Gold Digger Theater 3000 - Episode 5 "Gold Digger" is the copyrighted property of Fred Perry and Antarctic Press MST3K is the copyrighted property of Best Brains, Inc. "El-Hazard" is the copyrighted property of Pioneer and AIC "Slayers" is the copyrighted property of Kadokawa Publishing, TV Tokyo, SoftX, and Software Sculptors "I'll Never Forget You" is the property of Sailor Alderaan "Razar Blade" is the property of Trey Tackett MiSTing by Chris Rand (aka, Sirac) (ctrand@yahoo.com) * * * It appeared to be a normal, bright, near-perfect summer's day. Cheetah and Lina Inverse were stretched out in lounge chairs on a flawless expanse of shimmering white sand, while the crystal blue ocean lapped the shore a few feet away. A row of palm trees behind them swayed gently in the soft breeze. Cheetah let out a contented sigh. "This is the life, eh Lina?" she purred. The young sorceress nodded dully. In addition to the new technologies she had seen, and the new environment she had been suddenly thrust into, what she was still most trying to come to grips with was the fact that all three of her compatriots on the SoD had figures better than hers - figures more along the lines of Naga. She had thought that women of her "greatest rival's" physique were a rarity, but in this dimension they seemed to be all too common. And she found that thought to be incredibly depressing. Cheetah looked back and noticed the young girl's forlorn expression. Seeing as how her gaze was also currently focused on the were-cats bare legs, Cheetah was fairly certain she knew what the problem was. "Lina, if it makes you uncomfortable, we can just go back inside," she said. That appeared to snap Lina out of her thoughts. "Huh? Oh, no, Cheetah, it's all right," the sorceress replied. "I need to get used to the idea at some point, and it won't help if I just try and keep it in the background." She then let out a massive yawn and stretched out in the lounge chair. "Besides, how could I not want to stay here? This is paradise." The were-cat had to smile at that. Lina was right on, of course - this -was- paradise. And she loved every minute she got to spend here. Unfortunately, at just that moment Gina's voice rang out from the heavens. "We need you two back on the bridge," she said. "Don Rafael is calling." The two women looked at each other, sighed wearily, and stood up. "Magic Voice, end program," Cheetah called out. "Compliance!" was the reply, as the picture-perfect beach setting faded away, and was replaced by the blank walls of the Holocabana. The two headed for the exit. "And reality beckons once again," said Lina as they headed for the bridge. "What took you so long?" demanded Jinnai, as Cheetah and Lina came running in through one of the side corridors. "I've been waiting here for nearly five minutes!" "Keep your shirt on," replied Cheetah. "We're here, aren't we?" The young dictator sneered at her. "I don't like the attitude you're starting to develop, Miss Diggers. Katsuo! Remind me to do something about that in the future." The purple Bugrom made some affirmative sounding noise and jotted something down on a pad. Jinnai then turned his attention back to the hex-field. "Are you ready for the invention exchange?" "We were born ready," said Brianna, as Gina nodded enthusiastically. "Very good. You may go first this time." "Thank you," said Gina, as she and Brianna moved to flank the pyramid shaped, covered object that occupied most of the central bridge console. "As I'm sure you're aware, one of the most common elements in anime and manga is to call out the name of your attack before you perform it. Characters have been yelling things like 'Hadouken,' 'Fireball,' and 'Fugisawa Kick'" - Jinnai seemed to develop a nasty facial tick at the mention of the last one - "for years. One possible explanation is that screaming out the name of your attack allows you to more easily perform said attack, since you have to concentrate on it less." "Anime and manga fans have, for years, wished to be able to do these sorts of things," continued Brianna. "They often joke about them, and pretend to be able to use these techniques when they role- play or cos-play. But what if they were actually able to do them?" The two sisters each grabbed a side of the sheet and whipped it backwards, revealing a pyramid shaped device, roughly 2 feet high and apparently made of glass. "Behold! The Anime Combo Kreator, or ACK, as we like to call it," announced Gina triumphantly. "With this little device, anyone can give themselves -one- super-powered anime-style chi or magic based move with which to dazzle their friends and smash their enemies." "Here's how it works," said Brianna, picking up as Gina stepped back. "You simply choose someone to serve as the subject" - she grabbed Cheetah's hand, and before her sister could start to object, shoved it into a hole in one side of the pyramid - "insert their hand like so, and then input the style of move you want them to be given. Let's see...how about a chi-based kick attack?" She punched in a few commands; the ACK blinked, hummed, and vibrated for a few seconds, then went quiet again. When it stopped, Cheetah pulled her hand back out and glared at her older sister, who was blissfully ignoring her as she read the ACK's display. "Now, let's see," said Brianna, "apparently your move is called the 'Hadou-Kyaku'...hmmm, not very original. I think we need to adjust the name selector, Gina." "Well, let's test it, shall we?" growled Cheetah. Brianna glanced back just in time to realize that she -really- needed to dodge, which she did. "HADOU-KYAKU!!" roared the were-cat, as she lashed out with her right leg. Instantly, a flaming blue ball of chi appeared on her right foot, which then proceeded to impact with the ACK. The resulting explosion forced even Jinnai to shield his eyes; when the glare finally faded, there was absolutely nothing left of the Anime Combo Kreator. "Hmm. That works surprising well," said a satisfied Cheetah. "So, how long till I can use that move again?" "Actually...never," answered Gina. "Since you destroyed the ACK, all the moves it created - your kick, Brianna's 'Libido Blast,' and my 'Super Genius Death Blossom' - have all been wiped out." "Oh well...that's what you get for yanking me into another one of your experiments without warning me first." "'Libido Blast?'" asked a skeptical Lina. Gina put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't ask. Just...don't ask." In the Bugrom base, Jinnai was laughing his ass off. "Well, that was very amusing," he chuckled. "Now, witness -my- greatness, as I put your pitiful little move-maker to shame! It's a little something I whipped up based on your last experiment. Behold: the cross-over generator!" He stepped aside to reveal a small black box hooked up to what was apparently a Bugrom computer of some sort. "This little device scans the Net for stories of every series, every genre, and then selects the first two it finds that have -anything- in common to cross. For example - I started it up just before we started talking, and it's already got one idea. A 'Men in Black'-'Smurfs' cross-over, because both involve strange creatures of small stature." The SoD inhabitants were stunned. "That's...that's -evil-!" stammered Gina. "You sick fiend!" growled Cheetah. "What's a smurf?" asked a confused Lina. "Y'know, I could -almost- see that working," said Brianna thoughtfully. The others all stared at her. "What? What?!" Jinnai smirked at them. "Judging by your reactions, I think we can safely say who the winner this time around is. Now, it's time for your dose of pain." The women all groaned. "How did we get ourselves...into this...mess...." Gina trailed off, as she appeared to be looking at something behind Jinnai in the Bugrom fortress. "Sis?" asked Cheetah. "What's up?" The young ruler was oblivious. "Today features a double-dose of pain. First, a disgustingly sweet Sailor Moon story, followed by a pointless and mundane 'Sonic the Hedgehog' story written by...well, I'll leave that as a surprise. Katsuo! Send them the stories!" "Gina? Did you see something?" asked Brianna, as the klaxons began to go off. "I'm not sure," replied the archaeologist. "I'll look into it when I get a chance. For now..." "WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!" the three sisters screamed as they ran into the theater, dragging a confused Lina with them. * * * [6]-[5]-[4]-[3]-[2]-[1] [The ladies file into the theater. Lina takes a seat at the far end of the sofa, on Brianna's left.] CHEETAH: Hey, I thought this thing only sat three. GINA: Brianna and I came in and expanded it yesterday, while you were showing Lina the Holocabana. >DISCLAIMER: I take absolutely no credit or ownership for the BRIANNA [Author]: Piece of crap that is to follow. GINA: Now, now - no leaping to conclusions. LINA: Is this what you people do? CHEETAH: Pretty much. Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it. >characters (Malachite, Zoicite, Darien/Tuxedo Mask, Queen Beryl, >Sailor Moon) mentioned and/or written about in this fanfic, they are >property of Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha, and a ton of other people. CHEETAH: Well, at least it's not self-insertion. BRIANNA: Do these warnings actually carry any legal weight, Gina? GINA: I'm really not sure, Bri. >This fanfic take place some time in between "Ice Princess" and >"Last Resort" (first-season episodes). It contains spoilers for "A >Crystal Clear Destiny" "A Reluctant Princess", and "The Past Returns". GINA: So this is an American fan. CHEETAH: Looks that way. BRIANNA: Not that there's anything really wrong with that. > Oh, also, this fanfic is rated "G", which means EVERYBODY LINA: ...should immediately leave and go watch "Pulp Fiction." [pauses] Where did -that- come from? BRIANNA: See? You're catching on. >(Even your crazy fifth cousin Bob GINA [Bob]: Our prices are INSANE! >(thrice-removed) from Kuala Llampur who can't spell) can read this, LINA: Actually, if he can't spell, I'd strongly question his ability to read at all. >but I suggest that you keep a box of tissues close by, it gets pretty >sad. CHEETAH: We'll see about that. BRIANNA: Not with us commenting. >E-mail your comments on this fanfic to me at: jedigirl@majordomos.com GINA: Well, it's certainly the most well-written work we've been given so far. CHEETAH: So no mail bombs? GINA: No. > "I'll Never Forget You..." BRIANNA [singing]: And I...will always...loooove yooooooouuuuu! CHEETAH: -Never- do that again. > A Short ALL: Yay! >Sailor Moon Fanfic By Sailor Alderaan, age 13 LINA: Wow, she's younger than I am. CHEETAH: As long as she hasn't attempted to insert herself into a "Star Wars" - "Sailor Moon" cross-over, I could care less how old she is. GINA: I think you're drawing way too many conclusions from her name, Britanny. > Malachite couldn't help but grin to himself LINA [Malachite]: Damn, I am a good-looking piece of man. BRIANNA: You really think so? LINA: Me? Hell no! >as he saw "Prince" Darien getting bawled out by Queen Beryl. CHEETAH [Beryl, crying]: A,and then...and then, they all...-laughed- at my bag. BRIANNA [Darien]: There, there. GINA: I don't think that's quite what she meant. >He didn't like the kid, and thought he deserved some verbal abuse. The >only two reasons Darien was there, he thought, was; he would be a >worthy opponent to the Sailor Scouts; CHEETAH: Pardon me for being critical, but, in all honesty, I think a well-trained -dog- would be a worthy opponent. GINA: The story is short, Brit; please try and keep your hostility in check. >and Queen Beryl BRIANNA: Enjoyed playing the Queen of Hearts to his Miyuki-chan. GINA: That's a rather obscure way to get an innuendo reference. CHEETAH: It's still wrong. LINA: Um...what? >found him rather attractive. Apparently, the second reason was >probably the only one that kept Darien at Beryl's side currently, >because he had helped the Sailor Scouts several times since his memory >had been erased GINA: Which would imply his memory hadn't -really- been erased. CHEETAH: The story is short, Gina; try not to nit-pick so much. GINA: You... >-- the very action which was causing Beryl to throw the worst temper >tantrum in Nega-history since she had lost the battle against Queen >Serenity so many years ago. LINA: She was pissed off because he had his memory erased? >He didn't let his satisfaction show, however, because just then, >Beryl's hands moved around the stormy-grey, crystal orb-handle of her >wand; BRIANNA: And if that's not phallic symbolism, I don't know what is. GINA [Yakko]: G'night, everybody! CHEETAH: Brianna... LINA: Ewww... CHEETAH [joyful]: YES! Someone else who agrees with me! The scales are even again! >a horrible memory came flooding back into Malachite's mind, one of a >lovely young woman crying out his name BRIANNA: As he rocked her like a hurricane... CHEETAH: Grrr... GINA: You'd think that would be a -happy- memory. LINA: You two are sick. BRIANNA&GINA: Thank you! >as she took a deadly blast of energy... His thoughts trailed off as >Beryl halted her actions, saying she would give Darien another chance >-- one of many "last chances" she had already given him. CHEETAH: I see Beryl doesn't follow the "Evil Overlord's Handguide." BRIANNA: If any villain ever did, we'd all be screwed. >Beryl was never so generous to anyone else, Malachite thought >bitterly, not even... Zoicite. BRIANNA: Wasn't Zoicite technically a guy? GINA: Yes...and I really don't think we need to get into this discussion. Agreed? [The others all nod.] > He shut his eyes tightly for a moment, holding back his emotions, >trying to think of something more pleasant than Zoicite's last few >minutes of existence, but it was no use. LINA: Because there -was- nothing more pleasant than her...um, his...hell, I don't care...-it's- last few minutes of existence. BRIANNA: Ooooo, cold. GINA: For simplicity, let's just say Zoicite is a woman for now. >He could only think of her, how her final request to him before she >died was simply that he remember her, that he never forget her - CHEETAH [Malachite]: Damn that woman! Why can't she just let me go! BRIANNA [ditto]: I saw a fine-looking piece of ass last night, but couldn't do anything 'cause of that damn woman's memory. >he opened his eyes and lifted his head up abruptly as he heard someone >say his name. > "Malachite! I just said that you were GINA [Beryl]: Going to giving me my hot oil massage. Now hop to it! LINA: So they both do this, huh? CHEETAH: Unfortunately. >dismissed," said Queen Beryl in an annoyed tone of voice. Then, she >cocked an eyebrow -- had she seen the memory-haunted look in >Malachite's normally serious silver eyes? LINA: Or had she just had too much to drink at the office Christmas party the night before? > "Oh..." Malachite quickly bowed. "Yes, my queen." He turned to >leave, but Beryl stopped him. > "Are you feeling alright, Malachite?" she asked, glaring at him >coldly. >"Absolutely, Queen Beryl," Malachite lied. What would she care, >anyway, if he did say he felt completely miserable? CHEETAH: Probably not much. >He knew he didn't matter much to her; to Beryl, he was expendable, BRIANNA: A cheap sex toy, something for her to use when her urges just got too strong - to use and throw away like a- CHEETAH: I don't want to hear the comparison, thank you very much. LINA: Damn, I miss my spells. >and his emotional health didn't concern her at all. GINA: That's not very sound thinking on her part. A mentally unbalanced subordinate is an extreme liability. CHEETAH: Would you mind -not- giving the villains any ideas, Gina? > "Good," Beryl said, looking at Malachite in her usual icy manner. >Malachite bowed once more, and left. > * * * CHEETAH: Three stars? I think not. GINA: Well... BRIANNA: Compared to what we've had to sit through before, I'd give it five. > A lightning bolt crashed BRIANNA: ...the party at John's, throwing everything into confusion. CHEETAH: That was lame. BRIANNA: Bite me. LINA: Uh... GINA: It's a figure of speech. >--Malachite didn't even flinch. Lightning had never startled him, and >it certainly couldn't now, considering the depression he had fallen >into. LINA: What was the point of telling us that, if his reaction hasn't changed? >He stood alone in a dimly lit room, his thoughts only of Zoicite. He >mournfully gazed down at the floor, silently lamenting a tragedy from >not-too-long ago. BRIANNA [Malachite]: I remember it like it was yesterday...wait a damn minute, it -was- yesterday! > In the rapidly dying glow of the lightning bolt, Malachite >glanced at a small picture he kept close by on a small table. Inside >the gilded frame was a photograph of him and Zoicite. BRIANNA: Taken at a very awkward angle, since he was trying to hold the camera with one hand, while his other was- LINA: Stop right there. CHEETAH: Thank you. >He sighed sadly and picked it up, looking at it woefully. That >photograph was meant to show their dream that they would be together >forever. It no longer represented that dream, since Zoicite was... >Malachite bit his lip. GINA: Well that's an odd name change. >Zoicite was the only person he had ever cared so deeply for in his >entire life; she meant worlds to him, and now she was lost forever, >thanks to Queen Beryl's short temper. > Malachite had never really liked working as Queen Beryl's >champion -- of course, she had ordered him to battle the Sailor >Scouts, which he didn't mind, LINA [Malachite]: Okay, lets see...downsides of this job. One - my employer is a psychotic maniac who has absolutely no concern for her subordinates' well being. Two - said employer is also subject to violent mood swings that can lead to one's instantaneous destruction. Three - with the exception of one (now deceased) co-worker, I dislike all the other employees. Upsides...I get to fight the Sailor Scouts. [pause] Where do I sign up? >but that didn't change his opinion of her at all. He absolutely >despised -- no, loathed BRIANNA: I fail to really see the difference here. >every second he was forced to listen to Beryl's furious ranting and >raving. He hated Beryl with a passion. Malachite had to admit, he >wasn't that great to be around sometimes, but if he was mean, then >Beryl was absolutely heartless. GINA: Well, yes, most evil overlords are. CHEETAH: That's why they're -evil- overlords. BRIANNA: I don't think he's quite grasped this subtle concept. >She had hurt him in such a way that he wasn't sure if he could live >on. She could torture him, rip out his heart with those awful red >claws of hers, CHEETAH: Oh, please do. It would end the story. BRIANNA: Come on, it's not that bad. >and none of that would compare with the indescribable agony he felt >every day because dear, sweet, darling Zoicite was no more. BRIANNA: Why does the author feel compelled to tell us just how wonderful Zoicite was every other paragraph? LINA: To make us feel compassion for a character we normally wouldn't? DIGGERS [applauding]: Ooo, good answer, good answer! [Lina smiles happily.] > He missed her terribly; CHEETAH: Yes, thank you, I think we've established this already. >there wasn't a moment that he didn't think of her, the way she talked >to him, how she hugged him, her warm smile, that wonderful laugh. GINA: Um, what? Wonderful? CHEETAH: Whatever he's smoking, I want some. >While he had taught her useful fighting skills, she had shown him that >there was so much more to life than he had assumed before. CHEETAH: There were long, quiet, romantic walks on the beach to be taken. LINA: There were fantastic feasts of lake dragon to be eaten! CHEETAH: Um... GINA: There were untold hidden treasures to be discovered! LINA: Yeah! CHEETAH: Now hold on a second... BRIANNA: There were all the positions and variations found in the unabridged "Kama Sutra" to be tried! GINA: Hell yeah! LINA: What? CHEETAH: Stop that! >Without her, he felt alone, unloved and dejected. ALL: WE GET THE PICTURE ALREADY! >They had been working together so that their world would be a better >place for themselves, for all of its inhabitants. GINA: Um... CHEETAH: I think this boy's been drinking from the old "Fountain O' Delusions." BRIANNA: Dammit, I thought we blew that up! >Now, as far as Malachite was concerned, a world without his beloved >Zoicite wasn't a world worth living in. > He desperately wanted to kill Queen Beryl for what she had done >to the only woman he ever loved; CHEETAH [to Voice]: Do we really have to sit through the rest of this? VOICE: Yes. CHEETAH: [bleep] LINA: Hey! CHEETAH: Sorry. >he wanted her to pay for Zoicite's death with her lifesblood. >Normally, he wouldn't stoop so low as to seek revenge, but where >Zoicite was concerned, his usual dislike of vengeance was pushed back >into a shadowy corner of his mind to be ignored. LINA: A villain who doesn't like vengeance? BRIANNA: Now -there's- something you don't see everyday. LINA: I'll say - I'm a heroine, and -I- like vengeance. Well, actually it's more like retribution... >But, he knew that Zoicite wouldn't have wanted him to make the same >mistake that she did; she had sought vengeance against Tuxedo Mask for >hurting her several times before, and Queen Beryl had chosen Zoicite >to suffer the ultimate punishment -- death. GINA: No, the ultimate punishment is what we're doing these days. CHEETAH: I'm still trying to figure out what we did to deserve this. > Malachite's ire wasn't aimed at Queen Beryl alone; that stupid >child, Sailor Moon, was to blame as well. BRIANNA: Heeeeere we go... >If she hadn't been so lucky as to know how to use the Imperium Silver >Crystal, Zoicite wouldn't have needed to do very much to get the gem >away from her. CHEETAH: It's amazing how the villains always seem to come up with some way to blame the heroes/heroines for everything bad that happens to them. >Perhaps, if he had just stayed with Zoicite during her duel with >Tuxedo Mask, they would have succeeded in retrieving the crystal from >the Sailor Scout. GINA: Okay, let's recap how many people he now blames for Zoicites' death. LINA: Well, he apparently blames himself... BRIANNA: He blames Queen Beryl... CHEETAH: He probably blames Tuxedo Mask... LINA: He blames Sailor Moon, and possibly the rest of the Scouts as well... BRIANNA: And for good measure, we'll say he blames violence in video games, since it seems to get blamed for just about everything these days. > Malachite guessed, as he took in a shuddering breath, that Queen >Beryl would see him as being weak for grieving. He didn't care. >Without Zoicite, he truly was weak, a melancholy, empty shell of the >person he was at one time. LINA: Oh, get -over- it already. CHEETAH: ...as much as I hate to say it, I can probably see where he's coming from. GINA: Britanny? CHEETAH: I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to Stripe...I've never really thought about it. BRIANNA: Don't worry, sis - nothing will ever happen to come between you two. >Now, obeying Beryl's orders was just something to do in place of >dying, although he felt that, inside, he was already dead. Setting the >picture back on the table, he leaned against the wall, his head hung >in sorrow. > Zoicite, he thought silently, LINA: How else is he going to think? Loudly? >I love you. I miss you more than you will ever know. You'll be in my >heart, forever and always. Then, his body trembling, he did something >he hadn't done in centuries; he gave in to his grief and began to >weep, not even caring if Queen Beryl found out. BRIANNA: And how, exactly, is she supposed to do that, hmmm? > On the table, the little picture stood, freezing a cherished >memory in time forever. Perhaps it was a change in the temperature, a >stress point in the glass, or possibly even a supernatural reaction to >what was happening, but as Malachite sobbed, the glass cracked over >his image's heart. ALL [except Cheetah]: Awwww... [Cheetah looks like she's about to cry.] GINA [noticing]: Britanny? Are you okay? CHEETAH: That...was actually...really sweet... > THE END BRIANNA: Come on, sis, I think you need some air. [They exit.] [1]-[2]-[3]-[4]-[5]-[6] * * * Back on the bridge, the ladies split into two groups. Gina went over to the control console and began working with the hex-field's visual image record, trying to isolate what it was she thought she had seen behind Jinnai earlier. Brianna and Lina, on the other hand, gathered around a suddenly very depressed Cheetah, as she curled up in a ball against one of the walls. "Look, Britanny," began Brianna. "I really don't think you have anything to worry about. You and Stripe love each other more than any other couple I've ever seen. He would never let anything come between you for very long." "But what if he felt he had no choice?" said Cheetah softly. "I mean, he's the prince of the Kryn. What if something happened, and he had to chose between me and his race? There's no way I could ever ask him to choose me over the benefit of his entire people." "In the first place," replied Gina from off to one side, "you may not even have to worry about that. I mean, we don't even know if there are any Kryn left out there, other than the ones that crashed on Earth. And second, if such a situation -did- develop, I'm sure Stripe would do everything he could to make sure you were still together." Brianna nodded. "I think you're getting all worked up over nothing, sis," she said. "That last story was just trying a little too hard to be heart-wrenching." Cheetah nodded reluctantly, still not entirely convinced. Lina wandered over to Gina, who was still fiddling with the hex- field controls. "What are you looking for, anyway?" she asked. "I'd rather not say just yet," the archaeologist answered. "Suffice to say, if it was what I -think- it was, we could be in for some difficult times ahead." Just then the klaxons started going off. "Oh, shoot," muttered Gina. She entered a few more commands into the controls before joining the others in their dash to the theater. "What did you do?" asked Brianna. "I set it on auto-search. Hopefully, it'll have found what I'm looking for by the time we're done here." * * * [6]-[5]-[4]-[3]-[2]-[1] [The ladies all file back in.] LINA: Are you feeling better, Cheetah? CHEETHA: Don't worry, I'm a trooper. > RAZAR BLADE > By Trey Tackett DIGGERS: AHHHHH! NOT AGAIN! LINA: I take it this is bad. CHEETAH: You have no idea. GINA: Unfortunately, you soon will... > ----------------------------- BRIANNA: Due to the accident, traffic has been limited to just one lane... >Sonic The Hedgehog and all related Characters are copyright of SEGA >and Archie Comics. CHEETAH: Oh great, he's diversifying. >Any unauthorizd reproduction of thsi ducument GINA: And here we go. [She sighs wearily.] LINA: What the hell is that? BRIANNA: Par for the course. CHEETAH: That last story was a nice break, though. >will result in a severe beating with a wet noodle. CHEETAH: I'm shaking. GINA: I don't think intimidation was the point. > ------- LINA: Look! Coming over the ridge! It's...the Lone Ranger! [pause] Where am I -getting- these? GINA: I'll look into it when we get back to the lab. >Setting: CHEETAH: Not script -again-... VOICE: Get used to it. >Somewhere over one of Mobius' various oceans. We see a small two- >seater hovercraft flying over teh water. The craft looks like a cross >between a hoverboat and a jet. GINA: Which would mean it's not really a "hovercraft," but more of a "hover -jet-," or even a Harrier. See, a hovercraft is a rather narrowly defined- CHEETAH: Please don't nit-pick, Gina - it only makes this more painful. >The cockpit is covered by an oval shaped glass canopy. BRIANNA: Like usual in a jet. >Setting:In the cockpit. LINA: Does he do this a lot? CHEETAH: All too often, if you ask me. >We see Antoine De Coolette sitting in the pilot's seat while Bunnie >Rabbot is sitting behin him. GINA: Too bad they're sitting in that order, or they could have some fun. BRIANNA: Who says they still can't? LINA: Ewww... CHEETAH: That was -wrong-. > Antoine >I cannot be believing zat Robotnik's sub-bosses are still having >control over Southern Mobius. BRIANNA: Oh no...if I have to put up with his -stupid- accent for the whole story, I'm going to go crazy! GINA: Just stay frosty, Bri. We can handle this. > Bunnie >it's not just Southern Mobius. CHEETAH: Okay, so where's her accent? >He placed sub-bosses in key parts all over in key parts of Mobius. BRIANNA: Oh, no, this isn't modeled after a video game -at-all-... LINA: A "video game?" GINA: We need to get you some modern cultural exposure. CHEETAH: "In key parts all over in key parts?" [pause] DIGGERS: It's the Department of Redundancy Department! >Reports say that Brazina's GINA: "Brazina?" CHEETAH: Maybe it's Brazil's long lost niece. >Freedom Fighters haven't been seen or heard from since ol' Robo-butt >went kaput. > Antoine >And you are sure, zat ze othairs won't be needing our help for >anything? BRIANNA [chanting]: Must stay calm...must stay calm...must stay calm... [The other slowly lean away from her.] > Bunnie >Relax, sugar-twan. CHEETAH: Bunnie...and -Antoine-?! GINA: I think it's just a general term of affection, Brit. I hope. >They'll be able to take care of things back in Mobotropolis. We should >be arrivign in Brazina within the hour. BRIANNA [Austin]: We've got just enough time for a quick shag or two, yeah baby! CHEETAH: Those two "shagging" is not an image I needed. LINA: What's "shag?" [Gina leans over and whispers in the girl's ear.] Ewww... >Setting:outside the cockpit. The craft's speed begins to increase and >it continues on its way. > *** CHEETAH: Okay, now this -definitely- doesn't deserve three stars. LINA: Let's make snowballs! >Setting:Brazina shoreline. We see the hovercraft landing on the sand. >The cockpit opens and Bunnie and Antoine climb out. They look around >to see if anybody saw them land. A jungle lies in front of them. GINA [jungle]: Hey! You're blocking my sun! > Bunnie >Look's like the coast is clear. > Antoine >Bunnie, you know how much i am hating ze puns.... LINA: Huh? GINA: That was just plain stupid. BRIANNA: For some reason, I keep picturing Dr. Scratch-n-Sniff whenever I read Antoine's dialogue. > Bunnie > (snickering) >Sorry 'twan. Let's get the gear. GINA: Xenogears? BRIANNA: Maybe Fei'll go berserk and kill everyone. CHEETAH: We can only hope. >Setting:Deep into the jungle. CHEETAH: You know, Mr. Author, there is such a thing as "staying with a scene." >We see Bunnie an Antoine walking along. LINA: ...blissfully unaware of the pits filled with sharp sticks directly in their path. CHEETAH: I -like- you! >Both have survival backpacks with them. Antoine's sword remains in its >sheath by connected to his belt. A rustle is heard in the bushes. > Antoine > (fearful) >What was zat?! CHEETAH: Wow...someone with less of a spine than Sailor Moon. I never thought I'd see the day. GINA: Remember your counseling, Britanny. > Bunnie > (reashuring) BRIANNA: Her tone has an accent, but she doesn't...great, just great. >Probably just some the local wildlife. CHEETAH [hopeful]: Carnivorous wildlife? LINA: Is she always like this? GINA: She is when the main characters are humanoid animals. >Antoine quivers in fear, but they continue on their way. When they're >out of site, BRIANNA: They're out of mind. LINA: We wish. >A tiger's head appears over the bushes. GINA: Sigfried and Roy must be around here somewhere. >Setting:Farther into the jungle. CHEETAH: Was that scene change -really- necessary? Couldn't he just say, "They wandered deeper into the jungle?!" >Bunnie seems rather calm, but Antoine is very panicky and is looking >everywhich way he can.. GINA: Every which way but loose... >Suddenly, a tiger leaps out from the bushes and tackles Bunnie. ALL: Oof! GINA: That's going to leave a mark. CHEETAH: Good thing they're not playing on artificial turf. >The tiger seems to be the same age as Antoine but is little bit >taller. LINA: Is this another humanoid animal? BRIANNA: Probably, but I'm not sure just yet. And they're generally called "furries," by the way. > Bunnie >AHHH! > Antoine >Bunnie! GINA [bored]: Oh no. The suspense is killing me. CHEETAH [ditto]: I can just feel the excitement. >Antoine unsheaths his sword and charges at the tiger. CHEETAH [to Brianna]: You will say -nothing-. BRIANNA: Awww... >he drop kicks it, ALL: BOOT TO THE HEAD! LINA: Okay, what did I just say? >knocking it to ground. Antoine holds his sword mere inches from the >tiger's BRIANNA: ...mouth. CHEETAH: Dammit, no! >neck. LINA: Whew... GINA: Wow, Antoine did something useful. > Antoine >Are you all right Bunnie? > > Bunnie >Ah'm all right. Let's see who this creep is. BRIANNA: So her accent comes and goes... > Antoine >Now who are you and why did you attack us? > Tiger >Why should i talk? GINA: Jinkies, Tony's really turned hostile these days. > Antoine >If you don't, I shall gut you like a fish! > Tiger >My name is Leo. GINA: That's an odd choice. CHEETAH: At least it's not Tony. GINA: True. >Member of the Brazina Freedom Fighters. BRIANNA [Leo]: I'm not just the president, I'm also a member! > Antoine >Freedom Fighters? LINA [Antoine]: What are those? >Antoine resheaths his sword and helps Leo up. > > Bunnie >Where are all the others? > Leo >Captured. By a mechanical beast named Razar. CHEETAH: Aaaaand we have title connection. >i was on a scouting mission when his troops attacked our base and took >everyone captive. I tried to radio Mobotropolis, but Razar has some >kind of jammer set up all over the island. GINA [lackey]: The radar, sir! It appears to be...jammed! BRIANNA [DH]: Raspberry...only one man would DARE to give me the raspberry...-SCHINK [visor slides down]- Lone Starr! CHEETAH: The "Spaceballs" sketch, ladies and gentlemen. LINA: How did you -do- that? > Bunnie >Just who is this Razar fella anywho? BRIANNA: He's eeeeevil. CHEETAH: You really like that joke, don't you. GINA: With a name like Razar, he'd almost have to be. LINA: Yeah, like Rezo. > Voice > (behind Bunnie) ALL [look up] VOICE: That's not me, dammit! >Your about to find out! > >Bunie and the other turn just in time to see a pair of Combots gas >them. >They fall to the groun out cold. > *** GINA: Better watch out for icy patches on the road, what with all this snow. >Setting:Outside the jungle. We see a large fortress guarded by a >variety of SWATbots sitting in a clearing. BRIANNA [Barbrady]: Nothing to see here, move along, you lookie-loos! >Setting:Inside the fortress dungeon. We see Antoine tied to the wall >by cables. Bunnie is caught in a gravitational field. Both begin to >stir. CHEETAH: ...their pina coladas. > Bunnie >Oh, mah aching...everything.... > > Antoine >Last zing I remember, was seeing 2 combots gas us. Which means... BRIANNA: You're screwed. CHEETAH: Very. GINA: As long as this doesn't turn into ASADAE...[the sisters all shudder] LINA: What? BRIANNA: You don't want to know...