*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) (The future isn't what it used to be....) "CARD CAPTOR SCIENCE THEATER 3000" (SEASON FOUR) EPISODE 39: SAKURA’S STORY (A Street Fighter Alpha MSTing) MSTed From the Desk of CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun) This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. "Card Captor Sakura" is a trademark of CLAMP and those who distribute it. "Street Fighter Alpha 2" is the property of Capcom Co. "Sakura’s Story" is the property of RanmaSolo1 and he’s welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him by making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;) WARNING: The fanfic featured in this MSTing has artificial lime flavoring that may upset your digestive system. (Cue "Card Captor Science Theater 3000 Love Theme" in 5....4....3....) It's the not-too-distant future, Last Sunday BC There was this girl named Sakura Quite different from you or me She captured Clow Cards with her friends All seen through Tomoyo’s camera lens They tried to save the human race, But Eriol lost his patience So he shot them into space!!!! Sakura: (Hoeeee……) Syaoran and Tomoyo: (Now what?) We'll send them crappy fanfics The worst we can find (lalala) They'll have to sit and read them all And we'll monitor their minds (lalala) Now keep in mind they can't control When the fanfics begin or end (lalala) Because, let’s face it, after all Eriol’s not really their friend; CARD CAPTOR ROLL CALL: Meiling: 'HI-KEEBA!!’ Tomoyo: 'Oh-hohohohohohoho!!!' Syaoran: 'I do NOT blush! (blushes)' KEROOOOOOO!!! 'I am the guardian of the hell!!' If you're wondering how they eat and breathe And other science facts (lalala) Then repeat to yourself *It's just a MiST* You should really just relax Sakura: (Did I mention Aeris is here?) Aeris: (I was only *mostly* dead!) For Card Captor Science Theater 3000!!! ** [PART ONE:] ** THE SATELLITE OF LOVE 16:45 Hours Aeris Gainsborough sat quietly surrounded by volumes and volumes of CLAMP manga, carefully going over each one. Finally, after several hours, she tossed a volume of xxxHolic across the table and let out a sigh. "Something wrong, Aeris?" asked Sakura as she wandered onto the bridge followed by Syaoran, Tomoyo and Kero. Aeris looked up at her. "Well, quite frankly I had to admit I didn’t understand ‘Tsubasa: The Reservoir Chronicle’ that well. So I decided that I’d go back and read as much CLAMP manga as possible to try and fit the pieces together. I was particularly concerned with ‘xxxHolic’ since that strange lady, Yuuko, plays a big part in volume one. But I’m not sure if ‘Tsubasa’ and ‘xxxHolic’ were written at the same time or if they’re supposed to be two halves of the same story or what." Aeris shrugged. "You guys can fit all this together, right? I mean you lived all this." "Yes… and no," replied Tomoyo. "You see the versions of us in ‘Tsubasa: The Reservoir Chronicle’ are versions of us from different worlds," said Syaoran. "Although Sakura and I did live all that stuff it wasn’t the versions of us standing here. It was other versions of us." Aeris just stared blankly in return. "None of us can truly explain it either, you know," said Kero. "We may be players in the drama but were only aware of our own roles. Only the four goddesses of CLAMP know the full pattern and design of the tapestry. Our boss upstairs, who studies the lore of the goddesses doesn’t know all yet." "Yes," said Tomoyo sagely. "He is still but an apprentice CLAMP Master." "So what do I do?" Aeris asked. "Be patient," said Sakura, smiling brightly. "All shall be revealed eventually." "Or most of it anyway," added Syaoran. Meiling and Yue, who had been carefully staying out of this whole conversation, were still at work when the light signaling a call from Deep 13 flashed. "Hey, guys!" called Meiling "Akio Ohtori is calling." She gave the button a smack. ** DEEP 13 Dr. Eriol Hiiragazawa scowled at them. "Akio Ohtori?’ he said raising an eyebrow. "I much more impressive than that overrated pervert." His assistant, TV’s Ruby Moon just rolled her eyes in response. Eriol ignored her and continued with a smirk. "Well then my little duelists of the rose, perhaps it’s time I brought about the end of *your* world," he said. "This week I have I wonderfully horrifying piece of fanfiction that the man upstairs wasn’t going to let me show you. Fortunately, he’s indisposed right now." "Indisposed?" said Yue. "How so?" "It’s a long story…" grumbled Eriol’s other assistant, TV’s Spinel Sun. "It all began when Mutsumi decided he should have some dancing lessons," said Ruby Moon. "The man has two left feet," Spinel Sun added. "And the dance teacher they got was Tea Gardener from Yu-Gi-Oh," Ruby Moon continued. "I think I know where this is going," said Syaoran. "Well, he didn’t do *too* badly at first," said Spinel Sun. "Then she tried to teach him how to tango and that’s when things went wrong." "Nose bleed city, huh?" said Tomoyo. "Almost as bad as when Ayane frisked him during her search last week," said Ruby Moon. "Anyway, I don’t think either Mutsumi or Tea figured out *why* fanboy passed out. They’re looking after him now which means he may never wake up." Eriol cleared his throat loudly. "Well, enough pleasantries," he growled. "This week’s dose of horror is an origins story of the Street Fighter variety. But why spoil the fun? It’s RanmaSolo1’s ‘Sakura’s Story’ and it’s a tale of misery, woe and inappropriate fanservice. You will feel the pain, my friends. You *will* feel the pain. Put ‘em through the grinder, Ruby Moon." "Locked, cocked and ready to roll," said Ruby Moon as she fed the fanfic into the machine. ** THE SATELLITE OF LOVE "This can’t be good…" said Kero. "When has it ever been good?" Syaoran asked. Suddenly, alarms and sirens rang out. "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Sakura cried out. (Door 6: It’s a giant Clow card. Sakura changes it into a Sakura card and it disappears.) (Door 5: It’s a labyrinth. You smash through it with