§--(Turn off your life.)--§ (Because I know you have nothing better to do anyway.) The Ring - A Short Story MSTed by John "Crowbar" Hurst (MakoReno@aol.com) Original story written by Wesley "Exile" Jones http://smdriftwood.simplenet.com/cb/ Episode No. 205 (And about damn time too!) ---------- CUE THE THEME! In the not too distant future, I'm not really sure when. Reno and the Turks went, On a Space Mission. But Rufus had a different plan, To trap them up there, man, And now the 3 are trapped, if you care, And they don't know what they are really doing there. (Reno: HELLLPPPP USSS!!) (Rufus singing now) I'll send them idiotic fanfics, The worst on this Earth, (La La La) They'll hafta sit and watch them all, And they'll want to be back on this turf. (La La La) (Return to original singers) Keep in mind they can't control, Where the fanfic begins or ends. (La La La) And the only way to keep sanity, Is to riff how bad these fanfics can be... TURK ROLL CALL Cambot (We're live!) Elena (We must do this!) Rude (Don't call me baldy...) REEENNNNOO (Alright.. Baldy.) If you are wondering how they got up there, Without a decent rocket and stuff. (La La La) Just repeat to yourself 'It's Just a show' Or just stand there and play it tough. For Mystery Turkish Theater 3000 [Guitar Twang] ---------- [And so, the door sequence of old returns, followed by the scene of the Satellite of Shinra's main bridge. Already on the bridge, our three "heroes", the Turks themselves in their usual blue uniforms. Silence is among them here, and other than the occasional slurp or chomp, compliments of Reno, Rude, and their good friends, coffee and donuts, nothing is going on. At all.] Reno: ... So. New year, huh? Rude: Yeee-up. [Sips his coffee once more.] [Silence once again fills the room.] Elena: Yep. New year. Yay and stuff. [Silence gets more air time, causing an rather uneasy quietness in the group.] Reno: [Trying to refuel the conversation.] Umm... So, new millennium, huh? Rude: Huh? Oh hell no, man. That's next year, Reno. 2001. Reno: What are you talking about? The media was going all about it all year, saying this was the dawn of a new era and other assorted crap. How can they be wrong? Rude: Well... [Thinks it over.] They are. Live with it. Reno: Oh, come on! Do you have a better answer than that, baldy? Rude: ... Nope. Not really. But the new millennium starts 2001, mind you. Reno: Oh, bah. Come on, millions of people down there celebrated the very fact I'm mentioning. Why would they waste millions of dollars on that? Rude: ... People are stupid. Besides, it gets them publicity and crap. Reno: For crying out loud... 2000. Rude: 2001. Reno: 2000. Rude: 2001. Reno: 2000! Rude: Geez, cool off, Reno. Why don't we ask Elena? She's the only one not arguing, after all. [Both Turks turn to Elena, who's just been simply watching the inane conversation.] Reno: Okay, I'll agree with that. So, what do *you* think, Elena? Rude: Yeah. You're the deciding vote here. The fate is in your hands and other assorted stuff. [Elena slowly looks at Reno, then Rude, thinking it over. Either that, or she's trying *really* hard not to laugh at this.] Elena: Hmm... Well, I'm going to be optimistic, and just say the millennium will end sometime between here and now. Okay? [Now, the two male Turks are... Pretty much silent themselves.] Reno: ... Is that your final answer? Elena: Yes. Reno: Nonono. [Gets up close to her.] Is that your *FINAL* answer?! Elena: Yes, Reno. Now get away from me. Reno: ... Okay. Are you sure you don't want to use a lifeline, Elena? I'm always available.. [Elena rightly responds to this by giving him a good punch to the jaw, causing a certain someone to fall onto the floor.] Reno: Ow... Ow... Okay, okay. You win. Elena: [In a stuck-up tone of voice.] Hmph! That oughtta show you. Rude: Hey, not to get off the subject, but have either of you heard from Rufus as of late? I mean, it's been what? Six months? Reno: [Getting up.] I'm not that sure. Something about Y2K or something, knowing him. Elena: Why not