ArsenalXIII's notes: Yes, it too a lot of procrastinating and such to finally put this sucker out, but finally, it's done, and ready for release. Now, we can only hope the second chapter goes a bit smoother. HÅKAN: As someone who has a soft spot for both cartoons and video games, a Sonic fanfic would suit me fine. Well, if Mr Wainscott hadn't replaced the main character with Leisure Suit Larry, and the plot with a Tex Avery cartoon minus the gags. Crowbar's Notes: Hey, hey! It's taken forever, but the first part is out! Whoo! But really, I'm glad I'm a part of the team riffing this. And speaking of this fic... It's interesting, to say the least. Someday, I'm sure we'll get to the rest of the parts... But for now, I shall listen to Metallica. Enjoy! Alicia: Knothole Chronicles was your typical mediocre StH fanfic. That was its hideous glory. It was hypnotically banal and predictable. God, I look forward to riffig chapter 2. ---Suspend your disbelief where applicable--- [Cue MST3K theme music. If you don't know it by now, what are you reading this for?] [SOL, 8 PM Eastern Standard Time.] Mike: Well, hi everybody, welcome to the Sattellite of lo-.. guys, what's wrong? Mike: Guys? C'mon, you can't stay mad at me forever for accidently throwing out your 'Macguyver' videos... say, what's this new button here for? Tom: Hello, little boy and/or girl. Would you like me to sing a song for you? Mike: Agh! Tom! Crow! What the heck is going on? Crow: What is your name, little boy and/or girl? Mike: It's Mike Nelson, c'mon, you guys know that... Tom: Okay, Mike Nelson. me and Crow are going to sing a birthday song for you. Ready, Crow? Crow: Yes, Tom. And a one, and a two. Both Bots: Hap-py birthday Mike Nelson. Hap-py birthday Miiii.... Mike: AAAH!! What's going on?? [Deep 13] Forrester: Aww... what's the matter, booby? You don't like my little present? I thought you'd appreciate me turning your 'bots into soulless kids party automatons. [SOL] Mike: Your invention doesn't seem to working very well... just tell me how to turn them back to normal! [Deep 13] Forrester: Oh, very well. Forrester: No invention exchange for now, boobies. I've had my amusement for today. Frank! Get me that fanfic! Frank: Yessir... Forrester: Hmm.... let's see... yes, this will do rather nicely. Long, boring *and* painful! [SOL] Mike: Well, I hope you're happy sir, I can't fix Crow's eye, so he can't read the fanfic. Crow: Hot damn! Finally... Tom: Some guys get all the breaks... [Deep 13] Forrester: Not so fast, you ninnyhammers. Stand by the Umbilicus, and I'll send some replacement eyeballs. Forrester: Fire in the hole! [SOL] Mike: What does that-OWW!!! Mike: Very funny, sir. Crow: Serves you right for making me watch this crap. All: We've got MOVIE SIGN!!! >- - - - >Chapter One Tom: Oh, this is gonna be so cool! I've been waiting for this one to come out ever since the Special Edition! Mike: Wrong Chapter One, Tom. >Ransom Crow: Starring Mel Gibson.... Mike: Wrong Ransom. Crow: Damn! Tom: Starring John Travolta as Miles Prower. >by John Wainscott Crow: [Sailor] Scupper the poop deck and raise the wainscott! >- - - - >Time line Mike: Well, a perforated one, anyway. > - June, 3235. >- - - - Tom: It was after the apocalypse. No one expected the... Robot Holocaust. > > It was early right now and everyone was still asleep. Tom: It's Andy Warhol's Knothole Chronicles! Mike: Consistent tenses? We don't need no consistent tenses! Crow: No, *Mike*, this is clearly going to be a time-travel story that takes place in both the past and present simultaneously. Tom: Are you *trying* to make my head explode? Crow: Well, it's more fun than just reading the story. >They all stayed up >late last night with a mission to Robotropolis stealing computer >parts. Tom: [Sonic] Hey, Rotor, I got a Atari 540! What about you? Mike: [Rotor] A TRS-80. Tom: [Sonic] Cool! >Surprisingly, Sonic woke up before sunrise. Tom: 'The Dark One rose up with the girl gone from his bed, blood stains covering the sheets, and a warm feeling between his...' Mike: TOM! No Kefka riffs! You know what those do to Crow! Crow [disturbed]: Kef... ka... Mike: It's okay! It's okay! This isn't one of his stories! Geez, Crow's never been the same since he found those things at Bookshire's... >He tried to get back to sleep, but >he just wasn't tired. Tom: The sixteen cups of Espresso he had before bed weren't helping, either. Crow: [Beavis] I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! >He felt like running for a while, Tom: Sonic, ever felt like kicking that endorphin addiction? >but he also didn't >want to wake everyone else up, they had a long night. Crow: So, this time he didn't make those "Wroom, wroom" sounds with his mouth. Mike: So the Freedom Fighters are just kind of sprawled all over Knothole, right? Tom: Well, the Freedom Fighters usually have a raging kegger after a major raid... at least Rotor didn't try to 'show his tool bench' to Bunnie this time. >So he was stuck for a couple of hours. Tom: [Sonic] Uhh... guys? I know you need your sleep, but somehow I'm stuck in this position. Guys? Hello? > He remembered that Sally was a light sleeper and was probably >awake. All: Bomp-chicka-bomp-wow! >He was bored and had nothing else to do, so he walked over to Sally's hut. Crow: Sonic's going a little early for the peep show, I see. Tom: Thrill, true-believers, to the pandemonious predicament of our hero as he *walks* to the *hut*! All: EXCELSIOR! >When >he arrived, he saw Sally through her window still asleep. Tom: Peeping: the wholesome favorite pasttime of Mobians everywhere. >That only made him >more bored and being bored made him a little irritable. Crow: Don't make me irritable... you wouldn't *like* me when I'm irritable... Mike: ..and being a little irritable made him slightly agitated. Being slightly agitated made him sort of nervous. Being sort of nervous made him almost woozy... Tom: Mike, stop or I will strike down upon thee with anger and furious vengeance! Mike: How? Your arms don't work... Tom: Fine, ruin my fun. >So he decided to >surprise her with a bundle of flowers he saw planted outside her >door. Tom: Becuse there nothing that charms a woman more that plundering her garden. Crow: [Sonic] Hi! I just uprooted your begonias! Happy to see me? Mike: [Sonic] I'm sure she won't mind if I pick her own flowers from her flower bed. In fact, she might just *plainly* kill me. >Sonic >took the flowers and let himself in. Mike: Because Sally won't mind him barging into her house in the middle of the night. >He quietly walked up to Sally and kissed >her on the cheek waking her up. > "Sonic!" Sally yawned as she was trying to fix her hair. Tom: [Sonic] I just thought I'd come by to tell you how much I loved... oh, hi, Geoffrey. >"What are you >doing here?" Tom: [Sonic] Oh, just scaring the crap out of you. Is that ok? >As Sonic presented her with the flowers, Mike: ...and the money he'd "found" in her