Kaho’s bell.) (Door 4: It’s a waterfall. You freeze it and smash through.) (Door 3: It’s a giant box of living plushies. It tips over and the plushies run off giggling.) (Door 2: It’s a Venetian blind. You spend five minutes trying to get it to roll up before cutting through it with scissors.) (Door 1: It’s made of concrete. The plushies come back with construction equipment and reduce it to dust.) (Door .7: The camera pans downward to a teleporter pad. You step onto it and are suddenly surrounded by bright light.) Sakura, Syaoran, Tomoyo and Aeris are teleported directly into their seats while Kero-Chan floats overhead. >From: ranmasolo1@aol.com (RanmaSolo1) Kero: Ranma Solo, Ryoga Skywalker and Princess Akane fight the evil Happo Vader in Star Wars ½! Sakura: Can’t be worse received that "The Phantom Menace", I guess. >Street Fighter Alpha II: Sakura's Story Aeris: What’s the story, morning glory? Kero: Oh, so now Alpha 2 is just about HER?! Syaoran: Could be worse. They could’ve picked Dan. Sakura: Once upon a time, there was a girl named Sakura Shinguji… No, wait. Sakura Kinomoto. No… Crap, which Sakura is this about? Tomoyo: Kasugano. Sakura: Right! >Here is the story mentioned in the Instruction booklet in Street Fighter Alpha >II for the SNES: Aeris: Hadoken: Down, Down-Forward, Forward + Punch. Kero: Talk about a short fic. Syaoran: Nothing like some plagiarism to start the fic. >*Sakura has an unusual interest in street fighting. Most high school girls Kero: …don’t flash everyone with bright red panties. Sakura: Kero… Kero: Well, it’s true! >don't walk down the street looking to pick a fight, but ever since her run-in >with three college men, she has sought to take her revenge.* Tomoyo: They stole my lunch money! Now they DIE!! Kero: How dare you make fun of my "Hello, Kitty" hair clips! HADOKEN! >This is the expanded story behind her interest in street fighting and The >street fighter called Ryu. Kero: Ryu *is* THE Street Fighter! Syaoran: Ryu: The only man with more clones of himself than Rei Ayanami. >{This story contains graphic language and violence} Sakura: Presented in TARANTINO-VISION! Tomoyo: You ing motherer. I’m going to pop a ing cap in your ing . >Chapter 1: Syaoran: It was a dark and stormy night… > The crowd had cheered long and hard for her on the first day of >competing. Sakura was very happy. At twelve years of age, she was proving >herself to be one of the best gymnasts in Japan. She had the highest total >score for the day. With only two days of competition left, she was positive >she would win. Kero: And she looked damn good in a leotard! Sakura: Kero! She’s twelve! Kero: ARHHHHHHHHHHHH!! > Sakura whistled as she showered. She always loved staying in the hotels >during the big competitions. Being in first place the first day, the hot >shower, nice room, and the fact that her parents hadn't come along to >chaperone, Sakura was having the time of her life. Tomoyo: This is sick… We’re getting fanservice from a twelve year old! Aeris: It’s Ratliff’s "Away From Home" remake all over again. >This was the first time at least one of her parents hadn't come along. She planned to live it up. >A couple of her teammates had asked her to go to a dance club with them. Syaoran: What kind of sick, twisted… Kero: Booze, drugs and rock and roll, all before she hit puberty! > Sakura was all too happy to accept their invitation. She was somewhat of >a social outcast. Her constant gymnastic practices and strict parents didn't >leave her much time for friends. She didn't even have anything to wear to the >club. Kero: So she decided to go naked. >Shinobi, her roommate for the trip, agreed to help Sakura get ready. > Sakura turned the shower off, and toweled off. She stepped out of the >bathroom and put on a pair of panties. Tomoyo: Panties… Panties… Panties… Panties… Sakura: One, two… One, two… One, two… One, two… >She dropped the towel and picked up a bra. Even at twelve, Sakura had a lovely chest. >By age fifteen she'd probably wear a D cup. Some boys at her school expected a double D. Syaoran: No, NO, NO!!! This is wrong on so many levels. Kero: Is this Sakura Kasugano or Mai Shiranui? Tomoyo: When in doubt, judge on breast size. Sakura: The proud motto of Satoshi Urushihara. Aeris: So far, it definitely seems like one of his plots. >Most of them drooled over her. Syaoran: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! She’s TWELVE for crying out loud!!! Sakura: The story’s barely started and it’s already gotten really disturbing. > "Don't put that on, Sakura," Shinobi said as she entered the room. She >was holding some folded clothes and a shoe box. Syaoran: The shoebox of li-iiiiii-ies Kero: I made you a *kawaii* new outfit! Put it one while I get my camcorder. Kero: Ite… Syaoran: You just don’t know when to shut up, do you, plushie? > "Why not?" Sakura asked. > "Because you won't want one with the dress I got you," replied the older >girl as she put the clothes on the bed. She then lifted the dress to show her >roommate. It was a red, strapless mini-dress. There was a black zipper down >the front, with a matching zipper on the back. Sakura whistled when she saw >that. Aeris: Damn! That is REALLY ugly! Tomoyo: Amen. > "Is that for me?" Kero: No. She just brought it to show you. > Shinobi nodded and pulled out a pair of black, over the knee socks. "Put >these on," she commanded as she handed the socks over. Aeris: I am your master! Do it now! Ohhohohohohohohohoho! >Sakura put them on while Shinobi pulled out sheer black panties and a matching garter belt with >long straps. "Take your panties off." Kero: Whoa! Hello! Syaoran: It just keeps getting WORSE!! > "WHAT?!" Sakura exclaimed with wide eyes and a sweat drop. Kero: Sounds familiar. Tomoyo: How so? Kero: Sounds just like our Sakura when you give her a new outfit. Tomoyo: NANI?! > "Well, you can't wear white cotton panties with a dress like this." Syaoran: Oh, for… Who’s going to check?! Sakura: I’d rather not think about that. > "Oh," she replied, not