MSTed by: Mark Foster - foster@powerup.com.au Original author: Brett Handy. Appleseed is the creation of Masamune Shirow and is owned and copyrighted by Masamune Shirow, Seishinsha and Dark Horse. Ranma 1/2 copyright Ruminko Takashi/ Shogakukan Inc. MST3K is copyright Best Brains Inc. Shifters is the work of Brett Handy and is copyrighted by him. ---------------------- (Sattelite of Hitomi) [Fang is watching a nature documentary on the viewscreen, Briareos is working on the teleport machine and Sokaku is using the computer.] BRIAREOS: Soon I'll have this damn 'Plot Contrivance Field' disabled! SOKAKU: Hey guys! Come over here! We've got mail! [Fang and Briareos join Sokaku at the computer.] SOKAKU: Here's Chuck Williamson. BRIAREOS: The guy who sent 'Neo Armaggedon Evangelist' to Hitomi? SOKAKU: Er, yeah. >Hi, > >Ah, yes. The one I felt the utmost pity for. :oP Whoo! I'm glad >someone grabbed that fanfic... Whenever I found it lurking in my mailbox >one morning, I'm simply knew that this was destined to be one of the worst >EVA author avatar fanfics ever. But it was also the most sick and vile >piece of tripe I had ever devoted myself to reading... ALL: Yep, yep, yep! >Anyway, before I read this MSTing, I decided to get to know your MSTing >crew a bit better (seeing as though I've only seen the shoddy anime >version of Appleseed), and to possibly find further appreciation of your >brand of humor. So, on I went to read Trial by Fire. ALL: Oooohhhh! >And I laughed my ass off. ALL: YAAYY! >I can't name many people who could make a fanfic as cliche and monotonous >as Trial by Fire funny, but you did a splendid job. Ugh! It felt as if I >were listening to a Gundam history lesson. *_* Thank God for the >riffings, or I would have gone mad. BRIAREOS: Thanks very much, we aim to please! >Your MSTing of NAE is possibly even more funny. There were litterally >times whenever the people downstairs were asking me what was so goddamned >funny. :oP Usually, there are rare times when the fanfic outfunnies the >MSTing, but this time, despite how incoherent (what exactly WAS everyone's >goal?!?) and silly the original fic was, I found that the MSTing only >surpassed it. SOKAKU: Yes, we're legends aren't we? Yeahh babbyy. FANG: Don't let your ego explode, Sokaku. >By the way, thanks for the special note at the end of the fic. I'll be >looking forward to the bomb. ^_^ >Now, off to finish riffing The Wizard of NERV. *_* >Chuck Williamson >"Put on this dress and let me..." >- Washington Blastmov >You get the idea. ^_^ ALL: Oh yes we do! SOKAKU: And from Max Fauth of Elmer Studios. >Oh, god... >Man, that was bad. I mean, it's sick and stupid and dark and all... But >it's mostly just plain goofy. Really, absolutely, stupidly goofy. The >authour clearly hasn't the faintest about EVA or its many divverse themes, >and just wanted to vent their sick little fantasies. Or maybe it was part >antific anyway. Oh well, they enjoyed "The Matrix," so there's got to be >something wrong with them ^_^ SOKAKU: Hey! I liked the Matrix! FANG: Well, you just proved his point! SOKAKU: Oh, shut up! >Congrats to the three of you for standing up to that one. I'd originally >wanted to grab it myself, but... Oh well. Best of luck getting down from >there in the future. Say, drop into Sydney again sometime and I'll buy you >guys a burger. ALL: Thanks! We might take you up on that offer sometime. >Gotta go. I've got a TV to replace (sigh...) SOKAKU: Maybe you should buy one of those 'Plot Contrivance Fields' to protect 'em? >Max Fauth SOKAKU: And from Keith Palmer. > > I've just read your MSTing of "Neo Armageddon Evangelist," and felt > compelled to send comments to you for the first time. I had already > noticed your work on "Trial by Fire," including your non-standard > setting. I generally don't like non-standard MSTings that seem to > demand that I understand its characters, from a series I've never > seen, the same way the author does. Since I've only read one issue of > the Appleseed manga (which somebody scanned into the form of a > computer-based comic years ago), I wasn't absolutely sure I would > remain interested after starting to read the opening host segment. > However, since I was more or less familiar with Gundam, I decided to > give your work a try. When I have a chance to grasp the characters > (as with the original characters of Kazei 5 or Elmer Studios) and the > MSTing is of something I understand well enough to see how it's being > mangled (again going back to those two groups), I can greatly enjoy a > non-standard MSTing. > BRIAREOS: We try to make our riffs understandable for all. > Now that I've tried to say how I felt inclined to read your work, I'll > say that I liked your work on "Neo Armageddon Evangelist." The > characters didn't seem to be devoting every second riff to injokes > that only an Appleseed fan would understand (although, as you said, I > found the closing segment with the characters escaping to Earth for > ten minutes a trifle pointless), and the occasionally jarring > mid-sentence interjections that I noticed back in "Trial by Fire" > didn't seem that bad this time around. It also helped that I'm quite > familiar with Evangelion, and the fanfic was quite bad, with its > slightly pointless if overpowered main character and the gratuitous > slaughter of everybody from the real series. If you continue "Trial > by Fire," I think I'll keep reading and enjoying it. > FANG: We'd love to do more 'Trial by Fire' but the author has dropped off the net. We certainly hope he does more. SOKAKU: We try keep the Appleseed riffs to a minimumz BRIAREOS: Wow, we got fanmail! At last! Bwahahaha. [The nature documentary on the Viewscreen is replaced by Hitomi and Yoshi's looming visages.] HITOMI:[on Viewscreen] Hello, Lab rats! Have I got some tripe for YOU! BRIAREOS: Oh oh... YOSHI: [on V.S] It's big! HITOMI: [on V.S] It's very big! YOSHI: [on V.S] It's so big that we have to send it to you in six parts! ALL: ARRGHH! HITOMI: [on V.S] It's Brett Handy's 'Shifters'! BRIAREOS: Hey, I thought Elmer Studios did that? YOSHI: [on V.S] That was the second season set in the Bugglegum Crisis- SOKAKU: That's BUBBLEGUM! YOSHI: [on V.S] Whatever. This is the first season, set in the Ranma 1/2 universe. HITOMI: [on V.S] Enough babbling! Into the theatre! You get a break after every second part. [The fanfic sign starts flashing.] BRIAREOS: ARRGH! We've got the fanfic sign! [All three rush into the theatre. They sit down in order: Sokaku, Briareos and Fang.] > An Eagle soared over the majestic peaks of SOKAKU: Pamel-- FANG: NO! > the Rocky > Mountains, moving from one rising thermal to another. Predator > that this eagle is, he takes no notice of the scurrying forms BRIAREOS: -of the exiled clan of Lawyers. > amongst the underbrush, looking for bigger prey. Movement, a > frantic figure moving from under the huge pine trees, across an > open clearing. "At last", thought Hardcourt, "I've finally got SOKAKU: [as Hardcourt] -a girl! FANG: [as Hardcourt] -a life. BRIAREOS: [as Hardcourt] -the new Star Wars toys! FANG: Bitter? BRIAREOS: Yes. SOKAKU: The Force is back and its been merchandised to hell! > the bitch". The eagle pulled back its wings and dived sharply. SOKAKU: [as Hardcourt] Bombs away! *ka-splat* FANG: Eww... > > "Got to keep... BRIAREOS: [as woman] -this Phantom Menace....Graphic Novel....safe...from the forces of evil...those...Australian comic shops....will... have it...on...sale...before...the movie...is out....there... FANG: Bitter? BRIAREOS: Yes. > going" gasped Marina, weakly. FANG: Wow, the Department of redundancy department shows up in the strangest of places. > She glanced > up in time to see a blur of feathers as the eagle's talons bit > into her shoulder. SOKAKU: [as Hardcourt] Tastes like chicken! > Marina tumbled to the ground, rolling so that the > eagle went under her body. SOKAKU: [as Hardcourt] Wow, nice.. FANG: *cough cough* airlock *cough* SOKAKU: [as Hardcourt] -dress. > She stumbled to her feet and looked, in > horror, at the eagle on the ground in front of her, as it slowly began > to melt and reform. BRIAREOS: It's an Animorph! ALL: NOOOOOOO! > "Not as easy to leave the conclave as you > thought, eh Marina", said Hardcourt, as his body regained it's full > human shape. SOKAKU: His deformed human shape. FANG: Couldn't he have chosen a better body than one like Igor's? > "Go to hell, Hardcourt!!", snarled Marina, drawing her > pistol and firing all in one motion. SOKAKU: And shooting herself in the foot! BRIAREOS: [as Marina] I'm not going back to your Type A generic Evil Organisation! SOKAKU: [as Shagia Frost] Go to hell without seeing the Moon. FANG: Go directly to hell, do not pass limbo and collect 200 karma. > Hardcourt stumbled as the 9mm round hit him in the chest, BRIAREOS: [as Grandpa Simpson] Damn shapeshifters these days, why in my day a good 9mm would have caused the chickens to flee! > Marina turned and started to run. "It seems the 'little woman', SOKAKU: Ahh, remember that classic 'Little Women by Jackie Chan' sketch on Full Frontal? FANG: [makes garbled sounds] [Captions appear at the bottom of the screen: 'That's all folks!'] SOKAKU: I'll take that as a 'yes' > has as much fight in her as her 'husband' used to", he wheezed. BRIAREOS: A 9mm in the lung will do that to you. > At this Marina turned, her eyes betraying the shock that she > felt, as she realised what he meant. "You.. You monster!!", she BRIAREOS: [as Marina] Abba are having a re-union? NOOOO! SOKAKU: [as Marina] You and your damn Swedish pop groups! FANG: [as Marina] How could inflict them on the innocent public? > screamed, turning and emptying her pistol into his hunched over > form. Hardcourt twitched as each bullet hit his body, but each > one passed through harmlessly, hitting a tree on the edge of the BRIAREOS: [as Tree] Damn humans! These days a tree can't live for thousands of years in peace! They gotta come along and pump us full of lead! > clearing. Hardcourt smiled, and stood, his body already > expelling the previous bullet ALL: OH MY GOD! FANG: Couldn't he have at least gone behind a tree? BRIAREOS: Well, at least it wasn't a Bondi cigar. > that he didn't have a chance to > defend against. > > "So where, is it??", Hardcourt asked politely, SOKAKU: [as Hardcourt] I want that Anakin figure! > moving slowly > toward her. Marina began to back slowly away, until she felt the > stone of a cliff face behind her. "Well...", Hardcourt said, stepping > closer. Marina spat in his face, "You'll never find her, she's safe". BRIAROES: [as Marina] My Princess Amidala figure will never be found! > "Oh, is that so, well I think she will be much less safe, with you > gone", he replied, raising his fist. A tortured scream echoed down > the long ravine, cut off abruptly. BRIAREOS: [as Marina] Nooooo! Don't put on the Backstreet Boys CD! > Hardcourt stepped back from the body lying propped up > against the cliff, bringing his fist down on an unoffending rock, > shattering it. "You fool!!!", a voice said from behind him. FANG: [as voice] You're not supposed to release the novel version until AFTER the movie! BRIAREOS: [growls] Someone tell that to Lucasarts. SOKAKU: Okay, okay! Now...any more Star Wars riffs will get us in the SVAM's Fandom Menace section. > He > looked over his shoulder at the young woman moving up from the edge of > the trees. "You killed her without authorisation", she said savagely. [All growl] FANG: She's Kazarette of the Savage lands! > Hardcourt turned and walked down the slop BRIAREOS: So he's walking down Fang's cooking? FANG: Hey! My cooking isn't that bad! [Sokaku and Briareos try to contain their laughter.] FANG: Critics. > towards the young woman. > "She wasn't going to talk anyway", he replied. BRIAREOS: [as Hardcourt] Not unless we gave her a lollypop. > The girl looked up the > slope at Marina's shattered body. "It was not your decision to make, > Hardcourt.. she should have been brought back for trial", she stated. BRIAREOS: [as girl] And THEN we would have killed her with Backstreet Boy's CDs for no reason! > Hardcourt looked contemptuously down at the woman facing him, "Your > know the law, she was as good as dead anyway", he stated. SOKAKU: [as Hardcourt] I AM the LAW! > "The law, Hardcourt, is not for you to decide on, only the > Conclave can make that decision", the young woman replied. "Very well > Madaline, lets see what the Conclave has to say about this", said BRIAREOS: [as Conclave] Hello, my name is Jeff. I like Jello! > Hardcourt, turning and shimmering into the form of a eagle. The Eagle FANG: -has landed. > took off in a swirl of dust and leaves, spiralling up towards the > mountain peak. Madaline, looked across the clearing at her one-time SOKAKU: -lover. FANG: -mother. BRIAREOS: -mentor. > friend. "You should have know this would happen, Marina, half-breeds > are not allowed", her eyes softened as she looked off towards the > horizon. "A human like yourself, is not allowed to BRIAREOS: [as Madeline] -dance the Macarana! > bear a > True-Shifter's offspring". Madaline glanced for a final time at the > body of her friend, then she shimmered into the form of a falcon, > spread her wings and flew away. SOKAKU: [singing] Fly away! Fly away! Nobotte Yukou! > As the falcon disappeared in the distance, a raven flew from it's > perch over to the body of the young woman. It let out a sad cry, SOKAKU: [as raven] Damn carrion is sub-rate these days! > jumped into the air, and flew off towards the horizon. > > A Ranma1/2 Fan-Fic > SHIFTERS FANG: The crime. SOKAKU: Shift happens. [Briareos and Fang groan] > > Part 1 > > By > > Brett Handy FANG: The perpetrator. > > With thanks to Hubert Santos ALL: Gee THANKS, Hubert! FANG: The accomplice. > In a silent, darkened room, monitors click on and SOKAKU:[as sensei] -off. Monitor on. Monitor Off. Monitor On. Monitor Off. > computer systems whirr, as a figure sits in a chair in front of a > series of blank screens. BRIAREOS: [as figure] 1,500 channels on cable and not ONE decent show! > The dark figure pushes a series of buttons BRIAREOS: C, colon, Enter. F-O-R-M-A-T, space, C, colon, Enter. Y, Enter. > and the screens light up, showing scenes from around the world: SOKAKU: Strangely they all featured people getting naked! BRIAREOS: Porn, popular in any language! SOKAKU: This message is brought to you by the World Council for Unity via Porn. FANG: I'll unify my fist with your face if you don't shut up. > Stockmarkets, traffic flowing along unknown highways, people in a SOKAKU: -theatre being forced to read fanfiction by a bint and her assistant > bank. The centre screen lights up suddenly displaying an image of a > man in a grey business suit. SOKAKU: Working by himself, ifyouknowwhatimean! FANG: Like you do, Sokaku? > > "Have you located the target yet??", said the first voice. BRIAREOS: [as second voice] No! I keep telling you, when we find a shop with garlic flavour ice-cream we'll tell you! > > "Yes, surprisingly there seems to be more than one target at my > present location", replied the second SOKAKU: [as second voice] Damn cheap Korean knock-offs! > > "Very unusual, how many possible targets?", asked the first. "I > have as many as seven possible targets", the second voice > stated. BRIAREOS: [as first] And there are more Spice Girls clone groups popping up all the time! > > "That many???", replied the first, "are you sure you don't > want backup??". FANG: I counted five question marks in that sentece. That's a sure sign of dementia. SOKAKU: Or a failed attempt to show 'excitement' or 'puzzlement'. > > "No, I have no need for backup at this time", said the > second. "So how is the Circle taking news of this action??" BRIAREOS: [as first] They've told us to cut down on the question marks!!! > "Not good, they are all of the opinion that we should just FANG: [as first] -run away like the cowards we are. BRIAREOS: [as first] -have some booze, but they say all the time anyway! SOKAKU: [as first voice] -strip naked and perform a lewd sex act with a saxaphone! BRIAREOS: Sokaku, remind me to help Fang throw you out the airlock. > terminate them all and be done with it", replied the first voice > rather nervously. BRIAREOS: [as first] We might have to hire those damn Olson twins to cute/annoy them to death! > "You know my answer to that", replied the second SOKAKU: [as first] Yes, but we don't have time to find Leonard Nimroy! > rather > angrily, "I won't kill them unless they are a threat to us!" BRIAREOS: [as second] Unless it's a day with an R in it or they wear pink! > > > "Yes, Yes" said the first voice in a pleading tone "It was > just a thought sir". SOKAKU: [as first] I will be your lacky, sir! > "Alright, well I'll contact you again when I have more news, > Epsilon-Alpha-One, out" finished the second voice. > The centre screen shut down in a wave of static, the last > look from man on the screen, is one of concern. SOKAKU: [as man] Should I wear the pink dress or the green one? Hmm.. > The dark figure > leans back in the chair, rubbing the bridge of its nose. BRIAREOS: You see, the dark figure has just had a sex change operation and thus is rather sensitive about gender-specfic pro-nouns. FANG: Or it's just another failed attempt to generate suspense. BRIAREOS: Yes, it's kinda like JAG in that sense. > Suddenly it stands and turns towards the door of the room. The > computers shut down and the monitors resume their blank state. FANG: Kinda like Sokaku's mind. SOKAKU: Har-de-har. > The dark figure moves out the door and up onto the roof of the > building. It looks out over the sleeping city of Tokyo, watching the > first rays of sunlight turn the clouds a shimmering silver. BRIAREOS: [as newsreader] This is just in, clouds have been turned into silver over the Kanto region. Many were hurt as the clouds fell to earth however they all have a large amount of silver to salve their wounds! > It looks > with eyes that are a deep shade of red. FANG: Uh, maybe you should get some more sleep or see an eye doctor. > Suddenly the air around it BRIAREOS: -turns noxious! FANG: [as figure] Hmm, I guess I shouldn't have had that last curry and baked beans. > shimmers, and where before a human figure stood, there is only a large FANG: -statue of a gargoyle. BRIAREOS: -statue of Ronald McDonald! SOKAKU: -phallic symbol! FANG: *gasp* So the oh-so-mysterious figure is Bruno Gallo? > black raven, the big bird shakes itself and then spreads it's wings, ALL: *GASP* Big Bird IS evil after all! > and soars over the city streets. SOKAKU: Leaving it's calling card as it goes! > > Dawn broke over the quite streets of Tokyo, heralding the BRIAREOS: -arrival of King Arthur. [All make clip-clop sounds with coconuts from under the seats.] > beginning of a new day. And for the students of Furinkan High > School, it also announced the start of a new school year. Rain > the night before left everything FANG: -melted. It was Acid Rain. SOKAKU: I thought she just left a trail of whining and annoyance? [Fang laughs weakly.] > smelling sweet, the pollution > monitors reported that this was one of the least polluted days in the > last two years. ALL: *gasp* What are the odds of THAT? > Most people opened their windows, breathed in that BRIAREOS: -smog cloud laced with arsenic, collapsed and died. FANG: Feeling dark today? > clean air and felt good about the world. That is except for one > house, in the Nerima district, a pleasant looking house, with a nice > well kept garden, and a patio that looked out over a nice, still > pool..... FANG: Gee, it looks so normal! What could POSSIBLY shatter my pre-convied notions of that? > "RANMA NO BAKA..... *CRUNCH*" ALL: *GASP* What a suprise! FANG: Ranma fanfiction cliche number one. Every morning starts with Ranma getting whacked by Akane. > > A large hole suddenly appears in one of the walls, > apparently due to the fact that there was a young man's head > sticking through. The young man shakes his head slightly and > mutters softly, "U... Un...Un-cute Tomboy....". SOKAKU: Ranma 1/2 cliche number one. BRIAREOS: [laughs weakly] What a funny paragraph. It certainly captures the humour of Ranma 1/2. FANG: What humour? SOKAKU: Hey! I like Ranma 1/2! FANG: [muttering] It figures. > He is, just as > suddenly yanked back through the hole. Un-noticed by the young > man a black raven sat watching from one of the larger branches of the > tree, startling slightly when the poor guy's head made it's rather > unexpected entrance. BRIAREOS: [as raven] Hmm, I though his head would have come through the wall a few more inches to the left. > > "HA - GOT YOU POP!!!!" SOKAKU: [as Ranma] HA! Another generic opening in which I get to beat you! > "YOU THINK THAT YOUR FEEBLE KICKS WILL .... UGH!" SOKAKU: [as Genma] Allow me to make my generic reply! > ***SPLASH*** SOKAKU: Ranma 1/2 cliche number two. > Ranma stood back and watched as his father emerged from the > pond, dripping water and covered in bits of water-weed. BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] Good weed, Dad? Let's smoke it! > "Growl...Grrr...Grunt", muttered the rather large panda. BRIAREOS: How odd, I thought pandas couldn't speak? SOKAKU: Genma can't in Panda form! FANG: So why does the sentence go something like this? : The rather large panda softly growled and grunted at Ranma. > "You > still forget that panda's can't talk" said Ranma rather smugly. SOKAKU: Despite the fact it said "Growl...Grr...Grunt"! > For a change Genma didn't so much as take a swipe his son, he > just grunted and headed inside to wait for breakfast. "That's BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] -different. He should've used Ranma 1/2 cliche three. > strange", thought Ranma, looking confused,"he usually tries to > get me wet too.....". BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] Must've been some good weed! > Ranma shrugged and turned back into the > house, scratching his head thoughtfully, "If I didn't know better I'd > swear he was nervous about something...". Kasumi had just finished SOKAKU: -her dope. FANG: Get an original riff, Sokaku. > serving out breakfast when Ranma came into the room, she looked up > surprised to see him still as a guy. SOKAKU: [as Kasumi] This crack must not be as good quality as the old stuff! > "You must be getting better, > Ranma" she said, "Usually your father finds some way to dump you SOKAKU: [as Ranma] Yeah, I knew that pop-up Karma Sutra would come in handy, Dad won't be dumping me for Akane any more! FANG: You disgust me. > in > the pond". Ranma just shrugged and sat down at his place. Akane and > Nabiki came down from their rooms, Nabiki rubbing the sleep from her > eyes muttering FANG: [as Nabiki] Those late-night 'Star Trek' re-runs will be the death of me. > "I don't see why we have to get up so early, I could > have done with a few more minutes". "Well, don't you want to make a SOKAKU: [as Akane] -betting pool on how many challengers will show up today? > good impression for your last year?" replied Akane. "Ummm... Yeah > right" said Nabiki sleepily. BRIAREOS: Then why don't you sleep in, Nabiki? Be conformist and get up to the usual tricks seniors do! > Soun finally entered and sat down, BRIAREOS: INTENSE SITTING ACTION! > Ranma and Genma began > shovelling food into their mouths, bearly taking the time to > breathe. After a few minutes of everyone eating, BRIAREOS: INTENSE EATING ACTION! > Kasumi began > asking Akane and Ranma which subjects they were taking in the new > semester. Through the muffled replies from Ranma, it seemed that he > hadn't even bothered to check what Homeroom he was in. Akane glanced > over at him, "Just what I'd expect from a BAKA!!" ALL: Gobble gobble bork bork! FANG: Fanboy Japanese. > > "Oh and you can talk miss 'Hell in the Home-ec Room'..." > > "Hentai" > > "Kawaiikune" > [All start dozing.] FANG: Wake us up when there's some original dialogue. [Spice Girl's 'Wannabe' starts blaring from the P.A speakers. Everyone sits up with a jerk.] ALL: ARRGHH! HITOMI: [over P.A] NO SLEEPING! > Genma then put a sigh between them ALL: HUH? SOKAKU: [as Ted Lowe] Perrie Mans played a prominent part in this tournament in 1979. In fact, he won it. > chose your classes for you!>. SOKAKU: Oh I see, he meant 'sign'. > Ranma blinked and stopped in mid > insult BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] Sydney Sw- FANG: What's the rest of that? BRIAREOS: -ans fan. > > "YOU DID WHAT???!?!" SOKAKU: [as Genma] Look, I may have been drunk when I signed you up for Amateur Pornography 101. > and with that he > passed Ranma a list of classes. Ranma nervously glanced at the > note, "Humm, well PE is ok and history is something I can > handle... ummmm". SOKAKU: [as Ranma] Nude modelling 201? Hmm.. > Genma watched nervously as Ranma perused the > class selections. "Well, it doesn't look too bad, maths is > something that I have to take anyway... *GULP* ..YOU SIGNED ME UP TO SOKAKU: [as Ranma]-STIP NAKED IN PUBLIC 101? > TAKE A COMPUTER SUBJECT!!!!!!!", BRIAREOS: Yet another tragic example of Blue Heeler's style foreshadowing. > an enraged Ranma, began advancing > menacingly towards his father, who had backed into a corner and was > holding up a sigh BRIAREOS: How can he do that? FANG: He probably means sign again. > defensively, . BRIAREOS: [as Genma] > "Everyone has to take something to do with computers Ranma" Nabiki > pointed out, "After all, computers are used in most facets of > business, in banking, and even in training athletes". SOKAKU: Operating an ATM hardly requires in-depth knowledge of computers. FANG: And the athletic programs are handled by experts who charge too much. SOKAKU: It's a plot contrivance, we'll get used to it. > Ranma looked > slightly downcast as he realised he had no choice in the matter. BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] Damn, my education has been taken out of my hands! > > After breakfast was finally over, Kasumi handed them BRIAREOS: -their script for the day! FANG: [as Ranma] MORE Engagements? > their lunches and pointed at the clock, "You had better get > moving, if you don't want to be late". Ranma, Akane and > Nabiki started off for school, Ranma as usual walking along the BRIAREOS: -Thin Red Line. SOKAKU: *gag* > fence. From the top of a power pole, the Raven stretched his > wings and glided off across the rooftops, winging his way in the > opposite direction from the three students. BRIAREOS: [as Raven] Get me outta here, I hate being in fanfics! > > > Ranma, Akane and Nabiki reached the school gate, with plenty of > time to spare, not having to rush they made their way past the gates > and into the school grounds. BRIAREOS: INTENSE SCHOOL-ENTERING ACTION! > > ***SCREECH!!