drawers... >he sat down on her bed >and held her hand. Mike: [darkly] Then he readied his meat cleaver to collect the other one... >"Okay, what do you need" Sally asked as if he wanted a big >favor. Crow: [Sonic] Y'know, sex. What, are you stupid or something? Mike: Um, don't go there. > "I was wondering if you wanted to watch the sunrise with me." CROW: "Sunrise". I can't help thinking there's another level to that statement. >Sonic >asked with a slight smile. Sally was a little confused. Tom: [Sally] Would that involve sleeping with you? Because I really don't want to touch you if I can help it. Mike: [Sonic] You mean you women actually don't like being used? > "What, you don't want me to wash your socks or make you a >chili dog?" Crow: Ha ha! Of course! After all, Sally's a woman! Of course Sonic would expect her to be servile and domestic! Mike and Tom: Of course! > "What?" Sonic asked just as confused as her. > "You've been too nice." Crow:[Sally] Why, you're so out of character that I barely recognize you! > "I've been too bored." Sally looked out the windows and >noticed that the sun was about to rise. She looked back at him >with the flowers in her hand. Mike: [Sally] Ok! Interrogation time! Where did you get these flowers? Tom: [Sonic] Uhh... Uhh... In your garden? Mike: [Sally] DIE, SONIC! [Crow makes muffled punch sounds] > "Can you wait in the front room while I get ready?" Asked >Sally. Mike: The great Sonic waits for no measly woman! Tom: [Sonic] Um... no. Guess I'll just have to stay here, then... Mike: Tom, no. > "Sure thing." Sonic started walking toward the couch when he >noticed a small note folded in half on the table. Since Sally was >getting dressed, he thought he could take a small peek. Tom: ....through a keyhole..... Mike: And bypassing the note, he walked to Sally's door and look through the crack. That's when... the paparazzi came. Crow: After all, she left her windows wide open, and her aim with the mallet had been weakening of late. >He picked up the note and started reading. Tom: He's Sonic the Hedgehog, lord of all he surveys! > >Dear Sal, Crow: (Note) You may have already won $5,926,263,63.21. All you need to do is fill at all these forms for us and buy 20 magazine subscriptions. You will then get a penny a day until the year 50,042. > I can't wait to meet you tonight. Mike: [Sonic] Because, as I said, I wait for no measly woman! >I want to be alone with you so we can >get to know each other better. Mike: No pervert riffs. Too easy. Bots [clearly disappointed]: Awww... >By the way, I'm sorry I acted silly last night. Crow: [notewriter] I'd just seen a lot of episodes of 'Monty Python's Flying Circus', and I just didn't know when to stop. >I was nervous and didn't know what to say. Tom: [notewriter] And clearly, my attempt at interpretive dance wasn't successful, either... >I can't stop thinking about you. Mike: [notewriter] Get out my soul! GET OUT OF MY SOUL!! >Love, you know who. Crow: [Church Lady] Could it be.... Saaatan? Tom: No, no, it's Geoffrey! Mike: I say it's Antoine. [After a few minutes, everyone has the a good laugh at the thought of Antoine being successful. Then, they continue to riff.] > > Sally just got done getting dressed Crow: Yeah, putting a pair of boots on takes forever. >and came out to see Sonic holding >the note. Mike: [Sally] I should be upset that he's reading my most private secrets, but something about his raw masculinity prevents me... Tom: [Sonic] Have you been seeing that Sir Kain loser again? > "Sal! Who is this note from?" Sonic asked in a confused tone. >With a small giggle, Sally explained. Tom: [Sally] It's from Bunny, silly! There's something about me you don't know... > "Its a note from you, silly. Mike: [Sally] You wrote it to me last night! Really, I think you should consider detox... >You gave it to me when you were only five Crow: Wow! Sonic started *young*! Mike: Ew! Crow! >and I've kept it ever since. Don't you remember?" Crow: [Sonic] Geez, am I supposed to keep track of *every* woman I've conquered? Tom: [Sonic] If I *did*, would I have asked you to explain it, Miss Genius? >Sonic looked at the note >again and placed it back on the table. Mike: [Sonic, dumb] Paper. What a concept. > "Oh... yeah." Sally went into the kitchen to put the flowers >in a vase and left with Sonic to watch the sunrise. Crow: Since, with Sonic's 'condition', that's the only thing that would be rising. > >- - - - > > Later that day, Tails and his friends went into the forest to >play tag, hide and seek, and other games like that. Crow: We'll try not to bore you with details. Tom: Y'know, like spin the bottle, kick the baby, Russian roulette... Mike: Oh... so, translation: They're playing hooky. > "Hey, what's that?" Tails asked when he looked off into the >distance. Mike: [kid] It looks kinda like the plot... kinda vague and bland, isn't it? > "What?" Nina said while she was trying to catch her breath >from running. Crow: Could the author mean 'gasped', perhaps? Tom: No, no, that would be far too simple... > "What's kicking up all that dust?" Crow: It's the Beastie Boys bustin' suckers no fuss! Mike: It's Pigpen! We're in a Peanuts crossover! > "I don't know." Crow: [Nina] Look, I'm just a kid! How am I supposed to know? > "Oh, no! It's Robotnick! Run!" Tails barked in a frantic >voice. Crow: [British voice] Run away! Run Away!! Tom: Ooh, what a plot twist! Tails is part dog! Crow: A plot twist? In this story? Hah! Mike: [laughs] Look, if that's really Robotnik, a brisk stroll would be able to keep you pretty safe... >"Nina! >Come with me!" Tom: Miles Prower *is* Nathaniel Poe *in* a horribly mutated version of 'Last of the Mohicans.' >Tails took Nina by the hand and started to fly as fast as he >could through the forest. Mike: Which couldn't be very fast at all, what with the trees and branches and everything... Crow: Tails realized that might not have been the best decision when Nina's arm ripped violently out of its socket. >With a SWAT-Bot on their tail, Tom: If they's got the tail, why not catch the rest of the body? Crow: Perhaps it's a lizard thing. >they took a sharp >turn and lost the robot... temporarily. Tom: So a SWAT Bot just randomly appears, and is them completely outwitted by a pair of small children with seconds, correct? Mike: Right. Tom: Ah, Mr. Wainscott... why do I get the feeling that name will be haunting my nightmares? >Tails and Nina hid next to a tree so >they could rest. Crow: They used their pixie powers to draw strength from nature, using the tree as a medium! Mike: No more 'Ferngully' for you, Crow. >Tails and Nina heard one of their friends off in the distance >yelling for help. Tom: Yes, one of their random friends who was being pursued by a random robot. Crow: Look, just jump behind a tree! Works every time! >Tails couldn't sit there and do nothing. Tom: Theoretically, he could, but there was that 'act stupid' contract he'd signed. Mike: He kept breathing