
<Tokyo-3>
      The city is in a state of blackout. Announcements are being made
over the loudspeakers.
      "A special state of emergency has been declared around within
Kanto
and Chubu districts. Please take refuge in the designated shelters."
      Meanwhile, Captain Marta Nys was driving, searching for someone.
She was wearing a black jumpsuit, red jacket, red beret and sunglasses.
      "Why have I missed him now of all times? What am I going to do?"
      She continued to drive, seeking her quarry.

      "All phone lines are out of order, due to the state of emergency."
      Joel hung up, sighing. "Out of order.. I may not be able to meet
her." He looked at the photo he'd been given. Across it was written
"Joel-kun: I'm coming to meet you, so please wait for me. Attention to
here!" Suddenly, he looked up. "Ah.. What's that?" Something that looked
like a giant bipedal fox was blocking out the sun. "AAAH!"

<commercials>

<SOL. Joel and the bots are behind the desk.>

Joel: Man, you two won't believe the dream I had..
Tom:  This had better not be the one with the giant flaming hamdingers
      again.
Joel: No, really! It was really weird!
Crow: OR the one with the dancing chickens.
Joel: No! It's one I haven't told you about yet!
Tom:  Oh.
Crow: Okay. So what is it?
Joel: Uh.. I forgot.
Tom:  Oh, good going, Joel. Geez..
Joel: Well, May and Rally are calling, anyhow.

<Deep 13. Dr.F and Frank are flanking a bizarre combination of a
Scantron
test reader, a CRT, a VCR and assorted technowidgety odds & ends.)

Dr.F: Hello there, Joel and the Family Robinson. I suppose I have you to
      thank for my invention this week. You see, Crow's response to the
      idea of an Umi sex scene, combined with my Pornograph invention,
      forms the basis for this: The Bleeder! All you need to do is fill
      out a form describing your target, and the Bleeder will calculate
      the one character in all of anime over whom he most obsesses. It
      will then display onscreen an incredibly filthy sex scene with
that
      character patched in, guaranteeing a deadly nosebleed in all but
      the biggest hentai! I've taken the liberty of entering Frank's
      personal data, for instance. Let's see how it affects him.
(Dr.F rotates the Bleeder so that the CRT is facing Frank, who looks on
attentively. He then flips the switch, and..)
Dr.F: WHAT? How could he not be affected?
Frank:Doctor? What are Hikaru and Madoka doing?
Dr.F: (facefaults, then gets up) Right. What have you got, weenies?

<SOL. Joel is wearing a grey jumpsuit with wires crisscrossing its
surface. There is a small keyboard attached to the wires.>

Joel: Well, sirs, we've come up with yet another device for facilitating
      cos-play! I guess it's just our thing.
Crow: Haven't you ever wished you could have a uniform like the Dark
      Generals from Sailor Moon, or Ryouga's cool yellow tanktop?
Tom:  Now you can, with the Holo-Jumpsuit! Using the latest in 3D holo-
      imaging technology and a truly terrifying anime/manga database, it
      can create any outfit of any character anywhere in anime! Behold:
      the Juraian Battlesuit!
(Joel twiddles some stuff on the keyboard. There is a *pop* and, lo and
behold, he is wearing a Juraian Battlesuit, facepaint and all.)
Joel: Or Ootaki's leathers!
(*twiddle* *pop*! Joel is now wearing a leather jacket, jeans, and a
white t-shirt.)
Crow: Or Konatsu's overalls!

<Deep 13>

Dr.F: But.. Konatsu doesn't wear overalls.

<SOL. Joel is wearing overalls with a striped shirt and glasses.>

Crow: Not the cross-dressing ninja Konatsu from Ranma 1/2, but the
      talkative Konatsu Oguchi from the Hokkaido episode of Maison
      Ikkoku!
Joel: Whaddaya think, sirs?

<Deep 13.>

Dr.F: I think I allow you monkeys far too much free time. Your
experiment
      this week, kiddos, is yet another gut-churning episode of "Sailor
      Moon Hentai" from the same old duo of malcontents. Chug-a-lug,
      creampuffs.

<SOL.>

All:  Aaah! We've got fanfic sign!

<G,6,5,4,3,2,1>

Joel: Hey, this is getting kinda uncomfortable..
Crow: Well, it _is_ a woman's clothing. It's probably just the
underwear.
Joel: Urk..

