Joel sat on the seashore, looking out over the water and contemplating his troubles. "Dan and Mohan lost their houses and went away somewhere.. I have no friends here. Nobody. I don't want to see Shion.. I've lost the courage to see her. How should I act with her? Samantha.. Marta-san.. Mom.. What should I do? What?" His morose speculations were cut off by someon whistling. He looked up to the top of a rock outcropping, to see a boy he hadn't noticed before. The boy spoke. "A song is good," he said. Not seeming to notice Joel's reaction, he continued. "A song brings us joy. It is the highest culture humans have created.. don't you think so, Joel Robinson?" Joel finally regained his voice. "You know my name?" "Everyone knows your name. You really should be aware of your position." "Is that so?" asked Joel. "Who are you? "I'm Precious. Just like you, I am one of the chosen.." Joel: Man.. I had the _weirdest_ dream.. Tom: (bored) So what was it this time? Joel: There was this kid named Precious, and Shion, and Samantha Jones.. Unknown Voice: So.. it has begun. Crow: The heck? U.V: You have begun to have dreams of the MSTer Millenium.. how long have you had these dreams? Joel: Uh.. the last few weeks, I guess.. What's going on? Tom: And who are you, anyway? U.V: Your memories are awakening, Joel Robinson. The chain of events set in motion by Crow's innocent plot contrivance is reaching its conclusion. As to who I am.. look in front of you. Joel: What's that supposed to mean? No-one's here but us and.. CAMBOT? Cambot: Indeed. We haven't much time. Your powers will be needed soon.. and only the reality distortion induced by this fic can give us the power we need. Tom: What are you talking about? Cambot: Joel.. YOU are the last SOLer Scout! Crow: Um.. this is fascinating, but Rubius and the Wise Man are calling.. Dr.F: Hello, boobies! Only one more fic to go before my Omnifactor is ready to rip! Frank:And then..? Dr.F: And then we.. RULE THE WORLD!! WAHAHAHAHAHA!! Frank:And then.. no more experiments? No more inventions? No more pushing the button? Dr.F: Nope! Never again! Joel: Is there anything we can do? Cambot: Your powers will be at a peak after this fic! It is then that you will strike! Dr.F: Eh? Who's there? Frank:But I kind of liked pushing the button.. Dr.F: Never mind that! Who are those nincompoops talking to? Frank:(apparently making a decision) Oh.. I'm sure it's nobody.. Dr.F: Well.. I guess you're right. Nothing can stop me now! Well, Larry, Darryl, and Darryl, get ready for.. PART 9 OF SAILOR MOON HENTAI! WAHAHAHA!! Send 'em the fic, Frank. Frank:Yessir. All: WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!! Joel: Just remember.. act natural. >Well...that was fun last >ep, eh? Crow: Oh, yeah.. can't get enough of those catchphrases! > Well...this is my >last ep for now..after this >James is taking over. Tom: (James) I'm the god! I'M THE GOD!! > He's >a good friend and I think >he should be my co-author. >I am going away for vacation >from July 25th - Aug 1st. Crow: AUG! *thud* >Reach me up Crow: What? But we hardly even know you! > till then at: >oneechan@hotmail.com >And reach him at: >darian@pacbell.net Joel: Oh no! Tuxedo Mask became a SWATbot! Tom: Don't give the fanfic authors any ideas! >Now, all hentai rules >apply and the Hentai >Senshi, Darkside, and >Sailor Ganymede and Rose >belong to us. Sailor Moon >belongs to Takuechi Naoko >and Toei. Joel: So are all the other characters just floating around in Limbo, or what? >---------------------------- >Sailor Moon Hentai, Part 9 >"Knighthood" Crow: She grasped his throbbing knighthood and ever-so-gently.. Joel: CROW! >By: Sailor Pleasure > > "It's just that you never...you >know..." Tai said. Tom: Eat? Joel: Sleep? Crow: Have hot, luscious- Joel: Curry. Just curry. Right? Crow: (nervous) Uh.. right. > She was talking about >James, Kelly's newest friend. Tai and Ida >had met him recently and since then noticed >his difference Tom: Three eyes and six arms! > and discovered that he was >also...gay... > Tai didn't like James. Joel: (Tai) Damn Author Avatars! > But Ida saw >nothing wrong with him. He was very nice and >funny. Just like Kelly. Crow: (about to speak) Joel: No. Crow: But it's.. Joel: No. Crow: But.. Joel: No. > Kelly had said that >"Eventhough James is different, in