entirely sure of her teammate's logic. She took >her panties off, her face a deep red, and put on the ones given to her by >Shinobi. She looked at herself in the mirror. "I might as well not wear any >panties. These don't hide anything." All: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Syaoran: Very BAD mental image!!! Kero: Twelve year olds who go commando, on the next Springer! Sakura: KERO! >She could see her short pubic hairs easily through the sheer material. She turned around and could see her back >end clearly even with the panties on. Syaoran: URK…!! Aeris: This is wrong on so many levels. > "That's the point. You don't want the boys to think you're a prude do >you?" Kero: Yeah, she’s twelve and she’s not sleeping around? What’s wrong with you? > Sakura shook her head. She didn't want anyone to think that, especially >since that was what her parents wanted. All: WHAT?! Sakura: Her PARENTS want her to… ACK!! Syaoran: I think… I’m gonna be… > Shinobi helped Sakura with the garter belt, clipping the straps to the >socks. Once again Sakura looked into the mirror. *I'm starting to look like >one of those hookers on TV*, she thought. Aeris: Oh, thank you so much for sharing *THAT* with us. Kero: Sakura Kasugano in Playboy’s Girls of Grade School. >Shinobi unzipped the dress and wrapped it around her roommate. She zipped it down, leaving two inches open at >the bottom, barely covering Sakura's almost nonexistent panties. Syaoran: Sakura’s wardrobe courtesy The Dirty Pair. >She then pulled out her makeup bag and applied some base to the young gymnast's face. > After half an hour, Sakura's make-up was done and Shinobi started with >her hair. Her long hair was brushed combed, and pulled into a French braid. A >red, lace ribbon was used to tie off the end. Kero: INTENSE… HAIRSTYLING… ACTION!! >Shinobi pulled out a pair of red, three inch heels. Tomoyo: These shoes are made for walking. And that’s just what they’ll do. Aeris: And if you don’t stop it, those shoes are gonna walk all over you. > "You want me to wear those?" Sakura asked when she saw the shoes. Kero: No. I want you to drink champagne from them. > "Of course." > "I've never worn heels before, and those are huge." Kero: Syaoran: Don’t go there, plushie. > "You're a gymnast, you should be able to wear these without too much of a >problem. I bet you'll be able to walk perfectly in less then fifteen minutes." > She smiled at Sakura. Tomoyo: I like you, Sakura. I’ll kill you last. > "Awright, put them on me." All: Aeris: Sakura’s voice provided by Barrett Wallace. >That's what she did. The heels were slid on and the foot long straps were wrapped around Sakura's >legs until they were halfway up her calves before being bucked. Kero: Oh! We’re at a rodeo. Sakura: Shinobi needed to try harder at roping those calves. Syaoran: Heh. >She tried walking in them. She slipped a couple times and was afraid of twisting her ankle >but in ten minutes, she was walking like a pro. Kero: You’d think she was turning tricks all her life. All Others: KERO!! > Shinobi added a couple finishing touches of ten golden bangle bracelets >and a pair of clip-on golden dangle earrings. Sakura could only wear clip-ons >since her parents wouldn't allow her get her ears pierced until she was >sixteen. Syaoran: Yeah. Casual sex and promiscuity at twelve fine, but holes in you ears? I think not! Tomoyo: Her parents have a weird value system. > While Sakura practiced walking, Shinobi changed into her clubbing outfit. >That outfit consisted of a black mini-skirt, a tight, sheer, white half-shirt >with a black bra underneath it. Aeris: Oh, goody… Another Tifa Lockheart wannabe… Stupid exhibitionist bi— Sakura: Aeris… >She wore four inch, black, knee-high boots. A >silver, chain belt, matching earrings, and bangle bracelets completed the >outfit. Kero: INTENSE… WARDROBE… ACTION!!! >She brushed her long hair over her left shoulder and put a nice silver >hair clip halfway up. The end result of Shinobi's work was two gorgeous >looking women. Aeris: Or it would have if either one of them were old enough to even be called teenagers. > "Hey Shinobi," called Hiroe. "Where's Sakura? We want to leave now." Kero: Hiroe? Wait a sec… Tomoyo: No. This couldn’t be an F3 crossover… Could it? Syaoran: Considering the material so far, I wouldn’t be surprised. >Hiroe was standing with four other sexily dressed girls. None of them were >over eighteen, but all looked over twenty. The scene was a teenage boy's >dream. Syaoran: Excuse me?! A bunch of twelve year olds are passing for TWENTY?! Aeris: This is a corner of RanmaSolo’s mind I’d rather not have visited. Syaoran: I take back what I said about Satoshi Urushihara earlier. Compared to this, "Chirality" and "Plastic Little" are perfectly tasteful. > "I'm right here," Sakura announced shyly as she stepped from behind >Shinobi. Kero: Which is ironic because "shinobi" means "in cognito". > "Sakura?!" The others exclaimed when they saw her. > "Wow. You'll be the most popular girl at the club." Hiroe replied. Sakura: Which club is this? The Lolita Club? > "You don't even look anything like yourself." Another blurted out. "No >offense," she added as she turned red. > "None taken," Sakura replied still feeling shy. Aeris: Yeah. You look like slutty jailbait! …no offense. Tomoyo: None taken. > "Well since we're all here, let's head out," Shinobi said. The girls >left the hotel and headed to the subway. It was a short walk to the subway, >and the girls were talking and laughing all the way. Sakura felt like she was >really one of the crowd. Syaoran: Oh, it’s an educational film about peer pressure! Sakura: This is Sakura… Sakura has a problem… > It took only ten minutes to reach the dance club via subway. Sakura >could feel the excitement in herself and her teammates. She looked up at the >building they were heading to. It had three floors, and a lot of neon signs. >It looked awesome. Aeris: So… they’re on the Ginza or something? Sakura: The only clubs these kids should be