Hurricane's Revenge *Original by Aaron Thall MiSTing by Mike Allan aka CultofTS* (Cut to interior of SOL where TOM and CROW are playing a game of some sort. CROW has several square shaped cards and Monopoly money in one of his hands. In front of TOM is a "T" shaped stand with a large, rectangular sheet of paper hanging down from one side and several property deeds on the other. Two boards, Monopoly and Clue, are side by side between the BOTS with pieces from both games intermixed on the boards.) TOM (studying the piece of paper, which we now recognize as a checklist from Clue): Hmm... CROW: Come on, Tom, move already. TOM: I'm thinking, Crow. CROW: (Sighs) (MIKE enters, standing between the BOTS. He looks at boards, confused and curious. He then glances at TOM, then CROW, and back to TOM again.) MIKE: Uh... hi, guys, what are you doing? CROW: Oh, hi Mike! We were digging around through one of the storage closets in the lower decks and found some old board games. TOM (looking up briefly from the checklist): We tried playing them but they were too boring and simple for our advanced, robotic intellect. CROW: And so, we decided to combine some of them and make up our own game. MIKE: Ahhh.... That sounds... interesting. (MIKE stares at the boards, trying to figure out how the two games could possibly be combined.) MIKE: Uh... so, is this... "new" game interesting for you guys? CROW: Well, it probably *would* be if SOMEONE would move! (Commercial sign light flashes.) MIKE: Well, maybe he'll be ready when we come back... (Presses button) (COMMERCIALS) (Cut to interior of SOL, where Crow is humming, obviously bored, while TOM continues to stare at the checklist.) TOM (looks up abruptly): Okay, I'm ready! CROW: Finally! TOM (clears throat): Okay... I'm betting two thousand dollars that (dramatic pause) Professor Plum killed... The Dog with... The Car *on* Illinois Ave! (Punctuating Tom's accusation, we hear the familiar "stinger" to Dragnet. MIKE looks about, confused, trying to figure where the sound came from. The BOTS, however, give off no reaction, having either not heard the sound, or are too familiar with its hidden source to be interested in it.) CROW: Okay, Tom... we'll see if you're right. (CROW gesturing at the center of the boards.) CROW: Uh Mike, could you pick up the manila envelope marked "confidential" for me? MIKE: Uh sure Crow... (Points) This thing right here? CROW: Yes, Mike. Thank you. Just open it up, but don't show us the cards... MIKE: Okay. No prob. (Mike reaches down, picks up the small sealed envelope. He opens it and takes out several cards, shielding them from both TOM And CROW's view. He stares at them for a second, his face twisting in confusion.) MIKE: Uh, guys... these cards are from *Risk*. TOM: Doh! CROW: Haha! You're out one two grand, Tom! HAHA, now it's MY turn! (MIKE stares at CROW, even more confused, while TOM grumbles to himself.) CROW: Okay... my turn! I think I'll buy the candlestick for five hundred dollars and put up a hotel in the far corner of the Kitchen. TOM: Now, wait a second, Crow! Your figure is in Billiards Room! You can't buy a hotel unless you're in the hallway, library, visiting jail, Chance, Free Parking, a green, yellow, orange or light blue property, Chance or Free Parking! CROW: Oh yeah... forgot about that... MIKE: Uh.. You know, guys, this game seems really complicated. CROW: Well, maybe for you Mike. MIKE (turns to CROW, miffed at his comment): Hey! (Light flashes) MIKE: Oh wait, Larry, Moe, and Curly are calling. (MIKE presses the button.) (Castle Forrester.) (PEARL, BOBO, and OBSERVER are standing about. Pearl has a rather wicked smile on her face.) PEARL: Ahh.. Nelson. Have we got a rather nasty treat for you this week. I had Brain Guy here do a search for something really horrible and confusing to help speed along the inevitable process of your will being crushed. Tell him about what you found, Brain Guy. (OBSERVER smiles and steps forward.) OBSERVER: Your experiment this week will be a little story called "Hurricane's Revenge" by one Aaron Thall. Not only is it a comic fanfic, but it also comes from the rather odd, confusing, and continuityless mailing list of X-Wars. (SOL) MIKE: "X-Wars"? TOM: Hey, I've heard about that group, Mike. It's like, this group of comic book fans, who among other things, build a world based in part on Marvel comics. They even control various characters and write stories about them. Some even make up their own super heroes. They have their own teams and everything. CROW: In other words, a bunch of people with no lives that like to think that rehashing comic characters from different companies, slapping them together, and trying to make a coherent story is being creative... TOM: Well anyway... I was on the list for a brief period of time. However, I kept getting about over 300 messages a day, so I eventually had to drop the list as my mail server couldn't hold it. MIKE: Three hundred messages a day? Geeze, I hope they all weren't from the same person. CROW: You're right Tom, I'll take back my "no lives" comment. People who can spend that much time writing letters to lists on comic stories that don't even exists in the *real* world certainly have fulfilling existences... (Castle Forrester) OBSERVER: Well, anyway... that is your experiment for this week. Enjoy! (SOL) (Lights flash and alarm sounds) MIKE: Uh-oh, we got fanfic sign!! (MIKE and the BOTS run off screen as the door sequences begins.) (Theater) (MIKE enters carrying TOM as CROW follows. They sit as the fanfic begins.) > "Hurricane's Revenge" CROW: Uh-oh, I think this is the sequel to Twister... ALL: NOOO!! > by Aaron Thall MIKE: Thall? Hmm... You know, I think there's a cough drop named after this guy... > and Jason Deshayes TOM (as Herve Villechaize): De Shayes! De Shayes! > Tornado, Rainbow, Tiger, ALL (singing): And Bear, oh my! > Hurricane(2), MIKE: Hurricane(2)?? CROW: You mean this guy couldn't even come up with a different name for two of his characters? MIKE: Maybe it means Hurricane the Second or something... TOM: Hmm.. somehow Mike, I don't think people with names like "Hurricane" should be breeding.. CROW: This is NOT a good way to start out..... > and Deathsparkle are property of MIKE: Deathsparkle. Now there's a name that inspires terror. TOM (villainous voice): Cross me and face the wrath of my Sparkle thingies! CROW: I wonder what his power is. Can he conjure up hordes of evil fireflies to annoy you to death? TOM: Actually guys, I believe that DeathSparkle is an evil version of Jubilee from the Age of Apocalypse.. MIKE (groans): Oh... not another story with evil twins from alternative dimensions. CROW (falsetto): I'm like, gonna kill you... Just as soon as I like, finish painting my nails.... > Aaron Thall. > Any other characters not recognized in the Marvel Universe MIKE: Or in any other REAL comic book company... CROW: Marvel a real comic book company? Now's that debatable.. TOM: Hey! > are the property of their namesake on the X-wars mailing list. > All other characters including Sinister and Jubilee are property of Marvel > Comics, and are used without permission. CROW: Permission? We don't need no stinkin' permission! > Chapter One: The Arrival CROW: Starring Charlie Sheen! MIKE: And a lot of bad haircuts! > Sitting at his massive computer bank, Sinister CROW: ...downloads a lot of dirty pictures. MIKE: Pot and the kettle, Crow. CROW: Wait, how did you find that directory, Mike, I thought I hid it! MIKE (pause): Uh.. I was joking, Crow.. CROW: Oh.. Uh.. Yeah.. haha.. Funny, huh? (Clears throat) (MIKE and TOM look at CROW, who avoids their gaze. MIKE shrugs and he and TOM turn back to the screen...) > wonders if he can find any new mutants to join his legion of terror, the > Chosen. > "Mmm. Tornado could have joined my Chosen, but he wanted to > become Generation Next-er. TOM (Sinister): Damn the allure of Pepsi and the Spice Girls! > Doesn't matter. Wait, what's this?!" Sinister says to himself as his > computer alerts him of CROW: A bad fanfic? > two new precesses. > "Finally! Two neophytes TOM: "Neophytes"?? CROW (announcer): When authors run amok with thesauruses on the next Donahue. > that have incredible CROW: (coughs) MIKE: Come on, guys, let's not take the easy ones.... > mutant powers! It seems that one is a pyrotechnic, TOM: Does that mean he repairs burning buildings? > and the other has control > over part of the elements. CROW: Yeah, we can summon pizza on command! MIKE: Pizza isn't a element, Crow. TOM: Sure it is, Mike! Haven't you ever played Quest for Glory? MIKE (sighing): Forget it..... > Interesting. TOM: That's not the word I would have chosen to describe them.... MIKE: You know, for once I'd like to see some mutant on a computer call up the specs on a potential recruit, look at his powers, and say, "Nahh.. We already got one of those..." And just hit the "Delete" button. CROW: Well, that'd be one less poorly defined character we'd have to deal with... > Computer! Open the > tesseract to their coordinates." > The tesseract shatters space TOM: Guess that's seven years bad luck... > where the neophytes, Hurricane and > Deathsparkle, are talking. "You there. TOM ("upper class" tone): Do you have any Grey Poupon? > I am the one called Sinister. MIKE: But you can call me "Al". > I have come to ask you to join my loyal legion of terror, the Chosen. MIKE: If Sinister tries to impress these guys by going, "Ho! Ha! Parry! Dart! Spin!" I'm outta here! BOTS: Me too! > You have incredible powers that should be used to help yourself. MIKE: If their powers should be used to help THEMSELVES then why would they want to join Sinister's group? CROW: Quit thinking, Mike, you're ruining the story. MIKE: Sorry. > All you have to say is...yes, and you're in," Sinister offers the two. TOM: Wow. Admission standards like that I'll bet even you could join this guy's group, Mike. MIKE: Yeah, I probably cou-HEY! > The mutants think about it shortly, and give their answer to the dark > immortal mutant. TOM (Hurricane): So what do you think? CROW (Deathsparkle): Well, I've always wanted to work with some pasty-faced guy with a Lucky Charms tattoo and his forehead... Sure, why not? > "Of course, my liege. The Chosen sound like a perfect > way to get what we want..." CROW (singing falsetto) : What we really, really want... MIKE: Shut up, Crow, that is NOT funny! CROW: Sorry... > As soon as he heard their answer, Sinister turns to the portal and > requests MIKE: "My Heart Will Go On"? ALL: NOOOO!! > the neophytes to come with him. They come, yet Sinister doesn't see > the two smile, with deception and treachery in their minds... MIKE: Boy, it's amazing how with that computer and all his knowledge he's really this dumb and trusting... TOM: It's called plot advancement Mike. Fanfic authors in general hate to waste time with character development. It's much easier to slap in some exposition... MIKE: Ahhh.... > Chapter 2: Bitter Memories MIKE: If this were my autobiography, this would be the title chapter for my junior high years... > The Generation Next HQ. > The mutant known as Tornado keeps TOM: Forgetting to put down the toilet seat. And boy is his wife angry! > vigil over the security monitors. MIKE He wants to make sure no one steals the security monitors? CROW: Yeah, that happens a lot these days... TOM: You know, speaking of such, I don't know what would be worse, if someone attempted to rob a security alarms store and they got caught, or someone attempted to rob an security alarm store and they got AWAY. MIKE: Good question... > "Man I wish the others were here! I'd give anything to be out > there where CROW: ...dreams come true? > the action is. Heck, anything's better than CROW: Internet fan-fiction? MIKE: That was cruel, Crow. CROW: Sorry. > security detail!" MIKE: Spoken by someone who's never worked in fast food. > He picks CROW: His nose? > up a picture of his partner Jubilee and his two cats: > Rainbow and Tiger. TOM: Oh wait, I'm confused... CROW: Not surprising, considering how vaguely written this is... MIKE: Quiet Crow. Go ahead, Tom... TOM: Okay, let me get this straight, he picked up a picture of Jubilee and he picked up his two cats? MIKE: Uh.. no.. I think he picked up a picture of Jubilee and a PICTURE of his two cats... CROW: Wait, Mike, now I'M confused, you saying he's got THREE pictures in his hand right? MIKE: Uh.. I think it's just ONE picture of all three of them... CROW and TOM: Oh... > "I wish you guys were here. Instead of being out there > somewhere..." MIKE: Over the rainbow? > He puts the picture down and gets up. TOM: AGAIN forgetting to put down the toilet seat. CROW: And to flush! MIKE (Ernest): EWWWWWW. > "About all that's gone right is that there's been no sign of > trouble for a week, and I don't like it. TOM (Tornado): I... just... gotta.... HIT something! > It's always when you least expect > something to go wrong that it does." MIKE ("older woman" voice): Oh, the youth of today is just sooo negative. > His thoughts go back two years, to when Jubilee's parents died and > she disappeared. He remembered his Father and Mother burn alive CROW: His mother and father were named "Burn Alive"? TOM: Well, it's a better name than "X-Posse". > at the hands of his uncle Magneto. CROW: Uncle Magneto?? Hmm.. That make sense. Never mind Magneto's entire family was killed in the Holocaust. TOM: This is an alternate universe, Crow, you can have plot changes galore and claim it's all the result of the vast changes in this particular world's history. CROW: Don't remind me.... > He recalls his ninja training at the hands of > Gin Soun, MIKE: Gin Soun? I think we used to drink those at frat parties back when I was in college... TOM: You mean for the whole *semester* that you were in college? MIKE: Yeah... HEY! > the expatriate Hand Ninja Master. TOM: "Hand Ninja"? MIKE: Too easy, Tom.... > Tornado, better known as Aaron Thall to his friends, MIKE (completely sarcastic): Oh wow. The guy who wrote this is actually a superhero. > sits down > once more as he remembers more recent events. He thinks back to > Avalon's destruction, and how he thought that just when the nightmare > was over... MIKE: Someone wrote a sequel! TOM ("crazy" tone): Cause let's face it, baby, these days, you just GOTTA have a sequel! > he was recruited by Bastion's Operation: Zero Tolerance. TOM: Isn't that a militia group in North Carolina? > Why can't I remember everything about that? he wonders. Why would > Bastion mess around with my memories? MIKE: So there can be more convoluted fanfics, that's why! > I guess it doesn't matter. CROW: Yeah, a little amnesia never killed anyone... MIKE: Uh... is THIS foreshadowing? TOM: Nope, just a future plot device... > He starts pacing around the room. He embraces MIKE: His inner child. > the memories > of being reunited with Jubilee, and how, as partners, they had not only > made the world safer for mutants, but had forced Graydon Creed to > drop out of the Presidential Race due to their popularity. CROW: Tornado and Jubilee ran for President? Thought you had to be 35 to do that... TOM: And to think, all they *really* had to do was point out that Creed was born in Canada... > "If only I knew where you were Jube. If only I could tell you how I > really feel about you..." > A distant rumbling distracts Tornado from his thoughts. It gets > louder, and louder, and louder, CROW: And louder, and louder, AND LOUDER! TOM: I admit the deed!! Tear up the planks!!! It is the hideous beating of his heart!! > until it becomes a deafening roar. The walls > shake, the floor trembles, and he quickly realizes what is happening. MIKE: He's stuck in a Quiet Riot video! > "I have to get out!" TOM: I've been thinking the same thing since this story began.... > He presses a button on a special watch given to him by the Zeo > Rangers and vanishes in a collum of bright, white light. He > re-materializes outside Gen Next's HQ as... MIKE: WHAT?? TOM: Oh yeah, guys, I forgot to mention that. One of the X-Wars subscribers put in the Power Rangers as his characters... MIKE: You could have warned us Tom. TOM: Sorry.... > "It's falling apart! Like a cheap set of Lincoln Logs!" TOM: Hmm.. The only home he's ever known and that's all he can say on seeing it abruptly destroyed? Mike: He must be related to Lance Fuller.... > He surveys the rubble of what was once a haven. And he quickly > identifies the person responsible for the devastation. A single word > forms his lips as he pulls his now shattered picture from the rubble... > "Hurricane." ALL: Dun, dah dun dun.... dun dah dun dun DAHHH! > Chapter 3: Questioning Actions... CROW: The Ken Starr story! > "Mmmm. Where are those neophytes? I am in need of them. TOM (Sinister): I have to move this couch... > Computer! Locate designate: Hurricane and designate: Deathsparkle." > While the computer humms, MIKE: The computer's forgotten the lyrics again.. > using its powerful scanners to locate the > mutant, Sinister wonders about his new recruits. TOM: Oh gee, he's just NOW starting to wonder about them? > "They look very similar to some other mutants, and their powers > are similar as well, but much more TOM: Convoluted? MIKE: You're thinking of this story as a whole, Tom. TOM: Oh yeah... > powerful. Computer! Where are is > Hurricane and his companion?!" CROW: The computer must have ADD, he had to tell it TWICE to find these guys... > "Hurricane and Deathsparkle are at cooridinates 821 X 343." the > dull computer voice answers. CROW: The computer voice isn't the only thing here that's dull. > "Interesting...the Generation Next citadel. Computer run bio-scans on > designates Tornado, Hurricane, Jubilee, and Deathsparkle, then > compare the scans." > Opening a hail to the Citadel, Sinister wonders why there is no > answer. "Looks like I need to take action," Sinister tells himself. > Waiting quietly for the bio-scan results, Sinister tries to remember > where he has seen Hurricane and Deathsparkle. CROW (Alicia Silverstone): Like duh, in the first chapter... > But then, his concentration is shattered CROW (singing): Shattered! > by the computerized voice... > "Bio-scans are complete. Designates: Jubilee and Deathsparkle are TOM: Plot devices! > identical. As are designates: Tornado and Hurricane. Possible > conclusions for this situation: Alternate dimension, most likely the > Age of Apocalypse judging by the power levels of the two alternate > mutants..." MIKE: And by the fact that it's the most popular "alternate dimension" out there... CROW: Ah, it's neat how this computer knows some much and can do all these neat things. TOM: Maybe's he's running Windows 2022. Gates is always claiming he'll know everything by that year... MIKE (as salesman): This computer is top of line. It'll handle all your exposition needs for any fanfic!! > Surprised by the results, Sinister wonders what Hurricane and > Deathsparkle are doing CROW: Not gonna say it... That'd be too easy... > at the Gen Next Citadel. > "Fascinating... This could prove interesting." > Sinister scans the area ALL: AHHHH!! > of the Gen NeXt citadel. ALL (sigh of relief): Phew.... > "Current stasis of area." > "The Generation NeXt citadel has been dismantled." > "Life signs?" MIKE (Computer): None, I'm just a computer, remember? > "Three. Mutant designates: Hurricane, Deathsparkle, and Tornado." > "Put it on the viewer. I am in need of some entertainment." CROW (Sinister): And the cable is on the blink tonight.... MIKE: Hey, look, the doors are open! BOTS: Woo-hoo! CROW: Let's book, guys! (MIKE and the BOTS exit the theather.) (SOL CROW and TOM are standing next to a familiar gold colored "chamber" of sorts, which we may remember as the time machine from "Terror From the Year 5000". TOM is muttering to himself as he glances at several recently added dials and buttons. CROW stands nearby, watching him with some interest.) CROW: Anything yet? TOM: No, not yet, CROW. Must have been a delay somewhere. CROW: Boy, even in the future, the postal service is still slow... (MIKE enters and stands between the BOTS. He glances at the machine.) MIKE: Hey guys, what's going on? TOM: Oh hey, Mike! I'm sure you recognize the device he have here, don't ya? MIKE: Of course I do, Tom. That's the time machine I built several months back so Crow could go back to earth and tell my family that I was okay.... (Mike turns to CROW, his tone becoming slightly bitter.) MIKE: Which he FORGOT to do, despite spending ELEVEN years with my family! CROW: Oh, come on, Mike, you're not still angry about that are ya? MIKE: Well, you forgetting about me I don't mind... at least, not as much as you putting the moves on my girlfriend. (MIKE becomes noticeably sad. He buries his face in his hands, on the verge of tears.) CROW: Oh, don't worry about that, Mike! Nothing really happened between us. In fact, she still had your picture on the wall the whole time I was on earth! (MIKE, instantly brightens and looks at CROW.) MIKE: Really?? CROW: Yeah! (Mike smiles.) MIKE: Wow. CROW (low whisper): Although, granted, she did take it off the wall and hide it every time I came over to visit... (MIKE's face falls.) MIKE: Oh. no.... Ginger... (MIKE places his head on table and covers it with his arms. His body shakes as he weeps loudly.) TOM: Oh, way to go, Crow! CROW: What? What'd I say? (MIKE continues to cry for several seconds as the BOTS stare at him.) TOM: Uh.. Mike... (No response.) TOM (a little louder): Mike? (Still no response.) TOM: MIKE! (MIKE looks up, his eyes red.) MIKE: Yeah? TOM (gesturing to the time machine): Do you notice anything different? (MIKE stands and glances over at the machine.) MIKE (his tone suddenly normal): Why, yeah, come to think of it, it does look kinda different. What are you guys up to, anyway? TOM: Ahhh... well, I'm glad you asked Mike. You see, I got to thinking how great it'd be if WE had a powerful, all knowing computer like the one Sinister has in this story. CROW: Yeah, maybe it could even tell us how to get off to the satellite and back on earth. TOM: So, I had CROW here make some modifications to the time machine 'cause, as you already know, my arms don't work that great. MIKE: Well, that's neat. So what are these modifications for? TOM: Well, Mike, they're basically to help us try and find someone from the future who'd be willing to sell us a computer like the one in today's story. CROW: Yeah, we started out talking to some friends in the year 2056, but the computers of their era weren't quite as advanced as we needed. TOM: So they referred us to some friends of their from the year 3145, who, in turn, referred us to some of their friends from the year 4008. CROW: We've been sending off letters and order forms left and right, playing inter-time equivalent to telephone tag all day. TOM: Finally, though, we were able to find someone from the year 3342 who was welling to sell us one of their old computers for a small fee. We sent them their payment and now we're waiting for our new computer to arrive. MIKE: Wait a minute, you guys didn't go and max out my credit cards again? CROW: Oh, don't be silly Mike! TOM: Yeah, the people from year 3000 on up have evolved *beyond* the need for monetary gain. They wanted payment in other forms... MIKE: Uh.. like what? CROW: Well, Mike, it seems that by the year 3010 most of the population of earth is comprised of clones and genetically enhanced super people. TOM: And, as such, they needed fresh DNA to help propagate the human species. CROW: Now, with us being robots and all, we couldn't send them OUR DNA, being as we don't have any, so we sent them yours. MIKE: Oh, well that's... say what?!? TOM: Don't worry, Mike. For the most part we only took stuff that you wouldn't miss. CROW: Yeah, things like your finger and toenail clippings, pieces of hair from you combs and hairbrushes, and the little flakes of dandruff that were all over your pillow... TOM: And think of it, Mike, you're helping to restock the human race of a time yet to come! You're a hero to a generation of people who aren't even born. (MIKE pauses, digesting all of this...) MIKE: Oh... well, I guess that's a good thing... What a minute, what did you mean by that "for the *most* part", bit? TOM: Well uh... CROW: You see, Mike, we couldn't get all the DNA samples we needed from just the little bits of hair and clippings that we found on the floor of your room and stuff... TOM: So we gave you an ever so *slight* hair cut... MIKE: You did what?!? (MIKE feels the top of his head, and then runs his hand down the back. Upon touching the back of his head, his face freezes for a second. He then screams loudly He turns around, and, for the first time, we see the back of his head, which has been COMPLETELY shaved of hair.) MIKE (turning back around): AHH!!! What did you guys DO to me? TOM: Now, don't worry, Mike, it'll grow back in a few months. MIKE (shaking in anger): You... little.... TOM: Oh, uh, Tom, he's got that look. We'd better get out of here.... (Commercial light flashes.) CROW: Mike, look! Commercial sign! (MIKE turns, seeing the flashing light. CROW and TOM take MIKE's moment of distraction as their chance to exit, which they hastily do.) MIKE (looking at Cambot): We'll be right back... (Slams the button hard and then storms off.) MIKE (OS): Come back here you little.... (COMMERCIALS) (SOL interior. MIKE is in the middle, still looking mildly angry. CROW is on the left, TOM is on the right. The time machine is right where we last saw it before the commercial.) MIKE (still angry, but noticeably calmer): I still can't believe you guys went and cut my hair while I was asleep. TOM: Oh, come on, Mike, it's for a good cause! CROW: Yeah. Besides, it was just a little hair. I mean, it's not like we tried to circum-- MIKE: Don't even *joke* about that, Crow! CROW: Sorry! (Suddenly the time machine throbs and shudders. We hear a hissing sound as the door opens.) TOM: Wow, I think out new computer is here! MIKE: Hope it turns out to be worth what you guys did to my hair. CROW: Don't worry, Mike. When we're all relaxing back on earth, you'll forget all about the little hair-cut we gave you. MIKE: Yeah, well... guess I'd better get this out and see what it does... (MIKE walks over to the time machine and opens the door. He reaches in and pulls out a light gray box-shaped computer. He pauses, turning it over, revealing the each side is flat and without buttons, a monitor, or anything.) MIKE: This looks just like a box to me. Heck, it doesn't even feel that heavy... TOM: Of course not, Mike. People in the distant future with their radically advanced technology have no need for cumbersome buttons, levers or screens. CROW: Not to mention the wonders of lightweight plastic. (MIKE sets the computer down on the table and stares at it.) MIKE: Hmm... well, I guess in that case, it must be voice activated.... (MIKE leans forward a little bit.) MIKE (to the box): Uh... computer? (From the box, a voice is heard, female and pleasant.) COMPUTER: Hello, Mister Michael J. Nelson. I am your new computer. Ask me what you will. ALL: Wow! MIKE: How did you know my name? COMPUTER: I see all and know all. I have been fully integrated with nearly every piece of data ever collected for the last six millennia. CROW: Wow, this is great! Mike, when we get back to earth we'll have to have this thing tell us how's going to win the next World Series. MIKE: Uh.. Maybe later, Crow. First we've got to *get* back to Earth. (MIKE clears throat.) MIKE: Computer, we you need to tell us how we can get off this satellite and down to Earth. COMPUTER: Calculating.... One moment please MIKE: Alright. (MIKE and BOTS stand around for several seconds while the computer hums.) COMPUTER: Calculations complete. There are over three thousand two hundred and fifty four ways to perform the action you have requested. MIKE: Well, great! Uh... give us way number one. COMPUTER: Number one: Set the auxiliary power of the Satellite to overload. MIKE: Oh, okay! Gosh, I don't see why we didn't think of that--uh... wait a minute, if we tried that, the Satellite would blow up, and us along with it. TOM: Well, we would *technically* get back home.. CROW: Yeah, but not quite the way we'd like to do it... MIKE: Indeed, Crow. Uh... computer, what's option number two? COMPUTER: Number two: channel the power of the shields into the main reactor. CROW: Uh, Mike, wouldn't that cause a power overload, short circuiting everything and destroying our ability to maintain orbit around Earth? MIKE: Yeah, I think it would. Boy, this is not very encouraging. Uh, computer... can you calculate a way for to get back to Earth *without* getting killed in the process? COMPUTER (annoyed): Boy, you're picky! MIKE: Well... sorry, just that "dying" thing isn't something we care much about. COMPUTER: Calculating problem with new parameters. One moment please... MIKE: Ah good. (Lights flash and alarm sounds.) MIKE: Not good, we got fanfic sign! (MIKE and the BOTS rush off as we begin the door sequence.) (MIKE and the BOTS enter the theater.) MIKE: Well, hopefully the computer will have a solution calculated for us by the time our next break rolls around. CROW: Yeah, it'll be so nice to get back to Earth and place a few bets... MIKE: You're not placing bets on Earth, Crow. CROW: Why not, Mike? You can make some serious moolah! MIKE: I didn't invent the time machine for momentary gain, Crow. CROW; Ah... you big sissy... > Chapter 4: Deadly Reunions > Rubble of Generation NeXt citadel... TOM: I thought the Rubbles were from Bedrock? > "Well, well well... If it isn't our old friend Tornado. What's wrong > Tornado? Lose your partner?" TOM: Uh.. who's speaking? CROW: For that matter, what's going on? MIKE: This must be an attempt at suspense, keeping the audience confused and uncertain as to what is going to happen next. TOM: I'd throw in the word "bored" as well, Mike... > "Don't you dare talk about her you piece of scum!" MIKE (noncommital): Ooh... now we're really getting nasty. > Deathsparkle blasts Tornado from behind. PAF! PAF! > > "UNNNN!" TOM: BELIEVABLE! CROW: INNNN! TOM: COHERENT! CROW: NOOOON! TOM: SENSICAL! MIKE: Okay guys.... > "Don'tcha worry bout her. Once we're done wit' you, we'll go after > her! And then you can be together for all eternity!" MIKE (Tornado): Oh, well, thanks! I appreciate the--hey! > She fires again, but Tornado rolls out of the way and flips to his > feet. TOM: Boy, isn't it nice how bad guys never FATALLY shoot an important character in the back? That's awfully polite of them, I think... > "What's the game this time?" MIKE: Count the plot holes? > "Kill the Hero. Guess who's it?" > "Ummmmm... Barney?" > "I hate smartaleks!" Deathsparkle fires several blasts, but once > again, Tornado evades her sights. TOM: Uh... I thought he was trying to evade her blasts? > "Allow me D!" CROW: Oh great, there are vampire hunters in this story too?? > Hurricane races forward with his version of Tornado's Hyper Kick. MIKE: Stolen from Street Fighter! > "WOOMPH!" Tornado is hit dead center. TOM: Gee, another non-fatal direct hit. These bad guys aren't trying very hard... > That's one down side to > being Tornado: you always get the wind knocked out of you!" MIKE: You know, I'd laugh at that, but I'm not sure if I've heard the punch line yet... > "Puns. Is that what you're going to resort to?" TOM (Tornado): Well, whatever it takes to make you *soar*. > "No. I prefer the Cyclone Punch!" Tornado slams Hurricane into > the rubble. TOM: I prefer Grape Punch myself. MIKE: I like anything spiked... > Nice one! I almost felt it! Here! Have a present from me to you!" MIKE (Tornado): Fruitcake? Ahh, you shouldn't have! > Hurricane makes the rubble rise off the ground and high into the > air. "Catch!" He cancels his hold on the remains of the Gen NeXt HQ. > "Bodyslide time!" Deathsparkle blasts Tornado and gets close to > Hurricane, allowing them to teleport out. CROW: Uh.. .when did Deathsparkle get the ability to teleport? TOM: Must be yet another one of those convenient powers that alternate realities are known to grant. MIKE: And while we're at it, is the rubble just floating in mid air during this whole exchange? TOM: Mike, even the laws of gravity must bow down to the whim of fanfic writers... MIKE: Ahh.... huh? > The rubble lands on the unconscious Tornado... (All cheer loudly) > almost... ALL: Damn. > From out of nowhere, Hope teleports in and teleports Tornado out > at the last second. ALL: DA HELL?!? TOM: Just how many characters and devices from other comics and shows are we going to have CONVENIENTLY show up and save this guy's butt? > "Wake up Aaron! C'mon!" CROW (Aaron): Oh God, it was horrible! I had a terrible dream... I was stuck in this crappy fanfic with all these characters from other comic worlds and.... and... ahhhhhhh! > "H-Hurricane! Deathsparkle! Jube!" > FX and the rest of Gen NeXt come closer. MIKE: As La Femme Nikita, the Budweiser Frogs, and Forever Knight stand nearby... CROW: Mike, don't tell jokes like that. The rate this story is going, I wouldn't be surprised if characters from GI Joe showed up.... TOM: Maybe we'll get lucky and that FX guy will tell us that use 102 for Super Glue is sticking Aaron to the ground.... > "What's he talking about?" asks FX. TOM (Gen Next member): I don't know, I can't even figure who's speaking.... > "Have to find Jube! Before...!" > "Before what?" > "Before they do!" TOM (FX): Do what? MIKE (Hope): Before who do? CROW: Who do? TOM: You do! MIKE: Do what? TOM (sings): Remind me of the babe! > "Who are Hurricane and Deathsparkle?" > "You don't want to know!" MIKE: I'd agree with that... > "What happened here?" > "Hurricane and Deathsparkle attacked! MIKE (FX): Who are they again? Oh wait, I didn't want to know... > They dismantled the base! I can > fix it, but then, I have to get to her before they kill her!" He fires several > bee stinger sized tornados into the rubble. Within a few seconds, the > Citidel is repaired. CROW: Boy that was easy. MIKE: To think he could do all that and yet he STILL gets his butt kicked... TOM: You know, with another writer, the destruction of the good guys' home base might be an important, major, plot-turning event. Here it's just a lousy footnote. > "We'll help you!" > "You can't! Only Jube and I can stop them!" TOM (FX): Oh, that's good... We didn't *really* want to help, anyway.... > Hope picks up a piece of paper from the floor. She gives it to FX. CROW: Floor? I thought we were outside... MIKE: He must have rebuilt the base AROUND everyone... > "Message to Tornado from the Fringe: A friend of your's is here at > our headquarters. She wishes to see you. Please hurry." MIKE: P.S. We are delighted to know you're straight.... > "Then that's where I'm going to go! I just pray that I'm not too > late!" > Chapter 5: Tiger Tiger > Later, after facing off with the Generation Next member, Tornado, > Deathsparkle and Hurricane head for their base in the Rocky > Mountains. CROW: Geez, I hope they're not going to put John Denver in this story too! > "So D, how about a little "Hide the Jubs"? I'm sure that Tornado > would love to participate." > Hurricane asked his lover, Deathsparkle, with a sly grin on his face. > "Sure, sweet stuff. The technology we stole from Sinister in the > AoA will be perfect in finding my counterpart." TOM (announcer): Yes, find all your alternate reality counterparts with the amazing Pentium Seven from Intel!. > Heading for the computer terminal, the two refugees of the doomed > time line hope to find the Jubilee of our time line. MIKE: Uh.. Didn't we already establish that with the preceding dialogue? CROW: It helps to repeat certain things, Mike. Repetition is the basis of all learning. MIKE: Ahhh.... TOM: Yep, Mike, it's true. Repetition *is* the basis of all learning. MIKE (nods) CROW: Yeah, Mike, and just in case you didn't learn yet, repetition is-- MIKE: I got it, already! > Having the computer > scan for the same bio-genetic makeup as Deathsparkle, the two prepare > to pick up the mallrat. > The Fringe Bar.... MIKE (announcer) : "The Fringe Bar": For when you're just not sure which way you swing.... > "Hey, Jubes! How's it going?" says the bartender. > "Fine Frankie! Has Aaron come by yet? He asked me to come by > here to have a bite to eat." answered the Californian mallrat, CROW: Uh... you mean she's been *missing* for two years IN A BAR?? MIKE: She must have become part of the cast of Cheers... > carrying two cats with her. MIKE: So she regularly lugs two cats around with her to all her dates? TOM: I'm not even going touch that one, Mike.... CROW (Bartender): Nice cats, what's their names? MIKE: "Annoying"... "Bartender". > Suddenly, a blast of pyrotechnics blows away the front door, MIKE: Which, in turn, causes the walls to crumble, and the roof to collapse, ending the story! CROW: You're dreaming again, Mike. MIKE: It's all I got now... > revealing two TOM (singing): Two mints in one! MIKE: Old commercials, Tom? That's obscure even for you... TOM: Just keeping you on your toes, Mike. > pissed off mutants, Hurricane and Deathsparkle. > "Welcome Jubilation. Sorry Tornado couldn't make it...so I invited > you to a party. Come D, how about a little Sparkling Spinner for dear > Jubilee here?" asked Hurricane. > "Sure, let's take her out and quick. After Christmas sales are in a > couple of minutes. Can't miss the deals!" answered Deathsparkle. CROW (Deathsparkle): I may be evil, but I still like to shop! > Using their powers in unison, the two Chosen members take out > Jubilee, who drops the cats as she falls. "Leave them. They are useless > to us." MIKE: Uh... wasn't there a bartender in this scene and stuff? TOM: Mike? MIKE: I know, I know, quit thinking.... > Back at Sinister's lab... > "Computer. Run a psi-scan of designate: Hurricane and designate: > Deathsparkle." > Minutes later... CROW (Computer): Oh, I'm sorry. What was that command again? > "Psi-scan complete. Hurricane was a mercenary for Apocalypse. > Jubilee was a member of a group called the X-Ternals. TOM: I wonder if the "X-Ternals" liked to hang *out* a lot... > Hurricane > stole technology from Sinister and Apocalypse, most importantly mind > control devices. Also, he stole a time bubble, which he used to escape > the AoA. MIKE: Boy, I wish we could steal a time bubble and escape from this story... > However, before he left, he saw Jubilee and they fell > in love. They teleported out of the time line right before it ceased to > exist. CROW: And without leaving a tip, nonetheless.... > They have been hiding out in safe houses, TOM: They also disguised themselves as nuns and hid in a convent for a little while, too... > until they joined > the Chosen. However, it seems they have a hidden agenda, which this > computer cannot find due to incredible psychic shield implanted in > their mind. MIKE: One shield, two characters.. They must be conjoined now or something... > Further analysis is necessary." CROW: So, the computer could find out all this DESPITE the fact the AoA no longer exists AND that Deathsparkle and Jubilee have psychic shields?!? MIKE: This computer is the mother of all plot devices! TOM: Hey, speaking of computers, the door's open! MIKE: Alright, guys, lets book! Maybe we won't have to sit through the rest of this. CROW: Sounds good to me! (MIKE and the BOTS exit the theater.) (SOL TOM is standing next to the computer, whispering something.) TOM: Okay, now, give me the results. (The COMPUTER hums for a second, then suddenly, the humming increases in pitch and intensity. We hear a loud scream as the computer explodes in a shower of sparks and flames. TOM yelps in fear and ducks under the table.) (MIKE and CROW run in from the left.) MIKE: What the? Tom?? What the heck happened here? TOM (appearing from underneath the table): Oh, uh... hi Mike! Uh... how's it going? MIKE: Tom, what the heck happened to the computer? TOM: Er uh... I don't know, Mike. I just walked in and wham! It blew up suddenly. (MIKE gives TOM a narrow stare.) MIKE: Tom.... TOM (babbling voice): Okay, okay I did it! I did it! I didn't mean to, I just wanted to find out some things... MIKE: What exactly did you do, Tom? TOM: Well, I uh... had it connect to the Internet. MIKE: And? TOM: Well, I uh... subscribed to the X-Wars list. MIKE: Tom! Didn't you learn anything from the first time you were on it? TOM: I just wanted to try and figure out some of the plot inconsistencies in today's experiment. So I got on the list and posted a article with some questions which pointed out the apparent plot oversights in the story. MIKE (long sigh): And then what happened? TOM: Well, I got about six hundred messages the first time I checked my email... But only 60 of them were related to what I had posted, so I wrote again... MIKE: And then? TOM: Well, my comments triggered a flame war on the group, not to mention all the responses from other people's responses... I ended up with about twelve thousand messages. CROW: Our advanced computer from the future overloaded cause of twelve thousand messages? TOM: Well... uh... no. I then asked the computer to take all the responses related to the story and try make sense of the fanfic... Then I told it to begin calculating.... (MIKE and CROW sigh loudly, shaking their heads.) MIKE: Tom, you should have KNOWN that was going to happen. Remember that time you tried a similar stunt on your old Pentium computer with that Stephen Ratliff story? TOM ("teary"): I know, I know, but I thought this computer would be advanced enough to do it.. MIKE: Uh... Tom, you *did* remember to save the computer calculations for us getting back home on another disk before you tried this, didn't you? TOM: Uh... oops. MIKE (sighs): Well, there goes are means of getting home. CROW: And there goes my means of being a really rich robot once we got back there! (Lights flash and alarm sounds) MIKE: And there goes the fanfic sign! (MIKE and the BOTS dart off, leaving the ruined computer behind. After the door sequence we see MIKE and the BOTS enter the theater.) CROW: You know, Mike, maybe if we shaved the *top* of your head we could get enough DNA samples to... MIKE: Forget it, you two, I've given enough DNA samples. And if you two try to give me another involuntary shave, I'll have you both recycled. CROW: Sheesh, what a grouch... > Chapter 6: Betrayal! CROW: At Krondor! MIKE (gasping voice): Bastard! The god of fan fiction... curse you! Ahhh.. TOM: That was pretty good, Mike. MIKE: Thanks. > Just a short distance from the Fringe's HQ... > Aaron Thall teleports in. He surveys the surrounding area. TOM: He asks the area if it feels that there is too much violence on TV, and which candidate it plans to vote for in the coming election. > Something's wrong. MIKE: Well, then, why don't you go outside and kiss the rain? > I can feel it. It's too quiet. What if...? > "JUBE!!" He pulls out what appears to be a normal skateboard. But > on closer inspection, one would see that it is made of metal, and is > in reality, Tornado's Battle Board. CROW: Uh.. Okay, so then, what is it in this FICTIONAL story? > He sets it on the ground and races off. MIKE: Oh, so he just set the board down and left it there? > He arrives at the > compound in less than one minute. > "OH NO!!! I'M TOO LATE!" He sees the devastation. TOM (singing): The devastation! See the devastation! MIKE (singing): Cracked plaster and rubble are coming from my cremation! > "They got here first! And by the looks of it, had some fun before > leaving! You could drive Rush Limbaugh through one of those holes!" CROW: He's confusing The Citadel with this story's plot... > He feels something rub against his leg. (ALL cough furiously) > He looks down and sees his two cats, CROW: Oh wow, nice that they weren't killed when the building collapsed... > Rainbow and Tiger, rubbing against him. "Hey guys!" MIKE: Cats that RECOGNIZE who their owner is? Now I know this is fiction! > At least they're safe! Wait! TOM: Worry! CROW: Who cares? MIKE: At this point, I can't say I do... > What's that tied to Tiger's collar? > Aaron picks Tiger up and removes the object. He unfolds the piece > of paper and reads aloud. CROW: But the "object" he throws away, figuring it's not important... > "Tornado: We have Jubilee. You don't know where we are, or what > we have in store for you. But you will. And soon. > Wish you were dead, > Hurricane" MIKE: P.S. Dinner's in the oven. > He crushes the note. TOM: Spraying note juice all over his hand... > A short while later... > "No casualties. Good. MIKE: Well, the plot kinda died somewhere, but I'm not sure if it was alive to begin with... > But I swear Hurricane, no, I promise you this: This fight has just > begun! And I'm taking you down!!!!" ALL (singing): To the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty... > Sinister's Citadel... > Hurricane and Deathsparkle enter Sinister's lair. > "Hurricane! What have you done??!! Goading Tornado into a > battle! Leaving without my authorization! TOM (Sinister): Forgetting to put the toilet seat down! CROW: Setting the VCR to record RAW when you *know* I only watch Nitro! TOM: Getting chocolate in the peanut butter! CROW: Taking the... MIKE: That's enough guys.. TOM and CROW: Sorry. > And why have you taken her?" He points in Jubilee's direction. She > lays unconscious on the floor. TOM: Ahh.. Jubilee must be all out of faith... CROW: And naked! Yum yum ya yum! > Image enters the room. "Image! Why are you here? I did not > summon you!" > "It's like this Whitey!" TOM: Dis be our hood! And if you gon' play wit' us, you got ta be down with dat, ya know? > "We control the horizonal. We control the vertical. And this is not > the Outer Limits. CROW: Yeah, it if was, we'd be in suspense about what was going to happen next. > We're taking over! The Chosen has no more need for > outdated leaders! It's time for a new generation of evil to take the > reins!" > "You would dare challenge me?! I will not sully my hands on the > likes of you! Image! Deal with these two foolish children!" > Image stands still. MIKE: Still not realizing that they need more than "Spawn" to make the company a success... > "She can't hear you. Y'see, we have these little devices that can turn > someone's brain into so much zombie material." TOM: So, uh... their ultimate weapon is daytime talk shows? > Hurricane turns Image around. Sinister sees a tiny metallic dot > behind her ear. MIKE: Wow, this is kinda like The Tripod trilogy only not as good... > "The thing is Sinister... with your other followers on assignment, > and Image under our control, you have no backup." TOM (Max): I'd radio for backup, if I had a radio. Or a backup. MIKE: Let's be a little less obscure next time, okay Tom? > "And you are saying...?" TOM ("mock tearful"): You don't love me anymore? > "Image! Get him!" Image creates dozens of copies of Cyclops, all of > which fire at Sinister. > "How dare you! ARRRGH! UNNNN!" Sinister fires plasma blasts > at the duplicates, but they go right through, without damaging them. MIKE: Hopefully, this fanfic will have the same effect on us.... > "What fun! I could watch this all day!" TOM: Speak for yourself, pal! > "You know it D!" > "I promise you this Children: I will TOM (Sinister): AHHH! > return to reclaim my CROW (Sinister): ARGGH! > place as ruler of the TOM (Sinister): AIIIEEEE!! > Chosen! You will live to regret this!" TOM: AHHHHHHH!! MIKE: Was that necessary guys? TOM: Sorry, Mike, we just figured Image wouldn't just *stand there* while Sinister was saying all of that. CROW: 'Sides, it was fun! > "Tell someone who cares!" > Sinister teleports away. > "Well whadda know, we did it! We control the Chosen now! And > Tornado's world is about to come crashing down!!!!" > Chapter 7: Chosen Allies > After being exiled from his own base, Sinister thinks of a way to rid > himself of TOM: Pimples? CROW: Unwanted facial hair? MIKE: That annoying diamond tattoo? > the menace of Hurricane and Deathsparkle. ALL: Oh. > "Where can I find someone who could provide a way to defeat > those two.... MIKE: Thinking... thinking... TOM: Gosh, who's he gonna come up with, I wonder.... > Of course!! Tornado. It's his doppleganger, so he should be able to > stop him. Deathsparkle shouldn't be a problem for the awesome power > of...Sinister!" Sinister tells himself. TOM (singing in badly imitated "country" voice): That's what we tell ourselves, that what we have is-- MIKE: Tom, PLEASE! TOM: Sorry. > "Computer. Locate designate: Tornado. Open tesseract at his > coordinates," Sinister commands his computer via a remote control > controller. CROW: Remote control controller? Isn't that kinda like an "important VIP"? TOM: Or a "huge giant"? MIKE: Or a "stupid episode of 'Friends'"? BOTS: Yikes! MIKE: Sorry, that show just bugs me a lot... > The tesseract's incredible energies shatter space, opening a > portal to the Fringe's Bar. There, Tornado stands by where a battle > had recently taken place He doesn't notice Sinister until he is right > behind him. > "Take this, Hurricane!! Cyclone PUNCH!" CROW (Ray Stevens): And then he body slammed me, and then he pile drived me, and he did it AGAIN! > yells Tornado as his > punches straight through Sinister's chest. > "Calm yourself, young Generation Next-er. TOM: So, getting "Cyclone Punched" in the chest didn't hurt? MIKE (shrugs): I guess not. > I have come here to ask > for your assistance in ridding some pests... CROW: He should have called the Orkin Man, I'll bet he's in the X-Wars universe somewhere. MIKE: Quiet, Crow, let's not give these guys any ideas... > Deathsparkle and Hurricane. > Will you accept, or will I have to destroy you as I destroy them?" MIKE: Ahh... nothing like a veiled threat to win over confidence and trust, it's just like being back over my parents' roof... > "Sinister, if it means getting rid of Hurricane, I'd team up with Bob > Dole! Where do we start?" answers an excited Tornado. > Back at the Chosen Base... > "Image, Burst, Captain, and Cannonball. You are on patrol duty. > Look for any signs of Sinister or any other mutant. TOM (Hurricane): They'll be yellow and triangular shaped... > The rest of you, prepare to take out the Generation Next Citadel. > Tornado's gonna have a ball seeing what we've done to his nice house, > right D?" commands Hurricane. > "Of course, lover. You heard him guys! Get with it!" yelled > Deathsparkle. MIKE (Chosen member): Okay.. We're supposed to prepare signs of Sinister and Tornado, and go on patrol duty at the Citadel.. Got it... > The Chosen's Horsemen head for guard duty. CROW (Butt-head): Huh, huh... we like all our "duties". > Yet, they do not see the small bright light that announces the > entrance of.... MIKE: Aries? TOM: A Techno-Mage? CROW: Nightcrawler? MIKE: Raiden? TOM: Sam Beckett? CROW: The Fairy Godmother? MIKE: Q? > Sinister. ALL: Oh. CROW: You know, that must not have been a very BRIGHT light if none of the Horsemen saw it. TOM: That or the Horsemen aren't very bright "lights" themselves. MIKE: Hmm.. Why do I have this sudden urge to stick colored pegs into some black paper in order to make a picture? BOTS: HUH? MIKE: Sorry, flashback from childhood.... > Chapter 8: The Battle Begins > Sinister and Aaron Thall appear in a deserted hallway. CROW: You mean the hallways covered in ice cream and cake? > "And now to deal with those imputant little...!" > "Hold it! TOM: Hmm.... I think Tornado's just become Tipper Gore... MIKE: Yeah, he had to keep Sinister from saying anything inappropriate... > You heard what they said about the Gen NeXt citadel!" Aaron > Thall activates his communicator. "FX! Come in! Tornado calling!" TOM: He forgot to dial 1 800 COLLECT! MIKE: I think that'd only work if FX was in his calling circle. > The voice of FX comes out of the special device that the original > Blue Ranger invented so long ago. TOM: Funny, I thought Zordon gave the Rangers they're communicators... MIKE and CROW: Zordon? TOM: Uh... just uh, a name I heard from the uh... the list. Yeah, the list... (MIKE and CROW glance at him, then turn back to the screen.) MIKE: Er.. okay, Tom.... > "What's up?" > "Several members of the Chosen are heading your way! I suspect > that they're minds are being controlled by Hurricane. Be ready. Tornado > out!" CROW (FX, sarcastic tone): How was *my* day? Oh, it's not important... > "Are you quite done yet?" TOM: I'd ask the same thing of authors if they were here right now... > "Hardly. With your Horsemen under their control, and with Image's > powers especially, we need some kind of weapon." > Aaron ponders for a moment. MIKE (Aaron, "thoughtful" tone): Now, if I do real well in this story, I just MIGHT get a guest spot in the next X-Men year-end special. Course, I really do have to consider that offer from DC comics.... > "Do you have an electronics lab in this citadel?" > "Yes, but it is several floors below." > "Not a proble ! Just give me the exact coordinates!" > Elsewhere... > Jubilee finally wakes up after her capture. > "Not again! Metal mittens?! TOM: And here's another reference we're not going to bother explaining. Right along with actually giving the characters DESCRIPTIONS and background details. We'll just assume that EVERYONE knows what we're talking