Neo Evangelion part 1Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000 episode 502: "Neo Evangelion" part 1 written by Stephen Frey ---------------------------- Episode 502 of SFT1B Turn down your lights (But don't take my word for it) In the not too distant future In the depths of outer space Mike Nelson and his robot pals Have received a saving grace. They've finally goten away from Pearl A woman who now controls the world. So now they're free to do their will That is, if they can just manage not to get themselves all killed! ALL: GET US HO-O-OME! MIKE: We'll use the Auto-Return To get us back to Earth (lalala) I can't wait to get home again... And be back on my old turf! (lalala) Now keep in mind Mike doesn't know When their journey home will end. (lalala) He'll have to sit and wait it out With his company of robot friends! ROBOT ROLL CALL CAMBOT! "Panning left." GYPSY! "Let's roll!" TOM SERVO! "Are we there yet?" CROOOOOOOOOW! "You know you want me, baby!" If you're wondering just why this show's plot Is changing every year (lalala) Just repeat to yourself, "Best not to ask," And there are no worries here. On SCIENCE FICTION THEATER 1,000,000,000! 1...2...3...4...5...6... [SOL] Mike and the 'Bots are conversing with Bonnie Hammer on the Hexfield. BONNIE: You see, Mike, I'm taking Sci-Fi in a new direction. One where I'll get lots of money. And I mean a *lot*. MIKE: But couldn't you just put us in prime time somewhere? BONNIE: I'm afraid not. In fact, I believe our contract has run out. MIKE: Oh, please, Miss Hammer! BONNIE: I'm married. MIKE: Oh, please, Ms. Hammer! CROW: Can we interject, Mike? I think "Bonnie" here needs to hear one important fact... MIKE: What is it? SERVO: That a serpent's venom poisons slowly. CROW: You can't keep it from coming, Bonnie. The third impact will soon be witnessed. MIKE: Uh...what are you talking about? SERVO: This world is made of love and peace. CROW: Angels who fall from heaven are forced to become devils. Isn't that so, Bonnie? MIKE: I'm sorry about this, Ms. Hammer. Please ignore them. BONNIE: Are you two tin cans threatening me if I cancel your show? ['Bots look at each other.] SERVO and CROW: No! SERVO: We just want you to bring back your anime block! BONNIE: ...oh. MIKE: Guys, we're talking about the fate of our show, here. CROW: Oh. That show. Okay. Do whatever you want, Bonnie. SERVO: Yeah. MIKE: WHAT?!? CROW: Don't you get it, Mike? With our show off the air, we won't have to read bad fanfics anymore! MIKE: Oh...I never thought about it like that... BONNIE: Listen, I have to go. I've got a meeting with Jules Verne in ten minutes. And that English freak doesn't like to be kept waiting. [Hexfield closes] MIKE: Okay, look you guys. We're going to end the show, anyway. See, if we get back to Earth, we'll be free. And that means no more fanfics. And *that* means no more show. SERVO: Alright, I get it Mike. CROW: But remember, we're still a long way from home. MIKE: Yes, yes... but we survived twelve years so far, right? What's another few months? MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign now. *commercial sign* MIKE: We'll be right back...if we don't get cancelled first. [commercials] ---- [Ads for Farscape, Jules Verne, the Invisible Man, and Black Scorpion twice] ---- [SOL] Mike and the 'Bots are watching the Stony television. "Big O" is playing. MIKE: Wow. That's some weird stuff. SERVO: Cartoon Network sure is pulling out all the stops. CROW: Hey, remember when we were accidentally put on that Toonami block last year? MIKE: That was a crazy episode. SERVO: You know, you can never go wrong with those giant robots. CROW: Yeah, they kick ass. MAGIC VOICE: Warning. Rocket Number Fifteen is transmitting another fanfic. MIKE: Uh-oh. *Mads sign* CROW: Pearl, why can't you ever give us fun-filled, insanely violent fanfics like the stuff on Toonami? SERVO: Yeah! [Castle Forrester] Pearl is on her throne. Bobo is waving a giant palm to fan her. PEARL: So, you want giant fighting robots, hmm? Alright, then. [SOL] CROW: What? Really? Awesome! SERVO: You rule, Pearl! MIKE: Calm down, guys. You should know by now there's going to be a catch. [CF] PEARL: You're going to read a two-part "Neon Genesis Evangelion" fanfic called "Neo Evangelion." I hope you find it suitable to your tastes. BOBO: I'm Pearl's biggest fan. Hee hee! PEARL: I've said it before and I'll say it again! NO STUPID PUNS! [Pearl hits Bobo with her heavily decorated queen's staff.] BOBO: Oww... [SOL] MIKE: I hope you're happy, guys. This is probably going to suck royally. CROW: I know, but it's going to have GIANT ROBOTS! Sweeeet! MIKE: Oh, brother. *movie sign* ALL: It's Anime Fanfic Siiiign! 6...5...4...3...2...1... [Mike and the 'Bots enter the theater.] >Ender Publishing Company > >In association with > >Gainax Productions > > >Presents: > MIKE: A giant pile of crap. > >Anime Revival Series > >Neo Evangelion > >Starring the voices of: CROW: Oh, no. It's got credits. > >Mark Hammill >As >Shinji Ikari ALL: What?!? MIKE: That sure is lousy casting. > >Kirsten Dunst >As >Rei Ayanami > >And >Alicia Silverstone >As >Asuka Langley Soryuu > > SERVO: Because no one can act like a lousy, stuck-up bitch better than Alicia Silverstone. >Also starring: > > >Elizabeth Berkley >As >Maj. Misato Katsuragi > >Gates McFadden >As >Dr. Ritsuko Akagi > MIKE: Just because she played Dr. Crusher on Star Trek. >Leonard Nimoy >As >Cmdr. Gendo Ikari CROW: Hmm...I would have gone with Michael Keaton. > >Susan Blu >As >Maya Ibuki > > >With >Raymond Burns >As >Prof. Kozo Fuyutski > SERVO: And Jerry Mathers as the Beaver. >And >Harrison Ford >As >Chairman Kiel > > >Written by >Stephen Frey > > >Intro > >A gust of wind blew across the desert landscape that the populace once called Japan. SERVO: See? THIS is where mass producing violent anime porn gets you. >Up ahead was what looked like the remains of a gigantic battle. Pieces of metal laid >everywhere like a child's playroom unkempt. A destroyed city lay in the background. > >Cut to an underground bunker. Rubble was everywhere. However, it looked like there were >supposed to be far more people than there were. MIKE: Just say "survivors." Jeez... >In what is unarguably the control room, a skeleton slumped on the control panel. >This skeleton wore a jumpsuit. CROW: Oh, my god! Mike! MIKE: I think we're looking at the near future here, guys... >The name on the tag on the left breast pocket read 'Ibuki.' MIKE: Whew. Okay, we're not. > >Cut to a hallway. A body was slumped against the wall. It wore a purple shirt and >red jacket. A gun lay slumped to the side. SERVO: Okay, so we open the story with the main cast members being already dead. CROW: Hey, I bet this is a "Who's Line" skit, and Collin is gonna run in and move the bodies to finish the show! > >Cut to a giant tree rising to the sky. It was silvery-white. > > >Title Episode 1: Resurrection > >To human eyes, it would be incomprehensible. But the closest interpretation would be three >giant orbs connected in a triangle formation. These orbs pulsated with energy that moved in >random patterns. MIKE: The Japanese government is scrambling to keep them under wraps. SERVO[Barbrady]: Move along, nothing to see here... > >That would be the Holy Trinity of Christian Religion. The top orb represented the >father (God), the bottom left was the son (Jesus) and the third one was the Holy Spirit > CROW: Hey, who needs church when we've got these Evangelion fanfics? >Standing before the orbs was a figure. It was tall and lanky with a female outline >and piercing red eyes. > >There was no audible conversation between the two. SERVO: This goes without saying, considering one of the two is an inanimate object. >The orbs would glow and the figure would >answer by blinking her eyes. This process repeated itself over a dozen times. MIKE: And the tension is lowering. SERVO[talking through cuped hands]: Plot, this is ground control. You