Sailor Hedgehog Original author: Amy Lawson MSTed by RJ Bachler Proofread by Lynxara Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc. (c) 1998. All rights reserved. Sonic the Hedgehog and all related characters and situations are trademarks of Service Games Inc. (SEGA) (c) 1998. Sailor Moon and all related characters and situations are trademarks of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei Inc. Sailor Hedgehog is (c) of Amy Lawson, used without permission. (She no longer exists on the Internet, so...) Yes, this is my first MSTing. (Oh boy! Fresh meat!) Any and all praises, critiques, flames, viruses, yada, yada, yada, can be sent to the e-mail address at the bottom. Just put RJB in the subject. (You'll see why...) Quote for the MSTing: "Turd, Turd, here comes the Turd!" Turd's theme music from Mancow's Morning Madhouse. (Hey, nobody ever said that the quote had to do something with the story... though technically...) Turn down your lights. (Now flick them on and off real fast and get a strobe going.) (Cue theme) In the not too distant future, Way down in Deep Thirteen. Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank Are hatching an evil scheme. They got a guy by the name of Mike, Because good ol' Joel took a hike. They'll find the worst stuff ever made, And send them up to Mike until they are completely obeyed! (Mike: WHY ME?!?) "We'll send him cheesy movies, And the worst fanfics we can find! (La-la-la) He'll have to sit and go though them all, And we'll monitor his mind!" (La-la-la) Now keep in mind Mike can't control Where this crap begin or end. (La-la-la) He'll try and survive it all With the help of his robot friends! ROBOT ROLL CALL: CAMBOT! ("Extreme close-up!") GYPSY! ("Richard Basehart?") TOM SERVO! ("Inarticulate arms my butt!") CROOOOOOOW! ("Bite me, it's fun!") If you're wondering how he eats and breathes, And other science facts. (La-la-la) Just chill out, it's just a MSTing, You really should just relax. For Mystery Science Theater 3001!" (Twang!) [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, dog bone] Satellite of Love, 1500 hrs. [The SoL's bridge. Mike is underneath the counter, trying to work on something, while Gypsy is helping him. The bots are nowhere to be found.] Gypsy: Are you sure that goes there? Mike: I designed the thing, I should know... [Mike is cut off by a zap] Gypsy: Well? Mike: Apparently it doesn't go there. [Gypsy looks up to see that the show has already started.] Gypsy: Uh, Mike? Yoohoo, Michael. Mike: [mumbling to himself.] So if it doesn't go there... Gypsy: NELSON! WE'RE ON! Mike: Huh? [Peers over counter top.] Oh, hi, Satellite of Love, I'm Mike, that's Gypsy. Busy now, can't talk. [Ducks back behind the counter.] Gypsy, will you do the whole intro please? Gypsy: Fine. [Turns toward Cambot.] Hi, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Gypsy, and the guy whose is trying to finish his part of the invention exchange before Forrester calls is Mike Nelson. Mike: [Ward Cleaver] And where are the boys? Gypsy: They aren't here... Tom: [off-stage] Sailor Moon! Crow [also off-stage] Sonic! Gypsy: What the..? [Tom and Crow walk in from the right.] Tom: What can you see in Sega's little blue 'Deux ex Mascot' anyway? Crow: I'll tell you as soon as you tell me why you like that blonde bimbo. Mike: [to himself] Maybe here... [Another zap] Nope. Gypsy: What are you two arguing about now? Crow: We're attempting to decide what is better, Sonic the Hedgehog, the supreme video game ruler, or... Tom: Or the goddess of all that is anime, Sailor Moon. Mike: [himself] How about... [Zap] No. Gypsy: What about Richard Basehart? Crow: [Ignoring Gypsy] Goddess? You've been drinking the 5W-30 again, haven't you? Tom: No, I've been off that... wait a minute. Yes! A goddess! I've got proof... Crow: Proof? I'll tell you what to do with that "proof." [Crow and Tom begin bickering again as the commercial sign starts to flash.] Gypsy: It's gonna be one of those MSTings... [Hits button with her mouth.] [MST3K commercial bumper, with the bots arguing in the background, along with Mike saying: Lets try here... [Zap] Where in the hell does this go?] [Insert your favorite mindless ads here.] SoL [Mike and Gypsy are standing behind the desk, right next to something underneath a sheet. Mike is looking slightly charred. Crow is off to the right and Tom's to the left. Both bots are in front of blackboards with inane scribbles written on them.] Tom: ...And that's why Sailor Moon is a pivotal point in any culture. My equation proves it! Crow: Well, my improvement on Einstein's theory of relativity does not only show that Sonic IS the center of the universe, but also puts your equation to shame. Tom: Please, Sailor Moon is a religion, a spiritual experience, a home improvement... [Mads light begins to flash] Mike: Speaking of home improvement, Tim and Al are calling. [Hits button.] Deep 13 [Dr. Forester is looking off-screen, presumably at TV's Frank. He turns toward the viewer.] Dr. F: Be with you in a minute Nelson. [Turns back.] Actually Frank, I think they go in the other way... Frank: [O.S.] Okay Steve. [Two seconds later, a very loud explosion is heard, along with Frank screaming.] Dr. F: Maybe you WERE right the first time. [Chuckles evilly while turning his attention back to the screen.] Since Francis can't install the batteries properly, I'll let you go first with the invention exchange. SoL [The blackboards have disappeared, and Mike is now clean.] Mike: As you know, the holiday rush is upon us once more... Crow: And that means annoying family visits, long lines, and shopping... Tom: And of course, driving just about everywhere just to do those things. Mike: So we've decided to shorten the time it takes to get gas, and invented this... [Mike yanks off the sheet, revealing what looks like a normal gas pump] Deep 13 Dr. F: Didn't you know? They've already perfected pay-at-the-pump technology. SoL Tom: Sure, you can pay with a credit card, an ATM card, or even cold, hard cash at the pumps at some gas stations. Crow: But this is pay-at-HOME technology! Mike... [Mike is now standing next to a small black box that looks like a card acceptor from a cash machine.] Mike: All you need to do is run your card through, punch in PINs, amounts, and major gas supplier. [Mike does all that, and several seconds later, the pump dematerializes off the counter, and re-materializes next to Mike.] Mike: It saves at least fifteen minutes from your driving time, it's a lot easier to use, and... Tom: And you don't have to deal with rude station attendants, and they don't have to deal with jerk customers. Crow: Yea, the MSTer can attest to that... Tom: [whispering] Ix-say. Fourth all-way. Crow: Oops, sorry. Mike: So, what