§--(Turn off your life)--§ (Because we know you don't need it anyway) Sailor Sun Part 2 Written by Dr.Thinker MSTied by John "Crowbar" Hurst and Jamie "JOLT!!!" Jeans Crowbar's site: http://crowbar.cjb.net/ Jolt's site: http://users.uniserve.com/~xwing/ John Hurst: Well, this is my third team-up with Jolt, and I must say I've been through hell trying to get my MSTings done lately. First, my modem blows up on me. Second, I didn't have any of my MSTings COMPLETELY on disk during the time. Third, I get a new PC and get back online. I get my old PC back and all is well.... Until the modem of my new PC blows up too. I eventually get a replacement for the new one and all is well again. *Sigh* Well, finally, here's Sailor Sun part two. Enjoy! Jamie Jeans: Yipes... sounds horrid John. I'm just glad mine hasn't gone boom on me. *BOOM* Whoops... spoke too soon... ________ Disclaimer Stuff Disclaimer: Anything related to MST3K is owned by Best Brains Inc. The Turks and everything of Final Fantasy belong to SquareSoft inc. Sailor Sun is owned by Dr.Thinker and he is welcome to it. I have his permission, so you may not flame the author nor I for this story. Thanks for having a great sense of humor, Dr.Thinker ^_^ Alexander Misamato belongs to Jamie 'Jolt' Jeans and he may be used with permission. ________ -------- CUE THE THEME! In the not to distant future, I'm not really sure when. Reno and the Turks went, On a Space Mission. But Rufus had a different plan, to trap them up there, man, And now the 3 are stuck up there, and they don't know what they are doing there. (Reno: HELLLPPPP USSS!!) (Rufus singing now) I'll send them stupid fanfics, the worst on this Earth, (La La La) They'll hafta sit and watch them all, and they'll want to be back on this turf. (La La La) (Return to original singers) Keep in mind they can't control, where the fanfic begins or ends. (La La La) And the only way to keep sanity, is to riff how bad fanfics can be... TURK ROLL CALL Cambot (We're live!) Elena (We must do this!) Rude (Don't call me baldy) REEENNNNOO (Alright, Baldy) If you are wondering how they got up there, without a descent rocket and other stuff. (La La La) Just repeat to yourself 'It's Just a show' and It's really just fluff. For Mystery Turkish Theater 3000 [Guitar Twang] -------- [Door Sequence and....] [The Satellite Of Shinra's Bridge- The Turks and Alexander Misamoto are all assembled on the bridge, doing various things. Reno is listening to his CD Player, Elena is on the computer, Rude's sleeping, and Alex is relaxing.] Reno: [Singing offkey] Die, Die, Die my darling.... Don't utter a single word.... Die, Die, Die My Darling..... Just shut your pretty eyes...... [Elena turns from the computer, looking at Reno oddly. Reno notices this and takes off the headphones.] Reno: What? Elena: What the hell are you listening to, Reno? Reno: [Gesturing to the CD Player] Oh, this? Well, I managed to bribe... err *Negotiate* with Heidegger to bring up some music. He brought this up as one of the CDs and they rock! Elena: Yeah, but what's the name of the group? Reno: The Misfits. They're some punk rock band. Wanna listen? Elena: Umm.. No thanks.. I'd rather listen to some *REAL* music, like classical music or something... Reno: Aww... You're no fun. [He turns to Alex and suddenly gets a evil grin on his face.] Hey, why don't you listen to this, Alex? I'm sure you'll like it! Alex: [Looking at Reno] I'm not sure... With a name like the Misfits. [Reno tosses Alex the CD player, with the CD inside] Reno: Come on... It's good music! [Alex looks down at the CD player.] Alex: Well, okay. It doesn't hurt to try anything once, right? [gives a quick smile.] [Alex puts the earphones on and presses the play button. Several seconds later, Alex has a odd look on his face.] Alex: Ugh! What's the name of this song? Reno: [Looks at the CD player] That's "Mommy, Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight?" you picked. Alex: ACK! [Runs out of the room.] Reno: Wait! You forgot to listen to "Bullet"! [Sees that he has already left the room] Poor guy.. I haven't even shown him what "Gwar" does yet! Elena: [Looking at Reno] Reno, remind me to hurt you sometime later today for what you did to Alex. Reno: Umm.. Ok.... HEY! [Rude wakes up from all the commotion, and yawns. The first thing he notices is that the MADs Lights are flashing.] Rude: Umm, guys? Gilligan and Skipper are calling. [Reno notices this and presses the button] [Midgar 13- Rufus Shinra and his faithful, yet idiotic in more ways than one, sidekick Heidegger stand in the foreground, as if waiting.] Rufus: Good afternoon, Texas Death Row! I've heard the Electric Chair's been cooking up some yummy stuff today! Well, anyhoo, how would you like to hear about my latest experiment? [SOS- Alexander has reentered the room.] Reno: Umm... not really. Rude: Yeah. They're really pathetic, even for you. [Midgar 13] Rufus: Har Har.... Anyway, why don't you show them our latest door prize, Heidegger? [Heidegger holds up a piece of mistletoe. There are