have been cleared for takeoff for five minutes now. CROW[same]: We read you, ground control. But for some reason this blasted thing won't get off the ground. SERVO: I suggest restarting the fanfic and opening on a more interesting scene. That might give you a boost. CROW: Roger that. Okay, the engine is lifting. We're good to go! SERVO: Give 'em hell. Over. CROW: This is an Eva fanfic. No problem with that! Over and out. > >Energy began emitting from the top orb. It shot over the figure and seemed to disappear into >the horizon. > >Cut to the battlefield shown earlier. The energy beam emitted by the orbs exited the tree and >struck the ground. There was a flash of light and two figures stood. They were both in their >early teens, clad in different color jumpsuits. One was a boy with short brown hair and brown >eyes. The other was a girl with crimson hair and green eyes. > >The boy was Shinji Ikari and the girl was Asuka Langley Soryuu. > >Asuka: What happened? >Shinji: I'm not sure. MIKE[Shinji]: The writing style just shifted from third person narrative to dramatic script. > Last thing I remember was Seele attacking Nerv. CROW: Well, they've got a lot of nerve. SERVO: Zing! >Asuka: Shinji, look. > >Asuka holds out a chunk of red metal. > >Shinji: Asuka, is that? >Asuka: Yes, it is. Evangelion Unit 02. >Shinji: Then that means... >Asuka: Nerv lost. > SERVO: Oh, it's over already. Well, bye. MIKE: Sit down. SERVO: Aw... > >Cut to where the orbs and the figure were. All three orbs began emitting power. > >Cut to the hallway shown earlier and the skeleton wearing the purple shirt and red jacket. >There was a flash and in its place was a woman with violet hair. She opened her eyes and >groaned. > MIKE[Misato]: Where the hell have I been? SERVO: Exactly. >Misato: Whoa that's the last time I drink coffee with my beer. SERVO: Wouldn't they just cancel each other out? >Hey Shinji, where's the... > >She sees the hallway and remembers. > >Misato: Oh my God! Shinji! SHINJI! CROW: I would go along with her suggestion to cut down on the coffee. > >She runs off calling Shinji's name. > >Cut to the control room. The same process that returned Misato happened with that skeleton. > >Maya: What happened to me? Where did everybody go? > SERVO[commercial]: Eva. You've got questions...That's a given. >Cut to outside where Shinji and Asuka were. They turned and saw the giant tree. > >Asuka: What the hell is that? MIKE: I think you just answered your own question. >Shinji (whispering): Just like prophesied. Seele did it! They started the Third Impact. CROW: See? It's the *seals* that are the smart ones, not dolphins! >Asuka: The Third Impact? What have you been smoking, Shinji? >Shinji: Asuka, look around you. > >Asuka looks around and sees the turmoil. SERVO[Asuka]: Everything's fine. What have you been smoking, Shinji? > >Asuka: It looks like what happened after the First Impact. >Shinji: Exactly my point. > >There was a flash of light and a crash. Both Shinji and Asuka turned. >They heard a moan coming from a pile of rubble. They ran over and dug through >the rubble. Out emerges a woman with >beach-blond hair and brown eyes. Dr. Ritsuko Akagi. CROW: ...I presume. > >Shinji: Dr. Akagi. >Asuka: Ritsuko, what happened here? >Ritsuko: The Dead Seas Scrolls. Everything written in them came true. The Angels, the Third >Impact, everything. MIKE: Wait...so where does the giant silvery woman come in? >Asuka: Ritsuko, you're making no sense. There wasn't a Third Impact; Seele tried to shut us >down when they decided that we were no use anymore. > >Ritsuko points to the tree. > >Ritsuko: The Tree of Sephiroth. It was foretold in the scrolls that the tree will rise. >Shinji: Ritsuko, how do you know all this? > SERVO: Because *somebody's* got to move the plot along. >Ritsuko holds out her hands. The Dead Sea Scrolls are in them. > >Ritsuko: Before Seele attacked, I stole them from Commander Ikari's office. CROW: Wait...shouldn't SEELE have