do you think? Deep 13 Dr. F: Let see, where as your invention tries to help Christmas, mine tries to cash in on it. Frank! [Frank comes in, carrying two boxes, both big enough to hold a twelve-inch GI Joe. He hands them to Dr. Forrester.] Frank: Here you go. Dr. F: Thank you. As you know, Christmas is when the major companies release the 'Black-market Sellers,' as I've come to know them as, so parents can spend hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars just to get a Tickle-me Elmo, Beanie Babies, and now [shudders] Furby. And Gizmonic Institute is no exception! [Forrester opens one of the boxes, and takes out what looks like a doll version of TV's Frank.] Dr F: This is TV's "Beat-the-living-crap-out-of-me" Frank. Batteries sold separately. Frank: That's me! Dr F: Brains sold separately for the life-size one. SoL Tom: So, what are you supposed to do with it? Deep 13 Dr F: Just beat the living crap out of it and listen to it spew out random catch phrases. [Forrester proceeds to beat the doll with his fist, while it says stuff like 'Sure thing Steve!', 'Is this going to hurt?', and 'That's me!'] Dr F: They're only $19.95 and we've got BILLIONS to sell! SoL Mike: Billions? That wouldn't put it in the same zone as a Furby... Crow: It's not even in the same hemisphere! Deep 13 Dr F: But here's the kickers: Any not sold before January third will be destroyed, and two days after Thanksgiving next year, "BTLCOoM" Frank will stop working all together... SoL Tom: That means it will be useless and no one will want it... Crow: Yea, slight flaw there, Forrester. Deep 13 Dr F: Ah, but the day BEFORE that happens, I'm releasing this... [Forrester opens the other box, pulling out a doll version of himself.] Dr F: The "I'm evil!" Dr. Forrester! Batteries still sold separately. Just as those Furbies talk to each other, the only way to get "BTLCOoM" Frank working again is to buy the "IE" Forrester! [As to prove his point, Dr, Forrester sets the "BTLCOoM" Frank doll next to the "IE" Forrester doll] Dr F doll: Oh Frank! Its science time! Frank doll: Are you going to turn me into a woman again? Dr F doll: No, just implode you skull... Dr F: And we're only making a hundred thousand, and selling them for $299.99! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! SoL Tom: That pretty much makes it Furby's next-door neighbor... Mike: Or Beanie Babies' roommate... Crow: Or Tickle-me Elmo's lover... Mike: CROW! Deep 13 Dr F: Just wait until I get production started on the "Running-from-the-master" Torgo. As for you experiment today, I've decided to help you with your little quarrel about Sailor Moon and Sonic. Frank! Send them the crossover fic! Frank: One SM/StH fic going up! Dr F: And going down... Hard. Have fun, boobies. SoL Tom: Now you'll see that Sailor Moon is, by par, better than your video game character. Crow: Bite me, gumball boy. Sailor Moon's gonna be crushed by Sonic. [The usual lights and sirens go off.] Mike: Forget the controversy, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!! [Door 7: The dog bone.] [Door 6: A revolving door with sixes on it.] [Door 5: It's a metal detector with a five on top of it. It doesn't go off for Tom or Crow, but does for Mike. After a half-hour strip and full cavity search, you continue. (Mike: I feel so violated.)] [Door 4: It's a brick wall with a four on it. You paint a tunnel on it and walk though, ala Road Runner.] [Door 3: It's a toll gate, with a three on the arm. You pay the forty cents and keep moving.] [Door 2: It's Oscar, wearing a T-shirt with a two on it. You toss him Artemis and he runs off. Don't even try to think about what's going to happen next.] [Door 1: The safe. All take their normal seats.] Mike: You couldn't wait until we got in here to make a sexual riff, could you? Crow: What can I say, it's just too easy. > HI >tech presents: Mike: Presents? For us? Crow: Oh god, he's delusional. > A Tirific Teamups Tom: Of terrible spelling and grammar. Crow: And plot contrivances galore! > story by Amy Lawson: > SALIOR HEDGEHOG. Crow: And yet another author gets yet another Scout avatar. > > > Note: This will begin the Sonic/Salior storyline. Tom: There's MORE?!? Mike: If there's a God, hopefully not. > All other stories are in this timeline of events. > Note: I may get some of the Salior Moon stuff wrong, Tom: Much like DiC did. > and a tad bit of the Sonic. Crow: Like Archie Comics did. > Like the Salior Scout's negaverse personalities. > *** Crow: Three stars?!? I see Egbert is on crack again. > Cast of characters. (LONG. Used to make sure that one of your > favorite characters is in this story.) Mike: No one will get out alive... Tom: Getting dark a little early today, Mike? > (Ja. name: Jananese name. Crow: Does that mean they're from Janan? > N/a: Either they don't have or I don't know.) > > Sonic the Hedgehog. Ja. name n/a. Crow: Try Sonikku. Tom: FANBOY! > Princess Sally Acorn. Ja. name n/a. > Antoine DeCoolette. Ja. name n/a. > Bunnie Rabot. Ja. name n/a. > Miles 'Tails' Prower. Ja. name n/a. > Rotor Walrus. Ja. name n/a. > Dulcy. Ja. name n/a. > Nicole. Ja. name n/a. Crow: Yea, yea, yea, NEXT! > Salior Moon/Serena. Ja. name Usagi. Tom: Oh, so now they're so famous, the scouts only need one name. > Salior Jupiter/Lita. Ja. name Mimako. > Salior Mars/Raye. Ja. name Rei. > Salior Mercery/Amy. Mike: What the hell is a Mercery? Crow: One of the finest cars ever made. [Off screen, a cash register is heard.] Tom: What was that? Crow: That last plug going into a bank account. > Ja. name Ami. > Salior Venus/Mina. Ja. name Minako. > Sailor Chibi Moon/Reenie. Ja. name Chibi Usa. > Tuxedo Mask/Darien. Ja. name Marmaou. (Something like that.) Mike: Who knows, who cares. > Luna. Ja. name n/a. > Artimis. Ja. name n/a. > Catsy. Ja name n/a. > Birdie. Ja. name n/a. > Queen Beryl. Ja. name n/a. Tom: Although they were in the original anime, they don't have Japanese names... Crow: [to Tom] Now WHO'S the fanboy? > ************************************************************************ Crow: Insert your own line/star/snowflake joke here, because we're not doing them this time. > ***CHAPTER ONE*** Mike: Just for fun. Tom: [to Mike] What the hell are you on?!? > > > Place: Lita's house, Crossroads, Earth. Crow: No need to have the state or country, just the city. > "LITA! Hey, lita!" > Lita looked up. Her friend, Raye, was running twoards her. Crow: What's a 'ard?' Tom: And how'd she get two? > "What's up?" she asked, and sat up. > "Well," said Raye, sitting down, "YOU should have heard the latest buzz. Tom: [valley chick] Kiki's going out with John, but John's old girlfriend, Sue, is SO pissed... > Anyway, Luna, me and Serena were walking, (I was looking the prettiest, > but I always do,), and Luna tripped