Hey there, SVAM community! It's me, Michael O'Hare, the Official Ernesto 'Che' Guevara look-alike of SVAM! I'm back to MiSTing, baby!!! After so many years of dreaming about it, I finally have my own computer!!! No more library-leeching for me, no-sirey!!! Just as soon as the trauma of the Ohio get-together wears off (I still can't swallow my food properly,) I'll be back on my hotstreak! Okay, enough of that! This fic, I almost feel bad riffing, because the writer put so much effort into it. I mean, there's a web page, pictures of his own scouts, actual sound bites, and everything. Ah, well. Malahelicon does not look kindly on the weak of heart. So, let's get it on!!! ============================================================= SAILOR X: CHAPTER ONE MiSTed by Michael O'Hare, the official Ernesto 'Che' Guevara look-alike of SVAM ============================================================= -*- Magical Girl Fic Theatre 3000, Show 103, Reel One... In a not so distant future, Somewhere in Deep 13, Dr. Forrestor and TV's Frank, Were forming a wicked scheme. They found an otaku named Mike O'Hare. The oddest guy you could find anywhere. Their experiment needed a good test case, So they whacked him on the head and then they shot him into space. ("I THOUGHT you two looked familiaaaaaaarr!!!") We'll send him cheesy fanfics, The worst we can find. (La La La!) He'll have to sit and read them all, He'll lose the rest of his mind. (La La La!) Now keep in mind Mike can't control how long the fanfics last, (La La La!) He's trying to save his sanity with the help of the magical girl cast. (cast character roll call!) Yohko! ("108 generations!") Sasami! ("I cook all the time!") Athena! ("Yattah!") REEEEEEEEEEIIIIII! ("I sense something evil!") Now you're wondering how they eat and breathe, and other science facts. (La La La!) Just repeat to yourself "I'm not up there, I should really just relax." For Magical Girl Fic Theatre 3000! (Guitar Twang.) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Dog bone) It was late at night on the Satellite of Bacon (SOB), and everyone on board had gone to sleep. Except for Michael O'Hare, who was busy watching TV. "I never realized that Cartoon Network supplemented it's late night slots with regrettable cartoon crap," he quipped. "Take this show 'Devlin,' for example. It's basically a story about a guy with a motorcycle who does stunts. Basically a desperately poor man's Evil Knevil. How many times can you do a cartoon with a guy jumping over fans before it gets old?" Suddenly, Mike's rant was interrupted by the TV. "Up next, 'The Gary Coleman Show.'" "The only reason I can come up for these show existing is that God was punishing the 70's. Dressing like that, apparently, was a sin." Mike stared at the TV. "Dammit! There's got to be something worth watching SOMEWHERE!!! We'll be right back!" {MGFT3K Planet Logo} {And we'll be right back, right after this!} Breathe air! It's good for you!!! (Brought to you by the National Air Council) {Okay, we're back!} Although still very late at night, everyone on the SOB had been awoken by the sounds of a rifle firing. Rei was the first one to get to the bridge, only to find Michael holding a smoking rifle, laughing maniacally. On the table in front of him were the shattered remains of a television. "You thought you had me, didn't you?!?" Mike yelled at the wreckage. "You thought you had me when you showed me 'The Super Globetrotters,' didn't you?!? Well, LET'S SEE YOU SHOW ANOTHER EPISODE OF 'THE HAIR BEAR BUNCH' NOW, YOU BASTARD!!! HA HA HA!!!" At this point, Mike realized that everyone else had gathered, and that they were staring at him. "Mike?" Sasami said, somewhat frightened. "What are you doing?" "What the hell did you shoot the TV for??" Yohko yelled at him. "You don't understand!" Mike yelled back. "It was showing Jabberjaw! IT WAS SHOWING JABBERJAW!!!!" This statement was met with silence. "Whatever," Athena said. "Let's all go back to bed." Just