(SOL. Everything is done up festively. Joel is eating a Snack Cake and Crow is eating a donut. Tom looks on.) Tom: Well, I still don't understand why you get to eat Twinkies at parties while I just stand around and watch! Joel: I told you, Tom. It's because you have no digestive system. Crow: Yeah. Heck, you're just a gumball machine with arms and a mouth, if you wanna get right down to it. Tom: Oh ye.. Huh? Joel: He's right, you know. I just kinda made you out of random garbage. (Everything disappears. Tom is in bed on the SOL desk, with a little nightcap.) Tom: (sitting up) AAAH! (looks around) Whoa.. weird! (commercial) (SOL. Everyone is standing around the desk.) Tom: And then.. Brigitte Bardot appeared and told me I was made of random junk! Crow: Wow. What did you eat before bed? Joel: Down, guys. Kei and Yuri are calling. (Deep 13) Dr.F: Aah, hello. We don't have much time for witty banter right now, so let's get cracking. Our invention this week is a new book based on a charming series of eco-friendliness handbooks. We call it "Fifty things YOU can do to destroy the Earth." Frank:For instance, here's number 22: "How to render paper unreusable." Dr.F: Or, say, number 37: "How to build a fusion bomb." Joel? (SOL) Joel: Well sirs, our invention is based on the idea that any sport can be a kajillion-dollar business if it's "extreme". Crow: Yeah! People love watching people do really dangerous things competetively! Joel: Right. So we've come up with: All: (moving to reveal a table) EXTREME FOOSBALL! (Crow and Tom start playing while Joel talks.) Joel: See, it plays like normal foosball, except that the kickers deliver over 300PSI of force and the ball weighs 5lbs! Whaddaya think, sirs? (Deep 13) Dr.F: Very cute, Joel. Your experiment this week is an incoherent adventure by our old friend, Dr. Thinker. Send them the fanfic, Frank. Frank:Live to serve ya, sir. (SOL) All: AAAH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN! (G,6,5,4,3,2,1) >"NO-RETURN, NO-ESCAPE, NO-HEALING!!!" Tom: No-plot! Joel: No-sense! Crow: No-proofreading! >by Dr. Thinker >This meet up with all the villains from the first series up until >the end of the R. Joel: It exchanges business cards and arranges power lunches. >If you like this E-Mail me at WINKSTWO@SSSNET.COM. Enjoy!!!!! Tom: Even his ISP is hissing him! >----------------------------------------------------------- Joel: ZZOOM! >Jadiete look around..the dark room. Tom: Maybe he should turn on the lights before looking around. > It fells good to >relax..knowing that the Nega-Helios welcome him with >open hands. Crow: (Minnewegian) Oh, that Nega-Helios. Always so warm and friendly. >Jadiete was not very upset with the words on a post, Tom: He's in the minority on that count. > he saw with >his one. Joel: One what? One Ring of Power? Tom: One true love? Crow: Maybe it's his one big.. Joel: Crow.. Crow: What? I was gonna say eye. Tom: Suure. >It read: > NO-RETURN!!!!!! > NO-ESCAPE!!!!!! > NO-HEALING!!!!! Tom: Oh no! It's the dreaded Recursive Fanfic! >But he did wonder if old Nephrite if appears, will be very mad >about this. >He was borned.. Joel: (singing) Oh, I'm a borned-again youma in a dark little room... Crow: Well, actually, since he's a reincarnation, wasn't he already born-again? Tom: You know what they say. Third time's the charm. > it been a walk since he failed Queen Beryl...and >she had him crystralized and send right on top of Nega-Helios. All: Eeew. >He heard this life from Nega-Helios, the guardian of what the >Nega-Versan Crow: Is that Nega-Version 2.0? > called Hades's Home...an planet..no-one dares to >appear, drestory or healing. That must way they are many NO- >HEALING. Tom: Did that make _any_ sense at all? Crow: Were you expecting it to? Tom: Well, no. But "That must way they are many NO-HEALING"? There's no way to tell what he might have meant to say! There is NO possible way to parse it so that it makes sense! Joel: Just let it slide. Imagine that that sentence had never happened. It doesn't contribute to the plot of the story anyway. Tom: What plot? Crow: What story? > He can rob stories..do anything...to stop. All: THEN DO IT!! >He was relax near a three time the size of a AMERICAN OYMPIC SIZE >POOL, drinking