mechanical parts sticking out of it almost on every side.] Heidegger: Presenting the *Missle*toe 4000 from Shinra Incorporated! [SOS- The four blankly stare at Heidegger] Alex: Umm.. Excuse me, Mr. Wanna-be Mads, but Christmas is done and over with. Elena: And it just looks like ordinary mistletoe... [Midgar 13] Rufus: Well, yeah, but that's beside the point. But did you listen to him? It's *Missle*toe, not *mistle*toe. You see, I specially designed this mistletoe to fire when, say, your Aunt Edna decides to give you a big smackeroo. You set this on the person you want it to fire at, and if they even go near you, the mistletoe will fire some mini-missles square into the person. Pretty cool huh? [SOS] Reno: Umm.. Yeah. Whatever. Listen, just send us the freaking fic now and get it over with, ok? [Midgar 13- Rufus ignores them, and continues on talking] Rufus: And that's not all! You can also specially design it on auto-target when people start doing annoying dances at parties! Heidegger! Heidegger: Yes, sir? Rufus: [Clicking a couple of buttons on the Missletoe 4000] Will you show us your expertise on The Macarena? Heidegger: Yes sir! [Heidegger immediately swipes a CD player out of nowhere, and starts playing the Macarena. He then starts performing the dance] [SOS- The four people stand there, frozen with terror.] Elena: Oh... my.... god..... Alex: Isn't this against the law in North America? [Midgar 13- Suddenly, a miniature missle from the mistletoe fires at Heidegger, making a small explosion around him. When it clears up, Heidegger stands there, clothes charred and torn] Heidegger: [singing] Hey..... Macarena.... [Falls flat on the floor. Rufus snickers] Rufus: Hey, that's pretty fun. Okay, Leftover Turkeys, your fic for today is Part 2 of Sailor Sun! Enjoy... or not... Doesn't matter. [Presses the button to send the fic] Okay Heidegger! Start doing the Funky Monkey! [SOS- The Klaxons are flashing and the chaos begins] Rude: Heidegger doing the Macarena AND The Funky Monkey? How can this get worse? Reno: Well, it can by 4 words: WE HAVE THINKER SIGN!! [The four run into the theater] [Door Sequence and..] ---- [The four walk into the theater and sit down, preparing to riff the fanfic] >Sailor Moon: Sailor Sun Alex: Separated at birth? >by Dr. Thinker Rude: Where *did* Dr. Thinker get his PHD to anyhow? Reno: It could be the same place where Jerry Springer got a license to host a show for all we know... Alex: Maybe he got it in one of those bubble gum things... >WINKSTWO@SSSNET.COM >---------------------------------------------------------- >Part 2 - Father Boxer/Voltro the Vulture Alex: Say that name five times fast! Elena: You know, I don't think boxing and religion mix well.. Rude: (Father Boxer) Bow your heads and pray for no ears being bitten off this glorious day! Elena: Rude.... >---------------------------------------------------------- >(Early Morning at Nephrite's Masion) Alex: The poor guy *still* couldn't get any studying done *nor* date the woman of his dreams... [sad sigh] >Sol: So you are a early rising...Messila Elena: Now presenting Early Rising Messila! Watch out for Late Night and Heavy Sleeper Messila. Reno: The newest product from Thinker Dub Lab Co. Alex: Oh great, first she's in the AAAT and now Anime fanfics... Oh, that said Messila, not Marissa. My bad. >Messila: Yes, I ready to tell..Sailor Moon by indenitied. Rude: IDENTIFY YOURSELF. INCORRECT ID. >Sol: You might not know about your father death..so cry... Rude: [Sarcastic] Oh sure, just slap it on her forehead suddenly. I'm sure she can cope with it easier that way. Alex: You know guys, despite seeing that movie, my heart will go on. >Messila: Don't worry, Sol, my water sysem is going full-bast.. Elena: When she goes to the bathroom, she *really* goes... Rude: Oh no! Messila's going to flood! Raise the dam! Raise the dam! Alex: Where's Christian Slater and Morgan Freeman when we need them? >so >I will have some tears to cry with. Alex: Didn't she just say her water system was going full blast? Then wouldn't that mean she would have *no* water to cry tears with? Reno: Ladies and Gentlemen, meet the human Hoover Dam! >----------------------------------------------------------- > >(King Shadow's Throne Room) Reno: Guys... Why are we staring at a bathroom? Rude: I don't know, but this fic is making me regret drinking that extra cup of coffee now.... Alex: *THUMP* Ouch... *BUMP* Ow! Maybe I *should* get a light in here. >King Shadow: DARIUS!!!! Rude: (Shadow) What I have told you about putting the Toilet Paper over the roll? I said UNDER, dammit! Elena: Wrong Throne, Rude. Rude: Just ruin all my fun, why don't you? Elena: Well, since you asked so nicely.... [Rude grumbles and turns his attention back to the fic] >(Darius Appears) Rude: Special Effects made by Seigfried and Roy. Alex: AHH!!! Don't do that! You scared me! >Darius: What!!! Alex: Make it quick, I'm missing WCW Thunder for crying out loud!!! Elena: Really? Oh crap, I hope Chris Jericho's on when we get out of here.. [Sees