and blinking and stuff. >"Stay here!" Tails >started to run for Ziggy. Crow: [Tails] He's my favorite comic charecter! I cannot lose him! Tom: *Ziggy*? I could see running for 'Calvin and Hobbes', or 'The Far Side'... hell, or even 'Dilbert'! But *Ziggy*? >Suddenly a bot came out from nowhere and snagged >Nina by the foot. [stunned silence] Crow: What's next, Romulans attacking? Mike: Maybe the robots can teleport, or something. Crow: Ah, the machina ex machina. Tom: This story is absolutely riddled with plot holes... must be how all the characterization leaked out. > "Tails! Help!" Cried Nina as she was taken from Tails. Crow: I could see Tails opening a can of whup-ass on the SWAT bots, can't you? Mike: Actually, no. Crow: Same here. >He knew that he >couldn't help her, and all he could do was get Sonic. Tom: What? His friend's in danger, so he *runs away* and wastes precious time looking for Sonic? Mike: Suddenly, Tails' utter worthlessness as 'The Grey Fox' is a lot less surprising. >Tails started to take >off Crow: ... but then just decided not to. >and was soon zipping through trees Crow: *Through* trees? Mike: [singing] Tails, Tails, Tails of the Knothole, watch out for that tree... >on his way back to the village. > When Tails came flying from the forest crying, Mike: [British] My name is Miles Prower, and I hail from the Forest Crying! Crow: The author's poetic, or at least trying. Tom: Still his prose is not something we're buying. Mike: Yes, so far it's only left us sighing. >he was still looking for >Sonic and yelling his name. Soon, he was at Sonic's hut and ran >inside. Crow: No, Tails! The door's... Tom: *thud* >Sonic >was swallowing whole chili dogs Tom: What do you think, Mike? Too easy? Mike: Waaaay too easy. Tom: Darn it! And I had my 'Coming of Munihausen' joke all ready to go... >and almost choked when he saw Tails fly in >like he did. > "Sonic! Help!" Tails cried. > "Whoa! What's wrong, bro?" Tails was trying to catch his >breath and explain to him what happened. Crow: So was he *gasping*, story? Mike: Why should Mr. Wainscott use a simple word when a whole phrase will do? > "Robotnick got all my friends in an attack! Mike: [Tails] He got Ziggy and Nina... Oh, I guess that's it, really. >I got away Tom: ... which is probably *why* Robotnik captured all your friends... Crow: Behold the mighty Grey Fox! >and came to get >help. Do something, Sonic! Hurry!" Mike: [Tails] As the main character, you're the only one with even a *chance* of doing anything effective! I'm just a sidekick! > "Go to Bunnie and tell her that Sal and I are goin' straight >to Robotropolis, okay?" Tom: [Tails] Shouldn't you ask Sally if she's coming with you? Crow: [Sonic] She's a woman! She *will* join me! >Tails ran off to Bunnie's hut and explained to her what >happened. Crow: [Tails] Well, my friends got in trouble and I abandoned them to save my own hide. So how are you doing? >Bunnie was shocked to see him scared like that. Mike: I mean, his friends in the clutches of an evil maniac... what does he have to worry about? >She also felt real bad about his friends. Tom: [Bunnie] I feel real bad that your friends are going to be turned into twisted mindless robotic slaves. Crow: [Tails] Gee, thanks... > "Oh, Sugar Plum, you must frightened out of your fur. Mike: Man! The plot holes in this story are so big that whole *words* are starting to leak out! >Don't worry about >a thing honey, your ole friend Sonic will take care of that mean >Robotnick." Tom: Yes, Virginia, there *is* a Santa Claus! >Tails got up on Bunnies lap and gave her a hug. Tom: Ah, the soft, fluffy touch of roboticized metal. Crow: I'd be a *lot* more *generous*, myself, ifyouknowwhatImean! Mike: It's the metal legs, isn't it? Crow: Yeah. [sighs] Oh, my dear sweet Bunnie Rabbot... Tom: Feh. Julie-Su's better. >Tails was feeling reassured, >but Bunnie felt like she had just lied to him. Mike: Because she had. > > "Sal! Where are you! Hey Sal!" Sonic yelled at the top of his >lungs. Crow: No, no, you've got to sound out from the diaphragm! Now try it again! > "In the garden!" Replied Sally. Sonic took off as fast as he >could for the garden and almost ran her over when he got there. Tom: My, Sonic has such a *gentle* way with women. Mike: Has he gone to the Nav school of seduction? > "Hey Sal, Tails' friends needs us. Robotnick got to them and >he's goin to roboticize them if we don't bring them back!" Crow: [Sonic] I read ahead in the script a few pages. Things might almost get *exciting* if we don't act fast! >Sonic grabbed her arm and >rushed back to his hut. Tom: I see Sonic trained with A-ko when it came to carrying passengers. Crow: [Sally] Wait, Sonic, I've strained my ankle and can't goooooOOWWW!! >Sonic grabbed a power ring and Sally picked up Nicole. Mike: Whoa! Suddenly it's a lemon! Crow: I feel bad being the clean one, but that's the name of Sally's computer. Mike: Okay. I was wondering about that... Crow: I know, buddy. I'm disappointed too. >Before even one minute had passed, they were off. > > Sonic and Sally were hiding behind a pile of trash just >outside the entrance Tom: And it was all written by Oscar and the Great Red Serpent. >when they saw Robotnick return with his catch of the day. Tom: Two ten-pound bass and some 3-pound salmon. Mike: I never took Robotnik for the 'outdoorsman' type... Crow: Robotnik must've fallen through one of those plot holes, too. > "Sonic, you distract them while I go around." Crow: [Sonic] Around where? Mike: [Sally] Look, just shut up and distract them! Tom: [Sally] You go do the dangerous stuff while I turn into a helpless victim! > "But what about the-" Crow: ... logic of the plan? C'mon, Sonic, you know there's not any! > "Now!" And Sally was off. Tom: Someone must've used the 'Power Word: Orgasm' spell. Mike: What's *with* you two today? >Sonic was trying to warn her about the swat >bots, but he didn't get the chance. Crow: At least, that's what he planned on telling the jury. > He didn't know who to save, Sally or the kids. Tom: Well, I have no doubt Sally would look better in those frilly things from Victoria's Secret... >He kicked an old rusty >pipe out of anger and it attracted the attention of Robotnick. Mike: Since when has Robotnik wandered aimlessly through Robotropolis, or had a physical confrontation with *anyone*? Crow: Since Wainscott began warping reality, Mike. > "Well hello, you little piece of filth!" Robotnick yelled in >the distance. Tom: Considering how he's treated Sally so far, that's pretty appropriate. >Sonic knew he couldn't do anything because he was holding Mindy by >her neck. Mike: It's not like Sonic had super-speed and hand-to-hand fighting skills and could easily grab her before Robotnik could so much as blink or anything... >She was doing all she can to try to get away, but he was too >strong. Crow: [Mindy] Geez, take a *bath* every once in awhile, all right? >To his left about thirty feet