them? After all, they were the ones going along with the prophecies... SERVO: You've actually *seen* this show, Crow? CROW: ...no. SERVO: YES YOU HAVE!!! HAHAHAHA! FANBOY! MIKE: Servo, stop it. > >Shinji and Asuka look from each other to Ritsuko. > >Asuka: Ritsuko, I... MIKE[Asuka]: ...love you! CROW AND SERVO: ???? MIKE: Well, isn't stuff like that in anime? CROW: Not here, Mike. MIKE: ...oh. > >Misato appears. > >Misato: Shinji! >Shinji: Misato! > >The two run to each other and embraced. > SERVO: In slow motion, of course. >Shinji: Misato, I was... >Misato: I know, Shinji. So was I. >Asuka: Misato. CROW: So everyone's getting their speeches cut short today. > >Misato and Asuka embrace too. MIKE: Ah, ha! See? CROW: Mike, you have a lot to learn. >Misato then turns to Ritsuko. > >Misato: How are you doing? SERVO[Ritsuko]: I feel like hell. CROW: Exactly! > >Ritsuko manages a weak smile. > >Ritsuko: Like someone dropped Sachiel on my head. > >Misato smiles. > >Misato: That good, huh? > >Cut to the control room. Maya is picking through rubble that is blocking the exit >when she hears a flash. > MIKE: Wow. Her eyes must be where her ears are. CROW: Then she saw a loud whoosh. >Fuyutski: Maya. > >Maya sees Gendo Ikari and Kozo Fuyutski. > >Maya: Commander Ikari, Professor Fuyutski, you're all right. >Fuyutski: Thankfully, we are. Have you seen anyone else? SERVO[Fuyutski]: ...with those unique ears of yours? >Maya: No. I've been trying to dig myself out of here for the past hour. > CROW: It's been an hour already? Boy, I thought this fanfic would drag. >Cut to the tree. Energy was streaming from all sides. The energy begins to reconstruct the >buildings and reanimate the people. Skeletons receive substance. Feet and people >suddenly fill empty footprints. SERVO: So they come back to life standing up? > >Cut to the control room where Maya, Gendo, and Fuyutski are. The rubble disappears and the >doors open. The three hurry out. > >Cut to Shinji, Asuka, Ritsuko, and Misato. > >Shinji: What's happening. >Ritsuko: Someone upstairs must like us. MIKE: I suspect Bill Gates. >The city is being reconstructed. >Asuka: Wahoo! That must mean that everybody who was killed in the battle will be alive again. > CROW: Since when does Asuka care about anybody else? >Misato frowns. > >Misato: So will the soldiers of Seele. ALL: D'OH! > >Cut to various areas of Tokyo 3 where soldiers wearing Seele uniforms are waking up. >Cut back to Shinji, Asuka, Misato, and Ritsuko. > >Ritsuko: Relax. They'll be too confused to continue on their mission. > >A blast grazed Misato's hair. > >Misato: Hey! MIKE[Ritsuko]: On the other hand, they could have come back even more powerful and dangerous than before. > >Misato turns to fire her gun but nothing comes out. > >Misato: Shit, empty! >Shinji: What do we do now? >Asuka: I'm for running. >Misato: Um... Good idea. > >All four take off. > SERVO[control tower]: Wait, you're not cleared! Flight 297, watch out for--oh dear god. >Cut to Maya, Gendo, and Fuyutski running through the corridors of Nerv. >They run into Shinji, Misato, Asuka, and Ritsuko. MIKE: OW! CROW: Oof! MIKE: Ack! SERVO: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! MIKE: Um...Servo? SERVO: Maya was carying a very sharp knife when she ran into Asuka, okay? MIKE: Whatever you say... > >Maya: Major, Doctor, you're all okay. >Misato: So are you three apparently. > >A shot hits the wall besides Shinji. > >Misato: Not for long if we don't get moving. > SERVO[Misato]: So put everything in boxes, fill out those change-of-address cards, and drive to Nebraska! >The whole group takes off as Seele soldiers start firing at them. They turn corners and head >down straight-aways. Through the whole ordeal, Shinji tries to avoid looking at his father. CROW: Good idea, considering he should be watching what's in front of him while runing for his life. > >Cut to the whole group running into a dead end. > >Shinji: Dead end! >Asuka: I wish you