[O... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...] [The bridge is empty. After a moment, Mike, Tom and Crow cautiously peer up from behind the control console.] CROW: They're not here. [The three stand up.] MIKE: Whew. I don't think I could've survived another "Tribute to Ratliff." I wonder where they went? TOM: They're probably building a mile high statue of Steve on the ship's hull. MIKE: Don't give them any ideas. [Gypsy wanders in] MIKE: Hey Gypsy? Where'd the fan club run off to? GYPSY: Oh, they're burning Tom in effigy down in the cargo bay. MIKE: Well, as long as they're doing something constructive. CROW: A Marrissa/ Sailor Moon crossover. Ratliff is sinking to a new low. TOM: Well, not really. Even in his earliest stories, Stephen has used characters from a wide variety of sources in his stories. Enterprized, for example, used Spock in it. And A Gul's Revenge had Marrissa teaming up with the DS9 people. And Time Speeder had Bill and Chelsea in it. MIKE: Don't remind us - brrr! TOM: I'm just surprised that it took him this long to crossover with characters outside of Star Trek. CROW: Yeah, you're right! Just look at the crossovers that he's missing out on. He could team Marrissa up with Mulder and Scully. She'd find out the truth behind the conspiracy, arrest Cancer Man, and bring Earth into an alliance with the aliens! And that's just before the first commercial break! TOM: Or he could team Marrissa up with the Star Wars crew. You think that you need an X-Wing to blow up a Death Star? Pshaw. Marrissa could do it with a hairpin and a pencil. CROW: Heck, he doesn't even need to keep her in science fiction. She could team up with the cast from Friends. She'd patch up Ross and Rachel's relationship in a second, and get the other four married off, too. TOM: I thought that Ross and Marrissa were a couple. CROW: D'oh! TOM: Marrissa in Apocalypse Now! "Cardassia. I can't believe I'm back in Cardassia." CROW: Her name was Marrissa Flores Kane... TOM: Who is Keyzer Soze? Marrissa! CROW: It's the Dread Pirate Marrissa! MIKE: Um, guys... TOM: Or he could put her in books too! "Marrissa's Game!" Remember, the enemy gate is down. CROW: Marrissa Flores on Basilisk Station! TOM: Bugs, Ms. Flores! Zillions of them! CROW: Marrissa in Dune! "My name is a killing word." MIKE: Guys... TOM: Marrissa is Maverick in Top Gun 2! CROW: Her name is Bond. Marrissa Bond. MIKE: Guys... TOM: Marrissa is the secret third Summers sibling! CROW: Marrissa's the twelfth member of the JLA! MIKE: GUYS! [The bots become quiet.] You do realize that Ratliff will probably use all of those ideas, and we'll have to read them, right? [The bots are silent for a moment. Then ...] BOTS: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! [The fan-fic sign begins to flash.] MIKE: [staring at the light] Why?!? Why couldn't you have flashed before they started talking? [He hits the light. The usual panic ensues.] [6... 5... 4... 3... 2... O ...] [Mike & the Bots enter] MIKE: You guys are scary sometimes. TOM: It's our job. >Date: Sat, 12 Jul 1997 20:34:49 -0600 CROW: Umm, wouldn't "-0600" be, like, 6:00 PM the previous evening MIKE: Ratliff operates on Antimatter Daylight Savings Time >From: sratliff@runet.edu ALL: Hi, Stephen! >Subject: NEW Nothing Like A 1/1 TOS (showtune) MIKE: Y'know, it's true - there's *nothing* like a 1/1 TOS TOM: I'm not sure whether I should rejoice that there's no Kids' Crew in this, or shudder at the word "showtune" >Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative >Message-ID: <868757351.14571@dejanews.com> >Organization: Deja News Usenet Posting Service >X-Article-Creation-Date: Sun Jul 13 01:29:14 1997 GMT TOM: He created this article Sunday morning, but posted