going to take place after school in the gym. > The girls waited in line as the bouncer looked over all the candidates to >get into the club. Sakura was in the lead when they reached the door. The >bouncer looked her over and told her to go in. Kero: Today’s guest star bouncer, Mister Michael Jackson. >Shinobi was next and told to leave. Tomoyo: That’s what they think… I’ve got MAD NINJA SKILLZ!! >Sakura didn't see that, she was quickly engulfed in the club. >Only one of the other girls was allowed to enter the club. She immediately tried to >find Sakura. Sakura for her part was fighting her way through the crowd, >hoping to see one of her teammates. She found a staircase and went to the >second floor, hoping to see the others from that vantage point. Syaoran: INTENSE… CROWD… ACTION!!! > Hiroe was the girl who made it in, and she couldn't find Sakura anywhere. >Of course, it was hard for her to get around the club. Bodies were >everywhere, blocking, and bouncing into Hiroe. She was getting upset. Kero: It was reminding her of her *problem*. Sakura: It’s *not* that Hiroe! >She was ready to give up when Sakura yelled to her. She looked up and saw her >teammate. Sakura was waving to her. She started to move but somebody blocked >her way. Hiroe realized instantly that he was blocking Sakura on purpose. Aeris: I don’t see why. She’s not even a martial artist yet. > "Sakura, get away from there!!!" she exclaimed. It was too late. She >saw two other boys grab her teammate and start dragging her away from the >balcony. Kero: We feel like raping you, can we rape you? Sakura: Kero! >No one else seemed to care. Tomoyo: Welcome to Club Deaf Blind Mute! >Hiroe started screaming and crying as she shoved her way through the crowd. She was getting angry shouts from some >of the people she was pushing. Her tears were streaming down her face in bucket loads. Syaoran: Ahh… The old Usagi Tsukino routine. Kero: As opposed to, say, *going after Sakura*? > "HEY WATC... what's wrong?" a young man asked her as she shoved into him. >He was muscular with short, black hair, and piece of red cloth used as a >headband. Sakura: Ummm… What’s *he* doing there? Syaoran: Damn… If I ever see that twit with the orange bandana again I’m going to beat him senseless. Kero: But I was so sure I gave him the right directions! > "My friend..." she sobbed. "Some guys grabbed her..." She was sobbing >worse. Aeris: Man… Those chikans are *everywhere* these days. > "Where?!" > "Up there," Hiroe replied as she pointed to the spot Sakura had been >standing. The young man quickly took off towards the stairs. With great skill >he leap to the railing and ran up it. The young man was at the second floor in >no time. Tomoyo: Ryu Hoshi *IS* The Six-Million Dollar Shotoclone!! Sakura: SHING! Shing-shing-shing! SHING! Shing-shing-shing! Syaoran: So this Ryu is operating on Vs. game physics? > He looked around, but didn't see any guys with a struggling girl. He >walked on the railing of the balcony trying to find the girl. Aeris: Of course, he could just have landed on the *balcony itself* instead. Kero: Fear my amazing balancing skills!! >He heard something from the men's room. Jumping over a few people, he was able to get >to the door. Syaoran: Man… I really gotta go…. >He tried the knob, but it was stuck. He listened for a moment >and heard a girl scream in terror. He jumped back and brought his hands to his >side. A strange glow formed between them. All: Wait for it… > "HA-DO-KEN!!!" he exclaimed as he through his hands forward throwing the >energy ball at the door It exploded off its hinges. Tomoyo: Killing Sakura instantly. Kero: Awwww, crap… > "WHAT THE...!!!" one of he boys in the bathroom exclaimed. > "HOLY SHIT!!!" the second one yelled. > "OH FUCK!!" the third one added. Sakura: This dialogue is like David Mamet, but with all the intelligence and wit removed. > Along with the three guys was a young girl on the floor. Her clothing >was ripped apart. She had some bruises on her arms, legs, and face. There was >even a rather large one on her right breast. Her wrists had been handcuffed >together. The chain wrapped around a pipe from the radiator against the back >wall. Two of the guys had been holding her legs apart, and the third has his >pants off and his dick in her. All: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > The man who had blown the door apart had taken this picture in ,in >milliseconds. He didn't look happy about it at all. Kero: Ooohhhhggg…. We aren’t the thrilled either. Aeris: LIMIT BREAK TECHNIQUE: GREAT GOSPEL!! > "TATSU-MAKI-SENPU-KYAKU!!!" he exclaimed as he jumped in the air, doing a >series of spin kicks without touching the ground. His kicks hit the boy >holding Sakura's right leg. He was knocked up against the wall and then >knocked out. He lost about fifteen teeth in the process. Kero: Ryu knew for certain because he saved them to make a necklace. Sakura: Ooohhh… My head…. Syaoran: Damn, that smarts… > "SHO-RYU-KEN!!!" He did what would be best described as a jumping >uppercut, with a twist. Sakura: …of lemon. Errr… I’d better rephrase that. Aeris: Please do. Syaoran: Daidouji, are you all right? Tomoyo: Yeah… I think so. >This had been directed at the boy holding Sakura's >left leg. He felt his jaw shatter as he flew into the air. The boy started a >back flip, but hit the wall as he was turned over in the air. He fell to the >ground, and broke an arm on landing. Tomoyo: Funny how it never works like that in the games. Syaoran: I’m not complaining. > "HA-DO-KEN!! He yelled again as he fired another volley of crackling >energy at the guy who had been raping Sakura. It hit the boy in the crotch, >burning all the pubic hairs and causing his dick to blister up in a major way. >With his hands still extended, he grabbed the punk's collar, leaned backwards, >brought his foot up into the rapist's sternum, landed on his back and flipped >the boys out the door. The rapist flew over the balcony and landed on the >band's stage at the end of the club. Aeris: …killing him instantly. Kero: Ryu Wins! FATALITY! > "Are you awright?" he asked. Sakura: Ryu’s dialogue also provided by Barret Wallace. >She nodded at him. He looked at the >handcuffs. He wasn't sure how to get them off her. As luck would have it, he >found the key on the windowsill above the radiator. He unlocked them and >helped the girl to her feet. "Here," he said as he removed his shirt. Sakura >couldn't help but look at his chest. He handed his shirt to her to put on. Tomoyo: Ryu wears a shirt? Syaoran: I think he means the top of his gi. Kero: If it covers her the way it covers him it won’t be of much use. >Sakura did that right away. She was so embarrassed and angry. > "Who are you?" she asked. Her voice horse and barely above a whisper. Kero: I’m BATMAN! Syaoran: I am the guardian of the hell. Sakura: I’m Frank Sinatra. Who the hell are you? Tomoyo: I’m the *wind*, baby! > "My name's Ryu," he replied. > "That's a nice name," she said before fainting. Kero: He’s not *that* smooth. Syaoran: And if you listen carefully you can hear Racewing screaming in agony over that last scene. Sakura: He’s not the only one. Tomoyo: Not the only MSTer either. Aeris: Oh great… Why didn’t someone *tell* me I was working for a Kasugano fanboy! > Ryu carried Sakura out of the dance club. Hiroe was with them. The >group met up with the other team members just outside the club. The girls were >all worried when they saw the condition Sakura was in. Syaoran: Hell… I got off easy this fanfic. No jobbing to an SI, no cross-over battles… >Ryu offered to carry her to the nearest hospital, but the girls told them they would take her to the >team doctor. The group said bye to Ryu and headed to the hotel. Kero: Hotel?! Since when does Ryu stay in hotels? Tomoyo: Since now. > The team doctor, a woman named Achika looked Sakura over. The girls told >her she had been mugged. The doctor didn't really believe it, but didn't press >the issue. Sakura: This month’s edition would have to wait until several articles were rewritten. >She could see some vaginal bleeding and knew it wasn't the girl's >period. Syaoran: Thank you *so* *much* for that image. >She figured that Sakura was raped, but didn't report it. It would >make the team and the school look bad if a girl was raped at a competition. Tomoyo: Yeah! Who cares about Sakura? Let’s cover it up instead! That will be *so* much better. >She also saw that Sakura's ankle had been badly sprained, almost broken. She >had some nasty bruises, and her shoulder was out of joint. The Doctor popped >Sakura's shoulder in place, locked a brace around her ankle, and treated the >bruises. Aeris: It’s nice to see Robert Picardo is still getting work. > Sakura woke up after the Doctor was done. She screamed at first, >thinking she was still in the bathroom. Syaoran: Yeah. I suspect we’ll be having nightmares about that scene for awhile too. Kero: I think I’ll block out that image with something more tasteful… Like a "La Blue Girl" marathon. >When she looked around, she saw the >doctor rushing towards her. It was when Sakura tried to sit up, that she >noticed her arm was in a sling and her ankle bandaged. Sakura: Hey! My arm is in a sling and my ankle is bandaged. > "I can't compete?" was her first question. Tomoyo: Only if it’s the Special Olympics, kid. > "No, you can't. The doctor replied. Sakura started to cry. She had >been doing a personal best ever during this competition, better than any of her >teammates have done... Syaoran: Stronger… Faster…. Kero: Sakura Kasugano *IS* The Six-Million Dollar Schoolgirl! >Scouts were there for the next Olympic team. They had >already talked to her. If she scored high enough in this competition, she >would be at the try-outs. She could have been in the Olympics. She should >have been in the Olympics. There was no chance for that now. Aeris: Yeah. The first thing *I’d* think about after being beaten and raped by three guys is my ability to compete in the Olympics. > Sakura stayed in her room until the competition was over. She didn't >talk to any of her teammates during that time, or on the way home. Once at >home, she was berated by her parents for not being careful enough while away >from home. Sakura: Young lady, you should have killed those Tracke! All of them! Kero: Because what we really needed to be reminded of now was *another* author with an apparent Lolita complex. Really! > "I can't believe you were that stupid!" her mother exclaimed. "We raised >you to be smarter than that!" Tomoyo: Yeah. You raised her to act like a slut and when something *bad* happens it’s her fault! > "I'm sorry," Sakura replied with her head down in shame. Her parents, >like everyone else, didn't know the truth. Aeris: The truth is out there… >Hiroe suspected, but only she knew for sure. And one other; the man (her hero) called Ryu. > "Sorry doesn't get you any trophies or into the Olympics!" her father >added to the conversation. "It doesn't make you a WINNER!" Kero: YOU A WINNER! HA HA HA! > "All it does is make you a LOSER!!!" Her mother this time. Sakura was >in tears. She ran to her room and slammed the door. She fell to her bed and >cried. Her mother came to the door and could hear Sakura crying. Syaoran: Hmmm… I wonder if she’s crying? >She walked in and sat on the bed. She gently lifted Sakura up into a sitting position. >Sakura was about to cry into her mother's chest when her mother backhanded her. > "DON'T EVER RUN OUT OF THE ROOM WHEN WE'RE TALKING TO YOU!!!" All: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Sakura: Geez… Did this guy rip off his version of the Kasuganos from "Street Fighter: Warrior’s Legacy"? Tomoyo: Come to think of it… This reads a *lot* like chapter four of "Warrior’s Legacy" only without all that crap in Area 51. Kero: I can’t believe it, but we may have stumbled on a Street Fighter fic even *worse* than Eyrie Unlimited’s works. > Sakura's face turned red instantly and you could tell there would be a >hand shaped bruise there the next day. Her mother