wouldn't say that. > >Seele soldiers start walking towards them guns pointed fingers on the trigger. SERVO: Why are all the guns pointing to the trigger fingers? MIKE: I think someboy forgot a comma. >The wall suddenly breaks away and everybody falls into an empty shaft. CROW: But fortunately the floor remains intact, and they climb up it. >You can hear Shinji, Asuka, Misato, and >Maya scream the whole way down. SERVO: Those big babies. > >Cut to an empty room. Eight figures appear in it. These are the board of directors of Seele. > MIKE[director]: So...whose salary are we going to cut today, gentlemen? >Director 1: What's going on here? Why hasn't the Third Impact initiated? > >Another director goes to a window. > >Director 2: I think it has. Look. > >Everybody goes to the window. They can see the tree restoring Tokyo 3 and the Geo Front to >normal. > >Director 3: Damn it! I thought we took care of Nerv. What has happened? >Director 4: Ikari. Only he can perform this trick while keeping it a secret from us. >Director 1: Chairman Kiel, what do we do? SERVO: Uh, oh. CROW: He said the words... MIKE[Megatron]: The only thing we can do... SERVO: Here it comes... MIKE[shouting louder that ever before]: BLAST IT!!! CROW: He shouldn't have asked the question. SERVO: You okay, Mike? MIKE: Yeah. I just couldn't help myself. SERVO: It's okay. Old running jokes die hard. >Kiel: Gentlemen, calm yourselves. I have prepared for this predicament. We will initiate >Operation Overturn. SERVO: It's the last-resort strategy I was able to plan out using my Risk gameboard. All we have to do is grab the map, like so, and flip it over! Thus causing all the bad people to fall off the planet! CROW: Um...sir...I don't think that will work. SERVO: But, it worked in Risk. >Director 5: Are you sure? It might blow up in our faces. >Kiel: In case you have forgotten, the threat of the Angels is over. The Evangelions are >no more so it won't be long before the Japanese Government decides that Nerv is useless >and shuts them down. In the mean time, we should start "helping" the citizens of Tokyo 3 >rebuild their lives from the trouble the Evangelions caused. Nerv will fall in all good time. > MIKE: And, on that note... [Mike and the 'Bots exit] 1...2...3...4...5...6... [SOL] Servo and Crow have their model Gundams on the counter. CROW: Gundam. Level three. Two days. SERVO: Level five. Gundam. One week. CROW: Gundam. Level nine. Seven months. SERVO: Crow, ya big dolt, there isn't a level nine. CROW: Oh, yes there is. [Clanging noises can be heard off screen. Suddenly, a giant mechanoid foot steps into the background behind Crow, breaking away the wall and revealing several interns holding boom mikes, lights, and other such things.] SERVO: Uh....uh...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! [Servo runs away.] CROW: Told 'ya. *commercial sign* INTERN HOLDING BOOM MIKE: Uh...we'll be right back. Nice foot, Mr. Gundam sir. [Commercials] --- [Mike and the 'Bots enter and sit] MIKE: Crow, where did that giant hole in the wall come from? CROW: Uh...what hole? >Cut to Shinji, Asuka, Misato, Ritsuko, Gendo, Fuyutski, and Maya tumbling through >an empty shaft. They finally hit the ground. > >Misato: Is everybody all right? >Asuka: Yeah, only my whole body is bruised. SERVO: So, you're really not all right then, are you? MIKE: Hey, Servo, lay off. SERVO: Sorry, Mike. >Ritsuko: Where are we? >Fuyutski: This is known as The Pocket. It served as a storage facility for the E2 Project. >Everybody except Fuyutski and Gendo: The E2 Project? EVERYBODY EXCEPT FOR CAMBOT AND GYPSY[affirming]: The E2 Project. >Fuyutski: Certain Nerv scientists always feared that the Evangelions would fail >in our battle against the Angels. CROW: So much for keeping hope alive. >The Pocket was supposed to house the backup to the Evas. An elevator was >supposed to bridge Central Dogma with The Pocket. The elevator was probably >destroyed when Seele attacked Nerv. > >Fuyutski