ArsenalXIII MSTing Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi, and all of her distirbutors. Procanadids are my own invention. This fic belongs to Ted Polak. He's actually a potentially good writer, but he has a few things to learn about plot twists and grammar. Think of this as C&C. Tom: Crpw what are you doing? Crow: I've decided to write myself into a Sailor Moon story! Mike: What? Crow: If Ted Polak can do it, I can. Take a look. Tom: Crow! You just inserted yourself into this story so you can land four of the Senshi! Crow: Yeah, I could have put the Outer Senshi in too, but I haven't seen many episodes with them in them. Mike: Never mind, you two, the Creatures of the Lost World are calling. Kasparov: Ah, greeting labrats. I'll let you go first on the invention exchange, since I like to save the best for last. Tom: Whatever. Our invention is the 'Russianizer', which makes any name into a fake- sounding Russian name much like yours. Mike: Just write your name on a piece of paper, slip it into the machine, and there you go! Crow: Check it out! I'm Crownov T. Robotoff! Tom: And I'm Tomsky Servok! Mike: And you're talking to Mikov Nelsonoff. All: What do you think, sirs? Kapsarov: My name isn't fake sounding, you primitive baboons! Anyway, my latest invention is a two parter... The two RPGs.... Random Personality Generator, and Redundant Plot Generator. Crow: Well, what are they supposed to do? Mike: Crow! He can mass-produce bad fanfiction with those two machines! Kasparov: Precisely! Also, the Redundant Plot Generator functions as reality-warping device as well... Tom: You idiot! You're messing with forces you couldn't possibly understand! Crow: I don't believe you! I think you're making it all up! Mike: Crow! Kasparov: Making it all up, huh? Well, watch this. Kasparov: Kornadov, could get that? Random Woman: Where is that machine? Random Woman: We'll get him for this! Kornadov: What's going on? Sailor Jupiter: We all recieved hentai letters from an 'ArsenalXIII'! Kornadov: You're really that flexible? Wow... Kasparov: What is this 'nipple', and what makes it so desirable? Woman: I've found him! Kasparov: This is unexpected... Tom: Wow, for once you're blathering insolence proved useful, Crow. Crow: Yeah.... I guess we got get out of today's experiment... Kornadov: Not so fast. The laptop gave us the last and in my opinion undisputed _worst_ chapter of 'Red Dragon Rising' yet. So run along and start reading while we handle this situation the best way Procanadids know how. Mike: How? Kornadov: With excessive violence. Tom: I think we're witnessing Charlton Heston's perfect society here. All: WE HAVE FANFIC SIGN!! RED DRAGON RISING A SAILOR MOON FANFIC BY TED POLAK Crow: I can think of a few things he's 'lak'ing in... >I am in big trouble. Tom: There's a bunch of people called MSTiers on my tail! I can't ditch them! >It seems I forgot to mention at the beginning of this >series that Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all those who >distribute her work. Now please please please don't sue me I spent all my >money on a new computer I can't afford it! Mike: So he spent all of his money on a computer he can't afford? What? Tom: That's what it looks like. >Whew, that was a close one. Here is Pt. 5. Crow: What? What was a close one? Did he actually think Naoko would actually see this or even care? >Ted woke up in a pitch dark room. One so dark that nothing could be seen. Tom: It was a lot like this fic. >Not even the ground, or a hand put up in front of the face. It gave a >sense of loneliness mixed with fear. A low, booming voice spoke to him >from god-knows-where. Mike: Naoko Takeuchi saw this fic and is really pissed! >"I am sorry that we had to retrieve you at such a bad time, but it seems >that you are getting careless, Ted." Crow: What, with the tnse changes and all. Tom: What is this? Are the Procanadids briefing him on how to annoy us? Kasparov: Leave us out of this. >"Who are you? How do you know my name?" Mike: You moron, you're self-inserted. Everyone knows your name. >"It appears you have forgotten your purpose, Ted. Crow: To be an annoying god-boy. >I shall have to restore >your memory of past events." Mike: All ten seconds of them. Tom: That sounds about right for his attention span. >"Past events? What are you talking abo-HUUUUNNNNHHHhhh..." Crow: Dear lord, this better not be what this seems.... >Ted couldn't >finish the sentence before a wracking pain developed in his stomach and >reached up to his brain. All: Yes!! Kill him, kill him.... >Memories of pain, hatred and rage filled his >body, and he stood alone in what seemed a mass of thousands. Tom: So he's alone in a mass of thousands. Sure, Ted.... >Suddenly, a >bright light was turned on, Mike: Ah, I see Ted's back to using phrases with double meanings again. >and it hurt his eyes as they adjusted to the >new luminosity in the room. A tall, hulking man dressed in a black robe >beckoned him forth. Crow: Yep. He has Procanadids. Kasparov: Stop mindlessly plugging us. >Ted followed him, deciding that it was better than >disobeying his master. Mike: What? He's only been there three seconds and he already knows this guy is his master? >"Ah, Ted. It appears that the Balance has shifted again, this time in >favor