Okay, here's part two of Sailor X. Looks like things are going to pick up! No, really! I'm not being sarcastic! Well, yes, I am. Sorry. Anyways, let's start, shall we? What? Okay, I'll wait ... Okay, let's start now. By the way, if any ladies out there are interested in dating, I'm not your man. Sorry again. ============================================================= TUXEDO SCOUTS, CHAPTER TWO MiSTed by Michael O'Hare, the official Ernesto 'Che' Guevara look-alike of SVAM ============================================================= -*- Magical Girl Fic Theatre 3000, Show 104, Reel One... In a not so distant future, Somewhere in Deep 13, Dr. Forrestor and TV's Frank, Were forming a wicked scheme. They found an otaku named Mike O'Hare. The oddest guy you could find anywhere. Their experiment needed a good test case, So they whacked him on the head and then they shot him into space. ("I THOUGHT you two looked familiaaaaaaarr!!!") We'll send him cheesy fanfics, The worst we can find. (La La La!) He'll have to sit and read them all, He'll lose the rest of his mind. (La La La!) Now keep in mind Mike can't control how long the fanfics last, (La La La!) He's trying to save his sanity with the help of the magical girl cast. (cast character roll call!) Yohko! ("108 generations!") Sasami! ("I cook all the time!") Athena! ("Yattah!") REEEEEEEEEEIIIIII! ("I sense something evil!") Now you're wondering how they eat and breathe, and other science facts. (La La La!) Just repeat to yourself "I'm not up there, I should really just relax." For Magical Girl Fic Theatre 3000! (Guitar Twang.) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Dog bone) At the beginning of the day, the entire group had started working on the ship-in-a-bottle. Now, eight hours later, they were almost done. "Boy," Sasami said, "am I glad we thought of doing this." "This was definitely time well spent," Michael said. "I can't remember having this much fun!" "When we finish this thing," Athena said, "it's going to be so fulfilling." "Maybe we should take a picture," Sasami said. "Nah," Yohko replied, "we've got the real thing. "Just one more piece..." Rei said. Everyone held their breath… Just then, the entire Satellite of Bacon (SOB) was rocked violently. As the group tried desperately to keep their balance, the ship-in-a-bottle began to slide of the table. "SOMEONE STOP..." SMASH! "...it." Everyone stared in utter dismay at the pile of glass and wreckage that was once a graceful, wooden ship. Then, the rocking began again. "Forrester's behind this!" Mike yelled. "We'll be right baAAAAAAGH!!!" {MGFT3K Planet Logo} {And now, a word from our non-existant sponsor} Yes, it's the all new Singing Group to hit the charts! Deep 13 Scientists, in collaboration with the Organization of Hurting, Suffering, and Human Terror (O.H.S.H.I.T.), have taken the DNA of every modern pop singer, and combined them into one, horrific entity. They're all here, from Hanson, to Brittany Spears, to that 'La Vida Loca' guy! (A horrible, freakish being lumbers into view of the camera and begins singing a horrible, cacophonic rendition of "La Vida Loca," "Mmmbop,", some unidentifiable Backstreet Boys song, and "Baby One More Time," causing every living thing nearby to begin writhing in pain.) How do we make money off of such an abomination? Simple! Send us all of your money, or we'll send IT to YOU!!! BWA HA HA!!! {Yeek! Back to our show, quick!!!