pushes to the head of the group and gropes the wall for a light switch. MIKE: Look at that guy, groping around like he's some dirty blind guy-- SERVO: Out of bounds, Mike. Way out. >A hall of lights flicked on revealing a big metal door with the Nerv symbol. >The group proceeded across the hall to the door. > >Computer: Insert voice-recognition password. >Fuyutski: Voice authorization Fuyutski, Kuzo. Password: Heaven's wraith. > >The door clicked open and parted with an irritating hum. SERVO[Gendo]: Hmm...needs oil. >Gendo lead the group inside. > >Cut to: the Nerv of The Pocket. CROW: The wha--? MIKE: Sounds like a bad title for this episode. >The control room, supposed to house over fifteen workers and >twenty technicians. All the control stations were focused around a central >platform with a periscope. A window looked out into a huge cargo bay. > >Shinji, Asuka, Misato, Ritsuko, and Maya looked out the window. Down in the cargo bay were >several large machines shaped like cars, tanks, and other assorted vehicles. SERVO: Then why not just say they *were* cars, tanks, and other assorted vehicles. MIKE: Obviously the author wants to stress the fact that, while they *are* shaped like vehicles, they must not be. > >Asuka turned to face Fuyutski. > >Asuka: They're machines! >Fuyutski: Yes they are. > SERVO[Fuyutski]: You get a treat. >Shinji leans on a control panel and accidentally touches a button. A nearby view >screen flickers to life. A picture of a woman who looked like Rei but her hair, >skin, and eyes was a darker shade. It was Yui Ikari, Shinji's mother. > CROW[Yui]: Shinji, I am your mother. MIKE[Shinji]: ...NOOOOOOOOO!!! Wait a minute...of course you are! >Shinji: Mother. >Yui: My name is Doctor Yui Ikari. This message contains basic outline for the >E2 Project, which I personally have dubbed: Operation Shinji, after my first born son. SERVO: Wow, Shinji must be pretty embarassed about that. >This is an extension project of Operation E which my husband, Gendo, has initiated. >I have feared that the Evangelions being built by Doctor Akagi may not be enough to >battle the Angels, if what I have read in the Dead Sea Scrolls is accurate. So I >have coordinated with Professor Kuzo Fuyutski of Tokyo University on beginning >construction on a backup weapon to confront the terrifying AT fields of the Angels. CROW[Yui]: I call it...the Sherman Antitrust Act. MIKE and SERVO: [silent] CROW: You know, 'cuz AT&T got split up? MIKE: Come here. [reaches for Crow.] CROW: AAAACCKK! [Mike pulls Crow off-screen right] >They are formerly titled Fully Artificial Vehicular-Humanoid Conversion >Assault Force. SERVO: FAVHCAF? Hmm...it does sound kinda fun to say. CROW[poking head in]: Like "waffles?" [Mike's hand reaches in and pulls Crow back out of view.] CROW: Aaagh! >Or its alias, MechEVAs. I've chosen to make the MechEVAs completely inorganic to >make them stronger and powerful. What they lack in speed, they make up for in strength and >firepower. [Mike and Crow re-enter and sit] CROW: Mike, I promise, I will never make a stupid obscure pun again. MIKE: Good. > >Yui's face is minimized to the bottom right-hand corner of the screen while a >three-dimensional image of a tank appears. A sequence begins showing how the tank >converts into a robotic-like form. ALL: Transformers! SERVO: More than meets the eye... > >Yui (continued): One of the features that make them different from the Evas designed >by Doctor Akagi is that they have a transformation procedure. Each section of the >body shifts from one location to another allowing it to become humanoid looking. >Once the pilot's brain wave patterns are synchronized with the MechEVA, the >transformation process begins. > >The image shifts to a x-ray of the tank MechEVA. Two spots are highlighted in red. > CROW[Yui]: These are the robot's pressure points. >Yui (continued): Each MechEVA contains two separate cockpits. One when in vehicular >mode and the other in humanoid