try to call him? Rude: ... Eh. Why not? [Rude walks over to the small communications device, conveniently displayed on the counter for them, and taps it, calling Rufus. Hey, it works better than calling collect, right?] [SCENE- Midgar 13, the deep underground layer, home of Rufus, Heidegger, and his many failing schemes. But right now, none of that appears. Just total darkness. Meanwhile, back at the SOS, the three are staring at the screen, stupefied.] Elena: Umm.. Rufus? Hello?! Reno: Yo! Evil mastermind! Answer, damn you! [There is still no image, but the trio can faintly hear some sounds in the background, much like footsteps. Eventually, they come closer to the screen. Finally, the owner of the footsteps turns on a flashlight, revealing himself to be Rufus in some rather shredded clothing.] Rufus: Good god... This thing is working! After the new year too! It's... It's... Amazing! [He then realizes who's calling him.] ... Oh. It's you guys. [S.O.S] Reno: ... And a big hearty "bite me" to you too, Rufus. Elena: Umm.. What are you talking about? Y2K never hit as hard as the media hyped. The most it did was make some humorous incidents. That's it. [Midgar 13] Rufus: Silence! How do you know *that*? You're up in space, noone near all the chaos that happened down here! [S.O.S] Rude: Umm... Sir, there wasn't even a major riot on Earth. Just... Minor glitches. Reno: [Grumbling] Geez. What a gyp... [Midgar 13] Rufus: S-Shut up! *They* brainwashed you, didn't they? [S.O.S] Elena: "They"? You're not getting into all that tabloid crap Reno likes, are you? Reno: Hey! That's *real* news, Elena. It's the stuff that the New York Times doesn't *want* you to know! Elena: Umm... It's been pretty much proven fake, Reno. Reno: ... Since when? Elena: Since they started to get popular, really. Reno: ... Well, see? That's what the so-called real news wants you to know! [Elena responds to that by sighing, and nothing more.] [Midgar 13] Rufus: Anyway, forget all of that, Beastie Boys. Heidegger is off to attempt to start up the generator, which was recommended by my Y2K Dealer. Had a nice warranty on it, too. "If world does not end in the year 2000, please wait one thousand years before using". Can you believe it? [Groans emit from the screen.] Rufus: Thank you, thank you. I have MAD BUSINESS SKILLZ, I know. And speaking of business, I have my latest scheme to show you guys. Are you ready, Veggie Tales? [S.O.S] Rude: Umm... No, not really? Can we have a rain check or something? [Midgar 13] Rufus: No, my minions. For this is a one time offer that the church groups of America shall enjoy! [He ducks down for a moment, and gets back up, holding what looks to be a video.] Rufus: As you may know, many a church groups, from Catholic to Christian, hate Disney. You know, these are the people that think Mary Poppins is evil because she can fly with an umbrella. Next, they think she can secretly summon demons and are teaching the children just that. Then the rumors grew. Well, I've figured out the perfect way to satisfy these people's anger for Disney *AND* get a huge profit at the same time! [Rufus points the flashlight on the video, revealing...] [S.O.S] Elena: ... Please tell me you didn't. Rude: ... Reno: Good god no... [Midgar 13] Rufus: That's right! I present to you, something that'll take the Bible Belt by storm. "Snow White and The Seven Deadly Sins"! Instead of those pesky dwarves, we have Lust, Avarice, Envy, Anger, Gluttony, Pride.... And Doc. We couldn't fit Sloth anywhere. [S.O.S] Reno: Uh... Huh. But why? [Midgar 13] Rufus: All for the money, Scooby Doo and the Gang. But wait, I have more to offer! Once this becomes popular, I'll say screw them all, and go on to the politically-impaired. I'll give them such hits as these! [He shows two more videos, one with Bill Clinton and Monica on it, and the other with a picture of Al Gore putting a crowd to sleep.] Rufus: First off, we have "Beauty and the Beast" starring William Clinton and Monica Lewinsky! ... [He turns around suddenly.] Hey, Heidegger? Which