>Sailor Pleasure in the house!

Tom:  Tom Servo, on the SOL!

>                              Alright people, this is my
>last ep..for now ;_;..

All:  (cheer)
Crow: ^_^

>                      I will be back on parts ten through
>twelve,

All:  Aww..
Joel: Wait.. there are going to be six _more_ episodes?

>        so enjoy me while ya can!

Tom:  Easier said than done, kiddo.

>                                  Any questions, e-mail
>me at:

Crow: s-i_hentai@losenet.net?

>oneechan@hotmail.com

Crow: Close enough.

>Or ask Carlos somthing:

Tom:  Anything. Y'know, just to keep him from getting too lonely.

>carlosvincent@hotmail.com
>Also, visit our page for SMHentai:
>http://members.tripod.com/~carlosvincent/intro.html
>Now, all hentai rules apply.

Joel: Void where prohibited.

>                             The Hentai Senshi, Darkside,
>Xavier, Geri, Sailor Rose, Star Gazer, Chris Aceto, and
>the new attacks and transformations of the Sailor Senshi
>belong to us.

Crow: Just follow your nose.

>              Sailor Moon belongs to Takeuchi Naoko and
>Toei.
>---------------------------------------------------------
>Sailor Moon Hentai, Part 6

Joel: Two phrases that should never, _ever_ go together.

>"Entranced"
>By: Sailor Pleasure

Crow: Entranced by Sailor Pleasure? That might not be so bad..

>
>        T*A was another one of those catholic, all girl
>schools.

Tom:  (announcer) Samuel R. Bronkowitz presents: Catholic High School
      Girls In Trouble!
Crow: (Falsetto) Show me your nuts.
Joel: Okay. BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA woo-woo-woo Yee-hah kaboing kaboing!
Tom:  I hope someone gets that..

>         Rei, being a T*A student for years, didnot mind
>it. However, it seemed time there was a change.

Tom:  In seeking this change, Rei would give no quarter.
Crow: Aw, that kind of pun is a dime a dozen.
Tom:  Oh, you got a yen for punwars?
Crow: You take that back, you lire!
Tom:  I don't think you want to ruble me the wrong way, Crow..
Joel: To be franc, guys, you've stopped making cents. Mark my words,
      you'll peso out before running out of money puns.
Bots: (dollarously) Aww..
Joel: (aside) How do they _do_ that?
Crow: We'll never tell.
Tom:  Hee, hee!

>                                                As her sensei
>and a new student entered the class, she decided on asking
>for the changes *SHE* thought were necessary.

Tom:  (Rei) Call me queen!

>                                              "Class, this
>is Serpens Mary-chan. She has just transferred here from
>Juuban High School." Ryu-sensei said as he looked at the
>class.

Crow: (Sakura) Wah! Ryu-sensei, I'm coming!

>       "Hmm..wonder why she transferred here.." Rei said
>in her mind.

Tom:  In other words.. she _thought_ it.

>             Mary eyed Rei wil envy.

Joel: Is that when you get jealous of Wesley Crusher?

>                                     She looked a lot like
>Rei and the sensei told her to take the seat next to Rei.
>"Hai, Ryu-sensei." She complied with her sensei. She sat
>down and Rei immediately turned her eyes from the girl.

Crow: (Rei) Staring? Me? At what?..

>She had brown hair and dark brown eyes that were narrowed.
>She was obviously had bad karma.

Joel: (badly dubbed kung fu) Aha! I am actually your ancient enemy, Had
      Bad Karma!
Tom:  (mimsy) Well, that much was obvious.

>                                 Rei could sense it in her.
>She could also sense a lot of other things.

Tom:  Like, will this fic improve?
Joel: "MY SOURCES SAY NO".
Tom:  Is she a Senshi?
Joel: "IT IS DECIDEDLY SO".
Crow: Will we see a decent sex scene soon?
Joel: "OUTLOOK NOT GO-" -Crow!

>                                            None of them
>important at the moment.

Crow: So, um.. why bring them up?

>                         Still, she thought it necessary
>to bide by them. As class came to an end, she took one
>last glance at Mary.

Joel: There was just something about her.

>        Mary was wearing a T*A uniform like herself. She
>was tan and was well rounded.

