure you, giving you the greatest pleasure you have ever felt. >And in turn, when you cum, you will begin to slowly die." Crow: Talk about tough love.. > The >voice said. > "Sailor Breast..your sexual fantasy is to be massaged >slowly untill you scream..by the man you adore the most.. Tom: Leo DiCaprio? Joel: Trunks? Crow: Edgar Figaro? > I do >believe his name is Yuugi Ferio." The voice said as a apparation >of him appeared, naked and climbed on the bed Tom: So how, exactly, does one nake? > and began to massage >her body, extremely slowly and one piece at a time. Breast closed >her eyes and began to cry out. > "Sailor Nipple..you prefer a much different way..to say you >two are sisters is way beyond belief.. Joel: (Voice) You're actually brothers. > because what turns you on is Crow: ..this little button on the small of your back. >perfectly warm water." The voice continued as water began to fill >the tub, perfectly warm water, the feel of the water against her >skin was really turning her on Tom: (narrator) Really! I mean it! > and she began to let out shrills of >extreme pleasure. > "Sailor Mouth..what makes you moan and groan is having >cold wind blow at your naked body.. Crow: That actually sounds more uncomfortable than erotic to me. > tha's why you spend hours each >night infront of your fan in your room." The voice went on. Suddenly, >the wind picked up and began to turn Mouth on and she moaned as the >intensity increased. Joel: Pause to inhale. > "Sailor Tongue..you are the one of the group who prefers >to feel her body slip and slide over a smooth surface..that's >why you like to nap..when no one is looking..naked on your desk." Crow: Wow.. they've got _really_ lax discipline at her school! Joel: I'll say! The only time I ever tried anything like that in high school.. ah.. never mind. >The voice said and she was being rolled back and forth and from >side to side on the table, but she was being rolled slowly. Joel: What do they think she is, bread dough? Crow: She's as lovely as a flour in bloom. Tom: Did you really knead to do that? Crow: Why not? Can't you keep up with my rye wit? Tom: Of course! It just goes against the grain for me to do this. Joel: It doesn't matter, Crow. She's too well-bread for a loafer like you. Crow: Yeah, but just look at those buns.. Joel: Dough! > It was >turning her on. > "Sailor Pleasure..you are pleasured by..believe it or not.. Tom: Well, I enjoyed that show too. >pleasure screams and cries.. Crow: Gosh! That's really.. not all that kinky. > that's why these two girls are beginning >to make love." The voice said. The two girls went harder on each other, Joel: (Inigo) I will not go easy on you. Tom: (Wesley) I wouldn't have it any other way. >they began to scream and cry. Crow: (girls) For the love of God, let us out of this fic! > Pleasure tried to fight it. But as she >felt her clint began to swell Tom: He is.. the balloon with no name. > and become lubricated with love juice, >she pretended to be turned on. > "Enjoy it while you can girls.." Joel: (Voice) I know that canning girls is hard work, but try to enjoy it. > The voice said and blindfolded >everyone's eyes, except Pleasure's as he appeared. Yet, he was >immediatly tied to a soft bed. Umi appeared. "UMI-CHAN?! WHAT ARE >YOU DOING HERE?!" Crow: (Umi) Appearing! Can't you read the script? > He screamed. He then noticed the outfit she was >wearing. Tom: (Chi) Why the clown suit? > A very tight see-through lingere. Joel: His gaze lingeried on her form as he inspected it. > She knew tight clothes >turned him on and it did indeed as he was stripped out of his >clothes. Tom: Whoa! Take a cold shower or something, Chi! > "Chi-san..I have to admit, the only thing I crave is to >fuck you crazy. Crow: It's too late for that. > And eventhough I am 13 and you are 18, I want you." Joel: (Umi) I want you even though I haven't reached puberty yet! Crow: Kids today.. >Umi said. "U-U-Umi..I.." Tom: I hate when people talk to themselves, don't you? > Was all he could mouth out as she kissed >him passionately. He took over as instinct seeped in. Crow: (intercom voice) We have an instinct leakage on Aisle Three; cleanup on Aisle Three. > She moaned >as Chi ripped her lingere and massaged her unusually large tits. >She smiled. > * * * * Tom: o/~You're a superstar.. Yes, that's what you are.. > > Pleasure untied herself Joel: What? Crow: What kind of lame-o captor is this guy? Tom: Harry Houdini is: Sailor Pleasure. Crow: I did _not_ need the image of Houdini in a fuku, thank you. > and with that, shouted: > > "VENUS POWER, MAKE UP!" All: Huh?!? > > As Sailor Pleasure, she has the power to transform into >any form of Sailor or Hentai Senshi. Tom: Tonight on Plot Contrivance Theater: Carlos Vincent's 'Sailor Moon Hentai'. > She transformed with ease and >became Hentai Sailor Venus, with the same power of Sailor Venus, >first form. She ran off, following the voices. Crow: It's not my fault.. the voices.. the voices told me to! > "That's it..pleasure me..fuck me..Chi-san.." Joel: (Chi) Geez, lady, gimme a second, willya? > Umi said >as Pleasure/Venus approached. > "CRESENT BEAM SHOWER!!!!" She screamed and both of them >disappeared. Tom: (falsetto) Was it fatal for you, too? > The Senshi were freed and they returned to normal, >then they reappaered where they and the Sailor Senshi had been, >only they were gone and they detransformed. Joel: Huh? Crow: And the award for least coherent sentence goes to.. > "Kelly Moule, Tai Gibbons, Ida Benson, Utsukushii Hiko, >Utsukushii Kiko..now one team.." Tom: ..God help us. > Xavier smiled. > "Hai..one team.." Kelly smiled. > > Crow: Woohoo! Made it! Tom: And not a second too soon, either. Joel: C'mon, guys. We've gotta think of a way to stop that gadget! (1,2,3,4,5,6,G) (SOL. Joel is under the desk.) Joel: It's not down here, either! Tom: We've searched the entire satellite, Joel! It's just not here. Crow: Maybe it's on the outside? Joel: Hey, the Mads are calling! (He hits the Mads button.) (Deep 13. Dr. F is up near the camera, and Frank is nowhere in sight.) Dr.F: Joel! This is important. Flip the red switch in Crow's closet. _Do it_ or I'll send you a genetic splicing of Dr. Thinker's grammar, David Kintobor's sensitivity, Oscar's sexual proclivities, and Ratliff's introductions! (SOL.) Tom: Why? (Deep 13.) Dr.F: The Ranmanator.. didn't work out. Instead, I got the Luminator! And worst of all.. Frank is Lum! Frank:(offstage) Dahling? Dr.F: (guttural whisper) Help me... | \ | / \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ --------O-------- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ / | \