Hi there, I think that We've finally got this thing down! It took long enough....Well, just drop me a line when you put this up. Thanks alot man. On behalf of Novowels and myself, Later. Ally-Chan, who is also the author of such classics, like Spawn vs Oscar parts 1,2,3,4,5,6 and the soon to be written, 7! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ RED DWARF THEATER 3000 Episode 1: "Jubilee's Initiation" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ RDT3K was concieved and written by Novowels and Ally-Chan ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Red Dwarf created by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor MST3K created by Joel Hodgson and owned by Best Brains Inc. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The X-Men are TM and (C) to Marvel Comics ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Jubilee's Initiation" is authored and owned by LETO. I'm only borrowing it for a while, I REALLY don't want to keep it... I'm not making fun of the author, just his story. Think of it as a type of C&C. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Note: This series is based off the BBC comedy series 'RED DWARF,' especially the episodes where ACE RIMMER appears, and the holo-virus episode, so there are a LOT of 'in-jokes' that appear in here from the series. If you haven't seen 'Red Dwarf,' I really recommend it, as it's a great sci-fi comedy. You don't need to have seen it to understand the riffs, but it helps. Then again, if you can't appreciate a group of people and robots that are stuck up in space riffing bad stories, I have no idea why you're here. Just stick around for the ride, it gets better, I promise! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ Scene: Deep Space. A great expanse of blackness dotted by the diamond twinkling stars. And a disembodied black and white head. ] DISEMBODIED HEAD: Emergency. There's an emergency going on. [long pause] DISEMBODIED HEAD: It's still going on. [another long pause] DISEMBODIED HEAD: This is an SOS Distress call from the mining ship 'Red Dwarf.' The crew are dead. The only survivors are: DAVE LISTER. Probably the last human being alive. ARNOLD RIMMER. A hologram simulation of his dead bunk mate. THE CAT. A humanoid that evolved from the ships cat. and KRYTEN. A service mechanoid designed to clean toilets. DISEMBODIED HEAD: And I am HOLLY, the ship's computer with an IQ of 6000. I know 3 million different forms of communication, but I still don't know what Dr. Thinker is saying. During a recent mission, we found a mad scientist that had contracted a powerful holo-plague. During the mission, Rimmer decided to head back early, and contracted--via radio-- a mutated form of the virus. He now has gone completely insane and has developed many psionic powers, most of which are concentrated through a puppet he has named Mr. Flibbles. Upon returning to the ship, he locked me out of the main computer and tricked the others into quarantine. The only thing that can save us now is a miracle... Or maybe the intervention of the Potato King. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ MEANWHILE.... IN AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Nonsense," the man in a silver jumpsuit smiled, pushing a stray lock of hair from his face. "It was absolutely no problem-o!" The four 19 year old beauties swooned over him, begging him not to leave them, asking him to marry him, asking him to meet them in their bedroom with a tub of whipped cream and an inflatable dolphin. "Afraid not young ladies, I've gotta jet on up to the great yonder and save more planets from even more such hideous beings as the ones here." Ace mentally cursed his wording, but the girls didn't seem to notice the awkwardness. At least, Ace assumed they didn't notice over their begging for just one of his locks of hair as a momento. The begging intensified, and a pieces of clothing began to shower upon the man as he made his way up the ramp to his ship. The man stopped and shot the group his award-winning smile. "Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!" As the hatch closed on Ace's ship, he barely caught the girls sigh in unison... "What a guy!" "Whipped cream and an inflatable dolphin?" Ace chuckled to himself as his voice went up a couple of octaves. He peeled his perfect hair off to reveal an unruly crop of curly darker brown hair. His nostrils flaring out alarmingly, Arnold Judas Rimmer collapsed into the pilots seat and told the computer to prepare for the next dimension jump. The jumpship blasted off into space amidst a shower of panties. Reaching safe distance, Rimmer reached out and smacked the big red 'Next Dimension' button. With nothing more than a loud POP, the ship dissapeared. And Arnold Judas Rimmer, the latest 'Ace' looked at the computer readout with a start. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ RECIEVING SOS FROM THE JUPITER MINING CORPORATION MINING VESSEL 'RED DWARF' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Computer?" Ace said, dumbfounded. "Yes Ace?" The computer returned. "Am I back in my dimension?" "Remember Ace, for every decision you ever made, the alternative is played out in another dimension. This could well be the dimension where you decided not to become Ace Rimmer. Arnold's voice turned even more whiny than usual. "Don't give me this Star Trek paradox smeg, it's more confusing than a dark Sonic the Hedgehog lemon." The computer ignored the barb. "We're getting an SOS call from the ship." It pointed out calmly. "Put it on the monitor." Arnold muttered. Holly's face blipped onscreen. "Gordon Bennit, I'm glad to see someone... ARNOLD?!?" "Holly." Arn said in his best 'Ace' voice. "Oh you're not Arnold. Thank god for that." Holly said, relieved. Ace bit back his retort and just nodded, indicating for the floating head to continue the story. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ABOARD THE RED DWARF.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "What's goin' on Rimmer?" Lister yelled out the window of the quarantine room. Rimmer and Mr. Flibbles glared back at the group and didn't deign to answer. "Look pal," The Cat pleaded, "We're not starting any trouble." "They've been naughty, haven't they Mr. Flibbles?" Rimmer grunted, still typing away with his mind. "They tried to use that stuff to stop me!" Kryten glanced over at the smashed remains of the vial of the Luck virus. "Sir, we were just trying to help you!" He pleaded. The Cat just shook his head. "He's flipped guys." He said in an undertone to the other two. "This goes beyond WOO, Mr. Fibbles." Rimmer hissed. Mr. Flibbles apparently agreed. Lister, the Cat, and Kryten stared at each other in misery. What could be worse than 2 days 'With Out Oxygen?' As if in answer, the back wall collapsed, throwing up dust and knocking debris around the room. The Cat and Lister coughed and waved their hands in the air to clear it, revealing a new doorway. A dark one. "I have a strong sense of foreboding." Kryten said gloomily. "Get in there!" Rimmer commanded imperiously, waving Mr. Flibbles towards the door. The three dwarfers dutifully advanced towards the opening under Rimmers' insane gaze. Without warning, the door behind him blasted open. Everyone stopped short at the outline in the doorway. "Hello there old friends!" A stronger version of Rimmer's voice echoed out into the ship. "Bought yourself a little bit of trouble with that deranged version of yours truly, eh?" "NOOOOOOO!! Not YOOOOOOOUUUU!!" Howled Rimmer, blasting out with his Hex Vision. "DIE!!" Ace leapt forward and rolled along the ground, bringing his gun to bear. "Mr. Flibbles!" Rimmer yelled, "stop him!" And with that, he threw the puppet at Ace. Ace grinned and reached out to catch the smallish puppet and was surprised when it barreled into him with the force of a freight train! "What the hell is in this thing?" Ace grunted as he was thrown against the wall by the puppet. "Marissa Picard's ego?" "Mr. Flibbles is not a force with which to be trifled." Rimmer said smugly. Ace hit the back of the bulkhead hard and dropped to the ground, while Mr. Flibbles floated calmly in front of him. "I can't believe I'm in a fight to the death with a piece of felt." Ace commented wryly as he checked the chamber on his pistol. That selfsame piece of felt blasted Ace full force with it's Hex Vision. Ace grunted as the beam shattered part of his hard light form. Rimmer's eyes widened as he looked at the hole in his body. "That's a new one." He managed to gasp. Green light poured out and he tried desperately to hold it back in. "Noooo." He gasped again, falling to the floor. "Ace is a hologram!" Lister gasped. "Interesting." Rimmer muttered, watching as Mr. Flibbles flew around the injured Ace. "Mr. Flibbles! Bring him to me now!" He commanded. Mr. Flibbles complied, dragging Ace, who had since curled into a fetal position, towards his master. "A hard light body!" The evil Rimmer crowed, recognizing what it could do through a telepathic sweep of Ace's mind. "And I see a way to extend my life-span!" He cackled, touching the green light pouring from Ace's wound. Then, all Ace Rimmer saw was darkness. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ace opened his eyes. It was still dark. "What the smeg?" He started to say as he sat up. "You okay matey?" Lister asked from the darkness. "Listy!" Ace crowed happily, at least he wasn't dead. Again. "Yeah, hey there Ace." Ace could hear the perpetual cheerful grin on Lister's face. "Just another little scrape for you to get out of, eh?" "Uh, yeah. What happened?" Ace asked, getting to his feet slowly. "Apparently, sir," Kryten said from in front of him, "The ships theater is directly behind the quarantine room. So Mr. Rimmer has knocked down the wall and is going to make us watch something." "And," the Cat added unhappily, "Judging by both Goal-Post Head's regular movie favorites, and the fact that he's crazier than a person that would sit through 'Titanic,' I doubt we're gonna get to watch anything good." "Please," Ace grumbled, "After dimension 239494, I don't want to see or hear of Leonardo DiCaprio again..." The rest of the group decided not to ask, just as Holly blipped onto the main theater screen. "Oi." Holly grunted in greeting. "So Hol, what's goin' on?" Lister asked the computer. "Uhm..." Holly said, looking quite embarassed. "I'm afraid that Rimsy has gotten ahold of one of my old inventions." "What, one that worked?" Kryten asked increduously. "Well, no, actually." Holly looked down at the ground and whispered in an embarrased tone: "Mr. Flibbles fixed it..." There was a stunned silence. Finally, the Cat broke it. "Well what's this thing do exactly?" "Uhm, to put it simply, it uses an extensive lexicon to create CG movies out of any text and project it onto the theater screen." The Cat scratched his head. "I was with you all the way up to 'simply.'" "So it makes movies out of anything?" Lister asked, ignoring the Cat. "How bad can that be?" "Oh smeg." Ace said, his face draining of color. "What is it sir?" Kryten asked curiously. "Well... It's just that... I... I used to collect fanfiction from the old Internet." Ace said softly. He waited for that to sink in. "So that means *he* has a computer somewhere that has that collection on it." Lister finally concluded. "Internet... Fanfiction..." Kryten echoed, choking on the word 'fanfiction.' "What's internet fanfiction?" The Cat asked, confused. "And how in the hell can it be worse than 'Titanic?' "Cat, what was so bad about Titanic??" Kryten asked tiredly. "You've been complaining about it nonstop ever since you saw it." "Are you kidding? Did you SEE what DiCaprio was wearing?" The Cat said incredulously. "I'd rather be tortured than see that fashion mess again!" The others decided to ignore the Cat. "I tried to help." Hol spoke up from the screen. "I managed to delete the entire works of Oscar, Dr. Thinker, and the Stephen Ratliff stories. I tried to get all the lemons, but he caught me just then." Holly sighed. "I managed to randomize the filing, so he can't find the worst of the bunch and make us watch it over and over. He's going to fire it up and make us watch one of them pretty soon." "Smeg." Ace said as Holly's face disappeared from the monitor, to reveal their captor. Arnold Rimmer. In a checked dress. He was smiling. "You have been truly naughty, and now you will pay the price. Not even the Potato King can save you from this, an X-MEN Lemon!" Rimmer cackled, pushing the button. Dazzling pyrotechnic lights blasted into the theater, startling everyone, before a bright light beamed into the room. Slowly, computer generated blobs danced across the scene. As pictures began to legibly form onto the screen, Kryten looked around at the group. They were all sitting in the front row, from left to right: Ace, Lister, Kryten, Cat. "Sirs..." Kryten said as the loading finished and the story prepared to start. "I just think I have to say this.... ....WE GOT MOVIE SIIIIIIGN!!!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ THE MOVIE STARTS ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ LISTER: Krytie, what the smeg was that? KRYTEN: Uh, I'm not sure, sir. I think it was something embedded in my programming. I'll look into it later. > From: Leto CAT: So this is the guy that wrote it? Let's find him and kill him! KRYTEN: Sir, I imagine he's been dead for millions of years. CAT: [smugly] Damn I'm good. LISTER: [shakes his head] Cat, you really don't have a clue, do you? > Date: 1996/08/26 ACE: 2 weeks before the apocalypse. LISTER: Well, this IS one of the signs, isn't it? > WARNING -- KRYTEN: DO NOT READ WHILE OPERATING HEAVY MACHINERY. LISTER: How about just 'Do not read'? > The following story contains graphic sexual descriptions. > Those under 18 or offended by