Tom:  *A*-hem.

>                              Her hair was put back in
>a simple ponytail and her thick, short hair was beautiful.

Joel: Yes, but what about her hair?

>Her eyes were dark, and had this unending seething anger
>inside that was just ready to be burned.

Crow: Throw on more anger! We've got to make Kansas City by midnight!

>                                         This tactic might
>come in handy *IF* she was a Sailor Senshi.

Tom:  Ah. This would be the author's idea of foreshadowing.

>                                            Mary turned
>to her and her eyes darkened. Rei smiled weakly. Mary
>turned her head sharply away.

Joel: (Mary) *snap* AAGH!

>                              "Whew.." Rei whispered.
>What was her problem?
>                *               *               *               *

Tom:  o/~ Good morning starshine.. the Earth says hello..

>
>        It was lunch time at Juuban High and since the day was
>over at Taiyo Gaken,

Crow: ..Taiyo Gaken being _the_ place for days to hang out..

>                     Kelly decided to walk over to Juuban and see
>what Usagi, Ami, Mako, and Minako were up to.

Tom:  (Usagi)  Okay. Ami, you'll distract her while I cover you. Makoto,
      Minako, you'll use your combination attack from hid- shit! She's
      coming!

>                                              "Hey, Usagi-chan!"
>Kelly called and ran over.

Tom:  (Usagi) I'll hold her off. You guys save yourselves!

>                           Usagi smiled and hugged her.

Joel: (Kelly) Hey, not so tigh- *crack*

>                                                        "Hey, what's
>up, Kelly-chan?" They all asked.

Crow: (Kelly) I love having adoring (albeit only vaguely familiar)
      hordes dangling on my every word!

>                                 "Nothing really." Kelly answered.
>As they talked..and the day at Juuban came to a close..Rei had some
>terrible feelings take over her.

Tom:  A feeling like being dragged down a cobblestone highway, a feeling
      like banging your shin, a feeling like having Alka-Seltzer
      forcefully stuffed in your-
Joel: Tom!
Tom:  - throat.
Joel: Better.

>
>                *               *               *               *

Crow: Wow! $83 worth of garnets!
Tom:  Huh?

>
>        Rei walked home, as she reached Hikawa Temple, she took two
>steps and passed out.

Joel: Uh.. what about the couple hundred between there and her school?

>                      Usagi and Ami were walking by and saw this.
>"REI-CHAN! REI-CHAN!"

Crow: Pizza! Pizza!

>                      They both called as she lay there. Suddenly,
>she was lifted off the ground.

Joel: Oh, you can see the strings.

>                               Moments later, she collasped again
>and pain erupted in her body. The heavy blanket of Nega-Energy she
>was feeling was took overwheling and sending painful shockwaves
>through her.

Tom:  Excuse me? Has Doctor Thinker been treating this fic?
Joel: (Minnewegian) Oh, a heavy blanket of Nega-Energy is real handy in
      the winter.
Crow: (ditto) Oh yah, it's real cozy.

>             "Must..reach..fire..must..cleanse..soul.." Rei
>whispered as they carried her there. She raised her hands.
>"Oh sacred flame..please heal me.."

Tom:  I'm sorry. Your prayer could not be connected. To complete your
      prayer, please shut up and try again.

>                                    She whispered and the flame
>removed all the Nega-Energy from her body.
>        "Rei-chan, are you alright?" Ami asked. "Hai..I was
>overcome by a huge amount of bad karma." Rei said.

Joel: Man, don't I wish my high school had accepted _that_ excuse.

>                                                   Suddenly,
>off in the distance, they heard a explosion.
>
>        "MOON ETERNAL, MAKE UP!"
>        "MERCURY PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!"
>        "MARS PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!"

Crow: Okay so far..

>
>                *               *               *               *
>
>        "JUPITER PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!"
>        "VENUS PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!"
>        "URANUS COSMIC POWER, MAKE UP!"
>        "NEPTUNE COSMIC POWER, MAKE UP!"
>        "PLUTO COSMIC POWER, MAKE UP!"
>        "SATURN COSMIC POWER, MAKE UP!"
>
>        "PLEASURE HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!"
>        "MOUTH HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!"
>        "TONGUE HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!"
>        "BREAST HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!"
>        "NIPPLE HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!"
>
>        "ROSE ROMANCE POWER, MAKE UP!"