then, the Mad's light went off. "Why are they calling this late?" Rei said as she pressed the button. "That wretched theme song..." Mike mumbled. "Will someone take that gun away from him?" Upon pressing the button, they were met with Dr. Forrester's smug face. "Yo-ho, my little magical lab rats. Since you feebs are up, I decided that maybe I'll show you tonight's fic NOW!!!" "WHAT???" was the unanimous cry from the Satellite's inhabitants. "You can't do that!" yelled Yohko. "It's two in the morning!" Sasami cried. "Now, that depends on where in the world you are," Forrester said, matter-of-factly. "And, since you're not on the world, you don't have a time zone, so don't even bother! Now, for the invention exchange..." "We don't have one!" Rei said bitterly. "We were SLEEPING! Remember?" Athena added. "I was shooting a TV," Mike said. "...Right," Forrester said. "In that case, we'll go first. Now, we've all tried going to that 'Ask Jeeves' web site, maybe to find something out. But, once we get there, we can't help but type in rude, abusive things to Jeeves. Like, 'Why are you so ugly?" or "Why do you smell so bad?" "I don't do that," Mike said. "Me neither," Rei said. "Neither do I," Athena said. "Nope," Sasami said. "I've never even been there," Yohko said. "Quiet!" Forrester hissed. "As I was saying, since we ALL mistreat poor Jeeves, I say, why not replace him with someone who's used to being mistreated? I give you, ASK FRANK!" Just then, Frank appeared, wearing a butler's outfit. "How may I be of service?" he said in a stereotypical butler tone. "Say, Frank," Forrester said, "why are you so ugly?" "Well, I... HEY!" "Frank,' Forrester continued, "why do you smell bad?" "I don't smell bad!" Frank yelled. "Sure you don't, booby. Well?" "It's kinda dumb," Sasami said. "It looks like you were just looking for an excuse to dress Frank up in a butler suit and say he smells bad." "Bah! Nonsense!" Forrester replied. Anyway, your fic today is the first in a LONG, LONG series called Sailor X. Enjoy. And don't even think about falling asleep in the theatre!" "Do I really smell bad?" Frank asked, a little concerned. On the SOB, The sirens and klaxons suddenly went off. "WE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" (Dog bone, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...) MIKE: So, this is one of those stories where a new Senshi pops up? ATHENA: That's what it looks like. SASAMI: >Sailor X ATHENA: Directed by Spike Lee. REI: Nice, creative name for a Senshi, by the way. > > > > Episode 1 MIKE: The Fandom... er, PHANTOM Menace. > Ř Dark Force Rising ALL: ALL: GYAAAAAH!!! REI: I'm up! I'm up! MIKE: Mother! Oh, god!!! VOICE OF DR. FORRESTER: I thought I told you NO SLEEPING! SASAMI: Nyaaa!!! > > Release Date: 12/11/96 - written by Jim YOHKO: Jim who? SASAMI: How can you forget to put your own last name on something you wrote? > > Re-edited: 06/08/97 - edited by Michael Hahn MIKE: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!!! YOHKO: RE-edited? That's a good sign, isn't it? Please tell me that it is! > >The sun is shining. YOHKO: Isn't that part of a song? >Overhead, a couple puffy clouds are in the air. ATHENA: We'll get to our story in a moment. But first, this Haiku! >This must be one of the most perfect days >ever. MIKE: Most perfect? >Some birds flutter by, singing their songs, REI: Searching for clean cars. SASAMI: Look, a clean Cadillac, and it's mine! All mine!!! >while the people of Tokyo walk along the harbor. SASAMI: PLOP! MIKE: DAMN BIRDS!!! >Some of >them are on dates, and others are enjoying the beautiful sunny weekend with their families. SASAMI: While others are not even there. YOHKO: Man, this story's pace is frenetic! How long can they keep this up?? >Through the >crowd comes ATHENA: A streaker!!! >Darien and Serena holding hands and looking as nervous as two people on their wedding day! MIKE: Personally, I'd be more nervous about the night AFTER the wedding, ifyaknowwhatimean... REI: >They reached the water's edge, and they look into each other's eyes. ATHENA: No, not lover's suicide!!! >"I can not believe this day has finally >come." Serena said still looking to Darien's eyes. ATHENA: Watch where you're going! YOHKO: Aaaaaaah!!! SASAMI: SPLASH! >"Me neither... I guess this has been a long time coming." MIKE: Double entendre, anyone? REI: Oh, sick! >Darien replied as he reaches over and kisses Serena. > >[Title Screen] SASAMI: How not to be seen. > >In a dark, rocky fortress, you see six figures kneeling around a pool of water. ATHENA: We do? Where? REI: I don't see anything but a fanfic we don't want to read. >You hear chanting. ALL: Amadeus, Amadeus... Amadeus! >The figures >are covered up in ninja uniforms, you can not make out any of them, at this time. YOHKO: The Witness Protection Program gets gothic! >Finally, steam rises from the >water, REI: Okay, add the noodles. >and forms into a humanoid. REI: Whoa! On second thought... MIKE: Oh, crap! It's one of those damned Impossibles! I hate that cartoon! >The figure's skin is tinged with a faint sullen red. MIKE: George Hamilton IS Satan! >The color deepens around >his eyes, almost as if they were glowing. ATHENA: Probably because they ARE glowing. >Set above his eyes are two small horns. > He is a big man, dressed all >in black. MIKE: Wait a minute… IT'S DARTH MAUL! HE'S ALIVE! REI: It was just a flesh wound. >A ninja dressed in red ALL: Ninja in red, is dancing with me... >said "Hades, you have summoned us here today." REI: Hmmmm, I had no idea that Greek gods employed Japanese assassins. SASAMI: Something's not right in this story. > >"Yes" Hades replied, "I have asked all of you to come from your places of hiding, because the time is at >hand. YOHKO: Why do all villains have this exact same speech starting with these exact same words? >The world is at piece, REI: Which piece? SASAMI: And it was re-edited, too... >our time is now! If I am to return from the Underworld, I need the energy of the >humans. REI: If that's so, then you're not much of a god, are you? >So I may rule this planet. ATHENA: Thanks for adding that in. >I will give you my assistants to help you in taking the energy from the >humans. You, number 1 ALL: >(the ninja in the red) MIKE: Whoa, his number one is red?? YOHKO: Maybe he should see a doctor about that. >go and get me energy. But choose carefully, SASAMI: Make sure the energy is not overripe, like last time! >only people with >caring souls will work! YOHKO: Hey, if you're a god, you'd be able to work with any kind of souls. REI: If he was a god, he wouldn't even need them! >The rest of you watch over this fortress, SASAMI: And clean it up! It's a total mess! MIKE: Look at all the garbage. What have you people been doing while I was out??? YOHKO: You haven't had any parties while I was gone, have you?? I specifically said NO PARTIES!!! >and begin the energy chamber." ATHENA: Michael Jackson is Satan! YOHKO: Too pale. REI: You know, from what I've read, I haven't found any evidence of Hades trying to take over the world. SASAMI: Not that he'd be happy with what he has. MIKE: As Keanu Reeves said, 'Better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven, huh?' > >"If Serena would get out of la la land, maybe we could have our Scout meeting. MIKE: Unfortunately, at this very time, the border guards of La La Land were detaining Serena due to her expired Visa. >We really need to decide what >should happen to the Sailor Scouts, since the Negaverse is finally destroyed." SASAMI: What's the setting of this story, again? REI: According to the writer's website, during the middle of the Sailor Moon R series, before Chibiusa appears. MIKE: With luck, the writer will be able to follow the continuity of his own story better than he did the show itself. >Rei said, as the rest of the >girls sat around at her place waiting for Serena to show up. ATHENA: So, are you freeloaders going to earn your keep here, or am I going to