The author of this MiSTing is: "Ya-chan" …the other, female one. E-mail: putti_plush@yahoo.com LJ: http://www.livejournal.com/users/putti_plush/ DISCLAIMER: MST3K & the related characters and ideas are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. All caracters portrayed in this MiSTing except the Mads are REAL PEOPLE. As of such, they deserve our utmost respect, and this document is not intended to be harmful to them. They are represented here without their direct permission for purposes of entertainment only. The fanfiction "Hot Chocolate on a Cold Night" is owned by Esmeraude. Attempted contact resulted in a saved mailer daemon e-mail. MiSTing will be taken down by author's request; no offense is intended. CAUTION CAUTION CAUTION This fanfic contains mature content that should only be read by persons eighteen (18) years or older. ~This was a MiSTing written for J-rock fans, as opposed to a MiSTing of a J-rock fanfic for MST3K fans. I've tried to make 90% of my riffs non J-rock dependent though, so as to make this MiSTing accessible.~ Extended disclaimers and info can be found at the end of the document. So now, are we all comfortable? Do we have a sugary food or beverage? Very well then let us continue for the pilot episode of… ~~~SPARKLY!!~~~ Mystery Vocalist Theater Three Thousand ~Where we’ll never tell you who the vocalists are because it’s a mystery you see.~ ~~Just kidding.~~ The room flew to life with a whirr of hard drives and the blinding LCD lights of a gigantic screen. Two men awoke at the commotion, soon entangling themselves in wires and shouting as they hit the floor falling off a cushioned surface. The elder of the two finally got his wits about him and smacked the still panicking one. The teary face that looked up at the calm man was familiar; he was sure he’d seen it in a magazine before. "I’m Murata Kirito, you?" The elder introduced himself, quickly extricating himself from the mess of wires around him, but unable to rip their end points from his body. His tan face, the skin darker than usual for someone of his field, was long and square, his lips small on his face, but fleshy and round. Around his left eye was cracking black mascara forming a definite bold pointed cross over the long almond shape. His charcoal hair was stiff and shoulder length, parted to his right side and almost obscuring that eye. The younger man darted his eyes furtively and brushed long outwardly curled bangs behind his ears. He had a definitive hook nose and bold yet elegant aristocratic features on a pale face. He was dressed in a pair of black slacks and oxford shirt, his newfound companion however was in full naval captain's regalia. "Where are we?!" "I don’t know," Kirito stated then winced as the younger man started to pick at a tube in his arm. "Don’t do that; you’ll hurt yourself! Lord knows where those things came from, but the last thing either of us needs is an infection. Now what’s your name?" "Masaki Haruna. Nice to meet you." The younger man bowed as well as he could, swallowing and taking a look around. "Wonder what that’s for?" He pointed at the gigantic screen in front of them. Both men followed the lines of wires between them that merged and led up to the screen. The wires became branches of cords some branching off yet again… One mess of wires moved with a groaning sound. "Don’t tell me she’s had a nightmare again…" The wires slowly rose and a hand peeked out. "What the…?" Two arms now emerged scrambling at the wires and making various loud noises and curses. Kirito and Haruna both started to lightly pull at wires, trying to make them go elsewhere but not hurt the man inside. Eventually a small head and body came out and bright sienna eyes jumped from one focal point to another. His hair was soft and a deep ebony-wood brown-black, his delicate features complimenting it from small downturned nose to kissable lips to enchanting eyes. "Where in Sam Hill am I?" He spoke with a surprising Kansai accent, standing to a laughable full five feet two inches. The man looked at the two others. "And who are y’all?" "I’m Masaki Haruna." Haruna smiled and bowed still kneeling on the floor and still at a height advantage over the crumpled form of the newcomer. "Murata Kirito." Kirito bowed as well, having stood up to try to make a rounds of the room. "Eh? Wait… Kirito from Pierrot?" The man questioned, hopping out of the wires and starting to pick them apart like his comrades had done before. "Yeah." Kirito nodded and grunted, and the new man gave off an appreciable sound. "Huh. …un! I’m Takarai Hideto." He bowed, smiling widely. "Hyde from L’Arkon…Lara…seal… L’Arc~en~Ciel!" Haruna rushed forward, glad to recognize someone even if it was off T.V. "Un!" Hyde nodded. "Well now two of us know each other. So we have something in common," Kirito said, feeling up a wall to try to find a door or window, but being met with a stale flatness betraying not even boards underneath. "We’re both band vocalists," Hyde continued, catching on. "So Masaki-san must be…" Haruna blinked as Hyde and Kirito turned toward him. "What?" Haruna backed up. "Are you a vocalist?" Hyde asked. "Uh… yeah, why?" Haruna asked, hearing Kirito groan from the back of the small room. "Because if you are, that means someone’s kidnapped us and they’re probably female between the ages of sixteen and thirty two," Kirito reasoned out, Hyde nodding the whole way. "Well I was with Malice Mizer for a while until the break up. Can’t understand why no one was really supportive of my solo career… worked for Gackt." "That’s because people enjoy laughing at Gackt." "Mou… he’s not that bad when y’get to know him," Hyde cut in. "He’s jist really clingy… And kinda weird, yeah, now that y’all mention it. But hey, you can’t knock the publicity y’get from working with him, hump dodging or not." "Hump dodging?" Kirito raised an eyebrow. "You don’t want to know. Let’s jist say that at first I thought those kisses were very European…" Hyde went back to suppressing the memories. "Murta-san, have you found anything?" Haruna called out into the limply lit room the dark form moving against the walls and approaching the screen again to complete a full circuit of the enclosure. "There are some knobs and trusses like for drawers on the walls across from the screen, something big in the middle, I fell off of it, and around here on this side to the right, the wall is very gravelly and textured, but there doesn’t seen to be a break in the wall itself." Kirito continued feeling the wall. His eyes and those of the others were becoming accustomed to the light. "Could one of you try to find out what’s in the middle? I have to walk the way back around or I’ll run out of wire or pull something bad." "I’ll get it!" Haruna said and stepped back in the direction he thought he came from. "Wait a minute…" Hyde paused. "Oh you must be Klaha!" "Stage name," The former mizerian called back. "Mana-sama came up with it." "Un, always figured," Hyde mumbled. "Aaatsu!" A tumbling was heard followed by a slight moan. Hyde went carefully towards the noise. "I tripped!" Haruna cried out. "Over what?" Kirito came towards them making a roll out of his wires; Hyde had done the same. "It made a sound so I think it’s a person," Hyde stated, feeling the soft rug below him and following the feel up to a familiar coil of wires. "Yeah there’s someone in here. Man, he must be one heck of a heavy sleeper." Hyde shook at the form. "Hey wake up." "Why wake the man; he’s probably better off not knowing he’s been kinapped." Kirito let his arms fall at his sides. "How are you so sure it’s a man?" Klaha asked. "Well Masaki-san, I’ll bet you 5000 yen he’s a he and a vocalist." Kirito smiled to himself. "I’m not really a betting man…" Klaha mumbled. "Sir… sir?" Hyde continued to shake the sleeper, being met with sleepy groans of protest. "Dammit wake up." The form stirred, a few seconds passed as it awoke, and it started grappling at its face. "Gaaahhhh!! Geddit off! Geddit all off!!" The deep voice filled the room and the tiny form stood and started stumbling around the room, coiling itself up in the wires even further