it Saturday night? MIKE: See? Antimatter Daylight Savings Time! CROW: Does that mean Steve's getting younger and younger? TOM: He's a one-man kids' crew. >X-Originating-IP-Addr: 137.45.10.104 (ruppp104.runet.edu) >X-Http-User-Agent: Mozilla/3.01 (Win95; I) TOM: Followed by "Win95 II: The Quickening", "Win95 III: The Quest for Peace", and "Win95 IV: Jason Takes Redmond" >X-Authenticated-Sender: sratliff@runet.edu >Lines: 180 >Status: N > >Title: There is Nothing Like A Dame MIKE: Well, look on the bright side, guys - at least all the titles were spelled correctly. CROW: Cold comfort, Mike. TOM: Beneath that veneer lies a horror so deep, so dark, so all- pervasive that it can reach into a man's soul and sear the heart from the bosom in one quick stroke! MIKE: Feeling a bit dark today, are we? TOM: Actually, I was looking for a way to work the word "bosom" into the conversation. MIKE: That would have been my second guess. >Author: Stephen Ratliff (sratliff@runet.edu) TOM: Inventor of the world-famous "Speel CHekcur". >Series: TOS TOM: This fall on NBC, a hard hitting new series about the men and women who fight to keep AOL free of profanity: TOS. MIKE: And be sure to visit the "official" website on the Microsoft Network, "MS-TOS". >Rating: [G] TOM: "G" for "Good Gravy, Now What?!?" MIKE: Just like a Disney film. CROW: So there'll be singing and animated sidekicks in it? >Summary: "There is Nothing Like a Dame" from South Pacific added to >"Trouble With Tribbles" [Stunned silence] TOM: Okay, "shudder" it is! CROW: I WAS KIDDING! [breaks down sobbing] I was...just... kidding... about... the... singing... [sobs] MIKE: [pats Crow] It's okay, Crow. > >Disclaimer: Star Trek is oh holy Paramount's, TOM: [singing] Oh, holy Paramount, your Trek franchise is slipping... > which insists that we give >our first born child to them, TOM: I doubt Ratliff will have the opportunity to fulfill that one. [Angered shouts can be heard outside the theater] CROW: I think you annoyed the fan club with that one... [Silhouettes carrying torches enter the theater] TOM: I-I-I-I meant that he couldn't give them his first born because he's, he's not a female! [The silhouettes slowly leave the theater.] TOM: Whew. That was close. CROW: Keep that up and you'll be sitting on someone's desk, full of Rainblo. > but we won't fault them for that. MIKE: Just for gross insensitivity and rampant greed. > "Trouble with Tribbles" was written by David Gerrold, may we all >have as much success. MIKE: Unfortunately, Dave's changed his next book's title to "A Method for Marrissa," so that success isn't assured. TOM: That must have made him thousands of dollars! CROW: *Hundreds* of thousands of dollars! MIKE: One million, seven hundred seventy-one thousand, five hundred and sixty one dollars! TOM & CROW: Fa-a-a-an Boy! Fa-a-a- MIKE: Ah, stuff it! > "There is Nothing Like a Dame" is from Rodgers and Hammerstein's >_South_Pacific_. CROW: As opposed to Dharma & Greg's _South_Pacific_. > The perversions of those works within are Stephen >Ratliff's MIKE: At least he's honest about it. > >Copyright 1997 Stephen Ratliff CROW: Sorry, Tarantino, Ratliff got to it first! > >Permission to archive in the ASC Archive is granted. All others ask >first. TOM: The line forms back here. > >Author's Note: > This idea has been floating around in my head since I started MIKE: Hearing the voices. >revising A Royal Wedding. I just had to wash this idea right out of my >hair. CROW: He's going to put every song title from that musical in this story, isn't he? TOM: At least he's not casting them in Grease. > I mean no disrespect to Star Trek, CROW: That's our job. > David Gerrold, or Rodgers and >Hammerstein, but this was just too good of an