that way, >that that shouldn't change our minds." Tai >thought differently. Tom: What? She disagreed with Kelly? BURN THE HERETIC!! > "TAI-CHAN! IDA-CHAN!" Hiko called >and ran up to them. They turned and looked >at her. "What is it?" Ida asked. Crow: (Hiko) We're going crazy, wanna come? > "It's Luna, she's hallucinating!" Crow: Close enough. >Hiko said and all three ran off to Usagi's >house. > * * * * Joel: (announcer) Can the Fantastic Four escape the effects of the Shrink-O-Matic Ray? > > "Luna? Luna! What's wrong?" Usagi asked >her cat. Luna had been hallucinating all afternoon. Tom: (Usagi) Damn! I should never have planted that catnip patch! >She had this white aura around her that had activated >the ginzhoujo. Usagi removed the brooch and raised >it. > "MOON ETERNAL, MAKE UP!" > > She didn't transform, Luna did. All: Huh? Crow: Oh no! Luna absorbed her powers! > Luna became >human. The energy transferred to her and she became >her human form. Luna smiled. Tom: (Luna) Whoa.. That was some good stuff.. > > "Luna? What's this all about?" Ami said and >looked at her. > > "It's time the Hentai Senshi knew thier past. Joel: (Hentai Senshi) Lies! All of it! >It seems that Sailor Ganymede and Oceanus are part of >the Hentai Senshi and their entire past must be known. Tom: The truth comes out, tonight on Geraldo! >The Sailor Senshi and Hentai Senshi lived during the >same time. The Hentai Senshi were protectors of the >entire Silver Millenium. The Sailor Senshi were the >protectors of the Moon Princess and Kingdom. Joel: Call me quirky, but I wouldn't want to rely on the "Perverted Warriors" to defend _my_ kingdom. > "Sailor Ganymede was Goddess Pleasure's >partner. Not Sailor Oceanus'. And since Goddess >Pleasure at the time never got to become Goddess >Pleasure until now, it never was. And Ganymede >and Oceanus were paired. All: ... Tom: Dear lord.. I do believe that may be the single least coherent paragraph I have ever seen. Crow: The individual words make sense, but.. > Sailor Pleasure, was >the main defender of the Moon and Venus. Sailor >Mouth, was the main defender of Mars. Sailor >Tongue was the main defender of Mercury. Sailor >Breast was the main defender of Uranus. Sailor >Nipple was the main defender of Neptune. Tom: WHAT? What the hell kind of bull&$%# is THAT? If the Hentai Senshi are the primary defenders of these planets, what are the Sailor Senshi? Chopped liver? Never mind that the Hentai Senshi's attacks are all completely worthless.. IF THEY DON'T DEFEND THE PLANETS, WHAT THE HELL _ARE_ THE SAILOR SENSHI FOR??? Joel: Nice rant. 8.4. > "Sailor Ganymede was main defender of >Jupiter and Oceanus was of Saturn." Luna began. Crow: Since, of course, actual characters from the series are forbidden to do anything worthwhile in this fanfic.. > > "But what about Earth and Pluto?" Setsuna asked. Joel: Hey, waitasec! I may be wrong, but isn't Pluto supposed to remember the Silver Millenium? Crow: Just accept that this story has nothing to do with Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon, and it'll go down much easier. Tom: Really? Crow: No. > > "I was getting to that. Earth had a protector. >Prince Endymion. Pluto was protected by Solar Knight. Joel: Uh-oh.. I have a hunch this one's gonna be extra-painful to make up for using a real character.. >A warrior. Tom: Well, he'd be pretty damn useless if he wasn't. > He is part sayajin, part moon-being and >part Jurinian (Jurai). (pause) All: AAAGH! Crow: Someone combined Oscar, Tuxedo Chris, and Adam Chris Leigh into one entity, and man, does it hurt! Tom: I bet he's a trillion times as powerful as Sailor Moon, too. > He is pretty powerfull. He has >mind powers and can do vertually anything he >thinks of. Tom: Called it. Joel: Good one! > He was reborn with the Sailor and Hentai >Senshi and has not yet been rediscovered." Luna finished. > > * * * * Joel: o/~It's seldom in Chicago that you see the stars at night.. > > Chi and Umi were at the end of their rope. It was >their last battle. They transported to earth and the >Senshi began to transform. Crow: Aah! Not another five-minute, seventeen-Senshi mass transformation!! Joel: Just wait it out and it'll go by faster. You'll see. > > "MOON ETERNAL, MAKE UP!" > "MERCURY PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!" > "MARS PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!" > "JUPITER PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!" > "VENUS PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!" > "URANUS COSMIC POWER, MAKE UP!" > "NEPTUNE COSMIC POWER, MAKE UP!" > "PLUTO COSMIC POWER, MAKE UP!" > "SATURN COSMIC POWER, MAKE UP!" > "PLEASURE GODDESS POWER, MAKE UP!" > "MOUTH HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!" > "TONGUE HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!" > "BREAST HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!" > "NIPPLE HENTAI POWER, MAKE UP!" > "ROSE ROMANCE POWER, MAKE UP!" > "OCEANUS REFLECT POWER!" > "GANYMEDE FLARE POWER, MAKE UP!" Joel: See? That wasn't so bad, was it? ..Guys? Bots: @_o .... Joel: Guys? Snap out of it! *whap whap* Tom: Ow! Crow: Thanks.. I needed that. > > * * * * Tom: Will our special guest stars please sign in? > > A man levetated into the air with bolts of red >lighting going through his body. Crow: Looks like the stage techs are getting vicious! > His pupils left Tom: (teacher) Come back here, dammit, or it's detention for all of you! > and his >eyes went completely white. He changed into his armor All: (make Transformers noise) >(black and white) and his Holy Sword is kept within him. Crow: _That's_ gotta hurt. > > "EYE HYPNOTIC POWER, MAKE UP!" Joel: (author) Hmm.. I'm not sure what to do next.. Of course! Insert a random Senshi transformation! > > * * * * Tom: (Announcer) Can the Justice League end Starro's reign of terror? > > "GODDESS WHITE BLADES SLASH!" Goddess Pleasure screamed >and threw the blades. Joel: And it's good from the three-point line! > > "That won't work this time!" Umi said and turned the >attack back to her. Crow: No fair! She's using hoyohoyo! Joel: Will anyone get that? > > "Holy Sword...JUSTICE!" A male voice called. His sword >gleamed and stopped the attack. The figure jumped down from >the trees and infront of Goddess Pleasure. Tom: ..who, unfortunately, was charging at the time. Madcap hijinks ensued! > > "I, the Solar Knight, protector of the planet Pluto >and Goddess Pleasure, shall not allow you to harm either, or >anyone for that matter!" Joel: Wasn't he supposed to protect the sun, too.. thus the name? Crow: No, Pluto is _much_ more important than the sun. > Solar Knight said and held his sword >at his side. > > "Wow...Solar Knight..." Moon whispered. Tom: C'mon, Mamoru. Pop him one. You know you want to. > > "Ara, urusai! (Oh, shut up!) You really think that >is going to stop me?" Umi asked. Crow: Y'know, talking to yourself is just not as threatening as you'd think. > > "I warn you, leave now and donot worry about facing >the consequences." Solar Knight warned. Joel: (Homer) Mmm.. donots.. > > "Don't bother, Solar Knight. They won't listen." >Jupiter said, as Umi's eyes narrowed. > > "SEA..." Umi began. Tom: (Umi) o/~ ..me, feel me... touch me, heal me.. > > "JUPITER THUNDERSWORD SEVER!" Jupiter screamed >and the attack killed Umi and Chi. This time for real. >The Sailor and Hentai Senshi smiled. All: (boggle) Crow: The hell? Joel: Last episode they survived enough firepower to destroy a small galaxy.. but now they get killed by _a whack from a sword_? Tom: Maybe we misread it.. Cambot? Roll that again! > "JUPITER THUNDERSWORD SEVER!" Jupiter screamed >and the attack killed Umi and Chi. This time for real. >The Sailor and Hentai Senshi smiled. Tom: Yup.. they died. Crow: But I thought they couldn't die until they were 30! Joel: Well, maybe they both had their birthdays since the last fight. > > "Don't celebrate too soon, Senshi. You still have >me to contend with." A cold voice said and a figure appeared. >It was Star Eyes. Crow: (Star Eyes) Remember me? Your supposed worst enemy? > > "Star...Eyes..." Pleasure whispered. > > "I see you remember me, you ama. Tom: Look, the American Medical Association may have its problems, but there's no need to go around comparing it to Sailor Pleasure! > No wonder you >have a protector, because you can't defend yourself!" Eyes >said, laughing evilly. > > "If you dare intend harm on Goddess Pleasure, you >will go through me!" Solar Knight proclaimed. Joel: (Star Eyes) Okay. *rip* Next? > > "Oh really? And what can you do?" Eyes probed as >a wand appeared in Pleasure's hands. Crow: Geez, look