on something, see?" Mike: [Rei] It was a land mine planted by Nav! You should have seen how high Luna flew! > she paused to catch her breath. Crow: At least she's not writing like Kirk. > "Anyway, Luna landed next to this suitcase. The man who she tripped on > ran away. She opened it, and it's some time traveler or something! Mike: [Doc Brown] Marty! We've got to go back to the future! > Cool, huh?" > Lita gasped. "TIME traveler?! You must be KIDDING!!!" Tom: [Rei, as a infomercial person] And how much do you think I'm offering for this? Mike: 69.99! Crow: 59.95! Tom: NO! Actually, it's much, much more! > "Nope!" Raye exclaimed. "I'm not. Anyway, me and Serena have to round > up the Salior Scouts. C'mon, Lita!" > "Coming, Mars!" Lita exclaimed, shut her book, and ran after her > friend. Crow: [Makoto, breathing heavily] Gotta... cut... down... on the... Ho-ho's > > Place: Sally's hut, Knothole, Mobius. > Princess Sally was working away at her portable computer, Nicole. She > seemed shocked after reading some printouts. Mike: [Sally] My cholesterol level can't be THAT high! > "What, Sal?" asked Sonic. "I mean, why so shocked?" Crow: [Sally] My finger's in a socket that's why! > "It's these printouts....... It says that there's some heavy raditation > and cosmic moventmints Tom: Cosmic moventmints? Isn't that what they put on hotel pillows? > between universes in another planet from another Solar System from > another Universe!" > "Whoa! Nicole can read THAT?!" Crow: That, and a Thinker fic... > SERIOUSLY.> Mike: [Sonic] You're still not getting out of this crossover. > "Nicole, you can't be leader of the Freedom Fighters." Sally told her > computer. "Anyway, the movements are coming from a place called Earth, > and......" > "Earth! I know Earth! I reconize Earth...................... I think. Crow: Yea, good eats, war, occasional natural disaster, and the best show in the world: Myst... [Mike clamps Crow's beak shut.] Mike: We've just fixed the fourth wall alarm. We don't need it broken so soon. Tom: Even if it is for a shameless plug. > Isn't that where Robotnik came from?" > "We don't know that, Sonic." Sally answered. "But I do think that the > cosmic movements are coming into this demention, possibly this planet!" Tom: When do the tickets go on sale? > "Way past!" Sonic exclaimed. "So are you saying that we could soon be > expecting......." > "..... visiters from Earth. Bingo." Mike: Just call out your numbers and we'll see if you've won. > "Well, that makes this hedgehog's spines tingle." Sonic laughed. "..... > But, are they good guys?" > "I'm not sure at all." the squirrel replied. "I'm not sure at all." > > PLACE: The Salior Scouts's place. Tom: So they got their own place now? > "This is IT?!" asked Artimis. "A blue button. Neat." > "A CONTROL panel." Luna corrected. "Scouts......... this is a time > traveler." > "Cool!" exclaimed Ami. "Majorly awesome!" Mike: [valley girl] Like, totally rad! > "However," Luna went on, "We can only travel to one Solar System. It is > not completed." Tom: Ah, yes, the plot contrivance. A very popular practice in the fanfic industry. > "Wait!" Raye exclaimed. "The negaverse has a copy!" Crow: Whoa, two in a row! > Luna nodded. "And it's up to us to save the planet they are attacking! > We must travel in time to Mobius to stop the negaverse from dystroing > it! Mike: Hey, it's a three-peat! > But be on your guards, Scouts...... for all the negaverse may be > there!" > "Great. Just great." groaned Mina. "That's wonderful." Crow: Uh-oh, I have this strange feeling we're going to get a little redundant. Tom: Great. Just great. That's wonderful. > "Get ready, Scouts!" exclaimed Serena. "It's time for Salior Moon!" Tom: [random scout] But what about the rest of us... Mike: [Luna] Hey, I don't see your names on the title. > "Ready!" All the scouts replied. > "MARS STAR POWER!" > "VENUS STAR POWER!" > "JUPITER STAR POWER!" > "MERCERY STAR POWER!" > "STAR POWER!" > "SALIOR MERCERY!" > "SALIOR MARS!" > "SALIOR JUPITER!" > "SALIOR VENUS!" > "MOON STAR POWER!!" All: INCREDIBLE CAPITALIZATION ACTION! > Luna and Artimis nodded and started to walk away. Tom: They're getting out while they can. > The Salior Scouts followed the talking cats. Crow: So is everyone else. > > Place: Knothole Park, Knothole. > "So, what's coming?" asked Tails. "What's the news?" > Sally and Sonic had already explained mostly what was happening to the > Freedom Fighters. Mike: [Sonic] So we're stuck in this poorly made crossover fanfic... Crow: [Sally] And the only way out is a little plan I call the "Heaven's Gate Exit." > "We don't know who yet, Tails." Sally answered. "Nicole can't pick up > the signal anymore." > IT IS ALSO POSSIBLE THAT THEY WILL ARRIVE TODAY IN THE EVENING, > OR EARLY TOMORROW. IT IS UNKNOWN. Tom: Oh, they're taking Amtrak. > HOWEVER, THERE IS ANOTHER TELEPORTER ON EARTH, SO WE CAN POSSIBLY > EXPECT TWO PARTIES OF PEOPLE.> Crow: [frat boy] Alright, two parties! > "Hm. Well, stay on your guard, Freedom Fighters!" Sally exclaimed. "Be > on your guard! We must keep patient! Stay calm! And be wary! Mike: Can I still be Mike? > The visitors may be friend....... or they may be foe." > "Zut first, we must do ozer zings!" Antoine exclaimed. Tom: Trying...to...translate...[head explodes, sending confetti everywhere] Crow: That's new... Mike: [begins replacing Tom's head] All the others we're taken. However, this is bad. Crow: Why? Mike: We're only three pages in. > "What, sugha?" asked Bunnie. > "We must zee where zey are to be landingz! Eef zey are bad and land > near Knothole, zen......" Mike: [finishes replacing Tom's head] There. All better? Tom: [coming back on-line] Yes... Zen. Must find center... > "We'll be discovered!" Bunnie gasped. "That's terrible, sughas! > Sugha-twan's right, we must see where they are landing, and we must > see what side they are on! It's out only hope!" > "Freedom Fighters, allright!!" Sally exclaimed, raising her fist to the > air. Tom: And gave them all the finger. > "ALLRIGHT!" the rest chimed in. "FREEDOM FIGHTERS, ALLRIGHT!!!!" Mike: YEA! WHO-HOO! ALLRIGHT! Tom: Why are you doing that? Mike: I don't, it just feels good. > > > ***CHAPTER TWO*** Crow: Whoop-dee-doo. > > > Place: Somewhere in Crossroads. Mike: Just a random place, nothing special. > "Salior Scouts, it is time to travel in space, time, and universes. Are > you ready?" asked Luna. Tom: Just remember: only two pieces of carry-on luggage. The rest has to be checked. > "But what if the NegaVerse take over while we are gone?" asked Salior > Venus. "It's a long trip between the Earth and the other universe, you > know." > "Yeah!" aggreed Salior Jupiter. "They'll cause a ruckas for sure!" Crow: [Luna] Then the Earth is screwed. Let's get