have to kick you out? REI: Hey, I've never said anything like that... to them... >Mina didn't mind since she was reading her >favorite Sailor V comic! MIKE: The one with the freaky chick with a microphone on her head. > >"We could become private detectives trying to stop the mob from taking over London." YOHKO: Too late. SASAMI: Uuh... how big a grip does the mafia have in London? MIKE: Not much. If they want to fight gangsters, they should move to Russia. > >"I think you have been reading one to many V comics, Mina" Lita said with a laugh. SASAMI: Ha, ha, ha. > >Ami said "I would not mind if we just sat around and devoted all are time to studying." ATHENA: Is she REALLY this obsessive? > >"Not" said the other three as they all broke down in laughter. > >Serena and Darien were standing out side a ice cream stand, Darien was still on his first ice cream, and >Serena was finished her 3rd. MIKE: Serena and Darien's attempts to re-create Weird-Al Yankovic's 'Fat' video have met with little success. >"Can I have another one? Please!!!" YOHKO: I hate to say this, but that sounds kind of dirty! > >Darien said "I have no more money left. After buying you two ice creams, two hamburgers, two chocolate >bars, two shrimp sticks, MIKE: Shrimp sticks? What the hell are shrimp sticks? SASAMI: Shrimp on a stick... I think. >and two large drinks, I'm broke." YOHKO: You only had enough money for that?? What the hell are you doing going out, then? > >Serena started crying. Everybody was looking at them, MIKE: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HER? SASAMI: SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE! HE'S ATTACKING HER!!! MIKE: Ah, that reminds me of when my sister's husband proposed to her at a football game. Remind me to tell you about that someday. >Darien tried to >make it look like he was not with her. ATHENA: Which was hard to do since she was hanging off his arm. >Finally she stopped. "Wait I have >some money!!!" Serena said as she went to buy another ice cream. MIKE: You're putting my kids through college, lady. > >Lurking unseen nearby was the red ninja. ATHENA: And, by amazing coincidence, the Ninja just happens to stumble onto the protagonist and her boyfriend. >He said "Any guy who would buy >a cry baby all that food, must be caring. ATHENA: And, by another amazing coincidence, the Ninja ignores the happy families and happy couples mentioned earlier, and focuses on the protagonist's boyfriend. >I will follow them, YOHKO: Ninja paparrazi! >and steal his >energy at the right moment!" ATHENA: When he's on the can? REI: Athena!! ATHENA: Well, he wouldn't be expecting it! > >[CM Break] > SASAMI: For the fic, or us? MIKE: Both! MGFT3K Planet Logo} {And now, some stuff you can't buy anywhere} NEW FROM DEEP THIRTEEN TOYS!!! Hey kids! Now's your chance to own your very own SERIAL KILLER ACTION FIGURE SET!!! Collect them all! There's Ted Bundy, with Action Smirk! There's Ed Gien, with Action Weird Look! And there's David Burkowitz, with Action 'That Dog Is Talking To Me!' And many more!!! (A shot of a pair of young kids looking at the action figures in total confusion, while their parents gawk in horror.) KID: Uuh... They don't do anything. Well, yeah, we would have given them little knife accessories and let them kill each other, but our lawyers warned us not to... BUT STILL!!! COLLECT THEM ALL!!! PLEASE!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA JUST HOW MUCH MONEY WE'VE LOST ON THIS DEAL!!! JUST BUY THEM!!! WAAAAH!!! {Complaints and hatemail can be sent to servantofdea@hotmail.com. I would like to apologize in advance for that commercial. Now, back to the show!