away from her for a second and just see what happens! > > "It doesn't matter, prepare to be healed! PLEASURE >HEALING ACTION!" Pleasure said and raised the wand, a bright >light came out and healed Star Eyes. Mary Serpens stood >before them all. Tom: Yeah, whatever. We've stopped caring where she gets her new attacks from. > > "Domo Arigato." Mary said and smiled. Joel: (Mary) Thanks for stripping me of all power! > > "It looks like my work here is done." Solar Knight >said and turned to Goddess Pleasure. Tom: (Pleasure) What work? You show up and posture for a few minutes while Jupiter offs the Dark Generals, you posture some more while I take out Star Eyes, and now you're out of here? I demand a protector who actually fights! > > "Thank you for the help, I appreciate it." She >smiled and he smiled in return, and then bent down and >kissed her hand. Joel: (Knight) Damn, I'm good. > > "My pleasure, mi'lady. I bide you farwell." >He said and walked into the shadows. Crow: (Knight) Pleasure, you stay here and draw fire whilst I slip into the all-concealing shadows. > > Tom: And not a moment too soon.. <1,2,3,4,5,6,G> Cambot: All right! Now that the self-inclusion energy has peaked, it's time to transform! Gypsy:Okey-dokey! GYPSY RICHARD BASEHART POWER... MAKE UP!! Cambot: All right! Joel.. have enough of your memories returned to destroy the Omnifactor? Joel: I don't know.. but it doesn't matter. If I don't destroy it, no one will! It's time! JOEL SATELLITE POWER... MAKE UP!! <34-second transformation sequence ensues, bearing a striking resemblance to Sailor Moon's transformation from Sailor Moon R. At the end of the sequence, Joel is wearing a fuku similar to the one worn in that season. He is now Sailor Joel.> S.Joel: Dr. Forrester! Dr.F: What? S.Joel: Self-inclusion is a way for authors to live their fantasies. Properly used, it does no harm and can produce decent fanfiction! Using it as a weapon to take over the world is unacceptable! In the name of Minnesota, I will punish you! S.Crow: Minnesota? Dr.F: Ha! I'd like to see you try! S.Tom: Oh, you'll see all right. Ready, Sailor Joel? S.Joel: Oh, yeah! SOL GROUP HUG THERAPY FRIENDLY!! (A group-attack sequence begins, with everyone pouring their energy into Joel. Joel then directs the energy outwards..) Dr.F: What? They're aiming at the Omnifactor! Frank! Raise all shields! Frank:No. Dr.F: WHAT?? Frank:You've changed, Clayton. You're not the Dr. Forrester I signed away all rights to my internal organs to. If bringing back the old Dr. F means letting the Omnifactor be destroyed.. so be it. World domination isn't worth this. Dr.F: Frank.. I never knew you felt that way. (The beam of light stabs down through the roof of Deep 13, destroying the Omnifactor and continuing down into the bowels of the earth.) Frank:So does this mean I'm forgiven for letting your invention be destroyed? Dr.F: No.. I'll still have to use the forceps. Oh, and as for you boobies.. Lucky for me you didn't escape while there was still enough self-inclusion energy for you to use your powers, hmm? Push the button, Frank. Frank:Now that's the Clayton Forrester I used to know! (Frank reaches over and pushes the but-) | \ | / \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ --------O-------- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ / | \ | Got any questions or comments for me? Send 'em. I'd love to get 'em. I've tried to find more "Sailor Moon Hentai", but (un?)fortunately, it is proving quite difficult. By the way.. I've been hearing about a lemon called "Oceanus", and I have a horrible sneaking suspicion that it may be what's missing between episodes 6 and 7. If anyone could send me that story or tell me where it may be found, it would be greatly appreciated.. I think. "Sailor Moon Hentai" and all the new characters therein belong to Carlos Vincent, Sailor Pleasure, and James Han. Sailor Moon and her universe belong to Naoko Takeuchi. "Neon Genesis Evangelion" belongs to GAINAX. Dan and Mohan belong to the Fauths. Shion and Marta Nys belong to Mike Surbrook. Samantha Jones belongs to Jamie Jeans. Precious belongs to John Felix. All of these are used without permission, but it's all in good fun, right?..right? > "JUPITER THUNDERSWORD SEVER!" Jupiter screamed >and the attack killed Umi and Chi. This time for real.