away, Sally was waving her arm. He >knew she was all right. Tom: Surrounded by killer robots, having to shepherd ten or so small whiny children through a hostile city... yeah, she's fine. > "What do you want Robuttnick?" Sonic grunted. > "What do you think I want, rodent? Your power ring! Mike: [Sonic] Uh-uh! I'm saving my power ring for the girl I marry! >It's a fair trade, >don't you think?" Sonic looked at his power ring and back at >Mindy. With all of his strength, he threw the ring up to >Robotnick. Tom: [Sonic] I *instantly* trust you, long-time archnemesis! >The expression on his face >was of great satisfaction. Robotnick caught the ring over his head >and looked at it. "You make my very happy, but you never do learn, >do you?" Crow: Oh, look! Robotnik double-crossed him! How shocking! Tom: Man, the surprises just keep *comin'* in this story... if I wasn't a robot, I'd be afraid of having a heart attack! > "Leave them alone! We made a deal!" Sonic yelled. > "You actually thought I'd keep my word?" Robotnick laughed at >him Mike: [Sonic] Well, no, but with *Wainscott* writing the script, I get to have all the intelligence of a potted plant. >and >started to walk inside. Mike: [Sonic, whiny] Wait! Stop! Please? >Sally gave Sonic a thumbs up and they both left to >return to Knothole. Crow: Oh! And now we find out it was all just a *carefully crafted* plot by the Freedom Fighters! Wow, this is just like watching 'The X-files!' > > "Get it working yet, Bookshire?" Sonic asked. Tom: [Bookshire] No, the damned union's holding out for a ten percent pay hike. > "Yeah, just about. It'll connect in twenty seconds." Sonic, >Sally and Bookshire waited patiently for the computer to connect Tom: [Bookshire] Aww damn, he's on America Online! It'll take even longer now! >to the swat-bot Sally tapped earlier. Mike: Tap the Rockies! Coors Light! >"Okay, I've got video." Crow: [Bookshire, grim] Now we shall kill the radio star. >On the computer screen, there was a >black and white picture of the inside of Robotropolis. Tom: Do cities have 'insides'? Mike: Maybe it's like the Mall of America. >Bookshire pushed the >joy stick forward Tom: [Worried] Should we be reading this? Crow: Wow, give it a soundtrack and you'd have softcore! Mike: Hush. > and the bot started walking. Crow: If you hold down the 'B' button, you can make him run, and then he'll jump farther. > In the holding cell where all of Tails' friends were being >held, they could hear something coming. Soon, they saw a bot >standing outside the electrified bars. Tom: [kid] It's Diana! I knew Dr. Thinker wouldn't forget us! > "We'll get you out, guys." The robot said in a computerized >voice. "Stand back." Everyone was confused, but still listened to >the bot. Crow: Yeah, *we* get to give the orders for a change! Mike: Crow, put your ego away. >The next >second, there was a bright light and lots of heat. Tom: The robot was a transformer, and converted into a tanning bed! >The bot was grabbing the >bars and attempting to drain the energy. Crow: [snickering] 'Drain the energy?' Into what? All SWAT bots can do is shamble around, shoot with really bad aim, and blow up. Tom: Really! Those things almost make me feel ashamed to be mechanical. > From Bookshire's point of view, the screen went blank and the >connection was lost except for audio. > "Did it work?" The bot asked as it laid motionless on the >ground. Mike: [kid] Did *what* work? Just what the hell were you trying to do, anyway? >Nobody >said anything because there was somebody walking down the hallway. >It was the one who shot the robot Sally tapped. Crow: Oooh, I wonder who it's gonna be! The story had better hurry up and tell me, or I might just *explode* from the tension! >Bookshire told Sonic and Sally that they >had to go back. Tom: [Sonic] Aw, but I wanna go front... > "Is that you, Sonic? I'm impressed. But I'm a little upset >about that ring you gave me." Robotnick said. Mike: [Robotnik] You gave *me* a cubic zirconia?! You cheap bastard! >"It destroyed one of my favorite machines." >Sonic said nothing. Crow: Because Sonic is the stoic, silent type. >"I'll tell you what, you give me a real power ring and I >won't roboticize the children." Robotnick kicked the foreign >device off of the neck of the dead bot. Crow and Tom: BOO! Crow: Geez, can't you have a little respect for the dead? Tom: It's bad enough that you pointlessly murdered him to begin with! Mike: And you can't say 'foreign'! It's an *international* device. > >- - - - > > Sonic and Sally returned to Robotropolis and made their way >inside. Crow: [bot] Hiya, Freedom Fighters! Tom: [Sally] Hiya, security guard! >They >saw two bots guarding the locked cell. Mike: Y'know, I think having the prison just inside the gates of the city is something of a design flaw. > "They must be in there." Whispered Sonic. Crow: [Sonic] It's just a guess, but the cries for help and the bars make me *awfully* suspicious... >"Lets go, Sal." Sally grabbed >Sonic's arm as he was getting up and took out Nicole. "What are >you doing?" Sonic asked. Sally didn't answer. Tom: [Sally] You expect *me* to talk to *you*, plebian? >She only started pushing some keys on >Nicole. A few seconds later, the robots walked off down the >hallway into another room. Sonic was confused. "Hey, what >happened?" Mike: ARGH!! Is there anyone in this story with the ability to *see* the OBVIOUS?! Crow: Kinda makes you wish Sailor Mercury was here, huh? > "They think they have to go and clean the weapons room now. >That will give us enough time to get those kids out of here." >Sonic only smiled. Tom: [Sonic] My princess! I think I'll keep her! > On their way to the cell, they heard some of Tails' friends >crying and then saw most of them hiding in the corners. When the >kids saw Sonic and Sally, a few of them ran up to the bars. Mike: The rest of them redoubled their efforts with hiding and cowering. > "Are you guys all right?" Sonic asked. > "Packbell took Nina away!" Yelled Mindy. Sonic looked at >Sally and back at the kids. Crow: [Sonic] Do we really need to rescue *all* of them? I mean, there's plenty of brats back at Knothole... > > Three minutes had passed and Nicole still couldn't override >the security. Tom: Try saying 'pretty please'. Mike: Or hacking with something more powerful, like a Macintosh powerbook. There's a not a computer system in the world that can stop one of those! Crow: At least, if ID4 and Hackers are to be believed... and how could you doubt such fine movies? >Sonic reached into his backpack and pulled out a power ring. In a >frightened voice, he told everyone to stand back. Tom: 'Frightened voice'? Anyone want to try and guess how many miles out of character Sonic is now? Crow: Well, at least Wainscott can get the mighty Plot Contrivance Power of the power rings right. > "What are you going to do, Sonic?" Sally asked, frightened >for him. Tom: [Sally] Are you going to act like Joe Don Baker