} REI: That is the sickest thing I've ever seen! MIKE: Hey, I'd buy them... as a collector's item! Nothing else! MIKE: No, really! Only as collector's items! ATHENA: Sure you would. Does anyone want to trade seats with me?? >Back at Rei's house the girls were playing Sailor V video games REI: But I don't have a TV. How did we manage that? >(Mina was >winning, of course.) Ami was sitting on the floor studying. SASAMI: 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorders and You.' > >Rei said "I know what should become of the Sailor Scouts! Our new mission should be to kill Serena!" YOHKO: WHOA!!! SASAMI: REI: Hey, wait a minute! ATHENA: Rei, are you okay? REI: But... MIKE: Look, Rei... sometimes we all get mad at people. Believe me, I know. But that's no justification for killing! REI: Shut up. > >Ami replied "Well you can't blame her Rei. YOHKO: Yeah, leave her Rei out of this, Rei... Huh? SASAMI: This fanfic has been RE-edited. >She has been trying to be with Darien for a long time now! She >had to fight Queen Berryl and Ann & Allen Just to get him back." MIKE: Why can't I meet a girl willing to go through that for me? MIKE: Forget I said that. > >Rei replied "I know. It's just she promised she would be here, and we already have wasted half the afternoon >waiting for her." SASAMI: Well, you guys were playing Sailor V, and Ami was studying. That's not wasting the day. > >Mina say's "Let's forget about the meeting and let's go shopping!" YOHKO: To hell with protecting the world! I need a new dress! > >Lita replied "Great idea Mina." > >The girls were leaving and Mina and Lita were dragging Ami while she was saying MIKE: listen to me!!! SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!! >"Wait. I only have to >finish 24 more questions, and I will be 4 chapters ahead." YOHKO: Don't separate me from my one true love!!! SASAMI: You shouldn't have to drag her away. REI: We don't! The writer's exaggerating our traits! > >Serena and Darien were walking, still holding hands, when they ran into Andrew from the Arcade. ALL: Ouch! > >"Hey you guy's!" SASAMI: So, the fic was RE-edited... REI: Enough, we get the point. >Andrew shouted. Darien was a little embarrassed to be caught holding hands with Serena. YOHKO: Yeah, I'd be embarrassed to hold hands with my true love, too. > >"Wow! Are you guys an item now?" Andrew wondered. ATHENA: Not actually saying it, though. > >"Yup, we sure are!!!" Serena said with a big smile, and Darien was still looking a little embarrassed. YOHKO: Darn, caught holding hands with a girl. Now he'll think I KISSED her! >"Cool. >You guys make a great couple," Andrew said. "Thanks, it was destiny!" Serena said. Andrew smiled and said >"Hey I'm going to the Arcade, do you guy's want to come?" MIKE: Of COURSE they do! But they have to wait until Serena's older. REI: MIKE!!! MIKE: What? >Serena was about to say yes when Darien put his >hand over Serena's mouth ATHENA: And smothered her. >and told Andrew "No thanks," knowing he had no money left, "we have a meeting >to get to, but we will some time!" REI: We'll get to that meeting sooner or later! > >Andrew said "Well okay then, see you soon." Serena then realized she did have a meeting. She started to >scream and panic, ATHENA: Overreaction Theatre presents... The Sailor Senshi! >and grabbed Darien's hand and made a run for it to Rei's house. SASAMI: Since Darien was bigger than her, he stayed put, and Serena jerked to a halt. > >Just as they left, the other scouts showed up at the same corner. "Well, where do you want to go?" asked >Lita. "Let's go get some ice cream! And then to the arcade!" MIKE: Let's go to the paper bag factory! ALL: Yaaaaaaaaay!!! >suggested Mina. "Cool idea," replied Rei. The >girls got excited and left. REI: Wee. Let's go. > >The Red Ninja popped out of a garbage can, YOHKO: The hell?? MIKE: This isn't going to turn into a Police Squad cross-over, is it? >"When are they going to get out of the crowd? They better find >a place to be alone soon, or I might just have to attack him in front of everybody." ATHENA: Thus blowing my cover, which would be an incredibly stupid thing to do. > >Serena and Darien got to Rei's house only to find Chad there. "Uh dude, they left to go shopping, Rei was >mad man!" MIKE: She's insane, I tell you! Get me out of here