before knocking into the wall with a pound and a click. The lights turned on and flooded the room with the blinding halogen glow. Before them stood a small man with a spiky bush of bleached blonde hair and face riddled with piercings. Ears, nose, lip, chin... as angry as his heavily tatooed arms decorated in dragons and nonsensical designs and letters. He wasn't wearing much just a pair of heavily worn jeans below a masterfully sculpted upper body of muscle. Most of the wires had fallen off of the form and coiled around his legs, and his hands now clawed at a visor around his heavily kohl lined eyes. The other three men simultaneously checked their heads empathetically, and found visors on themselves as well. "Where the foocha am I and what foocha put this hakun fhtagn on me I swear I’ll wakkinao and then they’ll sully aywakkinao the foocha gonna foocha…" "Why he’s more colourful than you were Takarai-san," Haruna marveled. "Kichigai," Kirito snorted. "Whadja call me?!" The blonde spun around fixing angry eyes on the three men. "YOU! Whatd’ja do to me?!?" He pointed a tattooed finger. "We didn’t do anything!" Hyde insisted. "We’re all just as confused as you are. I woke up here and it was dark and there were wires all over. I honestly have no idea what’s going on." "I told you, we’ve been kidnapped by fangirls. If there’s no other explanation, try that piece of proof." Kirito pointed a derisive thumb over his shoulder at the thing he and Haruna had fallen off of. It was a bed. A very large pink sheeted bed with a banner over it reading "Welcome Vocalists to Mystery Vocalist Theater 3000!". "Well I’ll be damned." Hyde scratched his head, furrowing his nose. "Foochas," The small man breathed, then tending to the wires around him seeing as everyone else had them straightened out and put in a manageable roll hanging from their less dominant arm. After he was done, and Haruna was searching under the bed, and Hideto and Kirito at the walls, he stepped forward. "No, stay where you are!" Kirito shouted. "We need to note where the light switch is. Got a marker Takarai-san?" Hyde held up a marker and went over to the depressed patch of wall behind the last awakened, writing "lights" on it. "Am I done?" The newcomer growled. "Yeah of course." Hyde smiled. "Takarai Hideto." He bowed. The somehow even shorter man returned the custom. "Kyo. Just Kyo." The name combined with the petulant face sparked many memory cells and finally the whole group knew each other. As well as strangers could know one another from the outset… The screen let out a screeching. All of the men covered their ears eyes turning away from the front of the room, but soon looking up once again to see two gaijin girls at the screen. One was bleached blonde wearing an "I <3 yaoi" t-shirt, the other had dyed black hair, cheap black lipstick, and a black turtleneck. The men shuddered. "Hi! I’m Mary!" The blonde chirped. "And I’m Sue," The Goth girl emoted. "Miyavi desu!" Miyavi popped into frame then left as quickly as he had entered, like ninja. "How do you boys like it in there? We got you a double triple king sized bed with custom fitted sheets, perfect for a little… action." The blonde winked. The men grimaced. "Oh hey Kirito why so sad? After all you ARE gay right?" The girl pouted leaning farther into the camera sight. Kirito looked from side to side. "With these people?" Kirito pointed with his thumb, eyebrows elevated. "I think not. No offense." "Straight, no offense taken, foocha," Kyo piped up. "Agreed," Haruna quickly posited. "Shouldn’t y’all know better?" Hyde admonished. "Oh, too bad." The blonde and the Goth sulked. "Well, can you guess why you’re here?" The Goth tried her best to be mysterious. "I’m guessing it has something to do with making illegal sex tapes." Kirito nodded, believing his answer to be correct. "We considered that for a while don’t worry. That’s what those neural uplinks were for!" The blonde giggled. "Forcing us to be gay? That’s jist wrong!!" Hyde yelled. "Well lucky for you it didn’t work." The Goth loomed. "Of course we spent most of daddy’s money on researching this technology and crafting your room there… but it was worth it! Since we couldn’t control your minds, we found another thing to do with the ability of those neural uplinks. We can beam information into your head like you’re living it! And the killing we’re making in the mmorpg market will be tremendous! But first, daddy’s company needs test subjects," "That’s you!" The blonde interjected. "And since we already had you boys prisoner we figured we’d test our experiments out on you!" "But if y’all like us, which is what we’re presuming, why torture us?" Hyde asked, his face cutely questioning. "Because we don’t like you!" Both girls shouted. "There is no one more amazing than Gackt-sama!" The blonde sighed, then grew angry. "And YOU took him away from us!" "And what’s with Dir en grey now, Kyo? You stopped being pretty and your music sucks!!" The Goth yelled. "And gay or not Kirito, you’re just plain creepy! Plus Miyavi’s way better, right Meev?" The yaoi lover smiled, beckoning to the side. "MiyaVI desu." Miyavi nodded, walking in to stand between the two girls. "And if there’s anyone who’s the opposite of Gackt, it’s YOU Klaha! You stupid replacement!" The blonde hugged miyavi who simply smiled, a stranger and more dazed than usual expression on his face. "Yeesh some girls got issues." Kyo rolled his eyes. "QUIET!" The Goth screamed. "Now our experiment with you is to force you to not only watch but EXPERIENCE the crappiest j-rock fanfics we can find!!" "I tend to stay away from those…" Kirito got small. "Why? What’s that all about anyway, girls who dream about us in leather and stuff and write about sleeping with us?" Masaki questioned. "Worse." Kirito shuddered. "It’s fics about us having sex with each other." Masaki’s hands flew to his crotch. "Oh no…" The ex-mizerian squeaked. "You don’t wanna know what weird stuff my band gets." Kirito shook his head. "Or the sheer volume of stuff my band gets," Kyo sighed. "Or the sheer disregard for my marriage that fanfiction in my fandom shows." Hyde held himself. "It’s sheer insanity," Kirito concluded. "Well you’d better start guarding your other end, Klaha, because our first experiment has to do with YOU!" The blonde cackled. "Huh?" Haruna blinked. "Oh what a way to be introduced to Yaoi…" Kirito shook his head. "Now take a seat on that nice comfy bed and get ready for… how is it said, Mary?" The goth turned to the blonde. "Deep Hurting, Sue," The blonde responded. "Deep Hurting!" The two cackled. Another loud screech was heard and electricity assaulted the four men as their senses were overloaded in the system uplink. They crawled to the bed still shivering from the sensation, and preparing themselves for something truly awful… >TITLE : Hot Chocolate on a Cold Night. ( Part 1 ) {The men heard a voiceover in their heads and they smelled the comforting smell of nice hot chocolate. Perhaps this wasn’t half bad…} Kirito: You know, I think I’ve heard Takeo talk about this. He likes those American shows, and Mystery… Mystery Science Theater: It’s a show where a guy and some robots are subjected to really horrid movies and make fun of them to keep their sanity. Kyo: I sense an option to fall back on! Bring it oonnnn. Hyde: I don’t think taunting the… whatever the heck this is… so early is a good idea. Klaha: Mmm… it smells good in here. > AUTHOR : Esmeraude > E-MAIL : Esmeraude@wizard.net {A girl appeared before them waving with a blinking web link next to her.