such material should not read it! CAT: What if I'm under 18 but not offended? I can read this! LISTER: Aren't loopholes wonderful? > An explanation as to where this would fit in X-Men continuity KRYTEN: [incredulously] This is supposed to fit into continuity? LISTER: Hey Kryten, stay frosty. We don't want your head exploding yet. > (for those who have READ X-Men recently) CAT: This won't make much sense, because the X-Men comics stay within good taste. Aside from the occasional full panel butt-shot of Psylocke. Heh heh. Yow!! Yeah! > I never read the issues where Jubilee was introduced, so this story > takes place not then, but all the way back between X-Men #9 and #10. KRYTEN: That wording makes it sound like this is a story about Jubilee and the X-Men before Jubilee was introduced into the X-Men... How is that possible? LISTER: Just smile and nod Kryten. KRYTEN: [starts nodding] LISTER: I didn't mean literally! KRYTEN: [stops nodding] Oh. Sorry sir. > (for those who have WATCHED X-Men recently ON TV) LISTER: Uhm... I pity you, because it doesn't compare with the real thing. ACE: Oh come on Listy, how can you not like a Gambit that always talks from a third person point of view? > This story has mutants which are not currently on the team, like > Colossus, Archangel, Bishop, and Iceman, and a mutant that hasn't > been on the show yet, Psylocke, CAT: Who's in almost all H-rated 'fics simply because she wears a costume that you could fit in a pop can. Damn that woman has style! LISTER: Would you shut up about Psylocke? > but the familiar lineup of the > Professor, Cyclops, Wolverine, Storm, Rogue, Gambit, Jean Grey, > Beast, and Jubilee are also included. LISTER: What about Maggott and Cecilia Reyes, and Nightcrawler, and Shadowcat, and... Well, the list goes on and on, actually. > This is the first story I've ever written. I hope you like it. ACE: Well, I haven't read it yet, give me a chance to hate it. > And finally an apology.. KRYTEN: Shouldn't that happen after the story? CAT: Hey, at least he apologizes. > Some of the measurements in the story > are exaggerated, both because of Jubilee's state of mind and because LISTER: Wait a minute, 'Jubilee's state of mind'? You think this really happened? Help me. Help me help me help me. > these characters exist in the most fantastic and unusual world there > is: ACE: Hollywood? KRYTEN: The Internet? LISTER: Pro Wrestling? CAT: The Jerry Springer Show? > comic books. ALL: Oh. > So if you can believe even for a second that there > could be X-Men, then believe that they could have body parts those > sizes and still battle evil. KRYTEN: Ok, so you think that just because we can believe that people can shoot optic blasts means we have to believe they have sexual organs the size of my arm? [pauses] Sir, my sarcasm circuit has burnt out. Do we have a replacement in here? LISTER: Hang in there Kryten. > JUBILEE'S INITIATION > INTO THE > > xxxx xxx mmm mm eeeeeee nn nn > xxxx xxx mmmm mmm eeeeeeee nnn nn > xxxx xxx mmmmm mmmm eee nn n nn > xxxxxxx mmm mmm mm eeeeeee nn nnn > xxxxxx [[[[[[[[ mmm m mm eee nn nn > xxxxxx mmm mm eeeeeeee nn > xxx xxxx mmm mm eeeee > xxx xxxx mmm mm > xxx xxxx mmm > xxx xxxx KRYTEN: [falls out of his chair laughing] LISTER: What's so funny Kryt's? KRYTEN: The X-Y%*=-!! [giggles like a schoolgirl] LISTER: What's so funny about that? KRYTEN: Sirs, if you could read machine language you'd be rolling in the aisles right now! [continues tittering until the glares of his shipmates force him to stop] > by Leto CAT: The master of disaster, the king of... CRAP! LISTER: Behave, Cat. > > Part 1 ACE: [ominously] The beginning of the end. > Jubilation Lee was trying to study the geometry book the Professor had > told her to read when a thunderous boom that echoed throughout the X-Mansi > on erupted from next door. She groaned. Being the most junior member of th > e team really sucked, LISTER: [Jubilee] Being young sucks ass, I want responsibilities! > she thought, because they stuck you in the room next > to the Danger Room, where the other X-Men would practice not getting killed. ACE: And failing miserably. CAT: Huh. We wish. > That meant Jubilee's room was ten feet away from plasma explosions and > twenty-ton weights getting tossed around like baseballs. CAT: That would explain the large holes in the walls, but what about the bad taste in furnishings? > "God, shut up over there, you turbo muscle freak! Get a nice quiet power > like mine!" she screamed at the steel wall. No answer. CAT: What loud power does the wall have exactly? ACE and LISTER: Shut up, Cat. > The computerized alarm > clock