*** SOKAKU: Oh no! It's a crossover with 'Saved by the Bell' ALL: AIIIEEE! > Ranma turned around quickly at the noise, dropping into a BRIAREOS: -garbage can, the coward he is. > fighting crouch, expecting Kuno or some other attacker. To his > surprise what he saw was a young man sitting on a motorcycle, FANG: *GASP* Who could THAT possibly BE? > undoing his helmet. Behind the bike was a large tyre mark from > where the bike had skidded into its parking space. The bike was > a custom racer, blue with a sliver trim. BRIAREOS: Oh, the suspense. > The rider wore a white > jacket and matching leather riding pants & helmet. After he took off > his helmet, the rider looked around thoughtfully. BRIAREOS: INTENSE LOOKING AROUND ACTION FANG: I think that's enough. > He had short brown > hair, brown eyes and looked around twenty years of age, he stood about > six foot four. Ranma relaxed slightly and walked over to him, Nabiki > and Akane followed him over. "Hey, that's the teachers parking lot", SOKAKU: No, really? > said Ranma, as he walked over. The rider looked at him strangely and > replied, "Yes, I believe your right". BRIAREOS: [as rider] Yes, Napi-san REALLY does make whites whiter! > "I think what Ranma means" said > Nabiki "is that students have their own parking lot over the other > side of the school..". FANG: [as Nabiki] Of course, it's imaginary but we like to think that our schools can needlessly waste space like those in other countries. BRIAREOS: THEY CAN'T DRIVE TO SCHOOL IN JAPAN!!! They use public transport or walk! It's not the U.S or anywhere else in the world! BASIC RESEARCH PROVES THIS!!! ARRRGHH! [Briareos stands up clutching his head and then passes out and collapes into a heap on the floor.] SOKAKU: Ooohhh... I never expected him to go this quick! > The stranger said "That's very nice", SOKAKU: [as rider] But, Engergizer just keeps going and going and going! OI! FANG: It's JACKO! [Briareos emits a few moans and climbs back into his seat.] FANG: Welcome back to the land of the living. What set you off? BRIAREOS: I can't stand people who assume that school life is the same in every country around the world. > and > proceeded to unpack his bike, pulling several books off of a holding > rack under his seat. BRIAREOS: UNDER his seat? I though that's where engines tend to be on motorbikes. SOKAKU: Didn't you hear? They run on magic now! > "Humph.. well you'll get towed away if you leave > your bike there" insisted Nabiki, "Why not just move it to the other > parking lot?". BRIAREOS: [as Nabiki] Like I said, the imaginary one, since students don't use motorbikes or cars to get to school, you doof! FANG: Let's just call it a plot-contrivance carpark. > > After unzipping his jacket, revealing that he ware a suit FANG: [as net luser] wh3Re CAn i g3Tz wAreZ d00dz? > underneath, the rider replied "Because I'm a teacher here", and > with that started to walk towards the main building. Nabiki > looked startled, as did Ranma and Akane. "A teacher, him???, he > doesn't look much older than we are", said Akane in puzzled tone. BRIAREOS: [as Akane] I'd hate to see his Oil of Ulan bill! > > As Ranma turned back towards the school building, he > heard a familiar voice "Saotome, you cowardly dog, how dare you > show yourself again after not turning up for the last > several weeks". SOKAKU: [as Kuno] You missed our date, you cad! > Ranma turns around, quickly and dodges to the > right as Kuno's bokken comes down FANG: 'turns around, quickly', the hell? SOKAKU: Ah, one of the lost commas. FANG: Lost commas? SOKAKU: Yeah, I've been working on a theory that commas that go missing from bad fanfiction turn up randomly where they aren't meant to. FANG: Oh, right...uh-huh...you nut-case... > where he was just standing. > "Kuno, what are you talking about, we've been on vacation > since school finished last semester??", replied a confused Ranma. "You SOKAKU: [as Kuno] -think you can take a vacation from our relationship? You cad! > think that just because school is not on, you don't have to accept my SOKAKU: [as Kuno] -BURNING HARRTOO! > challenges??!!?!, BRIAREOS: Well, at least we know Kuno is mad. The excessive exlamation marks and question makrs only prove it. > Die fool....?", FANG: [as Ranma] No, thanks. I've got plenty! > shouted an enraged Kuno, slicing his > bokken once again at Ranma's head. Ranma ducked under the blow BRIAREOS: Does Kendo allow horizontal strokes? Grrrr! FANG: It's just a fanfic, you really should relax. > and > punched Kuno hard in the stomach, as Kuno doubled over, he finished > him off with a knee to the head. SOKAKU: BOOT TO 'DA HEAD...of sorts... > "that didn't hurt", gasped the > semi-conscious Kuno. Ranma then turned and raced into school just as > the bell sounded. BRIAREOS: INTENSE BELL-RINGING ACTION. FANG: Oh come on! You're over using that! BRIAREOS: Oh, bite me! > > The first day of school, always starts with a long boring > speech by the principal, its a universal law. [All laugh weakly.] > Furinkan High > School was no different. The principal was twenty minutes into a > speech about how learning can be the gateway to the future and maybe, SOKAKU: This IS Principal Kuno, right? FANG: He's probably talking the gateway to the future of rules. > if they were lucky, that future might contain a trip to Hawaii. Ranma > was catching up on some sleep, when one of his classmates poked him in > the side and said, "Hey Ranma, get a load of that new girl over > there". BRIAREOS: [as classmate] She's wearing two kinds of plaid! > Ranma glanced over to where the new students were sitting, > and sure enough he saw an absolute knockout of a girl sitting in the > first row. "yeah.. nice", he mumbled sleepily. BRIAREOS: [as sleepy Ranma] So what is she's Pamela Anderson's younger, bustier sister. She'll probably be engaged to me within a week. > > After completing his speech, the principal then proceeded to wake > up his students, FANG: [as Hitomi] WAKE UP! [All start humming Brit-pop songs.] > by announcing who the new students and teachers for > this year would be. Most of the guys in Ranma's class looked up > expectantly waiting for the name of the cute new girl in the front > row. The girls on the other hand were waiting for the principal to SOKAKU: -playing his tuba. > announce who the new teacher with the brown eyes was. "Now as to new > teachers, we only have two changes, Mr Jim Williams, from Australia, [All make the 'boo-whoop' author avatar alarm sound.] FANG: Au-stray-lia? Isn't that the place with the cute but deadly koalas are from? SOKAKU: Deadly? Where the hell did you get that idea? FANG: Some crazy guy I met on IRC once. > has joined us in an exchange program looking into different teaching > methods. He has been exchanged with Mr Marikan, our computer > teacher." Mr Williams then proceeded to stand and bow to the > assembled students, and said (in perfect Japanese, with no accent), "I > am very please to meet you all, and look forward to teaching you new > skills". BRIAREOS: [hysterical] Of course it is! HE KNOWS EVERYTHING! IT'S AN AUTHOR AVATAR! RUNNNN! [Briareos runs out of the theatre.] FANG: Should he be doing that? SOKAKU: Ah, he'll back in a few seconds. [Sure enough, Briareos runs back into the theatre cluching his ears.] BRIAREOS: No!! No more Barbara Streissland! [He sits down between Fang and Sokaku.] BRIAREOS: I hate my life. > "The second new teacher, is Miss SOKAKU: -Ru Paul. > Mizua Tanaka, our new > history teacher", Mizua stood, and bowed to the assembled school, > saying "I'm very pleased to meet you all". With that she sat down and > the principal proceeded to introduce the new students one by one. BRIAREOS: What? All 200 of them? > Finally the moment half the school had been waiting for (that is the > male half), the principal introduced SOKAKU: -the Cane Toad to the native environment and devastated the eco-system. >Kathy Thomas, an exchange student > from the USA. The guys all applauded loudly, whistling and cheering, BRIAREOS: [as random student] Yee haw! Cane Toads! Kick the Cockys butt! FANG: [as football player] QUEENSLANDER! SOKAKU: [as football player] NEW SOUTH WELSHMAN! BRIAREOS: Okay, I can see why the Queensland State of Origin team has a rallying cry and the New South Wales team doesn't. > until the principal threatened to make them lick the teachers staff > room clean with their tongues. BRIAREOS: Well, at least they'd get to eat decent food. > ***RING RING*** (Lunch Bell) SOKAKU: So they spent ALL morning being borked to by the principal? Geez! > Ranma wondered where his life went wrong, as he sat > under a tree, eating his lunch. So far today he had gotten in > trouble three times, once with that new history teacher, who sent him > from the room within the first five minutes of class. As he sat and > watched the others eat, he began to feel slightly left out. BRIAREOS: Yeah, he's only one of the more popular guys at school! > Here he > was, an attractive guy, stuck in an engagement that he didn't want > (although he was in two minds about that), and had a curse that was > humiliating as well as embarrassing. BRIAREOS: He turns into a small yellow animal of unidentifiable orgins that can only make the sounds 'Pikachu' and 'Pika'. > He looked at his fellow > classmates, all the guys seemed to be hanging around that new exchange > student, and all the girls seemed to be following that new male > teacher as he proceeded to walk around looking at the school. FANG: *gasp* What are the odds of THAT? BRIAREOS: [grips armrests tightly] Aura..of...smooth....too...irritating... > Ranma sighed and continued to eat his lunch, watching the > antics of the guys in his class, trying to get that new girl to > go out with them. BRIAREOS: Well guys, next time don't watch the Benny Hill show for dating tips. > As he was just finishing his lunch, and > beginning to get up and head towards his locker, the new girl > came over to talk to him. "Hello there, my names Kathy", she > said in a sugary voice. SOKAKU: Ohh she's all sweet and innocent like. BRIAREOS: Yeah, as sweet and innocent as Katt. [Suddenly a giant pole drops from the ceiling and lands on Briareos. The words 'Meow Stick Mk. V' can be seen on the side.] BRIAREOS: [dazed] I'm a little teapot, short and stout. > Ranma blinked, and said "Ahh.. my name's SOKAKU: [as Ranma] -Biggles. The time-travelling World War One ace. > Ranma, pleased to meet you". Ranma nervously looked over to were FANG: -wolf? It's an American Werewolf in Tokyo! > Akane sat with her friends, only to see Akane glancing pointedly in > his direction. "So I haven't seen much of you around today", said > Kathy, oblivious to Ranma's nervous glance. BRIAREOS: Kathy lives in her own world of make believe, a land where elves and dwarves dance hand in hand! > "Ummm.. Ahhh.. That > is.... Well I tend to spend a lot of time outside of the classroom", SOKAKU: [as Ranma] A neverending stream of challengers come to fight me alla the time! Didn't you see the giant crater in the basketball court? > Ranma replied guilty. "I see, well I hope to see you around then" she > said as she walked back towards her table. Ranma breathed a sigh of > relief, as she walked away. He looked over to were Akane was sitting > to see her watching Kathy walk away. SOKAKU: [as Akane] Mm...nice ass. > > "At last", thought Ranma, "The final class of the day". He > walked slowly towards the computer room, weary from what he > thought was the longest school day in history. BRIAREOS: He had to listen to one of Mrs Talbot's lectures? They seem to go on forever! > When he looked > into the room he was surprised to see that the room was bare of > computers. The tables where the computers were suppose to sit, > where there, but there was nothing on them. BRIAREOS: PATRICK! THE LIBRARY COMPUTERS AREN'T YOUR PERSONAL DOMAIN! > Ranma sat down at > once of the desks at the back to the room, as the rest of the > class filed in. Akane saw Ranma at the back of the room, sitting by > himself and moved to sit down beside him. "So why are you looking so > glum, Ranma?", she asked. "Oh, never mind, just first day blues", he > replied. SOKAKU: [as Ranma] Shampoo hasn't come around to fawn on me yet! > She looked surprised that he wasn't going to start an > argument, but said nothing and sat back in her seat, waiting for the > class to start. SOKAKU: [as Akane] Hmm, MST3K 101?. This sounds like fun! > > Kathy Thomas, walked into the classroom, thinking "Finally > the last class of the day, wonder where that Ranma is, I > couldn't find him in any of my classes". FANG: Maybe that's because he's not in any of your classes? > She looked around and > finally spotted him sitting up the back of the room, > beside a good looking young woman. Her eyes narrowed as she > looked at Akane, and then she took the seat, on the other side of > Ranma saying as she sat down "Hello there again, Ranma". Ranma rather SOKAKU: He's Ranma, International Studmuffin! > nervously replied "oh.. hello Kathy". She noticed his rather nervous > response and her eyes narrowed as she said "and who is this sitting > beside you?". BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] Oh, just one of my billion fiancees. > "My name's Akane", Akane replied, before Ranma could > say anything. "Pleased to meet you Akana", Kathy said. "That's > AKANE!", replied Akane in a sharp tone. "Whatever...", said Kathy, > smiling. SOKAKU: [as Kathy] Bitch. FANG: [as Akane] Skank. SOKAKU: [as Kathy] Tasmanian. FANG: [as Akane] Victorian. SOKAKU: [as Kathy] Sailor Moon Fan. FANG: [as Akane] Gundam 0083 Fan. BRIAREOS: Oooohhh, Akane wins! > Before things could go any father between Akane and > Kathy, Mr Williams walked into the room. "Alright everyone, the > computers are arriving this afternoon, so for today's > class, we'll start by trying to get to know each other" SOKAKU: [as Jim] Now, strip off everyone. > he > stated. "OK.. well first I'll tell you about myself, I was born > in Australia but lived most of my life in New York, I've taught > in schools in both countries and look forward to teaching you > all". BRIAREOS: [as Jim] And thus my assumption that students can use their own cars and bikes to get to school. FANG: [as students] Duuuhhh! > "Well ok, any questions?", every girl's hand in the class > goes up straight away. SOKAKU: [as girl] Is Rumble Red and Frenzy Blue or is it the other way around? > Jim had gotten through the day reasonably well, but in every > class, he had he always got that one question: "Are you married and, > if not, have you got a girl friend?". SOKAKU: [as Jim] No, I'm gay. > In this case it was asked but a > rather attractive looking brunette sitting in the first row. SOKAKU: A rather attractive looking brunette male. > Jim > sighed, thinking "maybe I should have just said yes when someone first > asked me..". "No, I'm not married and I don't have a girl friend", SOKAKU: [as Jim] I have a boyfriend. His name is Leonardo. He's an actor. > he replied, for the 20th time that day. So far most of his classes > had turned out ok, except for this one kid called Kuno who kept BRIAREOS: -pulling out his 'Bokken'. Hehheh. > jumping up and screaming responses to the dark-haired girl, sitting > behind him. In the end Jim decided to give them both detention, a > decision that almost all the other teachers, he talked to disagreed > with. FANG: All one of them. > At first Jim had thought that it was because Kuno was the > principal's son, but he soon discovered that they were more concerned > over the girl's reaction to being put in detention. What was that > girls name again, SOKAKU: - B-ko. FANG: - Kodachi. BRIAREOS: - Fubiki. > Nabiki or something. Well he wasn't concerned about > her, after all, how much damage can one girl do. BRIAREOS: BWAHAHAHAHA! SOKAKU: She can blow up my car with her cyborg boyfriend. BRIAREOS: NOBODY CAN PROVE WE DID THAT! > The rest of the > class's questions concerned themselves with what it was like in the > U.S. and Australia, FANG: [as Jim] I left Australia to escape the GST. BRIAREOS: The next generation of boat people will be Australians fleeing the GST. > what the people where like, SOKAKAU: They like sheep a lot. FANG: That's New Zealand. > how the weather was BRIAREOS: In Australia? Let's say there can be droughts and floods in the same month. > and other simple and rather easily answered ones. BRIAREOS: [as Jim] Yes, I am the author avatar. FANG: [as Jim] Yes, I can't beleive it's not butter either! SOKAKU: [as Jim] Yes, I prefer 'less filling'. > Ranma was bored, so bored that he could barely keep his eyes > open. Akane noticed and gave him a tap on the shoulder (of course > Akane's taps are a little more forceful than a normal persons). As > Ranma's head hit the floor, he rolled up into a fighting stance, > shouting "Kawaiikune, tomboy...". BRIAREOS: Another mystery comma. Can YOU solve the Mystery on Cluedo? > Akane jumped up and aimed a kick at > his head "HIIIIYA!". SOKAKU: [as Jean] What d'you mean, yah? > Just before her foot could connect a hand > grabbed her by the ankle. "Don't hit Ranma!!!", cried Kathy, kicking > Akane's remaining foot, out from under her. BRIAREOS: And Kathy did this HOW? FANG: Maybe her hand doubles as a foot? > Akane went down heavily > on the floor, rolling as she did, up into a fighting stance. > > "DON'T YOU TOUCH ME...." she screamed. SOKAKU: [as giggling Akane] -at least not *there* yet! FANG: Grrrr... > > "THAT WILL BE QUITE ENOUGH!!!!!" came a strong voice > from the front of the room. BRIAREOS: [as Jim] No more playing Robotech RPGs! > > Ranma, Akane and Kathy all looked up from each other to face the > six foot tall figure of Sensei Williams standing behind the his desk. FANG: So there's a type of desk called 'his' now? > "You three can help me after class, now sit down and behave > yourselves", he bellowed. Ranma and Akane looked sheepishly at each > other and resumed their seats. Kathy on the other hand gave Sensei > Williams a look that would freeze water, ALL: Oooohhh, bitchy! > before returning to her > place. The rest of the class passed quickly, each of the students > standing and giving some information about themselves. SOKAKU: [as student] Hi, my name is Dave and I'm an alcoholic. > Jim wasn't > surprised to learn that both Ranma and Akane, were well practised > martial artists. But what did surprise him was when one of the other > students also mentioned that the were engaged. "Gee, they look a > little young for that", he thought to himself. FANG: Well, at least he's not a type B author avatar/SI. SOKAKU: Type B? FANG: Type B come from the 'real world' and refer to the anime or manga when talking about knowledge of events or characters in the story. SOKAKU: Ah, like 'Twister' in 'Twisted Path', eh? > School finally ended for the day, and all but five students > went home happily. Two of those students were walking slowly > towards the computer room. Nabiki trudged along, slowly, > thinking that this was the perfect way to start her final year of high > school. BRIAREOS: With a conviction for illegal book making? > Not only had she failed to hit it off with the new computer > teacher, she had failed to get any blackmail material on him from the > other teachers. SOKAKU: Except that he likes Dr. Pepper. > "Hummph, well it must be that he's from so far away, > that no one knows him" she thought. The only information she had been > able to get, was his address. And as a bonus she was able to sell it > for 2000 yen a copy to various other interested female students. BRIAREOS: They were somewhat disappointed to find it that it was written in code that Nabiki would sell them tommorow. > "This is all your fault Kuno" she said sourly. "Nabiki Tendo, it was > not I who started arguing with you, you failed to provide me with > information that I wanted about the pony-tailed girl" replied Kuno. SOKAKU: [as Nabiki] Look Kuno, I don't know whether she prefers Diet Coke or Classic Coke! > "Well if you won't pay the price, you won't get the information" > Nabiki stated. BRIAREOS: She's Nabiki Tendo! Schoolgirl and super-spy for hire! > When Nabiki and Kuno entered the computer room, they saw > Akane and Ranma sitting with their backs to each other, in the > middle of the room. While a blond girl sat sourly in the > corner, ignoring everyone. SOKAKU: [singing as INXS] Sour Blonde... > At seeing Ranma, Kuno pulled his > bokken out and ran into the room screaming: ALL: EWWW! Put your 'bokken' away! > > "RANMA SAOTOME YOU WILL DIE....." > > Just as he passed through the doors, he found that the > bokken, was suddenly gone. He looked to his left, to see > Sensei Williams holding it in his hand. BRIAREOS: Jim! That could get you banned from teaching! FANG: Okay, okay. I think we've overused the 'bokken'='you know what' already! > "I wonder, does > this count as a concealed weapon?" he mused. SOKAKU: Oh yeah, sure... except Kuno only attacks Ranma with his Bokken when he's in his Kendo outfit. > Kuno looked at > Ranma with a hate filled stare before sitting down in the > nearest seat. Nabiki walked slowly into the room, following Kuno and > taking a seat at the front of the room. BRIAREOS: INTENSE SEATING ACTION! > > "Alright then, I don't particularly like keeping you all > behind after school on the first day, but if anyone you your > classes is going to learn, you all need to get along with each > other" began Jim, SOKAKU: [as New Age hippy] Now let's hold hands and chant our belief in the great Angel, Ranmamamamamamma! > the five students looked at each other in > disbelief, Jim was startled at the expressions on their faces. > Ranma, Akane burst out laughing, Kathy looked surprised, Kuno had a > disgusted expression on his face BRIAREOS: Looks like Kuno found the gum under the desk. > and Nabiki looked at him > thoughtfully. "Alright, what's so funny??", Jim asked finally, after > they calmed down enough to talk. SOKAKU: [as Nabiki] You used two question marks! Ha ha ha! > "Asking Kuno and Ranma to get along > with each other is an exercise in futility", said Nabiki, "they've > hated each other since they first met". Jim looked over at Akane, "So > what do you find so funny then??", he asked. BRIAREOS: [as Akane] Ha ha ha! You used two question marks again! > Before she could answer, > Nabiki spoke up again, "Akane and Ranma don't get along too well > either, sensei", she said. "But I thought the two of you were > engaged", Jim said. BRIAREOS: Charles and Diana were married, your point IS? > Kuno looked mad, Akane and Ranma blushed and > Kathy looked a little disappointed. "It was our parent's idea!!!", > they both shouted. SOKAKU: THREE exclamation marks? FANG: They were shouting, it's allowed. > Jim shook his head, smiling at the two of them, > "well it looks like your going to have a great marriage then", BRIAREOS: Jim probably said that when Charles and Di got married, eh? > he > said. Ranma and Akane both looked at each other and blushed again, > then turned away from each other and scowled. > > "Well this is what were going to be doing this afternoon > then..." Jim started to explain. FANG: [as Jim] Ranma and Kuno, you strip to the waist and pose in front of the window! Nabiki, you'll collect the entrace fees. Akane and Kathy, you handout the 'Furnikan High Beefcake' T-Shirts! > "Hang on a second" said > Ranma, "in our other detention's we have always been given lines > to write or something similar". FANG: 'I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.' BRIAREOS: 'I will not charge admission to the bathroom.' SOKAKU: 'Hail Satan is not a part of the pledge of alligance.' > Jim looked at him strangely, "if you > prefer, you can start writing 'I will not fight in class' on the board > a thousand times... or you can help me unload the new computers". Jim > motioned to Kuno and Ranma to follow him outside and up to the back of > a truck. BRIAREOS: So the weaking girls stay in the classroom and fiddle their thumbs? > The truck was filled to the top with boxes. "Well start > taking this stuff up to the room" said Jim. Ranma sighed and picked > up one of the bigger boxes and started back towards the room. Kuno > followed him picking another of the large boxes. BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] Strange, these boxes are marked 'Hustler'! > Jim, meanwhile was > talking to the truck driver about how he expected the computers to be > there yesterday. The truck driver looked nervous as he explained that > they had a problem getting the order filled. BRIAREOS: This sounds like more Blue Heelers style foreshadowing. > Jim shrugged and gave > him a friendly clip on the shoulder BRIAREOS: -with a knife. > and walked around the back of the > truck again. > > Ranma and Kuno had moved about half of the large boxes, when Jim > came back around to the rear of the truck. Both Kuno and Ranma had SOKAKU: -beaten each other senseless with inflatable mallets. > removed their shirts and were covered with sweat. "Is this all you've > moved so far??? I thought that you were 'Powerful Martial > Artists'???". SOKAKU: Fang? FANG: If you are trying to show puzzlement, confusion or amazement... try using the words: puzzled, confused or amazed. This message is brought to you by the Society against abuse of question marks! BRIAREOS: [as Jim] Never mind that you emptied half the truck in the time it took me to walk to the front of the truck and back! > Ranma looked sourly over to the teacher, sweat dripping > in his eyes and said "Well why don't you help us then??", not really > expecting any response. Jim blinked and said "Alright..". He removed > his shirt and picked up a box saying, "Get moving then". SOKAKU: Is it just me or was there little point in taking that shirt off? FANG: Well, he gets to show he's a beefcake! BRIAREOS: Or he's auditioning for 'Man O Man'. FANG: I can't believe you remember that show! > While Ranma, Kuno and Jim were bringing up the boxes, the > girls were unpacking the ones upstairs. ALL: Ahhh! > Nabiki and Akane, worked > together to open the boxes and place the computers on the desk, while > Kathy worked by herself on the other side of the room. BRIAREOS: Plotting her revenge, she was going to shoot Akane, Nabiki and Jim into space and force them to watch bad movies! Kuno and Ranma would be her dimwitted by hunky assistants! > The door to > the room opened again and they were all startled to see a sweaty Jim > carrying a large box into the room, followed by the equally sweaty > Kuno and Ranma. "Ok, that's the last of them", Jim wheezed. BRIAREOS: Hmm, allow me to do some deduction. Half the boxes had been moved when Jim stepped in. The girls were startled to see Jim come into the room, thus implying that it was his first shipment. And those were the last boxes. So there were 6 boxes? FANG: Yes, thank you Sherlock. Remind me to burn your Inspector Frost novels, will you? > Kuno and > Ranma slumped to the floor in exhaustion, as Jim sat at his desk. > Nabiki looked Jim over as he came into the room. "Ummm, not bad for a > computer teacher" she thought, looking at his chest. FANG: Told you! > After giving > Kuno and Ranma time to recover, Jim had them connect up the power > supplies and plug in the 30 brand new machines. BRIAREOS: 30 COMPUTERS OUT OF SIX BOXES? It's impossible! It breaks all laws of physics! FANG: Well, apparently there were smaller boxes too. BRIAREOS: Yeah, so what happened to them? FANG: Um, they got transported up via plot contrivance field! SOKAKU: It's fanfic physics. Get used to it. > He explained that > these were a computer with a new type of processor that hadn't been > released to the public. Through some contacts Jim had managed to get > 30 new computers straight off of the assembly line. BRIAREOS: [crazed] Of course! Existing systems aren't good enough for Jim! FANG: It's Jimmy and his Amazing Colourful Supercomputers! > Over the > following half an hour Jim gave them all a guided tour of the new > systems, explaining how they worked and what was so special about the > E-1 processor that they had. BRIAREOS: [as Jim] It has a 45-inch screen and still fits into a purse or wallet. It can act as a communications satellite as well as a room freshener. It can cure deadly diseases and whiten your teeth while you sleep! [crazed] HA HA! AND IT IS CAPABLE OF TIME TRAVEL!! IT HAS A TELEPATHIC USER INTERFACE!! [Fang leans over and slaps Briareos.] FANG: [as Akane] It looks like it can run Wordperfect. BRIAREOS: [as Jim] Yeah, it can do that. > When the sun started to go down and it began to get dark, > Jim finally let his wayward five head off home. Kuno immediately > jumped into a waiting limo and headed home, while Ranma, Akane, Nabiki > and Kathy walked out of the gate together. BRIAREOS: And promptly got stuck! > The anger between Kathy > and Akane had lessened by having to work together while putting the > computers together, but there was still some tension in the air. SOKAKU: Ooohh! It's the standard simmering tension! FANG: As seen on 'Home and Away' and other soaps. > "Well how did you like your first day at our school, Kathy", smirked > Nabiki. "It was great until I met you, Nabiki", replied Kathy acidly. [All make faux laughter.] SOKAKU: What sparkling repartee. > In response Nabiki laughed and said "Well see you tomorrow then" to > Kathy, and "come on you two", to Akane and Ranma. BRIAREOS: *GASP* So