-believe- me. > Razar > (off screen) >Your my prisoners. > >Bunnie and Antoine turn toward the doorway and see a a creatur that is >part cyborg, adn part tiger. CHEETAH: Five bucks says this is Leo's brother, or some other relative. GINA: Pass. BRIANNA: Ditto. LINA: No thanks. >This is Razar. BRIANNA: And he is an alcoholic. >The left side of his face is flesh and blood while the right side is >cybernetic. His right shoulder and entire left arm are cybernetic, >along with his chest, tail, right leg, and both feet. > > Razar >I trust my Big brother leo told you about me? GINA: Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner. CHEETAH: Please, it wasn't that hard. > Antoine >You brothair?! BRIANNA: That just looks...really odd. > Razar >Yes, Leo is my brother. Which is why i enjoy seeing him suffer. LINA: Typical. >Bunnie and Antoine turn and see the Leo is dangling from the celieng >over a large pit of spikes. GINA [Spike Lee]: Go Knicks! BRIANNA [Spike the dog]: Where's that darn Tom cat? CHEETAH: And another bad pun. > Leo >he wasn't always like this.... BRIANNA: Oh, of course not. CHEETAH: They never are. > Razar >He's right. I owe my body to the Ultimate Anniahlator's destruction. GINA: I sense a contrivance approaching. > Bunnie >Come again? BRIANNA [Chef]: Damn woman, I just gave you sweet love five minutes ago. You trying to kill me? CHEETAH: Ugh... > Razar >I was the runt of the family. The outcast. i had to stay and guard >plants while the other went to battle Robotnik's Combots. LINA: I hope we're not supposed to feel sorry for him. CHEETAH: I hope we're not supposed to feel sorry for any of them. >i got tired of this, so I went off on my own. I was captured by a >Combot and was being escorted here when The ultimate Anniahlator blew >up. The shockwave it sent across Mobius came rushing right towards me >and the bot. We were both caught in it. It should have killed both of >us, but instead, it fuzed us together into what you see now. GINA: There it is! BRIANNA: So he's a Fuzor, then. CHEETAH: Find Quickstrike, I'm sure he'd -love- to put this guy out of his misery. > Antoine >And what have you done with ze other Freedom Fighters? CHEETAH [Razar]: I sent them to Disneyland! > Razar >They're still alive, but I've locked them away like I'm about to do >with you three. BRIANNA: Or not. >A pair of Combots come in and take the three prisoners away. > *** LINA: Don't those kind of look like little people? GINA: I suppose so... CHEETAH: I just realized that we haven't seen hide or hair of Sonic yet. >Setting: Razar's throne room. This looks like your typical throne >room, except that it is littered with destroyed Combots and SWATbots. BRIANNA: I see Razar is given to violent mood swings. GINA: Just like almost every other evil overlord. >A SWATbot comes in pushing the device holding Bunnie captive. Razar >walks up to it after the SWATbot leaves. GINA [softly]: No ASADAE...no ASADAE... BRIANNA: It bothered you -that- much? >Razar smiles and deactivates the machine. > > Bunnie >What do you want with me? BRIANNA: ...out of deference to you, Gina, I'm going to keep my mouth shut. GINA: Thank you. BRIANNA: This time. > Razar >I want you to rule Brazina by my side. CHEETAH: Why am I not surprised? LINA: Why do the villains always seem to insist on trying to convert one or more of the heroes to their side? > Bunnie >WHAT?! > Razar >you heard me. > Bunnie >Why me? BRIANNA: Because you're the only other female character for most of the show? CHEETAH: And the only one that doesn't currently have a strong love interest? > Razar >Because, we are both alike. LINA: Aside from the fact that he's got far more metal parts, and is completely evil and psychotic. > Bunnie >We're nothing alike! > >Razar grabs Bunnie's cybernetic arm with his cybernetic arm. GINA [author]: 'Scuse me, just trying to emphasize a point here. > Razar >Look again. We're both cybrogs. Deformities of the robotacized >population. Join me, and I can make your wildest dreams come true. > Bunnie >Huh? BRIANNA [Bunnie]: You can get me a hotel room with Brad Pitt and five gallons of whipped cream? CHEETAH: Brianna... > Razar >Along with this body, I recieved massive amounts of knowledge. I cn do >nearly ANYTHING. GINA [Bunnie]: Can you program my VCR? BRIANNA [Razar]: Well...no, actually. But I can burp the alphabet! >Razar grabs Bunnie and gives her a long passionate kiss. LINA: Grrr... CHEETAH: I think someone's in for some pain. BRIANNA: With our luck, she'll enjoy it and this will turn into a lemon. LINA: Lemon? What does fruit have to do with this? GINA: Oh, not again... >While he's not looking, Bunnie's cyberhand sinks into her arm and her >arm cannon rises into place. > >She breaks off from Razar, LINA [Bunnie]: -SNAP- Ouch! >but he holds her close. BRIANNA [Ash]: Gimme some sugar, baby. CHEETAH: Don't give him any ideas. > Bunnie >The only dream Ah want fullfilled is to be mah normal self again! LINA: And the accent's back! >She jabs the cannon into Razar's chest and is about to fire when she >notices that her arm is no longer cybernetic, but flesh and blood. GINA: So, if her cannon came out of her arm, and her arm is now flesh and blood...what happened to the cannon. BRIANNA: Don't think about the story, sis, you'll just give yourself a headache. CHEETAH [to Lina]: That's a good rule to remember. [Lina nods.] >A gold light is coming from Razar's metal palm and is illuminating >Bunnie's arm. CHEETAH: So now he is apparently -god-. BRIANNA: Maybe this is a self-insertion. > Razar >I told you, ANYTHING is possible with me. BRIANNA: No, "NEARLY anything" is possible with you. GINA: See above. > Bunnie >Oh Mah STARS! LINA: Maybe she'll go over to evil. CHEETAH: It would certainly be an interesting twist. GINA: Which, of course, means it's not going to happen. >The light disappears and Bunnie's arm reverts back to its cybernetic >self. > *** GINA: My god, it's full of stars! BRIANNA: Video game stars... CHEETAH: Where the hell's Sonic, that's what I want to know! >Setting:Prison Cell. We see Antoine lying in a corner. Leo is next to >him. BRIANNA: Their bodies glistening with sweat, as they lay basking in the afterglow of their love. CHEETAH: I think I'm going to be sick. LINA: Urk...