the others staring at her] What? Rude: Never mind, I don't want to start a long discussion here. >King Shadow: Explain that ray of trouble called Sailor Sun. Alex: Oh... good play on the name there. Dr. Thinker would make a *good* MSTier. [Loud screams are heard from far away] Alex: What was that? Rude: Oh that? That was just the every fanfic viewing Satellite in existence. Nothing big. >Darius: Don't know...doubt to fullness of either Queen Melita or >her daughter, Princess Meta. Reno: (Spock) Doubt to Fullness, Captain. Rude: Well, that makes perfect sense. He means that... umm... umm.. Actually, I have no clue on what that was supposed to say. Alex: Meta-MSTing? Guess not... >King Shadow: Rememder...if that Sailor Sun is appears again!! >Turn he into hot water!!! Alex: Soaking Sailor Sun. Just add water. >Darius: I don't like HOT WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reno: Darius was scared for life after the "hand in hot water" incident at the Villains Conference.... Sad, really. Alex: [counts] That's about fifteen exclamation marks he used there. Elena: The casualty rate is starting to rise in this fic. Slowly, but still rising. Alex: Oh the humanity! >But I will make >some HOT FOOD for you!!! Reno: Watch Chef Darius every Sunday to see what fantastic food he can come up with for King Shadow! Elena: Sorry, but this guy is more full of HOT AIR than anything else. >See you around!!!! Alex: Even if I have to miss my Western Civ class, I'm gonna go see Nitro. Rude: Congratulations, Alex. You just broke the 4th Wall. Alex: Cool! >King Shadow: Did I do a good job? Reno: (Director) Cut cut! No you did not do a good job, King Shadow! You're supposed to wait until AFTER we stop recording to ask those questions! Let's do it again! Alex: Well, not really. You see, as the head villain, you're supposed to put the fear of god into, not only your enemies, but your lackeys as well. >----------------------------------------------------------------- Alex: That SOS is *still* coming out wrong. >(Molly, Melvin and Serena, with Luna acting like a parrot on her >shoulder are walking past a church) Reno: (Serena) Listen, Luna, you just can't do a good impression of the parrot from Ziggy! Knock it off! >Molly: Hi, Father Boxer Alex: A boxer that floats like an angel and hits like a lightning bolt? Elena: Father Boxer: Now appearing on Pay-Per-Bite! >Melvin: Father Boxer? Reno: Holy Preacher of the Mike Tyson 1st Church. Now introducing 7 second prayer services. Elena: Umm.. I think I'll pass on that offer. > >Molly: Yes. He was the one that tell me to stop worry about the >Mr. Stateton. Reno: Through a series of jabs and uppercuts. Rude: Now all she needs to worry about is her dental health! Alex: You know, I've never heard Molly ever call Nephlite in the series. You might want to correct that mistake next time, Dr. Thinker. >(A priest enters) Alex: Stage right. >Serena: He was one of the shadow warriors Rude: (Serena) And damn good at that game too! Elena: I didn't know Lo Wang opened up a training hall. >...what >happens if the person who dare to bringing Akkron back..will >bring...Vulture the Voltro? Reno: Father Box- giving cardboard faith everywhere! Elena: All those years as a UPS box finally paid off for him. >Hi! My name is >Serena. The boy with stupid-look glasses is Melvin. Reno: Say, didn't he die in Neo-Scouts? I mean, this is a part of the Neo-Scouts trilogy and well... he died. Rude: Melvin must have made a deal with Kenny somewhere in the process. Alex: Oh, boo! Serena would never say that about Melvin! Call him a geek yes, but never call him the guy with the stupid glasses. Elena: Alex, it's a bad fanfic. Relax.... Alex: I know but it's so hard to. >(A close-up >of Melvin steaming up his glasses) And her name is Alex: That which you do not know. >Father Boxer: Molly..I know...since I have a bad dream about it >all day...a ponytail hair women who turn into a some bird of prey >that can boxer.... Elena: A Bird of Prey that can box? They must have upgraded those Klingon ships since the last movie.... Reno: With Evander Holyfield as the captain of the ship too, I bet. Alex: Look! Leave Xena alone! We don't need Joxer in here! Oh... that said boxer, not Joxer. I seem to be making lots of those mistakes. >and two brave Sailor Scouts...Moon and >Jutiper stop me and return back to normal..and leave the area. Alex: Well, that's good to know. Now, what about you? >Serena: What do you need help with? Alex: If it's homework then don't ask her. >Father Boxer: A carvinal is going to use my church grounds and >the church itself.. Alex: And this is happening at a Christian church? Wow, I never knew that Churches were so loose these days. Rude: Well, some of them have extra free time from their daily Dungeon N' Dragons and Disney rants. Elena: Rude... >and any help get...I have get one...to bad you >have forgetten about Mr. Stateton..making Mrs. Stateton might >make up to you. Alex: The heck?! Neflite had a wife? >Molly: What do you mean by Mrs. Stateton> Alex: It means a wife. She's not very well educated, is she? Reno: Well, for taking a contract in a fanfic like this, no she isn't. >(Messila enters in her street clothes) Alex: Which I am grateful for considering the alternative. Rude: Presenting street clothes! Looks exactly like a street, even with faded yellow lines! Elena: With accessories, such as Skunk pins and Squirrel ties! >Messila: Good Morning, Father Boxer! I'm Mrs Stateton, Mrs. >Messila Stateton, Reno: Messila Stateton: PHD Certified at the James Bond School of Acting. >is my father still alive? Alex: Uh... no one told you? I thought you already knew? >Molly: No! He died at the hands of a blonde haired gang member >callling him a tratior to their cause? Rude: (Alex Trebek) I'm sorry Molly. Messila's fathers death had to be in the form of a statement... Alex: She was there and she didn't remember? Either her mind is going or her memory wasn't all that good in the first place. >Messila: (crying up a storm) [Everyone pops open umbrellas and shield themselves from the rain of tears.] >Sorry, to here that! Alex: I hope you'll *bee* better tomorrow. >I like to you >meet by favorite cat in the whole wide word.......Sol. Elena: (Messila ala Elmyra) [While Reno makes cat screeching noises] I can hug her and squeeze her and pet her itty bity head! Rude: Well, at least there isn't any 50 ft. Creature Lovers in this fic... > >(Sol enters) Alex: Oh how nice! Dr. Forrester finally brought the SOL back down to Earth! >Sol: Meow! Alex: The Satellite of Love speaks now? When was that installed? Reno: Magic Voices last days was reduced to this. Sad, isn't it? >Messila: Father Boxer, need help! We did it! Reno: Umm... Messila? You're supposed to express your sins in that box over there... Elena: I would hurt you for that, but I'm trying to decide if that's sick or not.... Alex: They won the gold medal!!! [pause] But for what? >(Enter Amy, Lita, Raye, and Sarah) Alex: Stage left. >Amy: Did you say Father Boxer? Rude: Alex: As opposed to Mother Wrestler. >Messila: Yes? Why? > >Amy: He was at boxer, Alex: Oh it's such a nice town to visit this time of year. In fact, I own some property there. Reno: Really? Alex: No... >an American sport. He fight only on Japan >soil.. Elena: Unfortunately, the Rice Field workers were in his way most of the time during his bouts. >so most of her changelles was done on a boxer field. Alex: When did the Father become a she? Is he that Oscar person I've heard about? Rude: Nah... Oscar would of gone after Sol for the rest of the fanfic. Elena: Besides, Father Boxer didn't *putted* on his *tennis* yet. >(We see a close-up of Father Boxer with a sweat drop) Alex: There's the wind up... and a great hit to out left field! Elena: You know, I've always wondered how they go those huge sweatdrops in Anime... Reno: Artificial Sweatdrops: Great for any Anime Series! Also make great stocking stuffers! Rude: Well, until they drench your stocking, I guess... >Father Boxer: You are on smart kid. Alex: Smart Kid: the Acid that makes you smarter on the high. Elena: (Boxer) Get off the smart kid! You're suffocating him, for crying out loud! >Serena: We meet torrow..Amy, Lita, Raye, Sarah, and you can come >to Messila. Alex: Which is *another* nice town. Don't own any property there though. Rude: (Messila ala Butthead) Come to Messila... Huh huh.... >Messila: Invitied to their location. Rude: Is a island full of genetically cloned dinosaurs. Reno: Actually, those islands are mostly filled with Steven Spielberg wannabes nowadays.... >Serena: (Whispering to Raye) What's torrow? Alex: That big tiger like demon that hangs out with Yoshio. Whoops... made another mistake. >Raye: (Whispering to Serena) Saturday! >Serena: At 8:00 AM..sharp!!! Alex: Ouch! That was sharp! Reno: Is that B Sharp? G Sharp? What? Elena: [groans] Reno: Hey, it's all I could come up with. >See you! Don't grumble, groans, or >mumbles..but I will try to match your abbilites with jobs left. Alex: So that would make Makoto a cook, Rei a priestess, Ami a scientist, and Minako an actress. Reno: Well, we know Alex has done some experimenting with Ami.... Alex: Hey! [blushes] [Elena grabs Reno's nightstick (NOT THAT, you hentai!) and bonks him on the head with it.] Elena: BAKA! Reno: Oww! Ok ok, I'll be good! >----------------------------------------------------------------- >(7:45 AM, at the Temple) >Raye: She going to be late? Alex: Like you need to ask that. Rude: Yeah, it's like asking if a criminal would take over a police station. >Serena: Who is going to be LATE? >(All the Scouts look shocked) Alex: As well as the MSTiers in the theater. Rude: What's next? Serena getting good grades in school? She not fighting with Rei? Elena: [Chuckie Voice] Nobody knows.... Reno: (Serena) Hey, where did that exposed wire come from? >Amy: We thought that >Lita: You will be here at >Serena: 8:00 AM? Rude: Actually, we were expecting you around here by noon of tomorrow. Reno: That soon? Man, you're aim must be way off today, Rude. >Lita: What happen to you! >Luna: See must to getting into Queen of things? >Serena: What does that mean? Alex: We're just as confused as you, Serena. Reno: As long as it isn't related to the *Queen of Kings*... or Queen of Kings... or something... Damn. Sitcoms these days are confusing..... >Luna: When the Queen was young, she was also clumsy.. >but as the >years pass..she get graceful, smartful, and powerful. >The three >was the power the triangle of the Moon Queen. Alex: No no no... that triangle was in the Legend of Zelda. >Serena: Anyway, I have make a list of abbilites at 4:35 is >morning... Elena: Well, SOMEONE is hooked on Starbucks coffee.... Alex: It's 4:35 AM?!?! Oh no! I'm late I'm late!!! [gets up and runs about ala Serena & Usagi for a few seconds then sits back down.] >Amy will check all the computer at the carvinal and >make repairs, Raye and Mina will keep be a eye on Father Boxer, Reno: Raye and Mina: The official boxing scouts for the Sailor Senshi! Rude: Unfortunately, the two Senshi had to wear a Eye Patch from now on. Elena: Well, she said to keep a eye *on* him.... Alex: I wonder who Father Boxer is going to fight next? Mike Tyson? Holyfield? >Mina's side is the not Father Boxer, Raye is Father Boxer's side >as water ladies. Alex: Please oh please don't let that be anything like the bondage fairies that MSTier John Felix was telling me about. [A rumbling is head outside the ship] Reno: Alex... I have a bad feeling you should stop hammering at the 4th wall... Alex: Why? >Lita will be help out will keep out trouble >makers as a ticket taker, Rude: The biggest gimmick since the Undertaker... The Tickettaker... Reno: [Undertaker voice] You shall... HAVE... NO... REFUND.... >Messila will be will me Alex: She'll need the Luna pen for that though. Reno: Nitpick, nitpick... Alex: Can *you* think of something else? >and Luna and >Artemis as supervisors. Elena: Of course... Hang on here, this was Serena talking? She's making a plan that makes sense? Is this the Serena we all know and love? Rude: I think this is a condition that is very contagious around Anime Characters called OOCitis. Let's watch the fun... >(Messila enters as Serena starts on her last setences and claps >at the end) Alex: Bravo! Bravo! Encore! Encore! >Serena: Messila...do you know you job? Elena: Poor Messila... She's practically one of the stars in this fic, yet she STILL jobs.. Hollywood can be rough on someone, can't it? Rude: Hey, it worked out great for Dwayne Gill... Elena: Hmm... Good point. Alex: Yes, but do I really have to trip over everything and cry allot? >Messila: Yes! I was coming up those stairs as her that I going to >be help. Alex: Ah, good old Thinker! You always give the English language new and lovely twists. Don't ever change man. Don't ever change. >Serena: Take Messila to the place...I been there shortly) Alex: And she'll been there again! Thank you! I'll be here all week... or at least till the end of the fanfic. >(All leave expect Luna and Artemis) >Serena: I worry about Messila, some is fishy in Demark... Reno: (Serena) While others are salty. Elena: (Waitress) Would you like to try the *Demark* special? It's excellent with Clams! Reno: Especially during the wrong time of the year! >or >should I say Nega-Demark? (giggles) Alex: Boo! [throws popcorn at the theater screen] Reno: Oh great... We're now going to have a sticky floor. Elena: It was about time this started to turn into a theater type environment completely anyway. Alex: Oh, I'm sorry. Popcorn? [holds the bag out] >Artemis: Fish Bone? >Serena: I'M SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Reno falls flat on the floor. He gets up and jumps back in his seat] Reno: Well, that was fun... Rude: First she was laughing, now she's mad... Talk about some MAJOR mood swings. Reno: Now I know why they made those Mood Rings. So they can tell when they're becoming OOC. Alex: [counts] Seventeen exclamation marks there. >(Artemis fells of his pillow on a chair and on top the pillow >belong..where Luna was laying on) Alex: Uh, Dr. Thinker? Remember what I said earlier about not changing? Uh, could you forget I said that? Please? >Luna: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!>!! [Everyone holds there ears] Reno: Ow... Rude: And with this, The Coca-Cola company found their new star for Surge... Alex: [holds hand over ears and counts] One Y, thirteen O's, twelve E's, fifteen W's, and fourteen exclamation marks... man, am I bored. >Serena: You will get some dangerous waves from Messila, let's >go!! Alex: Hey! Ho! Let's go! >(Serena, Luna and Artemis leaves) Reno: Yes. Serena, Luna, and Artemis leaves. Guaranteed to make the best tea out there! Beats Lipton 10 to 1! Elena: Check your local retailer... >--------------------------------------------------------------- Alex: Hey Turks, you still haven't figure out how to do the SOS yet? Reno: Alex... That's not us doing the SOS signal. We would have it right the first time... [Mumbling] Even though I don't know Morse code worth crap.... Alex: Maybe you should get Elena to teach