got off the bed, knocked >Sakura onto the floor and walked out. The door was closed and locked from the >outside. Sakura sat and cried some more. Aeris: What the…?! Tomoyo: I think we’ve stumbled into a flashback to Soujiro Seta’s childhood. Syaoran: So, soon she’ll snap and massacre them with a wakizashi? Kero: We can only hope. > It was two days before Sakura's door was unlocked. She was starving. >Her father came in the door. He had a tray with a little rice and water. He >gave it to her. She accepted it and bowed to him. He just left and locked the >door. Sakura: We’ve secretly replaced the Kasugano family with the Dursleys. Let’s see who notices. > This was what it was like for her. Whenever she disappointed her >parents, they locked her up in her room for fairly long periods of time. Tomoyo: Oh, great… They’re the sports parents from hell. Kero: It’s not every day you see someone worse off than Oliver Twist. >The first day or two, she wasn't given any food. After that, she was given a >little bit of water and rice. Her punishment usually lasted a week, depending >upon how long the bruises lasted. Syaoran: And this is the point where even Soujiro Seta would be feeling pity for poor Sakura. Aeris: I’m pretty sure Japan has *laws* against this kind of thing. >Sakura usually sat in her room and thought >about her failures. For example: She came in second place in her first >competition at age five. Or when she came in first place by only .4 points. Sakura: Okay, fanfic! We get it! The Kasuganos studied the Mrs. Bates Guide To Parenting! > This time she wasn't thinking about what disappointed her parents, but >about Ryu. She had a photographic memory, so she saw everything perfectly. >That memory had helped her copy other gymnasts' moves. She stood up, and tried >doing some of the techniques she saw Ryu do. Her ankle held, but it hurt a >lot. Tomoyo: Whoa! Hold it! She can learn stuff just by seeing it done?! What is she? Megaman?! Syaoran: Actually, it would explain a lot about Sakura’s being an apparent martial arts prodigy. Kero: Sakura Kasugano *IS* Anakin Skywalker! > After a few hours she could do the techniques almost perfectly, except >the one he called "Hadoken". Aeris: Please tell me she’s kidding. Sakura: Not years, months or even weeks. Sakura learns powerful shotokan techniques overnight. >She didn't really want it to work right now since >her parents would hear that, but she was getting frustrated from not being able >to copy it all the way. She was missing some part of it. Tomoyo: Damn puzzle… My brother’s lost the pieces again. Kero: News flash, Sakura. You can beat the tar out of your parents now. Syaoran: We’re really hoping for Dark Sakura to emerge and commence the slaughter, aren’t we? Kero: Hell yeah! > After two weeks of being locked in her room, Sakura was finally back at >school. Her teammates all wanted to know why she was gone so-o-o-o long. Aeris: Oh, lovely… Valley girl narration. Tomoyo: WhatEVER! >Sakura just told them she was too embarrassed to come right back to school. >They all believed her. Sakura: They were all rock stupid. >Hiroe stayed with Sakura a little while after. > "So is everything awright?" she asked. Aeris: We got to get dem’ damn Shinra! > "Yes, why wouldn't it be?" > "Well, I know what happened..." Syaoran: I know what you did last summer… > "NO YOU DON'T!!!" Sakura exclaimed. Hiroe stepped back a couple steps. >She was frightened. Sakura stepped closer and Hiroe turned tail and left... >FAST. Tomoyo: Exit stage right, stage left even! Kero: Hell, I dealt with enough of this weird sex crap during the F3 trilogy! I’m getting the hell out while I can! Sakura: Kero… Kero: Hey! Don’t tell me that it’s not the same character after what’s happened in this fanfic so far. >Sakura didn't want to deal with the actual rape. She had her period on >time, so she didn't have to worry about being pregnant. Syaoran: Thank you for sharing… Aeris: Well, since Ryu busted them up before they *finished* that probably has nothing to do with it. >With that out of the way, the only part that mattered was Ryu and the techniques she witnessed. > Sakura was excused from PE class due to the attack, but she also found >out she was excused from the gymnastics team... PERMANENTLY. Syaoran: This Sakura Kasugano has been a great pain to SPECTRE… I want her dealt with… PERMANENTLY! >She was told that after class. Her coach said it was because she didn't show any responsibility >while at the last competition, and for skipping practice for the last two >weeks. Tomoyo: Why weren’t the other team members punished? Sakura: Sneaking out to a night club is okay. Getting beat up is not. Kero: Since the Kasuganos have apparently done this whole lock-her-up- for-two-weeks shtick before, how come she wasn’t kicked off the team earlier? >That was the last straw for Sakura. She ran towards the coach and did >her version of the Dragon Punch. Aeris: Behold the most powerful attack in all of Duel Monsters! The Blue-Eyes White Dragon Punch!! > "SHO-O-KEN!!!" she exclaimed as she jumped with her uppercut, twisting in >a circle. This allowed her to get four hits on the coach's chin. The coach, >who was a muscular man, had not expected this and was knocked into the air >almost twelve feet. Sakura: Must be Vs. game physics. Syaoran: Either that or it was a Mortal Kombat uppercut. >He hit the ground with a loud THUD. Needless to say, that >action got her expelled from school. Tomoyo: As opposed to, say, being arrested for assault. > Her parents were not thrilled by her action. They were screaming at her >and were so red in the face, it looked like their heads would explode. Kero: …and then they did! BANG! Aeris: And the crowd goes wild! All: Yay! >This frightened Sakura greatly. Both mother and father pulled out leather belts and >started to beat her with them. Sakura was getting welts and cuts from the >onslaught, but she couldn't defend herself. The only two moves she could do >right were both offensive and she didn't want to