one did we decide would be the beast? Eh, never mind. [He throws the video to the side.] And this one is "Sleeping Politically" starring Al Gore as one of those witches that cast the spell. Or something. You like? [More groans emit from the screen.] Rufus: I don't care if you like, No Doubt. [Suddenly, all the lights come back on, surprising Rufus to no end.] Rufus: Huh? Heidegger, did you actually fix something? [Heidegger finally comes out from the back room, smiling.] Heidegger: Yeppers, boss. Only the generator didn't work. Rufus: ... So, how did you fix the lights? Heidegger: Oh! Simple. I turned all the switches in the breaker box on. Rufus: ... What? Heidegger: Yeah! It was that simple! [Rufus tackles Heidegger for that.] Rufus: You fool! Don't you realize the danger we're in?! Heidegger: What? Rufus: We still have February 29th to worry about! Heidegger: Well, I guess I can turn them off again... Rufus: Wait, let me do one thing... [Rufus gets up off the ground, dusting himself off.] Rufus: Alrighty then, Superfriends. You're about to get the first tale of horror from me in about a year. Are you happy? No? Good. Tonight, we have a rather short, Tolkien-like story from some an informant of mine called "The Ring". Suck it down, Spice Girls. [S.O.S] Reno: Dammit, Rude, you just had to call him, didn't you? Rude: Well, you guys wanted me to. Reno: Mmhmm. Sure. Blame it all on us, now why don't you. [Suddenly, the lights come back to life for the first time in a year, and your usual craziness occurs.] Elena: Umm.. Never mind that, guys, but... Reno: WE GOT FANFIC SIGN! [And so, they run into the theater.] [Door Sequence, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... You know the rest. :P] ---------- [The Turks enter and sit down in their usual seats. If you don't know it, it's in this order: Rude, Elena, Reno.] > The Ring Reno: The heartwarming story of the Mafia. Very educational for the little ones, indeed. Elena: Either that, or it's a story about what Dennis Rodman's not getting anytime soon. > By Wesley Jones [Everyone blinks. Twice. And even Thrice.] Rude: I see this fic has been written by the long lost relative of Samantha Jones... Reno: Tell me, is the airlock ready to go? Because if I hear one "BIG ASS BLAST!" in this fic, I'm shoving myself out there. > There is a prophecy that few know about. They won't reveal >it to anyone because it is too foul to tell. Elena: This is otherwise known as the "Morning Breath" Prophecy. Reno: Proof the Scope is a weapon of good! ... Well, besides the fact that it tastes terrible. Yuck. Rude: You know, this is *exactly* the reason why you should refrigerate your Prophecy. After a while, the mold can get to your senses. >The prophecy is that one >day in 5100 years a demon, a shape-shifting demon, would rise up >through a volcano. Reno: And so, the name Michael Jackson reigned terror into the hearts of millions... > They pass the prophecy through the family that >so it may be helped. > It is also said of a forging of a ring, if used properly, it would >hold the power to destroy the fell being. Elena: A ring can destroy the monster? Ok, it has officially turned into a crossover with Captain Planet. Reno: Nah. If it was that, they would have shown his trailer, his days smoking pot, and his own private junkyard. It's amazing what stars go through once they are out of a job.... Rude: [Smirks.] And they think we just buy the "Class of" rings just to show them off. > The ring is not of any >origin, but the ring is magical. The Ring of the Magiks it is called. >Forged by the Magi(pronounced Mag-i), a clan of Elvish origin. Rude: "Elvish" Origin? Please don't tell me all those Elvis impersonators have formed a clan for themselves. Elena: Yep. Their daily rituals involve sacrificing their "Blue Suade Shoes" to the "King" and abusing "Hound Dogs".... A uncivilized clan, really. > The Magi is a clan that is devoted to magic and smithy work. >Their accomplishments are not known, due to the fact that they are >outlawed against