Lyanicanos (Milk for Youmas) When bubble knock he >under water. Tom: There! He did it again! Joel: Tom, we're gonna have to set a limit on your spelling and grammar flames. You're making a few too many. Tom: That wasn't a grammar flame, Joel. That was a "not-being-in-anything- remotely-resembling-English" flame. Crow: A grammar flame by any other name.. >Nega-Hades thunders, "Some one unigue to both the Universe and >the Nega-Verse is going appears!!!" >The bubbles form into another male. His hand was short like >that of Tudexo Mask. Crow: As opposed to Tuxedo Mask's hands, which are long and sensuous. Joel: Crow.. > His eye were black as coals. He worned a >gray uniformation with black boots. He was Nephrite. All: Dant-dant-DAAHHH! >Nega-Hades summons Nephrite to his chambers. Joel: (Nega-Hades) Oh, and be sure to bring the silk stockings. >--------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: Come see the beautiful Kansas skyline! >When Nephrite get done, Jadiete saw him. Crow: Mm.. Nah. Too easy. >"NEPHRITE, what are you doing here?" >"Zoyitice, that witch killed me" Joel: (Jadeite) Um, I think you may have the wrong person. >"She might have fought your were a tratior." Tom: Since when does Jadeite have a thick Cockney accent? >"Me...never!!!!!! Joel: Hulk.. smash! Crow: Spock.. Explain! >"What happen to you?" ask Jadiete. Tom: Oh, you know. The usual. >Nephirte replied with a human sign meaning OK! Crow: Y'know, I always thought that gesture meant "go.. Joel: Crow.. Crow: What? That wasn't even dirty! >"When your were imprison in crystral, she ask me to take care of >some scouts, Sailor Moon, Sailor Mars, and Sailor Mercury, of >course." Jadiete nod a little bit here. Tom: (Jadeite) Whoa- sorry, just dozed off a little there.. > "Sometime, Molly fall in >love to me. She ever stop Moon for using her Taira on me." Joel: Was that a statement or a question? >"You could used her hands to stop it. With out Mercury's bubbles >or Mars's fire...it is weak as a new born child!!! Joel: Don't even think it, Crow. Crow: What? > Ha Ha Ha >Ha!!!!" Tom: (Nephrite) Ah.. heh-heh.. very funny, sir.. HELP!! >"I was trying to use her to find out..who is Sailor Moon, so I >can KILL that crybady...I find out...that her name is.... Crow: The part of Nephrite will be played tonight by William Shatner. >"Serena?" Tom: (singing) I just met a girl named Serena.. >"Jadiete!!! HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?" Joel: I just read the FAQ and it was right there! >"Simple! I found out..but old Beryl prision me for losing two >that meat-ball head scout!!!!!!" Crow: So he lost two scout leaders who were made out of meatballs? >"Since I can't leave..can a join your." Tom: Oh! He's speaking French! >"Sure!!!!!" Joel: It'll be neat! >Nephrite know Jadiete can be a friend. Become one time, Jadiete >allow him to use his room to hide for Zoyitice Tom: AARGH!!! Joel: Hang on, Tom! This can actually make sense with some work. If Jadeite was letting Nephrite hide for Zoicite's benefit, this is vaguely coherent! Tom: Okay, so what's the "become one time" about? Joel: I dunno. >---------------------------------------------------------------- Crow: Billy has left the fanfic. >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Joel: OW! Oh, man, my ears.. >That cry-ball was a PRINCESS!!! Tom: Cry-ball? At least it beats "cry-bady". > AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!! Crow: Looks like someone's just figured out what he's doing to his career. >Jadiete was shocked by this yell...Nephrite too, but he graons... >"Looks like Zoyitice join us." Tom: What was your first clue? >"Pardon, me, Jadiete?" Joel: One of these things is not like the others. One of these things is not the same. >"What happen?" groans Jadiete. >"That so-called Moon Scout was the so-called Princess of the >Moon. She get MY CRYSTRALS!!!! Tom: Well, at least she left his exclamation points. > I'm hope that my love can killed >that Sailor Brat!!!!!" Joel: What's a love can? Crow: Maybe it's a new kind of- Joel: Crow... Crow: What? >With a stiff laugh, Nephrite laugh, "Look like your princess is >going to give your love a HARD time, Zoyitice!!!" Crow: SAay.. Joel: Crow! Crow: Look, he said it, not