again? Please no! Mike: [Sonic] Oh, I thought I'd put this on my head and wear it as a hat. What do you think? > "I'll be okay." Sonic replied, even unsure of himself. Tom: The *hell*?! Sonic's never been unsure of himself in his entire existence! Crow: Y'know, I don't think this is really Sonic. I say it's Sonya Sho Robotnik with her quills dyed blue. > "No, I'll try harder with Nicole! Don't act stupid!" Tom: [Sonic] What? And risk being in character? Mike: [Sally] Just say no! > "We can't risk Robuttnick or Packbell walking around that >corner." Sally couldn't argue. Tom: [Sally] Yeah, I guess that would be kind of a bad thing, wouldn't it? Crow: Of course the woman couldn't argue! The great Sonic is above their petty logic! > "Be careful, Sonic!" Sally said to him as she started to >shake. Crow: Whoa! Sally must be going through detox! Mike: Either that or she drank a few pots of coffee before the trip. >Sonic >stepped back, and looked at Sally once more. He took a deep breath >and ran for the bars. He jumped and started his spin yelling and >collided with the bars. Tom: What the hell is 'spin yelling'? Crow: And if Sonic's so worried about Robotnik or Packbell showing up, don't you think he'd *keep his mouth shut*? Mike: Well, whatever 'spin yelling' is, it doesn't look like it's nearly as effective as a spin dash would be. >A bright, constant light from the electricity temporarily blinded >everyone. Tom: Heat, light, electricity... it's all pretty much the same thing. >A >few seconds later, they regained their vision, and saw Sonic >laying motionless on the inside of the cell. Crow: And Nintendo of America rejoiced. > "Sonic!" Sally screamed as she ran for him. As she reached to >pick him up, she almost burned her fingers on his arms. Crow: Wow, hedgehogs conduct heat a lot better than I thought. > "No!" Sally was petrified with fear and didn't know what to >do. Ziggy saw a water bottle in Sonic's back pack, grabbed it and >gave it to Sally. Mike: [Ziggy] Here, sit down and have a cold one. If he's dead, that means the story's over! > "T- Try pouring water on him. It might help." Tom: After all, water puts electricity right out! >Sally didn't know what >else to do so she sprinkled some water on his face. Crow: [singing] Raindrops keep fallin' on my head... >Almost immediately Sonic >sat up and screamed. > "I'M ON FIRE! HELP ME!" Crow: [NBA Jam announcer] He's on fire! >Sally didn't know whether to be grateful or >scared for his life, but she continued to pour water on his singed >body. Mike: So then he could be wet and singed. > "Sonic! Are you okay?"Sally cried. > "I broke my arm!" Sonic yelled. Tom: [Sonic] And I think I got the plague, too! Crow: Sonic the Hedgehog, MD. > "Don't ever do that again! You scared me, and I didn't know >if I'd ever see you again." Sally started crying and hugged the >warm hedgehog. Crow: That's it! Move his spine around a lot! Mike: Happiness is a warm hedgehog. Tom: Well, if you're a sado-masochist... > > As Sonic sat against the wall, Sally was telling everyone how >to get out. > "We don't have enough time to fool around. We can leave the >way we came in, but you have- Oh, no! I forgot Nina! Crow: [Sally] Yeah, she's got dragged away by that Packbell guy or somethin', right? Well, I'm *sure* she'll be okay... >I have to help her." Mike: [Sally] I'll get her in a ten-step program! > >- - - - > > Tails was violently awakened from a nap by loud buzzing >coming from Sally's hut. > "Aunt Bunnie! What's that loud noise?" Yelled Tails. Bunnie, >covering her ears, yelled, Tom : What was that you said?!! Something about lewd boys?! > "I don't know, darlin. You just stay put and I'll go see what >that darn racket is. Okay, honey?" Crow: [Bunnie] Of course, I would've *already* found *out* if I wasn't having to comfort the *baby*... >As she made her way towards Sally's hut, she noticed >about fifteen other people surrounding it wondering what is going >on. Mike: [random person] Damned car alarms! Can't somebody just back away from the car or something? >Rotor walked inside and saw a message on the monitor. He hit a key >and the buzzing stopped. Tom: Y'know, I really hope that *wasn't* an alarm... > "Rotor! I need you to come to the edge of Robotropolis and >wait for Sonic and the kids!" Crow: [Sally] And could you pick up half a gallon of milk, and maybe a loaf of bread, too? > "What happened?" Rotor asked as he saw Tails' friends stand >around Sally. Mike: [Rotor] You didn't go and adopt a bunch of Ethiopians again, did you? > "No time to explain, Sonic will meet you there. I'm looking >for someone else so don't wait for me." Tom: [Rotor, dripping sarcasm] Well, it'll break my heart, but I'll try... > "Okay, be right there." Rotor told everybody what was going >on Crow: [Rotor] Yeah, Sally just told me to go stand around in the forest and wait for Sonic to get back from somewhere with something. >and left >to get Sonic. Bunnie came back to her hut and started talking to >Tails while trying not to show how worried she was. Tom: [Bunnie] Okay.. okay.. don't worry... ah, what's the use? Everybody's going to die in a suicide attempt to save your friends, and its all your fault! > "Sugar... Sally just told us that she found all but one of >your friends." Suddenly a chill of fright came over Tails when >thinking that the one person Sally was talking about was Nina. Mike: If it was anyone else, then Tails didn't give a rat's ass!! > "Now don't let that bother you, Sugar. Everything's gonna be >fine. All: Suuuuuure it is. >Sonic's there. Everything always turn out okay with him, right?" > "Yeah, I guess you're right." Bunnie was just as frightened >as Tails, but she couldn't let him know that, it would break his >heart. Tom: And after all, what Bunnie really wanted to break was his *skull*! >- - - - > > "Sonic, can you walk?" Sally asked in a concerned voice. > "I get dizzy when I stand up." Crow: [whiny] And my head's all hot and my throat is scratchy and I want a popsicle. >Sally really wished she didn't let him >open the cell. Mike: Then she and Sonic just could've headed home and kicked back with a couple of Coronas. > "I need everyone to take Sonic out of here while I look for >Nina, okay?" Tom: Oh, *come on*!! Sally's going to let a bunch of *little kids* cart Sonic out of Robotropolis and back to Knothole? Mike: Actually, between this, Sonic's being totally OOC, the rampant plot holes, and the fight scenes... I'm tempted to call Mr. Wainscott something of a Stephen Ratliff for furries... Crow: NO! There's eight more chapters of this! It's gonna be Marissa and the Kids Crew ALL OVER AGAIN!! Mike: Now, now, Crow... Wainscott hasn't introduced an unlikable character who totally dominates the story yet... > "See ya back home, Sal." Sonic said in a weak voice. Tom: [singing] Oh, I'm just a guy, living in captivity... >Tails' friends >helped Sonic up and started to leave. Crow: [kid] Come on, Mr. Hedgehog... happy hour's