out while we can. > "No." said Salior Mercery. "They're preparing to go, same as us. I > still, have that tracking devisee you gave me, Luna." > "Before we go, I WANT SOME COOKIES!!!!" Salior Moon exclaimed. Mike: [Cookie Monster] COOKIES!!! Tom: Typical Serena stereotype numero uno: All she wants to do is eat. Crow: I though that was number three... Tom: No, number three is that all she wants to do is sleep all the time. Crow: Oh, okay, fanboy. > "Not yet, Serena." sighed Salior Mars. > "But Raye..... I WANT FOOD!" Mike: [The plant from "Little Shop of Horrors"] FEED ME! > "You *always* want food!" sighed Salior Venus. "But should just us go?" > Salior Mercery nodded. "That is true, because we may run into trouble!" > "We'll do FINE." Salior Moon insisted. > "Wait, Serena." Luna corrected. "Your powers will be weak on the planet > we are approaching! You will have little powers! Tom: Awwww... Look at those cute little powers... Crow: Aren't they just adorable... > It will just about be like you are normal humans, and not Scouts!" Mike: [Luna, as a Girl Scout leader] So you won't be able to sell any cookies. > "Then we NEED help!" Salior Mars insisted. "How 'bout Tuxedo Mask?" > "I'm right here." > The Scouts looked behind them to see Darien. He smiled. Tom: He's being held a gunpoint. > "Now what?" asked Artimis. "You know, what about hsi powers and > whatever?" Crow: Throwing roses and having a cane are powers? > "There is not much we can do." said Luna. "The more of us there is, > the better. You will still have a few powers, and if you combinde them > you may suceed! Full march!" Tom: [drill sergeant] Left. Left. Left, right. > "Wait!" a voice cried from behind them. "Wait for me!" > "Reenie?!" Mike: Dragging everyone in, aren't we? > Reenie came running up to the Scouts. "I wanna go too! I WANNA GO TOO!" > "But......but..." Serena stammered. "Well, I guess we need more help. > Okay." Crow: [Dr. Forrester] Luna, push the button. > Luna pressed the button. Mike & Tom: [Look strangely at Crow] Crow: You're just ticked that you didn't think of it first. Tom: No, you just did that a little too well... > A whirling light surrounded the Scouts, and one by one sucked them up > into a cloud of blue mist. All: [cough] > > Place: The outer edge of the Great Forest, near Knothole. > Sally was out for her morning walk. It was only 12:00 noon at Earth, > but very early at Knothole. Tom: It's called a "time zone." > She heard a buzz from the distance. Crow: I think you beeper's going off > "I better check that out." she thought to herself. She went up to what > looked to be a spaceship. She pressed her hand against it, and it > opened. She gasped when she saw what exited the ship.... some human > that was very tall compared to her with her hair in cat ears. Mike: Hey, don't bring Nuku-Nuku into this. > The human looked at the squirrel, and grinned. > "Hey Birdie, come see what I've found here!" Crow: [dumb] I shall love her, and pet her, and call her George. > Another human ran up to the first one. She grabbed Sally by the arm > and lifted her up. > "LET ME GO!!!" Sally yelled. > "Come on Birdie, let's go see what the queen has to say about this. > Imangine! A talking fox!" Crow: Is she ever! Mike: CROW! Tom: FANBOY! > "I'm no fox! I'm a squirrel! You hear me, a squirrel!" > Birdie and Catsy laughed and brage Sally into the ship. Tom: Brage? Isn't that an attack from Final Fantasy? > > Place: Antoine's hut, Knothole. > Antoine sighed and sat on his bed. He yawned and lay down. Crow: Ahhh, nap time. [Falls asleep.] Mike: [Shakes Crow.] Will you stay awake. > *I must be the only one awake,* he thought. *I wonder if the Earthlings > are here yet.* > "HELPPPPP.............!!!" cried someone from a distance. ['HELPPPPP.............!!!' faintly echoes in the theater.] Tom: What was that? > "My Princez!" Crow: Sorry, Prince is now known as 'The Artist.' > Antoine yelled, reconizing the voice. "SALLY!!" ['SALLY!!' echoes a little louder in the theater] Crow: I think something bad is about to happen... > He ran over to Sonic's hut, not stopping to take a breath. > "SONICCC!!!!" ['SONICC!!!!' thunders inside the theater.] Mike: [yells over the echo] Cover your ears! Tom: [also yelling] Can't! Inarticulate arms! > "Huh?" Sonic asked, rubbing his eyes. "What the hec..." > "SONIC! EET IZ SALLY! SHE IZ IN DANGAR!" Antoine screamed. Crow: [yelling] When will it stop?!? Mike: [still yelling] I don't know! > "Juice an' jam time!" Sonic exclaimed, ran out and grabbed Antoine. > When they were outside, Antoine pointed to a path. "Zat way. Zat iz > where ze voice is....." > "HELLP! LEMMIE GO!!!" Mike: [yelling] I think my ears are bleeding! > "This way." Sonic nodded, and sped over to Sally. > Tom: [still yelling] Is it over?!? Crow: [also yelling] What?!? Mike: Enough with the running gag... > Place: Spaceship 999, somewhere in space. > "Wa.. where ARE we?!" exclaimed Reenie. Crow: In a bad fic. > "I don't like it here!" Tom: No one ever does. > "Hey, Meatball head!" exclaimed Darien. "I think I found something!" The Salior Scouts went up to him. He pointed to a computer. Crow: We still can get MSTing from SVAM and Web Site #9! Mike: [looks around] Where's the fourth wall alarm? Tom: Tim and Mike paid us good money so it wouldn't go off. > "Ami, think you can transport these files into your computer." > "I... I think so." she answered. Crow: [Scotty] But I canna't keep this power going for much longer. > "Great! This is a map of where we'll land, and where we are! Stuff > like that." he told her. Mike: A map that tells you where you are? That's incredible! > "And by judgeing where we are...... WE LAND IN TWO MINUTES?! IN ROCKS?!" > Ami yelled. Tom: Yes, I'll have the scouts on the rocks. > "Scouts, get into places!" Luna exclaimed. Crow: [Broadway director] We start in two minutes! And remember, feeling! > Artimis jumped on Salior Venus' lap. He ran into his own small chair, > got his seatbelt on and covered his eyes. Mike: How'd she get a chair on her lap? > "HELP!" All: [Singing] I need somebody! > The ship came closer and closer to the planet. Everyone had thier > seatbelts on, plus some spiecal equimpment. Crow: Great, it's turning into "An Evening at Lita's." Mark Berger & Sailor Mac: [V.O.] Do you mind? That's OUR MSTing... Crow: Geez, use one reference... > "Why can't we just...." Raye began. > "No powers." Luna reminded. "All of us may not land safely!" she > warned everyone. Tom: Hence the word: crash. > "I know." said Tuxedo Mask. "But...... ut-oh." Tom: Ut-oh? What is an ut-oh? Crow: Maybe the author meant something else, like this story came from a butt-ho... Mike: Crow! No author riffs. > "5.............4..........3..........2......." began Lita. > "............ONE!" > Crow: And thus they all died. Let's go. [gets up] Mike: [grabs Crow] Sit down. > > ***CHAPTER 3*** Tom: As boring as it can be. > > Place: Negaverses's ship, near Knothole. > "LET ME GO!" Sally yelled. She was chained up in some convayer belt. Crow: My god, it's turning into a Kefka fic! > "Anyone for toasted squirrel?" asked Birdie. "Oh, yeah. Catsy left." > "Let me go! I order you!" Tom: [Sally] To get me a coke! > "Who do you think you are? A princess or something?" the human asked. > "I am Princess Sally Acorn!" she exclaimed. > "Another one?!" Birdie groaned. Mike: [Birdie] Just how many Princess Sally Acorns are there? > "I'll show Queen Beryl this right now..." > "Show me what?!" > "Queen!" Birdie exclaimed. "I have caught the Princess Sally of this > planet!" Tom: [Queen Beryl] Fine, just put her with the others... > The Queen smiled. "Hm, how nice. A chance to use my new knife." > "No....... no..... HELP!" Sally exclaimed as the knife came closer and > closer to her skin. She gasped and closed her eyes, waiting for the > impact. Crow: And they hacked her to death, O.J. style. The end. > > Place: Great Rock Hill, near Knothole. > "AHHHHH!" Tom: The refreshing taste of mint! > The Ship the Salior Scouts were in bumbed off the main hill Mike: [bum] Hey, hill, spare some change? > and crashed to the ground. Many of them were unconsious, if not all of > them. Crow: Well, which is it? > Raye was the first to awaken, and slowly made it up. She limped over to > the reck she had crashed away from. She looked at the body of Salior > Jupiter. Crow: [beak is held shut by Mike] Mike: This isn't a lemon, so don't even try it. > "NO! She can't be dead! Lita! Talk to me!" > Lita slowly opened her eyes. "What........ happened....... oah......." Tom: Bad crossover. > "Are you allright?" Raye asked. > "Yeah, I think so." she answered. "But man.... my head sure hurts!" Mike: Deep hurting has that kind of side effect. > "You have a cut." Raye told her friend. "And I have one on my leg. But > let's check the other scouts." Tom: When arts and crafts go horribly wrong. > "Okay." Lita said weakly. > The two then moved over to Salior Venus. She had both her eyes shut. Mike: Shhhh. She's sleeping. > "Ohno!" Lita exclaimed. "Whattodowhattodo....." Tom: How about find the space bar? >"She has a weak pluse." Raye said. Crow: Then switch back to the brage > "Let's check out the others." > They next came to Serena. She had her eyes open and was sitting up. > "I'm okay." she said. "My arm just hurts a little." > "You were lucky." said Lita. "You're probably the best one off." Crow: [Usagi] Any one dead yet? Mike: [Rei] Minako's real close. Crow: [Usagi] She's better off... > "Oah..." > The three looked under Serena's seat. It was Luna. > "Are you okay?" asked Serena. > "I can't move my left paw." she told the scouts. "But I'll be okay. How > is everyone else?" Mike: [Usagi] Considering we just crash landed in another universe, I'd say were all just peachy! > "Me and Lita have cuts, Serena's fine except her arm hurts a little, we > haven't found Artimis, Ami, Darien or Reenie. And Mina is terrible, she > barely has a pulce. Her eyes aren't open and she's not moveing. She may > not make it." Tom: Sometimes it's the only way out. > "Find the other scouts." Luna told the three. "Tend to the worse ones. > And please get me out from under here so I can attend to Salior Venus." Mike: The amazing things cats can do, especially without opposable thumbs. > Serena took Luna over to Mina, and then her, Raye and Lita began to > look for Ami. > "There's her computer!!!" Lita yelled. "C'mon, mars, moon, she must be > over here!" > They heard a groan from under a pile of rocks and metal. "Someone's > under there!" yelled Raye. "We gotta find out who!" > The Scouts dug untill they found Darien. He opened his eyes. > "Are..... are you okay?" asked Serena. Tom: [Mamoru] We still in this fic? Mike: [Makoto] Yes. Tom: [Mamoru] Then, no. > "Yeah, your arm looks bent." said Raye. Mike: [surfer] Yea, real wicked. > "I can't move this arm or this leg." he said. "But I think I'll make > it. Is..... is anyone dead?" > "Not yet." explained Lita. "Luna has a broken leg, we're all mostly > fine except for some cuts and bruses, and Mina's being looked after by > Luna. She's barely breathing." Crow: Lucky. > "Ami's somewhere under this pile." explained Darien, groaning. "She's > worse off then me. And..... I don't know where Reenie is." > "The Scouts managed to finally pull Darien out, and started to dig > again untill they found Ami. She was unconsionus, and her arms and legs > were all sliced up. She was also barely breathing. They scouts slowly > carriered her over to Mina and Luna. > "Mina may be okay." said Luna. "But I don't know for sure. And > Ami...... I think she may not. Mike: [soap opera announcer] Will Ami make it? Are the scouts going to get out? Find out next time on "As the Fanfic is Written." > Does anyone have a first aid kit?!" Serena went over to where the broken > ship was. Tom: Weren't they already in the ship? > She returned with a bag. > "This is out first aid suplly." she told Luna. "Hopefully it's enough." > "Let's split up." said Serena. "I'll look one way, Lita, you look > anotehr, and same with you, Raye." Mike: How come they're splitting up? Crow: They need more medical supplies? Tom: They need to find Chibi-usa? Crow: To find the bathroom? Tom: Author couldn't think of anything? Mike: Bingo. > Raye left, and Serena went another way. Lita was the last to leave, and > went a seperate way. Tom: My, this is getting redundant. Crow: What? Tom: My, this is getting redundant. Crow: What? Tom: My, this is getting redundant. Crow: Wha... Mike: Okay, we get the picture. > > Place: In Rotor's hut, Knothole. > "Sugha, where could they be?!" > "Calm down, Bunnie." said the Walrus. Crow: Koo-koo-kachoo. > "Sally, Antoine and Sonic will be here soon, I'm sure of it!" > "But sugha, it ain't fair! Ah've been stayin' home on all these here > mission's, an' ah wanna at least know wha' everyone's at!" > "Bunnie. Calm down, allright?! I'm sure there was a bissnuss they had > to attend to right away! Crow: [Rotor speaking Ebonics] So shut yo' mouth before I be givin' yo' 'da bissnuss. > Mabey you can go on your own missiom someday, all by yourself! Mike: Suicide mission. Tom: No, suicide missiom. > And you can let the other Freedom Fighters worry! But > Bunnie, please. Don't worry about it know." he sighed. > "Allright, sugha, ah guess ah will. Ah mean, it's not that each Freeodm > Fighter gets tuh! Tom: Is that 'Essence of Thinker' I detect? > But ah do lend a hand........ a robotic one!" she giggled. > "Hey, guys!" yelled Dulcy from outside. "Come look at this!" > The two ran outside to