} As the violent rocking continued on the SOB, Michael struggled to reach the Mad's button. "Hey, Dr. Forrester!" he yelled, "What the hell is going on???" As Dr. Forrester chuckled darkly, Frank worked on a strange, runed archway in the middle of Deep 13. Finally, Forrester turned around and noticed that his captors had called him. "Oh, right, you guys. Look, I'm summoning a bunch of evil villains, so I had to drain some power from the Sattelite. To be exact, your computer has only .00000001% of it's orbital capabilities left." "WHAT???" was the unanimous cry from the SOB. "Are you insane???" Athena yelled angrily. "We could die!" Sasami yelled. "And you ruined our damned project!" Mike added angrily. "Don't tell me that you don't have something else you could drain power from!" Rei yelled. "Well," Forrester said. There IS that 50,000-foot tall neon statue of Torgo Frank put up in the front yard..." TV's Frank and Dr. Forrester looked at each other. "...Naaaah!" Just then, the rocking became almost unbearable. "We're plummeting into the atmosphere!!!" Mike yelled. "USE THE DAMN SIGN!" everyone yelled. Forrester sighed. "Okay, fine, you big babies! Don't ever say I didn't give you anything." Forrester began typing into his computer. Outside of Deep 13, Torgo shambled up to the statue, the Master close behind him. "YoU sEE, MaSTer," Torgo blathered, "thEY have BUILT a statue for ME! SUreLY You can SPARe my life NOW." The master stared at the statue. Suddenly, it went dead. "Torgo," the Master muttered, "give me your hand!" "There," Forrester said, "happy?" "Not really," Sasami replied. "You never are," Forrester sighed. "Just get to the invention exchange. "Hey," Frank suddenly said, "my statue." "Fine," Athena said, regaining her composure. "Our invention will revolutionize the cleaning industry! It's an amazing solution we call Omni-Off, and it can remove literally any stain!" "Uh-oh!" Mike suddenly said. "What do you mean 'uh-oh?'" Athena replied. "Well," Mike said, "I've got bad news, and I've got good news. The bad news is that the bottle of Omni-Off shattered during all that rocking." "And the good news?" "Well, remember that stain that was left when I spilt that virgin strawberry daquiri on the rug, here?" "Proof that it works," Athena said triumphantly. "We'll just have to put in a plastic bottle. Whaddaya think, sirs?" Dr. Forrester laughed. "Well, boobies, once again, I have outdone you! Behind me stands the Plot-Contrivance-Portal, and with it, I shall rule the world!" "Almost done, Clay," Frank said, still twiddling with the runed archway. "We've heard that before," Rei replied. "No, no!" Forrester said. "This time it'll work! You see, with this portal, I can summon evil villains from any point in history from any multiverse! I shall gather the most heinous minds to ever walk existence, join them together, and we shall RULE THE WORLD!!! HA HA HA HA!!!" Forrester's statement was met with blank stares of horror. "I see that you don't like my little plan! Good! Okay, Frank," Forrester said, "FIRE IT UP!" Frank pulled a lever next to him, which immediately caused several thousand volts of electricity to run through him continuously. Forrester groaned. "Well, it seems that we have a few bugs to work out. Why don't you watch the fic, 'Sailor X, Part Two.' We should be ready by the time it's done." "This is bad," Rei said. "We have to stop them before they subject us to some sort of inhuman torture!" Just then, the sirens went off. "Too late!" Athena replied, "WE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" (Dog bone, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...) REI: I've got a REAL bad feeling about this. MIKE: Relax, and try to enjoy the fanfic. REI: Do you realize what you just said? > Sailor X > > Episode 2 REI: Electric Bugaloo. MIKE: Nerds in paradise. > > Out of the frying pan and into the fire! > > Release Date: 23/12/96 - written by Jim > > Re-edited: 12/08/97 - edited by Jim & Michael Hahn SASAMI: Oh, so now you have TWO people re-editing the story. That means twice the errors. > >In the dark, rock-like fortress, the six ninjas are again kneeling around the pool, chanting. ATHENA: Now, can this Hades guy even get out of this pool without their help? REI: If not, he's not much of a god. SASAMI: Hey, come to think of it, where is this fortress supposed to be? YOHKO: I dunno? Greece? >Steam rises from >the water, and Hades appears