idea. MIKE: This is, of course, an alternative, little used definition of the word 'good'. > You'll note that >several words are misspelled though out the piece CROW: So, a typical day at Radford U, then? MIKE: Yeah, pretty much. > and the language used by >Kirk and Spock is not what you'd usually expect from them. TOM: It's an obscure Alsatian dialect of low German? MIKE: Or maybe they sound like they're actually...Acting! ALL: GASP! > That's the >effect of taking "There is Nothing Like a Dame" and giving it to them >instead of the Sailors, Marines, and Soldiers who sing it in >_South_Pacific_. CROW: Oh no - if this is a musical, and it stars these two, that means - then - then - [All gulp] > I particularly want to disassociate TOM: My consciousness from my corporeal body and become one with the wholeness of the universe! Dude! > the spelling of >perfume as puifume, CROW: Um, would that be pronounced "piffume"? TOM: "Pwefume"? CROW: "Pooey-foom"? TOM: "Piffle"? > and the heavy use of ain't. Blame that on Rogers TOM: Who went casual and left his "d" home today. >and Hammerstien MIKE: Hammerstein! CROW: [Gene Wilder] That's "Hammerstien"! > Now on with the show... > >Stephen Ratliff TOM: Hi, my name's "Stephen", and I'll be your torturer for today. > > > >Commander Koloth in CROW: "The Klingon Who Went Into a Fanfic and Came Out Beaten By a Bunch of Kids!" > >There is Nothing Like A Dame CROW: Isn't that "There ain't Nothing Like a dame?" > >Also Starring ... TOM: Steve Buscemi, MIKE: Harry Dean Stanton, CROW: And Chief Sammy as "Zabu"! > > Captain James T. Kirk TOM: Last seen entering the Nexus with a bottle of cheap Romulan Ale and Kathryn Janeway's phone number. MIKE: Hey, Kirk's billed second? This must be revenge for Star Trek V. > Commander Spock MIKE: In Search Of... a vocal coach. > >Co-Starring... > Mister Lurry CROW: With the fringe on top. MIKE: Ouch! > Krax and Mog, Klingon aides ALL: Mog? Son of Nog? CROW: Great, it's a DS9 crossover too. > Yeoman Rand CROW: And her amazing trained hairweave! TOM: Wasn't she already gone by "Trouble with Tribbles"? MIKE: Just because you didn't see her didn't mean she wasn't there. TOM: Revisionist! > >Based on MIKE: A short story by Joyce Carol Oates? CROW: A script outline by Warren Oates? TOM: A song by Daryl Hall & John Oates? > Trouble with Tribbles by David Gerrold > and "There is Nothing Like a Dame" From Rodgers and Hammerstein's > _South_Pacific_ CROW: Did that just say what I thought it did? MIKE: Yep. CROW: Are we in Hell(TM), Mike? MIKE: Yep. > >By Stephen Ratliff CROW: So this is Stephen Ratliff's David Gerrold's Rodgers & Hammerstein's "There is Nothing Like a Tribble"? TOM: Or is it Steven Ratcliff's Rogers & Hammerstien's Davad Gerald's "The Trouble with Dames"? MIKE: Either way, it's still gotta be better than Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's "Dracula". > >Captain's Log Stardate 4524.2 ALL: Hike! > >A Klingon warship is hovering only a hundred kilometers off Deep Space >Station K-7 while its Captain waits in the station manager's office. TOM: Come on. I know my keys are around here somewhere... MIKE: Meanwhile, Worf and Odo sit in the bar, waiting for a time paradox. > >[Kirk and Spock enter to join Mister Lurry, Koloth and his two aides Korax TOM: 20-Mule Team Korax? >and Mog] CROW: He's his own best friend! > >Koloth: My dear Captain Kirk, MIKE: Yes, Koloth sweetie darling? > let me assure you that my intentions are >peaceful. CROW: [Koloth] I only engage in non-violent sabotage. > As I have explained to Mister Lurry, the purpose of my presence >is to invoke TOM: The Taft-Hartley Act. > shore leave rights. > >Kirk: Shore Leave? MIKE: Yeah, Shore Leave. Remember? You got chased around by