about. CROW: Yeah, that way we can go straight to the good stuff. MIKE: Good stuff?!? > Can't they think o' somethin' original? Sheesh!" CROW: That's what I've been thinking since-- MIKE and TOM: This story began! CROW: How'd ya know? MIKE: That one was too easy, Crow. > She surveys her surroundings. She is in a cage, TOM: Despite all her rage. > bars making up the > walls. CROW: Yeah, and the bars are saying, "Oh yes, Walls, with this lipstick and eyeliner you'll look sooo nice!" > "Great! Just great! No way out! And these overgrown charm > bracelets block my powers... MIKE (REAL slow and sarcastic): Oh no. It looks like she's trapped with no way out. TOM (equally noncommital): Yeah. How is she going to escape from this one I wonder? > waitaminute! MIKE (Jubilee): Konnan's not a Mexican! BOTS: Huh?!? MIKE: Never mind.... > I'm wearin' those power > boosters Aaron built inta my gloves!" TOM: Hmm.. You know, since they mentioned that earlier in the story, I won't call this contrived. MIKE: Uh... but Tom, they *didn't* mention that earlier. TOM: Oh... (Pause) CONTRIVED!! MIKE: Feel better? TOM: Not really... > Jubilee activates her powers. ALL: Power on! > If I can just get enough plasma flowin'... > The mittens explode. TOM: And all the kittens blew up their mittens.... > "FREE! YES!" MIKE: Wow, good thing none of the fragments from those METAL gloves ended up flying in her face or anything.... > She melts the lock to the caged room. TOM: I hope it was that lock with Gilbert Gottfried's voice... > "And now ta get outta here!" > Sinister's electronics lab... TOM (announcer): Where good things are brought to life! > Two collums of white light flash into the room and change into > Sinister and Aaron Thall. > "I told you it wasn't a problem!" > "But why here, when those two menaces are in the main control > room?" > "I'm building a neural scrambler to short out Hurricane's control > of your followers. If that dosen't work, it'll at least scramble Image's > powers." CROW: And if that doesn't work, it'll at least be great for toasting marsh mellows... > "Fascinating. I had no idea that you were an inventive genius." TOM: Yeah, he went to the "Montgomery Scott School of Jury-Rigging." MIKE (James Doohan): I cannae do it Captain! If I put one more plot device in this thing, it'll blow apart! > "There's a lot about me that someone like you will never know > Sinister." MIKE: Yeah, despite your damn computer! > Aaron holds up a small device. "Done! Rather crude and difficult, MIKE (Sinister): Funny, Jubilee says the same thing about you... > considering what I had to work with and time constraints, but it should > work at least once." > "Then you had best be ready to test it, because my Horsemen are > coming this way as we speak!" > Generation NeXt citadel... > Hope enters the main hallway and comes up to FX. > "I've contacted the Legion of Fyer and the Brotherhood and > informed them to be on the lookout." > "Thank you Hope. I just hope MIKE: Please don't tell me that was the authors' attempt at a pun... > Aaron's alright out there with-" > BRANGABRANGABRANGA!!!!! CROW: They got Movie Sign! MIKE: Ha, now that'd be irony! Having them sit through their own stories.... > "THE ALARMS!" > They run to the monitors. > "What is it?" TOM (HOPE): They're electric TV-like things that are connected to cameras and stuff, but that's not important right now... ALL: D'OH! > "Trouble. And the worst kind." > X peers into the monitor and sees Sinister's followers advancing on > the citadel... MIKE: Boy, it'd be cool if I just as the Chosen members got to the Citadel a police car pulled up out of no where and arrested them... TOM: Sorry Mike, I doubt even X Wars has those guys in their stories. CROW: I agree with Tom. Still... it would be cool though.... TOM: And the sad part is, it'd probably make more sense than most of the stuff that we've seen so far.... > Chosen Citadel, level 5 > "I have ta get outta here! CROW: Yeah, but there's no way out of Skid Row... > But with all these twists and turns, all > I'm doin' is a good impression of a rat in a maze! Wait! That sound. > Someone's comin'! > "I do hope that my counterpart is enjoying her accommodations. I > think I'll check up on her and see." TOM (Deathsparkle): Yeah, especially since we left her conveniently unguarded and didn't even bother putting a camera in her cell.... > "Deathsparkle!" Jubilee whispers out of both fear and shock. > If she sees me, I'm finished! TOM: The narrator's scared of Deathsparkle? MIKE: Uh.. I think that's supposed to be Jubilee's thoughts... CROW: Oh. > Electronics lab... > "We're out of options. We will have to fight!" > "And your assessment of out chances of winning?" > "Slim and none." > "Wrong Sinister. And do you wish to know why?" TOM (Aaron): I'm writing the script! > "And why, pray tell, am I incorrect in this assumption?" > "Because... > IT'S SPIN DRIVE TIME!!!" MIKE: Uh... okay... TOM: He must be thinking it's laundry day or something... > Aaron's costume appears. His gun appears in his hand and he places > it in his belt's holster. He raises his arma above his head and his mask > appears. He places it over his eyes. CROW (Aaron): Hmm... maybe I should punch some holes into this thing so I can see what I'm doing. > And where only seconds before > had stood Aaron Thall, there now stood Tornado. TOM: Spandex changes everything! CROW: Well, I guess it's better than just taking off your glasses and suddenly becoming someone else... > "Let's rock." > Chosen control room... > Hurricane keeps track of the pawns in his little game. > He sees Deathsparkle drawing closer to her counterpart, Jubilee. > "I should tell her, but it should be interesting to see how Jubilee > handles this situation." MIKE: Sides, I don't really love her *that* much, you know... > He sees the members of the Chosen he sent out advancing on the > home of Tornado's allies in Gen NeXt. > "When you have a view like this, CROW: You're better off being illiterate? > you're sure to get all the > action." > He sees Tornado and Sinister preparing to fight the Horsemen. > "And my dear 'brother' and my former leader walking streaight into > their certain doom!" MIKE: And we're walking "streaight" into a bad action sequence... > He sets a chess piece on a board he set up while watching. TOM: Symbolism at its most obvious, ladies and gentleman. > "All the pieces are in place. And I control the outcomes." He > smiles. > "LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!!!" > Chapter 9: Horsemen Attack TOM: The chapter titles get more imaginative by the minute.. > As the Horsemen of the Chosen head for the Electronics Lab, > Sinister and Tornado prepare to face some of the most powerful mutants > in existence. > "Tornado. Use your device on Image. You MUST ALL (singsong): You must, you must, increase your bust! > concentrate on her. Once her powers are negated > temporarily, I'll go after Burst. While his physical powers are quite > powerful, he is nothing CROW (Sinister): After a good kick in the groin. > compared to Sinister on the astral > plane. MIKE (Tornado): Wait a minute, I thought *you* were Sinister! What the hell is going on here?!? TOM (Announcer): Astral Planes, flying literally by the seat of your pants! MIKE: Er... Tom, that's ASTral plane. TOM: Oh. My mistake... > Then we go for Captain, then Cannonball." > The mutants turn the corner, and Image begins to scan the area for > her former leader. > "Mmmm. Interesting...nothing. TOM: Yeah, nothing is always interesting. I'll bet she watches test patterns on TV, too... > Cannonball take to the air and see if > you can see anything." MIKE (Image): And while you're at it, find out if you can find anything... > "Okay, Image. Be right back..." answers Cannonball. > Taking flight, Cannonball is ready to fly right over Sinister, he is > shot down by a plasma shot! > "Holy mother of Bob Dole!! CROW: What *is* it with this guy's Bob Dole obsession? TOM: I think it's 'cause both of them start out trying something big, put little effort into it, get partner who gives time a short lived second wind, and then continue to the end on a sub par level. > Essex, how did you shoot him down > while he was blasting? He's supposed to be invincible." yells Tornado, > ready for the Horsemen rushing to him. > "Mmmm. Well, looks like we will have to improvise. CROW: As opposed to the brilliant, highly detailed plan they had earlier... > You see, Cannonball > doesn't quite understand his powers. MIKE: Neither did Scott Lobdell. > When I ran a test to see that > extent of his mutant powers, I inserted a micro chip into his brain > that would allow my mutant powers to harm him while he was blasting. > Remember, I make sure I have ways to disable any...renegade > Horsemen. Now, get on Image!!" TOM (Tornado): Well, what about the *rest* of your guys? MIKE (Sinister): Er... they were supposed to get microchips put in their brains next week... ALL: D'OH! > Tornado jumps out and turns his device on Image, who starts > screaming in pain as her mutant powers start to fluctuate, causing her > mental blocks to dissolve and rebuild over and over, causing horrible > mental anguish. TOM: CAUSING her to fall to the ground, CAUSING her knees to be skinned, CAUSING her to... MIKE: Tom, we just used the word *two* times, no need for that riff... TOM: Sorry... > Sinister teleports behind Burst and grabs him and pulls his mind into > the mental plane. CROW (announcer): Fly Mental Airways.... cause we'll KILL YOU if you don't!! > ::You are weak in this realm, Burst. TOM (Sinister): And you eat too much, thus accounting for your name.... > Your powers are useless, and > only Jean Grey's powers can help you know. But by the time you access > your powers, you will have already had a heaping helping of a mental > blast...:: MIKE (Sinister); And a side order of salad... > Sinister tells his horseman as Burst's brain is fried for a second, > putting him out of action. However, the psychic backlash MIKE: "Psychic backlash". I think that's what they called it when the Psychic Friends Network went bankrupt. CROW: Wonder if they predicted that one coming... > extends to > Image, Tornado, and the Captain, causing Tornado to drop his device... TOM (Butt-head): Uh, huh huh huh... He said "extend". > "Too bad, Aaron. Looks like your toy is broken. Well, it's time > for me to play..." TOM: Uh... who's spea--oh, forget it.... MIKE (looking offstage): Come on, guys, the door's open. Let's get out of here... CROW: Right behind ya, Mike! (MIKE and the BOTS exit the theater.) (SOL, the BOTS stand off to the left, Mike to the right. They are all looking mildly irritated.) CROW: Boy, is this fanfic getting silly or what? Twins from another dimension, how ridiculous! MIKE: Well come on, guys, you never now.. I mean, some people say that for every choice we make, there's an alternative dimension where we made the *other* choice, and not to mention tons of dimensions where our others made even *other* choices. CROW: Ah come on, Mike, you're been watching Star Trek with Tom too much if you seriously start buying stuff like that. TOM: Yeah, Mike, you've-- (turning to CROW) Hey! CROW: I mean, "alternate" realities? Get real! That's just a silly plot device used by science fiction and comic book writers to come up with stories. The whole entire notion is completely ridiculous. (Suddenly a light flashes and Gypsy appears from the left.) GYPSY: Hey, guys, we're got something off the port bow! (Cut ot exterior of the SOL where we see a rather cheesy looking circular "hole" several "feet" wide near the ship. It's flashing a mixture of red, orange and yellow. Suddenly, there is a flash of light...) (SOL) GYPSY: Mike, another ship has appeared where that weird space hole thingie was! MIKE: Really? Wow! Cambot, can you give me rocket number eight, please? (Camera scrolls over as MIKE and the BOTS face the Hexfield Viewscreen. It opens, giving them a view of outside the ship. MIKE and BOTS gasp in shock as they see... the SOL! Sorta, anyway. It's darker, with several mean looking spikes poking out of it's top and sides. The letters SOH are seen spray painted in bright red on the ship's side.) ALL: Woooow! (Behind them lights flash.) GYPSY: Guys, someone's like... trying to talk to us! MIKE: Oh. well... uh, punch them in I guess... (Mike and Gypsy turn back to the viewer as it changes. We see the interior of an oddly familiar place, the SOL. Only it's less bright, the overhead lights dimmed, creating a slightly eerie effect. We see copies of the SOL crew. SOH MIKE has a long dark beard and mustache and is wearing a dark grey jumpsuit. SOH CROW is just like his counterpart, save his skin is a shiny black instead of gold; his eyes are bright red as opposed to yellow, and his hairnet is gone, replaced by several long, silver-colored, Predator-style dread locks. SOH TOM is dark shades of red and grey, with spikes protruding out of his front. His "bubble" is tinted, like a pair of sunglasses. In the far left, we see a Gypsy doppleganger, her body dark purple, eye dark yellow, and lips blood red. In short, the SOH is kind of a dark mirror of the SOL, with the SOH BOTS and SOH MIKE even positioned counterpoint to the crew of the SOL.) (All are quiet for several seconds. MIKE glances confusedly as "his" BOTS, who