holographically showed her it was 10:45 pm. Another boom made the room > shake. ACE: BOOMSHACKALAKA!! LISTER: Stupid A-Bombs make it so hard to read in bed! > Jubilee threw the book in the corner and got off her bed. She caught > a whiff of foul air as she stood, ACE: (as Jubilee) Whoops, shouldn't have had any of Gambit's 'Cajun Burritos!' KRYTEN: Sir! That is sick! > then realized it was the sweat still on her > body from the evening workout she'd had. She opened the thick sliding door and > headed for the girls' shower. CAT: All right, the girls shower room! KRYTEN: Sir, calm your hormones. Remember, this is the X-Men. LISTER: Kryten... This is considered foreshadowing in lemons. KRYTEN: Oh dear. I don't know if my good-taste chip will be able to handle this. > In the lightly painted but cold metal hallway, she saw clumps of blue fur > strewn about on the floor on the way. > "Geezuz H. Tapdancing Christmas, Beast, can't you clean up for yourself?" > she asked to someone in particular, but someone who was probably fast asleep. LISTER: Ah, someone that already tried to read this. > Farther down the hallway, she stepped over a large chunk of ice and then > in a huge puddle of freezing cold water. Iceman must have just been in the > hallway. CAT: Either that or someone dropped their slushie. > "Bobby Drake, you lame-o popsicle, get down here and clean this up!", > Jubilee screamed again to no avail. KRYTEN: Alas, her screaming went unheard... LISTER: Scream 17: "This one isn't that bad!" ACE: Wasn't that the one that made sure you couldn't figure out who the bad guy was? LISTER: Oh yeah, he wasn't in the story until the final scene. ACE: ..... Boy, I'm glad I didn't go to see that. > Finally she made it to the showers. Steam filled the room, and Jubilee > heard the water running. As she got to a set of clothes hooks, Jubilee heard > a moan erupt from the showers. It sounded like someone was having fun in > there, Jubilee thought. CAT: [singing] Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun! LISTER: Where'd you hear that song, Cat? It sounds pretty familiar... CAT: I dunno, it just gets stuck in my head every week or so... > She was pulling off the pink shirt which made up > the top half of her uniform when she saw a leg part through the wall of steam > that was separating the showers from the changing room. Jubilee watched as > Jean Grey's body followed the leg out of the shower. KRYTEN: I'm not familiar with the X-Men myself, but do legs generally float around the mansion? CAT: If they do, I'm there! > "Oh, hi, Jubilee, I didn't know anyone else was down here," Jean said, > blushing but making no effort to conceal herself. LISTER: (as Jubilee) Hi Jean, nice leg you got there, can I use it after you? > "Hi, Jean. Is the shower, like, open now? I gotta clean up from my Danger > Room session." ACE: Beast had one of those 'accidents' on the gym bars again... KRYTEN: Sir! That is *SICK*! > "Go ahead, Jubilation," Jean replied, turning to where she had her > clothes hung. Jubilee stripped off her blue cutoff shorts and panties and > walked into the shower room. As she soaped up her young body, she studied > Jean's body with jealous envy. LISTER: Since when can Jubes see through a shower stall? ACE: Well, I don't mind. CAT: Me either. LISTER: You two.... > Jean was about six inches taller, but in > no way was that a flaw. CAT: Well, unless Jubilee is 7'4" > Jean had very long legs and a tight ass like > Jubilee, but Jubilee knew she was outclassed by Jean in every other area. KRYTEN: For example: Powers. LISTER: I don't think that's the 'area' he's talking about... > Jubilee had distinctly Asian features that were vaguely attractive > and always kept her straight black hair cut short. Jean, however, was > strikingly beautiful ACE: [punches screen] POW! KRYTEN: Sir! You might break the screen! [pause] Uh... LISTER: Actually, we can't break the screen. ACE: Damn. > with big green eyes and long red hair. Jean also > possessed more magnificent breasts than any woman outside of the > X-Mansion. ACE: When did Jean turn into Lady Death? CAT: I'm not complaining, why are you? > Jubilee had seen one of Jean's bras while being stuck with > laundry duty and knew she wore a 42DD. LISTER: (Jubilee) I can fit my head in this thing! > Feeling her own chest with a soapy > hand, Jubilee felt downright pathetic. She couldn't even fill an A cup with > her tiny breasts. CAT: But then she felt better knowing that Jean's breasts will be down by her ankles by the time she's 60! LISTER: Cat.... CAT: What? LISTER: Never mind. Just... Never mind. > "Girl, remember," Jubilee