mode. These cockpits work independently. During the >conversion process, the pilot is transferred from one cockpit to another. > >Yui's image maximizes the whole screen. > >Yui (continued): I had to keep this a secret from my husband because of his >connections with the Seele organization. For a long time, I had a feeling that the >intentions of Seele were self-inspired. I knew that Seele does not care about evolving >humanity, only themselves and establishing themselves as the governing power of Earth. MIKE: Such is the case with almost every other powerful company, heirarch, and supervillian. >If he knew of the E2 project, and the Seele organization learned through him, then >they will understand that it would be a hazard to the Human Implementation Project and >destroy it. I ask that whoever receives this message in the future realize that Seele >is a group of corrupted individuals who answer only to themselves. >They will stop at nothing to destroy the E2 project and establish themselves as the >solitary power governing Earth. Please, stop them, at any cost. This is Professor >Yui Ikari signing off. > SERVO[Yui]: This fanfic will self-destruct in five seconds. >The recording clicks off. Data on each of the MechEVAs come on the screen. > >Gendo: Where did you receive the materials to construct the MechEVAs? MIKE[Fuyutski]: Oh, we just borrowed a few essential components from the other Evas... >Fuyutski: After the Second Impact, most of the world's cities were destroyed. >The materials were scavenged from those cities including the first two Tokyo cities. >Gendo: And the funding? > >Fuyutski sighs. CROW[Fuyutski]: We kinda...sorta...made a pact with some devil guy named Pitch. > >Fuyutski: There was none. Everybody agreed to volunteer his or her time. The reason was >beneficial. Everybody felt that Project E was a bad idea. > >Cut to a new Tokyo 3. It doesn't look like the bright, beautiful city it used to be; >rather it looks worn-out and distorted. The buildings, despite being reconstructed, >have cracks throughout their entire structure. Streets have so many crater that it >looks like the moon. There are no lights on, except for firelight that people start >due to the loss of electricity. MIKE: Looks like the world wasn't saved after all. > >Cut to the inside of Seele Headquarters. Chairman Kiel is watching Yui Ikari's recording. > >Yui (finishing her transmission): Please stop them at any cost. This is Professor Yui Ikari >signing off. > >Chairman Kiel turns off his monitor and turns toward a shadowy figure. SERVO: Shadowy figures: Because how else can an author induce tension and mystery? > >Kiel: I'm surprised you were willing to betray your friends like this. > >The figure begins to say something but Chairman Kiel holds up his hand. > >Kiel: I know, I know, I heard you the first time. 'They aren't my friends.' You have >to realize that I want you to prove your loyalty to Seele before I tell the government >to pardon you. You must kill Shinji Ikari. > >The figure nods and leaves. > >Kiel: Well that was surprisingly simple. MIKE: Must have been Asuka. > >Cut to The Pocket. Shinji is in the control center staring at the red spaceship >lying straight up. > >Asuka: Shinji? >Shinji: Yes, Asuka? > >The sound of a gun hammer being cocked is heard as Shinji turns around. Asuka is >holding a gun and has malice on her face. > >Shinji: Asuka, what's going on? MIKE: Dude. I was right. I was just being funny. > >Gendo comes in behind Asuka, sees what's going on, and quickly departs. > SERVO[Gendo]: Oh, Shinji. I see you're having girl problems. I'll leave you two alone. >Asuka: Die. > >Freeze on Asuka pulling the trigger. A gunshot is heard. > > >Caption: To Be Continued > MIKE: Great. CROW: We know Shinji must still be alive. He's the star! SERVO: Exactly. So there's really no point to read the second part, right? CROW: Right! > > > Cut to the red spaceship seen earlier. Shinji is leaning by it. > >Shinji: Hi, I'm