before she kills me! REI: Shut up! >Chad said With his famous laugh. ATHENA: Yes, the World famous Chad laugh, now on it's five continent tour! >Serena answered, "I'm dead!" YOHKO: Just like that? MIKE: People can just casually announce when they die around here? > >Chad then asked if they could watch over the place while he went for a bite to eat, and don't make a mess, ATHENA: Touch anything, and I kill you! >because he spent all day cleaning up. SASAMI: Wow, he's not very dedicated, is he? >Darien told him to go ahead. > > The Red Ninja was hiding in a tree. REI: That would explain the squirrel costume. >"Now's my chance, that boy's > energy is mine!" YOHKO: It's rightfully mine! Read the contract! > > The girls had just arrived at the arcade, ice creams in hand, when >they ran into Andrew. ATHENA: Spilling ice cream everywhere. >"Surprised Serena isn't here?" said Mina. > > "Oh, Serena was with Darien, they said they had to go to some > meeting?" said Andrew. > > "WHAT!!!" screamed Rei, "She decides to go now? I'm going to >kill her!" YOHKO: Yikes, Rei! You've gone psycho! REI: I've NEVER said that! MIKE: For Sailor X, the part of Rei shall be played by Charles Manson. REI: Shut up!!! >Rei ran out, with the other girls following her. ATHENA: Stop her before she kills again! REI: I don't act like this!!! > >Ami said "Can't I even finish an ice cream?" ATHENA: She's complaining quite a bit in this fic. MIKE: ...With Dennis Leary as Ami. > >Back at Rei's house Serena was trying to show Darien her martial arts abilities, but kept falling, causing >Darien to laugh. SASAMI: Aagh! I broke my leg! MIKE: HA HA HA! SASAMI: I'm not kidding! The bone is sticking out of my flesh! MIKE: Oh, you kidder! HA HA HA! >Then Darien felt the presence of some one watching them. MIKE: Sometimes I feel that, somebody's watching me! YOHKO: What the hell??? MIKE: What, am I the only person left who likes that song? ATHENA: Apparantly. >He looked every where, but could >not see anyone. Then he looked up, SASAMI: PLOP! MIKE: DAMN BIRDS!!! >and above him was the Red Ninja! YOHKO: Imitating Kodachi Kuno. > >He dropped from the roof and kicked >Darien to the floor. Serena looked shocked. REI: And, like a deer caught in headlights, she instantly freezes at the sign of danger. >The Ninja then threw a bomb at Serena, causing her to fly out of >the room. MIKE: In pieces. >In the mean time, Darien had stood up. YOHKO: Non-stop standing action! >He tried to attack the Red Ninja, but the Ninja responded SASAMI: With a restraining order. >with a drop kick, knocking Darien back about 7 feet. SASAMI: Uum, where in your temple are they, Rei? REI: I don't know. I thought it was my room at first, but now... > >"Who are you? Darien asked ATHENA: Wait, where's the other quotation mark? SASAMI: When they re-edited this, did they ADD mistakes? > >"It does not matter who I am, just know I'm the guy who stole your energy. " MIKE: When did you do this??? YOHKO: Damn! I knew I forgot something! >Then the Ninja pulled out what >appeared to be a sword MIKE: AHEM!!! REI: Oh, don't start! MIKE: ...And Val Venis as the Red ninja. >but the blade glowed as if it were a light saber from Star Wars. REI: Nice description. ATHENA: Instead of going into detail, I shall just make it look like I've ripped off Star Wars. >He started walking >towards Darien, to strike him with the sword, and steal his energy. MIKE: I'll just stand here and let you hit me with your sword, don't worry. > >Serena got back to her feet in the other room, and screamed "Moon Star Power," changing her into Sailor >Moon! ALL: Yay! >She entered the room "Stop right there. Who are you to pick on that hunk of a man? And to wear that >mask, only one man is aloud YOHKO: Aloud? Only one man is audible? MIKE: Remember folks, the spell checker won't catch EVERY mistake. SASAMI: Neither will re-editing, apparently. >to where a mask, and that's SASAMI: Zorro! REI: El Santo! MIKE: The Zodiac Killer! ATHENA: Captain... what?!? MIKE: The Zodiac Killer. Killed about ten or more people in the California area during the seventies, never got caught. He wore a mask. MIKE: What? WHAT??? REI: You're sick! MIKE: Oh, excuse me, Miss 'Let's kill our leader!' REI: I never said that!! >my Tuxedo! SASAMI: You put masks on your tuxedo??? >My name is Sailor Moon, REI: And I'm an alcoholic. EVERYONE ELSE: HI, SAILOR MOON. >and in the >name of the moon, I'm going to punish you!" ATHENA: For God, country, and the Queen! > >"Nice speech little girl. Stand in my way, and prepare to die!" ATHENA: Was that a threat or a command? It sounded like a command. >The Ninja started doing a lot of martial arts >moves, causing Sailor Moon to run around screaming. YOHKO: So, let me get this straight. The Red Ninja just stands there, practicing martial arts, and this causes Sailor Moon to react like Jerry Lewis? >While the Ninja was distracted, Darien jumped him, >and gave him a strong upper cut, MIKE: I shall just stand here and allow you to hit me! Mwa ha ha! >and then screamed "Now" to Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon said "Moon >Scepter Elimination," but the Ninja got out of the way just in time. SASAMI: Isn't she supposed to yell the words? ATHENA: She's also supposed to be holding her scepter, right? REI: The writer leaves important things out, and overloads the story with useless details, so get used to this. >He could see he could not stop that power >so he jumped to the window and screamed MIKE: I REGRET NOTHING!!! REI: I'm a wuss!!! >"Demon awake" Then he said to Sailor Moon, "Don't think I have >not forgotten about this!" REI: Considering it JUST happened, I don't think she suspected that you. ATHENA: He did all of this while jumping out of a window? YOHKO: Pretty slow jump. >and threw a smoke bomb and left. SASAMI: wait! Why did he jump out of the window, then? ATHENA: He just overdoes things. >After the smoke cleared, a red demon appeared. SASAMI: Is this the same demon from last time? >It started to chase Sailor Moon around the room. ALL: MIKE: Is that the best the writer could come up with? >All of a sudden a rose fell write in front of the demon, REI: It just... fell in front of him. >causing him to stop. SASAMI: Oh, how pretty! >"Sailor Moon, this one will not get away." YOHKO: We're going to catch that fish if it's the last thing we do! >It was Tuxedo Mask. MIKE: Who? The rose? The demon? Elaborate, man! >He started punching the >demon that grabbed on to him. MIKE: Who did what? Which demon grabbed onto WHO??? REI: Calm down. ATHENA: I think what he's trying to say is that the writer needs more practice writing action sequences. MIKE: Bingo. >"Try it one more time, Sailor Moon!" Sailor Moon said "One more time - >Moon Scepter Elimination." Tuxedo Mask got out of the way just in time, as the demon was moon dusted. MIKE: And there was much rejoicing. ALL: Yaaaaaay. > >The rest of the girls arrived just as the creature was disappearing. REI: Okay, just let me grab something here, and we can... WHAT THE HELL??? SASAMI: Oh, THAT'S what I forgot to do! I forgot to call you guys on our communicators and tell you what's happening! Silly me! >Sailor Moon looked at them and said, YOHKO: 'The bullets inside me are hot, why am I so cold?' MIKE: You've been getting into my Adam Warren comics, haven't you? >"I >think I know what's next for the Scouts. ATHENA: We'll tour the talk show circuit! >Wait until Artemis and Luna hear about this!" SASAMI: Hey, speaking of which, where are Luna and Artemis? REI: Oops, I think the writer forgot something. > >Rei said, "Look at the mess you caused! YOHKO: Oh, never mind that your friend was nearly killed by a demon! REI: Grrrrrr!!! >Well, lucky for me, its Chad's day to clean!!" ATHENA: So, Rei, in this story, not only are you homicidal and totally insane, but you're also pretty lazy. REI: This is really starting to get to me! > >At that point Chad walked in and fainted when he saw the mess. SASAMI: Not to mention seeing the Senshi. REI: Or did the writer forget that he doesn't know about us? > > > > SAILOR SAYS: > > "Have a proper instructor teach you martial Arts" ATHENA: That's good advice. MIKE: Always check his credentials, and demand to see a diploma of some sort! > Sailor Moon says > REI: Okay, we're done! Let's leave! (1,2,3,4,5,6, Dog Bone) As the group exited the theatre, Rei was grumbling angrily. "He made me look like a psychotic!" she finally spoke up. "Don't worry about it," Sasami said. "He could have done much worse." "So, I guess we're all in agreement that wasn't a very good story?" Mike said. Yup," everyone else replied. "Why don't we discuss what we found wrong with the story?" Mike said. "I'll go first," Rei said, her anger somewhat subsided, "since it's pretty obvious what I hated. The writer wrote me to look like some furious psychotic! In this story, I was either screaming my head off or talking about killing someone!" "Aah, memories of my youth," Mike replied. His casual statement was met with awkward silence and uncomfortable stares. "Uuuh... I'll go next," Athena said. "What really got to me in this story were the action scenes. The writer hardly put any details at all, and the few he did were totally irrelevant." "Yeah," Yohko said, "he also did that very same thing during the entire story. He spent too much time explaining every detail of unimportant aspects, and let the important stuff, like, say, the youma's appearance, slip by!" "I just couldn't get by the fact that for a re-edited story," Sasami said, "it had so many errors. What was the editor doing while they read this? Sleeping?" "I'm just a little put off by the fact that the writer not only used a Greek god as his villain, but he also gave him NINJAS of all things! I mean, how many ninjas were there in Ancient Greece?" Just then, the Mads' light flashed. "Well, looks like Buffy and Jodie are calling," Mike said. "You take it," Rei replied. "I'm going back to bed." The other girls murmured in agreement, and exited the bridge. Mike looked around the now-empty bridge, and at the Mads' flashing light. "To hell with it," he finally said. "Good night." Back on Deep 13, Dr. Forrester stood before the camera, as smarmy as ever. "Ditch me, will they? Well, we'll see who's ditching who! Frank, where's the button." "Over there, M'lord." "Frank, will you push the button?" *}-----FWOOSH-----{* FRANK: I'm not wearing a thing under this butler suit, Clay. FORRESTER: !!! Rei Hino created by Naoko Takeuchi Yohko Mano created by Masao Moruyoma Sasami created by Hitoshi Okuda Athena Asamiya created by SNK Michael O'Hare created by Timothy and Carlota O'Hare Inventions created by Michael O'Hare. Dr. Forrester, TV's Frank, and the whole concept of MST3K created by Best Brains, bless their souls... This fanfic is owned by the writer, and it's all his!!! The MiSTing of this fanfic is owned by ME, Michael O'Hare Special Thanks to: Tim McLees, for accepting my weird-ass crap. Jamie Jeans, for the pointers. Michael Surbrook, for the additional pointers. All other MiSTers out there. Key and Tita, the Wonder Kittens. Get them the Hell out of Egypt! PLEASE!!! Napoleon, just because he's kinda cool, doncha think? My mommy and daddy. I want to go home!!! All the various gods, goddesses, and deities out there. We all have to thank them more often. The authors of the first amendment. Keep circulating the tapes STINGER: >Then the Ninja pulled out what >appeared to be a sword but the blade glowed as if it were a light saber from Star Wars. _*_ There are fourteen or eighteen of these things for me to do. Will I make it? Sure, I guess so... Anyways, send your comments, criticism, hate mail, and threats of bodily harm to... Servantofdea@hotmail.com I would remind you, though, that God is reading what you write. Until next time... I have learned many things in life, and here is one of them. -Never _______________________________________________________________