stare back at him, equally confused. Simultaneously, the same action occurs on the SOH. SOL MIKE and the SOL BOTS then stares back at the SOH crew, who, in turn, stare back at them. The cycle repeats itself several times, the stares becoming quicker and more confused...) CROW: (finally breaking the silence): Wow, Mike! I think we're looking at evil, alternative reality versions of ourselves! MIKE: Uh, wait Crow... Alternate reality I can accept, but what makes you think they're evil? TOM: Oh, come on, Mike! Look at their color scheme: all dark and deary. And the dimly lit room they're standing in. It's a dead giveaway! (SOH MIKE speaks, causing all eyes to turn to him. His voice is like SOL MIKE, only a little deeper, and, of course, more evil sounding.) SOH MIKE: Your little friend there is right, "Mike." We ARE evil, and, no doubt alternative reality versions of yourselves. I am MARK Nelson. (Gestures to SOH CROW, TOM, and GYPSY, introducing them in turn.) This is Raven T. Droid, Mot Axle, and Nomad. MIKE: Oh... uh... hi. I'm *Mike* Nelson. This is Crow, Tom, and Gypsy. So uh... What are you guys... doing here in our little uh.. reality? MARK (seems flustered for a sec, as though to come up with a quick lie): Well... we uh... decided to do a little exploring and whatnot... See what was out there. MARK (clears throat, regaining his evil confidence): Tell me, dear, alternate reality double, what is it that you guys do in *this* reality? MIKE (Shrugs): Well, uh... we're forced by a woman named Pearl Forrester to watch bad movies and stuff. How about you guys? (The SOH crew stare at each other for a moment and then laugh evilly.) MIKE: They're still held captive by Pearl! (SOH crew laughs again.) MOT: What idiots! (SOH crew laughs again.) RAVEN: What maroons! (SOH crew laughs a fourth time.) NOMAD: Yeah! They're foogee doogees! (SOH laughs for a second and then abruptly stops.) ALL: Huh?!? (Everyone from both crews stare at NOMAD.) NOMAD: Uh... what? What? GYPSY: That woman's stupid! I'm glad I'm not her! (A beat, then...) MIKE: So.. why are you guys laughing at us anyway? MARK (smiling): We'll show you. (Speaking to something OS) Vidbot, give our guests here a view of camera number twelve. (SOH crew vanishes and is replaced by a shot inside the SOH theater, similar to the shot we see in the show's opening. The SOL crew gasp in shock as they see alternate reality copies of Pearl, Bobo, and Observer. They are bound and gagged to the theater chairs. Wicked looking metal clamps and bars hold their heads in place, forcing them to forever view whatever is playing in the theater. Their skin is pale, eyes wide and blank. Obviously they have been in this position for some time. We see the light from the off-camera movie screen reflecting on their eyes and skin. As we stare, we hear a muffled bit of dialogue from the current movie...) (Movie dialogue, OS): ...so, let me get this straight, you're mortal there, but you come here and you're immortal, until there's only one of you, and then... you're mortal again? (Hexagon view flashes back to the interior of the SOH, where MARK is smiling darkly.) MIKE: Wow... that was Pearl! Or at least... *their* Pearl... CROW: This is becoming really confusing... MARK: You see, dear friends, being evil and all, *we* outsmarted Pearl and her henchmen and subject them to the same thing that they had us going through. MOT: And although we despised their methods, that is, using *us* as guinea pigs, we found their experiment to be an interesting theory... RAVEN: So we re-programmed the Satellite of Hate to tap into all of Earth's satellites... MARK: Allowing us to duplicate Pearl's experiment using the entire planet Earth as OUR subjects! After years of having their wills broken, the Earth finally accepted us as their almighty rulers! (SOH crew laughs) TOM: Whoa! These guys did what Pearl and that other guy had always been planning on doing... MIKE: Oh man, that means their Earth has been subjected to the same horrible crap that we've had to stomach for the past several years! CROW: What a bunch of dickweeds! GYPSY: They're mean! MIKE: Wait, evil people, I'm confused... If things are so great in your dimension and stuff... why did you come here? MARK: Well... uh... just to... uh... RAVEN (angry): Cause *somebody* went and blew up planet Earth! MARK: I didn't mean to, it was accident! CROW (to Mike): Wow, nice to know that some things are universal, huh, Mike? MIKE: Oh, be quiet. (MARK clears throat, getting their attention.) MARK: But anyway... now that we are in *this* dimension, we'll be free to conquer your Earth. (MARK laughs evilly and the SOH BOTS follow suit.) MIKE: Uh... look guys, I don't blame you all for being evil and stuff. I'm sure there's a good reason for it. I mean, maybe on *your* Earth, life was a constant struggle, for survival against some dark, twisted, evil tyrant who was wanting to rule all of humanity and stuff... CROW: Me personally, I'm betting you guys are just jerks. MIKE: But, we can't let you guys make our world go through the same horror and stuff we've suffered for all these years; that wouldn't be right. MARK: Ha! What are you going to do about it, huh, pretty boy? CROW: Er... yeah, Mike, what *are* we gonna do? MIKE: Well... uh... we're going to have to stop you guys. (SOH crew laughs.) MARK: Take your best shot! SOH BOTS: Yeah, bring it on! Let's see what you're made of! Yeah, yeah! MIKE: Er... okay... (Presses a button on the table.) MIKE: Hey, nanite guys! Uh... the ship in front of us is full of evil twins of us from another dimension. They want to take over the Earth. Uh, can you stop them? We'd appreciate it. TOM: Whoa, Mike, are you sure that will work? CROW: Yeah, I mean, you haven't tried that for over a whole season now... MIKE: Oh, yeah, that reminds me... (Press button again.) MIKE: And try and stop them *without* blowing them completely up! CROW: "Without" blowing them up? MIKE (turning to Crow): Yeah... after all, we *are* the good guys. CROW: Oh. Uh... right. NANITE BOB (OS): Okay, we'll see what we can do! MARK (smiles): HA! That won't work, Mike. We *also* have nanites aboard! And they-- MOT: Uh. Mark.. MARK (to MOT): Shut up, MOT, I'm talking! (Back to MIKE) And *our* nanites can easily counter-act anything that-- NOMAD: Mark... MARK (turning to NOMAD): Quiet, Nomad! Anyway... they can *easily* counter-act anything that *your* nanites will try and do to-- SOH BOTS: MARK!! MARK (turning the BOTS, irate): WHAT?!? NOMAD: Uh... we don't *have* the nanites anymore... RAVEN: Yeah, don't you remember? They vanished after building that portal opener for us. MOT: And they left that note about wanting, and I quote, "A planet of their own"... MARK: Oh yeah... (A beat, then he turns to the SOL, horrified) Uh, oh! (Suddenly we hear a noise like a high tech laser being fired. The Hexfield Viewer goes blank as we hear a loud explosion from somewhere out in space. The SOL shakes from the impact.) MIKE: Whoa! What was-- (Hits button.) MIKE: I told you guys *not* to blow them up! NANITE BOB (OS): We didn't! Not completely anyway... ALL: HUH?? MIKE: Cambot, can you give me rocket number eight? (SOL crew turn back to the Viewer. We see a view of space from outside the SOL. Pieces of debris and remains from the SOH are floating about. The largest piece is the forward half of the SOH. It is spinning over and over, out of control.. Through the clear front window, we see the SOH crew screaming and holding each other in terror. As it rotates completely into the camera view--) MARK (--as though somehow realizing he's being watched, screams): We'll get you for this!!! (MARK then goes back to screaming as what's left of the SOH continues to roll away... Suddenly, there's a flash, and the "hole" in space reappears.) GYPSY: Wow, the dimensional gateway has re-opened! MIKE: Huh?? How did that happen? TOM: Mike, large explosions in space *always* re-open any nearby dimensional gateways. CROW: Yeah, Mike, everyone knows that! MIKE: Oh. (SOL crew turn back to the HV as the SOH bridge goes tumbling back into the gateway. As soon as it is completely inside, the gateway vanishes.) MIKE: Oh wow. (Hexfield Viewer closes as the camera scrolls over and Mike and the BOTS face Cambot.) TOM: Amazing Mike. CROW: Yeah, we confronted evil, alternative universe versions of ourselves and you managed to send them back to their own world in the space of three minutes. GYPSY (sighs "lovingly"): Mike is my hero! MIKE: Well, thanks Gypsy. Gee guys, do you think we' ll ever seem them again? CROW: Ah, probably not until next season at least... MIKE: Oh, well that's good. I guess now that they're gone we can sit back and take a for moment to rest and think about what all has hap-- (Suddenly lights flash and alarm goes off.) CROW: Rest later, Mike, we got fanfic sign! (MIKE and BOTS dart off as door sequence starts. We return to the theater where MIKE and BOTS enter.) MIKE: Okay, all, buckle up, I think the end is in sight. CROW: I hope so. I've had all the "alternate reality" stuff I can take for one week... TOM: You said it, Crow. > Chapter 10: Cornered, Reunited, and Betrayed! > Tornado whips out his gun and blocks the blasts from the > Horsemen. TOM: How can you use a *gun* to block things? > He leaps, rolls, CROW: He sits up, he begs, he plays dead! Yes, Aaron has been trained rather well, ladies and gentlemen... > and grabs the device before Image can get it. > "OXYGEN DRAIN MAXIMUM!" > All of the Horsemen go flying out of sight. A soft thump can be > heard in the distance. CROW: That was so confusing I can't even think straight enough to riff it... TOM: How can draining oxygen send people "flying out of sight"? CROW: And if all the oxygen's been drained, how is he still breathing? MIKE: Guys, what were you just telling me something earlier about thinking too much? BOTS: Er uh... yeah... > "That was most unnecessary young warrior." says Sinister, who > has just finished off his target. MIKE: Yeah, you should be nicer to people who are trying to kill you. > "Yeah, well they were beginning to annoy me." CROW: I could say the same thing about this st-- MIKE: Crow, please, that joke is getting old. CROW: Sorry. > "Is the device still operational?" > "Don't know. We'll find out eventually." > And with that, the two mutants headed to face the menace of > Hurricane... > Level 5... > Deathsparkle draws closer towards Jubilee. > What am I gonna do? She turns this corner, I'm toast! > Jubilee looks again. > Waitaminute! Jubilee, you are a genius! ALL (snicker loudly) > She fires right above Deathsparkle's head, causing part of the ceiling > to fall. MIKE: Yeah, that was MUCH easier than actually hitting Deathsparkle with the blast... > Jubilee walks out into the open to see that a very angry > Deathsparkle is pinned under some of the rubble. > "You little...! When I get my hands on you...!" TOM: Strong enough to pin her, but she's not hurt one bit? She must she be under a pile of pumice or something.... > "Yeah. Heard it all before. Scared. Later... loser!" > Jubilee sprints off in the direction she believes will let her escape. ALL (hum the theme to "Chariots of Fire") > Her path takes her deeper into the Citadel, where, in the distance... > "Don't tell me what to do Sinister! I'm as sick of you as you are of > me! I have a job. It's to protect my friends in Gen NeXt. And right now, > I can do that job best by stopping Hurricane!" CROW: Well, actually, since Hurricane's only mad at you personally, you probably could have done it best by not joing Gen Next at all.... MIKE: Geez, Crow... remind me to never go to your for sympathy. CROW: Just telling it like it is, Mike... > "That's Aaron's voice! But with Sinister? Could he have joined...?" > And with that horrifying thought, Jubilee runs toward her partner... > Control room... > "BLAST IT! Jubilee got the better of D!" TOM: Only when that guy from "Gen 13" draws her.. > Hurricane watches as Deathsparkle frees herself from the rubble and > start her journey back to the control room. MIKE: "Back To the Control Room", I think that was on their "Best of" album, right after "Open Arms".... > "And Tornado and Sinister flattened the Horsemen!" > He sees them still unconscious from Tornado's attack, all save > Image, who's powers blocked most of the impact, but not the gale force > winds that followed. CROW: Yeah, good thing no one lit a match during those "wind" attacks... > She heads back to the Control room. > "But Tornado would never suspect an old friend like you to betray > him." he says to a figure garbed in red and blue, with large, white eyes... TOM: Uncle Sam? > Level 5 > "We should head in this direction. It is the fastest way to reach our > quarry." > "Fine. But if this is a trap Sinister, so help me I'll-!" MIKE: Little late to start being suspicious of this guy's motives, don't you think? > "AARON!" > Tornado turns and sees Jubilee running up to them. > "JUBE! You're alive!" > "And ready to rock Hurricane's world! ALL: Whoa! > I took out Deathsparkle!" MIKE: You know, I could easily start to misinterpret this... > "Great! One less to deal with! But are you all right?" TOM: Most people are usually traumatized and suffer deep emotional and psychological problems when they're assaulted and kidnaped, but hey, stuff like this