Crow: Look, you don't need every Senshi in creation for every mission!
      You could probably level a small universe with the firepower
there!
Tom:  Actually, Pluto, Saturn, and Eternal Sailor Moon could probably do
      that on their own.

>
>                *               *               *               *
>
>        The explosion was just a crash of thunder.

All:  o/~ Lightning's striking again..

>                                                   But Mary Serpens
>was standing there, as she heard them all transform.
>
>        "Eye Hypnotic Power..Make..UP!" She exclaimed as she raised
>her silver wand and a red ribbon emited.

Crow: Uh-oh. There must be something wrong with her kidneys.

>                                         It outlined her body, then
>flashed out and covered it, then she did her stance. She had a deep
>orange senshi suit with a red skirt, end tips of her gloves, tiara
>crystal, choker, brooch, and boots (think Jupiter).

Tom:  (Shinji) Um, okay.. strudel.. strudel..

>                                                    Her bows, choker
>pendant and tiara were silver.
>
>        As soon as the Sailor and Hentai Senshi, not to mention
>Sailor Rose appeared, she began to attack.

All:  (cheer)
Crow: AwRIGHT! Someone's gonna put these fakers in their place!
Joel: I hate to say it, but I know who I'm rooting for.
All:  MA-RY! MA-RY! MA-RY!

>
>        "STAR CRESENT BLASTING!" She exclaimed. She immediately began
>to glow, and her eyes closed. When they reopened, they were a
>pulsating red.

Joel: She's been infused with Mako!
Crow: I wouldn't mind Mako infusing me, myself..
Joel: (thinks a second) Crow!

>               A beam shot from her brooch, and one from each of
>her eyes. It blasted Jupiter, Mars, and Uranus off their feet.

Joel: Not them, the ones in peach! These are the good guys!
Tom:  Grr.. she hurt Haruka.. (begins to glow)
Crow: Er.. is he all right?

>
>        "Who the *HELL* are you!" Sailor Pleasure demanded. "I am
>Eyes, Star Eyes. And for what you did to me, you will surely die."
>She said, her eyes narrowed.

Tom:  SHE.. HURT.. HARUKA..
Crow: Joel, what's happening to Tom?
Joel: Well.. he _is_ a member of the Space Sword Temple, but..

>
>        "Oh yeah? Well take this..Star Gazer..Make..UP!" Pleasure
>exclaimed. Suddenly, a mass of gold energy exploded out of the ring
>and circled her knees. Then her blue star ribbon emitted and twisted
>around the energy and it reattached to the ring. The she spun and
>the ribbon circled around her and made her fuku. Then she did her
>stance.

Tom:  THE B**** MUST DIE!
(A "T" within a dogbone shape shines forth from inside Tom's dome.)
Joel: The hell?
Crow: Tom must be using the logic-bending forces evoked by this fic to
      become a new self-inserted Senshi himself! It all makes sense now!
Tom:  SERVO SARCASTIC POWER, MAKE UP!
(Transformation sequence. When it concludes, Tom's body has been
repainted white, there's a tiara atop his dome, a red bow on his control
panel, and his hoverskirt is red. In short, he is now Sailor Tom.)

>
>        "GAZER LASER BEAM CRUSH!" She screamed. The beam slammed
>into Star Eyes, but nothing happened. "Star Gazer, is it? I'm
>afraid you puny powers will do nothing to me." Eyes laughed.

S.Tom:Sarcasm Sequencer Overload! (He begins his attack.) Oh, I'm _so_
      impressed by Sailor Star Eyes! Where'd she get her powers? Same
      place as Zann? Oh, and those peach fukus.. _those_ look good! And
      this writing style.. Steinbeck and Hemingway pale by comparison!
(The fic explodes into a pile of moondust.)
S.Tom:Yattaze!
Joel: Now look what you did! We can't leave here until Gypsy can get the
      fic back online!
Crow: And since when are _you_ a Senshi anyhow?
S.Tom:Like you have any room to talk!
Crow: Yeah.. now all we need is Sailor Joel.
(The Bots both look at Joel.)
Joel: No way, guys. Anyhow, the fic's starting back up. You'd better
      detransform, Tom.
(Sailor Tom transforms back into Tom Servo.)