from the steam, still looking reddish with red glowing eyes. "Greetings, Hades, >God of the Underworld, you have summoned us?" said the Red Ninja. MIKE: I need skin cream and eye drops... DESPERATELY! > >"Your mission did not go so well, did it, number 1?" SASAMI: Uuuuh… it's his fault! MIKE: Oh, man! He's toast now! >said Hades. You still cannot make out any of the other >ninjas yet. ATHENA: They're right next to him! How hard can it be? REI: You mean THAT was my mission? Heck, I can accomplish it right now! Just let me turn on the lights! > >Number 1 replied, "Yes, I have failed in my first mission, but there is a girl. YOHKO: Women??? There are still women on Earth??? I had not taken that into account! Cancel the plan! ATHENA: Kill him now! >She calls herself Sailor Moon, MIKE: But everyone else calls her Hurmydurmydoo, the silliest schoolgirl ever. >and she has strong powers. If I had known, I would have been ready." REI: I would have properly prepared myself for the butt-kicking I was going to get! YOHKO: Forget the excuses! Just kill him! > >Hades smiled. "Hmm, Sailor Moon, MIKE: Uh-oh! I don't like the sound of that 'Hmm'-ing! >I remember hearing of these moon people. They came after my first >death. MIKE: Gods can die? REI: Yeah, if you stop believing in them. >What are you going to do about it?" YOHKO: You're the god, Mister! You take care of it! MIKE: Hey, wait a minute! This means that he's sparing the ninja! > >Number one said "I have a plan. There is a cook with a very caring soul, MIKE: He's this big, African-American guy who works at an elementary school cafeteria. Calls himself 'Chef.' Good singer, too. >who helps feed the homeless. MIKE: I got ten bucks that says that this guy is connected to you guys, Rei. REI: That's pretty much guaranteed. >I will go and take his energy, and I will have the helpers hiding. REI: And that's all they're going to do. Hide. I didn't say the plan was perfect, did I?!? >When Sailor Moon appears, we _will_ be ready!" ATHENA: This time, we'll fail with dignity! > >Hades smiled again. "Make it so!" MIKE: Patrick Stewart IS Hades! ATHENA: So, he sends him back into the field without any punishment whatsoever? MIKE: Looks like Satan isn't as cruel as we thought he was. > >[Title Screen] SASAMI: The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots! > >The girls and Darien are sitting in hot springs, MIKE: Suddenly, they all turn into pigs! >with Luna & Artemis >standing next to them on rocks. YOHKO: Okay, add the vegetables. >They are discussing what had happened >the day before. ATHENA: Stuff happened. Lots of stuff. > >"So, he did not tell you where he was from?" asked Luna. MIKE: He's from Foogiedoogieville, the land of ineffectual villains. > >"Sounds like trouble!" said Artemis. ATHENA: Yuh think??? > >"I think we should stay close together, at least until we figure out what is behind this." SASAMI: Well, according to the tour map, there's a burger joint behind here. >Said Mina. > >"Good idea," replied Ami. YOHKO: And Ami lends her deep brilliance to the conversation. > >"I like it," said Serena, as she put her arms around Darien. MIKE: Oh, she's going for the Rock Bottom! > >"This is not so you can maul Darien all day, Serena," said Rei. ATHENA: Maul Darien all day? MIKE: You can't maul someone all day! They'd die after ten minutes and twenty-seven seconds! SASAMI: What about Manji? MIKE: Oh... good point. > >Serena just stuck her tongue at Rei, MIKE: Hey, save some of that for me! >and Rei did the same. Lita interrupted the looming fight by saying she >had to leave them, YOHKO: I'm sorry, we've just grown apart. We can still be friends. >since she was helping to feed the homeless. SASAMI: Uh-oh! MIKE: Told ya! Sure wish someone had taken that bet. ATHENA: Boy, that loser-Ninja sure can pick 'em! >She wanted to put her cooking to good use! MIKE: KILLING Kathie Lee! > >Then Mina said, "That sounds like fun, can I come?" MIKE: ...Am I really that transparent? EVERYONE ELSE: YUP! > > Ami said "Yes, I have not helped anyone in while." YOHKO: I've been too busy writing up my plans for world domination... I mean STUDYING! STUDYING!! > > The rest of them agreed. So Lita said "Sure, all of you can come!" They got > out of the hot springs and left. MIKE: Hey, that means they're all naked! REI: Take that thought any further, and you WILL regret it! MIKE: Please don't hurt me, I only weigh 137 pounds. > > At the homeless shelter, a cheerful cook was serving the food he had just >made to the homeless. MIKE: Soylent Green for everyone! ALL: Yay! >He was a happy man who really cared about helping >people. YOHKO: Meaning he got his ass kicked in school quite a bit trying to break up fights. SASAMI: Come one guys, break it uuuUUUAAAAGH MY NECK!!! >He would make it a point to get to know the people, and become >their friends. The poor called him "Dan the man" ATHENA: Because they hated him. >even if his name was >Charlie. MIKE: And it really ticked him off! YOHKO: Charlie was close now, we could smell him... >He didn't mind. MIKE: ...Oh. >He loved them and they loved him! SASAMI: Shortly after his show got cancelled, Barney became a charity worker. ATHENA: People hated him at that job, too. >While serving food to the people, he saw a man >sitting with the other people with a red robe on that covered his head and face. ALL: Uh-oh! >He did not recognize the >person, and so made it a point to bring him some food right away to make the stranger feel welcome. REI: Mistake #1. >He >walked over and put some food down next to the guy, and said, "Hi stranger, REI: Mistake #2. >feel free to eat as much as you >like, everybody who needs some help is welcome!" REI: Mistake #3. MIKE: This guy wouldn't last ten seconds in a horror film. > >Then the person in the red looked up and said, SASAMI: 'Damn you, stink man!' >"Thanks." As he did, his eyes turned red, YOHKO: Oh, no! He's got pinkeye! MIKE: Piiiiiiiinkeye! >hypnotizing the >cook. Then he said "Make everyone leave, so I can have you all to my self." ATHENA: WHOA!!! YOHKO: He gets right to the point, doesn't he? MIKE: Sorry, buddy. I don't swing that way. >Then the cook started to walk >away, repeating the words. ALL: All work and no play make cook a dull boy. All work and no play... > >Just then the girls walked in, all dressed in cooks' outfits. MIKE: Bork bork bork! >Serena's was wearing an outfit that was far too big >for her, MIKE: Um de hur de hur de hur! >since they could not find one in her size. REI: Oh, come on. How hard can that be? >Her hat kept falling over her face. Lita went over to the >cook, "Hi, Dan the man, MIKE: DAMMIT, I thought I told you to STOP CALLING ME THAT!!! >my friends and I are here to help with the cooking and serving." > >Dan said, "Great, we always need help. There are many needy people out there, so everybody go find >something useful to do!" SASAMI: Now, let's see. - I was hypnotized by that red-suited guy to do something. If only I could remember... Oh, right! Bake everyone's leaves, so as that he can shove them all up his cleft! > >Lita replied, "Okay, Mina and Ami, you go help serve the people. Rei & I will cook, and Darien and Serena, MIKE: Go make kissy-face. >you can get supplies and the dishes." > >"Hey!" said Serena. ALL: What?? > >"Everyone must do their part," said Darien. > >"Well, okay," replied Serena. ATHENA: And what's so bad about getting supplies and dishes? > >While everybody else worked, Artemis and Luna were in a corner of the room eating out of a small bowl >Mina left for them. SASAMI: Mmmm, filth! >Ami and Mina were making friends with the people. MIKE: But for all the wrong reasons. >Lita, Rei and the cook were making >meals, MIKE: How many ways can you serve Soylent Green? >while Darien cleaned up the mess Serena was trailed behind her. YOHKO: Jeez, get her a drool bib! >Serena was lifting a big bag of