the other clans and races. Rude: Translation: The Magi aren't allowed to play in the clans daily Little League games. Reno: (Random Clan) I don't want the Magi on *my* team! You can have them. Rude: (Ditto) Me? I had them last time! It's your turn! > Chapter 1 > > "Where are you going?" Gehn asked. Two kids were running >from the police of the town. > "Down this alley. Come on!" Link yelled. "Oh no! It's a dead >end!" > The policemen were gaining on their trail. Elena: "Gaining" as in stopping by every Krispy Kreme during the chase scene. > Gehn and Link >didn't know what to do. Gehn spotted a small door to the right of >them, "Right here! Through this door! Quick!" Rude: Gehn. Thief/Drill Sergeant Reno: (Gehn) Let's go! Move! Move! Move! Move! > "Shooo, we're safe. Boy, do I don't want to do that again," >said Link > "You said it!" > " Hey, do ya still have the gift?" > "Yeah, right here." Gehn lifted out the stolen gem. Elena: (Link) Wow! A *whole* rupee! We're rich! Reno: You knew it was only time before the Zelda riffs came in... > The gem >sparkled in the light of the lamp that they lit nearby. Many colors >were shown on the walls of the room. "Wow, I can't believe how it >sparkles like that. I've never seen anything like it, you?" Reno: Well.. I don't know... Can you count Rude's head after he shined it? [Rude glares at Reno for a second, thinking of ways to harm him before going back to the story.] > "No, me neither. Say, we better find a way out before they >find us. We can't go back the way we came, or they'll catch us." > "You're right. What about that window over there?" Gehn >pointed at the window to the left. They didn't see it the first time >because the window was half hidden amongst the boxes in the >room. > Link walked to the window and peered out. Reno: This caused an unfortunate pause in the story as the rest of the characters waited for him to log on once again... Elena: Now, tell me, who's going to get that? Reno: Any geek who has spent a good amount of time on IRC would understand it... The rest... Well, they can just smile and nod. >The window had >no way of opening. Plus, it was foggy. Elena: And the Welcome Wagon Committee of London makes a visit. Rude: Nah, it's just all of the tear gas that the police have been throwing. Reno: (Link) Dammit! It's running on Windows 98. It won't budge a inch! > "I don't make out any cops, I think it's clear," Link said. Rude: Umm.. Eww. Please don't use the words "Make out" and "Cops" in the same sentence. Ever. It would really help keep my lunch down. Reno: It's COPS: In Holland! Thrill as they find their way into the Red Light District! > "The >only thing is that the window has no way of getting it open." > "Could you break it?" Gehn inquired. > "We'd risk the chance of them hearing us, but I think there is >no other way out. Plus, if we don't get out either they find the door >or we run out of air. Put the gem back up in yer pocket." Reno: (Link) And keep it there, for crying out loud! I know you like to show off the *family jewels*, but sheesh... > Gehn put the gem in his pocket wrapped up in some cloth he >found on a box. Looking up, he saw Link break the glass. Elena: And with the breaking of the glass, their Jewish Marriage was complete. Reno: Aww... It's so hard seeing our vaguely descriptive characters go off on their own... [Grabs a hankerchief and cries rather fakely into it.] Rude: Reno, why can't you just flame the author normally like everyone else? Reno: Hey, it's more fun this way. >Gehn >quickly jumped out of the window and followed Link down the >street to the orphanage. Rude: Unfortunately, "Link" was broken, causing him to end up on 404 Not Found Avenue. The Internet can be such a wonderful thing, can't it? > Chapter 2 > The demon finally came out of the volcano and walked down >to the foot. Elena: (Demon) Argh... I'm up! I'm up! Damn alarm clock... Rude: Geez... When they say NyQuil will knock you out cold, by god they are NOT kidding! >The doppleganger journeyed to the nearest town of >men. When