me! It's not my fault Nephrite's talking dirty! Joel: Well.. Okay. This time. >Zoyitice winced, Tom: He's not the only one, brother. > it seem like finialy Nephrite was earily is due >to be a warrior. Joel: So he was a general, but he wasn't a warrior yet? > What going to happen?" Crow: Whass goin' down? >Nephrite, thunders three words "GET LOST, ZOYITICE!!!" >Zoyitice, thunders on a word: "YLORDANACONICAYU" All: HUH? Tom: I guess the author fell asleep and his forehead hit the keyboard. > (This word >means: You are idoit to the name of the Queen) All: Ohh.. huh? >Nephrite, thunders "HOW GIVE A CARE!" >Jadiete thought to him self, "I hope that Kunzite can keep out >Zoyitice out of his hair..until them..this world is not going to >BORNING for sometime. Crow: It's been boring for quite long enough, thank you. >----------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: The fic is walking the highwire! All: JUMP! JUMP! >A voice sounding familar rocked Nega-Helios home world. >"ZOYITICE, WHEREEVER YOU ARE!!!! I COMING TO JOIN YOU, MY >LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", Joel: Whoa! Lay off the caffeine! > It was Malachite beging killed >by his own weapon.....a power rangs that could make BAT-MAN >jealous. (Ed. A bad pun, I know.) Tom: That was a pun? Crow: Well, at least it was bad. >-------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: Sign here for one bad fic, please. >Malachite appear in a blue field. Here he saw a couple of >people..one female..and two females...... Joel: So.. three females total, then? > his generals from the >Queen's army. >"What happen to you?", Jadiete? >"Yickanocloanicans" Tom: That pretty much sums up the fic right there. > (Ed. Backfired), Crow: Ed backfired? Eew. Can't he hold it in? Tom: No, no. The editor backfired. Can't you see the period? Joel: Well, maybe it's a new newsgroup, like soc.ed.backfired. > "Sailor Moon hit me with my >own weapon." >"Bad Luck?" ask Nephrite Tom: (sarcastically) No, it was Usagi's incredible skill and sophistication. >"Yes!" ask Malachite, "Lucky, the Queen as a plan to killed all >the Sailor Scout..expect for Sailor Moon" >----------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: This is my favorite line of the whole fic. >"YOU STUIPID FOOLESS!!!!!!!!" Tom: They're not foolesses, they're foolpersons. > thunder a Queen of Evil, Queen >Beryl. >"BERYL!!!!!!!!!!!!!", shout a shocked group of Gerenals "WHAT >HAPPEN?" Crow: Is it just me, or is everyone here way too loud for their own good? >"THE NEGA-FORCE, which I did not tell the name of too..you, until >NOW..Queen Melita take by body to meet Sailor Moon. I saw her >died by the Sliver Imperium.. Joel: (Minnewegian) Oh, I just hate it when you get a Sliver Imperium and can't pull it out. Tom: (likewise) Oh yah, those things are gonna kill someone one of these days. > to bad we can't ecaspe from her...if >we can we can drestory the Earth!!!!!!!!" >----------------------------------------------------------------- Crow: In your heart you know it's flat. >"Why is any-body join us here?", asked Queen Beryl >"Sailor Moon was healing some things..two aliens, one tree, four >future nutcase!" All: (singing) And a partridge in a pear tree! > said Nega-Helios's voice >"I GOING TO KILL THAT LITTLE PINK BRAT AND HER MOTHER, IN THE >NAME OF THE NEGA-MOON" thunders a red haired man with a black >upside-down Cresent Moon. He was wearing a red shirt, and a red >pair of pants. Crow: Someone, red-nosed with drink, commented on his redeye, making him see red. In a red haze, he pulled out his great big red- Joel: CROW! Crow: What? I was gonna say "sword"! Joel: Sure.. >"What are you doing here? And who, where, and why are you here?" >ask Malachite. Tom: (Malachite) Also, when and how? >"I was ABOUT to ASK THE SAME QUESTION!!!!!!" asked the red haired >male. >"Us, first!!!" order Beryl. Tom: Oh, it's always you first. What about my needs for a change? >"I'm Rubbus. Crow: Rubb you? I hardly even know you! > I'm from the furture. I was defeat by Sailor Moon >and a future Princess named Reenie. We can her a rabbit because >her hair does not look like meatballs..but it looks like >ears of a rabbit." Joel: Oh, well, that makes perfect- huh? >With a human-like