flour, >and slipped on some water. ALL: Waah-waah-waah-waaaaaah! >The flour spilled everywhere, covering Rei! REI: Oh, THAT'S great! The flour, although spilling everywhere, just happens to seek ME out personally! MIKE: I don't think the writer likes you, Rei. >"You dim-witted numskull!" Rei >screamed "Look at me! I'm as white as a ghost! SASAMI: Hey, Rei. Now you look like Shion! MIKE: And you're acting like James Huberty! REI: I'll just presumed you insulted me, there, Mike, so shut up! >Get away from me!" SASAMI: The writer's still making you look like a maniac, Rei. REI: Grrrr... >Serena started to cry. > >"That wasn't very nice, Rei," said Lita. "She was only trying to help. REI: And you expected anything better? >Serena, why don't you go downstairs >and get more flour." "I'll go with you," said Darien, as they left for the flour. MIKE: Oh, and, don't bother us for a while... REI: I thought I told not to go down that road! > >"I didn't mean what I said, but sometimes she just gets to me," said Rei. ATHENA: It just hurts SO MUCH! REI: Stop it! > >The cook walked over to the door leading down stairs were Serena and Darien were, and shut and locked the >door. MIKE: Grandmother will be happy to have to new friends... ATHENA: You do that TOO well. >Then he walked over the people eating and started to destroy people's meals, SASAMI: Destroy people's meals? YOHKO: This writer is a master of vagueness. >to get them to leave. > >"Hey, this does not have enough flavor," said a guy eating. YOHKO: You're in no position to complain! ATHENA: Besides, what do you expect for free? > >The cook then dumped garbage in his meal and said "That should be spicy enough for you!" SASAMI: (slurp) Hey, it still tastes the same! What do you put IN this??? MIKE: Uuuh... secret recipe! Now, get out! >The cook started >to do the same to everyone, REI: How much garbage did he have with him? >and when the people complained, he yelled at them to leave! While people were >leaving, the girls stood in shock by the serving window, stunned by what they had seen! > >Artemis and Luna were in the corner. "I'm getting major Nega-vibes," said Artemis. MIKE: I think it's from the bowl of filth you just ate. SASAMI: BUUUURP! Hey, they're gone suddenly! > >"Is he normally like this?" asked Ami. ATHENA: No, he's usually worse. You don't want to know what he usually dumps into the food. > >"No. He is usually a little nicer. SASAMI: He usually laughs heartily while dumping garbage into your food. >There must be something wrong!" replied Lita. YOHKO: Gee, ya think so! > >The Red Ninja stood up and said YOHKO: 'Beware, your bones are going to be disconnected!' >"I'm the Red Ninja of the Night Hood, MIKE: The Night Hood? What is that, a place full of insomniac rappers? >and I will take your energy!" REI: So, our enemy was just sitting there, without a disguise, and we didn't notice him? > As he >pulled out his energy sword. The girls looked on in shock. ATHENA: We also looked. In shock. At the sentence. Fragments. > >[CM Break] > REI: What's the point of the writer sticking these in? SASAMI: I think he wants to make his fanfic look like the actual script of a TV episode. >Artemis and Luna jumped on the ninja, attacking his head. MIKE: WHAT DOES EVERYBODY WANT??? SASAMI: Pepper? MIKE: Damnit! >The ninja threw them off several times, but each >time they leapt back onto him! REI: Okay, at this point, I don't think the villain can get any more pathetic. YOHKO: Help me, I'm being attacked by a pair of cats! AAAEEEIII!!! MIKE: I've yelled that more than once in my life. > >The girls stood in the kitchen. "We have to change!" said Lita. They screamed ALL: ATTICA!! ATTICA!! >"Jupiter star power!", >"Venus star power!", "Mercury star power!", and "Mars star power!" Once they had finished transforming SASAMI: They left. The end. >(Mars still had white hair from the flour), MIKE: It's Sailor Shion! >the Scouts jumped back into the