whispered to herself,"you're only, like, > thirteen. By the time you become, like, old, you'll have tits like those. > All mutant women do." CAT: They do? ACE: I assume she's going by the examples around her, Psylock, Rouge, Polaris, Mystic, Blob. All of them have some pretty large casaba melons there. LISTER: Wait a minute! Blob?!? Bleeechh! > Jubilee heard the shower room door close and saw Jean had left. > Jubilee finished her shower and turned off the water. ACE: For lack of anything better to do. LISTER: [sarcastically] Whoa, the story's reachin' a big climax! CAT: No, I think that happens when Jubilee does. LISTER: CAT! CAT: Heh heh. > She stepped out into > the changing room and reached for her panties. Her hand did not reach > them, though. An invisible barrier stopped her. KRYTEN: [Professor X] This class is called 'Fun with forcefields.' CAT: I like this class! > "Hey, what the..??" she said, trying and failing again," OK, that's it > , I'm getting more than a little peeved here." KRYTEN: (as Jubilee) I'm almost down right annoyed here! > Jubilee pointed her hands at > her clothes and released a blast of pyrokinetic fireworks from her fingers. > They just exploded quietly against the barrier. LISTER: (as Jubilee) Damn stupid useless quiet powers! ACE: I've used a lot of words to describe an explosion... 'Quiet' ain't one of 'em. > Jubilee turned her hands > up to full blast, and as her hands were starting to feel hot from the > energy, the fireworks broke the barrier. Unfortunately, they continued > to fly toward her clothes and incinerated the fragile garments. ACE: [Homer Simpson] D'OH! LISTER: When fun with fireworks go horribly wrong... KRYTEN: Now I know why fireworks are illegal in some states. > "Dammit!!! Now what am I gonna do???" Jubilee cried, stranded naked > in a room five hundred feet from her own. LISTER: This 'fic is bringing back college memories... ACE: I thought you were only in college for one day? LISTER: No no, I was in the CLASSES for one day. Heh heh. > Her perky upturned breasts > caught a chill from the recirculated air and her nipples grew hard. > She began to tiptoe down the hallway, one hand over her meager breasts > and the other shading her bald pussy. CAT: Why didn't she use a shower curtain or a towel? LISTER: Because it would ruin the plot contrivance. CAT: Oh. > She had made it about fifty feet > when the invisible force grabbed her ankle.Jubilee struggled, but the force > worked its way up her body, completely immobilizing her. Jubilee could > feel herself being lifted six inches off the floor, KRYTEN: So precise! What'd she do, measure it with a ruler? CAT: Nitpick nitpick. > then floating down the > hallway past her room and through the open door of the Danger Room. KRYTEN: [Robot from Lost in Space] Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Terrible writing ahead! Danger! > Inside, there was a huge round bed big enough for twenty people, > with a huge mirror hanging over it. Circling the bed were the members of > the X-Men, all in their form-fitting costumes. > "Hello, Jubilee," said Professor Xavier. ACE: You're our new mascot: Naked Schoolgirl. We'll be a surefire hit in Japan! LISTER: You've been watching too much anime. > "Don't be afraid. It's only Jean holding you up with her telekinesis. > Jean, please set her down." Jubilee was lowered to the ground, and her > arms were released. Jean still had a firm hold around her ankles, though. LISTER: [Jean] Hee hee! This is fun! > "Oh geez, Jean, let me go!! I'm naked here, and there are all these > guys around and I think I'm gonna die I'm so embarrassed!!!!!!!!" Jubilee > blurted, shielding herself as best shecould from the glaring eyes of the > X-Men. CAT: Why are they glaring? Does he mean staring? LISTER: Typo, he's thinking of the reaction that people he knows would give him if they read this. > "Are you embarrassed about that?" Professor X asked from his > wheelchair, almost chuckling, "Well, we can remedy that! X-Men.....disrobe! LISTER: ....... Well, it's an *interesting* battle cry... CAT: I like it! LISTER: You would! > " Five seconds later, a pile of brightly colored uniforms lay in a pile on > the floor. > Jubilee gawked at the rippling muscles and lengthening cocks of the CAT: Isn't cock fighting illegal? KRYTEN: Sir.... > X-Men, and looked sheepishly at the four gargantuan pairs of breasts that > jutted from the X-Women's chests. ACE: [Beavis] Boi-oi-oi-oi-ng! LISTER: [Does a passable imitation of Nahga the Serpents laugh] [ Ace grabs Lister and starts beating his head on a nearby theater seat. ] LISTER: Ack! [bonk] I've [bonk] STOPPED! [bonk bonk bonk] ACE: Never, EVER, do that again! > Professor X continued. "For a while, Jubilee, you have known the > X-Men as a team. Now, it is time for you to become a part of the X-Men's > LOVING CAT: I take it the capitalization is meant to be seen as sarcasm? LISTER: God, I hope not. Rape fics is where I draw the line. KRYTEN: Your line is that long sir? For shame! > family. Every one of my X-men has participated in a similar > initiation, and now it is your turn. In order to truly become as close a > group as possible, you will have to submit to the desires of the X-Men > until they are satisfied." LISTER: Give them a Snickers! ACE: Snickers satisfies! > "Submit to the desires...you mean have sex with them?" KRYTEN: [Prof X] No you little perverted freak, we have the Comics Code to think about it! Sheesh! > "Probably." KRYTEN: [softly] Sirs, I think I'm just going to disconnect my head now. > Jubilee liked the idea of getting a little closer to some of the > X-Men, but.. LISTER: Think about the children.... ACE: Jubilee and Beasts' kid. [shudders] That's NOT natural... > "What about the other girls?" she asked. > "You'll have to please them as well. Now we know you are still a > virgin, so we will try to break you into this as easily as possible. > Cyclops will go first." ACE: I'll bet *that's* good for Scotty's self-esteem. LISTER: I'd just like to point out that perhaps having the other GIRLS go first would be a little easier on her... ACE: Like you'd know much about that... LISTER: [smiles] ACE: No smegging way I'm going to believe you. LISTER: [keeps smiling] KRYTEN: Sir, this is neither the time nor the place... ACE and CAT: Yes it is! > Cyclops lay down on the round bed, and Jubilee was carried over next > to him by Jean's power. LISTER: (Jubilee) Boy I'm glad your wife is helping you commit adultery! CAT: But wasn't Scott already married to Madelyne Pryor? I missed those early X-Men issues... ACE: Who's Madelyne Prior? CAT: [opens mouth to speak] LISTER: [panicked] NO! We'll be here all week! > Cyclops kissed her gently on the lips, then moved > his hands down to her tiny breasts. Jubilee felt her nipples tingle from > his caresses and her pussy felt wet. His cock rose to full attention and KRYTEN: Ten hut! LISTER: Didn't know ya had it in ya, Krytie. KRYTEN: Actually sir, I was addressing my nerves... > she brought her hands down his washboard stomach to take hold of it. She KRYTEN: Then washed some clothes?? Please?!?! LISTER: I'm sorry Krytie.... I really am. > had touched another boy's dick before, a short Mexican kid's while they > hid in the dressing room of a store back in a mall in SoCal. But it was > even smaller in her hand than Cyclops' six inch cock was. CAT: So is this considered self-insertion now? LISTER: CAT! Watch it! CAT: Heh heh. > She stroked it > until Cyclops pushed her back down to the bed and positioned himself at the > opening to her virgin cunt. Jubilee hissed as the head of his cock slipped > between her lips, and shrieked as Cyclops pushed violently into her and > took her virginity. She thought she was going to explode KRYTEN: .......... BASTARD TOOK HER VIRGINITY! SHE'S ONLY 13 DAMMIT!! ACE: Calm down chum, it's just a story! CAT: Yeah, buddy, all the smoke coming out of your ears is wrecking my hair! LISTER: Smoke? Ears?? SMEG! Take cover! KRYTEN: ERROR 1001010111001011010001!! .................. [ The others dive for cover as Kryten's head goes... ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************ ********** *********** ****** ****** ***** ************* *********** ************ ******* ******* ******* **** ***** **** **** **** **** ******** ******** ******* **** **** **** **** **** **** ********* ********* ******* **** **** **** **** **** **** ******************* ******* **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ******* **** ******* **** ***** **** **** **** **** **** ****** **** ******* **** ***** **** **** **** **** **** ** **** ***** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** *** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ***** ***** **** **** **** **** **** ***** ************ ************ ************ **** **** ******* ********** *********** *********** **** **** ***** ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ TO BE CONTINUED..... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Send all comments, criticisms, etc. to 'Novowels' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Geezuz H. Tapdancing Christmas, Beast, can't you clean up for yourself?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------