happens every week to these guys. > "Been better! You?" > "Can't you guess?" CROW (Jubilee): Uh, not really, I'm kinda dumb. > "From the giant grin on yer face, I'd say yes." MIKE: And what's with that stupid grin? CROW (Jack Nicholson): Life's been good to me! > "If we can continue?" > "Fine. Let's go!" > "Wait!" A familiar voice calls out to them. "You can't do it alone!" MIKE: Well, you can, but it's just better with two people... BOTS: MIKE?!? MIKE: What? I was referring to playing tennis... BOTS: Oh.... > "Spider-man? What are you doing here?" MIKE: I could ask the author the same question... TOM: You know, with all the differences between the X-Wars world and all the comic and TV worlds they "borrow" from, one wonders how the authors keep track of these stuff... CROW: Maybe there's a FAQ or something we didn't read... MIKE: That's probably what Pearl will send us for next week's experiment. ALL: D'OH! > As he draws closer, MIKE: Is he using pen, marker, or crayon for that? > Sinister shouts out a warning: "Beware! He > is one of my Chosen!" > "But if Hurricane's controlin' the Chosen, then... Aaron! Move!" > Spider-man webs Jubilee's arms. Image comes from out of nowhere > and encases Sinister and Tornado in adamantium boxes. TOM: And just in time for the holidays, nonetheless! > "You're ours!" > "Don't bet on it Spidey!" Tornado slams into the side of the box, only > to be thrown back. MIKE: Oh, it was be *rubber* adamantium. > "Why? Why have you betrayed your principles? And your friends?" > "It is Hurricane's will. I will take them to him." > As he turns, Tornado sees a small dot behind his ear. CROW: It's the nineties, Tornado, guys wear earrings too. > He picks up the boxes, MIKE: Of cereal? CROW: Yeah, something full of nuts and real hard to swallow... > while Image grabs Jubilee. > Control room... > Spider-man and Image enter with their prisoners. > "Good work, both of you." TOM: Thanks, Mister Unknown Speaker. > Hurricane and Deathsparkle can't help but smile. > "Image, give Sinister and Tornado a clear picture of what's going on, > won't you?" > The adamantium boxes become transparent. > "Excellent. Dear, dear Tornado. It seems that your little attack has > ended on a sour note. But I won't be a sore winner. I'll even let you watch > as Generation NeXt dies at the hands of the Chosen." CROW: Ugh... but I wanna watch Seinfield! > A giant viewer activates, allowing all in the room to see the mind > controlled members of the Chosen surrounding the Gen NeXt citadel. > Hurricane speaks into the intercom: "Chosen! ATTACK! Kill anything > that moves!!" CROW (Hurricane): Rape the horses! Ride off on the women! Uh... no wait, that's not right... TOM (Mexican accent): Would you say I have a *plethora* of mind-controlled Chosen members? MIKE (also with accent): Oh, si! > Chapter 11: Divine Intervention > As the Chosen begin their attack run, Sinister wonders where Kat is. TOM: Taking a break, probably... Get it? Kat? Kit Kat? AHAHA--oh forget it... MIKE: Hmm.. you don't think he's referring to that car from Knight Rider, do you? CROW: That was KITT, Mike. MIKE: Oh yeah.... TOM: Maybe he means that young girl in Casper. CROW: You mean the one played by Christina Ricci? (Sighs longingly) Christina Ricci.... MIKE: Crow, since when do you have a thing for Christina Ricci? CROW: Since Tom's Cult took over, Mike. MIKE: Ahhh.... > "Strange, Kat is never anywhere without Sam...perhaps I can > contact her." Sinister tells himself. MIKE (Hurricane): Uh, oh what was that, Sinister? I could have sworn I heard you saying something over there... CROW: Boy, ain't it great how bad guys can pursue and attempt to kill you till the end of time, and yet, when they got you dead to rights, they'll always *capture* you first instead of just killing you outright? Darn considerate of them, I think... > In a pocket of space that she was able to teleport to at the last > minute, TOM: Uh... when was this again? CROW: Boy, times like this I wish I could "scroll up" on the movie screen here and check if I missed something... (A beat) Almost. MIKE (sighs heavily): I'm past the point of caring.... > Kat waits until she can sense the right time to enter. She's about to > check outside MIKE: To see if it's raining... > the pocket dimension until she hears Sinister's warning. > ::KAT!! You are our last hope. CROW ("old & cranky" voice): Damn it all, we're down to you! MIKE (Obi Wan): Kat is our only hope. TOM (Yoda): No, there is another! > You must get to the Generation NeXt > citadel and help defeat the Chosen. They are being mind controlled by > devices on their ears, so you must be easy on them. TOM: Yeah, give 'em a break... MIKE (glances sharply at TOM) TOM (whispering): Sorry, sorry... > I believe my Horsemen > are about to join the battle. I am sure you will want to stop one of them > from leaving you...:: > "SAM!! CROW: Er, I mean, Max! > Okay, SinSin, I'm on it!" yells Kat as her > dimensional portal opens in the Citadel, where she is instantly > surrounded by members of Generation Next... TOM (Kat): Opps, sorry... uh... meant to teleport ot the Rotary Club meeting. I'll be going now... > Back at the Chosen's base... > "Wonderful picture we're getting, isn't it Sinny? Well, I think we > may need some more troops for this demolision project. Image, awake > the horsemen and get their butts over there. You too Spidey. Get > going." commands the traitorous Hurricane. TOM: Yeah, leave me almost completely alone with these "captured" prisoners here... > As Sinister lays TOM: An egg? > in the adamantium box, waiting, CROW: Could have sworn they were *standing* in those boxes... > he wonders if his > cry for help reached Kat, and if she will be successful. Then, he turns his > head back to the monitor, where he sees Psyfire burn out a hole in the > citadel's wall. She and Hellfire are then confronted by Pyros, TOM: How many "fire people" do we *have* in this story? CROW: You need a scorecard to keep track of all these guys.... > putting > them into a stalemate until Hydros MIKE: Hydros? Hmm... I wonder if he's a big hit with the dogs... > douses his fire, putting > the firey mutant out of the battle. TOM: WHICH "firey mutant"? And for that matter, who's on whose side? CROW: Geez, even when that sentence WASN'T broken up, I still couldn't figure it out.... > Just as Shockwave was going to put the final blow to Pyros, a > tornado blows through them, CROW (falsetto): I'll get you, my pretty! And your lousy fanfic, too! > scattering them like twigs in the wind. TOM (singing): We are but twigs in the wind.... > After the dust cleared, the mistress Storm stands over Pyros. MIKE: Let's not take the easy ones, guys.... > Picking up his near-lifeless body, she flies over to FX, who prepares > launch a force on the Chosen. MIKE: Not *The* Force, mind you, but a generic, off-brand that he got at K Mart. > "Cyclops sent me to assist. TOM (FX): Oh, that was nice of him, especially since I never told you guys we were being attacked and all.. > I must say it was excellent timing. > But, why would Sinister try an attack without actual being here to lead > it. I don't even see his horsemen, yet..." says Storm to the Generation > NeXt leader. > "I know. This is just not Sinister's way. He would have gone for > surprise, not let everyone know. MIKE: Wait, didn't Tornado *tell* him that Horsemen weren't being lead by Sinister? TOM: That part must have been written by the other guy... CROW: Yeah, and I'll bet you they'll both claim that checking continuity was the *other* guy's job... > Emplate, CROW: Oh wow, another character who happened to be standing around that the authors didn't tell us about until required by the plot. MIKE ("southern/motherly" tone): You won't get dessert till you clean off Emplate... > go check to see if anything > is...different about the Chosen. Inform me as soon as you find > something interesting. TOM: Inform us too, so we can read it instead of this... > Daredevil, MIKE (FX): Seen any good films lately? ALL: D'OH! > Hope, Luke, ALL: Luke?? MIKE: That better *not* be the who I think it is.... CROW: Five bucks he finds out that Sinister is his father... TOM: If that's the case, I'm leaving! > and Dazzler! Go after Psyfire, > she's our main target right now." yells FX over the sounds of the > battlefield. TOM (sings): The hills are alive with the sounds of... (normal) Oh, forget it.... > In the brig, Kat sits with power restraints pondering her next move. MIKE: Yeah, power restraints are real good with coming up with ideas... > "HEY!! Rookey! Lookey here. I am a good bad guy. CROW (Rookey): Yeah, and I'm an honest politician... > Those > members you're fighting-mind control. TOM: The person who's speaking-leaving out words. > Tell FX to look for a small dot on > the? back of their ears. Notice! Nothing on my ears. CROW: Nothing *between* them either... > Now, go talk > to your leader before I blow off these manicles and perform a "Bobbit" > on you..." > Scared out of his wits, Rookey runs to FX, and tells her about the > mind control devices. CROW: Yeah, FX knew how easily spooked Rookey is, but she put him on guard duty anyway... > "Emplate!! Get the device off Psyfire's ear!! We'll see who's side Kat > is on..." FX yells to her teammate. > Emplate enters our dimension from his own, MIKE: Emplate has his own dimension? CROW: Sure, Mike, all the rich mutants do, it's all the rage these days... > and rips the device > from Psyfire, who faints. TOM (Emplate): Opps... that was her pacemaker... ALL: D'OH! > She awakes moments later, with her own > will in control. Seeing how Psyfire was defeated, the rest of the Chosen > retreat to their own base, TOM: Boy, for people who are being *mind controlled* they sure did retreat pretty fast. CROW: And only *one* has been defeated! What a bunch of pansies! > but one mutant is left. That mutant > was Siryn, who was shot down by FX. CROW (Narrator): And we didn't bother to show you *that* either, so ha! MIKE: She *was* Siryn, after getting shot down though, she's now Swiss cheese. TOM: Oh come on, Mike, cast regulars never die... not unless it's a year end or quarterly issue... CROW: That or if sales going are going downhill... MIKE: I'll refrain from making a "Superman" joke here... TOM: Hey! They had a legitimate, story-based reason for doing that! MIKE AND CROW: Uh-huh. > "Take the device off her ear as well. Then, let Kat out. TOM: Of the bag. > Maybe > now, we can figure out this mystery." ALL (singing): Cause we're working at figuring out a mystery... MIKE: One mystery I'd like to figure out is how this got written.... > Back at the Chosen base... > "DAMN!!! D, how in the name of Apocalypse did they figure out?! MIKE: Well, the kid had a rather simple invention to start with, and clues were really broad, especially the one they gave out after that guy got slimed... > We had captured all the Chosen, and put them out of it. Even Sinister > here couldn't communicate to them!" screams Hurricane as he sees the > Chosen retreat. > "You are certainly a fool, Hurricane. You forgot one member...Kat. MIKE: Yeah, and the authors forgot her too until just a few pages ago... > She teleported to her pocket realm, and I contacted her. You see, I > have a mental rapport with all my members, CROW (Sinister): Yeah, we're called "SinSin and the Homeboys". > so that I my contact them > whenever I see fit. It seems that Generation NeXt is coming after you. > We'll see who is the fittest..." > laughs Sinister as Hurricane runs for the > lab. > "SHUT UP, Sinny!!! We are still going to control the Chosen, even > if they don't survive the experience..." MIKE: You know, this guy is really starting to alienate me. CROW: Oh, you said it, Mike. > Chapter 12: To All Things, An End ALL (began to clap, applaud, and shout "Hoorays!") > Tornado watches as the Chosen retreat. > I don't know how, but Sinister did it! I guess he has his moments > after all! ALL: NAH! > Now, let's see... I've tried the Battle Board, I've tried the gun, I > can't teleport, so what's left? TOM (Tornado): Hmm... I still got my wits and charm... CROW (Tornado): Ah damn, I'm screwed... > He looks at his belt. MIKE: Whoah, I'm wearing spandex! > The Neural Scrambler! TOM (Announcer): Perfect for all your egg cooking needs! > He pulls it from his belt. > Since sound can obviously get through these boxes, it should work! CROW (Tornado): Course, I never did bother to *test* it first after I dropped it on the floor... > He presses the trigger. Waves of mental force ripple through the air > and hit Image. She grabs her head in a vain attempt to escape the pain, TOM: She must have been trying to make sense of the story she's in.... > and, in the process, drops the boxes. MIKE (Image): Ah, my foot! > "FREE! YOU'RE FINISHED HURRICANE!" > "What?! No! It's impossible!" MIKE: Uh, I thought he'd left the room? TOM: Stay with us Mike, it's almost over. MIKE: Okay, okay.... > "No, the depths of your arrogance are impossible!" > Tornado fires his gun's laser at the webbing holding Jubilee. It > vaporizes. MIKE: The gun vaporizes? > "Back in the groove, and ready ta rock!" > "My sentiments exactly Jube!" > Sinister grabs the dots from Spider-man and Image. CROW: Who were just pleasantly standing around doing nothing this whole time. > "Their minds are their