[clutches her stomach] >Their is a large group of tigers standing around them. > > Tiger#1 GINA [Tiger#1]: So...can we eat them? >Are they.... > Tiger#2 >No. They'll be ok. ALL: Damn! >But those Combots really slapped them around... BRIANNA [Combot]: CALL ME QUEEN! CHEETAH: There's an image I don't need... GINA: I wonder if they're related to Cambot. >Antoine begins to move around. > > Antoine >ooooh. My aching head. GINA: Which could be taken any number of ways. LINA: Would you stop that? >he looks down at his belt and notices that teh Combots didn't take his >sword. LINA: Wha? CHEETAH: And the contrivances just keep on coming. > Antoine >At least I've still got my sword. GINA: And another member of the M.O.T.O.C. LINA: M.O.T.O.C? CHEETAH: It stands for "Masters of the Obvious Cult." BRIANNA: Just about every series has a member. >He looks around. > > Antoine >You must be ze Brazina Freedom Fighters, yes no? BRIANNA: Maybe so? > Tiger#3 >yes, we are. A SWATbot took your rabbit friend. > > Antoine >Bunnie?! LINA [Antoine]: Who's that? GINA: I'm getting the feeling you don't like him. LINA: My, what ever gave you that idea? > Tiger#2 >It may be to late for her. > > Antoine >I refuse to be believing zat! > >Setting:Back in Razar's throne room. BRIANNA: ...we find that Bunnie has given into her passions and is giving Razar more pleasure than he had ever dreamed of. LINA: Brianna... > Razar >So what is your decision. Will you join me, or will you perish like >the others are going to? CHEETAH [Bunnie]: I'll take what's behind door number 3! GINA [Razar]: It's a neeeeew car! LINA: What? > Bunnie >yes, Ah have decided. BRIANNA [Bunnie]: With God as mah witness, ah swear ah shall never go hungry again! > Razar >And what is your decision? LINA: To kill you and end this story. GINA: He's an author creation, I don't think it will be that easy. >Once more, Bunnie's arm cannon slides into place. She blasts Razar >square in the chest with a plasma beam. ALL: Yay! GINA: Then again... >Razar falls to the ground, smoke and electricity comming from the >blasted area. > Bunnie >To save mah friends. > Razar >You'd give up your humanity for a bunch of worthless friends?! CHEETAH: Why must villains always be so thickheaded? LINA: "Humanity?" Isn't she a- GINA: What did we tell you about thinking about the story? > Bunnie >There is no humanity without friends. BRIANNA: Nice sentiment...coming from a RABBIT! >Bunnie activates her feet boosters and rockets out of the room. > *** BRIANNA: Incoming shuriken! CHEETAH: Must be Galford... GINA: Where's Pee Wee? >Setting:Prison cell. Antoine looks up to see Bunnie landing. BRIANNA [Neil Armstrong]: The Bunnie has landed. > Antoine >BUNNIE! Your are safe! GINA: "You're safe?" "You're our safe?" BRIANNA: You're overanalyzing again. > Bunnie >Why wouldn't Ah be safe sugar-twan? Now stand back while Ah take out >the door. CHEETAH: Bunnie's found a boyfriend! LINA: Huh? CHEETAH: She said she was going to "take out the door." Get it? Like, take it out on a date? Eh? [Lina just looks at her.] Oh, never mind. BRIANNA [whispering to Lina]: Well done. [Lina grins.] >Everyone backs away from the bars as Bunnie rips them from the wall. > > Bunnie >Everyone out! GINA: It's adult swim! BRIANNA: La-ame. GINA: Bite me. >Everyone cheers and runs out. Antoine and Leo are the last ones out. > > Antoine >Thank you Bunnie. BRIANNA [Bunnie]: You can "thank me" properly later. GINA [Antoine]: I'll bring the cherries. CHEETAH: You two... > Leo >Let's get out of here before Razar gets here. LINA: They're probably too late. > Razar >Its to late for that brother. [The sisters all applaud. Lina stands up and bows.] >They turn to see Razar, who's chest is still smoking, standing in >their path. > > Razar >The others may be safe, but you three, will DIE HERE AND NOW! CHEETAH: Talk, talk, talk. >He lunges at Leo, but Bunnie K.O.'s him with her cybernetic arm. LINA: Y'know, for some reason I just can't seem to work up that much fear over this guy. GINA: I know what you mean...when one of the characters -other- than Sonic can beat somebody up, you know there's something wrong with them. > Bunnie >Think again bozo! > >Bunnie arms her cannon and prepares to blast Razar again, but Leo >stops her. BRIANNA: Oh, please no... CHEETAH: Don't tell me he wants to finish this himself. > Leo >NO! Let me do this Bunnie. ALL: ARRRRRGGGGHHH! LINA: Why can't people ever accept help when it's offered to them?! > Bunnie >Ah hope you know what your doing sugar. > Antoine >Leo, take my sword. BRIANNA [Leo]: Now? With all these people watching? LINA: Gah! CHEETAH: You... >Leo takes antoine's sword and turns toward Razar, who is just now >getting up. GINA: He was K.O.'ed, and he's already getting up? What's wrong with this picture? >The mettalic side of his face has a large dent near the top from where >Bunnie hit him. Bunnie grabs on to Antoine and they rocket out of the >room. > > Leo >This ends here Razar. > Razar >14 years of torment from you. Now you will see how it feels. LINA: Now -that's- stock dialogue. >Razar and Leo charge at each other, Leo flips over Razar and slashes >his back with the sword when he lands. Razar howls in pain. > > Razar >You'll pay for that. CHEETAH: Will you take a check? >3 foot long claws extend from Razar's cybernetic hand. BRIANNA: 3 -feet-?! GINA: They'd have to be bigger than he is! CHEETAH: That -has- to mess with his balance. LINA: I don't think that's quite what he meant... > Leo >Sorry, don't feel like paying. LINA: I swear, no one takes any time to really practice good comebacks anymore. [The others nod.] >Leo ducks as Razar takes a swipe at him, and jabs the sword into >Razar's cybernetic legs. > > Razar >ARRRRRRRRRG!!!!!! CHEETAH: This villain is -really- pathetic. BRIANNA: How in the world was he able to strike terror into the hearts of -anyone-? GINA: What happened to mister "I can do almost anything?" CHEETAH: Apparently one of those things he can't do is be any good in a fight. >Razar falls to the ground clutching his leg. Leo stands over him. LINA: Ladies and gentlemen, the most pointless fight in the history of fanfiction! > Leo >Forgive me, my brother. GINA: For I have sinned. CHEETAH: This story is a sin. >Leo raises the sword above his head. BRIANNA [McCloud]: There can be only one. > *** GINA: It's "Space Invaders!" Where's my controller.... >Setting:outside the fortress back in the jungle. Bunnie and Antoine >turn to see Leo walking up towards them. > > Bunnie >Leo! CHEETAH [Bunnie]: You're alive? Dam-I mean, welcome back! > Antoine >What happened to Razar? > Leo >Razar.... will not bother anyone EVER again.... LINA: Oh, come off it, he's still alive. BRIANNA: How do you know? LINA: Leo's a loser, there's no way Razar -couldn't- still be alive. > Bunnie >That's good. CHEETAH [Bunnie]: That means I get to finish you myself! HA! > Leo >Maybe... > >Leo hands Antoine his sword. Blood is covering the sharp end of the >blade. > > Leo >Here's your sword. it may require a little cleaning. CHEETAH [Antoine]: I'll clean it...BY RAMMING IT THROUGH YOUR PATHETIC GUT! GINA: BRITANNY! CHEETAH: Oh...sorry... > Bunnie >oh Leo. I'm sorry... > Leo >You hav enothing to be sorry about. Razar was always evil at heart, BRIANNA: But I thought he said his brother wasn't always this way? GINA: Apparently he lied. >I just hope The powers that be GINA: What do Shinji and Lynxara have to do with this? CHEETAH: You've been reading way too much AAA, Gina. >we'll show forgiveness on him.... LINA: Um, Magic Voice? VOICE: Yes? LINA: Could you replay that whole line? VOICE: Compliance! >I just hope The powers that be we'll show forgiveness on him... LINA: Is it just me, or did he just claim that he's one of the