this is where the mystery commas were coming from? > > > Akane, Ranma and Nabiki arrived home just as the > streetlights came on signalling the nights beginning. Ranma > yawned as he walked through the front door, stopping only to take off > his shoes, before heading for the bathtub. SOKAKU: And getting stinking drunk! > Kasumi hurried over to > Akane and Nabiki, giving them a strange look, "where have you three > been??" she began. "That BAKA got me in trouble again and I got stuck > in detention", replied Akane. "I was in detention too", said a > dispirited Nabiki. They then explained about the new teacher, who had > tried to get Kuno and Ranma to get along. SOKAKU: [as Rodney King] Can't we all just get along? > Kasumi had trouble keeping > a straight face "Well... I'm sure that they *giggle* enjoyed that" > she said. SOKAKU: [as Kasumi] Man, this weed is good! > Kathy walked slowly down the street towards 'Uncle Ken's' > house. She saw that he was waiting for her, sitting on the > porch, in his rocking chair. "I was getting worried about you > 'niece'", he said. SOKAKU: [as hick] Haw haw haw. > Kathy smiled at her nickname. She had met > her 'Uncle' for the first time, when she was five. Her parents > were both career navy officers and they had been stationed in the FANG: -broom closet. > Philippines, for the first ten years of her life. Uncle Ken was > actually Captain Kenshiro BRIAREOS: [as Kenshiro] Ohhhhh! Atatatatataaa! Zeeee! FANG: He's secretly the star of "Hokuto No Ken '98" > Wanatobe, a Japanese born officer serving in > the United States Navy. Her father, Commander Henry Thomas, had > bought his new commanding officer home for dinner. >From that day SOKAKU: -she was forever scarred from the endless re-runs of 'McHale's Navy' FANG: Hmm, and I bet her mother's name is Marina > forward she had gotten a new uncle, who over the years had taught her > many things, including how to speak his native tongue. "I just got in > a bit of trouble with one teacher", Kathy replied to his query. "Oh.. > and on your first day too", he smiled. BRIAREOS: What kind of uncle is he? Does he give her permission to go on all night raves too? FANG: He's probably thinking about the cane he's going to use later. > Kathy was staying with Ken, > while her parents were serving some time in Atlantic. BRIAREOS: They'd been arrested for playing 'Hey Jude' on a Tuba. > Kathy walked up > the path to the house and sat down next to her uncle. "Uncle, do you > know the Tendos?", she asked. "Yes I know them", Ken replied, "I did > some training with Soun Tendo a number of years ago". Ken had retired > from the navy following an accident, SOKAKU: With an elephant, two apples and ten meters of garden hose! > which left him crippled in one > leg. "If it wasn't for this leg, I might have continued studying > Kempo with him", he finished. FANG: [as Kenshiro] Yeah, I loved having a panty obsessed freak as a Sensei. > Kathy looked thoughtfully over at her uncle, "Do you think > that I might do some training with him?", she asked. SOKAKU: What's she going to learn? How to wail and act useless? > Ken glanced over > at her, "Do you want to learn Kempo, now?", he said, "I would have > thought that Escrima would have been enough for you". Kathy shook her > head and said "well I think that a change might be good for me". > Kathy had been studying the Philippine Stick- Fighting technique BRIAREOS: Yes! The old art of hitting people over the head with sticks is alive and well! > for > many years and was rather adept at it. "Well I'll talk to him tomorrow > about getting you signed up for a class", Ken said. "Thank you > Uncle", Kathy said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Kathy and Ken > then went in to see what could be made for dinner. > SOKAKU: And once again they found only baked beans and toast were on the menu at the 'Addled Sea Captains Home'! > Dinner passed for the Tendo's and Saotome's without a great > fuss, Ranma and Akane being too tired to come up with any serious > arguments. After dinner, the three students, crept off to bed. FANG: ARRGGH! Two mystery commas! It's an infestation! > "Unusual, Ranma seems to be rather tired today", remarked Genma. > Kasumi explained about the new teacher and his attempt to make Kuno > and Ranma get along. Soun and Genma looked across the table at each > other and smiled, "Well maybe this new teacher can teach Akane and > Ranma to get along better too..", remarked Soun. BRIAREOS: Of course, he's the author avatar - righting wrongs and soon everyone will live happily ever after! > > "RANMA NO BAKA..... *SPLASH*" BRIAREOS: So Akane and Ranma went to bed together? SOKAKU: [as Akane] You forgot to freeze the cucumber! [Both Briareos and Fang clutch their stomachs and shoot Sokaku deadly looks.] > Genma, Soun and Kasumi looked over towards the pond to see a > soaked Ranma-chan, splutter to the surface. "Maybe not *sigh*" > finished Genma. FANG: [as Genma] *sigh* These generic jokes will be the death of me. > Throughout dinner and the ensuing conversation, unseen by > any in the house, a black raven, sat in one of the garden's > trees. The bird followed the conversation, until everyone > finally went to sleep. It then flapped its wings and soared off > into the dark night. BRIAREOS: It's trying to escape...again! > > > > ------------------TO BE CONTINUED------------------------ ALL: AARRGGHH! > AUTHORS NOTE: > > Well here we go with the author's note, I've found that > while many author's notes are instructive, most are very boring > and don't really say much. I hope this one will be one of the > first type. BRIAREOS: So do we! >You may have noticed the different "feel" of this > Fan-Fic, it was done on purpose.... I'm trying to write something that > while remaining true to the Ranma universe, is not quite a comedy. FANG: Hmm, a noble intent... that does explain a few things... > I'm still not 100% happy that what I've written actually reads > correctly, but the people who have pre-read it suggest that it's > understandable. SOKAKU: [as author] Of course, they kept running away screaming...but hey! > This is only the first part of the story, I've > written more, but would like to see what people think of what I've > done so far. My co-editor makes the valid point that I'm not much of > a comedian, so if anyone has any thoughts on jokes that would be > appropriate, let me know. Just for the record, Jim Williams, is based > on a RPG character that I've been playing for a number of years, he is > not yours truly. SOKAKU: Good good, but he's still an author avatar. Most RPG characters are. Well, that's our experience anyway. > I guess the "Dark Figure" character is used quite a > bit in Fan-Fiction, but I think you'll find that the Dark Figure in my > story is a bit different..... > > Ok... well... ummmm.... that about wraps up this note, so > I'll again ask anyone who feels like it to send me constructive > criticism, and any tips you think might be useful. BRIAREOS: That's what we hope this is. > > ----DarkWind (aka: Brett Handy) BRIAREOS: Onward marches our doom. > A Ranma1/2 Fan-Fic > Shifters > Part 2 > > By > > Brett Handy > > With thanks to Hubert Santos > > Akane was walking home, alone. Ranma was in detention, > again, after three days of the new school year, Ranma had spent > all his afternoons with Sensei Williams. SOKAKU: Tommorow night, he and Jim will come out of the closet. >Akane sighed and > continued to walk along, "That Baka, why can't he stay out of > trouble?", she thought to herself, "oh well, at least that means I > can train without him bothering me". SOKAKU: Training in dojo.... alone.... together..... >As Akane walked in the door to > the Dojo, she heard her father's voice, "Yes, good move, try it > again". Akane moved through the door thinking, "Well we must have a > new student". She stopped when she saw who it was. "What is SHE doing > here?", Akane said in an angry voice. BRIAREOS: [as Akane] Didn't I tell you how much I hate Jeniffer Love-Hewitt, Daddy? >Soun turned to his youngest > daughter, "Akane, treat our new *paying* student with some respect > please". Kathy looked over at Akane and smiled, "Oh I didn't know > this was your Dojo", she lied. Akane turned and walked out of the > Dojo, towards the pond. BRIAREOS: Where she re-entacted a scene William Shakesphere's 'Hamlet'! FANG: Which one? BRIAREOS: Uh, the third act > > Kathy excused herself and followed. "So why are you so > upset to see me?", she asked. Akane sat by the pond and said "I > don't like you that's why!". Kathy sighed and said "look if it's SOKAKU: [as Kathy] -about the explict graffiti in the girls loo, I forgive you. > about Ranma, I didn't know he was engaged". Akane turned red in the > face and stuttered "why that silly baka has nothing to do with it". BRIAREOS: [as Akane] Why, our pathetic attempts to hide our secret love for each other in violence means nothing! > Kathy looked at Akane's blushing face, "Well it looks like he has > something to do with it". Akane smiled slightly, "well maybe", she > said quietly. Kathy sat down beside Akane and said "I don't really > want to be fighting with you, can we at least call a truce?". SOKAKU: Kind of like the one between Mal 'Frequent Flyer Points King' Colston and John 'Useless Ministeral Code of Conduct' Howard? > Akane > replied "I think I can manage that". Kathy stood and moved back > towards the dojo, "well how about helping me learn Kempo then", she > said. Akane stood and walked back into the dojo with her. > SOKAKU: [as husky Kathy] You know.... the SECRET martial arts kind! > Ranma was not having one of his better days. "Not that way > Ranma, the drivers have to be loaded before you try to connect to the > network", said Sensei Williams. BRIAREOS: [as Han Solo] This goes THERE, that goes THERE! >Ranma sighed and looked over to Jim, > "Well I'm trying, look it's getting late, can't I go yet?". Jim > looked over at his reluctant companion. For the last three days Ranma > had joined him after school, working on setting up the new computers. SOKAKU: Well that is the most unusual euphasim for sex I have ever seen! FANG: Only you... > Jim relented, "Alright then, that's enough for today". Ranma jumped > up and started to turn off the computers, while Jim began locking up > the room. BRIAREOS: [as Jim] Whoops! I've locked us in again! > As they both exited the room, Jim asked Ranma, "So you know > and good places to eat?". Ranma nodded and said "Yeah, I'm going over > to Ucc-chan's restaurant, you want to come?". Jim nodded and said > "I'll give you a lift over on my bike". FANG: [as Jim] This will allow me to show how great I am with motor-cylces! >Ranma and Jim walked down > towards the teacher's parking lot, Jim put his gear on the bike and > motioned Ranma to climb on behind him. SOKAKU: [evil] Come to me, Ranma! > Ranma jumped on and Jim pulled > out of the school onto the street. "Yikes...", Ranma muttered, as Jim > put the bike down into a turn and he grasped Jims waist spasmodically. > Jim smiled under his helmet as he accelerated around another corner, > slowing only when Ranma indicated a turn. BRIAREOS: No-one will be seated during the gripping, action filled motor-cycle scene! > > When Jim finally pulled up at Ukyou's restaurant, Ranma > looked a little green and Jim had to ask him politely to let his > waist go. Ranma staggered a little as he got off the bike, "Do > you always drive like that?". FANG: [as Ranma] My grandmother drives better than that! > "Naw... only when I've got a > passenger", Jim replied, "Usually I go a lot faster!". FANG: [as Jim] I'll go up to 10 miles an hour! > Ranma > only groaned and moved towards the front door. "Ucc-Chan!", > Ranma called. "Ran-Chan, how are you?", came the reply from the > back of the room. Jim smiled and said "Ran-Chan??". Ranma > grinned sheepishly, "It's a nickname, ok!". SOKAKU: [as nervous Ranma] It's a code-name. She's my mole in the government! > Jim and Ranma sat > down at a table, and Ukyou came over and gave Ranma his usual > Okonomiyaki order. "So who's your friend, Ran-Chan?", she said. "This > is Sensei Williams, a new teacher at school", replied Ranma. "Oh... SOKAKU: [as Ukyo] Ohhhh, ohhh, sensei, ohh... FANG: Stop it! > Sensei Williams, I should have recognised you, I'm going to try your > computer subject next Semester", Ukyou said. Jim smiled and said "Well > I look forward to having you in my class, hopefully you won't be as BRIAREOS: [as Jim] -easy to manipulate. > much trouble as Ranma has lately". Ukyou, looked over at Ranma, "Yes > my Ran-Chan can be quite a handfull". SOKAKU: [british] You know what I mean, eh? Nudge, nudge! Wink, wink! Say no more! FANG: Kill him. BRIAREOS: Later. > Jim placed his order, while > Ranma gobbled down the meal Ukyou had already delivered. "So Ranma, > what's the deal here, you're engaged to Akane, but you seem to have > girlfriends all over the place...", Ranma explained that Ukyou was BRIAREOS: -his first stop on his nightly vist to his 129 girlfriends. Which explains why he's so tired in the morning. > only a friend and that he really didn't want to be engaged to Akane > anyway. Jim looked at him thoughtfully, "Well I wish I had as many > girl problems as you do", he said wistfully. > BRIAREOS: [as Jim] My parents would be so proud that I wasn't gay! > Ranma almost choked on his food, and looked at Jim in > horror, "You don't ever want to have the same girl problems as I > do" , he exclaimed. BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] 129 times in one night is near impossible! FANG: I'm losing all respect for you! > While Jim was eating his meal, Ranma told > him about the problems with Shampoo and Kodachi. Jim looked over at > Ranma and laid a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, "I'm sure > everything will work out for the best". BRIAREOS: [as Jim] Chris Cadwell may become a fan of your series and marry them. But then, I'd be worried that he may marry your female form too! > Ranma looked a little > depressed, until Jim offered to pay the cheque and give him a lift > home. After all the eating Ranma had forgotten what riding with Jim > was like, until Jim pulled away from the curb, that is. > FANG: [as Ranma] Oh man, I won't get home until midnight! > Kathy had just finished her lesson, when Jim and Ranma > arrived home. "Oh good, you haven't missed my dinner", exclaimed > Akane. Jim looked over to her and said "Oh, I'm sorry, Ranma and I > went out for dinner". Ranma grinned and jumped off the bike, "See you > tomorrow, Sensei", he said as he went inside. Akane followed him in, > exclaiming all the way about how inconsiderate he was, as she had made FANG: I don't think exclaiming really works in that context! BRIAREOS: [as Akane] !!!!!!!!! FANG: How on earth do you DO that? BRIAREOS: I'm sorry but the Cyborg association code doesn't allow me to reveal that. > him a nice meal. Jim started up his bike again, and asked Kathy if > she would like a lift. Kathy said that she would prefer to walk, Jim > shrugged and rode off. SOKAKU: [as Jim] RIDE ME BABY! FANG: I despise you! > Walking home at night, for a girl alone, is never a very > safe prospect. Kathy had gotten about half of the way home, when a BRIAREOS: -religious crackpot accosted her and showered her with leaflets! > figure blocked her exit from the alley. SOKAKU: ARRGH! I hate cliches like this! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD WALK DOWN AN ALLEY AT NIGHT? > Hardcourt looked at the young > girl in front of him, she looked about the right age, and she > definitely had the right aura for a half-breed. "You, girl, stop SOKAKU: [as Hardcourt] have considering using 'Mugger B Gone'? > where you are", he said. Kathy looked around nervously, as if looking > for a way out. "What do you want?", she said. "So you thought you > could escape the Conclave", Hardcourt stated. "I have no idea what > your talking about", she replied, "But I don't have any money, so go BRIAREOS: [as Kathy] -west, old man! > rob someone else". Hardcourt threw back his head and laughed, "I > don't want your money, girl, I want your life", he said. Kathy new > she was in trouble when she noticed three other figures behind her. > SOKAKU: Po, Tinky Winky and La-La were very annoyed. > The Raven watched Hardcourt and his goons advance on Kathy, > he swooped down to land on her shoulder. Kathy was startled, as > the bird alighted on her, but if Kathy was startled, Hardcourt > was scared. BRIAREOS: It's the almighty Raven of Doom! FANG: [as Hardcourt] ARRGH! It's Big Bird, stay back spawn of PBS! > "YOU!... What are you doing here", he said to the > bird. Kathy didn't move as the Raven tapped her on the ear, BRIAREOS: Her sanity had already departed. > indicating the fire escape of a nearby building. At once she > moved over and jumped up onto the ladder, pulling herself onto > the steps. Hardcourt let out a scream of rage and shoved his men SOKAKU: Hardcourt was a bully at school. > forward. "Get her you fools!!", he shouted. Rushing up the stairs, > Kathy was surprised to find that the Raven had not given up it's perch > on her shoulder, throughout her frenzied escape. When she reached the > top of the building, the raven flew off her shoulder and sat on the > doorknob of the door leading to the building's interior. "You want me > to go in there?", she asked. The raven nodded and flew over to where > Hardcourt's men were climbing the fire escape. BRIAREOS: And it left it's calling card on them. > > Kathy opened the door and ran down the stairs. She found a > closet and hid in it. BRIAREOS: [singing] There's a bear in there... > From the roof of the building, there came > shouts and screams, a large thump knocked loose some ceiling tiles. As > the echoes of battle quieted down, Kathy sat waiting, scared to her > bones. After about half and hour FANG: HUH? SOKAKU: [as David Coleman] Kevin Reeves, who's just turned 22, providing that an ill wind blows nobody any good. > later, Kathy finally emerged from > her hiding place. She wanted to just run down and out the front door > of the building, but her curiosity overcame her fear and she move up > the stairs to the roof. She opened the door slowly and peeked out > onto the roof. What she saw almost made her sick. BRIAREOS: 5ive were performing an impromtu concert. > The roof of the > building was covered in blood. There were no bodies evident, but it > looked like the roof was washed in someone's blood. SOKAKU: So, blood may be thicker than water but it certainly is cheaper! FANG: Today's letter is B. As in blood. > As she examine the roof, BRIAREOS: EXAMINE ROOF. > she noticed the Raven circling high in the night sky, it cried > out loudly, as if in warning. > > The dark figure sat again in it's chair in front of the > monitors. Once again, at its signal, a man appeared on the > centre screen. "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?", the man in > the grey suit said. > SOKAKU: [as grey suit] Domino's Pizza! > "I've just had an encounter with the Conclave", said the > dark figure. BRIAREOS: [as dark figure] Yeah, the Type A generic evil organisation. > > "What!!?!?, are you OK?" stuttered the man worriedly. "I'm > fine, nothing I can't handle", it replied. SOKAKU: Still sensitive about that sex change operation, eh? FANG: I think it's an attempt to generate suspense. SOKAKU: It's just boring and verging on annoying. > > "Well the Circle must be informed, and they will probably > want to take over this investigation themselves..." said the man > in the grey suit, worriedly. BRIAREOS: They could send in B.A.D! ALL: UGH! > > "You will inform them of NOTHING!, this is still my project > and I can handle it", the dark figure said angrily. SOKAKU: [as Dark figure] Okay, so we have an evil organisation breathing down our necks, my project to create coal flavoured gum is a little behind schedule and the entire board of directors just resigned but I can handle it! > > "I'm sorry sir, but you know the rules, encounters of this > type must be reported.", the grey suited man replied. BRIAREOS: Close encounters of the boring kind. > > "Well, how about delaying that report and coming out here > and joining me?", the dark figure said suddenly. SOKAKU: [as dark figure huskly] Ohh, come and JOIN with me! FANG: [as grey suited man] Okay, but not in Tasmania like last time! I don't care if they repealed the laws! > > The man in grey's eyes lit up and he said, "Well maybe I can > delay it for a while, I'll be down on the next available transport". BRIAREOS: [as grey suited man] Those frozen cucumbers are real hard to transport! FANG: Huh? BRIAREOS: I'll explain later. > > "No.. take a domestic flight, I don't want any in the Circle > knowing where you're going", the dark figure said. SOKAKU: [as dark figure]If they bust us doing the wild thing again... > > "Roger, I'll see you tomorrow sir", the man in grey said > happily. SOKAKU: [as grey suited man] Whee! Cucumbers! > > "Alright Epsilon-Cappa-Two, see you then, Epsilon-Alpha-One > out", said the dark figure, as the screen turned off. It would > be good when his partner got here, it was getting to be a bit > lonely. BRIAREOS: I REALLY hope that the dark figure is female. FANG: Yeah, I don't want to get hit with a yaoi fic all of a sudden! > > Kathy arrived home panting and shivering. She stumbled up > the path to her uncle's house and hurried through the front door. > "Kathy!, what's wrong??!!?", said Ken, as he saw the expression on her > frightened face. "Oh uncle, it was horrible", she began. BRIAREOS: [as Kathy] I was forced to listen to 5ive songs! > Half an hour > later, Ken had gotten off the phone to the Tokyo police. "The police > said that they checked out the building that you hid in, and found > nothing out of the ordinary", he said. FANG: [as Ken] Well, nothing out or ordinary but the brain dead and tone-deaf 5ive fans. > "That's not possible", Kathy > exclaimed angrily, "I know what I saw, that rooftop was covered in > blood!". Ken turned to her, and gave her a sympathetic look, "Well I > believe you, that blood all over your shoes proves that what you saw > was real". Kathy looked down at her gym shoes, noticing for the first > time that they were encrusted in blood, so deep a red, it was almost > black. SOKAKU: I could make some sick comment here but I won't. > Over the next two weeks, Kathy kept an eye out for that > black raven. She often saw it in the mornings, as she was > walking to school, or late in the evening, when she looked out > her bedroom window. FANG: Of course there was no way of telling whether they were the same ones but hey! > Kathy continued her classes at the Tendo > Dojo, and while Akane wasn't openly hostile, she was never > completely comfortable around her. Her school work was above > average in all but two of her classes, BRIAREOS: But then, Kathy was only in three classes and Home Ec. doesn't really count! > Sensei Williams's computer > subject and Sensei Tanaka's history class. Every time she sat in the > computer room, she felt uneasy, as if someone was watching her. SOKAKU: Yes, horny computer nerds. > While > when she was in Sensei Tanaka's class, she felt totally relaxed, so > relaxed that she found it hard to stay awake. So far her trip to Japan > was not turning out as she had expected. > BRIAREOS: She still couldn't escape those annoying Olson twins. > > Another person who was encountering unexpected things, was > Nabiki. Her search for "character flaws", in Sensei Williams, > had not turned out well. It was easy enough to find out where he SOKAKU: -had been arrested for numerous indescritions when he was young. > lived, but beyond that, there was nothing that she could find. Nabiki > had made a decision to investigate this new teacher, and find some > kind of leverage (or as other people call it, blackmail material). BRIAREOS: Or as the police call it, illegal. > "Well, at least he has a nice house", Nabiki observed, as she stood > looking at Sensei Williams' apartment building. FANG: [as Nabiki] 'Bates Motel', the HELL? > Nabiki move quietly > up the rear stairs, looking around to make sure that no one saw her. > "I shouldn't worry", she thought, "Sensei Williams, has kept Ranma > behind after class almost every day for the last two weeks". She > moved stealthy up the stairs until she was on the roof of the > building. She crept across the roof to a skylight, and peaked in. BRIAREOS: As she had suddenly turned into a hill. > The room she looked into was nothing special, a few chairs, a TV and a > lounge chair sat arranged below. SOKAKU: And then there was the Pentagram, the collection of books on vampires, the bathtub full of SPF 4000+ suncream and a giant vat of blood! > Just as she was picking the lock on > the skylight, a noise startled her. She dropped her lock pick, as she > stared fearfully at the edge of the roof. What she saw, was a set of FANG: -evil Krusty dolls! > yellow eyes, looking right back at her. "Look what you made me do > now", she said in an angry voice. The big tabby cat, meowed and > stroked its face against her leg. "Oh, never mind", said Nabiki, > stroking its whiskers. The cat shivered in pleasure and rubbed SOKAKU: Um, should we be watching this? FANG: Don't make me hurt you! > against her leg harder. "There, there, your a nice pussy cat, aren't > you", Nabiki purred. The cat purred too, until its ears suddenly went > back and it streaked across the roof to the stairs, jumping down the > stairs two at a time. Nabiki looked of the edge of the roof, to see > Sensei Williams pull up on his motorbike. The tabby cat ran straight > over to Williams, and jumped up into his arms. BRIAREOS: And exploded. > "Whoo big fella", said > a laughing Jim, "What's gotten into you?". Nabiki rushed down the > stairs and hid in the bushes beside the building. FANG: That's Poison Ivy! > Jim put his bike in > the garage and proceeded to carry his books up to his apartment. > Nabiki let out a sigh of relief, and decided that she had done enough > investigating for one day. SOKAKU: Huh, true great black mailers never rest! > > Jim Williams was having a good week, the computers were all > working correctly and he was enjoying himself for a change, by > riding his motorcycle flat out down the highway. He had gotten > it up over 150 kph, BRIAREOS: How nice, and I suppose the Tokyo police and other commuters don't mind that? > when he noticed a car blocking the exit that > he needed to take. Winding down through the gears and hitting > the brakes he skidded to a halt just inches from the car's rear. BRIAREOS: [monotone] He's so masterful, I am extremly excited by his motor cycling skills. > "What > the hell do you think your doing!", he yelled. "If you must know", a > feminine voice replied, "Trying to replace a fan belt in the afternoon > sun, now go away and leave me alone". Jim thought that he recognised > the voice, but he couldn't be sure where he'd heard it before. "Well FANG: [as Jim] -you don't you want the help of the great Jim? *grunt* > you should probably move it over to the side, so your not blocking > traffic", he insisted. A young woman walked around from behind the > hood, "Well 'Mr Macho', give me a hand to push it then", she said. ALL: [singing] Macho macho man! > The young Japanese lady's face was covered in grease and she seemed > oddly familiar to him for some reason. Jim got off his bike and help > the woman push her car out of the way of the traffic. "If you need a > hand... ", Jim began. SOKAKU: [as Jim] Just ring 3333-3333 for Jim the studly teacher! > "No thanks", the young lady broke in, as she > turned and walked away. Jim shrugged as he got back on his bike, "Ok, > your funeral", he said. As he was driving away, he got that feeling > that the woman was very familiar to him. > BRIAREOS: [as Jim] Mooothhhheeerrrr! > The next day, Jim arrived at school, as usual only five > minutes before the bell, skidding into his parking place. He > began to pull off his helmet, when he noticed a familiar