main room. The Red Ninja turned >around and said "Who are you?" > >By this time the cats were glad to finally see help. ATHENA: About friggin' time!!! Do we have to do all the work for you??? > >"I'm Sailor Mercury" "I'm Sailor Mars" "I'm Sailor Venus" "And I'm Sailor Jupiter, and you have no right >to take this man's energy, MIKE: In Texas I do! >In the name of the planet Jupiter, I will punish you!" Without warning Jupiter >screamed "Jupiter Thunder Dragon!" MIKE: What, does she usually warn her opponents before attacking? YOHKO: Hey, I'm about to hurl a lighting bolt at you. You might want to move out of the way. >and a dragon shaped lighting bolt shot from Jupiter and hit the Red >Ninja, knocking him to the ground. REI: That's IT??? An attack with enough power to disintegrate a youma just knocks him down? > >The Ninja looked in shock! ALL: Naturally! >"First there was Sailor Moon, and now there are four more?" the Ninja thought. >"Where is my surprise? MIKE: Where's my birthday cake, dammit!!! >Where are my helpers?" MIKE: We quit! This job's pay sucks! >The ninja looked around. SASAMI: Hey, have you guys seen my wallet? > >"Here we are, boss." Replied one of the helpers hiding behind a soda machine. SASAMI: We're on our break! Be with ya in fifteen minutes! > >"Why are you not helping me?" said the Ninja. YOHKO: We're on strike until we get our dental plan! MIKE: Does Hell even have a dental plan? > >"You said to come out when Sailor Moon appears, and she has not appeared," said the helper. MIKE: Plus, we're idiots. > >"You idiot, when I'm in trouble you are supposed to help." Replied the Ninja. > >"I did not know that, boss. MIKE: Us being idiots and all. >Very well, attack!" shouted the helper. REI: I'm sorry, but I wouldn't feel very threatened these minions. YOHKO: Nobody would. >Then the one who had spoken plus three >others all jumped out of hiding spots and attacked the Scouts. SASAMI: Sadly, one of them was hiding in the deep fryer, so he didn't last long. >They were small, red, devilish looking >creatures. MIKE: They were all dressed in Elvis costumes, with giant sunglasses and pompadour hats. ATHENA: And platform shoes, too. Don't forget the platform shoes. >The helpers started chasing the Scouts around the room. REI: WE CAN FIGHT, YOU KNOW!!! ATHENA: Yeah, but the writer would need to know how to write an action scene for it to happen. >The Scouts were tripping over chairs, and >getting nowhere. MIKE: Man, running in place, and still tripping over stuff. >Sailor Jupiter was still standing over the Ninja. MIKE: And the ninja was getting a good view up her skirt. > >"I'm not done with you yet!" said Lita. Then she tried to kick the Ninja, ALL: Boot to the head! SASAMI: Nya! Nya! >but he back flipped out of the way, >and got to his back to his feet. SASAMI: Oh, so he's a contortionist, too. >Lita started throwing punches at the Ninja, but he blocked each one. REI: Fight scene conveniently ripped off of a Sailor Moon episode. >Lita said "Fine then," and kicked the Ninja in the shin, and delivered a hard punch to his jaw, knocking >the Ninja to >the ground. ATHENA: We might be beating this fact to death, but it has to be said again. This guy definitely is NOT the most formidable opponent the Senshi have faced. >Lita moved forward to finish him, but the Ninja grabbed her and flipped her into the wall. She hit it >so hard, that it cracked. SASAMI: From how he's been fighting, I can't believe that guy could throw that hard. MIKE: Badly built wall. > >Serena and Darien were still looking for flour, when they heard the crash. YOHKO: They're still in the story? >"What was that? We better check >it out." MIKE: The funk soul brother? >Said Darien. They went back up the stairs, only to find the door locked. ATHENA: Well, as long as we're down here... REI: Not you, too! >They listened and heard the >fighting. "Sounds like trouble," said Serena. ATHENA: It's not