you. >[Carvinal] Elena: The Carnival of Oddities? Rude: Let's see... There's Kurrgan trying to hit on the alligator lady, Luna's dancing around... And there's Sweet Tooth running around to give the kiddies "Treats" from his vehicle! Reno: But Sweet Tooth isn't a part of the Oddities... Rude: Well, it fits his personality nicely though. >(We see Darius landing in the middle of the Carvinal... Alex: *THUD* Not very well, though. Reno: Still, his five-star notebook will help him during the fall! Elena: Well, it's kind of dumb to mix it up with a parachute... Rude: Sure.. it helped.... the authorities clean up the mess, that is. Alex: Shoveling Darius... the new movie opening everywhere. >at the >same time Serena, Messila, and Lita happens to see them land >close to Father Boxer) Alex: Well at least he had someone to land on. Rude: Huh? Them? Darius is not the only one falling? Elena: Unfortunately, the Local Skydiving team was WAY off course of the target.... >Lita: You will need tickets, if you want to come in!! >Darius: I don't need no stinking tickets!!!! Reno: Darius: Evil villain, hated by the Sailor Senshi... No.1 fan of UHF. Alex: Thank you folks! I'll be here all week! >(Darius fires a laser blast at them) Alex: DUCK!!! [ducks down] Elena: [Looking at Alex] Maybe Rufus shouldn't of had installed surround sound in the theater. Rude: [sighs] Darius, it's only about 3 dollars with no tax to get in. It's not going to lower your income any... Cheapskate. Alex: [gets back up] Whoops... sorry... > >Messila: (Whisper) Do you a sercet, Serena? I know the answer is >yes! I'm really Sailor Sun Alex: No wonder she had such a *bright* personality. Rude: Well, sure, if you count crying about her father all the time and making her live in a dark mansion bright.... >Serena: (Whisper) Let's burn and dust that creep mechinal Nega- >Nut!! Alex: It's... butt whipping time! >(Messila and Serena duck into alleyway) Rude: (Messila) Now's our chance! Smoke the joints before they catch us! Elena: Rude... >Serena: MOOOOOON CRYSTRAL POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alex: SUPER VEGITA BIG BANG ATTACK!!! >Messila: SUN STONE POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reno: Well, it's still better than "Gall Stone Power", I guess... Alex: Oh man, Serena... you've got to try out this transformation sequence. It's really groovy. >Sol: Let's find what that Nega-Bolt up to!! >Darius: YOU WILL COMPUTE IT SOON!! SAILOR NUTS!!!! Alex: Sailor Walnut and Sailor Peanut will be along shortly. Reno: Sailor Nuts? Since when did they let Eric Cartman in as a Senshi? Elena: Since fanfic writers started making crossovers on the two. It's happened before... Rude: [snickers] (Cartman) Cheesy Poofs Power, Make Up! >(Darius opens his chest, Reno: Ack! Darius is turning into a flasher! Elena: Well, we know that when Darius fails here, he'll have a great future with the freak show. >the beam in his chest goes to Father >Boxer..turn into into a boxing vulture named Voltro) Alex: Did he did he say say into into twice twice? Just just want want to to be be sure sure. >Voltro: I'm back for a rematch...get to ready to DIE!!!!! Alex: Sounds like an opening to a Marilyn Manson song. Rude: [Singing] Flash before my eyes.... Now it's time to die.... >Darius: This is going to be a CHAMPION VICTORY for Voltro, the >Vulture!!!!!!!!!!! Alex: He's been training and ready to bite off people's ears! He's all fired up for this match! Uh... maybe he shouldn't have trained under Mike Tyson. >Moon: Don't BET on that, Don King!!!!!! Elena: The Exclamation market sure has been getting good business ever since Dr. Thinker started making fanfics. Reno: Last time I checked, Thinker Dub Lab Co. was beating Dow by 3 exclamation points this year... Rude: Well, with all the stock market downfalls, who's surprised? >I'm Sailor Moon, the >Champion of Justice. I will rights wrongs and trumiph over >EVIL...in the name of the Moon, your are going to become yourself >again!!! That means return into Human!!!! Alex: Wow... I'm impressed Dr. Thinker. You only had a few mistakes in the Sailor Moon speech. Just iron those out and you'll be a great author! >Voltro: Let me take over you world, I will NOT harm you!! Rude: (Voltro) I'll just merely break your legs and slit your wrists. That's all! Reno: As long as he doesn't *H.A.R.M* anyone. I don't want to see the Sailor Senshi in girdles and with small spore guns. Rude: [Suddenly turns green] Reno, that isn't helping one bit.... Alex: Like that ever convinced the good guys before. Elena: [giggles] Yeah! That's like asking Paul Bearer to try a weight loss program sometime! >Moon: Fat change, loooooooooser!