car, BRIAREOS: It was KITT! His past as David Hasslehoff's evil twins' sidekick was coming back to haunt him! > parked a few rows down. "I knew that I'd seen her somewhere > before", he thought. All during that day, Jim looked around for > the woman he'd met beside the road, SOKAKU: She'd ripped him off by giving him a 100 yen note as change and not 1000 yen! > but it was not until the > afternoon, when he saw her walking across the parking lot to her > car. Jim quickly told Ranma that he could have the rest of the > afternoon off, and headed out to intercept her. "Hey, hold on a > minute", he shouted. The young woman looked up and frowned, > "Where have I seen him before", she thought. SOKAKU: [as woman] I'm sure I've seen that studly chest before. > Jim hurried over to her, > "I wanted to apologise for being a bit rude with you yesterday on the > highway", he said. "That's ok", she smiled, "I'm used to having rude > people annoying me". FANG: [as woman] See, right now I'm getting used to you! > Jim frowned, "Well that wasn't exactly what I > mean, I was a *bit* rude, and I apologise, the name's Jim Williams, > pleased to meet you", he said as he stuck out his hand. "I wish I > could say I'm pleased too, but I'm not", FANG: [as woman] I'm not giving you any change! > she said, ignoring his offer > of a handshake. With that she turned and got into her car. > BRIAREOS: And sat there until the morning came when she got out of her car and went into school! > Kathy was lying face down on the practice mat, after having > been thrown across the room by her 'instructor'. "Oh come on, > you can do better than that", teased Akane. Kathy groaned and > pulled herself up into a sitting position. "I think I've had > enough for today, thanks", she said. BRIAREOS: [as Kathy] Can we 'train' in the bedroom next time? > Akane grinned and moved to > help her up, "You've really gotten a lot better, it takes me > almost 30 seconds to defeat you now, a month ago I could beat you in > 10", she said. SOKAKU: [as Akane] By the time I am 100, you'll be able to last an hour! > Kathy wiped her face with a towel, saying "Well at > least I can still beat you in 'Street Fighter'". Akane only laughed, > over the last several weeks, they had been practising together almost > constantly. SOKAKU: In the dojo, the bathroom, the bedroom... > Akane was happy to find another girl, who was good enough > to train with and didn't want to kill her for begin engaged to Ranma, > Kathy on the other hand was happy just to find a friend. SOKAKU: [as Kathy] Only 19,999 to go! > Akane and > Kathy moved towards the main house, talking about those things two > young girls talk about (which this author is not going to attempt to > even explain). > BRIAREOS: They were plotting to take over Earth for the Martians! > Ranma was tired, so tired he could bearly put one foot in > front of the other. He had spent more time in the last few weeks with > Sensei Williams, in that damned computer room, than he had training in > martial arts. FANG: Oh good one, Jim! Turn Ranma into a computer geek why don't you? > Every day he seemed to get into trouble, and every day > he was forced to help Jim do some 'constructive' work. SOKAKU: [British] You know what I mean, eh? Nudge, nudge! Wink, wink! Say no more! > Ranma now call > Sensei Williams, simply Jim. "After all" Jim remarked one day "you and > I spend so much time together anyway, I'm not going to bother with 'Mr > Saotome', so you shouldn't have to bother with 'Sensei Williams'". SOKAKU: [evil] Call me Master, bitch! > While all of the other teachers were happy to send Ranma out of the > room, when he invariably got into trouble, Jim insisted that sending > him out of the room would be a futile and useless thing to do. So BRIAREOS: -they slapped him silly! > every time he got into trouble with Jim, he spent the afternoon in the > computer room. Ranma finally trudged into the Tendo home and sat down > heavily at the dinner table. > FANG: [whiny] Is this EVER going to END? BRIAREOS: It will, Fang, it will... I hope. > > Kathy and Akane had tidied themselves up and were sitting at one > end of the table working on their respective homework. "If it isn't > the 'Homeroom Horror'", said Kathy. After spending so much of her > time with Akane, her attitude towards Ranma was beginning to rub off. > "Very funny", replied Ranma. "So Sensei Williams let you out a bit > earlier today hey?", asked Akane. FANG: ARRGHHH! Must....control...fist...of....death! BRIAREOS: This fic makes 'The Postman' look like 'Face/Off' > "Yeah, he said he had something > else that he had to do", Ranma groaned. Akane and Kathy then > proceeded to ignore Ranma while they continued to do their homework. SOKAKU: [as Ranma] What are you two doing over there? Stop that! That's disgusting! > Ranma came over to see what they were working on. Looking over > Akane's shoulder, Ranma saw that she was working on some of the > hexadecimal arithmetic, that Jim had set for homework. "You got > number three wrong", SOKAKU: [as Ranma] Or is that number 5? Could be 12! > he said. "Huh..", Akane looked up and the looked > at the answer he was pointing at. "What would you know, anyway you > *BAKA*", she said. "I'm telling you that your answer should be 43C not FANG: A-10-F. SOKAKU: RX-78-2. BRIAREOS: 33S. > 52E", he said angrily, getting up and walking to the door, "but see if > I bother trying to help you again..". Akane started to make an angry > response, but Kathy stoped her and pointed at the calculator, "Look, BRIAREOS: [mexican] -at de birdy, senor! > Ranma was right!". Akane looked at the calculator, in wonder, "How > would Ranma know that just by looking at it?", she said. > SOKAKU: *gasp* He's not Ranma! He's an evil clone! FANG: This fic is filled with so much Blue Heeler's style foreshadowing that it's driving me INSANE! > Hardcourt sat at one end of a long table, waiting for > Madaline. "Where the hell is she?", he thought, "This operation > is getting more and more dangerous, and she is off running around > somewhere". After a few minutes the door to the room opened and BRIAREOS: -in walked the most terrible weapon concieved by TV executives! FANG: *gasp* The Olson twins? > Madaline walked quickly into the room. "Where the hell have you > been", Hardcourt asked angrily. Madaline looked at him with hate > filled eyes, "Washing my hair", she smirked. BRIAREOS: [as ditzy Madaline] And then I had my nails done but Pierre wasn't available so I didn't have a facial! > Hardcourt had never in > all his 200 years met a woman, human or not, SOKAKU: That's Hardcourt, he'll go with any woman! Human OR alien! [Fang shudders.] FANG: I just had a horrible vision of Hardcourt giving a French kiss to the Alien Queen in Alien 2! SOKAKU: And YOU say I'M sick? > that had been as > infuriating as Madaline. "Lets get down to business then", Madaline > began, "The operation is going well, I've identified the seven > shifters that we have targeted". Hardcourt stood and walked across to > look out the window, "What about DarkWind, have you found him yet?", BRIAREOS: Gee, who could POSSIBLY be DarkWind? > he asked. Madaline look faintly afraid, "No, not yet, he must be > somewhere in the area, but I can't work out where", she said, as she > held up her necklace "Besides, he could be shielded like I am". SOKAKU: [as Madaline] Those human Federation weaklings! Oh wait, wrong show! > Hardcourt sat back into his chair, "I don't think so, the Circle has > no knowledge that we can hide ourselves from them", he said, "where > the hell has he gone after ruining that capture operation?". FANG: [as Hardcourt] We had no idea he would do the sensible thing and remain undercover! > Madaline > looked worriedly across the desk, "When is the new operation set > for?", she asked. Hardcourt smiled, "Three weeks, that should give you > a chance to find DarkWind and eliminate him", he said. SOKAKU: [evil] Make sure the Olson twins are deployed this time! No-one will be spared! > "You want me > to kill him, give me a break, I'm good but he's better", Madaline BRIAREOS: Except on days with a Y in them. > said. "I'm sure you'll come up with something", he smirked, "the > operation will go ahead on schedule, all of the targets will be in one > place for that night, we *must* succeed". FANG: [as Hardcourt] We'll nuke the 'All Saints' concert! > > The Raven was once again sitting in the tree opposite the > Tendo's pool, waiting and listening to what was going on. Akane > and Kathy had just gotten back from their morning jog (Kathy had > taken up jogging, after seeing how much stamina Akane had, Akane > was glad to have some company on her morning exercise). > After they had changed back into their school clothes, and were > walking back into the house, Kathy noticed the black shape > sitting in the tree watching. BRIAREOS: [as Kathy] Bill Cosby? The hell? > "Have you ever seen that bird > before?", Kathy asked Akane. Akane turned and looked at the > Raven, "Now that you mentioned it I've see that bird quite a few > times of a morning". FANG: Grrr! SOKAKU: [as David Coleman] This could be a repeat of what will happen at the European Games, next week. > Kathy had not told anyone but her uncle > about the night that she was attacked, but she was considering > telling Akane, now that she had been seeing the Raven more often. BRIAREOS: [as Kathy] Akane, I'm worried that we're starring in a Crow/Ranma 1/2 crossover! FANG: Shh! Don't give people ideas! SOKAKU: Actually, I think it might have been done already. > Kathy, Akane, Ranma and Nabiki all set off for school together, Ranma > walking as usual on top of various fences along the way. "So tell me, > Ranma, what do you want for your birthday?", Kathy asked. BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] Two words, whipped cream and you. FANG: [as Kathy] That's three. BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] D'ohh! >Ranma > looked over at Akane, who was busily hugging P- Chan, "how about some > pork spare ribs", he said. Akane looked angry, P-Chan looked nervous, > Nabiki was trying not to laugh and Kathy just shook her head, "No, I > mean really, what do you want?", she insisted. BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] Okay, I'll have some Cheesy poofs! > > Ranma was still thinking about it when they finally got to > school, "I'll get back to you, Ok?", he said. "Oh alright", said > Kathy, "But hurry up, its only a week away". Ranma sighed as he moved > through the school grounds, "Why do Pop and Mr Tendo insist on giving > me a birthday party?", he thought. Ever since they had decided, > everyone was getting excited, BRIAREOS: That rymes! Heh. FANG: [singing] You suck! You suck! You suck! BRIAREOS: Shut up! > Ranma couldn't see what the fuss was > about, he was only a year older, after all, nothing that hadn't > happened to him before. On the other hand Ranma had been able to > invite some of his friends along from school, including Jim, whom he > considered to be one of the best male friends he had, after all Jim > didn't want to kill him. SOKAKU: Because Jim was leading Ranma astray! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! > > Ranma walked over to the computer room, for yet another > afternoon of detention. Half way there he encountered Jim > walking along to meet him. "Hi Ranma, ready for another > afternoon?", he inquired. "Yeah, Yeah, lets just get this over > with", he said sullenly. SOKAKU: [as Jim] Okay, now drop your pants! FANG: I think that's enough. > As Jim and Ranma walked across the > parking lot, Jim suddenly changed course towards a teacher > getting into her car. BRIAREOS: Jim is really a car! Brmmm-brmm! [Briareos pretends to drive a car while making 'brmm-brmm' sounds.] > Ranma recognised her a Sensei Tanaka, the > history teacher. Ranma had to almost run to keep up with Jim's > retreating figure, dodging some large puddles left by last night's > rain. "Hey wait, up", Jim called, rushing over. BRIAREOS: [as Freud] Und vid ze overyouse ov ze coh-ma ve can zee zome unconzious fetish of ze author! > "So, what are you > doing tonight for dinner?" Jim asked her. Mizua Tanaka, looked out > the window to see a grinning Jim staring in at her. SOKAKU: And then she pulled out the mace and sprayed Jim. > "Eating at my > place, by myself", she replied. "Awww that's no fun, why don't you > let me take you out to dinner, instead", he said. ALL: Smooooooooothh! > Mizua suddenly > reversed her car out of the parking bay, and replied "In your dreams, > fella". She then proceeded to spin the wheels of her car in the muddy > puddles, splattering Jim with mud and water. [All burst into laughter.] SOKAKU: That was corny but we love it! > Ranma barely avoided > getting soaked and breathed a sigh of relief, as Sensei Tanaka pulled > away. "Why do you bother, Jim?", he asked, "For the last three weeks > you've been asking her out, only to have her insult you every time". BRIAREOS: [as Jim] I follow the Hollywood rules of dating, it means that she really wants me and is disgusing her unbridled lust with witty insults! > Jim smiled and replied, "I only do it because I know it because I know > it annoys her", then he suddenly looked sad, "there could never be > anything between us anyway". FANG: Probably because you forget to capitalise! >Jim looked down at himself, and shook > his head, "Come on you can hold a towel for me as I get cleaned up", > he said. Ranma and Jim walked back over to the main building and into > the guy's showers. As Jim was rinsing off, Ranma couldn't resist > getting in a few ALL: ARRGGH! > digs, ALL: Whew! > "Well you certainly have a way with women", he > laughed, "And I must say that your 'mud and water' ensemble will > impress any girl that comes along". Ranma was so busy laughing that > he failed to notice Jim throwing his wet clothes at him, and BRIAREOS: Some Martial Artist! > unfortunately, Jim was look straight at him when his change took > place. FANG: [as Jim] A Nissan Pathfinder, the