Shinji Ikari. Some of you readers might be complaining that some of >the events depicted in Neo Evangelion don't correspond to the events that happened in >the last two episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion or the movies End of Evangelion and >Evangelion Death and Rebirth. MIKE[Shinji]: However, most of you readers really don't give a crap. >The writer has told me to tell you that he is trying his best to make the events in >this series a perfect sequel to the Evangelion series. So some of the activities might >seem a little unusual but it's all part of trying to make this series in sync with the >Neon Genesis Evangelion series. Thank you, and enjoy the rest of season 1 of Neo Evangelion. > > > >Voice Cast >Shinji Ikari Mark Hammill >Askuka Langley Soryuu Alicia Silverstone >Misato Katsuragi Elizabeth Berkley >Ritsuko Akagi Gates McFadden >Kozo Fuyutski Raymond Burns >Gendo Ikari Leonard Nimoy >Maya Ibuki Susan Blu >Chairman Kiel Harrison Ford >Yui Ikari Kirsten Dunst >Seele Directors Dan Tedeschi > Joe Slezack > Matt Mangold > Jeffrey Edwards > Nicholas Bennett > > > SERVO: A horrible cast deserves another mention! MIKE: Let's get out of here before I'm disturbed out of my mind. [Mike and the 'Bots exit.] 1...2...3...4...5...6... [SOL] The wall behind Mike and the 'Bots is covered with a very poor patch job dealing mostly with duct tape. MIKE: Well, I think we all learned a valuable lesson today, guys. SERVO: And that was...? MIKE: Never settle for low-quality paper towels. CROW: Oh, I can see why you would...huh? *Mads' sign* [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Hahahaha! That Evangelion fanfic was right up their alley! Oh, I guess it wasn't. Which is why that's good for me! HAHAHAHA! BOBO: [still fanning Pearl] Would the Queen like a cool, refreshing pink lemonade so that her humble lackey can rest his arms? PEARL: No. Keep fanning. BOBO: Awww... [Observer rushes in holding a telephone] OBSERVER: Pardon me, Pearl-- PEARL: AHEM! OBSERVER: *Queen* Pearl...there's a call for you. A Mr. Bill Gates? PEARL: Really? Give me that! [grabs the phone] Hello? [Muffled high-pitched babbling can be heard from the receiver.] PEARL: A business proposition? Yes, I'm listening... [fade to black] [Mighty Science Theater] written by: Jim Whaley "Neo Evangelion" written by: Stephen Frey featuring: Mike Nelson: Michael J. Nelson Crow: Bill Corbett Tom Servo: Kevin Murphy Gypsy: Patrick Brantseg Magic Voice: Beez McKeever also featuring: Pearl Forrester: Mary Jo Pehl Observer: Bill Corbett Professor Bobo: Kevin Murphy All MST3K characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. No insults are intended to anyone refered to in this MiSTing. Any alteration or reproduction of this MiSTing without permission or credit is not appreciated. Please contact the author at the e-mail address provided below. based upon MST3K created by Joel Hodgson special thanks to: all present and former employees of Best Brains, Inc., wherever they may be Stephen Frey Japan the authors of the First Amendment and last but not least, You, the reader This MiSTing is dedicated to anyone who loves to laugh. e-mail tjats@aol.com for comments, etc. c2000 by Jim Whaley >Cut to the control room. Maya is picking through rubble that is blocking the exit >when she hears a flash. a Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 production http://wsn9.mistings.org ----------------- Read over thirty episodes of Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000 at http://members.aol.com/tjats/tjats.html 407: The Neelix Claus part 4: Tuvok the Snowman 408: The Neelix Claus part 5: Neelix the Red Faced Talaxian 501: Wheel of Something 502: Neo Evangelion part I 503: Neo Evangelion part II 504: Be Ordained Now! Most of my MiSTings can be found easily on Web Site Number Nine, located at http://wsn9.mistings.org Or go to my web site, The MSTerminal; http://members.aol.com/tjats/tjats.html http://sft1b.mistings.org