} Kirito: Her name is a weird mix of Sailor Moon and Magic Knight Rayearth… Kyo: And you would know this HOW? > BANDS : Malice Mizer ( new ) Klaha: New?! Since when?!? > Arege > Noir fleurir > Madeth Gray'll Kyo: And a bunch of other words that only this announcer can pronounce! Hyde [mumbling]: You’d know about mispronunciation… > PAIRINGS : The usual ! Hyde: A latte with full veggie omlette and fries. And curry rice. Kirito, Kyo, and Hyde: Mmmmm, curry rice. > RATING : R Hyde: I think that’s somewhere around a IIB. > SUMMARY : Klaha and Yu ~ Ki are trying to stay warm on a cold night by drinking hot chocolate. Klaha: I’m in this? Oh wait, they said I was… Hey, Yuchan’s in this! Kyo: Trust me, you won’t be happy about that when this is over. > HOT COCOA ON A COLD NIGHT PART >1. Hyde: Wasn’t it "hot Chocolate on a cold night" just, say, a minute ago? Kirito: And we have our nitpicker! Hyde: What's that supposed to mean? {The room grows dark and all of a sudden the men are standing inside of a cold room decked out like a ski lodge. Before them in a bed festooned with furs lie Yu~ki and Klaha in Victorian dresses and full makeup, sipping hot chocolate. There is a serving try on a nearby bed table.} > Klaha and Yu ~ Ki drank hot chocolate in bed together one evening. > The chocolate tasted as sweet as the kisses they exchanged. > Yu ~ Ki looked at Klaha¹ s chocolate and pouted. > YU ~ KI : No fair ! You have more marshmellows ! Hyde: MarshMAllows!! Klaha: Yeesh, Yu~ki’s not whiny. And hey, why are we in bed? Kyo: yeah and why are you dressed so funny? Kirito: Because everyone likes pretty men in pretty clothes. > Klaha used his tongue to scoop out a few marshmellows and kissed > Yu ~ Ki. Klaha: erm… okay. > He lifted his dress before sliding his boxers down his hips and > inserting his penis into it. Klaha: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH [Klaha faints. The other three rush over to him.] Hyde: Hey hey y’okay, hey, wake up. {Klaha comes round. The motion in front of them seems to have stopped.} Kyo: What happened? Don’t tell me yer such a wimp that just seeing that gotcha. Klaha: I… I FELT IT. [all gasp] Kirito: Fiends! This is beyond the pale! Kyo: I don’t see any wires going into his butt… Hyde: This ain’t right. Try to pull through there, buckaroo. Kyo: Was it your first time? Klaha: I’m not telling you that!! Kyo: Right. Shutting up. Booming voice of the announcer: Please everyone, pay attention to the story at hand. Now, what just happened was: "He lifted his dress before sliding his boxers down his hips and inserting his penis into it." Hyde: I call foul! "It" could have been anything! The penis could have been inserted elsewhere than Klaha’s… nether region. > He moved his hand up and down rapidly until he ejaculated into the > beverage. He tilted his head back when his lover licked the tip of his > penis. Klaha: Ah let me clarify, "It" was my hand. This is awkward. Kyo: You feel that too? Klaha: No. Kirito: Unfair bastards. > YU ~ KI : Thanks for the Œ¹ marshmellows Œ¹, Klaha. Hyde: I wasn’t too hot on those "marshmellows" when they first appeared, but now that they’ve been upgraded to "Œ¹ marshmellows Œ¹", I REALLY don’t trust them. Kyo: Worst euphamism for jizz ever. Kirito: I suppose it’s contextual. Kyo: No I was referring to the "Œ¹"s. I can’t even pronounce that right, damn announcer man to hell. > KLAHA : No problem. Kirito: Bad math problem! No biscuit! > He and Yu ~ Ki struggled to stay warm under the heavy blanket. > The air was cold enough to make anyone¹ s body temperature drop. Hyde: Your math class analogy might hold weight: I’m seeing random exponents popping up everywhere! Kyo: No that’s just leftover "marshmellows". Klaha: Ewwww. >Was their love enough to keep us warm ? All: HUH? Kyo: Dammit Announcer Man, stop getting friendly! I don’t wanna be included in this "us" of yours!! > Klaha¹ s erection was very obvious whenever he sat up.It was not hidden > very well. Kirito: I’m sorry, but that word "up.It"… what does it mean? >It moved up and down occasionally. Kyo: Dude, you’ve got hydraulics on your pp!! Kick ass! Hyde: Actually, I think that’s one of those things you’re supposed to see a doctor about. > Yu ~ Ki massaged his lover¹ s scrotum and felt the testes roll in them. Klaha: I would like to let you know that having my testes disengage from their sperm ducts and roll freely around in my scrotum is actually VERY painful. Hyde: We’re here fer ya. Kyo and Kirito: Just wouldn’t wanna be ya. > The one eyed snake eventually became a spitting cobra. All: WHAAA??? Hyde: Can SOMEONE please tell me what the HELL is going on here? Kyo: I’m pretty sure it has to do with "mar.. Hyde [cutting Kyo off mid-word]: Enough said. > He moved his hand up and down the male part. Kirito: As opposed to the female part. Sadly, Klaha was amazingly lacking in female part, which is why Malice Mizer could not continue. >He ceased manual sex when Klaha gasped. Kyo: I like to have my sex manual rather than automatic. It’s just the care you have to put into changing the gear shift… > KLAHA : I never said stop. Klaha: I sense stock dialogue. Kyo: I sense continuance of my driving analogy. Klaha: I sense "Monopoly." > Thunder startled the lovers who held one another. > Yu ~ Ki¹ s hand trembled while he drank from his mug of hot chocolate. > He smiled when Klaha kissed his face. > YU ~ KI : ( whispering ) Be my loving woman, Klaha. Kirito: But we’ve already established that Klaha has no female parts! Klaha: Don’t make this worse for me than it already is… > KLAHA : ( whispering ) OK. Klaha [whispering]: Not OK. > He touched Yu ~ Ki¹ s long hair before Yu ~ Ki looked around when his > head was hit. Kyo: AWL-RIGH’, Violence, just what this fic needed! > Yu ~ Ki saw Klaha smile and look up while hiding something behind his > back. He watched him reveal a dildo. Hyde: You hit him on the head with a magically appearing dildo. Klaha: I don’t have one, honest. > YU ~ KI : Why use a dildo when you have the real thing ? Kyo: Because although you could make your mouth go the right place, self insertion is pretty much impossible. Kirito: I’m sensing our native hentai. Kyo: Anyone can take over any time. Would Takarai-san like the next pick? Hyde: Why thank you Kyo-san. > KLAHA : All the better to hit you on the head with, my dear Yu ~ Ki ! Kirito: …Oh COME ON. > His lover continued to drink his hot chocolate. Kirito: Yu~ki, however, was quickly escaping from the evil bedroom of hell. Klaha [Yu~ki]: This is the castle’s owner, I’m Earl of Dracula. > YU ~ KI : Has anything interesting happened recently ? Hyde: Well I just hit you over the head with a freakin’ dildo. No, not much. > KLAHA : Well, I told Mana that his face was scary ! {all stare at Klaha.} Klaha: No, I wouldn’t have the guts. > Yu ~ Ki expressed interest when his eyes were wide. Hyde: Yu~ki expressed ennui when his eyes were drooping. > YU ~ KI : Oh ? Kirito: Let’s get ready to d-d-d-d-d-d-DUEL! It’s the new card game sensation rocking the nation: Yu~Ki~Oh! > KLAHA : Mana and I were sitting on his sofa while watching anime one > evening. I hid behind the sofa when Mana looked at me. He wanted to know what I was afraid of. Kirito: Bears, I told him. > I told him that I was afraid of his face. He started to chase me around his house. He informed that he would give me something to be afraid of. Kyo: "The Grudge"? Damn straight! > Yu ~ Ki laughed in a quiet tone. > YU ~ KI : ( laughing quietly ) I remember when we had our original > singer. > KLAHA : Who was he ? > YU ~ KI : Tetsu. Gaz was our first drummer. Hyde: Oh, Tetsu, the other Tetsu. Ya-chan introduced the two of us. He’s a pretty decent man, too bad he had to be brought into THIS PIECE OF CRAP. Kirito: Down boy. > Anyway, we were at Mana¹ s place for a slumber party. Gaz and I were eating Mana¹ s chocolate without his consent. {All snicker. As the narrator continues, the scene has changed to a smal apartment decked in full Gothic style, the predominant color blue. Gaz and Yu~ki are sitting on a silk brocade couch eating lots and lots of chocolate. Mana soon walks in in his Illuminati uniform.} > Mana was obviously not happy when he saw us. Klaha: the icy stare and bullwhip tipped us off. > He told us to drop the chocolate before he called us vultures. Hyde: Does that mean that he threatened to call you vultures, or that he actually called you vultures after demanding you drop the chocolate? Klaha: I don’t know: this never happened. > Gaz and I looked at one another while grinning. > We made vulture noises while flapping our arms and chasing Mana. {The men are observing all this happen.