HELL? > "ARRRRGHHHH!!", screamed Ranma-Chan. "Bloody Hell, your a > girl!", exclaimed Jim. "I AM NOT A GIRL", shouted an enraged > Ranma-Chan, advancing towards the now naked Jim. Jim quickly grabbed > up a towel and started backing off. "What the hell are you", he said. FANG: [as Ranma] Well, I'd tell you but you didn't ask a question! > Ranma calmed down and quickly got some hot water from one of the > showers, to turn back. After Jim had put on some clean clothes Ranma > explained about his curse. Jim looked at him strangely, "So you have > no control over your.. ummm.. transformations", he asked. SOKAKU: [as Ranma] Yes and that's why I allowed myself to transform in front of you! OF COURSE NOT! FANG: [as Ranma] What? And lose 90% of the overused jokes in the series? BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] Der! > "No.. only > that cold water triggers it and hot water reverses it", he said. Jim > was muttering to himself, "strange, very strange". Ranma looked at > him worriedly, "I'm still me, just because I turn into a girl, doesn't > change who I am", he said. Jim looked at him and said, "Oh don't > worry I won't tell anyone, and just because you turn into a girl, > doesn't make me think your any less of a man". SOKAKU: [as Murry Walker] Nigel Mansell - the Man of the Race - the Man of the Day - the Man from the Isle of Man. >Ranma smiled and got > up to leave, "Well I'm glad that you can understand...". Jim broke > in, "where do you think your going, you still have to stay in > detention... after all, I'm not sexist, you can stay as a girl or a > guy, take your pick". SOKAKU: [as Jim] Mother could grow to like this. > > The Raven flew over Tokyo, enjoying the feel of the wind on > its feathers. It glided over to the huge twin towers of Epsilon > Industries, resting for a time on a ledge just outside the CEO's > office. After a short time the big bird was flying again, this > time heading towards the Tendo Dojo, to watch over it's charges. SOKAKU: Positive and Negative. > Suddenly a shadow flickered over it and the Raven barely dodged out of > the way, as a falcon clawed at the air, that it had occupied only > seconds before. Now the falcon turned and struck out with it's beak, > twisting at the Raven. The Raven continued to dodge desperately, > diving and weaving. Unfortunately, the falcon is a faster and more > agile bird than the Raven, and eventually the Raven found itself with > numerous cuts, from the falcons beak and talons. Flapping its wings > furiously, the Raven sped towards the ground, dodging in among the > branches of the trees. [Sokaku and Fang give Briareos a weird look at he reads the entire paragraph in a race-callers voice.] BRIAREOS:[race-callers voice] Oh, and the Raven has lost. It's falling down to the ground. The Falcon is the winner. Terrible for those backing the raven I must say! >Madaline watched the Raven flying amongst the > trees, waiting until it was in the clear, so that she could sink her > talons in again. Unfortunately the Raven did not emerge from the > other end of the trees, "Shit.... DarkWind's good at dodging, I'll > give him that", she thought. Swooping down, Madaline slowed so she FANG: -could search for rogue commas. > could make a complete search of the trees. After about five minutes > of searching, she suddenly felt like she was being observed. Madaline > sprang up into the air, just as a big, black panther snapped its jaws > into her left wing. The falcon screamed in pain, as her wing was > broken. The panther tossed her to the ground, with a shake of it's SOKAKU: -chinny chin chin! > powerful head. Madaline lay, in pain and bleeding, her wings pinned > under the panther's claws. Through the haze of pain, she noticed a > dark figure standing beside the panther. "Good work, Bob", the figure > said. DarkWind looked down at the falcon that had given him so much > trouble, "So Madaline, we meet again", he said. BRIAREOS: [evil] Ve haff vays of makink you talk! > The panther stepped > back, shimmering as it did so, into a man in a grey suit. "She almost > had you there Sir", Bob said. "Yes, well, I guess I'm glad I asked > you to come down and back me up again", DarkWind replied. > BRIAREOS: [as Bob] That's why I brough this backhoe, sir! > Madaline looked up at the two men standing over her, > DarkWind stood over seven feet tall, the one called Bob was more > of a normal height. Madaline forced herself to assume human > shape, screaming as her form changed and the damage to her body > became more apparent. Her left arm was broken, and she was FANG: -wearing a white dress after Labor Day! What was she THINKING? > bleeding from a gash to her shoulder. "That's the danger of > assuming animal forms, the damage is always magnified", she > thought. "Well, do you have anything to say?", DarkWind asked > pointedly. She grimaced and spat at him, "Just hurry up and get > it over with", she said, bowing her head. To her surprise, SOKAKU: -he began dancing Russian-style! > DarkWind laughed, good and long. FANG: Guh... I think long and loud is the expression! > "My dear lady, you know *I* > don't operate that way, tell Hardcourt when you see him, that I > look forward to renewing our acquaintance", he said as he turned > and walked away. Madaline watched the two men walk away, as they BRIAREOS: -danced the rumba! > walked out of sight, she slowly got to her feet, and made her way back > towards her home. > FANG: Boy, I sure hope that's not a long walk. > Bob Marcus was not happy, they had passed up a perfect > opportunity to eliminate one of the Conclave's top agents, and SOKAKU: -Ah-nuld was going to come after them one day! > DarkWind decided to let her live, "I wonder whats > wrong with him", Bob thought, as he followed his friend through > the small park. "So why did we let her go, Sir?", Bob finally > asked. DarkWind turned to him, looking him up and down, "Are you BRIAREOS: [as DarkWind] -a size 8? I've got a great dress your size! > really Bob, or some Conclave shifter in disguise?", he asked, "You > know I won't kill for no reason". FANG: [as DarkWind] Not even in self-defence! > Bob looked over at him, "What do > you mean, she nearly killed you??!??" he exclaimed. FANG: [as DarkWind] Did you forget your contacts again, Bob? It was pretty obvious that she nearly killed me! >DarkWind turned to > face his friend, "If I killed everyone who's ever tried to kill me, > I'd be neck-deep in corpses", he said, BRIAREOS: Mad dwarves come after you all the time, DarkWind? >"Besides, that woman seemed > familiar, and I would like to find out where I've seen her before". > As they continued to walk through the small forest, Bob noticed that > DarkWind was walking rather strangely, "Are you alright?", he asked. SOKAKU: [as DarkWing] I nearly died! OF COURSE I'M NOT! [normal] ARGH! THE ILLOGIC! > DarkWind looked around carefully, to see if there was anyone else > nearby, "Actually no, I'm not", he said, as he collapsed to the > ground. [faux laughter] FANG: How witty. He's got the wit of Hugh Grant! > > ***RING RING*** (end of school bell) BRIAREOS: BLAM! BLAM! (sound of gun) SOKAKU: BOOOMMM! (sound of timed explosive) FANG: GURRRK! (sound Sokaku being choked by me) > > Ranma walked slowly across the school, heading, as always, > to the computer room. He found Jim sitting, waiting for him as > usual. "Happy Birthday, Ranma", Jim exclaimed. Ranma looked at BRIAREOS: -Jim wearing a slinky dress that had to be stiched onto him as he began singing 'Happy Birthday' in an extremly sulty tone! FANG: Thanks Bri! I may never sleep again! > him sourly, "What's so happy about it?", he replied. "Well, this is SOKAKU: -your Life, Ranma Saotome! > also the last day before mid-semester break, so at least you don't > have to come back again next week!", Jim said cheerfully. Ranma looked > around the room, see that all of the computers were off, "So what are > we doing today?", he asked. Jim stood and walked over to him turning > him around to face the door, "Well, seeing as its your birthday, we'll SOKAKU: [as Jim] -humilate you with this can of whipped cream and these hand-cuffs! > not do anything for today, take the afternoon off". Ranma smiled > happily, "Thanks Jim!". Jim locked the door and walked with Ranma > across to the parking lot. "I'll see you tonight then", Jim called as > he drove off. Ranma then realised that his party was tonight, he BRIAREOS: -was hoping that Kathy would be there with the whipped cream! > walked slowly home, dreading what was to come. Not because Ranma > disliked parties, he like them a lot, just not parties that had him as > the centre of attention. He was sure that Shampoo and Mousse would FANG: -bring the Karoke set and humilate all and sundry! > crash the party and Ryogua would be there too. If ever there where a > time when the insurance companies would be wishing they cancelled Soun > Tendo's policy, tonight would be it. BRIAREOS: You mean, they actually HAVE coverage? Their premiums must be sky high! > > "The targets are all in place", said Hardcourt, "Tonight we > take them all!". Hardcourt was looking over his hand-picked > squad, all of them were seasoned fighters, all of them knew what SOKAKU: -end of the stick to hit the enemy with! > to do. Everything was ready, the 5 cars pulled out of the > parking lot heading for the Tendo's house. Hardcourt stood in FANG: -the mud screaming to the heavens "End the Pain!"! No, wait! That's us > the parking lot, between his two partners, Madaline was still not > feeling 100%, but she would be there as backup only. It was expected > that Casey and Himself would provide most of the 'firepower'. The > three forms shimmered and then an eagle followed by a hawk shot FANGF: -JFK. > into > the night sky. A falcon rose into the sky and followed, slowly moving > off into the darkness. SOKAKU: [singing] What's beneath the trapdoor? FANG: [as Leena] BUUUUGGG! FEEEEDDD MEEE! SOKAKU: That's not how it goes! FANG: I know. > > "The targets are all in place", said Bob, "If there going to do > it, then tonight will be the perfect opportunity". DarkWind looked > out over the rooftops in the direction of the Tendo's house. "Are you > going to be able to make it in time?", he asked. "I've never let you > down before, I'll be there!", Bob stated. BRIAREOS: [as Bob] Wherever there is injustice, we'll be there! >DarkWind stretched his arms > and sighed, "This is going to be bloody!", he declared. Bob nodded > and replied, 'The Circle will be sending in an extraction team when I SOKAKU:[as Bob] -moon them! > give them the signal, do your best to get everyone under cover when > they get there". DarkWind looked at his friend, "Good luck mate, and FANG: [ocker]-don't come the raw prawn! > stay safe", he said, as he shimmered into the Raven. Bob echoed him, > "Good luck to you to Sir". The Raven spread it's wings, caught up a > small package, and the flew out into the night. Bob watched his > friend until he could no longer see him, due to the coming night. A > large black panther slipped into the streets of Tokyo, padding > silently along, it was soon swallowed up in the darkness. BRIAREOS: [as Darkness] Needs more salt. > --------------------TO BE CONTINUED---------------------------- > > AUTHOR'S NOTE: > > Ahhhh.. finished. Well how do you like it so far????, > hopefully I'm getting the right atmosphere into my story. While > I haven't really bought in many of the Ranma1/2 cast, they will > be taking part in the story in the near future. I'm still not > sure that some of the scenes convey exactly what I wanted to > say..... but well I'll try to do better next time. I'm trying to > write these so that there is not too much time between releases, so > that if I get someone hooked - they don't get too bored waiting for > the next part. I would like to apologise to all Japanese people past, > present and future, for my use of names, I don't really know all that > much Japanese - so I tend to make it up as I go along. SOKAKU: That doesn't stop many authors. But hey, most of us wouldn't know a proper Japanese name if it bit us on the ass! > Another point I'd like to make - one character's name: > DarkWind (yes that is also my alias)..... I'd like to make note > of the fact that I've been using this name for quite a while - > any reference to a silly looking duck is NOT indicated and nor do I > eat black baked beans...... > [All turn green] > > Any comments/criticisms etc to: > > darkwnd@starvision.sv.net.au > > -----Brett Handy (Aka: DarkWind) > [They all leave the theatre.] BRIAREOS: FINALLY! I thought it was never going to end! SOKAKU: They weren't kidding when they said it was big! [The viewscreen flickers to life showing Hitomi and Yoshi leering at the screen.] HITOMI: [on Viewscreen] Given up yet, lab rats? SOKAKU: Nope, you gotta looonnnggg way to go yet! YOSHI: [on V.S] Well you rest now. The rest on Shifters will be on it's way shortly! Bwahahahhaha HITOMI: [on V.S] Don't steal my lines Yoshi! YOSHI: [on V.S] Oh, sorry. Push the button, Hitomi. HITOMI: [on V.S] Pushing the button... WAIT! That's what I say! YOSHI: [on V.S] D'ohh! HITOMI: [on V.S] Prepare for some Pavolian treatment, darling! NOW PUSH THE BUTTON! YOSHI: [on V.S] Pushing the button, ma'am! BRIAREOS: Weirdos. [Yoshi presses the button.] ------------- MSTer's notes: What have I got myself into? This gonna be one damn long MSTing! AIEEE! The brevity council would have it's work cut for it in this fic. It goes on and on and on and on. Mundane details get entire paragraphs. Help Desk! Need sanity back! Keep the feedback coming in! Positive, negative or neutral, I don't mind! -------- MSTings so far: -------- #1 Trial By Fire - Gundam. 3 parts. #2 Neo Armageddon Evangelist. 1 part #3 Shifters - Ranma 1/2. Ongoing. #4 A Surfing tale - upcoming. (Community Education gone wrong) #5 Neon Genesis Evangelion II: Jackal's Saga. Upcoming. ---- Stinger: Akane followed him in, exclaiming all the way about how inconsiderate he was, as she had made him a nice meal.