the dragon. She held up a note. Crow: This is a stick-up. Your money or your life. > "Dear Freedom Fighters, me and ant have gone to save Sal! She sounds in > danger! Protect Knothole for us. Ut-oh, Tom: There's that 'ut-oh' again. > Sal's yellin again! Guess Ant wasn't lying to me; seeya soon! Bye, Sonic." > "So that's where they went! Tuh save Sally-girl! I hope she's safe!" > "COME ON, Bunnie!" laughed Dulcy. "She's allways fine!" > "But remember when she was dying? Mike: No. > And remember when she burnt her hand? Crow: No. > And she was sinking on that ship out in th' ocean..." Tom: No. > "But she made it back, didn't she?" asked Dulcy, grinning. > "Yeah, I guess." sighed Bunnie. "But this cybunny always worries!" > "All of us get into trouble. And we all come to the resque! You were > almost a robot, you were almost dead, you were many time in danger, but > always got help from the Freedom Fighters--us!" Mike: [Bunnie] Wait, you're the Freedom Fighters? Then I'm in the wrong place. Sorry. > Bunnie smiled. "Ah guess so, sugha-rot. Tom: Eeww, Sugha-rot. > But still, I think that we should check on them if they ain't back soon. > Ah don't think that they'd be so long!" > "That's ture." aggreed Dulcy. "But, *giggle*, you know SONIC!" Crow: Especially when Sally's out of town. Mike: Crow! > Bunnie laughed. "Ah guess ah do, sugha! They're probably comin' home > right now!" > "Hi, guys?" Tom: Or is it 'Hi, girls?' Man, I am so confused. > "Why, sugha-tails! Where were you?" > "Playin' jumps." Tails answered. "Where's Sonic? I'm bored, and want to > play with him." Crow: IfyouknowwhatImean! Mike: Crow! > "He's savin' Sally-girl, but he should be back soon......" Bunnie told > the fox. > "....... We hope!" exclaimed Dulcy. Rotor pocked her in the ribs. Mike: Another five minutes and those ribs should be done. > "....I mean, we know." > "I want to do stuff with Sonic, but he's always with SALLY. It isn't > fair!" Tom: [Tails] I want a turn at 'Riding the hedgehog.' Mike: Servo! > "I'll play tag with you!" suggested Dulcy. The two flew up in the air. > "You're it!" > "No, you are!" > "You!" > "Okay. And now you're it!" > "I wasn't ready yet!" Crow: WHO IN THE HELL IS TALKING?!?! > "Big deal, Dragon!" > Dulcy flew after him. Bunnie giggled. > "I guess they'll never grow up, those two." she smiled. All: [singing] I don't wanna grow-up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid! > "Guess not. But I think a power ring's coming up, and I wanna check it > out. There's something wrong with gear numer #8888 when connected to > numer #44, compared to..." Mike: Ah, technobabble at its best. > "Bye, sugha!" Bunnie exclaimed. "Ah gotta go now." > "Seeya." Tom: Run! Run while you can! > > Place: Outside the NegaVerse ship, near Knothole. > "She iz in zare." Antoine exclaimed. "And she iz not coming out of eet. > What can we doz?" Crow: Doze? Hell, I wouldn't mind taking a nap right now... [Yawns, then falls asleep.] Mike: [Smacks Crow] If I have to endure this, then so do you. > "We can barge in there, I think." Sonic replied. "But it may be hard. > Look at the walls! They're just like Car-heem's of Wheet's cage!" Mike: [Homer] Mmmm, Cream of Wheat... > "Eh? Who iz Car-heem or Wheetz?" > "Oh, yeah. You weren't there. Anyway, stand back! I've got a power > ring........ ring..... WHERE'S MY RING?!?!" Tom: Didn't you see that "Brady Bunch" episode? Alice has it. > "You deedn't have one." Antoine answered. "You came weethout onez." > "Well then, stand back! Three, two, ONE!" > Sonic burst out with speed, crashing into a spaceship. Crow: How many spaceships are there? > He rammed into it, and made a hole big enough for him to fit through. > Him and Antoine crawled in. > "LET ME GO!" Sally yelled. > Queen Beryl looked at Catsy and Birdie. "Well, look what the cat > dragged in. Dispose of this.... furry animal." Mike: A furry animal? Don't see many of those. > "NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!" Sonic yelled, ran up to Sally and undid her > chains. Him and Sally escaped with Antoine. They zoomed back into > Knothole, but before they could Queen Beryl and some other people Tom: No one in particular, just some mindless extras. > attacked the three. Sonic wasn't prepared and all three were captured. > "Thanks for trying." sighed Sally. > "Don't mention it." Mike: [Sally] Fine then, I won't. Crow: [Sonic] Fine then. > > Place: Near the Scout's crash, Mobius. > "REENIE!" > Lita called out for the missing child. She was nowhere no be seen. > "Salior Chibi Moon! Where are you?" Crow: [Scooby-doo] Rover rear! All: [singing] Sailor Chibi Moon, where are you? We got some work to do now. > Lita sighed and looked around. She could see her other friends looking > or being looked after. She groaned and began to look again. "REENIE!" > "Help!" called a voice under an overturned chair. "I'm stuck!" > Lita paused and looked under it. It wasn't Reenie, it was some > little.... FOX!" Tom: A misplaced ". Just thought I would point that out. > "AHHH!" she screamed. "A talking fox!" Crow: why is she surprised? After all, the scouts have talking cats... > "Talking? Hey lady, of course I talk!" said Tails. "Help me.... help me > out! I'm stuck!" > Soon Tails was out. Raye and Serena ran over to the two. > "Who are YOU?!" asked Raye. Tom: [hard-core cop] Where do you come from? And where were you on the night of May 31st, 1979? > "I'm...... are you going to hurt me?" he asked. > "No." said Serena. Mike: Until your back is turned. > "I'm Tails. I come from Knothole." he answered. > "Let me guess why." mumbled Raye, seeing his two tails. Tom: Why does having two tails have anything to do with him coming from Knothole? [Head starts smoking] Mike: Stay frosty, Servo. We're running out of heads. > "I was playing with my friend, a dragon, and there was this ray! I fell > here and landed right there! I was hruting, but I'm fine now. Crow: If you're hruting, then use the brage with the pluse and you'll be fine. > Anyway, she flew back and I landed here! The chair fell on me, and I got > stuck." > "A talking, walking and FLYING fox?!....... Is there lunches here?" > Serena asked. Mike: Apparently, the author thinks that the only thing Usagi does is eat. > "Serena! We have to look for Reenie!" > "I'm right here!" > They all looked up to see Reenie climbing down the mountain. "I was > stuck, and nobody came to help ME!!!" Crow: 'Cus nobody gives a damn about you, kid. > "Tails, come see Luna with us." said Lita. "Let's see if she knows > you." Mike: How would she know him? Tom: And the ominous plot contrivance rears its ugly head yet again. > The Scouts and Tails went over to where Luna, Artimis, Mina, Ami and > Darien were. After some explainations, Tails finally sat down. > "I