he found out what the men look like, it mutated into >someone from the town. > Later, it called upon some Orcs to build his fortress of doom >beside the volcano. It took somewhat two years to build. Reno: [Pondering] Just think, this is the *fastest* Tool Time has ever worked on a house! > The natives nearby wondered what it was, but they couldn't >investigate because some were slain trying to investigate. Some >threw rocks at the construction site to break holes to see through. Rude: What, is the castle made completely out of Styrofoam? Reno: Presenting Disposable Castles! Easy to throw away and perfect for parties! Warning: Do not use Castle as protection from opposing armies. >The Orcs raided them that night so the natives stopped that. > The town was nearly destroyed after the raid. Elena: Meanwhile, The Orcs continued their master plan to take over "The Orkin Man" as king of the exterminators. Reno: See here? See? New York City *is* composed of 90% cockroaches! This is living proof, man! > Many were >slain by the fell beings of darkness. The blacksmith wasn't slain so >he started forging swords, battle axes, bows and arrows, pikes, and >maces. He gave them to the remaining villagers for protection. > The Orcs had a hard time after the Forging on their raids. >They started finding other villages to raid at night. > The doppleganger now summoned other foul beings to start >an army. Elena: Like Barney, the Teletubbies, and the Taco Bell Chihuahua. Reno: So, this doppleganger basically just recruited a whole bunch of people from the School Cafeteria's "Chili Night" for his army, eh? Rude: Not exactly the best army to initiate "Smoke Breaks" in, no. > It called upon Orcs, Ogres, Giants, Lizard Men, Dragons, >and Lyncanthropes. Lyncanthropes, or were-creatures, were the >first attack. Orcs and Ogres came next, then Giants and Lizard >Men. The Dragons, the most powerful, followed last. Reno: And here is a excellent example why you don't let others around you create rules for "Risk". > Chapter 3 > Back at the orphanage, the boys didn't sneak in as good as >they planned. Someone saw them, the "boss". Rude: *The* "Boss"? Geez, that almost sounds like a new Marvel villain. Elena: Rude, Bosses are villains. Take one good look at Rufus and tell me differently. I dare you. Reno: (Ominous voice) Armed with his deadly ISO 9000 Certification and his even moreso pink slip, THE BOSS searches silently throughout the cubicles for his next victim... > "YOU NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!! YOU >CAN NOT GO OUTSIDE FOR THREE MONTHS!!!" roared >the "boss". > "Give us back the gem," whined Link. "We need it." > "No, this gem will be returned tomorrow. Now go to your >rooms and think what you've done." Rude: The strict, yet motherly boss. Reno: You think this is bad? Just try and live after not eating all your dinner with her around. > Gehn and Link hurried to their rooms without looking back. >"Bitch," Link thought. "If we had that gem we would have been >the top-notch kids here. Would of been popular. Bitch." Reno: (Link) Of course, maybe I should give Zelda a break... She *is* going through... *ahem*, that time of the month, I suppose. > "This is a beautiful gem," the boss said to herself. "I wonder >how much this costs. Wish I could keep it. Ah well, it must be >returned." > The next day two strange people came to the orphanage >They wanted Gehn to come with them. Rude: Two Strange people wanting someone to come with them... Beavis and Butthead? Is that you? Elena: .. Alright, that's it. For the sake of humanity, I call no Yaoi jokes here. Besides, we have a certain Titanic star and countless boybands for just that. >"Gehn, you there?" one >yelled. Elena: (Gehn) Hell no! Go away! > "Yeah, I'm here," answered Gehn. Gehn just got up and was >wiping the sleep out of his eyes as he was walking down the steps. >"What do ya want?" > "I know it's early and nobody's awake yet, but come with us. >You might enjoy this." > "Why? What's in this for me?" > " How 'bout a good