hit her parents. Sakura: But the Gym Teacher is fair game? What kind of logic system is this? >She just took the beating until she went unconscious. Her parents left her on the >floor, bleeding and badly bruised. Syaoran: As they were leaving they suddenly heard the distant rumble of thunder as the sky grew dark. They turned to see Sakura rise to her feet, her eyes glowing red. They tried to fight back but were quickly beaten into a bloody mess of goo. Kero: Dark Sakura Wins…. BRUTALITY! Aeris: Okay, enough with the Dark Sakura stuff, guys. > It was three hours before Sakura woke again. She was still on the floor >where she fell. Her parents had both left the house. Sakura wasn't sure what >to do. She couldn't stay home anymore. She had failed her parents. Tomoyo: YOU HAVE FAILED US, TORGO! FOR THIS YOU MUST DIE!! > "I could always try to find Ryu," she stated to no one. She walked, >rather painfully to her room. She started to throw some clothes into a bag. >Once that was filled she filled another one and started on a third. When she >was halfway done with that, the doorbell rang. Sakura: Avon calling! >She looked out the window. It >was her ex-coach. His face was pretty badly bruised. Aeris: Being socked twelve feet into the air and then crashing to the earth will do that > "Hello!" he called out as he knocked on the door. "Is anyone home?" >Sakura was torn between packing and apologizing to her coach. It felt good to >hit him before, but now, she felt guilty. Kero: The visions of those I’ve wronged are flashing before my eyes! >She took all her anger out on him, and she shouldn't have. "I can see a light on in there!" he added. That made >her decision for her. > "I'm sorry Coach Moyia," Sakura said as she opened the door and closed >it. The coach was prepared for this and put his foot in the door. "Huh." Syaoran: No, I’m sorry Coach Moyia, you’re Sakura Kasugano. > "I wanted to talk with... my God, what happened to you?" > "Nothing... please leave." > "I can't do that. If you don't want to tell me, that's all right. I >have something I'd like to discuss with you." Sakura: I’m selling these fine leather jackets. > "I said I was sorry, please leave it at that," she pleaded. She had no >idea when her parents would return, and she wanted to be gone when that >happened... Tomoyo: And I still need to open all the gas lines before I leave. > "That's not why I'm here. Well, it is a bit." Sakura was going to start >crying soon, if he didn't leave. "I want to train you in the martial arts," he >finished. She was taken aback. Her face faulted so much, the coach almost >laughed... almost. Syaoran: Oh, we’re on a collision course with wackiness! >"That's right. I want to train you. You have good moves >and great potential. It might be even greater than your potential for >gymnastics." Sakura couldn't believe what he was saying. "You can even stay >in my spare room," he added as he looked at her bruises and cuts. All: Eeeeeewwwwwwwww… Kero: I hope you don’t mind sharing the bath though. I could wash your back if you like. Sakura: Kero… Aeris: Ecchi is bad for you! > Sakura nodded. Sakura: Sure. I’ll just shack up with you. What could go wrong? >The two went to her room and finished packing her stuff. >It didn't surprise Coach Moyia that she had started packing already. He was >positive she was going to run away after having seen the condition she was in. >At least with him, she'd be somewhere safe and not on the streets. Aeris: That depends on your definition of safe, I guess. Syaoran: This is kind of like "Onegai Teacher", only creepy and disturbing instead of amusing. > Coach Moyia had nothing against Sakura personally. It was the school's >idea to kick her off the team. He hadn't wanted to. She was the best gymnast >and student they had. Of course the administration didn't care about that. Kero: Start athlete… Pffft! >They didn't want her incident connected with the school for too long. They >were already looking for a reason to expel her. She just gave them the best >reason why. Tomoyo: I thought they already had expelled her. Syaoran: It’s a conspiracy, Scully. I’m sure of it. > What surprised him though was her skill she showed with her attack. He >hadn't been lying about her having greater martial abilities then gymnastics >abilities. Aeris: The force is strong with this one. >Even more shocking than that however was the move she used. He had >spent a year of his life on the world street fighting circuit. At the time, >his mother had been sick and she needed money to pay the hospital. Sakura: And we all know what huge payouts there are in street fighting. Just look at Ryu. >During one match, he had gone up against a man named Ken. Ken used a move that was almost >exactly like the one Sakura used. Tomoyo: Shotoclones… They’re everywhere! They’re EVERYWHERE!! Kero: He thought it the most powerful martial art that could never ever be screwed up. Then he met Dan Hibiki… > Now Coach Moyia knew that Sakura picked up most of her gymnastics moves >after seeing them done once, and even modified them to work better for her. Aeris: Anything they can do, I can do better. >It was his belief that she saw someone (most likely Ken) use that move. It would >have been child's play for her to modify it into what she used on him. At any >rate, both moves had the same effect on him... out cold. Syaoran: So he freely admits a twelve year old beat the living daylights out of him? I think we’ve finally found a street fighter that even Dan could beat. > After helping Sakura finish packing, they left the house. Sakura was >glad to leave, but a small part of her was sad too. She would miss her >parents, even if they were abusive. Kero: But we won’t. Sakura: She’s got Battered Daughter Syndrome, I see. >********** Aeris: Ninja stars! Run! > Sakura spent about four years with her Coach Syaoran: Okay, four years just past…. >(the boys from her 5th grade would have been disappointed; she only made it to a C cup). Tomoyo: Thank you for sharing. No. Really. Kero: As a result, Sakura’s Dead or Alive audition didn’t go as well as she’d hoped. >He trained her to fight. She picked up everything she was taught by him, and made up some moves >of her own. She worked on her Fireball, but for some reason couldn't get it to >work. That drove her nuts. Sakura: Dammit! Lina Inverse makes this look so damn easy! > On the other hand, in less than a year she had been able to beat her >coach. He was really impressed by it. Tomoyo: Of course, she also beat him without any training at all, so that’s not as impressive as you think. >He took her to various dojos to have >her watch the training and styles there. It didn't take her long to master the >styles she watched. Aeris: Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu! Ryu San Sen! Sakura: My ninja skills are complete… Time for MASTER NINJA THEME SONG! >A couple times, the masters of the dojos they visited >allowed her to fight with students. That was amazing to watch. She almost >always won. She did have trouble with the high level black belts though. Tomoyo: But she managed to win those anyway by slipping on her lucky brass knuckles. >Some of the masters offered to train her for free. It wasn't often they found >someone with such talent. Sakura and the Coach took them up on the offers. >She usually trained at the dojos for a month, before leaving. The different >masters and Sakura both found it an honor. Syaoran: A MONTH?! Sakura: Syaoran-kun? Syaoran: As a martial artist, my BS meter just pegged. > Here's another piece of information as well. Sakura's parents never >reported her disappearance to the police. They didn't even try to find her. >The coach once went to talk with them, at Sakura's request. When he asked how >Sakura was, they told him she moved in with an aunt in China. Aeris: Although, the cops the coach brought with him were less than convinced. Sakura and Tomoyo: You’re under arrest! >********** Kero: Hmmm… Spiked balls…. Hsien-Ko must’ve been by earlier. > Well, after the about four years, when Sakura was 16, she decided it was >time to find Ryu. She wanted to study under him. Aeris: Errr… No comment. >He was the Martial arts master she wanted to learn from. He saved her life and used moves she had >never seen since. Coach Moyia told her about Ken. The way Ken's moves were >described made her think he learned from the same person who taught Ryu. Syaoran: He also mentioned Dan, Akuma, Sean, Ryo, Robert, Morrigan, Lilith, Eenie, Meenie, Meinie and Moe. >She almost thought Ryu may have taught him, but they were most likely the same age. >Of course that meant they may have learned together. Sakura: Of course, in some ways that’s assuming that two people who happen to know karate probably studied together. > Coach Moyia gave her about 10,000 yen to help her on her way. He was >disappointed to see her go but hoped she find who she was looking for. Tomoyo: By the way, ten thousand yen is about one thousand American. I don’t think she’ll get too far on that. >Sakura was also given info on the underground fighting circuit. She went on her way >to the circuit. Syaoran: …and was promptly electrocuted. Sakura: Okay, guys. Break time. >********** Aeris: KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES!! ** "One of these days someone is going to have to write a ‘CLAMP For Dummies’ book," Aeris muttered as she continued to leaf through a volume of ‘xxxHolic’. "I don’t bother reading them unless I’m in them," said Kero as he continued reading a doujinshi of questionable content. Just then Sakura and Syaoran wandered onto the bridge dressed in their bathrobes, Sakura’s was pink, Syaoran’s was green. Sakura was drying her hair with a towel. "Where have you been?" Aeris asked. "Washing off the ickiness of the fic," Sakura replied. "Not a bad idea," said Kero. "But I think I should wait until after the fic is over. I suspect there’s more to come." Aeris raised an eyebrow. "Say… how come you two both managed to finish at the same time?" she said with a smirk. "Lemme guess, Syaoran was there to wash your back and vice versa. You know… Wink, wink, nudge, nudge!" Meiling muttered something under her breath. Sakura and Syaoran blushed like Ranma and Ukyou in a Mike Rhea fanfic. "It’s not like that!" Sakura protested. Sakura and Syaoran were about to continue their protest when Tomoyo walked in wearing a purple bathrobe, her long dark tresses wrapped in a towel. "Well. I’m feeling much better now," she said, sounding cheerful again. "Quite the fanfic we have so far this week, ne?" "Never has so much effort gone into something so nauseating," said Syaoran. "Well, so far it sure doesn’t sound like the life story of Sakura Kasugano," said Sakura. "More like Charles Dickens with some very particularly unlikely fanservice." Suddenly, alarms and sirens rang out. "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Sakura cried out. "Dammit!" growled Syaoran. "We didn’t even have time to get dressed!" Sakura grabbed him by the hand as they all ran back into the theater. ** [TO BE CONTINUED IN PART TWO] ** Of all the MSTings I’ve written, "Sakura’s Story" is the one that I’ve procrastinated on the most. I originally picked it up in the old RAAC archive back during late Season Two. It got bumped several times because I just didn’t know what to do with that first chapter. In fact most of the first third of this MSTing was written more than a year ago. It was modified with several riffs added for Aeris who, of course, was not part of the cast when I started. Speaking of Aeris, the opening host scene was sort of a reference to my own attempts to understand all things CLAMP. Very few MSTers spend as much time on CLAMP stuff as I do. (April Hamilton, my co-MSTer on the X translations is another.) So I’ve been working towards becoming the loremaster of CLAMP. However every time I think I’ve got it I find out about another CLAMP series. I suspect I’ll never know it all. Oh well. Until part two. -CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)