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reno: Fat Change? Looks like the U.S Mint Department has a little mix-up in the coins.... Rude: As if it wasn't enough trouble to put coins in the snack machines now. >Voltro: Yeah! Like you silly little friend over there can hurt >me!! Elena: Unfortunately, Voltro accidentally referred to George Foreman.... Reno: Actually, it's not his fist that are deadly. It's his short live sitcom that delivers the lethal blow. Alex: Insert your generic "Villain-getting-his-butt-handed-to-him" scene right here. >Moon: Time for your saying!!! >Sun: Right! I'm Sailor Sun! The Champion of Justice!! I will >rights wrongs and trumiph over evil...In the name of the Sun, I >will punish you!!! SUN NOVA BLAST!!!!!!!!!!!! Reno: And immediately, Sailor Moon sues Sailor Sun's ass over copyrights. Alex: Wow! Dr. Thinker is getting better! And to just think, this was supposed to be torture. Man, your bosses are really screw ups at this. >(The two boxers gloves melt down) Alex: Oh no! Wrath put his patented finishing move on him! He'll be out for the rest of this match. Elena: Another reason why the Nuclear Reactor type boxing gloves were taken off the market... >Lita: Nice move..Sailor Sun!!!!! >Sun: Thanks! Oh, no!! Look out! Reno: It's Mr.Bill, and he's pissed! >(Sun diving Moon out of Boxer's green fist as red rose flashes) Alex: Uh... you think Dr. Thinker gets better and then *this* shows up. >Moon: Tudexo Mask!!!!!! >(Starting on top of carvinal booth is Darrien, a.k.a Tudexo Mask) Reno: Ironically, several kids immediately ran to the booth, wanting the "Big Penguin" stuffed toy... Alex: Don't view in too close! *THUNK* Oh, Darien's gonna be feeling that in the morning. >Tudexo Mask: (shocked) What is bone-headed warrior doing back >after he was healed? Alex: It was in the script. Didn't you read it? >(Darrius jump out) >Darrius: Tag Team! Alex: Alright! Time for me to use the patented Anipike's Elbow! Reno: Oh no. Alex, could you not start a "People's Champion" Gimmick while you're up here? Please? It was too much after the Rock turned heel.... Alex: What? It's fun! I raise the Anipike's eyebrow and then... Reno: No. Alex: Okay. Rude: [Darkly] You got to wonder where all these elbows are coming from though. Elena: Meet the only fan now of the one hit wonders "Tag-Team"! >Voltro: About time! I was about to be drestoryed!!!!!!!!! Alex: Dressed up as a story? Reno: (Voltro, crying) They dressed me up as "Rumblestilskin" and then they were going to dress me up as "Cinderella".... The pain! The Pain! Rude: Better that than "The Emperor's New Clothes". [Everyone shudders at that thought] >Darrius: If you want him to return to normal..you must go throw >me!! Alex: Okay... but where to? The lake? Okay! *SPLASH* That was fun! Who's next? >Sun: SUN BOMB BLAST!!!! >(The Sun Bomb Blast makes it hits Darrius's skin) Elena: And we wonder why Sailor Sun never opened up a successful Suntan business. Reno: Once you get out you Darius from the oven, serve with green beans and wah-la! Fried Darius that is sure to surprise everyone in your family! Rude: With emphasis on Surprise.... >Sun: You sunburned and going to get moondusted as well. Alex: That is so bad you can't help but laugh. Rude: Uhh... Sailor Sun? There's a little word called "Overkill" that we use for these situations... Elena: Yeah! The bad guys didn't even do anything yet! Reno: Now I know how all those people felt after Mike Tyson got that KO so fast on his PPV return.... >Moon: Nice saying!! Moon Scepter Elimation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >(Darius is tell into a computer chip) Now, for you!! Alex: YOU'RE NEXT! >Voltro: I know when my time up in my rounds...look like time for >me to throw in the towel!!!!! Elena: As well as the hotel's ashtrays and shampoo bottles as well. You just can't get away with that sort of thing, Voltro. Alex: Wow.... a villain with common sense. You don't see those very often. >Moon: Nice that you learn that, quickly!!!! MOOON CRYSTRAL >HEALING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alex: Ear drums bursting! >-------------------------------------------------------------- > >King Shadow: That was suprize!! Alex: You mean you weren't surprised when you sent out a idiot lackey to do your work for you and he failed? Really, I thought you were smarter then that, King Shadow. >Voice: Moon drestoryed Darius? Alex: Yeah... got him this awesome Armani business suit. >King Shadow: No, it was just time until he was turn into a >computer chip. Reno: In which will be obsolete two seconds after we leave the theater. [Elena makes the "Intel" sound] Alex: Oh sure... start with the shameless plugs. Rude: Darius just might as well have been turned into bacteria. I think they live about a couple of minutes longer. >Voice: Then what? Alex: Party! WHOO!!! >King Shadow: The time, it take her just two days to tell him into >a computer chip!!! Reno: Tell him into a computer chip? Hypnotisms getting pretty weird these days... Rude: Yeah. It seems that after "Devil Doll", everyone's been trying to enter people into stuff! Reno: Funny... After this riff, I have a sudden urge for *Ham* now... >It was thinking after all 7 shadows, he will >defeat by Moon. But she was a clumsy as she was in the past >against Queen Beryl. Alex: Actually, when you get Serena mad, she's just like Usagi. A very dangerous and very powerful foe. >Voice: I going to DELETE them!!!! Alex: Oh no! Lord Thinker is a bad guy! Destroying that Chaos Emerald really did change him! WHY DO WE LOSE THE GOOD ONES?!?!? [breaks down crying. Elena pats him on the back.] Elena: Hey, it could be worse... It could be Bill Gates as the bad guy... Reno: He already IS that, Elena... Elena: Oh yeah... >Do you still have that >crystral? >King Shadow: Yes! The Crystral was supposed to be return >right..about....now....