of the good." Tom: We have official cross-over with D&D, people. Mike: That would make these guys true neutral, right? >"The good?! You know how difficult for me it is to destroy the good." Crow: I like to focus on the good and the beautiful. Mike: Don't start that again. >"Yes, but you serve me, and not only me, but the Ancients, and their >Balance. Tom: What Ancients? There hasn't been a single Ancient in this whole damn fanfic! Crow: Whole bible thing, bunch of hooey. Girls in fukus and Ancients is what its all about. >Put your apprehension aside, for your next mission lies ahead. >Look, there is your next target." Mike: But sir, that's your wife! >The huge man pointed to a screen near the ceiling of the large room. Ted >didn't want to believe what he saw. Crow: Myself?? Tom & Mike: Do it, do it...... >On the screen were pictured Serena, Amy, and Raye. All: *gasp* Crow: Is that a....a... PLOT TWIST?? Tom: I believe it is! MIke: Good work, Ted! Tom: Try not to make so obivious next time, though. >------------------------------------------------------------- >Amy was furiously working at her computer, trying to find the source of the >light that had kidnapped Ted. Mike: It's well known that PCs have superior dection capabilities than radar, or Sailor powers... >"It's useless, you guys. As far as I can tell, the light came out of >no-what the heck?" Tom: No-what the heck? That's a silly place. Crow: I think this guy crossed-over into Monty Python now. >The same light that had captured Ted now brought him back onto terra firma. >He lay unconscious on the ground, sporawled out face-down. Mike: Constantly Out-Of-His-League Dragon! Tom: Sporawled? This guy isn't Thinker's brother, is he? >"Ted, Ted!" cried Serena. "Are you all right?" Crow: Amazingly, the entire left side of Ted's body had been burnt off. Tom: Crow, no one's going to get that. Mike: All right? Oh...... >"Humm...where am...HEY! GET THE HELL OFF ME!" Tom: So Serena automatically throws herself on Ted in a hot, steamy passion? Crow: Man, S-I powers work even when you don't want them too. >Ted jumped to his feet and threw Serena a few feet away. Mike: Remember, always abuse women. It's the only way to keep them in their place! Crow: Maybe he was Nav's understudy... >"Ted, are you all..." Tom: ..there? >"Hey! I don't need you hovering over me! I can fight my own battles!" Crow: I wouldn't mind Serens hovering over me.. Mike: Crow... >The three girls exchanged a knowing look. Tom: I know what he just said. >------------------------------------------------------------- >Things were not going good for any party, including the Negaverse. Mike: The clowns didn't show up, the food was terrible..... >"Nephlite! I am very upset. I have not seen any progress since >this...dragon...appeared. I want you to concentrate your efforts on him. >Do you understand me?" Tom: Screw you, voice! Crow: Nephlite. Deranged cousin of Nephrite. >"Yes...yes." But Nephlite had already concentrated his efforts elsewhere. Crow: IfyaknowwhatImean! >With all the hate that the Negaverse had inculcated into him, Mike: Wow, Ted must share Warrior's enthusiasm for the thesaurus.... >he had found love, with a human. Crow: What?? When did this happen?? Mike: Oh, he's assuming you already know the series. Crow: But isn't he rewriting the series by inserting himself into it? Mike: Smile and nod.... >So what if she was younger, or if the Negaverse did >not approve? He was too far gone for him to think rationally. Somehow, >though, the demon was sent on its way. Tom: I think he means youma, but I'm too far gone to think rationally. Mike: Be nice, Tom... >------------------------------------------------------------- >Ted did not know a whole lot about philosophy, but he did know this: hope >and fear are the same thing. Crow: What?? No they're not! Tom: Geez, first this guy's 4th grade writing style, now he's a brooding poet. >It had been nice the few months that he had >been "normal", a time when he forgot his occupation, a keeper of the >Balance. Mike: A time when he became a self-righteous God-boy. >Sometimes it made sense. Tom: Most of the time it didn't, like this fic. >The universe exists with opposites: >Light and darkness, male and female, positive and negative, good and evil. Crow: Waffles and syrup, plusses and minusses, Godzillas and Gameras, good and the beautiful...sMMPPH!! >What he did was good. But did that make him good? If he killed another >innocent person, did that make him a hero? Mike: No! Killing innocent people is _wrong_, Ted. Tom: What does he mean by, 'another'? Crow: So he considers killing innocent people good. No wonder he thinks fear and hope are the same thing! >If he killed someone with the >same purpose he had, did he deserve a medal and a ticker-tape parade? All: Yes. Crow: Killing another author bent on self-inserting himself _is_ good. >Nothing matters now, actually. He was a machine. Tom: And he had a Machine-Head. All: >A droid doing the >bidding of his creator. He looked down at his short-range radar scanner, >given to him when he became a dragon, and saw that his three Japanese hosts >were in trouble. Tom: Nice run-on sentence there, Ted. Mike: It's nice that his radar can make the distinction between friend and foe, Sailor Senshi from