laughing Nephrite, "Probaly, that how, Queen >Serenity and Princess Serenity look when they were you." >----------------------------------------------------------- Tom: For your own safety, please stay behind the yellow line. >When out exploring a NEGA-FOREST, Crow: you can't take any chances. Let Mutual of Omaha protect you. > a dragon pop out All: Gyahh! >"WHO ARE YOU?" asked Rubbis >"YOU SHOULD KNOW, RUBBIS!!! SHE MUMBLES!!!" Joel: Yeah, I'd think a mumbling dragon would be a little distinctive. >"EMERALD!!" >"THAT ME!!!! Sailor Jutiper send me out of game of evil >FOREVER!!!" Tom: Emerald has been banned from the National Evil League for not gambling. >"Who left on the Nega-Moon?" >The dragon replied "Prince Spharite, and his twin brother, the >ruler...Prince Dinamond. Of the course the Wiseman, Dimanod right >hand man!" >----------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: Oh, like we haven't heard THAT line a million times before. >When explore a crystral maze with in the planet's core. Joel: So.. was that a question, or what? > Two man >appears. Both having black upside-cresent moon makings. One had >brown hair...and one of them have white hair. Tom: The narrator seems to have transformed into William Shatner. >"Who are those?" ask Beryl to Rubbis >Rubbis point to brown hair one and said "This is Sharite" pausing >only to change his point to the one with the white hair "And the >other one is Nega-Moon Ruler, Prince Dimanod" >"That is right" that Prince Dimanod!! Crow: He's such a kidder! >Nega-Helios thunders, "I give your a second twin, Meltia!!! Joel: Just don't expose her to temperatures over 75 degrees. > But >don't worry, Master Paroh 90, Chaos, and Queen Nephrina will lost >also....I have progam the future..thanks to you losing ever >simple time!! As either, Queen Melita or Death Pathom. Sailor >Moon will NEVER know who you are in reality!!!!" Crow: For that matter, neither will the audience. >"That Death Pathom is reality your Melita, Beryl?" asked >Emerald. Joel: (singing) M-m-m-my Melita! >"Afaird so!" said Beryl >"ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" thunders the >Nega-Mooners. Tom: Our sentiments exactly. >The Nega-Verser laughs at this...future things are going to get a >peak at this one. >----------------------THE END------------------------------------ Crow: Thank God. That stunk! Tom: And it didn't make any sense, either.. Joel, take me home. Joel: Okay. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, G) (The SOL Bridge) Crow: Joel, that fic made no sense. It was completely incoherent! Tom: Yeah! The fic had no plot. It was just buildup towards a revelation that (a) made no sense, (b) wasn't very exciting, and (c) clashes with actual Sailor Moon continuity! Joel: Well, it did have some redeeming factors. Tom: Like what? Joel: Well, the strange and illogical "language" of the Negaverse, for one thing. Try it! Crow: You mean like this? YMBYRFHJNFYU! (Subtitle: This fic was an insult to Sailor moon!) Joel: Right! Tom: Hey, how about "DCKLLLOKHRFGHJKJUYTRR7UIOL!" (Subtitle: I recommend that the author be sliced into seven very tiny pieces!) Joel: Sure! Whaddaya think, sirs? (Deep 13) Dr.F: Very funny, Joel. Push the button, Frank! Frank:XVJNNUHHBGC! | \ | / \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ --------O-------- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ / | \ | I, Ben-San Arizona, mean no insult to Dr. Thinker, his family, his friends, or his goldfish. The views expressed herein are those of the characters (who are copyright someone other than me), and do not necessarily reflect my views in all cases. (whew!) Now that that's done with.. Well, this is my first anime MSTing. Love it? Hate it? Both? Tell me at unspokenname@hotmail.com. I don't get to check my mail every day, but I'd love to hear from ya. \|/ -O- A /|\ H A HA HA AHHAHH AHHAHAHA -------------------------------------------------------------- /'\ / ' \ / ' \ /-----------------\ / | \ | Ben-San Arizona | / \ | | /-\ / | \ | 100 Miles | |^| /\ / \ | | /\ |^|/^/ / | \ | | \^\|^|^/ / | \ \-----------------/ \^|^^/ / \ || || \^^| / | \ || || |^| / | \ ^^ ^^ |^| / | \ / \ / | \ ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com