} Klaha: This story has really just crossed the line into ridiculous. > Gaz informed him that we were going to take advantage of him if he > fainted. I told him that I was not that desperate. > Tetsu had been sleeping in a room and was not happy. > Gaz and I decided to chase him instead since he was standing there. Hyde: Lordy, I haven’t seen so much chasing since… umm… Kyo: Never? Hyde: No, since last time I hung with Ya-chan. He likes to chase stuff. > Gaz caught him and decided to be a vulture by stripping Tetsu. > He pretended that Tetsu was a dead body. Klaha: Yuck! I never knew Gaz was into necrophilia. > Tetsu told us that we could have made him eat Mana¹ s cooking ! > Mana informed him that he heard that. > Tetsu reached for a cushion and used it to hide his nudity. >Gaz ran in order to get a camera and took a picture of him ! Hyde: People continued to speak in short sentences! > Tetsu tried snatching the picture that Gaz and I tossed back and > forth. I called him the monkey in the middle and suggested giving him a > banana. Gaz said that Tetsu might fling crap at us if we did ! Kyo: Okay local Tetsu expert, since when is he a dirty monkey? Hyde: I’m not the Tetsu expert, but I’m purty sure he’s never done that. > We ended up scanning the photo ! > Klaha laughed. Klaha: Klaha gagged. {The scene switched back to Klaha and Yu~ki in bed.} > KLAHA : ( laughing ) You can¹ t hurt him anymore. > YU ~ KI : ( laughing ) That¹ s true. > Klaha ceased laughing before drinking more hot chocolate. Kirito: I can’t take much more of this break-neck action! > KLAHA : I had a strange dream last night. Klaha: I have a creepy dream at last night. I already have fiancé, with stranger man… > It was after I watched a Bubblegum Crisis marathon. Kyo: So do you watch much anime? Klaha: Actually yes I do. I love it. Bubblegum Crisis was quite good. Though it’d be nice to know whether this is original or 2040. Kirito: And we have fanbot! Kyo: What the hell have you been talking about, Murata? > YU ~ KI : Tell me about it. > Klaha nodded. Kyo: I have a bad feeling about this. Hyde: Un. So I’m not the only one getting the jibblies… > END OF PART 1. >to be continued~ All: OH GOD NO!!! Hyde: My jibblies have been confirmed… ahhh-jibbilie jibbilie jibbilie. {The men are returned to seeing the room as it is, quite shaken from their experience.} The screen beeped on again, the two girls and Miyavi smiling on the other end. The four men looked up at them, faces contorted in pain. "So, how’d you like that, boys?" The goth girl enquired, feeling up Miyavi’s chest. "That was actually quite disagreeable." Klaha stated, swallowing hard. "Are you hakun crazy, you foochas!??!" Kyo pushed him aside, getting all up in the screen’s face. "What the foocha was that fhtagn?!" "That was 'Hot Chocolate on a Cold Night', and only part one. You four get a little break before part two starts… but be ready! You’ll find a food and beverage counter in one of the walls, and a way into a bathroom as well. Because we’re not letting you out of here until you all go insane!" The black-clad girl laughed, and the screen buzzed out. Kirito got off of the bed to go search for some way to get at the sustenance and bathroom followed by an urgent Kyo. Hyde flopped down on the bed to try to sleep again, and Masaki just stayed still as a board. A few clickings later, and a kitchenette came out of the space next to the cabinets on the far wall. Kyo started pounding on the wall to the left of the TV, and soon a door gave way and he rushed in. "WHOA! Kick-ass!!" Kyo’s voice echoed in the chamber. "You guys gotta check out this tub! Mine first." The door slid back shut and the other three proceeded to ignore the subsequent sounds. After the final hand rinse, the door opened again. "Come check this out." The two men on the humongous bed came over and beheld the very large bathroom, bedecked in shining white tile and a running beaded pink floral border. The bathtub was more like a pool, and beside it lay bars of soap, bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and bath oils, various lufas back scrubbers and wash towels, and various leather bands and chains along with tubes of… erhem. The floral motif continued on the gigantic fluffy towels bathrobes, and slippers. There were mirrors on the ceiling and the two opposite blank walls. "I’m not too keen on the gay stuff but damn this is a nice tub." Kyo began to walk around it’s exterior like a kitten, feeling the smooth tiles make way to a warmer padded surface before the edge of the ivory. "Massaging jets…" Haruna observed climbing down into the large tub. " I could live here!" "Wait, how are we supposed to bathe with all this electronic equipment hooked up to us?" Hideto questioned. A voice came from the ceiling to answer him, the voice of Miyavi. "Miyavi desu! Just unscrew the cords!" The voice fizzled out and the men looked to where the cords hooked up in each others’ necks arms and shoulders. Right before the injection site of the tubing the thorns of metal had a screw-off point that connected to the washer on the wires. Each man quickly removed the wires from himself and then another, running out to the bed to deposit their own roll of wire in a row. Klaha’s was set furthest to the right followed by Kyo’s, followed by Hyde’s, and lastly Kirito’s. Hyde spied a navy officer’s cap lying half hidden under one pillow. "Whose is this?" He held up the cap retrieving it. "Mine." Kirito shrugged. Guess I forgot I was wearing it. "It’s cool!! Can I try it on?" "Sure," Murata assented, and Hyde put on the hat like a happy child. He ran back to the bathroom slipping a bit on the tile, and observed himself in the full wall mirrors. The eyes following him all held the knowledge that he had found a way to look amazingly dorky. "This hat looks great on me!" A few coughs came from the other room. "What? Y’all don’t think so?" Hyde turned around, pouting. "No no, it looks GREAT, Takarai-san." Kirito smiled evilly. "Great! Can I keep it on?" "Whatever floats your boat…" The three other men all broke down into snickering. "What’s so funny?" Hyde furrowed his brows, then went over to the kitchenette. "If y’all stop laughing, I’ll fix somthin’ for ya." He checked the rice cooker, finding it full of uncooked rice, added some water, and then turned it on. Just then, the screen turned on with another screech. "Break over, boys!" The high pitched whining of the blonde assaulted them. "It’s time for part two of the fic!" "But Takarai-san had just started us some… lunch or dinner?" Masaki pouted. "Clock here says 18:05." Hyde called back from the counter. "Well then take this for an aperitif," The goth snarled. "Now screw those wires back in and get over here before we have to electrify the floor." The men quickly rushed over to the bed and hooked each other up re-attaching their visors. "Now before we start the fic, tell us boys, do you like the game ‘20 questions’ ?" "Animal, vegetable, or mineral?" Hyde piped up in English. "Neither! It’s the deep hurting category of pain boys, and it’s coming to you quicker than you can say ‘What is Jeopardy?’ !" In a fit of cruel laughter, the girls buzzed out, and the neural uplinks fired up to bring the men back into the world of the fanfic… {The men are once again in the bedroom seeing Yu~ki and another Klaha in bed together. The smell of hot chocolate and surrounding chill of the room persists. The announcer starts dictating again, the girl popping her head in again for a moment.} >TITLE : Hot Chocolate on a Cold Night > AUTHOR : Esmeraude > E-MAIL : Esmeraude@wizard.net > HOT CHOCOLATE ON A COLD NIGHT PART 2. Kirito: In the immortal words Of Kel: Awwww, here we go again! {the scene switches to a dingy nightclub the smell of cigarette smoke and marijuana is in the air, and mirrors and graffiti adorn the walls. Half the crowd is stoned out of their mind and the other half is just trying to have a good time in the dark city. Klaha’s voice speaks in a voiceover.