time? Reno: Ah ha! So, off to Las Vegas they go! Rude: Hey, if I had the choice between staying with a bitchy boss or a stripper, I know what I'd choose... Reno: Yeah, but what if the bitchy boss was a stripper? Rude: ... Let's just move on now, 'kay? >Anyway, you must come with us to >the King." > "The King? I was summoned by the King? Whoa! Of course >I'll come." Elena: And... The kid immediently forgets all the ethnics learned in Kindergarten, jumping on the bandwagon. Rude: God bless the educational system, eh? > > Chapter 4 > > One their way to the King's palace, they come to a forest. > "This isn't the way to the King's palace," Ghetto said. > "Oh yes it is. This is the way to the Magi King. Oh, by the >way, my name is Eke." > "You're outlaws! Get away from me!" Gehn started to run >back to the city. Rude: (Gehn, gasping) Country... Air... Getting to me..... Must have... SMOG! Elena: Geez, with all this running, you'd think Gehn would be related to Carl Lewis of something. Reno: No, I think it's all the Surge these kids today drink. [Small laugh] Heh. Those darn kids, with their Heavy Metal, and their nose rings, and their.... > "Come back!! If we are outlaws then thee is one also." As >they chased him. > "What?? Who are you?" Gehn stopped running and asked. > "You are a Magus too. We couldn't raise you so we put you >in the orphanage." > "Huh,.....oh, ok I get it. Hey, who is the silent person?" Reno: I see Kane has decided to make a cameo in this fic... Rude: Well, after his brief love affair with Chyna, he had to do *something* to cheer himself up. Like toasting Gehn's ass. Reno: Ah... [Looks at Elena.] And who you are you calling the flamer NOW, hmm? [Elena ignores him, continuing to read the story.] > "Me? Oh, I'm the guard. The King wouldn't let Geke go alone >with all the dangers, you know," the guard explains. > Gehn takes out the gem he stole back during the night. >Wondering, "Wow, it looks different now for some reason. Why >now? It didn't do that before. Why?" Rude: Expensive Gem/Mood Ring. Quite a leathal combination. Elena: And every Pawn Shop dealers dream, it seems. > They camped by a stream for a night. They talked about the >palace and the king. While they slept, sprites came and chanted a >spell that'll make them sick to the stomach. Reno: Also known as the "Don't Drink The Water" spell to many people. > After that, they left. > When they woke up, they all went to the stream to puke to >make them feel better. Afterwards, they started to the city. > Once they arrived the king sent out a messager to bring them >immediately to the throne room. Elena: Yes, the King's throne was complete with a lovely *ivory* structure, but only had one *handle* that was rather loose. Oh yeah, and the king does sit there constantly. Just trust me on that. Rude: All of this talk about puking and "throne"s is starting to make me really regret that cup of coffee today... >As soon as they entered the >palace, Gehn was amazed to see the inside. Crystals, gems, gold, >and other precious things were hung about, making the king seem >wealthy beyond dreams. Elena: Looks like the King finally found a use for all those beads he got at Mardi Gras... Rude: Yep. And I'm sure he also took a *nice, simple* stroll down Bourbon Street. >When they got there, the King greeted >them with extreme gratitude. Reno: When ESPN decides to go a *bit* too far with the "X-Treme" stuff. Rude: I don't know... I've heard Extreme Handshaking has its high points... > "Hello, welcome to the town of Eöl. Gehn, nice to see you. >Do you know anything about ringmaking, by a chance?" > "Sorry, but I don't know how to make a ring or pretty much >anything." Elena: Huh. Kid has the creativity of a generic rap star. Interesting. Reno: (King, mumbling) Damn! There goes my chances at introducing the kiddies back to the wonders of sweatshops... >"Hmmm, anyway, one of my servants will see you to your >quarters once we're through talking." > "What big castle! I've never been to someplace like this >before." > "Glad you like