that. Someone replaced the water in the soup with Vodka. > >"We better change," said Darien. YOHKO: What? In FRONT of each other? I don't think I'm quite ready for that! > >"Your right," said Serena. "Moon Crystal Power!" Serena became Sailor Moon, and Darien became Tuxedo >Mask. Tuxedo Mask shoved at the door until it gave way. ATHENA: Considering that SHOVING isn't really that hard, I'd say he'd be shoving for, Oooooh, I'd say FIVE TO SIX DAYS! > >The Scouts had just started to get control of the helpers. Mercury used her bubbles to blind them. MIKE: Help me. >Then Mars screamed "Mars Fireball Charge!" to create a continuous stream of fire, which she directed at >one of the helpers. SASAMI: Well done! MIKE: Medium rare, actually. >It hit him, and he flew into a corner, hard. REI: That's it??? ATHENA: It looks like the writer has SERIOUSLY downgraded your powers, Rei. >Then Venus shouted, "Venus Cresent Beam!" The >massive energy beam hit another of the helpers. The attack carried him into the same corner. REI: Oh, but Heaven forbid it actually HURT him! >Mercury >shouted, "Mercury Bubbles Freeze!" The bubbles froze another of the helpers. And Mars then said "Mars >Firebird Strike!" The flaming bird struck the frozen helper, knocking him into the corner. Venus said >"Venus >Cresent Beam Shower!" Her energy shower knocked the last helper on to the floor. MIKE: Ladies and, uh, gentleman, I give you the story's action sequence. ALL: Yay. >Venus then said "How >about one more time?" SASAMI: One of this writer's actions sequences is enough, thank you! >She used her power yet again. She finally let her power dissipate at just the right >moment to send the last helper flying into the same corner. REI: How would DISSIPATING her attack damage the opponent??? > >The Ninja was about to destroy Jupiter, when he herd a voice. MIKE: I know you can still hear me. I want you to hurt the governor for me. You know your dog agrees with me. >"Stop right there!" The Ninja looked up to see SASAMI: The wall. ATHENA: Look behind you, dummy! >Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask. "You are not going to hurt my friend, I don't care what you say. MIKE: But I have a really good reason. Hear me out! >In the name >of the moon I'm going to make you pay, and that means you." YOHKO: Sailor Moon's speech prepared by the Department of Redundancy Department, who prepared Sailor Moon's speech! >Said Sailor Moon. > >"It's about time you showed up!" said Mars. YOHKO: It looks like Sailor Mars has some problems, too. REI: I do not! > >"Give me a break for once." Replied Sailor Moon. The Red Ninja looked around to see all his helpers >lying >in the corner, and five Sailor Scouts and a guy in a mask ready to attack. ATHENA: Senshi to the left of me, Tux to my right... ALL: Here I am, stuck in the middle with you! > >"You may have won this time, Sailor Moon. But you _will_ see me again." SASAMI: What? He's leaving? Already?? MIKE: Jeez, this guy makes Sasuke look competent and brave. >Said the Red Ninja, as he threw a >smoke bomb and REI: Choked to death on the smoke. >disappeared. > >The Sailor Scouts were standing there for a few moments until Mars said, "Well Sailor Moon, why don't you >make yourself useful and finish of these other squashed tomatoes." SASAMI: Yuck! I'm not THAT hungry! > >"Oh right!" she replied "Moon Scepter Elimination!" Sailor Moon shouted, and the helpers were reduced to >moon dust. ATHENA: Someone get a dustpan. > >Soon the kitchen was back to normal, REI: Except for the huge crack on the wall, the broken door to the basement, and the fact that everyone was scared of the cook now. >and the cook, who could not remember anything, was again cheerfully >serving the homeless. MIKE: Hey, why did you pour garbage in my food? REI: I never did that! MIKE: Who cares! More food! >The girls and Darien were helping out, and Rei's hair was still white from the flour. MIKE: Shion Nys, in a