} > KLAHA : Leon and Daley were at Hot Legs on their night off. Klaha: Before any of you guys say anything that’s the actual name of the nightclub in the anime. Kyo: Y’okay. Cool. > Leon hoped to see Priss onstage and planned on asking her out. He > could not wait to see her wearing her golden and brown stage wig with > her red outfit. > He looked at Daley before telling him that bikers were pissed off. Kyo: Now THAT’S a hint that you should get out of there if you prize your teeth. > They were mad at him since he was always hitting on them. > He told him that he might stand a chance with the bartender. > He frowned when Daley retaliated by saying that he might stand a chance > with Priss ! He told him to hit on that Mason craphead. > Daley informed him that Mason already had a lover who was a > Boomer. Hyde: Daley also informed him that he had decided to speak in short sentences again. It was fun. Also, when did this J-rock fic turn into a BGC fic? {All four sets of eyes look over the gloomy nightclub as a knockout woman comes onstage. Kyo whistles.} > Leon¹ s eyes were wide when he saw a woman onstage. > Her long hair was black and wavy. It concealed one of her eyes. > Her collar was spiked. Her boots reached her thighs and her gloves > touched her elbows. Her G string did not conceal her very well. Her > corset had two strategically >placed roses. Her whip was bundled. She > could hear eerie music playing in the background. Kyo: Wahoo!! Finally this fic is getting interesting! > She was Bondage Bitch. Kirito: orly? > She smiled before cracking her whip onstage. > She grabbed the microphone and started to sing. Her commanding voice > filled Hot Legs. > She stepped back into the shadows. > She was reborn as Countess Clitoris All: WHAT. THE. FOOCHA. > who happened to have a female body part on her. Hyde: I should hope so. > More eerie music played in the background. Her singing was admirable. > The singer was now a hermaphrodite. Kirito: Oh God No, it’s OSCAR!! Klaha: Oscar-sama from Rose of Versailles? Kirito: No… Oscar is… well if your brain isn’t already fried by the end of this fic I’ll explain. >The male half wore a suit. His hair was shoulder length. The female half > wore a dress and a shawl with a rose attached. Her hair was long. The > singing was androgynous. Hyde: Like Cher. > The next costume was almost like the previous outfit. > One half was a woman who wore a dress with a corset.Her dark tresses > reached her back. Her eyes were black with tiny golden pupils and her > singing was very good. > The other half was a monster with a eye that dangled out of her > socket. Klaha: Now we’re in Wicked City territory. > Her constant smile exposed sharp teeth that were long like the grinning > face on her body. Her exposed ribs curved at the sides. Her long hair > was tangled and never ended. Klaha: Am I tripping? Hyde: There’s subtext to this fic, I just can’t figure out what. > Leon and Daley saw various anime characters onstage. Kirito: Great. Just what we needed. Crossover. > YU ~ KI : ( interrupting ) Oh ? > KLAHA : The singer was Esmeraude, Galaxia, Heavy Metal Papillon, Prince Demondo, Neptune and Saturn. Hyde: Wow! That’s either one talented singer or one with one heck of a personality disorder! Either that or it's just bad grammar again. > YU ~ KI : ( interrupting ) Sailor Moon ? Kyo: NO. Sailor Moon wasn’t there. You lose. > Klaha nodded. > KLAHA : The singer was now a golden and brown haired Priss. > She sang Konya wa Hurricane, Wild and Scarred, Victory, Chase the Dream, > Remember, Mad Machine, Wasurenaide, and Aishiki Raibaru. > She then wore a blue and pink hardsuit. > She happened to be the Knight Saber version of Priss who sang > Angels Dancing in the Thrill, Asu e Touchdown, Akuma Tenshi no Kisu, > Kodoku no Enjieru, Mysterious Night, Jumping Heart, Yes Do It, and Bye > 2 my Crisis. Klaha: hey, at least you get a free concert out of fic me’s dream. {a smell of burning wafts by the group} Hyde: oh no!! The rice!!! [Hyde runs back to where the bartender is, and twists his nose. The rice cooker beeps off, and Hyde lets out a sigh of relief before rejoining the group.] > Her next stage character was the sadistic Gestapoko from Kekko > Kamen. She wore boots with a jacket that had S and M on it, a hat, and > pink trousers. She also wore red eye cosmetics and violet lipstick. Her > hair was long and blonde. Her singing was very deep. When she went into > the shadows, she was Kekko Kamen ! Kyo: Whoooooooo!! Hyde: Hehhehheh… This here’s the OTHER side of anime, folks. > Yu ~ Ki showed immense interest via wide eyes. Hyde: Yu~ki showed immense displeasure via red glowing eyes. > KLAHA : The singer wore nothing but a red ski mask, boots, and gloves. > The next stage character was Count D of Petshop of Horrors. > One eye was purple and the other eye was golden. His shoulder length > hair was black. His singing was feminine and sweet. > The singer now wore a stage costume consisting of a red > dress. She was Woman Boss of the Rocket Gang and a Pocket Monsters > character. Her hair was long. Her singing was sexual. Kyo: As much as I hate the cute little buggers, "sexual" and "pocket monsters" should never appear in the same paragraph together. Hyde: Not t’mention that "sexual" isn’t a proper adjective to describe singing with. > She was now a blue haired man biting a red rose. His armor was > golden. He introduced himself as Gold Saint Pisces Aphrodite. > He sang in a soft and feminine voice. > He threw off his disguise and was now Gold Saint Aries Mu. > He was then Hyoga the Russian mother¹ s boy, Lucifer, the beautiful > Pluto, and Poseidon. Klaha: Speaking of Pokemon… is this singer a ditto or something? These person changes are making me woozy. > Leon and Daley gasped when they recognized the singer. Kyo: Leon and Daley gasped when they realized they were in a crappily written fanfic inside of a crappily written fanfic! > They saw Brian J. Mason wearing a three part suit onstage. > They heard 80¹ s music in the background. Kirito: Because in the 2030s, what’s old is new again! > The stage lights moved rapidly. Klaha: They then started to headbang along with the new band onstage. Leon saw it was Moi Dix Mois. Mana killed everyone. The End. > Mason sang Kodoku no Enjieru. His vocals ranged from a quiet tone to a > strong falsetto. Hyde: huh. Mason sounds like Tetsu. …our Tetsu. > Daley wanted to know where Mason¹ s bitchy Boomer was. Leon guessed > that they had a lover¹ s tiff. Daley guessed that the Boomer was bad in > bed. Kyo: I guessed that those lines were really… not something I’d like to think about. > He also assumed that Mason¹ s lover had to sleep on the floor now ! > Leon hated to admit it, but Mason¹ s twenty one costumes were admirable. > Mason then sang in a sorrow filled tone before shrieking. Hyde: okay yeah now we’re listening to X. > His sad voice was enough to make Leon almost pity him. > His next set of vocals ranged from a high pitch to a strong yet normal > tone. There were ten different songs in all. > Mason then wore a variety of hair styles and costumes. Kirito: 50% off on our one weekend only sale! > His vocals were strong, high pitched, pleasant sounding, frantic, > sorrow filled, etc. Hyde: And many other adjectives I’m not gonna bother tellin’ y’all about. > Leon and Daley watched him step offstage after the set. > They approached him when he walked over to the exit. > Leon told him not to give up his day job at GENOM ! Kyo: OH, PWNED!!! > He was surprised when Mason slapped him and called him a fucking son of > a bitch ! Kyo[happily]: wakkinao hakun foocha! Hyde[equally happy to swear]: hak! hakhakhakhakhak! > Daley asked him if this was his bubblegum midlife crisis. [all snicker] > He also wanted to know if he was bald from bubblegum hair. > He also told him about his bubblegum identity crisis onstage. > He did not know that he did not get any of his jokes. Kyo: Wow Masaki, I never knew your subconscious was capable of such groaners! Klaha: I have my moments. Hyde: Of course as stated above, you did not understand that you were not comprehending any of your own jokes. > Leon wanted to know if his boss at GENOM fired him. Mason told him no > and explained that the Knight Sabers were humiliating him in public. Kirito: And so he dressed up as a bunch of female anime characters and sang onstage? Or was that Priss in all those costumes? Or does this fic just not make any sense? > He was stoned, whipped, and nearly burned at the stake ! Klaha: Witch! You! Find out! You are disguised as into a convert! Kirito: MURRRDERRR!! Hyde: A witch! A witch! Burn her! Kyo: And what do you burn with witches? MORE WITCHES!! > YU ~ KI : ( interrupting ) How did he survive ? Kirito: He didn’t. Sad, really. > KLAHA : The Knight Sabers asked him how sorry he was while he burned. > They decided that he had enough and released him. Klaha: He didn’t get very far on his burnt legs, however. > However, Mason still didn¹ t trust them so he ran and hid. > Anyway, Daley told Mason that he was a good person now. Kirito: So, Mason was a bad guy before? Klaha: Yes. Hyde: No it’s jist faulty sentence objects. > Mason got the message and returned to the stage. > He performed as every kind of woman you could think of. Kirito: HA! I was right! Mason WAS a cross dresser! {Mason on stage transforms into whatever woman is the woman of the men’s separate dreams.