it." > A servant went to the king and whispered something in his >ear. Rude: (King) Nonono... That's my bad ear. Elena: [Makes step like noises, as if walking to the other side.] Rude: (King) No, *this* must be my bad ear.... Reno: This sketch brought to you by our "Mafia!" (tm) > "Well, it seems dinners is ready. Care to join us?" > "Sure, but where's my quarters? I need to get cleaned up after >the journey here." Elena: Umm.. Shouldn't he have gotten cleaned up *before* he visited the king? I mean, he's just royalty and all, nothing big, but still... Rude: Actually, it depends on what kind of king, really. Like Burger King, for example. I don't think they even give a damn on what you wear before them. > "Very well. Meaglin, go see him off to his quarters." > Chapter 5 > They were serving ham, fish, and other goodies for dinner. >Gehn scarved the food down. > "Not so fast Gehn or you'll get choked," Geke said. Elena: Damn... They got some *very* strict table manners around there... Reno: (Geke, while choking a random extra) For the last freaking time... *Don't* *talk* *with* *your* *mouth* *full*! > "Okay. I've never had such good food. The orphanage just >gives us crap." Rude: (Gehn) And for some reason, it was always salty and warm. Weird, huh? Reno: Rude, that was sick, gross, and downright nasty. I'm so proud of you, man. > "Shhh, watch you're language. The king's right there." Gehn >said while pointing to the king. > "Oops. Forgot." Elena: [Rolling her eyes] Oh yeah, it's *so* hard to forget there is royalty in a area. I mean, keeping proper manners and all is pure hell around them. Rude: Except if that "king" is Jerry 'The King' Lawler. Then you're free to beat the living hell out of him. Reno: Amen. > "Gehn, what do like to do? We've got archery, hunting, >fishing, and some sports too," the King said. Rude: Whoa, it's the Club Med of all medieval castles! > "I like to do all that." > "All right. I just remembered that a ball game going to be on >tomorrow at five o'clock. Elena: ... A... Ball game. I could understand a cricket or maybe a chess game, but a *BALL GAME*? Rude: And one of the first signs that the King needs some MAJOR publicity is... >Like to come?" Reno: (Gehn) That's a rather personal question, sir. > "Sure, I'll go." > "Also, tomorrow you'll be with the ring-smiths," the King said. > "Why?" Gehn inquired. > "I'll tell you. But first, have you heard the Ending prophecy?" Rude: The Ending Prophecy? Elena: Apparently, Vanilla Ice's new CD caused a worse panic than ANYONE could imagine... > "No, not that I know of." > "Okay. We'll have to tell you now." > The king explained the prophecy while taking a moment to >eat some fish or ham every time and again. Rude: (King) Okay, think of this ham as the world, okay? Now, think of my mouth as the ending prophecy, mmmkay? Now, watch me as I swallow this sucker faster than Rosie O'Donnel at a Buffet.. > "Enough talk, you must be full. Go ahead and rest for the >remainder of the day. You'll need it for tomorrow Reno: Cause y'know, it's going to be pure hell running to the bathroom and back during the ball game. We got priorities tomorrow, dammit! > > > > > Elena: Wow... That space right there is wayyy bigger than any Angelfire site! > > > > > Reno: Guys? I think it's over. [Silence.] Rude: You know, this is not fair. We're forced to read through it, and it turns out to be... Well, abandoned? Elena: True, but at least the author stopped it at a somewhat reasonable place. And besides, it could have been a LOT worse. [The doors that lead out of the theater unlocks, echoing throughout the theater.] Rude: Guys, we can skip the fic discussion 'til later. Right now, let's just get the hell out of here... Reno: Right, right... [As he gets up, he gets an idea (Something very rare for him).] Hmm... Hey guys, follow me. I have an idea... [He walks out of the theater quickly. Meanwhile, Rude and Elena look at each other, shrug, and follow the red-headed "Leader".] -------------- [Door Sequence - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and...] [Satellite