Powers that Be? BRIANNA: Well I'll be damned... GINA: So will he if the Powers ever find out about it. [silence] CHEETAH: So, who wants to tell them? [all raise their hands] > Antoine >We must be going Bunnie. > Bunnie >Alright Antoine. Good bye Leo. > Leo >Goodbye Bunnie, Antoine. > Antoine >Farewell Leo. ALL: JUST LEAVE, ALREADY! >Bunnie and Antoine turn and start to make their way back towards the >hovercraft. GINA: Hover -jet-. CHEETAH: Not again... >Leo smiles and makes his way towards the group of tigers standing >behind him. > *** BRIANNA [singing]: Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow... GINA [ditto]: Hey now, you're an all star! CHEETAH: What, it's not over yet? >Setting:Back in the fotress. GINA: I have a sneaking suspicion you were right, Lina. LINA: Of course. >We see Razar laying lifeless on the floor, blood is covering a hole >in his chest the size of Antoine's sword.Razar's cybernetic eye begins >to glow dark red. BRIANNA: Take me away, Calgon! > THE END GINA: The two best words I've seen today. CHEETAH: What the hell was the point of that story?! AND WHERE THE [BLEEP] WAS SONIC?!?! BRIANNA: Um, let's continue this outside, sis. [They exit.] [1]-[2]-[3]-[4]-[5]-[6] * * * Cheetah was pacing the bridge, a grim scowl on her face. Brianna was trying to get her sister to calm down, while Gina and Lina were back at the control panel again, checking to see what the auto scan of the vid-records had turned up. "Okay, I'll admit," Brianna was saying, "that the story was a little pointless, but-" "A -little- pointless?!" growled the were-cat. "Brianna, that was the most USELESS waste of disk space I think I've ever seen! There was no real plot, no story development, no character development, no action, no romance - nothing! And on top of that, the title character of the series was completely absent; the whole thing was constructed around an irritating support character and one obligatory female cast member!" "Don't forget that the villain was utterly pathetic," added Lina. "Will you stay out of this?" retorted Brianna. "I'm trying to get her calmed down, not more riled." Surprisingly, however, Cheetah -was- apparently calming down. "You're right, Brianna," she said. "The story was stupid and pointless; but it's not worth getting angry about. Besides, it was short, so I suppose I should just be grateful for at least that." "Exactly!" said Brianna, happy that the crisis was over. She then turned her attention to her older sister. "So, did that thing find what you were looking for?" Gina looked up from her work. "Sort of. It found the vid sequence I wanted, but I can't get the resolution adjusted enough to confirm my suspicions." "Which are...?" asked Cheetah, as the two sisters wandered over. "I already told you, I'm not going to say. If I'm right, I don't want everyone getting worked up ahead of time. And if I'm -wrong-, I don't want everyone getting worked up over nothing." The were-cat shrugged. "Whatever, Gina. Do you think you can handle the Boy Wonder? I want to get back to my beach program." "Go ahead. You too, Brianna and Lina - I'll be fine here." "If you insist," said Brianna. The three of them headed off towards the Holocabana, discussing possible ways to change the simulation to make it more enjoyable. Gina continued to tweak the controls, until finally the communications light started flashing. "It's about time," she muttered as she reached over to tap it. The face that greeted her, however, quickly changed her attitude from irritation to shock and anger. "Peachbody!" she exclaimed, as the visage of the evil canine scientist from the future appeared on the hex-field. "It's good to see you too, Miss Diggers," the dog said. "And before you ask, no I have -not- taken control of the satellite away from Jinnai. Benji and I managed to infiltrate the boy's little base of operations, once I learned that you and your sisters had been placed on that orbiting fun house. I must say, it's been quite entertaining watching you squirm these past weeks. I would have kept myself hidden for longer, but I was careless earlier and wandered into the room while Jinnai was talking. I thought you might have seen me, and my suspicions were confirmed when I noticed you were trying to access the visual records from that time frame. So, I've decided to spare you the trouble." Gina glared at him. "What do you want?" Peachbody just smirked at her. "All in due time, my dear. For now, I'm simply enjoying seeing you all suffer. I might let you know what I plan for you...-after- it's been done, of course. Oh, and let's just keep my presence here our little secret, hmm? That includes your friends up there - and before you go considering telling them, remember that I can do anything Jinnai can do, which includes shutting down life support. Till next time, Miss Diggers." With that, the hex-field irised shut. Gina stood there for several minutes, thinking about what had just happened. After much deliberation, she came to her conclusion. "We are -so- screwed..." * * * Mr. MiSTer's notes: What a contrast, eh? When I first read the first story (thanks for offering that up, Amanda!), I didn't really think it deserved a MiSTing. When I came back to it a few months later, however, and actually -tried- to work on it, I found that the jokes came fairly easily, and I thought it turned out fairly well. Still, I think it's very well written, and I wish AB good luck in all her future writing endeavors. I -still- haven't figured out what the point of the Sonic story was. Trey? More changes in the works! I recently managed to fill in almost all the gaping holes in my "Gold Digger" collection, so I'm now up to date with the story through the most recent issue, and I'll be keeping up to date in the future. I'm thinking about wrapping up the adventures on the satellite, and moving the Diggers back to their home. While I'll probably lose some elements (the inventions, the evil masterminds, etc.), I think it's worth it to be able to bring the overall story up to date, and to be able to have access to -all- the GD cast members. As for guest characters...well, I'm sure Gina and Brianna can figure something out. Figure on two, maybe three more stories in the current format/setting. And for those of you who know the GD story-line - yes, I was engaging in blatant foreshadowing in the interlude. Deal with it. No offense is meant to either Sailor Alderaan or Colley - this is just another form of commentary. Besides, you offered the stories up >:). Oh, and my apologies to Colley for the last MiSTing - I sent it in before I had a chance to add the note you said I should add. In retrospect, then, here it is: "Kats in the Pride Lands" was written to be MiSTied, basically - Colley says his new stuff is much better. Please send any and all comments to: ctrand@yahoo.com. > He didn't let his satisfaction show, however, because just then, >Beryl's hands moved around the stormy-grey, crystal orb-handle of her >wand;