Finnegan and McCoy got offed by a knight? > >Koloth: Captain- Klingons are not as CROW: Interesting as Rick Berman thinks they are. > luxury minded as Eathers. CROW: Eather-Or? MIKE: Eather Bunny? TOM: Eather Bonnet, with all the fringe upon it? > We do not >equip our ships with certain non-essentials. MIKE: Like beds, toilets, basic cable... TOM: They were hardy explorers. CROW: "Hardy" in the sense of being dumber than dirt? TOM: Pretty much. > >Korax: [begining to sing] TOM: [singing] Oh Fab, I'm glad, there's lemon-freshened Korax in you! > We got starlight on the bow > We got moonlight to the port MIKE: And Bud Lite in the fridge. > >Mog: We got bloodwine and living gagh CROW: Gee, worm soufflŽ, how nice. > You can pick us off the floor MIKE: Or you can use new Miracle Didi 7! Gets stubborn Klingons off the floor without picking, scratching or scraping. > >Korax: We got targ fights and daggers CROW: [singing] ...and ships with dilithium, white gleaming canines and warm woolen mittens... > And lots of deadly games TOM: [Klingon] You have landed on Marvin Gardens, and I have a hotel there! Pay me, you *p'takh!* MIKE: [Klingon] My honor is insulted! I will pay you nothing! TOM: Then YOU AND YOUR THIMBLE MUST DIE!! > >Koloth: [Commanding Tone] What ain't we got. TOM: A spell checker? CROW: A sense of plot or pacing? MIKE: A sense of the absurd? TOM: [Singing] You ain't got rhythm! You ain't got music! You ain't got your girl! Who could ask for anything less? > >Korax and Mog: We ain't got dames > >Mog: We get packages from home ALL: EWW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!!!! > >Mister Lurry: We get movies we get shows TOM: You too, huh? MIKE: They should really just relax. > >Korax: We get speeches from our skipper TOM: Alan Hale Jr. *IS* Kahless! > >[Koloth glares at Korax] > >Kirk: CROW: NO-O-O-O-O!!!! SHATNER'S GONNA SING!!!!! TOM: [sobbing] Somebody hold me, please!!! MIKE: Oh, Stephen, I take back everything I ever said about Marrissa, just please, please, *please* don't let him - > And advice from High Command ALL: ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! >[Kirk and Koloth share a grin] TOM: Apparently because they're both into torture!! > >Mog: We get letters doused wit' puifume. CROW: Oh - "Poifume". TOM: So it's a misspelled misspelling, then. MIKE: Let's not get *too* picky. > >Mister Lurry: We get dizzy from the smell. MIKE: Oh, that's me. I had fried eggs for breakfast, sorry. > >Koloth: [Loudly] What don't we got? MIKE: Rhythm? TOM: Riches? CROW: Ridges? > >Everyone but Spock: You know damn well. TOM: [Singing] When you cast your spell, you'll get your - MIKE: Now see, you're just encouraging them! > >Koloth: We have nothing to put on a clean white suit for. TOM: Robert Palmer *is* Ray Walston *as* Koloth. > What we nee CROW: [Pythonian voice] We *are* the Klingons who say "Nee"! > is what there ain't no substitute for. > >Everyone but Spock: [Spock is beginning to find the tune infectious] TOM: Oh Lord, he's coming down with it, too! MIKE: C'mon, Leonard, fight the urge to sing! Fight it!! > There is nothin' like a dame > Nothing in the world... CROW: In this case, Sherman's Planet. > There is nothin' you can name > That is anything like a dame MIKE: Well, silent E can change a dam, alakazam, into a dame. CROW: Yeah, but my friend Sam? Stayed just the same. > > Nothin' else is built the same > Nothin' in the world CROW: [Singing] Wooorld, shut your mouth, shut your mouth... > Has the soft and wavy frame > Like the silhouette of a dame TOM: So what's the Klingon word for 'dame'? MIKE: *Zh'NokDor'Wegh'p'p'p'ZRAqDan*. TOM: Could you spell that? MIKE: Not even if my life depended on it! > >Spock: [To the surprise of everyone else] MIKE: Not to mention the unadulterated horror of the listening audience. > There is absolutely nothin' like the frame of a dame TOM: [Spock] Bitter Dregs. CROW: I had a feeling that would pop up sooner or later. MIKE: At least it explains why Spock has "Stew Pot" scribbled on his uniform shirt. TOM: Yes, Nimoy and Shatner *both* singing - yet another sign of the approaching apocalypse! > >[Yeoman Rand enters carrying a PADD. TOM: [Rand] Captain, do you ever get that not-so-fresh feeling? > The Klingons whistle the melody. >Kirk signs the PADD CROW: Oh, he would! > and she exits via another door] > >Koloth: That's one beautiful Dame. Wish I could see more of her. CROW: Go to www.nudetrek.com. [The others stare at Crow.] What? MIKE: I think I need to re-install Surf Watch on that computer > >Mister Lurry: She'll be back TOM: Yeoman Rand will be back in "Where Have All the Captains Gone?"! > >Koloth: Oh? > >Mister Lurry: That's the door to Storage. ALL: D'OH!!! > >Kirk: So a dame ain't brite. TOM: Or Tide, or Cheer, or Wisk, or... > Or completely free of flaws MIKE: [Singing] They met her in a club down in Romulus, where they drink bloodwine, and it tasted just like Coca-Cola - C-o-l-a, cola... > >Korax: Or as faithful as a pet targ TOM: Cause happiness is a warm pet targ. > >Mister Lurry: Or as kind as Santa Clause BOTS: [singing] So Hooray for Santy Claus! > >Spock: It's a waste of time to worry > Over things they have not > >Mog: Be thankful for ... MIKE: Mel Brooks? > >Everyone:... The things they got CROW: [singing] They've got leeeggggsss... > >[Yeoman Rand re-enters the room and exits the right door. MIKE: Unfortunately, the right door lead to the *other* storage room. BOTS: Waaah-waaah-waaah. > Even Spock whistles the melody] ALL: [Whistle the "Colonel Bogey March" from "Bridge on the River Kwai"] > >Everyone: There is nothin' that you can name > That is anythin' like a dame > There are no books like a dame > >Spock: That I can confirm MIKE: [Spock] They're pure energy. TOM: Why is he singing this? It hasn't been seven years since his last pon farr, has it? CROW: Maybe it's the spores. MIKE: Maybe it's Mariette Hartley. CROW: Maybe it's Jim Garner. MIKE & TOM: Huh?!? > >Everyone: There no drinks like a dame CROW: A Bloody Mary? TOM: A Margarita? MIKE: A Shirley Temple? [Crow & Servo snicker] > >Koloth: Bloodwine come close MIKE: Close to what? The edit? BOTS: Tra-la-la. > >Everyone: And nothin' thinks like a dame MIKE: [singing] Stuuupid girl... BOTS: [singing] Ah, ah... > >Kirk: Or so Bones tells me. TOM: [McCoy] Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a dame! > >Everyone: Nothing acts like a dame ALL: Or Shatner! > >Koloth: My wife proves that every day MIKE: Well, what have you done for her lately? > >Everyone: Or attracts like a dame. TOM: Good heavens, Ms. Yakimoto! You're beautiful! > >Mister Lurry: At least to Captain Kirk MIKE: Yep, a couple of verses of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", and they're eating right out of his hand. > >Everyone: There ain't a thing wrong that's wrong with anyone here > That can be cured by puttin' him near TOM: Then why bother? > A girly, womanly, female, feminine, dame MIKE: So, to sum up - dames. > >-------------------==== Posted via Deja News ====----------------------- > http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Post to Usenet MIKE: Yes, your entire posting history, right there for everyone and their dog to see! TOM: It's over guys! [singing] I'll talk to ya later... CROW: [singing] Don't wanna read that again tonight. [normal] Well, or any night really. TOM: C'mon, let's go. [All leave] [O... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...] [SOL - The main area is bare, save for a single spotlight] MAGIC VOICE: Ladies and gentlemen, the Satellite of Love is proud to present a wonderful new musical. It's Mike Nelson, Crow T. Robot, Thomas Servo, and Ms. Gypsy in the Earth Vs Soup Production, "Guys and Bots"! [A Trumpet blares, and Mike, Crow & Servo enter, dressed in pinstripes and matching fedoras] [To the tune of "Fugue for Tinhorns" (aka "I Got the Horse Right Here")] MIKE: I got the post right hyar, And it's from Stevie R. Which means Marrissa & her friends can't be far Kids' Crew, Kids' Crew, Telling the grown-ups what to do! Kids' Crew, Kids' Crew, We've been captured by the Kid's Crew [Mike repeats under as Crow sings] CROW: It's a piece of Spam An out-and-out flim-flam To meet ladies, sell real estate, or get more RAM Fast Ca$h, Fast Ca$h, They're promising you Fast Ca$h If you want to lose your stash, Fast Ca$h, Fast Ca$h! [Mike & Crow repeat under as Servo sings] TOM: Old Robert McElwaine, He's coming back again, He and his ilk will be driving us all insane! We're doomed, and soon, They're telling us all we're doomed Unless, I guess, We all go to Atlantis TOM: McElwaine CROW: Piece of Spam MIKE: Stevie R. ALL: We got the po-o-o-ost - right hyar!! [Mike exits. Gypsy enters, wearing a similar, Gypsy-tailored get-up] GYPSY: Hey, youse guys! Dem evil scientists are sending some morea dat bad stuff, which ain't woith nothin', fer youse to watch! [Long Pause] GYPSY: AHEM! I said, Hey, youse guys! Dem evil scientists are sending some morea dat bad stuff, which ain't woith nothin', fer youse to watch! CROW: OH! Oh, um, Dat is too bad, Gypsy-girl! Now we has gotta tink of some pithy remarks and rejoinders! TOM: Yeah. What we needs is someone who can do da job, and do it quickly. CROW TOM & GYPSY: But who can dat be?!? [Mike returns] MIKE: At yer soivice! [To the tune of "The Oldest Established..."] CROW TOM & GYPSY: Why, it's good old reliable Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael Nelson! If you're looking for humor, he'll do what he should: When the post or movie's really bad, he gets really good. 'Cause he's good old reliable Michael, And he'll toss those lines from above On the grandest, high-flying, permanent, floating Satellite of Love! Riff those fanfics! Riff those flames! MIKE: Gimme cheesy movies and I'll do the same! ALL: It's the grandest, high-flying, permanent, floating Satellite of Lo-o-o-o-ove! [Lights flash] [D13] DR.F: Okay, stow it, you Runyon Rings! [SOL] MIKE: Oh, c'mon! Gypsy hasn't had a chance to do her big number, "I love Richard Basehart a Bushel and a Peck"! [D13] FRANK: Ah, siddown, yer rockin' the boat! DR. F: Thank you, Nicely-Nicely. Well, Nelson Detroit, to my dismay, you seem to have survived the Ratliff-go-round - this time! But I warn you, this particular well runs deep and murky! By the time I'm through subjecting you to his complete library, you'll all be reduced to quivering blobs of goo, begging me for the mercy I don't have, MUAHAHA- [A bell chimes in the background] FRANK: Hey, Dr. Forrester, I think we've got a delivery. DR.F: Well, handle it, Frank, can't you see I'm in the middle of a maniacal cackle here? FRANK: Oh, okay. Sorry, Steve. [Frank wanders off] DR.F: You just can't get good henchpeople these days! Now, where was I? Oh, yes - MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! [SOL] TOM: Say, Mike, that fedora is *you*! MIKE: Y'think? CROW: Sure - you've got the big square head for it! MIKE: Thanks, I - HEY!! [bots giggle] Well, they're a little preoccupied, so why don't you give us the info, Gyps? GYPSY: Okee-dokee! *ahem* To join the MiSTing Authors Dibs List, send an e-mail message to majordomo@neylonpc.engin.umich.edu with the message "subscribe dibslist []" in the message body. Be sure to read the MiSTing Guidelines, as described in the FAQ. MIKE: [Brooklynese voice] Tanks, Adelaide, yer a right broad! GYPSY: *Ahchoo!