} Hyde: Megumi? It’s Megumi! Oh, rescue me honey!! [Hyde rushes toward the stage/screen but Kirito and Klaha hold him back while Kyo bites his ankles.] Kyo: Idiot! It’s just a hologram!! Kirito: Yeah, because I KNOW my Mom doesn’t sing that good. [All look at Kirito.] Kirito: Hey, I’m gay; my favorite woman in the whole world is my Mom. There’s nothing wrong with that. [all breathe a collective sigh. Hyde is still pouting.] Hyde: I wanted to believe it was real… > Daley smiled and told Mason to shine forever and that¹ s when I opened > my eyes. Hyde[sniffing away his tears, looking up as the {scene switches back to the bedroom}]: Hey Y’all, I think the fic within a fic is over! > YU ~ KI : Interesting dream. Kyo: coughyeahrightcough Kirito: Oh, you can just HEAR the sarcasm dripping from that statement. > KLAHA : I have several ideas about Mason. Kyo: And we don’t wanna hear them! > Yu ~ Ki expressed mild interest while drinking hot chocolate. Kirito: We expressed mild pain while living through this fic. Kyo: MILD? > KLAHA : What was Mason¹ s mother like ? Kyo: Crack Whore. Klaha: Hey, that’s not nice! >Was she GENOM¹ s highest ranking woman ? Hyde: Well shucks, I dunno! > Did she create advanced combat Boomers for the company ? Kirito: uhh… I don’t know. > Did she enjoy watching them kill ADP ? Kyo: I don’t know, but I sure do. I salute you, expendable ADP officer! > Was her hair long and dark ? Klaha: Why do we care? > Did Mason have her eyes ? Hyde: Umm… y’all… I think we’ve reached the questions part that the fangirls were talking about… > Did she wear a suit or a dress ? Kyo: Was she too sexy for her shirt? > Was she very beautiful ? > Would she neglect her little boy ? Would she beat him ? Klaha: God damn even I don’t care, and I’m the one asking the questions! > YU ~ KI : Well, she is a fictional character ! Klaha: Thank you Yuchan!! > KLAHA : Did Mason ever see a psychiatrist ? Klaha: I never stop, do I? Hyde: Maybe you should give it a rest. > Was the psychiatrist¹ s name Dr. Takeuchi and did he have a long > ponytail ? Kirito: Were they coming to take you away, Ha-ha? > Did he make notes in a large yellow pad ? Did he slump a little while > crossing his fingers ? Kyo: Dammit, man, I don’t hakun care about Mason’s psychologist’s personal habits! > Did Mason talk about his depression for a whole hour ? Hyde: Probably. Just so Klaha could talk about it in this story in excruciating short-sentence detail to annoy us more. > Did he ever have nightmares ? Klaha: Everyone has nightmares. > Was one of his nightmares about aliens ? Was he a creature who > feared Quincy because he was very stupid ? Hyde: was he referring to the alien or Quincy? > Did he regret capturing the most powerful person on the planet ? Kyo: Dammit, the foochas’ got Yoshiki!! > Did he ask him about snorting cocaine only to get a reply about loving > Coca Cola ? Hyde: Or only to get a reply about how I styled my hair in the Honey backstage clip… Klaha: Huh? Hyde: It seemed like a funny joke at the time. Don’t worry, I’m not a crack head. > Did Quincy answer every question incorrectly ? Did his stupidity terrify > Mason ? Kirito: Possibly not, but the stupidity of these questions is terrifying us. > Did Quincy wander and touch various objects ? Hyde: What the? > Did he end up destroying his ship ? Kyo: In A.D. 2101 war was beginning. bOOOmM!11 > What about another nightmare involving Quincy killing Mason for > failing ? Kirito: Yeah, what about that nightmare? > Did he use a machine gun to kill him ? Did Mason fight the Knight Sabers before his death ? Hyde: The answer is B! > Did Nene comment on him not saying ow when she kicked his dead body ? Klaha: As the title card said, "ouch". > Did Priss imagine his last thoughts as oh shit ? Kyo: I don’t know, but I did! Hyde: I swear, is the author trying to write a Bubblegum Crisis fanfic here, or a Malice Mizer one? Kirito: Enquiring minds want to know. > Did Quincy call Mason one less failure ? > Was Mason reborn as a four year old boy ? Klaha: No, that was a Dalai Lama. Mason was "reborn" as Largo. Kyo: A llama llama duck. > Did the Knight Sabers want to abandon him or let a Boomer kill him ? > Did Mason become Sylia¹ s little visitor only to be exposed to > violence ? > YU ~ KI : ( interrupting ) Violence ? Kirito: No, no the correct question was: "little visitor???". But Hey, Violence sounds like a good answer too! … MURDER!! > KLAHA : Did Sylia¹ s brother want to know if Mason recalled killing > their father ? Did Sylia smile and want to find out ? Did she want to > traumatize the rotten child ? Did she show Chibi Mason the image of his > adult self murdering a father of two ? > Did the little boy want to know who the bad man was ? Kyo: Damn. > Did Sylia hit him ? Klaha: Yes because we all know Sylia’s so abusive and evil and not at all cultured. > Did Nene want to stop her from punishing him for past crimes ? > Did Sylia call Chibi Mason a little prick ? Klaha: Chibi mason??? ‘The foocha? > Did he cry while seeing the cruel man ? Kyo: Well he’s back, and here I am! Mwahahahaha! Klaha: Don’t flatter yourself. > Did Sylia inform him that she had waited for her father to return home > which he never did ? > Did Sylia¹ s brother want to know if she would raise Chibi Mason ? > Did she reply that Mackie did not kill their father ? > Did the pink Knight Saber known as Nene adopt Chibi Mason ? Hyde: Anyone else lost? > Did the other Knight Sabers refuse to adopt him ? Klaha: YES. Because they’re a loosely knit band of warriors, not an orphanage! > Did Nene leave Chibi Mason behind at her apartment as she worked ? Hyde: You know that reminds me of a heart-wrenching documentary movie. About three children whose mother left them all alone in the apartment while she was away for days on end. In the beginning, two of them were being carried in a suitcase. Kirito: …damn… Hyde: And yet I’d rather watch that touching piece of cinema again than endure one more question from this fic!! Kirito: Amen brother. > Did he draw on the wall ? Did he portray Sylia as a monster ? > Did Nene decide to bring him to ADP HQ ? Klaha: I’m sensing someone hates Sylia and loves Nene. Just a bit. > What happened that evening ? > YU ~ KI : ( interrupting ) Your annoyed lover murdered you for talking > too much ! Hyde: Oh my God, I LOVE you Yu ~ Ki!! You’re my HERO! Kirito: Three cheers for Yu ~ Ki! All: Banzai!!!! Kyo: Next tattoo I get it’s gonna be a big heart saying "I hakun LOVE Yu ~ Ki"!! Klaha: Really? Kyo: If we ever get out of here, foocha yes! Klaha: Mind if I tell him? Kyo: That might cause an awkward situation… > Klaha smiled. [all shudder] Kyo: Damn that’s a creepy smile. [klaha turns to his left and smiles.] Kyo: Don’t do that!! > KLAHA : Did Chibi Mason end up wearing one of Nene¹ s bras ? All: What? Hyde: And we’re back in looney-land, ladies and gentlemen. > Did she find out that he was not overly muscled or impressive ? Kirito: Chibi-Mason? I hope not. > Did she find a pink dress and call him Brian while trying to help him > wear it ? All: What?? > Did he stare at his chest where the two empty cups sagged ? Klaha: Yeah this is getting into weird territory here… > Did he call her his mommy who allowed him to touch her clothes ? Klaha: Ummmm… > Did he get into bed with her ? > Did Nene tell him not to try anything funny ? > Did she feel something on her back ? Did she notice his erection ? [all turn green] Klaha: …I hate Myself. Kyo [commiserate]: Don’t worry, I hate you too. > Did she shout his full name ? > Did she carry him into another room and make a bed for him ? > Did she reply that rotten children are all alike when he asked what did > he do ? Did she tell him that he was pitiful ? Did she say no when his > bottom lip quivered ? Did she tell him that he was never sleeping in > her bed again ? Hyde: Oh God if ever I have repented for that cross-burning before, I repent NOW!! Please please please please PLEEASE make this fic end!!! [A loud thunderclap is heard, the motion of the proceeding fic freezes, and a pink slip of paper magically falls from the ceiling. Hyde picks it up and reads: "You’re cool now on the cross burning, but why else d’you think you’re here? Just brave through it and stay frosty! Then once we’re all even, you can start talking compromises. God sends his regards. Love, hide."] Hyde: Whoa. Hey y’all check this out. [all gather around and read the note.] Kirito: Well damn. Kyo: …sweet. Klaha: Hyde, are you magical? Hyde: I don’t know, but if there was ever a sit down and shut up notice, I think this was it. Kirito: So agreed. [All bow their heads in silence. The fic resumes.] > Did she ignore him when he cried ? > Did he forgive her the next day ? Did he eat cookies ? > Did Sylia call ? Did Nene tell her about the previous night¹ s events ?Did she tell her to make Chibi Mason sleep on his own ? Did she > tell Nene that she was defenseless alone in her house and hang up ? > Did Nene take Chibi Mason to ADP HQ ? > Did Leon fall back in his chair when he saw him ? > Did Chibi Mason tell him that Nene was his mommy ? > Did Leon tell him that Nene was not his mother and that he killed his > real mommy ? Did he tell him to get away from him before he called him a > stupid preschooler ? Did Chibi Mason sit on a bench and wave his feet > back and forth out of boredom ? Kyo: I cannae take much more of this, cap’n! Hyde: Remember what hide said, stay frosty! Kirito: My idea of Murder sounds pretty good right now… spirit of interviews past, return to me! > Did Nene take him home and tell him that she would be his > Œ¹ mother Œ¹ ? Hyde: GAAHH!! it’s the "Œ¹"s again! Foochas! Kyo: Klaha’s been a bad boy again. Klaha: Shut up. Kirito: Murder. > Was she mad at Sylia for not giving Chibi Mason a chance ? > Did she imagine Sylia drawing his head as a block with a neck ? A > blockhead ? Hyde: This author truly is the master of really bad jokes. > Did Chibi Mason hear steps in the hall during his nap that day ? Kirito: The steps… of a murderer. > Did the knob slowly turn before the door opened ? Were there steps near > the bed ? Kirito: The stairs leading to… Murder! > Was there heavy breathing in his ear ? Did he hear scratching on the > wall ? Kirito: The rats in the walls had come to perpetrate… Murder! Hyde: You read Lovecraft? …Oh dammit you got the first Lovecraft joke in! Kirito: I thought you just read Harry Potter… Hyde: Amoung other things, my dear Murata-san. > Did he hide under the blanket and watch Sylia¹ s father decay ? Kirito: Decaying after he was Murdered. Hyde: Can someone re-wind; I think the Klaha voiceover just said "did he ‘hide’ under the blanket"… > Did the ghost have a gun before Chibi Mason opened his eyes ? Kyo: urmenehemeheh? Kirito: nice sound. …of MURDER. Klaha: Voiceover me MUST be on something… that line… > Did Chibi Mason wet the bed and tell Nene about his nightmare ? Hyde: Ewww Mason, good boys don’t do that. Kirito: After he murdered her. > Did he want to see his mommy ? Did she call him Brian ? Klaha: You know, I’m getting pretty dang tiered of seeing Largo acting like this. > Did she tell him that he had to be brave ? Did she bathe him and let > him sleep in her bed ? Did Sylia visit Nene the next day ? Did she hit > Chibi Mason ? Kyo: Yes. And we all rejoiced. Hyde: yay. > Was she on a mean streak ? Hyde: some special note must be made of that line. > Did she call him a little baby when he ran outside ? Klaha: You see, I’m still seeing Largo do all of this. Kirito: Will this "Largo" of yours help me kill them all? Klaha: Oh, undoubtedly. > Did she go outside with him ? Did the rain conceal his tears ? > Did he imagine blood on his tiny palms ? Kirito: …murder… Kyo: Wh-hoaaa… this fanfic is getting dark. > Did he see his adult self in a puddle ? > Did he scream bad man four times ? > Did he apologize repeatedly when the rain cried with him ? > Did Dr. Takeuchi turn out to be a pervert ? Kyo: Damn you Dr. Takeuchi, go away! I didn’t like you when you showed up hunched over your hakun yellow notepad, and I don’t like you now!! > Did he lock the door and remove the rubberband that held his hair back ? > Did he reveal back length hair and tell Mason that he liked him a lot ? > Did he take sexual advantage of Mason ? Kirito: No, he Murdered him! > Yu ~ Ki continued to drink his hot chocolate. Kyo: Huh. How … Hyde: quaint and quiet. Kirito: Unbeknownst to Klaha, Yu~ki was planning his murder. Klaha: Can we stop those murder jokes… at least when they concern me? Kirito: We’ll see. > END OF SCENE 2 Hyde: Oh joy, there’s more. Miyavi’s voice: Actually, that’s all the author wrote on this fic! Hyde: Praise Be to the Lord!! {The scene in front of the men fades away, and they return to existing in the room.} The screen screeched on again accompanied by a loud cheering. "Congratulations on surviving your first fic!" The blonde girl grinned. "I coulda sworn that one was bad enough to take them out! Why didn’t the questions drive you insane?" The goth girl snarled at the men over the airwaves. "I believe that the fanfic crossed the line from reality into the unbelieveable early on, thus aiding us in disengaging from reality." Kyo shrugged. "Plus I’ve read worse." "Well, anyway, what did you boys think about it?" The blonde girl giggled. "Did I find the writing juvenile? Were prepositions and objects unclear? Were there were too many questions? Did it seem as if there were two fanfics? Was one fanfic was jerry-rigged into the original? Was the first fanfic was about Yu ~ Ki and Klaha? Were they were drinking Hot chocolate? Was the second fic was incomprehensible? Did it have something to do with Bubblegum Crisis? Did it have a lot to do with questions? Did the questions tell a story? Was it written in short sentences? Was the author not Hemmingway?" Hyde pulled his cap down with pride after reviewing and mocking the fic and proceeded to unscrew his wires. "Like Takarai said, by the start of part two, it was like a whole new fic had started, and by the time the questions came around, I was totally lost." Kyo’s eyes were wide. "Although the spelling was surprisingly above par for a yaoi fic, the author could benefit from the mastery of compound sentences and a good supportive proofreader. And if I ever hear the name ‘Mason’ in a question again, I swear I’m going to flip out and kill some foocha! Speaking of which Murata, what was with that whole ‘murder’ stunt?" "Oh, just a way to pass the time," Kirito replied. "It’s something fun to fall back on when things get repetitive. As for the questions, while it was interesting that sometimes they formed a coherent story, this is only appreciable in retrospective, and just plain annoying to read at the time. Furthermore, it was quite inappropriate to what started out as a generic Yaoi fic." "I’m just scarred for life," Klaha whimpered as Kirito helped him unscrew his cords. "Anyone up for a nice long soak after this is all over?" "GAAHH,AQUESTION!" Kyo had a spasm then calmed down. "Yeah I guess I could use one." "Sounds fun," Kirito mused. "We’ll have our very own onsen." "And then we can all eat and sleep." Hyde sighed. "Sounds like a plan," Klaha affirmed. "Well as much as we’d like to peep in on some hot Japanese men athing together, we have to go to