over for you... >Sally started to look for a way to find >Nina and almost immediately, she found her. Mike: Why am I not surprised? >She was just around the corner and >she was completely roboticized. Tom: So... so Sally and Sonic *failed*? That's... that's... Crow: ... kind of a nice change of pace, actually! Now I can revile them and all they stand for! Mike: Crow... >As soon as Nina saw Sally, she punched an >alarm on the wall and charged at Sally. Tom: Oh, of *course*. She's a robot now, so she's *evil*. Crow: Are we ever going to get a fic up here that's not blatantly Orgo-supremacist? >Sally quickly reached into her >backpack and pulled out a small device. As Nina jumped to attack, >Sally pulled the trigger and an electric charge was given to >deactivate her. Mike: Well, that's convenient! Why not just make one for everybody and then storm Robotropolis, huh? >She landed in >the corner and Sally picked her up. Tom:[Sally] Oh well... at least we can use her for spare parts now. >She ran as fast as she could from a swarm >of bots, past the robots cleaning the storage room, made it >outside, Crow: Dear God! Sally's just *jumping* through the plot holes now! >and >continued running with Nina in her arms. Mike: So not *only* does Sally have a killer benchpress, but apparently she can outrun a Buick too. > "Poor Tails. He's going to be devastated when he finds out >about her." Tom: [Sally] Aw, well. I'm sure Nina'll take this really well, though! >Sally reached into her vest pocket and pulled out a hand grenade. Crow: Mike, I'm suddenly feeling the urge to hurt this author in ways that are outlawed by the Geneva convention. Is that wrong? Mike: Well... no. Tom: Princess Sally Acorn *is* Nav the Destroyer! >She took the >pin by her teeth and yanked it out. Sally, with all of her energy, >threw the grenade and hit the first bot dead on. Crow: No! No! I don't care what *you* say, Mike, and I don't even care what Forrester says... they can't make me sit here and watch while some spontaneously godlike orgo slaughters helpless robots who are just following their programs! It's evil and wrong and I'm not gonna watch it! Mike: There, there... Crow: It hurts, Mike, it hurts... >Before the smoke cleared from the >explosion, Sally hid under an old shuttle body and waited for them >to stop searching and leave. Tom: Sure she did, Wainscott! Sure! And then angels flew down from heaven and lead her on a rose-strewn path back to Knothole! > >- - - - > > "Sonic, Sir, are you going to marry Sally?" Asked Mindy. >"Whoa, hold on there, kid! Where did you get that idea?" Asked >Sonic in a surprised voice. Mike: [kid] Well, if not, then paternity laws will just make you pay for the kid anyway. >"Tails tells us a lot about you, and he said that you were in >love with Princess Sally." Crow: [Sonic] Well, kids, Tails wouldn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. > "Well, I don't know if I am going to or not. King Sonic... >It's got a nice ring to it, but I think that's just between me and >her right now. Tom: It would be *Prince Consort* Sonic. Commoners aren't allowed to outrank real royalty. Mike: Yes, but this is Lord Wainscott's magical land of plot contrivances. Here, *anything* can happen. >And >don't call me Sir, it drives me nuts! Crow: [Sonic] Call me 'madam'. >Just call me Sonic, that's what everyone >else calls me, so it's no different for you." Tom: [Sonic] *You*, however, are to refer to me as 'His Holiness' at all times. > "Oh, I wanted to ask you," Ziggy questioned "Why did you give >Robotnick your power ring? You know that's the only thing he wants >from you." > "Don't worry, I disabled it and removed the power stone cell >before he got it." Mike: The *hell*?! Power Rings are creations of pure energy! They don't have operating parts! You CAN'T disable them!! Crow: This is beginning to feel like Enterprized... >As they started walking towards Knothole, they saw something >kicking up dust and soon realized that it was Rotor. Tom: Apparently, Rotor is very easily amused. > "Hey Rotor! Over here!" Everybody yelled. A few seconds >later, Rotor pulled closer and got a good look at Sonic. He was >shocked to see him injured. Mike : Oh no! What'll this do to our TV-Y rating? > "Sonic! What the hell happened to you! Are you okay?" Rotor >yelled as he jumped off of the hover craft. > "Oh, just some burns and a broken arm, nothing serious." >Sonic said in a sarcastic, but irritated tone. Tom: [Sonic] Filthy peon! Get your stinking paws away from me! Crow: [Sonic] So why don't you take your freakin' concern, roll it up real tight, and SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR... Mike: Crow, NO. > "Yeah right, funny man. Tom: [Rotor] We'll see what's funny when you're doing ten to twelve in the Slab! >Let's get you back home right now." Rotor >started to load Sonic and the kids on the hover craft. Just before >they took off for home, Mindy saw Sally and Nina over in the >distance. > "Wait! There's Sally!" Screamed Mindy. Crow: [Sonic] Really? She's okay? Mike: [Mindy] No, I just felt like pulling your chain. > "What happened to Nina!" Rotor yelled as he ran up to her. Tom: [Sally] Well, she got really bored and decided to wrap herself up in tin foil. WHAT DO YOU *THINK* HAPPENED TO HER?! > "I found her... but I was too late." Crow: [deep] These look like such good, strong hands... but the Nothing tore them right out of my grasp... >Explained Sally as she laid Nina >down in the hover craft. All of the kids circled around Nina and >started to cry. Sally kept blaming herself. Mike: After all, it was all her fault. Tom: [growling] Yeah, she's a *robot* now, so it's the freakin' end of the world. God *forbid* anybody should be a robot... Crow: Never mind that *now* she'll never age or die or have to go through any nasty orgo body processes again... > >- - - - > > "They're back! They're back!" Tails yelled in a nervous >voice. As the hover craft pulled up, he started to fly towards it. >When it arrived, Tails saw Nina. He didn't say a word. Everyone >was looking at him look at Nina. Mike: Oh, to *hell* with what Nina thinks! What about poor pampered worthless Miles? Tom: Look, being a robot is a perfectly normal lifestyle! If everyone would just give it a *chance*... >Tails jumped off, ran towards Bunnie and started to cry. Everybody >got off one by one. > "Don't worry, Tails, I'm sure Aunt Sally can fix her right >up." Crow: In much the same what that you could 'fix' a wire mother by putting terrycloth on it. >Tails >just kept crying. Uncle Chuck and Rotor helped Sonic off and >walked him to Bookshire's hut. > > Sally and Rotor started to work on Nina while Sonic got his >arm fixed by Bookshire. After a few hours of work, Sonic had a >cast and Nina was reprogrammed. Mike: Now, Nina was the deadliest assassin on Mobius. >Sally placed a panel back on Nina's back and flipped a switch. >Her eyes opened. She looked completely confused. Crow: She's not the only one, either. > "Hey... what's going on? Why am I wearing this silly >costume?" [Mike begins slowly beating his head on the armrest] Mike: She doesn't even *notice* that she's a *robot*... >Sally >took Nina aside and explained to her what has just happened. > "You mean- I'm a robot?" Nina asked as she began to cry. Tom: Oh, come on! Tell her about all the positive things about being a robot! About not sleeping or bleeding or having to endure the pain of falling in love! She can still live a full and happy life, dammit!! >Fear and >confusion overwhelmed her and she started to run away. Crow: She decided to run off and join the circus! >When the door to >Sally's hut flew open, Nina ran into Tails and knocked him over. Mike: *GASP*! No, not *Tails*!! We can't let anything happen to precious *Tails*! > "Nina?" Tails asked wondering if that was really her. Tom: No, it's her evil mutant clone! RUN! >Without answering, >Nina took off into the forest. Crow: Yeah, that's pretty much my reaction to Tails, too. >Sonic and Bunnie started to run after her when >Bunnie saw Tails on the ground. > "Oh, Tails. Ah'm sorry you had to find out this way." Mike: But he already found out when he saw Nina on the ship and... and... nothing makes sense any more... >Tails took a deep >breath and started to follow Nina in the woods. After looking for >a few minutes, Tails just remembered to look in their secret >place. Tom: Their *naughty* place... >Soon he found >Nina there on her knees crying with her hands in her face. > "Nina?" Tails asked in a soft voice. "Is that you?" Crow: [Nina] No, it's your *other* friend who got turned into a robot. > "Tails! I'm sorry I ran away." Nina cried as she stood up. > "Nina! What happened to you!" Tails tried to keep himself >from crying. Mike: WHAT?! All: SHE'S A ROBOT, STUPID!! Tom: The *metal skin* and might be your first clue... > "I got turned into a robot and I'm going to stay this way for >the rest of my life." Crow: [Nina] I've made my decision, and there's nothing you can do to change it. > "No you're not! Uncle Chuck's gonna find a way to turn you >back!" Mike: [Tails] Santa's gonna come down from heaven and make you *better*!! >Nina >looked down and wiped her eyes. "I missed you, Nina." Tails and >Nina started walking back to the village. > "I missed you too, Tails." Tom: This is amazing! This is the most incredible dialogue I've ever read! Mike: What? Tom: It's completely random! It has *nothing* to do with the story, and it's completely cliched! In fact, it makes me want to chew my own head off! [Tom cackles madly.] Mike: Hoo, boy... > "Nina?" > "Yes, Tails?" > "You're crushing my hand." Tails calmly said as he grinned >with pain. Crow: [Tails] Ha ha! Nothing cracks me up like searing *pain*! > "Oh, I'm sorry! I guess that's something I gotta get used >too." Said Nina while she examined Tails' hand for injuries and >smiled. Tom: [Nina, happy] I broke that bone and that bone and... ooh, compound fracture! > "That's okay, Aunt Bunnie had that problem and got used to it >after a while." Tails said as he put his hand around her waist to >avoid being crushed. Mike: Oh, yeah. 'To avoid being crushed'. Suuuure. > >- - - - > > The next day, Tails wanted to talk to Sonic. > "Sonic?" > "Hey bud, what's up?" > "Can I ask you a question?" Crow: [Sonic] No. Go the hell away. Tom: Naturally a mere mortal like Tails would have to consult the great and almighty Sonic for advice. > "Sure. What's on your mind?" Sonic asked as he sat down on >his bed. Tom: [Tails] My skull? > "What's it like having you're Uncle Chuck turned into a >robot?" Tails asked hesitating. Sonic paused. > "Well, it's kinda hard to explain... It's a big change that >you might never get used to. When I look at Chuck, he's not >completely there. But he still is my uncle, and I've learned to >live with it." [General groans of disgust go up from the bots] Mike: I know, guys, I know. Just hang on for the last few pages, okay? >Sonic continued with >more advice Crow: [Sonic] Don't eat lead! Tom: [Sonic] Don't play on the train tracks! Mike: [Sonic] And never let Peter David revamp you! >and soon finished. Tails thanked him and went over to Rotor's hut. >He knocked on his door and waited. Finishing a repair on a small >toy, Crow: ... because, as the Freedom Fighters' only technician, he had nothing better to do... >Rotor opened the door and Tails asked if he could come in. Rotor >let him in and pulled up a chair. Tom: A steel folding chair, or one of those lame breakaway balsa wood ones? Mike: It's just not a real chairshot unless it's steel. > "Can I ask you something." > "Ask away." > "What's it like having your parents roboticized?" Crow: Great! Now let's hear a little sob story from Rotor about how *horrible* his life is because his parents are dirty stinking *robots*... Tom: WHAT ABOUT ROTOR?! WHAT ABOUT *ME*? > "Oh, man... I got pretty lonely, I haven't seen my parents in >five years. But when I fell in love with Bunnie, I wasn't as >lonely. Mike: [Bunnie] Until she called me a big fat geek and rejected me utterly. Only then did I know the meaning of pain. >You're lucky >to have Nina with you right now, I don't even know where my >parents are." Crow: [Rotor] Hell, they could be toasters for all I know! > "Well thanks, Rotor." > "Sure thing. See you later." Tails wanted to talk to one more >person before he took off to talk with Nina, Bunnie. Tom: Why, talk about roboticization with someone who's actually *been* partially roboticized? How novel! > > "Hey, Ziggy, have you seen Bunnie?" > "Uh, I think I saw her walk to the Ring Pool about ten >minutes ago." > "Great, thanks." After a short flight through the forest, he >arrived at the Ring Pool and saw Bunnie sitting alone next to it >skipping stones. Mike: Oh, come on! This is a total rip off of "Tail" by Lex Concord! Tom: Shameless Fanfic Plug number one. Crow: And shameless MiST author plug number one! > "Aunt Bunnie?" Tails said as he walked up behind her. Tails >startled her and she jumped when he said her name. > "Oh mah stars! Don't do that, Hun. Mike: Attila? >You almost scared me to death." > "Sorry about that." > "That's okay, just don't sneak up like that again, okay >Sugar?" Tom: [Tails] Okay, I'll sneak up a different way. > "Sure. What were you doing?" Asked Tails. > "Oh, just thinkin." > "About what?" Crow: [Bunnie] Muffins. I really like muffins. > "Well... you... and Nina." Bunnie said looking into Tails' >eyes. > "Really?" Tails asked as he sat next to Bunnie. > "Yeah, I hope you two are still friends." Mike: See, guys? Someone sympathetic to the plight of the robot. Crow: Well, would you expect less from... [deep sigh]... Bunnie? Tom: Too little, too late! This fanfic has oppressed me, and I will not be happy until I am totally separated from it. > "Of course we are!" Tails snapped at her. Mike: [Randy Savage] SNAP INTO IT! The beefy, juicy taste! >"Sorry." > "That's