of Shinra bridge - The trio that you should know by now, the Turks, are all on the bridge, with medieval clothes that looks to be rejects from the Amtgard Closet. Each of them is dressed up similarly to a character in the short story: Reno as Gehn, Elena as Geke (No, you need not ask why), and Rude as the King.] Reno: Okay, everyone ready? Rude: Hell no. Reno: Oh, come on. It'll be *fun*. Elena: Um.. I don't really consider dressing like a guy any fun. Reno: Well, whatever. You wonder how the story ended, right? Rude: Umm.. Yeah. But it doesn't me that we have to do-- Reno: Yes it does. Don't argue with the leader here. Rude: Fine, fine. Whatever. Reno: Now, are you ready? [Rude and Elena look at each other.] Elena: Let's just get this over with. Rude: What she said. Reno: Great! And... Now. [There's a slight pause before the "show" begins... Okay, a rather long one.] Reno: Umm... Baldy? It's your line? Rude: Umm.. Since when? Reno: Well, you're the king and stuff. They always have the first lines in the movies... Right? Rude: Well.. Reno: Come on, man. Rude: No. Reno: Why? Rude: Hey, you dragged us into this, you should start it. Reno: But-- But I'm the little geeky thief dude! What am I going to say to a King. "Eo, what up, G?" Rude: You really want me to answer that? Reno: ... Fine. Screw you too, Rude. What about you, Elena? Elena: Um.. Nope. Don't feel like it. Reno: What? What do you mean? This is suppose to the *fun*! Elena: To you, anyway. To me, it's just boring. Reno: B-but... Rude: Hey, I'm going to grab an Icee. Anyone else? Elena: I'm there. [Rude and Elena walk offstage left, leaving Reno by himself.] Reno: Well... Well.. Fine! You go do that! I can do this by myself! I can... Pretend to talk to inanimate things and... And... And.... Hey guys? Wait up! [Reno runs left, trying to catch the others.] [Meanwhile, at Midgar 13...] Rufus: Now, Heidegger, I hope you learned your lesson. Heidegger: But... But sir, we aren't able to see their faces in horror when they read that fanfic! Rufus: Yes, but we come first. Y2K's already destroyed everything up there. Heidegger: It has? Rufus: Sure! Why do you think it's so quiet up there? Heidegger: Umm... Sir. We are 60 feet underground. Under an already destroyed city. Rufus: Well... There was still survivors! Right? Heidegger: ... Rufus: Anyway, we only have about one box of rations left, and we can't find our way to the pantry, so... Heidegger: Well, I can find my way there! Rufus: No, it's too late for that. The food is probably all spoiled anyway. Heidegger: So... What are you thinking then? [Heidegger looks right at Rufus, who has a evil look on his face.] Heidegger: Oh no... Oh no no no. You're not going to go "Alive" on me. Rufus: Sorry, but only the strong survive, Heidegger, and you're not that strong. Besides, you could feed the poor for years with your fat, so... [Heidegger takes this time to run like hell, a wise choice on his part. Well, it would be, except for the fact it's rather dark.] Heidegger: Aiieeee! Rufus: Come on, Heidegger! It'll be fun! It'll... be like Home Ec, yeah! [Rufus follows him into the dark, the Evil Look of Death (tm), still on his face. After several moments, Rufus comes back, hitting a switch, before going back into "hunt" mode once more.] \ / \ / \ / \ / O FWWWWOOOOSSSHHHHHH! / \ / \ / \ / \ -------------- [Feel free to hum the Turks' Music... Now.] About damn time I finally finished another MSTing, eh? Well, Episode 205 is done and over with, if anyone cares. Soon, though, I shall return to working on Neo-Scouts, part 16. Apologies to everyone for my long absence in MSTing itself, but the long break did me good. In fact, this MSTing was done on a random basis in a period of six months, one riff at a time. Now, I can finally start to work on MSTings once more. Anyway, C&C, flames, etc. go to MakoReno@aol.com, so feel free to tell me what you think! Until next time, Later! God, it feels good to get back into this. Finished: January 28, 2000 at 4:10 P.M.