Tom: Hey, Joel! Wake up already! Joel: (mumbled) Eh? What? Tom: I said wake up! Joel: (mumbled) No. Tom: But Joel, you'll miss the Mads Light! Joel: (mumbled) Hmm.. how come? Tom: Uh.. because they'll be calling soon? Joel: (mumbled) Nothing to do, and so kiss? That's.. Tom: ..Completely irrelevant, Joel. This isn't funny. Joel: (mumbled) Not really. Tom: Glad you're in agreement. Joel: (mumbled) I am not. I'll kiss you.. (pause) Tom: AAGH!! (flees) Joel: (mumbled) ..Samantha. (Sits up, stretches, and yawns.) Well, _that_ was a weird dream. (The Mads Light begins to flash. Joel taps the button.) Frank:Joel! Thank goodness the automatic dialing system called you..the Doctor has been acting in the strangest way ever since last week's experiment.. Joel: So what else is new? Frank:No, really! Weird even for him! He spent five days straight doing nothing but working on the Omnifactor. I finally got him to head out for a nice walk, but when we encountered a baby, he not only stole its candy but also siphoned off its life-energy! Dr.F: (offscreen) Frank? Have you found me those sacrificial virgins yet? Frank:(calling out) Not yet, Doctor! Dr.F: Well, keep trying! I haven't got all day! And have you sent up this week's experiment yet? Frank:No, sir! I was just doing it! Dr.F: Well, hurry it up! Frank:Yessir! (turning back to camera) Sorry 'bout this. It's part eight of Sailor Moon Hentai. Try to enjoy it if you can.. All: We've got fanfic sign!! Joel: I have a bad feeling about this whole thing with Dr. F, guys. Tom: (sarcastic) No, really? Do tell. >Hello all! Sailor Pleasure here! Crow: Sailor Pleasure there! Sailor Pleasure everywhere! >^_^...wasn't the last part kakoii? Tom: Depends. Joel, does "kakoii" mean "painful?" Joel: I don't think so. Tom: Then.. no. >If you have any comments, please >e-mail me at: >oneechan@hotmail.com >Now all hental rules apply. Joel: ..for wonderful jobs in the world of industrial sanitation! >Sailor Moon belongs to Takeuchi Naoko >and Toei. Crow: Toei Boet, Toei Boet, Boei- damn! > Sailor Oceanus belongs to >James Han and All the other characters >belong to us. Tom: Including, say, the rest of the Sailor Senshi? I don't think so. >***NEWS*** All: Gyah! Tom: Not just news, but ***NEWS***! >James Han (real guy) has agreed to >be my co-author and will be doing >part 10-12. Crow: Sailor Pleasure is leaving us? Say it ain't so.. >-------------------------------------- >Sailor Moon Hentai, Part 8 >"From Sailor to Megami" Tom: Joel, doesn't "megami" mean "goddess"? Joel: Ah.. yup. Tom: And isn't Sailor Pleasure an Author Avatar? Joel: Yeah. Tom: Thank you. AAAAGGHH!! >By: Sailor Pleasure > > > Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Moon continued to kiss. Ganymede >somewhat pouted. Joel: (Ganymede) Dammit, Mamoru, you two've been kissing for three weeks straight now! Give someone else a chance! > As did Oceanus. Crow: But wasn't Oceanus Mamoru? Tom: No, it was Motoki. Crow: Motoki was Mamoru? Joel: Motoki was Sailor Oceanus. Crow: Who was seduced by Tuxedo Kamen? Tom: Yes, but he and Sailor Ganymede are destined to be lifemates. Crow: And Ganymede is that random self-inclusion guy who smiles. Joel: James Han, yeah. Crow: And both of them are now pining over Tux-boy. Tom: Or Usagi.. it's unclear. Crow: I don't get it. Tom: I'm not sure the author does either, so don't worry about it. > Umi then appeared again. > "You shall die...Pleasure..." She whispered and closed >her eyes. Sailor Pleasure began to fade. She cringed in pain. Joel: Hey! The author's gettin' killed! Crow: Neat! > "SAILOR PLEASURE!! NO!!" Kamen yelled and tossed a rose >at Umi, slashing her face. Crow: Hey! Don't stop her! She's killing the girl who treated you like s$%&! (Tom and Joel both turn to Crow.) Tom: How did you pronounce that? Crow: I have no idea. > Umi screamed out in pain and Pleasure >continued to fade. Joel: Well, this is why you should never put both light Senshi and dark Senshi in the washer. > "I...am...not...going...to...make...it..." Pleasure said >and faded completely from view. Tom: Old Avatars don't die.. they just fade away. Crow: And then they get resurrected with incredible powers. Joel: And then they're recruited by the AAA Villain-Of-The-Month. > "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tuxedo Kamen screamed and fell to >his knees. Crow: (Mamoru) *crunch* AAGH! > > * * * * Tom: o/~Starry, starry night.. > > Pleasure reappeared on a planet. Joel: Any particular planet, or just a generic all-purpose planet? > It seemed oddly familiar. Crow: Knowing the way this fic uses that phrase, it's probably the Earth. >It was the Moon. Infront of her appeared Queen Serenity. Her smile >was gentle. Tom: ..but boy, were her eyebrows vicious! > "Queen Serenity-sama..." Pleasure whispered and fell to one >knee. Crow: (Pleasure) *crunch* AAGH! Tom: What is this? Is Tonya Harding their sponsor? > Queen Serenity smiled and lifted Pleasure off her knee. Joel: ..going into a nasty suplex! Oh, the humanity! > "Kelly Moule...the sailor form of Pleasure is lost..." >Serenity said as a blue rose appeared in her hands. > "How can that be?" Pleasure said as her fuku melted away Crow: Woohoo! >and she was in her uniform. Crow: Dang. > "It is because your Star Gazer and Sailor Pleasure >powers have mixed...making one weaker than the other..." Serenity >explained. Tom: You got Star Gazer in my Sailor Pleasure! Crow: You got Sailor Pleasure in my Star Gazer! > "What is the rose for?" Kelly asked and looked at it. >It was a deep blue and it was beautiful. Joel: (Kelly) Pretty flower.. > "This is the Mystic Blue Rose. You use it to become >Goddess Pleasure." Serenity said. > "Goddess?" > "Yes, this is your higtened form. Tom: (announcer) Why hig just one when you can hig ten? > You are still a hentai >senshi." Serenity said and handed her the blue rose. Kelly took >it. Joel: But can she dish it out? > "Raise it and shout, 'Pleasure Megami Power, Make up!'." Crow: I know that's punctuated right.. but it still looks like a badly- scarred smiley. >Serenity said. > > "HAI! PLEASURE GODDESS POWER...MAKE UP!" Tom: LAME-O HENTAI FANFIC...BITE ME! > Kelly screamed and >raised the rose. It started to emit a glittery ribbon then she >released it. (Note: This transformation is a copy of "Moon Cosmic >Power, Make up!" In SMS, except instead of a heart circling her >feet, there is a rose). Crow: Uh.. great, I guess. Joel: At least she didn't describe the change in excruciating detail this time. > When it made her top, it was a creme white >and a girl version's of Tsukikage no Knight's. Her outfit was >mostly blue and that creme white. She finished with her hand holding >a rose. > > "No go! The Hentai and Sailor Senshi need you!" Serenity >said. Goddess Pleasure nodded and left. Tom: (Serenity) Hey! Didn't I say not to go? > > * * * * Joel: Pac-man Fever! > > "I am Sailor Moon, the champion of justice and I shall >punish you!" Crow: (Moon) Now bend over! Joel: Crow.. > > "I am Sailor Mercury and in the name of Mercury, will >douse you with water!" Tom: I'm melting.. melting! What a world.. what a world.. > > "I am Sailor Mars and on behalf of Mars, will roast you, >toast you, and burn you to a crisp!" Joel: o/~ Burn, baby, burn.. All: o/~ DISCO INFERNO!! > > "I am Sailor Jupiter and in the name of thunder and >lightening, I will vanquish you!" Tom: Eh, lighten up. > > "Sailor Venus aka Sailor V! With the power of love >I will destrpy you!" Tom: What the heck is that? Joel: "De-strippy", maybe? Tom: So she's going to dress them up? Not very threatening, I must say. > > "Sailor Uranus, in the name of my planet, I will >kill you!" Crow: Aren't "punishment in the name of Uranus" and "punishment in the name of the moon" pretty close? Joel: Wha-.. Crow! > > "Sailor Neptune, I am the elegant Sailor Neptune and >will use all my powers to finish you!" Tom: (Neptune) ..whatever those may be. > > "Sailor Pluto, the keeper of time, will make you >wish you had not come here, on behalf of Pluto!" All: Too late. > > "I am the silencing machine, I am Sailor Saturn! >I will punish you on behalf of Saturn!" Tom: So SSSSHUT UP! Thank you. > > "IN THE NAME OF HENTAI, WE ARE THE HENTAI SENSHI!, >Sailor Mouth...Tongue...Breast...and Nipple! We shall finish >you off!" Crow: IfyaknowwhatImean! > > The Sailor Rose appeared. "In the name of Rose, >prepare to die!" Joel: ..and then be kicked out for gambling! > > "I am Sailor Oceanus, and on behalf of my power, >will punish you!" Tom: INTENSE.. PADDING.. ACTION! > > "In the name of cute guys everywhere, especially >Mamo-chan, I am the Bishoben Senshi Sailor Ganymede!" > > Tuxedo Kamen and the others had sweatdrops after >that. Crow: Dear lord.. that was almost funny. > > "I