* MIKE: Oh, say, whatever happened to Stephen's Fife and Drum Society? CROW: Maybe they're hiding in Servo's room, waiting to ambush him from behind his collection of skivvies, heh heh heh! TOM: GYAHHH!!! [hides behind Mike] Nelson, you gotta protect me! Those fanatics are gonna rip me useless limb from useless limb! GYPSY: Oh, don't worry, Tom, I took care of them TOM: Gypsy! You're a lifesaver! And a wintergreen one, at that! CROW: I guess there really *is* nothing like a dame! MIKE: What'd you do with them? GYPSY: I sent them down the Umbilicus to the Evil Poopies! TOM: [Scottish accent] Ah, where they'll be no tribble atall! MIKE & CROW: Tom! Geez, Servo! Too obvious! Have a little decency! David Gerrold's Lawyer's gonna... [They stalk out] TOM: What?!? What? I was - c'mon!! GYPSY: I liked it. TOM: "No Tribble atall". Heh, I love coming up with original jokes like that! [D13 - The Ratliff Fan Club is dancing through Deep 13. Frank, in a spurt of enthusiasm, has joined them] RATLIFFIANS (& FRANK) [To the Tune of "Luck Be a Lady"] Marrissa's triumphant tonight! Marrissa's triumphant tonight! Marrissa always bends luck to advance her own agenda! Marrissa's triumphant! (Marrissa's triumphant!) Marrissa's triumphant! (Marrissa's triumphant!) Marrissa's triumphant - toni-i-i-i-i-ight! [DR.F's Head pops up in front of the screen] DR.F: NELSO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!! *FWOOOOSH!!!* ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DEAR ISABELLA; MOONDUSTED; THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A DAME: by Stephen Ratliff MiSTING: by Bill Livingston & Matthew Blackwell (additional material by Tom Currie) MiSTING DIBS LIST MAINTAINED BY: Michael Neylon COUGH DROPS: by Halls BY THE SEA, BY THE SEA BY: The beautiful sea MORTAL KOMBAT: Annihilation THANKS: to MiSTies, MuSTies, the teachers of America, the Glenn Miller Orchestra, the authors of all the amendments (except the 22nd), and Jif peanut butter (creamy style - yum!). Also, special thanks to: * Roger M. Wilcox, for unwittingly providing a line for Moondusted. * Tom Currie: For providing material for Dear Isabella. * Kevin Gowen: For graciously bowing out of the MiSTing. Kai to the Great Kevin! The third greatest Kevin of them all! We must all hail his generous nature and his kind soul, as well as his rapier wit! HUZZAH! HUZZAH TO THE GREAT KEVIN GOWEN! * Stubby Kaye: Just for being Nicely-Nicely (we'll miss ya' Stubby!) * And finally, to Mr. Stephen Ratliff for being such a tremendously good sport about this whole deal! "Star Trek", "Star Trek The Next Generation" and all related characters and situations are trademarks of and © Desilu/Paramount/Viacom. All rights are reserved, and if you don't believe us, you just ask them! "Mystery Science Theater 3000" trademark of and © Best Brains, Inc. But, of course, you already knew that. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by others is intended or should be inferred. The authors may be contacted at: mblackwl@ix.netcom.com or bill@Traveller.com No personal insults to author(s), character(s), or situation(s) are or should be implied. All characters in this work are fictional, and any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Except for Stephen Ratliff, who is, of course, the embodiment of all evil personified - not that this is necessarily a bad thing, mind you. Remember, use only genuine "Interociter"¨ parts! Keep circulating the posts. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > If another Ambassador hits on me, I'm drawing a phaser on him.