okay, I know how you feel sweetie." Bunnie explained >in a sympathetic voice. > "You do?" Tails asked curiously. > "Sure I do. You're just not really sure about Nina." > "Well... I guess you're right." Tails said in a low voice >looking at the ground. Crow: [Tails] My name is Miles Prower, and... and... I hate robots. Mike and Tom: Hi, Miles! > "Oh, come on, it's nothin to feel bad about, you've known her >for almost a year now and suddenly she's a robot. Its okay to feel >that way about her, Tom: It's okay to feel hatred and anger for an innocent victim! >but you soon realize that she hasn't changed a bit. Why, even >Rotor felt that way about me the day we met." Mike: Well, if he just met you, then how would he know if you changed? > "He did?" > "Oh, yeah!" Bunnie exclaimed as she put her robotic arm on >his shoulder. > "And look at us now, were dating." Crow: So now they were dating. Mike: Yup. Crow: See, Tom? It takes place in all times simultaneously! Tom: Two words for you, Crow... >Tails smiled, looked at her arm and >paused. > "Aunt Bunnie?" > "Hm?" Mike: [Tails] My shoulder... I think it's powder now... > "What's it like... having robot legs and arm?" Bunnie took >her arm from around Tails and looked at it for a second as a >single tear ran down her cheek. Crow: [Bunnie] I can't believe I forgot this month's Rustoleum treatment.... > "Well, to tell you the truth, I can't live with it, and I >can't live without it." > "Huh?" Tom: [Bunnie] Well, it sucks, but without them I'd be called Bunnie Stumpy. So there ya go. > "Well, I'm pretty strong, and they've helped me with a lot of >things... but its not me. Sometimes I even hate myself when I know >it's not my fault. I hate them, but I don't know what I'll do >without them." Mike: Ah... twitch and flop? >Tails wondered if Nina >was going to feel that way soon. Crow: If his callous comments and running away screaming didn't make her feel just a *little* bit bad already... > "I hope Nina's okay. I'm gunna go talk to her right now." >Tails started to take off for Nina's hut. "Thanks, Aunt Bunnie!" >Yelled Tails as he flew away. Tom: [Tails] To infinity and... a bit farther! Mike: See, we know better than to invoke the copyright demons. > > Tails wanted to talk to Uncle Chuck, but he was too nervous. >He didn't really know what to ask. Crow: Tails had never had to ask anyone out to a dance before... >The just thought he would ask him some other time. > He walked up to Nina's door and started to feel a little more >nervous. He took a deep breath and knocked. A second later, the >door knob was pulled >through the door. Tom: Well, there's one way to see how good your deadbolts are. > "Oh, darn it!" Yelled Nina in frustration. "I just can't stop >breaking things! Mike: Like overdone cliches? Yeah, I'd feel bad too. >Is that you, Tails." Nina asked as she lowered her voice. > "Uh, yeah Nina, It's me. Are you okay?" > "Yeah, come on in." Nina said. Tails slowly pushed open the >door and walked inside. Crow: And written in blood on the wall, it said, "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light?" [Mike and Tom quiver in fear] > "Can we talk a minute?" Tails asked as he observed some >broken objects on the floor. Tom: Unfortunately, he didn't observe them until they pierced his flesh... > "I think I know why you came over to talk." Nina stated in a >low tone. Mike: [Nina] This doesn't have anything to do with me being a robot, does it? > "You do?" Tails asked as they both sat down on the couch. > "Yeah. You want to know what its like being a robot, right?" > "Well, not exactly. I just came over to see how you were >doin." > "I guess it's pretty obvious, huh?" Asked Nina as she smiled >and looked at the broken toys on the floor. Crow: [Nina] Now I can destroy all who oppose me! > "Yeah, I guess it is. But don't worry, you'll learn to >control your strength." Mike: Well, unless the author really likes to write about you breaking things. > "I really hope so. If this keeps up for much longer, I'm >going to break everything, maybe even hurt someone!" Said Nina as >Tails glanced at his hand. Tom: [Nina] I'm so excited, I can barely contain myself! > "I'm sure you're goin to be just fine." There was a long >pause. > "I guess you're right." Crow: Well! That scene just kind of skidded to a crashing halt! Mike: So what else is new? > >- - - - [Crow makes the noise of a car driving by.] > > A month has passed since Nina was roboticized, and Tails and >Nina still have a good friendship together. Its Nina's tenth >birthday and she's in Rotor's hut having her arm adjusted. Tom: [Nina] No, no, no! I want plasma blasters *and* retractable claws! > "Thank you, Rotor." Nina jumped off of the work bench and ran >back to her party. > "You ready, Nina?" Asked Tails in excitement. > "Sure, lets go!" Tails and Nina took off to the potato sack >race, picked up a sack and got on the starting line with five >other kids. Sonic held up a starting pistol with his good arm and >shot it in the air starting the race. Crow: Wouldn't Sonic have gotten just a *little* bit better in a *month*? Mike: Details, details... >Tails tripped at the start and Nina soon won the race. Tom: See? Everyone's just jealous of her superior robot abilities! Mike: Let it go, Tom. > "Are you okay, Tails?" Nina asked as she ran back to Tails. Crow: [Tails] Oh, you're coming back to see me? After you won the *great* Potato Sack Race? > "Yeah, I'm okay. Hey! You won. That's great." Mike: [monotone] I am. Like. So totally. Excited for you. Tom: [Tails] Just like you've won every *other* bloody event at this bloody party... > > After the cake and present routine, Mike: I hear ya, man. Nothing bores me more than a birthday party. >Sonic started to look for Tails and >Nina, they were no longer at the party. Crow: [Russian] And if they are not with the party, then they shall be destroyed. > "Hey, Sal. Where's Tails and Nina? I can't find them >anywhere." Sally >looked at Sonic with a nice smile and said, > "Oh, I think they'll be just fine." Tom: [Sally] They said they were going off to play by the toxic waste dump! > "Oh, okay." Sonic looked back at Sally and smiled. Mike: Aw. How nice. Tom: How cliched and pointless. Crow: Yeah, it makes me want to rip my own eyeballs out! > > Tails has learned to accept Nina as a robot, but he still >keeps a picture of her by his bed and Nina is the last thing that >goes through his mind every night before he falls asleep. Crow: And we should care WHY?! Mike: Calm down, Crow... it's over now, and we can go. Tom: I don't care, Mike. That fanfic has hurt in a way that few other have. The orgo-centrism, the plot holes, the plot devices, the sappy ending... Mike: Well, now, just look on the bright side. Crow: Oh? And what's that? Mike: [shrugs] Kefka didn't write it. Then we'd get all that pain, *and* Sonic raping everything in sight. Tom: Well... um... Crow: Can't argue with that. Mike: See? C'mon, let's go.