am Tuxedo Kamen, and on behalf on earth, I >will defend all good to the end!" Tom: It's the amazing Afterthought Man! > > Umi and Chi just stood there. > > "Meaningless phrases!" Chi snapped. Joel: Our thoughts exactly! > > "SILVER MOON CRYSTAL POWER KISS!" > "CHAOTIC WATER RAGE!" > "MARS FIRE COAGULATE!" > "JUPITER THUNDERSWORD SEVER!" > "VENUS BLACK HOLE ENGULF!" > "SPACE SWORD SHATTER!" > "SILENCE GLAIVE JUSTIFY!" > "AQUATIC TIDE!" > "DEATH CALLING!" > "MOUTH SWELLING RENDER!" > "TONGUE LAVISH WET!" > "BREAST INFLAMATION PAIN!" > "NIPPLE HARDENING COMMENSE!" > "ROSE CRESENT KISS BURN!" > "FLOOD LIQUID DEMOLITION!" > "GANYMEDE FLARES LACERATE!" Crow: Hey! Tux-boy forgot to throw a rose! > > All these attacks flew at Umi and Chi, defeating them >badly. Tom: "Defeating them badly"? After that much overkill, the only question should be "broom or mop?" > Then a figure appeared. It was Sailor Pleasure...or was it? > > "I am Goddess Pleasure! And I am going to prove that >in the name of hentai, I will destroy your perversian ways with >my powers!" Joel: So in the name of perversion, she'll destroy perversion? Crow: You have to admit, it's pretty perverse. > Goddess Pleasure said and withdrew a rose. She shot it Tom: (rose) *bang* Aghh.. Crow: Dammit, she shot the most likable character! >and it slashed Umi's face, a trail of glitter was left behind it. Crow: Passion Fever Dust? Tom: No, that would actually be a real hentai attack and therefore is forbidden in this fic. > > "GODDESS.." She began. She removed five white blades from >her outfit and held them up. Joel: (Pleasure) Pick a blade, any blade. > > "WHITE BLADES.." They began to glow with a white energy. > > "SLASH!" She screamed and tossed them, they slashed at >Umi and Chi, who disappeared screamed. Tom: Okay.. so three floods, two swords, a glaive, acid, flares, death, a black hole, the Silver Crystal, assorted parts of the body and being "coagulated" won't stop them, but being slashed with white blades will? > > "Goddess Pleasure...Sailor Pleasure...Kelly..." Joel: (Tuxedo Kamen) And you, Scarecrow.. I think I'll miss you most of all! > Kamen >whispered and hugged her. Crow: Kekko Kamen? Neat! > > Tom: See Part 8 end. End, Part 8. <1,2,3,4,5,6,G> Tom: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. It's come to our attention that some people don't believe that some of the problems we've commented on in this fic are quite as ubiquitous as we make them out to be. It is therefore in the interests of truth that we have calculated some figures for "Sailor Moon Hentai"! First: the "padding question." Cambot, the numbers, please? Tom: We think the numbers here speak for themselves. Second is the question of "oddly familiar". It's true that this phenomenon has only occurred three and a half times so far. It is, however, something so goofy that it should never have happened the first time. And finally: the notion that a new Senshi appears every episode. While it is not literally true that every episode has introduced a new Senshi, they have been introduced at an average rate of 1.25 Senshi per episode.. not even counting the power upgrades, which are handed out at an average rate of 2 per episode. Thank you and good night. Crow: (offstage) Are you happy now? Tom: Yes. I had to get that off my chest. Whaddaya think, sirs? Frank:Wow.. 44.45 percent? That's a lot.. Dr.F: (offstage) Just push the button, Frank! (Frank reaches down, still awe-struck, and pushes the but-) | \ | / \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ --------O-------- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ / | \ | Golly.. Dr. F? Evil? Never.. Wanna comment? Do it at bensan_arizona@yahoo.com. The Mads, the Bots, the SOL, Deep 13, and MST3K are property of Best Brains. Joel presumably owns himself. Sailor Moon and her crew belong to Naoko Takeuchi, where they should probably remain. "Sailor Moon Hentai" and the massive horde of new characters therein belong to Carlos Vincent and Sailor Pleasure, except for James Han who owns himself. Neon Genesis Evangelion belongs to GAINAX. No insult is intended to any of these folks by this MSTing, except for Sailor Rose. She can bite me. No goddesses were harmed in the making of this MSTing. --Ben-San Arizona bensan_arizona@yahoo.com > "I am Sailor Mercury and in the name of Mercury, will >douse you with water!"