role that will surprise you! >Serena walked up to Rei and said "With your hair all black and white like that, I think I'm going to call >you >Raccoon. SASAMI: Wait a minute! I think that was supposed to be funny! >You know there is a very tragic story of a Raccoon who drowned in a pond 3550 years ago..." YOHKO: Oh, PLEASE tell me that this doesn't signal a cross-over! >Rei >threw a bowl of pudding at Serena. EVERYONE EXCEPT REI: KILL, KILL, KILL!!! MUST HAVE BLOOD!!! REI: Oh, shut up! >Serena threw something back, and soon a big food fight was in full swing! ATHENA: I can't see the homeless having a food fight. MIKE: Not this kind, anyway. > SAILOR SAYS: > > "Be willing to help out, you never know if someday you might > be the one in need of help!" > Sailor Moon says SASAMI: Hey. That's actually, a good point! ATHENA: Less talk, more leaving. (1,2,3,4,5,6, Dog Bone) "Another day, another bad fic," Athena mused as the group exited the theatre. "Well, we might as well review it," Mike said. "Who's first? "I'll go!" Sasami said. "I feel that the Red Ninja is the most ineffectual foe I ever seen..." Sasami's review was suddenly and violently cut short as the entire SOB shook violently. "What the Hell was that??" Yohko yelled, trying her best to keep her balance. "Not this again!" Athena said "I have a bad feeling," Rei said, "that it's much worse now!" "This has Forrester written all over it!" Mike said, hitting the button for the Mads. Back in Deep 13, the Plot-Contrivance-Portal was beginning to kick in to high gear. "AT LAST!" Dr. Forrester yelled out triumphantly. "My dream is about to become reality. Soon, with the help of the great Plot-Contrivance-Portal, I shall gather the greatest villains ever made, and WE SHALL RULE THE WORLD!!! Push the button, Frank!" Unfortunately, Frank was still being electrocuted by the portal. "Oh, sorry," Forrester said, "didn't realize you were busy. Oh, well. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!" *}-----FWOOSH-----{* As the credits begin to roll, Dr. Forrester's sinister laughing can still be heard. Suddenly, more sinister laughter can be heard... but from who? Rei Hino created by Naoko Takeuchi Yohko Mano created by Masao Moruyoma Sasami created by Hitoshi Okuda Athena Asamiya created by SNK Michael O'Hare created by Timothy and Carlota O'Hare Inventions created by Michael O'Hare. Dr. Forrester, TV's Frank, and the whole concept of MST3K created by Best Brains, bless their souls... This fanfic is owned by the alleged writer, whom I am not insulting at all! Really! The MiSTing of this fanfic is owned by ME, Michael O'Hare Special Thanks to: Tim McLees, for accepting my weird-ass crap. Jamie Jeans, for the pointers. Michael Surbrook, for the additional pointers. Oliver Cromwell, today's historical figure to look up. All other MiSTers out there. You, dear reader, for reading this. The authors of the first amendment. Keep circulating the tapes STINGER: >"Why are you not helping me?" said the Ninja. >"You said to come out when Sailor Moon appears, and she has not appeared," said the helper. _*_ What unspeakable horrors has Dr. Forrester released??? Who, or what, shall come lumbering through the Plot-contrivance-Portal??? Will the magical girls (and non-magical guy) survive? Do you know the Muffin Man? The answers to all these questions (exept the last one) will be revealed in the next episode of MAGICAL GIRL FIC THEATRE 3000: A WORLD WITHOUT A FUTURE! Be there! Send e-mails! For god's sake, send a friggin' e-mail! I get so lonely! Please send them to... Servantofdea@hotmail.com Please make me feel wanted!!! Thanks! Oh, and yes, you read that right! My next MiSTed fic will be Adam Chris Leigh's 'A World Without a Future!' I'm hitting the big-time, folks, and it's punching right back!!! I have learned many things in my life, and here is one of them... -Don't cry over spilt milk. But DO cry over split reproductive organs! OW!!!