(The crystral appears).. Alex: That is some good timing. >Good, you may take >it...Ninus. Alex: Niiiiiiiiinussssss... >(A wing women appears) >Ninus: What's you favorite dish? Reno: Pizza... That's how I survived High School. Alex: Okiyama... I love it when Ukyou cooks those. They're so yummy. >King Shadow: Cooked Sailor Scouts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >Ninus: Good choice!!! Elena: No it isn't. It's like Nav in the kitchen. Rude: (Ninus) Serve with mash potatoes and it's a great Thanksgiving treat! >(Evil Laugh from Ninus and King Shadow fills the room) [The group stares in shock.] Reno: I knew Taco Bell's food could be gassy, but THIS is ridiculous! Rude: You know, a match would do wonders in a situation like this... Elena: One of the many reasons you do NOT eat at Denny's..... >---------------------------------------------------------------- >End of Part 2 Alex: As well as the end of our... well, it wasn't painful. More like goofy. Rude: Yeah... Just like every single part of Neo-Scouts. Elena: We should really suggest more of these fics to Rufus sometime. >Great just waited Sailor Moon need..two wing Nega-Nuts, Ninus and >our next-Shadow Warrior.....Vena!!!!!! Alex: Oh, I get it... Youma V!!! >Will the Sailor Scouts >clip Vena's wings or will Nina soar will a win? Rude: But where is the Pinta and the Santa Maria? Reno: Oh, I heard they got cut out of the final copy of the next part.... Alex: Soar will a win... >Find out in >the next eposide of Sailor Moon: Sailor Sun called.... >Part 3 - Peggy Bottom/Vena Elena: Peggy Bottom? [Sarcastic] Oh, that's a real lovely name. Rude: Now that is one girl that you wouldn't want to land! Well, on YOU, but nevertheless... Reno: And she's 100% lemon ready too! Just grab a hammer and... [Elena backhands Reno.] Reno: Oww! Stop that! Elena: When you stop with the hentai comments, I will! Rude: Anyway, let's get out of here... I've had my daily dose of Thinker already. [The others nod and exit the theater] ---- [Reverse Order of Door Sequence... you know, the usual ^_^] [SOS- The Turks and Alex are all assembled on the bridge. Alex is on one side, while the Turks are on another.] Elena: So, Alex, you're going to go, right? Alex: Yep. I need to go find Bret on another satellite for my big sister. [He sighs.] Well, thank you for your hospitality! Rude: No prob, Alex. And I'm sorry our local reject wasn't in order more than he was. Reno: [Turns to Rude] Watch it, Baldy... Anyway, Alex, A friend of mind on that satellite you mentioned will take real good care of you. He goes by the name of Nash.. or something.. Alex: Umm... Thanks, Reno. I guess. Elena: [Turning to the computer] Ok Alex, you're set to go. Just say the word! Alex: The Word. [Elena facefaults for a second, but quickly gets back to typing in the command. Suddenly, the airlock is thrown open and Alex jumps out, with special thanks to his inner soul, onto the Satellite of Nitro. Meanwhile, The Turks are all clinging for their dear lives, until the airlock suddenly closes. The 3 drop to the floor, exhausted.] Reno: [Woozy] That was fun, Mommy! Can we go on the ride again? Rude: [Rubbing his head] You know, I'm going miss him... Elena: Same here. I just hope he's ok out there.... Reno: [Back to normal] Umm... On a change of subject, how do you think Heidegger's doing? [The Three realize this and think for a moment. Meanwhile....] [Midgar 13- Heidegger clothes are almost turned to ash. Himself is just covered with black debris from the explosions.] Heidegger: Umm... Mr.Shinra, sir? Could you give me a first aid kit or something? I think it will help ease the pain. Rufus: Oh, don't be such a pansy, Heidegger! Ok... Let's see... We've done The Twist, The YMCA, The odd Titanic dance.... Hmm... Damn, I can't think of anymore.... [Heidegger sighs with relief. Suddenly, Rufus brightens up.] Rufus: Wait... Heidegger? Could you breakdance? Heidegger: I don't think I can even move.... Rufus: I'll take that as a yes.... NOW DO THE HAMMER! [Slaps M.C. Hammer into the CD Player. Heidegger attempts to breakdance, and noticing that the Missletoe 4000 is firing *again*. He shrieks and runs towards the closest wall, which happen to have "The Button on it" \ he hits his head on it as a missle fires at him once again.] ___________________________________________________________________ [The Turks Theme cues on, as multiple screams from Heidegger are heard, along with the sounds of missles in the air.] Send comments to Crowbar at: MakoReno@aol.com Send comments to JOLT!!! at: xwing@uniserve.com