everyone else, see around buildings... Crow: Let's hope it can detect a plot... >All the better, he thought. >------------------------------------------------------------- >The Sailor Scouts had another day defending the world against another >energy-sucking monster. Tom: Old auto factories? >This one was no different, it looked like one you would find at a B-horror movie. Mike: Nice of him to admit that all monsters on Sailor Moon are crap. >It was brown and red, dripping saliva, >secretly awaiting the dragon. A fireball crested above the clouds, and >incinerated the monster. Tom: So the monster was above the clouds? Mike: Looks like. Maybe they were fighting on a wing of an airplane. Crow: There's....something...on...the...wing! >The dragon was in a hurry, he didn't have time to >waste a speech on some monster, he had other things on his mind. Tom: IfyaknowwhatImean! >He looked >at the three scouts. Crow: I've reconsidered, Serena. You can climb all over me as long as you like! Mike:..... >"You three, you must be destroyed, you are distorting the Balance." Tom: How unfortunate of you to be on this airplane wing! Now you must die! For distrubing the balance! Hikeeba! Crow: It was either that or a bad Shatner impression. >"Huh? What are you talking about?" they said in unison. Mike: YOU WILL BE DESTROYED BECAUSE YOU ARE DISTRUBING THE BALANCE! Geez, don't you listen? >"No more talk. I am sorry that people that fight on the side of justice >must be killed." Tom: Then why are you killing them? Mike: Remember, the balance, and the ancients. Both of them are necessary to the plot, but get two lines mentioning them. >And with that: "Fire-Ball!" He aimed this one at Sailor Mars. It would be >twisted irony when it hit. Crow: It wouldn't hurt her, considering she controlled it! >A controller of fire, injured by her own >element. The irony never came, Tom: Yes, another one of Ted's patented double-meaning phrases. >she dove forward under the fireball. She >had thrown herself right below the dragon, that being a very vulnerable >position. Tom: How ironic. Self-insertion rules! Crow: Raye secretly loved it when others took control... Mike: Crow... >The dragon picked her up and threw a fireball in her face. The >blast almost rendered her unconscious. Mike: Instead of horribly scarring her face. Crow: See! She can't be hurt by fire! >He systematically brought down the >other two, having them all at his mercy. Crow: IfyaknowwhatImean! Tom: Action scene co-written by Koopa. >He brought his hand up to finish >them, but he did something totally inexcusable. Mike: Farted? >He hesitated. Mike: Oh. >It was a sign of weakness, though some may call it morality, that was >forbidden in the legions of the Ancients. Tom: Hold it. If morality was forbidden, wouldn't they be evil? Crow: Smile and nod. >His master took exception to >this. Mike: Oh, so he ignored it. Bots: Master's pet! >"DRAGON!!!" Tom: Which one? Dragon of Fire or Red Dragon? >"Huh? Oh, master! I am sorry!" Crow: Look familiar, Mike? >"I cannot allow this. I shall finish them myself, but first I will show >them who you realy are." Mike: A pitiful college student who can't spell 'really' and writes like a 4th grader! >"Master, please! It would be a great dishonor." Tom: You'll show them what the audience has known from Chapter One! >"Exactly." With a simple snap of his fingers, the dragon's costume >evaporated. What was left was a confused young man. Crow: A _naked_ confused young man, apparently. Tom: Urgh.. Mike: >A boy named Ted. All: Wow! We never saw that coming! >"Well, well, well. Look what your friend Ted was planning to do to you. I >can assure you that I will do the same, but first Ted, or the Dragon of >Fire, if you wish, will be killed." All: Say yes!! >"In cold blood." Crow: No, I expected it to be in hot blood. >End Pt.5 >Ok, now we know who Ted is, but you figured that out from episode 1, I'll >bet. Tom: I couldn't revise it and make it more interesting! It would be a sin! >My e-mail is arturusxr@earthlink.net, in case you want to send me >stuff. Whee, bye-bye. Crow: So that's it? No more parts? Tom: Guess so. Let's leave. <1,2,3,4,5,6,dogbone> Tom: Well you guys, I don't know about you, but Ted Polak rates pretty high in my book. Crow: Why is that? Tom: His story had at least one plot twist, and he wasn't all-powerful. In the end, he had us guessing about his characters motives! Mike: That's good Tom! Here's a RAMchip! Tom: Crow: Well, I'm glad he didn't make the Senshi completely dependent on his character. Mike: That's good too. Here's a RAMchip. Tom: Hey, Smoky and the Bandit are calling. Kasparov: What? Your wills haven't been broken yet?? Mike: Sorry. Crow: Say, what happened to all of those anime chicks that were there? Kasparov: Oh, we explained the reality-machine, and bought them off by giving them a $1000 a piece and paying off their bar tabs. Kornadov: Uh, sir, did you see how much their bar tabs were? Kasparov: Give me that. Just push the button. Kasparov: NOOOOO!!!!!!! Author Notes: The end (so far) to the 'Red Dragon Rising' series. One of the better series, actually. Well, my next project is undetermined, so be prepared for anything. Stinger: "Past events? What are you talking abo-HUUUUNNNNHHHhhh..." Keep circulating the fics!