>
>        "Puny? PUNY?! DO YOU CALL THIS PUNY!!

Joel: (Washu) Hel-lo!

>                                              I CALL UPON
>THE POWER OF THE UNIVERSE, STARS, UNITE, COMBINE, DESTROY!!"
>Gazer exhaled through her lungs.

Crow: (Lloyd Bridges) By this time my lungs were aching for air!

>                                 A huge beam of stars traced itself
>in circles around Star Gazer, then it coiled into a huge mass and
>slammed Star Eyes, hard.

Tom:  So, then.. that would basically be Cosmo Memory with a lame
      description.

>
>        "Star Gazer..Star Eyes..aren't you guys related or something?"
>Jupiter asked.

Joel: Depends. Are Isaac Mizrahi and Isaac Hanson related?

>
>        "Me? Related to this BITCH? I DON'T THINK SO!" Gazer
practically
>snapped at her.
>
>        "Well, excuse me!" Jupiter snapped back.
>
>        "Oh no..we're not related alright..she's my worst enemy..you
>see..I was never on her side..I was *ALWAYS* evil..STAR EYE BEAM!"
>She screamed as a beam shot from her eye.

Tom:  But she missed the mote in her sister's.
Joel: How obscure is that?

>
>        "Chaotic Water Rage!" Mercury screamed. The beam froze in
>mid air. Then fell to the floor and broke into pieces.

Crow: The hell?
Joel: Smile and nod.

>
>        "I'll get you, for sure, another time! *BELIEVE* me!" Eyes
>snapped and disappeared.

Tom:  Where is Sigfried?
Crow: Here I am, Roy!

>
>        "Not only do we have the Darkside, but now Star Eyes.."
>Gazer whispered.

Joel: o/~ I got you, babe..

>
><End, Part 6>

Tom:  Yeah, whatever. Let's go.
Joel: Man, that was tiring.. (yawns)

<1,2,3,4,5,6,G>

<Tokyo-3.>
      In Marta Nys' apartment, Joel was pondering the events of the day
while taking a relaxing bath (much-needed after a day beginning by
battling Daviel and, most recently, marked by accidentally letting Marta
see him naked).
      "Marta Nys.. She's not a bad person," he mused to himself. He
recalled her words.
      "Taking a bath is life-washing!"
      "Funny," he thought, "in a bath, more unpleasant things come to my
mind than any other time.." He followed that line of thought further.
"Father.. and Shion Nys?"
      Meanwhile, in a wrecked room, Noriko Kobayashi addressed Don
Euclid.
      "How was Shion? This afternoon, did you.. go to the hospital?"
      "She will be able to move in 20 days. Joel! Wake up! The Mads are
calling!"

<SOL. Joel is just waking up from having fallen asleep at the desk.>

Joel: Huh? Oh.. hello?

<Deep 13.>

Dr.F: Oh, hello, guinea pigs. Whatsa matter, feeling a little.. drained?

<SOL.>

Joel: A little, I guess. Why?

<Deep 13.>

Dr.F: Oh, no reason. Push the button, Frank.
Frank:Indeedy, sir.
Dr.F: (aside) Queen Pearl will be pleased..
(Frank walks up and pushes the but-)

        |
   \    |    /
    \   |   /
     \  |  /
      \ | /
       \|/
--------O--------
       /|\
      / | \
     /  |  \
    /   |   \
   /    |    \
        |

   Wow.. number 6 and counting. Thoughts? Comments? Reasons I should
keep
churning this stuff out? Send 'em all to unspokenname@hotmail.com. It's
easy
and fun!
   All disclaimers given by the fic's author apply. In addition, MST3K
and the
characters thereof belong to Best Brains, Inc. Neon Genesis Evangelion
(in
case some philistine out there failed to recognize it) belongs to
GAINAX.
Marta and Shion Nys and Noriko Kobayashi belong to Michael Surbrook and
are
used without permission. Michael, please don't get mad. Don Euclid
belongs to
himself, but was used here without his knowledge. This was no easy feat.
A
bunch of the references in here are copyright some other folks, too, but
I
won't spoil the fun. No Angels were harmed in the making of this MSTing.

--Ben-San Arizona

>                              The heavy blanket of Nega-Energy she
>was feeling was took overwheling and sending painful shockwaves
>through her.