own again!" > "B-But how did you...? NO! YOU WON'T CHEAT US OF OUR > VENGEANCE!!" > Hurricane and Deathsparkle race forward. Hurricane fires > everything he can at Tornado, only to have it go right through him. TOM: Of course! After all, you can't hurt something that's only one dimensional... > Image appears as "Tornado" vanishes. > "Nobody messes with my head and gets away with it!" > Hurricane aims his gun at Image, who is distracted by Deathsparkle. > But out of nowhere... > THWIPP! > Hurricane's gun is webbed to the wall. > "That's no way to treat a lady, pal!" > "You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?" > "Don't have to." CROW: Don't have to say who's talking, either! So, ha! > Deathsparkle comes flying in, the victim of Jubilee's megapaf. She > lands at Hurricane's feet. MIKE (wavs his arms out horizontally): SAFE! > "D!" > "Sorry lover. Doesn't look like we're gonna win this one!" > Sinister fires plasma blasts at the two, but Hurricane blocks with his > board. > "Hurricane! This is a fight between you and me!" > "Agreed." > "Let's go punk!" CROW (Hurricane): Nah, I'd rather go grunge, it's much more in step with the times. > Both Tornado and Hurricane whip out their Battle Boards as the > razor edges pop out. MIKE: They then scream in pain as their hands are shredded. > An impromptu duel begins, with the outcome in doubt. Hurricane > slashes at Tornado like a madman. Once. Twice, five times, ALL (singing): A lady.... > more he swipes at nothing but empty space. TOM: Hurricane should have taken a good look at Tornado. MIKE and CROW: Why? TOM: Well, cause there was nothing there but an "...empty space." (MIKE and CROW groan) > Tornado quickly spins around > and dearms Hurricane. MIKE: You mean like that Mortal Kombat fatality? TOM: Probably not, but that would be cool though.... > "Game over Hurricane. You lose." > "It's never over!" CROW: Is the part where a monster bursts through the window behind them and grabs Jubilee and Tornado? TOM: You're thinking of something else, Crow. CROW: Oh yeah.... > "Ya wanna bet?" Jubilee runs over to Tornado. They interlock their > hands, allowing their mutant powers to intertwine and interact. MIKE: Their powers introduce each other, shake hands, and have long thoughtful conversations about life. > "Sparkler..." > "...Tornado!" CROW: Stupid... TOM: ...Name! > The weapon known as the Sparkler Tornado appears between them. > Image makes ten more, and Sinister adds to the already incredible > energies inside. > "Fire!" they cry in unison. MIKE: Chilly bo! Chilly bo! > They launch the main one, and the > copies follow, all exploding around the two AoA refugees. > "We'll be back! I promise you that Tornado! AND when we return, > you won't be so lucky!" MIKE: Oh gee, those "Sparkle Tornados" did a hell of a lot of good... > "Bodyslide time!" > The two mutants begin to fade out. > "Sinister! The dots! Hurry!" TOM: Give them chicken pox! > Sinister hands them to Tornado. MIKE: He hands Tornado a bunch of giant ants? > "Don't leave yet, not without a present from us to you!" He throws > the two mind control dots in to the bodyslide portal at the last second. > And then there is silence... > "Victory is ours!" MIKE: I might agree with ya, but I don't even know who's speaking... TOM: What is it with these guys and not revealing who's talking?!? > "'Bout time if ya ask me!" > Spider-man walks over to Tornado. > "So it's really over?" > "No. They'll be back. They're kind always are. But tell me: why are > you here?" TOM (Lorien): Do you have anything worth living for? MIKE: I'm beginning to doubt that i do... CROW: There, there, Mike, you've got us! MIKE (starts to cry) TOM: Crow! CROW: What? What'd I say?? > "I-I'd rather not talk about it." MIKE: I just... needed the acting gig real bad, okay? > "Well, remember this, no matter what made you this way, you > should never turn your back on the person you were, and the good > you've done. Remember what you told Jube? TOM (Spider-Man): "I'm not just a photographer, I'm a talent scout for a modeling agency"? MIKE (Tornado): No, the OTHER thing you told her.... > With Great power comes great > responsibility. I'll always remember that. Always." > "Maybe someday, we'll fight on the same side again." > "I look forward to that day." TOM: With dread and horror. > Sinister walks over to Tornado and Jubilee. > "Now, unless you intend to join my minions, I suggest you leave, > before I forget that we were on the same side only minutes ago." > "Fine with me. Oh, and by the way, thanks for saving Gen NeXt. I > really appreciate it!" MIKE (Sinister, mumbling): Snot-nosed little brat.... > Tornado and Jubilee teleport out. > "Should we go after them?" TOM (Sinister): Nah... the writers have already been pushed to their limits.... > "No, Image. Let them go. A grand victory was won this day. Let > this day end on that note." > And with that, Sinister walks away, with a newfound respect for the > heroes embodied in Tornado and Jubilee... CROW: The heroes who will eventually burst out of their stomachs, free to finally live their own lives... > Gen NeXt citadel... > "What a mess!" > FX approaches them. > "Tornado! You're back! Does this mean that...?" TOM: There be a sequel? MIKE and TOM (long sigh): Yes..... > "Yes. For now, the danger has past. But we will have to be on our > guard in the event that Hurricane and Deathsparkle return." > "Not a problem. Do you mind telling me what happened?" > "Let's just say that I found that when you least expect it, even the > blackest of hearts can show a spark of decency." CROW: Isn't that item number seven on the Wheel of Morality? > FX just gives him a quizzical look. TOM: Which Tornado happily takes. > "Now Jube, we have to talk about whether or not you're going to > join the team..." > And with that, Tornado and Jubilee head towards the Citadel, > knowing that they ironically owe their reunion to one of their worst > enemies... > Somewhere in the Rocky Mountains... > The mutants called Hurricane and Deathsparkle stand perfectly still, > a metallic dot on each of them. But inside their minds, it is definitely not > as silent. MIKE: But not by much. > Beware Tornado. We will find a way to free ourselves, and then, > then you will face our wrath! We will rise again! TOM (Southern accent): Gal darn Yankees! > And on that rather chilling note, this particular tale reaches... > THE END... ALL: YAAYYY! > or does it...? ALL: Damn. > Epilogue > Back at the Chosen Base, Sinister and the Chosen repair the damage > done to their citadel during the battle. > "My Chosen, you must not blame yourselves for what has occurred. MIKE: Yeah, after all, *you're* the dummy that recruited those two guys to begin with! > I am sorry for letting this happen to you. I have set the computer to > alert us if those two come back, yet you must be our guard. > Also, I would be wary of Tornado. While he did help us this day, > he is still an enemy. If it had not been for a favor to FX, TOM (Sinister): A favor which I'm not going to bother explaining to the reader... > I would > have loved to see Generation NeXt dead. We will again prepare, for > next time, Tornado will not survive the Onslaught..." MIKE: That's like, the best news I've heard so far. TOM: Uh, Mike, that's foreshadowing of a SEQUEL. MIKE: Oh yeah.... Darn. (They exit the theater.) (SOL MIKE is standing in the center with a strange device in his hand. It's small, rectangular, and has several dials and switches on it. TOM and CROW enter from the right.) TOM: Hey, Mike, whatcha got there? CROW: Yeah, what is that thing? MIKE: Oh, hi guys. This is something that Gypsy brought in from the wreckage of the SOH. I'm not sure, but I think it's the dimensional portal opener, probably what they used to travel from their reality to ours. TOM: Uh.. Mike.. what are you doing with it? MIKE (shrugs): Just fiddling, seeing if I can get it to work. CROW: Mike, are you crazy?!? TOM: You don't want to call those evil "us"es back here again, do you? CROW: Yeah, haven't you learned anything from all this? (MIKE looks up.) MIKE: Relax, guys. You know, I've learned a lot about alternate realities in the past few hours. Here, let me show you something... (Holds the device up to TOM and CROW's faces, so they can see what he's referring to.) MIKE (pointing to one of the dials): Now, as you can see, I've changed the dial on the color indicator from dark grey, which is obviously a location for an evil dimension, and to white. BOTS: Ahhh.... MIKE (continuing): And I've also rotated this pointing thing here from red, which, in most cases is usually bad, to green. BOT: Ah, okay. MIKE: I've also adjusted several other dials, and flipped a couple of the switches, guaranteeing that we won't re-open a portal to where those evil "us"es came from. TOM: Hmm... well that sounds good to me. CROW: Yeah, me too. Let's fire it up and see what happens. MIKE (smiling): Okay! (Points the device towards Cambot and presses one of its buttons. A high pitched whine is heard and then a loud "POP!" MIKE and the BOTS pause, and then look around...) CROW: Hmm... MIKE (staring at the dimensional opener): That's odd... nothing happened. TOM: Maybe it broke when the ship blew up. MIKE (shrugs): Maybe. (They pause for a minute, when suddenly the red light flashes.) MIKE: Oh, Pearl's calling. (MIKE hits the button.) (Castle Forrester) (OBSERVER is seen not too far from the camera, he looks very confused and concerned. Pearl and Bobo are no where in sight.) OBSERVER (turning from looking at something off camera): Oh, uh... hello, Mike. We have a rather... odd situation down here at the castle that I thought you might know something about, and I wanted to ask you before... PEARL (OS): NEEEELLLLLSOONN!! OBSERVER: Uh, oh, too late. (PEARLS comes storming in from the right. She stand next to Observer. Her face is red with anger and she is breathing heavily.) PEARL (slow and dangerous-sounding): Nelson... you and your little droid friends have been playing with some sort of "alternate reality" opener, haven't you? (SOL) (MIKE, shocked, glances quickly down at the device he's still holding.) MIKE and BOTS: Oh, uh... well, uh... (MIKE quickly tosses the device over his shoulder. We hear it smash into the floor behind him with a loud "crunch".) MIKE (clearing throat nervously): Uh... why, no! Why uh... why do you ask? (Castle Forrester) PEARL: Well, we just got ourselves a little visitor down here, and I think you numbnuts have something to do with-- (Female laughter is heard OS.) PEARL: Oh, great, here she comes now... (From the right we see another PEARL enter the scene. She is dressed in white, with her hair down instead of in a bun. She has only the faintest hints of make up and she looks happy and serene.) GOOD PEARL (loud and happy): Oh, yes, here you are! Why did you leave? I was just getting to all the benefits of being GOOD and NICE to the world. (PEARL screams in frustration and covers her ears.) PEARL: I can't take this much longer!! GOOD PEARL: Now, you see there? Look how unhappy you are? Being evil is sooo draining on oneself, you should learn to nice to those around you. (GOOD PEARL, turns, noticing the camera for the first time.) GOOD PEARL: Oh, and you must be Mike Nelson! I have a Mike Nelson in my world too! He's like a son to me! And I love him very, very much! PEARL: Oh, puh-leez! (GOOD PEARL steps forward, and begins speaking to the camera.) GOOD PEARL: You seem like such a nice young man. Do you know about how wonderful it is to be nice and good to everyone? I'll bet *your* Pearl hasn't told you that.... (PEARL angrily screams a sceond time.) PEARL: I can't take any more of this! PEARL (holds hand, palm up, to Observer): Brain Guy, gun. Now. (OBSERVER nods. He closes his eye briefly and, with a popping sound, a gun appears in Pearl's hand.) (PEARL grips the gun with both hands. Slowly, she stretches her arms out, taking aim at her counterpart.) GOOD PEARL (Still speaking to the camera): And if we all just hold each other close and love one another, think how much better the world would be.... (Quick fade to black. We hear six shots in rapid succession, and a voice, MALE, screams.) PEARL: Opps! Sorry about that, Bobo, didn't think I'd miss her at *this* range. BOBO (groaning in pain): Oh... that's okay, Lawgiver.... oohhh.... GOOD PEARL (slow, saccharine, and not the least bit angry): You tried to kill me. That wasn't very nice of you. PEARL: Oh, shut up. (Roll credits) Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters are the property of Best Brains incorporated and used without permission. Raven, Mark Nelson, and all the rest of the SOH gang, are, to my knowledge, my own personal creations and are not in any way associated with the *real* world of MST3K. This story may be distributed freely, so long as this disclaimer is intact. Special thanks to Aaron Thall for letting me MiSTie his story. With apologizes to all those on the X-Wars list. None of this is to be taken personally. I myself was also on the list once, so I hope you all laugh it up with me. :-) And a special note of thanks to all of those on the Dibs list and in the RATMM chat room who encouraged and supported me. (End credits) *> Deathsparkle: After Christmas sales are in a couple of minutes. Can't > miss the deals! *