dance recital. But we’ll be back tomorrow don’t you worry!" The goth wagged her finger. "Until then, we’re closing the information channels in your room! No internet or TV for you! That screen is for us only!" The blonde joined in the chastisement. "Either way, it doesn’t have a modem, cable, or OS so you’re stuck. Miyavi, press the shut off button." "Miyavi deSU!" Smiling wide, Miyavi was proud to press the button. ~Credits~ Dir en grey and all members fall under sun-krad co, L’Arc~en~Ciel and all members and associated members (and this time, that extention is important) fall under the jurisdiction of MAVERIC D.C. , Malice Mizer and all members fall under the umbrella of Midi:Nette, Miyavi falls under the ownership of Phalanx of Swash buckers Company, Pierrot and all members fall under the rule of Sweet Child entertainments. All j-rockers probably ultimately own and are copyrighted by themselves, and their personas are used with only the utmost respect. The fanfiction "Wierd" is owned by Matsumoto Hidoko aka XZ0ner, however upon my earnest attempt to contact her, her email service has denied her existence, resulting in me getting a mailer daemon notice that I have saved as proof. If she has found this and does not wish her work to be publicly MiSTed, I will be more than happy to make this work disappear. No offense is meant to the author. To complete the legalese, this MiSTing is copyright putti_plush ( putti_plush@yahoo.com ) who only wishes to entertain and is very open to comments and criticism as well as personal contact. This MiSTing would LOVE to have a home at any archive or personal site! ~Character notes for the MST3K crowd: All of these characters, sauf the Mads, are based off of real J-rockers. I have of course, simplified the complex personalities of real people for this MiSTing Format, and added a few standardizations of character for riffing. I have tried to stay as close to the origional character of the man as possible, and let my plot additions make sense. Hyde: Hyde is the vocalist of the band L'Arc~en~Ciel, and it is generally assumed and roundabout gleaned that his real name is Takarai Hideto and he is 36 years of age. He likes to keep his home life VERY private, close to obsessively so, but we know that he is happily married to a miss Megumi since 2000, and is the proud father of a son, whose name we do not know, since 2003. He was born in Wakayama, a member of the southern group of Japanese prefectures, and is portrayed speaking "Kansai-ben", aka with a southern drawl, even though he learned to speak standard Japanese a long time ago. He will act as the sensible grammer-riffer and upholder of reality befitting his thoughtful nature and status as a real life home- maker. However, he is the founder and CEO of "Hyde Moments", which are times of such utter randomness and stupidity, that we can't believe he actually did them. He can cook in real life. One of his best friends is L'Arc~en~Ciel's former drummer Sakurazawa Yasunori aka Sakura aka Ya-chan to his friends. The friendship is long lasting and of such good standing, that some riffs will refer backhandedly to Sakura. He was friends with and made a movie with infamous eccentric vocalist Gackt and hasn't lived it down since as the fangirls took their close friendship for twu luv like the idiots they are. This happening will be made fun of as well. Hyde has a slight obsession with vampires, blue glass, and dorky hats. He also speaks pretty good english for a J-rocker. Kirito: Kirito, origionally named Murata Shinya, is the vocalist of the band Pierrot, is 28 years old and is the elder brother of the band's bassist, Murata Kohta. On stage, he portrays himself as a "dictator" and is well known for placing a cross over his eye as well as his snappy dress sense and on-stage dancing and hand movements. Offstage, he is a real joker, but is also known for his temper. It is commonly assumed, based on a rather famous interview, that Kirito is flaming gay. He will be the local leader and MST3K afficionado due to exposure to the band's drummer Takeo who is an American cinema and TV buff. We're assuming in this MiST that Takeo watches MST3K, and told Kirito about it, thus prompting Kirito to go on a scholarly rampage and thus know a thing or two via the internet of fic MiSTing and general horrid J-rock fanfiction. Thus Kirito will explain MiSTing, infamous authors, and general fic mistakes and trends to his companions as well as make inside jokes from the MiSTing circuit. In real life, Kirito does love his compy. He will often be responsible for some of the obvious/bad jokes in riffs as well as references to Yaoi aka hot boy on boy action. He enjoys reading, making fun of things, and planning his eventual world conquest with his brother. Klaha: Klaha was the third vocalist of the band Malice Mizer, failed at a solo career once it broke up, and was born Masaki Haruna. He enjoys pudding and was good friends with the band's bassist, Yu~ki. Since Malice Mizer is infamous for keeping everything about their members secret, and since Klaha was a last ditch vocalist, not much else is known about him. He's a perfectly affable person offstage, friendly and supportive in interviews, although a bit naive. He was origionally trained to be an opera singer and has a white persian cat named Atra. A famous person in connection to him is Music and Fashion overlord Mana-sama, Malice Mizer's co-founder and co-guitarist. Mana-sama is famous for his crossdressing, his beauty, his evil genius, and his cold and regal stage demeanor. He has an expensive clothing shop, Moi Même Moitié, and is currently the queen of his new band Moi Dix Mois. And yes, he will be a common topic. Kyo: Kyo is a Short Angry Japanese Man. ...okay okay, he's the vocalist of the band Dir en grey, 28 years of age, and it is informally assumed that his real name is Nishimura Tohru. Since he has chosen to be called Kyo and has expressed disdain for his origional name, he is known simply as Kyo in this MiSTing. He is famous for lying in interviews, so not much truth is known about him. What we do know is that although he plays the self-proclaimed prophet on stage spewing blood and obscenities, in reality he is a much more reasonable, normal, thoughtful man. He has apparently been through a lot, the details of which we can only guess at, and his lyrics are complicated and insightful. He will be portrayed mostly in his violent stage personna as the local morbid, violent, hentai riffer. He hates the word cute, being called cute, and being reminded of his pitiful height. He is famous for his unique interpretation of the english language, which has created a new way of swearing dubbed "Kyo-ese". All swearing beyond soft swear words such as damn will be rendered with Kyo-ese which can be understood with a little imagination. Vocally, Kyo will speak in a city voice, although he will also be able to prouce a characteristic falsetto later on, one of the many different voices, screams, and vocal patterns he can produce as a vocalist. Yoshiki, music overlord and beloved of the masses, helped Dir en grey get a good head start, and thus can be mentioned in riffs by Kyo. hide: Always spelled lowercase as "hide", hide is not an actual riffer. However, he will be mentioned, so it will be good for you to know that he was a very beloved guitarist before his death in 98. He was known as the "Pink Spider" and is famous for his energetic personality, wide range of music, kick-ass guitar playing, memorable vocals and melodies, bright fashion sense, and, of course, his pink hair. In the J-rock circles, hide is often referred to as God, or at least is widely believed to be up in heaven as an extremely powerful entity looking out for his J-rock faithful and spreading love happiness, and pink into the world. He was the guitarist for the band X-Japan, and was best friends with the drummer and leader Yoshiki Breaker of Skulls,IMean Revolutionary Genre-Breaking Musician Scorceror. Yoshiki has gone on to become pretty much the king of all J-rock, and jokes about him ruling the world, owning half of Japan, and running for president are rampant.