don't wanna go home when that laiser's around!" Tails exclaimed. Crow: Nothing's worse than a laiser spellchecker. > "Okay." said Luna. "You may stay... for now." > "Well, that settles that then." said Artimis. > "Settles what, Artimis?" asked Luna. Crow: [Artemis] We're staying. That way, Oscar will never get his hands on me again. > "That settles who can help us find Queen Beryl!" > "Who the heck's Queen Beryl?!" asked Tails. > "Queen Beryl is a terrible villan who..." Tom: [Usagi] Who rips the tags off of mattresses. > Serena started. > "Like Robotnik?" asked Tails. > Tails explained about Robotnik, and the scouts explained about Beryl. > Soon after, Tails was led home by Raye and Lita. Mike: How did they know where Knothole is? Tom: Considering that this story has more plot contrivances that Lake Shore Drive has potholes, I was kind of expecting it. > "This is your home?" asked Lita when they arrived. "Whoa!" "Yeah! Come > meet Sonic!" Tails told the two. "Sonic?" Crow: First the space bar, now she loses the enter key... > "Sonic ain't back yet, sugha." Bunnie yawned. "Hey, who are yuh two?" > "I'm Raye, and this here is Lita." expalined Raye. Crow: [hillbilly] We're from Kentucky. > "Do you know of a Queen Beryl?" > "Naw, 'ness they were the ones who captured Sally, and possibly Sonic > and Antoine!" > "Let's go And find them, Raye!" exclaimed Lita. "Let's go!" Crow: Is it getting redundant again? Tom: Yep. Crow: Is it getting redundant again? Tom: Yep. Crow: Is it getting red... Mike: Enough with the redundancy riffs! > "Me too!" exclaimed Tails. > "Sughas, ah'll guard Knothole. I'll be seenin' ya later." Bunnie > waved. [All do the wave] > > Place: Negaverse's ship. > "Help! Let me out!" Antoine cried. "I WANT OUTZ!!" Tom: You and everyone else. > "Oh, shut UP Antoine!" Crow: Before I throw-up. Tom: And your mother comes around the corner and licks it up. > Sally exclaimed, rolling her eyes. "Sonic?" > "I.. I think so." Sonic replied. "But I need more time!" > "Time? You want time! Mike: [Jack Nicholson] You can't handle time! > We only ahve all the time we need!" > Sonic tried to free himself. "Ugh! These chains are stuck tight! OW!" > "Hey, dumbells!" Tom: Who walked in? > "Huh?" asked Birdie. "What was tha... AGG! It's those darn freakin > Salior Scouts! I..." Crow: Sailor Moon appears, spews her normal catch phrase. > "I AM SAILOR MOON! I stand for love and justice! And in the name of the > moon.... I SHALL PUNISH YOU!!!" Tom: Oh yea, baby, PUNISH ME! Mike: SERVO! > Birdie and Catsy ran for cover. > "Hey, wait!" whispered Serena. "We don't have our powers!" > "Remember what Luna said? She said we could combinde them!" > "Yeah, but with three people?!" Crow: It's called a menage-a... Mike: Crow! > "You're right." > "Hey, lime-buckets! Wait for us!" > Salior Moon, Mars and Jupiter looked up as Tuxedo Mask, Reenie, Ami and > Mina crashed through the window. Mike: You break it, you bought it. > "You're okay!" exclaimed Sailor Jupiter. "But how.........?" > "It's a long story." explained Sailor Mercery. "And it can wait." All: THANK YOU! > "Scouts! Combinde your powers!" Sailor Moon exclaimed. > By this time Sonic was out of his chains and joined everyone. Luna came > rushing out. > "My Scouts! Wait! Stop! You have your powers! You have them back!" Tom: [random scout] How? Crow: May I repeat for the umpteenth time: plot contrivance. > "JUPITER THUNDERCLAP SMASH!" > "MARS FIRE.... IGNITE!" > "MERCERY BUBBLE BLAST!" > "VENUS CRESENT BEAM SMASH!" > "MOON TIRTA MAGIC!" > Sonic and Tails both looked at the Scouts and shrugged. > "SPINBALL!" > "TAILSPIN!!" Tom: RIFF! Mike: PARODY! Crow: SEXUAL GIST! Mike: CROW!! > The three ran away. Tom: Somebody's been taking fight scene lessons from Ratliff. > After things quieted down, Sonic went up to Sailor Moon. > "Who are you?!" he asked. > Tails explained who everybody was, and soon after Sally and Antoine > were freed everyone went to Knothole. > > ***CHAPTER 4*** Mike: Ready for more? Bots: NO! > > > Place: Knothole. "This is cool, I'm actually with TALKING ANIMALS!" > Ami giggled. Luna meowed. "No offence, cats." > "You guys are cool." said Sonic. "Neat." Mike: [deadpan] Rad. Tom: [deadpan] Awsome. Crow: [deadpan] Totally tubualar. > "Thanks!" smiled Salior Venus. "You're kinda cute too!" > Tails blushed a bit. "Wa.... where do you come from?" > "Earth." replied Sailor Chibi Moon. "We come form there! Well, actually > I come from somewhere esle, but...." > "Let's just leave it that we coem from Earth." finished Sailor Mars. Crow: Yea, the last thing we need is another of Servo's heads exploding. > "And that we want to go home. It's getting late!" > "Not really, Raye." said Luna. "By the time a year goes by here, it > could very well be one day for you! Tom: Throwing physics out the window, are we? > Different time zones for different planets!" Mike: Don't ask about Daylight Savings... > "Mind if we stay for a while?" asked Sailor Jupiter. "I, for one, LIKE > Knothole!" > "I don't blame yuh, sugha." Bunnie answered. "It's be-uitiful!" > "I'll stay too!" aggreed Sailor Mars. > "Me too! At least for a while!" aggreed Sailor Venus. Crow: [Bunnie] How long? Mike: [Minako] Well, for... Oh, look at the time! Gotta go. > "Me three!" said Sailor Mercery. > "Oh, me four." Sailor Moon. "And could be our other friends........ > Salior Neptune, Sailor Uranus, Sailor Pluto, Sailor Saturn, them > guys.... they may come here too!" Outers: [V.O.] Yea, right! > "Yea! And don't forget everyone else!" Tom: [Artimis] We will bring everyone into this, whether they like or not! > aggreed Artimis. "So what are we waiting for?! Let's go to sleep!" Crow: See? Even he's suggesting it... Mike: No. > "After I get some food." said Serena. > "She's hungry, allright." grinned Sonic. "Isn't this the fifth time > she's tried to eat Tom: ...Us. > this half-hour?" > "Ya got that right, sugha!" laughed Bunnie. "Ya got that right!" Crow: Note to all wanna-be writers out there: Redundancy is not a cure-all for a fanfic. > > THE END. [All cheer] >........Of this story, not the Sailor Hedgehog stories! All: NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! > > Legal stuff. > Do not copy or screw this story in any way at all. Mike: [to Crow] Don't even say it... Crow: What? > Sonic the Hedgehog, Bunnie Rabot and other Sonic-related characters are > copyright of SEGA, Archie and/or DIC animation. Mike: Three of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. > Sailor Moon, Sailor Chibi Moon and all Sailor Moon-related characters > are copyright of Toie Animation?, [Buzzer goes off.] Tom: Oh, I'm so sorry, but the correct answer is: Who is Naoko Takeuchi and Toei Inc? > brought to America&Canada by DIC animation?. Crow: Unfortunately, yes. > Have a nice day. Mike: [English accent] Not bloody likely. > > > HI>TECH..... > ;) Mike: :P Tom: 0_o Crow: -_- > Also, because this will be a new storyline series for me, I'm giving > the Sailor Hedgehog series a theme song [The bots hum the MST3K love theme.] > and here it is. You sing it to the tune of 'Sailor Moon.' All: NNNOOOOOOO!!!!!! > *** > Tom: What happened? RJ: [V.O.] I'm gonna let you guys out early. [Door one swings open] Mike: Don't tell me the song was THAT bad... Crow: Naw, he just couldn't think of anything. RJ: [V.O.] Not a thing. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, dog bone] SoL [Mike and the bots are sitting around a table, each with a cup of coffee.] Mike: So, are you two going to fight about your little 'addictions' any more? Tom: Honestly, after reading that last fic, I'm starting to see the error of my ways. Crow's right, Sonic is the better character. Crow: Actually, I was starting to agree with you about Sailor Moon... [There's a dead silence for two minutes as Tom and Crow stare at each other.] Tom: Sonic. Crow: Sailor Moon. Tom: Sonic! Crow: Sailor Moon! Tom: SONIC! Crow: SAILOR MOON! [Mads light starts flashing] Mike: Great, now Barbie and Ken are gonna add their two cents in. [Hits button] Deep 13 [The lab is filled with boxes with "BTLCOoM" Frank stamped on them. Frank is trying to navigate through them. Dr. Forrester has a "BTLCOoM" Frank doll in one hand, and a "IE" Forrester in the other.] Frank: Steve? Dr F: Over here Frank. Frank What are we gonna do with all these dolls? Dr F: Not a damned thing. Some group against violent toys believes that the "BTLCOoM" Frank doll could cause children to have violent or even homicidal tendencies. Mortal Kombat and public high school proves that. Frank: Can't we just sell them? Dr F: No, they've already e-mailed or written every toy store in the WORLD. I can't even give them away. [Forrester tosses the dolls down, grabs his coat, and heads for the door. Frank follows.] Dr F: Come on, I've got to get mom her present. Frank: What are you planning on getting her? Dr F: I've been looking at this old VW mini-bus, but I don't know... Frank: Fine, but I think we're forgetting something... [Both Dr. Forrester and Frank leave. However, something still stirs in the lab.] Dr F doll: Frank, be a dear and push the button. Frank doll: Sure thing Steve. [The "BTLCOoM" Frank doll rocks back and forth, then falls onto the button.] FA-WHOOSE! [MST3K logo and love theme.] That was fun. Was it as good for you as it was for me? No long speech, just the usual jargon and whatnot that's at the end. Thanks: To every MSTer out there: I believe in freedom of speech. (If I didn't, I wouldn't be doing this.) However, there is crap out there that needs our... special touch. Crow: Yea, real special...[lighting strikes Crow] RJ: WATCH IT, GOLD BOY! Anyway, there is crap out there that shouldn't be seen, but I'm not talking about porno. (Hell, I've got porno, so it's not that.) I'm talking about the stuff from people who think that what ever they make is so good, it should be on display in a museum, when in actuality, it's crap. That's when a MSTer comes in and gives some "constructive criticism." Not to tear the original author down, nor for revenge, but primarily to guide him on to write a little better. Rambling, must continue. To Megane 6.7, for the first MSTing I ever read (Games 6.7) and, in a sense, set the bait. To Michael Neylon and Web Site Number 9. One of the best MSTing archive out there. It's what reeled me in. To the people who run SVAM, where it seems that I'm its 'night watchman.' Another favorite. (But could it stop moving every FIVE FREAKING MINUTES!) To Dan Drazen, one of the best Sonic fic writers and reviewers out there. To Robert Brown & Francis Tolbert, next in the fic line, right behind Drazen. To Joseph Nebus and his web site for the Sonic MSTings. To Tenth Planet, who quite often plays MST3K on the TV above the register and supplies me with an addiction worse than crack: comic books. (Corner of 95th St. and Cicero Ave. in Oak Lawn, IL. Yea, it's a shameless plug, so?) To Microsoft, (For Windows '98 and MS Word '97, it's what I used) AOL (Since it is the only way for me to get on.) Netscape, (I like the OS, NOT what Gates is trying to do to the net.) and Packard Bell (The computer itself.) To Amy Lawson. This isn't an attack on you, just some... C&C. Crow: Not S&M? [More lighting strikes Crow] RJ: Are you finished? Crow: [coughs smoke] Quite... To family, which if you lose everything you've got, you've still got them. To entertainment, which this is. To God and country, lets kick some Iraqi ass! To Lynxara/Alicia Ashby, for proofreading this, and sharing in the deep hurting. And finally, to Elvis. You always got to thank Elvis, no matter what. Now I'm all veclempted... Talk amongst yourselves... Here's a topic: The band Steppenwolf was neither steppen nor a wolf; discuss. There, all better. Legal bull: Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters are (c) Best Brains, Inc. Sonic the Hedgehog and all related characters are (c) Service Games, Inc. (Yes, SEGA owns Sally, Bunnie, and the rest. Pick up the comic and read the legal stuff at the bottom of the first page.) Sailor Moon and all related characters are (c) Naoko Takeuchi and Toei Inc. (I think...) This MSTing is (c) of me. You know the usual: No money must be made from this (65-70% is my cut.) Don't change it, unless it's gonna get MSTed. (Like I care...) Mark Berger and Sailor Mac are (c) of themselves. Anything I missed is (c) of anyone I forgot, lest I get sued. Sausage and Internet links: Web Site Number 9: http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/ Shinji's Vault: http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/index.html (For now.) Joseph Nebus' Sonic MSTings: http://www.math.rpi.edu/~nebusj/sth3k.html The original story is on http://members.tripod.com/~gtkelpie/Fanfic/, somewhere... MST3K: http://www.mst3k.com/ My E-mail: Marno91755@aol.com (Warning: Do not do that instant message crap! I only get on between 11 PM and 6AM. My sister uses this account too. Hell, it's my mom's account, I just use it. [Heh, heh, heh.] That is why I ask for RJB in the subject. Those are my initials!) Any praises and/or critiques will, hopefully, be answered. Any flames will be printed and used to get the logs going in my fireplace during the winter, or given to Mike and the bots. Any viruses will meet a very quick and painful demise with the updated version McAffee's VirusScan '98. Any yada, yada, yada's will be blah, blah, blahed. Keep circulating the tapes, fics, and blood though your veins. Stinger: > Luna pushed the button. (Frank: That's my job... Dr F: Will you be quiet...)